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saqrqa3d · 3 years

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Explaining Christmas to Your Muslim Children, by Umm Khalid:

It's that time of year again, when we have to discuss Christmas with our children (and sometimes with other (grown) Muslims who are inclined to argue with us about why we don't have a tree in our living room).

If you are a Muslim parent living in a non-Muslim country, these are all familiar sights you've been surrounded by since the beginning of December:

-Driving with your kids and passing the decorated front lawns of homes decked out with Christmas lights, scenes of figurines that are supposed to be "Mary" and "Joseph" and "baby Jesus" set up

-Going to the grocery store and being bombarded with "Jingle Bells" and "All I want for Christmas Is You" and other Christmas songs playing loudly from the loudspeakers

-Going to the bank or any sort of place to run any sort of errand and seeing lit-up decked-out Christmas trees and big Santas and sleds and reindeer and other elaborate displays.

Now. What do we tell our young children who look at this stuff, then look at us with wide eyes, and say the famous words, "Mama? What's that?"

It's even more urgent if our children are in public school, where the dose of Christmas they get injected with is much, much higher.

Muslim parents of kids in non-Muslim public schools tell me that their kids have been doing Christmas-themed worksheets since late November! They are asked to participate in Secret Santa gift-exchanges, play Christmas games, sing Christmas songs in the choir in music class, and are generally assaulted with this shirk.

One Muslim mom reached out to me to tell me of this incident: after her 6-year-old son came home from public school one day, he asked her, "Mummy, is Jesus the son of Allah?"

This poor Muslim mom was stunned to be asked this question by her young son. He is only in second grade!

Here is a list of the main concepts that we want to cover with our children. Cover as many of these as your children's ages and developmental stages will allow:

1. Surat Al-Ikhlas:

قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ. اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ .لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ . وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُوًا أَحَدٌ

"Say: He is Allah, One. Allah is As-Samad. He neither begets nor is begotten. And there is nothing like Him."

Simple summary for our young children: Allah is One! He is the ONLY one to ever be worshipped. We NEVER worship anyone or anything else! He is Samad, which means that everyone and everything needs Him to live, but He doesn't need anyone or anything ever. He has no family: no son, no daughter, no parents, nothing. He is One. And there's nothing at all like Him, in any way! He is completely different from anything we can even imagine! This is Allah, our Rabb. We love Allah!

2. Surat Al-Fatiha:

This surah reinforces the simple but powerful concept of Tawhid that is the central theme of Surat Al-Ikhlas. Allah is our Rabb (Lord, Master, Owner, Sustainer). We are His slaves who belong to Him and worship Him and need Him to exist from moment to moment.

He is Ar-Rahman (Extremely Merciful!) and Ar-Raheem (Always Merciful!). We worship only Him and He is the only One we ask for help.

At the end of surat Al-Fatiha, Allah teaches us to ask Him to guide us to the Straight Path, the path of those whom He has favored, not the path of those who have earned His wrath or those who have gone astray.

صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ ٱلْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ

Who are these two groups of people?

These are the Jews (Group 1) and the Christians (Group2).

Why did these groups of people deserve Allah's wrath and become totally lost?

They went against Tawhid. The opposite of Tawhid is shirk. Tawhid is to know that Allah is One (just like Surat Al-Ikhlas tells us!). Shirk is to think that there are other things worthy of worship besides Allah, to put partners with Allah. This is the WORST thing a human being can do! There's nothing worse than shirk.

The Christians, who were sent Prophet `Isa by Allah, fell into very obvious shirk because what they started to say is that there are three gods! A`uthu billah!

They made up something called the Trinity, which comes from the word “three.” They think that God, instead of being One, is actually three! Does this sound like Tawhid to you?

Child: No! Tawhid means one. They say three!

Right. The Christians said that Prophet `Isa was the son of Allah! Na`uthu billah. This is unbelievable shirk! We know clearly that Allah has no son or daughter, no family whatsoever! This is clear from Surat Al-Ikhlas.

But this is what these Christians said. This is why they got themselves completely off the Sirat al-Mustaqim (Straight Path) and strayed into shirk and got lost.

