#tw: storm ryan

[jibbi]

"The Blaire White Effect"

So, there's this girl I've seen on TikTok lately, Kelly Cadigan, who does a series of "Day [x] of Being on the Right" videos, and I can't stand seeing her full videos since her content is harmful. I'm glad people are starting to call her out for it. A lot of reaction videos from other trans people calling her out are extremely helpful. So, I'm going to talk about those.

But there's one of them that I want to focus on for now (click here to watch it yourself). It's one from a fellow trans woman, saying how it seems Kelly is experiencing a lot of internalized transphobia - just like Blaire White - because of all the recent laws passed, especially in her state, Florida. They're going to affect Kelly, too. Someone had mentioned in the comments, "The Blaire White effect is real."

So, with that being said, what is it and how does it affect others? I'm gonna break it down for you.

Internalized Transphobia & "Pick Me" Behavior

When something is internalized, it's loathing yourself for something that's a part of who you are. Things like internalized homophobia and transphobia are unfortunately common in the LGBT+ community because it's a minority that gets spat on constantly, which causes this self-hatred to envelop you.

Blaire White is known for being a "Pick Me" amongst the trans community. She wants that acceptance from cisgender people as being the "good" and "normal" trans person in the community. And to gain that acceptance, she'll say harmful things about other trans people who she doesn't deem as acceptable, and she'll act unbothered by conservatives' horrid opinions about trans people. It's as if she's trying to be cis, which unfortunately isn't a thing trans people can identify as. We're labeled as trans for a reason - we don't identify with our assigned gender at birth, and we can't help that. Cis people do.

It's sad to see this because it's obvious Blaire acts this way because of her own internalized transphobia. She wants to be accepted and fit in with "normal" people who aren't trans.

Kelly Cadigan mirrors this very behavior in her videos, and it's become really prominent lately. All she posts now are videos of her spewing this horrible trans rhetoric, trying to side with the right. And as I had mentioned before, notice how this "Day [x] of Being on the Right" series with her exhibiting this Blaire White type of behavior just happened to come out right after the latest anti-trans laws were passed. Doesn't seem like a coincidence. Kelly most likely wants to steer away from any hatred and being "very obviously trans" because of this, and to do so, she's spitting on the trans community and catering to conservatives to gain their acceptance.

I've also seen this behavior from Blaire White's trans guyfriend, Kalvin Garrah. Before realizing I myself am trans, I watched some of Kalvin's videos (but quickly realized they're harmful). And, I remember his other trans friend, Storm Ryan, being in a lot of his videos where they make fun of "weird" trans people, a good portion of them including nonbinary folks (like Blaire White's reaction videos which I'll go into detail about in the next section).

However, the reason I mention Ryan is because he was able to realize this toxic behavior in Kalvin and how he himself added to this bad behavior. He made a surprisingly good serious apology video, expressing his realization that this is wrong and making it known he's no longer friends with Kalvin. In fact, his new best friend is Brennan Beckwith who's a wonderful trans advocate and individual on the nonbinary spec, who he and Kalvin once made fun of. TLDR: it is possible to change this sort of mentality. Storm Ryan proved that.

Making Fun of the "Weird" Trans People & Not Believing Nonbinary People Exist

A very common type of reaction video we see is trans people who don't fit societal norms - nor Blaire White's version of "normal" - being made fun of. You'll notice she watches a lot of trans people who have their own specific views on gender and how they identify (including a lot of people on the nonbinary spec), and trans people who dress/express themselves alternatively.

Blaire views these kinds of people as insane and absurd, and goes out of her way to make fun of them by making reaction videos to their content. It's very hurtful towards a good portion of the trans community, seeing as how she's directly bullying them, which promotes others to go bully these people, too, causing these people to potentially experience severe amounts of invalidation and harm.

Blaire dresses in the very typical feminine fashion and passes well enough for some of her own audience to not even realize she's trans. Any trans woman who doesn't try to look feminine enough and/or doesn't pass doesn't fit her standard. I've noticed she doesn't even see Dylan Mulvaney as a fellow trans woman despite that she dresses femininely and has had FFS, just because she doesn't pass well enough (by her standards) and tends to act very over-the-top (behavior that Blaire doesn't like).

What's also terrible is that Blaire doesn't believe nonbinary people exist and doesn't view them as fellow trans people because they don't fit on the binary spec, not all of them transition, and not all of them experience gender dysphoria. She doesn't understand them, therefore she doesn't think nonbinary people exist, which they do. She's just going entirely off of her own opinion, acting like it's a fact.

So, basically, if other trans don't follow her same experience and have her same or similar opinions, they're invalid. She doesn't like them = they aren't valid and deserve to be bullied. It's horrible.

Kelly Cadigan also makes it very clear she feels this same way and even made a recent video directly saying that she doesn't believe nonbinary people exist and that she feels they invalidate her as a trans person. Watching that video is awful because she's only backing up why she feels this way with her own made up notions. She doesn't understand them = they aren't real.

Being Privileged

Blaire and Kelly are both very privileged in being white, able-bodied, cis-passing trans women. And Kalvin Garrah is a white, able-bodied, cis-passing trans man.

They were able to receive the gender affirming care they desired - including surgeries and hormone blockers - which are methods that allow them to pass better (and that help them feel much more comfortable in their own bodies). Not every trans person has that privilege to receive the gender affirming care they need to transition, whether it's not being able to afford the care or being incapable of having it for other medical reasons. Or, like I had mentioned in my last section, Dylan received it and does not pass quite as well as Blaire does (at least in the eyes of Blaire and many other viewers). OR, they choose NOT to try passing simply because it may not be a goal of theirs in their trans/gender identity journey.

Yet, none of them seem to understand this. And because they don't, they invalidate other trans people for it. The worst is that Kelly agrees with the laws against gender affirming care for minors, when she herself transitioned healthily as a minor. It makes me want to ask her: "How would kid you (pretransitioned) feel if these laws had gone into effect back then?" Probably terrible, if I had my guess. Considering she received care so early on, she most likely had bad gender dysphoria, and getting those puberty blockers was a potential life saver for her or at the least a massive relief on her mental health as a trans kid. And if I'm right in assuming it helped her so much, it's absolutely ludicrous and hypocritical saying other trans kids don't deserve it.

Blaire didn't receive trans healthcare as a minor, however, she also agrees that kids should not be allowed to have rights to gender affirming care, especially since she thinks kids aren’t mature enough to understand themselves yet. She goes about this a different way than Kelly by actively interviewing detransitioners who all have had bad experiences transitioning - mainly as kids - that they deeply regret, and then weaponizing their stories against the trans community. Detransitioners are valid in their experiences, but it's not right at all to use these experiences to harm the trans community. Doing that can strip away even more validation and rights. Also keep in mind: not every detransitioner regrets their experience or had one that messed them up badly. (I recommend watching Sam Collins' video with Alia Ishmael where she speaks about her past transition in a more positive manner while still explaining what personal drawbacks she experienced and doesn't use her story to harm the trans community. AND, his other video calling out how Blaire is weaponizing people’s stories.)

Cis-passing aside, you can see I also mentioned they're both white and able-bodied. I mention this too because it helps them be listened to more, as well. People of color and disabled people are also both minority groups, let alone when they're also in the LGBT+ community. I've even witnessed Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah make comments about a enby individual's disability which is absolutely foul.

The Propaganda

You'd think trans people wouldn't be spreading lies about other trans people since they're in the same minority group. Wrong.

Blaire White makes a lot of videos with misleading titles and made up quotes from trans people she wants to invalidate. For example, a few years ago, she made a video about trans powerlifter, Janae Marie Croc, with a misleading title, an edited post that made it seem like she was competing against cis women, and comments about how "outlandish" her appearance is. It was so obviously fake and Janae even pointed this all out to Blaire. A lot of people were mad at her for it and Blaire had the worst apology post. And, sadly, a lot of Blaire's content is just like this, this one just happened to be more obvious. (If you want more details on that, watch D'Angelo Wallace's video and Sam Collins' video about her misleading people).

Blaire lost a lot of followers, but not enough to deplatform her or make her irrelevant. She still has a rather big following and people who believe everything she says, despite it being fake and based solely on her own opinion. And a lot of these same people who watch Blaire, thinking she's an honest and acceptable trans person, also watch Kelly. But Kelly does the same thing - talks solely based on her own opinion while making things up.

The Terminology They Use

I've noticed Blaire, Kelly, and Kalvin use a lot of the same "traditional" terms. For instance, they're say transexual and transgenderism instead of transgender to explain themselves. It's just really strange to hear. But, I feel like they use it to cater to these conservatives.

Like, transexual is an outdated term. Transgenderism implies that being trans is an ideological thing (which it isn't) and you should absolutely run from anyone who is using that term unironically.

They also said they view the trans community as a cult and believe they are pushing an agenda. These are both terms conservatives use pretty frequently.

Conclusion

This whole "Blaire White Effect" - and how Blaire reached the mentality she has, in the first place - started from hate towards the trans community leading to internalized transphobia. It's happened with people like Kelly Cadigan and Kalvin Garrah, too.

But, a trans person changing their mentality and content to fit the views of conservatives only causes more harm and can eventually come to bite them in the ass. Because, at the end of the day, most of these conservatives do not want to change their mind about trans people - most of them still don't like people like Blaire simply because they're trans. It doesn't matter that they have the same political views. And, agreeing with the terrible shit these conservatives are doing and saying will make them take away even more rights, which will affect Blaire, Kelly, and Kalvin.

However, these trans people have the ability to change their thoughts and content if they actually want to do more research and not keep talking out of their ass. I had mentioned Storm Ryan dropping his friendship with Kalvin when he realized how harmful and wrong these views are. There's also a trans TikToker who reacted to Kelly's video about nonbinary people, explaining he used to feel the same way but that nonbinary people being open and confident about their identities actually help validate other trans people's identities (his explanation is much better than mine. Watch it.)

Don't let Blaire White - and any other person like her - invalidate your identity. They're speaking from their own self-hatred and that's their problem, not yours.

#lgbt #lgbt pride #tw transphobes #tw trauma #kelly cadigan #blaire white #the Blaire white effect #transphobia #internalized transphobia #kalvin garrah #storm ryan #brennen beckwith #trans pride #trans privilege #tik tok #sam collins #d’angelo wallace

[accidentalshifter]

[March 13, 2024: Klaus Mikaelson claims he's in his "Red Period"]

⚜️ TW: My Mikaelsons are a ✨️ problem ✨️ and don't play nice at all. Death, sex, blood, violence, manipulation, and dark themes will probably be present. I don't condone any of the actions taken by these vampires, I'm just recording them. For science. Shifting Notes:

Unlike the long shift I wrote about previously, this one happened while I was asleep. It was kind of short, lasting (what felt like) five or ten minutes tops??? For those of you who are new to my DR or my blog, please feel free to explore my pinned post (on my blog) and read about my TVD/Originals DR for more context. Happy shifting, y'all! Astrological Timing: Sun in Pisces, Moon in the earliest degrees of Taurus. Venus just moved into Pisces on the 11th, giving extra ✨ energy ✨ to creative dreaming.

