Tumgik
#tw negative thoughts
Text
Tumblr media
it seems impossible
3K notes · View notes
elaine404 · 2 years
Text
I wanna stress starve instead of stress eat
4K notes · View notes
forays-into-fiction · 2 years
Text
Meet Me After the Show
Eddie and his band, Corroded Coffin are starting to make it big, concerts, recording deals, the whole nine yards, but they’re still kind of underground. You’re their number one fan, head over heels for their heartthrob lead singer/guitarist.
Back at it again with the filth. 😈
Warnings for poor self-esteem/body image issues. Rockstar!Eddie x PlusSize!Virgin!Reader, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, Pet-names (sweetheart/princess), Oral(Male and Female Receiving) Implications of Free-use, Cum Eating
MINIORS DNI
Tumblr media
Credit to @pitifulbaby on the photo
You stood in line anxiously waiting your turn to take a photo after the Corroded Coffin show. Their lead singer/guitarist was your celebrity crush and you were swooning at the sight of him, all sweaty from the performance, his wild hair swishing as he spoke with his fans animatedly, you eye his bare arms lingering on his tattoos. Before too long it’s your turn, you step forward and he’s beaming at you, looking you right in the eyes, his chocolate brown irises twinkling. “Hello, so nice to meet you! What’s your name?”
“Y/n.” You answer shyly. “It’s lovely to meet you too.”  
“I’m Eddie.” he gestures to himself as if you don’t know. He gasps suddenly and his hand darts out grabbing your wrist, he holds your arm alongside his own, “Awww, look we match.” He lines up his bat tattoo with your own that you’d gotten in honour of him.
You blush looking away, he drops your arm and positions himself for a photo, pulling you in close.  
“Smile,” he whispers in your ear.
You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, everything about the experience feels so surreal.  
You step back expecting the interaction to be over after the photo is taken, but he’s pulling you back in for a hug, whispering into your ear again, “If you wanna stick around for a bit I’ll be back once the crowd clears.” He steps back giving you a wink.
What? What was that? You can’t believe your ears, you nod mutely before stepping away.
Tumblr media
The crowd had dissipated and you’ve been standing off to the side waiting for 20 minutes… 30 minutes… an hour, feeling more and more ridiculous by the minute. Maybe you’d misheard him, maybe he didn’t really mean anything by it, maybe it was the sort of thing he said to all the girls. After all, what would he want with someone like you? You’d had this sort of thing your whole life, guys only ever asking you out as a joke, making fun of you, doing the stupidest shit just to embarrass and humiliate you. You could feel tears beginning to prick at the corner of your eyes, balling up your fist No, no don’t cry, don’t be dumb, just leave you think to yourself trying to suppress your emotions. But then you see him, trotting towards you, curls bouncing, smiling widely.
“Hey, there you are. Sorry you had to wait so long, got caught up signing autographs, wanted to make sure everyone that wanted one got one.” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.
You’re reeling, it feels like you’re on a roller-coaster of highs and lows tonight.
You giggle, “Aww you’re so sweet. I kind of thought you forgot about me though, didn’t really expect you to show up.” You toe at the ground staring at your feet.
He leans against the wall beside you, “Oh, I could never forget about you, sweetheart. Girl as pretty as you? Never.”
You scoff, “Yeah, right. So umm… why… why did you want me to wait for you?”  
“Isn’t it obvious? Sweetheart, I want to… get to know you.” He replies suggestively with a smirk.
You splutter, “What? Why?”
“Like, I said you’re pretty, I’m interested. And if I could be so bold, I think you might be too… right?” Grinning all the while. “It’s fine if you’re not though, that’s ok, really.” He rushes to add, leaning back, smile dropping slightly.
Your head snaps up, you look at him wide-eyed, “No. no, I am… interested, I mean. It’s just I’ve never really done anything like this.”
“Never been with a rockstar before, hmmm? That’s ok I’ll go easy on you.” He says cockily.
Your breath catches in your throat.
