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lionmythflower · 1 month

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Peter pettigrew hcs

he's trans :)

genderqueer and doesn't care what pronouns ppl use for him but he prefers he/they

He's a pudgey little thing but he's fine with it

He's a PROUD 2 inches taller than Sirius lol

asexual (him and evan bond over this)

He brings the best snacks on road trips

Will forget everything but the smallest of details

Like oh he can't really remember ur name but he does know that you played soccer for 2 years when you were in primary school

Hates the snow. Absolutely despises it (same)

Would have loved Lord of the rings

autistic but like the type that like when he tells ppl they're like "rlly? You don't seem autistic."

Hates running with a burning passion

had an eating disorder at some point but he got help for it

Still wears makeup and stuff even though he's trans bc fuck gender roles :)

He's first friends were James and Marlene (I heard someone say barty as well and I love that)

Hates the nickname wormy but is fine with wormtail

Constantly has seasonal allergies

Panic attacks

Yk the one person in troto that plays Peter? Ya that is hands down the best face claim/fan cast

Knows how to crochet

I feel like music would help calm him down

Like during panic attacks or stuff like that

Has hair that's like down to his shoulders but layers

100% had a crush on james when they were kids

Peter,evan, and barty are all besties

PANDORA AND PETER GOSSIP TOGETHER

Peter is the only one that all the girls get along with lmao

So Peter is invited to every girls night bc they love him

He clenches and unclenches his fists when he's angry (HELP THAT ONE MEME PLS)

He knows EVERYTHING. and I mean EVERYTHING. who's dating who, who has a crush on who, who doesn't like who, who pretends not to like who. He knows it all

So does pandora and sometimes lily and they all gossip

Peter, Evan and lily are js a group of trans asexuals. No I will not explain

(I lied, I will explain a bit) "My ribs are bruised again" "same" "lol can't relate" "fuck you Evans" "ilyt rosier" (Peter, Evan, lily, Evan, lily)

Benji is his queer platonic partner :)

HE'S SO GOOD AT COOKING

LIKE EXTREMELY GOOD

Peter cooks for Remus when the full moon hits

And he cooks for james when he's feelings down

and he cooks for Sirius when he's having trouble in anyway w smth

Idc what u say all the marauders loved Peter and they were all equal

Peter would he such a gas lighter 😭😭

"Wdym? That's always been there. Your imagining things. "

Peter and reg are pretty good friends actually lol

"He was a death eater tho!!!" Ok and?

Peter would do that thing where if he's lying down and doing smth he'll always have one arm in the air. No one knows why he does this but their js used to it at this point

Anxiety is a bitch and Peter has it

Ppl thinks he's kinda slow sometimes but it's js cuz he needs to triple check everything and needs clear instructions bc he doesn't want to mess anything up

Would have so many pillows

He loves plants

And mushrooms

James, Marlene and him are all trans and they transitioned together

Painted nails>>>>>

He would have different themes for he's nails each time he painted them

The moon phases for Remus, Suns for james, constellations for Sirius and regulus, stars for Marlene, flowers for lily, and hearts for Mary (her name means beloved), roses for evan, snakes for barty, jewels for Dorcas, Ravens for Benji, and crystals n spirals for pandora

He also paints Evan's nails

He's always tapping little patterns on everything and sometimes he's friends will notice and try to tap the same pattern (it normally takes them a while to figure it out)

Fidgets a lot

Everyone thinks that Peter and Sirius are not as good as friends are they are w the rest of the marauders but in reality, Sirius and Peter will js playfully insult each other (nothing that will actually hurt but there are a lot of death threats<3) and laugh abt it later

"Oi, Pete, you look a lot like a rat!" "I will tear you limb from limb siri" "the feeling is mutual"

He would also love vines as a type of room decor

Okie that's all who should I do next??? Pandora or lily?? Or sm1 else???

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rockkal · 6 months

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HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST

We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife

The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)

Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas

Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit

Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)

We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)

CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)

Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint

Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something

JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)

Sollux and Eridan kissing

Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place

A bucket appears and yeah

We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe

Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]

Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))

Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog

Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid

Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk

Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed

21 again but with Dave

June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes

Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation

Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)

Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)

AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue

Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.

Monkeys become relevant to the plot

Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs

Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck

Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT

What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story

Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres

Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.

Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)

Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it

Deltarune reference

Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini

Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)

Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!

Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related

We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome

Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.

MLP gets mentioned

Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies

Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector

Eridan smokes weed

[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena

Weed chapter

Karkat gets a period cramp

Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)

Free Bird fight sequence

Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington

Cockaine chapter

MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah

Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow

Pic Yaoi sequence or smth

Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end

Itchy dies from tripping on a rock

Doze unslows himself and does a break dance

Trace and Fin make out session

Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran

Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar

I'm high

Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.

Wait

Shit

I should probably add an image so that I could look cool

Give me a sec

Yes, God of Yaoi.

Perfect for this.

See ya

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midnights-dragon · 5 months

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Pinned post 📌

Feel free to skip over if you're just stalking my blog! (Here's a song for you to listen to.) ->

Important, first of all:

This user supports AO3

This user is anti-censorship

This user believes in "don't like, don't read"

This user believes in "ship and let ship"

This user believes that fiction tastes and preferences do not dictate moral character

So feel free to block me if you disagree. Additionally, I do not usually post political things; however, if I ever do, and you disagree, DO NOT attack me over it. Like, seriously. Just unfollow and move on! Block if you have to. I frankly could not care less. Though, if you are transphobic, I ask that you don't follow me at all, as I do happen to be trans myself. And don't even try to send hate; anon asks are off, and I will freely blast & report you.

Now onto the good stuff! ->

Things that I love/am hyperfixated on:

Good Omens

Hozier & Queen (average Good Omens fan)

Snakes, sharks, and birds (and dinosaurs)

The concept of love & how it relates to romantic vs platonic

Nature

My cat and bearded dragon (you will see pictures of them you have no choice)

Cliche old movies (The Parent Trap 1998, my beloved)

Animated adult movies

Bojack Horseman (run far away)

Sometimes just random fucking shit that Tumblr puts on my For You, and that I will then reblog like 20 posts of in rapid succession, very unescapable, not sorry about that

ASKS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME, AS ARE DMS!!! Nothing weird obviously, keep in mind that I am a minor (though I do enjoy smutfics, as any teenager does), but I LOVE random people saying random things, it makes me feel like a friend. Which you are to me! I love making mutuals as well, and if you want to be on a tag list for games like picrew chains, just let me know, I do those a lot. They're fun!

Now, writing requests & my Ao3! ->

I do accept writing requests, feel free to ask for anything for fandoms I'm in (if it's something topic-heavy, CWs are appreciated in advance), but obviously I'm not going to write anything like underage content or proship; I AM ANTI-CENSORSHIP, as said, I just am not a writer of pro-ship content, myself.

My favorite tropes:

Angst, specifically Hurt/Comfort

Nightmares

Human AUs

Trauma Recovery

Anything involving domestic & non-sexual nudity

Religious Trauma Messages

Panic Attacks/PTSD (and being helped through that)

Generally, just. Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Happy Ending, though. I sometimes write fluff one-shots I sweat it just does not happen Often

Mostly anything goes; obviously I'm at full liberty to delete any messages I get or not do them, but I LOVE requests and I usually more often than not do end up doing them! Just send it my way (ask box or DMs is fine) and I'll let you know. I write currently for almost exclusively Good Omens content, which can be found under the AO3 link below. Specifically, here is my Good Omens Masterlist!

A little intro to me as a writer can be found here from a recent ask game I participated in, if that is of interest to you. Also here from my 2023 Ao3 wrapped.

I'm on a lot of other socials under a similar url! You can find my Twitter here, and my Instagram here, and then my Ao3. I mainly post similar content on all my socials, just reposting memes, art, and fandom stuff and sometimes posting stuff of my own! I'm a young artist, but proud of whatever work I muster up the courage to post. Which is not a lot, but nonetheless

If you’d like to support me and my work in any way, feel free to support me on my GoFundMe for my future top surgery/transition/therapy in relating to gender dysphoria if you are able and wanting! I am trans FTM, and use he/him pronouns, as it says in my bio. However, this is in no way an attempt to pressure anyone to do anything. Please think of yourself before a random stranger on the internet.

Link is also here for the post.

Anyways, thank you for all of the love I've ever gotten across any platform, I love how kind people can be. And if you're mean, then, well, I prefer if you didn't interact, because this is what I try to make a safe space. Unless I was mean to you first (with disregard to transhomophobes and the like), then it's free game, and also, my bad. <3 Enjoy my blog!

#intro post #pinned post #personal #Spotify

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tragicsapphic · 4 months

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finally watching the doctor who specials and the first episode... look, i am gay and trans, but all the pc stuff felt kind of unnatural and forced? like not great writing? like the "binary... binary... non-binary" kind of made me cringe? and they had to put a "you assumed their pronouns" joke in? i know russell t davies is gay but it feels like a trans person was not here to help him write the episode. like they really didn't have to include kids being transphobic to rose, or even if they did, why did they have to include the kids deadnaming her? i don't know if they always planned on having donna's daughter be trans, or if they casted yasmin finney and then added all that stuff after because it sorta feels like the latter. i will say i like the fact that her daughter being trans is related to her having both donna's dna and time lord dna. that was cute. and the monster plot felt fun too. but there was also a ton of exposition in the beginning that took me out of it as well. i know why they included it, but it also felt like bad writing? like why is the doctor telling a stranger (even one who works for UNIT) all this stuff? idk. i am fine with doctor who being inclusive as a queer person, but they need to do a better job at the writing cause most of the episode was kinda cringe. and not in the "i enjoy things" way, but the "you should be embarrassed" way, ya know? anyway, those are my two cents that no one asked for.

