#treebeard my guy what the fuck

[chambergambit]

When I was 12, I cut my hand on a dog food can. My dad took me to the emergency room (in the hospital I was born in, coincidentally), but it was so full that I had to be examined on a bed in the hallway. The doctor happily stiched me up, but when he finished, he paused.

“...I just realized that you might have sliced a tendon.”

“What does that mean?” my dad asked.

“If she did, and we don’t fix it, her hand will be permanently disabled,” the doctor said. “We’ll have to remove the stiches to check. I want our hand guy to look at it, but he might not be in today. I’ll go see.”

Thank god the hand guy turned out to be there, because I’m not sure if this doctor was knowledgable enough in this particular injury to be able to tell if my tendon was actually sliced. They removed my stitches and and gave me a painful examination that involved a lot of digging around in my fucking open wound. 

To distract me from what was happening, my dad read to me from The Two Towers, specifically the scene where Merry and Pippin meet Treebeard. It’s one of my favorite memories of my dad, and cemented my love for lotr.

Anyway, my tendon did turn out to be sliced and was repaired surgically, but my right thumb doesn’t have quite as much flexability as my left, and there’s a big scar on the back of my hand.

This story isn’t really about the injury, though. It’s about my dad, reading to me from his favorite book series to keep me calm in a time of crisis. Love you, dad.

#lotr

[femmchantress]

This one guy in our pod last night just really fucking bugged me.

Like, he was running Urza, Lord Protector (a card I have no qualms with and love to play/play against) that he’d built to do things like cheat out Blighsteel Colossus early or infinite mana shenanigans with Mana Crypt, which again is something I’m totally cool with, but when I started going aggro on him for just having an unstoppable value and control engine, he got all pissy and started bitching about getting hated out for no reason? Like my guy you melded Urza on turn four, I had to put every card in my hand and my board into taking him out - it wasn’t even a removal spell, I was playing Frodo and Sam and managed to gain enough life to make Treebeard big enough to hit it - and he just throws his hands up and concedes.

Game two he cheats out a Blightsteel Colossus on turn four and when I pour all my resources (12 mana in total from lands and treasure) into removing it in the most roundabout way possible (playing and then making monstrous a Kalemne’s Captain), he once again throws a fit about unfair hate and aggression and I’m just like…

What? Were you expecting??? To happen?????

#run more counterspells then bitch #mtg

[dishsaop]

i fucking love treebeard, dude really was just like "no fam totally don't worry, we'll keep an eye on saruman and make sure he doesn't leave this tower, we've got a whole forest of really old tree men to whom a decade is no time at all so we can sit here and make sure this asshole who destroyed our forests and drove us to war for the first time in literal millennia doesnt leave we got this yall" and then like. literally just months later hes like "oof yeah so we kind of just let him walk away lmao"

#treebeard my guy what the fuck #m text #lotr #lord of the rings #saruman

[morwensteelsheen]

I just… i just still don’t know what the fuck is going on here.

(no i will not go do the heaps of work i need to do today, i have brain worms)

‘Boromir, O Boromir!' [Faramir] cried. ‘What did she say to you, the Lady that dies not? What did she see? What woke in your heart then? Why went you ever to Laurelindórenan, and came not by your own road, upon the horses of Rohan riding home in the morning?’

Like. This is obviously set up to be quite an emotional outburst, everything about it sets it apart from the rest of the scene, the rest of their conversation (in tone, content, and addressee), but, like… what is going on with using ‘Laurelindórenan’ instead of ‘Lothlórien’? I know I regularly invoke this scene to dunk on him for being a nerd but it’s such a specifically fascinating character moment and i’m upset beyond words that i don’t have a reading for it that isn’t “ha ha dweeb shit my guy.”

we know that sindarin is the language spoken by the people of minas tirith (appendix f), so he’s going to speak it natively. ‘Lothlórien,’ it should be noted, is not a purely sindarin name, but it is the one used most consistently by speakers of sindarin. 

(Lothlórien is actually a combination of sindarin and quenyan words — which is actually fitting because galadriel is a noldorin elf and one of the only remaining elves in middle earth who learned quenya natively, and celeborn is a sindar elf, so, y’know, nice little touch there. It should also be noted that in lothlórien they speak an extremely divergent form of sindarin. Not that that matters a huge amount because faramir hasn’t actually been there, but, yeah, the point is: quenya definitely not the preeminent language for dealing with lothlórien.)

But i digress — faramir speaks sindarin natively, not quenya. To him, quenya is like classical latin, a language of scholars and poets (maybe), but ultimately not really a quotidian thing. It’s certainly not a language he’s ever having regular, extended conversations in. sindarin is, westron is. So it’s interesting that in this moment of great emotional affectation, he starts plucking quenyan words out of the air. 

i don’t understand why he does it. I mean, maybe i do, maybe he’s just innately such a massive fucking nerd that he can’t help himself, which is perfectly valid and certainly in line with the rest of his characterisation, but the only other character (iirc) that we see refer to lothlórien in its quenya name is treebeard. And now im spinning myself up wondering if there’s merit in comparing faramir and treebeard. Faramir as a legacy of a dying culture, treebeard much the same, both ‘guardians’, so to speak, of forests (though, as pointed out here, maybe less so for faramir). Like is the implication meant to be that faramir, much like treebeard (and, ahem, tom bombadil) is in touch with something deeper about the world? 

Or maybe the point is that he isn’t, but wishes he were, and in the end he sort of has to come to terms with living In This Moment, which could be represented a bit more by éowyn and her being of the mark etc. it feels very significant to me that this lovely wee loremaster of ours, who is constantly spouting off history and middle earth classic latin, ends up falling in love with someone who is, in every conceivable way, not that. The rohirrim, it is explicitly said, don’t write books, they don’t keep lore in the same way the gondorrim did (or used to), they’re very much a more temporally-present people. So faramir spends all this time being this perfect embodiment of the learned culture of gondor, and maybe his ‘arc’ (or whatever, i got a gentleman’s c in high school english) is that he’s having to put the visions of grandeur aside to deal with life as it actually is. And éowyn, of course, has had to do nothing BUT that, until she doesn't. 

I don’t know. Im having a lot of thoughts and none of them particularly constructive.

#faramir #idk i dont know what to do with this fuckin guy honestly #like i get his general aura but i do not get Him #and it's so hard to write him! #e writes #meta #i reckon i probably have some similar tendencies to him psychologically but that all gets thrown out the window because he #just does not EVER shut the fuck up #and im like ??? what kind of self-possession?????

[mst3kproject]

The Navy vs the Night Monsters

Of course, it’s not like bad things stop happening now that 2020 is finally over… we just get to start counting again from zero. Kind of like how I’ve started counting thirty-six Episodes that Never Were per year, beginning with this one. It was co-directed by Wyott Ordung from Robot Monster and features familiar faces like Russ Bender and Mamie Van Doren, the latter for once not playing a teenage delinquent.  It also has one really obscure MST3K connection: it was based on a story by Murray Leinster, which the sharp-eyed will remember as the name of the ship attacked by Evil Count Zarth Arn’s lava lamp weapon at the beginning of Starcrash!

A plane carrying specimens of Antarctic flora and fauna makes a rather rough and unexpected landing at a naval base on remote Gow Island in the south Pacific.  There appears to be nobody on board except the pilot and a few penguins – the former is in a catatonic state, and the latter are... well, penguins... so what happened to the rest of the passengers and crew is a complete mystery.  Did the pilot go mad and kill them?  Did the penguins?  Or did it have something to do with those mysterious ancient trees discovered growing around a geothermal spring in the heart of the frozen continent?

The first ten minutes of this movie are spent trying to be a comedy.  Before we get anywhere near the plot, we first have to listen to the guys on the plane try to be funny about their lunch and their tastes in women.  Then on the island, we watch a guy who can’t seem to figure out how to inflate a balloon, followed by a dude talking to his dog, and then a really icky bit where two women convince a man he had sex with both of them, which he buys because he was too drunk to remember.  Only then do we finally establish what’s actually going on.  The impression one gets from this beginning is that The Navy vs the Night Monsters is going to be peopled entirely by Jackass Comic Relief characters, and I actually turned the film off and sat on it for a couple of days to psych myself up to watch the rest.

When I finally turned it back on, to my relief the movie turned out not to be quite that bad, but it’s still pretty damned bad.  The dull and unfunny opening is followed by an abrupt shift of tone, as a man maddened by terror jumps from the plane to his death!  The only thing set up by the opening that turns out to be relevant is Spaulding the meteorologist’s crush on Nora the nurse, when she’s in love with the base’s second in command, Lieutenant Brown.

I complain frequently about useless love triangles in movies.  This one is very useless, and all the more so because the script totally forgets to resolve it.  Spaulding hates Gow Island but stays because he’s in love with Nora – he wants her to go back to Miami with him and marry him.  When he puts this idea to her, however, it becomes obvious that Nora can’t stand him, and it’s clear enough why: Spaulding is an asshole and he treats Nora not as a partner but as a possession.  Never does he show any sort of tenderness towards her.  Every time they speak to each other, he seems to end up shouting, and his jealousy of Brown repeatedly leads to violence.

Brown, on the other hand, treats Nora with respect and actually shows vulnerability around her.  He’s been left in charge while the base’s commander is on the mainland attending an important meeting, and he’s really feeling the pressure as the base is surrounded by tree monsters in the dark.  He talks about his anxiety and Nora comforts him, and the audience rolls their eyes because it’s perfectly obvious which of these guys she’s going to pick.  And sure enough, at the end she’s in Brown’s arms… but nothing about the whole situation is exactly resolved.

Brown and Spaulding did get in a fist fight, though it wasn’t explicitly over Nora, but nobody ever talks about the problem. Spaulding never realizes that he’s treated Nora badly, and it never seems to even occur to him that she might prefer Brown over him, or even that she has emotions or preferences at all.  He definitely never seems to understand that he’s lost.  Brown and Nora seem to feel a need to hide their love affair from the other base staff, but we’re never given a reason why (although I guess ‘Spaulding’s a dick’ is reason enough).  Nora never tells Spaulding that she prefers Brown… maybe she’s afraid he’ll assault her?  I hate everything about this situation, but nothing more than the fact that as the movie progresses we get hints that Nora may be warming up to Spaulding, as if she’s supposed to consider these two guys equal contenders for her affections!  Fuck everybody who wrote this, seriously.

It’s kind of sad to see Mamie Van Doren in a role like this after meeting her in things like Untamed Youth and Girls Town.  Those movies were gross and exploitative, but Mamie’s characters were central to their plots and she filled those shoes reasonably well.  She wasn’t Oscar material but for what the films were, she was enough to carry them.  The Navy vs the Night Monsters is a little closer to being a ‘real movie’, but in this respect it represents a step down for her, as she is relegated to being something for two men to fight over.  Furthermore, Silver from Girls Town and Penny from Untamed Youth were both characters who required some range – Nora the nurse mainly spends the whole movie being annoyed with the men in her life.  Van Doren could have done much more if anyone had bothered asking it of her.

Let’s see… what else do I hate about this movie? I hate Private Chandler, the guy who stays a Jackass Comic Relief character once that opening is over. Shockingly, The Navy vs the Night Monsters actually kills him off, but he’s not nearly as annoying as Dropo or the guy from Outlaw, so his death merely feels mean rather than having any entertainment value.  The guy was just about to actually get laid by one of the women who’d made fun of him earlier – though she, like Spaulding, showed no sign of being sorry for past jerkitude.

I hate the monsters.  Normally I have a soft spot for plant monsters.  They’re a cliché in their own way, I guess, but they’re a fun idea.  The ones in The Navy vs the Night Monsters kill and digest people with acidic sap, and a character theorizes about how and why such a thing would evolve, which is cool. The execution, however, sucks. While the poster for the film shows us a humanoid Treebeard-looking thing, the actual monsters in the film are dumb-looking stumps that waddle along like a couple of guys trying to move a piece of furniture corner-by-corner because it’s too heavy to lift.  The result reminds me of The Creeping Terror, in that you have to want to get eaten by these things.  At one point a guy walks right up to one, inspects it, and escapes its clutches merely by backing away slowly!

The trees reproduce using insect-like larvae that are, themselves, lethally venomous.  This is also a neat idea which is, once again, ruined by the execution. The tiny ones are being pulled along the floor by a sometimes-visible string, and then they grow into stumps that look like they should be stools around a boy scout campfire, which move even slower than the adult trees!  There’s a scene where the characters are holed up in the base under an onslaught of these, with planes arriving to napalm them just in time, and it is ludicrous in its attempt to feel threatening.

I do like that Gow Island is a bleak middle-of-nowhere rather than a tropical paradise.  The landscapes kind of remind me of the Falkland Islands, though the weather on Gow is evidently better.  You can see why some of the characters hate it here, surrounded by barren scrub inhabited mostly by ten thousand smelly, raucous seabirds. Unfortunately this backdrop makes the ‘comedy’ opening seem even more out of place, though it’s also kind of nice that they didn’t give us any stereotyped ‘natives’ as either comedy or monster fodder.

