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onlyherefortheshowmances · 2 years

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I’ve posted a new one-shot of what I’d like to think happens after the end of Love, Victor S3.

Title: After the Ferris Wheel

Word Count: 4,140

Description: This is my brief continuation of what I'd like to think happened after the final scene of 3x8. Discussion of Victor's 'relationship' with Nick and discussion of Benji's conversation with his parents and past drinking and them just generally being shitty parents.

LINK TO READ ON AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39732780

Also below the cut in full.“Just you?” the ride operator asks.

“Yeah, just me, and I’m okay with that,” Victor responds with a nod, realizing that if it’s not going to be Benji, maybe he really isn’t ready for it to be anyone else either, and maybe that’s okay.

“Okay,” the ride operator says, clearly, silently begging to not be subjected to this teenager’s life story. He gestures Victor onto the ride.

Victor walks up the ramp toward the vacant seat, but as he’s about to reach it, an all too familiar voice says “Wait!” from behind him and he whirls around instead. “Room for one more?” Benji asks when their eyes meet.

Victor stares at him, barely daring to believe what he’s seeing right in front of his own two eyes. He blinks, but Benji is really standing there, watching him. They stare at each other for a long moment, neither sure what to say next. “I, I thought you left,” Victor finally manages to stutter out.

Before Benji can respond, the ride operator interrupts. “Hey, buddy? You in or you out?” he asks, gesturing between them, looking at Benji.

Benji doesn’t answer, looking at Victor instead, leaving this decision to him alone. Victor can’t say no and he knows that. “Come on,” he says instead, gesturing for Benji to join him on the ride. Benji’s lips press together in an almost smile as he passes his ticket to the ride operator and goes to join Victor.

“Enjoy,” the ride operator says. Benji is nervous, but somehow also confident as he sits down, and Victor can’t help but watch him as he swings the safety bar across their laps. The other ride operator slides the pin that holds the safety bar into place.

Victor finally looks away and Benji starts to talk. “After you left today, I had a really long talk with my parents. About you, about what my dad said to you, and going behind my back like that.” Victor’s lip rolls in as he looks down at his hands, away from Benji’s face as he waits for the rest of the story. “And I told them that… you’re not my trigger,” Benji says, also looking away. He looks back at Victor before he continues. “They are.” Victor looks back at Benji in surprise; that’s not the answer he was expecting. “I want us to be together, Victor.” The ride stops then, they’re halfway to the top.

Victor had told himself for weeks that that wasn’t possible. At first, after Benji got back from rehab and broke up with it was that that wasn’t possible right now, but after Mr. Campbell showed up at his apartment door the night that they went to drag queen bingo, it became ever. He was inspired by his own speech, earlier the same day to be brave, to go after what he really wanted and who he really loved. As he walked from Benji’s house to his own apartment after what he thought was a failed attempt at a love confession, he thought that that may be the last time he ever saw Benji. He was too late. It took him too long to be brave. But now, only a few hours later, Benji is sitting next to him on this winter carnival Ferris wheel and there’s nowhere else in the world he’d rather be. He hates that their story went the way it did over the past couple months, but he still loves Benji more than anything and hearing him say that he wants them to be together isn’t what he woke up this morning anticipating or even wanting really, but he couldn’t be happier that it’s how this night is ending. His eyes dip briefly to Benji’s lips.

“But I still have to work on myself,” Benji continues. Victor knows that, but Victor also wants to be part of that. He cares about Benji; he wants to support him if Benji will let him. He nods and looks down at his hands again. “Like… a lot.” When Victor looks back up, Benji’s still watching him as he talks. “And I have no idea how it ends between us, which scares the hell out of me.” Victor looks over at him again. There’s still an ‘us’? he wonders. “Does it scare you?”

Victor raises his left eyebrow and nods barely perceptibly as he bites his lip. “Yeah.”

They both shake their heads and look away again. Victor wondering where this conversation is leading, but then Benji asks him another question that he’s not expecting. “Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if we’d just gone on that Ferris wheel together when you first moved here?” They look at each other again.

Victor wasn’t sure Benji even knew about or remembered that night. The winter carnival last year. The night he road the Ferris wheel with Mia instead, because it was easy, because it was safe, because he was too scared to ask Benji even though that’s what he’d really wanted to do. He always thought Benji probably would’ve said no anyway, at least after he found out about Derek, but now he’s Benji asking a question that makes it sound like maybe he would’ve said yes after all, and it makes Victor think… think back to that first day in Atlanta last winter. He’d seen Benji at the water fountain, but then Benji walked over to him, to Felix. Benji and Felix weren’t friends then. Felix seemed surprised that Benji had come over to talk to them, though he brushed it off like it meant nothing. When at lunch the very same day, someone decided to push Victor to the ground, knocking his lunch everywhere, who had offered him the hand to get back to his feet? Benji. So, maybe he wasn’t just imagining things that day after all. He used to wonder about those what ifs all the time, but not anymore.

