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vvinter-queen · 3 years

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I Seek the Truth (I’m Ready to Hear) ❅ Elanna

Elsa and Anna talk about what happened at the Ice Queen after Anna comes home from Arendelle, and some family secrets finally come into the sun.

Date: 6/28

TW: Previously mentioned rough family dynamics, implied child abuse, mentions of panic attacks, canon-typical Near-Fatal Brushes With Ice Magic, mentioned Magical Frostbite, everyone in this damn family is tragic

@sommer-girl

ANNA

Midsummer had been… fun. And Anna maybe felt a little guilty for feeling that. The entire time, she had really tried to give Dad the cold shoulder, to look like she wasn’t having too much fun, but the bonfire and the maypole and all the baked treats just brought her back to a simpler time, and it was hard not to lean in and enjoy it a little bit. Gerta and Kai looked so happy to see her. And even Mom seemed excited, too. One night, after everyone else had gone to bed, Anna had told her everything about Pride U, crocheting with her by the fire and knowing she probably wouldn’t remember it. And in retrospect, maybe that was kind of sad, that that was the only way

Anna really felt like she could talk about everything.

It was a relief, anyway, to be back in Swynlake, knowing that nobody could make her leave. She was still waiting to hear back from the interview at Interpride, but she thought it had gone well. There was a lot to look forward to this summer. And yet…

There was a lot to talk about from last week.

Anna had seen the tweet about Ice Queen being closed, and she had gone back and forth on whether or not to text Elsa and settled on not. But by the time Anna was back in Swynlake, she knew what she had to do. So she texted Elsa and asked if she wanted to come over to her dorm while Ashleigh was gone and talk.

“...Hi,” Anna said awkwardly, opening the door once she heard the knock. “You can come in, er, there’s not really a lot of places to sit.” Her bed was still lofted, but she had a little floor space, so Anna just sat on the floor. She fidgeted with her sleeve in silence for a moment before looking up at Elsa. “Er, how are you doing?”

ELSA

In the end, Elsa had been too much of a coward to do anything but wait for Anna to approach her first.

Part of her was relieved Anna had gone to Arendelle for Midsummer. She deserved to see her family again, to see her home again. It meant she was safe while Elsa dealt with her magic going haywire-- which was still a work in progress, her skin was still covered in a thick layer of frost, and she was starting to fear she’d lose feeling in her fingers permanently.

But a part of Elsa also ached. Alone again, separated from her family and her home. Clearly not wanted. Probably not missed after the scene she’d made. Somehow in the six months Anna had been in Swynlake, Elsa had forgotten how to be alone, and she’d cried silently into her pillows as she realized that she didn’t want to remember.

Somewhere there was a balance between keeping Anna safe and being her big sister again. Now more than ever, Elsa was determined to find that balance. So when Anna had texted her upon coming back to Swynlake, Elsa didn’t hesitate to answer.

She walked into the dorms wearing layers that were not at all appropriate for the summer weather, but very appropriate for having a hard conversation considering the hair trigger her magic seemed to be operating on. Elsa knew she was going to have to tell Anna everything, relive every painful memory, and if they got through this conversation without Elsa frosting over the floor and walls of her dorm, that would be a rousing success.

“Hi,” Elsa said softly back as she entered the dorm, carefully closing the door behind her. The decorations in the room looked much different this time; probably the influence of her new roommate. Elsa sat on the floor opposite Anna, sure to keep plenty of space between them just in case. She clutched her gloved hands together. “I’m… well. And you? How was your trip?”

ANNA

The fact that Elsa was dressed for a snowstorm was probably not a great sign. A few months ago, Anna might have poked fun at that, but after last week, she could understand the reasoning. Even if she disagreed with it. No matter what Dad said, Anna trusted that Elsa would never hurt her. Magic could be unpredictable, but it wasn’t that unpredictable.

She gave a small smile. “It was nice to see everyone. Gerta made me take, like, six jars of herring with me, so if you want some, there’s no way I’m gonna get through it all myself,” Anna said, knowing she was stalling. She didn’t really want to talk much about home, anyway. That felt wrong. Like she was rubbing it in that Elsa hadn’t been there.

She was quiet again, unusual for Anna. Normally she filled every silence with chatter, even if it wasn’t really necessary. That was the way Anna was with most people-- except Devyn, maybe, who Anna always felt weirdly comfortable just sitting in silence with while they worked on their own things. But that was different. This silence felt loaded, tense, uncomfortable, but Anna didn’t have anything to fill it with except questions.

But Anna was the one to invite Elsa here, so she figured she should probably be the one to start the conversation. “So, erm…” Anna started, not really sure where to begin. She didn’t like this. This kind-of-being-mad-at-Elsa thing. “About last week, I-- well, obviously I have a lot of questions. I… heard a lot of stuff. And, like, honestly, I know Dad doesn’t tell me shit, but it… kind of freaked me out that there’s all this stuff you didn’t tell me?” Anna’s voice tightened and she swallowed down tears. Not yet. She could get through this without crying. She had to.

ELSA

Elsa smiled softly at the mention of Gerta. That sounded like her; Elsa had nearly been able to stock her entire apartment’s kitchen when she went to uni thanks to all the food Gerta had sent with her. It sent a pang of longing through her. Did Gerta know she was here now? Had Father or Anna told her and Kai?

Did Mother know?

Elsa shoved those thoughts away, knowing that she had to be present for this. She had to maintain perfect control, now more than ever. She nodded as Anna spoke, feeling a lump growing in her own throat. Conceal. Don’t feel. Come on, Elsa. Just like you practiced.

“I… don’t know how much you heard, but I guess it doesn’t matter,” she said softly. “It would be upsetting regardless, and I’m so sorry you had to hear all that. Especially in that way.” Anna had never been around for any of Agnarr and Elsa’s arguments as she got older; everyone in the house had made sure of that. “I’ve always tried to be honest with you, Anna. This second chance… I never thought I’d get the chance to be your sister again,” she said with a small, sad smile. “You can’t know how much it means to me, how determined I am to be the sister you deserve. I’ve failed you before, and I don’t want to again.”

“Which is… which is probably why I didn’t bring these things up with you,” Elsa admitted softly. “I knew I would have to; you deserve the truth, and it affects you probably more than it affects me, I just--”

Elsa clutched her hands tighter, rapidly blinking away the tears that had begun to pool at the corners of her eyes. Her chest felt tight with grief and ice. “I guess I wanted more time,” she whispered. “But that was selfish of me, and I apologize. I can’t condemn Father for keeping you in the dark when I am willingly doing the same thing. So,” Elsa took a deep breath, straightening her spine, and looked Anna straight in the eyes. “I’m ready. Whatever questions you have, whatever you want to know. I promise to be as unbiased as I can be.”

ANNA

Anna was expecting more of a fight. Elsa was a private person, and Anna knew this about her now. She had learned, over the years, not to take it personally when Elsa was out of reach. But maybe last week had changed things. That fight had been the culmination of years of secrets, which was the point Anna had planned to make, but Elsa seemed to understand that already. She exhaled, feeling just a little bit relieved that at least Elsa saw where she was coming from.

But she wasn’t ready to completely let go of her frustration. Just because Elsa was ready to talk now didn’t mean Anna felt less upset about the years of secrets. “I appreciate that,” Anna said in a low, serious voice that she didn’t normally use.”

Where even to start, though?

“Erm… I guess I still don’t really know what you’re talking about when you say you’ve failed me? Like, do you mean just not being around, or… like, does that have something to do with what you and Dad were talking about with Mom? I’m just, like, kind of confused I guess,” Anna said hesitantly. She wasn’t really sure she wanted this answer, but she knew she needed to know. Being comfortable but in the dark was no way to live. Anna had learned that the hard way.

ELSA

Nodding, Elsa braced herself. She was being pretty vague, but it was the only way she knew how to talk about it. She and their father had been talking circles around the accident for years; like even mentioning what had happened would invite another disaster into their home.

“A little of both,” she said softly. “At the time, I thought staying away was safer. I was… well.” Elsa sighed, tugging nervously on her pinky before sighing and rolling her sleeves of her large sweater up before tugging her gloves off. The skin underneath was paler than usual, tinged blue with cold, and shimmered with ice and frost. It curled around her arms in swirling patterns, and if the panic got bad enough, she knew it would thicken into a protective layer of ice. She hadn’t had her magic do this since she moved to Swynlake, but it had been a regular occurrence on the mountain.

“My control of my magic has been deteriorating for years,” Elsa admitted. “I’ve been frosting over everything I touch, I-- when Father came into the shop, he--” The frost on her knuckles glimmered like diamonds. “I had a panic attack and froze half the shop,” she said. “Managed to break all the windows and cause a rainstorm. The police had to send their Magick response team to get me out. I’ve tried to keep it in for so long, but then one moment of weakness, one second of losing my grip… I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get me back to normal. I don’t… I don’t even know if it’s sustainable.”

She took a long breath. “And it all started because… because I lost control and… my magic, it--” This time, her breath was shaky. No. She had to do this. Elsa wrapped her arms around herself, frost dancing across the sleeves of her sweater and on the floor under her. “I almost killed you,” Elsa whispered. “And Mother saved your life.”

ANNA

Anna had never seen that before. The ice on Elsa’s hands like that. Was that why she was always wearing sweaters and gloves, even in the heat of July? Anna had just always thought Elsa was one of those people who got cold all the time, especially given that it was usually pretty cold in the ice cream shop. The sight made her kind of nervous. Maybe things were getting worse.

But everything was fine. Elsa’s magic was not dangerous. Even if the spot of ice forming on the floor was already making Anna think… no. She had to trust her sister.

She listened, nodding her head seriously, but frowned at that last part. She wasn’t sure she believed that. “Like… actually?” Anna asked skeptically. “Or is that just something Dad told you because he’s scared of magic? And how would Mom…”

Anna had some memories of Mom before she got sick, but not many. Sometimes she wondered if she was conflating them with things she’d read in books. It wasn’t something anyone really talked about, so Anna had to draw her own conclusions. Anna loved her mother, but what Elsa was saying was hard to picture.

ELSA

That would be easier, wouldn’t it? Agnarr’s fear of Magicks just blowing up a minor incident. But no. Elsa remembered the panic in her mother’s eyes, the way her hands shook as she scooped Anna off the floor. Cold. Too still. Her tiny chest rising and falling too slowly, too shallowly.