As for a theme… well, The Navy vs the Night Monsters is clearly about an invasive species.  The biologist, in suggesting how the tree monsters evolved, points out that they are suited to the hostile environment of Antarctica in ways that make them nearly unstoppable anywhere else.  We’re told that they devoured all the penguins the scientists were bringing back for study, and as well as eating the people, they wreak havoc among the Gow Island seabirds and reproduce out of control.  The parallels to things like cane toads in Australia, or housecats just about anywhere, are obvious.

This isn’t something the characters care about, though, even the ones who profess to be scientists.  At the end, enough of the trees are destroyed that the humans can safely evacuate, and what happens after that is clearly Gow Island’s problem, not humanity’s. I really would have liked to see the script go into this a little more, but then, The Navy vs the Night Monsters is not a movie that wants to go into anything, even stuff it sets up in some detail.

At the end, The Navy vs the Night Monsters feels pretty half-assed.  Somebody wanted to make a movie, and then put in the bare minimum effort possible to have all the parts present.  They clearly understood how movies work, but they didn’t have the money and didn’t want to go to the trouble.  The result is deeply mediocre.  There’s a few laughs out of the dumb stump creatures, but mostly it’s just bad.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the navy vs the night monsters #tw: abuse #humanitarian vegetables #60s

[theblackbalaclava]

Beers and confessions

Well shit.. It’s Saturday and I’m happy that 3-4 beers are enough to get me drunk, but not enough to get me hungover. Even at 32, I got that going for me. Everything else? A mess.. I have too much shit going on, I’m still kind of unsure about what I actually want. So yesterday, in order to gain some focus, I ruled some things out in my head. Some weeks back, I got involved with an ex partner from my younger days. I don’t want to get too much in to the details of it now, but this time around it was a complete disaster and I’ve struggled to detach myself from it. But I’ve had enough, and it has to end 100%. No casual talking or anything. I can’t do it. I’ve been flirting with this dude online for little over a week now, and it’s going great. I like him, I’m into it, he’s uncomplicated, we seem to have good chemistry. But at the same time, I’m fine if nothing happens there, which is.. It probably means something. If I’m being honest, it would be nice to fuck someone else other than Treebeard, and Biker dude here seems a good fit. I know I basically wouldn’t have eyes for anybody else, if my long distance love was here, and we’re working on making those dreams come true <3 And then there’s this girl I’ve had a huge crush for 2-3 years. Again, I’m too tired to go in to all the details about it, but yesterday I finally gave up on her completely (again. shut up). Last night I went out, on my own, to see a couple of local bands at a bar. It was awesome. Met some friends,I got kinda drunk and on our way to another spot, who do I run in to, but this angelic creature. For alcoholic reasons, I hugged her and just.. Didn’t let go. She was wearing heels, and my head basically rested on her tits. She didn’t mind this, at all. I left her there, followed my friends, and completely lost my shit over what had just happened. I ended up ditching them, in the middle of a conversation, to walk with a cute guy from one of the bands, back to the first bar, to get back to this girl. Again, I really want to go in to more detail, but I am so goddamn tired. Long story short, because of alcohol, peer pressure and circumstances, I ended up confessing my huge crush to her. I thought it was so obvious, so I assumed she knew. She did not. We ended up making out. Her kisses are so soft and playful. I had my hand in her hair. She fell asleep with her head on my shoulder and held my hand so tight. I’m still not sure it wasn’t just a dream.

#polylife #polyamory #ladylove #lady crush #lgbtqplus #my life is a mess #in love #im a mess

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

okay but i mUST know. what..... i mean how did you start shipping grima and eomer??? am i missing something bookcanon-wise? like..... could you explain it to me?? I'm definitely intrigued!

oh lord - I started shipping them maybe ten years ago? It was something I stumbled upon, there was a fanfic on Livejournal that I read and it was them and I thought: Huh, I like the dynamic. 

So no, you aren’t missing anything book!canon-wise. 

Grima does have his sarcastic moments which we were robbed of in the film. Including him sassing Treebeard. 

Because LOTR is ultimately a comedy. 

Eomer is more somber in the movies and less hot-headed/prone to acting before thinking than he is in the books. We were also robbed of the time Saruman called Eomer a serpent, which is something I enjoy reading into as I like to imagine there is a bit of a cunning streak beneath Eomer’s bonhomie. 

But the two of them interacting? There is nothing “on screen” in the book, but clearly they did. Aside from Eomer threatening Grima’s life in the king’s hall for, presumably, treason & looking-at-Eowyn reasons (which is why he was under quasi-house arrest when Gandalf et al showed up), they would have interacted. Like, it would make absolutely no sense if they never talked to each other/didn’t know one another. 

Grima is a member of the King’s Household (he's taken an oath to Theoden and fulfills an adviser role, which makes him most likely a household member. It would be weird if he wasn’t) and Eomer grew up in Theoden’s household after his parents died. 

We don’t know how long Grima has been working for Theoden, but I always assumed it was for a fair while. Well before the Treason Years, if only based on the line from Gandalf: “This here, is a snake. To slay it [Grima] would be just. But it was not always as it is now. Once it was a man, and it did you service in its fashion.”

So, they would have known each other, interacted, worked together in some capacity. Eomer as Third Marshal would have had dealings with his uncle’s main adviser, just out of necessity to make sure there’s coordinated approaches in tithing, maintaining winter rations, defense of the borders, road maintenance etc. All those day to day workings of a geographically disparate kingdom.

Anyway - as for why I ship them? tl;dr: I like the opposite-attract dynamic; couples-who-bicker is a favourite trope; angst!potential!high!; fun things to explore in terms of leadership/kingship/how do you make a decision when there is no moral choice to be made? All options for X situation are terrible. Make your bed and lie in it./Necessary Man + Honourable Man = hnnnngyes/People finding their way in from the cold is beautiful/I just Really Love Redemption Ok?? 

-

I like the dynamic - I am a sucker for The Mean Cold One Falls In Love With The Sunshine One. Also, if we run with Eomer being a little more sly than people assume he is, there is a lot of possibility there with the two of them snaking around one another. 

(Grima: I thought I was the only gay snake in the village.)  

Grima is a favourite character and I never was into Grima/Eowyn, personally. They’re too similar (two sides of the same coin), so it’s not really my cup of tea. I love dynamic, drastic opposites. Also, I almost never write/engage with straight pairings in fandom. Ever. Because I can’t write straight people. Everyone is bi/queer/something when I write them. (Side-characters are an exception; but main people? Never straight) 

Enemies-to-grumblegrumble-to-lovers is the Best Trope; followed closely by we-must-continue-to-pretend-to-be-enemies-for-reputation-reasons. 

Court! Politics! Are! Fun! Grima and Eomer as a team is such a ruthless combo and all of Rohan should tremble. Like actually though, great power couple potential.

Angst potential is high! But with catharsis, because this is LOTR after all. 

Grima’s subversion of gender is something that speaks to me on a spiritual level. Much of it is born from the classic “evil=effeminate” equation that consciously, or subconsciously, appears in fiction for misogyny/homophobic/etc. reasons. But, it’s present in the text and I am always drawn to those characters and enjoy smashing them together with their polar opposite.

The above is further complicated by Rohan’s hyper-masculine militarized idealization of manliness and what is expected of men in terms of behaviour; occupation; relationships with each other and with women; socialization etc.   

Trauma is born from relationships, and it is through relationships that we heal trauma. This isn’t to say that you can “fix” or “heal”or “save” a person, because you can’t. That’s not how things work. But relationships are still integral to healing. Particularly, having safe, healthy ones help give a person the space they need to work through their things and come out the other side.

I love the journey of someone who is on the bad-guy side switching over to the good side but they still remain an ugly person in many ways. Goodness doesn’t require niceness. Grima is a nasty person, but I like the idea of him being a mean piece of work who is has learned to be like I GUESS I WILL MAKE THE MORAL CHOICE FUCK IT FINE. UGH. 

Eomer learning kingship, especially in the shadow of Theodred’s death and Aragorn’s Straight-From-A-Fairy-Tale kingship, has buckets of potential. So, adding to that, Grima/Eomer makes for an excellent opportunity to explore power, what it means to lead, what it means to be a real-human-king and not the ideal that is stitched into tapestries and sung about in mead halls. 

Related to the above: questions of what it means to be the Necessary Man who makes the Necessary But Often Brutal Decisions are fun to explore, and again, this dynamic really lends itself to it. More so, if you run with Eomer having a bit of a snakish streak in him that he is aware of - take your pick on if he is trying to suppress it; work with it; run with it; ignore it lalala je suis Honourable(tm). 

Additionally, the idea of love of country and desire to ensure survival becoming warped into something evil? I live for it. Then finding a way back to the light? Sign me up. 

-

Sorry for the long reply! Again, tl;dr: I like the opposite-attract dynamic; couples-who-bicker is a favourite trope; angst!potential!high!; fun things to explore in terms of leadership/kingship/how do you make a decision when there is no moral choice to be made? All options for X situation are terrible. Make your bed and lie in it./Necessary Man + Honourable Man = hnnnngyes/People finding their way in from the cold is beautiful/I just Really Love Redemption Ok??

Much of what I like about them is bound up in what I like about Grima and his character and the potential that he had to exemplify the idea that it is a kind act, a loving act, that can change the world. Frodo offered his hand, offered forgiveness, offered safety and peace and Grima was going to take it (and all that comes with that, including relearning goodness). But then Tolkien killed him off. What a sad ending. 

Anyway - not sure if this makes sense or is helpful as a response! 

<3 

#LOTR #lord of the rings #Eomer #grima wormtonge #griomer #grima x eomer #ask #reply #anon

[juiceboxman]

So I took Siobhan’s advice and listened to the BBC’s radio adaptation of the Lord of the Rings from the 80′s

It’s pretty good, you can listen to it here https://soundcloud.com/inkmore/sets/lord-of-the-rings-radio 

I had some issues with it but I liked it for the most part. I’m not a massive LoTR fan, only watched the films so I don’t know much, but here are the thoughts I had.

I once heard someone describe Hobbits and the Shire as “drama free people” after listening to this series, that’s obviously not the case. Hobbits seem to live for the drama, always talking shit behind one anothers back. I think Tolkien was trying to satirise rural or village life in England and I think he did a good job depicting how petty people can be.

Sam is a working class hero and Frodo doesn’t deserve him.

I understand how people can like Sam/Frodo because there is massive gay vibes coming off them. Personally I interpreted it to be unrequited and an example of some class division, with Sam being working class and Frodo being middle class. The amount of dedication and support Sam shows Frodo I don’t think Frodo would show back if the roles were reversed. I feel like its a very one sided relationship with Sam putting in way more effort than Frodo.

Bilbo’s whole thing seems to be that he went on a gap year once that turned out quite bad and now he kinda lives like a hermit.

I don’t know how reliable to the books the Radio series is, but I feel like the movies do more justice to stuff. Like in the Radio drama Gandalf makes his first appearance by just coming through the door and Bilbo is like “ah, Gandalf” and...that’s it. Movie version was better in my opinion.

I think the radio drama does a lot better to explain what the ring of power does than the movies. I always got confused by what the ring does, like in the movies all it seems to do is turn people invisible and make them into heroin addicts. With the radio I kinda understand more about it. Like the ring’s power kinda depends on the wearer, like a Hobbit could simply use it for invisibility and expanding their life force but a King could use it to control the minds of an entire enemy army and a Wizard could do even more. But it’s still vague and I presume Tolkien intended it to be, like it’s just a representation of the concept of power and this world’s equivalent of a deal with the devil. Power or wishes may be commanded but they will ultimately corrupt you.

Time in the books seem wild. Like at one point Gandalf says that Bilbo has gone off and he himself will start researching the ring and then twelve years go by and Frodo has just been fucking about, forgot that the ring even existed and Gandalf comes back and is like “oh yeah, ring is bad”

Also, Frodo is 50 when he leaves the shire???? Jesus 

Also, were the Nazgul just running about for 12 years looking for the ring? Like at one point the Nazgul knocked on some Hobbit’s door asking about Frodo and the Hobbit told him to go fuck himself and slammed a door- to a NAZGUL

Aragon’s voice in this radio drama is...way off. Like it sounds like Greg Davies. You don’t really have the soft voice of Viggo Mortinstein but the gruff righteous voice of the Principal from the Inbetweeners 

Elrond denying Aragon to marry his daughter until he becomes king of Gondor is like a stern dad refusing you to date his daughter until you get a real job.

Also Aragon gets the reforged sword, like, immediately when they leave Riverdale. Which is a bit weird to me.

