Everything I Wanted (Todoroki x Reader) Soulmate Au
inspired by Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish.
TW! Mentions of contemplated suicide and insecure thought that could be triggering.
soulmate Au! Where your soulmate tattoo appears on your wrist after you touch your soulmate for the first time.
F!reader x Todoroki
F!reader x Bakugou (brotp)
Plot: the reader is Todoroki’s soulmate, but he doesn’t want to let some mystical ink on his wrist dictate who he should love, so he rejects reader as his soulmate. This story is about how reader first reacted to the rejection and how slowly reader lets herself heal, but what the universe wants it will get.
This is my very first post on here! I hope you guys enjoy!
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you’d think
And if I’m bein’ honest
It might’ve been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Every night you’d wake up drenched in sweat, panting as you tried to calm your breathing, tears staining your rosy cheeks. Every night you had the same nightmare, you wished it was just your mind overthinking, but sadly it wasn’t. Even in your dreams you’d replay that memory in your head over and over again.
“ I’m sorry (y/l/n), but even if your name is tattooed on my wrist and even if fate says we are meant to be together, I can’t return your feelings. My heart belongs to another. I’m truly sorry if I’m not what you expected as a soulmate.” He told you with nothing but sincerity in his voice. The sad and hurtful truth.
“I-It’s okay. I understand Todoroki-san. Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine” You said holding in the need to cry, and the need to let the crawling feeling in your throat free, to scream and yell how once again this world was nothing but cruel.
He gave a slight nod of his head before walking away from you. His other half as written by the universe and written on your left wrist.
You looked down at the floor clenching your fists and look up once again to see him standing with the rest of the A-1 class who was chatting as they waited for class to resume. A lone tear raced down your face.
“I’ll be fine” You whispered to yourself.
‘I have to be’ you thought.
As a young girl all you ever did was fantasize about your soulmate. You thought it would be a dream come true for you when you would finally get to meet them. You would get your happily ever after like in those princess tales you’d love to read before going to bed. You thought you’d have the perfect white picket fence life to look forward to.
As a young foolish girl you thought life would be easy.
you didn’t know your parents were going to sacrifice their lives to save others.
you didn't know that you weren’t quirkless and that your parents had been using ‘vitamins’ to suppress your quirk because of how dangerous it was when your emotions went haywire.
you didn't know that it wouldn’t get better contrary to what your therapist would tell you.
you didn’t know that you weren’t going to make as many friends as you had hoped you would.
and what hurt the most was that you didn’t know your soulmate wasn’t going to be your knight in shining armor like you had hoped.
Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the Golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)
It had been a month since Todoroki rejected you as his soulmate. You thought you could've gotten over it but as always it seemed like the universe wanted to punish you for just existing. You didn’t participate in class anymore, You made sure to cover your soulmate tattoo so that no one would accidentally look at it, you didn’t tare your gaze from the floor, you thought that it wouldn't hurt as much if you didn't have to look at him, but then the rumors started spreading and then the rumors weren't so much of a rumor.
“ Todoroki and Momo made it official!”
“ I knew they were soulmates, I mean just look at how perfect they look together.”
“ Did you see the picture Momo posted of their soulmate tattoos? I'm so jealous!”
It was all too much for you, so you ran and you ran until you found yourself on the rooftop of U.A. and you let the tears you were holding in fall.
You let the monster crawling at your throat free, letting yourself scream, letting yourself voice the hurt you had been bottling up.
why weren't you good enough for anyone?
not good enough for your parents to live for, they would rather die for others than to live for you.
not good enough for your classmates, they barley talked to you or invited you to places like they did with each other.
not good enough for your soulmate to want you. hell he’d rather cover you up than let people know fate had chosen you for him, were you so disgusting that you weren't even worth mentioning as the soulmate he rejected?
“stop” you whispered to your thoughts.
“ please just stop” your voice sounded hoarse.
“I just wanted everything to stop. To end” you said louder to no one, because no one was there, because no one cared.
you slowly walked towards the edge of the roof and looked down at the ground.
your eyes were void of anything, they looked empty.
shakily you put one foot out into the nothingness, into the only thing that could stop you from letting the pain overwhelm you. you closed your eyes ready to fly.
‘This world is so cruel and yet so beautiful’ you thought before letting your eyes snap open and gasping.
your eyes regained a light and tears began to swell once again, you let yourself fall backwards away from the edge of the building.
Yes the world was cruel and life wasn't fair, but it was also beautiful. there was still so much you wanted to experience, still so much that would be worthwhile.
after sitting on the floor for what felt like hours, you heard the distance sound of the bell signaling the end of lunch. you slowly picked yourself of the ground and cleaned your tears with the sleeve of your uniform jacket.
you made your way back to class 1-A. you were the last one to walk in, and some of your classmates glanced up at you, but they didn’t say anything about your puffy red eyes, they didn’t ask why you weren’t at lunch, they didn’t ask how your day was going so far, they didn’t ask if you were okay.
because you were not okay.
you once again felt a heaviness in your chest.
you thought they would care at least a bit, they were heroes in training after all, yet it seemed like they hadn’t even noticed.
they hadn’t even noticed your absence and maybe they didn’t mind it in the slightest.
