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dizzified · 4 days

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Nico Finnion might be an emo boy but he's.. A real piece of work.

Born to Valery and Mayden Finnion, Nico was born into an unstable broken household. His parents' marriage was already toxic before he was even born, with his mother being a downspiraling alcoholic and his father encouraging that downspiral, picking fights with her out of boredom, which didn't mean much until Nico was born. Everything only got worse from there, after Valery gave birth to Nico, she immediately blamed him and her husband for everything wrong with her, especially what she considered the loss of her beauty. Mayden felt genuine disgust towards his own son, recoiling at the sight of him, and getting into genuine fights with Valery due to being blamed, which ended up in them tossing the blame back and forth.

5 years after Nico's birth, Mayden had gotten fed up with dealing with both him and Valery, opting to kill Valery after an altercation where she got physical with him due to him trying to leave her and he supposed dealing with Nico alone was better than dealing with Valery. He then proceeded to force Nico to help him bury his mother's corpse in the backyard, despite Nico being battered and beat from his mother already, threatening him with death aswell.

Nico spent the next 10 years basically raising himself since his father wanted nothing to do with him and instead was too busy inviting strangers to their house and flirting with women to take care of him and lashed out whenever he tried to interact with him. He ended up being kicked out on the streets, and.. That's when he met.. Him.

A fox named Sailor Porter, Nico's first infatuation, after years of mental and physical abuse from his father, years of being unloved, basically torture and forced to raise himself without any help from anyone, Sailor was his first encounter with kindness when he was at his worse. There he was when Sailor found him, crying his eyes out on the side of the road with only a backpack filled with like 2 water bottles, bread, and some of his belongings, with no idea what to do and the only salvation being that he was finally away from his father. Sailor greeted with the kindest smile, helping him to his feet, and even offering to get him new clothes so he could get out of his old, ripped ones and a place to stay. Sailor didn't seem to be bothered by Nico not wanting to talk about where he came from or what happened, but Nico wasn't focused on that, he was focused on the kindness he was being shown, he didn't understand it, but he wanted more of it.

After that, they became good friends and the more time he spent with Sailor, chatting, laughing, goofing off in general, he found himself more and more attached to that kindness. He experienced all sorts of new things with Sailor, Sailor taught him many things he'd never known about prior, Sailor in his eyes was his savior, a perfect glorious person, he begun to adore everything about him. Though with this new infatuation, came issues, as Nico was now extra clingy and touchy with Sailor, complimenting and praising him excessively, snuggling next to him, never wanting to leave his side. Nico was fine with this, but Sailor, not so much, as he was fine with friendly gestures in all, but he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Nico had begun to steal pieces of Sailor's clothes and items, and even went as far to follow him home just to figure out where he lived. There was the day he finally confessed to Sailor about how hopelessly in love he was with him, but Sailor's reaction was.. Disgust.

Some mixture of hate and disgust had painted itself onto Sailor's expression as he stepped away, his eyes narrowing as Nico stood there, awaiting an answer, surely, he'd return his affections, after all, Sailor was the kindest person he'd ever met. Rejection, brutal rejection hit him like a freight train as Sailor shook his head, looking as if he'd seen something absolutely vile, saying that it was nice being friends with Nico, but he simply had no interest seeing him anymore after the recent issues and ran off, leaving Nico alone once again. He didn't understand, how could someone so nice be so harsh, why did he run away, was it something he'd done, he wasn't being abandoned again was he? That's what started it, his hunt to get back the only person that had shown him any type of affection, he wasn't settling being alone again, he'd have Sailor and he'd make him understand why he was so desperately in love with him, he'd have to love him then.

This begun the obsessive spiral that led to him literally kidnapping Sailor after bashing him upside the head with a metal pole, tying him up in his basement, and severely mutilating him, until he was interrupted and stopped from doing further damage, but the trauma and PTSD left upon Sailor lasted. Nico ended up getting his ass beat pretty badly, and was left pretty downcast after the whole situation, especially not having Sailor in his grasps anymore. After a whole bunch of drama, involving Nico being brought to his senses and finally realizing this wasn't the way to acquire someone's love.. We get into his attempted redemption.

He tried to make amends with Sailor, he attempted to be nice, obviously, he was faced with hate and brutality, worse than last time, more akin to the way his father would treat him. He just wished Sailor would love him, everything would have been fine then, he'd be fine, but now, Sailor hated him with every fiber of his being, he wanted nothing to do with him, every attempt being met with scorn finally made him break. Crying and sobbing, he came up to Sailor, borderline begging him to understand why he was the way he was, he'd do anything, he'd be anything, he'd change himself, in hopes of Sailor atleast giving him forgiveness, it didn't even have to be love anymore, Sailor could do anything he wanted to him.

Even then Sailor himself admitted, he thought Nico would be better off dead and that he couldn't even bare to look at his face, that he'd wish he'd disappear and leave him alone forever. Sailor clawed him across the face and wished death upon him that day, he'd never get what he wanted. That day when he snapped on Sailor, he thought it was justified, he was outraged but not with anger, with was just pure longing and heartbreak, all that work he'd put in, wasted, all the love he craved, was never there, Sailor would never love him, Sailor wanted him dead. His reality had been crushed, that it was just a misunderstanding, that Sailor didn't understand, he understood, he just hated him to his core, and who wouldn't? He craved someone to make him better, to make him happy, to give him undying love, and he believed and relished a lie.

He accepted Sailor would never want to see his face again, he accepted that his first ever friend and the first person to show him kindness wanted him dead, he accepted that he'd screwed himself over, and he cried, he cried harder than he'd ever cried before, he just couldn't stop himself from crying anymore, his years of desperate actions and words, the repeated rejection with even as far as he'd gone, and the only real words of love he got being forced with the threat of death, he'd never really been told he was loved, he had to force those words out of someone, he had to force someone to love him, they had no desire to love him at all, it was fear.

In conclusion: Nico was attached to Sailor because he was the first person to show him genuine kindness and affection, Nico didn't understand that, he just knew he wanted it, he wanted more of the thing he'd been deprived of, Sailor was nothing short of a savior to him. He didn't handle rejection well as he didn't understand why someone like Sailor would reject him, it was unfathomable, so he believed it must have been a mistake, and went great lengths to get Sailor to understand and return his affection.

After being taught what love and affection really is, he tried being nice, he tried being subtle, he gave it his all, and got nothing more than hate and more disgust. Even when he finally broke, he got the worst of it, Sailor outwardly told him that he wanted him dead on top of literally clawing him across the face, screaming about how he was the worst person he'd ever met and that'd he'd never love someone like him, that he was a monster, and disgusting vile person that nobody should care about, and that he never wanted to see him again. Nico's reality shattering into a billion pieces, the reality that Sailor was just confused, the reality that he could make him understand, there was nothing to understand.. Sailor simply hated him, despite him being willing to give everything including himself up, it was hopeless, he was hopeless, and his desperation added up to nothing in the end, he'd been ditched once again.

Sailor's only words of love to him had been forced out by the fact his life was being threatened and he was terrified, they were never really true, he just let himself believe they were true, he just wanted to feel like someone had said those words to him, he wanted to feel loved, he just never had the guts to admit that outright.

But on the upside, he's doing better now, well, as best as he can be. He ended up finding the perfect match for him, though, the lingering despair still looms everytime, he stares at his own face, he will never forget the words spoken to him by Sailor, he will never be able to understand how his memories of such a nice and benevolent individual, the person who picked him up off the streets and gave him a home, have warped and distorted to be nothing but bitter thoughts, thoughts that break his mind and make him crumble to pieces.

Who was the person that looked at him in disgust when he confessed all those years ago? Who was the person that slashed him across the fact and wished death upon him when he tried to apologize for his sins? Who was the person that hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him? It couldn't be Sailor, Sailor was basically his savior, he'd never be so hateful, all he wanted to do was make sense of who Sailor actually was, was his view of Sailor just a figment of his imagination?

It was.

No elaboration, Sailor's true personality is nothing short of a pessimistic two-faced asshole, despite what happened to him.

#oc lore #oc art #character reference #character art #fox #animal art #digital art #insanity #psychopathy #tw: abuse #tw: death #tw: dark content #tw: alcholism #tw: obsessive behavior

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dumb-fictionkin-sideblog · 2 months

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This is meant to be informational, all of this is /info

I'm not sure if you know this but hyper-empathic people with autism aren't ableist for not liking people with narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, a lot of people who do have that type of autism (which is rare yet more common in the biologically female genome side of it), can spot people with narcissistic personality disorder very easily. This is because of common phrases which in turn make them feel unsafe. This may impact the autistic person negatively, and MAY cause long-term PTSD (C-PTSD for Complex PTSD), but that does NOT make the person with NPD an abuser. Its common for those with hyper-empathy to feel unsafe around people with NPD because they are two polar opposites of intentions on the spectrum and often get mistaken for each other by strangers. Like its common for you to immediately tell if someone is homophobic or not, its also common for people with NPD and people with HE autism to recognize each other even if those without it can't tell them apart easily. Its a common fear response and nothing more. The best thing you can do if someone seems to think that Narcissistic abuse is real and has HE autism is to tell them to talk or see a therapist, or at the very least to look up information online from credible sources. (Of course, its also good to deliver this gently as they will be defensive.) TLDR; HE autism and NPD recognize each other and don't get along well but that doesn't make it abuse or ableism. /info

This is ! a lot of great info that... does not contradict any of what I have ever said, so I'm not sure why you felt like you needed to say it (or even less why you felt like you needed to put big ol' info tone tags all around it as if it was going to be offensive)

(Guessing you're referring to that post where I said "narcissistic abuse isn't a thing and not every single person with autism is hyper-empathic")

It does sound, uh, strange to me that someone just existing would cause PTSD in another person, but I've never claimed to be an expert. Also seeing the points you're making I do think ASPD could be grouped with NPD in this as well (yknow, because of the low empathy and all) — but when I say "narcissistic abuse" doesn't exist I'm strictly talking about the term. Of course people with NPD can be abusers. People with ASD can also be abusers, but we don't call that "autistic abuse" because it'd be stupid.

