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#tw truama
bl00dfroma-fairy · 2 days
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lostmf · 4 months
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 7 months
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Life in an Autism World
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bl0w-m3 · 9 months
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Tell me where the anger goes.
Tell me where to put the anger
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generic-whumperz · 7 months
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Oh buddy just you wait
*cue the night terrors
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boykingofhellsam · 7 months
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So many told dean that pitting sams soul in would curse sam forever and that he woud be basically be dead that even DEATH warned him and yet.... sam comes back with truama and psychosis.
You telling me that he just got ptsd and psychosis (hallucination/delusions) and thats all? Yall had so much more you could do! Like sam having a speech disorder from not hesring english for so long that it takes him a while to process and form words, that he cant sense pain or that temperatures all feel the same. What about sam losing the ability to see colour or vison entirely since the cage is in a complete void of darkness that everything is always bright because he his pupils are used to being dilated to let in light.
What about sam having way to much knowledge qbout what his organs are doing since he has had them riped out or apart. What about Sam seeing reapers since his soul is bordering on death at every moment. What about Sam not being able to feel anything unless its pain. What about Sam find thing go by too fast because of the time speed on earth being so different from hell. What about Sam acting like Lucifer in moments of distress because Lucifer was always in control and so Sam copies him when trying to mimic authority.
What about Sam becoming mute because his voice is always so raw from screaming. What about Sam always having to sleep with a night light on to remind him hes not in the cage.
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minimallycreative · 10 months
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hate it when I have trauma and instead of making me funny and quirky, I have serious issues. especially when the gaslighting stops being haha funny and starts causing identity crises and I start having the effects of childhood trauma.
so unfair
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When are we getting more amazing Lin tortured by Equalists fanfiction?
Lmao y’all ain’t sick of me yet???? 😅
You see my username and you’ve got a 99% chance of knowing what you’re about to see lmao 🤣
ALSO Welllllll I Might be working on a Big Torture Fic with @angrywarrior69 focusing on Lin and Tenzin starting in the cells with Amon and following the seasons with some lovely Whump 👀👀👀 ((most Major TW will apply be warned!))
We’re jumping around a bit but we’ve discovered ‘Pemeer’ and it’s my new favorite HC/Au. If you can guess what that means I’ll release the deets 😈
TW for under the Cut
Assault, nightmares, trauma, depictions of children in distress
Without further delay! The premier teaser of!
Through the Bending and Pain
(title subject to change)
// Hands found her in the dark, Lin cried out and struggled against them. Trying in vain to push them away from her body. Tenzin’s face before her angry silver eyes filled with tears.
“Why did you let him get her!” He was angry and shouting. Hurting her wrists as he pinned her down.
“I- I didn’t !” Lin begged.
“I’ll show you! I’ll show you exactly what he did to her!” Tenzin’s hands found her pants and suddenly she was naked under him, his movements hurting her, tearing her body apart once again. His face morphing into that damned ivory painted mask, the heat of heavy breaths met her lips through the slit for the mask's mouth.
Once he was done Lin gasped as she fell through the floor, falling and falling until she landed with a sickening crack on the metal haul of the airship. She trembled as she stood and looked back. She saw the sky bison growing further away, the air family in the saddle. Lin reached out to bend the metal but the element was cold and unmoving under her hands.
“No! No!” Wires wrapped around her and she woke again lying broken in a dark room. An infant cried from the corner and the lights turned on bright to reveal Amon standing before her holding Ikki by the scruff of her neck. “No! Let her go!”
“You made your choice Lin. It was you or her.” Amons voice echoed around the room Lin sobbed as she tried to stand only for Mako to hold her back, his hot hands burning against her skin. Lin struggled against him and sobbed.
“No! I’ll do it! I’ll do it please! I’ll do anything!” She screamed. //
Lin woke with a start sitting up in the small bed covered in sweat crying out in agony.
“Don’t hurt her!” She begged. Lin reached her hand out her gauntlet came to her forearm knife ready as she gasped and sobbed and searched the dark for any sign of Amon and Ikki. She fumbled as she opened the drawers and stalked around convinced he was here, that he had her.
——
😇
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januscorner · 3 months
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I made a thing
This was weirdly therapeutic to make
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d0llyxtears · 1 year
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MY IDENTITY AND MY TRAUMA
I genuinely believe that my parents don’t understand what happened to me and how it shaped who I am now …
My own twin brother…. The one I looked up too , who was once my best friend, the closest person to me in the world……..abused me ….
Every time he did it he took another part of me , shattered another part of my very soul .
