she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
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PAYDAY
aka a valentine for the lovely @itsnotmystic / @corvids-calling - fanart for stars fic of the same name, which you can read here !!! i really enjoyed this concept and wanted to do some art for it :3 hope you like it because i REALLY loved your work & i hope this shows that !!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!!!
this is also a loose love-letter to the wonderful @arginnit 's crazy background-drawing-ability and style/skill at portraying environments . wadds your stuff is insane and i love it
happy @mcyt-valentines exchange !!!!
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Robert Kurvitz talks about designing a mind simulator (from this video):
“There’s an entire layer of our perception of reality that has not been simulated at all. At the center are you, you’re a little controller here. Then you have your physical instrument—your body—the character you’re controlling. And then you have the outermost layer which is your senses, which is all that you know of the world. These elements are very well represented in video games. Super Mario was already a very good body simulator. But there’s a extra layer here between the willpower—or the you, the controller—and the body. Which is the mind. In reality we do not have control, or complete control, of our minds. Just like our body, it is something that we give—not even commands—wishes to, and we hope it’s gonna do it. We hope it’s not gonna break down, we hope it’s not gonna rebel against us. And this extra layer of being is what we want to focus on with Disco Elysium.”
“In the future what I want to do is I want to have them have spatial effects on each other. Imagine if this Revacholian Nationhood idea here amplified certain thoughts around it or even deleted some thoughts around it, creating new space.”
“The possibilities are really grand there. You can bring a psychological element into combat sequences using this system... you have all your skills talking to you. You have all the emotions that you would have there, which is also a very interesting thing to look into. And, talking about combat sequences and physical sequences, I would definitely want to have a sex scene too. But yeah, that’s definitely what I want to do in the future. As seriously, and, or possibly comically—I want to see where the system takes that kind of writing. I think we can probably do something really memorable there.”
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NO NO NO BUT THE “tell me why” “you don’t want to hear why” and their little laughs—THEIR LAUGHS!!!!! UR JOKING!!! and the “but you have no one to say it to and maybe that’s the most unfair part of it. you say it, and i will listen.” THROWING UP!!!!!!! SICKENING!!!!!!! He probably knows exactly what she’s going to say BUT HE WILL LISTEN!!! and the way that they haven’t been looking at each other at all, they can’t look at each other, because that will be giving in and they can’t be together, and she stays looking at the wall but he turns to look at her, just a little, when he says, “his mother raised him well” I’M GONNA WALK INTO TRAFFIC SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPP
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hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall
to remind me that i am a fool
[rbs>>likes]
background w/o the shading/gabriel
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