#doctor who #dw #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #doctor who special #fourteenth doctor

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transmascrage · 2 years

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When it comes to transmasc representation in old media no one fits better than Oscar François de Jarjayes from "The Rose of Versailles" (1979) (Lady Oscar for my Italian friends). So much so that at some point I thought of having Oscar as my second name.

He's a fictional character set in a story based off of real-life Marie Antoniette as a teenager.

He's raised as a boy because he's the youngest of six, and never actually goes "back" to being a woman, because he dies fighting during the French revolution.

Oscar’s identity is a cause of great conflict in the manga and the anime. His agency is constantly taken into question, everyone around him is convinced he’s being forced to be a man by his father, when he’s constantly rejecting womanhood.

Transgender Identity as Parental Abuse, And Oscar's Agency

It's important to mention that Oscar is almost always referred to as a woman. The people close to him know he’s not cisgender, and always refer to him as a lady. But people who have never met before assume he’s a boy.

He's always told to be more feminine by those around him except, most of the time, by his father. His father's decision to raise him as a boy is actually portrayed as dramatic, with thunder and lightning.

His friend André calls him Oscar while André’s grandma scolds him, telling him to call him Milady Oscar because of his lower rank as a servant.

And even as Oscar tells her he likes it better this way, André’s grandma brushes her hand on a dress, reminiscing that Oscar could be wearing that instead of his boy clothes, and that she hopes one day he'll attend a ball dressed as a beautiful lady.

Later she drunkenly moans: "Oh poor Oscar, there's a conflict inside of [him], [he] doesn't know whether to be a man or a woman!"

Throughout most of the show, actually, people think Oscar acts like a boy because it's his father's wish, when it's Oscar himself deciding to present as a boy.

Oscar's agency is always questioned, just like it is for transmasc people and trans men (as well as the vague entity known as “the children”), supposedly "brainwashed" young girls. Many transphobes actually think trans kids are forced to transition because of their parents.

The recent decision in Texas to investiagte and remove transgender children from their families on the basis of “child abuse” echoes this sentiment, for example.

In the very first episode, André tells him "It's not too late! Become a woman, Oscar!" as he runs away. And even though he hated the prospect of becoming the Captain of the Guards, he chooses that over becoming a woman.

The narrator even says "And so Oscar chose to become a man."

He's running away from his assigned role at birth by doing something he hates. He could have chosen to stay and "become" a woman, like Andrè and his grandma say, but he doesn't want to.

As his first assignment as captain, he’s ordered to dress as Marie Antoniette to take her place during a planned kidnapping, and he reacts by throwing away the dress and walking away angrily. His father actually sees his manhood as a costume he can take off whenever it’s necessary, Oscar sees it as his identity.

And even after Oscar's father decides to marry him off, he still doesn't want to play the role of a woman. But nothing seems to convince people that he's acting of his own accord.

Alternatively, many characters treat him like a silly girl who’s just playing pretend. It’s true that Oscar is young, but his identity in manhood is just as strong as those of the men around him.

Detransition Because of Social Pressure

Oscar doesn't express any wish of wanting to be a woman, except once when he dresses as a woman hoping to make a man fall in love with him, but learns the man is already in love with Marie Antoinette and desists.

Marie Antoinette also feels attracted to him, even though she says she’s disappointed Oscar was born a girl.

Which I think is very relatable for a transmasc person, to feel like we're unlovable as we are. Oscar trying to fit in his "womanly role" (the one time in the entire show) isn't really out of place, it's reminiscent of transmascs and trans men detransitioning because we're not accepted by the people around us.

Andrè, confesses to being in love with him (when he's seen him in nothing but men's clothes his whole life, might I add. He's not attracted to Lady Oscar, he loves Oscar the Captain of the Royal Guards.) but Oscar pushes him away and joins the army instead.

Transgender Identity Seen as Childish

At this point, his father regrets letting Oscar be "too unfeminine" and plans to marry him off.

This, to me, is another aspect of being trans even in a supposedly accepting family. There's an age threshold at which it's not acceptable to be trans anymore, that it's something childish that eventually the teenager will forget and join in their role in society. Then there’s the entitlement that families feel they have over children.

Yet another man, his rival, asks for his hand, but Oscar refuses. Then, as a Commander in the Army, he affirms his leadership on his troop, making yet another man, André’s friend this time, fall in love with him.

Most of these men have seen Oscar appear exclusively as a man. All of them, to my knowledge, are aware that Oscar isn't a cisgender man, but Oscar never presents as a woman, and he still manages to make three men fall in love with him.

Oscar realizes that he's in love with Andrè as well, and switches to fighting against the Monarchy with him, but dies by his side during the Storm of the Bastille.

The Return of Oscar

In a completely non-canonical book that only came out in Italy, Oscar doesn't die and instead becomes the Black Knight (a character that appears in the original manga), fighting against injustice.

It's revealed that he didn't die, instead just lost his memory. Once he regains it, he moves to England and lives a quiet life as Rose.

But that doesn't last, and he goes back to France to become the Black Knight. This is, in my opinion, just another instance of detransition that doesn't last (it's non-canonical as well). After all, Oscar is alone in England, the people that previously supported his masculinity are dead or have disavowed him, like his father.

He also kisses Napoleon. This man can't stop making men fall in love with him.

The story ends with Oscar leaving for America, but all of this is not canonical anyways.

In conclusion, Oscar's identity in manhood is constantly questioned or completely disregarded. Even as he says "My duty as a soldier comes before being a woman" everyone assumes he's simply being edgy.

Oscar is born to be a soldier and dies as a soldier. But being a soldier isn't even something he wanted to be in the first place. He just took on the role to avoid becoming a woman, both in the sense of getting married and starting a family, and in the sense of being seen as a woman.

Really, Oscar uses "soldier" as a short-hand for "man."

#lgbtq #lgbtq community #transmasc #transandrophobia #the rose of versailles #lady oscar

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kendrixtermina · 4 months

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Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 1: The Star Beast

I like how in the opener the Doctor ends up running into Donna due to plain old Chronic Hero syndrome, rushing towards someone who looks like they needed help

I appreciate that we got a realtime example of Donna just missing a spaceship

her concern with stacking properly is a good establishing moment for viewers who maybe don't know her yet

It's interesting how Donna ended up giving away the money - not doing what he thought she would do

Making Donna's kid trans was a great move now that the UK is known as a rather trans-hostile place

sylvia is interesting - she seems like someone who feels guilty but is sort of going overboard with overcompensating for it rather than truly helping

badass protective - which is probably how Donna would be as a mom, some of the character development stuck despite the memory wipe, small-minded

Another Unit Scientific Advisor!

You can tell the Doctor is having a tough time with how he spills his problems to the Unit lady. Though you can also see 14 isn't quite like 10, not quite as emotionally constipated. 12 had this whole arc about spitting out the words though then chibnall didn't do anything with cause he couldn't write characters to save his life. I guess 13 was supposed to look like his (franky offensive, carricaturish) idea of a private person? At least this keeps the tendency of each incarnation being a contrast to their predecessor. Insofar as 13 had enough personality to be contrasted. Chibnalls characters are all emotionless planks of wood - and I'll better stop ranting now

i like the unit lady

It's a charming detail how Rose sells things on etsy. I betcha anything she has a tumblr

// war flashback to Ryan's increbliy generic youtube channel that was never used to characterize him in any way & then forgotten about //, & the detail is added in a kind of loving, relatable way whereas Chibnall kinda mocked the guy for listening to affirmations, for example

Ah it's so nice to have actual CHARACTERIZATION again

Like this just told us that Rose Noble is creative, but also feels responsibility to help her parents.

And her making little plush aliens is immediately lied to her feeling lonely & alienated because of how she's bullied

CONSISTENCY beyond just what is currently needed for the plot yes please. This should be the bare minimum but Chibnall went 8 episodes without giving Yasmin ANY defining traits or moments

So nice to have CHARACTERS with EMOTIONs and TRAITS

I just KNEW the Doctor was getting another Mom slap the moment the moment he showed up

the definite article XD I got that reference, esp in what looks like an Unit episode

oh noes theyre shooting up Donnas house

i love how he just naturally hands the sonic to Donna without thinking

It's extremly Donna-like to worry about her house during the alien attack

I like the resonating the wall trick coming on again - if you saw this straight after EoT, you'd still get the sense that the Doctor got more experienced.

Donna's neighbor missing everything cause he's listening to music is a mood

I love the impromptu judge wig XD

Been a while since I heard "shadow proclamtion". That was common the first time RTD was running the show

I LOVE how the twist & how the Doctor deduced it from the Unit soldier not being dead. The idea that you can know someone by their method

Also love the doctor trying to outfox the Meep but getting a tad too confident there

Also like how Donna absolutely picks up that Sylvia knows the Doctor & demands the truth, but also having a moment of vulnerability

the story's a bit over the top & cliche, though. I mean I can partially forgive it because the ep is really much more about Donna, but not a fan of the over the top cliched villain. though, this RTD is the guy who made the fart episode. he was good at concepts a lot of the time, but yeah...

The wheelchair stun darts are cliche, too, but I DO like the general twist of the unit lady realizing the guards have been mind-controlled & saving the team. She seemed competent earlier. Makes me miss Osgood a bit. One hopes wheelchair lady will keep showing up in UNIT episodes.