He turned my own body into a weapon against me , made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe in myself
He made me feel inhuman…. Like I was nothing but an object . He made me feel me gross and filthy… like there was something inherently wrong with my body
He broke my sense of safety and trust…. I don’t feel safe in the world anymore … he made me feel completely alone ….
He betrayed me … he utterly betrayed, used and ruined me
I built defensive walls to block out the pain and hurt of what happened to me ……
My own identity and the way I see myself now is a defense mechanism …. A way to avoid the the feelings of feeling filthy and tainted
I can’t unlink my identity from my trauma because really there was no ‘me ‘ before the trauma happened….
I honestly can’t explain all the damage he did to me ….. it’s complicated and complex
I don’t really like talking about my identity knowing that it’s linked to something so devastating……. I wish I could’ve had the chance to discover my gender identity, sexuality and alter humanity without that horrible thing ….. I wish it wasn’t just a defense mechanism… I wish I could feel safe in my biological gender and body
But unfortunately… I can’t because he decided to steal it it away from me that day ….
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lostmf · 6 months
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motelbathroom · 1 year
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my dad really gotta stop talking to me like i won’t k!ll mys3lf.
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bl0w-m3 · 6 months
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I was a child.
Three years old, and I discover that love is conditional. My father has left physically, fully tearing open the wound of longing for him. He tells me my mother is evil. I believe him.
Five years old, and I discover there is more out there. My mother and I moved to a new state, far from what I know. I’m not scared. I learn what relief is. I don’t know why I feel it.
Six years old, my father looms over me. I had upset him, along the lines of crying too much or coloring too loud. He threatens me and turns red. I learn what anger is. I question what fear is.
Seven years old, my father calls me a whore. Another man had laid hands where they didn’t belong. I learned what real fear was. I still believed him. I tell my mother; she believes him.
Nine years old, I’m told I’m exceptional. To others the drowning is overshadowed by intelligence. After all if I’m getting good grades, I cannot be doing that bad.
Ten years old, he strikes me for the first time. I return to my mothers with a hidden bruise, and a emotional wound that could never quite be sewn up.
12 years old, I’m on a street corner with a backpack. After the fear of being struck was interrupted by the anger I had found inside myself, I was dejected from my fathers house. I call my mother to explain the danger. He says there is none. She believes him. I am assaulted and only tell my best friend.
13 years old, I fall out of my fathers clutches. I only feel a small difference. I realize there is something inside me. I realize how much I’ve learned. I keep going.
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Honestly, I would like to see Ultra Magnus just some how accidentally adopt a kid but the problem is I don’t who will fall under this as most of the kids are already adopted-
Hey! :)
If I had to pick a kid that Ultra Magnus would most-likely accidentally pick-up on his own, then… it would probably be Smokescreen.
Or, strangely enough… I can imagine him being the one closest to Sentinel, or perhaps even being the one who brings Blurr into the madness.
I’ve also noted that, while Wheeljack is away, he gets close enough to Miko for her to slip-up and call him “Dad” on at least one occasion.
But the thing is, Ultra Magnus tends to be the sort who needs to be invited into these things. He has to be invited into the Team Prime family, he takes baby-steps to not cross boundaries with Wheeljack and the TFA Crew until they pretty much grab him and drag him in. He’s not the sort who would do something like this on his own.
He’s doing his best, okay?
But just because he overthinks and stresses so much or just takes to certain things so naturally without thinking of the bigger implications that—without Wheeljack—this is the One Thing he overlooks the paperwork for doesn’t mean that it’s not real. It’s there in all but words and writing.
I can actually use the Forge of Solus Prime as an analogy for how this kinda works for him.
In the cases where TFP Optimus invites him into Team Prime or Wheeljack brings the kids into the relationship and offers him the chance at joining a pre-existing family, Ultra Magnus overthinks. This poor guy is stressing, he’s not doing well—and it takes a pretty big push from several angles for him to get comfortable with this. He’s doing his best, just give him a minute or two to adjust.
But you know what he didn’t overthink?
The Forge of Solus Prime. He saw a Relic of the Primes sitting in the corner, and he went “yeah, no—that’s coming with me” and just asked TFP Optimus for it like a kid in a toy store. He did note “feelings”, but that didn’t fucking stop him! No one said “hey, let’s make it a weapon” or “hey, Ultra Magnus—trademark!”. He did it himself, and you know he didn’t think on it for more than a minute or two before he asked Optimus for it.
That’s how he is when he takes a kid in himself, making a family with no outside encouragement.