⚜️ Last night, I fell asleep in my bed watching an episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved about Jack The Ripper with my favorite guys: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej. I'm not blaming it on watching cold case files before I went to sleep but it was probably watching cold case files on Youtube before I went to sleep that influenced this shift. ⚜️ I remember turning off Youtube in my CR and closing my eyes to sleep and then having to open my eyes again because I thought I had heard a sound that I didn't recognize in my room. When I did, I realized I wasn't in my tiny little room at all, but in a luxurious room with a huge Egyptian rug on the floor, crimson walls, and leather seatings. I could also see paintings (both finished and unfinished) positioned upon easel stands that were littered all around the room in a semi-circle. I knew instantly where I was. Klaus' painting room in the Mikaelson chateau in New Orleans. ⚜️ I'm currently in ghost-mode like I usually am when I'm stuck here. I'm laying with my feet hanging off the side of the armchair I'm sitting (chaotically) in. I can see the back of Klaus Mikaelson. He's wearing a black turtleneck, long sleeved shirt. Meticulously, he dips his paint brush into a bucket of dark crimson, and applies the red paint onto a fresh canvas. Jazz music drifts into the room from outside. The doors to the balcony are open, letting the ambiance New Orleans fill the painting room while he creates his new "masterpiece". ⚜️ Because at this point I've moved past being terrified of him and have now entered the stage of just being annoyed that I'm stuck with him, start to make obnoxious sounds while I sit in the armchair. Testing to see whether or not he can see me or if I really am just totally invisible to him (for now). He doesn't flinch or show any signs of being perturbed while I do this. Klaus dips his paint brush into another bucket now. It's the obsidian black paint. He swirls the black in with the red, his hand motions effortless. I gotta admit, folks. I'm a bit jealous of how he holds his paintbrush. ⚜️ Elijah Mikaelson storms into the room suddenly. He's bristled. A bit frustrated. I can tell that whatever has gone on for him, he's had a hell of a day, and isn't pleased about it. Elijah interrupts Niklaus and tries to get his attention but Klaus just redirects the conversation onto his painting. "I think I'm in my "Red Period", brother. Look at how well I've depicted the darkness swirled within the blood, the mortal attraction all beings have towards death." Klaus puts his hand on Elijah's shoulder as he gestures towards the painting. "This might be my best one yet..." ⚜️ Elijah and I have a similar reaction. He rolls his eyes and I say "Booooo! Bring back your sketches, dude!" out loud. Elijah fixes Klaus with a no-nonsense glare and says "I think we have bigger things to deal with right now, Niklaus. Accompany me to the reading room? I have something I need to show you as well..." ⚜️ Klaus huffs, putting down his paint brush, and follows Elijah out of the painting room. I get out of the armchair, walking over to stand in front of the painting that Klaus is working on. On second glance, the painting isn't half bad. There really IS something to the black and red swirl pattern he's going with here. It's almost...hypnotic. My left hand (the one I write with) absently reaches out to touch the painting and I wake back up in my CR again.

Observation: Jack the Ripper=Klaus Mikaelson shift motivation apparently????

#desired reality #shiftblr #shifting realities #reality shift #shifting #shifting community #reality shifting #shifting diary #shifting blog #shifting stories #shifting to tvd #tvd dr #tvd shifting #tvd universe #shifting to desired reality #shifters #shifting reality #shifting motivation #reality shifter #shifting to tvd is great until you have to deal with niklaus #accidental shifting #dawn misplaced: accidental's tvd/originals dr

[virgo-mess]

Good Cop, Bad Cop

We have finally made it to part 4 of @karatekels ' request! It's on the longer side because I didn't want to break it into two parts, but I hope you like it, and I appreciate you submitting a request!

TW: Mentions of emotional and verbal abuse towards children, Neglectful Parent, Generational trauma, Arguing, Mild Violence, Smut, oral (female receiving), Confessions, Fluff, Mentions of Police Brutality, Kinks, Cindy Ryan isn't that bad actually sorta kinda, and you might feel a little more sympathy for Cash, man still can't communicate

Chapter 4: Confessions of a Bad Cop with Other Redeeming Qualities and a Kinky Little Minx

🫣

Cash’s Pov

            “Why is having sex with me so damn important to you now, you had so many chances, Cash. I gave you so many chances, you didn’t take any of them and now you decide after twelve years of acting like I don’t exist that I’m good enough for you now. I wasn’t good enough for you to return any one of my calls, I wasn’t good enough for you to ask to prom, you couldn’t even go to a movie with me without disappearing to make out in the lobby with Cindy Ryan and you complained every time we went shopping. Now you just want me to act like everything is okay and that I’m happy you’re finally choosing me now when you’re leaving next week. So, stop acting like you’re trying to make me happy or that you’re trying to make this special for me when we both know it’s never been about me, you don’t care about me. It’s always been about you, Cash. So, if forcing me to sleep with you is what it’s going to take for you to finally stop hurting me then that’s fine. Just get it over with already so I can go home, and you can go back to a happy life free of me” you snapped, turning around to storm back into the bedroom.

Cash let you pull him back into the bedroom, your outburst left his mind and heart feeling incredibly heavy. It was like he was sixteen again, the age where he didn’t know how to act around you anymore, the age where he realized he didn’t just have a crush on you, he was in love with you. He just never figured out how to tell you because you terrified him back then, you still did in a way. You always made him nervous, insecure even, and this prevented him from being as close to you as he wanted to be. He felt this overwhelming need to overcompensate by projecting a confident put together image of himself. He would come to realize that this personality quirk was due in part to what his father expected of him back then.

Cash was always the primary target of his dad’s alcohol induced tirades, he’d get home from school and be hit with an abundance of angry vitriol about his grades, how he was too sensitive, and how he needed to act like a man. Even long after his dad finally went to rehab and deserted their family, Cash carried those words and all the feelings involved with feeling unloved by someone who should love him unconditionally, with him. His dad had reached out to make amends a few times over the last decade apologizing for the things he said and did to him. Confessing that he did those things because his father did them to him and he didn’t realize he was projecting all his unresolved trauma onto to Cash. Until now Cash hadn’t realized he had subsequently done the same to you; he saw you through a lens of fear, rejection, and abandonment and now you saw him the same way.

 “Y/N, slow down would you” Cash muttered as you impatiently tugged him towards the bed. You shot him another one of your intense glares as you moved to lay down on the bed. Cash wasn’t sure how he had convinced himself he’d be okay with doing this if you weren’t willing. He supposed he could’ve been more forthcoming with his intentions going forward from the beginning, you had assumed he was only looking to sleep with you. Given his history of casual flings he could see why you’d assume that, he truthfully only had casual flings because you still held his heart he wasn’t interested in giving any of them the level of love and care he gave you.

“No, I don’t want to drag out the inevitable, so make it quick Ewing” you snarled leaning back onto the unmade bed as you used your free hand to pull your dress up. Cash gently pushed your hand away before you pulled it up all the way, gently pulling it back down into place. You rolled your eyes at him, attempting to pull it back up. He wished he had realized you returned his feelings back then if he had you’d be married by now.

“Stop it Y/N, I don’t actually want it to happen this way, okay. I’m sorry I said I did. I didn’t mean it” he said softly, gently moving your hand away again and pulling the fabric back into place. You rolled your eyes at him again before scoffing.

“Oh, so you just said it for no reason then, right. Got it” you said sarcastically, still laying on your back as you glared up at him. Cash sighed looking down at you with soft eyes, feeling especially vulnerable in your presence for the first time since you were teenagers.

“No, I do have a reason, but it doesn’t excuse me implying I’d enjoy forcing myself on you. So please sit up, Butterfly.” he said reaching down to gently pull you up. You swatted his hand away but moved to sit up on the edge of the bed, Cash took the spot next to you sitting further away than he wanted to. He wasn’t sure if you understood that to his need to touch you and be close to you wasn’t always sexually motivated, he thought he was expressing his affection for you because that’s how he liked receiving affection.

“Why the hell did you say it then” you said dryly, Cash glanced over at you for a moment to see you staring down at the cuff on your wrist. He knew if he took it off you now he’d feel compelled to take you home to avoid having to explain things to you. He had avoided talking about his feelings for you for twelve years and in doing so he left you with the impression he didn’t actually care about you.

“Well, you were making digs at me and I’m not saying I didn’t deserve them. It’s just sometimes it takes me back to when my dad was around, as you know he was really mean when he drank. Yelling at me and criticizing me were his favorite hobbies, I couldn’t do anything right by him it didn’t matter what it was I did it wrong. I cried too much, my grades weren’t good enough, couldn’t accidently knock something over without being called something. So when you said that stuff as silly as being called a shit head is, it hurt” he admitted avoiding eye contact with you. You let out a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry, I know your dad didn’t treat you very well” you replied softly, Cash let out a sigh of his own ready to spill everything he could just for the sake of telling someone. You weren’t going to pick him now so he really had nothing to lose, he lost you a long time ago he just didn’t want to admit that it was his fault.

            “You don’t have to apologize. You’re right. My communication skills are shit especially if you think that I don’t care about you or that I never cared about you. I love you, and I always have. You were my first crush and the first and only girl I’ve ever felt that way for. You’re the girl every other girl gets compared to. You were always my first choice. I was afraid to tell you because I never thought you returned that sentiment back then. You’ve never really been all that open about your feelings, you know. I never learned how to be open that way either, my dad never held, hugged or kissed me, never told me he loved me, he wouldn’t even let me hold his hand when I was a kid and he’d even yell at my mom if she tried to show my affection. He yelled at me when I cried, I was just afraid of getting that reaction from you even though I knew you would never do that, Y/N. When you decided to go to NYU, it crushed me it felt like you were abandoning me. I know I didn't tell you how I felt but I always tried to show you, I took care of you, didn't I. I always kept a sweater in my truck in case you got cold, remembered all your favorute things, hugged you when you were sad , and I thought that was enough at the time. I wanted to take you to prom, but I overheard Ben Lewis ask you right before I was going to. I made a sign and got you flower, you know, that’s what you saw me shoving in the trash. I didn’t ask Cindy she asked me the day before. Glad to know I’m not the only one who can’t tell when someone is into them unless they’re throwing themselves at you though” he said repressing a laugh at you still being jealous of Cindy and him, he was happy to see a blush sweep across your cheeks as you scowled at him. It gave him hope this wasn’t a total loss.

            “Gee I wonder why I never thought you liked me Cash. Clearly guys that like you ghost for twelve years, they also ask you to see movies with them on Valentine’s Day then leave ten minutes in to make out in the lobby with another girl. Oh, and let’s not forget the kidnapping, I mean I could go on for hours about it really” you said sarcastically, Cash rolled his eyes and repressed another chuckle at the irony of the specific night you’re talking about. He had a very interesting conversation with Cindy Ryan a few days ago.

            “I wasn’t talking about that, Butterfly. You know it also would’ve been nice of you to mention you had a boyfriend when you called me every day your first semester at NYU. You know I was planning to apply at the NYPD, I was going to give you the application as a Christmas present that year and then you showed up with a guy that looked like he stepped out of a GQ magazine. I fully planned on confessing to you that Christmas you know, I asked you to go ice skating at Frog Pond and to take a stroll with me down Acorn Street up in Boston. It was supposed to be just you and me the you invited him and Pete and Daisy took it as an invite too” he said roughly, you sneered at him.

Cash could sense you getting fired up again and he can’t help the way his heart flutters. He had never really gotten to see you be anything but sweet and friendly to him back then and seeing you freely express anger at him made him feel a little closer to you.

            “You’re making it really hard not to call you names right now. You can’t even overhear correctly, Ben asked if I’d consider going with him to prom if YOU didn’t ask me, everyone knew I was waiting for you to ask me. You ALSO never said that was supposed be a date, we used to go ice skating at Frog Pond with Daisy and Pete every year. How was I supposed know you wanted it to be romantic, and Riley wasn’t even my boyfriend. He’s very happily married to his husband, the only person he was into that night was you. He went on and on about how hot he thought you were all the way into our sophomore year. You would know these things if you just asked a question” you said sarcastically

 Cash felt his ears flare a bright shade of red at the confession. Riley talked his ear off that night and Cash assumed it was to annoy him, you and Riley were huddled in the corner giggling for most of the party at his mom’s house. You barely even talked to him that night.

            “You guys were all over each other at my mom’s party, Y/N. Huddled up in the corner and giggling the whole night. You barely even talked to me that night ” he said pointedly, you scoffed and rolled your eyes at him. Yanking hard at the cuffs still attached to both of your wrists like you were trying to break them. Cash rolled his eyes before digging in his pocket for the key as he repressed a smile. He wasn’t sure how you hadn’t noticed he was just goading you, and you were taking the bait.

            “Knock it off” he chastised you teasingly, as you nearly knock the key out of his hand. You glared daggers back at him. “Do you want them off or not. I wish I knew New York had turned you into such a stuck up brat before I brought you here” he said teasingly before unlocking the handcuffs, as soon as he gets them off you start swinging on him relentlessly. Cash can’t bring himself to block any of your slaps, scratches, or punches for a moment sensing that you desperately needed to get it out of your system.

Reader’s Pov

            “You just accused me of being a liar and I’m the one who’s a stuck-up brat! Riley and I were talking about you, he was trying to help me figure out if you felt the same way I felt about you. We were playfully shoving each other, it’s not like we were making out. I wasn’t the one making out with Cindy Ryan in the fucking lobby when I was supposed to be seeing a movie with the girl you claimed to have been head over heels in love with, was I? You went to prom with her and everything! If you cared about me so much, why didn’t you know she picked on me relentlessly when we were growing up!” you shouted, hitting him wherever you could reach alternating between closed fists and open palmed slaps as you tried to pin him to the bed.

Cash is keen to let you wail on him for a while and you feel your heart flutter despite yourself. He did say he wanted to take care of you, you didn’t believe it in the moment but you found yourself believing it now.  Cash shoves you off of him with ease, quickly wrapping his arms around yours to prevent you from doing any more damage to his pretty face. A slight satisfied looking smile tugs on your lips when you see all the welts and scratches you’ve managed to make in such short amount of time. Cash looked down at you with some amusement swirling in his eyes.