I love Donna taking the initiative here to run off. (characters NOT being planks of wood & making self-motivated decisions! Oh im so glad we're rid of Chibnal's trash writing)

Do like the moment. Donna still having her unimportance complex, the Doctor's response that she isn't not just because he doesn't think anyone's unimportant but because she is so important to him, "why does it have to be you" Yeah David Tennant is still good at pulling ppl's heartstrings, his resigned tone when he begins reciting the 'password'

The password being similar to that time Amy had to unlock it!

Donna's first concern upon "waking up" being that she gave away the money is soo her.

Catherine Tate really shines here how she instantly retrieves the... the fast talking thing from Journey's end??

She gets so excited at getting to blow up the alien tech XD

Again praise be to Catherine cause you can tell how the hole of self-doubt that was there (though not as much pre series 4) is just FILLED with confidence.

He just doesn't give a fuck if they shoot him when he thought Donna was dead

The thing where it's less lethal now because some of the energy passed down to her kid is neat, but I don't like the idea that the personality traits of Donna's kid are attributed to the metacrisis thing. Although I suppose it could be seen as more of a nudge or inspiration

I really like the touch that the Doctor remembered the names of the alien soldiers & spoke of them to their superiors, and that he neutralized the meep non-lethally. He's an actual pacifist again with lika a worldview, not just regurgitating lines about "not liking guns" out of context

I HATE the women's intuition thing. I get that they were trying to like affirm Rose's gender as real here but I hate it. It's essentialist and I hate it. I'm gonna treat it as just a joke Donna & Rose did cause they would.

Though I DO like, & find it very appropriate that Donna & Rose themselves are the ones to think up the solution & having it sort of come from Donna's grounded, down to earthsy nature. As a counterpoint to how the Doctor kind of over-ruled Donna's will to sort of unilaterally save her against her will & taking the burden onto himself. (Not that one can blame him too much for what he did while panicking, trying to save his besties' life. )

I love the Doctor fanboying over the new "desktop theme" & praising the TARDIS for the design choices

Such a nice touch that both the Doctor & the TARDIS remember Donna's coffee preferences. It's all about the little things.

David still got it with the "it killed me" line

I do notice that his delivery, while similar, in some aspects, is still markedly different. 14 is more emotionally honest than 10, but also less hyper, he carries himself a bit 'heavier'.

Like I feel some of that subtle distinction in nuance comes down to that when the Dr. turned into 10 it was "for" Rose (so the charme & energy etc were dialed to max), but 14 is "for" Donna, in a way, though he didn't know it at the start.

AAAAnd Donna immediately returns to being a supplier of grounding common-sense advice. Cause she is right about the big goodbye thing

that's a lot of pyrotechnics for just one coffee. Donna must've spilled it into the worst possible spot. That would be the sort of luck they'd have.

Soo. it was an episode without Chibnal's terrible, flavorless writing. I liked some of the story beats though not over the top wowed but I feel like this is the first act of a longer play & the emotional penny is probably still to drop.

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #rose noble

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moodooivy · 2 months

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My ship children

I made some headcanons for the Sanses. Now I wanted to list off some of my OCs. More specifically my ship children. I will draw them later. I mean I have, they were the first things I posted. These ship kids are a few years old, I made them maybe 5 years ago. Some of these ships I don't ship anymore, but I've already developed these characters too much to just get rid of them... So... Here.

Midnight 3' 0''. (Technically) Mom is Blue, dad is Error. She has Nightmare's powers because while she was being made or whatever you call it, Nightmare touched her soul before she was fully formed. The oldest even though she's the shortest. She had a birth defect. Loves flowers. Especially lavender and roses. Loves cute animals. Especially bunnies, puppies, and kitties. Her favorite animal is butterflies. Loves squishies and stuffed animals. Loves pancakes and cookies. Likes to write. Writer's brain. Scared of basically everything. Pegasister. I mainly ship with Ivan.

Ivan 4' 4''. Mom is Horror, dad is Dust. Acts like a doggo. Scares his parents. Has a long tailbone that sticks out. Has a good sense of smell. Can probably see in the dark. He is sensitive to smell and particularly dislikes the smell of gunpowder. He never went to school. He can't speak properly and he can't read. He is just by definition slow. He likes to watch cartoons. He'll watch anything on the TV screen. Get very upset when he's hungry. Major separation anxiety. Hates the world. I mainly ship with Midnight.

Chip 3' 5''. Mom is Blue, dad is Error. Nice and plump (Before anyone says "How, she's a skeleton", easy. Ecto body). She likes hugs, but it is just a natural reflex that she glitches out when touched. She hates being stared at and will get angry, even if you just trying to admire her. The stars on her head change shape and color depending on how she feels. I mainly ship with Zany.

Zany 4' 1''. He is made out of pure negativity and magic. He is technically not related to Nightmare. But Night and Cross love and care for him like their child. Zany is the prince of darkness. But he is the complete opposite of Nightmare. Probably the nicest guy you could ever meet. Hates his name. Likes head pats. Loves strawberry milk and the color pink... Good boy. Very strong. Scared of apples. I mainly ship with Chip.

Domino 4' 0''. Mom is Chess, dad is Mafia. Smokes. Good at card tricks. Probably gambles (He cheats and never gets caught). I mainly ship with Honeydew.

Mayonnaise 4' 0''. Mom is Classic, dad is Fell. Very laid back and chill... Except when it comes to Pitaya. Zany's bestie. They do pranks on the Bad Sanses together (Except Nightmare and Dust). Cheeky little prankster. I mainly ship with Pitaya.

Pitaya 3' 8''. Mom is Melon, dad is Sugar. Loves fanfictions and shipping (Like me). Cooks and bakes (Mayo loves her baking and will try to steal it). Can speak Spanish. I mainly ship with Mayonnaise.

Honeydew 3' 6''. Mom is Melon, dad is Sugar. Hates when Domino smokes. Nerdy boy. Can speak Japanese. I mainly ship with Domino.

Constellation 3' 5''. She is made out of pure positivity and magic. She is technically not related to Dream. But Dream loves and cares for her like his child. Spoiled brat. Not a good person. Mini karen. Will start a fight with anyone. I mainly ship with Casper.

Casper 4' 0''. Mom is Dust, dad is Killer. Bipolar disorder. Tiny little prick. Scared of dogs. Hates Ivan and will take advantage of his lack of intellect. The only two people he cares about are his sister and Constellation. I mainly ship with Contellation.

Desire 3' 4'' Mom is Lust, dad is Dance. Trans M2F. Dramaqueen. Loves ballet. Wears makeup. Obsessed with her phone. Very sensitive about her identity. I mainly ship with Abstract.

Dread 3' 3'' Mom is Geno, dad is Reaper. Goth queen. Has a pet jellyfish. Has the death touch. In a book club with Zany and Midnight. Loves voodoo and poetry. I mainly ship with Scarlet.

Scarlet 3' 3'' Mom is Killer, dad is Horror. Loves tea parties. Will eat anything. Has a pet spider. Spoopy bean. She is teaching Ivan how to speak from what she's learning at school. She's not the smartest but she tries her best so she can help Ivan. She don't like clowns. I mainly ship with Dread.

Abstract 6' 0''. Has no parents. They are just a drawing came to life. The youngest but tallest (This is in birth order btw). They have no gender (I will usually refer to them as 'he' as to not be confusing by constantly saying 'they' though). Likes drawing their friends (Hasn't gotten to draw Chip yet because she refuses to stay still). Can't talk because they don't have a mouth. Their pupils shape into words that fit what they're thinking. Doesn't like profanity or technology. Collects random stuff. Likes creepy crawlies. Hate cleaning up. Scared of erasers. I mainly ship with Desire.

I didn't assign sexualities or ages to my characters because I didn't want to restrict myself or anyone who wants to use them. You can change their heights and age order if you want. You can ship them with whoever you want, proship or not. You can do whatever you want with my characters. Just credit me.

Undertale: Toby Fox Blue: Popcornpr1nce Fell: Undertale community Ink: Comyet Dream: Jokublog Nightmare: Jokublog Geno: Crayonqueen Error: Crayonqueen Fresh: Crayonqueen Horror: Sour-Apple-Studios Killer: Rahafwabas Dust: Ask-Dusttale Lust: Nsfwshamecave Reaper: Renrink Cross: Jakei95 Melon: Missladytale Sugar: Sugartale Sans Dance: Teandstars Mafia: Undermafiaz Chess: Mintysammy Children: Me

#undertale #undertale ship kids #ship kids #tango #errorberry #killhorror #afterdeath #nightberry #killerdust #horrordust #kustard #crossmare #sugarmelon

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 3 months

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By Jennifer Block

Published: Nov 7, 2023

In August, a Missouri law went into effect that limits gender treatment for minors to counseling. Such laws, which have passed in 22 states to date, can be particularly cruel. Minors already on puberty-suppressing drugs or cross-sex hormones are being effectively cut off. Trans adults on Medicaid who’ve been taking hormones for years may find their prescriptions are suddenly unaffordable. And often these laws are tied to overt acts of culture war — like a ban on drag shows in Tennessee.

This wave of legislation is unfortunate for another reason. A lot of fair-minded, thoughtful people may question whether hormones and surgery are appropriate for the growing number of young people who are distressed about their biological sex. But given all the campaigns in red states, many progressives are instead biting their tongues and trusting that doctors know what they’re doing.