He sees someone that needs a little help or guidance, and he helps them—and he doesn’t think about the fact that this could have some bigger implications in the future. He just goes all in as the Wrecker Thoughts win and he does a Good Thing for a younger person because he feels like it’s something that anyone should do.
I mean, anyone would weaponize the Forge—right? It shouldn’t just be left sitting there even after others have decided that it’s no longer of use to them, someone should take care of it.
When Miko slipped and called him “Dad”, it likely fried his processor for a good minute. He didn’t get the “Dad” implications of his actions because he was just taking care of her because she’s Miko and anyone should want to be there for her.
TFP Bulkhead awkwardly has to explain the whole “Wrecker Parent Instinct” to him after that. 😂
I like to imagine Miko inheriting that instinct. She’s not close with her human parents or her host parents, but she has the Wreckers.
And as she grows up and becomes this agent of Unit E—wielder of the Apex Armor, sole human to ever achieve an official Autobot rank—it shows in how she teaches.
Like Fowler mentored her, Raf, and Jack, she ends up with her own trainees—and the Wrecker Parent Instinct kicks in.
As the years wear on, it becomes known that anyone in the Wrecker Lineage—trained by Miko or one of her students—has the Wrecker Pareny Instinct. They’re family.
And if you try to argue this, several Autobots will show up just to argue with you.
But hey, let’s get back on track.
Miko’s a given. We’ve talked about that.
But… what’s this about the other three, huh?
Let me explain.
I’ve kinda alluded to Ultra Magnus having a soft spot for Smokescreen before, mostly because I feel like TFP would’ve shown it if there had been more time. It’s one of those unresolved things.
Smokescreen trained with the Elite Guard, where Ultra Magnus was before he was trained by TFP Optimus and then went to lead the Wreckers.
Smokescreen admits that it was always a dream of his to roll with the Wreckers, though he doesn’t mention this when it’s just Bulkhead. It’s after Ultra Magnus takes the helm again that he goes full-fanboy, so I think that—since the commander served both as a member of the Elite Guard and the Wrecker leader, one who personally worked with Optimus Prime—Smokescreen has always looked up to Ultra Magnus as well. It’s just less of a “holy shit, that’s a demigod—and for a minute, I was almost the next demigod” attitude and more of a “hey, hey—it’s the Some Guy I’ve always looked up to! he’s cooler in-person!”.
Smokescreen says that he’s taking inspiration from TFP’s Optimus and Bumblebee when he scans his new paint, but what do we see? He chooses yellow and blue—and what’s more, it’s a lighter shade of blue: closer to Ultra Magnus’s. And even though changing from white to blue does distinguish him from Wheeljack, it does make him similar to those who have mentored Smokescreen before—TFP’s Arcee and Optimus—while also linking him to Ultra Magnus.
Lots of blue ‘bots, I’m just saying—and like Ultra Magnus, Smokescreen also has biolights.
What’s interesting is that Ultra Magnus himself does not wear the emblem of the Elite Guard—and after scanning new paint, Smokescreen no longer has his emblem.
It’s a little design choice that has lots of different implications.
Ultra Magnus may be strict, but he doesn’t wear the mark of the Guard. His emblem is a biolight, which implies that this would have to be a serious cosmetic choice.
Did he get his emblem altered when he realized how much other leaders had failed the Wreckers as a silent and near-invisible show of solidarity, or was it earlier than that?
Was it when he stepped away from the corrupt council to learn from Optimus?
And Smokescreen?
Smokescreen likely has a lot of mixed-feelings around his service on Cybertron.
The Elite Guard training academy was a “boot camp” by the time he arrived.
He wanted to serve on the front lines, but he was made the sole guard of Iacon.
No pressure.
Someone he saw as a teacher and friend knocked him out and used him as a shipping container for an Omega Key.
That’s… more than enough to traumatize and jade anyone, I’m just saying.
Ultra Magnus doesn’t wear the Elite Guard emblem. Maybe Smokescreen took that as a sign that it was okay if he didn’t either.
Smokescreen is also the first one to try to make the best out of Ultra Magnus’s prosthetic, though he is a little insensitive in how he shows it. At least he doesn’t look down upon the commander or pity him, instead showing hope that it’ll be okay.
Additionally, Ultra Magnus… kinda goes easy on this little rookie, when you really consider it.
Smokescreen doesn’t see that way, but Ultra Magnus’s words towards him are a lot more—I dunno, casual? teasing?—than they are towards the other members of the team, at the start.
After Smokescreen comes back with new paint, having left without permission, Ultra Magnus gets a little quip in by telling him that he can “look his best” while stacking some empty crates.
