#ur after watching anything. not even in a negative way like 'I am just too hostile and evil to enjoy media UwU' (though I am indeed

[faeryarchives]

rook, jamil, idia, and leona with a genderfluid s/o? <3

thank you for your request and sorry if it took so long for your request because it took some research and i am still very new to this topic 🙇🏻‍♀️ i hope you enjoy and feel free to correct me if i put anything wrong i am willing to learn more about this matter !!

jamil, idia, leona and rook with a genderfluid s/o!

: ̗̀➛ jamil viper

even when before the two of you got together, jamil would notice how you would have different ways in expressing yourself - to the way you dress and present over time

like there was one time that you two went on a date and jamil was shocked but at the same time feel butterflies when you showed up dressing up like "sir i will bring home your daughter at 8 pm"

"jamil! sorry i am late, did you wait that lo- wait why are you burning up?"

"(n-nickname)! it's just that... you look absolutely amazing."

"oh, thank you love becausei am your prince charming for today!"

and there was another time when you would style your outfits and make up with jamil whenever you had the time to relax and you two really had fun!

jamil wouldn't try to ask you about your gender identity because he knew that it will make you uncomfortable and he wants you to tell him whenever you are ready.

and later on you would explain it to him - how you have no fixed gender identity or expression and would change over time

"i am so proud of you. thank you for telling me this my treasure and i will always be here with you"

this vice dorm leader would absolutely support and hype you as much as possible! and jamil would also be open to the thought to have a deeper understanding about the topic

overall he is very chill by it and protect you from hearing anyone saying offensive about you. no one should ever hurt his s/o like that not on his watch

: ̗̀➛ idia shroud

for idia, being in a relationship with someone is already a rare experience for him but having you as his s/o is like winning an ur+ card in his games but of course you are not just a game for him

the dorm leader would often ask you to cosplay for him in which you happily agreed - and idia would take note how you are really immersed and seemed to be enjoying yourself

"idia idia look. i really look good at cosplaying (favorite anime character)!"

"... tskr for existing (favorite anime character) virtually. this is a dream come true! can you try saying these voice li-"

since he is quite knowledgable with the internet and trends, idia would asked you about the pronouns you would prefer using at certain times

like jamil, idia doesn't want to pressure you into telling him and just wait until you are ready to tell him and becomes wary about some playful interactions that might appear to be offensive to you and he doesn't want that

"normie, you can be whoever you like. you understood me stayed by my side even though i told you countless times to leave me alone so why wouldn't i understand you in return."

"you are making me cry idia, come here!"

"wait no, not the hair!"

idia is pretty cool with it from the start! after getting to know about fluid gender, he would try to ask you harmless questions in which you would happily answer too

and idia made it his mission to make the other students keep their negative opinions to themselves whenever they see you present yourself in the way you want.

idia doesn't want your confidence and courage to go away just because of their remarks and he would do anything to protect you even just behind the screen

: ̗̀➛ leona kingscholar

leona would actually realize it before you two even got to a relationship but never brought it up

you seemed to be occupied and enjoying yourself, he is sure that you would soon tell him about it and he is very willing to wait but he will give you compliments whenever you two would go out on dates

"you look great today, herbivore."

"thank you leo~ i really did took some time to get ready hihi so happy that you said that."

one day the lion overheard you talking with your cat companion and it really help him feel more connected with you by knowing valuable information

"ne henchman, why did you dressed yourself as a female yesterday and different today?"

"hmm? why, was i not beautiful yesterday?"

"i mean you are but-"

"as long as i looked good! grim, sometimes i feel like more masculine i would try and express myself depending on that feeling. and the feeling happens randomly or depending on a situation."

as a couple, you two would often hang out with each other - talking about how your days went or sleep with each other but sometimes leona would notice how you look troubled

after telling him about you being gender fluid, explaining that sometimes you are feeling conflicted whenever you have a hard time expressing yourself and how people might judge you - you are in for a cuddle session along with his words of encouragement

"let people think what they want to think, it's not like you had committed a crime by just expressing yourself and its ok to take your time, after all it's you making the decision after all."

leona would always have your back and shows you off to the people giving you the judgemental stares, and having him around really makes you feel safe and at ease

: ̗̀➛ rook hunt

out of the four, rook would be the most expressive one in showering you compliments and praises! your number one fan in nrc actually

you would ask him to join to match your outfit which leads him to also helping you out in touching up your make up or helping you look for clothes that would fit you

"ma cherie, what outfit would you prefer for today?"

"oh my, you really prepared all of this rook?"

"of course, anything for you!"

you two probably talked about fluid gender before you got together and rook doesn't mind at all

he will and absolutely go all way out in showering you with affection in public

shopping spree and going out for archery dates is a must because you can enjoy it regardless of what you wear or gender expression feeling

at times he would take you as his inspiration for his poems or become his model for photography and kid you not it was really fun to experience these with rook

"magnifique! superbe! incroyable! i could stare at your dignified profile of yours all day long!"

nevertheless, rook would still know his limit if you get too overwhelmed and would try to tone it down a little

having very sharp instincts and hearing - the vice dorm leader would immediately know if someone is talking behind your back and if ever they spread anything negative about you - with no hesitation, rook will go to vil and asked him for help.

seeing the way you enjoy yourself so much, it really put a smile on his face - he would protect your happiness at all cost

#twisted wonderland scenarios #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #twst headcanons #twst imagines #twst scenarios #jamil viper x reader #idia shroud x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #rook hunt x reader #jamil viper #idia shroud #leona kingscholar #rook hunt #twst x reader #twst reader insert #faeryarchives

[electrosair]

hiiii! hope ur doing well ❤️I'm joining in on the matchup bandwagon as well yippeee

to give you a tiny bit of an idea about my personality, i'm an INFJ 9w1. I tend to be extremely shy, and closed off from people when it comes to talking about myself, as my main focus is on the people themselves and the world around me in general. I like to maintain peace and quiet and help the others around me - but also escape in other worlds through books, video games or fiction.

I'm very emotionally sensitive. I am also prone to overthinking and getting really anxious. It's easy to make me embarrassed too!

generally I don't bother people with my problems because I'd feel really selfish, but I am always willing to help those in need - hell people even come to me for advice, comfort or just to be heard. I kind of tend to neglect myself sometimes, when it comes to my physical energy or emotional well-being.

being social isn't very easy for me and I run out of energy quickly.

I have only a few friends. when I'm around them I tend to have a very positive and pleasant disposition! I actually tend to be a little louder than I normally am, and I've been told that it brings people at ease. also my optimism is seemingly infectious, or so I've been told. the thing is that I'm very optimistic around people, but negative with myself - I'm my own worst critic, I'm very harsh on myself.

I value honesty and I prefer for people to tell me things at face value. I can be blunt most of the time, but I usually read the emotional atmosphere and go easier with my words (sugarcoating most of the time), so I don't hurt the others around me (I tend to gently scold people sometimes). it's hard to make me angry, and also I forgive easily.

I am able to predict outcomes of situations most of the time, and it's helped me a lot (legit feel like I'm able to avoid any dangers fhsjfhd).

my favourite nation is Fontaine! lovely story, music, landscape and characters, and exploration is so fun. as for my favorite element, it has to be anemo!

during my free time I am usually reading about psychology stuff (I love understanding the human mind and people around me in general), playing video games, watching vtubers, watching documentaries (from nature to crime ones), or creating my own artwork, characters and generally just. creating things in my head and living in my own little world when things get too tough for me (its a good way for me to cope).

some fun facts as the cherry on top! I'm a very organized person. my entire room is SUPER organized, neat, super clean. some plushies, manga and books here and there.

I am good in academics, I'm hardworking, and I love animals. cats especially. I'm a sucker for cute things, and I kinda know how to cook. I don't have a lot of physical strength, I'm really weak.

I dedicate myself to those close to me a lot, at this point some people would call a sister figure or a "mom friend" lol.

🙏I hope this isn't a lot. if it is I'm super sorry I tend to ramble plenty;;; anyway make sure to take real good care of urself! sending love ~ ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

you can ramble all you want in my requests 😭

Lyney!

After getting to know you a little better he would make sure to ask you every so often how you've been feeling since he knows that if he doesn't ask you, you won't tell him anything.

He loves when you to start to open up little by little with him, he would try everything so that you can become closer and gain trust with him. One of the things he does is to invite you to the new shows he does, always in the front row so he can surprise you more.

He might even ask you what you would like to see in magic tricks or if you know any, he also wants ideas and would be willing to listen to you and figure out afterwards how he can do it. Lyney would also tell you about some of his own, but always in a discreet way so as not to ruin the moment of the performance for you.

He's probably a person who really appreciates order to have everything go according to plan, so I think you would also be pretty compatible in terms of little personality things like that as well. And the fact that you like cats so much just makes it even better.

#genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #fluff #genshin impact blurb #genshin impact headcanons #genshinimpact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin matchups #air matches you up #lyney #lyney fluff #lyney x reader

[diorsbrando]

DAN HIROKI WITH SEX TOYS.

LINA !!!!!! *shakes you violently and then kisses you excessively* baby....sweetums....i am so so SOOO INFINITELY SAWRY that i have not gotten to this ask any sooner than now, it's been over two weeks and i just feel plain awful about it :(( the last few weeks have been busier in school finals are approaching but im here now !! i hate giving half-assed replies so yeah :') can't wait to see u add this to ur dan hiroki master list <3 let's get into this tho :) DAN HIROKI SUPREMACY !!! @touyyes we back on our shit again heheheheee

okay so! dan hiroki with sex toys is one of those things you wouldn't expect to see in your relationship. i mean, he is just so so good at pleasing you already, the rotation between his mouth, fingers and cock made you feel like you were ascending. so of course you would have never expected him to invest in a little 'assistance'.

dan was very secure in himself, and even more so now that he shared his apartment, as well as his heart and soul with you, so his pride was never wounded, or his ego prodded at when the thoughts of getting a few toys for you to play with crossed his mind every now and again. dan loved you, so much, but he loved the way your eyes rolled to the back of your skull and the way you'd drool as you called out his name like a prayer even more. a pretty little angel like you should be able to get a taste of heaven too right? not just common mortals like him. that's what hiroki believed, and that's certainly how he felt when you squeezed and clamped around his cock when you came, or taste the sweet nectar that dripped from your budding flower whenever he sucked on your clit like a pacifier.

and after serving a despicable man a cold plate of chilling justice, his clothes tattered in blood stains, he had done some research online and this only confirmed and unearthed one his deepest desires regarding you: he wanted to see his pretty angel completely come undone without him even touching you.

and the perfect opportunity arose when he-- as trivial as it may sound-- caught you talking negatively about yourself. dan is one of those men that get truly offended when their partner says something about themselves, like their physical features, their personality, the way they think or feel, literally anything. he hardly expresses that much emotion but little did you know, you had spelled your own doom for your poor little cunt.

this leads to the present, where he softly commanded you to spread your legs as wide as you could and keep them open, lest you wanted to be punished further (his words shouldn't have made your pussy pulsate but it did). you're not even sure how much time has passed but you knew it had to be at least 20 minutes that you've held the blue vibrator against your pussy, not daring to move your arm even an inch, because your beloved hiroki was watching you-- intensely at that, his cock straining against his pants, practically trying to push its way free. but his face remained steely with a mask like calmness, a subtle smile permanently etched on his perfect lips. the way his gaze never left yours sent a chill down your spine.

he had gotten one of those bluetooth vibrators that you could control remotely and man, did he have a ball with that, at the expense of dangling the sweet feeling of orgasming in front of your nose, just to yank it away again at the last minute. he'd also had you repeat the same sentence over and over: i'm the prettiest girl in the world, because yes, all of this stemmed from you talking negatively about yourself, and it genuinely confused him because he never saw you in a negative light; not now and probably not ever. and whenever your words faltered or became a little too jumbled (or he just wanted to tease you, he's a kinky bastard man for that) he'd turn up the intensity to its max, making you arch your back and scream out the words loud and clear, just how he liked, or turn it down to its lowest when you were so focused on cumming you didn't bother putting forth any effort. it went on like this for what felt like ages, and he only stopped because the aching in his pants was becoming a little irritating and made his eye twitch.

you were just on the verge of cumming again, before he completely turned off the toy, gingerly taking it from your hands and tossed it somewhere on the bed. slipping off his pants and boxers in one swift motion, he wordlessly climbed on top of you and pushed your trembling legs all the way back to your chest, so your twitchy, puffy, glistening clit was on full display (as if it wasn't before). putting all of his weight on top of you to kiss your tears away, you hissed and felt your body shake when his shaft rubbed against your cunt. you were so sensitive, hiroki could have came right there just from seeing you underneath him like this. "my sweet girl, you performed wonderfully for me, did so good."

his praise dragged a pathetic whine, needy mewl from the back of your throat. "i'm your good girl hiro!! p-promise i am!!! i am!!" the dark haired man stared at you in awe. his 'persuasion' had worked. after he was done with you, he was definitely going to order a bulk of more playthings to try out on you.

"i know you are angel, i know you are. and now i'll give you your reward now."

#sosa’s filez 💭 #zorotits #dan hiroki supremacy 🛐 #idek where i was going w this #like as i kept writing my brain went into overdrive and um #well yeah😭😭😭😭 #i hope u like this one :)) #!mdni #!nsfw #!smut #!sex toys

[hxhhasmysoul]

I also love u bringing up Killua's strategical prowess, intelligence, a good ability to read other people, etc. And how ride and die and loyal he is/can be. And other stuff too ofc. I also love the comparison u made with Killua and onions. And the Gojou and coconut comparison was interesting.

Anyways, that was a really interesting (and good) post u made!

I hadn't been too bothered by the Killua and Kakashi with each other or the comparisons with them and Gojo, mainly because I feel like it came from a huge place of love for Killua and Kakashi (so people thinking they were alike is just them loving both characters. Or people thinking of these characters when it comes to Gojo. Thinks comes mainly from a place that they love these characters, so they would want them to see them again in some other form. Like in Gojo).

Though, I can why you and other people in the tags think the comparisons between Killua and Gojou would be slanderous to Killua (I could see the same argument being made that it is slanderous to Kakashi too). And why people wouldn't like it and/or be annoyed by it. (I think even said to a friend of mine, that Gojou was like a ripoff of Killua and Kakashi, but not anywhere near as good. Which, might have been a bit harsh on my part. But like I have said; I like Killua and Kakashi more than Gojou. And I don't hate him, from the bits and pieces I have seen of him). Killua and Gojo and Kakashi and Gojou are very characters after all.

U bring up Leorio and Gojou comparisons and/or reactions to those comparisons, and those seem to skew both more positive and negative, same with the Gon and Geto comparisons and/or reactions to that.

Still amazes me people were trying to compare Killugon to Geto x Gojou. Like, u could think there was something going on between Geto and Gojou all u want, but from what I have seen of them, I don't really see the similarities between them and Killugon.

(Also, I just think Killugon is just the better relationship and ship personally. Even though I don't have anything people liking Geto and Gojou and shipping them).

Last of all, I know u are annoyed by like Gojou, Geto, and/or Gojou x Geto fans, and them invading ur comfort HxH fandom tag(s), which, I get. I am not too into the JJK or the fandom, so I don't completely get it, but I get u feeling like that.

I will say though, on the SPOILERS:

Gojou death thing, I was reading and watching some stuff about that, and while yes, while some people are upset a "sexyman" died or I character they loved and/or etc. of theirs' died (which, I think people being upset that a character they loved died is a [pretty] normal reaction. Though sometimes reactions to this kind of thing; talking generally here, can be weird and/or bad. For both good and/or bad reasons), honestly, I saw a lot of people saying that they didn't mind and/or expected Gojo to die; they just didn't like how it happened and some of the implications of the fight and for characters and even stuff going into the future. I saw even people who wanted Sukuna to win, not really liking how it was done either. To be fair for some of the people who didn't like how Gojo died.

I also saw people basically saying that Geje's hate for Gojo got in the way of certain things, and I could see that too. Sometimes loving or even hating a character can cause great writing and stuff, but sometimes it can cause not-always-the-greatest and/or more mid writing, to even bad(-ish) writing. Also, I saw someone bring up how Gojo and Sukana's fight should have been more like Netero and Meruem, instead of what they got (honestly, maybe the fight should have been more like Chrollo and Hisoka, hmmmm??). Reading and watching stuff about the Sukana and Gojou fight and Gojou's death, has been a, trip and interesting, I guess, to say the least.

