#traumatized by it in ways most will never understand

[bo0tleg]

One thing I like about Top Gun (1986) is how believable the development with Ice and Mav's dynamic is.

I've seen a lot of the "Rivals suddenly become buddies after traumatic event together" in media, but I don't think I've seen it done better than in Top Gun. Mostly, I attribute it to how much build up it has.

Most of the time, the 'Rivals' hate each others guts throughout the entire movie/series and then they go through an extremely traumatic event that binds them for life and shifts their entire concept of each other. Ice and Mav never once changed how they saw each other, it just changed their understanding of it.

Ice saw Maverick as dangerous and Mav saw Iceman as stuck-up and commanding. And they weren't wrong, by any means.

From the beginning, they have tension between them because of how different they are. And it ends up in the audience seeing Ice as the 'Antagonist' because that's how Mav sees it, and we're seeing it from his perspective as the protagonist. But Ice was never inherently wrong, in fact he was right.

Other than his first scene, Iceman always has a point in what he's saying. He's criticizing Mav, not insulting him. Sure, he does it in a brash way because masculinity, but he's not trying to insult him, he's trying to knock him down a peg and wake him up to reality. All Ice wants is that he starts to act as a team player, start caring about everybody's safety AND his own, rather than being reckless for the sake of being reckless. But Mav sees it as an insult because he can't process criticism in a healthy way (due to how he grew up). The same thing happened with Charlie, for the record.

And so the strife between the two begins. What I like about it is how it bleeds out of them over time, becoming more settled as the movie goes on. In the locker room "You're dangerous" scene, the tension is palpable. It's obvious they're agitated by each other, and feel the need to prove they're the correct one.

If you pay attention, this whole... demand for superiority goes away as time progresses. They're fine with each other's presence, it's not like they're constantly at each others throat all the time. In the shower scene, Ice dropped all of the aggression and competitiveness from his tone and is instead just laying out what he thinks. He's not undermining Maverick, he's not lecturing him like a child. Iceman is just telling Maverick exactly how he sees the situation in hopes that it would make him realize what the fuck he's doing, but with little hope that it'll actually work.

That doesn't mean Ice is always correct either, he doesn't understand why Mav acts the way he does, thus fails to take into consideration the emotional trauma behind it. Which only causes even more strife.

The entire time, Iceman isn't being a dick for the sake of it, he just wants Mav to stop being stupid (by his standards). And Maverick doesn't understand it because all he gets from what Ice says is insults.

Maverick isn't good at understanding what people mean to say if it's implied, you need to say it to his face. This is the reason he stayed quiet in the shower scene, because Ice finally laid everything out in simple words that he can understand without making it sound like a dick-measuring contest.

Thing is, the tension mellows out. At the beginning, you could see the tension and cut it with a knife. By the middle you can see them getting used to each other without jumping to constantly trade jabs (namely: the volleyball scene, it's just a bunch of guys being dudes, and the scene where Charlie says that Mav flew recklessly in front of the whole class, Ice doesn't comment on it in any way). Over time, they've settled down into their tension without needing to address it all the time.

Then Goose dies.

And the tension between them is still there.

Just because Goose isn't there anymore, doesn't mean their whole dynamic vanishes all of a sudden. You can see their hesitation towards each other (especially Ice), and that's great! It demonstrates that Goose dying doesn't magically resolve their problems with each other in solidarity.

Ice tried to give his consolations to Mav, and is awfully awkward about it. You can see on his face that he wants to say more, but doesn't because he knows it's not his place given their history. And not much is said, but a lot it communicated. (Val Kilmer is a killer actor for this, OH MY FUCKING GOD BLESS THAT MAN)

Even in the graduation scene you can see how out of their depts they really are with each other. A stilted congratulations, that was it. But they're trying, and that's what matters.

A scene I think gets overlooked a lot is the scene right before the Layton, where Ice expressed his worries about Mav to Stinger, and Mav heard him. Because I feel like that was a shift that was more drastic than the Layton itself for them.

What Ice was doing in that scene wasn't doubting Maverick's flying abilities, it was his mental health. Sure, he passed the psych eval, but that means next to jack shit when in a real combat situation so close after his backseater dying. And Ice might be worried that he's gonna be left hanging, but with the way he was speaking I'm more inclined to believe he was more worried about Maverick's wellbeing than himself. Ice almost looked resigned. He knew it was gonna get dismissed because that's the military for you, but he still wanted to try to vouch for Mav to stay groundside, if only to keep his mind at bay.

