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belong2human-kind · 29 days

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Hey guys, Clara here 🫂

This is a venting post, it has some TWs: cancer illnesses, mentions of trauma and mental disorders.

I've been very off from tumblr, feeling pretty detached from pretty much anything lately. I'm not even sure if I'm going through another depressive episode or just life itself has been pretty tough, maybe both.

I always talk about how bad OCD, generalized anxiety and ADHD get my routine and my life really messed up, but there are more things, some that only a few here know because I am always really scared to talk about, mostly because of OCD. I have a lot of different themed obsessions, but one of them includes mystical thinking ("If I say this, it will happen" or "I can't sing, write or mention the word de a th completely or I'll lose someone" etc.)

Some days, I am feeling way better about these things and I even manage to write about it, but on others, not so much. So, as I mentioned here before, I can't say the phrase, but my closest family person is facing a stage 4 cancer right now, and things have not been going the best. I lost my dad to covid at the same year and month this person discovered the cancer, same month, she also had covid at the same time. And now her brother is terminal stage on cancer too. I have the historical of this disease on both sides of my family, VERY strongly. My family isn't very united and they are not so young, plus the heavy cancer history; I fear almost everyday I'll lose everyone and end up alone, also not to mention the fear of developing it too 🥲

Because of OCD and my fears, I cannot mention who the person is, but some might have an idea by what I said, and I guess two people here know because I can talk privately about, OCD just won't allow me to mention it "public" (I know it makes no real sense, but OCD never have made any). Well, things are going pretty hard. I feel really lost :')

Lately my chronic issues have been out of control: constant asthma attacks and my asthma was so much more controlled, more rhinitis and sinusitis pain than ever that won't ever stop, not even after 4 or 6 meds, more nauseous, more insomniac (almost 3 months very badly sleep deprived because of nightmares of all these trauna :'c ), forgetting to eat, skipping classes, 0 notion of time and space progression... And after all of that, I'm still dealing with an old childhood trauma too :'c it's been too tough. I hope I can make out of this, honestly. Life has been a nightmare. Trying to find strength to face all of this :')

I haven't forgotten any of you, and I hope I'll find back motivation to be active and interact. I love this community and I feel so welcomed by everyone 🫂

Miss you all and hope you're all doing well 🫂🌻

#vent incoming #venting post #depressive episode #depressive mood #tw: cancer #pure ocd #adhd #anxiety disorders #complex ptsd

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themousefromfantasyland · 3 months

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I still have to get my law degree, but yeah, last year was my final year of college.

So much wonderful things happened last year. I met so wonderful people. I got my first real job in my local court office and my bosses really loved my work.

But now everything is over. I'm jobless, friendless, and clueless of what to do next. Should I be a lawyer? Should I try a exam to get a position as a civil servant? How long will it take me to be out of my parents home and finally be truly openly gay and proud?

I don't know, but on moments like that my pessimism, low self-esteem, and anxiety eat me from inside out.

I'm so depressed, anxious, and unmotivated. I feel so numb right now, in the worst way possible.

But I'm still going, and that's what matters, right?

#mental health #mental health struggles #venting post

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cloversposts · 1 year

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I just want to be a girl with a dick is that so much to ask

#venting post

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fallen-ash19 · 1 month

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TW: VENTING

now i don’t normally do vent posts, but i wrote some venting poems, and i can’t really express my feelings any other way, so here they are below the cut

the first two belong together

#ash vents #ash speaks #poetry #writers on tumblr #poems on tumblr #venting post #venting poetry #tw: vent

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a-room-of-my-own · 5 months

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My elderly father was hospitalized for the last 2 weeks and just left the hospital.

For the last two years it’s been extremely hard to have any kind of information about his health care, and his health is rapidly declining. My brother and my uncle pushed me away saying they were taking care of him. As my father and I have a complicated relationship, I stepped back, thinking , well it’s sad for me but if he’s cared for I can manage.

Turns out, my brother just handed our father to our uncle, and doesn’t know anything about how our father is cared for.

My uncle is a horrible man who stole money from his entire family, mostly from his own mother. When my grandmother became too ill to stay at home, he dumped her in a nursing home. It’s my own mother - whom my grandmother resented - who took care of her until she passed, just a month later, from shock.