It makes sense why Frodo is trusted with the ring. A king couldn’t be trusted because he’d use it for conquest. A Wizard could overthrow Sauron but in doing so would become just as bad so you’re back to square one. With a Hobbit, there is no desire for conquest or any wish for power outside of simply having the ring. Even when Golum had it all he used it for was to hunt fish and extend his life cycle. I’m curious of whether if Sam had carried the ring all the way to Mordor if he could will himself to destroy it or would he have failed like Frodo. 

Gimly and Legolas’ friendship is so cute. Like they start off disliking eachother but bond over their prowess in combat and plan out a gap year after the whole fellowship where they see the sights of middle earth. So wholesome

I don’t understand why they didn’t just kill Golum. Like I know he was important to find the way to Mordor and was ultimately necessary to destroy the ring after Frodo failed, but like the idea of “don’t kill him because of pity and he also probably has a part to play” is bullshit to me. Like he’s so gross and troublesome. It’s the same excuse Jedi have with “oh you can’t kill a Sith Lord because striking them down means you need to embrace the dark side” bitch Luke Skywalker round house kicked a guy into a Sarlack Pick- whaddya mean he can’t kill this wrinkly ass Emperor??? Ethical mental gymnastics are mind blowing.

For me the moment that made me really dig the series was when the Fellowship disbanded. Like shit hit the fan and everyone’s forced to do their own shit, really engaging storytelling.

The series is quite short when you consider all the battles are short cutted. Like in the radio drama you’ll hear a series of grunts for 30 seconds and then a song about how bad that battle was. I guess it would take a lot to depict a battle purely by means of audio.

Seriously the series is quite short, like it’s 13 hour long episodes and by episode five I’m like “oh shit we’re starting the second book already? Damn” It felt half the time there was so much stuff cut out I don’t know why

I think the radio drama is best suited for people who have either watched the movies or read the books. Like I don’t think it’s well suited for people who haven’t seen LoTR content before. Like the scene with the Balrog there is no description of what it looks like.

Also, Gandalf fought the Balrog from the deepest dungeons to the tip of the mountain? Damn, Gandalf’s leg day must be intense

I love the introduction of Treebeard and the Ents. Like you get this horrific imagery with warring Orcs and other evil creatures and then turn a hard 180 to these hilarious tree people. I guess that’s why the LoTR is so great. Because you do get those hard, gruesome battles but you also get these lovely peaceful wholesome scenes.

Quick question, how do you meet a guy called Saruman and then be surprised that he’s the bad guy? It’s the same deal with Victor VonDoom.

Also, did Tolkien have to have all the big villains names sound so similar?

Man, Tolkien loves having people end up together. With the Horse Princess who got friendzoned by Aragorn meeting up with that guy from Gondor. You love to see it

So like, was the King of Nazgul just talking shit or can he not be killed by a man? Like could anyone kill him by stabbing him the face or did the Horse Princess just find a loophole?

At one point this woman kinda makes fun of this flower called Kings Seed or some shit and Aragon basically calls her a THOT 

Kinda sad the series didn’t have more dragons. Like I would have liked to see a huge black dragon at the final battle at Mordor. But that’s just me, I love me some dragons

Also, the final battle at the gates of Mordor is so endearing. Like they don’t even know if Frodo and Sam are still alive but they go to war anyway because they believe they are and in doing so keep the eye of Sauron off of them. It’s really heart warming

The radio’s version of the destruction of the ring is kinda anticlimactic. Like I said it’s better with the dialogue than it is at the representation of physical actions like combat. Like if you didn’t know what happened at the end of the lord of the rings and you were listening to this you would have no idea that Golum fell into the lava with the ring 

I love the owner of the Prancing Pony’s reaction to Aragon becoming King of Gondor. It’s like “hey, remember that guy you saw shit in the woods that one time? Yeah he’s the President”

Also Sam’s Pony lives at the end of it. Love to see it. I feel like Tolkien read his first draft to his kids and they were like “what happened to Sam’s pony?” and he was like “uh, yeah, the pony....the pony lived! yes! the pony found its way back to town” you can tell this story is vibing on a different level than GoT or ACOC

Hobbits returning to the Shire fucking shit up like level 16 PCs returning to the town they started the campaign in

Also, all the Hobbits in the shire have no idea what the fuck went down? Like I understand they live in the middle or nowhere but that’s astounding 

It’s so funny what ends up happening to Saruman. Like he goes from being the second in command of the Dark Lord to being a shitty local businessman in a Village in Yorkshire

I can see how people can really get into the LotR. Like a world like GoT is just fucked beyond compare and any happy ending will be bittersweet at most. But here you have an ending where the characters leave the world better than when they found it

Frodo asking Sam to live with him was him totally trying to get with Sam, right? And Sam was like “oh that’s nice Frodo, but I have gf” and Frodo’s like “oh that’s alright, she can move in too!” it’s like watching a man back step his request for love by inviting a family into his home. You missed your shot Frodo! You had a whole year with Sam and you blew it!

Sam ultimately moving on from Frodo with his thicc Hobbit gf is the character development we deserved

That said, in the movies Sam getting a gf was a thing at the end of the third movie- like he’d been so shy before hand but after almost dying he’s like “fuck it, might as well give my shot” but here in radio drama he...had a gf all along? Like we only hear about her in the final episode and he’s like “oh yeah, my gf ain’t too happy. I left her for a year to fuck about with you so now I need to marry her. Woops” very startling

Also love how Tolkien represented PTSD with Frodo. I don’t think works of Fantasy like this before Tolkien really did this stuff justice. That said the ending is a bit weird. Like I understand that the “Undying Lands” are supposed to reflect Tolkien’s belief in Catholicism, Eternal Life and Heaven. But it’s really hard to not interpret the ending as Frodo as struggling to deal with his PTSD so he commits suicide. Because the Undying Lands is a place that Sam cannot follow. It’s heart breaking but that’s the vibe I got off the ending.

So yeah, there’s my thoughts. It’s pretty good but I’d only recommend the series to anyone who’s either seen the movies or read the books. If this was your first introduction to LOTR I don’t know if that would be any good. 

Also, while we’re here I recommend Escape from the Bloodkeep from Dimension 20. It’s  DnD actual play series that is a slight parody of LOTR. It’s really good.

#dimension 20 #acoc #escape from the bloodkeep #lord of the rings #lotr

[laky-spider-the-useless-drider]

things my friends said about lotr today:

legolas is a fucking soyboy

guys like boromir have girlfriends, but those like aragorn, he was this hipster. long, greasy, shitty hair, they are usually alone

arwen? she looks like an alien!

galadriel's kinda uncanny valley

why didn't sam just take the ring instead of just dragging frodo on his back?

shut up about the godforsaken fucking eagles!

when i was little i thought about how it would be like if the dark side won. like, the bad guys... the industrial guys

what gay, gay of thrones? what the what

oi, what even is a soyboy? never heard that in a wild ... oh! ooh! gimme the soiboiis. yeah, totally legolas

jesus fucking christ how i hate the duolingo owl

treebeard is a mood. i'd fuck treebeard or his brother

oh, orcs. yea, they have an appeal...

stop calling me a monsterfucker! i only saw monster musume like...three times

beer with mead in it fills the hole in my soul

with age, i have acquired certain taste for thranduil

thrandy, the wine uncle. do you want to be him or do you want to be on him

no, were not mentioning the eagles. but the visibility- no!

he made me super wet when i was like... 6 year old?

the giant spider was just misunderstood

i've had the silmarillion for 7 years now. i've never read it, but its my favorite book ever i love it so much

maybe i should get the "pickle" tattoo in runic?

i want to hug the spider

.. "legolas is a fucking soy boy" is just *chefs kiss*

#lotr #lord if the rings #organic shitpost

[lunaraindrop]

Quentin’s Mentor (part 4)

A lot of shit happened quickly to Quentin and his friends.

The Beast was gone.

Just like that.

One minute he was terrorizing people, the next? Eaten by Quentin’s pet plant.

All of that fear and angst an-and scary fucking build-up just…dissolved into nothing. 

Very anticlimactic. 

It left everyone standing dumbstruck, not sure what to do or how to react.

It was a little disconcerting.

Oh, and apparently The Beast, the guy that ripped out Dean Fogg’s eyes, was the psychotic voice in Penny’s head, and was trying to kill him at every turn? Yeah, that was MARTIN FUCKING CHATWIN! Martin Chatwin, one of his childhood heroes, was trying to kill him.

What the hell?!

In all honestly, he was not sure how to react to that. On the one hand, why the hell did Martin Chatwin want him dead? Him! HE wasn’t special by any means, so what gives?

On the other hand…holy-fucking-shit Martin Chatwin, THE Martin Chatwin made it his purpose to kill HIM! Quentin Coldwater! Martin Chatwin was *eaten* alive by HIS pet plant! (Which is ironically named after Martin’s sister. That would make for an interesting feminist philosophy paper.)

…was it weird that he felt a little…in awe about all of this? Maybe even a little special? Like…maybe he wasn’t such a screw up and he was a chosen nemesis to the big bad in a story? Because, well, he kind of was? Like, umm, nobody was exactly sure why Quentin was targeted by Martin fucking Chatwin, but he *was* a target. That’s why Jane (Chatwin, not his cat-like purple and blue Venus fly trap) kept telling him to step off the garden path.

Apparently the garden path took offense. 

It was l-like Treebeard and the Ents in Lord of the Rings! Nature fights back, mmm hmm…bitches.

He was just glad nature was on his side. He was on theirs too.

Case in point, this was why he was running through Queens in the middle of the night, heading for a portal in an alley that would take him to the Addams mansion. 

His arms were crossed across his chest, cradling what was hiding inside his maroon hoodie. Tucked up against his sternum was his poor baby plant, Jane. While she shrank back to her original size after eating The Beast, she turned a sickly green-gray and lost some of her vibrant leaves a few hours later. 

After the first few hours of being saved, he was worried that Jane would get a taste for human flesh. He loved her, but he was not about to go on a killing spree to keep her fed. Maybe. No, definitely not. Maybe rob a morgue…?Anyway, Morticia never warned him of anything like this. She just old him to make sure she was watered, fertilized, and had a steady diet of insects and small mammals.

Nothing was ever mentioned about her growing in size and eating a human whole.  

Those went out the window when she kept gagging (well, as much as a plant can sound like gagging), wilted, and changed into such dull colors.

He was concerned, yes, but he was a little to freaked out (and frankly embarrassed) to go to Morticia Addams for help. He had only had Jane for a couple of months, and now he allowed her to eat people and she was sick? He knew Mortica was…an odd lady, but as his mentor he wanted to impress her. She trusted him with this gift…and now he was letting her down.

He decided to ask for some help on campus. Surely someone would know how to help his magic plant.

That turned out to be a big mistake. Just like Alice, nobody could identify what species she was. 

Then Lipsom dropped the bomb: They wanted to study her. 

As in take her away, cut her open, and find out more about how Martin became The Beast.

Margo was angry and cussed Fogg out for going along with this plan.

Penny, who is usually a dick, actually looked really sad and left the room without comment. Kady followed, but not before giving Jane one mournful stare before sneering at the professors.

Alice…was actually on Lipsom’s side. She tried to sympathetically reasoned that this was a perfect chance to learn what had happened, how to avoid it happening again, and that Jane was really dangerous now.

It was Eliot though that was peculiar. Eliot, who probably loved Jane just as much as he did, was stone-faced the entire time. He didn’t stop or hold Margo back, but he also didn’t speak at all. He hardly moved except to pet at Jane’s drooping little head. He didn’t seem to fear that she could snap off his hand.

Neither did Quentin.

Quentin turned to the Dean. “You know what? No. Fuck you, and fuck that! S-she just saved all of our lives! A-and s-s-s-she’s sick because she did! You don’t touch her! 

Dean Fogg sighed and covered his face with his hand.

“I’m going to assume that that literal death trap came from Morticia Addams to annoy me into an early grave. Your precious ‘Jane’ is obviously poisoned by something to do with eating Martin Chatwin. We need to know what. Normally, a large type of Venus fly trap even remotely close to that size would take a couple of days to digest a small animal. Yours won’t live that long. I estimate that she has maybe ten hours to live. You have five to get me what is left of The Beast’s body, or we’re going in for it.”

They tried to call the mansion, but nobody answered. Luckily Fogg, showing he had some heart (even small) told him of a portal behind a diner that take him as far as the front gate. But he also warned Quentin.

“We don’t know how dangerous your plant is. Keep her out of sight, and away from the public’s eye. It’s not my fault if she eats you too.”

Quentin narrows his eyes and lifted his chin in defiance. “Jane would never hurt me, or anyone else really unless they are bad people. I’ll be fine.” With that he stuck her wilting, quivering body safely into his hoodie, close to his heart.

Just before leaving Brakebills wards, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Eliot. Still stone-faced, his eyes showed his distress. Intense hazel eyes locked onto his own as he stepped closer. So close their chests almost touched. Breaking eye contact for a few seconds, he leaned down and placed a lingering kiss over the maroon fabric, just grazing her head and landing softly on Q’s heart. He looked back up at Quentin again and tucked his hair back behind his ear.