            “You can put up quite a fight I’ll give you that, I really hope you feel better now. I know Cindy picked on you a lot. I ran into her just the other day and we got to talking about you and you’ll never believe what she told me, Butterfly” he said in a teasing tone, you growl at him for daring to mention her name again, before shooting one of your knees up into his gut, Cash lurched back with a pained grunt. You moved to shove him off you but he grabbed your wrists firmly before pinning them by your head and collapsing on you slightly to keep you from kicking him. You let out a breathless groan as he used a bit of his weight to pin you into place against the bed. You still feel an overwhelming amount of rage and jealousy coursing through you.

            “I don’t really care to know what you talked about me for. She’s a bitch and you’re an asshole, you guys seem to be the perfect for each other really. Didn’t you lose your virginity to each other at prom?” you hissed struggling against him. You feel another wave of jealously overtake you at the thought of him being with your self-proclaimed archnemesis, and confusion at the fact that he really seems to see it as a non-issue. Cash gazes down at you with a fond looking smile, and you really wish you could slap it off his face because you can feel butterflies flutter in your stomach.  

            “No Y/N, I didn’t lose that until I moved to Cleveland. It wasn’t some amazing grand affair either, none of them meant anything to me, just wanted to practice for you. I wanted all my firsts to be with you, okay but I thought you moved on, I thought you were happy. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, Y/N. I promise I wasn’t happy without you I never moved on, I checked up on you every year to see if you broke up with that scumbag Jack you know” he said calmly, you stopped thrashing upon hearing his confession, looking deep in his eyes for a tell, you were surprised when you didn’t find one.

            “I never wanted to be with Jack, I just didn’t want to be alone, I didn't want to be left again. He was horrible to me, you know and you weren’t there to help me. I needed you and you were just gone” you said feeling tears slowly fall from your eyes and the urge to beat him up leave your body. Cash let go of your wrists and let you out from underneath him, taking a sitting position right against the headboard. You craned your neck to look up at him suddenly missing the feel of him being pressed against you; Cash outstretched his arms before beckoning you to him with a finger.

            “Come here Butterfly, come on it’s okay” he said in a soothing tone, you sniffled before rolling over so you could crawl over to him, hurling yourself into his arms as you clung tightly to his neck. Cash pulled you into a sitting position on his lap wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug, you let out a soft sob as you nuzzled your face into his neck. Cash ran his hands up and down your back in soothing circles whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

You’re not sure how long you stay like this but you know you never want the moment to end. Feeling whatever lasting anger you had towards him slowly dwindle with every loving word he whispers and every tender circle he draws. You haven’t felt this loved or this content in twelve years. You can now acknowledge that you had made him just as confused and afraid as he had made you. You both had a little bit of responsibility to take for the way things turned out. If you had plucked up the courage to let him know you cared about him regardless of whether he shared that sentiment, things would be different between you now. You can understand now that  he interpreted you going to school as abandonment, his dad left without Cash ever really knowing he loved him. He was afraid of you rejecting him, afraid of you not loving him, and afraid of you judging him for having those feelings. You felt Cash tangle his fingers in your hair.

            “Can you look at me for a second, Butterfly” he whispered hoarsely, you pull back to see his face just as tear stained as yours is. You haven’t really seen him cry since you were kids, those nights when he crawled through your window weeping after a verbal lashing from his father seemed so far away. You had missed the days when you guys weren’t afraid to be vulnerable and comfort each other this way.

            “I’m so sorry I left, I never did it with the intention of hurting you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know about some of the things Jack was doing to you if I had I would’ve put a stop to it faster than I did. Pete told me about that Christmas three years ago when he walked in on Jack hitting you” Cash said calmly, you furrowed your brows at him in confusion at him for a moment.

            “What do you mean you put a stop to it, Cash?” you asked, though you were pretty sure you already knew the answer you had seen Jack come home looking pretty mangled on two different occasions. He never told you what happened but the first time had been on some ‘work’ trip, which was really code for a trip with his mistress and the second was when he showed up at your apartment to pick up the rest of his things

            “I think you know already, but I sought him out and talked some sense into him on his little work trip to Cleveland during New Years that year. I caught him on a parking violation then I was able to hit him with resisting arrest so I could use a little force” Cash said in a dark eerie sounding way that makes you feel hot all over. If you had known he fought in your honor you would’ve jumped him that first day on the beach without a second thought. You still loved him despite all those things that happened between you. You don't think you ever stopped loving him and that was why you were so angry and afraid.

            “He apparently didn’t get the message the first time, as you know. I’m sorry he framed it as him leaving you for his mistress, I wish he had told you a cop beat him to a pulp twice. It would’ve made getting suspended sting a little less, you know. I wanted to reach back out it just never felt like the right time. And then Pete told me you were going to be in the wedding and I knew I had to at least try and give us a second chance. When you tried to run off, I panicked, I'm sorry about doing all this, Butterfly. I over rracted. I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again, Y/N. I’m never going to leave again, I promise. We can get married and travel like you always wanted to” he said softly. You gave him a teary smile.

            “You know if you had started with, ‘I beat your abusive cheating ex-boyfriend to a half to death twice because of my undying love for you, let’s get married’,at the beach I would’ve said yes. You’re bad at planning, can’t communicate, and have no observational skills. You’re a bad cop, Cash” you chuckled, Cash rolled his eyes playfully repressing a chuckle of his own.

            “I’m not a bad cop, way to ruin the moment, Butterfly” he replied softly, you bit your lip slightly as you look at him, running your hands up his chest. Cash trailed one hand to grip your thigh possessively as he gazed back at you with dark lust filled eyes and you feel your clit throb eagerly at the action. You feel nervous butterflies in your stomach, you'd been dreaming about this moment for years. It was a little rocking getting to this point, but you were glad you did because you felt closer to Cash than you had ever been. You loved him, and he loved you too. You've already seen each others faults and flaws and yet still craved each other despite.

            “Well, you are not a very good one, my love but that’s okay you have other redeeming qualities” you purred, moving a teasing hand up his shirt. Cash let out a deep growl before crashing his lips onto yours, capturing you in a passionate kiss. You moaned against his mouth before parting for air, as you quickly move to unbutton his shirt pushing it hurriedly off his broad shoulders. Neither of you appeared to be thinking, it was like you were on autopilot and just instinctivly knew what the other needed. You felt Cash place hot, opened mouth kisses down your neck, moving his hand further up your thigh under the hem of your dress. You feel your heart rate pick up at fact that you were finally doing this.

            “Can you take this off for me, baby” he said huskily motioning to your dress, your cheeks flush a dark shade of red as you slowly take it off for him throwing it off to your side. He made a pleased sound as he aimlessly ran his hands over your skin. Placing hot kisses on your exposed cleavage, you quickly unhook your bra, throwing it off to the side. Cash let out a soft groan as his eyes racked hungrily over your chest for a moment. You loved the way he looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on. Cash closed his mouth around one of your nipples, sucking on it as he gazed up into your eyes. You gaze back at him, blushing before running your fingers through his soft gray hair, Cash let out a content sounding sigh at the feel of you running your fingers through his hair. Cash bites down on your nipple causing you to let out a shriek and moan as you throw your head back . Cash never takes his eyes off your face, feeling particularly prideful that you rewarded him with such pretty noises. You shudder against him against him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck in an attempt to keep him from pulling away. Cash chuckles against you. He wanted to stay there as much as you wanted him to.

            “I just want to move you baby . I love seeing you like this for me ” he crooned running a hand through your hair affectionately as he smiled at you , you pout slightly but let him pull away from you. Cash lifted you off his lap placing you gently next to him on the bed, moving further down the bed to admire your perfect body from a far.

            “You’re wearing more clothes than me, that’s not fair” you said innocently batting your eyes at him, Cash chuckled rolling his eyes at you, your bratty side was really growing on him.

            “I didn’t know you were so impatient. I really wanted to take me time with you this round” he said letting out an exaggerated sigh as he moved to stand from the bed. Loving the way you bite down on your lip as you scoot to the edge of the bed in front of him, reaching to undo his belt for him. This was everything he had ever dreamed of, seeing you return his affection without hesitation made his heart flutter.

            “Um, I’ve been patiently waiting for you to come to your senses for fourteen years, Cashton Ewing,” you said sharply, as you finished unzipping his pants, tugging them down his waist shamelessly. Cash bit back a moan as he gazed down at you, loving that you wanted him as badly as he wanted you. “And I’m not sure if I’ve fully forgiven you for ditching me at the movies for Cindy. So, you’re really going to have to prove you can be a good boy for me. Then maybe I’ll consider being a good girl for you ” you said teasingly, Cash let out a low growl staring at you with eyes filled with lust and love.

            “Will you lay down for me, pretty girl” he finally breathed out he really didn't mind doting on you. He wanted you any way he could get you after all. You had him in the palm of your hand. He rolled his eyes lovingly as he watched you pretend to ponder his request for a moment, playfully placing a finger under your chin. Cash gave you the biggest pair of puppy eyes he could muster.

            “I suppose I will” you quipped, turning to lay your head on a pillow looking up at him expectantly. Cash chuckled softly dragging a hand up one of your legs delicately, stopping right where your panties lay on your hip. You let out an impatient whine you were soaked already and need him inside you desperately, Cash smirks at you before finally hooking a finger under the waistband and tugging your panties off in one quick motion. You shiver in excitement and anticipation at the display of dominance and immediately spreading your legs in submission for him the minute he lowers himself onto the end of the bed. You reach out towards him needily batting your eyes at him, Cash flashes you a sweet smile as he felt his heart flutter and his cock twitch againt his thigh, he quickly moved to capture you in another brief passionate kiss. Leaning back on his knees to gaze down at your body fully. You really were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

            “I just knew you had a pretty pussy” he moaned running a long finger over your wet slit, appreciating how you flush at the compliment and let out a whine at the contact bucking your hips up eagerly. “Can I finish you off now?” he crooned feeling his cock twitch again.

            “Yes, Cash. Please finish me off” you cried softly; Cash made a deep pleased sounding rumble from his chest. Coating his fingers with your juices before rubbing your swollen clit in slow circles with his thumb. You moan loudly, arching your back, as Cash lets a finger dip inside you. Cash let out a moan, you were so tight, so wet, and all his.

            “Fuck, you’re so tight, Butterfly” he groaned adding another finger and angling them up to hit your G-spot as he pumped them in and out at a steady pace. You were so reponsive to everything he did. Your eyes roll into your head feeling a pleasure you didn’t know your body was capable of. Jack never made you feel like this, he could never bring you to climax. And Cash had gotten you so close in mere minutes You let out a needy whine when Cash withdraws his fingers from inside you for a moment. Your eyes fly open to look at him. Cash stares at you with dark eyes adoring that you craved him as much as he craved you.

            “I just want to taste you, baby, hold on” he said sweetly, rubbing your leg reassuringly before adjusting the pillows behind your head. “Don’t close your eyes, Butterfly. I want you to look at me while I make this pretty cum, hm” he purred, lowering his head between your legs. Taking in your pretty flushed heat with hungry eyes.

            “Okay” you cry out breathlessly, Cash places a tender kiss on your thigh before letting his tongue make a few teasing passes against your bud, you tasted like heaven and he regreted not being the first to have you. He watches you try to grind against his mouth for more friction desperately needing him to put you over the edge. Cash throws his long arm across your stomach, pining your hips in place. He needed to savor this moment, wished he could film it really but he wasn't sure you'd be open to that.

            “I’m just savoring you, my love; you taste so good. Be patient” he whispers teasingly, you narrow your eyes at him. Cash chuckles before finally slipping his fingers back inside of you loving how your walls flutter around them he couldn’t wait to feel you on his cock. He steadily increased the pace of his strokes wanting to hear all the pretty sounds you made leave your lips, he finally latches onto your clit eating you out rapidly. You cry out with your hands clutching the sheets in your fists, trying to keep your eyes from rolling into your head again. Cash moans against you, removing his fingers so he can thrust his tongue into your wet heat. You move a hand to grip his hair, trying to bring him as close as you can as you let out a string of depraved sounding moans and cries. Cash lifts his head up so he can speak to you, shoving and angling his fingers back inside your tight pussy.