This man is supposed to care for his brother? Let me have my doubts.

I called my father a few times this week to tell him I’d be coming this weekend and he was fine with the idea. But then on Friday evening he calls me, angry, asking me why I would impose a « family meeting » on him. I told him that if he was too tired to have visitors I’d respect his wishes.

But then I hear echo, and I hear someone whisper.

My piece of shit uncle was actually coaching him.

So now I have to figure out a way to get my father out of my uncle’s claws, where my brother happily dumped him while pushing me away. I don’t understand this like, my father and I barely have a relationship at all already. Why push me away even more if it’s to do A SHIT JOB at taking care of an elderly man.

Guess who called me yesterday evening when he had 5 minutes on his own? My father! Telling me he was scared about the future, about the way he’d be cared for.

I’m just so angry. God know my father was emotionally abusive and incompetent but man, there are some taboos in life such as doing what’s right with your parents when they’re old and sick.

And if you’re not willing to do it yourself we’re lucky enough to live in a country where people can do it for you.

Aaaaaaah.

#personal #venting post #those people are going to be the death of me I swear to god #I’ve been in the middle of their shit for 25 years and it keeps coming

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megan016 · 2 months

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Just finished a poem, my mood was switching between being depressed AF and confidence.

Trigger Warning: vent, mention of death

💙Music, as always💙 (YouTube link)

-🎀with English cover and subtitles🎀 (YouTube link)

Am I a bird, full of life and free?

This is all that I can think

Just to be hit by reality,

That I might be someone's property.

No, I am like a fish, to be frank.

Living in an small tank,

Invisible borders not wanting to crack

And letting me be myself.

I don't like this feeling,

It often feels so suffocating,

Or just empty, it's always changing-

Why do I question my being?

Why am I here if I can't be the one to decide

Rather I should live or just die?

My see through restraints being tied

To other people, making me cry.

Suddenly, a chain snapped

Making me turn my head

Freed from my father, I see a chance.

I must remember, there's no going back.

Because of recent events, I feel motivated

To make thoughts become real, that had me haunted.

For a very long time, I felt taunted,

It's time to do things I wanted.

I'm so not okay, but my friends keep me alive.

Found a new man to simp for :3

Gallagher, mah man💙

@animehideout 👉👈🩷

-Megan💙

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kingmagnificoofrosas · 4 months

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Why I don't "ship" them

Ok, before anyone comes running me down, please hear me out! I have solid points to make here! I Promise!!!!

Btw, I'm absolutely ok with people disagreeing, but please, if you want to critique me in the comments, do it nicely! I won't tolerate any rudeness. My blog is a safe space and it should stay that way 💙

‼️Now, of course, like with all my analyses, this one is also based on my very own observation and my personal opinion. Also note, I don't hate Amaya! I hated her actions and dislike her for it. And I have very high standarts when it comes to romance‼️

We are told that these guys are married. Ok. Good. Nice. Naturally you then expect to actually see solid poof that tells us (audience) that this is true. After all, disney has a veeeery long history of displaying true love/soulmates, so this should be no different right? Right? Wrong! Let me tell you why!

I payed very close attention to Magnifico and Amaya throughout the whole movie and there was 0 romantic tension whatsoever! Love is displayed in actions and words, and actions there were none. At least none that had me believing they are more than close friends the least. Even my Mom was utterly confused as to what they even are to each other. In my Mom's words : "Anything but a married couple! More like brother and sister."

Let me explain why I believe that we have a marriage of convinience here.

First of all, Amaya calls Magnifico "Mi Rey" all the time. This is spanish btw and means "My king" And she doesn't even say it in a romantic way, she calls him that like any other person in the kingdom would.

Now, my Dad made the point that back in the days people of high status didn't call each other by surnames, but Magnifico does! He calls her Amaya. So that arguement falls. Also, others are all calling Magnifico either by his name or they say "King Magnifico" so her not calling him by his surename in private is odd.

Of course, not everyone uses romantic nicknames but I think it's just weird that Amaya never calls him anything but 'king' and later to Asha and the others she says "Magnifico". It makes no sense.

She's hardly ever around him in private.

And if she is, she does what she does when in public as well. She mostly just stands around. The most touch we see her give is her placing her hand on his shoulder! No hugs, no caressing the cheek, no loving gestures. Please, any polite human being can place a hand on someones shoulder or give a smile. My dog shows more empathy when I'm in distress than Amaya does to her husband.