Alright, finally done w/ these asks. I got really long and rambly w/ these. I just had a lot of thoughts about (all) this.

2/2.

I don't know anything about Kakashi, so I can't comment on that. But I sympathise with his fans who have to deal with Gojou allegations.

The problem with some of the Gojou fans is that they have been making the JJK tags insufferable since long before I've even started looking at those tags. I've mentioned it before but you will regularly find posts with manga caps/ screen caps of other characters, with other character tags, scenes that are important for those other characters, and some deranged Gojou/Getou fan twisting that scene and making it about Gojou, Getou or the both of them. It's honestly kinda scary to read text posts in this fandom because there's just so much of that. And Gojou and Getou exist so much as fanon. People completely pretending that Getou wasn't a fascist, that he was justified in murdering his whole family, that it's somehow wholesome that he took in two abused girls and indoctrinated them into his genocidal cult. Or people pretending Gojou was somehow a caring person, and his relationships with his students weren't utilitarian. That he also didn't flirt with supremacy and might makes right, he just didn't go as far as Getou. That Megumi doesn't react to Gojou like traumatised kids react to their toxic parents. And much much more, I've written extensively what I think of what Gojou was really like. But I still like him as a character, though not at as a person. (I talk about him more in-depth in several places but here's an ask discussion where I actually go into detail on what I think of him: here, here, here.)

Kinda like what you talked about with the Zoldycks. People can't like these characters until the sanitise them into something they aren't. Gojou can't have cool fights and an awful personality. He needs to be cool and good in every way.

It's also a problem with people wanting to see similarities so badly. Like reaching desperately to compare characters and for what? Is like like that in those people's minds, if certain aspects of character design are similar, the totality of the characters needs to be similar too. The appearance can't be just a surface level nod, it has to mean something, blah blah. I don't get it personally. There's a shit ton of white haired manga characters but not all of them are similar. And surface level similarity means nothing when if you dive even a bit underneath the surface you see that their whole backstory, personality and arcs are different, that the themes surrounding them are different.

As to the Gojou and Sukuna fight, I've written in many places that I'd rather it had never happened. And I do have gripes with how Gojou was presented in the fight, etc. That being said Sukuna's win is very well justified and it had been very well set up. And for Sukuna fans, like me that fight is decent because it really fleshes Sukuna out a bit.

I really disagree with the "Gege hates Gojou" fandom belief. I find it completely baseless. Gege is very self deprecating in how they speak about themself and their characters. There aren't many characters that Gege speaks about in some super positive way. They usually play down all their characters. But they also flesh a lot of them out a lot and that's how writers show love to their characters. The characters you can say a writer dislikes are those which get little to no consideration. And Gojou gets a lot of consideration. He gets several fights where he gets to do cool stuff, people even call him Goatjou and like it's not because the author neglects him, quite the opposite actually. He is very well fleshed out, he's just an irresponsible, selfish asshole with a god complex. Creating a character to be an asshole is not hating that character, it's just creating a certain type of character because they are needed in the story. Gojou's ideals from the start have been shaky, his plan to change the jujutsu society is shit from the start. He treats everyone around him like trash and then whines about feeling lonely. Nothing about what happens with his death hasn't been set up.

Sukuna vs Gojou could never have been like Meruem and Netero because there was no clash of ideals between them. No emotional investment on either side. Just vanity and arrogance, and practicality. Sukuna vs Gojou actually is a little like Hisoka vs Chrollo in that respect. Because Hisoka went into that fight arrogant and vain, though for him it's more set up because that his whole life mission to fight and kill strong opponents. And Chrollo, like Sukuna took that fight because he had to, otherwise Hisoka wouldn't have fucked off. And well after death he still hasn't. And like Sukuna, Chrollo devised a plan and prepared exactly for the opponent he was facing. He fought smart, just like Sukuna. They aren't exactly the same. Sukuna doesn't really feel like he's streaching the limitations of the power system and Chrollo kinda does to me. Also I personally can't stand Chrollo as a person, I'm with Killua on this one, he's fake deep. But yeah, if this fight must be compared to something in HxH, the Hisoka vs Chrollo can be that.

_________

PS

If people want to compare someone to Killua then here, I will throw them a bone. I present to you Gabimaru the Hollow or as I like to call him Killuamaru. He's the protag of JigokuRaku (Hell's Paradise) and omg this ace assassin who was tortured into what he is and has sever programming to overcome and just wants a normal life feels quite often like Killua being on loan in a different manga because Togashi isn't using him rn. Hell's Paradise is a neat but rather gory and creepy shounen, with a lot of canonical queerness. And a lot of flowers.

#answering asks #jjk spoilers #jjk manga #hxh #killua #gojou satoru #i will slowly go through all the asks #please be patient with me

[thetwelfthcrow]

Sorry about that 😅 I tend to be really judgemental about myself and negative 😞 I try to improve it but it's hard 😅 especially when it's about something I love 😔

But putting this aside, you definitely did justice to the idea and I would live to read more about this universe, or even the other two ideas. The snippet for the double Max and Lewis are so good. Speaking of it, maybe go with them switching places with our Lewis and Max. And being so confused as to why Lewis is ar Mercedes now and why Max is at Red Bull. And why aren't they a couple.

As for Christian's and Toto reaction about them being friends with benefits, Christian would probably go full mother hen about it 😅. It's his honorary pup we're talking about and Lewis omega or not is older and using Max. Toto would either be extremely suspicious of Max's intentions. Or would be like, I don't care as long as you don't Do anything stupid like mate and lose focus on the title race.

The surprise Rut, Max would be terrified of calling Lewis for help as he doesn't know if he is allowed to, and he is afraid of losing himself. It will take a long time and reassuring from Lewis side for Max to give in.

happy you didn't take it too harshly, my friend! i know what it's like to be insecure of your own writing but there's no other way to grow in it than to keep doing it! and your love for writing should be your biggest motivation. we are, after all, our own harshest critics. and sometimes ya gotta shut up your own mind to let your creativity shine.

ohh yes the double universe thing!! if i have any more ideas on how to shape it, i might end up writing it! it's definitely an idea sooo good that it's been bugging me in a good way. would love to see how that will turn out eventually !! <3

and yess christian's reaction !! i think he'd be toooottally 'max are u in ur right mind??????' but eventually very caring. toto, would indeed be sooo sus like my guy what are you trying to get out of this? but, like, it's especially weird rn bc it's not like they're big rivals. max is cruising his way to another wdc and the merc is suffering fighting crying all the way through so, why now? and yes once he'll be slightly less suspicious, he may have space in his mind to think, huh, maybe this is ok. the mating thing tho, whooooo inch restiiing to think about!!

for the surprise rut: max would def hesitate to call lewis. he's so unconditional and easy when it comes to helping lewis, but when he has to ask for it himself? god no, he doesn't want to be seen as someone who takes advantage. they aren't even mated! especially since lewis has told max bits and bits about what happened to him before, about nico, about how he was mistreated. and max makes it his personal goal to be better. to not give lewis another reason to hate alphas. so, he hides his rut. doesn't take suppressants bc he hates that, but he shoves it away, pretends to be ok.

but it's easy to spot for lewis - max is much more and easier agitated, more jealous when someone else is near lewis (which also adds a sense of risk for them to be found: "Max, behave, they're gonna realise what's been going on if you keep that up." / "Behave? when he's touching you like that and making you giggle? i can't just stand by and watch other people flirting with you." / "we aren't even mated, though! so it's not like others can tell. and hey, i'm coming home to you, shouldn't that be enough?" / "it is, i just - i don't know why i did what i did. i can't help myself, okay? don't want anyone to get ideas") and his smell is, well, much more present than ever before. so lewis brings it up, subtly and subtly again. max denies it time after time again. and then lewis is like. you sit down. sit yo ass down. listen to me. you are in rut, it is easy for me to see. why are you hiding? and max is like nooooo i'mn not okay okay maybe i am. [cue emotional 'don wanna take advantage of uuu' followed by lewis realising, hey, he's for real. he's not the same as nico.] and then lewis reassures max and they have hot knotting mating sex about it all.

#Anonymous #apply for job: brainstorm partner #4433 #zhalia’s lil chit chat

[moonjxsung]

hai hai! (anticipated srry for the yapping)

how are you?

(btw pls lmk about that person bc if they come back i rlly don’t want to interact)

sorry about the fire vjj jumpscare😂😂

kitties can rip their toe beans and i am so traumatized by it. thankfully it really wasn’t too bad like he never acts like it’s hurting him. i literally let him out of his travel bag and bro just immediately jumped like an hour after surgery. but we’re keeping him confined until further notice and trying to figure out what happened bc we searched everywhere and no blood or anything. but he’s doing alright & they take out his stitches in two weeks, my angel baby☹️☹️☹️.

i’m sorry to hear about your kitty’s itching! cats do become sensible to environmental changes so it may be that. one of the strays we feed gets runny nose/eyes when there’s a lot of pollen. i heard that giving them bee pollen helps with their environmental allergies. but i haven’t really tried it. maybe something with her food? my senior dog (who passed about two years ago) became allergic to chicken, turkey, and like a million other things) at like 10yrs old. so if it persists that could maybe be a cause? idk but i hope she feels better soon, i hate seeing sick kitties :((

to end the cat discourse, your neighbor!! im so frustrated when people let cats just roam free in environments where they shouldn’t. i’m not really in favor of outdoor/indoor or just outdoor kitties (aside from stray babies ofc, i wish i could take them all💔). my experience with cats outdoors (like not mine but the strays i’ve seen) is always sooooo negative that i just wouldn’t do it, even if where i lived was more appropriate. i had a neighbor (i never interacted with her) who literally abandoned her male intact cat and he just went around getting everyone pregnant and crying at her house. i haven’t seen him for a while bc he wasn’t really a regular (if he was i would’ve found a way to neuter him at least) but that’s so freaking sad, man. i really can’t with people who leave their pets to fend for themselves. so yeah your neighbor really sucks, and the kitty fights with your baby? whaaat? that’s crazy.

and i still can’t get over ateez!!! my bf and i live together so we’re literally always together (that’s why i annoyingly mention him all the time, im sorry, i got anxious attachment 😂). and i was rewatching the coachella performance bc im crazy and he sat down with me (and eventually fell asleep) but not before saying “my bias isn’t mingi anymore, san is just the man here” and i was like ok but mood. i love san so much and yk one of my bias line criteria is ✨cats✨ so san is not only cat emoji but also has a cat ✅✅ i love them, i need to go see them at least once in my life too. they’re just so talented, im so proud of them for coming so far! 😭

and pls send all the pics ever if you do go to txt, i’ll live vicariously through you.

anddd i was lurking through your other asks and i feel you so badly about retinol & sunscreen. i literally have some expression lines and am dying to get rid of them. but im struggling with retinol bc it makes me break out.

(and also, ur response to the anon talking about her y/n moment was too sweet. i feel like kpop can set such high beauty standards that you have to constantly ground yourself bc these people live and breath visuals and voice/dance lessons. i struggle a lot with body image issues being a US midsize and having pcos -and i literally got an emergency ovary removal, not so fun fact! it was terrible and it really fucked up my weight gain/loss- but yeah, your message made me feel better about everything too.)

ily ily bb! we’re currently on a date at a café, drinking iced coffee with our ateez pcs! 😘😘😘

-🐈‍⬛

HELLOOOOO MY SWEET ANGEL HAPPY SUNDAYYYY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

I still can’t believe cats can rip their toe beans 😭😭 it makes so much sense but I just hadn’t considered it and now I’m watching Momo like a HAWK over here I feel like that would so happen to her 😭😭 her itching seems a little better today but seems like it comes and goes ! One of my other cats at my parents’ house struggles from feline eczema or something similar and she has to get steroid injections to tame the flare ups so im hoping it’s not that ☹️ but good to know that bee pollen helps, ill definitely look into that!! Thank you bby 🫶👼

UGH I KNOWWWW her cat disappears for weeks at a time too and I’m like how!!! Are you not worried about where he is!!!!!!! One time he came back with a collar I’m assuming somebody got for him and since then they’ve taken it off so it seems like they’re pretty set on just making him appear stray and I don’t understand the reasoning behind it. All their other pets (they have like 2 dogs I think) are strictly indoors so idk why poor kitty has to be abandoned like that ☹️ I always bring him water and food in the summer because they don’t even leave him with food but I’m just so annoyed they don’t do it themselves ughhh. Also I have a neighbor who did the same thing as yours by abandoning their cat and it went around and got pregnant like 4 times since then ! She passed at a pretty young age probably due to the shortened life span and it was just so heartbreaking. At LEAST get your cat spayed and neutered ffs 🤕

YOUR BF IS SOOOO REAL FOR THAT LMAOOOO 😭 Ateez are crazy talented in person!!! They’re coming back to my city in the summer so I need to start saving and I’m lowkey panicking bc I really want to see itzy, Ateez, txt and NCT Dream but I’m gonna have to sacrifice some shows because money 😀 I might scrap Dream only bc I’m not 100% if Renjun will still be there (my pookie💔) but I cannotttt decide if I want to go to the other shows. If I find txt tickets at a decent price I will 10000% keep you updated how it goes!!!! I also need to see Itzy so bad ugh Ryujin my wife💔

I’m so glad we’re all panicking about expression lines collectively LMAO I just bought this Korean sunscreen that claims to prevent them so we’ll see but the lingering fear of aging is always present 😭 soooo agreed about the body image thing!! Kpop made me hate my body like ten times more then I already did but I have to remind myself these people HAVE to look good for a living like if they had my regular ass job they would not look like that 😭 I just value confidence the most even on days I hate myself!! I’m so sorry to hear about your emergency ovary removal ahhh that must’ve been so scary but I’m so grateful you’re okay and healthy now! Looks mean nothing if you’re not healthy guys take care of yourselves and love the body you have 🥹🫶💞💝💘💕💖

I LOVE YOU BBYYYYY we’re virtually eating cheese danishes together bc I caved and got one (it’s so good if you’re wondering) 💞🫶

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

[doesntseeyourbeauty]

Elizabeth, hiiii! Oh, don't worry about it!!! 🤍

I work on the weekends as well and it's usually chaotic especially Sunday, but this one wasn't so bad. 😊 how was ur weekend?

I agree! I'm a big hater of violence in any shape or form. It just doesn't do anything good for anyone. I wish people could see that and find better ways of communicating their contrary ideas and try to find common ground. It's probably too much to ask, because most people just see the world as they want it to be. And want to force us to experience it in that way as well. That's so trueeeee! I'm always having to have that conversation with people around me! You should be proud! You're achievement beautiful things!!!

Yes, it was so cool!!! I'm very excited to see the final doc!!!! She's also a very sweet and creative person and her aesthetic is just so witchy and cool which also matches her name. Hehehe That is such a relevant point! God, looking at things now, I can't believe I got sucked into it as well. I am well aware I was a big part of the fast fashion problem. I've been trying to change my ways so much and I'm very happy with my new choices. It is!!!!!

It is, isn't it??? I'm so glad I got so attached to her music when I was 15. Because since then, like you said, her albums have always come at the perfect time to help get through life. 🤍🤍🤍 it's so magical!!! Hehehe well, I think that difference in ages is also so important, because she's like ur big sister. I'm so excited about eras, omg!!!

That's such a cute name! Oh wow, same, I love urs too so freaking much!! Cats are so loveable! I have two more cats, they were all strays I stole from the streets. What other anime do u like? I only started watching like 2 years ago, so I haven't watched many things.

Also, what other artists do you like besides Taylor?

THANK youuuuu 🤍🤍🤍 have a super wonderful week!!! 👻

(Idk if that tag is for me, but of course ask me anything.)

hiiiiiii!!!! <3333

My weekend was good! I did some shopping and got more beads to make friendship bracelets for the eras tour movie this weekend (not that I don't already have like 40 but gotta have moreeeeeeee). I hope that despite working, your weekend was amazing!!!

I am too! It's just so unnecessary and it impacts so many people in such negative ways (I'm also very anti-war especially growing up in the U.S. after 9/11 and seeing the war crimes we committed against the innocent people of the Middle East). Learning to listen to others and compromise is so important and how we can effectively make change! I've learned over the years that some people will always be resistant to change, but most people are willing to look at others perspectives, it just depends on the person! I think it's so important to have these conversations because if we don't talk about it, nothing will ever come from it! I'm really hoping to make changes here, I've not always loved the town I live in, but it's slowly changing and I'm so glad to see the changes happen.