I get the point with the fact that they can recognize each other more easily, but uh, no, I can't identify whether someone's homophobic or not without asking them. People have been wrong. Like, it happens a lot. You can't... say that it's a reliable way to identify someone with NPD/HE autism. Literally yesterday I had a friend at my house who has HE autism and we ended up talking about this exact topic because they called themselves a "victim of narcissistic abuse" and I nearly had a fucking stroke. When I told them I had low empathy, which happened years ago to be fair, they were surprised.

I'm very easily triggered by what you call "common NPD phrases" (if I understood that right, and if did then I'm assuming you mean something that sounds manipulative, which.... moving on) to the point that it's something I have to discuss with pretty much everyone I know because it always comes up at some point and I get triggered by something completely innocent. It's a really big problem for me. But I am far from being uncomfortable around people with NPD (or people who just have low empathy for that matter), usually because they tend to be very honest with me the moment I open up about having low empathy (usually in a "oh thank God I don't have to keep masking around you" way). I tend to feel more unsafe around hyper-empathic people, not because of "common phrases" or anything, but because I've heard them say so much shit about people like me that it's become automatic to feel wary of them (see: my best IRL friend telling me they're a "victim of narcissistic abuse" after I've already opened up to them about my own empathy issues; trying to listen to a podcast my friend is in and getting hit with a "yeah I'm a decent human being, I've got fucking empathy"; trying to explain to someone that people with ASPD aren't all serial killers and being met with "some things deserve to be demonized ❤"; etc etc.).

For these reasons I do not believe that HE autistic people feeling unsafe around people with low empathy or NPD isn't at least partially for ableist reasons, whether conscious or not. Feel free to prove me wrong, it'd be great.

#sunny #tw ableism #(for the mention. i dont think any of xhat you said was ableist in nature)#this is sad because it's generally something i like to talk about. im glad you were at least coming to me in good faith though #had an... experience a while ago talking to someone who explained that 'no no psychopathy in cognitive science is totally different-#-from the outdated term for aspd and its not linked to aspd at all! its a completely different thing!'#only for me to look it up and go on a .gov website and the first review of several studies that i see had a big intoductory disclamer #basically saying 'umm we're not sure because according to our MRIs what we have identified as psychopathy in the brain would-#-be more common than not having it with like over half of our evaluated population... but it could just be high IQ we didnt check :)'#im kind of losing faith in people who dont have low empathy just because they want 'psychopathy' to eb a thing so bad #i'd already lost faith in the field of psychiatry but. they want to separate good and bad people so bad. they want low empathy to be bad.#again im no expert but if you start your paper with 'we did this with only MRIs and the MRIs didnt have the results we want them to-#-so we're choosing to ignore it and pretend we're right anyway in this vague idea of a thing existing'... i'm not gonna believe you #just way you think people with low empathy are ~different~ and ~bad people~ but dont try to make a science paper out of it #im tired of people pretending the concept of bad people even exists and choosing that it's low/no empathy people actually.#--i do want to say that its completely valid to just feel uncomfortable around certain people for any reason at all #like we dont /have/ to all likr each other. thats not how humans work socially. some people just dont go very well together #but you cant convince me that saying ''i dont like people with this mental disorder because they make me feel unsafe'' isn't ableist at all #ask #anon

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principiumindividuationis777 · 3 months

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Robert Franklin Stroud (1890-1963)- on the left of the above photograph- known as the Birdman of Alcatraz, was a very dangerous man, unless you happened to be a bird.

A diagnosed psychopath, Stroud showed the anomalies that can exist in human character, as he bred pet canaries in his capacity as an ornithological expert, and his tenderness towards them was in diametric contrast to his brutality towards human beings.

The victim of a violent, alcoholic father, Stroud got off to a bad start, ran away from home at 13, and, except for his peculiar compassion for birds, became a chip off the old block, a pimp, committed manslaughter, assaulted a hospital orderly, stabbed another prisoner, and, finally, it seemed, was sentenced to death for murdering a prison guard. He had only become nastier as he suffered, in prison, from chronic kidney inflammation.

However, President Woodrow Wilson (well, actually First Lady Edith Wilson, acting for him, as Woodrow was bedridden and dying) commuted Stroud's sentence to life, the result of Stroud's mother's tireless efforts to save her son from hanging. So dangerous an inmate was Stroud that he spent 42 of his 54 years in prison in solitary confinement, for the protection of other prisoners.

Stroud was no one to romanticize, as some have, but he proved that, where human beings are concerned, there are exceptions to every rule. How does a man who, according to one source, "liked chaos and turmoil" have a soft spot for non-mammals? Well, one way of looking at it is that no bird ever hurt him the way his father had.

Some have speculated that Stroud may also have been on the autism spectrum, and while this would have nothing to do with his violent tendencies, it might, if true, explain other unusual traits Stroud had, such as a specialized genius for ornithology despite an IQ that was high, but not inordinately so, at 112.

#Robert Stroud #true crime #ornithology #vintage #black and white #photography #historical #tw: abuse mention #psychopathy #autism

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psixxx0 · 3 months

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The hihi hadn't seen each other for a long time, they missed me???? I'm the one who drew myself! (='-'=)

#my art #psychopathy #tw blood #im so tired #glitch #wraps #tw drugs #smoking #bright colors #Spotify

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issillage · 8 months

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Sanzu — Borderline Psychopath.

TW : drug use against your will, forced kiss, mention of blowjob and its further implementation.

You know better than to get involved with a man who is on the verge of psychopathy, right? Wait, are you on your knees already?..

Sanzu doesn’t consider you special. On the contrary, you seem boring and ordinary to death — so much so that he even became interested.

Seriously, you're so corny—always with the same face at the reception desk and smile stiffly politely at the residents all your shift. There’s not an ounce of madness in your eyes, your words are memorized and of the same type.

On one of the monotonous working days, your superiors have sent you to the top floor of a residential complex, where wealthy people live in penthouses. But you didn't expect that instead of listening to the domestic whims of a rich resident, you’d be roughly pushed inside and the door would close with a piercing click.

“I'm wondering how many pills I need to feed you to make your healthy psyche crack at the seams?” Haruchiyo was pressing you against the wall, your shoulder blades aching from a rough collision with a hard surface. While his palm was pressed tightly into your mouth, his gaze didn’t leave yours, followed every breath and tremor. “You're too normal, it's completely tasteless. Tell me, what should I bring you to?”

Like a Cheshire cat, he smiled broadly and slyly. Just the thought that you’ll be dependent on him and lust after him—makes Sanzu’s heart beat faster, scroll through color pictures in his head.

“I have to see this pretty face of yours grimacing with pain and pleasure at the same time. Y/n, how do you look when you're high?” Sanzu watches with perverted interest how your eyes widened when his knee gets between your legs and pushes them apart. ”It's especially nice to spoil everything normal, don’t you thing so?"

He put the pill into his mouth and leaned his head back, closing eyes. The vein in his neck swelled, and lips stretched in a smile of pleasure. Turning his attention back to you, Sanzu’s already dilated pupils were running over your face, and tongue pressing against the inside of his cheeks—as if the movements of his tongue subtly (thickly) hinted at what you’re going to do this night.

“After this magic pill, an unusual hunger appears. And I'm not just talking about food.” Sanzu removed his palm from your mouth, but before you could take a breath, your lips were enclosed in a violent kiss. The knee between your legs rose higher, teasingly touching the intimate place while men's hands inquisitively led over your curves. “Swallow it.”

In addition to his tongue, you felt another foreign object in your mouth—a drug that he gave you through a kiss—promising to engulf you in a fit of madness and passion. Placing his palms on your cheeks, Sanzu deepened the kiss and pushed the pill further with the tip of his tongue—forcing you to swallow it.

“Well done. But that's not all, Y/n. You still have an incredibly boring expression on your face.” with a defiant smack, Sanzu reluctantly pulled away from your lips, letting you catch your breath. He leaned into your ear, a whisper escaped from him. “Be a good puppet and get on your knees. Show me how you work with your mouth.”

Sanzu hates normal people, because he’s never been one. And you’re so ordinary and boring that he attends to spoil it with pleasure—Sanzu will stain you in a thick resin of addiction and madness

art cr : muun._.k on ig

To chat with bot :

#tokrev sanzu #y/n #fanfic #18+ only #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev smut #tokyo revengers #sanzu haruchiyo #bonten sanzu #sanzu x y/n #sanzu x reader #akashi haruchiyo #sanzu x you #tokyo revengers sanzu #tr sanzu

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liquorishblack · 1 year

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Inside the twisted mind of Hisoka Morow (part 1)

Part 1 , Part 2

Synopsis: Psychoanalysis about Hisoka, concerning his past and who he is today.

TW: Mentions of abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, emotional abuse, mental disorders

Wordcount: 561

➽───────────────❥

So, I have a bachelor degree in psychology and today I work in the forensic field. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that nearly every perpetrator was once a victim.

I´ve seen many on this platform wondering what a relationship with Hisoka would look like… and honestly, since he´s quite a complex and interesting character, I wrapped my head around this question as well. But I quickly came to the conclusion that if you want to make assumptions about how Hisoka would behave in certain situations regarding relationships, it is necessary to understand his psyche and therefore we should have at least a little glimpse at his past (Part 1) before we come to the relationship headcanon (Part2).

So, shall we?