            “I know you’re close, Butterfly, cum for me” he said, putting his mouth back on your clit and letting up a bit on your stomach so you can grind into him loving every pass you make. Staring into each other’s souls, you let out a shriek of pleasure as you feel your walls clenching around his fingers. Cash maintains eye contact with as he sucks your juices off his them. You groan at the action, feeling exceptionally filthy at how sexy you found it. “Can I have a kiss, baby?” he asked softly moving to hover over you with big eyes, you giggle breathlessly reaching up to cup his face.

            “Of course, you can” you said dreamily, Cash smiles at you before capturing you in a sweet kiss, you could tast yourself on him. He pulls away and strokes your hair affectionately, resting his forehead against yours.  

            “Can I make you mine now, Butterfly” he whispered, you nodded in reply trailing your hand down his sculpted chest. Cash gives you one last kiss before standing up to remove the last thing separating the two of you, something about feels oddly poetic. You perk up moving to kneel at the edge of the bed, your whole body is quivering in equal amounts of need, want, and anticipation. Cash maintains your gaze for a moment before gently bringing your hand to his waistband.

            “Do you want to do it; do you want to be my good girl, Y/N” he coos, you nod frantically practically tearing them off him. Cash chuckles darkly thinking of every filthy thing he'dget you to do for him eventually loving the way you take his cock in with pretty wide eyes. You admire him for a long moment feeling your mouth go dry,the feel of him definitely didn’t do him justice, he’s huge both in size and girth, you desperately wanted to lick the precum off of it. You begin to wonder if it’ll even fit inside of you.

            “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle” he assures you, leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

            “I don’t want you to be gentle. I’m not that delicate” you said confidently, hoping maybe you’ll believe yourself. You know Cash sees right through this as he leans down to whisper in your ear. He didn't want to hurt you too bad, he still saw you as his frail little butterfly. Even though he very much wanted to fuck you as hard as he could.

            “We’ll start slowing and see how you feel. You nodded to my question before, but I need to hear say it, Butterfly. So, I’ll ask you again, do you want to be my good girl” he repeats seductively, laying hot kisses on your neck and shoulders. You suck in a sharp breath as you shudder against him, feeling your walls slick with your arousal again.

            “I want to be your good girl, Cash. Please make me yours” you moan out, Cash growls in approval giving you a firm but gentle shove onto the bed. Grabbing the underside of your knees he pulls you swiftly to the edge. You raise your hips as high as you can in an attempt to meet his waist.

            “Why are you so damn tall” you breathed impatiently, Cash chuckled under his breath, pushing your hips back down. He placed one of his knees beside you on the bed. Staring at you like you were a piece of prey.

            “Legs up, baby” he commanded gently, you bring your knees up to your chest almost instantly. Cash bites his lip at the act of submission before angling your legs a specific way. He gazes at you with dark, mischievous eyes. You raise your eyebrow at him slightly, but don’t say anything, Cash seems to be able to read your mind and answers your unasked question. “The butterfly position for my beautiful Butterfly “ he crooned, you flush a bright shade of pink as he positions himself at your entrance, making a few passes on your wet slit, coating his large cock with your juices before pushing the tip inside you. You unintentionally tense up beneath him, Cash moves to run his hands in soothing motions on your hips, and you relax almost instantly as he rests his forehead on yours.

            “I love you, go ahead and stretch me out I can take it” you whispered, Cash stares at you with loving eyes before thrusting into you slowly; pausing every so often to let you adjust. You let out a soft cry when you feel him bottom out inside of you, you feel so full, and you wonder how you stretched so perfectly for him. Cash peppers your face with kisses as he whispers sweet nothings and words of encouragement.

            “Good job, you’re such a good girl” he praises you; you blush, looking at him sheepishly rocking your hips in small circles. Cash chuckles knowing that he's found a kink of yours so quickly “oh you like praise, I’ll praise you forever, Butterfly” he croons pulling out before thrusting in you again slowly wanting to feel every fold of your insides. You moan as he sets a slow pace. You dig your nails into his shoulders. He hisses in pleasure at you, marking him as yours before leaning down to mark you as his as well, leaving as many lovebites as he can. Loving how you mirror his actions.

            “Oh Cash” you sigh softly, Cash lifts your hips off the bed with one hand slightly to hit you at a different angle before pinching one of your nipples roughly. You let out a string of cries and moans as he gradually increases his pace.

            “Oh, Y/N you feel so good. This pretty little pussy was made for me, right” he grunts.

            “Oh, yes made for you. Fuck, please fuck me harder, Cash. You feel so good inside me” you cry out dazed, feeling your second orgasm quickly approaching, Cash growls gripping both of your hips so hard, you were sure you’d have bruises but can’t bring yourself to care. Cash accepts your request pounding into you as hard as he can, until the only sounds filling the rooms are your shared filthy cries of pleasure and the slapping of skin on skin.

            “Does my good girl want to cum again for me” Cash grunts, as his thrusts grow more erratic. You were so perfect for him.

            “Yes, Cash please, please i want to cum on your cock” you beg, Cash growls rubbing your swollen clit frantically. Continuing relentlessly pounding into you, you dig your nails so deep into his arms you’re certain you draw blood. Cash is too wrapped up in you to notice as he looks deeply into your eyes. You stare back at him.

            “Cum all of this cock, Y/N and I’ll fill you up. I’m yours. Only yours” he pants out, you shriek until your voice is hoarse as your second orgasm comes crashing in on you. Cash shudders above you, letting out an animalistic grunt and repeated cries of your name as he spills his load deep inside you. You reach out to him, Cash doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, lifting you up and pulling you into his chest. He doesn’t pull out as he sits down where he just scooped you up from you both cling to each other, trying to catch your breath, nuzzling your faces in the other’s neck, placing kisses on each other, and stroking the other’s hair. Mirroring each other like you were in perfect synchronicity, in sync. You let out a content, tired sigh against him and you feel Cash’s chuckle rumble through out your whole body.

            “You need a nap already, Butterfly, you slept for fourteen hours” You could hear the amusement in his voice and turn your head to look up at him with a dreamy smile.

            “No, I’m weak, I haven’t eaten anything yet, remember. Feed me, then I’ll cuff you to the bed and we can go another round” you said playfully, Cash narrowed his eyes playfully at you before finally pulling out of you, setting you gently on the bed. You watch him lazily pull his pants back on before picking up his shirt.

            “Come here, Butterfly” he cooed beckoning you to him with a finger, you scoot to the edge of the bed because your legs feel like spaghetti noodles. Cash chuckles softly dressing you up in his shirt and loosely buttoning a few buttons, you giggle at how gigantic it looks on you, before reaching up to him with a sweet smile.

            “Carry me please, Cashy” you say sweetly, Cash happily scoops you up and carries you out of the room and down the hallway.

            “Wait, what did Cindy say” you ask narrowing your eyes at him playfully. Cash chuckled placing a quick kiss on your cheek as he made it to the top of the stairs.

“Oh, so now you wanna know, huh” he said with an amused glint in his eyes as he carries you down the stairs gently. You giggle raising your eyebrows at him expectantly.

“Yeah I really wanna know, you were a good boy and all but I need all the info so I can fully move past this misstep of yours. Tell me about your mistress Officer Ewing” you said teasingly, Cash rolled his eyes at you setting you on a stool at the kitchen island before heading towards the fridge.

“I was never even into her that way. You’ve been the only girl occupying my thoughts and dreams since I was seven, Butterfly. You seem to be under the impression that you and Cindy were both vying for my affections, but the truth is Cindy and I were both vying for your affections” Cash said smugly, you furrowed you eyebrows together.

“Huh” you said, looking at him in disbelief. Cash let out a deep chuckle.

“That day at the movies, I only left to go to the bathroom and get you Twizzlers from the concession stand. You said you didn’t want any but I knew you did, anyway, the line was insanely long it was Valentines Day after all. I was just waiting patiently when Cindy popped up out nowhere and asked if she could give money for what she wanted because she didn’t want to wait in line. I said sure just to be nice and then she started talking my ear off for like fifteen minutes straight. We bought our stuff and I told her I had to go because you waiting for me but she wouldn’t let me leave, she just kept talking and then out of nowhere she threw herself at me. I didn’t even kiss her back, Y/N and it wasn’t very long. She stopped pretty quickly but I guess that because she got what she wanted, you ran out. And then Cindy just left like nothing happened, I was so confused but went back in to be with you, I may have also been planning to kiss you that night but that doesn’t matter now. I just thought you went to bathroom but after twenty minutes I got worried and went back to the lobby to find you asked some girl to see if you were in the bathroom, you weren’t. I went looking for you everywhere you know, Butterfly that’s the only reason it took me that long to get home” he said placing a reassuring kiss on your cheek.

“Awww, you were going to kiss me. I’m sorry I left, so you’re saying Cindy did all that because she was jealous” you cooed blushing, you guess you really were just as oblivious as he was.

“I forgive you, and yeah, she told me all about this when I ran into her and her girlfriend the other day. She didn’t realize why she hated how much time you and I spent together you know, she knew she liked getting your attention and picking on you but she hadn’t realized it was because she was attracted to you. Until she kissed me to make you mad and she figured out she didn’t enjoy it like she thought she would and she felt really bad when you ran out crying. After she figured that out she did everything in her power to keep us apart. You’re just that irresistible, Y/N” he crooned with a smug smile, setting a sandwich in front of you. You gave him an apologetic look and puppy dog eyes.

“I’m sorry for holding that over your head, but again…” you said pointedly. Cash rolled his eyes before taking a seat next to you.

“Communication is your friend, yeah, I got it, now eat your sandwich. And no, I won’t share you anyone else, man or woman, so don’t even ask” he said with a smirk. You rolled your eyes playfully giving him a slight smirk.

“That’s okay, clearly, I don’t like sharing either, Cash. It’s like I talk but it goes in one ear and out the other. My only request is that we at least have sex once in my bedroom at my mom’s house. I think it’ll be really kinky if you defile me in the first place I ever had an orgasm while thinking of you” you said nonchalantly, taking another bite of your sandwich glancing at him for a moment, Cash looked at you dumbfounded.

“While your mom’s there” he asked in a hushed tone looking at you with wide eyes and rosy cheeks. You gave him a smug smirk and wiggled your eyebrows at him.

“Yes, we can play your little game from earlier and everything. Although, I think she’d really be into hearing us actually, you should see the nightie she put in my duffle bag” you said coyly, a wide grin spread it’s way onto Cash’s face as he looked at you.

“I’m beginning to think you liked me kidnapping you more than you let on, Butterfly. You’re a kinky little minx, I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you more than I already did.” he crooned, pulling you into a sweet kiss.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

#thomas ian griffith #smut #cash x reader #black friday 2007 #the kidnapping 2007

[unravellingsilencehq]

“Oh, Merlin, tell me, does THE HANGED MAN get what he deserves?” He is in THE DEATH EATERS & CLOSED to finding out. 

— he walks through the world as ;

name → regulus black pronouns → he/him identification → cis male year of birth → september 1960 - september 1961 face claim → ryan potter blood status → pure-blood  sexual orientation → pansexual occupation → associate barrister at the department of defence for the ministry of magic future information → traitor to the death eaters

— he is best described as ;

Complete CONTROL. The PERFECT son for any family member, or PERSPECTIVE HUSBAND for any young sorcerer. He is TAILORED. From his IMMACULATE dress robes to his PERSONALISED stationery he proudly carries under one arm. He is the scent of NEW PARCHMENT & the sign off on an OFFICIAL LETTER, written in PERFECT inked penmanship. COLD & IMPERSONALE but all the more MYSTERIOUS because of it.

— his story starts with ;

tw: death

Famous since the day he was born, Regulus has often felt the weight of the Black family legacy firmly on his shoulders. The youngest child of ORION BLACK [father] and WALBURGA BLACK [mother], Regulus was their golden son. The one who was seen and not heard. Who did as he was told and felt comfort in the routine that this expectation offered him. Whilst most children kick against authority in some way, Regulus found the act of disobeying one's parents to be an unnecessary one and regularly struggled to find any form of common ground with his elder brother SIRIUS BLACK [sibling] because of this. Curiously, Sirius had always been more interested in the world outside their own. It was a peculiar prospect to him that someone from such a high station as theirs would give a fraction of a thought to how muggles listened to music or what they learned at school. To Regulus, much like his family, muggles were a necessary nuisance, like the bitter cold in winter or the heavy rain just after a storm; something to take note of and not worth considering much thereafter. 