“These Addames…do you really think they can help her?”

Quentin shrugged, unconsciously leaning closer to Eliot, being careful not to crush the plant. “I-I think, uh, I hope? She did come from a cutting from one of Morticia’s plants, so there’s a good chance she will know how to help Jane. I really hope she knows how to help Jane.” his voice broke at the end. Eliot carefully pulled him close in a warm, one armed hug.

“Okay. Then go take care of our girl, Q.”

Those words echoed through his brain as he made his way up the long drive.

In front of him stood a giant, Gothic house. Something that looked like it belonged in Jane Eyre or Brideshead, Revisited. As he went to look for some type of buzzer, the gate ominously opened…

#queliot #queliot fic #lunaraindrop #morticia addams #quentin's mentor

[readyourimgaines]

Chapter Two: One Step at a Time

Another shout out to @thatbarricade for continuing to Beta Read and help with hcs and such to be added in as I go. -Freddie

Combeferre knocked on the door of Enjolras’ parents. A blonde woman opened it; the three young men could see where Enjolras got his looks from.

“I’m not buying anything.” She went to close the door but Courfeyrac caught the handle and held it open.

“Good, ‘cause we’re not selling anything,” Grantaire said. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

“What?” The woman’s eyes widened.

“Ma’am, we’re friends of your son, Julien. We came to get the rest of his things. I’m sure you don’t care too much, but he’s safe and cared for.” Ferre explained.

“I’m Combeferre, this is Courfeyrac and Grantaire.”

“He’s alright?” The woman covered her mouth with her hand.

“Perfectly. He’s staying with me and my boyfriend.” Ferre nodded. “We won’t be here long, don’t worry.” Ferre lead the other two into the house and up the stairs, Enjolras’ mother running after them.

“I’ll help you pack his things.” She pointed them in the direction of her son’s room.

“Why?” R questioned. “You didn’t stop anything that happened last night.”

The woman didn’t have an answer for that. She wasn’t about to admit to these strange young men that she was often intimidated by her husband and that she adored her son’s bravery to stand up to him and for what he believed in.

“He’s still my son.” She settled with after a moment. “No matter who he loves.”

R looked at the woman and shook his head, going to help Courf pack Enjolras’ books while Ferre packed his clothes into a duffle bag and suitcase he found in the closet.

Mrs. Enjolras left the room for a few seconds to get a box in which she put picture frames and little knick-knacks he had kept around the room.

“Woah. Who’s that?” R motioned to a picture of a young person with dark hair that reached their chin. Ferre looked over R’s shoulder and chuckled.

“Our friend Jehan. Enj took a photography class last year and Jehan modelled for him.”

“Is Jehan a girl or a guy?” R had to ask.

“They’re non-binary, actually. I don’t know what their sex is… Enj might. He’s known them longer than I have.”

“Books are set,” Courf said simply. He picked up the box.

“I’m gonna run these to R’s truck.” Grantaire followed behind him.

Mrs. Enjolras took down three little cloth flags held to the wall with push-pins. One was an American flag, which she assumed he got at a Fourth of July parade; another was rainbow, the last was striped yellow, white, purple, and black.

“What are these flags?” she asked.

“The rainbow one is the gay pride flag and the other one’s nonbinary pride for Jehan,” Ferre stated. He closed the last dresser drawer and looked at the woman.

“We live at 229 White Street. You can come to see him if you want to, but if your husband comes and tries to touch him… We’ve got friends that don’t want to see someone else fall subject to a hate crime.” Ferre paused. “If he wasn’t 17, I’d call the cops and report your husband, Mrs. Enjolras. Wait at least a week if you decide to come. He’s still calming down from everything.”

“Thank you. For what you’re doing.”

“It’s nothing an older brother wouldn’t do.” Ferre slug the duffle bag over his shoulder and picked up the suitcase.“I hope to see you soon, Mrs. Enjolras.” He took the box from her hands and headed out to the truck where the other two were waiting.

Once she heard the front door close, she sat on her son’s old bed, picked up one of his pillows, and breathed in the faint scent of her son’s shampoo as she cried.

*****

Enjolras sat on his new bed in Ferre and Courf’s rented house with his arms wrapped around his knees as he rocked back and forth, trying to even his breathing. He still couldn’t breathe properly. The front door opened, closed, and his breathing only got worse.

“Enj?” Courf called.

Enjolras took deep breaths through his nose and exhaled through his mouth in an attempt to calm himself down, but it only had the reverse effect.

“Julien?” Ferre tried. He walked to Enjolras’ new room and could hear the laboured breathing through the door. He opened the door just enough for him to get through and closed it behind him, going straight to the bed. He sat next to Enjolras and took one of his clammy hands, pressing it to his own heart.

“You’ve got to follow my breathing, alright? In and out. Slow and easy. In for four seconds, hold for seven, and release over eight.” Ferre explained gently, his voice was just loud enough to be heard over the younger’s fast, panicked breathing.

It took a few tries, but Enjolras was able to match his best friend’s breathing and slowly the dizziness went away, although the light-headedness lingered. He wanted to stop the panic attack before they got home so he wasn’t adding to the worry that he knew Ferre was already going through.

Combeferre pulled Enjolras into a hug as his breathing finished levelling out. “You’re alright. We got your stuff from your parents and you can arrange the room how you want. Courfeyrac and Grantaire are working on lunch so there’ll be food in a little bit.”

Enjolras nodded, even though most of the information was more or less passing through one ear and right out the other without really being helpful. Ferre figured this was the case and just squeezed his little brother a bit tighter and pressed a kiss to hair, a hand rubbing his back lightly.

“Panic attacks are hell; I know.” Ferre continued to rub Enjolras’ back.

“How about we ask R to spend the night see about a movie night? You haven’t seen The Two Towers until you’ve seen it with ‘Taire, and he’s doing his Treebeard impression along with the movie.” That got a chuckle from the blonde, and Combeferre grinned.

*****

“Hobbits? Never heard of a Hobbit before. Sounds like Orc mischief to me.” Grantaire’s voice was two octaves deeper than normal, and Enjolras found himself wondering how it didn’t hurt his vocal cords.

“They come with fire! They come with axes! Gnawing, biting, breaking, hacking, burning! Destroyers and usurpers, curse them!”

Enjolras could no longer hold in his laughter as it bubbled up from his throat. The sound made Grantaire and Ferre grin at each other. Courf was half paying attention and was on his phone. R had tried to snatch it on a few occasions but had yet to be successful.

“How many times have you seen this movie?” Enjolras asked, still laughing.

“Too many,” Courf groaned. “In high school, every sleepover, every birthday party, we watched this. Rarely one of the other two. Just The Two Towers.”

“You also don’t want to know how many times I’ve read the books.” Grantaire chuckled.

“By the way, if none of you know what to get me for my birthday I’ve read my giant anthology to death, so a new copy would be greatly appreciated.”

“I hardly ever watched these. I was only allowed to at Jehan’s,” Enjolras admitted. So that explained why his eyes were glued to the TV.

“Your parents didn’t let you watch them?” Courf’s voice was flooded with confusion.

“No. My parents are devout Roman Catholics. They filtered what I watched and read more closer than Russia. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, those books about the kids that find the magical land in the clo-”

“The Chronicles of Narnia?” Grantaire stopped Enjolras short. “Your parents didn’t let your watch or read The Chronicles of Narnia?”

“No.”

“And I thought my parents were fucked up.” R stood from the couch and walked into the kitchen to get more soda for the group.

“Oh, yours are,” Ferre laughed. “Yours were too lenient.”

“What are you talking about? I learned a lot on their unlocked computer,” he laughed. “I shouldn’t be laughing about this. Enjolras, I'm a deeply troubled man.”

“It’s the demon possessing you and making you gay.” Enjolras waved a dismissive hand and got a laugh from each of the three men.

“Oh! Ferre, I was texting Jehan earlier and they said they’ll help me look for work.”

“Shit. You’re looking for a job?” Grantaire asked when he came back into the room, handing each of his friends a can of soda.

“I got a place. Hold on.“ He dug his hand into his jeans pocket to retrieve his phone; his fingers became a blur, and Enjolras wondered how anyone could form a coherent sentence typing that fast.

“Where?” Ferre furrowed his brow.

“I don’t wanna jinx it. Just gimme a sec.” It was closer to a minute, but R’s phone eventually went off.

“You’re 18 next month, right?”

“Yeah…” Enjolras looked between Ferre and Grantaire.

“Worked. You know where the Café Musain is?” Grantaire asked.

“No.”

“I’ll show you tomorrow. You’ve got a job as a barista. Pick a shift and you’re good. Noon to five, one to six, or three to eight.”

“One to six, I guess?” Enjolras was just as confused as Ferre and Courf were.

“How did you pull this?” Courf asked for the rest of them.

“So, I’ve got this friend- Eponine- and she works there, but is also really good friends with the owners so she’s more or less in charge of hiring people. Told her Enj was looking for a job, they’ve been trying to replace a guy that left for the summer, and here we are.”

“Uh, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. You’re gonna love the place. The atmosphere is amazing, the workers are nice. It’s technically on the college compass so it’s really fucking diverse. You should take your friend Jehan some time.”

“I’ll talk to them about it after my shift tomorrow.”

“I still can’t believe that you haven’t seen the Chronicles.” Courf shifted and leaned against Ferre.

“We should start tomorrow with The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I don’t work till three, so…”

“I’m starting at one, apparently,” Enjolras reminded.

“So we watch the first two movies then R can get you to work!” Courf clapped his hands together, clearly not take no for an answer.

*****

“It’s 20 to eleven. Nothing’s going to be open.” Enjolras adjusted how he was sitting.

“There’s Walmart like five miles away.”

“Oh dear god.” Ferre leaned forward and hid his face in his hands.

“There’s no way I’m going to Walmart. For one thing, it’s a soul-sucking, sold out corporation. Second of all, the workers are extremely underpaid for how much they work; I’ve read they hardly even get holiday bonuses.

“That’s not even touching on the lack of hygiene in the entire store- sealed food included. Jehan bought a bag of rice from there once. There were ants in the bag, and the-the ignoramuses wouldn’t let them return it. I mean, you can’t even be angry at the workers because people in polos are just working for soulless idiots in suits.”

Grantaire blinked. “Well shit. Fine.” He put on the turn indicator and pulled up to a drive-through. He rattled off his, Ferre’s, and Courf’s usual orders with a pout and let Enj say his before driving to the pick-up window. Courf sat in the back seat of the truck next to Enj and was trying not to laugh at the annoyed look on Ferre’s face and the slightly proud look Enjolras wore.

“So you’re okay with Dairy Queen but won’t set foot in a Walmart?”

“I have...fewer problems with Dairy Queen, yes.”

“Noted.” Grantaire nodded. Ferre leaned over, hid his mouth behind his hand.

“Never mention StarBucks,” Ferre whispered in R’s ear. The darker-haired young man just laughed.

When the Dairy Queen worker appeared in the window with their order, R handed her his debit card. Once everything was paid for, he handed the ice creams out.

“I can pay you ba-”

“Don’t even worry about it.” R pulled back onto the street, his Blizzard in the cupholder. “I wanted ice cream, my treat.”

*****

Back at the apartment, Courf fell asleep half an hour into The Return of the King and Grantaire wasn’t far behind. Enjolras and Combeferre were still awake when Pippin took the palantír from a sleeping Gandalf.

“How are you holding up, Enj?” Ferre’s question was whispered so he wouldn’t wake the other two.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It might help.”

“Maybe. I just-just I don’t know. I mean...it was the family game night they push every Friday and...and Rene was losing and said it was ‘gay.’ I told him he shouldn’t use the word like that because some people find offensive.

“He said there wasn’t anyone in the house that should be offended by it and I was dumb enough to say I was. I was so tired of hearing him say things were gay, or faggy, and it just went on and on and I couldn’t listen to it anymore. So he knocked me out of my chair, punched me, and said I had ten minutes to leave the house.”

Combeferre didn’t know what to say. He just stared at Enjolras and the younger shifted, uneasy under his gaze. “I know there’s not much to say, but I do want to say I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go or who else to call and this isn’t your job. I shouldn’t have put this much pressure on you and Courfeyrac. I’m sorry.” He quickly wiped his eyes as he felt tears forming again.

“And I should stop crying. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much.”

Combeferre hugged Enjolras, more or less pulling the blonde to sit in his lap. “I know I speak for both Courfeyrac and me when I say that you aren’t a burden, stress, pressure, whatever you want to call it. I care about you, Courf already does. Hell, even Grantaire likes you and he’s the most cynical person I’ve ever met, so that’s saying something.

“I promise you’re safe and welcomed here. And you didn’t even have to ask me before you invite Jehan over.” That brought a giggle from Enjolras. “You’re safe here, and I’ll keep reminding you as often as I have to for it to get through this thick skull of yours.”