That's amazing!!!! I love anything witchy so that's right up my alley! I'm so excited that you were asked to showcase some of your stuff, even if they weren't able to use them, it shows how talented you are! Oh I agree, I was part of the issue with fast fashion too! It's difficult living in a rural area because it's just so hard to find good work clothes so I have to Amazon a lot of it, which I hate doing but it's a necessary evil. We can learn from our past mistakes and try to be better and that's what matters!!

I LOVE THAT OMG, I feel like if I got into Taylor at 15, I would've literally made Fearless into my entire personality like.... too relatable for me at that time, especially because that was when I moved to Oregon with my family! Taylor's music is just perfection and the fact that over the years, it's still the same but all the differing elements within the music allows for it to age sooooo beautifully. And with the rerecordings, it's allowing her older albums to really shine again and I love seeing new fans get to have those moments and older fans getting to relive the albums, it really allows for them to be timeless! That's actually how I think of Taylor is like a big sister! I'm the only girl out of my siblings so having Taylor there for the majority of my life has been such a great influence, I'm so incredibly grateful to have Taylor with me through all walks of life.

Omgggggggg, I'm here for stealing strays off the streets! My mom has two former stray cats that are now her babies and I love them both so much. I've had Winnie since she was a kitten (she was a birthday gift!) and she's my greatest joy (but don't tell my dog lol).

I love anime such as anything from Studio Ghibli, Fairy Tail, Castlevania, Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, and anything like that! Crunchyroll is a great place for anything like that. I also love reading WebToons, they're great!!

I love the 1975 (I know controversial but I've listened to their music since 2012 and it's become a big part of my life and it's hard to step away from it when it's been so important for so long), Olivia Rodrigo, The Japanese House, Beabadoobee, Phoebe Bridgers, Boygenius, Walk the Moon, Fall Out Boy, and artists like that!

Of course, I hope you have a great rest of your week, love! <333333333 (the can i ask you a question is actually what my ask is called!)

#swiftie halloween

[honklore]

hello! i just found ur blog and omfg i’m in love with your writing style! may i pls have some soulmate au hc’s for a reader who’s an artist? (i’m indecisive so you can choose who the hcs are with!) so like (insert cc u write for here) has got paint stains on his hands and like assorted sketches and stuff on his skin all the time from his soulmate. ty so much!! :]

masterpiece | quackity

(gn reader, quackity is the loml, reader is so talented but v messy, chat teases q to no end, quackity is the biggest softie in the world but refuses to acknowledge it, plantain slander)

listen to: rainbow connection (cover) by sleeping at last

sweet quackity :((

it starts when he’s eighteen, and it happens like almost immediately

he got these splotches of purple on his hands and his mom was like ?? are u getting into fights ?? are you okay???

and q rlly doesn’t mind aside from the weird questions when the colors are a little too close to red or purple

but!! nowadays mostly you just sketch w a pen

it’s during your classes usually,,, ur an art history major and you need something to occupy your hands (which is actually why you started drawing in the first place)

so during the day quackity will acquire lil sketches of famous paintings,,, or sometimes originals,,, but they’re always washed off before the day is done

sometimes random art facts/theories/studies but he has no idea why someone would write him about van gogh’s use of color

*cue u aggressively scrubbing your skin in the shower bc you always forget how permanent the ink is*

quackity is sort of... hesitant when it comes to writing on his skin. esp with streaming, he’s scared that fans will react badly ,, that negative thought keeps him at bay most days

but sometimes he writes lil notes on his legs,,, where chat won’t see anything ,,,, and they’re always either rlly sweet or rlly weird

(hope ur having a good day)

(hey bestie :P )

(soulmate my beloved)

(will u be the howie mandel to my dr. phil)

that last one made you genuinely worried for your future

badly drawn picture of a duck holding a briefcase (this is me)

which confuses you but as he draws more, you begin to associate him with ducks, and sometimes the duck wears a tie, and sometimes a beanie, and one time he had a giant blue axe which kind of concerned you

but you digress

when you get stressed u finger paint

and it’s just a way to create chaos and feel the cold paint on your skin like idk it’s relaxing yknow :)

quackity is streaming

and he doesn’t realize what’s happening. he’s reacting to attaway general,, and he’s kind of invested

it’s only when he pauses it to make a point that he notices

and he tries to hide it but chat notices right away

panicked!quackity

it’s not that he doesn’t trust chat he just knows things can get negative quickly and he wants his space to be free of that

but someone donates “artist q?”

and quackity lets the joke run

he stands up and pulls the mic super close to his mouth

“i’m in my artist arc chat! nihachu watch out >.>”

“CHAT WE’RE POPPIN OFF I AM A PAINTER NOW I PAINT”

it’s literally so silly bc q knows that chat knows but they’re letting him do his bit

and later that night he checks twitter and artist q is trending, but quackity’s soulmate is also trending

it’s all mostly supportive, and there’s already some rlly endearing fan art of quackity with paint all over his hands

quackity private tweet: ❤️❤️❤️

and he gets a lil confidence boost after that

answers questions abt u on his alt

tells the story of his mom thinking he was getting into fights

“guys paula is still my number one and my soulmate will just have to understand that”

“we already agreed we would both reject each other for taylor swift chat it’s fine”

answers donos and doodles on his hand

which he can do now bc chat knows!!!!

(you’re so talented your honor)

(have you ever seen attaway general?)

(charli d’amelio is in it)

(charli d’amelio is in it shit dixie sorry)

and you’re like !!! it’s on my hand !!!! it’s not hidden at all !!!

this image is so endearing to me like you’ve got paint stains all over your hands and quackity’s scrawl is filling in the empty spaces like he didn’t want to interrupt your work

duck with a beret, a mustache, and a paintbrush (this is me now)

ik he is going to share the most mundane things in a way of showing his love

(i listened to this song the other day)

(i bought a literal plantain today those things are big as shit)

(update: not good :/)

(i’m writing lore)

(i have an exam tomorrow)

just :(( sweet quackity wants u to know every little detail abt his life bc he wants u to know him

and you reply when u can

(added to my playlist!)

(i like plantain chips but i’ve never had the fruit alone)

(rip buddy :/)

(lore? like fnaf?)

quackity finds out you know extensive fnaf lore and the two of you stay up arguing about which is worse: the bite of ‘87 or the bite of ‘83

both of your legs look like newspapers that night and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get all of those off

one day you’re painting smth and quackity randomly gives you his discord

(add me and we can watch game theory together and see who is right)

the two of you end up watching it and getting in call with each other

when you hear his voice it’s like everything falls into place

he fills in all the empty spaces,,, answers all the questions you didn’t realize you had,,,, and he’s so wonderful that you find yourself missing him dearly whenever he’s not on call with you

you join him in calls on his streams sometimes like for jackbox or when he’s cooking

“CHAT MY SOULMATE IS A CHICA KINNIE”

you stop joining him on calls on his stream /s

but chat loves you and always takes ur side over q’s

you get tons of followers on your art account and you even get to sell some of your paintings!!

ur new favorite colors to use are blue and yellow i don’t make the rules

but everyone starts to catch on and they find it really sweet

you catch up on quackity lore solely for him and declare yourself a c!quackity apologist

you’ve definitely retweeted the meme that’s like “if villain bad why hot”

when u guys meet quackity kisses your forehead :((((

when you

a drawing of two ducks holding hands (this is us)

thank you for the kind words and for requesting !!!

#quackity au #quackity fluff #quackity x reader #dsmp fluff #dsmp au #dsmp x reader #mcyt au #mcyt fluff #mcyt x reader

[quokkacore]

with great power I [lee jeno]

summary: there are two things jeno loves most about his life. one being spiderman, the other being you, his best friend. there’s just one issue: after your father’s death, you decide you hate both spiderman and yourself.

pairing: lee jeno x reader

genre: superhero au, high school au, coming of age, best friends to strangers(ish) to lovers, fluff, ANGST, minor crack

warnings (for this chapter): language, violence, gun violence, the mafia, parental death, police presence, sexual references, bullying (ily san im sorry), the dreamies being dicks to each other, police corruption, towards the end jeno experiences something similar to sensory overload, americanized names, pop culture references, VERY jeno centric

song rec: we go up - nct dream // any song - zico // 21 questions - waterparks // talk (remix feat. megan thee stallion & yo gotti) - khalid // sunrise - ateez // i really like you - carly rae jepsen // dare - gorillaz // stray kids - the tortoise and the hare

word count: 10.5k

a/n: this is so late...... i blame attack on titan. but hey!! better late than never :] a huge thanks to @doderyscoffee​ for beta reading <3

main masterlist // story masterlist

chapter one: jeno and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

Jeno despised Tuesdays. He was pretty sure that Tuesdays despised Jeno as well because all of his worst days just so happen to be Tuesdays. He was 96% sure that, if there was a god, his day off was on Tuesdays, or that the planets aligned in such a manner on Tuesdays that it caused universal despair and misery. If he was to take Donghyuck's word for it, his chakra attracted negative energy the most on Tuesdays.

When Jeno was 5, his goldfish Pippin had died on a Tuesday. When he had his ass handed to him on the playground by San Choi in the third grade, it was a Tuesday. And in the seventh grade, he'd failed his Spanish test, missed his bus and walked home in the rain only to find out that his Aunt Sunny was at work, he'd left his keys in his locker and that had to wait an hour before she got home to unlock it for him, all on a Tuesday. 

And wouldn't you know it, here he was, late for the first day of senior year, which was, of all days, a godforsaken Tuesday.

In his eternal wisdom, he'd stayed up gaming with Renjun until two in the morning, and because of it, slept through his three alarms, one set at six-thirty, the other at 6:45, the last one at 7:00. 

He'd woken up at 7:17, to the sound of his elderly neighbor's pet chihuahua barking at a pigeon, checked the time, immediately panicked, sped into the shower, gotten dressed in a haste, grabbed a few granola bars from the pantry, and ran out the door while trying to jam his backpack closed, and managed to catch the train at 7:40, which took about twenty minutes to get to his stop, plus a ten-minute walk to school, and class started at 8:10. Not to mention he’d have to stop by the office and pick up his schedule. At best, he’d be five minutes late to his first class. But tardies were tardies, regardless, and the last thing he needed was to lose his perfect attendance streak. 

He fished out his phone while standing on the train, waiting for his stop, scrolling through Instagram, and liking random pictures. A ping! from his phone caught his attention, then two, then a third. He smiled softly when your name popped up on his screen.

[7:48 AM]

y/n: pssst

y/n: shithead

y/n: where r u ????

[7:49 AM] 

y/n: i can sEE u online on ig u know

jeno: …… i'm on the train

jeno: woke up late

y/n: YOURE GONNA BE LATR

y/n: LATE*

y/n: ON THE FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR

[7:50]

jeno: probably, yeah

jeno: it's the school district's fault, why would they make the first day of school on a fkn TUESDAY 

y/n: ohhh yeahh its terrible tuesday

y/n: [sent an attachment!]

[7:51 AM]

jeno: SHUT UP

jeno: you're not funny >:(

jeno: how dare you laugh at my misfortune

y/n: au contraire im hilarious

jeno: meanie :(

jeno: im gonna be late i hate it here

jeno: it'll end up on my permanent record and i'm not gonna get into college and then i'm gonna die,,,

[7:52 AM] 

y/n: sometimes ur worse than hyuck i swear 

y/n: FIRST OF ALL permanent records dont even exist !!!!!! its propaganda duh

y/n: also ur literally never late 

y/n: im sure o n e tardy wont do anything chill

y/n: dont be stupid youll be fine

Don’t be stupid. Too little, too late, he thought, already having got off the train at a previous stop. Now, he was looking for an unoccupied street or alleyway, which, for once, was easy, taking a deep breath before he did the exact opposite of what you’d told him not to do. Don’t be stupid. 

The buildings are low, he thought to himself, it’ll be easier to see me. 

Don’t be stupid.

Too late!

Thwip!

Jeno didn’t hesitate to use the web fluid to pull himself up onto the wall, climbing in a haste, before running and jumping onto the next building. He quickly built up a quick pace, using the web fluid occasionally to swing onto a building slightly out of jumping range. 

Signs in English, Chinese, Korean, and Spanish flew past him as he seemingly flew over the Queens traffic, leaving Flushing behind and crossing quickly into College Point quicker than he would if he took the train. He glanced to his left and caught a view of the bay, and far across it, the LaGuardia airport watchtower.

Jeno had lived in New York City his entire life. He knew Queens like the back of his hand, knew every dingy alleyway, every sketchy street, which restaurants to avoid if you didn’t want to get food poisoning, which convenience store aunties were the nicest and didn’t pinch his cheeks too hard. It was his home, and most likely would be for the rest of his life. 

But seeing it like this, flying past him below as he glided with ease from building to building would never cease to be a sight to him. It was like watching from the perspective of an outsider, seeing people in their cars, walking along the street gave him a brand new perspective. A Jeno’s eye view, he called it, since he was pretty sure he was the only one in New York City.

Another noise from his phone brought him back to reality. He shook his head, stopping briefly to catch his breath and fish out his phone briefly. 

[7:57 AM] 

y/n: let me know when u get here !!!

No time to respond, he put away the phone and continued his trek to school. He had less than ten minutes to get there. But he knew he was already at least five minutes away, much quicker than he would be if he had decided to stick to the train. He smiled a bit to himself, feeling ever so slightly smug.

The hustle and bustle of the city definitely proved challenging to find a place to land without many eyes, but he figured it out eventually, landing behind a dumpster in an alleyway behind a restaurant that he knew was about three or four blocks from the school. He figured it would be a lot better to take it on foot from here. The notebooks he was carrying in his backpack bounced up and down with every step he took. 

After what seemed like forever, the gates to the school appeared in his view, and Jeno felt a joy in his heaving chest, something he would have never thought would happen upon seeing the absolute hellhole that was Samuel Morse High School. 

[8:06 AM]

jeno: just did >:D

Picking up his schedule was both quick and insanely long. He couldn’t stop himself from tapping his left foot while the secretary found his schedule and handed it to him. “Kibum, please hurry,” He muttered, and Kibum raised an eyebrow at him, but his gaze was teasing. “That’s Mr. Kim to you, in school at least.” 

He handed Jeno his schedule a few seconds later. “Tell your Aunt to come pick up her casserole dish, by the way. She left it at my house after my last viewing party.”

“The Bachelor?”

“Please. We’re too classy for that. Drag Race.”

“Ah. I see.”

“Jeno,” Kibum said, staring up at him from his desk, his gaze now much more serious, “Get to class. Happy first day of senior year.”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim.”

He managed to make it to chemistry class at 8:09 with seconds to spare. His eyes quickly scanned the room upon entering, hoping his friends were in the class with him. He caught a few familiar faces, most of which, like San Choi's, he wished to avoid. No one paid him any mind. Everyone was still speaking to the people next to them, no doubt exchanging stories of summer vacation. 

  A hand shot up towards the back, waving at him. A smile stretched across his face as he registered your face, feet not hesitating to carry him towards the empty seat next to you. His heart skipped a beat at seeing your smile, and he tried his best to ignore it.

“Hey,” You greeted, “That was fast. I thought you said you were gonna be late.”

Jeno shrugged, eyes landing on the dark shade of the lab table. “The train was a lot faster than I expected, apparently.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Why do you smell so bad?”

“I, uh… ran a little.” 

You grimaced, and Jeno tried to casually sniff at his slightly sweaty clothes. It’s not that bad. “I still don’t understand why you won’t let me drive you to school. You’re literally next door.”

“I don’t know,” He answered, rolling his eyes, “Maybe it’s because when it comes to that truck, you are absolutely insane. You won’t even let me drink water in that thing.”

The truck in question, a faded red 1998 Chevrolet S-10, had been your gift to yourself for your 17th birthday. You’d spent two summers saving up to buy yourself a truck, and that was what you were able to get for what you had. To say it was a huge piece of junk on wheels was an understatement. 

The thing smelled like mothballs no matter how many air fresheners you bought it, the engine sounded like an old man having a coughing fit, and there was a very suspicious stain in the backseat that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times you scrubbed it. But for some reason, you treated it like it was your own baby. The amount of times you’d yelled at Jaemin for trying to put his feet on the dashboard was too high to count.

You mirrored his movement, eyes rolling as you sighed. “At least let me drive you home after school today. Maybe you can stay and we can finally watch Blade Runner.”

You’d been trying to get him to watch the film for almost a month now, begging and pleading because you insisted that he’d love it. He offered an awkward stare, before opening his backpack and pulling out a notebook. “Can’t,” He mumbled, “I’m headed into Manhattan. I have my internship afterwards.”

