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oneiric-somnolence · 8 months

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I watched The Twilight Saga for the first time in 2023.

(Maybe somewhat obviously, there are spoilers for the Twilight Saga in this post! Proceed with caution and care.)

A real post on main, guys! Can you believe it?!

INTRO:

I’m a movie guy. I like films—even the ones that aren’t particularly good. Maybe especially those ones.

When I’d reached the target age and audience of Twilight (2008), I really was of the scene and aesthetics of someone who should have watched Twilight (that, of course, being an edgy tweenaged girl). It’s release was, however, just a few years before my most conscious ages and by then had already garnered the reputation of being a rather shit film. The specific kind that fell victim to excessive scrutiny because it was targeted towards girls. I was never terribly fond of things for girls (for reasons that would come to make themselves clear in the future) so I naturally joined the hate party. I think at that point, the most I’d even known about the film came from parody in the cartoons i was watching. There may have been a particularly notable Twilight bit in American Dad. Who remembers?

Anyhow—while no longer tweenaged or a girl, I feel as if I have reached the point in my life where I would most respect these films for what they are. I appreciate an amount of cheese and I feel that a lens of nostalgia for the era they come from will cloud my judgement quite beautifully. I hope there to be an amount of earnest in them—as that’s all that a film really needs to be entertaining to me—but I’ve seen criticism of the later films in the franchise for being very of an industry and without the charm that audiences enjoyed from the franchise initially. The quality or charisma of any films after the first (excluding Eclipse) will not be necessary to keep my attention because Michael Sheen is in them. So I’ll do my best to give them all a fair shot and not let the opinions of others snake too far into my mind.

First up, Twilight (2008)…

TWILIGHT (2008):

Knowing what I do about films in general and my preferences when it comes to them, I was immediately a bit turned off by the two-hour runtime. Even a supernatural action-romance didn’t need to be much longer than 1:45 if they knew what they were doing. It did, however, get the benefit of the doubt for being based on a book. I know that can lengthen things. Now, while it wasn’t exceptionally long, I think the movie would have greatly benefited from being a few tens of minutes shorter just to force them to figure out where their priorities lie and pace things much better. I will revisit this idea many times in the post to come as it is a bit of an issue with the franchise.

The very first thing the movie needs absolute credit for is its style. From the iconic blue filter over the entire movie to the insert song choices to the actors chosen and done up to specifically be beautiful in the way this story desires—they had a vision and they did their best to fulfill it. Now, I feel it necessary to mention I have not read the books nor do I plan to. I’m reviewing the films as films and alluding to the books as an abstract potentiality. I haven’t a damn clue what’s actually in them. With that bit clarified, it seems to me that the filmmakers had an idea of how they wanted to put the book to screen and it seems they’d succeeded.

My favorite part of the movie before the final climax was—believe it or not—the most memed scene of it: Bella’s confrontation of Edward. I like it. I thought the whole vampire research montage was fun and the “I know what you are” bit was well done and a good buildup-payoff (this will not be very common in these films). Save for the silly vampire super speed moment, it was a visually beautiful scene and a great emotional turning point for the film.

There are a few things that surely wouldn’t have made a teenager in 2008 bat an eye and even would seem their greatest fantasy while not aging well at all. I very much enjoy the dynamic of “I would love to love you and it’s in my very nature to do horrible things to you but I love you too much to ever do them” but, as an already ethically gray trope, it becomes odd to watch when you put two high school juniors in it. Now make one of those juniors an immortal that has been a teenager much longer than the other and you start to wonder what the fuck you’re watching. Lonely flip phone-era girls don’t think about these things and that’s why they’re happier than us. Though, the filmmakers (I’m counting Stephenie Meyer as a “filmmaker” as she did have a hand in it by, y’know, writing the books they’re based on) did think about the oddness of it to some extent because, in the following films, they did wait until Bella was an adult to let things get “serious.” I’ll give them that.