The other group (Banu Israeel) also left Tawhid and fell into shirk, like the Christians. (Let's address the Christians today though, because we want to talk about this holiday called Christmas).

As Muslims, we have to stay upon the Straight Path. We follow the Quran, the sunna of our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and the consensus of true scholars (`ulama’) who took their knowledge from the Sahaba, who took their knowledge from Prophet Muhammadﷺ. We don’t deviate from this established path.

Do you know what it's called when someone tries to introduce a new made-up thing in the deen sent by Allah?

3. Bid`ah (Blameworthy Innovation in deen):

Trying to add anything new to the deen is called بِدْعَة bid`ah. The deen of Allah is already perfect as it is, and we don't need to change it! In fact, if anyone does try to change anything in it (to add or take anything away), this is haram.

This is what the Jews andChristians did to their deen and this is how they went astray!

4. Tashabbuh (Imitation):

Some Muslims today try to copy the actions of other groups who are not Muslim. For example, some Muslims try to imitate the Christians and do what they do.

These Muslims see that the Christians celebrate Christmas, which is the day on which they claim Prophet `Isa was born (this is not true). They’ve made this day into a big holiday and they do all kinds of nonsensical things to celebrate it, like cutting down a big tree and bringing that inside their house! They decorate this tree with things like lights and ornaments and they put a figure of what they think is an “angel” at the top. Some people also put up decorations in front of their homes, setting up statues and figures that are supposed to be Mary (Lady Mariam `alaiha assalam, the mother of `Isa `alaihiassalam), and an infant they claim is supposed to be “baby Jesus.”

This is all bid`ah for these Christians! When Prophet `Isa alaihi assalam himself came to them, he never taught them any of this! He taught them Tawhid! But they have changed so many of their original teachings and ignored so much of what Prophet `Isa taught them!

So how can *we* as Muslims with the Truth, leave our own Truth and prefer their misguidance??

How can we leave what’s right for what’s wrong?

How can we leave what’s true for what’s false?

This makes no sense at all.

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elizabethleestorms · 4 years

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I’m not sure what sparked gaither/uthus and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.. but I do want to say it took me 5 goddamn mins to figure out what the fuck they meant.. and the meaning makes me even more terrified XD

(but enjoying the fight.. i got popcorn <3 )

#gaither #uthus #whyyyyyyy #i will never get this image out of my head

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pinkvilla · 5 years

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Diljit Dosanjh reveals THIS is how he will react if Kylie Jenner listens to his song Kylie & Kareena

Diljit Dosanjh has never been shy about his admiration for Kylie Jenner. The Punjabi superstar has let the world know he loves Kylie through comments on her social media posts. The singer-actor went a step ahead and crooned a song titled Kylie+Kareena. The song declared his love and admiration for the reality superstar Kylie Jenner and his Good News co-star Kareena Kapoor Khan. Kareena recorded a video thanking Diljit for it. Diljit told Pinkvilla that he was glad that he received Kareena's blessings for the song.

The Proper Patola singer told us, "We were shooting for Vogue Magazine in London when I showed her the song. She saw the song and she liked the song. She volunteered to record the video. I did not expect her to do something like this. It's a huge thing that I got the blessings from Kareena ji".

We asked Diljit how he would react if ever Kylie listens to the song and reacts to it. While we expected him to say that he would be thrilled or he would be on cloud nine, Diljit stumped us with his down-to-earth reaction. He said, "Mera reaction theek hi hoga. Kylie is also a human at the end of the day. I won't go about screaming and go gaga. I am not that kind of a person. I won't go mad over her reaction. Aisa nahi hai ke wo message kar de toh main khushi ke maare jhoom uthu. Wo bahut filmy hai. (It won't be like I would start dancing with joy that she's reacted. That is a very filmy reaction.)"

He went on to add that he isn't expecting any reaction from Kylie. "Aise kuch reaction main Kylie se expect kar raha hoon aur na hi meri taraf se aane waala hai (I don't expect a reaction from Kylie neither will there be an earth-shattering reaction from me)," he said.

