#tw; mental illness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shiroi---kumo · 1 year

Text

Royal Knights of His Majesty || Accepting

Send ‘ you’ll have to get through me first… ‘ for my muse’s reaction to yours stepping in and defending them from someone they’re scared of

@flameleads is growling:

"You’ll have to get through me first." [ because Roy said so ]

There had been a small bit of a squabble when the Amestrian Colonel came to learn what he had been doing all this time. It wasn't that the Misterican had been keeping the nature of his activities from the man out of ill will but more because he did not want to cause the man anymore turmoil that he had already been feeling and he also did not want to bring anyone else with him because of his airborne nature.

It was just simpler to search from the skies when he did not have to worry about what was happening on the ground, at the same time. Black Wind would have been the only suitable searching companion, but this wasn't adding to their on going search for Chaos so - so that wouldn't have been a productive conversation either.

So now he finds himself walking through the first town they've seen for at least a day. Cid had been gracious enough to give him more time on that blasted timer since this time he was out with company but there had been a long talk between the Misterican and the Mechanic about staying aware of his surroundings, keeping his head down, if he feels unsafe for any reason they are to return immediately without hesitation.

There had been a groan and a sigh from the prince in question to ultimately he had agreed to the commands. Eversti was adverse to flight, so that meant they were stuck on foot with only the supplies the swordsman's travel bag could carry. He didn't know how long they would be out this time but he can't imagine that Eversti would want to return before he found some kind of information on his children.

This village was much like others he's visited in this patchwork world. Nondescript buildings surrounded by nondescript people. A girl of blue hair, and young but still an adult looking in age made eye contact with him when they entered so he only looked to offer her a smile even with hidden lips.

Her head was snapping away as quickly as it could until his voice chimes.

"Excuse me, Miss? Can you help me for a moment?"

And pink eyes only widen as her face pales and the woman finds herself practically frozen in place.

"L-L-Lord M-M-Makenshi." Her voice shakes in the same way a leaf would when the wind rustles through the trees. "What an honor it is for you to grace us with a visit today."

His face grimaces when she speaks as his shoulders raise in his tension only to fall again in defeat seconds later. His hands raise up, flat as if to stop her trembling without touching her.

"This is entirely unnecessary. I just need a bit of your help, if you would be so kind."

"Ah - I - Of course My Lord, whatever you desire."

"You really don't need - It's fine. I just need to know if you've seen any children recently that don't belong to the town. Humans. One would have yellow looking hair and dresses in red. The other tall and in a suit of armor. Have you seen anyone matching these descriptions?"

Her head shakes quickly as her arms stay folded with her hands close to her chest. The fear in her eyes made plain as she looks at him.

"N-n-no My Lord. No one. No one has come through the village for several days, but I can't claim to pay proper attention to all who cross these parts. Fo-forgive me for not being more useful."

He's sighing again as she sounds and waving a hand in the air as if to dismiss whatever wrong doings she thinks she's committed.

"That's quite alright. Thank you for your time. "

He can hear the man behind him groaning and as he turns to face his companion there are words he doesn't know if he's quite ready to deal with at the present moment.

"When we met, you told me to call you Makenshi. Not Lord Makenshi. Why do these people call you that?" The Amestrian inquires. "What's more... they're terrified of you."

There is no motion to turn around and face the man. There's no motion to stop as he simply starts walking again instead of answering his question.

"That's not... important. We need to focus on finding any information we can about your sons before Cid's blasted alarm goes off and checks in on us."

He's still not stopping, and the only other motion the Misterican makes is to lift his left wrist where the mechanic's invention lives and he shakes it as if to draw attention to it instead of him.

The dark haired man's eyes are narrowing on his companion as he speaks again.

"I'd say that's pretty important. People don't tend to want to help someone they're afraid of. That, or they'll be too busy panicking to remember anything. So, what's the story?"

But the Misterican fails to turn once again and continues to keep walking. They don't have time for this right now. Cid might have given him more time this round but the blond was still checking in on him regularly to make sure progress was being made or seeing if they could do anything on their own end should useful information come about, so the words

"I will explain it all later. We need to focus on the task at hand."

are all that leave the Light's Unlimited, causing him only to stop in his tracks when he can hear the man's body practically shift and become ready to fight back. Misterica's heir does the only thing he can think to in that moment and that is to turn on his heel and he swings his arm snapping his right hand clearly in front of the younger man's vision as if to pull his attention straight to him.