“So you wanna get out of here, go back to your place?” He suggests.
You nod eagerly.  
“You got a car or should I call a taxi?”
“Yeah I drove here, just me, none of my friends are really into this stuff.” You shrug.
“No boyfriend to take you out?” He probes
“No, no boyfriend.” You sigh.
“Well, lead the way sweetheart.” He says with a sweeping bow and a gesture of his hand.
Tumblr media
“Here we are.” You pull your keys out unlocking your car.
As you turn over the engine your radio clicks to life, blaring Corroded Coffin, you cringe.
“Awww, my little fangirl, you were listening to our music on your way here.”
“Shut up!” You protest hating how whiny it comes out.
“No, I think it’s cute. You musta been soooo excited.” He continues teasing.
You slap his arm playfully, “Enough, just let me drive.”
He pokes his tongue out at you.  
A few moments pass before he blurts out suddenly, “You uh… you got condoms at home? I didn’t bring any.”
“No, I mean it’s not like I was expecting anything like this to happen.”
“That’s ok, you know anywhere we can stop along the way?”
“Yeah uh there’s a shop just around the corner from me, they’d have some.”
Tumblr media
You lead him through the aisles, ‘til you get to the right one, you stand back surveying the options, “Which, um.. which one…” you trail off as he reaches over your head, one hand resting on your shoulder as he plucks an item off the shelf.
“These’ll do.”
“Should we… should we get anything else?” You mumble.
“Nah, I’m all set. Why, you need something?”
“No it’s just… what will the cashier think?” You whisper back at him, scandalised.
“Fuck the cashier, let ‘em think whatever they want. Let everyone here know, I’m here to fuck a beautiful girl.” He shouts a little louder than you’re comfortable with.
You slap him again, “Shhhhh! People are staring.”
He laughs, “So what, they’re just jealous I’m here with the prettiest girl in the room.”
“No, really shut up now.” You mutter, heat rising in your cheeks.
“Ok, ok.” He holds up his hands in mock surrender, “Let’s go then.”
Tumblr media
You’re standing at your front door fumbling with your keys, you can feel his breath, hot on the back of your neck.
You open the door, flipping on the lights as you step inside. Holding the door open you welcome him in, you close it behind him. You turn to see him, hands jammed into his pockets, rocking on his heels and grinning broadly. You slip off your shoes by the door and he follows in suit.
“So, you want something to drink or-“
You begin to offer but he cuts you off, his lips slamming into yours eagerly, his hands snaking around you. You gasp, caught by surprise, he takes advantage of this, slipping his tongue in alongside your own. You moan deep in the back of your throat as your eyes flutter closed. He’s pushing you back against the front door, one hand rising to cup the back of your head so that you don’t hurt yourself as you stumble back, allowing him to guide you. The two of you break apart gasping for breath. “So where’s the bedroom?” He asks.
“Oh, wow right to the point there.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just…”
You stop him pressing a hand to his shoulder, “No… it’s ok. We can… this way.” You slide your hand down his arm to grasp his hand, leading him to your room.  
“Sorry, about the mess.” You mumble straightening up haphazardly.
“Mess? What mess?” He scans the room, “This is nothing princess, don’t be embarrassed on my account.”
He tosses the box of condoms onto your bedside table before unbuckling his belt and tugging his jeans to his ankles, kicking them off. His shirt follows soon after as he hooks a hand through one of the arm holes tossing it aside, it lands by your bed. You hesitate under his gaze, “Now you sweetheart.” He urges.
You’re feeling self conscious as you mimic his actions, starting with your skirt, letting it fall to the floor in a pile around you. You tug at the hem of your shirt with shaky hands, you can’t meet his eye as you pull it over your head and let it drop beside you. Your curves are exposed, every roll, every stretch mark and every perceived flaw. You curl your arms around yourself, shielding yourself from his view as you feel yourself flushing under his gaze.
“Hey, sweetheart don’t hide yourself, I wanna enjoy the view.” He pouts in protest.
“I’m sorry. It’s just, I’m so… I look…” You begin to stutter.
