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trash-and-trash-accessories · 23 days

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tw: suicide, suicidal ideation

not being able to talk to anyone when I feel suicidal - because I could be literally swatted (police wellness check) or involuntarily hospitalized which would ruin my life - is actually a nightmare. Like I would love to just talk to a professional and be able to tell them "I would like very much to die and I could absolutely make that happen" would help my mental health so much but I literally can't do that. Because of the carceral mental health system. And I can't talk to my friends about it because just saying that to your friend who you love can be deeply traumatic for that friend.

Of course I would want my friends to tell me and I would never ever call in a wellness check but I can't trust other people not to do that. Being mentally ill in the US is an absolute nightmare.

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notaplaceofhonour · 2 months

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An American man self-immolated in the name of Gaza, and I’m seeing two different responses:

from American leftists, acting like it’s a brave/commendable thing while do

from Palestinians, begging people not to do this

This is a man who was incredibly mentally unwell and committed suicide, initially planning to livestream his suicide, and people are applauding it—which inevitably encourages more people to follow suit, throwing their lives away too. And for what? How has this helped Palestinians in any way?

Suicide is not the answer—not to your personal struggles and not to global conflict and geopolitical struggles. If you find yourself around people who are encouraging you to see suicide as a beautiful or commendable political act, get out.

Think of all the good things you can keep doing for Gaza if you keep living. Think of your loved ones. Think of your own life. Your life has value, and you deserve to keep living.

I think Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib, someone from Gaza, put it way better than I can in this tweet:

#don’t give in to despair #cw suicide #trigger warning #tw sui ideation #tw self immolation #i/p

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blueskittlesart · 6 months

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Now that you're gone

#*guy who just spent a full month selling 60 pages worth of comics voice* i should write another comic #this is part 1 of 2 btw. i have another one scripted from aryll's pov LOL #anyway. the concept for this has been in my head for like. years. finally decided to actually write it tho lol #the thought of his family after the initial calamity strike makes me crazy. they lost him. but he was already gone.#he was gone the moment he picked up that sword. could they have stopped it? should they have?#would things have ended any differently if they'd tried? or would it only have been worse for him?#ANYWAY. hi everyone new black and white zelda comic from the black and white zelda comic guy #skribbles #botw #loz #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #totk #tears of the kingdom #OH SHIT. TRIGGER WARNINGS #tw gore #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #<sorry 4 forgetting at first LMAO

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hellbentrapture · 2 years

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Very long vent post...

I can’t comprehend this world. I’ve been fighting for the right to live my entire life. I was born into an incredibly impoverished home, and I have never been able to pull myself out of it. I come from a family of disabled and neurodivergent people. I am disabled and neurodivergent. And before I knew I was disabled and neurodivergent, I sold my body and mind for the right to live and participate in society.

I worked all kinds of retail and customer service jobs, I’ve been in management positions, I’ve done work related to the Official Training and Education (TM) that I have. And never, never in that entire time, was I above the poverty line. Never. And now that my disabilities and traumas have been compounded by a lifetime of poverty-wage work, my reward is Nothing. Less than nothing.

All my life I have struggled and fought just to be able to pay my bills. My mind and body have broken down from the stress. And now, my disabilities are progressing. I’m fighting to get onto disability supports, but in the meantime I have to go to school in order to get student loans that only pay my rent - never mind my other bills, food, medical needs. I can’t work at the same time as going to school because, well, I am disabled. I simply do not have the capacity anymore.

I may not hear back about disability supports for another six months and gods help me if I get denied. I don’t know what to do if my loans are maxed out. It isn’t like I have an income to pay for school, so if they are maxed out within the year or so, then I won’t be able to complete my degree(s). And I won’t have an income.

I can’t go back to poverty-wage work. I can’t go back to those jobs anymore. I can’t sell my body and mind for hours and hours a day, living pay to pay where I can barely afford food and can’t afford my medication. I would rather die - and I am so scared. Like I guess I can start selling my things, but it would only be a temporary measure, and it will definitely make me more miserable. It sort of feels like carrying on for the sake of carrying on.