But Maverick heard him, and as usual, he read it as an insult. He wasn't wrong to assume Ice didn't believe him capable of flying the mission, which wouldn't be a lie, but failed to realize that he had more than one reason to want Maverick on the ground rather than in the air. And for the first time, Maverick believes him.

Up until this point, Mav dismissed all of Ice's so called 'insults' because he was certain in and of himself. But now he isn't anymore.

And it affects his performance in the air. I'm not saying he was as shitty as he was at the start of that combat because of what he overheard, but I am saying that it certainly didn't help matters in the slightest.

So their weird 'stepping-on-eggshells' situation is all over the place by that point. Because they started to care about each other despite not being what one would call proper friends yet. It's establishing a potential friendship by implying that 1. Ice cares about Mav's wellbeing and 2. Mav cares about what Ice thinks.

On the ground, they have the wingman exchange, and their suddenly buddy buddy. Thing is, it wasn't sudden at all.

They've been setting this up the entire fucking movie.

Going back to what I said at the beginning: Ice thinks Mav is dangerous and Mav thinks Ice is stuck-up and controlling. After the Layton, they still think those things because they weren't wrong to begin with. What changed was that instead of seeing it as something that pitted them against each other, it was seen as something that simply was about the other, and that there was no changing it. It could be good.

Mav being dangerous could be good and Ice being stuck-up and controlling could be good, because those were just traits of who they were. By the end of the movie they didn't change how they saw each other, just how they interpreted each other.

And it was built up during the entire fucking movie.

There was a reason to why they acted the way they did with each other because of the stilted interpretation they had of each other. From rivalry to friendship (and perhaps more later down the line), it's glaringly obvious throughout that it wasn't a sudden shift, it was exponential.

That's why I think it was so well developed, because you could see it coming.

#I implied that Mav is autistic here and there because yes #i just love them your honor #this is what I call good writing folks #take notes #top gun #tg86 #icemav #iceman x maverick #top gun iceman #tom iceman kazansky #iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #pete mitchell #top gun 1986

[crazylittlejester]

I’m gonna go on a crazy ass rant because I’m upset and also very tired

A huge reason as to why I characterize Warriors the way that I do, regarding his fear of being poisoned and his food anxiety, is a way to explain myself and my own anxieties caused by my allergies, because when I say to someone I don’t think I can eat the food at the party/function/their house EVEN IF it was specifically made to be free of my allergens, they just don’t understand why I can’t eat it. They just don’t understand that just because it’s ‘safe’ doesn’t mean I feel safe enough to eat it, because there’s always that lingering ‘What if’ in my mind that food made outside of my vision is contaminated somehow.

It is so HARD to explain to people the genuine fear that you are going to die because a food created an odd texture in your mouth and you gave yourself a panic attack over nothing. It breaks my heart every time I go to my friends house and her mom offers to make me food because I’ve been at her house for thirteen hours and haven’t eaten a meal with them, because even though she cleans everything and offers to let me watch her make it, there’s still this loud screaming voice in my mind saying that that food is not safe to eat. And it just NEVER goes away. I feel awful because her mom is so sweet and willing to help me, and I just can’t ever accept because I manage to convince myself it’s contaminated every time

I have been dealing with this for my entire life and never not once have I been able to get someone to understand what this feels like or seen it shown in a media form anywhere. I’ve had family and therapists both just tell me to get over myself, because I’m being ‘ridiculous’ and the craziest thing to me EVER is that for the first time in nineteen years, I have had an outlet to throw this frustration into. Warriors and the food issues I have given him are so important to me because for the first time in my life I can explain this fear through a character and even if people may not relate or really, truly get what it’s like, they understand. They understand and they recognize it as a valid fear, and it’s because of a fanfiction about a traumatized war hero. (which is INSANE to me that this is what it took for people to understand, but you know what, I’ll take it)

This rant was inspired because I opened a sealed container of ice cream and the allergen labels were incorrect and now I can’t eat it and I’ve wasted money and I’m so upset and it’s been a really long week, but also because I never saw anyone talking about this when I was a kid, and if I’d had someone there to represent me like this, or just be there for me to connect with, I would’ve felt a lot better. Understanding allergies and food restrictions is so important for so many reasons, the most important being that if you know how to help someone, you can save their LIFE. And for other people who feel the same way I do, it’s so GOOD to know you’re not alone and that there’s someone out there who gets what you’re dealing with

If I can make people understand what it’s like to live life this way, then that is so important to me. If I can explain to people what to do in an emergency situation because their friend is having a allergic reaction, I will, because not enough people understand how allergies work, and I’m sick and tired of hearing stories about kids with allergies who were peer pressured into eating when they didn’t feel comfortable and then suffering the consequences, and I am TIRED of seeing companies mislabel their fucking food.

