#tw so much bad shit happens that i cant even list it

[horatioo]

callout post for muy fuckign mom part one: at first i srs'd

welcome to eliot rambling about how much he fucking dreads going home for break this year. i'm your host, the fucked up talloran version of lobotomy corporation adam who keeps getting used as a fucking armrest.

this is my unwilling audience member azarel and my apparently quite amused audience member gregory. they might pipe in.

broad tw for child abuse and stuff. also csa mentions. im going to make a part two that is just me listing out goofy shit

PART ONE: THE BEGINNINGS

picture this. i am like seven years old and crying in the upstairs bathroom in my house. i have been yelled at for stepping on the floor or something i actually don't remember. my mother said she wished i'd never been born. seven year old me agrees with this. this is why i am crying inconsolably in the bathroom.

she apologized later that day but. like. that was a regular occurrence. usually not those words but i got yelled at a lot as a child for weird and relatively minor things, such as...not wanting to eat a vegetable, not knowing our multiplication tables, and other stuff.

but the yelling isn't that bad because it stopped when we were like nine so it doesn't matter + ratio + i don't care. (gregory is informing me i should care, but he's also shoving popcorn in his mouth so i am disregarding his advice.)

now the thing that is BAD in my eyes is how much she like. impresses her worldview on me. which would not be that bad if she didnt STILL DO THIS now that i am EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. she has done this as long as i remember.

you may ask "what kind of worldview?" WELL,

the world is doomed and we are all going to die of global warming in my lifetime and there is no fixing it but i still need to try because otherwise i am a Horrible Person

even if global warming doesn't kill me, i have zero career options because everything is going to be taken over by machines, and the one option i did have is ALSO being taken over by machines, so fuck you

but don't slack off in school because that's morally wrong

if the global warming and the joblessness doesn't get me, well, the country is going to shit and there's no hope of saving it

oh and if that wasnt bad enough, well, somehow socialism is bad so i cant support that because its bad

also because i was born a woman, everyone will always see me as a woman, and thusly i must Always Be Paranoid that someone is going to rape me and then kill me. i must Always be alert. i must Always be prepared to fight for my life

that last one is probably true tbh

i think you can kind of understand why i have depression given this is ALL I WAS EVER TOLD WAS THE FUTURE. like yeah man. maybe i should die, if this is true!

also she constantly vents to me and talks shit about my little brother to me, but then i will start complaining about one thing and she's like "Okay but [solution based off insane misinterpretation of what i just said"

and i will say "that is not what i said, i said [clearer explanation]"

"yeah so you're saying [exact same misinterpretation]"

"no"

it is frustrating as fuck. she told me there was no way my uncle could have sa'd me as a child because "she never left me alone with him" (blatantly untrue). yeah whatever.

also before my suicide attempt at 13, i got my electronics taken away because i failed latin, and she yelled at me for sneaking them anyway. except. i was homeschooled, and that...was kind of...my only outside connection to the world that wasnt dictated by my mom. so yeah !

also i told her i was depressed before my attempt and she was like "no youre not" lol. lmao

PART TWO: MORE AWFUL SHIT

so i did just mention the venting and complaining. yeah well that is EVERY SINGLE TIME I TALK TO HER.

and this happens with stuff i do, too. like. i am perpetually afraid of fucking up and constantly walking on eggshells around her because if i upset her she wont TELL me. she'll just treat me like a biohazard for the rest of the day while pretending she's not.

and GOD forbid i try to Not Be Sick or not get HER sick. i said "hey i skipped the dead week of class before thanksgiving because we weren't learning anything and i didn't want to bring anything home!" and she said "You know that will affect your grades, right? You have no more absences, you told me. You shouldn't have done that :/" and then pushed me out of the house as soon as she could.

she is a constant wedge between me and my brother because she will snap at my brother for small things like forgetting to move an object, being "too loud" or talking too much, accidentally interrupting, having the GALL to be snarky like a normal teen, etc.

she also makes you ask before you get any food that isnt fruit, which SOUNDS fine but she heavily regulates what my brother eats because hes unhealthy (which. i was too before i moved out!) and not me.. and then she wonders why my brother gets upset about me getting special treatment...

shes also just. so incredibly passive aggressive. i know i said that but like i constantly assume everyone is mad at me because shes ALWAYS mad at me about something but she never SAYS what shes upset about. usually its that i dont tell her things, but when i DO tell her things OH MAN then she pulls out the disappointment.

PART THREE: OH LORD

so. the reason i'm not allowed to post about the. uh. p-word thing happening in the world right now. is because. she told me. i'm not allowed to. because i will ruin my family's life, and even if i don't have a future my family does! and if i even SPEAK of it online on a blog NOT AFFILIATED WITH MY DAD it will be traced to him and ruin his life and we will be homeless and it will be all my fault

that is the actual reason i had to delete my old blog. that is why i cannot reblog the posts. because she has this threat hanging over my head. and you may ask "why not just do it behind her back?" well,

i am kind of scared because when she says it, it sounds reasonable. and it took several people pointing out that its not really reasonable for me to even start looking at the things she says and going wait, thats...not normal

she treats me like a therapist and a family jewel, not a person. she wouldn't speak to me for an entire night when i was around 13 because i said maybe we shouldn't let alt-righters take the ok emoji from us at the dinner table. and its just. yeah. whats the point in trying anymore? the world is ending and im going to die before i hit 30 anyway!

except, like. thats. kind of awful. and its kind of awful that even after a suicide attempt at THIRTEEN my mom kept telling me these things and emphasizing how bad the future will be and how easy and good my life is now

except it isnt because i wasnt allowed to meet my friends without asking her, i wasnt allowed to go OUTSIDE without telling her, i wasnt allowed to go to the corner store or the mall or anywhere without supervision until LAST YEAR, i wasnt allowed to quit classes even when i was being called RACIAL SLURS at the age of SIX, i wasnt allowed to TELL MY THERAPIST THINGS!!

i could not. tell my therapist. about anything she did. because i knew it would come back to her somehow. i would let it slip or cps would be called. the second one is what she told me when she said "dont tell your therapist about your father hitting your brother" (he. hit him lightly with a leaf, by the way, i doubt it was even painful) and then she got angry when i did anyway

so i just stopped telling my therapist things over time because what if this was the thing that got cps called on us? what if i was the reason our life was ruined?

and now i cant start again.

great job mom.

same with meds. she makes it so im afraid to take meds. i dont take my anxiety meds that ARENT HABIT FORMING because im scared i will get addicted and anyway, more meds is more expensive and i dont need that many meds the goal of meds is to get off them someday!

and i shouldnt ask for upped doses of my meds noooo. not unless im suicidal.

god forbid i try a new med. nothing thats even close to a stimulant! nothing habit forming! i cant even do SLEEP MEDS that i DESPERATELY NEED because if she sees them when picking them up i just KNOW im going to get lectured. i cant even get fgucking MIGRAINE MEDS.

she never told me the migraines were medically significant until this year btw. :)

theres a bunch of other things but im tired and ive been typing this for an hour now. so. hitting post and praying

#eliot tag #abuse #csa discussion

[arsonistslut]

Chapter 15: A false truth

Meanwhile, Jeff lay awake in his hospital bed. He didn't even properly feel angry anymore, or sad, or..anything. He just felt numb. He was getting a hair transplant, but the doctors wouldn't be able to perform proper plastic surgery until a good year or so, so natural healing of his wounds was the only viable option. His parents hadn't visited once, so he had only the staff to keep him company. Whenever one of the nurses came to change his bandages, as was procedure, he could see the look of pity in her eyes. His burns were horrific to look at, he assumed, but not once did he ask to see his own face.

When they put him under for his hair transplant, the demon, apparently calling itself "Zalgo" when asked, had returned to that space they'd talked in before. The same dark corner, red swelling around Zalgo's presence like a plague. Last time Jeff was here with the demon, he took it's hand and pledged bloodshed upon the world..but now he was second-guessing his decision.

"...How do you know Liu hates me, Zal? I mean..he could be in therapy, for all I know! He doesn't hate me, he can't..I'm his brother.."

"He sure is getting therapy.."

Zalgo reached toward one of the walls and swiped over it, opening a sort of..one way window to the sight of Liu and Natalie, gazing at the stars together, Nat running her fingers through Liu's hair as he curled up in her arms like a cat.

"He's forgotten about you, Jeff..remarkably quickly. Another thing.."

Jeff then saw into earlier in the day. Liu was talking to Randy, the kid that set him on fire, and apologized to him. Did it all mean nothing to him...? Did all the times they helped each other, the bond they had, the fact that his brother was rotting in a hospital and was going to be for a year mean nothing to him?

"A reminder, Jeffrey..he's doing this on purpose. They all do, all the couples at school that see a lonesome soul like you with nobody to go to prom with, your family that irrationally hates everything you do and paints you as a monster, the police who arrested you, mocked you for your disorder, they think it's funny. This world hates people like you, and it won't stop beating you down until you're dead."

Chapter 16: Fresh meat

Keith smirked as he saw the new girl with the black-and-red stockings pass him by in the locker. Nina Hopkins, another transfer from 9th grade. She was what you would call the "alt-girl", and if the rumors were true, had similar issues that Jeff kid had. Keith taps his friend Troy's shoulder, and the two follow her as she heads outside to eat her lunch.

"Hey! Where ya goin', anorexic?"

Nina turned to look at the boys who followed her outside, sighing as she ignored them and muttered to herself.

"Same shit as before.."

"What is it, Jeff? You finally got that sex change?"

"Jeff? who's Jeff?"

"Oh, right, that's your 'dead name'. Sorry, nInA!"

Randy saw the two outside, approaching and looking at the situation. At this point, Troy and Keith were hardly people he wanted to associate with anymore. He didn't want to bully people anymore, to hurt anyone else with these two dopes.

"C'mon, you two. We've got bigger fish to fry."

"What? We're just..introducing her to the neighborhood."

"We're going."

"You her boyfriend or something?"

Randy approached Keith, looming over the ginger with a subdued anger in his eyes.

"Maybe I should beat your fucking ass, Keith. Teach you your fair share of respect."