Victor shakes his head. “No.” He looks away again, but Benji watches him, seemingly confused at first. “Not really.” Benji looks away and this time it’s Victor looking at him. “Because… that isn’t our story. This is. And… it’s perfect.” Both of their eyes flit to each other’s lips and then Victor decides to be brave again. He stretches his right hand out to cup Benji’s jaw and pull their lips together. Benji’s left hand moves to Victor’s cheek almost immediately and they’re kissing. Not just kissing; kissing like they mean it as the Ferris wheel stops again, this time with them almost at the very top.

The ride eventually moves again, but neither of them are even aware, not until it stops with them at the bottom. The ride operator removes the pin from the safety bar and throws it open. They still don’t notice. “Jesus Christ in heaven,” he grumbles. “Your ride’s up!” he snaps loudly.

They snap apart, both red-faced and biting their lips. “Sorry,” Victor mumbles, scrambling to his feet. He can’t help but smile as he turns back to offer Benji his hand. Benji takes it without a moment of hesitation and gets to his feet, too. They walk down the ramp, hands still tangled together between them. Victor pulls Benji to a nearby empty bench and they sit down without words, both staring straight ahead at the people still milling about. Eventually Victor swallows and glances over at Benji. “What now?” he asks.

Benji bites his lower lip. “I don’t know,” he says, “but I do know, I was just torturing myself trying to stay away from you because I wanted to believe my parents were right and that they knew best, but they didn’t. I figured that out a couple nights ago, actually… um.”

“The night you saw me and Nick. That’s why you were coming over.”

“His name’s Nick?” Benji asks.

Victor closes his eyes and sighs. “He goes to church with my family. My parents met his parents one week and invited them for dinner as some kind of set up. It was whole thing, but it’s over now. I never�� I was trying to move on, because that’s what everyone was trying to get me to do. I tried to tell them I wasn’t ready for that, but no one would listen, so I figured… they know best. I’ve never gone through a breakup before. I mean with Mia, but does that even count?” He sighs. “It was fun at first. It was distracting, but…” He almost laughs and glances at Benji’s face. “Um, it was just hooking up… in his parents’ car most of the time, in his little sister’s playhouse once. That was the last time… because I got poison ivy and thought it was something else.”

Benji tries not to laugh. “Oh my God.”

“Shush,” Victor grumbles in response. “But, yeah, I mean, um, after I decided just hookups weren't what I wanted, I downloaded the app at Rahim’s insistence and well you know what happened after that.”

“Wait, if that was after Nick, why did I see you kissing him two nights ago?”

Victor closes his eyes and lets out a loud breath through his nose. “Um, because after our thing and your dad coming to yell at me and him telling me that if I actually cared about you, I'd stay away from you... I asked my mom if I could go to church with her and Nick was there. He apologized. Um, I’d told him that I decided casual hookups weren’t what I was looking for anymore. I was more interested in maybe going on some dates or something instead, and that wasn’t his vibe. Um, he apologized at church and the next night he texted me and told me to come outside. I tried to say no because I thought it was just… what it always was with him. But I eventually went down, and he'd brought me flowers… and asked if I wanted to go to dinner some time. He tried, um, I immediately said yes. It was nice." He shrugs a little and glances at Benji again. "Um, the night you saw us, we’d, uh, we’d actually just gotten back from a double date with Rahim and his new boyfriend, maybe? I don’t know if they’re official yet, but he’s cute, his name’s Connor. He’s a waiter at a fancy restaurant which is how Rahim met him, while on a pretend date with my sister because his homophobic uncle was in town from Iran.”

“I knew about the uncle. Didn’t know about the pretend date with your sister.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how it happened exactly, but it did. Anyway, we’d just gotten back from that. Nothing even happened that night, even though, I think we both were going to at some point, but um, he left and I went inside. Um… today…” Benji blinks at him. “I don’t have to tell you about this if you don’t want.”

Benji bites his lip. “Uh, no. I think we should be honest with each other. Not talking about things is what got us into trouble before.” He nods almost encouragingly.

“Right, um, so, today, before the assembly, um, he was there and I thanked him for coming and he called himself my boyfriend and I just let it happen, but it scared the shit out of me. And it actually made me change my speech and made me realize a ton of stuff, but mostly that if it wasn’t you calling yourself my boyfriend, I didn’t want it to be someone else, either.” Benji almost smiles. “Um, yeah, so I accepted the gay award, because that’s definitely what it was. That's what I was contemplating, by the way, In the hallway the other morning, when you asked if I was okay."

"Oh."

"Coach Ford told me I was getting the 'bravery' award which we all know is just the gay award and I didn't want to accept it at first because I thought that if I was getting an award it should be for my talent, not for being gay. I didn't want to be 'gay Victor'. I just wanna be Victor, you know?" Benji nods. "Rahim convinced me. He's smarter than I give him credit for."

"I mean, he is the reason I'm now passing Calc."

Victor laughs a little bit. "Yeah, he mentioned that. Um, anyway, after the assembly ended, um, I apologized to Nick, and then I shoved my trophy at my mom and ran to your house so I could catch you before you left for Connecticut.”

“So, what you’re saying is, I can also thank my dad for you kissing someone else?”

Victor laughs. “Yeah, kinda. If he hadn’t shown up at my door, I don’t know if I would’ve agreed to the dates with Nick, so yeah.”