His voice raises and he yells "Focus. Do you want to find your sons or not?"

But obsidian eyes are burning. Burning like Brother's fire and he can feel their heat rolling in his direction. He can't say he much cares for it either.

"I am focusing on the task at hand. We won't get anything out of these people if they're afraid. I know that for a fact."

There are eyes on them now and he can feel the village's gaze fix on his person from his back to his front. They're making a scene and now this village is fixated on the ghastly intruder that has crossed into their sacred land.

"Well I can't change that, so just keep moving." The annoyance is growing in a tone that is normally so very gentle as jade eyes narrow down and his nose wrinkles from behind his mask.

"He's angry."

"Oh no. That poor man."

"That's Lord Makenshi isn't it?"

"It sure is. That poor fool's spoke his last line."

"No one escapes the devil's wrath."

"Children go inside. You don't need to see this."

"Only an idiot would raise their voice to one of the Lords of Gaudium."

"Especially of all of them - him."

It's then that the Amestrian's eyes burn hotter than ever before as he bellows

"You think I don't want to find them? Do you know how agonizing it is to not know if they're alive or not? I told you already that I lost my son once. I've been nothing but forthright with you. Can you say the same?"

The town fills with the sounds of small gasps and doors closing. There are as many people fleeing the streets as there are now staring at the man in white waiting to know what he'll do next. What will Lord Makenshi -

"I have told you what was relevant to finding your children and getting you and your people home. That's what matters here. Returning you to your Amestris! So stay focused!!"

The masked man's voice echoes as he meets the Amestrian's passion in kind and doors slam all around them.

"This is the end."

"Surely Lord Makenshi is going to kill that man."

"Get the children off the streets. They don't need to see what is about to happen!"

"That boy. He dresses in white."

"That devil no doubt."

"Are you a fool? that's Lord Makenshi"

"Lord Makenshi?! Why would he be here?!"

"You know if he shows in your town then everyone is doomed."

"We've done nothing to anger Gaudium why would he be here."

"Lord Makenshi truly is the white devil."

"We're all going to die."

"Keep your voice down, they say he has the ears of a demon."

"Because he is one."

"Oh how have we been scorned by God to deserve this."

"We're all going to die because of that human!"

And that was when the volcano erupted. Everst's voice ringing loud to encompass the space around them.

"I am. No one's going to talk to us if they're afraid." He gestures to the closed doors. "I can't be much help if I don't have more information." He's pinching the bridge of his nose. "Please, just give me something to work with so we can at least get through this town." He pauses only to glare further.

"Or, am I really going to die because I pissed you off?"

He's been listening. Eversti has been listening to the space around them and he can hear doors slamming and a mixture of footsteps scattering and marching. He can hear so much going on at once that he can't answer. He can't answer as his hands raise to cover his ears as he feels his body shake from the fool of emotions that are rushing his system faster than he has a chance to process -

Marching. It's a little further off on the edge of town. He can hear marching. The organized sound of boots against the dirt.

"Search the town. Leave no stone unturned."

"If we can bring our God, Lord Makenshi then surely he'll reward us."

"I don't care if you have to burn it to the ground - no one leaves this town until we find him."

"Spread out."

His breathing is picking up by the second as his mind fills with static. It's happening. He's caught. He's caught if he stays here too long and he can't fight inside the town. He can't give these people more of a reason to hate him then they already do. He's panicking as his head darts up and his hands fall away from his ears.

He's looking in one direction and then the opposite as if to check to see if he can spot any of the opposing threat. His incoming captors if he's not careful. They won't - they can't harm the town if he's not in it.

"They're here." He states frantically, looking at the Amestrian with a wild look in his eyes. "They found me."

The man in white looks as if he could be spooked by his own shadow before he turns away from his companion and runs.

"We've never met." echoes back from his trail as he forces himself into what is left of the crowd in the streets, only to weave in and out of buildings and back alleys until he can find himself coming to forest on the outskirts of town.

There's no time to look back. He'll find Eversti again once he knows the coast is clear but he cannot let Gaudium take them both. He cannot let Gaudium harm Eversti or the town. So his left hand is flying up to his left ear, thumb pushing against the button along the bottom while he sounds out trembling.

