#tw splitting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunniibpd · 1 year

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geloyconception on ig

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williamwispdaily · 2 months

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Portals

#jrwi prime defenders #jrwi william #jrwi william wisp #prime defenders #william wisp #jrwi pd #daily art #fanart #art #mod light #tw bones #tw cartoon gore #tw splitting

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honeypleasejustkillme · 1 year

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we just got in an argument and ofc afterwards we apologized but the guilt you feel after splitting is unreal.. i always feel like a piece of shit, a worthless pile of garbage, the fucking scum under the toilet.. like it’s so fucking hard living with this disorder and knowing you cause all these things because you can’t just regulate your own goddamn emotions like you’re supposed to be able to do.. it literally just makes me feel like an asshole and that i’m never gonna get better

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #bpd splitting #tw splitting #splitting #beloved.txt

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theswiftheartsystem · 3 months

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We got posted on r/fdc let’s discuss.

So we knew this was going to happen, and rather then being sad about this, we’d like to point out flaws in the arguments. Obviously warning for fake claiming.

also warnings for: talks about trauma and abuse, splitting, mental health episodes, psyche wards, ableism, making a joke out of exorcisms.

First off, “disorder salad” on that introduction post we only talked about things we were medically recognized as having or diagnosed with. Also the “it’s always the anime ones” it’s a picrew? A lot of Picrews are in a anime style, and if you go to Louise’s actual alter intro she uses not just picrews.

This one is just making fun of us. I don’t think we have ever fully posted why we are so connected to the character, but I’ll explain now. So when we were little we went through a lot of abuse and trauma. We had a lot of DVDs and a couple were CareBears. And we felt safe when we watched silly little characters like that. It brought us relief. We aren’t sure why we are so attached to Swift Heart specifically, but we have a little who is obsessed with the color blue and rabbits that formed around that time. We even own the original 80s plush which we found thrifting and means so much to us, plus a few other things of the character. We named our system this, not only because it represents our trauma, but also it represents safety, a light in the dark.

When did we self diagnose???? Also in that post we state that we intend to talk about the bad sides. We don’t think this is fun. Yes we portray ourselves a certain way, but we actually have constant flashbacks, panic attacks, and BPD episodes. It’s sometimes a daily thing. For around 2-3 weeks we would split at least once a day. We don’t think thats fun. But also sometimes you can enjoy life and enjoy being plural. When you live like this you learn to enjoy what you have and what you are living with. If we didn’t we wouldn’t survive. How parasocial do you have to be to think A TUMBLR ACCOUNT shows how we are 24/7.

Going back to the Self Diagnosis thing, We were being treated for DID before anyone put a label on it. We were talked to about “how when someone has many parts of them, sometimes fusion can help them feel more whole.” And asked when dissociating and acting strange who we were regularly asked who we where. When we we’re 15, we had gone to the Psyche ward for the 2nd time, and they couldn’t diagnose us, because of our age at the time, but they strongly suggested we get tested for it when we were old enough. And to get them to recommend anything, they have to talk to all the therapists, doctors, and psychologists, especially the ones who work with you. It’s been years since then, and guess what? We still have DID!

Finally the last claim out of the first comment, the Sub-System thing, that wasn’t in the original post, and I’m unaware who edited it in, but the reason we are confused if they are a subsystem, is because they are plural as it’s where dormant alters are stored. They speak as one and it’s quite strange. Not sure how to explain it.

Okay, comment 2:

The difference between DID and OSDD-1 in the DSM-5 is it’s nearly DID but isn’t quite. (Bad explanation, but these people need simple explanations) often times, it’s the alters are not distinct enough from the host, or a lack of blackout amnesia. This isn’t always the case but that’s what they were referring to. Also have you read the DSM-5’s entry on DID and OSDD-1?.. We have, many times actually. Guess what? it’s purposefully vague FOR A REASON. Because disorders are complex and wouldn’t be able to fit everyone if it was to specific.

This is just ableism. We have been told this by people and our life (luckily nothing was done), and we have heard stories about systems going through this. This stuff is incredibly traumatizing to the people who go through it. This kind of rhetoric being treated as a joke is disgusting.

We aren’t online everyday (also you, the person who commented this, have posted 10 times in the last 11 hours)

The stuff we are “faking” are often co-morbid with DID?!?!

I’m pretty sure this comment is trying to be like “they are doing it for attention to deal with their trauma that’s so sad 🥺🥺🥺”

If that’s the case, you are adding onto the problem

if you believe us and feel bad for us, thanks, but posting it on that subreddit just boost the post which can lead to harassment.