Benji sighs and shakes his head. “God, I really wish he hadn’t done that. Um, that night after Bingo, when I got inside, I, uh, I wanted to drink. It was the first time since I got back… I uh, I found a meeting instead… and went. My dad probably dropped me off, came to yell at you and then came back for me.”

“Oh,” Victor says quietly.

“Um, but, at that meeting, I talked to an older guy. I’d told the whole group why I was there. That I’d seen my ex-boyfriend and that I felt like I was torturing myself staying away from my favorite person, but everyone was saying that’s what I was supposed to do. And that…” he takes a deep breath. “That you made me happier than anyone else in the world and that you were the first person to ever make me feel safe and loved and like I was enough. Even my parents can’t manage that.” He swallows and blinks. “Um, afterward, I was talking to this guy and he said that it didn’t matter what everyone else said was right or wrong, I had to do what was best for me. And it was then that I knew, staying away from you wasn’t what was best for me. It was making me more anxious, and when you wouldn’t talk to me in the hallway and when I saw you kiss another guy, I… I thought leaving was the only option I had.”

Victor immediately feels monumentally terrible. “I… I thought… You’d said… Your dad had said… I just… I thought it wasn’t an option. I thought I was doing you a favor. I was… I was trying so hard to move on from you, because I thought that was my only option.” He closes his eyes and drops his chin toward his chest. “I just… I wish I would’ve known.”

“I’m sorry,” Benji says. “I’m sorry for making you think that… that you couldn’t talk to me at all… for… for everything my dad said to you… for… for believing my parents and the therapist who believed parents instead of believing myself. I’m sorry, Victor, but I’m ready to do better, and I… I know I still have a fuck ton to do as far as working on myself and my anxiety and learning how to cope with all that without alcohol, but I… I want you to be part of my life, too. You were… you were always the part of my life that I loved and these past couple months, and especially the past couple weeks and days, I’ve… I’ve missed that. I’ve felt like I wasn’t… like I wasn’t allowed to be happy. That everything had to be working on myself, or going to meetings, or going to therapy, or work, or school. I felt I wasn’t allowed to have anything else. I started playing my guitar again, but the night I chose to do that, my dad walked into my room and told me, that without asking me first he, uh, he paid a lawyer to… to get my DUI conviction expunged from my record, so that I could get into college or whatever he said his reason was, but it felt like it was mostly, so he could pretend it never happened and so he could not think about it, not think about me. But he didn’t understand that I can’t do that. I don’t get to just not think about it. I think about that night, almost every day of my life, because that’s what anxiety does. I think about the day he found pictures of naked men on my laptop, and I lied to him and said it was because I lent my laptop to Lucy, and he was so relieved… He was so relieved that his son wasn’t gay, because ‘there’s not anything wrong with being gay but, but I never thought my son’. It hurt, and I still don’t think he realizes that.”

“Benji, I’m so sorry,” Victor says. Benji half-smiles at him. “I don’t know what I can do or if I can do anything, but if I can… please… I want to help you...”

Benji half-smiles again. “The fact that you can sit here and listen to all of this and not… and not walk away… and not say it’s too much… and not… not make me feel like I’m some horrible person… that’s enough. That’s what I’ve missed, and what I wish my parents could do. I’ve missed you. I… when we were… when we were together before, and your mom would say things and do things… and you know… well, when that would happen and when you’d tell me about it, I just wanted to protect you. I wanted to save you from her, because what she did… and said, was so much like what my parents said, or what my dad said, and my mom silently allowed him to say. I didn’t want you to end up where I ended up, Victor. I wanted to save you, and I couldn’t ,and the fact that I couldn’t save you, that I couldn’t make that better for you, yeah, that was why I drank sometimes, and I know it’s the anxiety, and the savior complex, but it was worth it for me. It was worth giving myself that anxiety, because I loved you, because I still love you…”

“I love you, too,” Victor says before Benji can continue. “And… my mom’s literally the one that set me up with Nick. If anything, she’s been… trying too hard, so… that shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

Benji smiles. “Sounds like, she’s doing better than my parents, or at least my dad on that front.”

“I was gonna say, your mom always liked me.”

Benji laughs a little and half smiles. “Yeah, she did, until my dad put the idea in her head that you’re the reason I started drinking again, which I don’t even know how that makes sense, because I was already drinking again before you even moved to Creekwood. I… I guess I didn’t give them a good enough timeline the first time, um, the night we were together after the wedding; but I, uh, made sure they knew this time. The… the first time I drank again, was… the day I got home from the hospital, because I heard them talking in the hallway. My dad was complaining that I wasn’t the son he wanted. I wasn’t a good enough student and now I had this drinking problem. That night, my anxiety got the best of me, and I stole a bottle from his cabinet after they went to bed. I don’t know if he never noticed or if he just convinced himself that it wasn’t happening because he didn’t wanna think about it.” Benji pauses and bites his lip, but Victor just listens. “I drank the night after the strip club incident. I drank every night of finals week. They claim they didn’t know, but I think they were just trying to ignore it, convincing themselves it wasn’t happening, but I spent a year lying to them, to Hank, to everyone at AA meetings. Hank, uh, when he found out, he decided he couldn’t be my sponsor anymore, because I’d lied to him for so long, so I have to find a new one. Still working on that.”