For the following I´ll go with the theory that Hisoka isn´t a psychopath at all (for a bunch of reasons but the whole discussion whether he is in fact a psychopath or not would fill a whole page for itself, so I won´t dwell on this subject today). But this much shall be said: While psychopathy is a neurological dysfunction (which means psychopaths are born that way), what society calls "sociopathy" usually arises from trauma, which I find much more likely in his case. So, Hisoka might not be a psychopath but do we find him on the spectrum of antisocial personality disorder? Hell yes! He is arrogant, self serving, only fights for himself, shows lack of empathy, views other human being as „toys“ and has no sense of remorse or whatsoever. But if he´s not a psychopath, why is that? At a certain point in his past he must have learned that people aren´t trustworthy and that he can´t rely on them. Very likely this is because he was let down, or worse, even endangered, by the people who were supposed to protect him; his primary caregivers. For this reason Hisoka stands for himself, trusts no one and is a lone wolf at heart as an adult. This theory is also supported by the fact that he seems very touch starved and even tries to get along with people occasionally, almost as if he longs for closeness and affiliation, until his own psychology torpedos his newly built and therefore still fragile relationships, because the desire of self-preservation is superior to that of belonging. So he pushes others purposely away, to not take the risk of any emotional damage. Also, the fact that at a certain point Hisoka apparently linked affection with physical violence, pain, and even fear of death suggests that the only form of attention he received in his childhood and adolescence were in fact beatings. These early childhood experiences are likely to have been accompanied by a strong and constant sense of lack of control. The only way to gain back control in such situations from which you can´t escape as a defenseless child is to master your own psychology, ergo: burry your emotions, swallow your pain, so it won´t break you. As for today, Hisokas strive to control break others is pretty obviously an overcompensation for his lack of control at the time. Speaking of emotion: I’m pretty sure that Hisoka has emotions, even complex ones, but can only sense them in a pretty aloof way, because the terrible experiences from his past forced him to suppress them and shut himself off from them over many many years, so he has simply forgotten how to feel. This is accompanied by a consuming feeling of emptiness, which is why people who fall under the spectrum of ASPD need strong stimuli to fill the void caused by lack of strong emotion. They often tend to recklessness and take great risks, not infrequently even risking their own death, just as Hisoka does when he challenges strong opponents to battle. His sense of grandeur and superiority I view as another coping strategy. I´m sure that under his nacissistic mask lies just another insecure and deeply intimidated child, so deeply buried that Hisoka might have forgotten about it himself.

Thank you so much for reading.🤍🖤

Part 2

#hisoka headcanon #hisoka moro #hisoka hxh #hisoka morow #hisoka morrow #hisoka #hisoka angst #hisoka explained #hxh hisoka #hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh headcanons #hisoka headcanons #hisokas past #adult trio #hisoka psyche #Ava writes 🤍

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ctheathy · 10 months

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hello,could you make me a order of sh tails x reader but a psycho reader pls

Secret History Tails w/ psychopathic!Darling

Secret History Tails x Reader

General+Fluff Headcanons

Short Concept

Author’s note : Oh goodness gracious, yall have no idea the struggle I went through to try and write down the proper differences between Tails’ sociopathy, the darling’s psychopathy and make it work with one another💀

Okay, so instead of fitting the stereotypical agenda [Stab stab, murder, hysterical laughing... That], I again went for a more unique and realistic aspect on psychopathic behaviour

Wanted to change things up a little for once in a while, so for my og lovers; SH Tails back from Secret Histories was chosen

SH Tails/Reader [Romantic Tendencies]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Sociopathic behaviour • Psychopathic behaviour • Murder • Dysfunctional work from Tails • Implied manipulation

༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄

We all know that this version of Tails has always been a little bit... Off. And definitely more on the unique side when it comes to any of the variants we’ve faced. He’d pretty unstable, that’s to say the least. Most screentime of his has already shown that he’s rather on the irresponsible side whenever it comes to his actions as well; causing chaos by throwing his intentions left and right, and dipping when being faced with the consequences. Creating his own little game in a sense of self gain and in order to get his goal succeeded, which at that time was holding the title of being Sonic’s best and only friend, feeling no remorse in removing whoever’s existence to get what he wants. But despite the clear target he’s had right from the start, there’s also been someone else who has briefly been catching his attention.

You two would have likely met around the main events of secret histories, when everybody got introduced to him, when all wasn’t brought into the danger zone just yet. And even while Sonic has continued flooding his erratic mind for a long time, he had always found you intriguing in a way, but for the longest time he couldn't put his mind to what it was that interested him so badly. Though questioning himself up until this point, his mesmerization with you had actually given quite a sense balance to him and his consciousness. Instead of the one-sided unhealthy attachment he had grown towards the blue blur, he was now able to connect with another in a more beneficial way for the both of you. You’d always notice the two tailed fox observing and just staring at you from a distance, but he never actually went out of his way to speak to you. Perhaps the denial for taking interest in another creature instead of just the well-known hero himself finding itself in the picture once again. But there ended up being one single occurrence that changed his entire point of view on this, a natural response that specifically stood out to him and connected all the dots in his mind.

His killings. He’s never actually felt uncertain when doing any of the dirty work, even considerably feeling proud of oneself when his efforts resulted into the final state that he oh-so desired. He was used to the horrified expressions lingering around the place whenever the now deformed body was found, but something that caught his eye even more so is how much your responses seemed to lack emotion despite it being highly inappropriate considering the circumstances. Usually traumatism would be all around visible in the discoverer’s eyes, but for you that had never been the case in the first place. The only thing you’d oftentimes let out being a mere “oh...” and although your facial features made a clear effort to contort in concern, no tears ever seemed to fall.

This was the absolute limit for the mobian. Not only didn’t you seem care much about your “friends’” little lives deep under that facade you tried keeping up to blend in in society, but you also weren’t fazed by any of the destruction he had caused? It had felt like a massive sensation of both relief and recognition for the fox, someone whom he could relate to on another level. This acknowledgement of similarities between you two having given him that one little push he needed to become just as endearing torwards you. He’d specifically encourage you in behaving the way you genuinely feel. It certainly cannot be a pleasant job to keep these disgusting masks plastered on your face all the time, and he truly wants to see you act on anything you may experience, feeling as if there’s much more to you other than making yourself out to be as the average person to “blend in” in such a hideous group of citizens.

Psychopaths are often known to lack both experience and the ability to connect with others, which could have lead to slight bumps in both of your bond with one another at first hand. Tails, however, is still quite the patient mobian; making sure to give you plenty of time to get accustomed to these new forms of relationships and to prevent being pushy about anything. Due to how much you both can see yourselves in eachother, Tails’ appearance could really be one of the best things that could have ever happened for you. Knowing how much he wouldn’t care for any of the things you’d do as long as you’re enjoying yourself either; he’d do quite literally anything to cover up for any unsavoury acts you might have caused in the present; as he is literally none the better himself.

Maintaining an actual relationship that could be considered real and trustworthy is immensely difficult for you, and though he is positive you do love him in your own way; do consider keeping up with any insecurity streaks that may appear in the fox from time to time. As even if you’re not affected by the extremes of emotions coming from another and the exposure to literal bodies laying numbly on the cold floor, you don’t want to know how unstable he can actually get.

On a different note though, he does understand what goes around in your head and the things you might be going through because of it; Even if truthfully saying, you don’t know any better. Your position causes a lot restrictions and other poor confinements for both yourself and those around you. But he couldn’t care less about them. You’re his main priority, and he doesn’t enjoy seeing you being talked down upon and complaints being thrown your way by some some pathetic observer’s life. Who are they to judge you based on first-time encounters anyways? Can’t they see how absolutely spectacular you are?? And he wouldn’t be the slightest bit of hesitant when rigging anything that might be on them at current timing, feeling zero regret when the reports of yet another discomposed body being found finds itself on the news. Feeling eerily lucky in a way that it is you who this work is being done for. He had already gotten a scolding by the other teammates and even Sonic himself, but even he knows he could get away with pretty much anything in your case. And he isn't planning on quitting these wrongdoings anytime soon as long as it could ensure your safety and satisfaction.

༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄༄

#secret history tails #mashed tails #sh tails #yandere tails #sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader #secret history tails x reader #tails x reader #yup my search history’s dead

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rreskk · 11 months

Text

TREVOR PHILIPS EXTENDED ANALYSIS

Trevor Philips…

Drug dealer, “international CEO”, son, brother, friend.

TW: -Self harm -Implied drug use -Childhood abuse

I’ve made a longer analysis of Trevor as a character (THIS ISN’T A FANFICTION).

ENJOY!

Growing up in the Canadian region border of America, it has been portrayed that he has a complicated history surrounding family and mental illness. While it isn’t exactly proven (unless Trevor stated himself), his childhood had been the possible causes of his later behaviour and long-term issues. As for now, we see it as psychopathy, or as wiki would say “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” (impulsive behaviour and explosive temper that could lead to physical aggression). Others would argue that he suffers from borderline personality disorder, considering his struggle to contain stable relationships and is seen experiencing the main symptoms of what a person of BPD can have.

His childhood consisted of instability, financial stress, emotional damage, and physical abuse. Trevor mentioned his mothers constant absence to Lamar and Franklin during a friendly hangout. -“She came back, she left again, came back, left again…” The repeated cycle of his mother leaving, whether this was earlier or later in his teens, it would show the great affect it had on him, personally. Trevor made it clear about his abandonment issues during the storyline and dialogue. His whole idea of finding Michael was to fulfil the years of being abandoned and alone. Having experienced this instability for his childhood had took a toll on his emotional availability. The cravenness of reassurance, respect, presence, or just staying with him. However, his anger issues would make it harder for him to keep people around.

