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harrywavycurly · 1 year

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Can you do when the reader is overweight and she insecure about her weight and Eddie show how beautiful she really is to him

Hiii babes!! I hope you enjoy this, I picked to do some conversations to show the different times when you’d feel a little insecure💖

TW: These conversations include negative body image/talks about hating how you look and the words fat/chunky✨

*Eddie loves every single part of you and will gladly remind you anytime you need him to.*

“I look hideous.” “What did you just say?” “I mean…look at me.” “Trust me I’m looking at you baby and you are far from being hideous.” “I feel very chunky in this outfit.” “You look great sweetheart…but if you don’t like the outfit then change.” “I feel gross in everything…” “well sadly this isn’t a clothing optional type party…it’s a shame though because I’d quite like to see you walking around naked all night.” “You’re so annoying.” “Can’t help it. I just love how you look with…or without clothes.” “You’re just saying that.” “When have I ever said anything to you that I didn’t mean?” “Never…” “Exactly.” “You really think this looks good on me?” “It looks great on you baby.”

“Don’t say shit like that.” “Why? It’s true. You can do so much better than me.” “It’s bullshit. I can’t do any better than you baby. You’re the grand prize of girlfriends.” “I’m a whale is what I am.” “That’s it.” “What are you-” “I need you to look at me and let what I’m about to tell you really sink into that little head of yours okay?” “Okay…” “I love you. I love every single part of you. You have no fucking clue what you do to me when you’re just standing there rolling your eyes at one of my stupid jokes or when you laugh so hard you snort and your eyes get all watery. You’re absolutely perfect to me and I never want to hear you call yourself a fucking whale again.” “You like it when I snort?” “It’s the cutest damn thing I’ve ever heard.” “I love you Eddie Munson.” “I love you too. But I’m serious though I don’t want to hear you call yourself shit like that again okay?” “Okay.” “Now come here…I want to cuddle.”

“Baby? What’s wrong?” “I wanted to wear this cute outfit but…it doesn’t look good on someone like me…” “what do you mean sweetheart? You look good in everything.” “It doesn’t look good on someone who’s fat.” “Baby…” “I just wanted to feel cute and pretty.” “Can I see you in the outfit?” “Okay…” “Oh wow…you look beautiful baby.” “What? No I don’t. I have this roll on my tummy and my arms look horrible in this dress.” “There’s not a single part of your body that looks horrible in this dress princess.” “Really?” “Yes and you’re lucky I like how it looks on you so much or it’d be on the floor already….roll your eyes all you want baby but I’m being serious you look so…damn good.”

“I’m the chunkiest person here…” “you’re the hottest person here.” “Eddie…” “what? Just stating facts baby.” “I feel massive.” “You’re massively sexy.” “I will literally smack you upside the head if you don’t stop.” “I’ll stop when you stop.” “When I stop what?” “When you stop talking about yourself as if you aren’t the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” “Did you just call me a creature?” “A gorgeous one.” “You’re so sweet.” “Oh hush and come dance with me.” “You really think I’m the hottest one here?” “Without a doubt. I’ll shout it from the roof if you want? I’m sure Harrington wouldn’t mind.” “He’d never invite us to another party again.” “And that would be a bad thing?” “Oh just hush and kiss your massively sexy girlfriend.” “Gladly.”

#boyfriend eddie munson #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson concept #eddie munson request #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x you fluff #Eddie Munson #my little dungeon master baby #tw: negative self talk #tw: body negativity

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warm-autumn-evenings · 1 year

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healing body image is like. crying until unable to breathe. drinking water after crying. genuinely being grateful for the human body and all that it is capable of. hating it hating it hating it for not being pretty enough. consuming body neutrality media but being unable to watch any tv show or movie without spiralling. presenting a neutral self-respecting image feeling like a fraud. trying to be the strength and vulnerability your younger self needed. wishing to be somebody else, somebody prettier because even now, pretty = loveable. getting reacquainted with the person in the mirror. learning that how worthy and loveable you are is not dependent on anything external (feeling like it’s a lie). taking deep belly breaths and stopping thought spirals. becoming aware of biases and thought patterns. redefining what beauty means to you. sitting with the discomfort pain anxiety disgust and repeating “i accept myself, i am human and deserving of compassion/love/respect like everyone else”. that deep sadness when you realise you truly will never become conventionally attractive and the path forward lies in acceptance. but slowly, you start to see that path. slowly, you learn to be kind to yourself. this body that is given to you, no matter how it doesn’t measure up, no matter what it’s capable or not capable of doing, is still keeping you alive.