“Why does you dad still have a liquor cabinet? Like, they knew when you had the accident, why… why would he still keep it in the house?”

“Cause he doesn’t have a drinking problem, so why can’t he have wine and liquor? That’s his logic anyway. He cares more about his own good time than anything about me. Always has. It’s just… It’s how my dad is.”

“That’s not right,” Victor says immediately. “He’s your dad.”

“My mom at least tries… to… be a parent, but my dad never has, he just gets disappointed every time I make a mistake, and about me being gay, and all I can do is disappoint him, and my mom just lets it happen. I hate it. I turn eighteen in November. I’m gonna move out as soon as I can, but I’m stuck until then. That’s… that’s part of why I was considering boarding school at all. I wouldn’t have to be at home most of the year, but…” he shakes his head and then looks at Victor. “I also wouldn’t have you.”

Victor blinks and smiles at him. “If you… if you think it would still be good… for… for those reason… to… to get away from your parents… I… you could still go… you’d have your phone…”

Benji shakes his head. “No. I mean, my aunt’s there and she’d just relay everything back to them and my dad would call me with his disappointment instead. I’d… I’d rather be here… with you…”

Victor smiles again. “Okay.” He leans forward and kisses Benji again, a kiss full of meaning. Not like on the Ferris wheel when it was a kiss of the emotions of having missed each other for so long or of surprise and lust and desire, no. This kiss is full of something else. It’s full of a new beginning, of starting over, of being the best versions of themselves they’ve ever been, and of trying to still be better. It’s full of passion and devotion and willingness to put the work in to make sure it’s better this time around. It’s full of all of those things, but mostly it’s full of love; of unconditional love.

They only pull apart when there’s confused laughter nearby. Victor turns his head to find both of his parents standing in front of them. “Oh, uh, hey, guys,” he says, clearly still out of breath from all the kissing.

“Hola, mijo,” his mom says, clearly trying not to laugh. “I thought…” She glances at Benji.

“It’s a long story,” Victor offers. “Um, he didn’t leave, he, um, he talked to his parents, and um…” He bites his lip and glances at Benji.

Benji is smiling at Victor. His face still red with embarrassment at being caught by Victor’s parents. “Um, yeah. I’m staying. I, uh, I’d interpreted some things wrong and… it turns out…” He takes a deep breath. “Breaking up with my boyfriend because that’s what everyone else told me was the right thing to do, wasn’t the right thing to do… at all.” He looks at Victor’s mom. “I should’ve listened to you instead.”

She smiles at him. “Well, I’m… happy, for… both of you… provided you’ve done some talking and not just kissing tonight.”

They both laugh. “Yeah, we have,” Victor says, biting his lower lip.

“Good, don’t forget about that part,” she says, looking at her son. “Uh, we were gonna head home as soon as Adrian’s out of the bathroom, are you coming with us, or?”

Victor looks at Benji and he smiles. “Um, I’ll walk. I’m good.” Benji smiles at him, too.

“Okay. It’s Friday, so home by midnight, please.”

Victor looks at his watch. “Yeah, I’ll be home by midnight.”

His mom smiles at him and starts to walk away, but his dad pauses. “Be safe, be smart,” he says and then he follows his wife.

Victor almost laughs and looks back to Benji. “Um, sorry about them.”

Benji just smiles and shakes his head a little. “I’m not. It’s okay. Your parents act like parents at least.”

Victor nods a little. “That’s fair, um, did you… wanna do anything else at the carnival, or?”

Benji smiles at Victor for a second and then looks around. “I think maybe, my basketball star boyfriend is supposed to win me something at one of the games.”

Victor never realized a single word could make him as happy as that one just did. He smiles at Benji, unable to help himself and then nods. “Yeah, I think can be arranged.”

#Love Victor #Love Victor Fanfic #Love Victor Fanfiction #Venji #Venji fanfic #venji fanfiction

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boyfriendsmalec · 4 years

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In the aftermath of the Spring Fling... (4300 words)

“Mom. Dad. I’m gay.”

A beat. Silence stretched out for what felt like minutes into hours. But all Victor could feel was relief. All the tension he’d been holding in his chest for years, began to ebb away. Finally it was all out in the open. He didn’t have to hide who he was anymore. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t.

He remembered what Benji said, about how it took him nearly dying for him to finally come out. How Benji realized he could’ve died before being who he truly was. He remembered what Simon said about there never being a perfect moment to come out, how he couldn’t control other people’s reactions. He’d put off coming out to Mia to spare her feelings in a hard moment, but it had only made things worse. He wasn’t going to hide from his parents anymore. He couldn’t be his family’s glue anymore. It was too much pressure.

He could no longer be his family’s fixer, no matter how much he wanted to. Because despite everything he’d done to hold things together, everything was now falling apart. Maybe it would’ve been better if he hadn’t intervened, maybe things would have collapsed sooner instead of dragging it out painfully for everyone.