“It’s like I said,” Elsa said quietly. “Father didn’t always fear Magicks. He married one, after all.”

Her mother, laughing as the wind danced around her. Anna giggling as she was gently and playfully lifted high into the air on a strong breeze, leaves curling around her. The familiar tug of the wind on Elsa’s braid before competing or as she exercised the horses.

“Mother was blessed by the wind spirit, the Sylph,” Elsa explained. “That’s how the Northuldra who are chosen get their gifts; the spirits choose them at birth. That’s how I got mine.” The Nokk; the water spirit. Why it chose her, she would never understand. Why Ahtohallan had chosen her, she almost didn’t want to know.

“It… you were five. I had been at school and practice all day, preparing for some big skating competition.” She remembered the day so clearly. The feeling of exhaustion clinging to her eyes, the weight of her own body feeling so heavy. Mother, tense as she drove Elsa to ice skating practice and as she spoke on the phone with her father in clipped tones. They’d been arguing about going to Solensby again; Iduna wanted to visit more frequently, giving Elsa a chance to find her place in the tribe and Anna an opportunity to learn more about her heritage. Father wanted them to stay in Arendelle more; Elsa needed to learn more about the city if she was one day going to run for Mayor like him, or go on the council. There’s always been a Sommers leading in Arendelle, after all.

She didn’t say that. She didn’t want to confuse Anna more.

“When I got home it was far past your bedtime, but you had stayed up anyways.” Elsa smiled softly at her hands, some of the frost on the floor melting away as she remembered catching a squealing young Anna in her arms and cuddling her close. “I was so busy with the winter break coming up that we had barely seen each other for a week. You begged me to play with you, even just a little before bed, and I… god, I was so tired. I knew better. But I agreed.”

Racing down the stairs, Anna clinging to her hand as Elsa tried to quiet her giggling between her own laughter. They’d both changed into their pajamas at least, and Elsa had made sure Anna put on her warmest socks.

“We went to the big dining hall, the one where Father throws his Christmas party every year. There were no tables or furniture to move, and the ceiling was so high…”

“Do the magic, Elsa! Make it snow!”

“Okay, okay! Calm down! You don’t want Mama and Papa to hear you!”

“I made it snow and iced over the floor so we could skate in our socks. We even made a little snowman,” Elsa said with a fond smile. That smile quickly melted away. “You… you wanted to play mountain climbers. I would make mounds of snow for you to jump in, making them taller and taller to catch you. Normally I could keep up but I was barely even awake at that point, and you kept jumping higher and higher and I--”

“ANNA!”

“I slipped on the ice,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I’ve never slipped before, ever, and I just-- you were already in the air, maybe six feet up-- if you’d hit the ground, you could have hit your head or broken a bone or worse so I just--” Elsa had to stop, taking a deep breath and clutching her trembling hands together. “I tried to push you back into the snow drift you’d jumped from, and instead, in a panic, I put a bolt of unformed ice magic straight through your temple and into your head.”

Exactly where Anna’s streak of white hair began.

ANNA

“What?” Anna whispered as Elsa started the story, not even expecting it to start there-- Mom? A Magick? Since when? Anna had always just thought that Elsa’s gift was a random thing, or maybe someone knew a fairy godmother or a sorcerer or something. She knew that Mom had cousins in the north that the family didn’t really keep in touch with, but not… wow.

She also kind of wondered why she didn’t get chosen by “the spirits,” but, like, whatever. Not the point.

The story was unfamiliar, but as Elsa told it, some of it came back. Anna remembered how she and Elsa used to play in the snow, how she used to beg Elsa to use her magic, and usually in the middle of the night when the parents had gone to bed. It was odd to her that she didn’t remember this time if it had been such an important moment, but Anna thought she had read something on Twitter the other day about, like, your brain straight up blocking out traumatic stuff sometimes. Maybe that was what happened.

It was weird, though, to hear it from Elsa. Like she hadn’t even lived it.

Anna took a moment to process what Elsa had just said, but she had a million more questions now. Like what this wind spirit stuff was and how it worked, and what any of this had to do with Mom… but one thing at a time. She reigned herself in.

“But, like, I’m okay now, right?” Anna interrupted. “I mean, obviously it’s weird that I don’t remember that, but it’s probably for the best if it was, like, painful or whatever. So I don’t think you should feel bad about it, like, you were a kid and nobody ever taught you about the ice magic stuff, right? Honestly, like, I don’t really get why it was a big secret.” The frustration came back, and maybe it was Anna just trying to justify her strong belief that Elsa had done nothing wrong, that she was exactly the kind of person Anna had always thought she was.

But there was probably more to the story, Anna thought, now that she had said that.

ELSA

Elsa wasn’t expecting Anna’s gasp, and she had to close her eyes against the sudden heartbreak. She wasn’t sure what hurt worse; the fact that Mother’s magic hadn’t recovered even with Elsa gone, or that Anna didn’t even remember Mother’s magic in the first place. Elsa had known Father wanted to keep the details of the accident from Anna, but to ignore Mother’s magic? The fact that she had once controlled the winds with a wave of her hands?

Some of that rage she had worked out with Mei sparked back to life, and Elsa let it wash over her. Anger at her father, that had been overwritten by fear upon seeing him again, was coming back now. She could understand rejecting her own magic, but his wife’s!? He had no right.

“That’s the thing, Anna,” Elsa said softly. “I was trained. Before the accident, we would visit Mother’s family in Solensby and I’d learn how to control it.” She let out a bitter laugh. “I was a prodigy. That’s why… when I struck you… it was too much. You were so young and so, so small, and my magic… you would have frozen to death.” Elsa said to the ground. Unable to look up. Unable to meet Anna’s eye. “In minutes. There was no time to get you to Solensby, to Aunt Yelena or the other Magicks. That’s why Mother…”

Elsa shifted, unfolding her legs to instead hug her knees, her lips pressed against her own icy skin as she recalled the way winds had whipped through the ballroom. Mother, with Anna cradled in her arms, speaking words in a slow, melodic rhythm Elsa could only sort of recognize. Father, holding Elsa tight as the two watched, terrified, as magic swirled through the room and around two of the people who meant the most to them in the whole wide world.

“She used a spell some Northuldra sorcerers had created ages ago,” Elsa said quietly. “It was meant to help children who couldn’t control their own magic, to disperse some of the burden among the community instead of leaving all that elemental power in just one child. But it was never meant to be used by just one person, and never by someone who was blessed by a different spirit. Mother took my magic from you and into her own body with no idea what it would do to her. And it…”

“Mama?” Elsa whispered, voice small and rough with tears. Anna was breathing easier, the flush back in her pale cheeks, but Iduna was staring at her blankly. Elsa hiccuped on a sob. “Mama?”

“Iduna,” Agnarr called, his own voice strained. Iduna looked up, and when she saw them, there was no recognition there. Just confusion and fear. Elsa sagged bonelessly against her father’s chest, sobbing.

“Who?”

“It did something to her head, to her memories. We lost Mother that day, because of me.”

ANNA

Anna was silent for a long time, fiddling with a bead on her bracelet.

Something she liked about history was connecting the dots between cause and effect. A war happened because of advancing technology, which happened because of a society’s economy growing, which happened because of advancing technology, which happened because of a cultural shift toward education. A government was overthrown because of dissatisfaction with the ruler, which happened because of a declining economy, which happened because of corruption, which happened because of a change in leadership. People debated things like causation and correlation, and it wasn’t always straightforward, but putting the pieces together always felt like putting on a pair of glasses for Anna. Everything came into sharper focus.

It was usually a gratifying feeling, but sometimes the truth was hard to look at. This time it was. Maybe for the first time, Anna could see her family clearly, and for better or for worse, there was no going back.

Dad was scared of magic because Mom had hurt herself with it because Elsa had made a mistake with it because Anna had wanted to play with it. Effect and cause. There was one thing that didn’t match up, though.

“Because of us,” Anna finally said, looking up again. “It was my idea, right? I was acting like magic was a toy. I shouldn’t have made you do that.” Anna felt a little guilty, now-- on her birthday, when Elsa had made it snow just for Anna’s entertainment, Anna was kind of encouraging that kind of thing. Magic wasn’t dangerous, and Anna still didn’t think Elsa would hurt her… again… but maybe Anna should have taken it a little more seriously. “You don’t actually think all of this is your fault, right?” She stared at Elsa for a moment, but before Elsa responded, Anna cut in again, her tone a little quieter, a little smaller. “Erm… if you know how this stuff works… can you help Mom, then?”

It was a long shot, and Anna didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she was already starting to.

ELSA

“Anna, you were five,” Elsa said gently, already seeing the sad slump to her sister’s shoulders. “Up until then, you had no reason to be worried or cautious. I should have known better. None of this is your fault, so please don’t ever think that it is.”

At Anna’s questions, Elsa went silent. She didn’t think it was her fault, she knew it was. She should have told Anna no. Should have kept up with her energetic little sister. Should have been able to catch her. Should have helped their mother with the spell. So many things she should have done. At the end of the day, it was Elsa’s failings that had torn their family apart. Her failings that put that fear in her father’s eyes, that took the recognition and light from her mother’s.

“I… I don’t know how,” Elsa admitted quietly, voice thick with tears. “Done correctly, there shouldn’t have been any side effects to the spell at all. I was never taught what to do if it went wrong. And I--”

So much time had passed.

Was there anything left of their mother to recover?

“My magic… it’s not just the ice. Or the snow. My magic also deals with memories,” she explained. “It’s… complicated. Older than I am by the whole age of the world. Maybe some of the other Northuldra know how to fix it, but I’m the first in… ages. I don’t know who would have that knowledge, or where.”

It should have been her. She was supposed to hold the memories of their people. That’s what her magic was for, protecting the memories of the Northuldra; their customs and ways. That’s why Mother and Aunt Yelena had wanted her to spend more time in Solensby. But she’d never begun her training, had never visited Ahtohallan.

She just didn’t know.

ANNA

“Well--” Anna stopped herself because she realized she didn’t really know where that sentence was going.

In a sense, Anna was used to things having a relatively easy solution. It was part of why she had come out to Swynlake in the first place. She had thought could convince Elsa to come home and make up with Dad, and to heal Mom, and to bring the family together. Life was full of problems, but there was always a logical next step. Nothing was impossible.

