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elisaenglish · 9 months

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List of Temptations (To Be Read Every Morning)

“Temptation of idleness (by far the strongest) Never surrender to the flow of time. Never put off what you have decided to do.

Temptation of the inner life Deal only with those difficulties which actually confront you. Allow yourself only those feelings which are actually called upon for effective use or else are required by thought for the sake of inspiration. Cut away ruthlessly everything that is imaginary in your feelings.

Temptation of self-immolation Subordinate to external affairs and people everything that is subjective, but never the subject itself—i.e. your judgement. Never promise and never give to another more than you would demand from yourself if you were he.

Temptation to dominate

Temptation of perversity Never react to an evil in such a way as to augment it.

Refuse to be an accomplice. Don’t lie—don’t keep your eyes shut…

— Two internal obstacles to be overcome:

Cowardice before the flight of time (mania for putting things off—idleness…)

Illusion that time, of itself, will bring me courage and energy... In fact, it is usually the contrary (sleepiness). Say to yourself: And suppose I should remain always what I am at this moment?... Never put something off indefinitely, but only to a definitely fixed time. Try to do this even when it is impossible (headaches…). Exercises: decide to do something, no matter what, and do it exactly at a certain time.

You live in a dream. You are waiting to begin to live…

— One must develop a habit. Training. Distinguish between the things I can put off, and those [I cannot]. Begin the training with small things, those for which inspiration is useless…

Every day, do 2 or 3 things of no interest at some definitely appointed time.

Reach the point where punctuality is automatic and effortless. —Lack of flexibility of imagination. An obstacle to be methodically overcome. The second screen between reality and yourself. Much more difficult. What is needed is something quite different from a methodical training… But precious.”

-Simone Weil, First and Last Notebooks-

#quote #women writers #love #life #purpose #meaning #all eternal things #love in a time of...#intelligence quotients #depth perception #understanding beyond thought #perspective matters #essential thinking #free your mind #this is how goes #stands on its own #elisa english #elisaenglish

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can-a-tuna-fish · 3 months

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I have something to say about boyf riends being queer platonic but the world isn’t ready

#michael mell #jeremy heere #he’s not really here but the implication is that the glowing spiky star Michael is holding is him #I had two ideas for the situation here #post-play Michael forgiving Jeremy but still feeling that there’s something intrinsically changed about their relationship #or Halloween Michael trying to reach out to Jeremy and realizing that he isn’t really getting through to him #but you can take it however you want :3 #either way something so warm and sad about reconciling a friendship you thought was over #your honor their relationship is something that reaches beyond platonic or romantic #your honor please understand they can never fully remove themselves from each others lives #irreparably is the word I meant. not intrinsically.#michael bmc #jeremy bmc #be more chill #bmc #bmc musical #undescribed #my art

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beebfreeb · 2 months

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One of the most heart-wrenching things that've ever happened to me occurred while trying to research the Super Paper Mario art style.

"Ohh what a beautiful and interesting art style! It is very distinctive! I wonder if anyone else has tried or wanted to try breaking it down and replicating it?" Obliviously, I typed in Super Paper Mario Art Style into my search bar... only to find many people calling it ugly and saying they hate it.

This simply could not be... permanent damage was done to my artistic soul.

No joy? No whimsy in this world? No love of early computer graphics? Of the art that was born from the computer and is difficult to replicate without one? Of the art made when this was something new and fascinating? No love for something unique?

Super Paper Mario don't listen to all those haters I love your geometric art style influenced by what shapes are easily drawn on a computer and the smooth mechanical interpolation within your animations. I love you. Also the music is banger.

#super paper mario #spm #funny talking tag #I cannot understand why anyone would truly hate the art... it looks so cool it's so interesting to me.#However I realize that I'm not a Mario fan. SPM is quite literally the only Mario game I know anything about (beyond cultural osmosis).#(Well I know a little bit about Luigi's Mansion but mostly because I was obsessed with gameplay videos of it when I was 9)#(and whatever information that Lorraine feeds me because of his PHD in Mario autism)#SPM's only flaw is that you have to play it with the sideways Wiimote which is the worst control scheme that has ever been thought up.#(I did watch Lorraine play PM64 as well but as silly and charming as the game was... SPM has cooler art and a story. I like it a lot.)