Now his mother and father couldn’t even meet his eyes. Pilar had initially looked shocked but now she was just looking to their parents, trying to gauge their reaction.

“Mom? Dad?” Victor said, “I said I’m--”

“Yes, we heard you the first time,” his father snapped, beginning to rub at his temples.

“Armando,” his mother glared at his father before turning back to Victor. “Victor, are you sure? Things have been going so well with Mia, how would you even---”

“Yes I am sure. And Mia and I broke up,” Victor said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. “She knows that I’m gay.” God it felt so good to say it out loud again.

“Victor, I think you’re just confused,” his mother said, in that sweet, dulcet tone of hers that normally calmed Victor but now made his stomach roil.

“You know... I was confused for a while. I questioned myself a lot. But it was on whether or not I liked girls. I’ve always known I’ve liked guys. Since I was a kid, I’ve known. I wanted to like girls, so badly. I wanted to like Mia, because she’s this amazing person. But I don’t like her like that.” Victor felt his hands start to quake now, his previous courage melting away into anger. “I never have. The only love I have for her is that of a friend.”

“You’re sixteen, you don’t know what love even is,” his father scoffed. “So you don’t like Mia, it doesn’t mean you’re gay. You can find another nice girl.”

“I may not know what romantic ‘love’ feels like yet,” Victor said stiffly. “But I know when I find it, it will be with a boy.”

“Those gay kids you hang out with are putting these ideas in your head,” his dad shook his head before turning to his mother, “I told you he shouldn’t be hanging out with those kids.”

Victor was boiling at this point. “The only one putting ideas in my head of who I should be are you guys. Benji actually accepts me for who I am.” Fuck it, Victor thought. He’d gone this far. “In fact, he likes me, and I like him.”

Pilar’s head shot toward him at that.

“B was Benji?” She said, without thinking, her eyes wide.

“Yes,” Victor replied softly.

“Benji? The kid from your party?” his mother asked in confusion. “You’re… in a relationship with him?”

“We’re… seeing each other,” Victor said after a moment’s hesitation. He wasn’t sure what they were yet. But they were something.

His father seemed to freeze at that, looking like he was at his breaking point.

“You know, Victor, I think we’ve had enough of this little teenage rebellion moment, huh? If you continue on acting like this we’re gonna have to take you to see a therapist,” his father glared. The threat shot straight to Victor’s core.

“Fuck, no!” Pilar stood up, turning to their parents, absolutely fuming after having listened to her brother be verbally barraged by their parents for minutes on end. “You are not sending Victor to some gay conversion therapy. That’s absolute bullshit!”

“Pilar!” her mother cried out. “Language!”

“Screw my language, mom. Dad is threatening to send Victor to a fucking gay conversion therapist!” Pilar yelled.

“We would never do such a thing,” Isabel assured. “You know what, things are a bit intense right now, maybe it’s time you both head to bed.”

“Yes, we’ll discuss this more in the morning. It’s too late and you’ve probably woken your brother up,” their father said, again refusing to meet Victor’s eye.

“Fine,” Victor said stiffly, anger and rage coursing through his whole body. He knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy but he had no idea his father would threaten him so blatantly. “And just so you know, this isn’t a ‘teenage rebellion.’ This, right here, is just me being me.”

With that Victor turned around and stormed off to his bedroom. He felt like slamming it, but just in case Adrian hadn’t woken up during that whole debacle, he softly closed it at the last second. He was about to crawl into bed and scream into his pillow when he heard a light tapping at the door. Pilar.

He opened the door to let Pilar inside. Without hesitating, she threw her arms around Victor, holding onto him tightly.

“I’m sorry for questioning you,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for our fucked up family, and I shouldn’t have made things harder for you. I should’ve trusted you.”

“It’s okay,” Victor said softly, clinging to Pilar just as tightly. Victor was still shaking from the conversation, his eyes hot and wet.

“Don’t worry though. Everything will work out. Mom and dad will understand soon. They just will need some time,” she assured him. Victor let out a shaky sigh into Pilar’s hair, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head.

“I hope you’re right, Pilar,” he said, before pulling away. “Look, I gotta… call someone.”

“Benji?” she inquired. He nodded.

“Yeah you should,” she gave him a tight smile. “I like him. You always seemed more happy around him.”

“He does make me happy,” Victor admitted, glad he could now openly share these things with his sister.

“Good,” Pilar gave Victor one last hug before heading out, closing the door behind her. Victor made sure to lock it after she left. Last thing he needed was one of his parents butting in on his conversation with Benji.

Victor sat down on the bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. His fingers were still trembling, and his breath shuddering. He took a few deep breaths before pressing the call button.

The dial tone played in his ear twice before Benji picked up. Just hearing Benji’s warm voice calmed Victor down somewhat.

“Hey you,” Benji’s tone was playful, light and god it made Victor’s heart swell just hearing Benji’s voice. “I thought you said you were going to call me tomorrow. Not that I’m complaining.”

“Well, technically it’s past midnight, so it is tomorrow,” Victor managed a half-hearted joke, but his voice was still strained.