I love the people in my life, I don’t want to hurt them. Su*c*de wouldn’t be due to a lack of love, but to end my pain. I cannot comprehend a world that has the food to feed its people, that has the medical capabilities, that has homes, and yet denies it all because Money (TM). I have never understood any of it. No amount of attempting to educate me about economics and capitalism will ever get me to understand it - and I certainly will never agree nor accept it. It’s simply wrong.

I deserve to live. I deserve stability. I deserve happiness. Disabled people deserve the right to equitable participation in society. I should not fear for my life anytime I step outside because I am visibly queer. I should be able to feed myself well. I should be allowed to have a nice home that meets my needs. I should be allowed to rest for as long as I need to or pursue the interests I want to.

I know this extreme pain in this moment is temporary - but it keeps coming back. And the further on it is in my life when these moments arise, the worse it is. I’ve done good things, valuable things, I’ve had accomplishments. And it’s all meaningless because I am disabled, queer, and poor.

Things may not be all bad, things may work out, even if there’s a stretch where it’s really hard. But all I can think about is a future where I sell my things down to a bare minimum and move into a crappy bachelor apartment, with no access to student funding, living off of the shitty $700/month income support. I guess I could survive it, maybe. It would be an incredibly craptastic place and I would have none of my things. I also really don’t want to have to move again and there’s a whole other thing about that going on in my life.

But also just occurred to me that I literally cannot apply for income support until September because I got student loans for Spring/Summer. I still have a bunch of the loans of course, to pay for my rent, but like, that’s not enough to move on.

And I am so tired of the pain of loss and grief. I know I need to be gentle and patient with myself. Losing several people who were in my life 10+ years, through so much of my trauma, means it’s going to take a long time to heal. And that’s okay. But I lost so many people and it hurts so much because there are still so many indirect connections and affiliations to them. And I wasn’t given closure on so much of it. It’s agony.

I wish I could just bury myself in some project or in what classes I am in now - but it isn’t something I can do through some of my mental illnesses, chronic illness, and chronic pain. Maybe I could if I didn’t need to worry about my basic needs and rights all the time...

I am so, so, sosososo, so tired...

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disjointed-art · 9 months

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Catch my breath Part 2: sprout page 7

Tw: Steve low key talking about unaliving…it is not explicit suicidal ideation but Please skip this page if you’re no okay with this theme!!!

Basically Eddie assumes that’s what he means when he says “give up” which Ed’s isn’t wrong but Steve doesn’t admit that yet.

Me forever projecting onto Steve with my awful mental health from high school 😘

—

Happy Monday! Only one page because the weather here is gross and rainy. I also impulsively cut my hair but it actually turned out great so slay!

Full comic

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sadgirl51 · 2 years

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i need it all to stop

the pressure, the pain, the expectations

i just need everything to stop

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asherisawkward · 7 months

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What mental illness does Philip have?

I’m just going to briefly list what I’ve noticed and what others have noticed for him. I am not trying to demonize or harmfully depict any of what I list, and I have several of the disorders that I’m listing while another suggestion was made by someone diagnosed with that disorder. Some of these aren’t actual disorders but are instead symptoms or behaviors I’ve noticed in him.

Having said that, I’ve noticed traits for the following:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Related to the Grimwalker cycle of death and rebirth)

*Unspecified Schizophrenic Spectrum Disorder (hallucinations and “delusion” associated with the BI inhabitants)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (Incredibly obvious)

Possible Trauma-Induced Memory Issues (Portraits in Hollow Mind)

Substance Dependence/Addiction (palismen)

Unspecified Anxiety Disorder (Dread and anticipation leading up to the expected betrayal of Grimwalkers, the creation and use of multiple back-up plans)

Major Depressive Disorder Symptoms (Lack of care for his own degrading state, inability to care about other things)

Lack of Regard for Safety and Health (Continued use of palismen, putting himself in dangerous situations [Eclipse Lake, Stonesleeper incident, betraying the Collector], continued use of curse despite negative side effects)

Lack of Care for Life/Possible Suicide Ideation (“I just need to live long enough to see this through,” indicates a lack of regard for his own life and a lack of plans after something that takes significant effort; when I was at my worst, I had this feeling of, “I’ll do this one last thing, and then I’m done” that he seems to mimic, and he doesn’t even notice or care that his body is decaying in WAD)

Self-Harm Issues (Cut his ears and carved glyphs into his arms, continued to absorb palismen and transform when it negatively affected his health)

*This is the diagnosis suggested by @streya-nova. I’ve read it, and they make a ton of great points. Additionally, one of my aunts has paranoid schizophrenia, and I’ve recognized some overlapping symptoms. Their discussion of this is in the link below.