“Oh, yeah,” You said nonchalantly, eyebrows shooting up as you remembered, “Park Industries.” 

He was about to reply when Mrs. Baker, the chemistry teacher, finally entered. She’d been working at SMHS for 30 years and had never, apparently, been nice, if his Aunt Sunny’s stories were anything to go by. However, she had apparently always spoken as if she smoked two packs a day. She was rambling about the importance of making the most of senior year academically, adult responsibilities, college, and whatnot. You and Jeno exchanged glances often throughout the monologue, hoping it would end soon. 

“Enough of that,” She said after what seemed like an eternity, “Everyone quiet down, I’m going to call roll.”

Names were quickly called, and Jeno was ready to pull out a pencil and start working with you until Mrs Baker demanded a switch in seats, beginning to call on random names in an effort to deter everyone from speaking. 

"Please not with Choi, please not with Choi," Jeno muttered under his breath, glancing warily at San, who was staring ahead, looking bored. 

San had had it out for Jeno ever since day one, in first grade. For some reason, everything Jeno did seemed to annoy the other boy. He wasn't funny enough, or too nerdy, or too quiet. Jeno was always too much or too little for him. 

You touched his forearm, and he looked towards you. 

“You’ll be fine,” You said softly, trying not to alert the teacher, “You’re not gonna get paired up with him, and you can take it to the office if you need to.” “Yeah, because I’m sure Coach Peralta would be thrilled if someone tried to get his precious midfielder in trouble.”

“Choi, San,” Mrs Baker’s voice rang throughout the room, and Jeno braced himself for the worst, eyebrows furrowing with worry. 

“You’ll be sitting with… L/N, Y/N.” 

Jeno’s shoulders slumped, but your face remained impassive. You picked up your stuff, and pouted silently at Jeno in apology, before making your way to the front. 

“Lee, Jeno,” Mrs Baker called a few minutes later, “You’ll be sitting with Jang, Yeeun.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief. Yeeun is nice, Jeno thought to himself, I could sit with Yeeun. She wasn’t part of his main friend group, but he had tutored her in math during sophomore year in exchange for her helping him with Spanish, and they’d been pretty friendly ever since. 

“Hey,” Yeeun greeted as Jeno sat down, and Jeno smiled at her. 

“Remember, these will be your assigned lab partners for the rest of the semester. No changes, no exceptions.” Mrs. Baker sat down at her desk, before beginning to talk about something Jeno didn’t really pay attention to.

You exchanged glances with Jeno, and he gave you a look of sympathy as you gestured at San with your eyes. San was talking to you about something—probably bragging about some soccer achievement—but you weren’t paying him much attention. Jeno swallowed something growing in his throat as he looked at how your hair looked today. 

It was nothing relatively new, the same hairstyle you used on most days. But still, there was a bit of a shine to it. He wondered vaguely if you had changed your shampoo, the other day you’d been complaining about how itchy your normal shampoo made your scalp—

“You still haven’t told her about how you feel?” Yeeun asked quietly, and Jeno’s head snapped back to look at her, eyes wide.

“W-what? Me. Like Y/N…” He laughed nervously, trying to keep his voice down. He scratched the back of his head, avoiding Yeeun’s accusatory stare. “You’re hilarious, Yeeun. Tell another one.”

Yeeun shook her head. “You’d better hurry before someone else snatches her up, Jen. She’s not gonna wait around for you forever.”

 “I don’t like her, Yeeun.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Hey! Jeno Lee!”

“Hey! Jaemin Na! What do you want!” Jeno answered as he sat down, mimicking Jaemin’s tone next to him.

“Well, for starters, a million dollars, and second, a date with Yiren Wang, but I doubt you can help me with either of those, so...”

Jeno glanced at the rest of the table. Along with Jaemin, Mark,  Renjun, Donghyuck, and you were watching the interaction between the pair. “Where are the munchkins?” Jeno asked, noticing Chenle and Jisung’s absence. No one could really call them munchkins anymore. That nickname dated back to middle school, before the two underclassmen had gone through growth spurts.

“Eh, they should be here soon,” Renjun said, chewing on a french fry, “How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good so far, I guess. I got AP Calc with Mr. Washington later, though. That man wants me dead.”

You rolled your eyes. “He doesn’t want you dead. I’m telling you, you and Hyuck have been spending way too much time together. You’re being more dramatic than usual and Hyuck’s being more… weird than usual.”

“And just what is so weird about being enthusiastic about senior year, Y/N?” Donghyuck asked, shaking his head, “It’s our last year in this hellhole, I’m excited that we’re finally getting out of here. And besides—”

“Please don’t bring up the fact that you’re abandoning us next year.” Chenle seemingly appeared out of nowhere, sitting next to Renjun, Jisung following quickly behind him.

“Hi, Sungie,” You said with a smile, and Jisung smiled back. “Hi, Y/N.”

“What were you saying, Hyuck?” Jaemin looked at Donghyuck, who had taken the quick interaction as an opportunity to take a bite of his sandwich. His wide eyes darted to the slim boy, cheeks stuffed with chicken. 

“Oh,” He replied after swallowing, “This is gonna be my year. I’m getting male lead for the winter musical and no one is gonna stop me.”

“Do you even know what musical you guys are doing yet?” Mark asked, “What if it’s like… Shrek?”

Jisung made a face. “There’s a Shrek musical?”

Mark nodded, and Renjun laughed.

“I don’t know about male lead, if it’s Shrek. You should try out for Donkey,” The Chinese boy joked, “With those front teeth, you’re a shoo-in.”

The entire table was silent for a moment, before snorts and chortles started pouring out from everyone except Donghyuck.

“Fuck you, Huang.” 

Renjun flashed the friendliest smile he could muster. “Not if you paid me a million dollars.”

The subject remained on extracurriculars, everyone in your group except for Chenle and Jisung now wary of college applications. Donghyuck had been in theater ever since middle school, Renjun was in the robotics club and the debate team with Jaemin, who was also in the student council. Mark was on the math team with Jeno, and you had founded the film club. 

"You're not gonna believe who asked to sign up for film," You huffed, looking kind of confused. The rest of the table looked at you expectantly, and you pursed your lips, almost as if you were trying not to laugh.

"San Choi."

Renjun scoffed. Jaemin raised his eyebrows before letting out a single, humorless laugh. Jeno made a face, poking his plastic fork at you. 

"What is San Choi doing asking to sign up for film?"

"Fuck if I know. He said he needed one more extracurricular if he wanted to get into some college in Florida and he liked going to the movies, so he wanted to try out film."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I swear there's nothing in that guy's head but hot gas. It blows my mind."

"He's a dick," Chenle grumbled, "I'm still not over how he and Wooyoung taped Jisung to the flagpole last year."

Jisung scowled. "I thought we agreed to never bring that up again."

“Do you think they’ll finally calm the fuck down this year?” Jaemin wondered, looking wistful.

You took a sip of your coke and shook your head. “Doubt it. They’re not the hateful eight for a reason.”

The mood at the table turned tense, until Jaemin frowned at his french fries, before sighing and clapping his hands together dramatically. “I would like to hear,” He mused, “About the nuance that theatre gives the cinematic masterpiece that is Shrek when converted into musical form.”

Donghyuck beamed. “Oh, it’s amazing. You see…”

If it was difficult to get Donghyuck to stop talking in general, it was impossible when it was about theater.

The conversation continued on until the bell rang, and the eight of you had to go your separate ways. Jaemin and Jeno had the same class, so they both walked together down a relatively calm hallway. Jaemin looked both ways, before finally lowering his voice. 

“So, you’re going to see Mr. Park today?”

Jeno nodded, looking down at his shoes. “He said he wanted to give me an assignment. Says there’s something big going on.”

Jaemin’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “Did he say what kind of something?” 

Jeno shook his head, pouting slightly. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” 

Once school was out, Jeno was getting ready to get onto the subway once again, this time heading towards Midtown. It was only day one and, as Jeno had predicted, Mr. Washington probably was out to get him, because he’d swamped the class with homework.

As he left the school, he spotted you in the parking lot, leaning against your car door, texting someone. He glanced at his phone. He still had plenty of time, he figured. He walked over to you, and when you looked up, you smiled. 

“Hey!” Your voice had that signature tone of enthusiasm to it, and Jeno smiled back immediately. 

“Hello,” He sing-songed. “So, I was thinking… are you free on Friday night?”

You looked somewhere above his head, furrowing your eyebrows before you perked up again and nodded. “Yep! Why?”

“I’m free after nine. Maybe then I could come over to your house? So I can finally get you to stop harassing me about Blade Runner.”

You grinned, pumping your fists enthusiastically. “Hell yes,” You answered, “Do you want me to get like, some frozen pizzas or something?” 

“Pizza sounds good,” He said. “Who are you even waiting for?” 

You made a face that made it seem as if you’d just gotten a whiff of rotten milk. “Well—”

Your response was interrupted when the school doors slammed open, and eight figures poured out, carrying themselves with confidence Jeno both envied and despised. He frowned, trying not to react at their loud whooping and laughing. The Hateful Eight.

“Oh.” Jeno averted his gaze, meeting your eyes again.

“Yeah. If you don’t hear from me later it’s because I jumped out of my truck because I don’t wanna work with—”

“Well, hello, gorgeous!” San’s voice filled the parking lot, and Jeno took a deep breath. Your mouth stretched into a tight-lipped smile at the unwanted ‘compliment’. 

“Hey, San.” Your friendly passive aggressive tone almost made Jeno smile. “I’ve been waiting here for like, fifteen minutes. You could have just given me your number and asked me to send you pictures of my notes, you know.”

He shrugged, turning his body so that his back was turned to Jeno. “Sorry, babe. Coach wanted to talk to us about the upcoming season. When he gets going, it’s hard to get him to stop. And besides, where’s the fun in just asking for pictures when I could come here, talk to you, and take the pictures myself?”

You didn’t respond, but rather pulled out your backpack and began digging through it. When you pulled out your notebook, you handed it to San, who flashed a wink at you. You barely held back a gag. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I’ll just be a minute.” 

He walked over to the hood of your truck, and just as you were about to continue your conversation, two figures slung their arms around both of Jeno’s shoulders, causing him to flinch. 

Out of the fifteen soccer players on the team, San and his best friends—seven of them, to be precise—were the worst. The others were pretty nice. But right now, seeing two of those seven surround your best friend made you uneasy. 

Wooyoung was loud. He was also a temperamental brat. His dad owned three used car dealerships over in Brooklyn, so naturally, he thought he owned the entire world. He wasn’t someone who would get too physical in fights, like San, or Jongho, or Yeosang. But when he was angry, he could easily get you to jump into the stratosphere by yelling at you once. Over the years, he’d made several teaching assistants and substitute teachers cry, only getting let off with a slap on the wrist every time. 

 Yunho was terrifying for completely different reasons. He was friendly, but a little too friendly to the people he wanted to control. He could read people like books and could easily manipulate whoever he wanted. But he wasn’t afraid of getting physical either, especially not when he was built like a goddamn Power Rangers Megazord. 

All in all, they definitely weren't anyone you wanted near you, near your friends. Especially considering how much they had it out for your friends. 

"Hey, buddy," Yunho said, looking down at Jeno with a wide smile. "How was summer vacation?"

Jeno gnawed on the side of his cheek as he considered his answer. "Um, it was okay." He looked at you to catch your eyes darting between San, Yunho and Wooyoung, like you were analyzing the situation. "I kinda stayed in and played video games most of the t—"

"Cool, cool," Yunho answered, carding his free hand through his bleach blond hair. "What about you, Woo?"

"Oh, dude, it was so cool," He bragged, "I went to Brazil for like, a month. I went clubbing with Instagram models and shit, it was wild."

You stared at him as he patted Jeno on the back rather aggressively. "Where did you go? Have you ever even left New York?" 

You knew the answer. Only a few times when the debate team went to compete in different states. Jeno spoke up again. "Well, yeah a few t—"

"Doubt it," Yunho scoffed. He craned his head back. "San, you done yet?"

"Almost!" San answered. Yunho turned to face you, and for some reason his smile seemed genuinely kind. “What about you, Y/N?”

You never understood why it was that the soccer team hated your entire friend group, but seemed to tolerate you. It made no sense.

So you shrugged. “Not a lot, I guess. Did my summer reading. Hung out with my friends.” You flashed a reassuring smile at Jeno. “Right, Jen?”

Immediately, he relaxed a little bit. “Yeah.”

San appeared from behind Yunho, Jeno and Wooyoung. “Thanks, Y/N. I owe you one.”

You waved your hand, wanting them to get rid of them quickly. “Don’t mention it. But next time, just text me for my notes. I have to get to work, so…”

“Oh! My bad,” He answered with fake remorse, before unlocking his phone and handing it over to you. “Here. For next time.”

You stifled a deep sigh, punching in the numbers hesitantly. “Just for homework, got it?”

San took his phone back, holding a hand over his heart and raised his head. “On a gentleman's honor,” He declared, and you bit back a laugh. Jeno looked like he was going to hurl.

“San!” The team captain—Hongjoong—called from a few feet away, “Are you guys done yet or what?”

“Coming!” San yelled back.

“Alright, we’ll let you go,” Wooyoung said, patting Jeno on the back again, a bit too harsh for comfort. “Bye, Y/N! See you around.”

 The three of them stalked off, leaving you and a very frazzled Jeno. “Dicks,” You muttered once they were out of earshot. “You good?”

Jeno shook his head, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine.”

You tilted your head, frowning. “Jeno—”

“I gotta go,” He said quickly. “I’ll see you later?”

You nodded, offering a lopsided smile. “Yeah. Be careful!” 

Jeno offered a deep bow, fluttering his eyelashes. “On a gentleman’s honor,” He sighed, adding a very bad British accent to it. You burst out laughing, eyes squeezing shut.

You didn’t catch the way Jeno’s shoulders relaxed at the sound.

I want you to know now

Baby, it could go down

I don’t wanna talk about it

Baby, let’s just go now

The train ride into Midtown didn’t take too long. He spent it digging through his backpack for his Park Industries lanyard, listening to music and thinking about you.

When you talk right to me 

You gon’ have to do me

Every time you think you’re leaving 

You running back to me

You’d met Jeno when you were six. Truth be told, he didn’t really remember. For him it was like you weren’t there at one point and by the time you were, you were thicker than thieves. It was a difficult time for him. He had just lost both of his parents, and was moving in with his Aunt Sunny and his Uncle Jinki, who were barely out of college at the time. He’d had to move to a new school and basically restart his entire life. You were the first sense of stability in his life for months. 

Your mom lived next to his aunt and uncle. So naturally, you went to the same school and went on the same bus. And somewhere along the way, you two clicked. You’d introduced him to Renjun, Jaemin and Donghyuck. You were there to comfort him whenever he got pushed off the slide by San or Wooyoung. 

He was there for you when your stepdad and stepbrother moved in when you were nine and you weren’t sure how to deal with it. He was there when your mom died when you were thirteen. He’d introduced you and your friends to Mark, Chenle and Jisung. 

And you were there when his Uncle Jinki got killed when he was fifteen. And because fate had an especially cruel sense of irony, it had happened on a Tuesday. You didn’t know, but at the time, he had just gotten his powers. Your comfort and words unknowingly had a secondary effect: he made the decision to use them for good, and… well. The rest was history. 

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Talk about where we're goin'

Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts

Can't get what we want without knowin'

Just like when he met you, he didn’t recall an exact moment where he realized he’d fallen in love with you. He knew there was a world where he loved you, but wasn’t in love with you. And he knew that there was a world here he’d fallen in love with you—he was living in that world now. He realized he was living in that world maybe when he was sixteen, and had been stuck in it ever since. 

You were it for him. He’d had crushes before. But never something like this, where he was so aware of your presence around him. It wasn’t the way he was hyper aware of someone like San, or like Yunho or Jongho. It wasn’t out of anxiety or fear, where a shift in mood activated his fight or flight. He was aware of you in a way that only people who truly know each other do, where he could pick up on subtle changes in your behavior, but not out of fear. Rather, out of a desire to take care of you and to not have you worry about anything. 

I've never felt like this before

I apologize if I'm movin' too far

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Figure out where we're goin'...

As the train rolled into the station that was a fifteen minute walk from Park Tower, Jeno put away his headphones and took a deep breath.