He steps closer, hooking a finger beneath your chin and pulling your head up to face him, “You look perfect, is what you are.” He cuts you off, mouth twisting into a frown. “And if anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, they are dead wrong, princess.”
He grabs your hand pressing it into his hardening length to prove his point, “Just look at what you do to me.”
Your eyes widen, you press your thighs together unconsciously.
“But, uhhh…I’m not exactly experienced when it comes to this, I meant what I said before I’ve never done anything like this.” You admit.
“Oh… ohhhhh.” His eyes widen in understanding, “You meant like never ever, not just like one-night stand kinda thing? Oh god, oh no I was so forward with you. I’m sorry. Do you… are you sure you still wanna do this? The first time… it should be special, you know?” He rambles.
“Do you… still wanna do this?” You counter.
“God, yes. More than ever, but if you don’t… if you wanna stop at any point I totally get that.”
“Honestly, I don’t think it could ever get better than this for me.” You sigh.
“It really could be though, girl like you deserves all kinds of romance, all the bells and whistles especially before your first.”
“I want this though.” You insist.
“You’re sure?” He confirms once again.
You nod.
“And remember, any time you wanna stop, just say the word. I won’t get mad, promise.” He adds solemnly.
“Yep.” You reply shortly.
He moves his hand to cradle the side of your face, swooping in to kiss you in earnest. You kiss back as he guides you to the edge of the bed until the backs of your thighs are pressing into the mattress. He lowers you back onto the bed gently, breaking contact. Your eyes snap open searching for his, you see him pushing down his boxers and slowly stroking up and down his length eyeing you greedily. Your jaw drops as you take in the size of him. He taps your thigh gently and motions for you to move further back, you scoot back and he joins you on the bed continuing his slow, steady strokes.
“You can touch it, you know? Get better acquainted with it.” He teases.
You wrap your hand around his length loosely, he drops his hand over yours guiding your grip, “Yeah just like that, sweetheart.”  
You swipe a thumb over his tip on the upstroke and he lets out a deep, rumbling moan.
You look up at him watching his reactions to your motions, “Can I… can I suck it?” You ask tentatively, you begin to salivate.
“Oh, of course you can princess. We can do whatever you want.” He offers.
You wet your lips in anticipation as you kneel between his thighs, leaning in you press a soft kiss to his tip, he chuckles, you proceed to lick a strip all the way from the base to the flared head. Precum dribbles down his length, collecting in the thatch of curls at his crotch, you close your mouth over the weeping head and hollow your cheeks. He gives a low moan, “God, yes that’s perfect, do that again.”
You sink lower on his cock taking more of him into your mouth, moving a little too quickly, you pull back abruptly as you gag, eyes watering.  
He strokes your cheek, “Hey, hey take it easy sweetheart. Take your time, we’ve got all night.”
You nod and go back for another attempt, slower this time, you manage to take more than before clenching your hands as the urge to gag rises again, you manage to suppress it this time. His hand comes to rest in your hair gently, not pushing or pulling just there, soothing over the crown of your head. You’re getting sloppy, drool leaks out of the corners of your mouth dribbling down your chin, mingling with his precum at his base. His breathy moans urging you on, you feel him throbbing on your tongue. Wetness pools in your underwear, soaking through the gusset and you find yourself whining around him. He rubs circles into your arm before easing you off of him gently.
“Was that… was that ok? Why did you stop me?” You gasp as you catch your breath.
“Oh, sweetheart that was amazing.” He croons, “You did so good for me, but I had to stop before all of this ended far too soon.”
He flips you onto your back, your head resting against the pillows, he moves to hover over you, hands pressed into the mattress by your shoulders. He presses his lips to yours fervently, you allow his tongue to glide over yours. He nips at your lower lip before moving to trail soft kisses slowly down your neck. He reaches a hand around you, unclasping your bra with a flick of his wrist. The cups loosen and he’s pushing them aside to press his lips lower and lower until he is circling a nipple with the tip of his  tongue. You let out a breathy moan as he latches on to it, sucking and laving at it with his tongue. You slip your arms out of the garment, tossing it aside. You begin to squirm when he ventures lower, nearing the swell of your belly. He glances up at you, checking in, “This ok?”