But now, Anna could see why it wasn’t exactly that simple. Where did a person even start trying to learn this stuff?

She sighed. “I guess I don’t either, but I… I want to help.” Maybe it was naive, but Anna still thought that maybe if they could help Mom, then Dad would see how much good magic could do. That it wasn’t just scary and dangerous. And maybe that would put all of the pieces together. Anna now knew that things would never again be the way they were before, and she herself still felt like she could never see her father the same way after last week, but there had to be something she could do. There had to be a way forward.

“I know you don’t think this is my fault, but I’m still a part of it. And, like, more than that…” Anna hesitated, but continued. “I want us to be a family again. There’s some stuff I don’t know if I can forgive Dad for, and I know you have your own stuff, but at least if we can try to…” Her voice caught and Anna swallowed hard. “It’s, er, stupid, I guess. But I just thought, like, I see all my friends with their families, and I want, maybe… I dunno.” She went back to playing with the bead on her bracelet and tried to concentrate on not crying. Why did everything about this always make her want to cry?

ELSA

Elsa got it. Really, she did. There was a time when she would have done anything, sacrificed anything, just for the chance for their family to go back to the way it was before. She missed her mother. She missed her father. She missed knowing that they loved her, knowing she could love them back without fear.

But she’d given up so much of herself and yet here they still were. Broken into pieces, lying to each other and fighting over those lies, doing whatever they could to make it hurt. There had been no love in her father’s eyes when he confronted her in the Ice Queen. She’d given up half of herself to try and earn that love back, to try and make up for the damage she had caused, and what had she gotten back for it?

She understood wanting to hold on. To fix things. But maybe… maybe it was time for Elsa to just… let go.

Elsa looked down at her hands, tinged with blue and dusted with frost. She could barely feel her fingertips anymore, and she was starting to fear that she could do permanent damage to them. She clenched her hands tight and tucked them against her chest before looking up at Anna. “We will always be family,” she said quietly. “No matter what, I will always be your big sister, Anna, and I will always love you. More than you will ever know.”

Elsa would never get her father back. She saw that now. But maybe… if she got her magic back under control… she could help Anna get her family back.

ANNA

For some reason, that felt like a gut punch. Of course Elsa was family. And of course that would always be enough.

Maybe, Anna reflected, it wasn’t really about that. It was just that Anna had this idea about family, from books and movies and the people she met here. It was about being able to complain about your parents being cringey in public, and being able to bring your friends cookies that your mom baked, and having a million stupid fights to reminisce on with your siblings. It wasn’t that Anna didn’t have a family. It was that she didn’t have a conventional one.

And when she thought about it that way, Anna felt even more stupid for feeling like that. It all came down with her habit of comparing herself to other people, she supposed.

“Yeah. I love you too,” Anna said simply, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve again. Elsa looked cold. Colder than usual. Anna knew that was just her magic, but she couldn’t help but feel that something might be wrong. Had she said something? Anna didn’t want Elsa to think that just because she had been hurt by the secrets, she thought less of Elsa. Anna still wanted this relationship. “Are you-- are you okay? That was, er, probably a lot.”

ELSA

Elsa let out a small, tired laugh, pressing her hands under her arms to try and warm them a bit in her sweater. She was used to running pretty cold, but over the past week instead of comfortably cool, she felt like a void in which no heat could be found.

“Honestly? This whole week has been a lot,” Elsa said. “I... I think it’s for the better, though. I needed the wake up call and you needed the truth.” She caught Anna’s eyes. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you for so long,” she said sincerely. “I promise I’ll try to not to keep anything like that from you again.” She didn’t expect Anna to believe her right away, not after lying to her for almost thirteen years, but Elsa knew this was a promise she’d keep.

Despite everything, now that Anna knew what she’d done, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest. She didn’t have to live with the anxiety of her finding out anymore, now all Elsa had to do was wait to see how Anna would react once it all sunk in. So far she was handling it well.

ANNA

Anna supposed that she could stay mad. It would be within her right, probably-- every time she remembered overhearing that conversation, she got upset all over again.

But it wasn’t like she didn’t understand where Elsa had come from with it. Anna had her own secrets. There were so many things she never told Dad about, her Instagram and what she was really studying and her who her friends were and Devyn… and that last one made Anna feel especially guilty, because Devyn didn’t deserve that. But Anna could understand not wanting to bring something up because it was simpler and because you didn’t want to get into an argument about it or ruin a relationship.

It was a tricky thing. Especially when it came to family.

And maybe… yeah, the truth was that Anna had tried really hard to build this relationship with Elsa, and she didn’t want to lose it. So Anna nodded. “I forgive you,” It was hard to know what else to say. Honestly, Anna kind of just wanted to stare at the ceiling for a while or something. “Erm… I think I’m gonna go for a walk. But I’ll text you later. Okay?”

ELSA

‘I forgive you.’

It was really only in direct response to her own apology, but something about those words loosened something in Elsa’s chest that had been knotted and tangled for years. The knots weren’t gone, not really, but it was easier to breathe around them. Easier to think about anything else. Elsa took a slow, deep breath and when she let it out, she could feel the frost that had surrounded her on the floor melt away into the air, not even leaving a wet patch on the floor. For the first time in a while, the use of her magic had been easy, instinctual...

She hadn’t even realized how badly she’d needed to hear those words, even out of context.

Elsa knew a dismissal when she heard one, and she knew she needed to give Anna some time to process everything. “Of course,” she said with a nod, pushing herself upright. She rolled the sleeves of her sweater back down, but she tucked her gloves back into her pocket instead of tugging them on. Maybe getting some sun on her skin would help get the feeling back.

She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to just walk out after all had been said. Taking another deep breath, bracing herself, Elsa walked closer to Anna and knelt so she could give her little sister a small kiss on the head. She didn’t linger, didn’t want to push her luck, hell-- she wasn’t even sure if Anna wanted her that close. But Elsa felt a little better for it. “We’ll talk more later, Sunshine,” she said softly, giving Anna a weak smile. “Get some rest.”

With that, Elsa walked back to the door and let herself out, only hesitating for a moment before walking into the hallway with her head held high. Only the slight chill in the air to show she’d ever been there at all.

ANNA

Once Elsa was gone, Anna climbed up her loft ladder and flopped on her bed. This was… strange. Anna wasn’t really used to forgiving people, or being in the position to. It wasn’t like she had never been in a disagreement before. It was just usually her own fault. So having that power to decide that kind of thing was peculiar.

She didn’t want Elsa to think she was mad at her. Anna pulled out her phone and started writing a text, and then changed her mind when she couldn’t find the right wording for it. Maybe later, once Anna knew how she felt about all of this. Because it was all so new. And somehow, Anna had even more questions now than she had had before.

If only she could talk to Mom about this. The thought made Anna ache inside.

The room was too cold. Anna climbed down from her bed and put on a pair of shoes, then stuck her earphones in and put on her #sadgirlhours playlist (mostly a lot of Lorde and some Taylor Swift). But she didn’t go for a walk like she told Elsa she would. She climbed up the stairs Eilonwy had shown her and lounged on the roof, soaking in the June sunshine. With her eyes closed, she could be anywhere. Eventually, Anna would have to come back to reality and face what she had learned. But… maybe not now. Not yet.

#c: anna sommers #t: i seek the truth #;;elanna #!keeping up with the sommers #//yes that's what im tagging this plotline until i find smth i like more lmao

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scrapnik · 4 years

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mind if I ask for some more deaddiscotrain??? i really like your take on the ship

ok i wrote a lot of words i think for this so im puttin it under the cut

to start this off, i have a hc that snatcher just. doesnt let himself sleep around other people (usually) bcoz of vanessa. so now, for the deaddiscotrain fic i wrote, i actually had Another version i had in mind / like. a way it was going to go that was Different than what it ended up as . the part on the couch was originally going to be snatcher just quietly vibing during the movie . n since they cant really understand whats goin on, all the pictures move fast etc etc, they just start thinkin to themself about how nice it is 2 be vibing w/ their bfs. wouldve been some mushy shit imtelling you . u gotta imagine it urself tho i cant write stuff like that i feel like it’s too genuine can Only write funny stuff. anyways . like... he ends up falling asleep around em. . it was gonna have a nice bit with him also purring n grooves n conductor go like “oh we r so going to pointthat out to him . when he wakes up” .

im going to talk more now . watch this:

- grooves n conductor regularly do their whole ‘rivalry’ thing n snatcher absolutely just enables them both. like they’ll be just making spaghetti or smthing and grooves n conductor both need to get their separate pots to boil their separate spaghettis because they both r like “no **I** make the spaghetti better u BOIL it for too long / leave it fucking pecking RAW it is like eating a STICK “ and sntcher is just like “ wow . if only there was a third party here to either mediate the situation ... or be the unbiased judge <3″ and Every time snatcher will give the most centrist bullshit answer possibly to make them now ‘mad’ at him and it’s So funny to him and works Great to get the birds to put aside their rivalry to combat who is truly the Greatest Evil of the three. <3

- to continue off that last one . they all like to bicker about the Stupidest shit for the fun of it it’s just fun . they dont ever actually like . insult eachother or w/e in any sorta Meaningful way it’s just “ohhhhhhhh you think i OVERCOOK my spaghetti thats BIG coming from mr. “i could eat spaghetti straight out of the peckin’ box and i wouldnt be able to tell the difference from how i usually have it ‘cooked’ “

- since snatcher doesnt really have any real like. job or w/e to Do n Attend To . they’ll go bother either grooves or conductor bcoz snatcher’s like a caaat they need their Attention they need it but they would never admit that <3 they will stop by and be like “woooooooow it’s such a shame im here now woww oh boy” and the answer to get him to stop is just do smthing to embarrass / fluster him . both grooves n conductor discuss the Best Methods for doing this and it’s agreed that just either kissing them or calling them some term of endearment is enough to get them to like . ////// and go off into the shadows . Snatcher will usually hang around still after that bcoz they Like being in the presence of them . again, cat . but less annoying n just vibing .