“So it is,” Benji laughed. Then he paused. “Is something wrong?”

Victor shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. Benji knew him too well.

“Yeah kinda,” Victor said shakily, inhaling deeply. “It’s a… lot. A lot, a lot.”

“What happened?” Benji asked, sounding more than a bit concerned.

“Well first, Mia spotted us kissing, so we officially broke up. But now she hates me and probably will forever. Then I came home with Pilar and my parents told us they’re splitting up. After that I came out to them. Told them I’m gay. I actually said the words,” Victor half-laughed at that, still not believing this night was real. There were too many highs and lows to even keep track of anymore.

“Shit, Victor I’m… I’m so proud of you for coming out to your parents, but I’m so sorry to hear about your parents separation and about Mia. If there’s anything I can do to help…” Benji trailed off for a moment. “How did your parents react?”

“Well Pilar supports me, of course. But my mom and dad… especially my dad… it wasn’t great,” Victor swallowed thickly, the tension creeping into his chest again. “I told them about you. How we’re… seeing each other. And I think that tipped my dad over the edge. He told me that this was all some kind of teenage rebellion and if I kept at it that they’d send me to get help with a therapist.”

Victor didn’t even have to explain to Benji what kind of “therapist” he was talking about.

“Fuck,” Benji swore, and Victor could feel Benji’s indignation even over the phone. “That won’t happen, Victor. I promise.”

“I don’t think so either. But the fact that he even suggested it…” Victor couldn’t continue down that train of thought. “They acted like I was confused, that I just didn’t like Mia but could like some other girl. They have no idea what it’s been like,” Victor could feel his eyes heating up again and this time didn’t stop the hot tears as they rolled down his cheeks. He felt as though all of his insides were being slowly crushed. He could hardly breathe. He just tried to focus on Benji’s voice. It centered him, even just for a little bit.

“I know, I know,” Benji said softly. “But I just wanna say again Victor, I’m so proud of you. And if you ever feel… uncomfortable in your house. You can come stay with me. My parents wouldn’t mind, I know it.”

“Thanks Benji,” Victor let out a watery laugh. “I mean for everything. I just… I wish I could see you right now.”

“Me too,” Benji said, hesitating for a moment before adding, “Maybe we can?”

“Benji I think if my parents discover a boy in my room after coming out to them, they might ground me until graduation,” Victor said. He was only partly joking.

“No, silly. I was going to suggest we meet at this diner. It’s about halfway between my place and yours. Moe’s? It’s 24 hours.” Benji suggested.

Victor didn’t need to be told twice, already looking up the directions on Google Maps. “I’ll be there in less than fifteen minutes.”

Benji let out a soft laugh. “Are you sure though? What about your parents?”

“Benji, I honestly don’t care. And besides, they won’t even know.” Victor put down the phone to quickly change out of his formal wear and into a thin sweater and his faded jeans.

“And why is that?”

“Because I’ll be going out the window.”

“Well, please be careful not to break any bones. I really don’t want our first date to be at the hospital,” Benji chuckled. Victor couldn’t help but smile hearing Benji’s laugh. Despite this night being a complete and utter mess, at least one good thing had come out of it.

“So is this diner-thing a date? Because if it is, I can swing by a 7/11 to see if they sell flowers.” Victor propped the window open. He attached his headphones to his iPhone’s jack and tucked his phone, wallet and keys in his pockets before shimmying out the window.

“It’s our pre-date,” Benji joked. In the background Victor could hear Benji rustling around with his own keys and heard the sound of a door shutting.

“Just a second, I gotta figure out how to climb down this roof so I can make it to our ‘pre-date,’” Victor looked down, as he clambered down the roof. Or more like slid down the roof, the roof tiles digging into his legs painfully. Thankfully there was a tree close by that he could grab onto, so he could maneuver himself down to the ground. Once he got a firm grip on the branches he was able to practically jump down to the grass below.

“Whew! Made it,” he told Benji.

“Thank god, I was getting ready to call an ambulance.” Benji was laughing but Victor could tell he actually had been a little worried.

Before Victor could reply he heard his phone buzz and when he looked down he could see it was Felix.

“Um, I’m on my way Benji, but Felix is calling me. I’ll see you there?” Victor said as he started walking toward the diner.

“Of course. See you soon, cutie,” Benji said warmly and Victor felt a rush of heat cross his face at the endearing pet name.

“Yeah, see you,” Victor grinned before accepting Felix’s call.

“Victor, is there some reason you’re practicing parkour on the roof at night?” Felix asked without any preamble.

“Not parkour, Felix, I was sneaking out,” Victor let out a soft laugh.

“Damn. You know at first I thought there was a racoon fight happening on the roof again. But then I looked out the window and I saw you, and I thought --- that’s weird. Why is Victor crawling out of his window? But wait, why are you sneaking out?” Somehow Felix managed to say all of this without seeming to take one breath.

“I’m meeting up with Benji,” Victor told him sheepishly. “We sorta… kinda… kissed again tonight. Well actually we did kiss. Twice. He broke up with Derek. And then he told me he liked me so, yeah, um, that happened.”