"Cid? Cid? Cid can you hear me? Cid are you there? Cid answer me! Cid answer me! It's - It's Gaudium. Cid answer me! It's Gaudium and they're on my trail. Cid! Cid I need Black Wind! Cid you have to tell Black Wind! Please Cid! Cid Answer me!"

'Why would anyone answer you, Little Cloud? You think they're your friends? I told you once and I'll tell you again. The people of this world don't care for you. They never have and they never will. That dog can't save you either. Why do you beg for someone who cares nothing for you?'

He can't be hearing this right now. He doesn't have the time. He needs to get away from the town. He needs to get away from the town so should they find him, they can't make the people of that village page for his disobedience.

Just like so many had in the past.

So many forced to pay his debts.

So his mask is flooding back as he lets his steps slow. His heart is doing no such thing, but his feet come to halt nonetheless. He needs to focus. He needs a way to run. He needs a way to get away unseen, so he needs to act like the Misterican he is and make himself some form of cover.

Quivering lips are parting as he lets himself exhale. One long and deep exhale to allow a rolling cloud of thick white to leave him. It floods through the trees, covering the ground to swallow all in it's path. This should buy him some kind of time. This should - give him some kind of advantage. At least this way they wouldn't be able to see and even if they could - it wouldn't be as well as he could. Not with his Mist in play.

No, his ears were far too sensitive for that.

He just needs to hide long enough until his soul's breath takes effect and puts them all to sleep. He just needs to wait for -

"This isn't going to work."

"If you think you can wait us out in your little cloud, you're wrong."

"We just want to talk, My Lord."

"His Excellency would just like you to return to him."

"If you can do that, this won't need to get ugly."

"There's no need to go to such extremes, Lord Makenshi."

' Little Cloud. Little Cloud, don't ignore me. You know if you don't come home soon, then more of Wonderland will die. You can hear it too, can't you? Our beautiful song? You know they all die for you. Just for you, My Precious Little Cloud.'

The voices of his pursuers are mixing with that monster's within his mind. If they get their hands on him they'll take him back to Anarchy. They will take him to that beast and - if that monster gets his hands on him again then - then - then - Oh he can feel himself growing sick while the images of Black Wind's corpse fill his mind.

He has to hold his hands over his mouth to stop himself from making any form of noise. Back pressed against a tree trunk, he feels like his heart is beating with the ferocity of a thousand war drums. He can just kill them. He could just slaughter them all but if he does then what will that say to the people of this town and what will it say to Eversti?

Killing them all would be so easy and he can feel that beast wrapping around him from the corridors of his mind and urging him to do so. It has become such a thoughtless motion in recent years. It wouldn't cost him more than a couple of minutes to strip these men of their entrails but doing that would - doing that wouldn't be right.

He isn't supposed to kill unless he doesn't have any other choice. Lady Tiamat would be ashamed that he even considered doing so... but ...

Finally does he find enough composer in himself to pull his hands away from his face and swing around to look for the men hunting him. He can hear them for the most part. He can hear leaves crunching under thick boots and as he squints through the Mist that's when he catches sight of one of them enough to notice the state of his mask - a - he's wearing a mask.

He's wearing a damnable face mask! They came prepared for this! They came prepared to take him in at any cost.

"We'll make you a deal, My Lord. Come with us and we won't take it out on the town."

"Refuse us and the town burns to the ground. "

"The White Devil takes another town tonight or you come with us and no one gets hurt."

"But what do you care about a few hundred lives?"

"You've slaughtered thousands in the name of His Excellency, haven't you?"

"So come out here and we won't hurt you or the town."

"We know you've sided with the Black Wind."

"His Excellency is most disappointed."

"It's time to return home, Lord Makenshi."

They're right. They're right and he knows it. They're right and he knows he can't run anymore. If he just gives himself up and goes back to that beast.

If he goes back to that beast then he's going to die.

How many times?

It's better if he's the one that dies than the town -

It's better if he's the one that dies than if Eversti were the one to get -

There's a sigh of defeat and he can already hear Black Wind cursing him in his mind. He can hear the Windarian cussing rolling off his Other's lips as he allows his body to float out from the position he was hiding in, hands raised to either side of his head.

He got away once, he can do it again. He got away ....with Black Wind's help. He'll be furious but he'll come for him. He just has to believe that Black Wind will come for him again. For the sake of that village, he can't risk doing anything foolish and -

"That's right. We only want to talk, My Lord. It's time to go back to His Excellency."

