#toxic family cycle

[amomentwiser]

"Why don't you spend time with us?" they say, "Keep your phone away at the table."

Parents say they want to talk — until it's about anything real.

They don't want to know about how their plans for your future make you feel.

They don't want to know your fears, hopes or dreams.

The things you're interested in — your favourite music, games and movies;

Or the things you've come to believe.

Sometimes it feels like parents don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see you in relation to themselves.

Or sometimes they do talk about music and games and movies, and it's even worse — because the conversations you want to have are serious.

And it's worse because it becomes very clear, that they don't want to have conversations that matter. That, god forbid, make them feel.

They want to avoid talking about all the times they yelled at you. No apology, no acknowledgement. Just glaze over those parts and pretend everything's normal. Neither guilt nor remorse.

And you're left wondering whether this thing you have a memory of actually happened, because everyone is acting like it didn't. And whether your anger is warranted, because everyone is acting like it isn't.

An unspoken decision: "Yes, we were harsh earlier, but we felt bad and are being nice now"

The implied demand: "...so be grateful,"

The undercurrent of a threat: "...or I'll get angry again."

And a push to move on: "Why do you bear grudges? Leave the past in the past."

All these little clues, that you learn to read in their body language and their eyes and their vibe.

And then they balk when you don't call them. Or jump at the chance to spend time with them — or even have a relationship.

It's weird, loving people you don't like. That you'd never choose of your own volition; that you'd never be friends had you met in the real world. People you're indebted to anyway, because they took care of you your whole life and changed your diapers and drove you to school, and what friend would ever do that?

Had they been overly abusive I would've cut them off without guilt; if I didn't know that despite it all, they really did love me, I wouldn't have cared about hurting their feelings.

Some people... you love them only because they are family. If they were a boyfriend, I would've broken up with them; if they were a spouse I would've divorced them. Alas, they are my parents, and I'm destined to love them. To give up a kidney for them if need be, but not any days out of my workweek.

I don't have these conversations with my family because I've come to realise that this is something they're not emotionally equipped to handle. Too much self-awareness would bring out memories not only of the mistakes they made with me, but also all the times adults in their childhood failed them; of all the ways they themselves were wronged; all the years they wasted because of choices they didn't know they had; and all the things they wish they'd done differently. So I understand; the flood of anger and regrets it brings to the surface must be draining.

But that also means that I'll distance myself from them, because for me, their misunderstood love is draining. And because this has to stop somewhere; someone has to start choosing differently — and I've decided it'll be me.

#the daddy's girl to daddy issues pipeline #brown parents #break the cycle #strict parents #toxic family #brown people problems #self love #self care #quotes #writers on tumblr #desiblr #desi culture #desi girl #indian writer #desi parents #dysfunctional family

[family-trauma]

Some self therapy narratives to think about or ask yourself when you are stuck in an environment with toxic folks...

So it takes a very long time to change your mind to go from the left to the right. I can contest to it, that it took me years to understand, realize and change my perception. Before I started on this journey of self therapy, I used to feel exactly like the left side of those images. Thinking that I was the reason why they are treating me so badly. That it was a "me problem" and they weren't at fault at all. Until I realized it's the complete opposite. That they are projecting their own unhealed trauma onto me and expecting me to take it like a sponge. No more. I finally realized what it means to have a thick skin.

It does get sad, lonely, and depressing sometimes when I think about how numb I had to become to not let their words affect me, but that's the only form of self preservation I can see if I have to continue living in this toxic environment.

Does anyone have advice on how they figured out how to cope with people's toxic/nagtive behaviours, other than leaving the environment ofcourse?

#absurd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mental wellbeing #toxicity #toxic people #toxic family #toxic #dysfunctional family #coping mechanism #cycle breaker #black sheep #generational trauma breaker #selfhelp #self help #self therapy #mental therapy #therapy #family-trauma

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Morro: The fandoms favorite ghost

Look what I have for y'all! I heard you liked feral ghost men who are glorified rats? Whelp I've got one for you!