“Oh my god, that’s amazing! I mean it sucks that he and Derek broke up -- well sucks for Derek, it’s awesome for you and Benji though. And I never really liked Derek much anyway. But good for you. You deserve someone like Benji. He’s a good guy,” Felix said. Victor couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have a friend like Felix. Someone who supported him no matter what.

“Yeah, he really is,” Victor chuckled.

“So wait, did you break up with Mia then?” Felix asked. Victor sighed and began rehashing the night for Felix. From Andrew hearing him and Benji talking in the bathroom to him kissing Benji again, to Mia discovering them together, to his parents separating, to him coming out to his parents.

“I don’t think my brain can process all of this right now,” Felix told him, sounding utterly befuddled.

“Tell me about it,” Victor breathed out. “But I’ll have to talk to you later, I’m at the diner now.”

“Is it Moe’s?” Felix questioned. “You have to get a milkshake. Oh, or one of the brownies. Or one of their pies. Also their burgers are pretty good too.”

“Felix I gotta go,” Victor said fondly. “I’m guessing we’ll split some kinda dessert.”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Go see your man. Tell me everything tomorrow. Everything, okay?”

“I will,” Victor promised, his heart racing a bit after Felix called Benji his man. It sounded nice.

After wishing Felix a good night, he spotted Benji already standing in front of the diner. He had also changed out of his tux and was wearing one of his usual band tees, a black leather jacket and ripped jeans. He looked amazing. As always.

But shit, Victor honestly had no idea how to greet Benji. They were more than friends but they weren’t quite boyfriends, it was all this awkward in-between stage. Thankfully Benji didn’t hesitate when he saw him, coming over to Victor and greeting him with a warm hug.

“Hey,” Victor whispered, not quite wanting to let go of Benji now that he had him in his arms. “Is it weird to say I missed you?”

“No, because I missed you too,” Benji told him. Benji pulled back a little and Victor watched Benji’s eyes dart to his lips for a moment. Victor decided to close the distance, letting him know it was okay. It was shorter than their previous kisses. But it still sent Victor’s heart racing. Benji smiled against his lips and when they finally pulled away from each other, Benji took Victor’s hand in his as they walked toward the diner. Benji even held the door open for him on their way in.

It was ridiculously sweet and Victor suddenly couldn’t stop smiling.

“Table for two,” Victor said to the hostess. There were hardly any patrons in the restaurant. It was practically empty.

“Sit wherever you like,” she told them, not taking her eyes off her phone as she played Candy Crush. “Tonight’s midnight special is blueberry pancakes.”

“Thanks,” Victor said, tugging them into a corner of the restaurant where they could speak more privately. It felt nice. Holding hands like this in public. No one seemed to care, too focused on themselves and their own lives to give much of a shit.

Menus were already set up at every table.

“Get whatever you want, my treat,” Benji told him as he handed Victor the menu.

“You really don’t have to,” Victor said.

“I want to,” Benji reassured him. Victor acquiesced, but made a mental note to pay for his and Benji’s next meal together.

“Alright. Well I’m actually not that hungry. Maybe we could split something?” Victor suggested.

“Hm, well those blueberry pancakes sounded pretty good,” Benji mused.

“Felix told me we should get a milkshake, how about one of those too?” Victor said.

“Pancakes and a milkshake? Someone knows how to live,” Benji laughed. “Okay, what flavor?”

“Vanilla,” Victor told him and Benji made a face at that.

“You just picked the most boring flavor of all of them.” Benji looked downright offended and it was honestly kinda the most adorable thing Victor had ever seen.

“Vanilla is not boring. It’s underappreciated. It’s a classic,” Victor insisted, a teasing smile on his lips.

Benji rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Well I did say I’d get you whatever you wanted, so of course.”

“Thank you,” Victor hummed, squeezing Benji’s hand. Benji suddenly let go of his hand and for a moment Victor worried he’d done something wrong but then Benji’s arm was coming up and around his shoulders, tugging him closer.

“This okay?” Benji eyed him carefully, and Victor nodded, his breath catching in his throat a bit.

“Yeah, of course,” Victor cleared his throat. Thankfully then the waitress came by and took their order. She didn’t even blink twice at the way Victor and Benji were sitting.

Benji must’ve noticed his shock at the waitress not eying them. “We’re in Atlanta, Victor, most people don’t care,” Benji shrugged. “I mean some care. But most won’t say anything about it here. But we don’t need to be… publicly affectionate if you don’t want to be. I know you just came out.”

“No, no it’s fine. I want to,” Victor assured him. He raised his right hand up to thread his fingers with Benji’s. “I like it. It feels right.”

“Good,” Benji nudged at his foot under the booth, his smile taking Victor’s breath away just a bit.

“So Victor, did you want to talk about your parents or Mia or anything?” Benji asked.

Victor gnawed at his lip for a moment.

“Not really. I just wish it’d all go away honestly. I don’t know what people are going to say about me in school. I didn’t tell you before but Andrew heard us in the bathroom. He said he wouldn’t say anything. But who knows. At the same time though, I want everyone to know. I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. To anyone,” Victor told Benji.