A man appears behind him, grabbing his wrists and pulling them down behind his back.

"On the ground." He demands and the Misterican obeys allowing his feet to sink to the ground. He can feel his captor working to tie his wrists behind his back and it takes everything in him to resist the urge to shake the man off of him. It takes everything in not to flip the man to the ground then and there only to summon the Maken to his aid.

He doesn't need his hands to defend himself and they will learn this in the grimmest way possible if they cross him and harm the town outright. There's nothing else to do here and he just has to trust that Black Wind will come -

"You’ll have to get through me first."

A voice roars through the forest, echoing all around him like a grand dragon declaring war upon on all that stand in it's path. There are those same burning obsidian orbs glaring darts in his direction, but this time they aren't looking at him.

This time he could have sworn the Amestrian was trying to burn the man behind him to ASH.

#ask || inquires of the cloud #meme || knights of the king #flameleads #arc: amestris no more #v; jaded king #//All of Mustang's speech is written by Kai - we talked this out on Disco #tw; long post #tw; ultimatiums #tw; gaslighting #tw; PTSD #tw; panic #tw; panic attack #tw; arguing #tw; fighting #tw; threats #tw; mental illness #tw; death #tw; murder

35 notes · View notes

terrence-silver · 1 year

Note

"I trusted you! I thought we had made progress! You fucking betrayed me! Undress immediately, it's time for you to be punished!" for Yandere! Old! Terry silver when he discovers that his young darling has revealed sensitive informations about the Cobra Kai to Chozen Toguchi and Daniel Larusso.

When Terry is angry he is really scary! I don't even dare to imagine what he would do if a person he loves suddenly betrayed him and sided with the enemy! If you want also include nsfw

Tragically (and hilariously?) enough the 'secret' beloved leaks doesn't even have to be an actual secret. Doesn't have to be meanspirited, or intentional or even sensitive information --- can easily just be well meaning naivete and cluelessness that has beloved saying something minor they shouldn't be saying (or something they never even realized mustn't be said. Maybe all they did was come close to befriending people Terry deemed enemies --- which is almost everyone who isn't him, or maybe beloved literally did nothing wrong at all), and Terry would take it badly regardless. Why? Because he sees betrayal (and the possibility of being replaced and abandoned) everywhere when he feels threatened, part of him having indulged in so much scheming, manipulation, using and backstabbing himself throughout life, he might just be projecting. He is paranoid. He's been, the way he sees it, taken advantage of by John, Chozen has infiltrated his inner circle, people are breaking into his house left and right, he is buying people's allegiances and loyalties and he's surrounded by mercenaries and Terry might just be here overblowing the severity of things by sheer virtue, especially from the last person he actually loves in this world; his beloved.

So, it takes very little for him to get angry.

Shout that his trust was broken.

That he was fucking betrayed.

That beloved should take off their clothes.

That he is going to punish them; teach them a lesson.

It takes very little for him because he would genuinely dread beloved's figurative betrayal more than anything else in the world, realizing how devastating of a blow it would be to him and as such, in thinking and obsessing about it constantly, how powerless he would become due to it --- he anticipates it, loathes it and fears it even if it never actually happens, leaving him to seek to intercept any imaginary mutiny in his midst by taking precautions and surprising beloved with his ire and speculations just in case, in an attempt to regain control from all these 'what if's' and figurative scenarios that plague his mind. Terry has a panic attack intermingled with his temper coming to light at its ugliest. Beloved's clothes ripped off, they're at his mercy in bed that night and he fucks them until their lose consciousnesses, taking his wrath out on them. Maybe he chains their ankle to the bed for good measure, even though validly, they haven't really done anything that would warrant losing his trust. Maybe they're simply good, devoted and loving and maybe that too, is pretty difficult for Terry Silver to accept. Someone simply being loyal to him? For free? in a world where nothing is for free? Going against the core of his philosophy?

Yeah, no, he should lock beloved in the bedroom and throw away the key.

#terry silver #kk3 #cobra kai #cobra kai season 5 #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #old man terry #tw; mental illness #tw; paranoia #chozen toguchi #daniel larusso

46 notes · View notes

purus-lumen · 2 years

Text

I don’t wanna talk about it || Accepting

@voidreigned came with the truth:

[ REAL ] + "Neither one of us are going to be whole again, Brother."