#body neutrality #self acceptance #healing #body image #tw: body negativity #tw: body insecurity #tw: body dysmorphia #self love #self affirmation #self worth #inner work #eating disorder recovery

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mythologyfolklore · 4 months

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Liù'ěr Míhóu joins the jttw gang, or: How to redeem an all-hearing celestial monkey with a superiority complex and a seriously bad attitude

(A/N: Trauma, body dysphoria)

Chapter Nineteen: Liù'ěr Míhóu gives Sūn Wùkōng a hug

None of the men knew how long it took for them to snap out of their shocked state.

But Liù'ěr Míhóu was the first to speak: “I'll go after him.”

“Wouldn't it be better to give him some alone time right now?”, Shā Wùjìng objected.

The Six-Eared Macaque shook his head. “No. Right now, he's a danger to himself and others. Nobody should be left alone in such an emotionally vulnerable state. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. Let me handle this. I can understand him better than all of you and if he lashes out, I'm the only one here equal to him in terms of power. You guys stay here, until I come back either with him or with information about his state.” His face darkened. “And while I'm gone, y'all can think of a decent apology. Especially you, slaphead! If I catch you wallowing in self-pity instead of coming up with a way to make up for your shit, I'll punt you to Diyu and there you can see what the hells are like, do you hear me?! Because if we all had to atone and redeem ourselves, then so do you! You don't have the moral high ground, slaphead, so get your head out of your ass! I'll see you later. Now I gotta make sure rock head doesn't get into trouble.”

And with that he too jumped on a cloud and flew away.

With his preternatural sense of hearing, it wasn't too hard for Liù'ěr Míhóu to find the other Spiritual Monkey.

He had flown southwards, crashed into a bunch of trees along the way and apparently had crashed into a mountain, taking out a big chunk of it.

As soon as the Six-Eared Macaque landed on the ground, he was accosted by a visibly unnerved mountain god.

“You better be here to stop that rabid flea bag of a rhesus macaque!”, he spat. “He's wrecking my mountain!”

Liù'ěr Míhóu's indigo eyes began to glow sapphire blue and he bared his sharp fangs. “Call my Eldest Brother a rabid flea bag again and I'll raze your precious mountain to the ground, do you hear me?”

The mountain god shook with fear, but nodded.

Liù'ěr Míhóu scowled. “Good. Now you mind your own business and I'll take the Monkey King with me. You will not press charges against him, make any other moves against us or encourage anyone else to do so, or you will face the wrath of the Six-Eared Macaque. And let me tell you, I'm one bloodthirsty son of a bitch.” He put on a sweet smile. “Also, I hear everything, so don't think you can go behind my back! I will know! Keep that in mind. Toodles~”

With that he made his way to the mountain, leaving behind a traumatised mountain deity.

As he made his way up to the crater, he heard muffled sobs and sniffles.

And Liù'ěr Míhóu would never ever admit, that the sounds hurt him to hear. Coming from Sūn Wùkōng they just sounded … wrong.

Finally the Macaque arrived at his destination and frowned at what he found: Sūn Wùkōng was hidden in a small whole in the rock, curled in a tiny ball of fur and blood, trembling and weeping.

Before approaching, Liù'ěr Míhóu made himself known: “Wùkōng.”

Two glowing red eyes peered at him from the darkness.

“May I approach you?”, he asked.

There was an affirmative noise and Liù'ěr Míhóu crouched into the hole to join the upset monkey.

“May I touch you?”, he asked next.

“… Dunno …”, was the teary response.

“Then I won't”, said Liù'ěr Míhóu. “But can you come out of that hole?”

At this, the brown monkey seemed to retreat further into the hole.

“We don't need to go back to the others”, the white monkey assured him. “Just away from this uncomfy mountain and into a nicer location. I know there is one not so far away, with a nice grove and a stream. I think a bath would do you good.”