#Anonymous #was originally only gonna put the cut fic idea thing but now it's More #a hat in time #deaddiscotrain ahit #YES im trying to put this in the tags i said SO much #response #mes writes

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sotorubio · 3 years

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I don't think it's that simple but each to their own 🙂. I personally blame the writers for my own reasons, and I suspect other people too, for not liking lola. For me s6 was over laden with drama after drama, misery after misery, all for the sake of creating conflict and drama, and course there could never be, and never was, enough time to resolve all of them with the degree of respect they deserved. So I feel I saw 10+ plot/drama arcs but learned very little about lola, so found it hard to have empathy with her, and now don't really feel I have any connection to her whatsoever.

But yea agree to an extent on tiff, not really a fan of the story in general anyway, but now that max is her love interest I'm worried they are gonna brush over everything, the "apology" yes, but also how incredibly difficult it is to adjust to being a mom, let alone a teenage mom. Skam france last time had this idea that no matter what your problems are, not to worry cus a relationship cures all. So I hope they don't do the same now

i mean don't get me wrong season 6 was an absolute shit show n one of the worst seasons in skam history so i don't think there's anything wrong w just disliking the season including lola & other characters! i personally don't think u need to feel connected to a character to feel empathy for them but i get what u mean 100% n i think that's valid like lola is fictional if someone doesn't care abt her or have any feelings abt her one way or another she won't mind she's not real

however i'm talking more abt ppl who have the time n energy to try n excuse or explain the actions of a person like tiff n try to paint her as a better person than she is n give her more benefit of the doubt than they ever did for lola while they also used just as much energy dragging lola for justified anger or actions that should either not be considered bad or actions that can be explained by her canonical mental health & life struggles. bc while lola is not a real person the ppl she represents are (meaning addicts & mentally ill ppl especially wlw/girls) n the way ppl treated her vs the way they excuse tiff reflects the way they think abt these marginalized groups. the same ppl screamed for an eliott season bc "important rep" but couldn't handle eliott being upset abt the way neurotypicals act around him just bc that criticism was toward lucas. n that was Also blamed on lola so... these ppl never cared abt MI rep etc

like i don't know how else to put it but if u can write a list of excuses for a privileged rich girl who stalked a mentally ill girl n specifically chose to make fun of her for being poor but also call lola manipulative or a bitch bc she's like. angry at her (invasive) sister or smth there is absolutely more to that than simply a preference even if it's unconscious. that's like the main thing i was talking abt but ppl who just have normal opinions abt the characters w/o writing manifestos on their behalf n assuming their opinions r objective & unbiased then it rly doesn't matter what they do or don't think of a character

but absolutely the last part of ur ask is spot on bc they put so much focus on their romantic relationships in general i fear it'll take a lot of time away from meaningful/heavier plot lines this season. at this point i'm just waiting for a clip where max does Not answer her call at like 4am or he is too busy w school to baby sit for tiff or smth like that to actually show that he's a teenage boy n isn't 100% committed to being a father figure for the baby of a girl he befriend 4 weeks ago. bc they're truly so invested in telling these stories where a love story will fix all ur life problems & it takes so much time from the bigger themes of the season

#inbox #anon

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penaltbox · 4 years

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Like what if ur in a no strings situation w beech or owen or whoever and something bad or stressful happened in ur life so u’ve been kind of down lately but haven’t talked w him ab it because ur supposed to just be fuckbuddies & one day he invites u over & when ur either making out he realizes something’s wrong w how ur acting & he becomes really concerned & ur caught off guard cause u didn’t think he’d care but he does & so u confide in him in that way for the first time & it’s a turning point

Okay I actually loved writing this 🥰

—

“It’s just a chain of bad luck. I’ll survive this, right?” You ask nervously, looking over at your roommate.

She gives you a smile, trying to sound reassuring as she replies, “of course, you’re like smartest person I know. Plus we’ll go have some fun this weekend to get your mind off it.”

You take a deep breath, hoping she was right. You were having possibly the worst week ever. You’d overslept Tuesday morning and missed your important calc lecture (which had impromptu quizzes so you most likely missed one), you hadn’t done nearly as well on a lab report as you needed to, and you just found out you were turned down for a job in one of the research labs over the summer all in a matter of three days.

“I’ve got this. I can do this,” you tell yourself, trying to make it your new mantra. You’re about to repeat it and start on some notes when your phone buzzes. Oh right, there was that problem too.

You really thought you could handle a hook up. You figured it would be easy and you could cut it off if things started to get too deep. No strings attached couldn’t be that hard. You totally missed the cut off though and now you were always trying to dodge the feelings that came up about him all the time, but it wasn’t as easy as it sounded.

“Is that lover boy?” Your roommate asks over her shoulder, the little smirk on her face making you blush, “shouldn’t he be at hockey practice?”

“I don’t know,” you mumble, opening the message right away, “maybe he got done early.”

‘Come over tn’ was all it said but it still made your heart race a little. This was stupid. You needed to cut this off... like maybe next week.

‘What time?’

You shake your head knowing it didn’t matter what his answer was. You’d be there regardless. You distract yourself with homework, remembering all the things you’d missed this week, and trying to get as much done as you could.

Eventually you get ready, always making him wait a little longer than when he told you to be there. You don’t know if he noticed, but it added to the thrill a bit for you.

“Johnny,” you smile as he opens the door, immediately pulling you in for a hug. There was something about those big warm hugs that made you never want to give them up.

You let him lift you off the ground, wrapping your legs around his waist. He laughs lightly, carrying you over to his bed and sitting down with you in his lap. He starts to kiss along your jawline, hands carefully slipping up your sweatshirt.

“Mm, glad you came over,” he mumbles between kisses, “haven’t heard from you since Monday.”

You try and ignore it, knowing you’d avoided him for many different reasons, and wanting to forget all of them for the time being. You turn your cheek, kissing him hard to get him to be quiet, which he eagerly returns.

You tangle one hand in his curls as the other grips onto his shirt like it’s your life saver. You feel him smirk into the kiss a little and you turn your head suddenly, letting him move down your neck. You focus on taking a few deep breaths when he freezes underneath you.

“Are you okay? Something seems a little off,” he says, pulling back to look you in the eye. When did he start noticing things like this? Were you being obvious?

You shrug it off, quickly saying, “I’m fine, I swear. Why?”

He frowns, looking you over again, “I don’t know that I believe that. Did something happen?”

“I don’t want to bother you with it. That’s not what we do here,” you whisper, knowing that would only cross more lines.

Johnny reaches up, putting a finger under your chin to make you look at him, “just because we sleep together doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or a life. If you need to talk about something you can always tell me.”

You hesitate, wondering if it was really a good idea. It might be good to get it off your chest to an unbiased party though. So you spill everything about the classes and the research job, but you hold back on the whole falling for him part of it. He didn’t need to know that.

He nods, listening to it all and rubbing a hand on the side of your thigh during the explanation. He waits until you have a chance to calm back down from it to talk.

“You seem really smart, I’m not gonna lie,” he starts off, “but maybe that wasn’t a good department to apply to. It sounds like they wanted an older student so maybe look at different departments on campus. I can ask the academic advisors for athletics if they know of anything.”

You smile, kissing his nose, “you don’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. And I remember now that my professor drops one quiz grade for calc so if I did miss one then I’m in the clear.”

“I think there was more to your worries too because you still look hesitant, but I won’t push you if you don’t want me to know. But I do care about you, ya know, so you can always talk to me about normal life stuff.”

He emphasizes it with the sweetest kiss he’s ever gave you and it makes your head spin a little and your heart spin a lot. You didn’t think he’d ever say that type of thing and it makes you wonder what it means for the two of you moving forward. You really weren’t ready to tell him how you felt, but from the way he said it, maybe you wouldn’t need to cut this thing off any time soon.

#johnny beecher #michigan hockey #my blurbs #mine #my writing

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cosmictulips · 3 years

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Good time, it's very nice to know you exist 🍵🛶🏰🪔🍯🍯🍯 I'm 18, T, libra sun, leo moon, cap ris. if u could help, that'd be a big thank you

recently I've been feeling kinda shut off from any type of spirituality, universe, can't trust my own mind because i don't want to make things up and go with a lie, not imagination play - a terrible lie to oneself. so, i can only trust others. been asking for a clear sign that i wouldn't doubt for as long as i can remember, and nothing... am i tryna knock on the door that wasn't meant for me? then i don't understand anything. i feel left out of my own life. i try pulling out any advice, but then, my intuition may be just wishful thinking. nothing i ever do comes as i intend. I've let go of logic, of expectations, but it feels like a one way communication. can't remember dreams. locked out of everything and losing hope. i don't think it's a wall i made. i don't want to make up a voice in my head, it is my biggest fear, i want to actually hear one.

so, one question - why am i being unanswered?

pun unintended

thank you in advance, you're very kind.

have a wonderful weekend, and every weekend some good news

Hey Friend =) I truly hope other people see this ask too because I think your ask is very important. so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of get personal with you. Truth be told, I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently. it’s happened when I was first starting out with the Craft -as I like to call it - and it happens from time to time. even now. these past two weeks have been a wreck for me and it really feels like I haven’t been heard by the universe. No, not heard. I’ve been heard. but to me, it feels like I’ve been deemed unworthy.

And especially with divination, reading for myself has always been wrong. which is why I no longer trust reading for myself. and I don’t particularly trust it when people say they read for themselves. because too me, how do you know you’re not lying to yourself? I always, always tell people to be careful because the universe can and WILL tell you what you want to hear. it’s hard approaching divination with a very unbiased, neutral head. and it’s kind of why I’ve fought some people over their readings. people only ever project to others and to the univeres what they want. so if I or you were to tell them otherwise, it’s wrong.

So you’re right to take a step back if it doesn’t feel right to you. and here’s where I’m going to start contradicting myself a little bit here. You need to start trusting yourself. fully, undoubtedly and ruthlessly. trust yourself so much that people almost think you’re full of arrogance. and that’s the key word, almost. Be open minded enough to new ideas and to change the way you think of things. but always, always trust yourself to know what is best for you. Only YOU are going to know the best route to take for yourself.

I started being answered when I started trusting the guidance that was coming in for me. I started to notice the little signs at first. Notice any repeating numbers? colors? any certain phrases you hear too often? read too often? is there an animal or group of animals that tend to show up at odd places? slowly start to take notice of these things. Also, truly dig deep into what you believe in. if you want to get into spirituality, ask yourself why. what is it that you believe that matches that. I got into it because I felt so alone in a church and no one was listening. and for awhile, I was thrown in circles the minute I opened myself up to the universe. but instead of blocking it out, I kept pushing. I kept trying to see the pattern, and I kept trying to change it.

and that could be what’s happening for you. I know you said that you think it’s not a wall you built. but darling, it is. I think it comes from a fear you’re not ready to recognize yet. it could be the fear of the unknown, it could be a fear of failure, but you’ve built a wall.