ALSO READ: Kareena Kapoor Khan sends out love to Good News co star Diljit Dosanjh ahead of Kylie & Kareena's release

We know we would be very happy if Kylie would react to Diljit's Kylie+Kareena. What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below.

#diljitdosanjh #kareenakapoor

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barelyru · 7 years

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What does Isti’adhah mean?

What does Isti’adhah mean? – Tafseer Ibn Kathir

Isti’adhah : Seeking Refuge with Allah – Tafseer Ibn Kathir – Surah Fatihah

Isti`adhah : “a uthu billahi minash Shaitaanir Rajeem”

Isti`adhah means, “I seek refuge with Allah from the cursed Satan so that he is prevented from affecting my religious or worldly affairs, or hindering me from adhering to what I was commanded, or luring me into what I was prohibited from.” Indeed, only Allah is able to prevent the evil of Satan from touching the son of Adam. This is why Allah allowed us to be lenient and kind with the human devil, so that his soft nature might cause him to refrain from the evil he is indulging in. However, Allah required us to seek refuge with Him from the evil of Satan, because he neither accepts bribes nor does kindness affect him, for he is pure evil. Thus, only He Who created Satan is able to stop his evil. This meaning is reiterated in only three Ayat in the Qur’an. Allah said in Surat Al-A`raf,

(Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e. don’t punish them).) (7:199)

This is about dealing with human beings. He then said in the same Surah,

(And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan, then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is Hearing, Knowing (7: 200).)

Allah also said in Surat Al-Mu’minun,

(Repel evil with that which is better. We are Best-Acquainted with the things they utter. And say: “My Lord! I seek refuge with You from the whisperings (suggestions) of the Shayatin (devils). And I seek refuge with You, My Lord! lest they should come near me.” (23:96-98).)

Further, Allah said in Surat As-Sajdah,

(The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient ـ and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e. Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world. And if an evil whisper from Shaytan tries to turn you away (from doing good), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is the Hearing, the Knowing) (41:34-36).

The Tafsir of Isti`adhah (seeking Refuge)

Allah said,

(Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and stay away from the foolish (i.e. don’t punish them). And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is Hearing, Knowing) (7:199-200),

(Repel evil with that which is better. We are Best-Acquainted with things they utter. And say: “My Lord! I seek refuge with You from the whisperings (suggestions) of the Shayatin (devils). And I seek refuge with You, My Lord! lest they should come near me.”) (23:96-98) and,

(Repel (an evil) with one which is better, then verily he with whom there was enmity between you, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient ـ and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e. Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world. And if an evil whisper from Shaytan tries to turn you away (O Muhammad ) (from doing good), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.) (41:34-36) These are the only three Ayat that carry this meaning. Allah commanded that we be lenient human enemy, so that his soft nature might make him an ally and a supporter. He also commanded that we seek refuge from the satanic enemy, because the devil does not relent in his enmity if we treat him with kindness and leniency. The devil only seeks the destruction of the Son of Adam due to the vicious enmity and hatred he has always had towards man’s father, Adam. Allah said,

(O Children of Adam! Let not Shaytan deceive you, as he got your parents ﴿Adam and Hawwa’ (Eve)﴾ out of Paradise) (7:27),

(Surely, Shaytan is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy. He only invites his Hizb (followers) that they may become the dwellers of the blazing Fire) (35:6) and,

(Will you then take him (Iblis) and his offspring as protectors and helpers rather than Me while they are enemies to you What an evil is the exchange for the Zalimun (polytheists, and wrongdoers, etc)) (18:50).

The devil assured Adam that he wanted to advise him, but he was lying. Hence, how would he treat us after he had vowed,

(“By Your might, then I will surely, mislead them all. Except Your chosen servants among them (i.e. faithful, obedient, true believers of Islamic Monotheism).”) (38:82-83)

Also, Allah said,

(So when you ﴿want to﴾ recite the Qur’an, seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan, the outcast (the cursed one). Verily, he has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allah). His power is only over those who obey and follow him (Satan), and those who join partners with Him.) (16:98-100).