I liked the baseball scene. That may be a bias for how anime it is and the Muse song in the background, but I did think it was a good transition from romance focus to Vampire Murder focus by showing us vampiric abilities in action. I do think the other vamps showing up to crash it and that being the major turning point was rather lame and I can’t exactly say why. That said, I found most of this section of this film to be rather uninteresting. The villains were unengaging—the best vampire out of the three antagonists was Laurent and they did fuck all with him. I rather dislike Victoria (and you will see that that will in no way change for me as the series goes on) and whatever the killer one’s name was. I really didn’t like him—it was no fault of the actor’s as I could tell he was trying really hard with the horrific dialogue he was given. He didn’t convince me as a Killer and had no motivation as a Vampire.

As for the very end climax of the film, Kristen Stewart is about the only on this cast who could do action sequences convincingly and she was never actually partaking in any of them until they almost killed her. Alright. The final fight had some very pretty and cool shots but the fight choreography was just awkward and boring (this is never remedied even as the franchise goes on). I enjoyed the dynamic of the Cullens for the first time during this fight and I’m happy to say that they stay a very good group of characters from this point on.

If you break the movie into four 40 minute segments, the first half was okay, the third fourth was lame and uninteresting, and the last bit was maybe even quite good. The literal last seconds of the film aren’t a half bad lead into the next movie. I wish they’d prioritized some things and emphasized some other things. If they forced themselves to make this movie 30 minutes shorter, I think they would have found where their priorities lie and it would have been punchier and much more consistent and engaging. Not a completely horrible movie. I feel like they wanted to lean into more of the lore and world building I’m sure the book had, and they take the opportunity to do so in the following films, but you could tell they wanted to. It felt like they either forgot or weren’t sure exactly how.

It’s a charming film, confident in it's romance but less so in it’s action. It’s got as many dumb and flawed moments as it has nice or enjoyable ones. Worth a watch for the sake of a watch. That’s the best I’ve got—it takes a backseat in your mind once you’ve watched all the others as the story moves so quickly in insane directions. It’s a humble beginning.

Here are some of my various notes I wrote while watching:

“Bella gets sexually assaulted eight minutes into the movie.”

“All the banter dialogue in this movie is completely unnatural and unbearable except all the small town Washington folks. Love them. That said, this is exactly how two extremely awkward teens act when forced to partner up in class.”

“If I was partnered with Edward Cullen, I would just assume he was severely autistic. (ETA: I’m not sure he isn’t. Might be on the spectrum on top of all the vampire shit.)"

“Edward Cullen really was such a dark pretty boy back then, wasn’t he? I’m not trying to imply Robert Pattinson isn’t widely considered beautiful still, but nowadays you can find a guy exactly like him smoking a cigarette and listening to Radiohead on every street corner—and also in every female demographic anime video game since 2010.”

"Edward should’ve just pretended he was surprised about the eye thing and the super strength and whatever. "

“This entire family are freaks and it’s not because they are vampires."

“I’m starting to wonder if Edward talks so weird because a young Robert Pattinson is struggling to do an American accent."

“These movies would be infinitely less lame if more people got maimed to death. (ETA: They do.)”

“I was unaware of how close this film got to a sex scene.”

NEW MOON (2009):

This series has a habit of introducing a villain with very high potential and then either killing them or elaborating on them in a way that does not matter and doesn’t really amount to anything. This movie is Victoria’s nothing elaboration and the introduction of Aro and the Volturi.

The Volturi, to me, are these very enticing anime-style villains. I think they’re a good addition to the lore as the governing body of vampires. They have their flaws, as every group in this franchise does, but their existence and the way they work in the story shows intention and direction—something I’ve mentioned these films are quite low on. This film is their exposition. They do little actual villainy within the walls of New Moon and I do wish they were simply more prevalent in general, but this film gives them great context and introduces them very, very well. I’m writing this here as a bit of a preface—they don’t really get too involved until the near end of the movie. This, though, is a good thing. They take the opportunity to properly explain and expose the Volturi and explain to us why we should be scared or be enticed by them before they force us to.

The emotional plot was—I don’t know—something. It seems odd and forced and unsure of itself but it tells us why Edward and Bella need each other and makes sure everyone in the movie is aware of it as well. I appreciate that. Breakup plots when you know they end up just fine together feel like they take forever to get anywhere and make any sense, though I’ll give it the benefit of seeing it through the eyes of that lonely teenage flip phone girl. I’m sure she was quite devastated and would have been left as Bella was if the movie didn’t resolve itself.