“… 'Kay.”

Liù'ěr Míhóu discreetly turned around, while Wùkōng rinsed himself off in the small stream and washed away the dirt and blood.

After a while, Wùkōng mumbled: “Can you hand me my clothes?”

Liù'ěr Míhóu turned around. “Sure, here you go – holy shit, you look awful!”

The Monkey King had dark rims and bags under his eyes. His frame was concerningly skinny, littered in scars and he had burn scars on his body and face. He was wounded and still bleeding, probably from the earlier crash. Then there was the shiner from his earlier scuffle with his former sworn brother.

“Way to appeal to my ego”, the brown monkey deadpanned. But he was hugging himself, belying his stoic tone.

“Where did you get those burns?”, Liù'ěr Míhóu couldn't help but ask, as he passed the other his undergarments.

Wùkōng sighed and went over each burn scar.

“Trigram Furnace”, he started with the burns on his face, his glowing red eyes and extremities.

“Hóng Hái'er”, he pointed at the other burn marks. “His True Fire of Samadhi is no joke.”

Liù'ěr Míhóu chuckled: “Yeah. I didn't tell his mother, but I met him once. And what a little shit he was. He found out about my ability to hear the future, asked me to listen into his and didn't like what I told him. If it wasn't for my own elemental magic, he would have burned me to a crisp.”

“What kind of abilities do you have? That aren't the same as mine, I mean.”

“Water manipulation, but my water isn't normal.”

“Could it put out the True Fire of Samadhi?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Now I wish we had met you back then. Just without the impersonating bullshit.”

“Heh … yeah. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. But what happened, happened.” Liù'ěr Míhóu smiled. “Come here. I'll take care of your wounds. Don't worry, you can keep your pants on.”

The Monkey King sighed in relief and sat next to the white monkey.

Liù'ěr Míhóu transformed a few hairs into medical supplies (yes, he could do that too) and began to treat and dress the other's wounds.

Once he was done, the two sat in silence and just took in the beauty of this place.

“I hate my body too”, Wùkōng confessed all of the sudden. “Not for the same reasons as you, obviously, I just … hate it. I used to be the Handsome Monkey King. I used to be beautiful. Now look at me. I look disgusting. Even strangers scream in terror, when they see my face. I don't recognise myself anymore. It feels like … like this isn't my body. Like this isn't me.” A hollow chuckle. “It's ridiculous, really.”

“It's not ridiculous”, Liù'ěr Míhóu contradicted gently. “It just proves how similar our experiences are. Just like you all accepted me, I'll accept you. You're not alone, Wùkōng. Okay? And don't let those stupid mortals get to you. If they call you ugly, then that's because they don't know true ugliness.”

“What does that mean?”

“Appearances are and always will be nothing but façades. A pretty face and a sweet demeanour can hide the most hideous nature. You know this better than anyone, don't you? You can see through illusions and down to creatures' very core, can't you?”

“I couldn't see through yours”, Wùkōng pointed out.

The Six-Eared Macaque snickered: “My mimicry is like no other's! I don't cast illusions, I shift completely. I don't pretend, I become the person I impersonate!”

The Monkey King grinned weakly. “It was pretty cool, in retrospect. At first I actually thought it was a clone of mine, who got away and went feral.”

“Hah!”

“If you hadn't used my face to wreak havoc, it would have been funny. But it was pretty epic, when you turned into my master and threw his own words against him.”

“Oh, you're welcome. Though I seriously don't understand, how you can be so loyal to him after all the abuse.”

“… He freed me from that cursed mountain. And for that I will always be grateful. But still …”

“It's not enough to make his treatment any more forgiveable.”

“No. And … I don't think it ever will be.”

“And that's okay”, Liù'ěr Míhóu told him. “You don't owe him your forgiveness. And he better realise that and accept it, because if he keeps being such a fucking jackass, I'll slap him till his head looks like a cherry.”

“Liù'ěr Míhóu, no.”

“Liù'ěr Míhóu, yes!”

“How are you feeling right now?”, Liù'ěr Míhóu asked.