When his "friend" stepped back in surprise and fear, Ellsworth couldn't help but feel just a little bit satisfied with himself. Damn, that felt good.

"Alright, I'm coming..Jesus."

When the three left, Nina, who was just..caught up in all of this, looked on in confusion as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

"Sheesh..who is this Jeff kid, anyway? Heh, maybe I could buy some drugs or something off of him."

She joked to herself, the rest of school carrying on without incident.

Chapter 17: Breaking away

It was the same walk home as usual. The same cool air, the same autumn leaves flowing through the wind, the same desolate suburbia that New Orleans had become. Liu passed the Wallace Street sign that signaled the closeness of his house, his hands interlocked with Natalie's. He was about to cross the train tracks, but then he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Liu fuckin' Woods. How the hell've you been, little man?"

Keith Winchester. Alone. With a baseball bat.

"This is the same street your brother attacked me on. Poetic, ain't it?"

Liu felt that he wasn't gonna get out of this without violence, but he didn't expect this kid, who from what he remembered hearing, had a pretty cushy life, was going to try and attack him and Nat, of all people with a baseball bat. It was metal, too, so he had to have gotten it from his dad or something. Natalie was more annoyed than frightened, however, and began walking toward the bully.

"Oh, you think you're-"

What came next horrified Liu; the awful sound of aluminum striking flesh full force rang out as Keith bashed her upside the head with his weapon. Liu's conscious quickly gave way to let Sully in, and he charged at Keith, who raised the bat above his head to strike Liu down as well, but a hard punch to the gut quickly doubled the boy over. Sully quickly followed up by grabbing Keith's ears and headbutting him, knocking him to thee ground in a daze. Liu felt like he was outside of his own body, just..watching it all unfold. Sully grabbed the baseball bat and struck Keith in the ribs, then again in the shoulder, again to his ribs. A strike to his ankle came next, causing Keith to cry out in pain louder than before. Sully then heard the loud bells of a train arriving and grabbed Keith's leg, grabbing him and then throwing him down against the tracks, placing a foot against his back so he couldn't escape. The train grew closer and closer, the panic of the situation began slowly rushing back to Liu, as Natalie's voice called out to him;

"LIU, NO!!"

Suddenly, Liu regained control, and before the train could kill Keith, he pulled him out of the way of the speeding train, the shock on his face mirroring his. Keith limped away as Natalie rushed over to Liu's side.

"Liu, what the hell was that?! You nearly killed him!"

"I-I don't know, I just..s-snapped!"

"...I've never seen you that..angry, before..that scared me, Liu. It's like..you were a different person."

"I...I guess it was.."

"C'mon, I'll be fine. He hits hard, goddamn it..you got an ice pack or something?"

Liu grabbed an ice pack from his backpack and gently pressed it up to his girlfriend's face, half of him internally cursing himself for not killing that Keith motherfucker for hitting Natalie, and the other just happy that this whole event was over and done with.

3 days passed, and Keith hadn't gotten any better. He could tell Randy was about to split, and Troy..Troy was as dopey as he usually was, that relentless apathy toward all the cruelty and the violence, it was disturbing at times. Still, Keith had agreed to drive the three out to this junkyard he frequented, helped him separate from the outside world. They'd decided that a couple of good-for-nothing cars in an abandoned junkyard would be the perfect tourniquets for their frustrations, and Keith's father played lots of baseball, so they had weapons to use in such..venting. Troy and Randy were having a fair bit of fun there, making crude jokes and smashing old cars to pieces, but Keith was busy letting out all of the frustration, the anger he had for the Woods brothers and what they'd done to him. The car he was smashing apart was nearly about to collapse on it's own as Winchester screamed curse word after curse word, striking the derelict with hit after hit. Once he was finished, he noticed the two other teenagers looking at him. Troy looked amazed at what his friend did, whilst Randy just seemed...concerned.

"Are..are you alright, dude?"

"No, I'm not alright!! Jeff, Liu, those two fucks have been on my mind ever since the shit with the forest happened! Everybody thinks I'm a fucking weakling, thanks to those two! Well, news flash, I am NOT a weakling!!"

"Keith, we'll get those two eventually, alright? They've hurt you, and that means they hurt all of us. Nobody hurts us."

"Right..they're the bigger fish you mentioned when you pussied out over that Nina girl, right?"

"I didn't pussy out, Keith! We need to get after those shitters and not after some weird 17 year old!"

"You..You lie through your teeth, don't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You left your journal in my car, Randall. I decided to pore through it, and what do I find? Page after page of you whining about us, saying you want me and Troy gone from your life! We were friends!"

"People change, Keith, and I changed. A-After that fire, I realized that it was wrong..all of it was wrong! This bullying shit, it isn't okay! We're making other people feel like shit for our own enjoyment, that's sick!"

Randy let out an exasperated sigh as he sat on the roof of a car, clasping his hands together as he searched for the sort of words he thought could properly express how he's changed. Maybe his story would..resonate with Keith. Troy let out a small chuckle as he laid on a car hood and watched the drama unfold.

"I've never been the best with expressing myself, Keith. People would get mad at me when I said some shit that pissed them off, I didn't have a goddamn clue as to how I was supposed to talk to people. That's why I started all of this, why I started bullying people. People didn't really like me, but it was for a reason I could understand for once! But, now..after I lit Jeff on fire, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore."

"Oh, that's why?! You can't fucking talk right?! Randy, I've gotten arrested for you, you know that?! I took the fall for you for those vandalism charges when we set that old shed on fire, and was because you apparently had a fucking speech impediment."

"Keith, calm down-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

Randy just shook his head as Keith stormed away, snatching his baseball bat out of Randy's hands. Troy soon got up and followed, looking Ellsworth dead in the eyes as he passed him.

"You suck some off, y'know that?"

"And you swallow, prick."

Once Keith and Troy left, Randy smiled to himself, something he hadn't done ever since the incident. It was like a giant weight had been lifted from his chest, so after taking in the bliss of being free of those two, he stood up and began heading home. He'd finally broken away from those two.

#creepypasta #liu woods #jeffery woods #jeff the killer #sully #tw so much bad shit happens that i cant even list it

[whatifwekilledgodandwebothgirls]

.

TW. DONT READ IF MENTIONS OF THE WAR BETWEEN RUSSIA AND UKRAINE, POSSIBILITIES OF A WORLD WAR, DEATH, IMPENDING DOOM, OR THE CURRENT WORLD SITUATION DISTURB YOU . READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. * you dont have to believe anything i say im a stranger on the internet my world should have no effect on how you live your life *

so were all probably gonna die . And i know, im not suposed to say that i know its probably not very possible that its going to be from a third world war . But the world is going to shit and i feel so fucking bad and i cant fucking do this anymore

Im so fucking tierd of everything . I feel like shit all the time and i dont need the litreal weight of the world on my shoulders .everything is going to shit . Everything . People are litreally losing their minds left and right because of everything that has happened recently. First the pandemic and then the war scares and the constant riots shit .the world is coming to an end . Very much . Global warming, war , famin , whatever the other horsmen are . Its not even paranoia or even a bit absurd to think we are all gonna meet our end as a race soon ( fucking bare with me i do end with a more positive note ). We live in very bad times and the internet is a very very shitty place to try to exist in . All the information about everything all the time is very bad for anyone , especially for young people. Teenagers , such as myself , should have to find more reasons to be miserable.

So picture this . Youre young ( im not saying my age online even though it litreally doesnt matter at this point its more symbolic than anything else) and every singe shine is saying that you are gonna have a shitty rest of youre life . Youve already lost 2 years to covid you will probably lose more . What do you do . Live . Just fucking make it through , one day at a time even if its the only thing you do . Make sure you enjoy yourself because this might me your final chance . If every moment matters because we will all at one point die , just make sure yiu have had a good life before it happens. Life is beutiful, its pretty and its nice and its full of tiny little details that are so worth enjoying . Just enjoy yourself n love people in youre life. Live life like its the last day on earth because fuck it if it really is the end of the world make it a bloody good one. Just hang on please . Ask that boy out . Kiss that girl. Tell your mom you love her . Go out and fucking eat out with all your friends. Play spin the bottle . Make a bucket list . Nothing in life matters , so nothing has any consequences. Just do whatever . Its fine

#war #ukrain #russia #ww3 #ar says things

[frenchphobic]

long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#dream smp #dsmp #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken

[janeyseymour]

me shitting on my shithead ex

TWs: abuse, domestic violence, manipulation, panic attacks, probably others... so if this doesn't sound like something you wanna read, feel free to skip.

it’s literally just me bitching about my shithead ex. Mum is not “Mum” here. I’m a cold, bitter person in this. I let my rage out, and truly channel a bitch here. 

Alright listen up mama has a lot of ✨trauma✨

Sooooo…. My life is one big trauma and I love that for me lmao

My family life was shit for a while, and I was a whole shitshow in myself until… well I’m still a shitshow honestly, but uh, we can dive into that another time if you want lmao I have enough baggage to share with this story right here. My family situation is a whole other story lmaoooooooooo 

Well, senior year I meet this boy. And he was real sweet (this is shithead ex).

We dated for 2 1/2 years. 2 1/2 very long years. I wore rose tinted glasses for the first year and a half. Like I said, he was sweet.

Well, for the first 9 months that we dated, he didn’t have a job. He ended up getting a job at a local deli… only to lose said job 2 months later. For the next however long we dated, mans went through 5 other jobs… dick’s sporting goods, a waitress at a local restaurant, real estate agent, caretaker of dogs, and finally working with his father who said if he wasn’t his son he would have fired him too. 

Mans also “went to college” for a semester, failed, and told me that he didn’t know why he wasn’t getting his grades… man didn’t attend classes, didn’t pay for said classes and failed… that’s why.

I was able to overlook this for a while. 1 1/2 years actually.

Well, rose tinted glasses came off on my 19th birthday. My friends wanted to hang out, and he literally stopped me from going. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends because “I don’t like your friends” okay well I didn’t fucking ask… “You’re gonna fuck them” … no I’m not??? They’re like my brothers, and I was in love with him… not them??