[REAL ] + Tell my muse a harsh reality

The words make his stomach turn. It’s not words he ever thought he’d hear come from his “brother’s” lips and there’s something about the way his darkness says the word “brother” that makes his skin crawl. Is that really what they are? They’re two halves of one whole. They are...counterparts. They are... others. They are ... reflections. They are ... mirrors. But are they siblings? Ventus honestly doesn’t know what to make of his other quite frankly, because they’ve been dancing this dance longer than he cares to admit and and longer than he can even remember.

His memory is still a mess. It’s clearer than it was but it’s mostly a mess. Everything in fragments and scattered together haphazardly, like shattered glass swept up in a pile but just left on the floor to collect dust and mourn what it was and what it never will be again.

That’s what they were.

A shattered glass.

Their pieces are so twisted and fragmented they could never fit together again even if they wanted them to. Even if they tried.

“You think I don’t know that?!”

The words snarl out of him faster than he even realizes they’ve been said. A sky colored gaze is narrowing down on the reflection of his mirror and how strange is it that his mirror looks nothing like him. How strange is it that his mirror looks more like another than he does him?

Certainly siblings but never twins. They were the opposite of everything the other wasn’t.

Ventus can feel his shoulders tense as his gaze fixes on his other and his nose wrinkles and his jaw clenches and then all in one swift moment the anger fades and balled fists release and the tension in his jaw disappears. Blues downcast and the blond focuses to the ground beneath his feet. Is this what Vanitas wanted? Is this what he came here for? To make him feel miserable?

His lips push forward as the corners of his mouth dip down and his shoulders slump.

“I know that.” He sounds in a puff of defeat. “I know, Vanitas you don’t need to remind me.” He’s letting himself sink to the ground until he sets with his arms laying slack over his legs and his gaze stays focused on the ground below. “I know what we are. I know what I am and I never asked for this. We’re both only living half lives. Even after all this time, we’re just the same as we were - broken.”

#ask || Answers on the Wind #Meme || I Don't Wanna Talk About it #voidreigned #tw; long post #tw; mental illness #tw; depression

2 notes · View notes

muses-of-kira · 2 years

Text

update 5 - 10 - 22

Hi.

My brain won’t shut up and as per usual I’m hiding everything underneath a cut because I feel like my feelings are a bother to people. And I get it. There’s going to be at least one of you who tries to tell me. “Your feelings aren’t a bother Kira!” I know that logically, but it does not stop my brain and my heart from feeling that way.

So now here I am ready to explain my existence to you because my brain won’t let me write and it won’t let me draw either and today I feel like a failure of a human being because I can’t handle stress and worse I can’t even cry to cope. So here we are.

So all that personal shit I don’t talk about.

I almost lost my migraine prescription this week.

So context for those unaware: I have a lot of medical issues. I take a monthly preventive shot to contend to my migraines and I have for well over a couple years now. It doesn’t make them go away completely but it does make them less and I haven’t had to go to the ER recently because of them so I mean 😀 that’s a plus.

The downside to this is, while it helps control my migraines pretty well, if I fall off it, as I did a couple times last year because of pharmacy screw ups - I end up out of work for however long it takes to get back to me and in urgent care because I get migraines so bad that I get so dizzy I’m unable to stand. So I mean fuck driving at that point right?

So I almost lost it because I got a text message telling me that my prescription had been changed / canceled and I freaked out and called the hospital like it told me to and they told me they didn’t know what I was talking about and didn’t have a record, etc. I basically had to hold my breath for the lady who fills my script to call this week, thank god she did. That was a mini-heart attack.

As for work, I’m on burn out. My Lead worker / direct Boss told me in feb. that he was getting ready to retire Spring 2023 and he needed to make sure he was getting everything around so I could take over. Today he says “I dunno when I’ll retire, haven’t decided yet maybe if Chris (his boss my boss-boss) pisses me off. Rumor some how got around that he was planning on retiring and because it got back to him he pulled back all plans out of spite. I have no idea when he’s going to retire now.

For those of you who have listened to my work rants (for many years now) know how devastating of a blow this is for me. There was a plan and he reneged on me. So basically long story short when it comes to work -> I’m still stuck doing almost all the manager work but not getting paid for it. And Chris - my big boss - knows it’s going on and does nothing about it. I’m burnt out. My boss, Terry, literally looked at me and was like “it’s chill day, just do whatever.” because he didn’t feel like working and knows I will keep busy all day on my own.