The “Jeno Tingle” as his Aunt Sunny called it—Jeno hated the term—had taken him a few years to gain control of. And while he could never truly turn it off, he could at least tune it out enough to be more at ease. The only time he did so was at school or when he was studying, just because he wanted to feel normal, and because being aware of everything going on around him really messed with his concentration. 

Jaemin didn’t understand. “If I was able to tell whenever Seonghwa was behind me because he wanted to scare me into doing his chemistry homework, I’d never turn that shit off,” He’d said once. But truthfully, Jeno didn’t really care. Because while yes, he was still slightly scared of the “hateful eight”, he knew damn well that if things got to be too much, he could kick their asses if he wanted to. 

It was his friends he worried about. He couldn’t be around them 24/7. You, not so much. He knew you knew how to fight. Even worse, he knew that San had the hots for you so you were off limits to the rest of them, be it bullying or flirting. But for everyone else… Well. He couldn’t hover over them like some guardian angel. 

Now that the “Jeno Tingle” was on, it allowed him to sense everyone within a certain range around him. He could zero in on certain sounds with ease, and his reflexes became heightened. Halfway on his walk up Park Avenue, he jumped away from a chihuahua on its leash a second before it started barking at him.

When he entered the first floor lobby of the Park Building, he scoured the crowd of employees and visitors until he landed on one familiar face. 

He'd met Doyoung about a year after his dad started dating your mom. Things between your parents were starting to get serious, and Doyoung was four years older than you were. When they moved into your house, Doyoung as your new stepbrother became the de facto chaperone and babysitter. If you wanted to go to the mall with Jeno, he had to take you. Every time you dragged Jeno to the movies, Doyoung had to go also. 

To an extent, it wasn't that bad. Doyoung was cool, and he was smart—he was the one who got Jeno interested in computers and chemistry. He graduated high school at 16, and finished his bachelor's degree at 19. He'd also interned at Park Industries, and secured a job there almost immediately after college. 

To an extent, he was the whole reason Mr. Park knew who he was, because of one incident. It was relatively soon after he started the whole vigilante thing. Jeno, still figuring out how to maneuver on the webs that shot out of his wrists, had accidentally crashed into your backyard late at night, when only Doyoung was awake. He was standing in the back door while he was waiting for his dog to finish peeing. 

Initially, the older boy had freaked out, thinking that it was a burglar or something. When he yelled out that his dad was a cop and was asleep in the house, Jeno panicked, and pulled off his mask, holding up his hands.

“Woah, woahwoahwoah! Doyoung! It’s me, it’s me!” 

Doyoung’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers, paying no mind to the dog as it sauntered up to Jeno, before turning onto its back in a request for belly rubs.

"You're the spider guy everyone's been talking about!?"

"Spider man," Jeno had answered, voice cracking as he dusted himself off. He cringed at the sound of his voice. "...and yes."

Of course, his cover was blown, and he'd begged Doyoung not to tell anyone, especially not you. And while Doyoung had promised not to tell you, it didn't stop him from telling his boss. 

That had been almost three years ago now. The rest was history, and after that Jeno didn’t have to run around in bright red sweatpants and dollar store swimming goggles. Now, he had a nanotech suit that allowed him to activate protocols of the suit through voice commands using something top-secret Mr. Park called D.R.E.A.M technology. Direct Response Engaged As Machine—yeah, Jeno didn’t get it either. 

Doyoung offered Jeno a smile as he escorted Jeno past security, showing them his employee clearance pass. "Hey. How have you been?"

Jeno shrugged, recounting his day in minor detail as he was led into an elevator labeled authorized personnel only. 

This elevator only went up to the 35th floor, seeing as everything past that was only cleared for a certain list of people approved by Mr. Park and his security team, and everything past the 90th floor were Mr. Park's private living quarters. 

Now, as Doyoung led him to another elevator to head up to the 85th floor, which was always where Jeno got to meet with Mr. Park—which wasn't often, maybe once or twice a year—he wondered where he would be if he hadn’t surprised Doyoung that night. He would probably still be using those ugly red sweatpants as part of his disguise.

"How's Y/N?" Doyoung asked. 

"Oh, she seems okay. That guy who hates me keeps coming onto her though. He's a huge douchebag."

Doyoung frowned. "He's not harassing her, is he? Because if he is—"

"He just won't stop flirting, even though she clearly isn't interested," Jeno said bitterly, "He isn't physical or anything. Trust me, it wouldn't end well for him if he was."

Doyoung wasn't quite sure how to respond to the younger boy's dark tone. He looked down, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“So… how’s the apartment?” Jeno asked. Doyoung perked up instantly.

“Oh, now that Taeyong’s moved in and did his interior design thing, it looks great. He’s really done a great job at it.”

“When am I gonna meet this guy? He sounds cool.”

“He’s really cool,” Doyoung hummed, cheeks heating up. “Things are getting really serious.”

Jeno smiled at how flustered Doyoung, who was normally so level headed and calm, became at the mention of his boyfriend.

“You guys sound like a really good couple,” He said. Doyoung chuckled, waving his hand. “Oh, well—” 

 The elevator dinged, and Doyoung sighed. “I’ll tell you later. C’mon.”

The hallway it opened up to was lined with pictures of the company's history, starting from pictures of black and white of people in vintage clothing, to pictures in sepia tones to finally pictures of the current CEO at locations around the world: Chanyeol Park.

Jeno walked behind Doyoung as he led him down the hallway, before stopping in front of a door, and a friendly looking man in a suit. 

Junmyeon was a part of Chanyeol’s Security and Intelligence team, and often sat in on these meetings with Jeno. The chain of contact also included him. If Jeno couldn’t contact Doyoung (which rarely happened), he’d contact Junmyeon. And if he couldn’t contact either of them, or it was an emergency, only then could he contact Chanyeol. So far, that had only happened once.

"Hey, Junmyeon," Doyoung said, "Mr. Park's 4:30 is here." 

Junmyeon nodded, before smiling at Jeno and giving him a wave. "Hey, kid."

Jeno offered an awkward grin. "Hi, Mr. Kim."

Junmyeon rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Kid, you're making me feel ancient. I've told you a million times, just call me Junmyeon."

Jeno shuffled awkwardly, before nodding at the older man, watching as he pressed a button on his earpiece. "Hey, Yeol. Jeno's here."

The muffled response was barely heard, but Jeno automatically understood what Mr. Park said. Junmyeon turned to open the door, and let the pair inside. The “office”—if it could even be called that—opened up to more of a lounge, than anything. A wall of glass overlooked the Manhattan skyline, but Jeno knew that from the outside it looked only like a wall, due to camouflage technology developed by Mr. Park himself. As Doyoung and Junmyeon stayed back, closer to the door, Jeno took a few steps toward the man in question.

Chanyeol was standing a few feet in front of the glass window, working on a holographic model of a new piece of tech. His face was turned downward in a concentrated frown. He barely spared the teenager a glance as he said fondly, “Hey, kid.”

Jeno was used to this. Chanyeol wasn’t cold per se, but he wasn’t warm at all. He knew that Chanyeol cared about him, even if he didn’t really show it in a conventional way. Chanyeol was a very… eccentric man, so he had his own way of saying and doing things. 

“Hi, Mr. Park. Um… you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yep! Needed some help from the friendly neighborhood Spiderman… A little birdie told me about something going on in Queens.”

“Queens?” Jeno asked, gripping the straps of his backpack. “You mean, other than the usual stuff?”

“Other than the usual stuff,” Chanyeol repeated, nodding. With a wave of his hand, the hologram disappeared, and another one appeared in its place. This time, instead of a 3D model, a few pictures and another, smaller 3D model appeared. Chanyeol turned to face him, frown deepening. He pointed at the model—a long, shiny oval-shaped purple stone. It reminded Jeno of an amethyst, but instead of turning white at the base, it turned to an iridescent jade tone. “You know what this is, right?”

Jeno nodded, remembering seeing the rocks all over the news when he was a kid. “That’s… that’s a Chitauri stone. From the invasion a few years back.”

Chanyeol nodded, standing up straight. “These stones have the potential to power weapons with no need to recharge, or change them out. They’re an infinite, extremely strong power source, Jeno, and in the wrong hands can be very dangerous.”

Jeno took a deep breath, feeling his stomach sink slowly. Chanyeol sighed. “Cleanup of the city after the invasion was long, and difficult, and obviously the government and the company weren’t able to get everything. It caused a black market to pop up. Now, the NYPD has been investigating it for years, but they have their limits… that’s where you come in.”

“M-me, Mr. Park?”

Chanyeol gave him a crooked, reassuring smile. He pointed at one of the pictures, which was of a man who most likely didn’t know he was photographed. He was walking somewhere, face looking angry and stern.

“You don’t know who this is, right?”

Jeno shook his head, and Chanyeol turned his head to nod at Junmyeon. “You’re up, tough guy.”

Junmyeon huffed, before walking up to Jeno. He put his hand on Jeno’s shoulder as if he could tell that he was growing anxious. 

“Jeno, that’s Henry Duke. From what we understand on the intel team, he’s one of the cornerstones of the alien tech black market. He’s one of the top dogs. From what we understand, he likes to be present for all major negotiations that his group makes. A source of ours told us that there’s going to be a negotiation on Friday night not too far away from LaGuardia. We want you to go out there and just get a feel of what’s going on.”

“Just watch them, right?” Jeno looked at Junmyeon, who patted his back reassuringly. “Just watch. Don’t engage unless you absolutely have to.”

“You can do that, right?” Chanyeol said quietly, crossing his arms. “Because if not, then it’s totally—”

“Yeah, of course I can! Friday—shit, Friday. At what time are they supposed to be meeting up?”

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows, before answering, “Around eight or nine.”

Jeno bit his lip, thinking about the promise he’d made to you. It would just have to wait, he supposed. Chanyeol rarely asked anything this big of him.

“Alright,” Jeno agreed, “I’ll do it.”

Chanyeol grinned, clapping his hands together. 

“Perfect.” 

They discussed logistics briefly after. Doyoung would be on call with Jeno, his custom made suit allowing them to communicate, letting Doyoung see everything Jeno was seeing via a video feed coming from the ultra thin lenses placed in the white eye sockets of the mask. Doyoung would then report to Junmyeon, who would report to Chanyeol, who would probably report to the FBI. Jeno was only to engage if absolutely necessary.

After that, he set out on patrol. He usually found some discreet place to hide his backpack, and then went all over Queens looking for trouble, quite literally. Around five thirty, he stopped a robbery in Murray Hill. Then, around seven, he stopped a man from stealing a woman’s purse in Elmhurst. Nothing too much.

Around eight, he finally headed home, this time dressed normally, using the train and not web fluid. He walked home, tired, knowing that he’d immediately have to do that cursed AP calc homework. When he got home, he opened his backpack pocket to look for his keys, rummaging between his notebooks and other things. 

Shuffling through his stuff, he furrowed his eyebrows as he couldn’t find them. Thinking back, he remembered this morning, when he’d left in a rush… and had very obviously left his keys on his desk.

“Shit,” He muttered to himself. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, remembering that Aunt Sunny had said she’d be working overtime tonight. He could very easily sneak in through his window, but he was pretty sure he’d locked it the night before, and it was too early. People’s lights were still on—anyone could see him if they just looked up, and then he would be screwed. 

Huffing and zipping his backpack up, he marched up to your house, before ringing the doorbell. He shifted his weight back and forth, from his heels to the balls of his feet, until the door opened up. A familiar man with a face just like Doyoung's, but older, with graying hair and arms scarred and muscled from years of working on the police force stood in the doorway.

“Jeno?” Your dad offered him a warm smile. “Hey, kiddo, what’s up?”

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” Jeno said, smiling back. He shifted nervously. “I, um… I left my keys in my room this morning, and my aunt’s working late, so… could I… maybe wait here? Y/N’s home, right?” 

The man nodded. “Of course, of course. Come in!” 

Your dad had always been super friendly, even from the day Jeno had first met him. You'd told Jeno once that he was the only real father figure you'd ever had. Once everything settled after him and your mom got married, you started calling him dad altogether. And since you and Jeno were practically glued at the hip, he got along with your dad almost as well as you did.

“Okay.” Jeno stepped in and set down his backpack at the base of the coat rack next to the door, as he’d done a million times before. Jeno stepped into the living room, and sat down on the couch. He folded his hands in his lap and looked up at your dad.

"I think Y/N's in the shower, but she should be done soon. You can just wait here if you want… have you eaten anything yet?”

“Uh, I had a granola bar on the train, but that’s it.”

“We have some leftover pasta here, if you want—”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim, really! I’m fine.”

Your dad nodded, sitting down on his recliner. “So, have you started your college list, yet? Y/N said you wanted to stay here in New York.”

Jeno nodded, pushing some hair out of his face. “Well, yeah. It would make things a lot easier, I think. I might want to apply to NYU, but I think I’ll just go to community college, or something.”

Your dad shook his head. “You’re a pretty smart kid, Jeno. I think you could get into Columbia if you set out to. Plus, Chanyeol Park doesn’t give out internships to anybody. That’s your secret weapon.”

Jeno smiled. “Well, you’ve got a point.” 

Your dad gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “Come on, trying won’t hurt!” Your dad made a face, and then rubbed his knuckles. “Have you been working out? Those muscles weren’t there the last time I did that.”

Jeno laughed, trying to think of an excuse. “Oh, a little bit? The house needed some fixing up over the summer, and I wanted to help Aunt Sunny, so…”

“Jeno?” 

He turned immediately, eyes landing on you at the base of the staircase. You’d changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants. Your hair was slightly damp. “What are you doing here?” You asked, with a curious smile.

His shoulders slumped, and he grinned sheepishly. “Terrible Tuesday strikes again. I forgot my keys.”

You grimaced. “Brutal, dude. You wanna come up?” Your eyes moved to your dad. “Or am I interrupting guy time?”

“Oh, definitely,” Jeno answered, playing along. He took a cocky tone as he rested his hands on the back of his neck. “Your dad was just telling me about how much the NYPD needs me.” 

You stifled a laugh. You dad seemed to be holding back a laugh too. "Hey, you're joking, but if you keep working out like that, and if by some impossible chance, the college thing doesn't work out… We might just be able to catch Spiderman if we finally got some brain cells on the force."

"Ugh, dad," You groaned, unaware of Jeno's gut twisting, "Not again."

"Yeah, Mr. Kim," Jeno said, scratching the back of his head, "He's not that bad."

Your dad shook his head. "Look, I don't hate the guy. In all honesty, crime rates have dropped since he started doing his thing. But he thinks he's above the law, and his methods can be a bit… unorthodox sometimes. He’s been undermining us for years and his tech is state of the art. Makes me wonder about what we should do to modernize the force."

Jeno looked downward, wondering what would happen if your dad knew the truth.

"Well, I guess we may just never find out. Jeno'd make a horrible cop. He couldn't hurt a fly if you paid him a million dollars."

But you came to the rescue as you grabbed his backpack, and soon enough he was up the stairs with you, heading into your bedroom, laughing to yourselves when you heard your dad jokingly call out, "Fifteen inch distance, you two! Door stays open!"

He sat on your desk chair while you lay on your bed, limbs splaying out. 

"So you left your keys."

Jeno groaned. "Don't remind me. I was in such a rush to leave, that I… I forgot. I'm so stupid."

You rolled your eyes, rolling over onto your stomach to look at him. "You're not stupid, Jen. You made an honest mistake because you were in a hurry." 

Standing up, you walked over to him and leaned against the desk. "Seriously, Jeno. What's gotten into you, lately? You freak out about every little thing. It's starting to worry me." 

Jeno shook his head. "I don't know," He admitted. "I think I'm just scared about how after this year, everything changes. Renjun’s headed upstate. Jaemin’s going to Boston. You want to go to LA. I think Hyuck and I are the only ones who want to stay here. I just… I don't want things to change." 

Your expression turned sad as he continued. "Everyone is expecting great things from me. You're smart, Jeno. You can get into an Ivy. Or, you have a Park internship, you'll be fine. What if I don't want things to be fine? What if I want them to just stay the same?"

You stayed silent for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. Jeno was relatively level headed for someone your age, but even he had moments of doubt and panic. It made moments like these difficult.  You sighed before grabbing him by the hand. Wordlessly, you tugged him over to the bed, sitting him down and leaning your head on his shoulder. He could feel the dampness in your hair seeping slowly into his shirt.