Combeferre ruffled Enjolras’s hair again and pressed a kiss to the top of the blonde locks. “Get some sleep, my friend. Things are going to be just fine.”

#snafu and freddie's imagine shoppe #read your imagines #courfeyrac #combeferre #enjolras #grantaire #eponine #les mis #les amis #modern les amis

[janethepegasus]

BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU RP Thing: RPG

An RP me and @pika-ace did relating to the BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU, where our main seven go through an RPG world thanks to an akuma named Queen Alexia.

(The main seven enter an empty warehouse, looking around for the Akuma) Leo: Okay, that weird queen lady has GOT to be here somewhere! (They look around until Owl spots a TV with an NES sitting on a box)

Owl: What's this? Hound: Ooooh retro!

(They approach the TV and it turned on by itself)

Leo: Ooooh. :o

(It showed static at first, but then it showed a title screen for an RPG game called "Miraculous Quest")

Swan: A game? Hound: I like the sound of this already :3c

(Suddenly, two hands emerge out of the screen and grabs the main seven)

Dasher: AHH!! Leo: Holy shit we're being Jumanji'd!!!

(The hands dragged them and into the TV) (Then there was a bright flash of light) (A couple of seconds later, the main seven, who are now their normal selves, stir) Jeremy: Owwww.....

Michael: Aw man...ow... Eric: *winces* Everyone alright?

Post: Yeah...!

Jordan: Shit...we changed back...? Why?

???: Because you're in my RPG game of course! :3

(They all look up to see the akuma, standing on a large rock over them)

Queen Alexia: And you seven are gonna go through the WHOLE thing! From beginning to end! >:3

Jeremy: Holy shit, we actually WERE Jumanji'd!

Queen Alexia: Well, not “Jumanji’d” but rather....you all became an RPG class! (They look over themselves and saw that Jeremy is a Fighter, Michael is an Archer, Eric is a Mage, Jordan is a Knight, Post is a healer, Lin is a Rouge/Thief, and Joe is a Mage)

Michael: ...I am strangely excited about this 8)c

Jeremy: Me too! 8)c

Jordan: *looks at his armor* I don't think we covered this during our game nights...

Post: I-I'm a healer...? M-Makes sense... :/

Joe: *to Eric* It seems you and I are...spell casters?

Eric: *to Joe* Seems like it...

Lin: I'm digging this hood and the black...I feel very edgy

Michael: But don't get TOO edgy Lin! X3c Queen Alexia: AAAAANYWAY, now that you all saw that you're in your RPG classes, let me explain a few rules...

Jeremy: Oh, I am READY for this! :D Michael: Same; I am ON BOARD!

Queen Alexia: First off, your Miraculous, they're not taken, yet, but you cannot use them at a lower level, you have to unlock the ability at a certain level! Wanna take a few guesses on what Level you unlock it? :3c

Post: uhh...10?

Queen Alexia: Nope! 35! :3c

Michael: WHAT?! D:< Jeremy: That's BS! >:(

Queen Alexia: Hey! I can't have rookie players in my game gain access to a powerful ability from the start! It would make things too easy! >:(

(Jeremy and Michael groan)

Queen Alexia: Second, you all have three lives! If you run out of HP, you loose a life! But if you loose all three lives, then you'll die both in game and in real life! >:)

(Everyone tenses) Post: Oh god...we've been sword art online'd too?!

Queen Alexia: Well not quite but, it'll seem that way if you loose your last life! ;)

Lin: In hindsight, we kinda asked for this when we asked Raven Claw to up his game...

Joe: Yes, now we ALL have to pay the price...

Queen Alexia: Also, all of you start at Level 1! So if you wanna beat the final boss, you gotta farm those EXP from battles! >:3

Michael: Oh, lovely >:(

Queen Alexia: Good luck! >:3 *disappears*

Jeremy: Welp, looks like we get to live the DnD cartoon

Post and Jordan: The what? :/c

Michael: The old cartoon based on Dungeons and Dragons.

Post: .....Never heard of it. :/c

Jeremy: We'll educate you later; right now, we better build up our EXP

Michael: Yeah! >:)

Eric: And how exactly do we do that? Jeremy: Beat the shit out of enemies of course!

Michael: Yeah! Beat em up and gain EXP! That's basically what makes an RPG.....an RPG!

Jordan: *looks completely lost* Uhhhh... Michael: You’ll get the hang of it

Joe: Well then, shall we start our quest? :)

Post: Y-Yeah! Jeremy: Onward!

(They begin their journey through the RPG land)

(Jeremy and Michael take the lead, being more experienced in RPGs)

(While the others are behind them) (After a couple of minutes, they encountered their first monster)

Jeremy: Ooooh boy, here we go!! Let's see what we can do!

(They get into position to fight)

Jordan: So how does this work exactly?! Michael: Just attack, like we usually do in the real world, dad, it's not hard!

Lin: Sooo....beat it up until it’s dead? :/c

Jeremy: Exactly!

Joe: Alright then, it may take some time to learn our new powers but we’ll manage!

Michael: I'll go first; my thing is pretty straight forward *gets his bow and arrows* Though I wish we took archery in gym class...

(He aims his arrow and releases it towards the monster)

(The arrow hits and the monster staggers a bit)

Michael: Woo! Did it on the first try! :D

Jeremy: Okay, I'll go next; I'm a fighter, soooo I guess I'll just punch him

(He approaches the monster and punches it)

(The monster staggers and Jeremy again and Jeremy leaps back to his position) Post: Heh, this is pretty easy! Jeremy: Well this IS a level one monster

Michael: Yeah, cause if we go into the later levels, they’ll get harder to beat!

Post: I'll go next but...I'm a Healer. Can I even attack?

Michael: Eeeeeehhhhh......kinda? :/

Jeremy: Give it a try, just...don't heal him

Post: O-Okay... (Post walks up to the monster and hits it with the stick end of his healing staff)

(The monster staggers again) Michael: There ya go!

Post: Yay! :D

Eric: Um, is there a reason this thing isn't fighting back? Jeremy: We all gotta take turns; once we all go, then he can go

Eric: .....Are you serious? -_-

Jeremy: Yep, that's how it works; be glad we're not in an MMO or else it'd be a free for all

Michael: Yeah!

Jordan: What the hell is an MMO?????! Michael: Later, dad, it's your turn, slash the monster or something!

Jordan: A-Alright then!

(Jordan gets out his sword and slashes at the monster)

(The monster staggers again, looking like it was gonna faint)

Jeremy: Almost there! Who's gonna take the finishing blow?

Joe: I will!

Joe: Now, if I'm a Mage then I suppose I can just... (He forms a spell in his hands and fires it at the monster)

(The monster falls and is defeated)

Michael: Woo! Victory!

Jeremy: Yeah!! :D

Post: So have we leveled up now? Michael: Oh, if only it were that easy

Post: Huh?

Jeremy: It takes a LOT of EXP to level up, and beating one monster isn't gonna be enough; we gotta beat up more.

Eric: .....Are you fucking serious? >:/

Michael: 'Fraid so, man.

(Eric sighs in annoyance)

Jeremy: Speaking of, we should probably look for GROUPS of monsters to fight to speed things up; Eric probably got barely any EXP since he didn't get to attack

Michael: Yeah, if we wanna best the final boss TOGETHER, we gotta be strong enough to both survive and win this thing!

Jordan: This is too much for my brain to handle...

Lin: You’ll get the hang of it eventually Tank! ;)

(They head on their way, fighting as many monsters as they can)

(They spent an hour or so fighting monsters and leveling up) (When they got to the entrance of a forest level, they were suddenly approached by a man in a long cloak) Magic Seller: Hello weary travelers!

Jeremy: Uh, hey

Magic Seller: Would you care to buy *quickly pulls out a potion* some of these??? :3c

Michael: *squints* What does it do?

Magic Seller: It makes you go fast *pause* Like Sonic the Bloody Hedgehog

Jeremy: Oh well in that case :D

(Jeremy takes the magic potion from the magic seller’s hands)

Eric: Are you sure about this? Michael: This is part of the game dude; you gotta get potions and junk

Jeremy: Yeah!

(They buy a few more potions)

Michael: Thanks for the potions man! :D Magic Seller: Ya welcome kid!

(They head on their way through the forest)

(They fought a few monsters as they went but all of the sudden, they felt the ground shake a little)

Jordan: What's that?!

(The shaking fades out and comes back, as if something big and heavy was coming towards them)

Jeremy: If Jurassic Park has taught us anything...that can't be a good sign...

(The stomping becomes louder and louder until a giant moving tree with large arms and a face comes into view)

Michael: Ooooh...goooood...

(The giant tree monster looks at them and roars loudly, then it starts charging towards them)

Joe: MOVE!!

(They run as fast as they can to get away from the tree monster)

(The monster chases them for a while, until it reaches out with one of its branches and grabs Eric)

Jordan: PEACH!!

(Everyone skids to a halt; Eric struggles and tries hitting it with magic, but they barely do anything, and the monster keeps his tight grip on him)

(Eric screams in pain as the monster tightens his hold on him)

(The monster roars and starts stomping away with Eric) Jeremy: Get back here, Treebeard!!

(They chase after the tree monster)

Post: Why aren't we doing the usual thing where it stays still and fights us?! Michael: This must be a cutscene or something!!

Jordan: A What?!

Jeremy: You know, like when those video scenes play in other games to move the story!

Jordan: *blinks* Oh, right.

Michael: Yeah; this must be a boss if he's getting a cutscene!

Lin: Then let’s follow him and beat that guy! >:)

Jordan: No need to tell me twice! >:(

(They chase after the monster)

(They eventually reach a forest clearing; the monster is waiting, and Eric is dangling from another tree, tied up with tree roots)

Jordan: Will!

Eric: Jordan!

(The monster roars at the six, getting ready for battle)

Post: Okay, NOW it's doing the thing.. Michael: Be careful, this is a boss, he's gonna be tough!

Jeremy: Yeah!

(They start fighting)

janethepegasus (They gave it all they got on their turn, while they try to dodge the monster’s attacks on its turn. This goes on for a couple of rounds) (Eventually, they were still holding on but Jordan had it rough, he was just a couple HP points away from losing his first life)

Eric: Jordan! Jeremy: Post, can you heal him on your next turn? Post: I....I don't have enough magic!!

Jeremy: Crap! He’s gonna loose his first life if he gets hit!

Michael: I...I guess we just hope the monster decides to hit one of us instead

Jeremy: I hope...

(They finish their turns and the monster takes its turn to attack)

(It raises its large arms and slams them down at Jordan)

Eric: NO!!!!

(It lands and the monster picks up Jordan, and then it throws him straight into the ground) (When Jordan landed, he looked like a bloody mess)

Eric: *struggling while tearing up* JORDAN!!! Michael: Holy fuck...!

(The monster finishes it’s turn and now it was their turn to attack)

Eric: *nearly crying* No...no, Jordan...! Joe: *angrily* You BASTARD!! (They take their turns, hitting the monster with their strongest attacks)

(Once their attacks hit on their turn, they managed to defeat the tree monster)

(The roots around Eric disappear and he falls to the ground, and everyone looks at Jordan's remains)

Jeremy: Holy fuck... (Eric manages to get up and race towards Jordan)

(Eric kneels next to him, tears falling and his hands shaking) Eric: Oh god...Jordan...no...please, please no...!

(Eric bursts into tears as he’s next to Jordan)

(Everyone else tears up at the sight, when Jordan's body starts to disappear)

Eric: *sobbing* No..! No no no no, please...Jordan...DON’T LEAVE ME!!!

(Jordan's body vanishes and a spotlight shines down from the sky; a few seconds later, Jordan is literally dropped right back into the world, falling on his face) Everyone: HUH?! Jordan: OW! FUCK, that hurt!!

Eric: *looks up* Jordan?!

(Jordan gets onto all fours and looks around at the scene) Jordan: Huh? Did we win?

Jeremy: Uhh....yeah we did.

Jordan: Oh... *sees everyone looking shocked* Uh, did I miss something? Eric: JORDAN!! *runs over and just about tackles him, tears running down his face*

Jordan: Woah! You okay there Peach?

Eric: You're alive...oh thank GOD you're alive!!

Jordan: Wh-What?? D-Did....Did I die?!

Michael: Y-Yeah...that tree just about made fertilizer out of you... Eric: I thought I'd lost you, I...god I was so scared, Jordan...!

Jordan: Oh Will.... *hugs Eric*

Post: But, how did you...oh...right...I forgot...

Lin: Oh yeah, the lifes thing....riiiiiight...

Michael: Wow...guess the adrenaline made us forget...

Jeremy: Yeah....

Joe: So that means Jordan has two lives left; now I see that we have to save as many as possible; three lives isn't a lot

Jeremy: Yeah, cause if we lost all three, we’re dead, like....for real.

Michael: And that was only the first boss...oh boy...