Ultra Magnus… doesn’t really do that! He’s still adjusting, he’s not casual or comfortable enough to be making those wry little remarks.
But he does, with Smokescreen.
And he lets Smokescreen tag along to scout out the mine in “Evolution” after the young mech says that he wants to roll with the Wreckers.
In “Predacons Rising”, it’s Smokescreen and Ultra Magnus who go out scouting together—and we get Ultra Magnus reassuring him about the state of Cybertron, and calling him “kid”. Then, these two are constantly worrying about each other during their battle with Skylynx and Darksteel—and Smokescreen does everything in his power to bring Ultra Magnus home alive after he’s injured.
It’s one of the subtler relationships in the show, but one that I really enjoy getting to see.
Smokescreen’s character development tends to be the focal point of the end of S2 and the start of S3, then things slow down and the Wreckers are allowed to take the spotlight for a minute.
But Smokescreen still gets some background character development as Ultra Magnus grows in his limited screen time, and it’s nice.
It’s nice to imagine the two Autobots who may be the last surviving members of the Elite Guard silently electing to look out for each other, with Smokescreen having someone else to look up to aside from TFP’s Optimus and Bumblebee while Ultra Magnus takes a rookie under his wing even as he’s adjusting to the found family.
Smokescreen is impulsive but intuitive and dependable, and Ultra Magnus is stern and disciplined with a bit of a wild streak.
Put them together, and you have a kid who is like “I know what you’re thinking, this is a really bad decision—but-” and a stoic parent standing there with crossed arms and a look of disapproval while actually listening to the argument, ready to voice that disapproval or instead drop it and say “very well then, let’s do it” and run with it.
Smokescreen drained the Forge of Solus Prime to save TFP Optimus, saving the team and Earth even though it likely doomed Cybertron.
Not only was this move supported without question, but Ultra Magnus asked TFP Optimus for the Forge -like- two days later and actually jumped off of a cliff and used it to pancake a Decepticon’s head in the Scottish highlands.
Their dynamic is actually hilarious if you really stop and think about it. Everyone focuses so much on the rookie that they don’t realize just how fucking feral the commander is.
Smokescreen? Smokescreen gets it.
And he’ll try to point this out to someone else every once in a while, but he just gets snorts and head-shakes because “that’s Ultra Magnus, he’s as by-the-books as it gets” and Smokescreen will grumble before looking up to see the commander smirking at him from across the room.
This goes on for a decade.
Wheeljack comes back, and he’s like “oh, frag yeah—Magnus has a fraggin’ telephone pole up his aft, but he’s a Wrecker. he’s nuts”.
Cue Smokescreen going “see? SEE?!”.
And Ultra Magnus just sips his high-grade, the picture of composure. He has done nothing that is unpredictable ever in his entire life.
TFP Optimus knows this is bullshit.
And Smokescreen… sticks around.
In another post, I mentioned him being one of Ultra Magnus’s groomsmen at the wedding the humans throw for fun after Ultra Magnus and Wheeljack finally get bonded. He’s a member of the family, always will be—and he’s someone that Ultra Magnus is genuinely close to.
Smokescreen is not a Wrecker that Ultra Magnus was tasked with looking after, or one of the many he led against Darkmount.
Ultra Magnus isn’t a Prime to aspire to be or a close brother figure whose lead Smokescreen can follow to try and find his way on Team Prime (I will note that I do tend to headcanon that—while the scout has more experience—TFP Bumblebee is younger than Smokescreen).
They’re just Guards, just friends—and they look after each other, keep tabs and send updates, make sure that they’re included in each other’s nonsense because It Matters.
After TFP Optimus died, Ultra Magnus stayed—and while TFP Bumblebee took the lead to repair a world, Ultra Magnus did what he did best and acted in a supporting role. He handled the affairs on paper, organized the day-to-day matters, and watched over everyone… for years.
After Wheeljack returns from TFA, he’ll notice that Ultra Magnus has finally well-and-truly settled into the team—figured out the dynamics, gotten himself comfortable. I think that it will surprise him that he’s most comfortable with Smokescreen of all ‘bots, then he’ll just shrug and go with it. Scrap happens, and the white Wrecker knows that better than anyone.
Over time, he’ll kinda pick up on the vibes and that Smokescreen’s always hanging around—and he’ll just go with it and adjust to that, too. He never minded the kid—and as he spends more time with the young mech and really gets to know him, he finds himself growing fond.
One night, when Wheeljack and Ultra Magnus finally do tally up all of the kids they’ve ended-up adopting, Wheeljack blinks before doing a head-count again because someone’s missing.
“Wait, what about Smokescreen?”