#islam #tafsir #tafsir ibn kathir #baqarah #surah al baqarah #tafseer #shaytaan #seeking refuge from shaytan

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worldsandcenturiesfunposting · 7 years

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Trump’s Bad Day : ( A Political Fanfiction for Intellectuals

It was another day in the White House and President Trump was not happy. As per usual, he woke up before the sun even rose to take his routine shit and Twitter time. Unlike those loser Presidents from the past, Trump knew the best method of proclaiming his word to the masses was at 140 characters at a time. If that’s how much he’s able to read, certainly it must be how much the rest of the country is capable of as well.

He looked around the historic building, clenching his butt cheeks in hopes of making it to the restroom on time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find his phone! He looked under his high chair but couldn’t find it nor did he find it on his desk underneath the multitude of crayon’d in pages of the 2016 election results. It wasn’t even in that special spot in Ivanka’s room that coincidentally gave whatever’s placed there a perfect view of where she changes.

The excruciating exercise he went through searching for it was draining his limited life force. His hands sweated greatly, unable to even grasp the big boy little spoons he uses to eat his delicious two scoops. The dye in his hair was starting to run down his face, making him look like an orange/lemon blend.

At last, he couldn’t take it anymore. He slumped over on the floor and had to finally release himself. It was the same feeling he got when he passed legislations.

When the sun rose and the rest of the staff attended to their duties, Mike Pence found both Trump and Bannon sleeping on top of one another. At some point while it was still dark, the head of Brietbart drunkenly stumbled in, tripped on his boss, and fell asleep as well. When trying to remove the ungodly mix of alcohol and adipose tissue of of the President, Pence once again smelled a horrid odor that was all too familiar with him after these 100-something days of Trump’s presidency.

“Donald, again?” He sighed.

Even in sleep, Trump giggled.

It wasn’t until an hour later that Trump was dragged back to his room, cleaned, changed, and given a set of new clothes. Pence insisted he wear a normal tie that day but Trump refused to abide.

“I want the long one!”

“You can’t wear the long one, Donald. It’s too long. You’ll trip over it!”

“I WANT THE BIG BOY TIE!”

A familiar site to the electroshock therapy enthusiast, Trump started jumping up and down in a fit of rage. At times, he’d run over to the wall and start pounding on it, making such little noise, it was as if a fly had slammed into it.

“BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE-”

He droned on and on, and tears started to stream down his face. finally Pence threw his hands in the air and said “Alright! Fuck it! You can have the big boy tie!”

Like a flick of a switch, Trump stopped his tantrum and beamed a huge grin in Pence’s direction. “I’m a bigly good deal maker, Pence. You should know this.” He pointed at his VP and snatched the tie from his hands.

“If only you could negotiate a law to kill the faggots, Trump.”

“I’ll make that deal when the dems stop obst-obstric-ob-ob...blocking me!”

“The dems are the minority in everything, Trump. They have no real control over congress or the senate or anything!”

“Killery’s emails say that the deep state is actually controlling them. Don’t you read Bread-bart?”

When they walked out, they found Bannon in the same spot on the floor. Somehow in his sleep, the man managed to gather dozens of bottles of gin seemingly out of thin air. Groggily, he started to get up.

“Uh bu ughuhu...are the fuckin’ kikes dead yet?”

“No, Bannon.” Pence replied dryly.

“Thosuh fugg fuking guh hook noses th-I ughu I wish the Holocaust was real fo then uthu would be gon!”

“That’s nice, Bannon. We need you to help Trump sign a bill for our corporate masters.”

“It’s going to be a biiiiiiigly bill, Uncle Bannon!”

Bannon complied. He pissed himself first, but ultimately he stumbled behind the two which made Donald giggle over how silly his uncle was being. All the while Bannon was trying to tell Donald about how the white race was being bred out of existence and how to use secret code words like ‘N1gger’ or ‘k1ke’ to trick normies into spreading nazi propaganda. his words weren’t at all clear and Donald simply giggled most of the time, but somewhere in Trump’s mind, he was absorbing that information.

Before Bannon could call for a race war, he slumped over again and threw up on the back of Pence’s shoes before falling sleep entirely.

“Uh oh, Uncle Bannon had an accident!”

Pence remained silent, seething to himself that one day congress will stop worrying about what a bunch of frog posters thought of them and impeach Trump. How much longer must I endure this? Dead God! Dear mother! Someone help!