Also do NOT be afraid to ask any friends or classmates or coworkers with allergies how to use an epi pen because You Could Save Their Life. If anyone is curious, I’LL tell you, or look up a youtube video I’m sure there are some on there

Anyways, this is why I give Warriors the food issues I do in my fics, for anyone else out there with allergies who’s ever felt invalidated by people telling them their anxieties were stupid, and so people who have no idea what it’s like to fear your food will kill you can try to understand that this is the irritating reality for some of your peers. (not that everyone with allergies has this exact experience, I have a friend with allergies who just eats whatever and prays it wont kill them, but I know now that there are plenty of people out there with allergies who DO have this experience)

Sorry for kinda ranting, (I’m just a little guy 🥺), but this is something that is so hugely important to me, and sorry Warriors but you had too similar of a problem so now you get my exact issues 🫶

#linked universe #lu warriors #tw vent #kind of?? tagging it just in case #anyways i am FINE just really annoyed 🕺🕺🕺 #jes talks #jes rambles #jes rants

[starlightshore]

Gotta say, I love how you made so many posts criticizing people who see Chara as an abuser, yet in your own AU you depict them as a cruel, vindictive bully who tries to turn Asriel's family against her, drives her to suicide, then guilt-trips her into getting back together with them. Yet Asriel is somehow the real abuser because she's mad at them for ruining her life. I am by no means a Chara hater, but that seems a little inconsistent.

// CW: discussions of suicide, long post

wow, what an incredibly uncharitable reading of my work! thank you so much!

okay, jokey-positive aside. i shouldn't respond to bad-faith criticism like this because it's not worth my time as it's unlikely you'll actually hear me out in response. I've been online long enough to know you don't feed the trolls.

but, I'm an optimist at heart and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you're actually upset with me and do want to have a civil conversation and are not just here to spew hate and drag me down.

Ask Fallen Royalty, the tumblr version wasn't handled the best as it was my first attempt at really trying to write this subject matter and I felt I didn't tackle it as well as I could have. that's something I plan on fixing with the rewrite.

that said, I have never called either of the siblings abusers.

they're flawed, mentally unwell and traumatized young adults/teens who are in no way equipped to handle the situation they were put in.

they both did awful things. Asriel packaged their trauma in a sanitized way for profit and sympathy points believing it'd benefit Monsterkind. they did so without asking Chara for permission. Then later, at Christmas, Asriel abandoned their family to go solo ruling. That's shitty! That's objectively really shitty but it's a very understandable reaction.

Asriel is taught that money is what moves the world and they believe they're soulless and a faker. That if anyone were to know their secret they'd hate them. so prevent that hurt, they cut everyone else out.

That's completely why Chara goes from "oh man I miss Asriel I wish I was good enough to have them beside me again ):" to 180 "Actually screw them for leaving me i hate them for this. i don't deserve to wallow in pain waiting for someone who can't even bother to text me back" them cutting of asriel is an understandable reaction for anyone, let alone a teenager! could they have been more gentle? yeah. could they have tried to fix things? yeah! but they're not a villain for not having the emotional maturity or foresight to handle a complex situation like that. they're like, literally 15/16 at this point of the story

chara also wasn't trying to drive people away from asriel? i really don't know what you're referring to with this aside from Chara deciding to tell the (at the time they believed) truth that Asriel is Flowey. At that point, Chara literally thought Asriel was replaced by Flowey. That they were two different people. That's not to isolate them- its to be honest with the family with this huge news. Toriel is shown not to care that her children are flowers, it would have never mattered to her as we see immediately that Chara is a flower and Toriel doesn't care.

chara also didn't drive Asriel to suicide. that's a blatant misread of the text. It's not that Asriel decided to die right after Chara decided to cut them off. and it's NOT like chara handed them a loaded gun or told them to do anything. all they did was say "don't lie to our family and don't talk to me, i don't want to be friends with you."

Asriel didn't decide to die until they felt their weak support system was breaking down. Yun wanted to be with Mew Mew, the Band broke up (Shyren, Napstablook and most recently Mew Mew quit), they made a big stupid movie that they hate (the epitome of their fake narrative on the silver screen), and because they ditched the premiere to check on chara (who was missing) their agents are pissed off.

