With the shittiest filleting I’ve ever done I made salmon with asparagus and hollandaise (I’m going to wait until dad’s not sick and has more of an appetite again before making lemon caper sauce salmon) and it’s really good :) (even though I left the salmon in the oven for longer bc I was still needing to whisk the hollandaise)
I got the brown free range eggs (still on sale thankfully) specifically to make hollandaise with 😌
Now to. Devour the flesh that remains on the bones (mum will Eviscerate the poor fish to make sure there are no bones so this part’s for me!) (the plate shown is mum’s bc she’s still on the phone and I’m nearly finished my plate portion)
Ah yes and now that I have a bunch of egg whites (and some uh. Mixed egg oops. I’ll probably try to make meringues or marshmallows or something?)
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Gates threatening to take his dreams away and let him live, out of love, but it’s the most inconceivable, cruel thing to Flint, who would rather die in firey battle, and Flint kills Gates for it. “I didn’t want this, I didn’t want this.” I wanted love, again, and someone to believe in the raging inferno that drives me, again, but you put yourself in between me and his memory instead.
(somehow living people are rarely as powerful motivators as dead ones. they might be enablers, but rarely reasons. they can argue for themselves. they can exist as grey areas, the entire complexity of life is still moving in their faces. when a person doesn’t have their own agenda anymore their grave becomes fertile soil for any ambition we want to carry into battle. they become the black to the white or the white to the black and they can’t even object, can’t check in, can’t ground you into realizing what you are doing.)
for him. for his memory. he would have wanted it. funny how Gates’ death must become another mark on the wall of sunk cost fallacy. just like every death flint carries on his shoulders. It all has to have been worth for something. They needed to die for something. I killed someone for something.
for something.
for someone.
for someone
for another one
and then there’s Silver. “Take it from me. There is always a way.” And Flint, still grieving for the man he hoped would share his dreams in a way similar to Thomas, sees light. Sees another one. Another enabler. Stupidly hopes Silver can take that place. Little does he know Silver will eventually end the chain. Little does he know Silver will turn the
someone
into
all of them
All this will be for nothing. We will have been for nothing.
(All of them will be for nothing. I will have done this to them for nothing. I will suffer all this guilt for nothing.)
.
.
.
.
[image descriptions
image 1: screenshot from season 1, episode 8. close-up: flint holding gates head after he killed him. only his eyes are visible, looking to the side in sorrow, regret, confusion.
image 2: screenshot of text in a screenplay font: to exalt her memory with battles. and victories.
image 3: flint in season 4, episode 10, a closeup on flint, bald head, read beard, blood in his face, a pleading face full of conflicted emotions and desperation staring right into the camera]
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I don't particularly mean this in a "comparing my experiences to headmates'" way, but I have noticed how odd I feel next to our other introjects. The grand majority, if not all, of them are from hyperfixations/special interests-- things which we collectively have a lot of knowledge on. While I am from a series that we read the first book of, skimmed the second, and don't have any access to the third. I don't even particularly consider myself a fictive, despite that being, in all technicality, what I am. To top it off, I am not sure that my source would even be considered "popular" media-- at least, not with systems, as far as I have noticed. It is all a bit confusing, especially as someone who misses people I hardly remember. To feel connected to a life (or, lives), source trauma, and people I only have vague memories of is so... odd-feeling
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y’alls enthusiasm for my writing is unmatched by any fandom I’ve written for prior to Fexi and I really fucking appreciate all of you for it 🥰🥰🥺🥺
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sat here thinking about that episode of sp.n with the genie where dean realizes it's a delusion and nothing is real and tears himself away from all of it because it's not real, and how nell wasn't able to see past the predatory mechanism of the house and fell prey to it so fully that, when she realized, it was too late
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So…an insane thing happened to me???
I had dinner with my parents. And it was actually wonderful???
I was bracing myself for an impact of conservativism and criticism. Or, at best, meaningless shallow conversation about safe topics while I flinched quietly at all the random critiques of society. But it wasn’t like that at all.
When I mentioned that they were being too negative (!!!!), they respected my boundary and asked me questions about it. Open questions, not driving questions to promote an ideology. Genuine questions and genuine attempts to understand.
It ended up with my parents finally understanding my stance on ADHD (it’s a chemical imbalance, not a moral failing), and most importantly, my dad understood it.
I’ve spoken about my struggles with ADHD before, but my parents have always worried about it being a label to use as a crutch, or to be boxed into a group. But that’s not it at all, and finally, my dad (who has worse ADHD than I do) got it.
Most importantly, he recognized that he did have it, and was actually interested in how I talked about it and how healing it was to figure out I had it.
We talked. We laughed. We cried a little.
And I went from
And
To
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this is a little reminder that you’re loved and appreciated, you mean so much to so many people who adore you and admire you 💕
i know that i am very late to posting this, and i hope you will forgive me, but this meant so much to me when i first saw it, and it means just as much now. 🥹 thank you for taking the time to say something so kind, it mAKES MY HEART MELT AWAY
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I had a dream Noah Centineo was my full-on boyfriend….there was a cute flirting stage where neither of us were certain of the others’ feelings….waking up was pain.
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