The problem is that as more kids identify as transgender than ever before, it’s still worth asking whether “gender affirming care” is the right model for them. Despite the certainty advocates project that this is an open-and-shut case, it wasn’t long ago that this “affirming” approach for children was simply an idea — a hypothesis informed by experience, but an idea nonetheless. Yet in less than a decade, it became standard of care and is now practically gospel in the United States, even as other countries are redirecting services toward psychotherapy and social support.

A natural response on the left to bills restricting or even outlawing gender-related medical treatment is “keep your laws off my body.” As a vocal supporter of abortion access, I’m sympathetic. But it’s a mistake to conflate these two causes. Abortion is a thoroughly vetted, one-time procedure, and denying access to it reduces a woman to an incubator. That’s quite different from a relatively new hormonal protocol in children that can lead to major, irreversible, long-term impacts.

The practice of medicine doesn’t have perfect checks and balances, but it does have a history of proving itself wrong (for the latest episode, see: cold medicine). So when a new approach for children and adolescents involves powerful medications and surgeries, people aren’t necessarily misguided (or “anti-trans”) to voice concerns. Yet journalists, parents, researchers, and clinicians who have raised questions about the evidence have been ensnared in a conversation about identity and rights. Now it seems all we can hear are the loudest and most reactionary voices, echoing in statehouse rotundas.

Loaded terms

For as long as gender roles have existed, there have been people whose inner compass, even at an early age, felt unaligned with their bodies. What’s new today is the ability to medically address that mismatch in adolescence, before puberty has fully had its say.

And since about 2016, the number of young people receiving what are called “puberty blockers” — drugs that suppress the signal to the pituitary to release the hormones that transform tweens into sexually mature adults — has grown. An analysis by health technology company Komodo found that the number of kids between the ages of 6 and 17 in the United States who began suppressing puberty to treat gender-related distress rose every year between 2017 and 2021 and leveled off in 2022. Komodo counted more than 6,000 children in that category in that time span, although that number is likely an undercount because it only represents treatments covered by insurance. Massachusetts is among the top five states, generating 6 percent of claims.

At least 14,700 minors with a gender dysphoria diagnosis began taking prescription estrogen or testosterone from 2017 through 2021, according to Komodo’s analysis — especially testosterone, as female-born teens now outnumber males 3 to 1 in many clinics. And a recent study found that gender-related surgeries, such as breast removal, nearly tripled between 2016 and 2019, including among 12- to 18-year-olds.

Meanwhile, European countries, including those that pioneered early intervention for children with gender dysphoria, have generally limited gender-related surgery to adults.

“Puberty blockers,” “hormone therapy,” and “top surgery” fall under the umbrella of “gender-affirming care.” These are loaded terms, fraught with as much activism and obfuscation as “pro-choice” and “pro-life,” yet they were validated by medical sources like the 2018 American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) statement in support of the “gender affirmative care model.”

This document informs clinicians that “many medical interventions can be offered to youth who identify as transgender and gender diverse,” including drugs that suppress pubertal development, cross-sex hormones, and, “on a case-by-case basis,” surgeries. These kids, even before puberty, “know their gender as clearly and as consistently as their developmentally equivalent [cisgender] peers,” the statement says. An approach of “watchful waiting” to see how a young patient’s identity develops is “outdated” and “does not serve the child because critical support is withheld.”

The statement presented the affirmative approach as settled consensus based on evidence. However this past August the AAP — under pressure by several members — announced that it would commission an independent systematic review of the evidence. That’s typically the first step in developing what the National Academy of Medicine calls “trustworthy guidelines,” so that patients and providers can make decisions informed by a thorough, unbiased evaluation of the available research. But the AAP hadn’t done that before releasing its 2018 statement. The AAP did not respond to requests for comment other than to reaffirm its 2018 statement.

Existing systematic reviews have prompted Sweden, Finland, and England to restrict treatments for minors, because the evidence that they are likely to result in more benefit than harm is of low quality. But unlike US states that have taken legislative action, these countries are allowing hormonal treatment in select cases, and they are ensuring that researchers follow the recipients over time so the evidence base gets stronger.

The case for watchful waiting

Not only do red-state gender laws tend to lack the humanity and room for inquiry seen in Europe, I think they also distract progressives from fully absorbing what the people they’re marching with are actually chanting. The argument for early treatment is not just a medical one — it is a metaphysical one. It holds that gender identity is something that exists deep inside a person’s psyche and that this diagnosis, essentially, will be revealed to the clinician, even by young children. That is a radical interpretation of patient-centered care.

When I spoke with the AAP statement’s lead author, Jason Rafferty, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Providence, he reiterated that this model of care is fundamentally about “affirming and validating the child’s sense of identity from day one through to the end.” Its main principle is that when a patient says, “‘I’m X,’ we operate under the assumption that what they’re telling us is their truth, that the child’s sense of reality and feeling of who they are is the navigational beacon to sort of orient treatment around.”

Joshua Safer, director of the Mt. Sinai Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery and a coauthor of the Endocrine Society’s practice guideline — another influential document — told me, “I know that kids who are talking that way when they are 9 years old are overwhelmingly consistent in their thought processes,” and thus, giving such patients puberty blockers “would save them from surgery” down the road.

But when I spoke to the Dutch clinician and researcher Thomas Steensma — who joined the team that pioneered the early treatment model that migrated to the United States — he distanced himself and his colleagues’ practice from the current American iteration. In brief, he said, “That’s not our approach.”

In the Dutch clinics, he said, young patients undergo a “long, focused” process of assessment, and even social transition is not a given. “It’s not necessarily true that a child who feels gender dysphoria or incongruence will grow up with [those feelings],” he explained. “Our approach is to make developmentally informed decisions with the child, with the family,” and through counseling to explore what might help. “Identity is not the strongest force in providing medical treatment” because it becomes more fixed during puberty. “It’s common sense,” he said, that the brain matures with the body, and that one gains greater capacity to “reflect on your body and about your identity.”

In 2016 — while the AAP statement was being drafted and reviewed — Steensma coauthored a review of 10 studies of gender-incongruent and dysphoric youth. Among 317 kids, 85 percent resolved their identity distress “around or after” puberty. The review also found that most dysphoric kids turned out to be same-sex attracted, lending credence to the concern that enthusiastically affirming kids may mean “transing away the gay.” The article made clear that “there is currently no general consensus about the best approach to dealing with the (uncertain) future development of children with gender dysphoria,” even social transition. In its 2015 guidelines, the American Psychological Association also said there was no consensus.

Steensma’s article explains that, in the model of “watchful waiting” — what the AAP derided in its 2018 statement — children are neither discouraged from nonconforming behaviors nor counseled to accept their natal sex (denounced by critics as “reparative” or “conversion” therapy, historically the term used to describe the widely condemned practice of trying to “convert” same-sex attracted adults). Rather, families are encouraged to allow their child to explore their feelings and given counseling “to bear the uncertainty of the child’s psychosexual outcome.” There’s an effort to “find a balance between an accepting and supportive attitude toward gender dysphoria while at the same time protecting the child against any negative reactions and remaining realistic about the chance that [dysphoric] feelings may desist in the future,” wrote the authors.

This is different from what has become the dominant approach in the United States, in which children’s sense of identity is supposed to be accepted as true and real by care providers and medically treated accordingly. Not affirming, by this interpretation, is tantamount to conversion therapy. But in the approach Steensma describes, children are in an unpredictable process of self discovery, and thus care providers must follow closely and exercise caution in treating. “We do think puberty suppression can be a good intervention for adolescents struggling with gender incongruence,” Steensma told me. But “you have to be very careful.” “We say, don’t make certain decisions where you close developmental pathways. Watch and see what happens with the identity.”

These competing approaches — one proactive, one restrained — could have been treated with equivalence by the AAP and other entities as they continued to evaluate the evidence. Instead, tens of thousands of pediatric providers, including the therapists charged with assessing prospective patients, were essentially told to trust their young patients in determining whether to recommend potentially life-altering treatment.

A risk-benefit calculation

In the mid-2000s, Boston Children’s Hospital became a satellite for the Dutch early treatment approach. Pediatric endocrinologist Norman Spack, now retired, told me what motivated him to pitch this to his higher-ups was years of witnessing young adult trans patients struggling. Even with hormones and surgery they couldn’t easily pass as their felt gender, they had little support from family or society to express themselves, and many were fighting addiction, homelessness, and suicidality. Spack wanted to pilot a strategy of early detection, because it was at puberty when “they started to fall apart,” he told me recently. The idea was to catch these patients before “their bodies escaped from that neutral space of pre-puberty.”

Seeing the suffering of a population is often the impetus for a preventive treatment. Obstetricians began using electronic fetal monitors in the 1970s in the hopes of preventing cerebral palsy and stillbirths. Physicians began screening men for prostate antigen in the hopes of catching and curing deadly cancers. These were solid rationales, but what happened was an epidemic of overdiagnosis and overtreatment. Strapping laboring patients to beeping machines initially succeeded in tripling the rate of Cesarean surgeries without any concomitant improvement in infant outcomes (and added harm to their mothers). PSA testing increased the rate of prostate surgeries without an overall survival benefit — and a not insignificant amount of resulting urinary and sexual dysfunction.

Spack told me that the evidence for early intervention was “the many, many years of nontreatment for transgender youth waiting until they were adults to do anything medically for them” and seeing where that led.