“Beg pardon?” Ultra Magnus asks, confused.
Wheeljack frowns. “Well, he’s your kid. I mean, I know I haven’t signed any paperwork yet—but -well- I included my Dinobots in the count. So, ain’t he supposed to be here somewhere?”
Cue Ultra Magnus’s processor frying. “Uh…”
“… Mags?” Wheeljack asks worriedly. “You good?” He blinks. “… Oh, you just had The Moment.”
“The Moment?”
Wheeljack nods. “When you realize that you got a kid entirely on accident. That’s The Moment.” He chuckles. “Wicked little bugger, ain’t it?” He gives a little grin. “Give it a minute. It gets better.”
Ultra Magnus frowns, an optic-brow raising, then he scoffs and shakes his head… before he smiles, and he huffs out a laugh. “You really thought-..?”
“I think everyone does,” Wheeljack admits. “In fact, you might need to talk to Smokescreen.”
“… No,” Ultra Magnus decides, sitting back at his desk. He’s still smiling. “No, I don’t think so.”
Pens may never be put to paper.
Words may never be said.
But that’s alright.
Smokescreen will always have a mentor watching over him, stern but gentle and willing to quip.
And even before Wheeljack toppled back into his life and brought him into an even larger family, even before Wheeljack vanished, even before he and Wheeljack had finally ended their animosity…
Ultra Magnus found himself with a young mech looking up to him. He didn’t want to disappoint.
As far as Smokescreen is concerned, he didn’t.
For Sentinel and Blurr, my reasons are a bit easier to explain. I mean, I think they are?
For Sentinel, after he joins the family, he and Wheeljack still have that snarky relationship—and hey, Wheeljack was there for a lot of the things that are still being unpacked. Ultra Magnus was not—and while he knew Sentinel Zeta Prime, he knows this kid is not the same person. That lets him go into their relationship with a cleaner slate, though they do have to get past the fact that Sentinel has to un-learn the association with TFA’s Ultra Magnus because This Is Clearly Not The Same Person. That’s an adjustment, but manageable—especially since Ultra Magnus is so good at maintaining healthy boundaries, allowing others to take steps when ready, and meeting people halfway in order to compromise.
For Blurr, he sticks around the rest of the TFA Crew and he’s clearly family—but he’s dealing with a lot after the Obvious Trauma and no one wants to push him. The poor guy doesn’t like to be contained in any way, physically or otherwise, so they all try to keep the pressure off as much as possible—give him his space, let him do whatever he has to do to feel okay while also staying close to offer their support when needed. I think that Blurr would like Ultra Magnus because, while the commander overthinks, he’s also disciplined and organized. Blurr needs his space but still likes to Have a Plan, and he finds Ultra Magnus quick to the point, unshakably honest, and easy to read—this makes him trustworthy, and he quickly gets over the association with TFA Ultra Magnus l because he needs everyone he can get in terms of trust after all he’s been through.
I have also mentioned that, in a timeline where Prowl comes back and feels out-of-place after all he’s missed, Ultra Magnus would probably be the one who would be able to comfort him.
All of these things, and he’d just be doing it to be kind—because he cares about these young ‘bots, even the ones who have made mistakes, and sees no reason why they shouldn’t be helped.
And… he still wonders why the TFA Crew finds it so easy to welcome him into the family. 😅
He’ll get it, eventually. :)
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tears-of-amber · 6 months
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My letter to my younger self. Yes, that is my name I was called growing up.
I think it’s important to share when you’re healing if you can, just as it is important to share when you are struggling. And you know what? Healing is a struggle, and a never ending journey that is SO worth it every step forward that you take. I had terrible nightmares last night about my dad. And also a general feeling of being abused by myself and people like my dad from my past. You don’t have to forgive anyone but yourself to move forward, fellow survivors. I’ve found I can accept what happened as fact without being ok with it. I can acknowledge what happened without forgiving the evil man that my father was and is to this day. I can move forward simply by picking up the pieces of myself. And challenging beliefs that were engraved in my heart as self destructive behaviors or faulty “coping” mechanisms. If you feel you are so disgusting because of what someone did to you, I have felt this way often. But others actions do not define you. It can hurt you but it IS NOT you. End of story.
-Velvet (Riley) Rose 🌹
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rethesun · 1 year
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This is everything I learned about freedom respect connection relations and love in 2022.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. I thought why not share what I discovered over the year in a 12 minute summary. I enjoy timeless wisdom that expands your mind and relationship with life, which can be utilized universally or found in ancient texts and applied to the present. If anyone reads this, I hope it adds value to your life!
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