Trevor has also stated his anger management being poor since the beginning of his time. After having a conversation with Jimmy De Santa, he was asked when he knew what he wanted in life. It’s safe to say he had this psychotic mindset since birth, theoretically the result of his mother’s drug addict and poor lifestyle. -“I was pulling the legs off spiders, and I wanted more. I wanted to kill all the way up to the food chain until I hit top, the human being.” However, when being antagonised about this behaviour, he swiftly blames it on his childhood as Amanda would say: -“God, he is such a turd! That wounded childhood bullshit – we all had had shitty childhoods, you balding lump!” This same coping mechanism from Trevor is seen when being asked about his mother. We all know he has been through some verbal/emotional abuse as for his fear of talking about her. Trevor has never said anything negative about his mother despite complaining about his childhood… If someone dares speak her name, he’ll throw a fit, a rageful rant about respecting his mother, almost protecting the fact that she may be the reason for his tormented soul. The “Mrs Philips” mission towards the end of the game, we can see the emotional abuse he receives without doing anything wrong to deserve her bitterness. The constant insults and belittlement, Betty even demands Trevor to seek her medication and would not let him inside the trailer until it was finished. If this is bad enough during his adulthood, we can’t even imagine the mess he had to deal with during childhood. Nevertheless, his mother issues has inserted a particular taste in women throughout the years. -“Old women are to be cherished!” He'd say during a strangers and freaks mission. His calm behaviour towards Patricia and any lady in general would suggest his utter respect (or secret fear). He craves female attention and a maternal dependence. If we look at this closely, we may understand how the lack of maternal attachment between the first few years of his life (0-5 years) would influence his later decision to grow attachments to the wrong people, and the wrong things. (This is called attachment theory- psychological theory). Trevor’s mother may have missed most of his early childhood for financial gain (her stripping, prostitution, etc), and therefore left Trevor with whoever she had at home, his brother and some of his step-dads. Occasionally he was left alone.

Moving on to his difficult relationship with fathers in general, we can understand that the physical abuse he gets from the men in his past would influence his behaviour to men in the future and present. Trevor had grew up being physically abused and dominated, almost tricking his mind into exacting himself into the repeated cycle, turning into the abuse he got and aims the intensions to weaker men (Ron, Floyd, Wade) to fill in that insecurities he got from his biological and step-fathers. Although a father figure isn’t as important to a maternal figure, it did affect his perspectives and made his anger issues worse, especially (I can’t exactly remember the source) when Trevor’s biological father abandoned him in a shopping mall (that he later burnt down in retaliation). Being let down by many older figures had made him dependent on people in the future, people who have a stand in power with Trevor, someone who is able to balance and handle his anger (Michael and Franklin).

It has also been stated that his brother, Ryan, had died of unnatural causes. Elements of Trevor’s words would convince us that he had something to do with it considering they hadn’t of gotten along well enough… To live. However, there is not much information surrounding his brother during this time.

His education is flawed (dropping out before graduating) and being expelled due to the aggressive nature. Trevor had moved all over Canada and had been switched between care homes, trailers, schools, prisons all throughout growing up. However, he has surprising gains in mathematics and can workout sums within a second, and with full accuracy. Trevor is able to process mathematical problems fast, as Wade would say: -“He’s very good with numbers.” Furthermore, the lack of grammar and overall English makes him improvise during speeches and messages. Trevor always speaks metaphorically, he hyperbolises a lot, uses imaginative scenarios to engage the people around him. (Sometimes manipulating – extremely, to get his point across… even if it doesn’t make sense).

“I was a drifter up by the border, wandering from truck stop to truck stop, recently out of the military… Huffing gas, fucking people over, killing, eating, whatever.” Trevor’s discharge from the military was caused by the detached and restrained relationship with his mother. Psychologically, maternal dependence and relationships determines someone’s emotional strengths and depth… Trevor mentioned during an online heist that the therapist who was determining his worth would constantly try and talk about his mother, resulting in an episode which… Eventually led to his discharge (thanks to his anger issues). His dreams to fly planes would crush and Trevor would be left drifting around the Midwest, utterly defused and emotionally damaged. That’s until he meets Michael, and then Brad.

2004, the prologue. We can consider Trevor’s experience to be titled as “survivors guilt”. His loyalty and partnership with both Michael and Brad was cut off after they both unexpectedly got shot. Trevor lived with the guilt of seeing his best friends die, thinking he could of done something… But Michael had obviously told him to save himself, resulting in the 9 years of isolation and depression. He was unknown of Michael’s plan to escape the criminal aspects, feasting the money for himself, the money Trevor couldn’t access as his identity was blown. Imagining that Trevor had to shave his hair and beard just to pass the radar of his North Yankton wanted posters, he had to skip towns without money, and impressively invested a meth business, earning a good load to make him… Well, wealthy. His mother had been absent for years after being imprisoned (as it was mentioned through story-mode), leaving Trevor to be living in Sandy Shores with a successful rising drug business, but with the shame of his past abandonment and lawful struggles to keep his morality clean… Obviously his modesty being destroyed by the abuse of drugs and alcohol (his damaging coping mechanisms).

Unsuspecting Michael being alive, it was a total shock for him to see the news, a potential copycat… Yet Trevor knew. Trevor’s intuition was strong, always have been strong. Throughout the gameplay, Trevor has odd intelligence and senses. He can tell when something doesn’t fit and he’ll suddenly click. He can understand situations faster than most people. He caught eyes with Davey and he knew him. He first saw Michael after 9 years and knew he was lying. After some convincing… Michael’s denials had led Trevor to realise that Brad’s imprisonment was also a lie. It seems that although Trevor takes on the worse from his experiences, he also earns himself the skill to predict and understand unfolding events. He can attack and approach situations, while impulsively, but effectively.

Further notes: Trevor’s coping mechanisms would include niche drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, aggression, self-harm, and isolation. He finds himself deeply attached to women in general, often exploiting himself by seeing many prostitutes and masturbating to pornography daily. This would be the result of his mother’s absence and abuse… Nevertheless, he engulfs in self-harm (hitting his head, biting, scratching, etc) as a way to defuse his self-hatred (as he always saw himself as the problem… Thanks to his childhood again). His suicidal tendencies is pretty obvious throughout the gameplay.

#trevor philips #trevor gta #trevor philips headcanons #gta trevor #grand theft auto #grand theft auto 5 #grand theft auto v #grand theft 5 #grand theft v #anaylsis #pyschology #michael townley #michael de santa #franklin clinton #bradley sniper #north yankton #gta

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butterflykiisies · 2 years

Text

Taste of Death

( jang han-seok x reader )

TW: violence, murder, psychopathy, sensuality, cursing, betrayal, BLOOD.

word count : 3669

authors note : there will be a part two to this fic, I’ve separated them into parts to spare those who don’t wish to read smut. I hope you all enjoy!

The night was young, just barely five o'clock when a message pinged on your phone.

'I'll be picking you up soon.'

As you glanced over the message, the doorbell rang.

'would that be you outside by any chance?' You sent back, making your way quietly to the front door and glancing out the peephole.

To your surprise, it was definitely not Han-Seok. Instead, you were greeted by the sight of an old friend. She stepped anxiously back and forth as she awaited your answer, in her hands, she gripped a briefcase that buckled under the stress of her fingers.

'no, who's there?'

The next text from Han-Seok flashed across your screen and you decided to ignore the message for a moment, you unlocked the front door and slid it open.

"Ha-Joon?" You questioned, fingers tapping the door frame rhythmically as you awaited a response.

She responded almost instantly, eyes wide with what seemed like urgency and… terror. "(Y/n)," she breathed a sigh before looking past you and into your home, you took the hint.

"Would you like to come in?" You asked, stepping aside to allow her room to enter. "I just bought a new wine, it's a Bordeaux. I hope you don't mind, it's my favorite. Sit down. I'll pour us a glass."

The woman looked around briefly before sliding by you into the foyer of your home, she looked around once more before finding a seat on the love seat by the left hallway. She took a moment to breathe before nodding slowly, "Wine would be nice."

You nodded, before stepping into the adjoined kitchen, it was separated by a small wall- but it gave you just enough privacy to check your phone.

'(y/n)?'

'is everything okay?'

'you're worrying me.'

He had sent a couple more messages upon your sudden absence. You glanced into the living room to make sure Ha-Joon was still where you left her before responding,

'everything's fine, unexpected visitor. that's all.'

You paused for a moment before sending a follow-up, 'you remember Ha-Joon right? she just showed up at my front door. seems pretty shaken up.'

The messages were sent and you made your way over to the wine cabinet, you bent down to grab a bottle. They still had the import labels on the cases, so you made sure to choose one that was newer- saving the oldest ones for more important occasions. The bottle was weighty- nothing you'd ever been able to afford before this. This being Han-Seok, he demanded nothing but the best for you, and for that, you were nothing short of grateful. He was an amazing boyfriend and an even better CEO, some would debate that last part but you didn’t really care.

You grabbed two wine glasses from the hanging rack above the cabinet and on the same trip grabbed the bottle opener, you were adorned in a white gown that had been dropped off a few hours previous for your date with Han-Seok tonight- it made handling the wine a much more dangerous task. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin your dress before he could ever see it on.

As you popped the cork from the bottle, you heard your phone buzz on the counter. You decided to ignore it for the moment being as you were too preoccupied with the task at hand. You filled both glasses with the musky red liquid before making your way back into the living area.

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to take so long." you apologized, handing Ha-Joon the glass before taking a seat on the sofa directly adjacent to the love seat.

"Don't apologize, I'm the one intruding. You look lovely, are you going out with someone?" She asked timidly, taking a long swig of the alcohol. She was disheveled, hair was falling haphazardly from her ponytail and her clothes were wrinkled and had spots of stains near the cuffs of her blouse.

A smile graced your lips as you nodded, "Yeah, in about an hour I think; but don't worry about the intrusion- I'm more than happy to host a friend." You watched as she finished off the glass before pushing a little deeper. "Joon, why are you here? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

It was beyond obvious how things looked here, from an external view, she looked crazy. It was late on a Sunday and she just showed up unannounced after not seeing each other for more than three years. It felt suspicious.

"I'm.. in a lot of trouble right now. I remembered you had connections to Wusang and I needed to see you immediately. I need a lawyer, fast." She spoke in a hushed tone as if someone else was within earshot- whatever was bothering her seemed big.

You did have connections to Wusang, to probably some of the best lawyers in Korea. Usually, the law firm only handled civil rights and big corporation cases- what could a reporter need with that kind of protection? You cocked an eyebrow, moving a hand to smooth out the waves in your hair. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" You probed, taking a sip of wine- leaving a red lipstick stain on the glass.

"Can I trust you to not tell anyone what I'm about to tell you?" The woman was stern, eyes hardened. "This information is dangerous."