All we did was fight from then on… things like “you’re not allowed to wear that… other boys will look at you…” “why would you wear that out? you look like a whore” “why do you insist on eating healthy can’t we just get a burger and be done” “you shouldn’t drink all of that coffee it's bad for you” “why cant you ever stay awake?” “you’re letting yourself go.” “are you fucking kidding me”

Manipulation was strong. I tried to leave so many times but couldn’t. It was the “I can’t live without you babe” and “No one would ever love someone as broken as you”

I was abused for the last year of that relationship because I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough and I would never be capable of being loved again. Because well, he loved me, right? If I left… I don’t really know. (LMAO I really am Jane in this way… and he truly was my HenRat)

And then it got physical. I was going to school full-time, working crazy amounts of hours at my job, and really only had time to see him late at night after work. We would settle in on his couch, and I would either do homework or we would watch television. He didn’t like when I did homework. Oftentimes when we would watch tv, I would fall asleep. I was EXHAUSTED. 18 credits worth of school and babysitting and working at a gym almost full time is a hard feat, let me tell you. He didn’t like that. He would shake me awake. Now, I don’t bruise. I just have a skin complexion where I dont bruise. I would fucking bruise… and he knew it. I would tell him it hurt me. He would do the usual “oh baby I’m so sorry it won’t happen again” only for it to happen again. This led to panic attacks... terrible anxiety. 

And then it was the “come on babe we never do anything anymore” to which I would reply with “can we please just not? I’m tired and I just want to relax”… and he wouldn’t take it for an answer. Rough nights for me… physically, mentally, emotionally.

It took me a year to get out of that relationship. Now, for being as young as I am… that’s a long time. Covid hit, we were all quarantined, and I stopped seeing him (even though I was working in public) because “my dad is high risk”. Best two weeks of my life, not having to see him. I didn’t FaceTime him, I barely even talked to him other than “morning” and “goodnight” texts. I drove to his house one day after work and literally said “we can’t keep doing this. We’re both miserable, and I can’t do this anymore. We have to break up.” And I drove away and never looked back. And I don’t regret it one bit. I do regret not getting out of that relationship sooner.

That being said, it has left me royally fucked. I see every red flag, every hint of any red flag, and I refuse to put myself in that situation again.

I’m genuinely content with the progress I’ve made on myself, and I refuse to let anyone ruin the progress I’ve made.

So, thank you shithead ex for more trauma to add onto my already extensive list of traumatic things that have happened to me. You truly deserve to get wrecked, and I am so much better off without you. I’m better than I ever thought I could be. truly, get fucked. 

Despite all of the absolute SHIT I’ve been put through in this very short time I’ve been alive, I still do my best to come out of it stronger, better, and with as much love in my heart as I can (although I guess it’s pretty ironic i say this considering this is just one big rant about how I fucking hate someone)

[of-faunsandyellowflowers]

The IUD is bad too. It stops fertilized eggs from implanting (it kills these children).

😂😂😂😂😂 bro

BRO you did NOT just come at me with ur shitty Christian point of view about birth control

Tw: abortion, sex, miscarriage, pregnancy, and all that comes with that.

Eggs, are not children.

Just as sperm, are not children.

Taking birth control does not kill children. Eggs are not children, nor are embryos. It's clear you are lacking the scientific knowledge behind this as many many MANY pro lifers do.

Lemme break it down for you:

Sure, one could say that the majority of people who take many forms of birth control use it to not get pregnant. That? Isnt abortion. It's a tool we use in order to not have a child when we are not ready, or if we don't want any kids at all.

The person who has a uterus is the one who gets the make the choice if they want to become pregnant, or not. Not you, not someone with a penis, each individual person who has a uterus.

But birth control isnt JUST for not getting pregnant. Theres a long long long list of illnesses, diseases, hormonal imbalances, syndromes, disorders, etc that are all helped with birth control. That's the case for me. I had awful painful periods and raging issues with emotions, as well as bleeding so much I'd pass out from low iron. My iud helps control my disorder and prevents me from losing too much blood, and just plain being miserable too.

Let's also mention you seem to be lacking the knowledge of what goes on during periods as well. I'm going to break it down for you during our 28 day cycle that happens monthly from ovulation to menstruation because I think it's important you learn this. This is standard and is slightly different for everyone, but it's still good info. And you're welcome, for me taking the time to teach you too btw

I'm going to use a gender neutral format, though this information is from womenshealth.gov. I had to change the terms to fit gender neutral, as not everyone who has a uterus or a penis is cis.

28 day cycle:

Day 1 starts with the first day of your period. The blood and tissue lining the uterus (womb) break down and leave the body. This is your period. For many people, bleeding lasts from 4 to 8 days. Hormone levels are low. Low levels of the hormone estrogen can make you feel depressed or irritable.

Days 1 through 5

During Days 1 through 5 of your cycle, fluid-filled pockets called follicles develop on the ovaries. Each follicle contains an egg. An egg is not a child.

Between Days 5 and 7, just one follicle continues growing while the others stop growing and are absorbed back into the ovary. Levels of the hormone estrogen from the ovaries continue rising.

By Day 8 the follicle puts out increasing levels of estrogen and grows larger. Usually by Day 8, period bleeding has stopped. Higher estrogen levels from the follicle make the lining of the uterus grow and thicken. The uterine lining is rich in blood and nutrients and will help nourish the embryo if a pregnancy happens, however once again, this is not a child, it is cells. Estrogen helps boost endorphins, which are the “feel good” brain chemicals that are also released during physical activity. You may have more energy and feel relaxed or calm.

Day 14

A few days before Day 14, your estrogen levels peak and cause a sharp rise in the level of luteinizing hormone (LH). LH causes the mature follicle to burst and release an egg from the ovary, called ovulation, on Day 14. A person with a uterus is most likely to get pregnant if they have sex on the day of ovulation or during the three days before ovulation (since the sperm are already in place and ready to fertilize the egg once it is released). A person with a penis sperm can live for three to five days in a person with a uterus reproductive organs, and a person with a uteruses egg lives for 12 to 24 hours. In the few days before ovulation, your estrogen levels are at their highest. You may feel best around this time, emotionally and physically. Again, eggs and sperm are not children, and neither are embryos. They are cells.

Over the next week (Days 15 to 24), the fallopian tubes help the newly released egg travel away from the ovary toward the uterus. The ruptured follicle on the ovary makes more of the hormone progesterone, which also helps the uterine lining thicken even more. If a sperm joins with the egg in the fallopian tube (this is called fertilization), the fertilized egg will continue down the fallopian tube and attach to the lining of the uterus (womb). Pregnancy begins once a fertilized egg attaches to the womb. This is an egg/embryo, again, not a child, its cells. People can have miscarriages during any point of pregnancy..

Day 24 through 28

If the egg is not fertilized, it breaks apart. Around Day 24, your estrogen and progesterone levels drop if you are not pregnant. This rapid change in levels of estrogen and progesterone can cause your moods to change. Some people are more sensitive to these changing hormone levels than others. Some women feel irritable, anxious, or depressed during the premenstrual week but others do not.

In the final step of the menstrual cycle, the unfertilized egg leaves the body along with the uterine lining, beginning on Day 1 of your next period and menstrual cycle.

And THAT is what a normal cycle looks like.

However, it's not like that for all of us. Theres endometriosis, alongside other disorders and illnesses that affect the uterus and can cause a lot of pain, hormone imbalances, so forth.

Source: womenshealth.gov

So, a person who has a period and doesnt get pregnant, the egg is shed. Does that mean their killing a kid too? No.

What about people who cant shed eggs? Nope.

Beyond that: what about sperm?

If you wanna take that route, any time a guy ejaculates, hes killing multiple of his sperm, aka to you: kids.

And this also happens during fertilization, because thousands of sperm try to enter the egg and only one is successful. Does that mean thousands of children are dying? Nope! Just cells!

Thousands of eggs and sperm die every day. That's just natural.

Cells are also things like: shed skin, shed hair, spit, fingernail clippings. The only difference is that each has an individual purpose. Sex cells are not children.

Now let's talk about the people who CANNOT have kids, or are at high risk for pregnancy. We use birth control for our health.

Is someone who sheds eggs but cant get pregnant killing their kids? No, that would be a ridiculous thing to say.

Is someone who uses birth control because pregnancy would be EXTREMELY hard on their body killing their kids? No, that would be a ridiculous thing to say.

People also have miscarriages.

People also have the right to abortion, and it's not your right to know why either.

Pregnancy, and raising a child is not for everyone. We have so many kids in abusive homes, so many kids in foster care that never get adopted, so many kids who grow up with mental illness due to their parents not wanting them.

Pregnancy can be incredibly hard, especially for someone like me who has chronic pain, amongst other things. It can also be incredibly risky and people have died just from being pregnant alone.

Many fetuses develop deformities, alongside disorders rhat are severe and would not produce a very long life, or they will not live healthy, happy lives if born.

Some fetuses turn stillborn.

For others, it worsens their mental health.

For some, they do not want children, or cannot have them.

Birth control helps all these people.

I know I'm probably forgetting shit on this, and people with credible info that's science based can add on.

But simply put: birth control isnt bad. It's not abortion. It doesnt kill children, and quite frankly isnt yours to choose if people take it, its none of your business why they take it, and it's not your right to take it away from us.

And again: people with uteruses are not yours to impregnate. We are not yours to be baby making machines. We are people who deserve happiness and a chance at a happy life without your desire to see us pregnant

it's our choice, not yours.

#pro choice #birth control #depo #iud #abortion #miscarriage #periods #menstration #science #health #menstual health #the pill #people with uteruses #uteruses #sperm

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

#discourse #tw discourse #tw: discourse #sav talks

[enderspawn]

🎼 (I can’t find the correct emoji lol) exile arc tommy?

Oh boy! (opens up breakdown playlist) /hj

Montreal – Penelope Scott

Sleep with a Baseball Bat – Cosmic Johnny

Brother – Gerard Way

breakdown under cut, tw for suicidal ideation on the first song esp

1.       Montreal – heehee hoohoo suicidal/depression thoughts baby!!

I mean in short this is tommy saying he wont Survive exile. The intro of the song lists when the singer would be home from college/school and that “another 90 day summers gonna take [their] fucking life” which is rlly just. Tommy not gonna live THAT long in exile.