He would like to say that looking back through his life, that his earlier years at home were peaceful ones, and in many ways perhaps they were. At 12 Grimmauld Place, Regulus developed his love for reading and his love for various loose leaf teas and learned how easy it was to drown out the shouting matches between his mother and brother, from the window seat at the back corner of his father’s study. Hogwarts offered Regulus some true peace, the Slytherin dormitories were a happy place for him, chatting about school work by the fire with his cousin ANDROMEDA BLACK [cousin] and taking tea in their favourite green velvet chairs with his other cousin NARCISSA BLACK [cousin] as she mooned over the prospect of finding her perfect husband. Regulus proved popular amongst his fellow Slytherins, due to the notorious nature of his house, his connections and his skill as Seeker for their house team. His closest friends were from his own year, VICTOR YAXLEY [best friend/potential love interest] was his best friend and a fellow younger son from a notable family, they became close with their doormates AMIR GIBBON [best friend] and WYATT JUGSON [best friend] who rounded off their group of four.

Victor had always been his favourite. His intellectual equal and sparring partner, he knew what it was like to be related to a long and complicated family with elder siblings that were often hard to love. He was the first person that Regulus had ever loved outside of his family, though beyond a kind word and the softness of an occasional touch he had never acted on it out of fear of losing his best and oldest friend. The life of a teenager is complicated enough, figuring out oneself and one’s way in the world; though Regulus would argue in the pages of his diary that he had it harder than most. When he was fifteen his brother was officially ostracised from their family, leaving Regulus as the only son and their legacy. With Sirius finally out of the house, he felt the walls cave in. Their home was no longer theirs, it became a meeting spot for his father’s friends who whispered long into the evening with his eldest cousin BELLATRIX BLACK [cousin]. Open doors were now closed and from his bedroom on the first floor he could hear his name occasionally mentioned in raised voices by his cousin and the importance of his role in the coming months.

By sixteen Regulus had been given the tattoo on his arm that Bellatrix called “an honour”. The first at Hogwarts to receive such a gift, it was his task to spread the word of THE DARK LORD [leader] to his peers in whispers and recruit those who would strengthen his following. Regulus didn’t know much about The Dark Lord; other than his politics and that he had the backing of the figureheads of the most prominent families in society. The Dark Lord believed that those of pure heritage should be raised above the rest, and as someone who saw himself in government one day Regulus readily embraced him and was eager to carry out his message if meant keeping the good word of his family and securing a prominent seat at the table. Recruitment was easy, the sons and daughters of the noble families. His own friends and notable Twenty-Eight alumni PERSEPHONE WILKES [close friend] was a welcomed additions, which made his father and cousin incredibly pleased. Upon leaving school, Regulus secured a position as a researcher for his cousin Andromeda and her boss RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE [boss] working at The Department of Defence for The Ministry of Magic. 

His role was important for two reasons, his own personal interests in law and power- and Bellatrix had expressed great desire to know what was going on from inside the office and the allegiance of her sister and Rodolphus. It was The Dark Lord’s wish that all respected members of The Sacred Twenty-Eight pledge their loyalty to him and those with important standing in government or society were important to procure. In the beginning the work was easy, until Regulus began to have more knowledge on the cases than the people he was working with. The death of the Minister’s son, BOOKER BAGNOLD [person of interest] was the turning point in Regulus’ career, in the dark until the moment Bellatrix had been arrested for his murder, his death began a game of playing dumb to Andromeda and Rodolphus letting them know what information The Death Eaters wanted them to know and when it was best to reveal it. Years of hard work sabotage enough behind the scenes and helping them win cases as and when it was appropriate soon earned Regulus the title of associate barrister to Andromeda. Regulus was climbing the ranks at work and had established himself as a loyal servant to The Dark Lord. 

His family loved and respected them and besides Andromeda they had no secrets, which would all be soon rectified in time. In society he was a popular eligible bachelor, with only his mother standing in the way of him being snapped up by an eligible witch or wizard.  Although focused on his career, Regulus believed that he deserved the very best and ADRASTEIA GREENGRASS [acquaintance/potential love interest] had beauty and grace that rivalled even that of a veela. Regulus often finds himself enjoying polite conversation with her at functions, but not knowing where the political allegiances lie of herself and her brother ARISTAEUS GREENGRASS [acquaintance] he is careful to pursue her until he knows more. The biggest thorn in Regulus’ side however is neither his job nor the marriage market. Recently, Regulus has noticed his estranged brother watching him, after years of silence on both their parts. Curious by his sudden keenness, Regulus has been keeping an eye on Sirius whilst digging into his background, without mentioning it to his family. With whispers in the alleys that a rival group is forming to challenge The Dark Lord, Regulus has his suspicions that someone as stupid as Sirius would be likely to put themselves in danger and join a ridiculous organisation that might get him killed and their name disgraced. 

— he is a LEVEL 5 WIZARD & readied for war ;

#marauders rp #harry potter rp #supernatural rpg #regulus black #ryan potter #tw: death #death eater #ministry #1960 to 1961 #m orion black #m walburga black #m sirius black #m andromeda black #m narcissa black #m victor yaxley #m amir gibbon #m wyatt jugson #m bellatrix black #m tom riddle #m persephone wilkes #m rodolphus lestrange #m booker bagnold #m adrasteia greengrass #m aristaeus greengrass #taken #taken death eater #taken wizard

[sillypotcookie]

‘WIP’ Naviagtionesssss~ (@  o  @’‘‘)

🔫 Pew! Pew! 🔫 ...... (==  u  ==‘‘‘‘)

Soooooooo~ what my brains’ coming up this week isssssss~, due to y’all getting more and more *put in grateful guinea pig squeek*, that i wanna finally categorize stuff on here! (@ A @’‘‘) I’m gonna take full advantage of tumblrs feat’s and open a billion sideblogs! And another billion on top! And more sideblogs and forever sideblogssss!!!! 💥🙌💥 Kiddin’ aside~ i find myself open up more and more sideblogs to better ‘seperate’ for example lifestages or groups or in general to give me a better overview and maybe y’all, for those interested, a chance to avoid stuff for those who are not into gore and /or don’t wanna get your day ruined by post’s with abusive content orrrrrrrrr i ‘dunnooooo~ (@ ... @’’’) So i found this pinned thing to be a neat shortcut because i myself tend to loose the overview when i have to click and scroll through a billion different things in my tumblrs given drafts. Not to mention how confusing it must be for some of you to scroll from happy beach pics to a ‘flashback’, to a storypost from one timespan to another one in a complete different timespan, to a build wip up until to a random ingame pigeon (which i find both, entertaining as well as fucking terrifying!!!) when you actually just wanna check out on ... for example the stuges, mhmmmkeeeeh~? (@ vv @)

So the all in all idea is that this, sillypotcookie, is my basecamp with reblogs, WIP takes and what ever else comes along the way <(@  O  @)> Please hold the line and bear with me as this blogs will be under construction for .... well, some time because i have no idea what i’m doing but at least i know the raw direction, alright~? (@ vv @’‘‘)

I wish everyone reading this a nice and good morning/day/evening/night/twillight time ahead~ (@ o @)>

‘Character’s Page’ thingy - here~   (big and ongoing WIP (@ u @’‘‘) )

‘Songs of the small town Island’ Stuff - here~  (centered around Luca and the gang on Rockwood Island and Boroughsburg)

‘.. feigned Happy End’ - here~  (centered around Nimura and Ryan on Rockwood Island)

‘Purgatory Dreams’ Story Project Thingy Popingy - here~  (centered around the ‘coma dream’ of Ryan after his suicide attempt. TW Warnings: suicide, gore, blood, monsters, horror, drug abuse)

‘Singing the old songs’ - here~  (centered around the timespan in Sao Paten when Ryan was between 18 til 26 years old)

‘Bitter sweet lullaby’ - here~   (centered around the timespand in Sao Paten when Ryan was around 12 years old)

‘we have cookies here’ - here~   (centered around the entire purgatory realm and it’s inhabitants)

‘.. the silenece before the storm ...’ - here~  (centered around the timespan after Peter’s death when Ryan moved to Nimura in Boroughsburg)

‘.. faint terrors haunting’ - here~  ( centered around the early memories and forming experiences of Aki Ryan. TW Warnings: child abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, human trafficing, blood, strong language)

#höööööööölp! #(@ A @) #somewhat sims i guess #navigationessssssss

[merrock]

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim:  cole hauser

full name: Harrison Ryan

nickname(s): none only his nieces can call him Harry

pronouns & gender: he/him, cis man

sexuality: heterosexual

birth date:  March 21st 1977

birth place:  Madison Georgia

time in town:  4 and half years

housing:  countryside

occupation: Runs Parch family dairy farm

family: His two nieces, Sofia who is 8 and Lily who is 6.

personality:  He is the tough and rough and quiet type. A hard worker. He is always one to be working and loves his job with a passion. He cares for all animals greatly and has a way with them. He's nieces are his world and can make him do anything.

BACKGROUND / BIO

Trigger warnings: death tw, car accident tw

Harrison Ryan was born in Madison Georgia 45 years ago. A classic small town farm town and was part of the well known Ryan cattle ranch. That was in the family for years. Harrison is the second born son of the family and he has two younger siblings one brother and one sister.  He grew up rather normal, learning how to work hand and get a job done and learning to ride a horse pretty much as soon as he was walking. He loved being outdoors and rather be around a cow then any human most of the time. He very rough and tough but has very sweet side to him that he does not let many see. He grew up working his ranch most days before and after school. But enjoyed playing sports, mostly football but did play baseball too. But it was more it was small town thing, it’s just what you did, then what he really wanted to.

School he was always alright in he passed and that’s what mattered. His older brother was the same and soon was following after his father to take over the ranch once his father got older. He did not to go college and went to helping run the family ranch. His younger brother and sister both went out in the world his brother into the military, his sister went to college she was always the smart one and to good for her small town. 

He was happy doing is thing working, going out to bars and drinking, riding horses and bikes in his off time. He had traveled all over the US for ranch reasons, buying animals and things. Had summers he took off on his bike and drove around seeing the country. Getting in bar fights having jail time. He had pretty much done a bit of everything over the years. 

He had dated women on and off over the years. Some rodeo girls he was with when they passed by, others vets and anyone that came around the ranch a lot. but never was that serious with anyone. The rough and quiet thing never really fit with anyone for a long time. 

About 4 years ago he picked up the phone to the worst call he ever had. His baby sister and her husband had died in car crash during a storm. That their kids were at home so they were safe. But his brother in law family could not take the kids, they were just his older parents. Due to his sisters family owning a farm someone had move there for them. His older brother didn’t not and could not due to the family ranch and his younger brother was away in the miliary still. 

Even know it was hard Harrison packed up everything he had moved to be with his sisters family. This being two young girls, who had met before but never was that close too. Almost 5 years later they had become a family of their own. The girls being eight years six years old. He does the best he can with them on his own but it’s never easy as they are getting older. He normally sticks to the family farm as much as he can to care for it and his girls. 

#merrockbio #harrisonryan #death tw #car accident tw

[cowpoke-morgan]

My name's BJ and I feel now is the time I come clean with my past as truscum/transmed. I figured it was time as it has been closed to 4 years since I aligned myself with those ideations and, to the best of my knowledge, I never attacked any of KG’s victims. I am making this post after hearing Moe (CopsHateMoe) talk about their experience as a transmed. I understand this is something that upsets people but I fear many young trans people have fallen for truscum rhetoric and ideations as it is incredibly easy to access.

TW before I go any further, I will talk about K*lv*n/G*rr*h (will be called KG for short), how his videos impacted my views as a transmasc, suicidal ideations, child grooming, and my own struggles internalized transphobia. You have been warned. So, let's get into it

Summer, 2014. I was 14 when I felt uncomfortable with my AFAB body but I didn't have a word of it, I later found out it was dysphoria. After a couple months of not knowing why I was uncomfortable after 14 years of living in my AFAB body, I chocked it up to having just moved from the city I lived in my whole life to a much smaller city within the school district.

Summer/Fall, 2016-17. A couple years passed, pretty eventfully and violently with my abusive step father moving out and divorcing my mom to my dad moving 3 hours away, and so I moved online, looking for YouTube after socially coming out to my friends and boyfriend groomer. I was confused why I felt this way about myself and after looking up like "transgender ftm" or something, KG's videos showed up. I followed him simply for content around his personal transition. I just wanted content about transitioning and how to go about it.

I don't remember the shift in KG's content, from "Here's my top surgery scars and how I healed!" to "Trans/trenders are ruining this community." obviously, not real video titles but if you know, you know. I was 16-17 and, surprise, didn't know any better that this new content was so toxic and the red flags were flying and bright red. I was not aware of the damage that even watching these videos had on myself let alone what the victims what through. KG would say if you didn’t experience debilitating  gender dysphoria, you weren’t really trans. Which is bullshit, because in my own experience, dysphoria is a spectrum. Somedays, it’s not too bad and I can manage and the next day, I’m unable to get out bed.