What the fuck.

So I’ve been fighting the depression side of my bipolar for a little more than a month and half now:

Look I am over 1400 entries solid into this app. It is accurate to the day. I haven’t missed a day since 2018. Things have not been good. I keep trying to claw my way out of it. I have using every tool I have in my tool box but nothing is helping. My SOS is busted. Nothing works.

the kick in the ass is this is from before my idiot physiatrist started taking my anti-convulsant away:

But it’s not “doing anything” he says. I have taken anti-seizure medication for four years to help mood control and this fucker who barely talks or sees me since Aug 2021 decides that all the doctors before him and in my 13 years of being diagnosed with this suddenly decides I don’t “experience mania” and “Are you sure it’s depression? I haven’t really seen you sad.” SO he decides to look at one of my two mood stabilizers (the other is an anti-psychotic) and just go “yeah it’s not working let’s get rid of it.” but knows nothing about what I'm going through or dealing with - you know things that effect my mood - and just starts trying to take me down on it. He already tried to rip me off the other one that controls my mania and proceeded to throw me into a two week manic episode as a result.

“I think you were having a manic episode.” I wanted to scream.

ANYWAY.

So that’s all going on. Away from the medical and work bullshit.

Here’s the thing I don’t think I’ve ever been clear about, so me being me - who instantly feels like a disgrace of a human being and the scum of the earth when I think I’m not being clear and I think I’ve been misunderstood again ->

If I’ve never said this to you before I’m autistic. There is no such thing as High Functioning / Low Functioning so don’t ask me that or even say it to me. I’ll scream.

So to get that ableist bullshit out of the way ->

High Functioning + Impairment = I’m going to deny you care because I don’t see your disability as valid enough to give you consideration or accommodation. Low Functioning + Impairment = I’m going to deny you validity because I see your disability as so aggrieviously detrimental to me that I’m not only going to refuse to help you with it but I won’t acknowledge you as a fully functional human either.

Just don’t fucking say it to me.

So with that out of the way, I need you to know, sometimes I go nonverbal. Sometimes it’s partial. Sometimes It’s completely. Sometimes it’s text. Sometimes it’s verbal. Sometimes it’s both.

Sometimes I can only speak / type in few words and that’s it

Sometimes all you’re getting out of me is GIFs and Emojis.

I need you to bear with me for this. I need you to bear with me. Sometimes I simply cannot talk and I also need you all to know and realize for me that talking and writing a post / story is not mutually the same. When I am IC that is my muse writing, not me. I am simply conveying a story through a muse, I am not processing real world shit.

Guys, if you’re new around here or I haven’t said this to you before. I write to cope. It’s not the same.

And for the new people, the rest of my medical issues include: C-PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar 2 rapid cycling, insomnia, chronic migraines

I take a lot of meds, and there is a small patch work system of people holding me together.

I am also a survivor of: Abuse, isolation (the act of being; not self imposed) , sexual assault, martial rape, gaslighting, and weaponized silence.

Do I owe you my life story? No. Do I feel like it helps me know someone as a person if I know a little of what they have going on? Absolutely. Do expect people to tell me what they got going on? Nope. Absolutely not.

But I have been misunderstood and dismissed and passed over and talked over and ignored etc so many times I have become an information dumper and I do this because my brain is begging to be seen clearly for once and to just have someone accept me even if they don’t get it.

Guys I have been in shut down all week day and I’m fighting so desperately to get out of his hole but here we are. With the ground breaking out from under us again. This isn’t a pity post, to clarify.

Nothing lights my brain on fire faster than pity. I will tell you right now my brain little instantly light to “I don’t want your fucking pity” just so you know it’s a trigger. This also isn’t a “tell me how strong I am” post because every time I’m told I’m strong my brain shuts down and stops working because the minute I hear the word ‘strong’ in relation to me my brain falls into that’s all you’re allowed to be mode and I shut down every emotional function and process I had currently active.

Guys I can’t grin and bear it anymore.

Can I get off this ride? This roller coaster is 0/10. Do not recommend. I’d like to stop now.

If only I could actually cry.