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
Maybe you were too wrapped up in your own mind or maybe you finally lost it, but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out how you ended up like this. Eating spicy noodles quietly with your class’ very own lord explosion murder sitting across from you.
If you were to ask Bakugou why he demanded you have lunch with him, he’d say it was because your dumbass face was the only one he could stand enough to willingly share his homemade noodles with, and if you were to ask him why he was sharing noodles in the first place, he would tell you to shut the hell up and just eat without questioning him.
What Bakugou would never admit is that when he was roaming the school grounds during lunch two weeks ago he saw you standing at the very edge. He stood frozen in place, not sure of what he could do, but before he could will himself to move he saw how you feel backwards and out of his sight. He knew why he froze because he remembered a comment he made to deku before they entered U.A. He obviously didn’t mean it, but seeing you so willingly to just dive of a building made something in him feel guilt for making such an insensitive comment even if it was to deku.
He really didn’t know you well. He knew that he had never actually seen your quirk in action though probably more than half of the class could relate to that since you never really used it. He knew pretty much that he didn’t know you at all and that unsettled him. Sure he wasn’t the most sociable guy or easiest to approach, but he at least knew a couple of things about each of his classmates friends.
So he decided to pay more attention to you, he noticed how you really didn’t talk to any of your classmates and how they wouldn’t try to include you in their conversations. He noticed you always walked with your head down not really looking at where you were going. He noticed the bags under your eyes making themselves more prominent. He noticed how sometimes when you would space out in class you’d be staring at the back of the class where the half and half bastard would sit. He became aware of your being but he still didn’t know how to approach you.
The opportunity came after an awkward encounter.
Everyone (or so you thought) had gone out to who knows where and like always you hadn’t been invited. You decided to train for a little while. You had been slowly progressing with being able to control your quirk, but after your conversation with Todoroki you were back at square one. Your emotions were a train wreck making it hard to control your quirk. Becoming frustrated with yourself you decided to call it a day but since you were sweaty you went to take a shower first. You forgot to take your clothes with you, and since you were by yourself in the dorms you didn’t think it would be that big of a deal if you ran to your room. Midway there you bumped into a wall that wasn’t there this morning. You looked up and there was Bakugou looking down at you.
‘Oh shit I’m going to die’ you thought but then you saw Bakugou frown as he looked directly at your uncovered wrist.
‘Shouto Todoroki’ Bakugou narrowed his eyes. He finally understood why you had been acting more closed off than usual, and maybe if you had looked a little harder you wouldve seen the understanding in them.
“Sor-” you began to say but he cut you off
“get dressed and meet me in the kitchen” he said before walking away.
After that day things changed for you. Who knew eating noodles in silence with an angry blonde could set you on your path to healing?
Every time you saw them holding hands you didn't have enough time to let yourself question what you could have done for that to be you.
“hey dumbass hurry up or I’ll kill you” the red eye blonde would yell at you once he noticed you lagging behind. Making you forget about the black ink on your wrist and making you worry about how bakugou was going to react to you getting a C- on the test he spent a whole afternoon helping you study for.
And you say, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you’re here, they don’t deserve you”
It was close to the end of the school year and if you were to say that much hadn’t changed you’d be lying.
thanks to practing your quirk with bakugou and him suggesting meditation to help you stay calm you were finally able to control your quirk enough to use it without fear around others.
Through him you also became friends with the rest of the bakusquad and they helped you warm up to the others.
all the second guessing and the comparing yourself to others didn’t cross your mind often anymore.
unbeknownst to you every time you peeled off the layers of insecuirty that held you back from expressing yourself bakugou would smile glad that you,just like him, could get passed the pain left by an unrequited soulmate bond.
also unbeknownst to you, as you began getting along with the rest of the class and opening up, he couldn’t help but be captivated by some of your quirks. How you would help the likes of denki study even when you weren’t better off yourself, how you were the only one who entertained Midoriya’s rambling and even added comentary.
He began to get to know you and he could see how the universe could’ve blessed him with a soulmate such as yourself. you were the complete opposite of what he was used to, the todoroki home wasn’t exactly the most affectionate.
He was seeing you bloom right before his eyes and all he could feel was guilt as he diverted his eyes to look at his left wrist.
He softly caressed his thumb over the name and even with his soft touch the fake dark ink smuged.
He thought he had what he wanted.
He thought the universe had been wrong.
He thought it was for the best.
but as he saw you bickering with bakugou he found himself wondering what he could’ve done for that to be him, for you to be open with him like that.
he knew he was wrong but he was too far in to fix it.
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
lastly Todoroki knew that even if you found it in yourself to forgive him, he still wouldn’t deserve you.
Thank you so much for reading this far if you did! I don’t know why I couldn’t get this out of my head and so here it is. Also I threw in an AOT reference to cope with the pain.
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