[Before we begin remember this is all for the funsies so be nice]

But in all seriousness I do have many opinions about Morro and his impact on the show and ESPECIALLY on Wu as a character and how we view him. Because yes I do have an English teacher essay for everything lol, anyway moving on.

So Morro is such a complicated character because Young!Morro is very tragic: An orphan who was taken in by a son of this worlds version of GOD and told he was special, shows great promise and potential training his entire childhood for a roll he's been told he's made to fit. Finally the day comes that he's meant to assume his destiny and... nothing, everything he'd ever done and worked for had been for nothing. He's told everything he's ever been told and ever done has been for nothing. And so obviously he doesn't accept this fact doing more and more dangerous stuff until eventually it ends up getting him killed. Which is pretty depressing seeing Morro seemingly wasn't that old when he died.

We obviously know all the stuff he did when he was a ghost, he was a fucking asshole AT BEST a monster at worst. I am NOT excusing the shit he did or saying it was good it wasn't it was reprehensible and awful, but I do kind of understand the mentality he had. He see's this random ass kid get EVERYTHING he ever wanted without trying (we know Lloyd didn't get it without hardship but Morro doesn't) so it's not much of a surprise that he hates Lloyd. Morro is also a pretty good foil/parallel to Lloyd, both were abandoned at a young age before being taken in (by the same person mind you), both trained as children and "lost their childhood" in different ways and both were told they were destined to be the green ninja (only for one that you know wasn't true)

And it's really interesting to me that in the end Morro's death (idk what else to call it) was pretty much a suicide. He gave up. "You can only save those who want to be saved." Were his exact words which are pretty depressing, it's his admittance of final defeat. It's a pretty fitting end for his character, one steeped in a mixture of evil and bad circumstance, after all Wu calls Morro his greatest mistake for a reason.

Honestly Morro is a character I have such mixed feelings on, like i hate him but I also feel kinda bad for him. He make Wu a more interesting character cause we get to see the mistakes Wu makes, which in my opinion very much so mirror the FSM's mistakes with raising Wu and Garmadon. Honestly Wu and Morro are kind of an example of a cycle of bad parenting tbh. Wu was raised with high expectations and still never got his fathers approval (see Spinjitzu Brothers) and so when he was trying to raise Morro he set a high expectation (being the green ninja) and just like Wu Morro also tried to reach this goal he would never be able to achieve. I do NOT think Wu did this intentionally, but ingrained patterns and all that stuff.

But what do I know. I just find these characters interesting and decided to throw my 2 cents in. I hope y'all are doing well, I hope yo have a great day/night! PEACE OUT!

#ninjago #ninjutsu #spinjitzu #ninjago secrets of the forbidden spinjitzu #wu ninjago #ninjago morro #morro wu #ninjago possession #ninjago season 5 #possesion #lloyd garmadon #garmadon ninjago #ninjago fsm #first spinjitzu master #toxic cycle #I'm labeling this as #familial trauma #cause I don't know what else to put

[muninnhuginn]

li tianxi blaming herself for her parents not divorcing and because they don't things escalate past boiling point. blaming herself in the first place for the tensions between them because she has needs and not everyone is willing to try and meet her with them. li tianxi choosing to look away and not say what she sees anymore so this won't repeat. but in the process just ending up enabling tianchen as he spirals down and down.

li tianchen blaming himself because he wanted to fix things for his mum and do what she couldn't but instead he gets her dead. and tianchen just wants to protect tianxi like he failed to protect his mum but he doesn't try to actually *understand* her. so instead his efforts eventually drive her away because there's only so much she's willing to take. she didn't want to be 'protected' like this.

they've both lost their parents and tianxi doesn't want anyone to suffer as she has whilst tianchen wants everyone else to suffer as he has. everyone except tianxi.

wanting to protect someone but not giving them the agency in the decision. in whether they even want to be 'protected' in this way.

