You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Every minute lived is a responsibility. I feel the weight of it more than most. I don't know why. I just understand how precious each second we have that is full of health, that is full of life. For those who didn't get to live though they were by far more worthy, sometimes I ask God, "Why me? What is so special about me? Why do I get more time than those who died far way too young?" I feel His arms so gentle around me as He whispers," Because you have lives to touch, and people to love." I don't really know what is the impact of just one life in the grand scheme of things but I so feel my fragile mortality. I just hope that when it's my time to go, be it soon or far off, that I can say that I loved as much as I could, that I was a light and a gentle soul that brought beauty into this world, not to make glory my own, but to give back in some measure what God blessed me with and put in my heart so the glory be His for His dadivosity.
I once dared to dream with you. You honored me, taking me on your journey. I could see your struggle and your courage. I was witness to the greatness that lies inside of you. Be sure, I will not forget even though that journey we both started together has come to an end. Even if now your goal has taken you to a fork in the road you must travel without me. I wish you the best always. This heart of mine will always remain with a piece of it, inscribed with your name on it.
It's always "I love you" but never, "Did I reach you? Did I reach your heart? I hope I did. Cause you reached mine. Was it something I said? I know it was everything you did. I think I loved you more than my heart could finally bear. But even still, I don't regret loving you and I still do. I love you. I love you. I love you."
I hope you are okay. I hope you are happy, without me. It’s been so long but I’m always being reminded of what we could have been. I was wrong. It’s the hardest thing for me to say, but I was wrong. I got everything wrong. You were the right thing and I messed it up. I always blamed the time, I always said “He was the right guy, at the wrong time”. It’s easy you know, blaming everything else but ourselves. But now I know I was wrong. Wrong to go away, wrong to not realize what we had was real. I keep dreaming about you, us kissing and laying in bed. I had another dream like that the other night, and when I woke up and realized it was just a dream, fuck, you don’t know the pain. Maybe you do. It was kind of a dream when we were together. But I was too much of a coward. Afraid of my own shadow, afraid of everything, so afraid of me not being good enough for you, that I fucking left. I never had anything like what we had with anyone else. And I can’t seem to get any closure.