I hope this all made sense for you!

#The Owl House #TOH #Philip Wittebane #Emperor Belos #Mental Illnesses #Trigger Warning: Suicide Ideation #Trigger Warning: Self-Harm #Ask

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jinx58062 · 1 month

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does anyone else watch super size vs super skinny and wish they looked like the super skinny?? because same

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pidgysnest · 2 years

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⭕ tokophobia ⭕

#pidgy drew #pidgy talks #the true life and times of pidgy the pidge #trigger warnings #tokophobia #childbirth #pregrancy #suicidal ideation #fear #trauma #surgery #cancer #illness #injustice #reproductive rights #a mess #but an important mess

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marcobodtlives · 2 months

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The AoT universe is like an upsettingly unimaginably easy place to die in.

And yet arguably our top 2 most willing-to-unalive-themself characters survived the ENTIRE time.

Shoutout to Reiner and Historia for surviving despite definitely not wanting to for a majority of the time. (And having a major impact on the plot for doing so).

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #reiner braun #historia reiss #or if you wanna be funky:#krista lenz #tw #trigger warning #discussions of suicide #tw sui ideation

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krikeymate · 10 months

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Inspired by @dreamersbcll latest here.

Sam dies, and Tara suffers. But Sam doesn't leave her, just like she'd promised. She had promised she would always be there for her, and she will, even in death.

At first it's just a feeling. A brush against her back in the night as she cries herself to sleep. A hand on her cheek as she struggles to choke down food with no appetite. A hand on the back of her back as she sits disassociated on the bathroom floor.

And then she begins to see her. Flashes out of the corner of her eye, glimpses in reflections.

The first time she talks to her she's clutching a sink and facing the bathroom mirror with her eyes clenched closed, wondering if she should just end it all. She feels arms wrap around her middle and a head rest on hers, and it's all so familiar. She opens her eyes and sees her. The apparition tells her don't even think about it.

Tara gets better after that, when this ghost doesn't leave. At first people are happy... until they learn why Tara was getting better.

They don't like it when she says she's been talking to Sam, or seeing her. Sam doesn't like it when she talks about it either, she says people will worry, that they'll say she's not real. But she is, she is.

The others try to... intervene. They say she's not well, that she's sick. Just like Sam, they say. Tara doesn't take that well. Sam wasn't sick, she screams. She was a good person who only ever tried her best. She runs away then, out into the cold night.

She can't even hear Sam's don't do this over their yelling, over the buzzing in her own head.

They take her choices away from her after that. They put her in a hospital, claim she's a danger to herself and others. She held a knife to them, they claim. Tara doesn't remember that. All she remembers is how they wanted to take Sam away from her again. How she couldn't let it happen.

It happens anyway. They shove pills down her throat that make it hard to think, that make everything foggy. She can't talk to herself, let alone Sam. But she's always there, she knows. She can feel her. Fingers on her wrist, running through her hair.

Sam's real, nomatter what they say. She won't let them take her away from her.

#/mp #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #miscellaneous scream au's #rip tag #trigger warning -> character death/suicidal ideation/sectioning

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clxscdeyes · 4 months

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@magnusmodig

It's an abandoned building that Luna finds some form of solitude in. Away from people's eyes and up here, she feels safe for the most part. Being so high up, she isn't scared. How many times had she gone to rooftops of buildings even back home and how many times had she sat at the edge, contemplating on how quick everything would be to just...fall? How Liberating? There'd be no more pain, no more tears, and no more fear. Up here she felt safe for that reason. Everything would be so quick and painless. She'd be held in the arms of death finally...

but it's the thought of what happens after that keeps her from going through. The thought of not being reunited with her family because she is not worthy, the small amount of people back home she'd leave behind in their heartache. She can't bring herself to cause any more pain than she's already had.