Sūn Wùkōng heaved a sigh. “Like shit, honestly. This whole fucking day has been a shitshow. At least for me. First that conflict with my big brother and his wife and mistress, then I was fucking mocked by Zhū Bājiè, Master threw a tantrum at me, you succeeded, where I failed, and then Master had the audacity to tell me I should be like you. No offence, but-”

“You're not the one, who almost broke his back and stabbed one demon in the ass eighty-one times. No regrets, by the way”, Liù'ěr Míhóu finished.

“Exactly! Also, you ate one of my subjects.”

“Yeah, but in my defence, Shā Wùjìng was the one, who killed him. And I shared with your other subjects. Couldn't let the precious meat go to waste-"

“You ate one of my babies! They may not be my biological children, but I love them. I'm their Old Grandpa Sūn. It was painful enough, when … when my master banished me for the first time and I returned to Flower Fruit Mountain, only to find, that …” He choked back a sob. “Fucking Èrláng had burned it down and killed my children and grandchildren! Fuck, curse that three-eyed bastard! Fuck everything and this journey that keeps me from protecting my little ones!” He burst into tears again. “I just … everything hurts and I can't take it anymore!”

Liù'ěr Míhóu didn't know what to say. Except … “I … I promise no more cannibalism? And I guess I'm sorry? I wasn't actually planning to hurt any of those monkeys, but-”

Sūn Wùkōng gave him an unimpressed look. “Stop. That's a shitty apology, but for now I'll let it slide. Let's … let's not talk about that anymore. And you can apologise to them after the journey. I'm not inviting you to my mountain, but my little ones deserve the truth and the apology.”

“Okay. Uhm … how did it go with the Bodhisattva and Hóng Hái'er? Did she allow him to visit his parents?”

For the first time today, Wùkōng smiled. “Yeah. The three of us flew to his father, the two had a sweet reunion and all … and you know what Niú Mówáng said to me? He thanked me and said that sometime in the future, he will be able to forgive me.”

“That's good, right?”

“Yeah … more than I ever hoped for, actually. I have missed him so much, you have no idea. Though … do you ever miss your crow friend?”

The white monkey chuckled: “Certainly. I think I'm going to miss my new sworn sister too.”

“I still can't believe you managed to become buddies with Princess Iron Fan.”

“Yeah. Now I have two friends with 'iron' in their name! Get it? The Iron-Feathered Crow and Princess Iron Fan?”

Wùkōng guffawed: “Hah! You're right! That is funny!”

Liù'ěr Míhóu grinned. “See? Changing topics though …”, he sobered up, “… how are you feeling now? Are you ready to go back?”

The Monkey King's face fell and he hugged himself.

“Not? Okay. Then we'll stay here for a bit longer. May I ask what's wrong?”

“…”

“I won't laugh or judge”, promised the Six-Eared Macaque.

There was still some hesitation.

Then, finally: “… I'm scared.” The auburn monkey seemed to choke on his words and sounded, like he was about to cry again. “I'm … I'm scared of going back. I can't face Master. He will hurt me. He will punish me for being a bad monkey. He will … he will use the Tightening Mantra.”

Liù'ěr Míhóu had to hold back a snarl. “No, he won't. You had to endure this shit for years, but now I'm here and I will not hesitate to give him a taste of his own medicine. I will not stand for his hypocrisy and if he refuses to listen to reason, I will make him listen.”

“…”

“May I put an arm around you?”

For a moment the Monkey King looked shocked, before saying: “… You may.”

So Liù'ěr Míhóu put an arm around the distressed monkey's shoulder and allowed him to lean against his own.

“It's pathetic, huh?”, Wùkōng mumbled. “Running away after yelling at everyone and not having the spine to-”

“Wùkōng, no. You reached your breaking point and were upset. Your anger in this case was perfectly justified. Slaphead's been treating you like a serf he can use and abuse how he saw fit. He takes his loathing of his own weakness and lack of agency out on you, because you're the only one he can control to an extent. That tirade you gave him was absolutely necessary. And that brat better kowtow and beg your forgiveness, or I swear to Buddha, I will make good on my promise of slapping his head till it's scarlet!”

“…”

Wùkōng leaned further into the Six-Eared Macaque's shoulder.