But what if he was only seeing a sliver of the population — the minority who continued to feel distress and seek treatment, rather than the bigger picture that included those who may have felt a mismatch in childhood and then realigned during puberty? Imagine only studying cases of emergency Cesareans and drawing policy conclusions based on those births rather than everyone who gave birth in a particular year. I ran that comparison by Gordon Guyatt, a research methodologist at McMaster University and one of the founders of evidence-based medicine. Earlier intervention is a “reasonable hypothesis,” he said, but if the population you’re observing is “a subpopulation that is unrepresentative and you make inferences about the entire population, you’re in trouble.”

Spack said the suicidality among his trans patients, even kids under 12, “was so strong that I felt we had to do something.” And he saw many kids “flourish” with treatment. Research does suggest that LGBTQ youth are at higher risk for depression and suicide, but the World Professional Association for Transgender Health’s own systematic evidence review makes clear that it can claim no definitive relationship between hormonal treatment and mental health outcomes, especially in adolescents, and that it’s “impossible” to say what impact hormonal treatment has on suicide. Long-awaited research funded by the National Institutes of Health — Spack was one of the original lead investigators — recently published in the New England Journal of Medicine reported some improvements among 315 youth receiving treatment in university-based gender clinics, but there were also two suicides. “Sometimes you have to bite the bullet, and go with more than a hunch” based on “smaller numbers and not being able to answer all the questions at once,” said Spack.

By 2011, the Dutch had published on the outcomes of a cohort of 70, which seemed reassuring, though the findings had limitations and haven’t been replicated elsewhere. Steensma told me he and his colleagues have never thought of their work as “scientific proof” that their model would work everywhere. “We always have said, ‘This is what we can provide from evidence, but you have to do your own studies.’”

In a new analysis of the mental health outcomes of the first 44 recipients of gender-related puberty suppression at the UK’s Tavistock clinic, roughly a third got better, a third got worse, and a third did neither. The National Health Service has ordered the Tavistock clinic to close after a review found the care “inadequate.”

Like the Dutch, the Boston clinic didn’t take kids at their word without psychological assessment. In fact, the staff used tools the Dutch had designed. Laura Edwards-Leeper, the clinic’s original psychologist, told me that extensive, exploratory talk therapy was historically part of the model. But lately she’s been outspoken about her concerns that “more providers do not value the mental health component, largely because they believe if the young person says they’re trans, they’re trans,” she told me.

The dramatic rise in young people presenting for treatment, especially genetically female teens, and the number of clinics that have sprung up with little to no emphasis on assessment, all make Spack “anxious.” “I run into so many people who tell me they have a child or grandchild or niece who’s trans. And I always say, ‘Well, who made that determination and when?’”

The logic of affirmation

I’ve spent the last year reporting on pediatric gender medicine and policy for The BMJ, one of the oldest medical journals. Like other journalists in this space, I’ve been accused of transphobia, hate, bias, and worse. Some of the rhetoric is extremely hostile, but the underlying logic is apparent: If people need medical treatment to exist in their identity, and kids know who they are, then anything that might impede access is an existential threat. Politicians who simultaneously target pride parades and library books and “groomers” only reinforce that terror and turn up the political heat. That’s even more reason for journalists to keep cooler heads and stay true to our duty: to hold authorities to account.

The most important question is one that the Europeans and Americans seem to be answering differently: What if it’s possible that there are kids who identify as trans who indeed know who they are at very early ages — younger versions of the adult patients who haunted Spack — and there are also kids who identify as trans for a finite period of time? And what if there’s no sure way to tell them apart?

Before he stopped returning my calls and emails, Rafferty acknowledged that children are in a “process of discovery” and may understand themselves one way at the onset of puberty and another way five years later, but that uncertainty shouldn’t preclude medical treatment. “It needs to be an ongoing, flexible, dynamic approach that we understand from the beginning may change over time, and so we need to bring in interventions when they seem their most appropriate from our medical perspective,” he told me. “If we’re wrong, then we need to back up and say, ‘What do we need to do differently?’”

And what if a kid has taken hormones that caused permanent hair growth or vocal changes or damaged their sexual function and came to regret these effects? In a recent Zoom meeting — footage of which has been shared on social media — Marci Bowers, a California gender surgeon and president of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, shared a startling observation: Adult patients who transitioned from male to female couldn’t have orgasms if they had been “blocked” at the earliest signs of puberty and went directly on to estrogen. Bowers told me she was sharing a hypothesis, but that it was “a wake-up call for those who counsel this group of patients.” Safer told me “there’s some discussion about adjusting the timing of some of these treatments” to achieve more optimal function. “If you come to our meetings, that’s what we’re discussing. Nobody is worried about puberty blockers for a year or two.”

Yet data suggest that more than 95 percent of the children who begin puberty blockers continue on to cross-sex hormones. “The most difficult question,” the UK pediatrician Hilary Cass wrote in her interim report of a national review of gender health services, which led to the order to close the Tavistock clinic, “is whether puberty blockers do indeed provide valuable time for children and young people to consider their options, or whether they effectively ‘lock in’ children and young people to a treatment pathway . . . by impeding the usual process of sexual orientation and gender identity development.” In 2020, following a systematic review, the UK’s National Health Service removed language that called the blockers “fully reversible” and replaced it with “little is known about the long-term side effects.”

There is an unknown number of people whose identity shifted and feel they’ve been irreparably harmed by medically transitioning. Corinna Cohn, who was born male, began hormones at 16 and had genital surgery at 19. Now, at age 48, Cohn testifies in support of laws restricting treatments in minors. “The thing that I’m most convinced of right now is that the longer somebody puts off medicalization, the more opportunities they’ll have to really clarify in their mind whether transition is actually good for them,” said Cohn, for whom “transition was a way out of having to deal with puberty. But I’m sort of stuck in a state of arrested development, because I never completed the adjustment to my body as it was becoming an adult body.”

Bowers pointed out that “you can always find someone who is going to regret” and warned me not to “single out transgender care” when one in five people regret their knee surgery, for example. “People have to take some responsibility in making those decisions,” she said.

But how can young people and their families make informed decisions without strong evidence it will make them better? How can children who’ve never experienced sexual intimacy consent to treatment that may limit their ability to have it in the future?

Edwards-Leeper believes some children do benefit from early treatment. “But to the general question of how can a young kid consent to something like this, it is a huge ethical dilemma . . . because honestly, they can’t,” she told me. “The responsibility falls on the parent.”

Rafferty told me patients who live with harms or regrets do not signal a failure of the affirmative care model. If a child or patient doesn’t like the effects of an intervention, or begins to feel different in their identity, then the provider continues to affirm by discontinuing treatment. “They’re not treatment failures if that’s what’s affirming,” he said.

In other words, the logic of affirmation seems to ensure only successful outcomes, circumventing questions of risk and benefit entirely. If parents and providers find this untenable, they are rejecting an argument — not trans people.

[ Via: https://archive.md/guho4 ]

There are no grown-ups in charge. Children are self-diagnosing and self-treating.

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hopefulatrocity · 11 months

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From The Ashes Chapter 6

Note: Daryl's POV of his first sights of Pheonyx. I'm excited to give a description of Pheonyx's tattoos. Meanings will be explained throughout the whole story. This chapter ended up running longer than I intended so I split it in two. Also, some of Daryl's thoughts are transphobic(thoughts about body shape indicating gender, etc) but he also doesn't have experience with trans people outside of just being aware they exist. It will take time for Daryl to relearn what he knows but it will happen. Also the internal denial and homophobia makes me so sad for Daryl.

Chapter CW/TW: internal homophobia, transphobia, descriptions of past abuse, denial of sexuality?(Not sure how to describe it), tattoos, self-deprecating thoughts

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics and @omiyours

Banner by: @liminal-creations

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DARYL'S POV

When he pulled up in front of the picturesque farm house, he hadn’t expected…. Well, he hadn’t expected him. The old man, the older woman, the girl who had brought Lori to the farm, and even the two teens. They fit perfectly in front of the white house with the wrap around porch. They looked like the type of people who went to church every weekend with their pristine white clothes and floral dresses. The type of people who would preach love and acceptance but would be spreading hateful rumors during the church potluck. The same people who turned their noses down at him and Merle, when they were kids, just because they were related to Will Dixon. But the man standing on the porch definitely did not fit that profile.

Leaning on the porch railing, a stocky hound mix standing at this side, was a man whose eyes radiated sorrow and hardship despite their steely edge. Both emotions were in ready supply since the world ended but this was different. With most people, their grief could be seen on the surface of their eyes. It was a recent pain for most of them, the ones in his group especially, because they hadn’t experienced loss or extreme austerity until a few months ago. This man’s pain was soul deep. Only someone who had lived through something terrible had eyes like his. They were haunted. Eyes that had obviously seen darkness in the world, whether it be recently or before the veil of normalcy was lifted when the dead rose. Daryl would know. He saw the same thing whenever he looked in the mirror. He saw it in his brother’s eyes as well. It wasn’t just the man’s gaze that made him noticeable, though. It was his appearance, too.

When Daryl first saw the tattooed man, he had to take a second to appraise him. His mind wanted to say this person was a girl. He had a softness to his curves and his face that hinted at femininity. The gray tank top he wore clung to his sides and silhouetted a slight hourglass shape that most men didn’t typically possess. As he started walking down from the porch, though, Daryl threw that notion out the window. This person was all male. There was no sway to his hips, like most girls Daryl had met, and his overall gait just emanated masculinity. His mannerisms reflected this. He placed himself slightly in front of his group, specifically the girl with short brown hair, and had his hand planted on the gun at his side. He was tense, and ready to protect these people with his life. The women Daryl had been around, before and after the world went to shit, didn’t stand like that. All of this had him concluding that this person was wholly male.