This was his movie but still I found a lot of Jacob's plot unmemorable. The only thing I do remember is how this is the film that turned him from the fun, casual alternative into a bit of a weird, obsessed never-even-was-ex-lover who chooses repeatedly and knowingly to insert himself where he isn’t wanted. A bit of Jacob's character is remedied in the following films but he really just enters an odd state where they aren’t sure what to do with him and you aren’t sure if you like him.

It did stop being the werewolf movie by the end of it. This is when the Volturi show up and steal the movie—and Michael Sheen shows up to steal every scene he’s in. I’m told Victoria was the main villain of this film and yet she was the most forgettable aspect of the film. By the time they make it to Italy, you don’t give a single shit about any of that—the feeling of something much bigger sets in as they spend little time wading in What Just Happened and quickly move on to setting up the following films.

The unsatisfactory pacing and poor prioritization of subject matter per film is somewhat remedied when you start thinking of this Saga as a series—and I do believe it would have been one if the books were adapted in a time where limited series were more popular. Thinking of them as an anime is what made it more easy to finish and accept certain oddities.

Overall, there was too much of the film that was terribly unremarkable but the good parts were rather very good and gave me a perhaps misguided hope for the next one. To add—I quite liked the soundtrack. The insert songs were often fitting and genuinely added to the scenes they were in.

Here are some of the notes I wrote while watching:

“So far, it’s my impression that these films are just as wildly ambitious as they are confused. It does, admittedly, make them a bit endearing.”

“I don’t think I’d take the time and effort to read the books but I could definitely see this story being much more nuanced and enjoyable in text form. Though I can’t say anything of Stephenie Meyer’s writing style. I haven’t read even an excerpt of it. Maybe it sucks. Who knows.”

“Michael Sheen’s first appearance in this movie is him ripping off a man’s head.” (This was noted simply from sense of amusement. Or perhaps arousal.)

“Alice Cullen is genuinely adorable.”

“I get the emotional implication of the motorcycle but I really don’t think Edward Cullen would be opposed to his girlfriend having a sick ass motorcycle if they were together right now.”

"I’ll admit I have been somewhat too engaged to make notes. So I guess that’s good. “

“Why did Edward fly to fucking Italy to kill himself? Just eat some fucking garlic or something dude.”

“I found this movie to be far more consistently engaging. And my judgement isn’t clouded by having Michael Sheen on screen because he barely was.”

“The vampire fight in Twilight was lame. The vampire fight in New Moon is even lamer since we got to see how fuckin' sick the werewolf fights were.”

“I’ll give credit to this movie for officially engaging me in the plot of these characters. I actually wanted to know where things were going in this movie. I didn’t feel that too hard with the first.”

ECLIPSE (2010):

New Moon sets up the Volturi and Eclipse knocks it down? No, not at all. They aren’t really even here. Victoria. Victoria, Victoria, Victoria. Hey, at least she dies in this one. They foreshadow the conflict very heavily and then go into a bunch of particularly boring relationship nonsense. It sets up for progression within Edward and Bella’s relationship to come but I found the way in which they did it a total snoozefest. I don’t care about the sex lives of teenagers. I’m sorry. Lord forgive me. A lot of what happened in this film could have happened elsewhere. It didn’t particularly need to exist in the grand scheme of the story.

The main point of this movie was Bella’s dichotomies. Bella struggles with the decision to be turned into a vampire and the decision between Edward and Jacob (though, that one less so as the narrative so clearly favors Edward). She’s shown the barbarism of vampires through the newborns and she’s shown the beauty and humanity in them as she talks to the Cullens about their lives and as she falls deeper in love with Edward. There’s a very nice bit where, in a graduation speech, Bella’s friend talks about how her age is about making mistakes and that nothing is permanent. It’s a very nice speech for anyone to hear and sends a good amount of uncertainty to Bella that drags with her until she makes her final decision at the end of the movie. I thought that was rather well done both cinematically and thematically. That may have been the most enjoyable part of the movie for me.

Despite its flaws, by this movie I was unfortunately hooked. My critical mind had left me and I really was just following the plot. Still, I didn’t have the mind for emotional stuff that bored me and the action aspects of the movie were also rather boring. They gave us good backgrounds on some of the Cullens. The best vampire fight in the movie was when they were sparring. We get some decent vamp/wolf action and some jumping points. This movie was just a bridge but that does mean it leaves you wondering what’s next. The pacing feels a lot nicer, again, if you think of is as a really long episode of a greater series.