“Yeah… mhhm… just uh, just a little… self conscious again.” You admit, embarrassed, breaking eye contact.
“Oh sweetheart, what did I say? Hmmm. You are beautiful. You are a goddess and you deserve to be worshiped.” He looks up at you reverently.
You giggle, swatting at him playfully, “Stop it. Don’t you think you’re laying it on just a little too thick now.”
“Never, not til you see just how beautiful you really are.”
He resumes his journey down your body, toying with the elastic of your underwear. He takes in the sight of your ruined panties with a low growl, “Oh, just look at this pretty, little mess you’ve made. Is all that just for little, old me?”
You nod, humming in the affirmative. He palms at your mound, spreading your wetness further, “Please…” a broken moan escapes your lips.
He pulls your panties to the side, fingers delving between your sticky folds, “Is this what you wanted, sweetheart? Want me to make you feel good? Go on, ask for it.” He urges.
“God, yes! Please, Eddie… need you.” You whimper.
“So pretty when you beg.” He pulls his fingers away and you whine, hips lifting off the mattress searching for contact.
“Needy too, I see.” He teases, “I’m just gonna get rid of these.” He starts tugging the fabric down your plump legs. He lays yet another kiss on the innermost part of your thigh, pulling away before you get too uncomfortable.
“Now it’s your turn,” he smirks up at you, “turn about is fair play and all that.”
He licks a stripe along the centre of your folds, you jolt when he reaches your clit, bursts of electricity emanating throughout your body. He remains there, pushing one hand onto your tummy, pressing you down into the mattress as he eases a ringed finger inside you. He starts off slow, crooking his finger gently, matching the rhythm of his tongue as it moves in circles against you. He adds another finger alongside the first, stretching you open, leaving you panting and gasping for more.  
His rings clink together at your entrance, slick with your juices, he sucks at your clit firmly, you gush around him and he adds yet another finger. “Come on that’s it, you can take it.” He mumbles, the vibration of his voice sending you into orbit. Your hands curl into fists crumpling the sheets beneath you. He continues pressing down on your abdomen, your hips fight against him with a mind of their own. For a moment you could swear you’re seeing stars, then you’re coming down from your high, legs shaking around his head.
He grins up at you, eyes twinkling, his face smeared with your release, he licks his lips before wiping it away with the back of his hand.
“So, how was that?” His cheeky grin never fading.
You’re speechless, can’t even string together a sentence.
“That good, huh?” He asks smugly.
You nod still unable to form words, he laughs.
He moves back up, coming face to face with you, “You think you’re ready for more?” He brushes a stray hair behind your ear.
“Yes, please… please, fuck me.” You whine, desperately.  
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He chuckles leaning over to the bedside table, reaching for the box of condoms. He pulls one out, tearing open the package and rolling it down over his impressive length.
He grips the base of his cock guiding it between your folds, dragging the tip across you clit. You let out a strangled cry, “Please, Eddie… need more… please, oh god.”  
He grins down at you, “All in good time, sweetheart.”
He starts easing himself inside you, moving slow, letting you adjust to the intrusion. Your walls stretch easily, welcoming his length. There is a slight burn, that becomes barely perceptible when he drops a hand between the two of you to rub lazy circles into your clit.
He’s only just entered you before you’re gasping, a hand moving to grip his wrist as he continues to circle your sensitive nub with his thumb.
“Oh god.” You wail, eyes squeezing shut as your walls clamp down on the head of his cock rhythmically.
“Did you just… from just the tip… wow, sweetheart you’re gonna give me an ego.”
“You mean, more than you already do.” You tease back breathlessly.
“Oh, someone’s found their voice. Pretty bold for someone who just came apart from the barest touch.” He tuts. “Someone’s going to need to teach you some manners, sweetheart.”  
