#ur allowed to do that

[silence-between-seconds]

never thought id do this but screw it

if this post gets 500 notes i will stop hurting myself and try a healthy coping mechanism

#pls dont worry im fine ....mostly #ur allowed to spam #it might help if i know someone cares #even if its someone online #just punched a wall till my hand became numb #sorta realized i should not do that

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[jackalspine]

The Other

#fr me and my brother do this all the time #unsettle a room for free! 2p game batteries not included #skeh #danny phantom #dani phantom #sometimes u and ur clone are allowed to just be so scary in the corner of a room and that’s ok #3/3/23

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

Dakota, my boi!!

#HE IS BACK!!!! #I love Dakota with my whole entire heart #I drew this while playing lethal company which is the MOST UPSETTING THING #especially since its the best thing i've drawn in MONTHS #my art burnout has been outrageous #i was only allowed to do art for school homework for like 4 months #and it was some REALLY HARD ART ASSIGNMENTS so #i got wildly burnt out #thats what happens when ur the lead artist on a game team i suppose #the amount of environment concepts i made is insane #i dont even do environment art HLSDHFLASDF #BUT YEAH HERE THEY ARE #MY DAKOTA GUY #LOVELIEST LITTLE BEAN #dakota #sona #fursona #furry #art #digital art #african wild dog #the way his ears are SO ROUND send me so much joy

[3-aem]

my toxic trait is picking up random hobbies on a whim like today i went shopping for a cardigan but found No cardigan i liked and so i naturally decided that i can just knit one even tho the only thing i have ever knit was a 8” by 3” rectangle in 5th grade that just looked so pathetic-

#digital art is truly one of the cheapest hobbies #hobbies i do not recommend with my entire soul: baking #fk baking i have beef with baking baking is a fking SCAM #i denounce ur sugar cookie recipe and ur stupid apple tartes!!! #actually i really love both #but eggs are so expensive now it just cant be worth it #btw who allowed egg prices to go back up #bruh i dont want to pay more than #like 20 cents per egg thats how much they are worth to me #oh but the sanity of the chickens u know what i didnt make the farming industry they should figure that out and i should still be allowed #to eat eggs #also like short of driving to a farm urself and verifying the free rangeness u just cant trust the labels #free range could refer to the holy pasture fields #or it could mean like a 0.2 sqft pissing block outside the pen #im tired of making posts about gj let me vent about eggs for one night geez #delete later

[howgalling]

did i ever post this sketch of whirl and tailgate here omg...

#this is after tailgate working vvvvvvvvvv hard for whirl to allow her into her space JKHFGKJSDFG #whirl 2 me is like that feral cat that doesnt let u touch it but will hang out in ur vicinity with Intent. #anyway tg doing her hair <3w #whirl #tailgate #humanformers #maccadam

[time-woods]

You know you are literally carrying the entire Prohibited Wish, right? You are amazing, you are loved, your content is amazing, and your content is loved. As an Aromantic, this actually helped me discover what I want instead of trying to accept being alone forever.

WE BOW DOWN TO YOU AS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR!!

UEUE THANK YOU SM ! !

and ahhhhh im so glad ! !

honestly my art is usually trying to convey affections im comfortable with as a fellow aroace spec person ! so im glad ive also helped others ! !

#asks #if i had a nickle for each time i helped someone figure out something to do with theyre aroace-ness id have 2 #that i know of #i hope all aroace spec people out there know that ur allowed to experience affection ! and relationships ! they just might be different ! #your allowed to want company and to spend your life with someone #it doesnt have to be romantic

[apollos-boyfriend]

not to get into hashtag discourse but i can’t get over some of these character brackets banning mcrp characters for “crossing the line into rpf” yet nearly always have some sort of dnd character in their polls. do you not see your hypocrisy. do you not see how those are the exact same thing told through different mediums.

#icarus speaks #discourse #? #they are both. often. self-inserts of the actor playing them #if taako is allowed on ur gay wizards bracket there is no excuse to not allow witchcraft!scott #i’ve seen like. four of these do this by now #WHAT is the difference. #are we banning jonathan sims now too for sharing the same name as his actor? hm?

[thekidsarentalright]

seeing a fob fan on tiktok saying this is just like. wowwww ur so quirky and interesting for having this reductive opinion do you want an award?? do you want us to clap because you’re just so special and cool???