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loboazul16 · 3 months

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This is how these two went right?

#dungeon meshi #laios #kabru #I need to ramble excuse me #this is just disorganized thoughts dont look too much into it #RRRHRRHRHRGHRGHRGHRAAAAAAAAA #laios likes monsters more than he likes people #people bore him #so he just loves knowing about mosnters and ignores people #kabru has a fascinating interest in people #going beyond the normal limit of getting to know a person #and he cant understand why anyone would like monsters #none of them are normal about this #literal opposites of each other i am exploding

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dykealloy · 5 months

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luffy getting frozen-hugged to death by a bird harpy woman, so close to giving in and passing out only to be woken up by the very THOUGHT of zoro telling him to get a grip.

#CJ's op watch-through #one piece #abnormal about them. if you were wondering.#adding andaniellight's thoughts here:#sanji saying ''he's so tough of himself'' when zoro said that but what he couldn't understand is that zoro is so terrified #of luffy going above and beyond for the sake of his crew out of zoro's reach #(and the both of them losing their respective fights earlier)#when zoro spent 2 years worrying about luffy after hearing about how he lost his brother #like regardless of how happy go lucky luffy is zoro knows his fear of losing everyone after what he's gone through #is probably the strongest out of the whole crew combined #op #zolu

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totem-but-shark · 2 months

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qfoolish is building up a bit of a streak of seeing other characters isolated, ostracized or alone and stepping in. just being there for them, someone they can trust if they so wish but at the core of it letting them know there's someone in their corner. qcellbit during his attempted infiltration into the federation, qjaiden after bobby's death when the Islanders turned against her for befriending cucurucho, Pepito alone without his parents, and now qtubbo.

He never tries to sway them or control their decisions, they don't owe him their time or trust, he's not there to judge them as right or wrong, good or evil, he's no saint himself. He's company, because for all qfoolish may struggle understanding with others anger or sadness, fear or whatever else, he knows loneliness.

Maybe it stems from solitude and equally great loyaly only an immortal can understand, or maybe it's his biology. He totem, he help after all. There's an underlying unspoken promise to it; you don't have to be alone, I will stand by you, you deserve a friend, I will not judge you for your worst.

And the worst part of it all is that in the end, one way or another, they leave him instead.

#i have a lot more thoughts on this that ill probably delve into later but yerp #qfoolish unsettles many who dont see beyond the surface but but for the select through he lets in open armed they understand #his actions arent tied to morality but who he is #and love #for someone regarded as one of the servers most chaotic he can be startlingly gentle #qsmp #qsmp foolish #qsmp thoughts #qsmp analysis #fobo

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starry-bi-sky · 3 months

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Danyal Al Ghul's missed potential - this kid is not gonna behave like his canon self if he's with the league of assassins until his late formative years, and my reasoning why

(feel free to take this all with a grain of salt this is just my thoughts on it, this is all mostly amusing to me and isn't trying to be negative towards anyone else)

similar to how i was talking about how danny growing up in crime alley would affect him, demon twin aus with danyal al ghul make me laugh a lot (affectionate) because... whose teaching danny to unlearn all the ecofascism he picked up from the league of assassins? whose teaching him to be kind? to be gentle? Not the LoA thats for certain.

(you could plausibly say Jazz but she's only 2 years older than Danny and do you really expect a fellow child to properly explain why X is wrong to another child and have it be 100% effective? i don't doubt it'd help to an extent, but not in the same way an adult explaining it would)

plus a ton of other things, like whose teaching him to value human life? not the LoA. Whose teaching him how to adjust to living with American society after he ends up with the Fentons when he's 8-9-10? Who teaches him that killing is wrong, whose enforcing that?