“Maybe that can be a lesson for another time?”  
He groans at the implication, pushing into you further “Wish I could just pack you up and take you everywhere with me. You’d like that wouldn’t you? You’d be such a good little fucktoy for me?”
“Yes! I’ll be good for you, please use me!” You keen in reply. He bottoms out, burying himself deeper in your needy cunt as it draws him in, his balls coming to rest against your ass.
He growls, rumbling deep in his chest, “God damn, such a filthy little mouth you have. You want that? Hmm, want me to use you. Oh sweetheart, I would break you.” He pulls out almost all the way, before slamming back in to emphasise his point. Your hands grasp at his shoulders, nails digging in, he repeats the action and your walls flutter around him.
“‘M gonna… ‘m gonna…” You whine, unable to complete your thought.
“You gonna cum again. Good, cum for me. That’s it, such a good girl.” He croons in your ear, encouragingly.
Your eyes begin to water at the sensation, you’re almost to the point of over-stimulation. You were teetering on the precipice and his words are enough to send you toppling over the edge, you hook a leg around him drawing him deeper than you would’ve thought possible. Calling his name you bare down on his cock again and he lets out a strangled moan in response, “Yeah, say my name. Who do you belong to? Who owns this tight, little pussy?” You’re still reeling, quaking with aftershocks from your orgasm, unable to answer him, but it doesn’t really matter. He continues, “That’s right, me, I do.”
He pulls out rolling off the condom tossing it aside, he moves to straddle your torso. He’s fisting his cock desperately over your chest, head thrown back, bottom lip trapped between his teeth, eyes shut tight. He groans, calling out your name as his cum splatters your tits. Eyes opening he leans in propping himself up with a hand against the wall beside you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. He pulls away panting, rolling off you. He reaches down grabbing his shirt from the floor where it landed and moves to wipe off his release. You stop him grabbing his arm, he looks at you confused, you swipe a finger across your chest, scooping up his cum before sucking it off your fingertip moaning. He gapes at you, you look at him feeling self conscious again, “What? I just… I wanted to see what it would taste like.”  
He groans deeply, “God damn, you have no idea how fucking hot that was. That one is definitely going to the spank-bank.”
You giggle, “Good to know, cause I am never going to forget that.” You sigh.  
“Sorry, if that was too much, I got a little too intense at the end there didn’t I?” He says sheepishly.
“No, that was… that was perfect.” You reassure him, dopey grin plastered across your face.
“Yeah, what was it that you said… ‘I’ll be good’, ‘use me’” he teases. “Oh, that was gold sweetheart, who knew you had it in you?”
You blush at his praise, “So, uh can I see you again?” You ask hopeful.
“I don’t know that you’re done seeing me now, sweetheart.”
“Oh god.” You whine rubbing a hand down your face.
471 notes · View notes
sandswirls · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media
Teenage angst and underage smoking. This was a journal entry that got turned into a full illustration.
31 notes · View notes
books-and-cookies · 2 years
Text
people sometimes tell me i'm pretty, and that's something that makes them want to talk to me, but the second they start knowing me a little, they realise what a mess i am. how cynical and sad and fucked up i am. how hopeless and stubborn and annoying i am. and how can i blame them when they stop showing interest? there's nothing worth it here. nothing.
70 notes · View notes
incorii · 6 months
Text
The Bridge and The River
We stand on empty, charred grounds.
The bridges that once were, are long burnt, and will never be rebuilt again.
We both made sure of that.
The dissonant whispers from either side of the river will fade with time, yet they still haunt us both. Spirits, feeling ill and abandonded, trying to claw onto the hearts that remember them.
I find it odd, as I watch you on the other side.
I am an adult now, yet I do not tower you, still. Never did I want you to experience the cruelty put upon me.
Neither do I want you to endure what I barely survived.
You tell me that you love me.
I am not sure if I can trust that. The statement, and the sentence.
I am not sure I can trust your motives, through the discomfort you conjure within me. On how, and when you would tell me.