A hand raises and she uses her thumb to swipe away a single tear and she sniffs in silence.

#magnusmodig #magnusmodig 01 #tw suicidal ideation #tw depression #tw #trigger warning

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darlingofdots · 6 months

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I could do an entire 2 hour video essay about how all throughout Victory of Eagles, Laurence's friends--Jane, Tharkay, Granby, Berkley, Harcourt, even Riley, even Edith--are trying to tell him look, you fucked up, and we'd rather you hadn't gotten yourself condemned, but we still love you. We still care about you. We are glad you are here with us. We will help you any way we can if you only let us. And Laurence hates them for it a little bit? He made his peace with being condemned and he wishes they'd just get on with it and hang him already, and he resents every occasion when somebody offers him hope because he has none and doesn't want any. In his own mind, he has betrayed everything he has ever stood for, everything he holds true and righteous in his heart, and he hates himself for that even though he knows absolutely that it was the right thing to do, and he cannot stand to see other people take it so lightly? He committed treason, he gave aid and comfort to the enemy, he did so knowing that it would endanger his comrades and loved ones, and at this point he is not questioning the core tenets of the service yet! He is only questioning himself, and wondering when the rot set in at his own convictions and honour and obedience. He is not asking 'why does my country ask unconscionable things of me', he is asking 'when did I start thinking I had a right to question my superiors'. It's awful! He has been in service for over twenty years, since he was twelve. His father may disapprove of his going to sea but he is part of that exact same system of discipline and obedience, this is literally all Laurence has ever known. And he has absolutely no idea how to cope with the idea of not being (in his mind) rightfully put to death for his transgression, because he cannot fathom living with the knowledge that he is a traitor not just of his country but of everything he has ever stood for and tried to instill in his officers. He'd much rather just die already.

#dottie rambles #temeraire #uuuhh this needs trigger warnings i think #tw suicidal ideation #tw depression #jane even says 'i shouldn't be damn cheerful and neither should anyone else who loves you'#berkley sent over a coat and boots and took care of sipho #tharkay flat out offers 'i might never have found you'#it is so painful and so claustrophobic #but it's necessary for laurence to come out the other side

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sweet-potato-42 · 5 months

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if our theories about where the qtubbo character is going are correct then we need to make sure to use trigger warnings correctly and if you get triggered by the story then it would be best to change povs at least during loreing

#qsmp #qsmp tubbo #tw suicide #tw suicide ideation #please tell me which other trigger warnings i should be aware of

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xxcherrycherixx · 5 months

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I know i like to talk about cupid and blondie just fucking every second but i legit just also want them to just do normal couple shit man, like cuddling on the sofa or treating the other to their favourite home cooked meal.

Kissing each others cheeks and foreheads sweetly, holding hands everywhere. Constantly telling their respective friends about how much they love their gf.

They go to the fair and try to win each other prizes! Theres an archery game and blondie keeps telling cupid she can totally win it, cupid misses miserably. Blondie has a turn and wins immediately explaining her skills with “sometimes i get bored when you’re not home so i shoot your bow in the house” cupid just stares gobsmacked unsure wether to tell her girlfriend off or kiss her right there. (She absolutely breaks that bow when she gets home just incase blondie has accidentally hit herself with one of the arrows)

Cupid eventually starts bringing blondie through the portal and to other worlds, they never stay for long and cupid makes sure they’re very careful to not get caught but they get to go on wonderful dates.

Blondie starts bringing cupid with her on field work days, cupid takes it very serious and helps as best she can (although she does sneak kisses in now and then which distracts blondie)

They live in a little cottage, near a forest so blondie can explore (occasionally cupid gets dragged along with her, she still isn’t a big fan of the woods though) they have multiple spare bedrooms and when people ask why they have so many empty bedrooms they just give each other a look and make an excuse about how the place just came like that and they didn’t really mind the extra space.