That’s literally the words that was told to us. By our former therapist. We believe it’s C-PTSD, but we put that instead of that because some reason we struggle to believe we have PTSD more then we do DID at this point.

Anyway, yeah, we’d thought we debunk/explain why the argument they have is stupid, they have a platform, but so do we.

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a-healthy-dose-of-apathy · 8 months

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decided i don’t need friends y’all can go now

#bpd #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd problems #actually borderline #bpd feels #bpd meme #bpd memes #paranoia #bpd rage #tw splitting

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gh0stgirl-hotline · 3 months

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never having anyone to talk to never having notifications no text backs only getting voicemails never having anyone to make plans with no one to ask their advice or share joy or sandness no one even to talk about your day no one one no one no one it is so painful and traumatizing no shit when someone finally comes around I lose my shit and latch on like a tick but even a parasite eventually leaves its host when there is nothing left to take.

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clownrecess · 11 months

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Hello dear readers, this is Wally.

Today I wanted to talk about something different: amnesia. I do have my own account (@crayons-n-notebooks) BUT I figured this account is more fitting for the discussion.

As I said previously, I'd like to talk about amnesia. With that conversation also comes conversation of trauma, so trigger warning for trauma, splitting, and amnesia!

I am not a trauma holder! I remember absolutely none of our trauma, in fact I don't remember much of anything from before I split! However, I get flashes of things. Not of trauma, but of memories that we hold dear. I believe the first one I received was of our best friend scribbling stars onto a table in our school art room. I find myself constantly flashing back to memories of our best friend who's been absent from school since December (for personal reasons). It's like little moments in time that come to me out of context, triggered by sitting in certain spots or touching specific walls.

I also have extremely strong physical sensations. Seeing two friends in the art room? An intense yearning, and a feeling of loss or being lost. Someone bringing them up in ANY way that isn't complementary? Rage. I'm in a constant state of wanting to return to the safety that is the time before December, despite never having been there.

I find myself feeling uneasy, similar to the feeling of looking at a liminal space, whenever I think too hard about it. I relive our life through flashes of memory, memories of things I never experienced.

I KNOW that the emotions, the feelings and whatnot, they all come from our experiences, I just, I never had them!

It's an incredibly overwhelming experience.

- Wally 🎨

#wally darling fictive #welcome home fictive #endos dni #autistic did system #tw trauma #tw amnesia #tw splitting #polyfrag system #fictive heavy system

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st4b-m3-t0-sl33p · 8 months

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I want to die

#actually bpd #bpd blog #bpd splitting #borderline splitting #tw splitting #bpd yandere #tw s3lf harm #s3lf hate #su1c1dal #tw self destruction #tw sh related

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thatfailedpokemontrainer · 7 months

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Dear SPRITE,

I dint give a fuck that your name is originally not Sprite, because to me you are Sprite, and I don't care what the others call you.

I will continue to call you Sprite, and trying to stop me won't fucking work, because you're a lovely person who deserves that respect.

Please talk to Prof. Indigo, you're not doing so well,

@PokémonRangerCharlie

'm fine everyone fucking hates me I know you hate me everyone on this fucking website hates me and so do I

#tw internalized transphobia #tw splitting #pkmn irl #rotumblr #pokemon #pokemon irl #sprite :>#rotomblr #pkmn #pokeblogging

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itspixthecrazybitch · 8 months

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God I hate when they talk to me while distracted like either talk to me or commit to choosing something over me this is insulting and upsetting.

#bpd #actually bpd #splitting #tw splitting #vent #tw vent #bpd vent #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #favorite person #fp #actually obsessive #obsessive

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halfbloodwarriors · 6 months

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tw: possible fusion/splitting/dormancy

we're friends with another system, and we think the alter we knew the best might have split, fused, or gone dormant. one of her headmates put their name and pronouns on discord. and it's not listed on simply plural anymore. not in the host category, and not publicly. i don't know what happened to her, but i'm going to ask whoever is fronting later. if they tell me that she fused, or split, or went dormant, what do i say? what do you say in that sort of event? somehow "i'm sorry" doesn't seem adequate

Hmm that's a tricky one but a good question!