"I guess I understand what you mean," You mumbled, trying to reason with him, "But come on. You wouldn't really want everything to stay the same. You can't tell me you want to keep getting AP calc homework. And I definitely doubt that you'd want to have your ass kicked by San for the rest of your life."

Jeno looked at the floor. "You're right. But you know that's not what I mean—"

"I know," You huffed, "I'm just saying. Change… it's inevitable. The longer you fight it, the harder it is."

Jeno nodded. "This sucks."

"It does," You agreed, taking his hand in yours. "But at least we have each other's backs, y'know?"

Something of a smile appeared on his face. You were so close to him, leaning on him, stroking his knuckles with your thumb. He hoped you couldn't hear his heart pounding in his chest. 

"We really do, huh?" His voice turned quiet, with a bit of a sleepy lull to it. He allowed his head to rest on yours. "You're so comfortable. Can I like, use you as a pillow for the rest of my life?"

You giggled. "I'll consider it on two conditions."

"Oh, you'll consider. How generous of you."

"Yes, I'll consider. Now, do you wanna hear my terms or not?" 

Jeno raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead," He said, before putting on his best Marlon Brando voice, "Make me an offer I can't refuse."

Snorting, you lifted your head off of his. "Okay. One, you finish your calculus homework here before Sunny gets home."

He pursed his lips. "Okay, I could probably do that. What's the other one?"

"Let me drive you to school for the rest of the year." 

Jeno stared at you, and you nodded, eyes wide. "Trust me, Jen. You wouldn't need to wake up so early! And plus, you can't text the guy manning the subway asking him to give you five minutes because you need to find your keys."

Jeno gnawed on the inside of his cheek. You did have a point, and to be honest, he could probably refrain from putting his feet up on your dashboard.

"Deal." 

You grinned. "Awesome," You answered, before nodding towards his backpack. "Now get to work, Einstein."

The rest of the week wasn't that bad. Yes, you were absolutely batshit insane about your truck in the morning, but he soon realized he didn't really mind. Not when it allowed you both to spend some twenty extra minutes together in the mornings, and they were spent joking around and listening to your extremely varied playlist. 

On the other hand, he was saddled with more and more homework, greater and greater expectations. The looming threat of Friday's mission rolled around, and it made Jeno feel like time was passing much too slowly but also way too quickly. There was so much on his mind. He had chemistry with you on Thursdays in the afternoon, which also meant that San was there. Which also meant that sometimes, his heightened senses would pick up on San dropping a tacky pick up line which made Jeno want to punch him in the jaw.

Finally, finally, Friday afternoon rolled around. As he bid you goodbye and promised to see you later, he tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach. The feeling that something was about to go very, very wrong. He went out on patrol, ready for Doyoung to set up the call and tell him where he needed to go. It didn’t help that there wasn’t a lot for him to do that day. Crime had seemed to slow down altogether. 

When the time finally came, and the sun was beginning to set, Doyoung rang in at about 7, telling him the location. An old warehouse near LaGuardia airport, hidden from prying eyes. Jeno made his way to the place, avoiding security cameras Doyoung warned him about, and found a place to hide. There was a hole in the warehouse roof, which allowed him to peer right into the building without being seen. It was about thirty feet from the ground.

“Why is it always old, abandoned warehouses?” Jeno grumbled. He heard Doyoung laugh quietly. 

“Beats me,” Doyoung sighed. 

And so they waited. Jeno wondered vaguely if you were still working. He wasn’t sure. They made time talking quietly, until a black SUV rolled into the warehouse. “Woah, Doyoung,” He murmured, “Hold up.”

Jeno leaned forward, but quickly realized he probably wouldn’t be able to hear what was being said. “D.R.E.A.M, activate Heightened Intelligence Protocol.”

Activating Heightened Intelligence Protocol.

The protocol allowed Jeno to use the lenses over his eyes to zoom in on specific targets, as well as use a microphone embedded in the suit to pick up audio from far away and feed it directly into his ears.

He watched as three figures got out of the car, a fourth remaining in the driver’s seat. The trio stood in front of the car, and Jeno recognized the man in the middle as the man Junmyeon had been talking about.

“Alright, there’s Henry Duke,” He said, “The one in the middle.”

 “Got it,” Doyoung replied, sounding satisfied. “Now all we have to do is wait for the other party.”

“Did Junmyeon’s sources say anything about who it would be?”

“No. They weren’t able to find that out. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jeno’s eyes never left the man. “Do you think it’s something international?”

Doyoung sighed. “I’m not sure. If it is international, then you need to be even more careful.”

“Got it. I think—Wait, here they come.” 

A second vehicle, this one another black SUV, rolled up not too far away from the first car. The lights turned off and the engine sputtered to a stop, and four men stepped out of the vehicle.

Jeno’s stomach dropped, and of its own accord, his mouth let loose a quiet, “What the fuck,” as he registered the person leading them. 

“What?” Doyoung asked, before realizing what—who—he was looking at. “...Is that my dad?”

“I think it is,” Jeno whispered, fingertips suddenly numb. Who was he kidding? They both knew who it was. 

“So,” One of the men next to your dad said, “You show us yours, we’ll show you ours?”

Henry Duke clapped his hands together with an impish grin. “I suppose. Reagan, get the case.”

One of the two men standing beside him started off toward the trunk of the car. “It caught me off guard when I heard that the force wanted to purchase these. Almost made me wonder if this was your attempt at a sting operation.”

“What made you change your mind?” Your dad asked. Jeno swallowed at how cold he sounded. This wasn’t your dad, and it didn’t seem like Officer Kim either. This was someone Jeno had never met before. 

“Honestly, Kim?” Duke raised an eyebrow, shrugging. “It was you. Your cooperativeness and willing to feed us information, as well as your… insurance agreement. And besides, you made a very interesting point when you said that the Avengers Initiative and Park’s alum Spiderman is ruining the way the law operates around here. That type of bitterness… hard to fake.”

Your dad huffed. “We’re fucking tired of it.”

The man leaning against the car your dad had stepped out of scoffed. “If this helps us catch the little asshole, then so be it.”

Jeno frowned. “I’m not little—”

“Jeno, shut up!” Doyoung snapped. 

“—Alright, then.” The man holding the briefcase—Reagan—clicked it open, as if it were a prize reveal on The Price is Right. Five guns, all modified to hold glowing Chitauri stones were placed carefully together side by side.

“You know the basics. No radiation. Keep it away from security scanners and x-rays. They will blow up. And second of all, these are at half the price, along with the promise from the chief of police that my business won’t be touched, and will only be distributed to officers in on the operation and have agreed to turn off their body cameras when they decide to use these weapons. Should this not be a sting operation, we’ll be back here to negotiate.”

Jeno leaned forward, watching anxiously.

“Yes, sir,” Your dad answered, nodding. “We have the money here.”

“Hand it over, then.”

That was when Jeno made his mistake. He leaned forward too much, and proceeded to fall right through the hole, bringing down some scraps of the roof with him. As he tumbled through the air, the zoom on his lenses caused him to grow dizzy as he had no idea what he was looking at. He caught himself before he could fall, clumsily commanding D.R.E.A.M to go back to turn off the current protocol. His vision returned to normal, and he swung up onto a rafter holding the warehouse up.

“So, we have company.” Duke didn’t sound as amused as he had before. His face turned into a sneer. “Get him.”

In less than a second, before Jeno could say anything, five guns were pointed directly at him. He managed to swing away before any bullets could hit him. 

“Jeno, get out of there now,” Doyoung ordered. 

“What about the guns?” Jeno asked, swinging to another rafter. “They know I’m here, I might as well get them before I go—”

“No! Jeno, listen to what I’m telling you. You’ve done more than enough, and you need to let it g—”

Your dad aimed, and a bullet fired right at Jeno’s chest. For a second, he forgot that the chest area of the suit was lined with bulletproof material. While it didn’t shoot into his chest, it ricocheted right off him, and since he was in motion, it somehow caused the bullet to bounce back in the direction in which it came. 

The wind was knocked out of Jeno, but it was nothing compared to watching the bullet land in the middle of your father’s chest. On the other line, he heard Doyoung yell, followed by the sound of something falling. And then, as he made his way back towards the hole he’d fallen out of, he couldn’t rip his eyes away from the body as it crumpled to the ground. 

The others around him scrambled to get back into their respective cars. Jeno was back on the roof now, trying not to hyperventilate. “I’m sorry,” He gasped, “Do—Doyoung, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to—”

“Jeno, you need to get out of there, now,” Doyoung said, voice raspy. “GO!” 

So he did, and Doyoung cut off the call once he was out of the vicinity. Jeno didn’t blame him. He swung across buildings, feeling numb as he looked for the apartment complex roof where he’d decided to hide his backpack.

When he finally did, he changed in a hurry, before slumping against the wall and forcing himself to take deep breaths. 

Doyoung’s dad—your dad—was dead. And it was all his fault. 

He cried on the way down the staircase. He cried on his way to the subway. The entire time, he ignored people’s stares. Suddenly everything was too loud, and if he met someone in the eyes he’d just about break down in the middle of the station. 

As he got onto the train, Jeno thought about all of the things your dad had done for you, and for Jeno. All the times he'd taken you both to Coney Island in the summer when you were younger. The year Pokemon Go came out he took the both of you driving around in his car so you and Jeno could catch as many Pokemon as you could. 

He’d formally adopted you when you were thirteen. You were his daughter in nearly every sense of the word, regardless of blood. And now he was dead, because of a stupid mistake that Jeno had made.

What would you say if you knew? He didn’t want to know. Checking the time on his phone, he saw he’d gotten a message from you just three minutes ago.

[8:36 PM]

y/n: lemme know when ur outside!! :)

“Fuck,” He murmured, wiping his eyes. He knew he needed to stop crying before he got to your house, and he had about ten minutes before he got to his stop, and then another five minute walk to the neighborhood. He focused on taking deep breaths and taking long swigs from his water bottle in the meantime, trying to tune out the sound of other people talking and the sound of the train on the rails.

The walk was the longest five minute walk he’d ever taken. The flashing lights of convenience stores did nothing to calm him down. As the stores in his peripheral vision began transitioning into suburban homes, he felt his heart speed up again. The constant movement as he walked meant he missed his phone vibrating in his backpack as you rang his number.

After what seemed like an eternity, two familiar houses came into his line of vision, and his shoulders slumped as he spotted you on your porch, looking small and teary, curled up into a little ball. In one hand, you were clutching your phone.

His stomach twisted as he put on a confused tone, even though he knew damn well that you knew. “...Y/N?”

You stood up, running to him and burying yourself into his chest, crumpling into his arms. You would have fell over if Jeno hadn’t held both of you up. 

“Jeno,” You sobbed, “You’re n-not go-onna believe it.”

He brought a hand up to caress your hair, holding back tears of his own as he asked a question he already knew the answer to.

“Y/N, what happened?”

taglist: @decembermoonskz @itsapapisongo @lenaluvs​ @crescentjen​

#kwritersworldnet #nct angst #nct x reader #jeno x reader #jeno angst #jeno fluff #nct au #jeno au #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #kpop imagines #nct dream x reader #lee jeno x reader #my writing

[tomatowielder]

mega-list of ideas for coping with distressing voices

these are only offered as possible things to try if ur hearing distressing voices... everyone is different & everyone’s voices are different. you know you better than anyone else knows you. if you need to modify any of these, or reject any of these as actively unhelpful for you, that’s ok. 💜 feel free to add your own.

use this however is most helpful for you - i’m sharing what helps & has helped for me. so in no particular order:

Name your voices. Sometimes when they’re all just nameless forms, it can be hard to understand what’s going on, and they can feel scarily omnipotent. I found naming mine helpful for kind of containing the experience & getting to know my voices. If you ask some voices will name themselves.

Visualise ‘safe spaces’ for your voices. If you ask some voices might create their own safe place. Otherwise, you can imagine somewhere real, like sometimes I ask one of my voices to go to sleep in certain bits of a room. Or you can imagine . If you really can’t be disturbed for a length of time, you can try leaving the radio on for them, visualising them relaxing, and tell them when you’ll be ‘back’.

Draw your voices. (Or create a pinterest board for them.) One of my voices used to say things that were horrendously graphic and distressing, and I used to try to block her out all the time, so she got more aggressive with trying to get a reaction from me. Drawing her, and everything she said, whilst very difficult to do, helped it feel more manageable, and helped me pick out themes in what she was saying.

Are there any kind voices you can draw on as allies? If you have a voice that’s kind to you, you could try asking them for help. To stand up to other voices, to comfort you afterwards, etc.

Planning in advance what you might say to distressing stuff. Does a specific voice say really triggering, threatening things with an authoritative tone? It might help to prepare for the voice, and how you might respond. Often being aggressive to aggressive voices can trigger more aggression from voices (voices will lash out if they’re insulted) - how can you be polite but assertive? An example I’ve heard is “bless you, but I don’t want to do that” for commanding voices. But your response will be unique. 

Set a time to listen to your voices. If voices aren’t listened to, they can get louder and more hurtful and graphic to try to get your attention - it can be a vicious cycle. But, if you engage with some voices without support, it can turn into them playing games with you and playing on your insecurities. It might help to strike a balance - set, say, half an hour a day, let the voices speak, and genuinely listen. After the time is up, you go back to doing what you usually do.

Try asking a trusted person to talk to your voices for you (this is a technique called voice dialoguing). Voice dialoguing was honestly the foundations of my recovery, and mostly conducted by my lovely partner. It’s where you sit in a different seat, and someone else speaks to your voices and you tell the person what the voices say, and you often do this multiple times. You decide what feels safe, and you debrief after. The person has to be non-judgemental about voices, and not frightened of voices. There’s information on voice dialoguing here: https://openmindedonline.com/2018/10/14/talking-with-voices-article-and-video/

Try some peer support. Maybe there’s a hearing voices group in your area? https://www.hearing-voices.org/hearing-voices-groups/find-a-group/ If not, there’s a lot of us on tumblr - hit us up and vent here. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Are you listening with anxious intensity bc they’re saying particularly distressing things? When my voices are calling me worthless or useless, or saying graphic things, or telling me a shameful secret only I know, I can completely drop what I’m doing, and LISTEN with such anxious intensity because I NEED to know I’m bad and evil. Sometimes it helps to notice I’m doing this and “let go” of the anxious intensity. I don’t need to powerlessly obsessively listen just because they’re shit talking me.

Physically soothe yourself to soothe screaming voices. Hearing screaming? Try hugging yourself, or giving yourself a face massage, or telling yourself it’s OK, or whatever it is that soothes you. When I soothe myself, I usually inadvetedly soothe the crying or screaming voice. Sometimes overtly comforting the voice helps too, even if it’s coming from very far away.

If you’ve experienced trauma, voices might be carrying memories you don’t remember or don’t feel strongly about, so they can’t be kind to you - you dissociated whilst they (the voice) stayed. Some voices remember things I don’t. Some memories I have I remember, but I don’t feel traumatised by them - but my voices really do. They have to be aggressive and violent towards me, because a) if I got close to them, I would remember too, and they’re protecting me, and b) they resent me for not remembering it whilst they do. Whilst this doesn’t immediately help how cruel they can be, it helps me have some compassion & acceptance. 

Imagine a protective spell. I used to imagine a pink, sparkling sphere of healing and protection around me, and nothing could get in and hurt me. I was totally safe within this sphere. I was really into D&D, so I statted it too - 1000000000 AC, resistant 10000 to negative energy, etc. On my worst nights this helped.

Have a grounding object. I got a stone from an enjoyable vacation I had, and also an amethyst and a teddy, and I used to curl up into the fetal position and GRIP them. If you’re into this stuff, you could charge the objects with healing energy, anything else that makes the object feel more grounding. (This post is about hearing voices but also if you have visual hallucinations & feel brave enough, throwing something through the hallucination can help.)

Experiment with earplugs, sound, and space. Everyone’s voices are so unique - some get louder in big, echoey buildings, some get louder in small spaces, some shout above background noises, some blend in, some get louder with earplugs, some get quiet. Experiment! Go to different spaces and ask the voices if they can talk. Put different (&no) background sounds on. Use earplugs. See if anything feels more or less comfortable.

Experiment with distractions. When I was strugglling 24/7, the only quiet I would get would be during a good film and I NEEDED that. You can’t use distraction all the time - voices will catch up, and ignored voices tend to try to find ways to not be ignored. But I’ve found it necessary to find some breathing space. Films were that for me. There could be distractions that work best for you.

Hide! It’s OK to hide. It’s so OK to hide. It’s not a negative coping mechanism. Under the desk is my favourite place.