My notes are a little more sparse for this one:

“I really don’t find Victoria to be an interesting or scary enough villain to warrant being a villain for this many movies.”

“I think this franchise is so much more bearable when you think of it as an anime. Genuinely.”

“How many actors in these films are English and trying very hard not to be? Lots of weird accents going on here.”

“Every single other Cullen is infinitely more interesting than the one the story chooses to follow."

“I love the Volturi’s anime villainy. It’s my favorite thing in this entire franchise.”

“Jasper may be the weirdest, most fucked up creepo Cullen but he is also the funniest by far.”

“Why does Jacob specifically have to carry Bella to mask her scent? I don’t get it. If he’s so pungent, just him walking with her should be enough, no?”

BREAKING DAWN — PART 1 (2011):

The decisions are made! Edward and Bella are getting married! Then they’ll fuck and turn Bella into a vampire a bit later! Yeah! I know, like, thematically why they place so much emphasis on Edward and Bella having sex but I find it much less interesting than the whole Turning Into a Fucking Vampire thing. Bella gets pregnant. Hell spawn. Everyone gets pissed off. She has the baby. They name it something stupid. She almost dies. Edward turns her into a vampire. Jacob gets the hots for the just-born child and I’m supposed to be okay with that for some reason. Really, even the flip phone girl has to be asking questions by now. There. I summed up the whole movie. Really, that’s pretty much all that happens. Oh! The werewolves wanted to kill the kid, but didn’t. For reasons relating to Jacob wanting to fuck it when it grows up. I don’t know. I’m trying.

This movie was unexciting and just set up Part 2. I suppose it did exactly what it was meant to do but it did nothing for me. There you are.

Wanna read some of my notes? Here:

“If I dreamt Michael Sheen was at my wedding, it would in no way be a nightmare. “

“Sex preparation montage? Okay. I have no comments. I just needed to mention it was there.”

“They really, really don’t know what happens when a vampire impregnates a human? Really? In all this time?"

“Werewolf rage segment doesn’t interest me. The first half of this movie has not been particularly interesting."

“Every single actor in these movies are just beautiful. Genuinely fantastic-looking people. The vampires’ makeup would convince you otherwise though.”

"'Jacob just had an idea.’ '…It wasn’t an idea. It was a snide comment.’ is the funniest dialogue in this whole franchise.”

“Vampire venom CG? Okay."

"Jacob 'imprinting' on Renesmee is such an unbelievably odd and vile thing to put into this story. So fucked up."

“This is the movie that turned Bella into a vampire but still manages to be a boring and unnotable transitional phase into Part 2.”

BREAKING DAWN — PART 2 (2012):

This movie is the actual payoff for the Volturi—if you could call it that at all. This is it: the great climax! And yet it takes so long to get going in a way that means anything. The stakes set you up for everything and give you nothing.

Bella enjoys being a vampire. Everyone is really mean to her dad for some reason. Everyone got really cool with Jacob taking claim on Renesmee very fast. The Volturi catch wind of Renesmee and think she is a child who was turned into a vampire, which is Vampire Illegal, so once again, they come to hunt down the Cullens. They’re very foreboding and scary and Micheal Sheen pleases me greatly no matter how terrible he looks. Really, with all the lost visions in these movies I wish they could have found a genuinely good design for the vampires—I’d never quite liked how they look.

Anyhow, the Cullens build a great vampire army to fight off several clones of the Spirit Halloween logo, but, of course, they’re hoping they don’t have to fight and that the Volturi will hear them out. It all comes together in an empty field when the snow sticks to the ground where it’s vampires and werewolves versus the Italians. We see a great battle that gets infinitely lamer-looking when the characters you like join in because God hates you. Humbert and Dolores—I mean Jacob and Renesmee make a break for safety. Vampires get shattered like stone, werewolves go down like sick dogs and Aro rips off Carlisle Cullen’s head. Aro gets his head smashed off. Rami Malek is there.