Liù'ěr Míhóu got the hint and hugged him completely this time.

The Monkey King's heartbeat was still rapid, so the Macaque sighed and pressed the other's head flush against his body.

Wùkōng let out a surprised chirp.

Followed by an awkward: “Uhhh, Liù'ěr Míhóu? M-my head is kinda pressed against your-”

“Don't focus on that! Just listen to my heartbeat and breathing.”

“… Okay.”

He felt the Monkey King slowly relax against him.

Good.

Softly, Liù'ěr Míhóu instructed: “Let my heartbeat soothe your nerves. Let my breathing guide your own. Just listen to the noises of the area. Listen to the flow of the water. The singing of the birds. The wind playing in the leaves …”

#journey to the west #liu er mihou #sha wujing #sun wukong #tw: trauma #tw: body negativity

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russilton · 1 year

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God I’m not one to sub post - but I really feel strongly about this

Stop making small dick jokes. Don’t make small dick poll options. Stop linking body parts and how good or bad someone is.

But especially small dick jokes. You cannot complain about toxic masculinity and then take part in one of its cruelest mockeries. You can’t want men to define their own masculinity and self and then go “but if you were born with a small dick? You are worth less. You are wrong and gross”

It’s deeply rooted in body shaming and feeds transphobia. Trans men may have smaller dicks and they are no less men. Intersex men are no less manly, and cis men who are different are no less manly. Stop defining if you like someone with their genitals that’s gross.

#wank/rants #mark rambles #tw: sexism #tw: transphobia #tw: body negativity #tw: body shaming #f1blr in particular fucking do better #I don’t care if you don’t like max his dick has nothing to do with it #he’s an asshole and his genitals don’t fucking matter #you don’t have to like small dicks to not be a fuckin ass #I LOVE them they’re great #all dicks are #unlearn the shitty jokes society taught you we can all do it #I used to make them- I learned- I changed

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fruitanddarkness · 8 months

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"Tell me."

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

"If I were to lay out every organ I possess before you; or rip out the nerves and veins buried within my flesh to weave a tapestry along the floor... and allowed them to be crushed beyond recognition.. would my existence be justified then? Would my salvation from the weight of failure be assured...

...or is this simply the fate that hell has planned for me?"

The Dreamweaver's blight is the unbearable weight of the knowledge they had failed. Even small failures were enough to drag them into the depths of self-loathing and seek a way to ease this pain under any circumstance.

#Tag: DreamWeaver (Enmu Tamio)#Tag: Character HC #tw; gore #tw: self loating #tw: self harm #tw: body negativity #(Yeahhhh...)#(Someone help him)

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canichangemyblogname · 11 months

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My mother used to fight me tooth-n-nail to wear "girl" clothes. She liked dressing my sister and I so we'd match. She finally gave up after my father yelled at her about her screaming at me and about me crying before every family event/holiday. (“Stop fucking screaming at her, [Karen]. Let her wear whatever. And you— stop fucking crying.”)

After that, it seemed like she lost a lot of the motivation to raise me to be like her. I liked soccer and fencing rather than gymnastics. I preferred swimming in board shorts and swim tops rather than the gingham print ruffle sleeve one-piece she bought my sister (she wanted us to match). I could finally wear jeans to our family reunions rather than something fancy with tights (never understood the fancy clothes as I was going to get muddy running about with all my cousins anyway). Hell, she even began to let me explore my terrible fashion sense.

That doesn't mean, however, there was no more conflict. There were still tense moments, like any time we had to shop for clothing, especially formalwear. I hated how dresses fit me, but couldn’t find the words to voice why. “No, mom, I don’t hate my body.” “No, I’m not insecure about my [insert body part].” “I dunno. It just doesn’t *feel* right, ma. It *feels* off.” “No. I don’t *feel* ugly! I look quite nice. I just don’t like the dress.”

When I went prom-dress shopping, for example, I disliked every dress I tried on, much to my mother’s frustration. Nothing seemed to fit "right," which confused my mother because the dresses- technically- fit me. She couldn’t figure it out and kept asking me the same questions I’d heard a million times before while shopping with her. But, at some point, I finally told her that I felt like, and felt like I looked like, a "man in a dress." Her response was, "No, you don’t, honey. You look beautiful." And, duh??? I knew that. That's not what I said. I didn't say, "I feel ugly." I said that I felt like, and felt like I looked like, a man (in a dress).