Spirituality is made for everyone. It’s okay to have blocks, to doubt your abilities and be unsure of whether or not the universe actually hears you. the universe brought you to me. so obviously it hears you. =)

but you cannot hear it and I think that’s what needs to change.

So let me give you some advice on what I do when I begin to feel these blocks. like I have been recently.

1. I pray to my gods. you don’t have to be into worshiping gods. you can simply pray to the universe like I did and still do from time to time. You’ll know it’s listening when you feel the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze of the wind. perhaps you’ll see an animal or two ;) my sister is a good example of this, she sees dogs everywhere when she’s looking for a sign from the universe lol. 2. I turn to divination. My readings for myself may not be true but it’s good practice. I also turn to other forms to try to grow in those skills as well. Runes, bindrunes, automatic writing, etc there’s SO MANY divination techniques. tarot may not be your thing but scrying might be. look around and see what fits.

3. I play hertz music. I find that music really helps me out lol. hertz is juts frequency waves set to a certain wave length so parts of ... our... ... so like our energy can pick up on it. there’s a better explanation for it but for me, it really helps lol 4. I keep pushing. even when it feels like I’m not being answered, and sometimes you won’t be answered. that’s the thing. the universe wants you to better yourself. and to grow. and sometimes that means trusting yourself to know where to go because it won’t give you an answer. be brave, and go forward.

I’ll go more into what I want you to do, but let me pull out your cards first so you finally have a reading lolol.

So for you I pulled the Lovers, Strength, The Sun and the Knight of Pentacles. with the Ace of Cups as the overall energy.

so it’s really what I’ve been saying lol. The knight of pentacles here is telling me to move slowly. it’s okay that things don’t make sense to you right off the bat. Patience is a virtue here. Going into your craft, your practice, it’s okay to question things. spirituality is a lot different than most religions so coming from a different place and settling into a new one can be tough. it requires a lot of change. and that tends to scare some people. Ya know? we’re all so used to hearing different things -mostly bad- about sprituality and how it’s all “fake” but darling, dipping your toes in and slowly breaking the surface is how everyone starts out. Once you get comfortable with the idea and with your own intuition the fun will begin.

Next you have the Lovers, Strength and the Sun. This is telling me you need to let yourself love. bring courage and strength into this. It’s going to take you loving yourself, being confident in yourself and going forth even if it seems fake. does that make sense? You might have a mental illness. I’ve got some strong anxiety that borders on paranoia. Okay, but in my heart of hearts I knew this was the call for me because I’ve seen too much shit to not believe spirituality wasn’t my path. so I forced myself to be more confident in my abilities. I forced myself to be open to the universe even if it felt like I was talking to a wall. I forced myself to sit down and learn divination and kept a dream journal even if most nights there was nothing but darkness.

and you need to bring that to yourself. if you are serious about this, learn to open yourself to the universe. In the beginning I had to lie to myself. it’s just what it is. but the more I connected to the universe, and the more I began to trust my intuition, the more the lying ceased to happen. because suddenly it was true. suddenly those signs told me I was on the right path. and suddenly everything I was studying made sense. given time it will make sense for you as well.

People, including me, are telling you what you already know. You just don’t trust yourself to hold onto those words. you don’t trust yourself enough to put that same love into you and out into the universe. and maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt. being vulnerable to the universe does mean that sometimes we go through rough patches. we have to break old cycles for new ones to begin. but much like the Lovers, once you make that choice to love and be loved, you will shine.

The ace of cups tells me there is something new coming for you. but you have to choose to let it happen okay? you have to stop thinking you’re not good enough and that you’re not being heard. because you are... because you’re here talking to me ;) the universe wouldn’t have sent you to me if that wasn’t the case. and I think a part of you knows that.

so here’s what I want you to do. Take the first steps. Start keeping a dream journal. the only way we as humans can recall our dreams is if we’re actively thinking of them when we first wake up. that means no media ;) lay there and think about what you dreamed. Like last night I had a dream I set the house on fire and was crying that I lost a textbook. idk, it was weird lol. dreams don’t have to make sense. write them down. keep a glass of water by your bed. for some reason it helps.

If you’re gonna sit there and tell me but you’ve tried everything, try again ;) try it from a new perspective. instead of going in all “this is going to fail” think of it as “this has already worked once and I’m doing it again to better myself”

let your confidence shine. I had to lie to myself everyday until I finally believed I was a decent human being. I still struggle with it but damn have I gotten noticed by more people who tell me that I literally shine like the sun. people notice your changes. some of us just won’t say it ;) that being said, be prepared to fight for your beliefs.

Learn what your beliefs are. Learn to defend them. because the universe does not take this journey lightly. the minute you start to doubt that you’re ever made for this, is going to be the second it closes on you until you force yourself to try again. much like how we’re both in this spot now ;) trust and KNOW that the universe wants what is best for you.

Tap into your higher self and your shadow self. work on what needs to be healed and what your higher self wants for you to do. this could literally be anything from getting therapy, to doing art, to listening to music, to talking to people who have hurt you. like it’s endless but it helps.

Lastly, understand that these things take time. You have some major energy wanting to work with you. you need to start trusting yourself more, and letting down that wall. you built it, you can destroy it.

I don’t hear a voice telling me which way to go. I get feelings. very strong ones. that I’ve had to learn are different from my anxiety. In the beginning that meant I had to pretend to ignore the feeling to see what the reaction would be. when something happened and I knew it was going to happen, I knew what I had felt was my intuition.

Learn to recognize what is your instinct and what is your intuition. my instinct is that my hands get a little shaky and I can’t stop moving around. my intuition keeps me still. it’s quick and alert. for you it could be something different. you might actually hear a voice.

I’m willing to work with you if you want me to. I’ve been in that exact same situation and form time to time I feel the same way. it’s never about the destination, it’s always the journey.

You’ve got this. You know you do. break down the wall, and come join us ;) I hope this helps sorry for the long.... long post lmao If you ever need anything, please reach out =)

#free tarot reading #tarot reading

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cherrybracelets · 5 years

Text

Silver Linings (Chapter 1)

pairing: nurse!ben hardy x reader ; lawyer!gwilym lee x reader

summary: after just breaking up with your boyfriend of 6 years, gwilym, you find yourself sulking in a bar being chatted up by a handsome young blonde, ben

word count: 4k / warnings: 18+!!! smut!!!! also mentions of getting sick, drinking, and pregnancy

AN: okay i know this is my second fic I’m working on currently but guys this one is gonna be sooooo good I’m so excited to share it with you. love u all❤️

It wasn’t the worst bar in the East Village. It wasn’t the best, either. You had been to both the worst, and the best. This was medium. In between. The drinks were good and cheap, but the crowd was mostly middle aged men drinking away the troubles of marriage. The nice thing was, everyone seemed so preoccupied with their own bullshit that no one saw you sulking in the corner, nursing your third soda water.

You slurped down the last sip of it, making a loud obnoxious sound. The bartender walked over to you and smiled, taking the empty cup away.

“Are you sure I can’t get you something a little stronger than that? It looks like you need it,” he motioned at the bottles of alcohol behind him, his face filled with pity. I’m sure he was used to treating people with pity at a place like this. Everyone had something that lead them here.

“I can’t. I’m pregnant.” You pointed at your stomach, which wasn’t showing yet, and looked back at the bartender. “So just another one of these. It gives me the allusion that I’m drinking.”

“I’m guessing this wasn’t a planned pregnancy, then?” He asked, pouring you another drink.

“Not at all. And it all happened in this bar, by the way. So I blame you.”

“You got pregnant in my bar?”

“No, no. Gross. No. I just met the man that got me pregnant in this bar. And it fucked my life up.”

“I’m sorry about that. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s a long story...”

“I have plenty of time.”

You took a long sip of the drink in front of you, and placed a hand on your belly. You were sure the bartender could actually care less about your situation, and was just looking for a little extra tip, but you needed to tell your story. You needed someone unbiased to hear it. Someone who wasn’t Ben or Gwil or your parents. Someone who could give you their opinion, without already having an opinion going in.

“Alright, well like I said, it all started in this bar. About four months ago...”

The night in question four months ago was almost exactly the same as tonight. Except you were drinking alcohol. And a lot of it. And you were sad. Very sad.

And then he walked in. A handsome blonde, also bearing a sad face. This was a bar for sad people, it seemed. He walked up next to you and took a seat, clearly not understanding the ‘Let Me Sulk In Peace’ vibe you were trying so hard to give off.

He flagged down the bartender and said “Can I get a gin and tonic, and get her another of whatever she’s having.”

“Thanks, but I’m alright. I probably shouldn’t.” You smiled nicely at him, hoping he would get the message, but also secretly hoping he wouldn’t leave. The company of a handsome stranger was nice.

“I can tell by the look on your face you need another. I know that because we currently have very similar looks on our faces.” The bartender placed both of the drinks down in front of you and you hastily grabbed yours, taking a large sip and letting it burn your throat.

“Why are you drinking tonight, handsome blonde stranger?”

He giggled, and took a sip of his drink. “You can call me Ben. And I’m drinking because I didn’t get a job I was really hoping for.” He took another sip, and sighed. He shook the ice in his cup around, watching it intently. “Why are you drinking?”

“I just got dumped.” You raised your glass in the air and laughed. “Six years of my life, just gone. We were supposed to get married. We talked about it! But apparently a job in San Francisco is more important than all of that.”

“Did he ask you to come with him?”

“Of course. But I can’t give up my life here. I love my job, and my friends. My family isn’t too far, either. I’m not a Rachel, I won’t give up my life for a guy.”

Ben took another sip of his drink, and looked directly at you. He was very handsome, almost like a model. It was kind of stupid how good looking he was. Maybe you were just drunk, but you couldn’t stop yourself from staring at the perfectly chiseled angles of his face.

“I didn’t catch your name.” He raised his eyebrows in question, waiting for an answer.

“Sorry. It’s (Y/N).” You stuck your hand out in front of you, smiling brightly. He took your hand gently in his, and it sent shivers through your body.