But alas! None of it’s real. We cut back in to Aro holding Alice’s hand before they started fighting and reading what she saw in the future—the future he has if they choose to battle today. Aro wants to call it off to save is head in the most literal sense possible but still fears danger remains in the form of a half-human-half-vampire child. Alice reveals a vampire they met who is indeed that and is just fine. Great, even. Grew to maturity and stopped aging. Aro is delighted and just leaves. All is well and all romantic pursuits are happy, including one with Bella’s father who is the only man in this series who deserves happiness. That’s the end of the film and the franchise as it stands.

While I would normally go completely feral and find someone to maim with that kind of “it wasn’t real!” ending, this one feels… earned. It stayed engaging. It had a reason to exist other than just trickery. I have no complaints regarding that and I’m sure it was rather exciting to experience in-theater at the time.

What I have got complaints about is once again that rancid sense that they have no idea where they’re going next. It doesn’t feel at all like they’re done with it but they gave no indication of where they would want to go in the future. With almost no payoff from the best villains in the series—everything just goes back to how it is and everyone’s happy. The only difference between the end of Twilight and the end of Breaking Dawn 2 is that Bella is a vampire now and Renesmee exists. It was an exciting movie but with so little point. This franchise is so afraid of ending but so unsure it’ll go on. It’s understandable but just annoying and unsatisfying as a viewer. It does deserve credit for making me care that there was a good ending, just gets the same points taken back for not giving me one.

Overall, I enjoyed the film. It’s one of my favorites in the series. I can’t, however, rate it as an ending because it isn’t one. I can tell it wants to get there but it’s too unsure.

Last round of notes comin’ up:

“They’ve taken a rather vague stance on if vampires sleep recreationally or not.” (This still annoys me.)

“I know I’m saying this while I actively chose to watch the goddamn Twilight Saga but I do not care one single bit about the vampire sex. It’s the least interesting part of these films. They managed to make Vampire Sex boring. I don’t get it.”

“Rami Malek was quite a sweet thing in this movie. I’m used to his characters being like sick or on drugs or something.”

“I like that that credits were kind of credits for the whole franchise. that’s nice.”

“Okay, I did not expect Billie Joe Armstrong once the scrolling credits came in.”

CLOSING STATEMENTS:

It’s not a series that’s going to change your world. I don’t even think it’d make a viewer of average sensitivity cry unless it hit a nerve specific to the viewer. It’s a flawed story, but ultimately an interesting and deeply earnest one. I find there’s a charm specific to the first and final movies. That isn’t to say the other’s were less interesting, just that the franchise has a problem with drive and direction. Quite obviously, the very first and the very last are the ones easiest to overcome that. The series is best at its most certain. There were moments it seemed rather confused about what was important or how something was to be portrayed, but within the moments that were very confident in themselves was an engaging supernatural romance, and I find it quite easy to give it the benefit of the doubt more often than not.

In two words—flawed, charming. It does what it wants to do and isn’t completely terrible at it. Overall enjoyable films.

I wouldn’t recommend someone sit through them all unless I think they would actually like that kind of thing or if they were making an essay about it. I might, however, recommend that one who enjoys films watch the first and perhaps second to see if they may be unexpectedly enticed. I found myself—to my own discontent—hooked in by the third one. I don’t recommend holding out that long if you really aren’t enjoying yourself but if you insist on giving them a fair chance, that’s my anecdote.

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shinsratings · 4 months

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Twilight Series Rating

I've said a lot about this series already on my blogs, @shin-soumisa, and @theothershin, so I'll make this one short.

Usually, I rate books considering 5 things. One for each star. Each thing is pretty vague, which means that only the important things are there. Something like how the supernatural creatures are written can be included in Plot, and something like how the romance or the First Nations are portrayed may be added in Morals.

Anyways, let's get into it.

The thing I disliked the most was that the morals were choppy. Bella and Edward start at 11 and they're just diehard obsessed with each other throughout the whole plot, the only character flaw that isn't pointed out or gotten over. Annoying. Boring.

The plot's fine, but it could have been way better. Most of it was romance, which normally doesn't interest me, but it was beyond uninteresting in this case and more towards annoying. And then the non-romance parts were interesting but not portrayed very well. Only the whole thing with Renesmee really interested me.