He looked to be just a couple inches shorter than Daryl’s 5 '10 " height with short, thick brown hair that was streaked with blonde from long hours in the sun. His skin reflected this and was tanned to a nice golden tone. The softness of his face made him look like he was no older than 16. But Daryl knew with professional tattoos like the ones adorning his arms, he would have had to be at least eighteen to get them at a tattoo shop. He looked young but Daryl’s instincts told him that the man was in his late 20’s. The gray tank top he wore was clean but the jeans were worn from work and frequent wear. Knees torn and stained brown from dirt. The other people were all unarmed but this man had several weapons on his person. A curved, thin sword of some type was encased by an obviously homemade sheath. The leather was sewn together with care and looked soft even from a distance. A handgun was holstered on the other hip with a hunting knife next to it. He also had a bow and quiver slung over his shoulders. Shoulders that were adorned with beautiful artwork.

These tattoos weren’t the type that most of the people he knew had. They weren’t shitty pieces done by scratchers in dirty trailers. Hell, even a few of his own were pieces like that. Bad decisions made while drunk, under pressure from his brother, or just plain youthful stupidity. The man’s tattoos would have taken dozens of hours of work and months of healing. There was thought put into each, as they blended seamlessly with each other. As Daryl got closer, and the man moved to stand next to the girl that took Lori to the farm, he was able to decipher each one. On one arm, a large medusa was depicted in a gothic style. The snakes of her hair wrapped around his bicep, almost slithering with each movement of his muscles. One trailed up his shoulder and over his neck until the flicking tongue was just under his ear, almost as if the reptile was whispering secrets to him. The once-priestess’s eyes were completely black with lightning-like lines spreading from the voids. The only speck of color in the tattoo was the pomegranate that Medusa held in her hands. Blood seeped from the seeds and down into the tattoo on his forearm. The crimson drops trailed down the branches of a lifeless oak tree. The thin branches were all black and cracked, scratchy in style, leading to the twisted trunk that was covered in knots. Dead brown leaves hung loosely on some of the branches. At the base, the roots wrapped around his wrist, like a morbid bracelet. Like the Medusa tattoo, there was only one speck of bright color; a green oak leaf connected to a small acorn that was falling to the ground near the roots. The lines of the roots of the tree lead into the snarling wolf face on his hand, bright blue eyes seeming to glow from his skin.

On his other arm, his hand had a skull that was shaped from smoke, all of the lines wispy and gray. The eye sockets were the same bright blue as the eyes of the wolf on his other hand. The smoke it was created from was coming from a geometric gothic style dragon that wrapped around his forearm like a snake. The scales of the body were made up of triangles and diamond shapes, almost like a creepy dot-to-dot piece. Smoke was leaving its mouth and, along with his hand, the smoke led into the tattoo on his bicep. The muscled upper arm was decorated with a realistic scene fit from a dark storybook. Almost like a scene from the Rapture, red fire and smoke rose from the earth. Dead bodies littered the ground, swords through some, others broken like dolls. Creatures that looked like demons, their eyes an even brighter red than the flames in the background, were feasting on the corpses depicted on his arm. High in the clouds on his upper shoulder, an “angel” was looking down, as if watching the carnage unfold. But, to Daryl, the “angel” looked no better than the creatures on the ground. Its wings were black and broken. The feathers were patchy and some areas were bald. The gown the “angel” wore was torn and looked as if it was blowing in the wind. And the eyes. Its eyes were completely black. Fangs were descended from lips that smirked at the slaughter it was witnessing. Daryl wondered if there was any certain meaning behind the tattoo, because it was eerie. He wondered what emotions or events could inspire such an image. There were more dark lines on his chest that peeked from underneath the collar of the shirt he wore. But Daryl couldn’t make out what they were. All of the tattoos on his skin were masterpieces and evoked intense feelings from him. He tried to convince himself that that was the reason his eyes kept traveling over the man’s form. It definitely wasn’t the lean muscles that roped over his body. Or the way his skin glistened with a small amount of sweat from the blistering heat. Or the way his green eyes reminded Daryl of the woods he always found a home in. Or the way the jeans he was wearing encased perfect thig-

As he was appraising the other man, light green eyes locked with his own and he had to suppress the shiver that went down his spine. A breeze must have been blowing through and cooled the sweat on his skin. That was the only obvious reason for his reaction. He wasn’t gay or bisexual or whatever else. True, he found some men attractive, but most men did. Didn’t they? And while he rarely felt sexually attracted to women, he still did on occasion feel it. He wasn’t a virgin, he had had hookups with women in the past, so he was obviously straight. He hadn’t slept with or kissed a guy so he obviously wasn’t gay. In truth, Daryl had thought about it though. There were times where he wanted to do those things with other men. In those moments though, he could hear the raging voice of his father in his mind. He knew if Will Dixon had ever suspected that Daryl held carnal feelings for other men, that he wouldn’t live to see another day. He suspected the same for his brother. The Dixon brothers cared for each other and would die for one another. But Daryl knew that Merle was more like his father than he wanted to admit. Growing up, Daryl had learned to tune out his father’s prejudiced rants–mostly about black people but his father hated anyone who wasn’t a white straight male– but Merle had soaked in all the hate. Daryl always suspected it was because his brother wanted to connect with their dad in some way that didn’t involve a leather belt. Merle may have hated the man, but inside he was still a little boy that was vying for his father’s affections. And as he grew older, Merle used those hateful words their father used, to push people away. It was better to be alone than to have someone in your life that might hurt you in the future. Daryl did the same thing, but in a different way. He just avoided people. It was isolating at times, but usually he had his brother to fill the void of loneliness. When he was angry or wanted to keep people from getting closer, his anger would get the better of him and he would lash out. He always hated himself in those moments. Because it wasn’t his words coming out of his mouth, it was his father’s. The same cruel rhetoric, that damaged his heart growing up, was a weapon he used when he felt cornered. Like a wounded animal fighting tooth and nail to survive.

Those moments aside, he tried to be everything his father wasn’t. So, he tried to avoid the prejudices he grew up with as much as he could. He had no problems with people of other races and he felt that other people’s genders/sexualities weren’t any of his business. If anyone had bothered to ask, he would have told them that. But often people’s views of him were colored by his brother and father. They were racist, homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, and sexist, so Daryl must be as well. While he missed his brother, part of him hoped that now the group would see him outside of his brother’s shadow.

Having been lost in his own thoughts, Daryl almost missed the conversation between Dale, Lori, and Rick. Thankfully, Carl would be okay. A slight bit of relief filled his body. They had one kid missing, they didn’t need another to be on his deathbed. Truthfully, he liked the little guy. Of all the kids at the Quarry, Carl was never afraid to greet Daryl and his brother. He would often ask incessant questions about what they were doing and ask them to teach him how to hunt and skin animals. Merle would try to scare the kid away but Carl wasn’t easily swayed. Daryl had been tempted to teach the kid some survival skills but his mother’s reaction whenever she saw Carl near the Dixons was enough to put that idea to bed. She would immediately drop whatever she was doing and come pull the boy away, muttering apologies for bothering the men. Lori babied the boy and Daryl knew she would never allow the kid anywhere near a knife to skin animals. Let alone spend hours alone in the woods with two rednecks. Otherwise he might have considered it. The kid was smart and he had a fire in his eyes that piqued Daryl’s curiosity. The idea of that flame being burnt out made him feel nauseous.

Rick told the group that Shane was responsible for saving the boy’s life, and everyone gave him nods of appreciation. Daryl narrowed his eyes though. Something was off about the man now. Baggy clothing and buzzcut aside, something had changed in the man since he last saw him. Shane was a narcissist with a savior complex and normally ate up any praise or gratitude thrown his way. But now, he turned his head and avoided eye contact with everyone. Daryl couldn’t help but notice the way the tattooed man’s nose scrunched up slightly at the praise being directed towards Shane. He wasn’t the only one who noticed Shane’s odd behavior.

“We owe a lot to Pheonyx too. He donated blood. Gave Carl time until Shane could get back with the supplies.”, Rick said and looked at the man Daryl was captivated by earlier. He saw the man stiffen and drop his gaze to avoid the curious looks from the rest of the group. It was something Daryl often did.

Pheonyx, Daryl thought and ran his gaze over the man again. While Daryl never finished high school, he had been an attentive student when he was able to attend. He vaguely remembered the lessons on Greek mythology from his freshman English class. In the stories, the phoenix was a singular bird, only one existing at a time. Every 500 years, the bird would make itself a nest and die in a burst of flames. From the ashes, a new bird would emerge. While his teacher insisted that the phoenix was a symbol of immortality and resurrection, to Daryl, the bird was a symbol of survival, hope, and rising above death. With eyes traveling over Pheonyx, he concluded that the name suited him. The weapons, his protective stance, the look of emotional scarring in his eyes. Pheonyx was a survivor. Like Daryl, he was made for the world as it was now.

The group exchanged hugs of relief with Rick and Lori. While Daryl was happy that Carl was okay, he simply gave a nod to Rick to show his support. Hugs weren’t his thing. Touching in general wasn’t his thing to be honest. Growing up, the only touches he ever received were followed by pain. Now it was something he expected. A slight brush as someone walked by and suddenly he was on the floor of their dirty trailer. His shirt torn, blood running down his back, while his father stood over him holding his belt. That same belt that he saw every night in his dreams.