#ooc || mun speaks #tw; long post #tw; medical #tw; mental illness #tw; all caps #tw; personal #tw; doctors #tw; medication #tw; work stuff

3 notes · View notes

schizopositivity · 4 months

Text

Things I'd love for the Internet to leave in 2023:

• misusing the word "delusional" or saying "delulu"

• public freakout videos that are just someone displaying psychotic symptoms

• "I'm in your walls" and other paranoia triggering "jokes"

• schizoposting

• misusing the word "psychotic"

• baiting and triggering people online who are openly psychotic or displaying psychotic symptoms

• excluding schizo-spec and psychotic people from any neurodiversity/mental illness awareness

Let's just all try to be better to schizo-spec and psychotic people. And hold others accountable as well.

#2024 #new years eve #tw im in your walls #tw paranoia #mental illness #nd #schizophrenia #neurodivergent #schizophrenic #psychosis #actuallyschizophrenic #mental health awareness #pseriouslypsychotic #schizo-spec

27K notes · View notes

smolcuriouskitten · 6 months

Note

FORGED

send FORGED for a scene from my muse's past that they think made them stronger in the long run

{Prepare for abuse, domestic abuse, and all kinds of angst.}

The pain subsided from the initial punch and was replaced with nothing due to shock. She could feel the warm blood pooling in her head and running out of her skull. Its always like this when she messes up, the hitting and deadly tactics he used became a blur. Rockelle became so used to it, she welcomed death with open arms but dreaded having to come back and face Magic again. As she began to lose consiousness, the light at the end of the tunnel appeared, the same walk of shame that became familiar to her. She was met with Charon, tapping their foot and shaking their head. "At this point, I am tired of seeing you." He groans, she sits down on the ground next to him. "I share the sentiment. I want this to stop. Im sick of having to be revived just to go back into the same situation." She responds, laying back on the sand, letting out a sigh. "At least I get a moment of peace." Charon sat next to her and he tilts his head, looking around for a moment. "Want me to let you in on a secret?" He asks, Rockelle let out a soft hum. "You overcome this. You will end this misery, sooner than you think." He responds, knowing she wont remember this, which Rockelle scoffs at. "Oh please, you cant be serious. Hes a witch and he lives forever. Thanks for the optimism but I just...I just dont believe that." She dismisses and Charon shakes his head. "You may not believe me now or within the next time I see you but just know this, a man who transport those to the afterlife will never lie." A soft beep can be heard and Rockelle began to glow. "Good luck." He calls out as Rockelle waves to Charon as shes thrown back into her reality, left on the floor in a pool of her own blood. A soft groan left her lips as she sat up, letting out a sigh. Even if this situation was bleak and depressing at best, she had a new sense of hope that she hasnt has in a long time. Charon didnt tell her that his time was almost up, as soon as the next day. That conversation may have been insignificant to others but she found a way to keep going even if she didnt want too.

#ding dong; {answered}#dont pull it!; {triggers tag}#tw; domestic abuse #tw; blood #tw; death #tw; mental illness

1 note · View note

eccedentesiast-skies · 5 months

Text

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

10K notes · View notes

ryanjudgesthings · 1 year

Text

There's a mistake I see a lot of people in the mental health community make and in all honesty, it's one I've made myself. But I think we should really work on it. And that's saying "if this were a physical illness, wouldn't you care?"

I've learned that no actually, people wouldn't care. Katelyn Weinstein (theADHDprincess on Twitter) is a neurodiversity acceptance activist who really put this in perspective for me. She said that it's actually more an issue of longevity than physical vs mental health.

If you're having a bad day people will generally be understanding. But when you're experiencing chronic depression and you have many bad days people lose sympathy.

In the same respect people may be understanding when you've broken a bone that will heal properly or when you have a cold that will go away soon in ways they simply won't understand when you have chronic pain or need to use a wheelchair. They may send chicken soup for a temporary situation, but when you need consistent accomodations it's an entirely different story.

I understand that from our perspective it looks like people care more about physical health than mental health, but it's good to remember that our own perspective is also limiting. Facing ableism doesn't mean you can't be ableist. And I know so many people are not ill-intentioned when they say this. I know I wasn't. But we can't discount the lived experiences of physically disabled people. If we want true equality we need to be united and we need to listen to those with physical disabilities and illnesses. And those with physical disabilities and illnesses (some of which are also invisible) have said that they are not given proper accomodations either.