Same with the characters. None of them were very bad, so to say, considering they got over some huge flaws(I'm not sure if they really got over them, but considering they stopped acting those sort of ways and said they'd be good and they realised they were sorry and wrong...). But they could have been better.

The setting was a little cliche, but honestly I don't care about that one at all, in this case at least.

The writing style was really bad. The whole reason the characters and the plot suck are because they could have been better, in some cases being different events, in some cases being the same events just written differently. It all just sucked because it was written and then portrayed in a terrible way, and I could barely understand what the hell was going wrong when the problems began appearing.

In the end, I really love this series for what it maybe could have been, with the interesting shapeshifters and vampires and maybe more supernatural action. But what it is sort of feels a little off-putting. So I rate The Twilight Series:

2.5

#twilight #jacob/bella #bella swan #twilight saga #the twilight saga #edward cullen #charlie swan #rating #twilight review #book review #review

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rinissse · 1 year

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My review of Twilight as I listen to the audiobook

Chapter 1:

Bella describes her mother as "escaping" from Forks. Like her dad was abusive or something? From the movies, her dad seemed like a rather level-headed, caring father. I liked him a lot.

For someone who loves Phoenix, Arizona and the warmth and sun so much, she's awfully pasty and not even freckled.

Seemingly ungrateful toward her dad buying her a truck & I do not understand white people calling their parents by their first name. She refers to her father by his first name, Charlie.

Acts as if her memories of fishing with her dad and Billy Black during the summers in Forks were so horrible and traumatic that she pushed them out of her memory. Fishing is actually rather calm & not horrible at all.

Acts as if sharing a bathroom with only 1 other person, her dad, is so horrid.

Bella is the epitome of Y/N: The I weigh -50lbs, 15in waist, not beautiful yet is, & every boy is in love with me.

This is why I like the movies and not the book. At least the movies are hilariously entertaining and I don't have to listen to every dumb thought in Stephanie Meyer's, I mean Bella's head.

She talks crap about the first kid who helps her out and about everyone who tries to make friends with her. She doesn't even try to remember their names. Jessica made sure she didn't sit alone at lunch. God, Bella is insufferable.

The Cullens don't even try to blend in? They look like a whole bunch of high fashion models in their 20s, don't speak to each other, don't look at each other, or even eat at lunch. They're literally insane to choose to go through the hell of high school every few years.

They're described as having such terrible dark circles that it looks like bruising from rhinoplasty. This is canon, so this is what the supermodel Cullens perpetually look like, minus the nose tape/bandages

Like why has no one called CPS on Carlisle and Esme?

"Reddish brown" hair? Stephanie Meyer, do you mean "auburn"? You knows the word "surreptitiously" but not auburn?

Oh God, there are 20+ chapters and the first one already pissed me off.

#tw abuse #tw physical abuse #tw bruises #twilight #Twilight #Stephanie Meyer #stephanie meyer #vampire #vampires #book review #book reviews #twilight review

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winky-twink · 5 months

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So, after watching the entire Twilight saga, I want to share my thoughts and criticisms

• I know it’s a 2000s romance movie and those are known to be toxic but HOLY SHIT oh my god Edward Cullen is the literal DEFINITION of a red flag. Movie 2+ Jacob as well

• THE VAMPIRE BABY WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE JACOB BOND WITH AN INFANT!!!! ITS SO GROSS

• I was genuinely invested in some of the world building in the movie, like I wanted to know more about the Volturi’s rise to power, and how those other guys got ousted. This is why I think Twilight being a romance is it’s biggest hinderance. They made a whole urban fantasy world but once the main couple’s conflicts are done, so’s the series. And it leaves you with so many questions.

• They gave us Rosalie and Jasper’s backstories and then neglected Emmett and Alice’s (idk if they do in the book, I have not read them) that doesn’t make sense to me, especially because Alice is pretty much the most important player in the story

• on that note, Alice should’ve been the Protagonist! It would’ve been so cool if it was about her staging a coup against the Volturi!

• the Whole Jasper being a FORMER CONFEDERATE SOLDIER thing. Like, what???

• rip to the children who were named Renesmee bc of these movies

Some of these points could be biased because I’m not the biggest fan of Romance movies. But its legit the worst part of the movie in my opinion.

So yeah, these are my thoughts on Twilight. I hope you enjoyed them!