Her support is the worst! Literally!

You'd think she knows her "husband" right? You'd think if he's upset, she'd do her best to calm him down and support him, right?

Well, after "Star" appears, his light floods Rosas and Magnifico panics, all Amaya does is telling him to breathe. No : "Hey, I know you're upset and scared, I understand, lets talk about it and try to find a solution together!" I mean, he's told her earlier that he thinks he's being threatened. (Clear PTSD response here)

We saw how Magnifico reacted to "breathe!" She could have given him a hug and told him something more soothing. She could have taken his hands and shown him, she cares. She should, after all, know that he's traumatized. She should know why he reacts the way he does and help him get through it.

The fact alone that the first thing Magnifico does when he's upset is to withdraw himself to figure his problems out on his own rather than seek his spouse for comfort tells me a lot!

Yes, she asks him to put the book down by telling him it's bad and he needs to protect himself, and he does in the end, but what she does then makes me facepalm myself.

Get this, Magnifico's ptsd causes him to panic, he wants to protect himself and his subjects/kingdom and Amaya tells him "Look at your people, they love you because you're their handsome king."

You good Amaya? Your husband just had a panic attack and your best reply to that is, "Breathe, your people love you and you're handsome." ? What in the good grief kinda advice to panic is "you are handsome" ? And mind you, his subjects are one of the very reasons he even panics in the first place!

But of course he reacts nicely, cause he is a sweetheart.

And her not wanting him to get posessed by the book isn't a solid proof she loves him. It only tells us she cares for him. Not how much. And also, she might know that should he get posessed, things are going down.

So what about the hand kiss then?

I'm tired of people taking this little scene as proof for everything. It's a moment of affection. But enough to make me buy they truly love each other? Nah.

A kiss to the top of the hand used to be the bare minimum form of respect a man could pay a woman. Women would have even held their hands out for men to kiss as a form of demanding respect.

We could have gotten a real kiss. If not on the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead, anything that clearly shows us, yes, they love each other. But no. And also, the patting? He patted her hand like I pat my dogs head and the kiss was more a quick peck. Imagine Magnifico would have lingered for 3 seconds, held eye contact or looked at Amaya a little while longer, now that would have been romantic tension, that would have told me, there are solid feelings there!

Yes, in english he calls her "my love" but in german he says "my dear" which you could call anyone as a form of being nice! And even if he meant it in a affectionate way, his actions don't add up to it.

If you say you love someone, you prove it with actions. If there is no action to prove words, it's just not true. And no, even people who have a hard time expressing their emotions do show they love you in their own ways. So let's move on and examine Magnifico's behavior more.

Again, he doesn't seek her comfort! He rather runs across half his castle to let out his thoughts and emotions than talk to her. That means, he doesn't trust her enough. He doesn't feel safe enough to show his vunerability in her presence, open up, vent, cry and let out his feelings. But he should! You should be able to do that in a marriage. He calls her "my love" but other than that? Do his actions underline what he says? No.

If you didn't agree with the above so far, I have this 👇🏼

He knew she'd betray him! He sent out Simon instead of going on his own.

If she were his true love/soulmate, he wouldn't have even spent a single thought about if she could eventually betray him. If you truly love someone, you don't betray them like a snap of a finger. Of course ptsd people have trust issues but Amaya is said to be his "loyal wife"

Loyal my butt!

The first thing she did after he snapped wasn't try everything in her might to get him back and safe him, no, she immediately ran to Asha and her teenage friends and was like, "Oh, I'm sick and tired of him, I've seen so many horrors, I suffered so bad. Yup, he's evil, let's destroy him." (Yes, literally! I'm pointing at that "trample the cookie to pieces" scene ...)

She sings : I've seen too many bad things that I can't keep count!

Huh? Like what please? All of the sudden she acts as if he'd been abusing her all the time. He never called her names, never threated her badly (until he became posessed by the evil in the book that is) he never raised his hand to her. He even told her he's lucky to have her, which (pfff. What did she even do besides sitting and standing still and look pretty?)

Look at what's going on here. And study the facial expressions, please. Magnifico is tired here. He's tired, annoyed, disappointed and upset at his subjects and Amaya is straight up confused. Look at her. She cannot understand why he's so upset.