So let's be united and fight for equality and accomodations for everyone, no matter what their illness or disability may be.

#fuck eugenics #ableism #ableism tw #mental health #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #actually adhd #adhd #actually ocd #ocd #mental illness #disabilty #disability rights #disabled rights #equality #allyship

36K notes · View notes

terrence-silver · 2 years

Note

How would different eras of terry react to beloved having post-partum depression? So attached yet distant from their new born because the out of wack hormones and chemicals in their body cause them to behave that way.

― It is the 70's and Twig and society as a whole might not have an appropriate term for post-partum depression or fully understand just what it is, but all Twig knows is beloved is sad and tired and properly exhausted and he is sad, tired and properly exhausted along with them, or rather, for them, feeling every bit of their pain acutely, even though he is rightfully scared, anxious and not sure what to do. Is this his doing? Did he make beloved feel this way? He is a first time father, he is insecure and tremendously frightened of making a mistake and something being his fault again. Him failing somehow. Turns out, he is damn good at this and overflowing with love and concern, and he somehow manages to take care of beloved recovering, coo and raise their newborn all while refusing to hire a team of nannies he could very well afford and also juggle his newly budding business too, and all very happily at that, hands on young father that he is. Might even accidentally become something of a novelty icon of a new age business mogul (and a model on how this aesthetic should look like as an example to all other striving yuppies), landing in a couple of newspaper articles detailing him tending to his partner, raising his kid and running Dynatox in its infancy. Considering who he will become later and that he is effectively running a very questionable conglomerate in the making, this media sentiment behind 'A Corporate Father for a New Decade; The Art of High Level Multitasking' in the '78 issue of Forbes is actually very sweet and so is he.

― Terry Silver in the 80's is now an established man and he has the power, nay, the authority to take indefinite time off without question to spend with his ailing beloved and their baby. He is a CEO of an international company and if he wants to give himself six months off to deal with this issue, hey, who's to say he cannot? He can do and achieve whatever he likes. He makes and weaves the rule of business. And he does just that. Beloved isn't doing well after giving birth, but Terry just about hires every doctor, specialist, nurse and helper under the sun to try and aid beloved while he takes care of his newborn, possessively so. Could he also hire a nanny or ten in these trying times? Sure, but he also doesn't want anyone touching or handling what is his. His workaholic, manic, absolutely frenzied tendencies kick in, of course, where he somehow power-juggles taking international calls from Hong Kong, working from his mansion, letting the baby suck his finger while he seethes at a Dynatox agent from his private home study for a late delivery and coming back to bed to beloved with their bundle, trying to cheer them up. Snake and Dennis might be out on emergency three o'clock in the morning baby provisional runs because Terry just about ordered them to. It is a structured mess, but somehow, it works and things come under control (Would Terry ever allow things not to be under control?) and the first time beloved smiles again out of the bed he relegated them to, Terry knows that he's done a perfect job just like he knew he would.

― Old man Terry, present day, knows all about depression, chemical imbalances, wack hormones and feeling under the weather in general from personal examples and he, in a roundabout way, sees himself in beloved. Might just fall into a bit of a silent desperation himself. If beloved has post-partum depression, he just has anxiety and depression of the day to day, commonplace kind when hit with this irrational fear that beloved might never recover. That they will stay like this. That this is an end to their happy days. To everything good they had. That this a prelude to disaster. Gloom. Darkness. Intrusive scenarios he can't quite control or push away dominate his mind. The worst type of thoughts overtake him as he cradles his newborn and legacy and beloved's state might trigger his own mental instability because he is simply that afraid at the sight of beloved doing badly. Of course he is ecstatically happy. He never though he'd have an actual family and now he has one of his own choosing, but there is also such a thing as being so happy you're terrified. Terrified of everything. Terrified that your happiness can be stolen and stripped from you. That you can easily lose it. That this is temporary and time is running short. Time is always running short. He isn't young anymore. And he loves beloved and his child so much he might just beg beloved to recover. He'd kill for them to recover. Once they become of a more mellow mood, Terry is...well, he is so relieved it is him who needs recovering now.

#terry silver #kk3 #cobra kai #old man terry #terry silver twig #80's terry silver #tw; post partum depression #tw; pregnancy #tw; mental illness #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #dad!terry #terry silver as a parent #silver family #silver children

37 notes · View notes