“And I would rather die And let me make it clear It's nobody's fault But I think we all know That I won't make it to Montreal”

So the thing here is that its “nobody’s fault” bc on one hand it is that he doesn’t blame tubbo but worse he doesn’t blame DREAM. Its just meant to happen, its not bc of anybody, yknow?

“And I would rather die I'll jump before I'll fall And I'm having lots of fun But I won't make it Montreal”

Mans tried to jump to his death before he “fell” whether bc of dream or an accident, hes makin the active CHOICE to end it rather than just waiting. Even w the fun he’s having w dream, he’s miserable and he knows he wont make it to see lmanberg again

“You like to talk about the future As if it's real And when you tell me that you love me I can almost feel it”

Dream keeps promising him stuff for the future. Maybe he can visit to see the tree, maybe he can get another visit, maybe he wont be alone. But tommy doesn’t care, its all fake to him (which like, it is so good for him but fjkdlsjf)

“It's not that it's a bad plan No, the plan fucking slapped I was so excited you don't know how bad I wanted all of it The coffee shop, the weather, the apartment But I don't want anything anymore I don't know, I guess I just got bored”

Okay so. Tommy kept trying to get shit together to leave, right? He wanted to go back so bad and have this domestic life w his friends but in the end he just got so downtrodden that after his shit got blown up he was so ready to just GIVE UP.

“And I don't wanna die I don't wanna get left behind But it's better half than none I hope to god you have some fun”

He doesn’t want to be in this situation, he still CARES abt the lmanberg crew but in the end hes been told that they’re happy WIHTOUT him. He’s not angry at them, not anymore, he just wants them to be happy bc he isn’t.

2.       Sleep with a Baseball Bat – tommy and dream relationship baby!!

“And every time you wake up Thinking this could be the day Well something, something just”

Every day in exile he had no real plans. He just had to exist out there alone and hope someone else came. This IS the day he can do…. Something. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a goal.

“And when your love is an anxiety attack Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat”

Hes been manipulated into thinkin dream is his friend, that dream “loves” him but it makes him miserable! Hes paranoid and stressed and falling apart!! Boy!!! Fjdsklfj

“Siena says you’re getting used But something’s broken in your head And you can’t run away when you need to”

The other ppl who visited him, like ranboo, KNEW something was happening and that he was in a bad place but tommy had been manipulated by dream so much that he couldn’t process it. No, dream couldn’t be bad, dream was his friend, right? He couldn’t leave exile, dream would be upset. Its all what DREAM wants, not tommy.

“Hey, space cadet Are you still floating round the rock That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from? And does it at least look different from up there?”

OKAY SO ONE. SPACE CADET? THAT’S CLARA BABY!! TWO: he spent ALL his time on this server fucking fighting dream, trying to “get away from” him. But now hes stuck “floating around” with him as his “friend”. The last line feels sarcastic and bitter but like. FUCK it hits, yknow??

“It might take a couple tries till you believe it But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it But you still have to take a couple of falls And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls So batter up Is your bed made? Is your helmet on?”

HAPPY ENDING POG!! HE STARTS HEALING!!!! HE STARTS REALIZING DREAM WASN’T HIS FRIEND!!! He still “falls” and relapses into wanting dream w him but hes so much better!!! Also,,,,, “is your helmet on” w the turtle shell helmet (eyes emoji)

3.       Brother – IF TECHNO AND TOMMY NOT BROTHERS WHY THIS SON—(gunshot rings out)

Okay so on a serious note this song is abt addiction and while I don’t want to take away from that Serious Topic, it Does relate but w tommy dealing w his ptsd of dream

“And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up And can I sleep on your couch To the pound of the ache and pain? Oh, in my head 'Cause I'm awake all night long To the drums of the city rain”

Hhrhnrng staying at technos place to hide from dream and get better a lil JFKDLSJK. Also “the drums of the city rain” is referenced a LOT in this song but like. It keeps him up so,,,,,, dream JFKDLSJF. Mans barely ever slept in exile so it WORKS okay jfkdlsjf

“The lights we chase The nights we steal The things that we take to make us feel this (To the drums of the city rain)”

This is him and techno livin together!! Like in the first chorus you could see lights we chase being tommy finding techno’s place, then later it’s the lights of lmanberg as they sneak in. the nights they steal is both just time spent together and also straight up the times they stole shit JFKDSLJ. “the things that we take to make us feel” is the gapples tommy always eats so that he can feel safe (also, bc in the og song this is PROBABLY abt drugs and potions are drugs in universe so. Arguably getting a potion effect from the apple means it is Also Drugs? Fjdkslfj)

“I can't go back I don't think I will I won't sleep tonight as long as I still Hear the drums of the city rain”

Go back to logstedshire or lmanberg you ask?? The answer is yes. Both. He feels like he doesn’t belong in lmanberg and logstedshire is too traumatizing for him to return at this point. As long as he “hears the drums of the city rain”, or is thinking of dream, he Cant Sleep:tm:

“Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? 'Cause I believe that every night There's a chance we can walk away So hold on tight Because I won't wait too long In the drums of the beating rain”

Okay so hear me out but. This is just tommy and dream. “I believe that every night theres a chance we can walk away” is tommy hoping desperately for dream to let him go home, to walk away from logstedshire. He never will be permitted, not really, but theres a chance that tommy clings to. He wont “wait too long” while out in exile and stuck w dream bc hes desperate and miserable (also fun fact these analysis is basically me just pmv’ing shit in my head and rambling vaguely abt it but like. Listen,,,, flashback verse jfkdsljf) ALSO. The line “does anyone have the guts to shut me up” in relation to exile!tommy is just VERY important to me. Mans was so quiet and afraid to speak up when in exile.

“'Cause the nights don't last And we leave alone Will you drive me back? Can you take me home? (To the drums of the city rain)”

Following up that last paragraph, this is still in flashback. The days end and dream leaves again, making tommy alone. He asks if he can go back, if he can see home and lmanberg and everyone. But echoing the “to the drums of the city rain” after home CAN imply that “home” has become logstedshire WITH DREAM even tho it keeps him up and aaAAAAAHHHH

I swear this ends up okay and techno + tommy focused fjkdsljf

“Faces I don't know I am tired in the glow”

He feels isolated from everyone during his exile and lashes out at those who visit, to the point he feels like they’re all more or less strangers and “faces he doesn’t know”. Being tired in the glow is, imo, him over the lava.

“Of the freezing club Keep me breathing Don't make the lights come back Can you take me home? We all need this When we leave alone”

Hhhngg okay so tommy breakdown time! Hes in techno’s house (the freezing club) and is just pleading for techno to help. Don’t let “the lights come back” (lava again maybe? He doesn’t want to be Like This?) and just wants to feel like hes at home because hes just left exile and hes Messed Up Over It

“Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down To the place we can hear them play I miss that sound 'Cause now we don't sing so loud To the drums of the city rain”

OKAY SO THEY MAY NOT BE CANON FAMILY BUT WILBUR REMEMBERS SPARRING W TECHNO AS A KID AND PHIL IS HIS CLOSE FRIEND SO THEY STILL KNEW EACH OTHER AS KIDS SO SHUSH FJSDKL. Tommy just wants things to go back to how they were, before everything. When things were easy and they were kids just having fun. He misses it. Before exile, before lmanberg, before dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re stuck in this now. With his brother dead and his closest friend being the man who killed his best friend and helped blow up his country. Again, the drums of the city rain is dream. Because of his influence, its all different.

Hhhngngngn this is too long so I wont go into the last outro bc you can interpret it a LOT of ways, esp depending on how you want to Pace this song w the exile arc. But like. The analysis is THERE if you really wanna push it/animatic it babeyyy

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #exile arc #HHHHNG IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE JFKLDSJ #I PROMISED MYSELF ID FINISH THIS ASK GAME UP AND WOULDNT GO IN DEPTH AS MUCH THEN DID EXACTLY THAT W THREE SONGS JFKDSL #tommy #answered #song ask game #listen the last song is a LIL bit of a stretch but its my playlist i get to put in the not depressing song fjdkls #Anonymous

[moonlighthobi]

cutting off a friend

TW // toxic friend, transphobia, racism

im pretty sure we have all thought "ugh myabe i should cut that friend off" or well.. i hope you havent but then again i feel like its pretty normal?? right??? at least i have, and its kinda funny or you know its not BUT i have talked about cutting this friend of for YEARS.. like i literally tweeted three years ago about it, but never did anything

i cut them off now, and its..its very nice. the beginning of the year (i know cliché of me to do it when a new year starts but nvm) i decided to cut contact. basically i didnt reach out to them, and well guess what??? yep they didnt reach out either.. which shows just how much that 10 YEAR friendship actually meant for them.. basically they would only reach out when they needed to talk shit about other friends or when something happened in their life and they needed to vent about it...if they asked about me i would start to talk about something and they would go "oh thats just like" and then turning the conversation to themselves..and it was all just very toxic, and like looking back they really just used me..BUT okay back to story line, they ended up calling me, i didnt see the call though so i texted them asking why they called, and so the talk started

the talk was basically me telling them why i cut contact and them playing the victim.. to make it short, i cant see myself be friend with someone who doesnt support basic human rights.. this person has multiple times used the wrong pronouns for one of THEIR friends, and even after i corrected them i saw no change.. multiple times said its okay, as a white person, to say the n-word if its in a song because youre "just singing along". this is just two examples, the list goes on. but after i explained why i cut contact, they just denied every single thing ??? like EVERY single thing ??? like ???? at least own up to it and apologize instead of just denying it ?? but they did deny everything

so the conversation basically ended with them denying everything and saying how i have already painted a picture of them being a bad person, even though they KNOW theyve said all of this because i have called them out so many times, but they just never listened.

i have however learned from it, and i cant deny, we have had some fun times together but that doesnt make up for everything else.. will i miss them??? i will miss the fun and the memories but i wont miss them as a person