That one comment KG made about dysphoria made me feel awful, and I internalized that disgust for myself. 

“Why don’t I feel the same? I must be faking for attention.” 

Listening to KG’s transphobic comments about someone else’s transition made me feel worse about myself. Hearing him talk at great lengths about someone’s voice, internalized it as my own.

I felt awful I wasn’t on HRT, or in therapy for my transition. I was 16-17. I was living at home while my mother refused to believe me that I was trans. Transitioning at 16-17 was not an option for me.

I don’t remember which events happened first as I believe I’ve blocked these memories out but I do not remember the Lars and Milo Stewart ordeals and what they went through. 

I remember the Brennen Beckwith situations and how relentless KG was to him. How much hate Brennen got and I felt guilty. Here was someone I didn’t know getting harassed by someone I, a 16-17 year-old, looked up to. I stopped watching KG’s videos shortly after. I believed the words of an angry child on the internet. 

I did publicly support KG and his friend SR (St0rm Ry4n) on twitter and Instagram but stopped after 3-6 months. I have not watched a KG video since 2017. I did watch SR’s apology video but I am not someone who he needs to apologize to nor do I feel it in my heart to accept his apology. 

This is long and probably does not make much sense but I can’t continue to grow as a trans man without getting this off my chest and into somewhere

#tw: kalvin garrah #tw: transphobia #tw:transmed #tw: truscum #tw: sucidal ideation #tw: groomer mention #tw: gender dysphoria #long post #bj rambles #tw: storm ryan

[happy-xy]

BRENEMIES   Episode 6 - “An Old Celebrity Is Being Transphobic Again...”

#lgbtedit #dailylgbtq #bbelcher #youtubeedit #Brenemies #Storm Ryan #Brennen Beckwith #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #gifs #mine #after each episode i start liking brennen more and more

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Ryan and Danny have a conversation. While Ryan is a delight and charming, he’s still Syndicate - and Syndicate sons take what they want. The latest in the Honor Bound/Daniel Michaelson AU with @whump-tr0pes! You guys are going to be so mad at us soon…

CW: Referenced past torture, referenced past noncom, some sense of dehumanization but nothing direct 

“Come on, jackass, don’t act all shy now. You and I both know I can feel your stupid crush floating all around you like snow.” Ryan elbowed his brother in the ribs, and Danny pushed back lightly, rolling his eyes, red already flushing along his cheeks, nearly canceling out the scars there. “You like him, admit it.”

 “Okay, fine, I do.” Danny shrugged, kicking awkwardly at a stick in their front yard. Forty yards away, Michaelson men (and more than a few women) roamed armed and ready for any threat, but so far none had materialized. “I do, I like him.“

 "There, was that so hard?” Ryan asked with a tone of exaggerated patience. Danny rolled his eyes and kicked at him this time, only to have Ryan step lightly back and to the side.

 "Fuck off. Anyway…  Nate does, too - and that’s important.”

 “Sure. You’ve had him in your room for like… five days now. That doesn’t happen unless Vandrum likes him, too.” Ryan nodded, glancing over his shoulder back at the house. Nate had moved the battered, beat-up car the team had arrived in behind the house and to the side the day before. The team was due to leave tomorrow afternoon or evening, but Nate had said he had a feeling, something that kept sticking in his mind, and he’d feel better if the car was ready to take the secondary track.

 There was a path, through the woods. Rarely used. Wide enough on the ground for a car and covered with the tree canopy over it, so it was harder to track someone from the air. It’d take them through the woods and out the back side of the summer estate grounds, onto a small unmapped road. A getaway road, just in case, that as far as Ryan knew, had never been used.

 There had been no threat, nothing to fear - but when Nate Vandrum had a hunch, even Ryan just shrugged and let him do what he wanted.

 Jackass.

 "Are you gonna date him together, then, or just you?“ 

 Danny’s face went bright red, and he ducked his head low, letting his wavy hair hide it as best he could. Ryan had always liked making his big brother blush - redheads blushed so easily, and honestly, how could anyone expect him to resist? “I, uh. I don’t know. Probably mostly just, um, just me. But we’re not going to-… they’re going to leave like, um, tomorrow night, Ryan. And they can’t exactly just swan in and out of, um, of Mom’s territory.”

 Patrick Michaelson was the nominal head of the Michaelson syndicate - but everyone knew that Corrine Michaelson was the one in charge.

 “I guess that’s true.” Ryan leaned himself back against a low stone wall that cuts across the front lawn, and Danny stayed standing, rubbing idly at the scars cut so deeply into the backs of his hands. Ryan had spent nearly four years spending every resource, calling in every favor, desperately working to find his brother. 

 When he found him, Danny was sitting in a mercenary’s truck, and Nate Vandrum was standing in front of a house on fire with seven people inside. Ryan had come with his own people planning to shoot the place until it fell down from all the bullet holes but instead he had found himself shaking the hand of a man who had been held captive alongside Danny and offering him a job.

 Ryan put one hand up to his mouth, flickering at his thumbnail with his finger in thought. The breeze was gentle and warm on a pretty day, and he knew their guests were no doubt largely outside in the back by now, enjoying the sunlight themselves. 

 Out of earshot.

 “You could have him stay, you know,” Ryan offered, gently. 

 Next to him, Danny stiffened. “What?”

 “Don’t be mad.” Ryan put both hands in the air in a don’t shoot gesture. “I know what you think I’m about to say. But… you know, it’s been a long time since you looked at anyone but Nate, right?”

 Danny went quiet, his blue eyes traveling over the lush green grass, the trees that line the drive up to the summer house, the wide, cloudless blue sky over their heads. “Right.” His voice was soft, and a little shaky, but Ryan knew his brother well - worry but not panic, concern but not slipping away into the nightmares that follow him through the waking world as well as the sleeping. 

 They might have been skirting a line, but he hadn’t crossed it. Not yet.

 “We’re in charge, here,” Ryan said, firmly. “This is our territory. We did a nice thing, a  generous thing, offering them safe haven and a way through here without being picked up by bounty hunters or worse-”

 “Being picked up by Mom,” Danny muttered, and the two of them snorted nearly in unison.

 “Right. Exactly. Look, I like them all-”

 “You like everybody, Ryan, that doesn’t mean shit.”

 “Not everybody.” No, Ryan wasn’t prone to hatred, but he could feel it. He was the one bankrolling Vandrum’s occasional forays into being a bit of a bounty hunter himself. Nate saw another face he remembered, heard a name that rang in his mind from the fucking parties where the Denners had passed his brother around like a cheap whore, and he came to Ryan for cash, a couple of armed men, and permission to kill. 

 Ryan gave him whatever he wanted, every single time.

 Every new corpse was one less motherfucker walking the earth that had raped, beaten, or tortured his brother. Every dead body was worth the cost.

 He and Nate would keep Danny safe, protected, and make sure that he would have what he needed from here on out. What he wanted. And the moment Ryan had seen Danny lay eyes on the man, he had known that Danny wanted      Isaac.  

 “I’m just saying,” Ryan said quietly. “I’m saying that they’re not our friends, Dan. They’re on the run from the Stormbecks, and I like fucking over Collen and her shit family as much as any other Michaelson, but… but we don’t owe them any of this. This is all out of generosity. Goodness.”

 Danny gnawed on his lower lip, sitting on the stone wall now, crossing his arms in front of himself. “We don’t have to be cruel, Ryan. Just because every other syndicate is, that doesn’t mean-”

 “Yeah, we do. You can’t run the world without at least a little cruelty, you know. We’re lucky to be born on this side of the equation. And we should take the advantages that fortune gives us. You like him.”

 “I do.” Danny knew what he was going to say, Ryan could tell. The blush had faded and been replaced by pale uncertainty. Once upon a time, Danny had been angry as shit but he’d been a good syndicate kid, too. It was all still in there, but the Denners had wrecked it, dismantled a lot of the easy assumptions Danny had once held.

 Ryan hadn’t been able to save him or protect him, when it mattered. But he could make sure Danny never wanted for a single thing for the rest of his life. 

 “Then… he should stay here with us. With you and Nate.”

CLICK TO READ THE REST

#honor bound au #ash/Athena au #ryan Michaelson is a good syndicate son #and that means something #the calm before the storm #shit about to get real y'all #but we got more smut for you first! #tw: referenced past noncon #tw: referenced past torture #daniel michaelson's au

[word-scribbless]

Different

I know I have requests to write but this one has been sitting in my drafts and I wanted to finally post it!

Masterlist

Summary: When Hollis man tries to throw a wrench in things Gibbs reminisces about what makes Y/N so different.

TW: mentions of miscarriage, family death and domestic violence

Italics are flashbacks

————————-

Hollis Mann had come to help NCIS on a case of a missing Army luitenent and a missing marine gunnery Sargent. Y/N was also at NCIS from the FBI, helping profile suspects. This made for an interesting situation for Gibbs. Hollis his ex and Y/N his current girlfriend. It wasn’t uncommon for Y/N to work cases with Gibbs’ team, but she had yet to work one that envolved an ex. A streak he wasn’t too thrilled to have end.

Things were pretty civil, y/n knew he dated someone from Army CID, but didn’t remember her name right away. when Y/N arrived the team was in the squad room, working at their desks, she came and sat in Gibbs chair, asking what they had. When noone warned her of the impending doom of that decision , Hollis knew this woman and Gibbs were dating. She couldn’t help but be jealous. This jealousy only multiplied when she saw y/n kiss Gibbs cheek later that day when she thought no one was looking.

With the way Mann was acting, and a few comments from Tony, Y/N quickly put two and two together and realized that Hollis was THAT lieutenant colonel. Y/N was nothing but nice, not petty and jealous the way Hollis felt. Gibbs wasn’t nervous for their relationship, things were good with him and Y/N. He just wasn’t sure how Hollis would act. He knew y/N could handle herself though, so there wasn’t much to worry about.

Overall, things went pretty smoothly, that is until Hollis ‘let something slip’ about Shannon and Kelly, and clearly made a big deal out of ‘apologizing’ and assuming y/n didn’t know.

Gibbs was pissed because he could tell her intentions were to hurt Y/N. She was hurt when she found out during a cause, so she must have thought she could do the same to his current girlfriend. Gibbs wanted to tell her off, not because she messed up his relationship, or hurt Y/N, but because it was her intention to.

Y/N caught up with Jethto when he stormed out of the room after DiNozzo quickly changed the subject back to the case.

“Relax baby.” She said as she caught him by the steps, using the nickname she knew he secretly loved.

“She did that to hurt you.” He seethed, and Y/N slyly took his hand on the side where the team couldn’t see.

“But I’m not hurt.” She assured him. “You’re a catch J, I’m sure it’s not easy to get over you.”

“You think so?” He smirked at her, and she felt the tension leave his body.

“Mhm, but I really don’t plan on finding out anytime soon.” She smiled and settled for running her thumb over his fingers since she couldn’t kiss him and he squeezed her hand in understanding.

“Good to know.” He smirked. ”now get back to profiling and I’ll check in with Abby.

“Yes sir” she smiled and looked around before kissed his cheek quickly and heading back to the bull pen.

On the way down to abby’s lab he begins to think about the beginning of their relationship and how he and Y/N came to be.

Y/N and Gibbs had Worked together a few times, they had made a habit of going to get dinner after cases wrapped.

It felt like they were on the same page feelings wise but she was never sure. One night she got up her courage to bring it up.

“Gibbs,”

“Hmm”

“Are we on a date?”

He Smirked at her and took her hand

“Was kinda hoping you’d catch on.”

“Could of just asked” she smiled back. He rolled his eyes playfully and asked

“Y/N will you go on a date with me?”

“Sure how’s right now?” She giggled.

Before he could get to the lab Hollis caught him and pulled him into a near by conference room.

“I didn’t mean to mess things up by telling Y/N about Shannon and Kelly.” He could tell she was trying really hard to mean it, but wouldn’t truly be wracked with guilt if she had messed things up.

“She already knew Holl.” He admitted, trying to remember what y/n said about not being angry with her.

“You told her?” She questions surprised.

He sighed and nodded. This was not a conversation he wanted to have today.

“What’s so different about her?” She asked,

“Hollis.” He responded.

He could never answer that question simply. Truthfully, everything was different about her. She was just Y/N, his Y/N.

“I’m sorry, I guess I just never thought someone would crack you.” She smiled.

“Yeah well.” He smiled back, thinking of Y/N.