Of course give your condolences as something like that can be very damaging to the system

I think I would want a friend to say to us that like

They'd be here to support and help with anything

Giving support and comfort is so helpful when learning that someone could've went away

I don't know if that helps much bdjjdsj - Ven 💜

#endo safe #endogenic #plurality #pro endo #plural #system #did #did osdd #osdd #mixed origin system #tcs.text #tw splitting #tw fusion #tw dormancy

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contaminatedvessel · 10 months

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watched across the spiderverse while splitting yesterday now I have more spider people living in my head than before

#did system #dissociative identity disorder #system #tw splitting #spiderman atsv #atsv #across the spiderverse #spiderman #fictive alter #introject #fictive #traumagenic #did #sys #actually did #actually dissociative #spiderverse

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side-effect-alien · 2 months

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Stress splitting

In our system, we often split under amounts of immense stress (though there are exceptions.) It can be a gradual split over several days or a near instant one. In my case, it happened yesterday after Leo (@genderqueerturtle) was extremely stressed and angry. I don't think anyone has ever seen him that upset before

It's always stressful when there's a new split in the system, especially since it happened when we had company over. But, they helped elevate the mood and even helped me make a name for myself!

I expressed that I didn't know who I was, what my gender identity was, my age, anything. And I still don't have the answer to these questions. But, one thing a friend told me was something along the lines of "You're a blank canvas. You need to paint your story"

(The reason Leo and I look so much alike is because I think I may have split off of him. I don't know if this is actually how I see myself as since I'm super new, but I know having I suppose a "sona" to draw brings me comfort)

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theswiftheartsystem · 2 months

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Changing how we view splitting as a polyfragmented system.

This is written from a polyfragmented traumagenic DID system perspective, although like always, THIS IS A PRO-ENDO BLOG AND ANY ORIGIN IS WELCOME TO INTERACT AND USE OUR WRITING IF YOU FIND IT HELPFUL.

Tw: Splitting, trauma, abuse, Sysmeds

Our entire time we have known we were plural we always saw splitting as a terrible thing that proved we will never get better, however through time we have kind of started to see it as a gray thing. Instead of a thing that is always bad, and therefore should be avoided at all cost, we now see it a a thing that can be both bad and good in different ways, although most of the time it’s neither. Let me explain:

So growing up, we were never given any coping mechanisms besides breathing. Our anxiety was so severe that it just made us feel worse. Yet when we would voice these things, we would be screamed at and punished for “not trying hard enough” This lead to our only coping mechanism our entire childhood being splitting. Eventually when we got to high school we had a new therapist, and a new set of social workers who we’d talk to regularly. (For context, since elementary we have been having school counseling sessions due to frequent behavior problems, which were caused by a mix of abuse, severe GAD, and autism meltdowns.) At this school we had the first friends in our life who didn’t see us as annoying and terrible for our mental health issues. Since we had a stable friend group, we started to show much more overt signs of DID. We have always had pretty overt DID, but due to trauma related to being punished for showing signs of being plural to others, it did become more covert with time. We started having very obvious switches with alters who had no idea how they got there. As a result of these things happening, the people we worked with started to pick up on it. For about a year it was never mentioned as DID, but we would be talked to about Integrating to feel “whole again” (they were referring to fusion) and while yes, we did voice that we wished to feel whole, it was more of in a individual way. Like most of us had not developed a identity of our own, we had no name, no internal self image, no likes, dislikes, ect. Another thing brought up to us a lot was when we dissociated severely, they actively asked our names.

When it was finally named, we where 15, and it was referred to as “Multiple Personalities” and that when we turned 18, we should seek diagnosis for “multiple personalities” After that we really did research, and it pushed us more into the idea we should “be whole again” Around this time our only influences on plurality and what it was, came from sysmeds, which made us obsessed with this idea of “you should hate and be miserable every second because you’re plural.” So splitting became something we loathed and saw as us getting worse. We convinced ourselves we would never get better. On top of this, we forced ourselves to remember our trauma to “prove” we were a real system, which ended up making it even worse, causes us to split even more, which made us feel even more hopeless.

So how does this affect how we view splitting now?

It wasn’t tell the end of last year that we really decided that we don’t and will never fit into what sysmeds and (a good chunk of) singlets think a system should be. That we most likely were polyfragmented, that a good chunk of us are non-human or introjects. Later on we could finally accept other forms of plurality, and other forms of belief than our own.

Something still remained, even as we improved and accepted we don’t know everything, and that it’s okay to change and heal, and enjoy being plural. That thing was of course splitting. Over time and just having time to think and process we have realized that rather than look at splitting as this terrible and horrible thing, that it really isn’t always that. While yes, sometimes it is bad, and terrible and we wish it didn’t happen, sometimes it’s telling us something. Like if we are splitting a lot we know to figure out why, and resolve it so we can have a more enjoyable life. Examples could be cutting someone off who made us feel terrible, taking a break from trying to process trauma and heal, or maybe it’s telling us we need to just relax and log off for awhile.