Mew Mew then talks about how troubled Flowey/Asriel is and how being a secret flower hurt their social life. (The relationship with Flora being a strong example) like, Flowey always sabotages or loses those they care about because everyone else has their own life and they don't open themselves to create connections that last because they're running away. it's the culmination of everything going wrong that drives them to that point.

plus, it's hammered home later in Flowey's introspection that they feel horribly guilty for their actions as Flowey. parading as their perfect King when they secretly killed a majority of mosnterkind and did who knows what else is like. majorly fucked up.

i'm unsure if you forgot or chose to ignore the larger narrative or what's happened, but these things are in the story. they're both messed up individuals who have a hard time communicating their feelings -Chara literally brings up having emotional dysregulation disorder and CPTSD in the epilogue. Asriel's imposter syndrome and-gestures to Flowey) is also a clear indication that they've got some fundamental mental health issues that prevent them from understanding themselves and others.

it's a story about broken people who lash out against each other but ultimately come together in love.

they care so so deeply for each other! they're family. messing up (especially as children, teenagers etc) doesn't mean you shouldn't be written off as disposable. you're ALL capable of fucking up severely but you have the chance to grow and better yourself. you owe it to those who are willing to give that chance to do better. that's what the story has always been about.

I will admit that I plan on working on the pacing and giving chara more sweet moments so it doesn't come across as harsh -I don't want either sibling to be seen as a "villain" or """""abusive"""" as you call them. Except, yeah, Asriel is meant to be seen as an antagonist for a brief while, but that's set up Chara to come to that realization just the same as the audience should.

i hope this helped you understand what i was going for. if you wanna talk further I don't mind, but please talk to me as a real person. we're on the same page that abuse is bad. that people shouldn't treat each other so horribly. i don't excuse either of the character's interactions but i want to show empathy and understanding and that they can grow past that. i sincerely hope we can come to a shared perspective. if you wanna, i'd love to talk about i can make this message more clear, i'd love some proper criticism! i hope you have a lovely day and that you please be more considerate to how you to talk to others as I could have very easily read this anon hate/trolling.

#personal stuff #sams replies #discussion of death #discussion of suicide #ask to tag #long post

[lbulldesigns]

AITAH For accusing my former best friend of trying to break up my relationship, and promptly ending our thirteen-year long friendship?

Posted 18th of May, 2021

I (18 M) need some outside opinions.

Background information. I have been best friends with Pow (18 F) since we were six, I first met her when my Godfather Benny introduced me to his best friend's newly adopted daughters. Both girls had been in the foster system for nearly a year after their parents died, and were lucky enough to get adopted out by their Godfather Van after he was able to track them down and prove to the courts and children's services that he was a safe option.

At first, I was a little intimidated by the older sister, we'll call her Daisy (she's named after a flower and I don't think she'll appreciate me using her real name) because she seemed angry at everyone but quickly put on a friendlier face when she saw how nervous I was.

When I saw Pow, I felt an instant attraction to her (not romantically, I was just interested in how pretty her blue hair was) and ended up spending our first encounter trying to get her to open up and talk to me. She was traumatized by the past year and had turned silent as a result. I felt so proud when I finally got her to smile and giggle, we became thick as thieves afterward, she was my best friend.

We shared everything together, our interest in academics, such as art, mathematics, video games, dancing, robotics, computers, and later DND.

There were some things we did separately. Pow competed in gymnastics, and I would take part in skateboarding competitions. And without fail always came to each other's thing to show our support.

Pow had some difficulties with her older brother Lo (fake name), he constantly took his frustrations out on her and everyone pretty much gave up on him ever getting a clue and stopping. So, we all tried to get Pow to stand up for herself, we figured if she stood up to her "bully" then he would learn to back off. However, Pow was a shy one and never spoke up for herself. As a result, she was hesitant around others and had difficulty making any friends outside of myself.

This became more apparent once we got to high school. We had a few classes away from each other and in these classes, I made some new friends, from there I got convinced to join the basketball team when some of my new friends told me it could help with my college perspectives. In lieu I convinced Pow to try out for the cheerleading squad, as per my new friends' advice, I made it onto the basketball team but Pow didn't make it onto the squad which I was surprised by because she's a pretty decent dancer.

Because I was on the basketball team, I wasn't able to participate in most of the same clubs as Pow and ended up moving on from these interests to focus more on my future, which is understandable because I can't spend every day playing make-believe anymore.