She would say she didn’t crack him, she just speaks Gibbs, or something silly like that. She never wanted him to feel like she was changing him.

“You love her” she said shocked.

“Hollis” he warned again.

“Have you told her?”

“She knows” he grunted.

“Yeah but have you told her.”

“Hollis”

“Tell her Gibbs” she said and he was thinking of a comeback when there was a knock on the door. Y/N poked her head in the room.

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but the director needs you in MTAC Gibbs” He didn’t know how she knew where they were, but god was he glad she did.

In the elevator Gibbs thought about why it’s so easy to trust and love Y/N. He thought back to the first time he told her about Shannon and kelly.

A few dates in she sensed he was struggling with something. It had been the anniversary of Shannon and Kelly’s deaths.

“J, I know you hate talking about things but,” she said carefully after dinner at his house.

“If you want to be my girlfriend then you are.” He grunted back taking her hand, assuming that’s where she was going.

“Oh!” She was shocked and had no idea what to say.

“You don’t want to be?”

“No, I do! I absolutely do” she corrected. “but that isn’t what I was going to bring up.”

“Oh then go on.” He chuckled.

“No we can talk about it another time, so I’m your girlfriend?” She smiled.

“Yup”

“Cool!”

“Cool?” He teased.

“Yeah cool!”

Gibbs chuckled and put an arm around her. “so what did you want to know?.”

“Another time-“ she started but was cut off by Gibbs.

“If it’s on your mind I wanna know”

“I-“

“Y/N” He insisted

“I’m a profiler”

“I know this” he said sarcastically.

“Right so I pick up on things and I pick up on things easiest when I have experienced the same type of thing.” She said and sighed at his raised eyebrow.

“English?”

She huffed a nervous laugh and continued.

“Okay I’ll just say it. I can tell you’ve suffered a big loss, probably family, a wife or a child. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it because you’ve been forthcoming about your ex wives and not ever about a loss so it’s clearly something personal.” She stopped and squeezed his hand. “And I hate talking about my loss, I also hate talking about my ex husband so you’re better at this communication thing than me.”

Gibbs scoffed “no one has ever told me that before.”

She smiled. “I just want you to know that however you process, however you grieve, I don’t want to change that. I just want you to know that I’m happy to be a part of it, lean on me like I want to lean on you. I won’t pry, or expect you to be over it, but if you loved them then they’re important to me.” She sighed again. “It just, felt wrong kind of knowing with out telling you. I know I don’t really know, just profiled but still.”

“My wife and daughter, they were killed. My wife saw a member of a drug cartel murder a man and was going to testify. Her protective detail was shot in the head while driving them and the crash killed them.” She breathed out and Gibbs winced waiting for the inevitable‘I’m sorry’ that he never knew what to do with but it never came. She just held his hand and nodded.

“I never tell anyone. They died, I shouldn’t dwell on it. But all my marriages failed because I wanted it back and I couldn’t let them go.”

She shook her head and nuzzled closer to him

“As much as we want to ignore it and hope the pain goes away, we still love them. That doesn’t mean we can’t love someone new, but that old love doesn’t just go away. I’d like to know more about them if you ever feel like sharing them with someone, but you don’t have to.”

He nodded and squeezed her hand then looked at her expectatntly. She noticed the tears in the corner of his eyes and was sure hers looked similar.

“My turn?”

Gibbs nodded.

“Ryan, my first husband. Killed on deployment a year into our marriage. I miscarried from the stress a few months later.” Gibbs pulled her closer into him wrapping his arms around her.

“He’d like you, you’re strong and protective, and you challenge me. He always said I needed someone challenging around to keep me honest.” She chuckled. “I- I didn’t want to date for the longest time after he died.. All my friends said I needed to move on, get out there again after a few years but I wasn’t ready so I picked people that would never work, people that were the exact opposite of him, of what I deserved. Then I married one of them. He ended up in jail, I ended up in the hospital.” Gibbs soft face turned to anger.

“Relax, he was killed in a prison fight 5 years ago.”

“Good” he said and she felt his body relax a bit.

“I stopped dating after that, until I met you.”

Gibbs smiled.

“The truth is, if you want to be in my life, Ryan’s part of it. Just like Shannon and Kelly are part of yours, and mine if you let me stick around. Which I’d like to”

He nodded And she readied herself for goodbye.

“Have any pictures?”

“Of Ryan?”

He nodded and she smiled.

“Yeah in my wallet, that mean you want me to stick around?

He nodded and she went to get her bag. She pulled out a picture and began to tell him about their first date, their lives, and why she thought Ryan would be happy that she was spending time with jethro.

Gibbs smiled and told her he’d be right back.

He returned with a box and pulled out an old scrap book that’s only ever seen the light of day when he’s particularly missing his family. He never thought he’d show someone else. But he also never thought he’d meet someone like Y/N.

“What’s this? She asked as he handed it to her.

“This is my turn.”

“Jethro.” She said as she opened it and realized it was pictures of Shannon and Kelly. She closed it again”we don’t have to.”

“I want to. They’d love you.”

She smiled and patted the spot next to her.

Back in the conference room, Y/N lingered with Hollis, knowing she needed to face her head on.

“He didn’t tell you about rule 6?” Hollis asked, still a bit of chill to her voice. Looking like she wasn’t quite ready to give up the hurt feeling just yet.

“He did, but I have rules of my own.” Y/N smiled trying to ease the tension.

“Is one of them not listening to his rules?”

She chuckled.

“Exactly.” She laughed “No I agree with some of them, but not the ones that go against the rules of being a civil human. It’s charming on him somehow... but it’s not a good look for me.”

She joked and eased a bit when Hollis smiled.

“Does that mean you’ll accept my apology?”

“I would, but there is no need for it.”

“There is, the way I acted was petty and uncalled for.” Hollis sighed, causing Y/N to nod.

“Maybe, but I understand.”

“Ugh why do you have to be likable?”

Y/N laughed with Hollis and relaxed a little. “Sorry, do you want me to say something mean? Or at least like scowl a little?”

“It would make me feel a little less guilty.” She smiled, but y/n could see the honesty in her eyes.

“Don’t feel guilty. I’m not running, I’m not upset. He’s a tough nut to crack. I get it. I didn’t know that he and you had history until your reaction, if I’d known I would have been more discreet, I never meant to rub your face in anything.” Y/N assured her

“You didn’t know?”

“Well I’d heard your name, you know tony.” The both huffed laughs “but jethro is, well you know.”

“That doesn’t upset you?” Hollis wondered

“Not really, I mean I’m a profiler so I have a leg up but he’ll tell me things when he’s ready.”

“You’re much more patient than me.”

“Not always, I just, I know what it’s like to lose someone and not know how to let them go.”

“Ah that’s how you’re different.”

“I’d like to think there’s other things he sees in me, but yes that’s a big difference.” She nodded.

“Hey, Y/N/N need your help. Hollis, DiNozzo has a statement to go over with you.”

They both nodded and followed Gibbs into the hall.

Gibbs pointed Hollis to the conference room where tony was.

“Hey come here” he led y/n to the elevator and paused it.

“Jethro what’s wrong?”

He grabbed her face and kissed her.

“There is way more I see in you.” He whispered against her lips.

“You heard me?”

“I did”

“Spy” she joked with a smile as she pulled him back in.

“You were too nice to her.” He grunted.

“I couldn’t be mean. I’d be bitter if I lost a man like you.”

“Mmm cause I’m such a good kisser?”

“Mhm among other things.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that too.”

“You’re a lot more than just good in bed Jethro.” Y/N said softly. “Not that you’re not excellent at that too.”

Gibbs laughed and kissed her head then looked seriously at Y/N.

“You know I care about you right?” Gibbs asked almost shyly. Y/N froze at his tone, she’d never heard him sound so insecure.

“Of course I do.” She cupped his face.

“Y/N love is a hard word for me-“

“Jethro, you don’t need to say it, I know how you feel. You show me every single day.” Y/N moved his face to look in her eyes.

“You deserve to hear it Y/N.” He huffed.

“What I deserve is to be loved and love. I think I have that Jethro.”

“You do.” He whispered and pulled her lips to his. “You do.”

“Good, now that that’s settled. Let’s go close this case huh?” He smiled at her words.

“Y/N” he said pulling her back from the switch. “I love you.” He said with confidence but she could tell it took everything he had to say it out loud.

She smiled as turned around, wrapping him in a hug. She hid her face against him. “I know you do baby. I love you too, So much!.”

He pulled her face up and looked into her eyes. all she could see was love as he leaned in to kiss her. She forgot where they were as he wrapped his arms around her and dipped his tongue in her mouth. He slowly pulled away and kissed her head.

“Okay, you ready now?”

“To go home? Yes.” She whispered, voice shakey from the kiss.

He smirked his classic Gibbs smirk and shook his head “to solve the case.”

“Oh that, yeah okay.” She said with a smile that he couldn’t help but love.

He knew she was it for him right then and there. He’d known for a while but never truly admitted it to himself. Yes he sucked at marriage and she didn’t have a great experience either. No matter what though, he knew she was it for him. He had only truly loved Shannon and Kelly before he met her, but he knew that both of them would have loved Y/N as much as he did and been proud of him for falling in love again.

@mac99martin @kittenlittle24 @viper-official @ilovemark1951 @theofficialzivadavid @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring101 @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

#ncis image #ncis x reader #leroy jethro gibbs imagine #leroy jethro gibbs x reader #gibbs imagine #jethro gibbs imagine #gibbs x reader

[smalltragedycuckhold]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

#irvingintro #death tw #grief tw #car accident mention tw #drugs tw #specifically weed n psychedelics i think

[five-falseh00ds-ph0nated]

It’s 1 am and I needed to write something. I haven’t reread anything so sorry if it makes no sense. I might keep this universe because I like it. Very good for little self indulgent ficlets. Thank you for reading this. Thank you to @foreverfangirlalways for pretty much everything that went well in this.

TW: Cursing and breakup

Janus came home alone this night.

‘That’s weird’ Virgil thought to himself, chosing not to point out the obvious lack of his clingy boyfriend and his long face.

“Hey babes. Where is Remus? Is he not staying here for game night? Uncle Patton and Tío Roman are over.”

“You know what else is over!? Remus and I!” He screamed and stormed upstairs and into his room.

“I will call Ryan. Can one of you go and console him?” Logan requested, walking over to his phone.

Virgil stood up, leaving Remy alone on the couch.

“Hey there buddy. I’m sorry that you and Remus broke up. Do you want to talk about it? Or something to take you mind off of it?” Virgil asked calmly through the door despite his internal panic and desire to destroy Remus.

There was no response.

“I dated a lot of people before your dads you know. You can’t stay with your first boyfriend forever.” Virgil sat down outside the door and started to fiddle with the plush black carpet.

“Pessimist much?” Janus asked lacking none of his normal sass.

“What I’m saying is that you should keep hope. You know, I broke up with your Dad twice before we met your Papa and the three of us got together. There might be a chance that you could rekindle your flame with Remus. But in some time. No need chasing after him immediately.”

There was a faint click signaling that the door was now unlocked. Virgil still didn’t enter because the door hasn’t been opened quite yet.

“Did he dump you?”

“No. I dumped him.”

“Oh Jan. Why’d he do it?”

“Didn’t want to date me anymore. Pretty simple. Said he was just straight but that’s a horrible lie.”

“Ha. Uncle Patton is here. Do you want to let us in and rant about shi-stupid boyfriends?”

“Sure.”

Downstairs Logan has just called Ryan. When fae picked up, it wasn’t actually faem. It was Remus. And he was crying.

“Ryan? Why are you crying?”

“It’s-it’s Remus. I’ll get Ren. I’m sorry for lying t-to Janus. I-i just didn’t want to together anymore.” Remus chocked our, trying to cover up his frequent sobs.

“It’s okay Remus. Please get your Ren on the phone. I would like to speak with faem.”

Remus’ unusually shaky and fragile voice was replaced by that of Ryan.

“I already heard. I’m sorry. Remus could have been much kinder.” Logan could practically hear fae glaring at Remus. “We did not talk nearly enough about how to end the relationship.”

“It is not your fault in the slightest. If Remus would like to talk, you have my phone number. I apologize in advance if my husbands go to your house.”

“You know I will.” Remy said with a wink while wrapping his hands around Logan’s waist.

The line went dead.

“On a not Remus related note, do we have any large rocks?”

“Rem. You cannot break a 15 year olds windows.”

“He dumped Janus! Whatever babes.”

And with that, Logan was alone in the kitchen and we resume Virgil’s storyline.