The situation escaletes, he storms away and she tells him "they question you because you make them feel safe enough to do so."

*holding my laugh right here* Again, what a way to trample into a wound!

Subjects questioning their king is normal in a way, but right here, Magnifico is on the edge of his nerves anyway and she might have aimed to calm him but in the absolute wrong way! If you as "wife" know that your husband has ptsd, and is venting or reacting to a trigger, you don't go talking about that trigger even further. People with ptsd will understand me here. Even if someone means well, if you keep talking about the very thing that just triggered a ptsd response, you're making it worse!

She could have told him, "They're just as confused about the situation as you are. You are their king and they look up to you. I'm sure they didn't mean to question you in a bad way."

But anyway, he pushes her away, saying he doesn't want to be disturbed. Which, ok, sometimes you need to cool down on your own but he does that every single time. And she just runs along clueless and helpless like some sort of servant.

To be fair, people with ptsd/c-ptsd are difficult to handle. Even in a relationship of true love, it's not always easy. But with Amaya and Magnifico, I'm looking at the whole picture and not just a single moment. I looked at every moment we get in the movie and how they react and behave.

Amaya was all smiles until the moment he snapped. Then all of the sudden, yes, he's an evil monster! And oh, her too ignoring the fact that he got ptsd and that it's the evil that has a hold of him now that makes him go bonkers, nice! So much for : in good and in bad times.

Amaya - "The good in him, I watched it melt."

Yes, that is exactly the problem! She watched! Magnifico was suffering and she watched! Also the good was only swapped because he got posessed by evil, lady Sherlock.

Furthermore, when she and Dahlia look into the evil book, and Dahlia states the book says that once posessed by the evil magic, there is no going back forever. And Amaya doesn't bat a lash. Excuse me? What ever the heck happened to : true love breaks any curse? True love's kiss breaks any spell? We even had true love tears breaking curses! (Tangled and frozen)

Amaya didn't even shed one singe tear. None. At this point, Asha cried more over the situation than Amaya did. Just how quickly she was ok with everything, how quickly she accepted the situation ....

Heck, if he'd been her true love, things would have looked way different. Yes, disney tried to pull the "but he's the villain" card, but I don't buy that for a second. They could have made her heartbroken at least but she even snapped at him after he was on the edge. It's him who betrayed everyone. The evil magic book is suddenly forgotten. No, no, no! Ya'll backstabbing him and ignoring the fact he's got PTSD got him into this shit situation in the first place. And if AMAYA hadn't totally failed at being a good wife, Magnifico most likely wouldn't have even gotten as far!

But, the answer is simple. She doesn't love him! Or at least not nearly enough! When she sang, I was fooled by the love I felt, I was like 🤨? What exactly did you love, dear? His handsome looks? His magic? The only praise we saw her give him was when he did magic. When he did magic and or granted wishes she cheered like a child but other than that? Nothing like, "I see how much you give, how hard you try to protect us all everyday. I wish I could help you more, take some of that burden from your shoulders or at least carry it with you."

And if you're still not convinced, this tops it all! 👇🏼

Again, no tears, no sadness, nothing. She even approaches the whole situation with humor! And then she picks the mirror up like a dead rat on its tail and proudly declares "to the dungeons with him!" Not at all a reaction from a wife who truly "loves/loved" her husband.

She gives the tiny mirror away like a trashbag.

So to add things up. There is nothing to prove they truly loved each other. Cared for one another to a certain degree, yes. Magnifico at least showed a sprinkle of affection but on the other hand, he's a gentleman.

So, no, I personally will never ship them. I love Magnifico and the fact that Amaya wrote him off as easy as shrugging off a bug from your shoulder upsets me. 😬

He deserves so much better! He deserves true love. He deserves a healthy relationship full of compassion, support and guidance. He deserves respect and acknowledgement. He deserves healing!

Give that poor ptsd suffering man a break!

#disney wish #wish 2023 #king magnifico #queen amaya #ramble #venting post #I'm sorry but I don't ship them #team magnifico #complex ptsd #ptsd awareness

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queenmiriamele · 11 days

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I can't believe everyone's clapping for Iran now. Like, do you think the regime that kills their own citizens for protesting or even not covering their hair, that was Al-Assad's major support, that is actively trying to exert his power all over the region is somehow the better guy, that they actually care about palestinians' lives?