They continued on. Trump skipped the whole say singing ‘Bigly bill’ over and over and occasionally telling Pence he had to sing along.

When they arrived in the oval office, Trump ran over to his seat, lost breath half way, sharted, and then walked the rest of the way. With a wet plop, he sat down and banged his fist on the desk.

“No more fun and games. It’s time to put my big boy pants on and do some work!”

Pence walked up behind Trump and reached into a drawer, brushing aside many drawings of Trump punching Hillary and pulled out the bill his boss was supposed to sign.

“What’s the bill, Mike?”

“Fuck the poor, take away their health care and let them fucking die by Paul Ryan.”

“Paul Ronald? I love that guy!”

Pence’s eye twitched. In his mind, he was at a cross roads between screaming about homosexuality and letting Trump’s little outburst slip. He knew his pussy grabbing boss was a good Christian who didn’t approve of gays, but what he said disturbed him on a spiritual level.

“I mean, he’s not me or anything, but Paul Renalds, I know him. He’s a great guy, believe me. I remember when I met him, I met him way back ago, he said I was supposed to be President because he knows a good deal maker when he sees one. I make the best deals, believe me, they’re the best. My deals with Paul Rogers, he looks at my deals and he agrees to them because they’re the best. Believe me, Paul Roomba, he knows my deals. This deal here, it’s the best. The best deal. And his eyes are cute!”

Pence finally had to excuse himself, leaving the President alone to sign the bill. It occurred to Trump how strange the situation was. Normally when he signs bills into law, he has everyone stand in the room with him so they can congratulate him on what a big boy thing he was doing. Where was everyone?

“This was supposed to be a bigly moment. I want my praise!” He whined and screamed and pounded, but no one came in. Not even his famous tantrumps would sway the universe this time.

Slowly the gears in his head started turning His buddies in the GOP really tried to push this bill through fast. Kushner said they were doing it before Hillary emails about it on her private server. What was so special about the bill?

He reached over on his desk and grasped it in his hands. Squinting his eyes, for the first time in years he tried to read. “F-f-fuuuuuck t-tha pooor, tac...tic? Take! Take away thi-thir? Heat-ha...”

Sweat dripped from his brow as he slowly stumbled through the title. “bie..Pool Reean...Oh Pool Ransom! I love that guy! I made a deal with him earlier, and he agreed to it saying I make the best deals. The best. I remember making a deal in Saudeyrabba with those darkies, I gave them bigly amounts of weapons for money. Such a good deal. The best deal, believe me. The un were mad for some crap about human rights or whatever, but they’re just liblosers who don’t know good deals. Not like me, I make the best deals. Like I made a deal with Bannon the other day, it was such a good deal! The best and...oh shoot! I lost my place!” He sighed heavily and moved his eyes to the top of the page.

Hours later, Pence came in, having obtained written permission by his wife to be able to hear any vaguely homosexual things from Trump even if she isn’t there. “Have you signed the bill yet, sir?”

“By pool Reea-Mikey! You made me lose my place! I don’t wanna lose like Shillery!”

Ultimately the bill wasn’t signed that day. Trump got bored of reading and instead drew a picture of his magnificent wall on the back. Completely irate but trying to keep his cool, Pence congratulated Trump on the wonderful drawing and said they could try again tomorrow while he stuck the picture to the fridge with all the other bills Donald didn’t sign.

Their moment was interrupted by Kusher whose voice I have no idea what it sounds like so I’m assuming it sounds something like Kermit the Frog. He came in and stomped his foot. “Daaaaaaaaaady! The feds are being mean to me!”

In Trump’s mind, he was so flattered. Kusher reminded Trump of himself when he was younger and asking his own father for a tiny loan of a million dollars. Ivanka, that hot piece of ass, really knows how to pick a man. But wait! If Ivanka picked Kushner, then she didn’t pick him! He was getting cucked! Uncle Bannon was right! Kusher was a dirty penny pinching jew boy who should be shoved in the oven and turned into a cake!

“Now Kusher, you know what I told you about handling the deep state.”