Pow was set in her ways however and seemed to want to continue playing make-believe and seemed determined to hate my new friends. She constantly avoided them and would rather sit alone during lunch than hang around me when they were around, she would always get a sour look on her face whenever they were around me (which was a lot of the time) and would decline invitations to hang out with them, she made no effort to get to know them properly and this hurt. But I still persisted with our friendship because, despite everything, I do care for her.

And then I met my now GF Kara (not her real name), Kara is sweet and funny, she writes me poems and little love notes with cute little love hearts and takes her academic future seriously. She has been trying to convince me that my friendship with Pow is toxic and understands why I couldn't just end the friendship but says that I wouldn't be the bad guy if I did.

I would get uncomfortable whenever she brought this up, but more and more recently I began to see things from Kara's perspective, albeit guiltily. I brought up my concerns with Daisy and her GF, and they were convinced that Pow is probably a bit possessive considering their own problems with her. Pow hates Cat (the GF) and even made her cry after Cat made an offhanded comment about law enforcement that seemed to trigger her. Daisy promised to speak to Pow about everything after everything between them had cooled down, she and Daisy got into a massive blowup about making Cat cry, something that Cat was feeling seriously guilty about.

So, when, three days after Kara and I decided to become official, Pow pulled me aside during lunch and confessed that she "loved me" and didn't want to just be friends anymore. I lost it.

I actually shouted at her in the middle of the lunch crowd and shamed her in front of the whole school. I called her a "possessive psychopath" who can't let anyone be happy, she pretended to look confused and asked what I was talking about, and I reminded her I was in a relationship as in I have a girlfriend. She managed to conjure up some tears and said that she didn't know, but I wasn't falling for it. I flat out, told her that I was done with her and this "friendship" and left her standing there.

At the time I couldn't feel anything but angry, and vindicated. My friends were laughing and joking about the situation, and Kara was super cuddly with me and kept asking me if I was okay and saying that I didn't do anything that wasn't due.

But now I'm questioning myself, with the anger cooled off. All I can see is Pow's sad doe-eyed look and the sound of the rest of the school snickering at her. She didn't turn up for classes for the rest of the day, and on my way home I heard a group of girls sl** shaming her.

Zer, my one new friend that Pow actually gets along with, called me an AH, and she thought I was a better person than that, and that she was now reconsidering her friendship with me.

So, Reddit. AITAH for ending a toxic relationship?

(This is a fanfic, please read tags)

#jinx #arcane #mylo #claggor #ekko #timebomb #arcane au #arcane jinx #jinx | powder #vi arcane #caitlyn kiramman #benzo #Vander #arcane fanfic #AITAH Arcane AU #Zeri #Interactive fan fic #This post is set three years before Jinx's own reddit post #please reblog and comment as if you were responding to OP #Brownie points to those who want to post as characters from LOL or Arcane #TRIGGER WARNING FOR BULLY #Unreliable narrator #Please comment to OP as if he were a stranger on the internet and not as a well-loved character #THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS PARTICIPATED SO FAR #I'm having incredible fun with this #<3

[realbeefman]

i know chase obviously wins the religious trauma competition but can we please talk about how foreman was not only raised by a deeply religious father, but was most likely raised BAPTIST. no wonder he’s so repressed. the baptist experience is like. you’re in church every sunday listening to a man scream about how love is something that should hurt. you believe in a good, loving god - but to believe, you have to accept that true love is painful. that to be a good person, you must suffer. to love is to endure it, to work mercilessly. you’re not worthy of the love of The Almighty, and you never will be, and that sense of unworthiness is fundamental to having faith. when you sin, you don’t just hurt Him, you hurt everyone around you. you make the world worse because you have dared commit the sin of existence — to be human is to be sinful. to be loved is to feel unworthy and pathetic and hopeless. like YEAH no wonder foreman self isolates and is emotionally closed off. he was taught from BIRTH that he is fundamentally unworthy of love, and that in accepting love, he is also accepting that he truly is worthless.