Complete a Maastricht interview. I am continually surprised by how little I know about my voices & how helpful I find it to know my voices more. The Maastricht interview is a series of questions that facilitates more self understanding - it might be triggering, so it might be useful to prepare yourself. Look in your local area to see if you can do it in person. If not, voila! http://www.hearingvoices.org.nz/attachments/article/59/Maastricht_Interview_for_voice_hearers.pdf (fwiw I’ve not done it yet but want to lol & I’ve met voice hearers who it’s helped.)

You’re not dirty or wrong for a voice saying graphic and horrible things. <3 It’s OK to hear graphic and disturbing voices. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s OK and normal to hear these things. You deserve safety & kindness.

If your voices get loud in new or anxiety provoking situations, give them some detailed advanced warning. Voices don’t always know what’s happening, what year it is, etc - they’re not always oriented to our reality. Saying, say, “I am going to a job interview on Saturday. Here is what is going to happen on Saturday: ...” can help them, so they don’t get anxious and take it out on you.

Start the small steps of building a collaborative relationship with your voices. Is your voice telling you to kill yourself, others, and that you’re worthless? Obviously, don’t do these things lol - but it might help to ask the voice if it has, say... a preference for a TV show, or a food. Something that doesn’t hurt you to accommodate. It can start the small steps of building a good relationship to take small preferences of the voice on board.

Educate your friends so they can be kinder to you. I like this talk! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw Most of my friends who were frightened of me & my voices were much more understanding after watching this. But you choose your resources. 

Accept that it’s ok to be distressed by them and it’s ok to struggle to cope.. Give yourself as much slack as you can. Hearing voices can be so gruelling. It can be isolating and lonely and PHYSICALLY exhausting. You don’t have to do it all. NONE of us can be ‘super-copers’. It’s OK to need rest, and to cut yourself some slack.

Honourary mentions for https://www.hearing-voices.org/ & https://www.intervoiceonline.org/ & https://understandingvoices.com/ c:

#actuallyhallucinating #pseriouslyschizospectrum #pseriouslypsychosis #traumacore #actuallytraumatized #actuallycptsd #pseriouslyschizophrenic #hearing voices #actually hallucinating

[bluemoonpunch]

I just discovered your website and fell in love with your readings! I love how you give your insights and your approach to the reading. One thing I want to ask is does the group energy reading represent the energy of the group at the time of the reading, or just the energy as the group exists? This is mostly towards the Stray Kids group reading. I'm curious, because as a fan watching them from afar, I think there has been a dynamic shift among them. (1/2)

(2/2)This is not me asking you to do another reading for them though, and I also believe it's not the time yet. They are still in the middle of a shift that is not yet ripened. They are going to join a survival show with big exposure this year too, so they might drastically change as a group after that. On a totally unrelated note though, I let out the ugliest wheeze as you refer to page of wands as the Signature Jungkook' Card.

📕 Referencing:

Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 1 (2018)

Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 2 (2021)

A: Yes, any reading I do should be looked at as more of a "snapshot" of the state of things there at the moment of doing the reading, which is why I always provide the date that the reading was performed as well as when the reading was posted as I can sometimes do bigger readings a week or so in advance. I've done two different group energy readings for Stray Kids and there is a noticeable change between them, but, for example, before the first group reading for them I posted, I had done the reading a couple of times before that and got a lot of negativity which didn't really change that much between those first couple of readings.

It's good to keep in mind that with group energy readings, I look at what the individuals project into the group, which is sometimes a lot different from the general energetic projection of the individuals separate from the group. I then look at how those projections mix together, how they interact with each other, which can vary between conscious level interaction and energetic interaction. Then, after all that, I look at the overall projection, the general ~vibe~ of the group as a whole, how they function as a unit, what they are able to produce physically or energetically through the group projection. It can be quite complex and fluid, but there are many factors to take into consideration, so just because some things seem different doesn't always mean that things have changed in terms of their energetic balance and connection.

Of course, major changes in career or how things are done superficially in relation to their work and routine, as well as any dynamic changes with members leaving or even changes in contracts, can alter the energetic projection of the individuals and change up the overall balance of the group. So, for sure, in the future, I'll probably look into them again if there's a demand for it, but yeah, they do need some time to settle into new things before anything would come up as being different.

XXXX

Q: thank you for the reading!! I'm glad that there has been progress for them personally, that was good to see. I've been getting that vibe from them and it seemed like taehyung's core was no longer split so I'm glad that it actually isn't. I hope that even with the not-so-good energy that they'll be okay. the end of the reading had me feeling kind of 😔 it would make sense if it has something to do with any kind of enlistment. im hoping it's not disbandment. im aware it could happen but it'll still hurt lol i just want them to be happy either way =( but thanks again -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

📕 Referencing:

BTS OT7 2021/2022 Outlook Reading

A: Yeah, the reading was a bit of a bummer toward the end, but overall things were relatively balanced for them as individuals on a more personal level. However, I do think we're seeing a lot of that general tension now with how a lot of fans are responding to the new music, specifically their last three releases. I'm sure that's stirring up some debate and conversation behind the scenes both with the group and the company overall. So, it seems like one of those things where work-life can be a bit stressful going forward, but personal work and personal life for them can be relatively smooth and enjoyable, which can be more rewarding in the long run.

XXXX

Q: oh wow, I did not expect ur 2022 outlook to hit me that hard lol, I was hoping for something more positive for BTS but on the other hand they have been doing all this for over a decade so it's natural for it to finally come to close. still feeling emotional tho hahah -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

A: Same, honestly. 😥 But yeah, it tends to be a natural progression for a lot of artists that get that big, almost as if their careers grow past them and they just ride the wave the rest of the way. Still, a fascinating thing to watch play out over the years, definitely something to appreciate and be proud of.

XXXX

Q: love love love your dream and georgenotfound reading! I agree dream's reading is especially interesting, and an individual analysis on either of them would be amazing!! -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

Q: This might sound crazy but I read your tarot reading on DNF and remembered you mentioning Cecil? I'm watching their geoguessr stream happening live rn and just saw them go past a sign that said Cecil. I thought that was a funny coincidence -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

Q: Hi! All of your readings are so well written and I loved your reading you did on Dream and George and I was wondering if you could do a reading on Dream. You mentioned maybe doing one. -@glimmercherr

📕 Referencing:

How do GeorgeNotFound and Dream connect?

A: Yes, most likely I'll be doing an Elemental Alignment reading for Dream at some point and maybe I'll include some stuff about his birth chart as he has some underlying cosmic imprinting that I think is really interesting. And yeah, coincidences like that are my favorite, just the little things that pop up that seem to tie things together in a funny way, lol. I'm sure there's always some underlying meaning to it somehow.

XXXX

Can you do a mini reading on jimin and jungkook? Whether it’s more equal now? Idk maybe because I am a Pisces I have been able to read other people’s vibes (I call them ) better I am no expert but I feel jimin thinks of jungkook as like an individual grown-up but still would always see himself as a protector kinda like powder siblings too? Also because this doesn’t show up consciously Like they always seem like equal and above sand all in behind the scenes too? Can you explain or clarify if I am right? -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

A: Yes, things are definitely more equal now. There's a very interesting progression for them that plays out energetically and even as deeply as on a soul level, lining up with their personal development and separation from the Soul Body. Of course, with Jimin being older and having had known Kook for so long, I have no doubt that no matter what, some part of him would always feel protective of Kook, the only difference is that Kook is in a headspace now where he can be protective back, be more of an equal support for Jimin right back. And, I agree, behind the scenes when they're not performing and not "in character," they can definitely display more of that equalizing push and pull, more so reflecting their energetic connection on a conscious and physical level, which tends to show a very strong soul bond that is being supported on both sides.

If you haven't already, I recommend reading these readings in order as they can really display that development between them over the past few years:

Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P1 (2018)

Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P2 (2020)

The Internal Alignment of Park Jimin (2020)

How do Jimin and Kook connect? (2021)

#bmpasks #stray kids #bts #jikook #jimin #jungkook #georgenotfound #dream #dreamnotfound #dnf

[clerichs-xi]

Getting real on main here bc I'm kinda tired of keeping everything in my head so I'm gonna ramble for a bit bc my blog my posts

Starting to realize more and more i don't know how to interact with people and im kinda starting to wonder if im neurodivergent or if im socially anxious

It's not just I don't know how to interact socially it's more like I don't know how to react in social so I end up mimicking what other ppl do in order to not get a negative reaction/keep up the convo in a natural way. I find I do it more online bc I have time to think about what I do+look back on messages and I end up being so paranoid about what I say or how my messages could get construed differently or how people could negatively react. Maybe it's more that I'm extremely prone to overthinking stuff but either way it makes me feel miserable sometimes, like I can't open up ever and most of the time I end up not opening up. I'm afraid of negative reactions and criticism bc I'm so prone to criticizing others myself. Also i grew up having most of my stuff (achievements, work, expressed thoughts) being reacted to with either neutral reactions or criticism on the basis of humility. Whoa that just got deep lol. Anyways after typing all of this out I feel like my issue mostly lies with my fears of being seen in a negative way or being disliked after saying something so I just end up. overthinking every single thing I want to say or not saying anything at all or both. It's wild how afraid I am of receiving any remotely negative feedback bc the moment I do I'll take to heart way too much and beat myself up over it!! Itll all I focus on and then I'll pick apart every single thing I ever did or said and make myself feel even more miserable!! I'm perfectly capable of discerning when something is my fault just. not when im talking to someone.

Tangent but since I'm here rambling already ill talk abt it and also kinda related. I never feel comfortable enough venting abt my life to close friends bc a) I'm seen as the functional one in the group; b) it seems everyone else's problems are bigger than mine and c) I'll feel like I'm complaining for no good reason mostly bc of a). I did have someone in my friend group say "what do u have to complain abt u have a functional family lol" once and that hurt. And that's why I never share anything anymore lol!!! Bc everyone I know says my life is perfect but a lot I wish I weren't me and I feel so trapped. It's gotten better bc I have been in situations b4 where I vented during really bad situations but I still don't rlly. And the fact that I only feel ok with venting in situations/with feelings that, in my mind, constituted as on par with other people's issues or of a certain level severity that was worth sharing and wouldn't face backlash for is. fucked up to say the least I think. Sometimes I think social media has played a role in fostering this idea bc of ppl constantly comparing and trying to 1-up others with their struggles. or ppl usinh catastrophic world events to go to other ppl saying "ur life will never be as bad as that so suck it up"

Uh anyways I think the neurodivergent part mostly bc i get uncomfortable when I'm not doing something and I can't really stand not doing smth. Ive seen some posts of neurodivergent people (esp posts abt adhd/ppl with adhd talking abt it) and kinda find myself relating to stimulation issues to a degree? I hate not doing anything productive eg drawing, writing. Sometimes I can't even stand just watching tv or reading bc sometimes I don't feel involved enough. If I'm interested in a piece of media I'll binge it for a couple of days and then the next day I'll feel nothing at all for it. Like idk maybe I'm thinking too hard and I don't actually know what I'm talking abt but at this rate I'd rather be wrong while try to explore this/put it into words then keep everything to myself just because I'm afraid of getting backlash or whatever from the 3 real people and 20 pornbots that follow me. Chances are this post wont receive any attention like literally anything else I've ever posted except it not getting attention will be what I want haha.

Tldr I'm just tired of trying to please people and bottling stuff up just bc I want ppl to like me and bc I don't want to burden others. I want to open up and have actual social interactions where I'm not overthinking everything I do. And I'm posting this to prove to myself that I'm going to change and get over it.

#citrus speaks

[softer-ua]

yeah honestly i can never recall a time where deku came out of a situation the loser, even when he loses physically he usually reaches his goal/has the moral high ground. for example all might himself says this with the "deku looked up to katsuki's power and determination (positive) vs katsuki feared deku's spirit (negative)" line. like it's obvious who the one who needs more improvement is. i can count very few times where he ultimately did the wrong thing.

and i mean a character like him is hard to develop, because his whole schtick is that he possessed heroic spirit but not the power to back it up. he starts the series with all the character traits he needs to have, because that's the reason all might picked him in the first place.

and i understand that eventually his self destructive tendencies will be addressed, but it's a flaw (one of the few sometimes painted as such) that's been with him since the very beginning, and three hundred chapters later a poor job has been done of addressing it imo, because it hasn't been addressed at all.

if anything the series keeps sending mixed signals, because it's always like "hooo no break bones little green boi bones breaky bad" but then every time he does break his bones it ends with him the winner. the closest he comes to a repercussion is when he's a dead weight at the camp, but even then he takes down muscular solo, and he couldn't have just run away with kouta, since that would mean a wild murder happy muscular running around. what else could he have done there? and the doctors are like "if you keep breaking your arms they will literally become unusable confetti" but instead of having him stop doing that, the series finds ways to bypass the repercussions, like oh look here, convenient overpowered time girl who will rewind you just enough to undo ur self-harm in an instant! it's like the narrative keeps telling deku, self harm is the answer!! and even after kacchan says 'don't be fucking dumb' the vestiges still go 'yes boy self harm is the answer!!" and AM feeds into that too by virtue of existing, since that dude's whole deal was self-depravation in the name of greater good.

and ive said all this, and you're 300 chapters into a series and you've got an mc whose outlook has changed in a pretty tiny way outside of gaining confidence, whose flaws have not been addressed because the series isn't sure if the flaws are actually virtues and isn't sure if willingness to self-harm in order to win is a heroic trait or not.

but then, you could say that this is actually a genius character arc, because this self-destruction will only take you so far, and with izuku winning everything,his mind has just grown convinced that "self harm and self-sacrifice is the answer!!!" until well, it isn't. sure he dealt with the small fries through it, but it's not sustainable, and it's how at least two of his predecessors died/retired.

PLW was the first instance of deku seeing that his bogus self-harm doesn't always end well. he was doing a poor job of collaborating with everyone else there, and katsuki had to literally almost die to keep him from dying due to recklessness. for the first time in forever, his mentality made him not just a dead-weight, but a danger teammates need to sacrifice themselves to cover for.

and im like 🤯 because it took 300 chapters but we've just watched OFA all might's ideologically slowly dismantled for how toxic it is and i have no idea what im even saying anymore.

the point is, izuku is a dear character to me and the perfect mc for the series,but his arc leaves me conflicted because i cannot decide if it's genius or nearly non-existent and it drives me crazy

You’re 100% right

I think Dekus character arc problem is that Hori lets his characters develop in a pretty organic way

Most (if not all) the other characters are pressured into changing because their problems get in the way of their goals, aren’t sustainable, and are condemned by society

So they get addressed because the only way around them is through

Meanwhile Deku “fuck the natural order” Midoriya’s-

-main character flaw’s only true obstacle is that it isn’t sustainable, but because the flaw is self sacrifice sustainability isn’t a top concern for him, getting to the next fight would be cool but saving people here and now is what matters

He keeps achieving his goals through this manner, so unless his goals change this isn’t an obstacle

Society praises this behavior until the lack of sustainability catches up and the hero is no longer useful

So as of now the only way he could be forced to confront this flaw is if the sustainability runs out, then everyone’s fucked and we all drown in our tears

But if something or someone forced him to reconsider his goals just a twinge, forced him to care about something other than just saving/winning, made him want to be a little selfish and a lot more self preserving, made him value what he could get from life instead of just what he could give to it

Well than his flaw would suddenly be a very big obstacle to his goals, if his self sacrificing was hurting someone close to him societal values would from on it a little more. If Deku wanted something off the battlefield as badly as he did on it he’d have a new obstacle

And Bakugo was getting dangerously close,

So Deku left.

#softy answers #Deku: I can’t imagine a world without him #Deku: but I’ve always been more of a hands on learner

[getofy]

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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[the-insomniac-emporium]

i stumbled upon ur writing looking for lady d x non-binary reader fics and ur work has just been a godsend i’m obsessed. it’s inspired me to start writing my own even though i’ve never written for fandoms before. i’ve never written for other actual characters before either so i was wondering if u could spare any tips for writing for lady d and her daughters? 🙏🏻

:D

I can certainly try! I'll divide the tips into lil sections for each characters. Might be less tips, more character observations that help me figure out how to write them? Putting under read-more for length. Also! If you ever want someone to look over what you write before you post it, I offer my services! I can't guarantee how fast I can respond, but I've been editing/proof-reading/giving general feedback for my friends for years, with everything from fanfiction to college level essays.