(not the Fentons if you're going the neglectful parent route, and Jazz can try but i really don't think Danny is going to listen to her, a stranger who isn't even part of his grandfather's league)

How do you teach a child to value human life when the greatest development window for that opportunity has closed and he's already formed his own opinions?

You're not gonna get a Danny whose exactly like his canon attitude if he's staying with the league during his formative years (0-8 years old). you're not. You could get someone LIKE it, potentially, or someone who has traces of it or is similar -- like danny's wit and jokes and sarcasm, and on some level his kindness. but you're not gonna have a carbon copy. Development doesn't work that way. "nature" can only do so much in the face of nurture.

If anything, it doesn't even have to be a major change -- in the league he cans till be kind, but it's probably going to manifest in a different way than what is considered normal. Tough love, for one. But there's gonna be something that affects him negatively. Why make him 'always good/kind' when you can make him a brat who develops into a kinder (if spikier than in canon) person?

TLDR: Danyal Al Ghul would not be like how he is in canon if he's with the league until his late formative years -- not without any lasting pr permanent impacts from the league at least. Missed potential to make him an absolute nightmare like damian was -- especially in his early years when he first arrived to the Fenton house.

(this doesn't apply to danyal al ghul aus where he's either given to the fentons as a baby/is reincarnated/etc. this is mostly aimed for danyal al ghul aus where he fakes his death at like, 7-10 and somehow ends up, personality-wise like his completely canon self by 14 without any differences.)

(and even then if he's five or four, or even three, he would still be traumatized and influenced by the league. he'll just have more time to adjust. the sooner he leaves the league the more likely he is to be like his canon self, but not like an exact copy)

(more under the cut)

Anyways what I'm saying is that there is prime missed Danyal al Ghul potential to make him an absolute NIGHTMARE to the Fentons however way he ends up with them, just like Damian was with the Waynes! Cuz why does Damian get all the fun? Danny got the same training and endoctrine as him! He is also an ex-assassin! Why is Danny the only one who is 'well adjusted and non-violent' hm? Hmm?

Why can't he also be mean, and stabby, and a total stuck-up in some way or another? Have fun with his characterization, its prime opportunity to play play-doh and clay with him! If he starts out as X how does he get the personality traits of Y, and thus become XY?

Like take this with a grain of salt if you will, but make him arrogant. Make him an asshole! Make him a bad person at first! Because he will be! He's the blood son of the batman and you mean to tell me that damian is the only one arrogant about it at first? Make him stabby and mean even at 14 when he's begun to chill out! Have fun with it! If he's with the Fentons at any point past the age of four or five then he's gonna be a nightmare to handle because he still remembers the league and his time there.

(and while it gives him more time to chill the hell out, his time at the league is still gonna leave an impact on him.)

also what im saying as well is have him and sam potentially get along like a house on FIRE. Again, Danny grew up under the views of an ecofascist cult and nobody to challenge those views to him until he got to amity park at whatever age in late formative years he was at. He could be about as intense or even MORE intense about environmental awareness/rights than Sam is!

(also him being supremely unimpressed with Sam's wealth. he gave up a palace in the mountains for this town. because that's funny to me - like let his past have more influence on him! it'll be fun!)

you could have a danny who doesn't kill but doesn't fully understand the value of human life because jazz is like two years older than him and isn't that good at explaining why people's lives are important. he won't kill but he's not morally opposed to it. there's very little chance he actually gets bullied at school because he nearly killed Dash the first time he tried anything.

Danny could have scars, physical ones, because its implied in multiple canon that training starts at toddling (my best bet is 3 at minimum and ~maybe~ 2 but only on the later side of 2. Good fucking luck getting any infant under 2 to do anything you ask, ESPECIALLY assassin training. They're gonna stick the weapon in their mouth sooner than they're gonna do katas. This is coming from a daycare teacher.)

there's more examples of how danny being at the league during his formative years would affect him, but those are just some of them. he could have a sword! An appreciation for weaponry and nature. Maybe he still speaks all shakespearan and formal, does he still make bodily threats to people? If Damian is still threatening people at 14 why can't danny?