An instant nod was what she was met with, you even playfully held out your pinky. The danger wasn't something you were scared of. Not while you had a psychopath on speed dial with an army of the best guards in Korea. "Your information is safe with me, I swear."

The briefcase was slammed on the table as she opened it, making the vase of lilies jump at the force. You steadied the vase before focusing on the labels of all of the files that had been compiled- within each label there were corresponding bags filled with tapes and hard drives. As you glanced over the names- you saw something familiar, 'Jang Han-Seok childhood'

"What is all of this? And what does this have to do with Wusang?" You asked, thumbing through a file you'd just picked up.

"It's evidence." She whispered, a hand moving to lay over your own. "Against Babel group and the CEO.. Jang Han-Seok."

Your stomach dropped and as you flipped the file open- you realized just what you were looking at. Pages and pages of incriminating data, which seemed to come directly from babel as the pages sported the familiar logo. This was more than enough evidence to indict Han-Seok of tax fraud, union harassment, murder, and so so much more. The actions of the Babel group were the furthest thing from clean but that didn't make them all that bad, the company had its good and its bad. The same went for Han-Seok. He has his moments but he's not a bad guy.

"Who else has seen this?" You questioned, keeping your tone even as you tried to formulate a plan to dispose of her. Friendship meant nothing at this moment, the safety of Han-Seok and Babel's legacy is what mattered now.

Her hands ran through her dark strands before she answered, "Just me and you, so far. I want to take it to the law though, and with the power that monster holds- I'm scared of what might happen if I'm not protected."

Monster..

"Do you want some more wine? We can talk this over more and then get you in communication with an attorney as soon as possible." You offered, hand gliding across the table to collect the empty glass.

"Thank you, I'd really like that."

A forced smile fluttered across your lips as you stood to move into the kitchen. As you ducked behind the wall separating the room, you opened your phone to your messages with Han-Seok.

'I remember her very well.' was his reply.

'get here soon, dinner might have to wait.’ Your reply was simple, yet effective. As soon as the message was delivered, his reply was almost instant.

'I'll be there in thirty, babydoll.'

You closed out your phone and scanned the kitchen before you decided on the weapon of choice. A simple kitchen knife was the best option, albeit messy. A small sigh left your lips as you looked down at the beautiful dress that Han-Seok had picked out for you just this morning, it was white silk and as much as you hated to ruin it- you knew he wouldn't mind.

"Wine seems to be an issue at the moment, it seems these bottles hate me. Would you mind helping me out really quickly?" You called out, moving the knife to the island situated in the middle of the kitchen.

Footsteps could be heard, and each one solidified your plan. She was so close, if only she knew she was going to die- how different things would be right now.

She appeared around the corner and took notice of your phone on the counter near the wine bottle, "I struggle with these all the time, but I think I've mastered the art of manipulating the bottles." She let out a relaxed laugh, turning her back to you before beginning to fumble with the new bottle you had retrieved from the cabinet.

"So, personally, how do you feel about Jang Han-Seok?" You tested, hand gripping the handle of the knife through the sheath of cloth it was concealed in. Not to make it personal, but you were genuinely curious how someone like her saw him. To you, he was a gentleman. Polite, kind, romantic, paced, protective, and incredibly smart. He knew how to make the world work for him, not the other way around.

"I think what any sane person would think, he's insane. Corrupt, cruel, dangerous. If I was the law, I wouldn't let a man like that roam the streets free. I know you probably don't know, but he murdered some boys he went to school with, and he's actually diagnosed as a psychopath. He's not all there mentally. He needs to be locked in a psych ward or something." She ranted on and on, every word full of slander and hatred.

It made you sick. Hearing someone be so disrespectful. The more you thought about it- the more justified this killing felt. She's a risk, yes. More than that, she's a bitch.

"-I bet he's a pervert too,"

"Yeah, you think so?" You replied, hand clenching the base of the knife.

"Of course. Men like that are always creepy-"

You held back the contempt that flooded your veins, the last thing you needed to do was alert her to her newfound fate. The knife shook slightly within your grip, reminding you of the goal here.

Kill her.

"-and with Jang Han-Seok's history of violence, I can only imagine his track record with women isn't much better. Wouldn't that be something? Getting him on charges of rape or prostitution?" She sounded so proud of herself, even while saying something so vile- it was lighthearted, funny even.

KILL HER.

Your brain screamed at you with every crude remark but you knew you couldn't be too hasty. Hastiness leads to sloppy work and a chance of escape. You couldn't let her leave this house, not alive at least.

"So you must know of his internship at Wusang? Wouldn't that be a dangerous risk to take, what if he still has contacts there as well? Like, a rat?" The question was aimed at the reputability of Wusang, did she really know as much as she thought she did?

The girl paused, her entire body halting in response to the question. "Wait." She began, placing both hands on the counter. "I didn't tell you that."

In hindsight, it might have been a bit of a mistake on your part but so be it.

"Oops."

You kicked into action, hand moving to ravel in her hair. The other pressed the cold steel into her neck with just enough pressure to draw blood. Between the two, she stood no chance.

"Don't take this personally, but I will not let you ruin our lives." You grunted as she attempted to wriggle away, in turn, you dug the tip into just barely into her windpipe. "Stop fighting, die with some dignity."

"Why? P-please, you don't have to do this." Tears had begun to run down her face, it almost made you feel bad- she was so young, yet so stupid.

You drug her head back enough to make eye contact, "Where did you get all of this?" You pressed, fingers digging into her scalp. "And do you have copies?"

Ha-Joon's face crumpled, eyes filling with betrayal. "You're with him, aren't you?" She looked disgusted, with herself or you- you’d never know. "Whatever he promised you isn't worth it. He's fucking crazy, wake up (y/n)!" Pleading wouldn't save her now.

"I'm not just doing this for him, sweetheart. It's for our future. I'm protecting it from people like you. Now answer my goddamn questions." The knife had now created a line of blood from the struggling she'd been doing, it sent blood dripping down her neck.

Her voice shook, but her words couldn't be more clear. "Why should I? You're going to kill me either way, it doesn't do me any good."

Fair enough.

You smiled, letting a laugh slip. She couldn’t just cooperate, she had to push. Oh well, your conscious was already filthy. "Why? Well, if I remember correctly- you have a son at home. Sung-ho, isn't that his name?" The air became stale, the silence broken by nothing but ragged breaths. "It would be a shame if something happened to that cutie, wouldn't it?"

"You're a fucking monster, leave him out of this! He's just a kid. Just kill me, me- not him. He's innocent." She begged, struggling against your grip. "I'll tell you what you want to know, just promise me he won't be harmed."

You pretended to contemplate her bargain, It's exactly what you wanted but the fear factor was just too good to pass up. As fucked as it was, you were no better than Han-Seok. He found you when you were caught in a bad situation, he saved you. He then took you in and taught you everything he knew. Politics, business, betrayal, and coercement. "Deal."

"Thank god," She breathed, swallowing hard as she averted her gaze from your own. "I got all of the evidence from the chairman's laptop. I snuck in and stole it, all of it."

How the fuck? She must have had some kind of help, how else could she bypass his security? His office was guarded 24/7 due to the nature of sensitive materials it contained. Not to mention the encryptions on his personal laptop, all of that made her story either made-up or deeper than she tried to lead you to believe. A problem for later.

"And the copies? Do any exist? Digitally or physically." You made sure to specify, most people will try to find a loophole in just about anything. None of this evidence could survive tonight, they seemed to share that fate.

Ha-Joon hesitated before reluctantly nodding, "I have all of the data backed up on a hard drive, it's locked up in my office. I have the keys to the building, take them- they're in my back pocket."

You could just take them off her corpse, not a problem on your end.

"This has been fun but I really don't want to have to kill you, Joon." Your tone softened, "We've been friends for years and I care for you. I want to let you go."

Her breath quickened, "Really? You can let me go, (y/n). I won't tell anyone about this and I'll get rid of the hard drive myself. After that, I'll disappear. You'll never have to worry about me again." She was always good on her word, you could trust her on this.

"Okay, fine." You nodded, releasing your grip little by little. The knife lifted off her throat, edge coated in her blood.

She closed her eyes in relief, a sigh falling from her lips. "Thank you-"

Her head was jerked back and the knife serrated her neck before she had enough time to react. Gasps of shock and pain left her mouth as she clasped her hand over her throat, It was spraying blood in all directions as she began to crumble to the floor.

"I didn't really mean all that if you couldn't tell. You're a liability to me, you were never going to leave alive. From the beginning, ever since you opened your mouth about all of this, your fate had been sealed." You began, bending down with her as she fell onto the hardwood. "You have to understand, Joon. He's everything to me, you're just collateral damage."

Her body finally completely gave out and she stopped trying to get away. Her mouth opened and closed, over and over again before she let her hand fall from the gaping hole in her neck. It sprayed thick, hot blood all over you as she gargled on the blood now filling her lungs.

You glanced over towards the knife you had dropped after the initial cut, it couldn't hurt to just keep going- could it? Your fingers grasped the knife in your hand and a rush of adrenaline filled your veins, it felt too good to stop now.

Your body moved on instinct, bringing the knife down into her chest with a swift movement. A sickly crack rang out, signifying her chest plate had more than likely cracked at the force. It was music to your ears. You dislodged the knife before plunging it into her stomach, twisting it in a crude attempt to hurt her. As if her body could regulate pain at this point.

Over and over and over again. The knife sliced with deadly precision as you mutilated her corpse. Anyone could tell this was beyond excessive, but god it was so hard to stop. Her blood was so warm and her skin so delicate.

Before you knew it, she was unrecognizable.

You let the knife fall to the floor, landing with a dramatic 'thunk'. Your dress had been absolutely ruined in the chaos. Blood stains were splattered across it haphazardly, the silk taking on a rusty red color. Han-Seok wouldn't mind, you were sure of that. Your face was adorned in a spray of blood droplets, but you couldn't be bothered to mess with it.