Post: Yeah...

(Eric and Jordan stand up, Eric still clinging to Jordan)

Jordan: You gonna be okay Peach...?

Eric: I...I think so...

Jordan: *wipes Eric's tears* Good...

Eric: Just...stay alive...please...

Jordan: I will, promise...

(Jordan kisses him on the forehead)

(Eric smiles)

Joe: Well then...shall we continue? Lin: Yeah, let's get out of this place...

(They walk forward and continue on their journey)

(They travel through many levels, slowly getting stronger as they go, but still having quite a few close calls as the fights get tougher)

(During one fight against a tough monster, Joe and Lin were trying their best not to get hit again, as they didn't want to loose their remaining HP with one hit)

Michael: Get ready!! (The monster roars and attacks Joe, and he falls down dead)

Everyone: JOE!!!!

Jordan: DAMMIT!! (They take their turns and attack as hard as they can, trying to end the fight quickly)

(As soon as the monster disappears, everyone rushes over to Joe)

Post: Dad!! Oh god dad, no!

Eric: Joe.....

(Joe's body disappears and he's then dropped back into the world)

(He falls on his back)

(Joe slowly gets up and looks around) Joe: Well, that was a bizarre experience... Post: DAD!

(Post hugs Joe tightly)

Lin: Well we made it THIS far without anyone losing a life; I'd call that progress

Jeremy: Yeah; hopefully we reach the final boss pretty soon...

Michael: What level are we on now? I think I've kinda been losing track, I think we're...in the twenties?

Joe: I believe so...

Eric: I guess we'll just have to keep going until the akuma tells us to stop

Jeremy: Yeah, pretty much.

(They get up and keep on going)

(They kept on going, fighting a lot of monsters as they went, getting stronger and managing to keep their lives. Until finally, the main seven reached Level 35, where they unlocked the ability to use their Miraculous)

Eric: FINALLY!!

Jeremy: Yeah! It took us a couple of hours just to get there!

Michael: Oh this'll make fighting WAY more fun! >:3

Lin: Hell yeah! >:3

Post: Onward! To the next fight! >:3

(They move on forward)

(They keep climbing the levels, their Miraculous abilities helping immensely in fights)

(Eventually, after many battles against monsters and bosses, they finally reached the final level, standing in front of the gates of a large castle)

Jordan: Oh thank god it's almost over... Eric: How are we doing on lives?

Jordan, Joe, and Lin: Two Michael and Jeremy: We got three!

Jeremy: How about you, Post?

Post: Um....I-I-I....i got one left.... :(

Michael: Oh fuck... Jordan: And...Will? How about you?

Eric: Two.

Jeremy: Okay...okay, so we just gotta watch Post's health more than anything

Michael: We don't wanna loose our precious baby! XS

Post: 'M not a baby... >:(

Jeremy: You are in our eyes! Michael: You precious cinnamon roll!

Joe: They're not wrong, son ;)

Post: T-True...

Jordan: Welp...let's go de-throne this Queen

Michael: Hell yeah, let's do this!

(They enter the final level and start slowly working their way up)

(Eventually, they managed to make their way to the top, where Queen Alexia is sitting on her throne)

Alexia: You finally made it...and with your whole party! Impressive!

Jeremy: Yeah, it was hard, but we fucking made it!

Michael: And now we're taking you down!! Alexia: Figures, the ones will ALL their lives are the ones running the show; you two have CLEARLY played RPGs before

Jeremy: Well DUH! >:(

Michael: Also, dropping our rookie friends into this with semi-perma-death? Not cool, lady! >:(

Queen Alexia: It's an RPG, they should've known better! ;)

Jeremy: Not everyone's a fan of RPGs, lady!! Michael: And not everyone are gamers!! Some people don't even know what RPGs are!!

Queen Alexia: *scoffs* Whatever. Anyway, you get the face the final boss to this game, me! So get ready cause i won't hold anything back! >:)

(They get into position and the fight begins)

(Both sides gave it all they got, landing powerful attacks) (However, during Alexia's turn, she tries a powerful attack at Jordan) (It hits and he's knocked out)

Eric: JORDAN!! Jeremy: It's okay, he's still got a little health left and two lives!

(Jordan struggles to get up)

Michael: Post! Give her a status spell! Stun her so we can get some extra hits in!

Post: O-Okay!

(Post hits Alexia with a stunning spell and she can't move for two turns)

Jeremy: Alright! Now we can get our extra hit! >:)

Jeremy: Don't hit her with the ultra big ones yet, we gotta save magic energy!

Eric: Right!

(They all hit her with decently powerful attacks and get a good chunk of her health down to almost red)

Michael: Almost there!

Jeremy: Alright, Post, you heal the party including yourself in case this somehow goes wrong! Michael: Everyone else, time for the big guns!

Lin: Hell yeah, let's do this! >:)

(They all use their Miraculous abilities and use their biggest spells and Alexia's health drops to zero)

All: YEAH!!!

(Alexia falls over and their levels skyrocket due to all the EXP) Michael: Ahhh that's the best feeling in the world! X3c

Jeremy: Hell yeah it does! X3c

(Eric walks up to Alexia's fallen form and gets her akuma) Eric: That was QUITE the payoff, I must say

Jordan: Yeah, it was rough going through the whole thing, but we did it!

Joe: That was a VERY satisfying journey...and I think we owe it all to you, Jeremy and Michael. Without your leadership and expertise...I don't think any of us would have made it out

Post: Yeah... Lin: Thanks for your knowledge of the genre Mikey! <3

Jordan: I didn't think you had in ya; you two may not know it, but you're born leaders

(Jeremy and Michael blush) Jeremy: Thanks guys

Michael: Never thought we'd be leading the victory charge through a giant RPG

Jeremy: Me neither. Yet here we are.

Eric: Perhaps during our next game night...we could play more RPGs, just without the threat of dying

Joe: Yes, i'm a bit interested in seeing more RPG worlds and see what they have in store for all of us.

Post: And working together like that was a lot of fun!

Lin: It was! <3

Jeremy: Hell yeah, that'd be awesome! Michael: It's a deal!

Jeremy: Next game night, more RPGs! <3

Michael: Yeah! Now let's get the hell out of here!

Eric: Right!

(Eric breaks the akuma and purifies it, and they're back in the warehouse)

Post: We're back! :D

Joe: Thank goodness

Michael: Yeah...

Jeremy: C'mon Michael; let's go home and try to narrow down which RPG we'll play first at the next game night! :Dc

Michael: Yeah! We gotta pick a GOOD one to play! :Dc

Eric: We're looking forward to it :)

Jeremy: Great! <3

#bmc miraculous ladybug au #bmc au #squip #jeremy heere #michael mell #Jordan Ellis #joe iconis #post the Squip #lin manuel miranda #rpg

[littleladybaker]

Carol and Mallorie watch LOTR Return of the King.

Finally getting around to typing up part three of this little series. This one is gonna be the longest yet because we watched the Extended Edition. Spoilers galore. Enjoy!

Explaining Smeagol and Deagol to Carol and Mal as the original Merry and Pippin.

Mallorie making dick jokes about Deagol’s fishing pole...while I was eating a redvine...

Carol asked me to to pause the movie so she could answer the phone (they still have a house phone) and I paused just a second Gollum was biting into the catfish. We all started screaming and Carol’s brother, my ex, came out and told us to stop being so loud. We told him to put his headphones on if we bothered him so much. I explained to the girls that he slept threw ALL THREE MOVIES each time I tried to show the movie to him.

“Please tell me Frodo is ok after all this.”(Mallorie)

“As ok as you can be with PTSD.” (Carol)

Carol making Frodo/Sam sex jokes.

“Sam and Rosie had eight kids. The first was born in less than a year.”(Me)

“They had a lot of fun.” (Carol)

Me infodumping about Christopher Lee.

Carol and Mallorie making dick jokes about Saruman.

Me:Christopher Lee is problebly yelling at us from Heaven. You know that right?

C and M: ...

Mallorie: Hi, Chris!

Carol: You know we’re riiiiiiiiightttttttt!

Ganalf is Pippin’s grandpa now.

Treebeard apparently lost his wife in the mall. 😹

DrunkGimli was apparently Mallorie after one margarita on her 21st.

Carol implying that Gollum did dirty things with the ring.

Smeagol is like Jeremy's sister in Phinius and Ferb.

I am the Pippin of our “Family”.

“Aragorn! Come get your grandson!” (Mallorie)

“Merry loves his little cousin.”(Mallorie)

“Well someone's gotta look after him. ‘Cause his parents clearly ain't!”(Me)

The girls gushing over Eldarion and Arwen and Aragorn!

“How do you know so much?”(Mallorie)

“It’s my job. I make dolls and I know things.”(Me)

Dickhead Denethor.

Aragorn “Hope” jokes.

“Hope will come.”(Gandalf)

“And then he has a son!” (Mallorie)

Two words: Fro-Bro, Fro Fro Brodo.

Mallorie infodumping Game of Thrones in me.

Us arguing over who gets custody of Faramir when we take him from Denethor.

Me gushing over Lawrence Makoare and his dedication to makeup acting. Seriously this guy is amazing.

Gushing over how cute Merry is.

More talk about the horses. Ian McKellen’s horse was a DIVA.

Us calling David Wenham (I think I misspelled that😕) Daisy.

More gushing over Lawrence.

Boromir is Faramir’s Ada and Denethor has lost custody.

Boromir is ashamed of his father.

Me making Mallorie cry over my HC that Boromir leads Pippin to the afterlife when he dies.

EDGE OF NIGHT!!!!!!! The girls were impressed.

We all may or may not all have crushes of Billy Boyd.

Me explaining Dernhelm.

Eomir’s speech to Eowen sounds an awful lot like Sharpe’s “Can you stand” Speach.

Andril is amazing.

Explaining elf marriage and how the elf follows their spouse into the afterlife.

Telling them about Elboron.

The return of Puppy Horse!

Eowen is Merry’s mom friend.

Mallorie still loves Gimli.

Mallorie is more scared of Bilbo than of the Army of the Dead

Gothmog looks like the CEO of Abacrombi and Finch.

Talk of how Young Ian McKellen would have ruined our lives.

(Carol brought up a picture of Young Ian with young Tim Curry and...I have no idea how to comprehend what I've seen.)

Mallorie’' she reason for why Frodo can't  turn back at Shelob’s: Sam’s down there and it would just be awkward because he just broke up with his boyfriend.

TEN MINUTES of Carol and Mallorie taking about Turtle Sex because they began to wonder where baby Orc come from...I'm scared for life.

Carol is SUPER ARACNIPHOBIC. I'm glad I asked before Shelob showed her face. She had to cling to my Haldir doll...I'm making her a spider repellent Sam doll...

Me:(to the tune of If You're Happy and You Know It) If you wanna adopt a hobbit and ya know it raise your hand!

Them:

Everyone hates Denethor

Any time Witch King, Gothmog, or Lurtz does something Mallorie shouts, Dang it Lawerence, and I'm so proud of myself for corrupting her into a Lawerence fan.

Merry is Eowen’s emotional  support Hobbit! 😹

I'm making all my friends matching Hobbit dolls, because there are five of us, Mallorie gets Bilbo.

Oliffond poop problebly kills people.💩

I have stopped correcting Mallorie when she's calls the Oliffonds Eliphants.

YOU CAN SEE THE TEAR TRACKS ON PIPPIN’S DIRTY FACE!!!!

Rohirm are REALLY uncreative whith naming their children...

Peter Jackson and his anatomically correct CGI animals.

Our new band, Panic in my Heart. With our new hit single, Don't kill my fave.

The girls thinking Merry is dead. (I didn't tell the man otherwise. Mwahahaha 😁)

Aragorn put Eowen in the Daughter Zone, not the friend zone.

🎤If you wanna be my lover,🎤

Sorry, i already adopted you. Also, I'm married to someon else.

The girls trying to figure where the ring is hidden, thinking it is on Frodo somewhere. ( Carol asked if it was up Fodo’s ass 😹)

Ring dick jokes. Curtesy of Carol

“Gondor has a king, Gondor needs its king!”

FARAMIR AND EOWIN!!!

I quoted Aragorn’s Men of the West Speach and I have no shame!

I continue to quote Unusual Suspect threw the whole movie.

“There's no eagles, Lil! You said the Eagles would be there!”(Carol)

Eagles arrive.

“Oh”( Carol)

Us all singing Let it Go when Frodo is about to drop the ring.

More dirty ring jokes.

At this point, Mallorie and Carol just wanted the movie to end.

When are all I need agreement that Pippin needs a bath, a cuddle, and a nap.

ARAGORN’S CORINATION SONG!!!!!!!!! VIGGO CAN STILL SING, IT TOO!!!!!!!!

Elrond is SO not read yet for his baby girl to get married.

We all just wanted the movie to be fucking over!

Galadriel scared Mallorie, apparently.