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #tldr danyal al ghul has a ton of missed potential of what his behavior would be like if he left the league mid-to-late formative years #this post is specifically directed towards those danyal al ghul posts where he ends up with the fentons when he's like. 8 #like great. who taught him to unlearn all of the LoA's programming #how is he exactly like he was in canon despite being with the LoA during his early childhood #source: i've taken multiple child development classes #this isnt to bash those aus at all its just me thinking its hilarious that danny would even remotely be like his canon personality #especially if he's in the league long enough for damian to remember him #like i love danyal al ghul aus i just think there's not enough being taken into account about how the league would permanently impact him #especially if he leaves later on in life #people are not ponds they are puddles of mud. if you drop a rock into it it's gonna change its shape #its also good creative exercises on how to flesh characters out better and better understand how things in a story may impact a character #good thought exercises with the additional bonus of making danny a violent gremlin like damian is #i dont wanna say this is bashing but i guess it is kinda a criticism on the writing in those aus because you’re telling me this had NO #affect on danny on his personality beyond just ‘oh league bad. league scary’?? cmonnn have some fun #like you mean to tell me that being a child assassin had no lasting impact on him or his personality?? like at all???#he doesnt have an ounce of self-importance/arrogance/anger like damian did?? like none of that *stuck?* he’s just the normal and sane #sibling right off the bat??? five years with the fentons turned him into a complete blankslate?? he has no lasting impact from the league??

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meraki-yao · 6 months

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and I thought of this

I was drowning

And you threw yourself into the water without hesitation, without a backward look.

If I knew how to make edits/gifs, I would, but unfortunately, I have no fucking idea

Reading "bad metaphor about Maps" never fails to make me cry, I really fucking need to hear Taylor read it (again, demanding a full-cast audiobook once the strike is resolved, most of all I NEED to hear the boys read the book emails)

UPDATE: @rockingtheorange MADE AN INCREDIBLE VIDEO EDIT, PLEASE WATCH IT HERE

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #nicholas galitzine #taylor zakhar perez #alex claremont diaz #henry hanover stuart fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb thoughts #rwrb rambles #book quotes #seriously I NEED TO HEAR TAYLOR READ IT #I cannot stress how much I want a cast audiobook #I'm beyond happy with the movie and I understand adaptation #that being said #from an acting perspective I'm really curious as to how the boys would deliver the book lines #especially after the little snippet from prime last month #meraki favs

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fossilizedhysterics · 4 months

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ummmm i didnt like the new episode but!! i got to make this so it doesnt matter

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rawliverandgoronspice · 5 months

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me everytime anyone on youtube begins their take about totk saying it's "one of the best stories in the franchise"

#thoughts #totk #totk critical #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#it genuinely makes me feel like I'm not seeing the same end result as other people #that I'm having a stroke everytime I launch the game and I'm incapable of seeing whatever everyone else is seeing #because like #when it comes from newcomers to the franchise that only ever played botw I can excuse it #but people who have been with the franchise for decades???#have you guys not played majora's mask? wind waker? twilight princess? literally any other zelda game????#what are you guys seeing???????#even beyond the Everything Discussed To Death #the main quest dialogue would have you *laughed out* of most half-competent writers' room!!!!#that this opinion comes from a lot of gamers who would nitpick any other game to death in that department and are fine with this???#I will never understand

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izartn · 3 months

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Btw the 12 hours limit on Cheng Xiaoshi power always gave me a feeling of "if you stay past the 12 hour limit you'll be trapped in the past" from the panic it caused in both CXS and LG whenever he neared the limit.

Just the vibe I get from it. It's not just Lu Guang being unable to see beyond the 12 hours, it's that the link would break and Cheng Xiaoshi would maybe (as far as he and we know) (Lu Guang does know for sure, I bet that's how he stayed on the past/our timeline) get forever lost in another body in another time which is, in all honestly, horror fuel and nightmare inducing.