And what it actually ment, rather than what the false words conveyed.
My every memory burns to tell me that trust is futile. That in order to survive, I need to pack my bag and run, to the wilderness on my side of the decaying bridge. To sleep under the stars, with food I trust to eat, and with a fire and blankets I trust to keep me warm.
A pillow I trust to support my head.
My every waking second of doubt tells me to try one more time. That they do not mean it. That it is their strange way of showing they care.
That reminding me how useless I am, is their way of caring. Of, attempting to, despite the attempts being misguided by their own egos and ignorance.
Yet my every experience knows, and urges to show, that this age-old song and dance will only continue to spiral for the worse.
That the bridges I once held dearly, are better left burnt.
That the ones who were truly meant to nurture, created a breeding ground for trauma, fright and injury instead.
You expressed your worry to me.
You sat down on my bed, on my legs that I had under the covers. And I understood that you were worried.
I was not stupid, merely because I chose to keep my mouth shut. Merely because keeping quiet brought me less pain than telling you, for only to have you scream at me when I tried.
I watched you. Studied you. Knew every sign of your every emotion.
I knew when to shut up, and when to draw away.
I knew which moments you would scream.
I knew which moments where you blamed the evils of the world on me, a child before their caretaker, and I knew which moments where I had to shut you out to ensure I survived another night.
I watched every wrinkle in your expression, the angle of your lips, and the amount of clarity in your eyes, every time you stood before me.
I listened to every tone and every change in your voice, the times it grew watery, the times it grew rough, and the times it grew aggressive and loud.
I watched your body, how your shoulders raised, how your fingers twitched, and how you longed to reach out and touch, after you had shredded my skin with claws.
I knew, and I listened.
Because you very obviously did not.
You assumed, and what you assumed angered you.
Standing on my side of the river, I still remember everything so vividly.
The river is louder now, drowning out the noise, yet the spirits still haunt.
They still whisper their memories, refusing to be forgotten.
'I surrender' The child would cry to silence, timidly raising a pale flag of white.
'It is my fault, I can handle the blame' The child would continue, holding up a wildflower, an offering of peace, to allow the cradled youth yet another day to live.
'Please do not be upset anymore. It hurts'
It was never spoken, for they would never listen.
Yet they listened to actions.
And they listened to what they had taught their child to say.
They listened to their child having to bend the truth to please them, and subdue their anger born from worry.
They listened to a child, dressed in white among the crusaders in silver, put in a world they did not understand, only to endure the horrors of it for someone else's gain.
'You do not understand what is happening. You yell, and you cry, and aim your weapons at the heads of me and my siblings. I do not understand either, and I worry too' Was left unsaid. 'Having to carry my own burden and yours, hurts. It is heavy on my small shoulders'
'The burden you have placed upon me from before I was old enough to walk, has taught me how to handle my own burdens'
From the river, echoes a word.
A haunting word, carved into the lifeless eyes of the child that burned to ash with the bridge, and the tired, worn phoenix who still has to shoulder the burden.
The word echoes sourly.
"Old Soul"
A child should not feel old. Should not have to feel old. Should not have to be wise beyond their years, and understand far more than they ever get credit for.
A child should not have to grow up to care for their own caretakers. A child should be cared for, and about. The burden of caretaking should be given to someone who does not have to light their own skin on fire, for only to offer wrinkles that should be caused by age.
A child should not have to endure horrors, only to be praised for being 'mature' and 'managable'.
A child should not be forced to become an adult mind in a younger body.
A child should not be forced to silence.
As, a silent child usually has something to say.
To those who listen.
-Matt, 16. Oct, 23
5 notes · View notes
writer-in-theory · 1 year
Text
someone please tell me i’m not the only one constantly stifled by overwhelming imposter syndrome. in school. in future careers. in writing in tumblr in friendship in life. i have no idea how i could ever be trusted as a healthcare professional. i have no idea why anyone ever reads what i write. like i’m just some person i don’t. please tell me this goes away 😭
13 notes · View notes
acaciaeyes · 6 months
Text
“You used to be so cute, what happened?”