#friends #toxic friends #ending friendships #cutting of a friend

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

#shrimp answers #shrimp rambles #food ment tw #fighting ment #fighting tw #drug ment tw #drug ment #smoking tw #needle mention #unsanitary #unsanitary tw #r slur #r slur tw #man all it really takes is a peek at these tags and u already get a decent idea #i hate it here but moving causes me too much stress #esp rn hoooooooo boy #i wanna weather this out until i can afford to have my own place entirely on my own #i don't like having roommates they make me very anxious and if i hear them talking about someone #i instantly feel like its me like theyre talking shit about me they hate me they hate me #aaaahhhhhh

[homestucky]

Davekat fic recs?

hrrmm wow i will have to think. ill probs just check my bookmarks which means i probably wont be able to think of many one chapter fics off the top of my head since i dont tend to bookmark them. also some that havent been updated in yrs i wont put here bcaus thats just frustrating unless theyre rlly notable and may come back i may not link them

also disclaimer that while im not super into smut so its unlikely im gonna recommend just porn fics, some may have some sexy times incidentally i suppose. also a lot of them are dave centric/dave POV bcaus hes my BOY

M.C. Escher that’s my favourite MC by Unda (COMPLETE)  is a wild ride and long but i recommend for sure, very well written n thought out. also check out the other fics in the series bcaus if i recall correctly there are some other shorter fics that unda wrote to give some background or develop characters. but theyre also really great even stand-alone! its finished now and i followed it the whole time :0. cw for child abuse and death 

Within, Without by reinkist (COMPLETE)  i actually read a long time ago so i dont remember it so well. i do remember thinking it was pretty great tho, so i do recommend it. i should probably go back for a reread some time. its just a really good meteor fic that explores everything you’d want it to, and does that well, u kno? its like the fic that u wanted to exist but couldnt find. but here it is!

Doc Scratch’s School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical  (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED)is great, its like a multichapter magic/superhero au thing. its fun and characters in it are rlly well developed, like, i do enjoy a davekat fic which has a good and significant rose characterisation in there too. but theres some serious plot goin in in here too…. very exciting. 

To Be Taken Care Of by shitstuck  (COMPLETE)is good, its god some deep convos about troll v human culture and stuff, some rosemary too. bit of body horror but if i can handle it its not too bad. i just reread it lol. the epilogue changes the tone of things a bit n id be interested to know other peoples thoughts on that ;_;

Don’t Forget the Sun by Weevilo707 is rlly good but sadly NOT COMPLETE AND HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN AGES :@!! hope the authors doin ok  (EDIT: APPARENTLY the author is not planning on updating this one again, but i still think its a good read :^) )

Book Covers by turntechGeneticist717  (COMPLETE) is rlly great also!! big recommend. dave is lookin after a babby dirk as his big brother in college. i havent read it in a while but i remember when it was updating being like !!!!!!!!!!!Aaa!! also there are others in the series so take a look :)

The Truth is in the Eyes by AcrylicMist  (COMPLETE)is like a rlly mythological/fantasy interpretation of canon post game which is very cool????? like the world is sort of medieval or something but w the gods n magicky stuff. rlly interesting. , very dope again havent read it in a while and am running out of steam for ranting about fics but!! yea its sweet w an intriguing plot

The Eurydice Suite by callmearcturus  (COMPLETE) !!!!!!!!!!! i love this fic so much like its bonkers n i just. its like an inception sort of inspired au and i have NEVER watched inception but im just super into the concept. its just. a rlly amazing well written fic w perfect pacing and characterisation like the plot is like a beautiful spider web where time flicks back and forth yet makes perfect sense. theres such a sense of atmosphere. ive reread it so many times. also!!1111111 i love the dave in it, and i love the strilondes family relationsy stuff!! i also feel like it ties everything up rlly nicely despite having like all the main characters in it p much. hell yeaaaa. its my fav by this author whos an AMAZING writer like they just DROP U IN to the world with so much confidence and drop context and background in at a perfect pace so ur never confused but always intrigued. but often i find the atmosphere in their fics almost TOO intense u know?? like i feel like i wake up in a ditch after reading one like wh,,h who am i?? i hate using this word but the writing is weirdly like… “sensual” which i think means the writing is great, rlly strong atmosphere but im not  always 100% able to handle it. this one does not make me feel so dazed and its just.. yess

The Lucky Ones by daniomalley (COMPLETE) is another one i followed as it came out. a cool spacey au. sorry i cant think of anything else to say aaaa

Off Court by levvan (ON HIATUS?) is great tho strong themes of abuse from the start. not that none of the above have that if i havent said so uhhhh yea be wary of the tags i guess. but yes. 

three rounds and a sound by skitpost (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) is rlly great, like a magic school au. very excited to see whats gonna happen next :0

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) byLandOfMistAndSecrets (COMPLETE) is TECHNICALLY a dirkjake fic but it has very cute little pastiches of other characters and the DK ones are very cute and well characterised

An Alien and a DJ Walk into a Bar (and Accidentally Start a Relationship) by Kadaaver (APPEARS TO BE ON HIATUS) i was p into when it was still updating. theres not actually MUCH relationship stuff yet if i recall correctly but still. good. and i enjoy the characterisation of dave being p socially anxious.

turntechGodhead is offline by forestknifefight (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) well relatively recently. i like this one a lot! theres some good beta kid friendship and some good karkat.

Astronomy in Reverse by PunkZucchini, sicklekind (ON HIATUS>??????) cute + features BIGKAT is i recall correctly

Bring You Down by acedavestrider (COMPLETE) idk what to say about this but thats not a criticism. its just a legit cute fic that is good for the heart. human au, earth n whatever. karkat is a student nurse!! yeaa! thats kind of incidental but i like it

Survival of the Richest by ireallyloveicecream (HIATUS???) theres not a lot of it but im so intrigued. some kind of a fae/magic fairy folk kinda thing

Californian Son by LivTC (COMPLETE BUT THERES MORE IN THE SERIES WHICH I HOPE WILL CONTINUE TO BE UPDATED ETC ETC) !! ok this one is kind of sexy n angsty and daves a REAL DICK in it but it rlly well written and i rlly wanna know more jijhihihu

First Contact by yesfir (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) !! its au but like idk scifi, humans having to make a deal with/coexist with trolls. space colonies!! this one is great… good character development and plot… does that great thing of pacing the revelations of the plot rlly gradually so ur like ! somethings happening here and i must know more!!!

Feathered by AlloftheFandom  (UNFINISHED, RECENTLY UPDATED) this ones exciting :3 karkat has only just been introduced to it. its like a magicky world w a bit of mild body horror so far. some good strilondes also… has anyone noticed that i need strilonde family relations in a fic i love….

Soulmates by egossweetheart  (UNFINISHED (fairly..?) RECENTLY UPDATED) this is a souleater au which i dont know a lot about??? but its cool, i am suitably intrigued. bit of body horror. idk as always check the tags. idek why im bothering to specify that. anyways,

 Vladimir and Estragon Cope with Their Trauma by Volo (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) afterlife au. so yea TW death. im into it tho

The Importance of Being Karkat by choicescarfsylveon (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) karkat has a radioshow, dave is kind of a dick. some parts of that change. i wont spoil which. theres something deeper goin on too…….. mysterios….

anyways here are some fics that i think are cool. sorry it took ages i just wanted to give it a good effort ukno?? its not an exhaustive list but its what i found. thanks to all these authors and hey, while we’re at it, all fanfic authors!! good work and i hope u all know how appreciated it is. anyways i have a headache so i guess ill finish this up. peace!

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #fanfiction #dave #karkat #ask #long post

[cherryjoong]

50 questions tag~

Tagged byyyy @prettyseonghwa this took so long. asdasdas but thank you it was fun!!

1: what takes up too much of your time?

This site. Video games. Daydreaming

2: what makes your day better?

Ellie! Every day no matter how awful I might be feeling, they are the light in that darkness.

3: what’s the best thing that happened to you today?

Ellie, also I woke up and there was a cat at my feet and one by my head.

4: what fictional place would you like to go?

Middle-Earth. For sure. Specifically the Shire.

5: are you good at giving advice?

I?? Try to be but sometimes it doesn’t work.

6: do you have any mental illness?

[TW! JUST MAJOR TW!] Oh lawdy here we go... PTSD from assault and secondary from a car accident. Bipolar (thanks mom), severe clinical depression, serious anxiety issues. Minor ADD.

7: have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

No, thank fuck. 

8: what musician inspired you the most?

Chester Bennington and Linkin Park. Even still.

9: have you ever fallen in love?

Yes. Very recently too. And I fell so very hard, so very fast. And I wouldn’t change it for the world!

10: what’s your dream date

Soft, lazy cuddles. 

11: what do other people notice about you?

No idea. But I hope it’s not something bad.

12: what is the annoying habit you have?

I can’t stop picking my nails. I even do it in my sleep. Not biting, just, picking.

13: do you still talk to your first love?

No. But that’s okay.

14: how many ex’s do you have?

Oof... Gonna guess?? 10??  I was a teenager once. And not the smartest one.

15: how many songs are on your playlist?

On my ‘everything’ one? Like 3.5k. On the one I listen to the most? 488.

16: what instruments can you play?

I used to know how to play a trumpet.

17:who do you have the most pictures of?

Cats... and probably Ateez. 

18: where would you like to go before you die?

Anywhere, as long as it’s with Ellie.

19: what is your zodiac?

Leo.

20: do you relate to it?

I’m honestly not sure. Sometimes.

21: what is happiness to you?

Love.

22: are you going through anything right now?

Yes. I’m still grieving. 

23: what is the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Dropping out of high school, though I don’t feel as if I really had a choice.

24: what is your favourite store?

The internet. You can get anything here.

25: what is your opinion on abortion?

My/your body, my/your choice.

26: do you have a bucket list?

Sort of.

27: do you have a favourite album at the moment?

I Prevail - Trauma (and ATEEZ Treasure EP 2)

28: what do you want for your birthday?

Ellie.

29: what are most people’s first impression of you?

That I’m nice, I think.

30: what age do you seem according to most people?

Middle aged. Like. 30. I have an “old soul”

31: where do you keep your phone while youre sleeping?

Table next to my head.