Ben drank the rest of his gin and tonic in one swallow, and swiftly ordered another. You were still working on yours, trying to drink a little slower, because things were definitely getting a bit fuzzy.

Your brain kept taking you back to thoughts of your relationship, to thoughts of Gwil. You weren’t mad at him, you didn’t hate him at all. You loved him, to be completely honest. And you missed him.

You had spent six years of your life with him. You honestly he thought he would be your be all end all. You had told him the kinds of engagement rings you liked, your kids names were picked out... God, you lived together! What the hell were you going to do?

"Do you want to talk about anything? It looks like you want to talk." Ben turned his body to face you, his eyes wide and full of kindness. He clearly needed a friend right now, and honestly so did you. Although you usually put up a cold front to strangers, maybe this should be the time you break down your walls.

"I do want to talk, but not about this. I'm not ready." You felt your face get hot, the rush of tears coming up, but you managed to take a deep breath and swallow your emotions. Whatever you did, you were not going to cry in front of this guy. You weren't at that level yet.

"Well, do you want to hear about my problems?" He asked, laughing loudly as he took another large sip of his drink.

"I'd love to hear about anything as long as it doesn't involve Gwil."

"I take it that's your ex?"

"Yes. And that's all you get to know for now," you winked. "Talk to me about you."

"Well, as you know, I didn't get my dream job. But it's a bit more complicated than that, you see..." he took a large sigh and swirled the ice in his drink around, his blue eyes catching the neon lights of the various beer signs around the bar.

"My roommate secretly applied for the job and got it. I guess he was better suited for it than me... but the thing that pisses me off was that he knew how much I wanted that job... I had talked about it all the time." Ben's cheeks turned a bright red, a rush of anger and frustration coming over him. He balled his fists up and dug his nails into his palms to stop him from crying. It made you feel a little better about almost breaking down in front of him.

You reached your hand out and set it on his knee, offering just the lightest touch to let him know he was not alone. He smiled at you, although it was barely a grin, but he did the best he could. He was thankful for you, too. He just couldn't say it at the moment.

"I'm so sorry. That's terrible. People can be so..."

"Selfish," he said, finishing your sentence exactly as you had thought it. "I kicked him out, I couldn't bare to see him everyday after what he did. I'm sure he was planning on moving out anyways but... I won't lie, it felt a little bad ass to kick him out." Ben smiled, this time a full and meaningful smile.

You and Ben sat and talked for about another hour. You both tried to avoid the things that brought you together in the first place, but every once in a while something would come up and you couldn't stop yourself from talking about Gwil. Ben had finally caught up to you on number of drinks, and you saw him release a little bit of anger one sip at a time.

"Thank you, for chatting with me." You smiled gently at Ben, really feeling like you were a little better off now than you were when you walked in.

"Thank you, too. I needed this." Ben stood up, and you finally realized just how attractive he was. His arm muscles were bulging through the sleeves of his shirt, and his thighs went on for days. Again, this may be the alcohol talking, but your brain was thinking about doing a lot of things to him.

You stood up as well, realizing it was probably good to get out of here while you were feeling this happy. To your surprise, Ben wrapped his arms around you and gave you a hug. You were shocked at first, but quickly melted into his arms and let yourself feel something other than pain. He was warm, and strong. He smelled like lemons, and it reminded you of the stuff your mom used to clean the kitchen with in the house you grew up in. You buried your head deep in the nape of his neck and absorbed him for a moment, letting him wash over you.

When you finally decided to let go of him, it felt like ripping away a band aid. You didn't want to do it, but you didn't have a choice. You couldn't stay here forever, just holding him. But in that moment, if you could've, you would've. You guys walked outside together, the sky dark but the streets still illuminated by life going on around you. The smell of street food and cigarettes filled your nose, and you got a queasy feeling.

"You alright?" Ben put a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with concerned eyes.

"Yes, just need some water. And possibly a snack," you said.

"Let me take you home," he blurted, and then laughed a bit, before saying, "Not like that, I mean. I just have food there, and water of course. And you said you were just going to stay in a hotel for a few weeks until Gwil moved. I'd much rather have you somewhere safe."

"And you're the safe option? I just met you like an hour and a half ago, Ben. That's crazy dangerous." You laughed, and raised your eyebrows at Ben.

"I'm not a serial killer, I swear it," he teased, putting a hand on your cheek and holding your face in his hand. You looked at him for a moment, taking a deep breath of city air. And then you leaned in and kissed him. You kissed him intensely, your lips taking charge and telling him where to go. He wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you closer to him, his body pressing against every inch of yours. His tongue moved about aggressively in your mouth- he was not holding back. He wanted you, every inch of you, and you wanted him, too.

When you got to his place, he walked you through the door and immediately started kissing you again, barely giving himself time to lock the door. He pulled his shirt off quickly, revealing a nearly perfect body.

You started giggling and Ben looked confused, shielding himself with his arms.

"What's wrong?" He nervously asked.

"Oh, god, nothing! I'm sorry... it's just amazing. You're amazing. Good work God." You ran a hand over his stomach and giggled again. Ben just laughed at you and rolled his eyes before picking you up and bringing you into his bedroom. He took your clothes off quickly, desperation and need taking over his thoughts. He kissed down your stomach and finally reached your center, devouring you like a midnight snack. He made you cum twice before finally stopping to kiss you again. He hovered above you, kissing you and biting at your lips.

"Can I?" He asked, his tip placed right at your opening. You nodded and smiled, bucking your hips towards him. He pushed into you slowly at first, letting you take a moment to get adjusted to him.

"Go faster," you moaned, ready to have him. He quickly started pumping in and out, his hands dug deep into the sides of your hips. He continued to kiss you, although after a few minutes he asked you to turn around and put your ass up for him, which you did without question. He slapped your ass hard, making you squeal with pleasure. He continued pumping faster and harder until he came. He flopped down next to you and kissed you again, this time much slower and with less energy.

"Wow..." you muttered, breathing heavily and wiping sweat off your forehead.

"You should stay here... with me..." He turned on his side and faced you, wrapping his fingers in your hair.

"I already said I would. Besides, I don't think I'm walking tonight." You winked at him and kissed him again, just for a few seconds.

"I know you are tonight... I meant until you get your place back. Until he moves out. Just stay here."

"Let's talk about it tomorrow... you're not in the right state of mind to be asking me that kind of question..."

"Alright, fine. But I'll still feel the same way in the morning." Ben kissed you once more, and then rolled on his back. You were both asleep within minutes, the emotions of the day, and the alcohol, finally getting the better of you.

So, the next morning you and Ben both decided that you would stay with him for a few weeks. And things were great. You loved living with Ben, he was respectful of your privacy but also knew when to bother you. It had been about four weeks now, and you had only about a week left before you were going to go back home. Although you would miss Ben, you were ready to be back in your place.

You were both hanging out tonight, just watching a movie, ordering takeout. You usually didn't like Indian, but it was all you were craving the past week, so you ordered Bens favorite and a lot for yourself. You were scrolling through Netflix looking for a movie when the doorbell rang.

"I got it Ben, it's probably the food," you yelled to Ben, who was finishing up some work in his room. You walked over to the door and opened it excitedly, your stomach growling at the thought of eating. But it wasn't takeout. It was Gwil, standing in your doorway, cheeks flushed and eyes red and watery.

"What the... how did you..." you stood, baffled, trying to comprehend what was happening. Gwil had tried to contact you multiple times over the past month, but you decided it would be best not to answer. He was leaving, and you needed to do your best to break the connection.

"I called your mum... she told me you were here. I'm sorry to do that I just... had to see you." Gwil looked exhausted and desperate, falling apart at the seems.

"Gwil... why are you here? You're leaving in just a few days... I don't think I can do this." You felt your heart pounding, and your eyes were tearing up at the sight of him. You wanted to hug him, hold him. He looked so broken, just like you.

"I'm not leaving, not anymore."

"What do you mean you're not leaving?" You shook your head in confusion, about to ask more questions when Ben walked out of his room.

"Hey sweets, is the food here?" Ben stopped in his tracks when he saw Gwil, the look on his face changing instantly.

"Is this the guy you've been staying with?" Gwil asked, his eyes examining Ben. "Yes... he's a friend," you whispered, trying to break the tension between the two.

"How come I never met him when we were together?"

"I met him after we broke up..."

"Oh, bloody hell (Y/N)... you're staying with a stranger? He could be anyone, he could be dangerous..." Gwil shook his head, judgement and worry on his mind.

"I think you better stay in your lane, mate... I was the one that took care of her when you left her alone." Ben walked closer to you, puffing his chest to try and look more intimidating.

"Stop, Ben. Let me handle this, please. Gwil, can we talk in private, in my bedroom?" You motioned for Gwil to follow you, and he nodded and walked in your direction, not taking his eyes off Ben until it was impossible for him to look anymore. You and Gwil walked into your room and you sat down on the bed, throwing your face in your hands and sobbing.

"Love... I am so sorry. I fucked up so bad... I messed everything up. But I am still in love with you, and nothing, no job... nothing is worth leaving you. Please, you have to forgive me... I'm falling apart. I've never been this unhappy." Gwil started crying, a sight that you had only seen a few times in your relationship. He really was broken, and so were you.

"I miss you so much. Every day... I love you, Gwil. I want to come home with you."

Gwil cupped your face in his hands and kissed you, smiling as he did.

"Come home, baby. Come home."

You found out in the bathroom at work. You knew it, though. Or at least you knew something was wrong. You had only been back home with Gwil for about a week and a half, and almost that whole time you'd been puking and exhausted. All it took was the two little lines to confirm your suspicions. You were pregnant, probably a little over a month along if you had to guess. And that meant it was with Ben's baby. You were almost certain of it, and the thought made you... confused. You didn't know how exactly you felt, but you knew you were terrified.

Your brain was fuzzy, and you had to get out of there. So you told your boss you were sick and had to leave immediately. They didn't question it, because they could tell by the look on your face you were serious. You got on the subway and just stood, staring at the anti-vaping poster in front of you. You missed your stop, but you couldn't go home anyways. You couldn't tell Gwil. You couldn't tell anyone. So you got off at the next stop, which so happened to be Bens, but you didn't really realize where you had gone until you found yourself staring at his front door, waiting to knock.