#also #i really cant stress enough to non-americans that foreman being black would seriously have had an impact on his relationship with religion #christian ideals are baked into the way racial justice is thought about in the blm movement of today #christianity is also by and large more significant to black americans than it is to white americans because of this #because race and religion are really intertwined #and idk its not. the MOST important aspect of foreman’s character or anything #but i think it’s a lot harder to Get him if u don’t have that cultural knowledge which most americans will inherently understand #also disclaimer im not black. never been to a black church so obviously i cant speak to that experience #however i did go to a baptist school growing up and they REALLY emphasized that i should be ashamed of being alive #obviously this is all me theorizing bc foreman could be some other flavor of protestantism #they’re all varying levels of traumatic tbh #if he was episcopal he probably was listening to people speaking tongues in church which just. yeah. that also really fucks u up #house md #eric foreman #house md hc #house md headcanon #dr foreman

[greenerteacups]

in retrospect i knew deathly hallows was not going to be the book i wanted it to be when remus lupin, 37 year-old man and beloved friend of james potter, begs to abandon his pregnant wife and soon-arriving newborn to have fun cool adventures with his friend's kid in the woods

#and he's like 'oh it could be a werewolf it could be dangerous' SO YOU'RE LEAVING HER ALONE TO TAKE CARE OF IT?? #hitting and kicking and punching and biting. for real #as a teenager i read that scene and thought harry came across as mean. now i read it and i'm like GO HARDER HE NEEDS TO CRY #and it's like i get it he IS a marauder he IS avoidant he DOES have trust issues (understandable) #but i feel like that scene. lacks an understanding of how serious that is. and that like. he had zero qualms with it until harry shamed him #and like — he DIDN'T see the error of his ways. harry rejected him! #if harry had been like “okay having an adult would be nice” then teddy would never have met his father! fuck! #and idk i feel like the scene is not appreciating how heavy it is to Walk Out On Your Child #like oh okay. you are going to traumatize your infant son. bc you're scared he's going to have YOUR medical condition? fucker. #anyway the reason i have a problem with it from a writing pov (apart from character like even assuming it's a fine character move) #is because there's no plot reason to it. it's one of the last scenes we ever get with remus and it basically #sticks him and tonks in a box until it's time to kill them! #why in a book that's a million pages long do we never see most of the characters fighting this war?

[skinnypaleangryperson]

How cocky and playful and boyish Rick is is always such an instant swoon ❤️❤️ the eyebrow raise and that smirk. I hoard them like a goblin

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #my life is a literal traumatizing hell #I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am the most miserable piss fuck all that has ever existed or will ever exist #I am and have always been the most miserable paralyzed person alive behind understsnfung #truly and behind #I don’t know how people think or live #I take the comfort where I can #*too many trauma days alone while everyone acts like mean children #am I even in the same planet as most of you? #are we the same species? #I don’t think that anyone could ever comprehend or feel the pain that I feel #I would give literally anything to open up at social media often to feel like people understand the way it feels #Constant social isolation and emotional abuse and pain and suffering that comes with being in the human race #it’s beyond intolerable #it will never get better or has ever been better

[kraviolis]

i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood

#krav talks #not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real #i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like #belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY #but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that #case in point: What Happened To Caleb #hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE #hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either #the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them #you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity. #sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia #but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life #then u r wrong. sorry #hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb. #amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom #if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect) #amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth. #and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized #he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away. #and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz #now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands #but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground #and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again #this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either. #and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress #he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either #i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much #but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while #not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation #and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either

[solvicrafts]

What gets me about certain people being so fucking pissy about Bob not writing much about Eilistraee (until the last fucking trilogy where EIlistraeans featured heavily) is that

a) Bob basically built drow culture up from almost nothing, and Eilistraee came after he started writing Drizzt

b) no you guys really don't understand. I own the first 4 modules drow appeared in. There's... not much there. And it hasn't aged well.

c) and the Big One: he has a specific vision for his specific characters when it comes to the narrative he wants to explore, from sexual abuse to religious trauma, both of which are fucking complicated and for most people just switching deities isn't enough to fix that.

I have religious trauma that I still struggle with to this day and probably will for the rest of my life to some extent, and it's fundamentally different in nature from what most people would probably expect, and the thing is even though I am happily polytheistic and very enthusiastically into it, I still struggle a lot with certain things because every time I get into my religious practice I have to actively force myself into (or out of) certain things because my whole relationship to religion and spirituality is complicated and messy.

It would be easy and frankly incredibly superficial for Bob to decide to just have them all convert to half-assed Neowiccan ~woo~ drow Jesus Eilistraee to *~*save their souls*~* and call it a day

BUT HE DIDN'T DO THAT

Partly because she wasn't his creation and other authors were writing her at the time so he really couldn't, and partly because it's a shitty message to send.

Sometimes people benefit from converting to a new religion or following a new deity. Sometimes people don't.

I benefited from gradually converting to my religion, but it's come with a whole different set of complications and hasn't been a smooth journey for me.