32: what word do you say the most?

Fuck.

33: what’s the oldest age you would date?

My ex was 10 years older than me so I don’t really seem to mind much. But I’d have to go with 40. 

34: what’s the youngest age you would date?

20.

35: what job/career do most people say would suit you?

Therapist. 

36: what’s your favourite music genre?

Rock. Metal.

37: If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Somewhere temperate, yet warm. Where it rains a lot.

38: what is your current favourite song?

Oh... Oh no... I CANT DECIDE. DON’T MAKE ME DECIDE. Right this second?? Probably Super Junior’s Islands. 

39: how long have you had this blog for?

According to the memories bot? 6 years.

40: what are you excited for?

Hmm... hopefully seeing Ellie sometime soon.

41: are you a better talker or listener?

Listener.

42: what is the last productive thing you do?

I dragged my ass out of bed. It’s the little things.

43: what do you want for Christmas?

Not sure.

44: what class do you get the best grades in?

Literature. Or at least that’s what it was when I gave a shit about my grades.

45: on a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling rn?

2

46: what can you see yourself doing In 10 years?

Growing a vegetable garden with 15 cats and the love of my life.

47: when did you get your first heart broken?

God, I have no idea.

48: at what age do you want to get married?

Whenever the right person asks me.

49: what career did you want to have as a child?

Paleontologist. 

50: what do you crave now?

Ellie. And also chocolate.

I’m tagging: @yeosangkang @minicovaa @yunhos-gf @softmingis @softforyunho @yooyonqha @multidino @ateezartblog @studying-mostly @sassy-kpop-glitter @gothicmingi @cutieyeosanggie and just?? anyone else. I’m half asleep and I’m probably missing some people.

#text

[royallyanxious]

Concept from your friendly resident roman loving anon: roman breaks his arm and is sad bc he cant perform with a broken arm so the other sides write loads of reassuring and happy comments on his cast to make him feel better (and u bet ur ass he keeps either the cast or a picture of it somewhere in his room to look back on) (you can also bet patton puts a pun like 'its break a leg not break an arm silly' on the cast)

Platonic LAMP

Word count: 1400ish

TW: broken bones

 "I had no ideathat Sides can break bones..." hummed Virgil examining Roman's cast. Smallsmile was tugged on his lips."I have a very weird feeling that my pain bring you alot of satisfaction.” Grunted Roman, leaning his head against the wall in hisroom. Virgil raised his gaze and sent an evil smirk hiding half ofhis face in the shadow of his bangs."That feeling evolves into certitude." Roman sighed.Virgil stuck out his tongue and took a step away, lettingPatton come closer."Oh, kiddo." sighed Patton letting his fingerstravel across the white cast "Why can't you be more careful..." hegently patted the injured hand. Roman growled quietly.

"Hey, Pat be careful, that bone is broken afterall." huffed out Virgil quietly."Would you mind telling me how did it happen?"asked Logan squatting next to the bed. His eyes were scanning the cast as if hewas trying to somehow look through it."Well..." Roman cleared his throat "That waslong and tiring battle. Both of us were blind with sweat which was covering ourforeheads an eyelids. I was barely standing on my legs and-""I was there. He fell off the ladder." cut himVirgil casually earning a death-glare from Roman. Logan snored.Patton's lips curled up but the politely tried to hide it byplaying with the paw of his onesie."I was decorating the stage when it started tremblingout of nowhere!" excused himself Roman "I thought I had this undercontrol-""He was singing When Will My Life Begin from Tangled andtrying to dance..." muttered Virgil."You could have caught me My Imbalanced Romance!""The only imbalanced thing there was the ladder and mayI remind you that I told you to calm down!" groaned Virgil."You could have caught me..." mumbled Roman."I was on the opposite side of the stage!" Virgilslammed his hand again the wall "Do you seriously think I wouldn't caughtyou if I could?" Virgil clenched his teeth and only then the othersunderstood how much he blames himself for this situation. His hand slipped downthe wall. "I’m sorry okay? I really am!” He looked truly heart-broken.

Roman smiled softly.

“Don’t sweat itVirgil, I should have been more careful. It’s my fault.” He re-assured theanxious side and sighed “Too bad the play will have to be postponed… I reallywas looking forward to show it to you guys…” Roman fixed his gaze at thepattern covering his pillow. His painted red nails were a little bit nervouslystroking little golden strings which were decorating each corner of the pillow.

“Hey, Ro…” Patton satthe right side of the bed, gently hugging Roman. “It’s fine kiddo. We can wait.At least you will have more time to learn the script. You got perscripted more time.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right Padre…” Romansmiled faintly, fidgeting with the buttons of his shirt. The other sides werewatching him cautiously. They knew how important this play was to Roman. He putall the effort into it, planning every step and every detail. “If you don’tmind guys I would prefer to stay alone for a while.” Said Roman finally chewingon his lips.

“You sure kiddo?”Patton tilted his head. He would prefer to keep an eye on the creative side.Logan delicately nudged Patton’s shoulder.

“Let’s give him somespace Patton. Roman needs to rest now.” The logical side said quietly and Romansmiled with gratitude.

“O-okay… If you needanything just let us know…” nodded Patton a little bit hesitantly.

“He can walk Patton. His arm is broken, not leg.” Reminded Virgil,holding the door open for the others to leave.

~~~

“We should dosomething to cheer him up!” pouted Patton, folding arms on the chest, makinghim look like a toddler.

“Agreed. He lookedincredibly upset with this unfortunate event.” Nodded Logan, tapping hisfingers against the table.

“I want to at least try to fix this…” mumbledVirgil.

“You say it’s yourfault one more time and I’m going to physically fight you.” Patton raised hisfinger and pointed it at Virgil, frowning.

“What do people usuallydo when their friends get sick?” asked Logan completely ignoring Patton. Thesilence fell in the common room.

“… Make them get-well-sooncards?” suggested Patton finally.

Virgil pulled up thesleeves of his hoodie, making a hoodie-paws.

“I mean… it is anidea but this is Roman we’re talking about. We can do better than that.”

Logan rubbed hischin.

“How about a chart?”

“A chart?” snortedVirgil.

“Yes, a chart showinghim how many famous actors suffered from having a broken arm.” Nodded Logancompletely serious.

“This one is a littlebit… too original.” Said Virgil carefully.

“We could spell onhis cast!” lightened up Patton suddenly.

“I think you meant “casta spell” Patton and although it would be very satisfactory to heal Roman thisway, I’m not sure any of us is able to achieve that.” pointed Logan politely,adjusting his necktie.

“No! I meant spell onhis cast! I saw it on some movie! A kid had a cast on their legs and theirfriends left cute, little notes on it! Like a magical spells!” Patton clappedwith delight.

“That could...actually work out.” Nodded Virgil.

“Even though from thelogical point of view this action is quite pointless, I  suspect this is something that could makeRoman feel better.” Said Logan finally after few moments of considering prosand cons of this proposition.

“Great! Since we all agree I’m gonna bring some crayons!”

~~~

“Now, Virgil you getthe purple one…” whispered Patton handing the anxious trait one of the colorfulcrayons “I will take the orange one and Logan-“

“I will take blue.”

“But the blue one isbroken.” Whined Patton quietly.

“That’s not of agreat importance if it’s broken or not. I still can write with it.” Loganwithout asking for permission reached for the blue crayon.

“So what’s the plan?”asked Virgil for the third time since they decided to do this.

“It’s easy. Basicallywe wait until Roman falls asleep, slip into his room and write small notes onhis cast. He will wake up to see a lot of nice things and that will put him inbetter mood!” explained Patton cheerfully. He was clearly excited with thewhole idea of sneaking in and out.

Virgil shushed him,peeking through the keyhole.

“I think he’s asleep.”He whispered to the others and gestured them to come closer to the doors. Logantook off his shoes to make less noise.

They crack opened thedoor. Indeed it seemed that Roman fell asleep. His chest was rhythmically raisingup and down and his face expression was much  more relaxed now.

The first one who wrotesomething was Patton. His tongue was sticking out as he was spreading more andmore of orange color across the white cast. Finally he looked at his work andnodded with content. He was done.

The next one was Logan.He took much more time than Patton, thinking twice before writing down eachletter.

The last one who approached sleeping Roman was Virgil. He hesitantly squattednext to the sleeping man and with a little bit shaking hand, scribbled fewwords on the edge of the cast. Taking one small glimpse at Roman he quicklybacked off.

Roman yawned and lookedat the clock, hanging on the wall.  Hehad been sleeping for two hours. The empty feeling was still aching him fromthe inside but at least he wasn’t so tired now. He wanted to get up, find therest of the sides and maybe eat something when his gaze fell at the white masscovering his arm. Only that now it wasn’t completely white.

Roman moved his armcloser to his eyes which almost immediately started filling up with hot tears.

“These guys…” hemumbled to himself “These guys are something else…” he said to himself readingthe small noted once again.

“It’s break a leg, not break an arm silly!” with a small drawing of a puppy next to it.

“I would love to remind you that I improve that saying. Fracture a femurRoman. But not literally this time.” Written with blue.

“…I hate both of these equally. Get well soon Princy.” Written in purple.

 “These guys aresomething else…” smiled Roman, the feeling of emptiness in his heart was gone.

UPDATED TAGLIST: @depressed-alone​ ​ @changeling-ash​ @dear-lover-dearest​ @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms​ @calmingthoughtsinyourhead​ @zo-geeky​ @fandomfreak-19​ @thegnatnat​ @inha-led​ @tree4life25​ @panic-at-theeverywhere​ @reallyanextrovertipromise  @shit-happens-bitchachos @pastel-patton123​ @pinkeasteregg​ @greymane902​ @princeyssash​ @ilovemygaydad​ @musicphanpie-b​ @all-these-trees-stealing-mah-o2@birosezz @winged-outlaw @anxious-fander-talian-bean @lizaelsparrow @moonstonefox12 @pastelnerd101  somecrappyclone

[sassysweetstories]

Second Chances

Request: “Im kinda crazy for chris argent of TW pls kindly do a fic about him where his highschool sweetheart is back in town n to teach in allison school. She was heartbroken by chris who choose allison mother over her before. But chris has his reason. Now that shes back, they cant deny that they still have feeling for each other. Make it angst pls. Thanks.” 