Oh idk, maybe you happened? Maybe I was forced to grow up too fast? Maybe reality hit me at a young age? Maybe I finally started realizing that I wasn’t good enough? Maybe I stopped remembering the good times and can only remember what you did to me. Shut up because I’m not the little girl you used to know. We both killed her
4 notes · View notes
adollchild · 1 year
Note
i have age dysphoria, and sometimes when i see a bio child getting cared for it makes me feel super jealous and triggered bc i have neglect and abandonment trauma and i don't have an irl caregiver, i always have to go it alone and it just isn't fair 😔😭 it makes me feel like nothing, like i don't matter and don't deserve the care i need, and that i'm not the tiny baby i am T-T i feel bad that i feel that way but i can't help it! is it wrong to feel that way? and do you have any advice how to feel better when that happens?🥺
Hi there
It is natural and completely understandable that you feel the way you do when you see a bio kid getting treated with the love and care that you long for so deeply. Even though your thoughts might tell you otherwise, you do matter, and you deserve to have your needs met.
There's nothing wrong with you for feeling jealous in situations like these, and you're not bad for it. We can't control our feelings, we can only choose the way we act.
In terms of advice, I'd highly recommend speaking to a therapist or other mental health professional about this. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.
Tumblr media
10 notes · View notes
nerfherder-02 · 4 months
Text
I’m a stranger to my own life. An impostor in my clothes. A foreigner in my bedroom. I watch with careful criticism.
Whose feelings are these, smothering like smoke from steadily fanned flames? Whose flames are these, mine or some person I used to be? I must return to the beginning.
Like my school papers, I keep all my memories in a box. A box I open, home for the holidays and finding nothing better to do than self-torment. Piece by piece, I remove them, cherish them, noticing the cracks in the paint.
I am not the same anymore. Of course, a silly observation. Time has its effects on all. I learned a lot about memories this year, how they rot and crumble, stale and dead. They are not to be trusted. If I am not my memories, then who am I? Where did I come from? Does it matter anymore?
Oh God, where am I going to? Tell me I can be saved. Tell me, God, that truth is secure and freedom is nigh. My spirit aches and groans for something to remain but all my memories are sand, tossed and tread upon.
I drag and crawl and scrape and grit my teeth and wait. Surely there is beauty in this suffering? For beauty is pain, and pain is suffering.
1 note · View note
elaine404 · 2 years
Text
current motivation is getting skinnier than the width of my guitar
89 notes · View notes
darkacademiaposts · 2 years
Text
i desperately want to know what's wrong with me
11 notes · View notes
rosesradio · 1 year
Text
you ever cry so hard you get a headache
3 notes · View notes
thatdoodlebug · 2 years
Text
some weird technique i use that helps my anxiety sometimes, is just thinking about death. 
i know it sounds morbid, but just thinking on the fact that none of this matters, we shall all be dead and gone within the next hundred years.  going to work and seeing people, its insignificant, we are insignificant. we are actually just tiny insignificant specks and nothing actually matters at all.
this is a kinda nihilistic attitude in ways, but sometimes it really does help calm me and put things into perspective. i mean who the fuck cares about why im so nervous and incompetent in a job or a social situation.
in the end it will not matter at all
8 notes · View notes
nerdycolorcupcake · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Happy fathers day :)
8 notes · View notes
incorii · 2 months
Text
Invisibility among the masses
So young, yet too old
Soft spoken, but too bold
Crying out to the walls of people
Trying to complete their basic needs
Flesh that tears itself apart
Fighting rough, once faint of heart
The world turns it's back
The world ignores
So young, yet too old
How much soul have they sold?
Were promised safety, were promised care
Left in the street, no one hears
A ghost among many
Abandoned and uncanny
Their eyes lack life
Lied to one too many times
Left to handle being crushed alive
Alone
-Matt, 6th Feb. 2024
2 notes · View notes