Daryl was pulled from his nightmares by the feeling of a warm, vibrating body pressing into his leg. Looking down, he saw the happy face of the hound mix that was at Pheonyx’s side a few moments ago. He had always loved animals, dogs especially. With an abusive father and a –mostly catatonic– alcoholic mother, pets were never in the cards for him though. But he did remember playing with the stray dogs in the neighborhood, sneaking them bits of food, and offering them offal from his hunts when he got older. Hounds were a common find where he grew up. Most men had them for hunting. Daryl guessed this pup was a Bluetick mixed with a Bully breed. His coloring was typical of that type of hound, from his speckled white fur to the lining of brown around the large black spots that encompassed his ears and eyes. Floppy ears aside, the rest of the dog’s body was all Bully. He was stocky with thick muscle and a brick-shaped head. The dog had to weigh at least 70 lbs, mostly muscle. Daryl felt his heart hurt as he noticed the old scars littering the hound’s body. Patches of fur were missing around old cuts all over his frame and the tips of his ears were ragged from torn skin. Too many injuries to just be from fights with other dogs. Someone had hurt this dog a long time ago. To some, he might seem scary. The scars, his size, and his breed. But Daryl could see a heart of gold in his brown eyes. Despite the obvious pain in his past, the dog had greeted everyone with love and affection. He was a survivor. Just like his owner, if Daryl’s instincts were correct.

A small smile wisped over his lips and he dropped a hand down for the dog to sniff. His already-wagging tail began to swish faster and he pressed himself closer to Daryl’s leg, making the man vibrate from all the wiggling. A soft blocky head pressed into his calloused fingers and he scratched the dog behind his ears. Feeling eyes on him, Daryl lifted his head and caught Pheonyx’s green eyes looking between him and the dog. A plump bottom lip was caught between white teeth and Daryl felt heat rise in his body. Obviously from the ascending temperatures outside. Not from any sort of attraction to the other man. Pheonyx averted his eyes when Daryl’s eyes met his, a blush spreading over his cheeks. The younger man was obviously feeling the effects of the Georgia heat too. Because there was no way a man like him could find Daryl attractive. Daryl was…well Daryl. A no-good, old redneck with the emotional range of a can opener. No one would ever want him. His old man made sure to tell him that all the time growing up.

Hershel, the doctor who owned the farm, announced that they were having a service for a man named Otis, who had died helping Shane get the medical supplies to save Carl’s life. Daryl watched as Pheonyx called the dog over to him, using a distinct three note whistle. A few steps behind the others, the pair followed the other members of the farm towards a thick patch of trees a distance from the house.

To be honest, Daryl would have preferred to not attend the small service. For one, he needed to be out searching for Sophia. The girl was going on day three of being missing and he was worried about how well she was fairing in the wilderness. He still wholeheartedly believed she was alive, but without water and no food, she would be getting weak. If she did find a water source, it might not be clean. She might eat berries that were poisonous. The possibilities were endless. Secondly, Daryl was uncomfortable around strong emotions like grief. He didn’t know how to respond. Especially when people cried.

But this man had sacrificed his life to save Carl’s. The least he deserved was the presence of Carl’s group at his service. Daryl may have felt like he didn’t exactly qualify as part of the group, but he still found himself staring as the strangers placed stones on top of a pile of rocks that was erected as a memorial to Otis. Hershel read from the Bible as everyone took turns placing their stones on the memorial. Daryl stood at the back, facing towards the members of the farmhouse. He would never admit it, but his eyes kept drifting to the face of one certain person. Pheonyx was also distanced from his family. He had his arms crossed over his chest, making his biceps become more defined and the snakes on his upper arm danced at each movement. The other man’s eyes, that looked at everything but the service in front of him, radiated grief, but only internally. Outwardly, his body radiated strength and composure. It was a coping mechanism that Daryl was all too familiar with.

Hershel asked Shane to share Otis’s last moments, and Daryl saw the cop tense up and mutter something about not being good at speaking. He avoided eye contact with all the Greene’s. The older woman, who Daryl assumed was Otis’s wife, insisted on Shane speaking. She wanted confirmation that her husband’s death had meaning. It took a moment but Shane began to speak, sharing his story of what happened at the FEMA center. As he spoke, Daryl knew why Pheonyx had reacted oddly earlier when Rick praised Shane for saving Carl. He wasn’t the best at reading people, he often tended to lean towards the idea that all people were bad, but he did know when people were lying. It was an unfortunate side effect of having a mother, father, and brother that were addicts in some form or another. The story was embellished with the heroics of the dead man but Daryl knew something else had occurred at the school. Something Shane was leaving out. Daryl watched Pheonyx’s face scrunch up into a sneer for a brief moment and his fists clenched, making the muscles of his arm tighten. As quick as it came, the look on his face was gone, and he continued to stare out into the field, avoiding the grief radiating from his family. After Shane finished his tall tale, the group bowed their heads for a moment of silence. Daryl followed suit but he kept his eyes up, watching as Pheonyx moved forward to pick up a stone from the wheelbarrow next to the memorial. He gripped it in his hand for a moment, staring at the hard object, before gently placing it onto the memorial. As if he transferred all of his grief into the dirty rock, Pheonyx’s muscles lightened at the loss of it in his hand. He stood there for a moment before backing away. Watching the man intently, Daryl would have given anything to know what he was thinking in those moments.

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lunarsilkscreen · 5 months

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NA: Extraordinary Forgetfulness

When I was young I was extraordinarily forgetful. It was just how I was. Later I learn that this is related to some sort of ADHD or Autism. BUT. That's not the whole story.

I'm a Video Game enthusiast. One day I was requested to bring in a SNES-Mini to work for a holiday party. Normally I would be all over this. A chance to play games at work.

And I completely forgot... This isn't something I had done since before I enlisted... I've experienced mental fatigue and fog before, but this kind of forgetfulness isn't something I experienced in... Forever. When did it start back up?

My youth had a slurry of negative influences, and in all my self-examination I couldn't nail down any single thing. And my family and whomever else had an influence couldn't solve it.

I was expected to figure out how to solve a lot of problems most kids shouldn't've. My family members can tell you just how routinely forgetful I used to be. And to an extent, I still am.

But during depressive episodes it's so much worse.

Some a* said: "You forget youre a men all the time." Butch, I'm more manly than you and I rejected my manliness...

So what is *this* depression? Vitamin-D deficiency? I don't think that's the whole story. It's a part of it. Going from a mainly outdoor job to an indoor job is. But I was also really depressed when I was younger, and outdoors more.

Somebody said it's puberty. Puberty makes you depressed especially when it initially boots up.

That doesn't explain the entire first 24 years of my life. As many as 4 years of my life, maybe. But the other twenty? That's a drop in the bucket.

Let me clarify: Depression isn't being unhappy. It's not being sad. It's the inability to feel most emotions. This includes a commonly noted observation of people unable to feel the *reward cycle* from a completed job.

Depression looks closer to that *robot persona* stereotypically linked to autistic people. I'm not saying that depression and autism have a causal link. I'm noting an observation.

Because you can't feel and process any emotions, that leaves you in a perpetual fugue state. Not one where you lost your identity, but one where you can't build one.

If I was to suggest a link between the Trans and Detrans experience, it would be this perpetual depressive state that doesn't clear up ever. And being told that it's just typical. "Life is perpetual suffering, if you're not depressed, you're doing it wrong."

Simultaneously, that's why people will cling to which ever depiction that shows people *happy*. Something I've seen from teens cling Youth-Ministries, Drugs, or any other *promise* that the pain *can* end.

It's not the promise of being perpetually happy, it's the promise of being able to experience [not suffering] for a moment. And there's a difference.

That doesn't afford a one-size fits all solution. This could be abuse, oppression, or just life experiences (death). This could be internal, such as clinical depression and being trans, or having a hormonal or dietary imbalance. Even a lack of sleep that relates to your circadian rhythm.

So the question really is; When did *that* depression clear up for me the first time? That would be from the stability and security offered to me by the military, as well as the ability to pursue self-substantiation.

To be clear; it didn't go away--it only eased everything else that prevented me from being able to address it. I still had social anxiety and an inability to confirm without intentionally suppressing emotions to do so.

And those emotions didn't stay at that level, they increasingly got worse and worse as I dealt with them the only way I knew how. Especially as my level of responsibility rose.

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tuttle-did-it · 5 months

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Doctor Who The Star Beast initial thoughts (spoilers)

what are they all reaching for? Can someone explain this to me?

I need to chew on this episode a little more because I don't know how I feel about some of it.

I haven't properly watched Doctor Who since Catherine Tate left. I've seen a bit of things in between, but frankly hated most of what I saw. The only reason I'm watching now is because I LOVE Catherine Tate and David Tennant together. They're my favourite pair, and I couldn't not watch if they were finally going to resolve the horrific ending for Catherine Tate.

The good:

Catherine Tate and David Tennant still have electrifying chemistry. Catherine Tate was an absolute delight, as she always was on this show.

Yasmin Finney, as in Heartstoppers, is adorable and charming and fun to watch.

Shaun was a good character, and I liked the Noble-Temple family (except her mum, still hate her mum)

I loved the trans acceptance and I LOVVVED how much Rose's parents treasured and truly loved her. I LOVE ally-Donna, and I wish every queer child out there had parents who were that amazing.

The conversations regarding queerness- it's okay for cis-hets to be uncomfortable and awkward with how to deal with us, it's good for them to talk about it and learn, as long as they still show us respect. It was fine to show that this was new to the cis-hets and they loved Rose so much, they were learning to adapt. That's nice, and it's okay to show that this is hard for cis-hets at first, sometimes.