Carol crying when she realizes Frodo doesn't live Happily ever after with Sam and Rosie in Bag End.

“OH MY GOSH!!! THIS IS THE NEVER ENDING STORY!!!!!!”(All of us!!!!)

“This was fun but we are never doing it again.”(Me)

“YUP!!!!!”(C+M)

And it's finnaly over! Carol an drew Mallorie have finnaly seen all three LOTR movies! Up next, either showing the movie to Caitlin, extended edition marathon, or Hobbit movies. We'll see. TTFN, ta ta for now.

#LOTR #Carol and Mallorie's first vewing of LOTR #long post

[ivanaskye]

speaking of liveblogging... I did a full lotr liveblog like a month ago and just. never posted it. so here is the first part of my fellowship notes, as screamed to andie,

(a note: prior to this read, which I started uhh actually two months ago now, my tolkein experience was the following. 1) it’s a tradition in my family to watch the entire extended trilogy Every christmas eve, and imo is the true meaning of christmas, and this has been true since all the movies were out, which means I have seen rotk 15 times by now and the other ones more.  2) I had just read the silm - yup, I read the silm BEFORE lotr - and somehow had already fallen kinda headfirst into silm fandom.)

it’s amusing how many lines are the exact same as in the movies

ELVES LEAVING IS SAD

why do wizards’ bodies age. how is ganddalf’s hair whiter. he’s a maia

ok I just have feelings any time elves are mentioned.

“the Three are hidden still” YEAH FOR INSTANCE ON UR HAND GANDALF!!!!

fuck if he got the ring he would control the three. meaning Elrond. oh nooooo.

OH NO GIL-GALAD

Hi I have feelings about every elf

“put the fear of fire on him” Gandalf n o

oh heck the corruption of the ring is a lot more.... vivid in prose

awww the “nothing important [...] Well a great deal about the end of the world” line is movie only. that’s the best line.

what? I’m not flapping my hands at the mention of the House Of elrond, noooo

HALFELVEN. My boy.

I scream any time the entire direction of West is mentioned

omg someone teach these hobbits how to backpack. (I guess that’s what Aragorn’s for...)

“a new horizon” Yes, The horizon is kind of new, it’s only been a thing since the second age,,,,,

Omg it’s a part of pippin’s song. Omg.

It’s a song for varda!!! Also don’t think I’m not crying about “sunless year”. SILVER BLOSSOM,,,

HOUSE OF FINROD pls stop making me cry

I’m glad the elves have as many feels about Orion as I do

UPON THE TREE-PILLARS TORCHES WITH LIGHTS OF GOLD AND SILVER,,,,,, will the elves not reference the trees for even an entire page.

“so old and young, and so gay and sad” hi I..... love elves. and also Relate. 

 WAIT IF ELVES ARE THIS INTENSE IN FEELING ARE ALL ELVES AUTISTIC? New headcanon.

Omg, pippin’s first disaster move. I’m so proud of him.

why did the sound of the sea trouble Frodo’s dreams. Ulmo what are you up to.

The wood is really really creepy and I’m almost half convinced it’s the forest of falling notes from T50YS. Also having just come out of a forest with a bunch of flies, I really feel it, and, poor hobbits.

Did I say creepy? I mean HORRIFYING. I’m glad this was not in the movies or I’d probably have been having nightmares about it since I was a kid.

Of course it’s Sam who pulls through. Of course.

I’m less clear on ME geography pre and post first age than I should be but..... there’s no chance this is at all related to Gorgoroth is it? I mean I’d been under the ASSUMPTION some of what was going on here was ents, but THIS IS TOO CREEPY FOR ENTS! 

the question of course is WHAT is Tom bombadil. WHAT IS HE. a confused Maia???? A VERY confused Maglor???? He DEFINITELY DOES NOT SEEM MORTAL.

Ok beard might rule elf out... he’s got to be a Maia, right?

Deeper and nearer to mortal heart??? WHOM ARE THESE PEOPLE.

Elvishness is contagious. Just by talking to elves you get a light in your eyes??? omg, elves.

Hey...... Tom bombadil is also creepy. Wtf is up with this guy. Also, why.

A LOT of this gets repurposed as treebeard dialogue in the movies.

This is where... an early human war was fought?

TIMES WHEN THE WORLD WAS WIDER. I have feelings.

Eldest? Yeah he’s probably a Maia.....

Hi I’m calling the forest + the entire region and telling it it needs to Stop.

Mm Gollum says this song in the movies!

A star on his brow!!!! In the vision!!! There’s no WAY that’s not Eärendil.

finally... we make it... to the prancing pony.....

#elfblogging #lotr #i Screamed #I have too many feelings about elves #esp elrond ofc #and I don't like tom bombadil :p #Finally In Bree seemed like a good cutoff point for this one

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #199 - The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) According to IMDb:

New Line Cinema wanted Peter Jackson to start the film with a prologue done by Cate Blanchett, something that Jackson didn't want to do. Ironically, a year earlier, New Line Cinema had been opposed to opening the first film with a prologue narrated by Blanchett, something, of which, Jackson was in favor.

2) Beginning this film by revisiting such an iconic moment from the first (The Bridge of Khazad Dum) and continuing to push said moment past where it ended in Fellowship helps to make the film unique. It won’t just be a retread of familiar material but instead something which continues to push the story forward as all the best sequels do. It also sets the bar high for all ensuing action, as this was one of the (if not the) best moments from the original.

3) This film really doubles down on deepening the relationships introduced in Fellowship, with the romance kinship between Sam and Frodo. It is their relationship which the audience invests in, it’s something personal we can attach to. Sure Frodo losing his life or soul to the ring would be awful, but seeing how it effects Sam just ups the pain.

4) Andy Serkis as Gollum.

Holy shit, Andy Serkis as Gollum. Don’t let the fact that this is a CG role fool you, this is pretty much ALL Andy Serkis. Gollum’s facial features were based on his performance by the animator. All the physicality, all the vocals, the emotion, the heart, the character is Andy Serkis. He is so freaking otherworldly as the iconic character, blending completely into the role in a way only the best actors can. You don’t SEE Serkis in the part because he casts anything that is him aside to embrace the devious Gollum. And while I cannot possible undersell the importance and absolutely stellar work Serkis put into the part, a motion capture role is either limited or supported by the animators behind it. The character of Gollum is a perfect marriage between animation and performance, making you not doubt for one second that this is a real living character. Stealing pretty much every scene he’s in if not the entire film, Serkis should have been nominated for an Oscar because of his role in these films but wasn’t because it was motion capture. But this does not undermine the fact that Serkis by far gives the best performance in the entire trilogy.

5) The fact that the Fellowship was broken up in the last film allows for much more character development in this one. The heroes are not fitting for screen time or development in a scene with eight other characters. By separating them into the groups of Frodo and Sam; Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli; and Merry and Pippin, all the characters get more room to shine and be developed.

6) Karl Urban may not have a lot of room to shine but that doesn’t mean he’s not as good in this movie as he is in others. Urban is a wonderfully gifted character actor, able to blend into any role which comes his way and Éomer is no different. You don’t see Urban so much as you just see the character.

7) One of my favorite things in the entire trilogy really begins to take form in this film and that is the bromance between Legolas and Gimli.

Legolas [after Éomer threatens to cut off Gimli’s head, pointing an arrow at him]: “You would die before your stroke fell.”

8) There’s this wonderful scene in the movie where Aragorn and company are at the site of the orc fight (where Merry and Pippin last were). What makes it work is that we briefly got a glimpse of this moment earlier. The orcs began fighting attackers and it looked like Pippin was going to be crushed by a horse when it just cut away. But by flashing back to what really happened while Aragorn figures it out for himself does two things well. First of all, it follows the rule of show don’t tell. Secondly: it doesn’t waste the audience’s time by showing us what happened THEN having Aragorn realize it himself. By combining it the film’s pacing improves.

9) Treebeard.

I really like Treebeard, he’s a wonderfully multifaceted character. He is able to be slow, paced, patient, but also has some deep anger sometimes. Voiced by John Rhys Davies (who also plays Gimli), the actor does a good job of making Treebeard sympathetic and interesting when (in lesser hands) he could’ve come off as boring. I dig it.

10) As with many parts of the trilogy, the Dead Marshes scene has a wonderful sense of place to it. It’s viscerally creepy and eerie, making your skin crawl and your stomach turn. Peter Jackson’s roots as a horror director really come in handy in these scene as it’s a place you know the characters should leave ASAP.

11) Can I just so: Gandalf is really freaking dramatic.

When he’s revealing to Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas that he’s been RESURRECTED (dramatic enough on its own) he even disguises his voice to make it sounds like he’s Saruman just to screw with them. And then we have this wonderful moment after Aragorn calls him Gandalf:

Gandalf: “Gandalf? Yes, that is what they used to call me.”

Dude! You did NOT forget your name! You remember literally EVERYTHING ELSE! You remember Aragorn and Merry and Pippin and everything. Take a chill pill, Gandalf.

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

12) I really like the whole Merry, Pippin and Treebeard subplot. It’s largely conversation but it brings up a lot of really interesting ideas about why the trees should participate in the war. Not only that, but it very organically develops Merry QUITE well. He and Pippin both started out as pretty immature in the first film, but by the end of this movie (through the subplot with Treebeard) he’s accepted his responsibility and is ready to fight for what’s right.

13) Miranda Otto as Éowyn.

Although Éowyn really gets her shining moment of glory in Return of the King (and the best damn moment in the entire trilogy), I love her from the first moment we meet her in this film. She’s my favorite character in the entire trilogy. I love that she can cry/grieve but still comes off as incredibly strong. She always has the best for her people and king in mind, always looking to fight against those who threaten those she loves and constantly frustrated when others try to get in her way. She is a great leader and a great fighter, as no moment fills me with such joy as seeing this badass royal practicing how to fight with a sword. I just…gah! I fucking love Éowyn.

14) This is one of those lines in a movie which has stuck with me my entire life.

Théoden: “No parent should have to bury their child.”

It really speaks to the grief Théoden is going through and an honest truth. Children are meant to outlive their parents, not the other way around. According to IMDb:

One time while Bernard Hill was in England, a woman came up to him and told him about how one of her children had died shortly before then, and that parents shouldn't have to bury their child. His confrontation with this woman affected him so much, that he asked to have a line put in about it.

15) Cutting between the three groups in the film could have easily dogged down the pacing, but the film knows when to make their cuts. The tension continues to build organically and the structure is never disrupted.

16) The conversations between Gollum and Sméagol.

Mostly I talk about how scenes like this work from a storytelling aspect as opposed to a technical aspect. And while these moments clearly illustrate the conflict and layers within Gollum/Sméagol, I am actually more impressed with the technical aspect of it. The scene works very well with two basic rules of filmmaking: Eye line and the 180 degree rule.

You can probably gleam what eye line means just from the name of it, but it’s making sure that when you cut between two characters looking at each other between shots the eyes match. Not only is that done very well here, but so is the 180 degree rule. The 180 degree rule is very simple: it means that when two character are in the same scene they should always be on the same side of the frame. Whether the shot is a wide, over the shoulder, or whatever, unless there is movement going on in the scene they should be on the same side of the frame so the continuity matches. In this scene, Gollum is always on the left while Sméagol is always on the right. Even though they’re the same physical person sitting in the same spot, the way the scene is framed just drives home the idea that they’re talking to each other because it follows the 180 degree rule. I just really dig that.

17) One of the most tragic things about Sméagol/Gollum is that for like MOST of this film he’s actually trying to redeem himself. He’s trying to be the good buy, he’s trying to help Frodo and Sam, but it is the harm done to him by fearful men which results in his regression back to a greedy backstabber. The more you sympathize with a villain, the more powerful they are.

18) I like the little update we get on Arwen and Aragorn’s relationship via flashback, but the later extended sequence with her, Elrond, and Galadriel is always something I zone out during. I like that she’s not forgotten but also the 15 minute segment where her arc is developed can feel a little pointless TO ME at times.

19) The Wild Riders attack.

While a little long, the set piece is very well done. It has interesting, well choreographed action which takes advantage of the wide space its in and a wonderful sense of tension. And it has some very real consequences, with Aragorn not being the untouchable hero trope but instead taking a fall off a cliff and being presumed dead. Also, Legolas and Gimli have their first of many competitions of who can kill the most bad guys in it and I love that.

20) A film is a story told in cuts.

Wormtongue [after talking about how it’ll take tens of thousands to take Helm’s Deep]: “But my lord, there is no such force.”

[Saruman shows Wormtongue such a force.]

21) I get that Elrond is Arwen’s dad and he’s worried about her, but she’s an adult who is living her life. Can’t he just respect the choice she’s made to live for Aragorn instead of pressuring her out of it? Please?

22) David Wenham as Faramir.