And you knocked. And he came to the door, a bit surprised to see you, still a little mad that you chose to go back to Gwil, but he would never tell you that to your face. He knew you were upset, he saw it in your eyes. He was very good at reading you, and it scared you a bit. It was like he knew you for a very long time.

"Ben..." you muttered, tearing at the hangnails on your fingertips. "I have to tell you something. And I don't know what I am going to do, yet. But I need you to know."

Ben just nodded at you and whispered, "You can tell me anything."

"I'm pregnant."

You both were silent for a few moments, and Ben cracked his knuckles.

"It's mine?" He asked, his eyes tearing up.

"Yes... I'm sorry. I know it's not what you want. I don't expect anything from you... I just... think it might be what I want... and I need you to know." You felt tears streaming down your face now, and saw tears on Bens, too. You figured he was angry, and frustrated. But you weren't very good at reading people, you weren't like him.

"Whatever you decide... I am here for you. I want to be apart of this, whatever it is. And if he... if he turns you away, you both always have a place with me." Ben stood up and hugged you again, much like the hug he gave you the first night you met him. You melted into his warmth, and the two of you stood there for a long time.

"I need to go home... I need to tell him." You looked at Ben and kissed his cheek, before walking towards the door.

"Please call me..." he spoke. You nodded and walked out the door, heading home.

You walked through the door of your apartment, hoping somehow Gwil would not be home, but he was, and you had to face up to this now. You walked into his office where he was laid up with papers everywhere and his laptop whirring away. He smiled up at you and then frowned, noticing the obvious distress on your face.

"You alright?" He questioned, setting down his pen and shifting in his chair.

"We need to talk..."

You told Gwil everything. You told him about the night you met Ben in the bar, about the type of relationship you had with him... and the pregnancy. He was quiet for most of it, just nodding along and biting his lip occasionally.

"Gwil... I don't think I can give up this baby. I want it... as terrified as it makes me, I want this. And I know it's not what you want, I get that. I'm not asking you to be involved. But I do love you, and if you want to be apart of my life somehow I... want you to be there." You felt yourself wanting to cry again, but it seemed your body had used all its supply of tears, because nothing would come out.

"What about... him? Does he know?" Gwil looked you directly in the eyes and refused to look away.

"He does. And he wants to be involved." You looked away from him, unable to handle his gaze.

"Okay." Gwil sat back in his chair and looked at the ceiling, blowing air out of his mouth. "Do you remember what I wrote to you in the card I gave you on our First Year anniversary?"

"Of course... I have it framed in my office."

"I said, no matter what, I would love you. No matter what, you were mine and I was yours. I'd always be there every night to tell you I love you and every morning to do the same..." Gwil looked at you again, this time his eyes soft. "I may have messed that up a bit ago, but I'm not going to again. You and me belong together. If this is what you want, and you still want to be together, we will make it work. Somehow."

"Gwil... you don't have to... this is a lot..."

"My love, life is a lot. It will take me some time to process this all but... I am not going to walk away." He took your hands in his and squeezed, smiling lovingly at you. He really was the perfect person, you couldn't believe he was going to stay with you.

"So, it's been about a month since I told them both. None of us have told our parents, we're not... exactly sure how to explain it. But I am here, again, and I'm exhausted." You took another sip of your drink and smiled at the bartender, who was trying to find the right words to say.

"I'm sorry about all that... I wish I knew what to tell you..."

"Thanks. I should get home, soon. How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house, tonight. It's just soda. You deserve a bit of a break, anyways." You thanked him and left the bar, walking outside to another night of city life. You felt your phone vibrate in your bag and grabbed it to see Gwil calling.

"Hey, love," you answered.

"Hey, just checking when you'll be home? Wanted to go over some stuff for tomorrows appointment."

"Heading over now."

"Alright, see you in a few. I love you."

Gwil hung the phone up before you got a chance to say I love you back, but he knew. Just as you were putting your phone back in your bag, you got a text from Ben.

"Which crib do you like better?" He asked, attaching two photos of very pricey cribs he found.

You smiled, your heart fluttering at the sight of Ben being a father. Future father, you should say.

'Fuck,' you thought to yourself. 'I am so fucked.'

#queen #borhap #bohemian rhapsody #ben hardy #gwilym lee #ben hardy fanfiction #gwilym lee x reader #fanfiction #ben hardy x reader #gwilym lee fanfiction

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subjectsix · 5 years

Text

Hitman 2 and 3 theories

OKAY so I’ve been reading about Hitman 2/3 theories and thinking on the ending of the Haven level a lot and decided to make a post about it because analyzing stuff is fun dkfjghdjkfhg

Spoilers for the end of Hitman 2/the Haven level below the cut! (y’all its so much I’m sorry KJLDFHGKJFHG its Hitman Lore And Meta Time)

FIRST lemme just say. Y’all I’m very aware I’m a big Lucas Grey fan dkjgfhkdjhg BUT I did my best to make sure that wasn’t getting into my analyzation too much, I like being as objective/unbiased as possible bc the Hitman storyline is wonderful (and if Lucas is the villain oooo Drama™)

anyway this is gonna be a long ramble so here’s the TL;DR

Big point: I don’t think we can accurately piece together any sort of an answer currently, and IO wants us to doubt everyone and everything for the “hook” into the next game, and they did a lovely job at it! Thank you IO <3

My three running theories with the info we have:

None of the main four are working with the constant, and he is manipulating them all to try and turn them on each other, making them doubt each other to cause dissension among them (see: him telling Diana about the hit on her parents, the concept that he’s making Lucas out to be a traitor) which could result in Lucas’ death (or not)

Lucas is being “held hostage” in a way by the constant-- Edwards has him by some threat or pressure point credible enough to make Lucas work for him

The least likely in my opinion due to evidence and Lucas’ character, but still possible maybe: Lucas made a deal with the constant somehow (when he would’ve found the time, I don’t know) because he’s got it in his head that he and 47 should be the providence leaders-- somewhere along the way he got so obsessed/focused on this all he got his view skewed and genuinely thinks he’s doing a good and helpful thing

So what prompted me was this specific comment on a hitman subreddit theory thread:

So to me, the idea that Lucas has been a traitor from the start doesn’t seem to add up. If you look at everything we've seen from IO about him, it shows that Lucas is on a path of vengeance-- suddenly allowing The Constant off the hook seems like a massive shift in character, especially considering the comic and what we've seen of Lucas and 47 as kids (more on this in a bit)

So the only leap you can make after that to blame Lucas is the second comment on that reddit response, but that seems like such a big cheesy sci-fi stretch to me. If you look at Lucas and 47 knowing they’re clones, you can clearly see the resemblance. They aren’t just brothers, they’re like. They’re near exactly the same in appearance (save for the fact that 47’s in much better shape and like. Bald DFHFDJHG). You could argue that Lucas had his face changed to appear to be a clone, but you have to consider that they both have the hand scars from the pact they made as children, the comic confirms Lucas/6’s existence, Lucas has a lot of Ort-Meyer knowledge others don’t have, and 47 is remembering Lucas

Any leap past that gets wackier, like...

- Maybe 47 has DOUBLE fake memories from his time in the institute and this has been planned from the beginning? Doesn’t seem satisfying nor IO’s style, plus it seems rather out of character for 47.

- Ether antidote somehow gave him fake memories? Also nah, seems just too out there/odd/improbable

So from here, the only thing that I can personally add up and understand in the vein of Lucas being a traitor is the concept of Lucas maybe having a bent concept of like... morality? I can see him maybe getting a bit too over the edge, too bent and obsessed on Providence and taking them down, and somehow talking himself into thinking he and 47 need to be in control of Providence because they’re the only ones that can make things “right”. From what I’ve seen, he hasn’t exhibited behavior that tells me that in full, but that makes much more sense than him being A Complete Snake™ because if he was a traitor it would defo be in the “he fully thinks he’s doing the right and good thing for 47”

ANYWAY consider this evidence in game:

- Lucas being shown repeatedly to go to great lengths to avoid collateral damage/citizens getting hurt or killed (you can overhear this being talked about on Hawke’s Bay, Columbia (and from Lucas himself in Rico’s office), and I think Colorado, but I’m not sure. I’m sure there’s other locations as well).

- Lucas' genuine concern for Olivia to the point that he gives her her whole own security detail (seen on Colorado, thank u @olliemander for showing me that!!!), as well as the fact that he met her when she was 7 (can somebody say father figure), and she's the only person in the whole militia to have both seen him and know his real name, not even Sean Rose knows his name and those that have seen him have all been killed (Viktor, the Providence member in the cutscene after Sapienza)

- His seemingly genuine reaction to realizing he killed Diana's parents (seen in the cutscene before Sgáil)

- His seemingly genuine concern over 47's wellbeing after the ether antidote (seen in the cutscene after Whittleton)

- His seemingly genuine reaction to/at the institute (the man is genuinely emotional over it all)

- The Constant's complete bafflement at Lucas' actions-- you can overhear this on Sgáil-- and I suppose you could argue that this is just fake so Edwards and Lucas can play the long con, but that seems unlikely to me

- also this is less of a piece of evidence but still interesting, Lucas’ man on the island that gets him the info on the poison chip and the Washington Sisters comes from a genuine NPC you can listen to, who calls Lucas to give him more info and tell him their debt from their old CICADA days is repaid and to just leave him alone now AKJDLFHGKJDFHG

I mean, yeah, it could all be things to mislead us, but I don’t think so-- his behavior lines up throughout the years of his life that we’ve been shown, and 47 isn’t one to blindly trust people.

This leaves the idea that Lucas has been working with Edwards from the start, but that too seems like a long stretch to me-- Lucas seems to hate what he and 47 had to go through (as seen in the comics and just his behavior we’ve seen), and he carries that weight (like he mentions in the cutscene before Sgáil, and in the Homecoming cutscene). He seems to really struggle with survivor’s guilt over his escape from the institute. Plus Lucas doing a double side switch seems a bit Much™ (but I totally could be wrong akdljfhgkjdgh)

Ultimately tho, here's the thing: I don’t think we can solve this puzzle yet, because IO wants us to wait for Hitman 3. What good is it if we bust it before the game comes out?