“Daaaaad, sending my body guard over to fire their leader didn’t work for meeeeeeee!”

“Kushner, if it worked for me, it’s bigly good. The best idea, believe me. I remember when Comey was giving me trouble, trying to investigate me and Russia. My relations with Putin, I don’t have them. I may have talked to him and agreed to win the election for him so he can systematically destroy the US from the inside out by telling me to appoint the most egregiously incompetent and malicious cabinet in presidential history who have a vested interest in destroying the very organizations they were chosen to run thus ensuring the US has very little power or influence over the world and weakening the pressure put on Russia which in turn would allow Putin to gain more influence over others...buuuuuuut I never met him, believe me! Bigly no no on meeting him!”

“Well if you don’t help me with this then I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll tell Ivanka!”

Trump leaped in the air. “Not Ivanka!”

“T-That’s right! I’ll tell her about this, daddy!”

“Okay okay! I’ll help!”

He ran out of the kitchen and out of the White House doors. For the first time, he had enough energy to do so. The prospect of losing his daughter’s affection would drive a man to do anything. At least that’s what Trump thought. When he was on the White House lawn, he finally stopped and wondered.

“Where does the feds work again? Gosh, who knew government could be so complicated?”

Dinner in the White House was supposed to be a special time. Everyone was gathered around ready to congratulate Trump on signing the bill and ensuring thousands of people would die, but were sorely disappointed when the learned that Trump tried to actually read the bill, failed to get past the title, and gave up. Still, they had to congratulate him lest the man throw another tantrump and ruin the dinner.

“An amazing job, your highness!” Rence Preibus said, raising his glass.

“Your leadership is the best! Way better than that fucking nigger was. One day, I’m going to go to his house and put a bullet in his nigglet kids, but your kids, you have the best genes. We’re the master race, Trump!” A keebler elf said. Most people call him Jess Sessions.

“I...have to use the restroo-” General Mattis was about to say before getting cut off.

“Those fucking niggers, can you believe they were in here? Once I roll back the war on drugs, all of those shit skins are going away. Every fuckin’ one of them!”

“Anyways, I’m going to leave n-”

“And the mexicans? They’re nigger lite! They’ll get it too. I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all! I swear on me lucky charms, I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all like the rabid squirrels who attacked my magical woodland kingdom. Those squirrels were fuckin’ niggers!”

Kelly Conway was ready to speak up. She was assured that there were no microwaves in the room at the moment. However, Mike Pence stopped her. “Women are to be seen, not heard, Kelly.”

“I for one am very happy for you, Trump. Not even Hitler was able to pass legislation!” Spicer beamed.

Bannon slammed both fists on the table. “Are you sayin’ tha h- *hic* Hitler, MY FUHRER, isn’t good enough?” He was ready to crawl up and strangle Spicer. “M-I-ighguhu va da b-both of us u-ughnggh”

Not even able to present a coherent thought, he passed out on his mashed potatoes. Kusher rose from his seat and pulled out a sharpie from his pocket, drawing several Stars of David on the drunk’s face.

A turtle spoke up. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to pass our health care bill, but you’ll get it next time! We’ll get rid of those poor people together, and it’ll be your victory!” McConnell tried his best to hide his burning anger. Those poors will get to live another day because of his. Paul Ryan looked him in the eyes and nodded knowingly. Both of their dreams were squashed.

“I dreamed about taking away health care from poor people since my college days,” Ryan said, “with you in charge, we’ll surely do that!”

Everyone else sang their praises, and then began to feast. Only Pence and Trump didn’t eat. The former because his wife hadn’t given him permission yet and the latter because when he looked down, he noticed that his food wasn’t a well done steak with extra ketchup but instead a massive log of shit.

“COMEY!” He shouted, flipping his plate onto Pence. “He did this! He’s always doing this! Why does he keep bullying me! I want him to stop now now now now now!”

Pence tried to comfort him. “How do you know it was Comey, sir?”

“Because he’s a fuckin’ meanie!”

“You fired him weeks ago. he doesn’t have access to our kitchen.”

“He used the deep state to do it! I know it! The whole thing’s rigged! Bigly bad!”