The wine glass stood half-filled on the counter where she once stood. You took it into your hand and hopped up on the center island, letting your feet dangle. You simply watched as the lake of blood expanded, making a home on the white tile floor.

An art form you could appreciate.

The front door made a clicking noise as it unlocked, signaling to you that Han-Seok had made his arrival to the party. Perfect timing, as always.

"Babydoll?" He called out, footsteps closing in as he made his way from the hallway. He could tell something was up, the house was eerily quiet for this time of night. You usually had music playing, especially when getting ready to go out.

"In here, love." Your voice rang out from the kitchen, the nickname making his lips twitch into a smile momentarily. At least this was proof that you were okay, that was his main worry on his way here.

When he got your text, he had been at the office, setting up a few last-minute transactions before dinner. To say the least, he left the building in record time.

The kitchen light glared in on the dim living area, and as he got closer he could smell the metallic giveaway for blood. His brow knitted together as he entered the room, stopping mid-step to take in the mess that made up the kitchen floor. Blood was everywhere. On the counters, the floors, the cabinets, it even somehow sprayed the ceiling. His eyes then landed on the body or the mangled mess that used to one.

"This is your friend? Could've fooled me." He smirked, stripping off his suit jacket at the door before rolling up his sleeves. He stepped into the kitchen, shoes becoming caked with blood as he moved closer.

You shrugged, finishing off the glass of wine. "She came in as my friend and now she's going to be leaving in a duffle bag. Funny how things like this happen, huh?" Your words were lighthearted, unbothered by the act you'd committed tonight.

He chuckled, "Speaking of things happening, what led to this?" His tone was curious, he couldn't care less if this was just a casual murder. Han-Seok moved to stand between your legs at the island, hands on either side of your hips.

"She was going to ruin you. A huge briefcase of evidence that would take you and the Babel group down. She was a liability." You stated simply, looking up at him. He was much taller than you were and even on the island he still wasn't eye level. "I took care of her and I got the keys to get the backed up data in her office. We can destroy it all before anyone even knows it exists."

Han-Seok smiled, moving a hand to caress your cheek- smearing some of the blood that had yet to dry. "That's my girl," He hummed, hand trailing to the nape of your neck. His fingers intertwined in your hair before gently pulling your head back, forcing you to look up at him more. "You've made me so proud."

His lips crashed down onto yours with bruising force, fingers holding your hair tight in his fist. The blood on your face smudged onto him, leaving him with lips tinted a deep red when he pulled away.

Dinner was canceled.

#jang han seok #jang jun woo #jang hanseok x reader #jang jun woo x reader #the jang bros #tvn vincenzo #vincenzo kdrama #vincenzo cassano #vincenzo #psychopath but cutie #kdrama fic #vincenzo fic #ok taecyeon #x reader

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aspd-culture · 10 months

Note

Hi, this is a genuine question, coming from someone with BPD, NPD, autism, and OSDD-1B. I want to make sure I am correct in this information. However, are the terms "p/ychopath" and "s/ciopath" actual slurs? I have read posts and articles referring to the history of these terms and some have been akin to the history of the r slur. I have seen some pwASPD and some prosocials claim these terms are slur. I have seen the exact opposite state otherwise. I have seen posts that explain that these terms have a long entrenched history in targeting and pathologizing people who were vehemently against oppressive authorities and other forces. That apparently these terms existed to not only harm pwASPD (though it is the main target), but also people with DID and people on the schizoaffective spectrum. Oh and other disorders too and people of different classes and other minorities. Also, if any of this happens to be misinformation, please do let me know and correct me. I never want to spread misinformation, so just let me know.

However, with all this information, I am still left wondering is it safe to claim these terms as slurs or just really... derogatory, ableist terms? Like, I want to be able to support pwASPD and language is an oppressive tool. So I'd like to understand the entire situation. Would you and other pwASPD say these are slurs? I don't really use these terms and I don't like to, but I want to know so that I can make sure that when I stand up for pwASPD I use correct information.

Oooooof, okay, this one is going to piss some people off. This is a very very good question anon, and not one with an objective or commonly agreed upon answer afaik. I appreciate the respectful way you asked this! TW for ableist language, for the duration of this post, the terms psychopath and sociopath will not be censored. Also, this is gonna be a long one.

Before I give you my take, let me explain the two sides I have personally seen on this issue.

Position 1.) Psychopath and sociopath are slurs based on the common definition of the term - "an offensive word used to insult someone because of their race, sexuality (the fact of being sexually attracted to people of a particular gender), etc." (Cambridge Dictionary). Because this is a term used to specifically attack someone based on the context of a particular set of mental illnesses (cluster b personality disorders), it would classify under that definition as a slur. People on this side often also cite the r slur being undeniably a slur as a reason that this should count as well. These words are used primarily if not almost exclusively in a negative context to insult a person with these disorders or to imply (in a derogatory way) that the person they're talking to has negative traits associated with one of these disorders. As with the r slur, the intention usually isn't really to imply that they must factually be diagnosable with the disorder, but instead implies that they have negative traits associated with this disorder. The same exists with many slurs; the d slur is thrown at straight women who dress in a "masculine" way, and the f slur is thrown at straight men who do not engage in misogyny and those who dress or act "femininely". That doesn’t diminish the weight of those slurs, so this position is supported by the idea that these terms being used in this way doesn’t change the harm they cause. Also, just as with other slurs, these words are considered synonymous with the disorders, in that if you refer to sociopathy and psychopathy in a serious context - one outside of an insult - it will be generally known that you are referring to the specific mental illnesses that those with actual knowledge of mental health refer to as cluster b disorders. Many people actually believe these are medical subtypes of ASPD, or that sociopathy refers to ASPD whilst psychopathy refers to NPD, or that sociopathy is ASPD without violence and psychopathy is ASPD with violence. All of these are inaccurate, but they hold one thing in common across all of them: that these terms when used in a serious context refer to one or multiple cluster b disorders with *maybe* an exception for some people lumping “psychopath” in with “psychosis” when referring to schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and schizotypal and schizoid personality disorders. Even then though, most people I have seen actually make the distinction that “psycho” and “psychopath” refer to entirely different disorders. Yes, I have seen people actually correct people to use the term psychopath, but not psycho for pwASPD because “psycho refers to schizophrenia”. I have not personally seen either used towards pwDID except to imply that they had the negative traits of personality disorders (see also, as an ableist insult), but tbh I would not be surprised if it’s common and I don’t know about it because I simply do not surround myself with people who use those terms and in my personal space only tolerate it a few times with respectful explanations before it becomes “alright I’ll be a thorn in your side about it until you don’t use them around me just so I’ll shut up” time - if I can’t outright cut them off.

Position 2.) Psychopath and sociopath are not slurs because there is not the history or pain associated with cluster b disorders that there is with other slurs. The concept here is that there is long-standing systemic oppression and societally ingrained hatred involved with the LGBTQIA+ community, people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, POC, etc. Whilst mentally ill people as a whole experience some amount of oppression and certainly experience hate, this argument bases itself in the idea that it is not just hate that makes something a slur; there must be specific and pervasive oppresson associated with it for it to be a slur. For many if not all other slurs (that I know about), there are multiple individual and/or large-scale attempts to erase this identity from an area if not from existence entirely via genocide attempts, eugenics, etc. Another main part of this argument is the usage - that psychopath and sociopath are thrown at people without these disorders much more often than other slurs are used that way. Classic example is “my ex was a psychopath”, and generally they mean in the way of “asshole who didn’t care about my feelings at all” and not “I know the symptoms of cluster B disorders and you’re acting like you have one”. Further, this point tends to argue that most people who use these terms probably don’t know anything about cluster b disorders, even if they know they exist. When someone calls someone else the r slur, f slur, etc. they almost always know exactly what they’re calling you.

These are just the arguments I have personally seen myself and very likely (tbh almost definitely) are *not* the only points/arguments involved. I may also have some things wrong about these arguments because tbh I try to keep myself out of this conversation after the really hateful things I have seen and heard said both to me and other people who disagree with my opinion on this. It seems to me that many people in this discussion come to it in a place of pain and clearly have some trauma being brought up by the discussion on both sides, and therefore it isn't always easy for people to handle it in the calm and respectful manner needed for the conversation to be productive. That said, I am feeling well enough after dealing with the distress this caused my mental health previously to attempt to engage again. *Please* scroll on if you cannot handle talking about this in a respectful manner. I will block people if it can't be a safe place for everyone on both sides to state their opinion.

Please keep in mind that this is just my opinion on the matter, and I am not dead set on this opinion. If a genuine argument is brought to me that is not exclusively "You can't understand slurs because you're XYZ", I am willing to engage in a conversation about why I may be on the wrong side of this. While I *do* have definite privilege and that tints your view of the world in every aspect of life - every event/action/thought/etc. - that is pretty much the case for everyone. There is almost always at least one or two ways that someone has some privilege. I am willing to recognize the way that it affects my opinion of course - and that the ways I deal with oppression are just not the same as other people since I technically have the choice to hide that I am a part of these communities (even though it would be detrimental to my physical and/or mental health to do so) whilst others simply do not have that - but if that’s the *only* thing you have to say on it as to why I’m wrong, I don’t feel this is an actual discussion. At that point, I feel like it’s just finding a way to diminish my opinion because it is different from yours, and I have a feeling a fair amount of (but probably not all) people making that point would believe I was a valid part of this conversation if I was on their side.

I think it is relevant to the conversation to be transparent about my privilege in my point of view, and where I am not privileged. I am not heterosexual, heteroromantic, nor cisgender, and cannot pass as any of those things without making significant long term changes to my appearance/mannerisms/clothing/etc. I am white. I am autistic, but do not struggle with intellectual disorders as of the time of writing (I am unsure if intellectual disorders can come later on in life due to external or internal factors). I have both physical and mental disabilities, but they are invisible and I have somewhere between low and moderate support needs when it comes to my autism.

