To my young E(n)d,
You are loved. You will be loved and you will love. Despite how many times you curse love over empty beer cans, swollen eyes and haunting happy memories.
At times, you will have this eargerness to scream and scream at the top of your lungs. It will feel like you have lost your voice. You will find yourself choking at those unspoken feelings and unheard voice. But Love, as you traverse these vast uncertainities, your voice will come along. And you will be heard, the way you hear others. Even in your silence and in your most chaotic state, you will be heard. You will be understood.
You will have sleepless nights. You will be anxious about the future. Like what if you will not wake up tomorrow ( you might find your self awake until dawn). You will think about the things you did in the past. Note: some will make you cringe and laugh. Flashbacks of regrets will bother you and will make you doubt yourself. What if's before bed time are deadly and insane, yet what can we do? It's the best time to do so.
In the midst of this chaos, you will eventually find your peace. Your calm in your storm. And you will be able to sleep soundly until it pass. Warm and safe.
You will be a traveler. Wondering every street of unknowns, you will be both in happy and scary places. Hellos and goodbyes will be bitter sweet. There are people you are fated to meet. You will be with them until they reach their destinations. And you, Love, will continue your adventure. You will somehow get lost, but dont be afraid you will find your way back.
I can tell that you will question your journey, like "whaaaat? what now? what am I supposed to do? What am I looking for? What am I searching?"
You will be looking for lotssss of things. You will be searching for love, for friendship, for something fun and daring. And most of all, you will be actually looking for a home. A safe haven, a place where you can be yourself. Because you will get tired of walking and walking endlessly.
But Love, home can be a person, can be built, sometimes it will be temporary and you will be asked to leave or you will leave. And most of all, Home is you. Just as how eager you are to seek shelter, you have to understand that you can be a home too. There is someone out there who wants your warmth, the sense of security and belongingness you give. Some one out there wants to come home to you and whisper "I am home" with a smile and tight warm hug - so warm it will melt your worries away. But still, it is up to you. I wonder what will you choose. Will you welcome someone home? Or will you be the one waiting at the doorstep to welcome some one home?
To my young E(n)d, life will get hard and not everyone will be at your side. There will be times where even your closest friends/ family will see the world differently from you and you will feel shaken. The ground on which you stand seems to tremble and your footing is suddenly unsure. To be able to understand why this happens and why it has to happen will keep your feet rooted firmly to the ground.
I love you and I am proud of who you were, and who you will be.
See you soon,
Your old beginning
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"maybe in the after life"
"maybe in the alternate universe"
"maybe someday we will meet again"
Maybe we like these idea so much, that we got lost in the false hope it gives. Maybe that is the reason why most people dont live their lives today, because they know that there will always be a tomorrow. Maybe that is why we are comfortable of wasting opportunities thinking there will be more. Just like how we lost our chance for we belived that this time ain't for us. Just like how I watch every people I hold dear slip into my hands like sands slowly becoming one with the wind. I, We took things for granted.
But I realized, what if... what if the time we said not ours was the only time we are meant to meet? What if after life is not true and alternate universe does not exist?
TOMORROW is a promise that will never be fullfilled. It is just always coming, but it never came. Just like you.
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I love sitting here, beside my window feeling the summer night breeze. I like how it blows away my queries, and how it replaces it with new thoughts. Sometimes I like to think that these thoughts are like dandelion seeds carried by wind to me, plants it in me then wait for it to bloom. Words whispered by strangers to the wind, hoping it would reach whoever they are thinking.
I wish, miles from me, someone is sitting outside feeling the wind. And I hope my words lands on its garden.
I feel like a fallen log
In the bosom of the river
Till I reach rock bottom
Dark, cold, and silent
But I guess it's better
Than standing under the heat of the sun.
With the deafening sound of the surroundings.
There is peace in solitude.
I found something in the middle of nothing
I am now here in nowhere.
I will probably stay at the bottom.
Until time has petrified my fragile soul.