#twilight #twilight review #movie review #twilight new moon #twilight eclipse #twilight breaking dawn #review

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absolutebl · 3 months

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This Week in BL - The unexpected rise of cooking crush & seme bjs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 9 of 12 - I love this show so damn much. This may be my KinnPorsche. It’s just so endlessly entertaining in a perfectly unhinged way. I love that they looped Tharn’s dad back into the murder investigations.

You know kinksters have invented necklaces that can’t come off… right? Just saying.

Meanwhile, would it still be BL if our seme didn’t wake up from drowning and instantly go chase snake?

No. No it would not.

Remember the one hard and fast rule of BL? When a seme gives a BJ it’s penance. Phaya is apologizing to Tharn for leaving him behind.

Heh. Hard and fast. I kill me.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 14 - How is this absurd creature managing to rise in the ranks? Pavel turned in some stellar grief and ALANJEFF have my whole heart. I make Ikea puns in the... Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 7 of 12 - The make-out montage was absolutely charming and very much American rom com style - interesting (and rare) to see in a BL (not to mention from OffGun. How far we have come since Puppy Honey?)

Meanwhile, another wonderful grandma in a BL!

Next week we do an actual harken back to Puppy Honey, so obviously I’m now enjoying this whole show way more than before. I think it helped that I watched it earlier in the week, when it wasn’t competing with any other BLs.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - Not gonna lie, I knew from you all that this was gonna be a rough ep. But I very clearly remember the penultimate Bad Buddy ep so I now have slightly more trust than others in GMMTV on this matter.

That said, this was a crap episode.

You can’t set Mork’s truth and character motivation reveal up like that and then have his lover choose to dismiss him in a way that diminishes not just both character's growth AND all of Mork's actions towards Day, but also our faith in every other character. It was a shitty narrative thing to do to us, and it was a shitty thing to do to Mork. And that doesn’t even take into account the forgiveness allotted by the story to Day’s unrepentant excuse for a mother. The doom should have been handled differently. The mom shoudl have leaned in even more evil and actively lied to split them apart.

I don't know if they can redeem this misstep in the final episode. But I'm interested to see them try. That said, this plot seem to be true to the book.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - A major trigger has landed. But also it’s clear who’s fault that incident was... and it’s not Him’s. So Blue's so-called-friend really is unhinged. This episode was a little bit more engaging than last week, but it’s only because stuff actually happened. I’m still not sure I enjoyed it.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 12fin - Despite the fact that I’ve been annoyed by the show the last couple of episodes, I’m still sad for it to end. It was a good reveal and First had the right response. Also a very sports way to end it. Sprite is a v clingy bf.

In brief?

A messy very Thai pulp sports romance that actually managed to involve sports in an identical twins trading-places plot. Basically Not Me meets HIStory 2 Crossing the Line (although vastly inferior to either) with an endearing main character and a good lead pair (poor things), both soapy and earnest without too much camp. It tried so hard but the plot, side couples, and extraneous characters let us down. Passable if not great. 7/10

Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Eh. Whatever.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 22 of 24 - skipped this installment

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Funny how quickly he retracted that confession and everyone called him out for doing it too soon (including me from a narrative beats perspective). It was a cute screw up - I see what your meta-arse is doing there, Japan. Also our Tokyo-boy’s serious reserved earnestness is extra adorable in the surrounded by Osaka enthusiasm context. His accidental flirting is that much more heart wrenching for our poor baby seme. And they ended this ep with honorific negotiations!! Be still my heart. I’m really adoring this show.

Your hyung romance super fan is back in the game!

Meanwhile the Osaka accent is beyond adorable.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 8 - Japan what are you doing? I do love the not-sorta-ex from the past.

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 10fin - I loved all the young people in the hawker center supporting the campaign against the terrible mother. They make a good domestically sappy couple. But that is Taiwan's specialty.

In brief?

A sweet if aimless story about a writer and a chef finding love via noodles, fake dating, and family challenges. If it had a tighter script and a shorter run, more like a KBL this might’ve been quite special. But it didn’t and it lost me too many times. 6/10

I don’t like to be disappointed by Taiwan.

It's done: I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmeses BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Beside You (Thai YouTube) - a 3 sp short that's supposed to have started but I can't find it.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Ends next week. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?