Patton, Roman, Virgil, and Janus were all watching a movie together. Roman sat with Patton on the floor by the foot of the bed, Janus curled up at his headboard, and Virgil on the desk chair.

“And we br-“ Roman started.

“Ro. Janus is asleep. You can stop now” Virgil sassily pointed out.

“But I won’t. And he needs to stay awake for a makeover! We can come over to my apartment!”

“Dude. He just broke up with his first ever boyfriend. I’ll send him to Remy. Lo’s probably going to do a literal PowerPoint on why Remus is a bitch. Remy will give him an hour or so to finish.”

“Ha. I forgot just how weird your husbands are.”

“Ah. You know you love ‘em.” Virgil said while climbing over to his brother.

“It’s okay Jan. To quote the amazing Neil Patrick Harris, “You will love again, because time heals a broken heart. But not that bitches window!” Remy explained and ended with a dramatic pivot and threw a rock into the shrubs, missing the window by less than an inch.

“Papa. We’re still friends you know. You don’t need to wreck his window. He’s a good guy! Just not my guy anymore.” And with that he was back to crying and his time with Remy came to an early close.

“And that’s reason 37 why Remus was not right for you. He has been you’re best friend since childhood and it would be very weird for the two of you to end up together. Onto 39. Remus is far too dramatic to fit into this family. Note to self. Cut 39. A new 39. Remus claims he’s straight! He might not be, but he could be. 40. You are 15 and I don’t like the idea of 15 year olds dating.”

“Lo. We first met even younger.” Remy commented.

“Okay. I get it. You want me to move on! I’m fine on my own. “

#analosleep #losleepxiety #losleep #analogical #sleepxiety #ts dads #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #sleep sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders

[whiro-sh]

I don't want to keep going if it's not with you~

So basically I had this idea for a one shot and I thought, why not share it? I don't know if you'll like it but I had fun imagining and writing it so here you go !

Tw self-harm/ suicidal thoughts

>angst with a happy ending

Summary: The Doctor finally come back to Sheffield after escaping the Judoon prison. It has been six hard months for Yaz, will the Doctor be too late to save her favorite companion ?

(angst with a happy ending, cause I'm a sucker for a happy ending)

It had been six months, six months that the Doctor sent them back to earth. Forced to go back for their own safety. Yaz knew that, Graham and Ryan told her enough. She knew the Doctor just wanted to protect them. The boys had understood it and accepted it and if at first it was hard to go back to normal life, after a month or so they seemed to be okay. They were still missing their amazing alien friend of course but they had moved on. Graham had started seeing other friends more often and Ryan started dating Sonya.

The only one who hadn't moved on - who didn't want to - was Yaz. She had tried at first, truly tried. She went out with some friends, got a promotion at work and even tried having a date with someone but it didn't work out. Truth was Yaz was not accepting this situation, she couldn't forget the Doctor and the life she had with her, she couldn't imagine that the Doctor really died that day on Gallifrey. She had constantly this hope of hearing the engines' noise of her favorite spaceship, of seeing a blue box parked in front of her flat. She dreamt countless time of the Doctor coming back and each time waking up was awfully painful. The harsh reality was painful.

As weeks passed she slept less and less at night, not wanting to see the familiar face of the blond in her dreams. She focused on her job to forget how she hated being stuck on earth, not knowing if the Doctor was still out there or not. Her family did see at first that Yaz wasn't well but soon she learnt to hide the bags under her eyes and the trace of a night spent crying silently under her makeup . She began to live in a lie, putting a great amount of effort to hide how broken she was.

One night worst than the others, she cut herself on her right wrist to ease her pain. She hadn't done that since highschool but right here and right now she felt relief in the pain. So she did it again and again, taking care to hide it well too. Yaz knew she couldn't keep up like that, she needed help but who could understand her ? They would force her to stop if they found out. Yaz didn't want to stop, this was the only thing helping her to cope.

Graham was in his room when he heard the familiar sound of the TARDIS in his living room. It had been so long that he first thought that he dreamt it but when he saw the blond coming out of the blue box he realised all this was real. The Doctor was there, smiling shyly at him. She looked skinnier than the last time he'd seen her, her hair had grown too. She seemed fine though a bit tired.

'Hey' said the woman timidly

For only response she received a hug from the old man.

'I thought we'd never see ya again doc !'

She froze for a moment she'd forgot what it was to feel someone against you. It was soothing, reassuring.

'Are you okay ?? What happened !'

'Long story but I'm fine had a little nap of 2 or 3 days in the TARDIS and a good meal.' her smile grew wider as she felt more comfortable. 'Where are the others ? How much time as it been ? I hope they are okay, how is Yaz ?'

Graham smiled at all those questions, he'd really missed this crazy woman.

'Six months only' he said but could see the worries on the Doctor's face. 'Ryan is fine, Yaz is... Coping in her own way, I haven't heard a lot from her recently'

The Doctor could remember like it was yesterday the girl's face when she left her. It had broken her hearts but she had to leave, she had to save her fam even if that meant dying for it.

The sound of a door opening interrupted the duo.

'Grandad we have to go, Sonya just-' he stopped abruptly when he saw the Doctor. 'Oh my god, no way !'

'Hi Ryan' said the Doctor amused by Ryan's surprise. The boy instantly gave the woman a big hug just as did Graham a few minutes before.

'I'm so happy your alive doctor !'

'Glad to see you too.' she answer truly happy. 'Yaz isn't with ya ? I missed her, I'd love to see her'

Ryan's smile disappeared as he suddenly remembered why he was here.

'Sonya just called me, Yaz is in the hospital...'

'What ? What happened son ?!'

'Apparently she collapsed while on duty and was very pale so they decided to call an ambulance.'

A few minutes later all three of them where in the hall of the hospital. Nadja was there too, she'd just finished her conversation with a doctor.

'Nadja !' called Graham.

The woman turn to them and was very surprised to discover the Doctor by the boys' side. She wanted to ask her where she was during all those months but right now she was more preoccupied by what she had learnt from her daughter's doctor.

'Is she okay ?' asked Ryan.

'They said she collapsed because she was weak and tired, I knew she wasn't sleeping well but I never imagined it was so serious...'

'She going to be okay...' tried to reassure Graham

'That's not... That's not all. She also has marks on her wrists and thighs. How could I not see them ? He said judging from the cuts that she had been doing that to herself for a few weeks now.'

The Doctor felt a rush of culpability and sadness, Yaz's state was her fault and she knew it. She had hoped the girl would move on from her, build her life but it appeared to be quite the contrary. Yaz's was drowning, what would have happened if she didn't come back ?

'We saw nothing either Nadja but we're gonna help her now, everything will be alright' said Graham.

'Can we see her ?' ask the Doctor, she felt the urge to see the brunette with her own eyes and be with her.

'She's sleeping, the doctor said we can visit her tomorrow.'

The Doctor wanted to insist but knew it was useless, she would have to wait and she hated that. Her brilliant, amazing Yaz in such a poor shape because of her. The blond hated herself for not escaping sooner. Yaz kept her alive and gave her a motivation to get out when she was in the judoon prison, now she needed to save and protect her.

The boys went home for the night, the Doctor parked her TARDIS in a street nearby the hospital ready in the morning to run back and find the girl she had dreamt of for months. It was around 1 am when she received a call from Nadja.

'Doctor I need your help ! It's Yaz, she ran away from the hospital, no one knows where she is !'

The Doctor didn't wait a second, she ran a scan of the area for trace of artron energy. Yes it had been six months since Yaz had travelled in a time machine but she should still have some trace left on her. Indeed she found out that the girl was only a few box away from the TARDIS position. The blond stormed out of her ship and ran as fast as she could.

She finally saw the brunette, she was in the middle of an empty street only wearing her hospital gown. She seemed lost and scared like a little girl, looking frantically around her like something was chasing her.

'Go on kill me you stupid machines !' she yelled.

The Doctor wasn't sure who the girl meant by machines but decide to slowly come closer, hands up to show she wasn't a threat.

'Yaz.' the girl froze

'No... No it can't be... It can't be you !' the brunette wasn't trusting her own eyes. If the Doctor was her it must meant that she was dreaming. The blond took a new step toward her.

'Hey Yaz, it's okay I promise..'

Yaz took a step back.

'No ! You said that the last time, but you disappeared, you left me like you always do ! I wake up and you're not here' she said now sobbing.

This broke the Doctor's hearts.

'Oh Yaz, my beautiful Yasmin Khan, what did I do to you.'

'The Cybermen I heard them, they are coming.'

'What do you mean ? Is that why you ran from the hospital ?' the Doctor asked taking her sonic to scan the area. No trace of any alien species. No Cybermen. 'Yaz it's okay, what you heard must of been some machines in other rooms next to yours. You're safe I swear.'

'How are you really here... You're DEAD ! You're-You're...' she cried harder falling on knees. She was exhausted, body trembling in this cold night.

The blond came closer and fell next to Yaz and she noticed the bandages around the girl's wrists. She was so angry at herself for letting that happen. She pulled Yaz in a tight hug.

'I'm so sorry Yaz, so sorry. I'm real I promise. I'll be here tomorrow when you'll wake up, I want to be by your side and never leave you again.'

This felt real thought Yaz, she wanted to believe this was real. Tomorrow she'd be sad again but for now she just enjoyed the warm embrace.

The Doctor took out her coat and put it on Yaz shoulders, she also noticed the girl was barefoot and decided to scoop her in her arms.

'It's okay now...' whispered the Doctor.

'I miss you so much... I love you Doctor.' the brunette whispered back before falling unconscious.

Yaz woke up the next morning in her hospital room. The first thing she felt was sadness as she opened her eyes to see the bedside empty. That's why she didn't like to sleep but before her thoughts could go farther she heard a familiar voice.

'Hey you...'

The brunette turn her head and saw the Doctor.

'So it was real...' she said softly, genuinely smiling for the first time in months.

'Pretty much yeah...'

'You've come back, you're here.' the girl stroke the Doctor cheek gently like to make sure the woman wasn't an illusion.

'I'm here Yaz and I love you too.' said the Doctor gently but serious.

Yaz's smile grew wider and she did what she didn't that day in the TARDIS just before the blond left her and the other humans. Yaz leaned forward and kissed the Doctor.

They didn't hear Graham, Nadja and Ryan enter the room.

'Seems like things should alright for those two now' said Graham glad and relieved.

The End

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #13th doctor #doctor who series 12 #thasmin #yasmin khan #post timeless child #dw s12 spoilers #angst with a happy ending #cause i like happy endings #13 x yaz #13 x yasmin

[bearded-shepherd]

Master-Post of Police Brutality Against Protests

Some of these sources are very graphic. Stay Safe and Stay Informed

Police brutally beating a man. Unclear if man survives 

|Source TW Graphic|

Shot at close range in the head, left to bleed out

|Source TW Graphic|

police shoot protesters in the face 

|Source TW Graphic|

A reporter interviews a #Minneapolis nurse who was working at the medical tent, treating a man bleeding badly from a rubber bullet wound. Military police opened fire on the nurses, storming their tent. “I told him I wouldn’t leave him, I feel so bad”

|Source|

police shooting the press (Kaitlin Rust) with pepper bullets |Source| |Source|

Photographer for the media experience with the police

|Source|

Minneapolis police attack journalist despite identification |Source|

MSNBC journalist

|Source|

Police Pushing a reporter towards a fire

|Source|

Reporters almost hit with a sort of explosive device

|Source|

Journalist Tom Aviles has been arrested and shit by a rubber bullet while covering protests in Minneapolis

|Source| |Source|

LA Times said they were teargassed by the police

|Source|

"This was a 100% peaceful march and the police opened fire into it. There was no reason to do so, there was zero provocation." -Ali Velshi

|Source|

Cops Hit Ali Velshi in the Leg

|Source|

CNN Reporter was arrested

|Source|

Photographer was pepper sprayed

|Source|

Reporter blinded by a rubber bullet

|Source TW Graphic|

Ryan Faircloth’s, a reporter, car window was shot out by the police

|Source TW Blood|

Reuters camera crew hit by rubber bullets 

|Source|

cops open fire on journalists wearing credentials, far from any protest

|Source|

Cop drives into protestors

|Source|

Minneapolis Police slashed every tire on every car

|Source|

U.S. Rep. Joyce Beatty, other politicians pepper-sprayed by Columbus police during protest

|Source|

Medic gets peppered sprayed

|Source TW Screaming|

Police attack and kick 15-year girl in the face 

|Source|

There’s a Hell of A Lot More sources HERE

#us #us politics #protesting #police brutality #politics