Alcina:

Large and in charge, literally. Regardless of the situation, Lady D wants to stay in control, or at least look like she's in control. Okay, minor exception being anything involving Mother Miranda, since she's the one person Lady D has any real respect for. Otherwise, Alcina maintains a good grasp on any situation, looking for ways to put herself in control.

For example, she often uses her height as a means to establish dominance, even within RE8 canon. If you watch a video of the Four Lords meeting, Alcina stands up once she starts arguing with Heisenberg, towering over him in an attempt to intimidate. We also see the aforementioned exception in this scene, as Lady D sort of "shrinks" a little when Miranda responds.

As much as Lady D wants to be in control, she's not always actually capable of it. In the game, we see her struggle to contain her emotions, and often releases them in outbursts. Such as the infamous vanity throwing scene (god I love that so much). It can provide some nice contrast in scenes, having Lady D be so in control one moment, then as soon as she's behind closed doors she's letting it all out.

Uses the most old-fashioned language out of her whole family. It's kind of hard to describe how one goes about writing this way, but I recommend trying to find some journals that were written in the early 1900's and reading them. Or just some classic novels (not Moby Dick, tho, that one's a bit much, in my opinion). One thing I can say is occasionally swap contractions (can't, don't, I've, etc) for the full version of the word (cannot, do not, I have, etc). Something about that always makes dialogue feel older, though I can't really explain why. Whatever you do, just don't rely too much on using synonyms. Replacing common words with their cousins can make dialogue feel "fancier", but you often run the risk of unintended connotations (feelings, positive or negative, associated with a word) messing with how a text is interpreted.

Puts up a front/facade around most people, as part of her noble background and need for control, with words like "stoic" and "composed" coming to mind. Very rough with troublemakers, no mercy. But!!! So very incredibly soft with her family/loved ones. I've seen some people accuse her of "faking" her love for her daughters, but these people either played a different game than I did, or they can't read emotions as well as I can. Gentle touches when she's checking if her kids are okay, little glances and gentle nods for reassurance, pausing a chase just to help her daughters, etc.

Bela:

Wants to make her mother proud. Legally obligated to make her mother proud, because she's the eldest daughter. Not that I know how that feels, being the younger of two children. Regardless, Bela is the most well behaved of the daughters, even when her mother isn't around. However, she does resent this position to some degree, based on in game dialogue/dialogue files that are in the game but aren't used. Personally, I see her as someone who's willing to let certain things go in exchange for favors/blackmail ammo.

Cleans up after her sisters a fair bit, sometimes literally. Feels responsible for them, to the point where their mistakes are her mistakes, and she's forced to compensate on their behalf. Because of this she ends up complaining a lot, though almost only when her family isn't around.

Still very protective of her family, she simply does most of her protecting behind the scenes. Knows how to manipulate a situation, which she probably learned from her mother, and can be quite convincing when she wants to be. Less likely to use violence to solve a problem than anyone else in the family. Will she use violence if need be, or if someone fucks up enough? Yes, absolutely, but she'll focus more on efficiency than misery (unless someone really fucks up).

Generally speaking she's more eloquent than either of her sisters, though not by much unless she's trying to impress someone (usually her mother).

Cassandra:

Two words: Angry. Horny. To her, they might as well be one word. Horngry. Cassandra struggles with her emotions more than either of her sisters, being a pressure cooker ready to pop basically all the time. It's not hard to set her off, but it can take ages for her to cool back down. Let's her frustration (of any variety) build up until she can bludgeon someone to death with it. Harshest on the servants, and spends the most time toying with others in the dungeon.

Like Bela, Cassandra wants to make her mother proud, but it's less of an obligation and more of a "I'm the middle child and feel like I don't get enough attention" type deal. Is more than willing to stoop to "tattle telling" activities in order to get the attention she craves. Usually sticks to obediently following her mother's orders or hunting down enemies, though.

Bit of an artsy type, and the most likely to take trophies from her victims. Gross ones, usually. Okay, well, that's debatable, but I'm talking about general consensus rather than my specific tastes. Personally, I don't care if she's got some weird blood paintings. Hell, I've got extra blood, and also am clumsy and bleed a lot anyway, she can have mine!

Hides her non-anger emotions as best as she can. Hates talking about her feelings (even if it helps), to the point where it's usually impossible to tell how she's feeling deep down. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion! No one is ever just angry, there's always something else hiding underneath, such as: Sadness, disappointment, loneliness, jealousy, etc. Keep this in mind when you're writing her. Make sure you pinpoint the center of her anger, and hint at it, letting her actions show her true goal.

Swears the most, easily. Tends to speak in shorter sentences than her sisters, and prefers being blunt to being eloquent/flowery.

Daniela:

Love, love, love, love, love, ahhhh deep breath... love. Loves love, or at least what she processes as love. Would do anything for romance. Except she also craves "natural" romance, creating a sort of paradox that adds to her delusions, as she engages in the pursuit of unintentional romance (not to be confused with "The Pursuit of Unintentional Humor", a song that I very, very much enjoy). Wants to be loved for who she is at the same time that she attempts to mold herself into a more lovable shape. Struggles with intimacy, wanting to feel vulnerable without actually being so.

On some level she understands that draining people of their blood, and then drinking said blood, is not equatable to a healthy relationship. But seeing as this is the most common form of supposed "intimacy" that she experiences, she refuses to acknowledge the true nature of what she does. Instead she clings to the idea of "forever bonding" with her partners, pretending that each one is still with her, even when she no longer remembers their names.

Hates being rejected, no matter how gently. "Ugly" cries, but only if she's alone, often turning her pain into anger, just like Cassandra. However, her outbursts don't seem to last as long. In reality, her breakdowns simply occupy the inside of her existence, rather than the outside. Sure, she's giggling and causing chaos, like usual, but on the inside she's breaking a record for most depressing internal monologue.

Reads a ton, but not always "quality" books. Goes through a dozen books or more a week, often rereading her favorites several times, mainly within the romance genre (obvs). This affects her speech a fair amount, making her both cheesy and occasionally smooth as hell.

#j says things #character study #don't wanna tag as tips cuz this is so specific to resident #resident evil

[mimik-u]

“Homeworld Bound” Thoughts:

I wasn’t going to watch this one today, but then I realized that I really missed the Diamonds and wanted to consume novel content, so!

OOH, good on the show for taking us directly to the aftermath of “Fragments” instead of putting space between the episodes. That’s just... a really good choice narrative wise.

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s expressions are so distressing here. He’s been gone for three days; they must’ve been so worried.

Jasper steps aside to reveal an absolutely ruined Steven.

He just technically killed a gem and then resurrected her. How intensely will that forever lie on his psyche? Oh my g od

NO, NOT JASPER PASSIVELY MAKING THE DIAMOND SIGN IN THE BACKGROUND AUGH

“You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!”

Steven silent walking up to the Observatory as the Gems continue to freak the fuck out is harrowing. And Dee Dee Magno Hall is killing it with her voice acting here. The simultaneous fear and anger and horror in her voice. Oh my g d

“You guys... I love you, but you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.” 🥺 This is sad, but I’m also, like, problematic grandmas time!!!!!

“Find something better to do with your life.” God, Jasper’s look of disbelief and sadness here. I didn’t really delve into this during my “Fragments” watch because I was just roridoodwrjfkrkeke reeling, but her reaction to being accidentally shattered is psychologically devastating???? I’d wager that she simultaneously respects the fact that she’s been subjugated by a being more powerful than her, that she’s grateful to Steven for being both subjugator and savior, and likely, she’s conflating this new loyalty with her former loyalty for Pink. This is a really complex psyche (a tragic one most of all).

Garnet: “Steven, remember, we’ll always be your family.” I’m so fucki n emo

AWHWHWH, HOMEWORLD IS SO BRIGHT AND COLORFUL NOW!!!

YO!! Homeworld has a democracy now!! The Zircons!!!!!!!

THE WALL GEM IS MOVING??????? KWOEOEIDJDKSJS

Can u imagine being a wall cursed with sentience. that is so funny on so many levels

But it’s also really interesting, too. If the Wall Gem is a gem in the way say Topazes are gems, which, judging by her mobility, she is—then her explicit purpose in Era 1-2, as molded by presumably Yellow, was to b a wall omg. (Or, arguably, I think it can be argued that the inanimate object Gems, like Comby, were probably accidental sentient creations, made in relationship to their proximity to the Diamonds during their various secretion rituals!!)

Anyway, I love thinking about Homeworld worldbuilding. It’s fascinating.

SQUARE PERIDOT

SPIIIIIINELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Her heart eyes!! She looks so happy!

Steven, angry af: “Spinel, what is wrong with you?” / Spinel: Oh, you know—the usual.” KEKDSKDK

Also, Steven really wanted to say fuck there. NEKDDKKSSKKS

“I was such a wreck then, but I am so much better now.” We stan character growth 😭😭

One thing I have loved the Crewniverse so much for doing is never taking away the physical signs of gems’ mental distress, even after they’ve gotten better: Blue’s eye bags, Volleyball’s eye, Spinel’s running mascara. That is so important.

YELLOW SITTING AT HER LIL VANITY!!

IT’S LIGHT INSIDE HER ROOM! THERE R FLOWERS! THRIVE, QUEEN, THRIVE.

YELLOW REVERSING HER GEM EXPERIMENTS OH MY G D

FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!

(I’m sorry in advance. The rest of the live blog is just going to be screaming about the Diamonds.)

“I can permanently alter any physical form!” She’s so proud of herself. 😭😭😭 I fuckin’ love her.

Yellow laying down on the ground like that is SENDING ME SKSKSJSJ.

Ugh, and her being such a good mom to Spinel. I’m cry in f

“If anything’s out of proportion, it’s your temper. You can be big if you want to, or you can be small if you want to, but if you’re going to be upset no matter what, then this problem isn’t physical—it’s emotional. Go see Blue.”

I really like her advice here because it’s advice that comments so clearly on her own character arc. At her lowest, she was quick to anger, aggressive, and temperamental, which she diagnoses in Steven here. Additionally, she was the Diamond who was concerned largely with physical actions. She coped by maintaining the Empire through conquering planets and maintaining the minutiae of leadership; she thought the only way to receive justice for Pink was through the physical act of destruction. And in doing so, she pushed her own emotions deep, deep down until they manifested in anger, aggressiveness, and temperamental outbursts. This hurt the people she cared about, and it hurt herself most of all.

Also, “Go see Blue. That is her department.” Ejdoiddjdjjsjdjdks, “go see ur other grandma.”

BLUE FLOATING ON A CLOUD!!!!!

“Your powers have been causing you dramatic mood swings? That seems awfully troubling Steven.” God I love her

“You don’t seem troubled.” This is a really interesting line because it comments on how Blue’s emotions, especially her negatively charged ones, used to be so visible all over her; indeed, she both wittingly and actively used to project them on other Gems, forcing them to feel her suffering, too.

OH, SHE GOES ON TO SAY THE EXACT SAME THING EOEODODISSJJS. LISTEN, I REALLY VIBE WITH BLUE.

“Back before you came into my life, Steven, I wanted every one to feel the pain I felt. I realized I must make up for my awful behavior by bringing joy to others.”

Another thing I’ve appreciated about the writing in this episode: So far, both Blue and Yellow have used the adjective awful to describe their former actions. It’s the self-awareness and the refusal to try to excuse themselves that powerfully shows how much they’ve grown. And it’s their continuous endeavors to keep moving forward, to help the Gems that they’ve hurt, that indicates that they’re willing to constantly keep growing and atoning.

NFOFOFDKSSKSKSK, THESE CLOUDS ARE JUST HER VAPORIZED TEARS HELP.

Sick vape clouds, Blue

I’VE HEARD THE SONG BEFORE, BUT EVERY TIME SHE SINGS, I LOSE MY SHI T

LISA HANNNNIGAAAAAAAN

This is such a pretty line: “Cold palace walls, and endless empty halls, haunted by echoes of laughter.”

BLUE ASCENDING THROUGH THE CLOUDS AUSHAHHSHD

BLUE MAKING HEART CLOUDS FOR SPINEL!!

BLUE CALLING SPINEL N STEVEN HER LITTLE REASONS WHY.

“I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU CRY.” This line is particularly lovely because I think it plays well with Steven’s line to her in “CYM:” “How many times did you make her cry?”

BDJDJDJSJDJ, BLUE LAYING ON HER CLOUD LIKE YELLOW LAID ON THE FLOOR.

The way she sings the last “loving you.” 😭😭😭😭 I’m gonna weep. I love her so fucking much.

“I found happiness. If that's not something you think you deserve, then I suspect this is an issue of self worth. I suggest you go to White for assistance with such matters.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And like Yellow did, Blue gets to the heart of her arc cleanly.

Before Steven and before her own emotional reckoning, she didn’t think it was her place to be happy: “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” But in learning to love others, Blue has found true, inner happiness, which she literally shares with others. Wow.

And I think there’s something powerful in her distinction between true happiness and self-worth. You can’t find one without espousing the other.

White’s room is so pretty. 🥺

THE FLASHING STROBE LIGJTS DDNJDFJDJDNF.

SPINEL WHITE DIAMOND?!/!:$;8;83&:&:

SHE FUCKING LETS OTHER GEMS CONTROL HE R HELP.

SPINEL MAKING WHITE TAP DANCE FICODODOFODJDNDJSJDJDJJDDJDJ

Steven’s horrified expression omg

“I’m scared I’m gonna hurt people; I guess I already have.” God.

And that’s another thing that this episode has called to mind. Blue, Yellow, and White alike once used their insane powers to hurt other Gems and to hurt themselves, and here, throughout this series, we see Steven discovering that same capacity for destruction and self-destruction. Along with the systematic oppressions they facilitated, a big part of the Diamonds’ modus operandi was that their powers were directly correlated to their mental states and their various inabilities to confront their own selves and effect inner change. The corrective wasn’t necessarily Steven; the corrective was him helping them to do that initial act of introspection and looking inwards. And so, too, will Steven have to do the same by the end of this series. But I presume that his family, all the people and gems who have loved and cared for him, will in effect be his Steven, just as he has always been for them.

“Half a Diamond, half a creature of Earth—in all the universe there's no one else that could know what you’re going through, so maybe it's time you talked to yourself.” This is so viscerally sad. White hits the nail on the head here. Steven’s human friends/family and his gem family and even the Diamonds, who come the closest to matching his own strength, can never fully understand him. It’s the tension that underscores a lot, if not the entire show.

White briefly touches Steven with her nail, and you can viscerally see the trauma on his face; he hasn’t forgotten her act above all, wrenching his gem out, nearly killing him.

“I’m... I’m a Diamond.” Steven, in looking at White Diamond, realizes that she’s a mirror of himself. Holy fucking shit

“I don’t want to be you! I don’t want to be anything like you!” HOLY FUCKING SHIT

“Don’t hurt me! She can’t hurt me! I’m controlling her...” And here, Steven doesn’t light upon the essential thing... in making White punch the wall, nearly knocking a huge rock into him, he’s the one hurting himself.

This show, oh my g o d

“She’s the one who should be afraid.” STEVEN?!!!!????!??!

“No, stop it! I don’t like this!” / “Please, you’re scaring me.” OH MY GO D

HE FUCKING MADE HER SLAM HER GEM AGAINST A PILLAR HOLY HE LL

“What... what was that?” Christine’s delivery here. Holy shit. 😭😭 And both of them are surrounded in the carnage of Steven’s wrath. Holy fucking shit.

This act is fundamentally different than him accidentally shattering Jasper in “Fragments”; this was an intentional attempt to hurt White, to crack her, to break her. Holy fucking shit

Spinel, Blue, and Yellow waiting for Steven outside of White’s door has my heart a little and a lot tender 🥺🥺🥺🥺

SPINEL SINGING I CAN MAKE A CHANGE SO DRAMATICALLY DJDIDJDJDJDJD. (But yeah, lmao, this will absolutely be the conclusion of Steven’s arc at the end of Future.)

“Steven! Let us help you, Steven!” The Diamonds are so concerned (mirroring the Gems back at home, too). 😭😭

He leaves a flip flop behind like Cinderella lmao

“Steven, let us help you!” / “We’re your family!” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And just as he implored the CGs, he tells the Diamonds not to follow him either.

Steven is completely and utterly alone.

Not by necessity.

But God, by choice.

Okay, this is my new favorite Future episode.

#blue diamond #white diamond #yellow diamond #steven universe #spinel #s: future #mimiku #DIEOEODJDDNSNSJJD #this episode really did it for me