Just going from extensive religious trauma to switching deities does not fix your problems, and for a lot of people it realistically can make them much worse.

but also

you don't have to be saved by a deity in order to have value as a person

#I fucking WAS saved by a deity and while I'm grateful it wasn't an easy ride #and in fact the way certain people in my family treated me was very emotionally abusive #to this fucking day on a journey that's taken me 19 years I STILL have issues with this whole thing #there are some people I may never speak to again because of how they treated me over this #for a Lolthite drow I could easily see them struggling with switching to a new deity especially one like Eilistraee or Vhaeraun #who are NOT seen very positively at all in the society they were raised in #and for a lot of people the fear of being found out and punished is more than enough to prevent them from seeking out a new deity #to say nothing of the already existing religious trauma that would also just as likely make someone hesitate to embrace a new religion #and speaking AS a religious person I do not at all agree with sending the message that traumatize people need to be saved by a god #or by a religious fanatic #my case is extremely unique and while it more or less worked out in the end it was frankly hellish at its worst points #and it cost me a great deal in terms of my relationships with my family and my ability to trust other people #because the way society frames belief in the Greek gods as some distant thing in time like #'haha these people were so STUPID. they believed in gods that turn into swans and stuff' #has absolutely led to a situation where paganism is only cool and okay if it's the woo crystals and sage Neowiccan aesthetic #but actually being a historically based polytheist is conflated with mental illness #and it's damn near impossible to challenge when most modern people have NO understanding of polytheism and take everything literally #as someone who has had to FIGHT just to continue EXISTING as a polytheist I am still FIRMLY against the idea that people NEED religion #in order to have value as people or to heal #yes for SOME people it works. for others it doesn't. AND THAT'S OKAY

[upsidedowneggo]

PROTECT MIKE WHEELER! ✊✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

so true my dude. Hope he shows up in season 4 at some point cos he hasn't been here yet. There's a dude who looks like him but he doesn't have any of his like, personality or characteristics or energy or like any of the previously established character development associated with Mike, so like if Michael Wheeler could show up at some point that'd be swell.

#stranger things #st4 #mike wheeler #LOOK i did like the season i thought the storytelling was great #but i think the characterisation really suffered for the sake of plot #also like the hawkins gang is immaculate but the cali gang is a hot mess #i understand why the hawkins gang are doin the things theyre doin and theyre compelling and interesting #cali gang is nothing #this love triangle shit is so stupid #like yall want byler so bad but i think your overlooking that it requires will to steal his sisters boyfriend??? #like its a mess and also like objectively the most boring possible plot for any of these characters #mike will and el are some of the more compelling characters on the show who have experienced the most trauma and upheaval #and i think this teamup could have been really interesting from the perspective of mike's anxiety over percieving himself as the caregiver #to el and will and too a degree i think they see him that way as well but hes also just a kid and he cant be there for everyone all the tim #like if he looks out for everyone who looks out for him #especially cos weve had seasons worth of content regarding will and el's trauma but we've never explored that with mike #but instead of doing any of that were doing more surface level relationship bullshit that we've already done #like i lowkey think this season broke will and mike as characters a bit like when you get to a point where they watch a man die and then #bury the body and they have no significant reaction to that YOUVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG #like how is that not an extremely traumatic event?? but no we just move past it i guess??

[caffeinatedopossum]

About your last post, being persistently exposed to trauma, residually as a child, is absolutely a fucked up thing whether or not anything directly happened to you. Whether or not others take it seriously that is absolutely valid trauma and I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you :(( I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it was damaging

#tw csa mention in these tags #i think i didnt realize it was traumatic because when stuff started to come out #it was allegations about my dad from one of my sisters #saying that he sa'd our sister and my dad immediately went to jail #but my mom was devastated and couldnt function. idk exactly what happened because its blurry (i was only 7 so yeah) #idk somehow our mom got him out of jail tho and i was told (VERY emphatically) that he wasnt actually guilty #my sisters were forced to testify #saying that they had lied essentially and it wasnt true #and thats what i was told too. i was told that it was a lie and it hadnt happened and i believed that #because i was 7. most children my age didnt even know what sex WAS let alone abuse #i also didnt really care because i didnt understand. i was just scared and i missed how my family used to be #but obviously it never went back to the way it was #my parents moved us really far away. out of state. and after that i was never allowed to stay home alone with my dad again #which was upsetting for me because i hated going most places (i would get sensory overload and i had bad anxiety already) #and i also didnt understand why my mom was so convinced someone would spread allegations again if they had no reason to #basically it was years and years of me slowly realizing what really happened #and it never fully sunk in... i think in a way im still that terrified 7 year old deep down. in denial because acceptance isnt acceptable #skfkgj sorry for the trauma dump it just helps to talk about specifics sometimes