Ship: Chris Argent x Fem!Reader 

Warning: angst, swearing, fluff, minor kissing, yelling, mentions of cheating, fighting, etc. 

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners. 

Your P.O.V

[A few years ago..]

How could he? I thought to myself as I glare daggers at the back of my now ex-boyfriends head. So much for high school sweethearts.. He wraps his arm around Victoria, smiling as they dance across the floor, swaying to the music above us. They look like polar opposites. It was like watching the angel and the devil tango. Nobody liked it. And even though we broke up a few weeks ago, it still stings. We were the perfect couple after-all. I guess we weren’t perfect enough. Glancing back at my date, I force a smile despite the pain emulating within my heart. When he spins me around, I feel Chris’s eyes burning into the side of my face. Maybe he regrets his choice? I sure hope so.

[Now]

Glancing up at the sign, I sigh to myself. Mixed emotions plague my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to finally have the opportunity to teach. It had been something I’d always wanted to do, ever since I was a kid. But in all honesty, I was petrified. Sucking in a quick breath of fresh air, I head into my classroom and prepare for the day ahead. When the students start shuffling in, I start to feel more confident. That is until my gaze caught wind of a beautiful chocolate haired girl. She sat down in the middle of the classroom with a contagious smile. For some reason, she looked familiar.

Looking away, I ignore the weird feeling that begun to bubble inside my stomach. Glancing up at the list of names, I begun to call off- “Stiles Stilinski.” My eyes trailed to the hand raised. A boy who gave me a goofy grin. “Scott McCall.” The boy next to him waved his hand over to catch my attention, sporting a similar likable puppy dog smile. I can't help but return the respectable grin before continuing down the list until one name caught my eye.

Allison Argent

It can't be.. "Uh.. Allison Argent." The beautiful girl I saw earlier raised her hand and smiled. That’s why she looked familiar. She looks just like him. I stare at her for a second before asking, very much dreading the answer. “Do you happen to be related to Christopher Argent?” She nodded and smiled before saying, “Yeah, he’s my dad.” In that moment, my heart dropped and shattered into a million pieces. That bastard. She continued. “Why do you ask?” I have gotten fairly good at lying these past few years. Especially when it came to the protection of my own broken heart. 

So when I reply, my tone is calm and collective. “We went to high school together. Small world.” She nodded, genuinely intrigued by the topic. I finish calling off everyone’s names then proceed to educate the class on Hamlet, my favorite of Shakespeare’s many pieces. But I couldn’t for the life of me get the pang of pain out of my heart. Had he really moved on and stayed with Victoria and had a child? Pff, why do I even care? That was years ago. none of that should matter now. Except it does. At least in my heart it does. 

The next few weeks were not as easy as I thought they’d be. Every time I looked at the poor girl, I was reminded of the long tear filled nights I had spent crying over a boy who never really loved me. And instead of looking at her, I avoided all eye contact. It helped but I’d be lying if I said there still wasn’t this void within me. I file my work away and start to clean my classroom, which got surprisingly dirty quite quickly. Playing some soft turns from my old CD player, I almost hadn’t noticed a new body enter the room. “Hi, Allison. What can I do for you, hun?” 

She smiled at the nickname and entered. “My rides a little later and I was wondering if I could wait in here until he came? It’s pouring like crazy outside and it’s freezing in the halls.” I pull out the nearest chair and pat it, softly. “Of course, make yourself at home. I hope you don’t mind the music while I clean my room up. Ya know, you’d think I’d wrapped my head around the fact that kids are messy.” She giggles softly before staring off and out the window. I finish picking my room up and sit to grade some papers. The soft music and a small hum of rain that pattered from atop the roof was the only thing sound between us. 

I get up again to put a file away before a low, gruff voice spoke from behind. “(Y/n)?” As I turn over my shoulder to see whom the voice belonged to, my heart dropped. Standing before me was my high school sweetheart, Chris Argent. Shit, I should have guessed he would be picking her up. Idiot. He was a lot taller than I had expected him to be. Chris’s face was gruff and more bearded than ever. His body was built and toned like a god. Oh, for gods sake, I could practically see his pecks under his thin grey shirt. His brown eyes were still the same but they looked harder than ever. His hair slightly tinted with grey to mask his aging process. Probably due to stress. Chris looked good, too good. 

God, damn it! Why couldn’t he have turned out ugly?! “Chris.. Uh- long time no see.” I internally roll my eyes. What kind of response is that, you soggy poptart?! The way he’s looking at me makes me think he’s sizing me up just as I am doing right now with him. “(Y/n).. Is-Is that really you?” The way he asks the question shocks, not only me, but his daughter, too. It was the most innocently soft thing I’d ever heard. I could have sworn he was about to cry. “Yeah, it’s me. You look great, Christopher. You have a beard now. Impressive. I remember when you couldn’t even grow a mustache.” We both laugh but there’s an unspoken pain between us. When I look into his eyes, all I see is regret. Good. 

“And you. You cut your hair. You look..” He pauses for a second, trying to find the right word before saying, “..immaculate.” I can feel my cheeks flushing but above all else, it’s like someone ripped open a wound that’s just about to heal. No. I will not let him break me again. I clear my throat, beckoning towards Allison whom he hasn’t looked at since he first entered. “Uh.. Thank you. You two should get going. Don’t wanna get caught up in the storm.” Allison’s by the door, waiting and watching our interaction closely. “We should get coffee sometime. Catch up.” He says softly. And when I look up at him, I feel an immediate sense of regret. There’s so much hope in his big blue eyes. 

But I was not about to get my heart broken again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I am Allison’s teacher, after-all. That would be highly inappropriate.” The second the words leave my mouth, a bitter taste starts to form in the back of my throat, like bile. His eyes look sad and regretful. I had never seen someone go from such a high spirit to a low one so quickly. He shook his head, heart still hopeful. “It’s just coffee-” I cut him off. “Good day, Mr. Argent.” When I say his name, it’s almost like a reminder of what positions we are in. He’s married and a father. I’m Allison’s high school teacher. But that was only the beginning. 

I don’t bother to watch his tragic state as he walks out with his daughter. I cannot get involved with Christopher again. I don’t think my heart could take it a second time. Seeing him was like opening a wound that had finally been shut. He still looked like himself, just more aged like a fine wine. I clutch my chest and sit down, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. But he’s always had that effect on me. 

Third P.O.V

“Why were you acting like that, Dad?! You were looking at her in a certain way. You’ve never looked at mom like that. Dad!” Allison cried, feeling conflicted and hurt and confused. Chris was hurting inside. Seeing his beloved for the first time in a so many years. She looked as beautiful as the day they first met. Finally he caved in, tired of keeping secrets. Especially from his beloved daughter. “Okay, okay. A long time ago, your mom, Mrs. (Y/L/N) and I attended high school together. We were what you kids today call “couple goals”. We were like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde Ying and Yang. 

“We were a perfect pair. We had a love that kids only ever dreamed of. The kind of sappy stuff you see in movies. We were so in love and attached to the hip that people would be uncomfortable if one of us was without the other. We were absolutely inseparable. The power couple among power couples.” His voice died out, cracking towards the end. Allison’s heart ached for her father. He was the strongest man she knew. And to see him so torn up, to the point of tears, she knew he must’ve been hurting something fierce. She wanted to console but more importantly, understand what happened. 

“What happened between you two?” She took his hands to support him and only hoped he would press on. Mr. Argent cleared his throat and swallowed down the pain like a shot of whiskey. “I went to a party. (Y/n) and I had gotten into a small argument, one that I had blown up over. It was a stupid reason, too. So I told her I was going to a party. She warned me not to. To just be safe and be careful. That it was a bad idea but I didn’t listen. That’s when your mom got involved.

“We drank so much that night. The next morning I woke up in her bed. I ran to (Y/n) in hopes that she would understand that it was nothing. But she shut me out and I deserved it. I broke her heart. But then everything changed when Veronica- your mother- confessed to me that she was pregnant. Pregnant with you. I was beyond shocked but there was no doubt in my mind that I would not love you unconditionally. I would not abandon you or your mother when all I wanted was a child. I just had expected it to have happened with (Y/n). But over time, I grew to love and respect your mother. 

“But at the end of the day, you can’t forget your first love. No matter how hard you try. And god knows I loved that woman more than anything in the universe. But I broke her and I deserve to suffer, to hurt. I fucked up bad. And seeing her again made me want to fix everything with her again. I just want to mend the wounds I put there.” Allison listened intently, clenching her fists to hide her anger towards her father for being so reckless but was also feeling sad for him, too. He was her father, after-all. Her mother was long gone, but throughout their marriage, Allison could not tell how unusual it all seemed. They both loved Allison but neither really loved the other. 

And, without having too look up at him, she knew what he was thinking. Should I fight for her? Or have I done enough damage? For a split second, she thought no. Leave the poor woman alone. She’s been through enough. But then she thought of Scott. He loved and fought for her, cherished and held her close to his heart. And even when they broke up, he was still there for her. And for a second she wondered if that’s what her dad and teacher had had. “Go get her dad. Fix your mistakes.” That was all he needed to hear before he revved the engine as Allison hopped out of the car. 

Christopher hadn’t thought about what he’d say or what he’d do. All he knew was that he needed her, desperately. Pulling up to the school, he quickly got out of the car, not even bothering to throw on a jacket to mask himself from the pouring rain. He’s drenched from head to toe by the time he enters the school. Nearly slipping and falling on his ass, he runs to her room in hopes to catch her in time. Mr. Argent’s jaw drops to the floor when he sees her still standing there, looking as beautiful and radiant as ever. Before she could even speak, he waltz's up to her and places his lips atop hers. The kiss was passionate, heavy and warm. 