#link click #my thoughts #meta #link click meta #cheng xiaoshi #lu guang #like its so intuitive for me #I don't understand people who are like “oh how did LG stay beyond the 12 hour limit”#it's like.#why do you think the 12 hour limit is so serious #it's so you dont disappear on the past dummy #as that was exactly what lu guang wanted good for him

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elisaenglish · 9 months

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The Power of Being a Heretic: The Forgotten Visionary Jane Ellen Harrison on Critical Thinking, Emotional Imagination, and How to Rehumanise the World

If we are to be true and worthy heretics, we need not only new heads, but new hearts, and, most of all, that new emotional imagination… begotten of enlarged sympathies and a more sensitive habit of feeling.

When the Inquisition persecuted Galileo for advancing the rude truth that Earth is not the centre of the universe, the charge against him was heresy—the same charge on which Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for her crusade for political reform. We have had many words for heretics over the epochs—rebels, radicals, freethinkers—but they have always been the ones to dislodge humanity from the stagnation of the status quo, to illuminate our blind spots, dismantle our unexamined biases, and jolt us out of our herd mentality. Without those devoted to seeing reality more clearly and possibility more wildly, we would still live in a world haunted by superstition and governed by dogma.

The power and dignity of this most courageous human mindset is what the pioneering classicist Jane Ellen Harrison (September 9, 1850–April 15, 1928), who brought the culture of Ancient Greece to the modern world, explores in her magnificent essay “Heresy and Humanity,” found in Alpha and Omega (public library) — the out-of-print essay collection that gave us Harrison on the art of growing older, published just as humanity was being dehumanised by its first World War.

Harrison writes:

“The word “heretic” has still about it an emotional thrill—a glow reflected, it may be, from the fires at Smithfield, the ardours of those who were burnt at the stake for the love of an idea.

Heresy, the Greek hairesis, was from the outset an eager, living word. The taking of a city, its expugnatio, is a hairesis; the choosing of a lot in life or an opinion, its electio, is a hairesis; always in the word hairesis there is this reaching out to grasp, this studious, zealous pursuit—always something personal, even passionate… To be a heretic today is almost a human obligation.”

In a sentiment Bertrand Russell would echo in timeless manifesto for freedom of thought, Harrison adds:

“The gist of heresy is free personal choice in act, and specifically in thought—the rejection of traditional faiths and customs.”

A century and a half after Emerson inveighed that “masses are rude, lame, unmade, pernicious in their demands and influence,” she considers what makes heresy so difficult yet so necessary to the health of society:

“All traditional views are held with such tenacity, such almost ferocity, because they belong to the class of views induced, not by individual experience, still less by reason, but by collective, or, as it is sometimes called “herd,” suggestion. This used to be called “faith.” The belief so held may or may not be true; collective suggestion is not in the least necessarily collective hallucination. Mere collective suggestions—that is the interesting point—have the quality of obviousness; they do not issue from the individual, but seem imposed from outside, and ineluctable; they have all the inevitableness of instinctive opinion… Hence they are held with an intensity of emotion far beyond any reasoned conviction. To doubt them is felt to be at once idiocy and irreverence. Inquiry into their rational bases is naturally, and in a sense rightly, resented, because they are not rationally based, though they may be rationally supported. It is by convictions such as this that a society of the homogenous kind—a society based on and held together by uniformity—lives and thrives. To attack them is to cripple and endanger its inmost life.”

Observing that the development of science is what pivoted heresy from damnable to desirable in society, Harrison contrasts sensemaking by empiricism with sensemaking by authority:

“Science classifies, draws ever clearer distinctions; herd-suggestion is always in a haze. Herd-suggestion is all for tradition, authority; science has for its very essence the exercise of free thought. So long as we will not take the trouble to know exactly and intimately, we may not—must not—choose… We must follow custom; we must accept the mandates of [those] who enforce tradition.

[…]

Science opens wide the doors that turned so slowly on tradition’s hinges, and opens them on clean, quiet places where we breathe larger air… It is well to remember our debt to science—our inward and spiritual as well as material debt.”