It went right over her head and mine. It continued to go over our heads even when I told her later that same day that whenever I put on a dress, it “felt like” drag, but without the performance art.

#I was not connecting the dots #tw: body insecurity #tw: body talk #tw: body image #tw: body negativity #I also remember her asking me if the reason I didn’t like my clothes was b/c I thought they ‘made me’ look ‘fat’#And like???#What???#I remember rolling my eyes at that and telling her that it wasn’t an appropriate question #‘Fatphobic’ was not in my vocabulary yet #tw: verbal abuse #gender journey

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ashdreams2023 · 2 years

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Hello darling, I was wondering if you chould take my request. A Loki x reader , the reader to be little overweight and them and loki going out on a date and she thinks that the dress doesn't fit beacuse she is fat and Loki comforts them about it and he tells them that they are beatiful in his eyes. If you have time ofc .Have a nice day ❤

I have something similar to this so here it is but I’ll write you also a short!

No matter what

You kept your arms around your stomach waiting patiently for the waiter to come and bring your food over.

The weather was nice and Loki picked a cute restaurant where they had their tables on the beach.

So that meant you wore something light, the thing is you didn’t feel as comfortable with yourself due to that.

The dress was from a few years ago, you loved it but recently it just started to look awful considering you grew bigger.

"What would you like to have for dessert afterwards?"

"I think what I ordered would make me full enough" Loki raised a brow at you, it was unlike you to decline sweets, so obviously something was up.

"Rubbish" he said, his big green eyes catching your own orbs in one place "what is going on? You know I don’t like when you don’t express your feelings to me"

You sighed moving your arms slowly from around your waist "this dress…it doesn’t fit right…it looks hideous on my body" you paused "actually my body makes everything looks hideous" it was the way you got choked when you said it out loud that made him stand up.

Loki walked up to your side, ignoring whoever would stare and holding your precious face in his hands "now now, don’t say that about yourself ever again"

"Bu-"

"No buts. You have nothing to be ashamed by, your body is beautiful just the way it is and I wouldn’t change a thing about it, actually I don’t even care if you lost or gained weight as long as you’re happy" he kissed your forehead.

"Your beauty shines through everything, even if you were the opposite of now I would not care or think of changing you. No matter what" his sweet words made your body relax, slowly melting away any negative thoughts you had before he kissed your hands then went back to his seat.

"And I’m ordering cake for you if you don’t answer my question from earlier" you giggled nodding your head.

"As you like."

#imagine #mcu #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader #fanfic #loki imagine #mcu loki #loki/y/n #tw: body negativity #overweight

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wizard-at-the-nightclub · 1 year

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i can feel and see myself gaining weight and i hate it. i want it to stop.

#tw: eating disorders #tw: body negativity #tw: weight gain

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basil-the-hopeful · 2 years

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#Don't know if I ever showed myself on here #But If i didn't #...hi #Everything's a angry switch right now #tw: body negativity #aew #Eddie Kingston #Adam Cole #Tw: violence #??? Don't know if implied counts but just in case

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belairiisms · 1 year

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Let me just say this, if you have a problem with the way that I look. Then get over it. You ain’t gonna try to tear me down because YOU feel insecure about yourself.

Yeah, I’m muscular for a woman. SO THE FUCK WHAT. I love my body and I ain’t changing it for nobody.

#// this is what she wants to say to the person who sent the anon before I deleted it.#rhq: starter #tw: body negativity

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wroteclassicaly · 2 years

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Another day of hating the bigger body that I’m in… and wondering why I can’t be thinner and prettier.

#seriously why do I look like this and why am I so big #tw: body negativity #ranting don’t mind me

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leonakingscholarship · 2 years

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TW// mentions of self harm, body shamming, vomiting

Hello everyone it's me Serenity hehe

These past few days, I've been quite down and literally no motivation to move at all. I wanted to take a break from Tumblr for a few days but at the same time, I don't. Tumblr is the only place rn where I can find happiness and taking a break from Tumblr is kinda hard for me.