The conversations regarding pronouns treated as a normal consideration.

Related to this, in this anti-queer era, where trans children can now be taken away from their parents (in America), and the anti-queer/anti-trans attitudes all over (especially US and Britain), I admire that RTD was like 'I'm going to have a beautiful Black trans girl on Doctor Who and I'm going to give her loving and supportive parents, and fuck you if you disagree.' He knew this would get him a lot of backlash, and still did it anyway. And I appreciate and admire that.

The new Tardis interior is a nice kiss to previous iterations whilst a nice spin on things

Donna's horrific ending with Ten was one of the things I have always disliked about NuWho. I HATED what they did to her. It would have been better to kill her than mind-rape her, I hated that ending. It was so cruel. Although I didn't like the way they did it, I'm so happy that's finally resolved and she can go back to being the absolutely brilliant character she became at the end of her run.

The reference to the Tom Baker era with the barrister's wig in Tennant's jacket. It was silly but fun.

Rose's cute little stuffed toys were fun, but the moment I saw the one that looked like an Adipose, I knew the energy had been passed down to her and that would be enough for Donna to survive. Not so much sign-posting as it was sign-blockading- just announcing the entire plot immediately.

The character of Rose, even if I don't like her name, was still an interesting, intelligent, creative and thoughtful young Black trans woman, and that is always a delight to see. After 60 years, there is finally a queer Black person in the Who universe and I really love that. Regardless of whether I think this is a good episode or not, RTD intentionally and knowingly bringing a Black trans woman into the world was really, really lovely.

I also loved seeing a Black father who was loving, supportive and kind- Black fathers are very often shown in entertainment to be harsh, abusive, distant, etc to their families, so I like that we got to see a great Black father who clearly loved his kid and his wife.

The bad:

The annoying monologue beginning- show, don't tell. That was just silly to watch. Especially with just HOW dramatic they were trying to make it.

The Marvel-looking opening, I'm cool with the big budget, but it did feel disconcerting and took away some of the charm of the shoe-string budget DW.

Why, WHY does every story with a trans youth have to show bullying? No, let's talk about this. Because it feels like every story that does include a trans/non-binary/queer character, there is inevitably the scenes that show us suffering and being mistreated. What if, just once, there was a trans youth who was happy, and all their friends were cool with it, and they weren't mistreated because they were different? What if we didn't have monsters tormenting a queer child? We are more than our suffering. And we are story-worthy despite the many scenes of torment. It's almost 2024. Let's try to have at least one queer character in something that is not mistreated because of their identity. Just for fun, let's try it.

The deadnaming of Rose. That added nothing, it was unnecessary, her name is Rose, and no one needed to acknowledge any name that she was previously known by. Please, writers out there: if you're going to have a non-binary or trans character who has found their new identity, understand that we do NOT need to know what their previous name is. Especially if it is going to be used to hurt that character through abuse.

The plot was very, very basic. I know it's a children's show, I know it's trying to reset some things, I know it's going to be very 1-2-3 but does it have to be SO 1-2-3? Couldn't we throw in a spin? 1-1.75-2.35-3? Just a little less basic? I knew everything that was going to happen within just the few minutes.

RTD has an obsession with linking everything back to everything. I never really cared for Billy Piper's Rose, and never really cared for the obsession Ten in particular had for Rose. So I don't see the need for the name, it just feels unnecessary and an attempt to link things back to previous people and events. It's not necessary. We can love Donna's daughter without her being called Rose. I know that's RTD's thing, but I don't really love it.

Donna's mum. She's exhausting. I know that's the point, but I just don't really care for her. The story would have moved faster and been more enjoyable without her, for me.

The pacing of the entire episode was a mess. Everything was drawn out and over-explained until the third act, which was put into hyperspeed with nonsense explanations.

The weird creation of bullet-proof shields from the sonic screwdriver? I know it's a trope that is just used to get out of every scenario, but it just felt a bit silly. I preferred when the sonic screwdriver is used for practical things like 'resonating concrete,' but not absurd things like creating a shield. If he can create bullet-proof shields with that sonic screwdriver, then there's never any danger for him if he has enemies near- just draw a shield. It's stupid, and immediately takes away all drama and energy.

The Doctor just randomly telling this UNIT stranger all of his woes and secrets and thoughts and worries- again, show, don't tell. None of this needs to be said. And it certainly doesn't need to be said in a hyper-dramatised way. To a random stranger he doesn't know. Even someone like me, who hasn't seen the show in many, many years, will catch up without the monologues.

Because the pacing was a mess, the third act was a mess-- they had to fly through the whole 'Donna will die' stuff, and the 'but she and Rose still have the energy inside them and need to get rid of it' and that was definitely a weak part of the story.

Just 'let it go.' What? 'It's a shame you're not a woman anymore, 'cos she would have understood.' What? What does this even mean? This whole resolution made absolutely no sense.

I'm struggling to understand why the meta-crisis energy was never activated in Rose previously? Why she didn't get a letter home from school when she was glowing? Why when the kids were tormenting her on a playground she didn't accidentally nuke them all with all that power? Why did Donna have to be activated before it activated Rose? That didn't make any sense. Again, not integral, but just another little annoyance.

Rose's cute little stuffed toys were fun, but the moment I saw the one that looked like an Adipose, I knew the energy had been passed down to Rose and that would be enough for Donna to survive.

Also, how did Donna know that he'd regenerated back into Tennant? He never tells her. He also doesn't tell her he was a woman before. Arguably, it could be the energy telling her, but that energy hasn't come in contact with him for 15 years so why would it read him and his past and instantly tell Donna everything? And if that had been the case, Rose should have known who The Doctor was when she met him. Again, not crucial, just another annoyance that wasn't cleared up.

the second we see the cup of coffee, we all know exactly what's going to happen. Couldn't they have thought of a better way to keep Donna in the Tardis?

Donna finally gets to re-evolve, and the first thing you have her do, the first thing? Is to destroy his new console. Seriously?

Tennant's energy was a bit off. Not sure why, yet- I felt he was playing it just a little too much. It felt performative. The first moment it didn't feel that way was when he and Donna were in the Tardis for the first time.

RIP Bernard Cribbins. 🥺 You would have made this episode much better.

Things I'm chewing on

I appreciate that RTD tried to show a beautiful, strong, intelligent Black trans woman with a supportive and loving Black father (Black fathers are very often shown as abusive or absent, so that's really lovely, thanks RTD). So I'm thinking a lot about that, how Rose was represented both on her own and with her family, etc. That's beautiful, and lovely. And all too rare.

I might be struggling with how Rose's gender identity was part of the plot. Particularly, Rose's comment, 'I'm finally me.' I'm trying to work out what that meant. If she wasn't aware that the meta-crisis energy was in her, what, exactly, was stopping her from being her? She was already recognised by her friends and her family as Rose, as 'she.' So... what was that energy doing to her inside to make her say that? Is that why she was feeling lonely and different? Because that's not really made clear.

It also felt a bit like they were saying that Rose was nonbinary and trans because of the meta-crisis energy that had been passed down from Donna. That the energy had changed her somehow, and made her different. So, are they saying she was only trans and non-binary because of the energy inside her? If that's the case, are they inadvertently saying that Rose is not actually trans, and that now that the energy is gone, she knows her true identity? Are they saying trans and non-binary isn't something she was born with? That it's something that can be done to someone, without their knowledge or consent? And that she suffered unnecessarily because this energy made her believe she's trans and non-binary? Would she have been trans and non-binary had the energy never been passed down to her? I'm not really clear on what their message here with all of that was. I think it was poorly written, and thus not very clear. I need time to think on it to try to understand what they were trying to say with all of this.

I am looking forward to Ncuti Gatwa joining-- having two queer Black actors in the tardis would be really lovely (if Rose ends up on the Tardis), and I hope they do that just to piss off the cis-het anti-'woke' crowd.

That said, I wonder if it was fair to Gatwa to bring arguably the most popular NuWho Doctor back just before him. The racist 'fans' are already complaining because you dared to have a transgender and non-binary Black woman on the show. They're probably not too happy about having a queer Black actor stepping into the Tardis, either. By bringing the fan-favourite Tennant back for the 60th anniversary and then taking him away again, I wonder if those 'anti-woke' fans might rally even more against Gatwa, complaining that 'we could have had Tennant again.' Obviously those idiots will find anything to complain about, so fuck them. I hope that people embrace Gatwa with open arms. I haven't enjoyed DW for a very long time, but I'm certainly willing to give him a shot, as I do like him. I'm looking forward to seeing at least the first few episodes with him before deciding whether to continue with it or not.

#doctor who #doctor who 60th anniversary #david tennant #catherine tate #yasmin finney #ncuti gatwa #the star beast #trans and nonbinary characters in entertainment #transgender women #rtd #russell t davies #rip bernard cribbins #donna noble #doctor donna #tenth doctor #lovely family dynamic and supportive parents for a Black trans nonbinary woman and that's really lovely #RTD is going to piss off the anti-woke neanderthals and I love him for this even if I don't really like the episode very much #please stop deadnaming trans characters #please stop focussing on trauma and pain for queer characters #we are more than our suffering and honestly we deserve better #pronouns #normalise pronouns #thinking about the doctor who special and not sure how i feel about it #wow disney gave them a lot of money #doctordonna #long post #doctor who spoilers #catherine tate and david tennant have such wonderful chemistry and I really do enjoy watching them together #transgender #trans characters

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