Along with that, we realized that we didn’t hate splitting, (we didn’t like it either) we just didn’t like the fact that we had to. We realized we enjoy being plural, lots of us have friends and partners internally, and we wouldn’t want to change that. What we hated all along, was the idea that we felt like we needed to do final fusion, and that we are somehow anti-recovery for sometimes enjoying plurality. We aren’t saying that plurality for us is all fun and games, it’s not, it’s often hard to live with and accept. But it’s all we have known, and finding positives in things, even things that aren’t always is a way we survived.

This is just our thoughts and opinions on this topic. Keep in mind not every system, let alone polyfragmented DID system will agree, and that’s okay. This helps us, and we thought we would share as it may help someone else who is trying to heal.

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thefluoritebpd · 7 months

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This is a vent post, read it at your own risk. TW for BPD splitting, abdnonment, yelling & nervous breakdown.

Why do we keep pushing people away whenever we're having a BPD episode? And why the fuck do people try to mirror our episoes EVERY TIME EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE BPD?? I. Can't. Help. You. I'm trying, but my desire to go absolutely feral is WAY stronger than you may think, and my desire right now to just mute you on every single device and on every single app is so fucking strong. I don't even know if I'm wrong or not, I don't even know if I should be reacting like this, I know I'm splitting, heavily, mutliple of us are, but JFC PEOPLE. I HATE THIS. I CAN'T COMFORT YOU. I WANT YOU BUT I CAN'T. I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, I'M SORRY I ALWAYS END UP HURTING YOU, I TRIED EXPLAINING IT WAS BPD, AND IT NEVER WORKS. WE ONLY END UP DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M MAD ABOUT?? OR WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE?? I DON'T EVEN THINK YOU'RE IN THE WRONG?? I'M JUST- HUH??? I DON'T KNOW. I don't know. I hate myself so much. We lost another one because we're like this. Maybe BPD does make us a monster, but ofc, just leave. Go. Just go. Or I will. We don't even need to say anything, we can just split up like that. You can ghost me from now on. Others did before, haha. It's fine. Right? it's what's supposed to happen. Just gonna turn my status to offline, and feel like I shouldn't text you first this entire time. And probably hurt a lot emotionally. That's fine. It's fine. It's not a nervous breakdown I'm having rn. It's not that I'm this close to breaking that self-harm streak, and the only reaosn I'm not is because I'm "healthy" now. Just leave me. Leave me be. Cause if I can't help you right now, then you're just gonna leave, right? I can't calm you down. I'm trying but I can't. And it doesn't matter how much it hurts me and how much will it takes for me to stay cool when I'm splitting heavily and it's hurting me so bad, I wish nobody ever experiences that kind of pain. Cause if I can't help, you'll leave. How many times did people make us help them while we were splitting? Or just having another one of those BPD episodes? I don't know. But you are mirroring me, I am trying to help, I can't calm you down, but if I don't help, you'll just play intot he worst fear I have, I can't fucking calm down, I can't calm down, and I can't calm you down either. Hands are cold. I'm shaking. I hrut another one. Both of us hurt our loved ones again. What is wrong with us?? We always end up hurting our loved ones. Why did we even think somebody will understand? Oh, and there are the suicidal thoughts, haha. Alright.

Will I regret this post later? Oh, absolutely. I fucking hate myself so much. Why am I this useless? Why am I like this? Why can no one ever understand, why can we never help anyone, why do people always end up leaving if we can't help, WHY DID IT HAPPEN AGAIN?? WHY DID YOU ABANDON US??? WHAT DID WE DO??? WHY DO WE ALWAYS END UP ABANDONED??? WHY DO SIMPLE MISUNDERSTANDINGS ALWAYS LEAD TO US GETTING HURT OR ABANDONED??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! PLEASE, HOW CAN I BETTER MYSELF???

-co-host & persecutor-caretaker

#bpd blog #bpd mood #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #bpd #bpd splitting #borderline splitting #tw splitting #bpd vent #vent post #tw vent #vent #venting #personal vent #tw rant #borderline personality disorder #nervous breakdown #breakdown

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gh0stgirl-hotline · 3 months

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Why do I have to change my entire identity everytime I get a new fp like why can’t people mold to me why do I have to change everything about myself to even keep people interested I’m never desirable for who I am it’s always for who I can be and what I can do for them I’ve lost who I am I’ve reinvented myself so many times it’s exhausting knowing nobody will ever love you for who you really I am just their mirror reflected back to them.

#tw bpd vent #tw bpd #bpd #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #tw ptsd #actually borderline #boarderline personality disorder #bpd vent #favorite person #bpd fp #tw bpd splitting #tw splitting

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