“Coming out unfortunately doesn’t just happen once,” Benji said after a moment. “It happens every day. Practically everyday people make assumptions about me, assume I’m straight, ask me if I have a girlfriend.”

“I know,” Victor sighed, recalling his first day at Creekwood when Lake asked him if he had a girlfriend back in Texas and Felix automatically assuming he was straight.

“But I’ll be here for you to support you, Victor. Always. I’m sorry that I… stopped talking to you after everything that happened at that motel in Willacoochee,” Benji broke off for a moment, before plowing on. “You asked why I felt guilty. Well, I felt guilty because I’ve liked you since I met you, Victor. I didn’t want to fully admit it to myself because I had a boyfriend and I didn’t know if you even liked guys but… I did. And when you kissed me, I liked it and I wanted more. And it freaked me out.”

Victor took a few moments to process this. Benji had liked him when he first saw him too. He remembered Benji’s easy smile, him eying Victor up and down. Their feelings had been mutual along.

“Why did it freak you out?” Victor couldn’t help but ask.

“Because… I never have liked someone quite like you,” Benji admitted, pulling his arm back to cross his arms in front of his chest. “You know I’ve had some experiences with girls and guys. But I always felt like there was something off, even with the guys I dated. I always felt like I was never enough, like I had to put on some kinda show or something. Like I said earlier tonight, I just feel like I can be myself with you. And it’s kinda a scary feeling. But in a good way.”

Victor understood what Benji meant. Being vulnerable was intimidating. And he never felt as vulnerable as he did with Benji. But he was right, it was good, albeit sometimes scary.

“I feel the same way. I… I feel like I can tell you anything,” Victor confessed.

Benji took his hand again and gave him a warm smile at that, and this time Benji kissed him without questioning it. It felt a bit weird making out in such a public place. Well, not so much making out as it was a series of long kisses, one after the other. So… making out. But it made him feel like a normal teenager again.

Victor sharply inhaled when he felt Benji’s tongue brush against his own. He never even got this far with Mia. It was all short, chaste kisses with her. It was never like this.

Victor only pulled back as he heard the waitress approach. He was sure he looked like a mess. Benji’s hair was in total disarray and his lips shiny and slightly swollen. Victor would’ve felt embarrassed but the waitress gave them a small, almost reassuring smile. She unceremoniously plopped down the milkshake and pancakes with a clatter.

“Enjoy lovebirds,” she told them with a pop of her gum before heading off.

Victor grinned and plopped the two paper straws into the drink.

“Come on, you gotta drink this with me,” Victor begged Benji.

“I told you, I don’t like vanilla,” Benji groaned.

“Please, it’s a cute thing, couples do it all the time in the movies,” Victor cajoled before freezing when he realized he implied they were a couple. Thankfully Benji didn’t note it. Or if he did, he hid it surprisingly well.

“Okaaaaay,” Benji said, accepting defeat and taking a sip at the same time as Victor. He pulled back after a few sips. “Okay, it’s not as bad as I thought.”

“See!” Victor pointed out proudly before pulling away to cut up pieces of pancake, shoving a large, syrupy piece in his mouth.

“Best pancake ever?” Benji inquired as he cut his own piece.

“Pretty good. But I personally think my homemade ones are better,” Victor teased.

“Well you’ll have to make them for me sometime,” Benji told him.

“It’s a date,” Victor said proudly.

“Though can our second date please not be pancakes again? At least let me take you out for Thai or something,” Benji said, taking another sip of vanilla milkshake.

“Second date?” Victor raised an eyebrow. “I thought this was our ‘pre-date’ so how exactly could we be going on a second date if we never had a first?”

“Semantics.” Benji told him, giving him a sly smile.

“Suuure,” Victor grinned as he took another bite of pancake.

However Victor froze mid-chew when he noticed some kids from their school coming into the diner, still in their dance attire. He didn't know them exactly but he knew some of them were members of the swim team. Friends of Andrew’s that he often ate lunch with.

“Just a second, I have to do something,” Victor told Benji, picking up his phone and opening it to Creek Secrets.

Before Andrew or Mia or anyone else could say anything to anyone, Victor quickly typed up a post. He wanted coming out to be his thing, not anyone else’s.

I, Victor Salazar, am gay. And I don’t want to hide it anymore. I know this isn’t what any of you expected, especially for your Spring Fling king. But it’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. I hope any other kid who is struggling out there like I was knows that there’s a whole community out there of people like us. We’re not alone. You’re not alone.

Love,

Victor

Victor turned the phone to show it to Benji who read it over and with a smile.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Benji asked him.

“I’m ready,” Victor told him, before hitting send.

His phone began to light up with notifications within minutes but Victor turned off his phone, tucking it into his jeans so he could enjoy his date. And when he kissed Benji a few minutes later he heard the murmurs of the students nearby. But Victor didn’t care. Because he had finally figured out what he wanted. To be true to himself.

#love victor #venji #love victor fanfiction #venji fanfiction #hope yall enjoy it if you do it would mean a lot if you left a comment :)#or if you shared it so more people can see it!#i've been dying to see more fics written right after 1x10 so i figured i might as well write my own!

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