#trust me i REALLY want to heal!!! i dont want to surpress this over and over

[heliuwm]

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#i want to be good #i want to be a good person #but i keep messing up #i feel so bad for lying to my d&d mutuals so i can get out of the match #but rn every sound overwhelms me #i dont want to tell them that they dont know me they wouldnt understand #i hate lying to them but i cant handle noise #this day was absolutely shitty #living with my parents just drains the energy i have left out of me #trust me i REALLY want to heal!!! i dont want to surpress this over and over #to this day i havent accepted that im mentally ill #i know it sounds crazy bcs i have a literal trauma blog on here #i mean technically i know im traumatized #but mentally ill? nah #traumatized? nah #actually multiple bcs i was traumatized THAT bad? nah #THIS IS ANOTHER THING #I CANT ACCEPT MY DID DIAGNOSIS #IM IN FOOKIN DENIAL 24/7 #they probably HATE me (its always a deadass silence when im in denial mode) #i cant do anything right #i even let down my system lol #im such a hopeless piece of shit #i cut my hair even tho they articulated they dont want me to do that :) #HEY ENDOS ITS NOT FUCKING FUN SHARING ONE (1) BODY WITH VERY DIFFERNT PERSONS #DECISION MAKING ABOUT THE BODYS APPEARENCE IS A PAIN IN THE ASS< #on top of all that were probably giving away my dog which i love but i cant handle her alone bcs of her anxiety and my noise sensitivty :) #but i love her so so much #im a bad person #i dont deserver ANYTHING