I personally think they do count as slurs. To say that systemic oppression does not exist for ASPD especially is unfair and honestly ignorant. It makes me think that they haven't done the research needed to try to back that point. People are diagnosed on the stand - sometimes without the presence of a mental health professional and almost always (in this situation) by people with next to no outside interaction with them from before the incident - to destroy their character. People with ASPD are much more likely to end up in jail even when you only compare people who have committed a crime (which removes the issue of "well that happens because of the symptoms of the disorder") because one of the things that is basically required to get a shorter or reduced sentence and especially one without jailtime is to "show remorse". The need to show remorse is also sometimes assessed in hearings for probation or parole according to what I have heard from other people, but I have never seen non-fictional parole/probation hearings, nor have I been involved with legal issues personally. This reliance on remorse comes for pwASPD in two distinct ways - it attacks a direct symptom of the disorder (low or no remorse), and an associated trait (flat affect). ASPD is also disproportionately represented in inmates, and most studies on ASPD are conducted solely or mostly on inmates. As for systemic hate, one of the most common things that is said to "make people human" or "prove the existence of a soul" is empathy. There is a significant portion of people who directly equate empathy with humanity. Whilst the hate and oppression isn't *as* prevalent by any means as it is for, for example, POC, it certainly is there and is significant. This isn't the same as a not-LGBTQIA+ person claiming cishet is a slur - there is plenty of serious and pervasive hate and oppression against people with cluster b disorders. To try to argue that it exists, but isn’t enough turns this discussion into the trauma olympics, which I don’t think is productive.

The argument that they are not slurs because they are medical terms comes with two separate issues, starting with the small (sarcastic) fact that they aren't - at least not anymore in the majority of English-speaking countries. Neither psychopath nor sociopath are in the DSM nor (I believe) the ICD. I have heard/read people say that they used to be which would make them antiquated medical terms, and while that probably is true (I could not find them in previous DSMs, but those books are *huge* so I could easily have missed it), that wouldn't change that antiquated medical terms are not medical terms anymore. That's kind of the whole point of them changing the term. Just because your specific professional still uses that term or doesn't correct you when you call your ex a psychopath does not make it a medical term. Many mental health professionals do not and are not required to get regular updates to their education unfortunately, and even the ones that do may be showing bias which does happen even though it isn’t supposed to. There are also still professionals who believe you can’t possibly have made it through school without being diagnosed with autism if you are autistic. There are still professionals who think DID isn’t real literally at all. We cannot base what is and is not a medical term on it’s use by individual professionals in good faith while simultaneously speaking up about medical gaslighting. You may already see the truly glaring second issue with the idea that these are not slurs because they are medical terms - the r slur. Also used for many, many years even beyond the point where it was known to be a slur, the r slur was itself a medical term. I do not see many people arguing that that isn't a slur, and the ones that do get (rightfully) put in their place for it.

The argument that it isn’t a slur because, unlike other slurs, a lot of people using the terms don’t know that they are related to mental health disorders doesn’t sit right with me either. Firstly, would it be any less offensive and hurtful if the person calling you that slur didn’t know what it referred to? There are people still to this day that don’t know what the r slur refers to - they just think it means you’re “stupid” in a non-disorder sense. I have personally met people who thought that term was entirely okay to use until they were told what it meant - does that remove the harm caused every time they said it to someone? In my opinion, the fact that this language is so ingrained that it can be known to be an insult without any knowledge of mental health nor these disorders says something about just how stigmatized and openly hated people with them are. These terms are both inherently associated with cluster b disorders *and* with being a shitty person. If that isn’t what a slur is (and I mean this as a serious question, not a “gotcha” or whatever subtext meaning allistics use this phrase with), then what is? How would you define a slur if not a term that is undeniably derogatory and associated with the hatred of a specific group of people due to something out of their control? If the dictionary definition is wrong or incomplete or diminishing the weight of that term, all of which is absolutely possible, then what would make that definition complete/accurate? I don’t know that this is a question with a single answer either, to be honest.

I think when you're talking about things like language, anecdotes and personal emotions are a valid part of that conversation. From that perspective, as someone who has dealt with slurs being thrown at me for my sexuality and my autism (before I even knew I was autistic actually), it feels the exact same when someone calls me a sociopath or psychopath. It is intended to hurt in the same way that other slurs are intended to hurt, and for me, it does. It's worth noting many people do *not* feel the same way as I do here, but I would argue that not everyone in *any* marginalized group feels hurt by being called a slur. There are always people who think the way to take the power away from the term is to let everyone use it freely and just decide to not care regardless of how ignorant that position is imo. People are different and feel different about things. I have had plenty of LGBTQIA+ saying the f slur shouldn't even count as a slur and that I “shouldn’t be so sensitive about people using it as an insult when they aren’t even talking to you”. Whenever you are dealing with a large group of people, especially large enough for that number to be stated via a percentage of the world’s population, you will see varying opinion on pretty much anything. Additionally, when you’re talking to people with trauma so intense and/or long-term that it caused a personality disorder to develop (the percentage of needs met to develop a secure attachment style is so much lower than I would have imagined and I’d advise anyone with a cluster b disorder to not look it up unless you’re braced for it), many are so numbed by the trauma that they cannot bring themselves to be bothered by a word - any word. But just because we have dealt with worse, doesn’t mean (in my opinion) that we should have to accept these terms as mere “insults” or “problematic” or even “ableist language”. In my current opinion, I would say they are slurs. I don’t think less of people who don’t agree in any way, and I am, again, open to engaging in that discussion, but I don’t have respect for the idea that because I do not fit into *every* marginalized group, that I should not have any opinion about slurs. That isn’t an argument, it’s a cop out so you don’t have to actually engage with my points.

I’m sorry to anon for taking so long (like months I’m pretty sure) to answer this, and I’m sorry if I end up having to delete this post. For the sake of avoiding this argument as much as possible, this is only being tagged with this blog’s tag. I’d appreciate if anyone were to reblog if you could possibly the ASPD and actually ASPD tags. Thank you.

Edit: TW for uncensored ableist terms (used in an informative, non-ableist context) in the comments.

#aspd-culture-is #tw discourse #tw ableist language #tw psychopath #tw sociopath #cw discourse

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jaegerisim · 6 months

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Vent post

there are several tw so heed the tags! if you do not want to read this pls scroll past! <3

i've been an abusive on and off relationship for the last 2 years.

the guy is a year older than me and we first started dating 4 months after we'd first met. it was shortly after i was raped.

so, i was still traumatized. i did not want to kiss him or get physical. he began to emotionally manipulate me, until i agreed to kiss him and officially date him. he told me it would be a simple kiss. it wasn't. he began to make out with me and i was like "ok. fine. i can do this" but then he began to take my clothes off. i told him to stop. that i didn't want to continue he told me he wouldn't hurt me. that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. for us. i said nothing and reluctantly had sex with him.

2 days later he started an argument over me having spent 4 hours eating with my friends when i initially said it would only take 2 hours. i cried. he cried too. i felt bad bc he said that he was only looking out for me and was worried for me. i naïvely believed him. i felt like i was the bad guy. like i was the one who had done something wrong. i apologized and he forgave me.

3 days later he asked for some space (we'd only been dating for 5 days). i accepted and believed he would txt me after he'd felt like enough time had passed.

a month later he blocked me. i spent the whole night crying in a panic attack wondering what i'd done wrong.

3 days after he'd blocked me, he unblocked me and sent 19 texts calling me a slut, a whore, a freak, a bitch, a cunt. said he'd never loved me and only wanted me for the sex and my body. that he loved another girl. i immediately blocked him.

i spent the next 2 months in a depression and constant state of anxiety. i self harmed and was irritable. i isolated myself from my friends and family.

i saw him again when the uni year started. he told me he loved me and wanted me back. i ignored him the first 2 months. the third month, he began to flirt with a bunch of sorority girls and spread shit about me. these girls harassed me, both online and in real life, for 5 months. i began to date a new guy that was sweet and loving. my abuser began to bully him, until the guy eventually dumped me and even left uni. i fell into another depression.

my abuser came to me and said he was sorry for everything. that it wouldn't happen again. that he wanted me back, that he loved me. he bullied the girls and drove them to commit suicide.

i told him to go to therapy. he got diagnosed with bpd, sociopathy, psychopathy, ptsd and major depression. he was on all sorts of medication. after that we began to date again and he said he wanted me to keep us quite. i naïvely agreed. then he asked for marriage. i accepted and told my family about us. they weren't happy but said nothing bc they saw that i was happy.

we stopped seeing each other when my family and i went on holidays. he didn't call or text. said it was bc he had lost my phone number when his phone feel down the stairs and broke (his "new" phone looks exactly the same as his "old" one). my family told me to break up with him. i argued with my family but they eventually let me keep dating him.

2 weeks after we'd seen each other again, a friend texts me and says that he (a senior) was caught hitting on a freshman. i cried and threw up, but i broke up with him. he begged me to not break up with him. i didn't budge.

now a week later, he is calling me a stalker, a bitch, a slut while stalking me and my gf. he follows me home. he takes pictures of me. he has manipulated underclassmen into stalking me for him.

idk what to do atp. i feel horrible and i feel dirty and disgusting.