Those spare rooms quickly become kids rooms (and a cub room, blondie brings home a baby bear one day and cupid just sighs in acceptance of the fact that she’s now also a mother to a bear. She of course loves that little one just as much as their other kids though)

None of the children are cupid’s biologically, she states that shes not comfortable with the idea of birth so Instead they’re all either a mix of blondie’s genes and a donors genes or they’re adopted.

Cupid’s family happily take in blondie and the kids as family, but they always give cupid sad looks when blondie and the kids aren’t around. Nonetheless blondie gets invited to join their parties and get togethers as cupid’s plus one, Aphrodite likes the blonde girl very much and tells her to call her auntie too, she often invites the girl to join her and her friends for drinks claiming blondie is great at sharing gossip.

As the fairytale worlds society changes, Blondies family comes around to accepting the relationship. especially when blondie introduces their first child, a girl with golden curls. All the remaining walls drop and blondies mother scoops her daughter up in a tearful hug proud of her for becoming a mother too and apologises for not being there to support her through the pregnancy. Blondie’s mother makes sure to be there for every single one afterwards and it makes blondie so happy.

But not everything is “just right” in a relationship. ( hey guys trigger warnings here for like um lots of shit about death and suicide 😬 whoops it got angsty)

Theres a lingering dark cloud that hangs over cupid and blondie’s relationship. Cupid doesn’t bring it up but she knows and hates whats to come, Its a horrible realisation that strikes her not long after they start dating, its the reason her family gives her pitying looks, its the reason she refuses to have biological kids of her own even though she wants to. She notices her wife change, and she changes herself physically to match, but its never real.

Blondie is aging and she isn’t.

She confides in briar one afternoon, the girl was meant to sleep 100 years and outlive her friends and family, and while she wont have to do that anymore, she still had to live with knowing it was going to happen. Briar tries to comfort her, but fails. She tells cupid to tell blondie, but she refuses to.

Two years into their marriage blondie becomes pregnant with their first child. When their daughter turns one years old cupid visits her family alone and cries. She cries and screams about the future, how quickly one will turn to ten and ten will turn to her first child being lowered into a grave. Her father holds her silently, knowing that nothing he says can comfort her.

Cupid continues for the next decade trying to keep her fears at bay, and then blondie gets a call about a loss in the family. An older relative who had taken their own life not long after the death of their spouse.

Another horrifying realisation hits cupid. She doesn’t confide in anyone about this one.

one day Aphrodite finally lets it slip to blondie that cupid will outlive her and their entire family.

Blondie struggles with learning this, she had known her wife was immortal and very much older than her, but having it finally hit her that her wife will outlive her by thousands upon thousands of years with most likely many lovers after to replace her hurts. Knowing cupid and their family will be her forever, but she and their family will not be cupid’s forever, absolutely tears her heart to shreds.

One day she breaks and tells cupid, her wife tells her that she will in fact “be her forever”, that there will be no one else after her. Blondie accepts it as a lie to comfort her, but one day she realises what cupid really meant. she feels sick and terrified of her wife’s intentions, but she feels even more sick at the relief it gives her to know that she wont just be a short fling the other woman will one day forget.

They don’t speak on it again and they definitely dont tell cupid’s family of her future intentions, they continue to live happy and in love, but every now and then they think about the shared grave that awaits them.

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asherisawkward · 10 months

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I've heard some say that Belos is a boring villain because he only relies on religion, his god complex, angst, and trauma to keep the audience invested and lacks development. Do you believe that to be true?

There are factors of this that I both agree with and disagree with.

Prepare for another essay, because you triggered:

I am so sorry for rambling like this.

Philip is a fairly static character throughout the series, as most of his development occurred off screen in the past. So, I can understand why some people think he’s boring, but I find it really interesting in the way his behaviors and even lies reveal information about him.

Let’s start with the religion. Philip is an extremely devout person. He spent almost four hundred in what he believed to be Hell to save humanity from evil. But the way he uses the Titan as a manner to control people is indicative of what his life was like back on Gravesfield.

Puritan beliefs could be more described as the following: humans are born sinful and impure, you must devote your life to a strict set of standards and rules to try to make God happy, everyone is born predetermined to go to Heaven or Hell but will not know until after death, and death is the ultimate punishment for Adam’ and Eve’s sin. They also took great care in analyzing everything around them for signs of God’s pleasure or displeasure.

