Things will probably only get worse from here…
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"Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness.."
-Virginia Woolf's Suicide Note
March 28, 1941
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About that thing re "trans men dont know what its like to be seen as predatory", I feel like everyone in the lgbt community generally agrees lesbians are treated as predatory by str8 women, gay men are treated as predatory by str8 men, I (as a trans man) used to think I was a lesbian and went throught life as one. Accordingly I was treated like I am predatory. I am now a gay men, and accordingly I am treated as predatory. On top of that, cis gay men treat me as predatory (scawy transes trying to get them to have sex w a vageenay boohoo) and women treat me as predatory every time I open my mouth about sharing some of their experiences (because me needing iuds at the obgyn inherently means I, as a man, inavde their man-free space). Literally all queer people are constantly treated as predatory by cishet society at large, everyone knows it and keeps saying it and is talking about it because its no secret and everyone is aware of it.
But the second the convo turns to how terfs hurt trans men? Suddenly, we have no idea what its like to be treated as predatory and suddenly the world sees trans men specifcially as helpless little girly victims.
And honestly? Even if it were the case that trans men and transmasculine* people were solely infantilized... it's still harmful. I was initially bringing up that because it's like... I guess the only narrative people want to hear about our suffering, I guess, because it's easier to digest. It's easier to look at it and write it off as, "well you're just infantilized, show me a real problem," and that's the issue - it's twofold. It is simultaneously the need to relegate the experiences of a diverse community into one box and then say, "well, it's just infantilization, who cares when [x] issue is more dangerous" afterward.
It is frustrating, at best, to not be heard. And I've found that so many people aren't just infantilized... I think a lot of queer people are, I don't think it's unique to us. However, people are almost surprised when trans men and transmasculine* people open up more, in my experience.
It's definitely more complex to include more trans experiences with transphobia and the intersections of things like rascism, homophobia, antisemitism, islamophobia, misogyny, ableism... but it is still important. In fact, it often informs in addition to how trans people are treated. Transphobia doesn't exist in a vacuum, and it often doesn't exist alone. That is why we need to have these complex discussions.
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left school early so jm gonna clean mt depression room/corner (i share a room)
also random but im also gonna show off my curio collection later
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I CANT-
Just reorganized all my plushies and got into a SQUISHMALLOW PHASE and got together my ENTIRE COLLECTION AND CHANGED MY SLEEP AREA AND TOOK PICS-
THEN FOUND OUT THE COMPANY IS BAD IN WAYS I KNOW ARE BAD BUT DONT HAVE THE SPOONS TO LEARN ABOUT CAUSE I AVOID IRL ISSUES-
I guess me being into other plushies like Aurora and such is a better thing than I thought, but fr I JUST bought 2 new squishmallows EARLIER just to look on here for more wholesome stuff about them and then...
Well, guess cheaper alternatives and knock offs were the better option after all! My two knockoff bats make me happy knowing I didnt support jazwares! As for the official ones? Nah, not getting those irl anymore. So look at my collection now cause no more official ones from irl stores will join this group anymore~
Aurora is still my fave plushie brand 😁
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Depression advice: if you feel disgusted with yourself, take a warm shower and wash your hair
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everyone be proud of me I just deep cleaned my room after like a month of not cleaning it and letting it get dirty due to depression
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I can’t go on much longer, everything just feels so overwhelmingly difficult.
I don’t think this will get better, and everyone around me just makes it worse.
I don’t I belong here, I’m too sensitive and easily hurt. I can’t live here. Not in this world.
I just want to feel like they care, I’m not the best person I know but i just want to feel loved.
This earth isn’t my place, and I don’t want to live anymore.
I told my mother I couldn’t shower for two weeks and she didn’t even react.
Maybe I expect too much without even asking for help.
I’ve got the pills, I just need courage.
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A Dark Room
What are you able to do
When left in a cold, dark room?
There's nothing to see,
No life to live
But the darkness that is your existence.
No life is there left to live,
This world has no life to give.
There's nothing for you,
Nothing at all.
Your life is a desolate canvas.
There's no light for you to see.
This darkness is all that can be.
There's nothing to see,
Nothing for you,
No life to live,
Nothing at all.
There will never be anything again.
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going to bed after cleaning your depression den is like spending the night at a hotel. you don’t recognize the place but still know it’s a bedroom.
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TW SH
I miss the sticky stinging feeling of bl00d drying on my arms
I miss the pain.
I miss the almost-nausea of seeing my skin gaping open
I miss the smell of the bl00d when ive put styr0s all up and down my arms.
I miss the scabs day after day
I miss feeling them under my sleeves
I miss cvtt1ng in the school bathroom
I miss the sickening feeling of the bl4de against my skin
Pressing down on the corner of it, the hesitation before swiping.
And then the way my stomach twists when its deeper than I meant.
I miss everything.
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