I've been doubting myself lately. A LOT. Misery is lingering in my whole body and I can't even look into my family's eyes without wanting to cry. I've doubted every one and everything I can do and have. I don't thinking I'm a lovable person, I feel like shit.

I do have friends (ol and irl) and the thing is, only 1 or 2 out of those people genuinely care about me. But do they really? I don't know anymore. Not only that, when in a group of friends and one of them decided to pull up with fucking favoritism, it makes me want to die, genuinely. It makes me feel like I am loved/liked less compared to others. Is it that hard to treat your friends equally especially when you entered their friend group? 🙁 But who am I to complain? Who am I to question them? Who am I to feel sad? I'm just a random stranger they met online. And because of my internal doubt, I don't think anyone actually cares about me as I, myself, think that I literally don't have anything that can be loved

I'm brainless, I also almost failed every subject I have and I don't even have anything I'm good at at school. Yeah, I can draw, but I'm not good at it. I say that every art is beautiful but my mind is starting to exclude my own art. Also, one time someone asked me 5 things I like about me, I had to think about atleast a few answers so hard since I really couldn't think of anything. Literally nothing is special about me

One of my wishes is for me to stop being attached to someone easily. Because of that, it hurts me a lot when I get attached to someone whether I know them personally or online and it turns out, I am just nothing to them

I lost all my motivation to move and my past few drawings are made with force. As I said, I almost failed school because of loss of motivation and another thing that bugs my head but I wouldn't talk about it. And since I lost motivation to do school, I only draw for the sake of me being happy even just for a little bit but now, my art is starting to look like shit in my eyes. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I feel like sadness and loneliness are swallowing me little by little

It came to the point where I stood on the kitchen, making a coffee. I was going to take scissors but the knife took my attention. I was trying my best to ignore the knife and not let my thoughts take over me to harm my body but I suddenly took the knife and placed it on my thigh, I was going to slash it but it was dull and I managed to stop myself from doing so and to not grab the sharper knife to use instead. I hate my thighs so much, they are big and always gets made fun of which I think is why it's the first thing I've thought of to harm amongst all my body and use it to let out my feelings. My so called "friends" makes fun of my arms and thighs the most which results to me hating it SO MUCH. They'll also call me "dead hungry" (which is translated as patay gutom in our language but I don't know the english term to it) or "greedy" and even make fun of my breasts and call them "saggy". Every time I'll take more spoonful of rice, I always feel guilty, I always feel like everyone is judging me. And I feel that every stare is like a dagger stabbing me and I fill up with guilt.

Earlier, I purposely vomited what I ate as I was breaking down in the bathroom. It kinda felt nice, it made me feel less guilty that I eat a lot.

Every time I'll look at the mirror, I am always disgusted by the sight facing me. I always feel like I'm ugly and no matter how much someone compliments me, I never believe them. The words "ugly", "cow", and "whale" are carved on my brain and they wouldn't leave. I feel so ugly and disgusting from head to toe.

I also remember one time which shattered me SO MUCH when we had a project, you need to have a partner since it's a partner/duo activity and one of my classmate was talking to his friend (which is also my classmate) and as I was sitting on my desk, I overheard them because they were behind me. "Find me a partner, anyone, I don't care who" then his friend replied, "[my name]" , it caught my attention even more and his reply was "Anyone but her" then they proceed to laugh hard. It shattered me so much especially because they had the guts to talk about me like that behind me, literally behind me. He was also the guy who talked about my body once or maybe more

I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. Drawing was the only thing that makes me happy when doing personal things but I slowly view my own art as "ugly". Here I go again, comparing my art to others. I wish I had the talent, I wish I had the skills, I wish my own art isn't ugly, I really want to improve but I literally don't want to move and do anything. There was a hint of lie when I mentioned that I was enjoying drawing those little comic strips. I feel so drained, so lonely, so fucking worthless, useless, and a big disappointment

#sorry for venting here everyone #tw: self harm #(almost self harm)#tw: vomit #tw: body negativity #tw: body talk #tw: body insecurity #tw: self doubt

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