How much are those beliefs echoed in the cult he created on the Isles?

Philip absolutely has a God Complex, made clear by his repeated creation and termination of the Grimwalkers in an attempt to create the “perfect” Caleb. By doing that, he is claiming that God himself made his brother wrong and that he can do better. If that isn’t ego, I don’t know what is.

However, I’ve noticed a certain amount of behavior that could come across as self loathing or even an inferiority complex. Often, these behaviors are seen together with god/superiority complexes masking the insecurities that lie beneath.

The first evidence of this occurs when we see his face for the first time. Not the scar, but his ears. Many noted (correctly) that they were too small to be witch ears and looked more like cropped human ears. As we later find out, Philip cut parts of his ears off to blend in more thoroughly with BI society. He likely didn’t even need to do this due to the t of illusion stones (like the Blight twins use) that can modify his appearance. Alternatively, he could have simply covered his ears with his hair. Some braids or a specific hairstyle could have done the trick, but he chose to permanently scar himself.

Later, when we confirm the connection of Belos being Philip, we also find out that he carved glyphs on his arms to utilize magic. Once again, he could have stuck with his staff, as it doesn’t require such measures to utilize (see: Hunter and the other Grimwalkers), but he still chose to do something permanent and harmful to himself.

We can see this come to a head in a particularly dangerous move: consuming Palismen. This was likely never done before due to the taboo on harming a witch’s bond with them. And Philip decided he would crack one open and absorb its magic. It could have killed him! It was part of the reason why he was cursed. Those are serious consequences, and yet he continued for centuries, making his curse worse and worse like an addiction to drugs.

Also, remember what he said at the end of Elsewhere and Elsewhen? “It doesn’t matter. I just need to live long enough to see this through.” Those are not the words of someone who values his life. In fact, that statement has led me to believe that he didn’t intend on living in the Human Realm after the Day of Unity. I think he intended to die there so he wouldn’t be trapped in the place he hated forever.

Now for the fun parts: angst and trauma.

I sometimes feel that he’s made more overtly cruel than he probably would be at times in order to drive home the point that he’s evil, and I can understand that. However, Philip’s behavior towards the Grimwalkers was likely based on a mixture of him being a shit person, displacement theory, and the standards of punishment/child rearing he was used to.

From a storytelling standpoint, he’s incredibly useful as a driving force for multiple characters, and that makes him intriguing.

But here’s another detail I noticed: Philip considered the making of his Grimwalkers one of his worst memories. In Kings Tide, we see the paintings of him meeting his brother with Evelyn, Caleb’s body after the fight, and the first Grimwalker being made. And it’s that last one where Philip finally loses it.

The process of making Grimwalkers was incredibly traumatic for him, and the fact that he engaged in this behavior continuously over more than three hundred years indicates some form of emotional self harm. He forces himself to go through the stress and effort of painstakingly making and raising these beings to be the way he wants them to be. And they fail every single time. He even begins branding them to show that he intends for them to die, no matter what.

So what is the point of that? Why would he do that?

He’s cultivating the emotions he experienced when he lost his brother—the event that drove him to hold the goal of genocide instead of simply getting Caleb home. He has to keep doing this or he’ll lose the ability to stay motivated and continue his goal.

It’s incredibly tragic, and it implies he’s tired, that he wants it to be over.

Then again, considering that most of this is my over-analysis and not actually stated in canon, I may just be falling into the exact trap you suggested.

To conclude, Philip Wittebane is a character whose motivations for his actions and beliefs are largely implied as opposed to outright stated, and it can make him difficult to enjoy as a character. The majority of those who like him tend to either like his surface attributes/aesthetic or the depth that could have been revealed through scrutinization.

#Philip Wittebane #Emperor Belos #mentioned Grimwalkers #The Owl House #TOH #analysis #There is so much wrong with him #Opinion #Trigger warning: self harm #Trigger warning: lack of care for life or suicide ideation #Trigger warning: murder #Trigger warning: abuse

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