Trump started to straight up cry and rolled out of his high chair. Not even three scoops of ice cream would satisfy him now.

“I want him to stop now! I want the feds to stop attacking me! I want my documents to stop being leaked! I want them to ignore Russia now! Putin said this would be easy but it’s not! It’s difficult! It’s not easy peasy lemon squeasy like he said!”

Most of them had fled the room save for Kusher and Pence who spent the next several hours trying to consolidate him.

It was the first time in a long while since he heard his father’s voice. Barron Trump was in the middle of building a massive wall in Minecraft in hopes that his father will notice him, and while every previous attempt failed, he was sure it would work this time. He’d bet his fidget spinner on it!

As if a miracle from God, Trump entered his room and called his name.

“Barron, I need help with the cyber!”

“D-dad?”

“I need you to hack into the FBI and remove everything they have on me and Russia!”

“Okay, dad! I’ll do my best!”

Trump slammed the door shut and Barron got straight to work. The moment went so fast but it felt like forever. Finally, he was communicated to! He was acknowledged! Using every bit of skill he had, he remotely accessed the FBI’s database and scanned through the files, trying to find any that looked relevant to the investigation between Trump and Russia.

“Let’s see... aliens, JFK, Atlantas, big foot, little foot, 9/11, the moon landing...”

So many files; it was enough to overwhelm a kid. But Barron was an expert with a mission in mind. He wouldn’t let anything stand in his way.

“Wait, this stuff looks good.”

When he opened the data base labeled ‘Putin and orange retard’, he was treated to a page with thousands of different files connecting Trump, his administration, and the Russians. There were pictures, scans of documents, text files, and even videos.

“Wow, I wonder what dad was doing with them.”

He clicked on video titles ‘pee tapes’ and minutes later from the halls, the staff could hear his screams.

Trump was scouting through the different rooms in the White House. Inside one was his wife being triple penetrated by secret service members. “Melina or whatever, have you seen Ivanka?”

“No!”

“Ok.”

He left unaware that he was being cucked. In another room was Sessions pulling on a rope that was attached to the ceiling fan while some voice, distinctly black, was gasping for air just out of view.

“I barely recognized you in your white hood. Have you seen Ivanka?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

A third room had Spicer and Bannon wresting for alcohol. Spicer was ranting about wanting to make the pain go away while Bannon just made several drunken antisemetic slurs.

“Hey have you seen Ivanka anywhere?”

They both shook their heads before Bannon finally snatched the bottle away, flipped it to its narrow side, and smashed it over Spicer’s head. The man was knocked out and the alcohol was spilled, forcing Bannon to crawl on top of Spicer and lick it off his unconscious body.

“Boy, Pence would be mad at that!”

Finally, Trump entered a room and found Ivanka. She was dressed in the sluttiest attire she had and laying in her bed, leads spread apart. Trump was already trying to pull his pants down, having difficulty moving his gut so he can unbuckle his belt, but wasn’t even able to do that when he saw Kusher walk up and climb on top of his daughter.

“Kushner, stop cucking meeeeee!” He whined.

Ivanka didn’t react. Her mind was incapable of processing anything beyond fashion design and money. She sat there with wide open glassy eyes and a mouth slightly agape while Kusher himself turned around and looked Trump in the eyes.

“Stop it now, Kushner!”

“No!”

“I said now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!”

Kusher walked over and slammed the door shut. Donald pounded on it with his tiny hands but couldn’t break through. He cried and yelled and rolled on the floor, calling for ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis to launch a nuclear strike against the room and kill Kusher but to no success.

“I’m telling Putin on you!” He screamed again before finally leaving. Once again he crawled back into his bed all alone and could do nothing but watch the news. Fox, the only real news channel, was reporting on how Trump single handedly cured cancer while the fake news channels were talking about how Muller continues to hire the absolute best lawyers and prosecutors the country has to offer. Trump yelled at the TV to stop Muller from continuing, often mistaking Muller for Comey, but it was no use. No matter how much he cried, the TV didn’t show the investigation stopping.

He knew that morning, he would have such a rant to post on Twitter. It was a bad day. : (

#donald trump #politics

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