It was needy and desperate on both ends as she begun to kiss back, plunging helplessly into the darkness she would soon experience again. But then she registered what was happening and pushed him back. “No, no, no, no. I’m not going to do this again, Christopher. You’ve broken my heart once, I won’t let you do it again.” She’s crying now, trying to keep herself together as best she can but it seems useless. “(Y/n), let me explain-” She pushed him hard, pulling back before clutching her sides. “No! You cheated on me with Victoria! What did I do to deserve that-” Chris shook his head, practically yelling. “None of this was your fault! I got completely smashed!

“Yes, I did cheat on you. And being drunk isn’t an excuse. But it happened. A few days after it happened, Victoria told me that she was pregnant with Allison. And you know me, (Y/n). I would never leave someone like that. I wasn’t gonna let her fend for herself. I wanted a baby to call my own. I just- I wanted to have it with you.. And I can’t tell you I’m sorry enough.. God knows it won’t ever clean the wounds I put there. But I loved you so much.. I still do. I am not longer married. I’m actually widowed. Victoria- she- she died. She’s been gone for five years now.” (Y/n) can’t help but feel the need to apologize. The loss of someone is undeniably unbearable. 

“So you just- you impregnate Victoria and don’t tell me-” Chris shook his head, almost to the point of tears as he looked down at his beloved. “You wouldn’t let me. And you had every right! You hated me and I deserved it. I deserved to suffer and I still do but I will not leave here with bad blood. I love you. I always have and I always will. I’m not gonna let you go again. Not when I can actually do something about it. (Y/n), I am so sorry. For everything I did to you.” The two looked at one another, neither making a sound. That was until (Y/n) took two steps forward and smashed her lips onto his. She shouldn’t be doing this but she needed him as much as he needed her. “I love you, Chris Argent.” He grinned from ear to ear before muttering. “I love you too, (Y/n) (Y/L/N).” 

(I hope you liked it! I’m really sorry for the long wait. I’ve been very very busy!!) 

#fanfiction #fandom #fan #fanfic #fanfics #chris #chris argent x reader #chris argent #chris x reader #teen wolf imagines #quotes #cute #writer #cuteness #teen wolf #anxiety #angry #angst #angsst #tears for years #yelling #allison #allison argent #swearing #fluff #flirting #fluffy #fluffyness #conflict #pure fluff

[catastrothicc]

one of these days i'll make a coherent intro post, however *bts vc* not today !!  hello and welcome to johnny's world where we're shit @ introductions and even worse at consistency. honestly i cant stick to shit someone assist. anyways ! i bring the last piece of the puzzle rocky, who for some unfathomable reason wasn't taken ?? and i cried ?? fate. uh right i'm 19 and i never fkcing learned how to read. mdt timezone. them/they pronouns. continue under the read more to kill some brain cells !! 

tw: physical and mental abuse/manipulation, drugs/alcohol and death/murder. 

here's his soundtrack if u wanna listen while u read 

DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST // ( i'm not even sure if i'm sticking to this [ looks @ admins nervously ] so things might change up if it doesn't fall w/ the right timeline. ) ( forgive the length the muse is real )

born on october 31st, 1995 ( happy halloween ) in deadtree, rocky was an entirely healthy baby received with much love by his mother and with some hesitance by his father. all he knew was how to shit and cry and life was a paradise, until eventually the months started rolling by that became three years and his mother was in a freak car accident that left her paralyzed from the waist down and with a bad case of major head trauma. 

rocky still firmly believes that she woke up from her coma by god's will even if her basic executive function skills and self-regulations were gone. she had to be taken care of just like him, and the doctor's promised she'd learn to eat on her own again and her speech problems would regulate. this... did not happen. maybe it would've, if she had lived longer, but rocky never got to see the day when he didn't have to help his mom bathe or brush her hair. 

his dad was the only source of income in the household besides his mom's monthly pension that the man would take and then disappear for days. he was bitter about having to raise rocky all on his own and even more bitter about the hefty hospital bills they were going to be paying off for the next several years. all the man wanted to do was laze about with a beer in his hand and a blunt in the other. 

from early on he was prone to anger and it often manifested itself physically, so rocky would always have a bruise or two somewhere on his body. it was fine as long as the man wasn't hurting his mom, and he couldn't do anything else but accept the rough treatment. 

he and his mom were becoming more and more neglected by his father, who only provided the bare minimum to eat and took his wife's pills for himself. rocky was already in school and he was that kid who always got off the bus running to get home. no one knew that he always ran to make sure his mom was okay while he was gone. 

he was nine years old when his dad handed him a bottle of morphine and explained to him that the whole bottle would help his mom get a good night's sleep for once. rocky, knowing how much his mom struggled to rest, took the bottle and put each and every pill in his moms hand and watched her drink them until the last one. she did go to sleep, of course. rocky thought he'd done good until she didn't wake up the next morning. 

he grew incredibly distant from his dad after this. he was already used to taking care of himself and his mom was the only reason he really bothered to make it home early, so after her death he got into every after-school activity he could manage, and when it wasn't enough, he ran around the streets with the older kids and pretended to be *cool*.

he started dabbling with the drug scene really early on in middle school, when he realized that his dad would never strive to be anything else but a piece of shit, so he decided to steal his pills and weed just like the man had stolen his mothers medication. he would sell them to his upperclassmen and never took any for himself because he saw what they could do, though eventually he did weed in high school and besides the occasional dose of ecstasy he doesn't do more than that.

one day, at age seventeen, he went home and his dad was gone. he waited for three weeks before he sold everything and fixed up a small abandoned house that became his new abode. with the cash he'd gotten from the car and the furniture he began growing his own hella dank nug, and eventually there was word on the streets about it. his dad had always been his unaware provider, but soon enough rocky joined a group as a dealer while selling his own stuff on the side.

he didn't want to follow under someone else so he got to the roots and offered the group's providers a better deal and eventually the business was going to him alone. people saw more opportunity with him and they flocked to his side one by one until he ran the original leader to the ground. honestly this kid was hella good in school and just as good in the streets. 

of course it didn't happen without a fight tho so talk about several near-death experiences !! the streets are dangerous children stay in school.

fast forward, he had what he intensely regrets with elaine-- honestly had a good time dating a rich ‘good’ girl until he got real bad vibes from her and it wasn't chill anymore. felt real personally attacked that she was ashamed of him and broke it tf off. fuck a fake bitch !! 

( me: plays hero by enrique iglesias for this section ) and then shiloh came ! his lord and savior. his fkcing BAE. would do ANYTHING for this boy is2g makes me so emo i'm shAKING just thinking about it. rocky truly believes this boy is his soul mate. he loves him so much oh my godfjsdh.

at this point his drug ring wasn't at all what it is now. it was relatively small and the profits weren't all that good but he was doing what he could. he had steady members who had been with him since the start and shiloh became an addition along with his best girl giselle and (eventually) barbara. honestly the dream squad nothing could stop them they were invisible. unfortunately there was a snake in their ranks and goddamn he's glad she showed herself honestly good fucking riddance barbie. he felt real betrayed after she left but if anything he thinks it made his crew tighter and stronger. still hates tht bitch tho afTER EVERYTGIH HE DID FOR HER.

( to be 10/10 honest tho rocky is a manipulative bastard and he thinks he's real slick but barbie caught on and he feels extremely attackt )

anyways so knowing that shiloh and giselle are his tru ride or die pals ( 👀 @ giselle ) the business continues and they're still the dream squad. sure they're doing shady af things and they've always been doing them but u kno what they say there ain't no rest for the wicked !! 

he didn't at all like the fact tht shiloh pursued an internship w/ the mulani family but he tried to keep it chill because he loves and supports his bae but honestly could not do it. he doesn't personally pay too many visits to sycamore city precisely bc he goddamn loathes the mulani and moon families after all they've done to his people ( esp the moon’s ) and to think shiloh was getting involved w/ them really tested him as a person. he fcking failed because of how much shiloh wanted a pass into the city and rocky held him back but he's so goddamn proud of their love like damn. he knows he doesn't offer everything shiloh wants but he's out here tryin' his best to get his bae the life he deserves even if he's the worst street rat and everybody knows it. 

( what is he secretly doing w/ all tht money tho hmmm ) 

BABY RIDE WITH ME // in regards to the *gollum vc*  precious ( the ring )

just so the squad and ex-squad can get a feel of how rocky runs the ring i'm includin' this here

so rocky makes it a point to be an approachable leader whom you can go to with your problems and he'll have your back 100%. honestly everyone's dad there's no one left out. he keeps his status as the leader not by cruel acts to show what happens to rats but by making sure he's understood by each individual member. he's not the violent type at all unless someone really tests him but this guy preaches that people understand by words and acts of kindness not by violence and torture. he needs loyalty above all else so he offers a safe sanctuary to anyone who needs it. it comes with a price ofc but all he asks is that u do ur job and he'll keep u off the streets. basically in his group everyone has each other's backs and he's involved with everyone, not only because it helps him keep close tabs on everything but because that blanket of safety for his members is very important to him. 

when it comes to his dealers he basically lets them do things their own way as long as they're not out there hurting innocent people. he pays by commission so it's really up to the dealers how much they wanna sell and who they wanna sell it to. he doesn't force his own morals onto his peeps so if they wanna sell to junkies who are gonna overdose on their next hit then that's really up to them. he just tries to guide them by telling em' the right things to do even in a shady business like their own. 

w/ that being said shiloh is also a huge part of it, being his right hand man and all. rocky isn't all too meticulous or anything fancy like that, so he leaves a lot of decisions up to shiloh and honestly they're both huge dads just running a drug ring fjsiudhfgi 

HE KNOWS HE'S SO FUCKING TALENTED // regarding his personality 

rocky is a cocky piece of shit honestly i hate it but best concept

he genuinely thinks so highly of himself ?? even though he knows he's up to Some Shit ??

anyways i just wanted to mention that LMAO but find his full list of attributes here that i jst ctrl c ctrl v from the app. honestly will tell u all about his personality. thanks for reading this long ass, terribly structured, shitty shitty intro honestly u.... deserve a medal if u got thru it. is it too late to mention tht english is not my first language fhsuidfh 

#pc.intro #⦁ — › OwO ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜɪs? — ⌜ ᴏᴏᴄ ⌟ #( IFROGOT THE INTRO TAG ) #( anyways ) #( highkey so happy to be here sehfdiufh )