[lorillee]

anyways this week ive been on the hunt for a very specific brand of awful high school au with ... minimal luck. i will say i am mildly fascinated by how absolutely inescapable luffy/nami was back in the earlier days of the fandom. even more baffled by the fact that both of their personalities are butchered beyond belief in all of these - like... okay real talk if you have to completely destroy one or both of the characters in your ship to make this work... maybe....... you don't ship those characters. you ship your original characters LOL

#like idk maybe lu/na can work in some capacity im not here to judge. but WOW do these authors not understand either of these characters #like. at all #if you've never done a dive into the ffn you would probably honestly be shocked #at the sheer amount of dark! smart! different df! godlike! luffy fics #in which his harem consists of every single relevant female character #like okay you say luffy is your favorite character but in all of your fics his personality is completely reversed #maybe..... maybe you dont like luffy all that much. maybe you like your oc with luffys name and face plastered onto it #either way ive been reading a lot of. what can only be described as . shlock #but its not the brand of shlock i want #one time. one time for this one fandom. i accidentally stumbled upon the most horrifying melodramatic soap opera high school au #i have. ever ever seen. i was a bit traumatized. but unfortunately after skimming through levels of drama never known to man #and subsequently skimming through a lot of really. really boring high school aus #i have come to realize that i will likely never find anything even remotely on that level ever again #and i am. honestly mostly disappointed. not entirely because like i said it was a bit traumatizing to read. but also...... man #even more man because a few months after i found it the author deleted it and said she was going to rewrite it. but tbh i doubt it #when stuff like that happens the author gets to chapter 3 and then gives up #but either way. yeah ive been searching for that high ever since and have come away terribly disappointed #maybe this unicorn fic is hiding somehwere in the ffn and maybe im just too picky. but i will die before i read cora/law or ace/sabo/luffy

[if-th3n-else]

The Pan / Lyra moment is about to become an actual scene. I don't know if you realize how much of a mess I'm going to be when this will happen.

#this is literally the most traumatizing scene ive ever read in my life #no death #not even Lee #not even Sirius #not even doomsday #not even journey's end #has fucked me up the way this moment has fucked me #i don't think you can understand how much i pour my abnormal brain into the idea of human and their daemon #like idk how to explain how imagining having a part of your soul visible as an animal has affected me forever #i mean it's probably because me and my brain never got along #everytime someone talk about it im like 'no it's not deep enough you don't reach how crucial it is' #not even Pullman djsjsbbzzbz #and so the human *******ing their daemon #it's so fucked up #but for me it is the visual representation of something that can't be said with words #and anyway i dont know where im going with this #i know it won't affect me as much as i' the book #because no adaptation ever live to my amazing imagination #but it's gonna destroy me no less #im gonna suffer so much omg #and THEN #There are other scenes that are going to end me #basically im gonna cry all s3 #his dark materials

[space-hair]

Life is so funny. My wife is currently, and I quote directly from the bunny’s mouth ‘My beautiful smart gorgeous sexy funny snd talented wife is currently dealing with a hurricane that’s threatening to knock her power out-’, and meanwhile a webkinz blog doesn’t like that I dare to reblog stuff about webkinz AND pictures of bodies that are slightly erotic at best (for the most part. I am a whore ;P and guess what my webkinz are also whores) ... what a day!!!

#kyle speaks #delete later #i feel that i've reblogged things like people putting glitter/pennies in their eyeballs that i'd be more concerned about a 13+ year old #viewing on my blog than the pictures of like... bums and legs mostly nowadays. #i'm trying to come off respectfully for the most part because i understand being uncomfortable and all but i feel that #the rudeness wasn't the best way to go about this when you could just block me and problem solved #so if webkinz anon is seeing this bro c'mon i completely respect your views but if i'm making you uncomfortable please block me #i of course don't want people to feel uncomfortable for any reason and i do my best to tag things appropriately but it's not my job #to cater my content to your own moral standings please just block me and move on #anyways as I said I'm kind of going through something a little more mentally traumatic than an adult liking a webkinz post so I'm done #with this cause I have frankly more important things to be focusing on than this in the most respectful way I can say that #but I never thought my very first anon hate after 10 years would be because of webkinz but amen I'm glad it was