#tw rape #tw sa #tw suicide #tw vomit

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fang46 · 1 year

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akihiro reading list

GOOD LUCK WITH GETTING THROUGH THIS LIST. akihiro has been really through it with the 17 years of publication history he’s been in. added in TWs too and tried to make them as accurate as possible (i might have gone overboard but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

ESSENTIAL (?) READING LIST (check complete list for issue numbers)

wolverine: origins (2006)

dark avengers (2009)

dark wolverine (2009)

dark wolverine (2010)

uncanny x-force (2010)

uncanny avengers (2012)

wolverines (2015)

all new wolverine (2017)

x-factor (2020)

marauders (2022)

COMPLETE READING LIST STARTS FROM HERE

(red = essentials, yellow = important but not necessary iykyk, blue = cameos/events)

origin + introduction

[OPTIONAL] house of m #1-8

[OPTIONAL] wolverine (2003) #36-40 (TW for gore)

wolverine: origins #5, #10-15, #24-27 (TW for gore and torture, and mentions of abuse, neglect, racism, brainwashing, child murder, suicide, and weird depictions of neurodivergency)

original sin [wolverine: origins #28, x-men: original sin #1, x-men: legacy #217, wolverine: origins #29, x-men: legacy #218, wolverine: origins #30, wolverine: origins #31-36, dark avengers #1-4] (TW for mentions of child abuse, torture, grooming, brainwashing, memory loss, and uncomfortable discussions about telepathic mind control and conditioning; also mr. sinister being a nazi eugenicist and sebastian shaw + charles xavier being horrible people in general)

dark avengers era

dark wolverine (2009) #75-77 (TW for mentions of racism, references to child sexual assault, and homophobia)

dark avengers #5-6

dark wolverine (2009) #78-80

[OPTIONAL] incredible hulk #603

[OPTIONAL] utopia [dark avengers/uncanny x-men: utopia #1, dark x-men: the beginning #2, uncanny x-men #513, dark avengers #7, uncanny x-men #514, dark avengers #8, dark avengers/uncanny x-men: exodus #1, dark x-men: the confession #1 (TW for references of racism)]

dark reign: the list - punisher #1 (TW for gore)

dark avengers #9-12

siege [dark wolverine (2009) #81-84 (TW for disassociation, mentions of child abuse, suicide, and torture), dark avengers #16]

solo adventures

reckoning [wolverine: origins #46, dark wolverine (2009) #85, wolverine: origins #47, dark wolverine (2009) #86, wolverine: origins #48] (TW for abuse, gore, gaslighting, and references to self harm)

dark wolverine #87 (TW for depression and implied suicidal ideation?)

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] wolverine: origins #49-50 (TW for gore, mentions of abuse, and disassociation)

punishment [dark wolverine (2009) #88, franken-castle #19, dark wolverine (2009) #89, franken-castle #20]

wolverine goes to hell [dark wolverine #90, wolverine: road to hell #1, [CAMEO] wolverine (2010) #11, #14-15 (TW for child murder, disassociation, alcoholism, and mentions of child abuse and neglect)]

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] deadpool (2010) #37, #49.1-54

dark wolverine (2010) #1-7 (TW for suicide and gore)

collusion [x-23 (2010) #8, dark wolverine (2010) #8, x-23 (2010) #9, dark wolverine (2010) #9] (TW for torture, child murder, and mentions of child abuse)

dark wolverine (2010) #9.1-20 (2010) (TW for drug use, heavy depictions of addiction, self harm, gore, medical trauma, unhealthy amounts of disassociation, discussions about psychopathy and mental illness, toxic and abusive representations of queer relationships, homophobia, depression, plus mentions of racism, grooming, and child abuse; moonwalking and pride comes arc's "claws killer" mystery is also a clear reference to the hollywood ripper case)

dark wolverine (2010) #21-23 (TW for suicide, disassociation, and drug use)

[AU, OPTIONAL] what if: wolverine father

death and resurrection

uncanny x-force (2010) #25-35 (TW for child abuse, disassociation, and brainwashing)

uncanny avengers (2012) #9-15, #19-22 (TW for torture, gore, and brainwashing)

logan’s death

death of wolverine: the logan legacy #1, #5, #7

wolverines #1-2, #4, #9, #14-17, #19-20 (TW for gore, graphic depictions of amputation, medical trauma, mr. sinister being a fucking nazi eugenicist (AGAIN), depression, suicidal ideation, and a fair bit of victim-blaming for akihiro's plotline)

iceman (2017) #4, #8-10 (TW for gore and mentions of depression and brainwashing)

[AU, CAMEO, OPTIONAL] uncanny x-men: winter's end

[CAMEO] all-new wolverine #21

all-new wolverine #25-30 (TW for gore, graphic depictions of amputation, mentions of child abuse and brainwashing, and torture)

x-men: blue #24-30

hunt for wolverine: claws of a killer (TW for gore and brainwashing)

[CAMEO] return of wolverine #2

krakoa

[CAMEO] house of x #5

[CAMEO] x-force (2019) #9 (TW for gore and self harm)

x-factor (2020) #1-3, #5-10 (TW for slutshaming, disassociation, and mentions of domestic abuse, grooming, suicidal ideation, and trauma + implied alcoholism in #1?; issue #10 needs a special TW for a clear reference to the ed buck serial killer case)

[CAMEO] wolverine (2020) #8

[CAMEO] hellions (2020) #12

[CAMEO] trial of magneto #1-2

new mutants (2019) #15, #19-20, #24, #29 (TW for child murder and mentions of child endangerment)

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] x lives of wolverine #3 (TW for gore)

x deaths of wolverine #3-5 (TW for graphic descriptions of torture)

[AU, CAMEO, OPTIONAL] spiderpunk (2022) #3

marvel's voices infinity comic #27-32

marvel’s voices: pride (2021)

marauders (2022) annual, #1-12 (TW for gore, brainwashing, and torture)

alpha flight (2023) #1-5

wolverine (2020) #41-42, 44 (TW for gore)

in total, he has around 180 appearances where he’s the main(ish) focus... if you wanna see my notes and commentary here (+ additional context) here's the longer spreadsheet version (NEW)

#fang #akihiro #daken akihiro #reading list #sorry for being dead on here oops i totally didn't forget i had a sideblog

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rottendollface · 2 years

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The Hunger Games AU Childe imagine

TW: MDNI, dark content, female reader, yandegire Childe, physical violence, reader is being murdered, 18+.

Imagine Ajax was chosen as a Tribute. From the very first moment, he outstanded other competitors: the excited and proud smile on his face made the people of Capitol like him. Ajax was showing his skills of fighting and surviving on the trainings, as he wanted to threaten other Tributes. He watched after others carefully to know their talents. It was hard not to notice you: a girl from a wealthy district and a loving family who stole the hearts of Capitol nation as well by a meek and cute personality. The person who designed your dress for the opening ceremony knew what they were doing: they pointed up your femininity and youth, made you look like a goddess. You compensated for a lack of physical skills with your mind: you were looking after other Tributes to remember how they were moving in a fight, their habits, and tried to predict their behavior in the arena. You relied on hiding and medical skills and believed you could survive – but Ajax was thinking otherwise.

His heart was beating like crazy around you, and a delicate blush appeared on his cheeks when he was looking at you: he knew that he would be honored to kill you. You were perfect, like a porcelain doll – and he wanted to break you cruelly, trample your beauty, and steal it only to save it forever in his memories. His bloodlust was tempting him to undone you in a training room, but Ajax wanted to have much more fun: you were charming; he was looking at you with desire – and fooled people of the Capitol believed that he fell in love with you. They were cheering for your couple; sponsors were sending parachutes to the both of you only to prolong your lives and to see you two interacting with each other. One time Ajax saved you when a group of trained Tributes tried to kill you for robbing their camp: he was mad, and the psychopathy that was tormenting him and making Ajax less than a human lead to a heinous massacre. Later that night, you left a thank-you gift in his camp: one of your sponsors sent you a medicine you needed, but you chose to give it to Ajax. The Capitol was in ecstasy.

Finally, you and him were the only survivors. Everyone wanted to know how the lovers would overcome the mean rule of the Games. You tried to find him, but Ajax had found you first. He came out to you with a smile – warm and welcoming, the one he showed only to his younger siblings. He noticed the hope in your eyes – it wasn't strange that you attracted plenty of sponsors. Your big eyes with long lashes still were shining and wet despite all the horrors they had seen, and the look you gave him was innocent and immersed with heartache. The inborn purity made you believe in compassion. You were ready to kill yourself to let him win, but you needed Ajax, the stranger you met just few times, to share this moment with you – like an every human, you were afraid to die alone in an alien place, knowing perfectly your family was watching you. You, too, were deceived by his game.

He enjoyed the moment his fist smashed into your soft lips; he felt the toughness of your teeth through your tender flesh, and his scratched knuckles saved the every unevenness of your beautiful small teeth. Your eyes filled with tears, and you understood belatedly that you had to run away. You looked at him and noticed the insane adoration in his lifeless blue eyes; their dull shine made your legs tremble. You rushed, jumping through fallen trees and pits gracefully, like a doe. You were scanning the surrounding area fast in a try to find nightlock berries or someone's dropped weapon – at least something to kill yourself fast and pain-free, but Ajax caught you up. He bumped into you, his fingers clawed into your body as you both fell on the earth and rolled head over heels.

Ajax didn't waste time anymore: the knife appeared in his hand, he started plunging it in your body cruelly, reveling your screams and pleas of mercy. Ajax knew what he was doing: all the wounds he had left in your body were near internal organs. Enough to kill you for sure, but painfully slow. You were laying on the ground, full with cuts like a pincushion, humming from pain, and spitting rare blood that rose to your mouth. Ajax didn't leave you; he was sitting here, waiting patiently for your death. He took your hand in his, enjoying the contact of your freezing yet so delicate skin with his, calloused and rough.

The whole Capitol was shocked and disgusted, except gamemakers, who seemed to like such a dramatic action. They decided to show your death in full time. Ajax still was here; his hand never left yours. He didn't shift and just stared at you, heeding carefully to your every whimper. The euphoria from the burst of his emotions had left him, and Ajax started to feel lonely without you. It was hard for him to realize that soon you would be gone. Even now, when your cold fingers were squeezing his hand painfully hard, you still were beautiful and remained the charm of goddess of youth. You were perfect. The girl better than you didn't exist – and Ajax had known it. He wanted to be closer to you. He couldn't die, knowing that after winning the Games, you would marry someone, not him. He just wanted to feel the bliss of being a living perfection, wanted to know how it was – to exist when everyone loved you.

Before he was announced as a winner of the Hunger Games, he cut off a lock of your hair as a trophy of the only woman he had loved.

#genshin fic #genshin imagines #yandere childe #childe imagines #childe x you #tartaglia imagines

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