You all are like "but Israel attacked embassies". Yes. And Iran helped with the October's attack. Iran gave weapons and training for an attack they knew wouldn't change anything in the status quo but would escalade hostilities. Iran has been on this escalade from the beginning. They also wanted this. They wanted popularity in the Middle East and they were ready to sacrifice all the palestinians it took.

Spare me with the "but western hypocrisy". Yes, western goverments are hypocrites. So are all the other governments. So are YOU. I'm still waiting for all those that repeatedly call for a Free Palestine to write a post for a Free Sahara but most of you would need to google what's that.

#rambling #venting post #current affairs #iran

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chaosmindthoughts · 27 days

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I wonder if rarely ever logging in on Tumblr is because now that I left you behind; there's no point in being here anymore.

Maybe being here is a temptation to search and revive, it's an open door to look at the past.

It unsettles me. Being on here is like reading your name in every poem, every quote, every masterpiece.

You brought this place to me after all.

Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to go back, I could never do that to myself, neither to you. I have found sorta relief in our distance.

Maybe leaving you behind means leaving this safe place behind as well.

I don't know.

#breakup #ex lover #ex muse #ex moon #writing #thoughts #venting #my shit #quotes #wlw #her #poetry #spilled venting #venting post #tumblr writing society #dark acamedia #confessions

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asura22zoro · 1 month

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why I would prefer a lok remake ( obviously ending with makorra back together or a hint to it ) while the love triangle stays the same rather then go the asami the equalist spy route

it would feel like I am vilifying asami giving her the Ron the death eater treatment because of the irrational hate for mako alongside feeling like I am coming down to the people who had an irrational hate for mako daring to be flawed in a way that cant be romanticized away to the point they gave him the Ron the death eater treatment ( outright lying about him twisting his words or trying to portray him as a womanizer or cheater or whining if anything good happened to him ( like becoming a police officer claiming it makes him a Gary stu or putting him through standards they don't put any other character to) when he was just an emotionally immature teenager who messed up a messy situation his flaws were always acknowledged and treated as such he didn't need a punishment at b1 (I even saw some ridiculous people try to equate him to yues fiance.

when mako repeatedly showed to care about asami sato and genuinely like asami ( he just had stronger feelings for Korra) but he also felt security with asami sato or trying to claim he was in the wrong to tell raiko about what korra's was doing (it would be neat for a lok remake with b4 kuvira its implied that kuvira had a moment /;plot in the past which was to her what Korra doing what she did with the fleet was to her but she didn't have a mako ( someone close to her that called her out) Korra and mako both had issues that led to the b2 breakup they weren't ready for a relationship with anyone

mako gets a lot of bullshit from the fandom where they twist/lie about his character to bash him ( it reminds me of someone claiming someone only apologized due to being surrounded by classmates ignoring that there was panels showing him thinking about it )

like trying to equate him to yue's fiance who didn't care about him or only cared about her looks etc which is nonsense

or tried to claim him telling raiko about korra's plot was akin to that one guy telling about the party ( its not) mako was in the right and in a full lo

claiming mako was a Gary stu for ending b1 happy or becoming a police officer and looking to be a detective is worse then someone claiming katara was a Mary Sue for being a master water bender)

I mean seriously their logic was just something good happens to mako = creators pet/Gary stu when it doesn't.

seriously you cant give me the but there are people older then him in the police force argument when there were people training as water benders longer then katara was and this is a cartoon show.

(speaking of which did you know that there were people calling Korra a Mary Sue for some reason )

they even twisted mako's words to claim he called asami a leech he obviously used a figure of speech ( their equivalent to rip off a bandaid but because its mako they twist it to their worst possible idea because they cant stand that he mishandled a love triangle its a minor mistake

zuko's actions were worse

you cant give me but he was the antagonist excuse for mako's mistakes weren't worthy to be an antagonist his mistakes were that of a main character

even katara made mistakes or said rude things. its like they are wearing hate goggles when it comes to him

so I would keep the love triangle and asami as is

#lok #mako defense squad #atla mako #avatar the legend of aang #anti korrasami #lok remake #lok mako #mako #venting post

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