And yet, Harrison argues, the heretic needs more than science—the heretic needs humanity. She writes:

“Science broke the binding spell of herd-suggestion. For that great boon let us now and ever bless and praise her holy name. She cleared the collective haze, she drew sharp distinctions, appealing to individual actual experience, to individual powers of reasoning. But by neither individual sense—perception nor ratiocination alone do we live. Our keenest emotional life is through the herd, and hence it was that, at the close of the last century, the flame of scientific hope, the glory of scientific individualism that had blazed so brightly, somehow died down and left a strange chill. Man rose up from the banquet of reason and law unfed. He hungered half unconsciously for the herd. It seemed an impasse: on the one side orthodoxy, tradition, authority, practical slavery; on the other science, individual freedom, reason, and an aching loneliness.

[…]

We live now just at the transition moment; we have broken with the old, we have not quite adjusted ourselves to the new. It is not so much the breaking with the old faiths that makes us restless as the living in a new social structure.”

At the root of this new social structure, she observes, is not the old cult of homogeneity but the recognition of individuality, and the diversity of individualities, as the wellspring of vitality and social harmony—“differentiation that would unite, not divide.” With the World War flaming around her, waged on the herd-versus-herd collision of nationalisms and ideologies, she writes:

“Only through and by this organic individuality can the real sense and value of Humanity emerge. We are humane so far as we are conscious or sensitive to individual life. Patriotism is collective herd-instinct; it is repressive of individuality. You feel strongly because you feel alike; you are reinforced by the other homogenous unites; you sing the same song and wave the same flag. Humanity is sympathy with infinite differences, with utter individualism, with complete differentiation, and it is only possible through the mystery of organic spiritual union. We have come, most of us, now, to a sort of physical union by sympathy and imagination. To torture even an enemy’s body would be to us physical pain, physical sickness. There will come the day when to hurt mentally and spiritually will be equally impossible, because the spiritual life will by enhanced sympathy be one. But this union is only possible through that organic differentiation that makes us have need one of the other.”

A generation before Albert Camus, in the midst of the next World War, called for the superhuman duty to “mend what has been torn apart, make justice imaginable again in a world so obviously unjust, give happiness a meaning once,” Harrison concludes:

“In a word, if we are to be true and worthy heretics, we need not only new heads, but new hearts, and, most of all, that new emotional imagination, joint offspring of head and heart which is begotten of enlarged sympathies and a more sensitive habit of feeling. About the moral problem there is nothing mysterious; it is simply the old, old question of how best to live together. We no longer believe in an unchanging moral law imposed from without. We know that a harder incumbency is upon us; we must work out our law from within.”

Noting that we have outgrown the easy shorthand for morality offered by religious dogma, she contours what is asked of us if we are to rehumanise humanity:

“We must adventure a harder and higher spiritual task… a steady and even ardent recognition of the individual life, in its infinite variety, with its infinite interactions. We decline to be ourselves part of an undifferentiated mass; we refuse to deal with others in classes and masses… We are dissatisfied now not only with the herd-sanctions of religion, but with many of those later sanctities of law to which some even emancipated thinkers ascribe a sort of divinity. We feel the inherent savagery of law in that it treats individuals as masses… Yet all the time we know that we can, with spiritual safety, rebel only in so far as we are personally sensitive to the claims of other individual lives that touch our own. The old herd-problem remains of how to live together; and as the union grows closer and more intricate the chances of mutual hurt are greater, and the sensitiveness must grow keener. Others are safe from and with us only when their pain is our pain, their joy ours.”

Couple with E.E. Cummings on the courage to feel, then revisit Albert Camus on what it means to be a rebel, the radical Russian dissident prince Peter Kropotkin on the spirit of revolt, and the pioneering X-ray crystallographer and peace activist Kathleen Lonsdale on moral courage and our personal power in world change.