They did this with the end of the Sgáil mission-- it was a big ominous cliffhanger but then we just sorta scooted along (so they could keep building the story, it was well done IMO)

My most likely theory at the moment is the idea that Edwards is trying to turn 47, Lucas, Diana, and Olivia on each other because he realizes they’re a threat. Bc If I’m real, I currently don't think any of the core group are working with The Constant, which is terrifying, because it means the constant is way more powerful than we thought and way less helpless than we thought he was in his current position. (So that means the text/phone call/whatever Lucas got in the end cutscene was from Edwards posing as someone else like Olivia). Plus, if Diana gets into contact with 47, she’s going to tell him Edwards is gone. If for some reason 47 can’t contact her, he’s going to be suspicious and on high alert.

Edwards is a scheming, smart dude and I don’t doubt him being able to do that at all. He knows Diana and 47 are close and trust each other (“in his own special way, he cares about you”) and felt the need to mention to her that 47 and Lucas were behind her parents’ deaths-- that’s not just bonus information, he did it for a reason. This also puts his line of “Do you really want to do this to me?” to the Partners in reference to being under scrutiny and needing the poison chip under a SUPER terrifying and ominous light. What sort of power does this man wield?

I would personally love to see Lucas survive these games AKJHSFJGH but I can see the story leading to 47 have to make a call to shoot Lucas (thinking he’s a traitor), playing hard against the emotions of it all, especially with the reveal that this was all a set up by The Constant, making 47 go after him with a vengeance. (also not to be angsty™ but can you imagine Lucas and 47 talking after 47’s shot him? Oof ouchy my heart)

Another possibility I can see is like my friend Synth suggested-- Lucas wanting to go in violently and take it all out on The Constant, while 47 holds him back for tactics sake

In terms of Lucas and Edwards working together, sans them planning it from the start, there really would’ve been no time for Lucas to talk to The Constant between his capture and the departure for the bank. I also can’t currently make sense of many reasons why Lucas would side with him and not tell 47 or Olivia

My final idea that plays into the idea of Lucas as a traitor is the idea that, somehow, The Constant is holding Lucas hostage in a way? That if by chance they got to speak to each other, The Constant lorded some threat over Lucas that was serious enough to him to agree to help him (like a threat against 47 or Olivia, etc). I’m not sure though, but the idea is interesting to me :Oc

aNYWAY big ol’ rant over! Here’s some pics of Lucas’ voice actor in Alice and Wonderland enjoy fdjgkhdfkjghkjfh

#hitman 2 #hitman 2016 #lucas grey #agent 47 #the constant #the shadow client #arthur edwards #diana burnwood #olivia hall #this just in: kip goes OFF on theories for hitman #coffee talks #this is okay to reblog and discuss btw!!!!!!!!#long post #hitman

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svt-energyskincare · 6 years

Text

sleepovers with jaebum

i love U, YOUR SUPPORT MEANS EVERYTHING xoxo

✭ you both l o v e d having sleepovers

✭ so much so that you tried to have them every weekend

✭ ngl you always pouted if he couldn’t come over

✭ and he got a lil upset too because he was always looking forward to it

✭ he preferred to have the sleepovers at your place bc the last few times that it was at their dorms, bambam and yugyeom were always trying to come in and annoy you guys HAHA

✭ that, or bambam would try to flirt with you

✭ yes, bam did have a crush on you and that was very clear to anyone within a million mile radius

✭ and that was the last straw for jaebum until it was always sleepovers at your place

✭ jaebum had always been protective over you, and honestly it was the cutest thing ever

✭ whenever bam would flirt with you, he’d immediately shoo him away

✭ or whenever someone made you upset he would always let you vent to him and there wasn’t a time that would pass where his eyebrows wouldn’t crinkle up with upsetness

✭ even if he doesn't say it much, jae loves you okay and nobody was going to mess with you on his watch

✭ nor was anybody gonna mess with him on yours

✭ but BACK TO SLEEPOVERS

✭ sleepovers with jaebum??

✭ more like sleepovers with jaebUM AND AHGASE’S

✭ because you LOVED to do lives on instagram whenever you two were together

✭ and of course he didn’t mind either

✭ in fact

✭ jaebum didn’t really mind anything you wanted to do, he always agreed because he’s chill with anything

✭ he was THAT person who would always answer “i don’t know, what do you want to do?” or “whatever you want”

✭ you swore he was a robot at that point, because you couldn’t get another answer out of him on what he wanted to do, so you always had to call it

✭ whatever you guys did ranged on your guys’ level of spontaneity on that particular day

✭ like were y’all feeling LIT AF?

✭ HYPER AF?

✭ chill af?

✭ sleepy af?

✭ hungry af?

✭ yes, you two did mukbangs on instagram live LMAO

✭ it consisted of you two ordering your favorite take out

✭ you both tried cooking it once…. but…... well ask the ahgase’s who watched that particular live how it went

✭ so you both swore to always order food from then on

✭ you would just chomp away, talking about each other’s day, spilling kinda embarrassing stories about each other

✭ feeding each other the foods while laughing at the other’s expression when you guys found out it was too spicy

✭ honestly, acting as if you were lil youtuber’s was a bit you guys did quite a lot

✭ being the fact that you did things like mukbangs, q and a’s while you did that and even “boyfriend does my makeup tag” even though you were just friends

✭ you mainly did them when it was past midnight, because you both were such night owls and had nothing to do

✭ you’d tiptoe from the bathroom, holding your makeup bag while peeking over to jaebum with that look on your face

✭ he was pretty good at doing your makeup, but you wouldn’t help him know which products did what, but he tried his best

✭ he always went on about how “oppa doesn’t know how to do this” or “it’s because oppa has never done this before”

✭ ahgase’s would try to sneak around in the comments and type in hangul on which product did what because they knew you couldn’t read it, but he could

✭ in which jaebum would try to play it off like the “screen was about to turn off,” when he was actually just reading the comments

✭ like you’d catch him winking at the camera when you turned to him, basically signaling a silent thank you to the viewers

✭ and by the end, your makeup looked pretty good, especially for “oppa having never done this before” bYE-

✭ when you left the room to go look in a mirror on how it turned out, he could hear you gasp and yelp in joy at how it looked

✭ then when you came back into the room, you saw a laughing jaebum whispering something to the camera and immediately freezing when he saw you catch him

✭ you told him to stop acting weird by threatening to do his eyeshadow again (he absolutely hated eyeliner, he always fLINCHES when someone gets close to his eye)

✭ but when you two weren’t doing youtuber-like things, you two were most likely working on music

✭ whether it was cruising through soundcloud, trying to find new gems to blast on the spontaneous late night drives you two loved going on for no reason

✭ or whether it was just having mini karaoke jam sessions in your room, turning on the little disco light ball jae gave you for your birthday last year

✭ or whether it was watching over jaebum’s shoulder, looking at all the songs he made in his playlist

✭ jae was very protective and personal with his music, he would only let certain people hear it before it was released

✭ he preffered to hear opinions on how it sounded, and he only trusted few to do so as well, without being biased

✭ and you were one of those people

✭ you knew a thing or two, or a million or two, about music

✭ you always gave him unbiased and truthful feedback on his tracks, and you were even featured in the back of some of them

✭ that lil hum in the back of his new track?? yeah, that’s you

✭ the harmonization in the melody in the chorus?? yeah, you again

✭ the girl’s voice on the phone call bit in the breakdown of his song?? yup, you, you and you

✭ or sometimes you’d even mess around in his recording place and record yourself making random noises, which some he actually used to your surprise

✭ he always wanted you to be a part of his work, since music was one of his most favorite things, and so were you

✭ you weren’t as experienced as he was in music production, but sometimes you’d fool around on the equipment whenever he was napping

✭ you’ve even attempted to making him songs, with lyrics about how much you appreciated him

✭ which resulted in him asking if you were drunk the next dAY LMAO

✭ but ended with him telling you how thankful he was for it ofc :’)

✭ you guys teased each other a lot, but you wouldn’t if you weren’t certain that you two weren’t certain that you loved each other

✭ and often times people would misunderstand, and think you were fighting, but that was never the case

✭ you and jae were the bestest of friends okay!!

✭ but yes, at the sleepovers, often times it would end with either one of you falling asleep while working on the music

✭ about 99% of the time it was you

✭ you always would fall asleep leaning on his shoulder, or leaning your head on his keyboard

✭ he didn’t have the heart to move you, but his arm was going to lose circulation and his keyboard kept spamming random letters on the screen, so he just carried you to your bed and tucked you in

✭ or when he would fall asleep, he usually fell asleep with his head in your lap, laptop on his lap

✭ in which your legs would lose circulation, and you would tuck him in on the couch or just let him sleep on your lap

✭ and he didn’t know this, but sometimes you’d sing him his favorite songs as he was asleep

✭ you would hum it like a lullaby to him, sometimes unknowingly

✭ and what you didn’t know is that there were points in the night where he was actually awake, but just pretended like he was asleep so he could listen to you

✭ he thought it was the cutest thing, and he would tease you about it when you guys woke up

✭ and the next morning, you’d always be the one to wake up first because who knows what time jaebum went to sleep

✭ you never minded him resting in your bed with you, but he always crashed on the couch that he was working on his music on

✭ you would always stay in bed for an hour or two, but eventually pull out your phone to text jae

✭ “are u up’

✭ “no bye’

✭ “who tf is this? who stole jaebum’s phone? he never wakes up aT 8’

✭ “hm, is that so?’

✭ ’YES WHO IS THIS’

✭ “who is this?’

✭ ’not ur best friend’

✭ “oh, so this is y/n’

✭ “IM JAEBUM’

✭ “hurry and come to the kitchen!!’

✭ and there, on the kitchen counter, was breakfast in lil styrofoam boxes that he laid out for the both of you

✭ whoever woke up first, always got the breakfast for the both of you because you both were always starving when you woke up

✭ “are u serious’ you texted him

✭ i’m right in front of you, why are you texting me’

✭ “i know. i love u thank u’

✭ in which you gave him a huge hug and you both raced to the chairs to chow down yet again on your food

✭ no mukbang lives this time, just the two of you chatting about the music he made the night before, or how funny the other looked when you fell asleep

✭ he stayed over for a while, usually whenever he slept over it was during a time where he was able to be free without a packed schedule

✭ a phone call from got7’s manager or from the boys usually was the timer in which he had to return back

✭ but that didn’t happen until later on in the day

✭ so you two had the whole day to yourselves!!

✭ maybe even another sleepover to be :’)

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