There’s a lot more patience with Faramir than his brother Boromir had. You can see a far amount of grief in Wenham’s performance. He’s wiser than his brother but not as favored (as we will get a better peek into in Return of the King), which causes a conflict in him. He wants to please his father and make him proud, but he also understands that his father is not always the best decision maker. This conflict shows greatly in Wenham and he’s able to make the character very interesting because of that.

Faramir: “A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality.”

23) Get friends who react to you not being dead like Gimli and Legolas do with Aragorn.

Gimli: “I’m going to kill him! [Not 30 seconds later] Bless you!”

Legolas [after thinking Aragorn died]: “You look terrible.”

24) I know the source material dates back to 1954, but I HATE the, “get the women and children to safety,” trope. Like, Éowyn proves that women are capable of defending themselves just as well as men can. But they’re constantly infantilized, LITERALLY thought the equivalent of children, needing to be protected and hidden away from danger. If they trusted women to fight in the battle of Helm’s Deep there wouldn’t be all this talk about, “Oh, we don’t have enough men to fight for us.” THEN FIND SOME WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD WITH A SWORD! YOU’RE LITERALLY HAVING TEENAGERS FIGHT, YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN FIND A WOMAN WHO IS AS SKILLED WITH A SWORD AS TEENAGERS!?

25) Aragorn really gets to go on a great journey throughout the three films. I mean in the first film he’s a loner, a ranger who doesn’t lead men. But in this film he begins to accept his responsibility as a king and lead the fight in the Battle of Helm’s Deep. It’ll only grow in the third film and I appreciate that.

26) One thing that these films do really well is they don’t let situations get too dire. This is a story largely about hope and fighting because of that hope, so to have a battle be too depressing goes against that idea. Legolas and Gimli are great of keeping the human heart of a scene.

Gimli: “What’s happening out there?”

Legolas: “Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?”

[Gimli laughs.]

27) Battle of Helm’s Deep

This is an absolutely incredible climax to the film in the truest sense of the word. While the battle is INCREDIBLY long the filmmakers do a great job of carrying the action and pacing so that it never loses your interest. Legolas and Gimil help with that, but so do the character choices. Théoden gives up, Aragorn is ready to fight. The battle has tides, it changes favor, and it really just does a great job of holding your interest the whole time.

28)

Théoden: “Is this it? Is this all you can conjure, Saruman?”

[Battle starts to get worse]

(GIF originally posted by @welcometoyouredoom)

29) I love this exchange.

Treebeard: “This is not our war.”

Merry: “But you’re part of this world!”

30) While this film does feature a tone of development for Merry, it is Pippin who knows what to do so Treebeard will get invested in the war. So he’ll fight. He’s a tricky one, that hobbit.

31)

Théoden: “What can men doe against such reckless hate?”

Honestly (and Aragorn’s actions prove this): unite. Stand up against hatred and bigotry together and show the world that you will not stand for it.

32) One thing I haven’t talked much about for this film which also plays a much larger factor in Return of the King is Frodo’s continued corruption. The ring is getting to him, it’s darkening him, tempting him, causing him to doubt and fear. Wood plays this VERY well, this development. It feels organic, it makes sense even if it is brought upon by an outward force. It just really works.

33) According to IMDb:

When Frodo (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) are in Osgiliath, Sam says, "By rights, we shouldn't even be here." This was a nod to the deviation the screenplay had taken from the book's storyline. In the book, Sam and Frodo never passed through Osgiliath.

34) I freaking love this. I forgot about this exchange and honestly it gives me hope.

35) Deciding to end the film on Gollum/Sméagol deciding to betray the hobbits in Return of the King I think works really well. It resolves his crisis of identity that has been featured in this film. He tried to be good and it didn’t work so now he’s going to be bad. I think even when a film ends on a cliffhanger there needs to be some form of resolution to it.

There’s really not a weak link in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Two Towers continues the excellence which began in Fellowship by giving each character more room to shine, continuing the battle of Middle Earth in an epic and investing way, while making sure these films still have a beating human heart to them. It’s just really great.

#The Lord of the Rings #Andy Serkis #Elijah Wood #Viggo Mortensen #Ian McKellen #Miranda Otto #Bernard Hill #Karl Urban #Orlando Bloom #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Peter Jackson #JRR Tolkien #John Rhys Davies #Christopher Lee #Sean Astin #Dominic Monaghan #Billy Boyd #David Wenham #Take It Easy Joan #Movie #Film #GIF

[chibisquirt]

Community Gift Prompts!

Every year, the Cap-Iron Man community gets a bunch of fic and art prompts for their Holiday Exchange.  You don’t have to be a community member to fill these, and there is no commitment level here, so they’re a great way for people to dip their toes in the water.

More importantly, though, they are fucking awesome!  Last year, I went through and pulled out my faves, and I’ve been dancing in my seat waiting to see what we have this year, and it’s that time!!!  There were 290 prompts this year, for fic and art; here are my faves [with my reactions and additions to them in brackets].  THESE ARE JUST MY FAVES THERE ARE A LOT MORE REALLY GREAT PROMPTS I DID NOT PULL OUT!!!  GO READ THE LIST!

616:

(Early canon) Tony stops by the mansion the morning of Christmas Eve expecting it to be empty, and is confused to find Steve there. Tony slowly realizes that Steve has nobody to spend the holidays with, and he can't have that, can he?  

Hydra!Cap has a Christmas present for Tony  [This has the potential to be amazingly good angst.  Say what you will about Hydra!Cap, it was a productive premise for darkfic.]

Capwolf trying and failing to sit on Tony's lap like a lapdog.  [Okay, prompter, whoever you are, you are awesome!]

Avengers visit a planet with multiple moons and capwolf makes a comeback.  [Okay, clearly I’m a sucker for capwolf anyway, but honestly think of the comedic potential here.  “Cap, didn’t you *just* transform back?” “There are THREE MOONS, Ton-aOOO!”]

What would be real!Steve's reaction to Tony's monologue about always going to listen to Steve Rogers now? 

not an AU - but Steve and Tony swordfighting for some reason.  [I’m imagining Young Justice-esque hijinks, here.  Specifically, the all-Avengers production of Romeo and Juliet.  There are doublets!]

(Mobile users, there’s a read-more!)

1872:

I just want AAAAALLLLLLLL the sheriff Steve half-cajoling, half-carrying sad drunk Tony (or too drunk to be sad Tony, since that's what he's aiming for) to bed and what happens next -- does Steve take off Tony's shoes and pet Tony's hair and make him drink water and stuff? Does Tony drunkenly kiss him? Does Steve give in to the temptation to lie down beside him and then fall asleep? Does Tony wake up horrified thinking that more happened than actually did and Steve shouldn't sully himself like that? Do ALL those things happen over months/years of Steve pouring Tony into bed? 

3490:

Natasha builds Steve the bike of his dreams and Steve paints the Natasha he dreams about a lot.  [BIKE PORN!!!]

Avengers Academy:

Considering Peggy, Bucky, and Dum-Dum showed up on campus, it was only a matter of time before Howard appeared. Tony's been dreading it, but he thought he was prepared. He isn't—especially since everyone's so excited to meet Howard or be reunited with him, albeit an older version of him. 

Tony accidentally sciences himself to an alternate dimension where Steve is the king of the New York crime scene. Steve has the resources to help Tony get back, but he's not going to give them - or tech genius Tony - up that easily. 

Avengers Assemble:

Steve and Tony pretend to be a couple as they join Clint and Natasha on a cruise, under the impression that they're on another undercover mission (re: s2e5 "Beneath the Surface"). [What intrigues me here is the implication that it’s *not* a mission, which means Steve and Tony are just lumbering around trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist while Clint and Natasha laugh endlessly.  For the record, I 100% approve of this.]

Iron Man:  Armored Adventures:

Steve gets a fake doll baby in parenting class (one of the ones that fake pees and screams at all hours). Tony is offended by how shoddy the programming is and decides to fix it. Things to not go to plan. 

Marvel Noir:

Steve has always admired Tony Stark, but then Tony goes missing and Steve thinks he saw something that might help find him. Unfortunately no one, or almost no one, is willing to listen to a skinny artist from Brooklyn, so Steve has to take things into his own hands. 

While investigating a lost city (Roanoke?) Tony discovers the body of a Union soldier frozen during the US Civil War. When Steve wakes up, he finds out that not only are all his friends long dead, but the whole world at war again, and the man who found him needs his help. 

MCU:

Young Tony Stark goes on a Christmas adventure to bring back Captain America for his dad. Along the way he meets Santa, visits the future, and eats too many cookies. 

Body dysphoria fic involving Steve dealing with his body image issues and feeling like he’s always gonna be that scrawny kid from Brooklyn and the body that the serum gave him isn’t really his. He confesses his insecurities to tony one night when they’re just chatting at night and Tony's completely stunned. So basically lots of hurt/comfort, and bonus pining and get together if you'd like? 

Steve keeps getting distracted by the sight of Tony in glasses, and once they get together Tony likes to use it to his advantage. 

[NSFW] fuck or die or sex pollen after civil war [AFTER civil war??  *intrigued*]

Ultimates:

Tony is a "high-priced companion" hired by Fury to show a newly-unfrozen Captain America around the city. In which Tony's an escort, Steve doesn't pick up on that, and they have very different ideas on how the evening's going to progress. 

[NSFW] I'm just sayin', another variation on 'Ults Steve gets the repression fucked RIGHT out of him by Tony' never, EVER gets old. [Too fuckin’ right, prompter!]

Any (any universe, non-AU):

Loki makes it snow vanilla ice cream for Christmas, Steve gets covered, Tony breaks out the hot fudge. 

Steve, being an old-timey soldier from before current gender norms, knits.  

[NSFW] Merman!Tony fucks Steve, then lets Steve return the favor 

[NSFW] optional non-con/dub-con - Tony is left out for public use, Steve takes his turn [You know what would be great?  If Tony was pilloried or blindfolded or something, and couldn’t see who was using him.  Steve takes the opportunity because he figures Tony will never know, but Tony guesses who it is in an instant!]

[NSFW] cockwarming cockwarming cockwarming 

In any universe where Tony kept Iron Man as a secret identity (or an AU of one where he didn't, I guess), he and Steve swap bodies due to [insert plot device here]. You could have them switch while Tony's in the suit and have Steve trying to preserve Iron Man's secret identity while in his body, or have them switch while he's NOT in the suit and have Steve trying to fill Tony Stark's shoes instead, but either way Tony's sure to be freaking out about it, and whichever identity Steve doesn't know he's swapped with won't be able to make an appearance... does Steve figure it out? Does Tony spill the beans accidentally -- or maybe on purpose because he thinks Steve finding out is inevitable? Is it before or after they switch back? Do they make out? (Yes please!) Is THAT before or after they switch back? XDD 

Civilian Tony is oblivious that he's attracted the affections of supervillain Steve Rogers. 

this image

[NSFW] Steve tied up with a vibrator up his ass while Tony watches him. Multiple orgasms. Humiliation, consensual, dubcon, etc. or anything else! 

 AU:

Regency genderbend:  Steve and Tony are women in 1814, and they're part of a team of behind-the-scenes lady-heroes who are working to prevent Napoleon from escaping Elba (along with other good deeds).  They're also deeply in love, but in the repressed atmosphere of the Regency era, can they express that love?  This prompt welcomes art (the COSTUMES!), age differences, pre-slash, explicit sex, and/or manners kink.  [COSTUMES.  MANNERS KINK.  AGE DIFFERENCE.  Guys, what if someone wrote this as a BULLET POINTS AU???  @sineala​ ]

Captain of the Guard!Steve purchases aging concubine!Tony in order to spare him an unpleasant fate. [I think my favorite thing about this AU is the possibility that the two have been friends for years while Guard!Steve, uh, guards, and Steve thinks he’s doing Tony a favor by buying out his contract.  Meanwhile, Tony feels betrayed because he thought Steve was ~different~ and maybe simultaneously feels hurt when Steve doesn’t immediately have sex with him!]

Steve is a lab mouse they tested the super soldier serum on. Iron Man is called on to protect the lab Steve is in, but the bad guy turns Steve human. [*YELLS INCOHERENTLY*]

Tony has a major crush on Captain America despite not knowing who he is beneath the mask. He gets turned into a cat and the only way to turn back is for someone he loves to love him as he is. He obviously doesn't have a chance with Cap. After wandering the streets, he gets taken in by an ordinary guy named Steve, who turns out to be pretty great, maybe even his chance at breaking the curse.   [I think we all know there was a 0% chance of this not making my favorites list!]

Steve and Tony... but they're Ents.  [Steve is Treebeard; Tony’s a bonsai.]

Crossover:  

Identity Porn+Multiverse. Two Steve's from different universes get into a fight over which of their crushes is better: Tony Stark or Iron Man

Ults/616/3490:   [NSFW] The Tonys and Natasha have some fun together. Ult and 616 Steves are aware, and jealous/annoyed and not with their Tonys yet. 3490 Steve is totally on board and knows he'll hear all the details later.  [*explodes in glee*]