#i swear i barely use tiktok but when i do. i see shit like this. and it reminds me why i barely use it LMAO #the caption said it was a ‘half joke’ but like. girl where is the humor :/? #bc genuinely ppl like this partially joking or not are soooooo annoying why do u think ur special for preferring that fob over the other #when in fact the two fobs dont exist they are all the same its just that uh. theyve grown and changed. imagine that. christ x #and like im aware that it’s not that serious however im allowed to be a hater sometimes <3 #txt #p: 100

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

#writeblr #btw i got out #even though i felt this way #i was undiagnosed and was in a particularly fucked up situation #(it's complicated lol) #i had no money and no way out #no car no license . i still had a curfew at 22 years old #and still. i got out. #you can get out too. #i wasn't allowed to literally do anything after school we were pretty much only allowed 1 hobby #and STILL i got out. #it wasn't bc i was particularly smart or capable or clever. it's that 1. i got lucky & 2. #i knew there had to be The Rest of The World #and I wanted to at least VAGUELY get to the Rest of the World before i gave up trying #sometimes it's the spite that gets u thru it. that sense - fuck u #FUCK YOU ACTUALLY. #im gonna make my own life u stupid bitch. since u seem so convinced i could never REALLY do it. #whenever ppl are like <3 just cut out ur parents <3 im like <3 have u never been poor lol <3 #<3 i needed them to sign my loans <3 #<3 bestie not every person who is struggling is going to be able to make the grades and hero status to get a free ride. #and guess what baby!! we still deserve to get out and have a good life.

[veryinnovative]

im so stressed abt irl stuff lol can i get pics of yalls pets 2 unwind

#u know when ur stressed but u got shit to do #so u cant allow urself space to break down #me rn #:)it:)is:)fine #this apartment is giving me the biggest aneurysm of my life i HATE it

[zillychu]

you know that art collab meme where one person does the sketch, one does the lineart, one does colors, shading, etc? it'd be really cool to see artists just. do that and be like "cool I did this part, who wants to take over?"

even if someone already did lines and color and shading, you could still do your own lines. or add color to multiple people's lines. there could be dozens of versions of the same picture, all with different combinations of artists

cause I think sometimes to unwind, artists have a favorite part of the process. some of us just like to do rough messy sketches of an idea. some like to zen out doing lines but don't have the energy to think of a good subject/composition. sometimes adding shadows and glowing light is the fun part!

idk I'm not a big artists able to start trends or anything but I think it'd be cute and fun to have a tag that says "yeah feel free to add to this and pass it on (or finish it)"

like... #opencollab or something? hmm

#btw ur allowed to do that to any of my art! just please credit if u post it anywhere #or better yet reblog the original post! #basically all my art is free to have fun with so long as you're not making money or claiming my work as your own or being mean! #and i mean that in like. you can edit totally finished pieces too if you want #even trace! #idc just be ethical and have fun #:)

[lovrbooy]

if yall dont get over urselves and accept serial killer dennis i think im gonna lose it

#youre allowed to like him still #hes my fav #like ur watching iasip why do u draw the line at him being a serial killer hes already a disgusting sex fiend #pissing me off

[sonic-oc-showdown]

Yall understand that fankids are original characters too right? Literally stop hating on others ocs im tired of seeing it and you arent cute about it. Anyone doing this is immediately blocked and if another showdown ever DOES happen you will not be participating ✌️

#just talking #im done being nice and giving benefit of the doubt yall who do this suck #its SONIC OCS!!!!! CHILL OUTTTT #if i didnt consider fankids ocs i wouldnt allow them but guess what they sure are ocs! #we had fucking COCAINE BEAR HERE!!! AND THEY WERE AWESOME!!! #literally go somewhere else with ur negativity cause im DONE seeing it here

[sunnibits]

loving reminder as someone who struggles with food: you are allowed to add joy to your food. you are allowed to add a little joy even if it’s a tiny thing, something silly or something weird. you are allowed to do it whenever you want, as many times as you want. anything that makes food easier and more enjoyable for you is worth it!! it’s your food, you can decide what to do with it!! you can add rainbow sprinkles to your ice cream. you can cut your food into little heart shapes. you can pack your snacks into cute little bento boxes. it is not pointless or childish, it is an effective and active coping tool that you are allowed to use.

give yourself a little joy. the little things add up.

#even if it’s just a teeny tiny thing it’s sooo helpful to get just a little bit of excitement out of ur meal!! #you are allowed to do it!! if it’s ’pointless’ then what’s the point in denying yourself from it?? #I’m being so serious like. put stickers on your air fryer. put your meals into cute containers even if you don’t need them. #cut your food up into little cute pieces if you have the spoons for it. buy yourself Dino nuggies. #try to have at least one thing to look forward to in every meal even if it’s just a little piece of candy #just!! change things up!! be self indulgent!!! you are worth it and anything that helps you be healthy is worth it!!! #there are no rules!!!! you are allowed to be kind to yourself!! #anyways. don’t mind my rambling. I’m just trying to romanticize my own struggles rn #and it’s genuinely been very interesting to learn what helps and how my brain works!!! #idk I just think about it a lot. it means a lot to me rn. #also before anyone tells me I piss on the poor. obviously my experiences are not universal and will not apply to everyone #things that work for me might not work for you and that’s ok!! I wish you luck I love u!!! #tw ed #just a teensy implication #gem don’t look #arfid

[grasslandgirl]

mizu’s quiet moment of grief and anguish after they killed kinuyo…….. waaaugghh….

#U FASCINATE MEEEEE UR SUCH A FASCINATING CHARACTERRRRR #blue eye samurai #willing to do whatever it takes…. driven entirely by revenge…. but still allows themselves moments of grief over their actions…..