Source: Maria Popova, themarginalian.org (8th July 2023)

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paellegere · 2 months

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"their relationship is romantic" "their relationship is familial" "their relationship is platonic" you're thinking too narrow. their relationship goes beyond labels. the family is inherently queer. their platonic love is romantic. the erotic is familial. each one is the other and the other is them

#.txt #i've gotten to the point of relationship anarchy where i no longer understand the obsession with labeling relationships #there's a post floating around like 'it doesn't matter if you view them as romantic or platonic the point is that they love each other'#and i get the message. however may i propose that distinctions such as that don't even have to matter. consider #bold claim probably. but whatever i didn't have the choice to think about love in a normative way and as a consequence i have thoughts #of course i am thinking about wincest but it applies everywhere. jopzier even #jopson views crozier as a surrogate parent but in an inherently queer way. does that mean he want to fuck his mom? probably not #but the fixation and need for redemption turns the traditionally familial relationship into something far more #do you understand #once you leave the normative behind labels become useless #do sam and dean love each other romantically or platonically or familially? consider: it doesn't matter. there are no words to describe it #their love is queer in the sense that it extends beyond normativity. society holds no sway over them. they are ungovernable #i find it ultimately unhelpful to discuss fiction in normative terms when the characters themselves exist outside of normative society #shows like supernatural and the terror are perfect examples. sam and dean were never normal and franklin crew left normal behind #the arctic doesn't care if you fuck your mom. the impala doesn't care if you kiss your brother #this isn't really about anything i just saw that post the other day and i was like. why doesn't this Hit for me. well this is why #however it IS helpful to discuss fiction set within normative society in relation to normativity. it's relevant!#most stories are not however set within the bounds of normativity. that's kinda the whole point of a lot of fiction #baby i explore relationship anarchy in ways that you couldn't even imagine #<-tldr #i have a tendency to write essays in the notes every time i post something. sorry about that. it feels safer here and i am skittish

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anonymouslyel · 3 months

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something something jwds hanahaki au with dongsik catching it and immediately knowing what flower does the petals he's vomiting belongs to cz he is the son of two florists and that makes it worse cause then there's two kinds of petals from two different flowers in his hands and one means unrequited love and the other means rejection and what a laughable matter this is because he hasnt even thought about actually confessing to juwon yet the universe is already telling him its unrequited and rejected and then juwon gifts him a bouquet of flowers with an unfamiliar crimson flush on his cheeks and does juwon even know the flowers meant i cannot live without you and love secretly treasured? does juwon know how much dongsik is hoping against hope that the bouquet of flowers now sitting on his couch could actually mean something for them two? because now juwon would not know that the added petals in dongsik's own buoquet seated and growing inside his chest meant unfulfilled love and then juwon gives him another buoquet of flower that meant first love and dongsik is coughing and wheezing, trying so hard to make the petals stuck on his lungs to stop making it hard for him to breathe, to stop making him hope, and juwon is so worried, ever so kind juwon, then he's at the hospital and being briefed about the solutions for his predicament and jihwa's angry that he's not agreeing to the surgery while yuyeon smiles sadly at him, understanding why dongsik is against the surgery and juwon visits him with another buoquet of flowers that meant never changing love and this time, dongsik actually laughs because why didn't he realize that juwon have been basically confessing to him through the flowers he's given dongsik because of course juwon relied on the fact that lee dongsik is the son of two florists and since he's basically on the verge of dying, dongsik threw caution to the wind and confessed to juwon and juwon says "i'm sorry" and oh okay and juwon continues to say "if only i told you how i feel earlier, you wouldn't be so hurt like this. i'm sorry. i love you too. i'm sorry" with tears forming in his eyes and dongsik pulling juwon into a hug and he can feel the rough stems and velvety petals in his chest and throat recede and he can finally breathe again

#i love hanahaki au #u dont understand #i know manyang garden is technically a galbi resto #but give me a break #this is an au #might goof around and write this properly one day #beyond evil #jwds #lee dongsik #han juwon #short fanfic #my fic #thoughts!!!

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