#me as always linking it back to the shiguang dynamic with that last sentence huh #link click #link click spoilers #sth again about cycles of abuse. tianxi the eternal victim. tianchen the victim at first but needing the control to never be a victim again #calling it 'hunter' bc that's what he's been told and it's what he clings to bc if not he's just another wild hurt beast #I don't know how much is intentional but the way that the twins' roles are gendered is kinda interesting? #not totally sure if I'm a fan (esp w/ what happened to ltx) but I can see what I think it's getting at #when they had ltc refusing the phone call bc 'no one in the family is mentally ill' + qj's arc having those toxic masculinity vibes #qj taking the role that li fan originally held so even when the twins escape they never actually do. they're held in these roles. #also. it's interesting that ltx was always considered disabled before anything else happened. + then the mutism was the trauma response. #like. her very existence she felt was the cause of tension and she had that knowledge but wanted them to stay as this happy family #that probably never even existed. + like I said not a huge fan of how her chara was treated but she represented hope for a reason #she had that hope within her back then and held onto it until now. it could only die with her. and that's why tianchen lets go. #shiguang daili ren spoilers

[drumlincountry]

I'm so surprised to see so many ppl talking about the end of Young Mungo being depressing or dark........ like the middle is horrific! Many things in this book are horrific. but the end is a beautiful beacon of hope?

#I'm reminded that a friend of mine wasn't allowed to read Jacqueline Wilson as a kid bc their mother thought it was too dark #And that I and another friend of mine adored Jacqueline Wilson because she was the only author who wrote about kids like US #Not that my life has been very like the lives in Young Mungo #Well. No yeah it has. Been similar. To some of them. #He rejects toxic masculinity and the cycle of violence! #His family who can't accept him nevertheless protect him one last time while he leaves to a world with breathable air! #SPOILERS he even murders both his rapists #He does the minimum violence he needs to survive and escape and then he escapes and survives and runs away with his boyfriend??? #I don't see how that's depressing.... #Me Fein #Queer tag #Books #Young mungo

[dolores-hazy]

I just dislike guys at a visceral level. The whole might makes right thing violent subtext in every interaction they make my skin crawl.

My secret

Binding bending

Until breaking

And entering impatient

To stake a claim

Heavy breathing bleeding

Breeding the order of things

Breaking fresh-baked bread

Over bloated bruised body

Sweeping crumbs out to pasture

One hand clutching

A broom, the other his

Cock crowing a new day

Bills to feed and mouths to pay

Be a dear and clear the table

Dessert is on you tonight

Home sweet home sweet

Cherry pie cyanide

One hell of a life

#thank you for sharing your secret with me #i was also inspired by the paula cole song “where have all the cowboys gone” #secret #original poem #prompt poetry #inspired #dark poetry #frustration #toxic relationship #vicious cycle #family dysfunction #marriage #poets on tumblr #lit #wnq writers #spilled ink #something different #poetry #writers and poets #writerscommunity

[lastparty]

you know what we need an angel the series renaissance

#its a completely different entity to btvs but it's a goodbadgood show with a repressed lead and the toxic heterosexual rship of all time #in angeldarla. and it's about family it is about cycles it's about doing what you can and i cannot emphasise enough that it is goodbadgood #AND THEY PUT VAMPIRE YAOI IN SEASON FIVE. season that is my enemy because i watched this whole show for CORDELIA but also it's my friend... #The Curse Of The House of Angel. #ats

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

#cycle breaker #scapegoat child #narcissistic family #toxic family #dysfunctional family #black sheep

[savemeordont]

Blessed be the daughter that grew out of pain, like a a stoic plant taking root from a cold rock. As she was desperately searching for any type of affection, till she knew there is no such thing for her, at least not in that house.

Blessed be the daughter that despite all the bad childhood memories, she took care of herself, she discovered herself, all of her passions, and she forged her greatest strength out of what she found within.

Blessed be the daughter that walked alone on this cruel and dark path, surrounded by furious screams, slammed doors, all while she conjured her own light, building herself a steady path, having the raw taste of freedom in her mouth and the delicate velvety touch of victory on her fingertips.

Blessed be this daughter, as she made it out of the water and the turmoil, now floating confidently into a better life.

#toxic family #toxic parents #strength #poetry #mental health #breaking the cycle #self worth #self love #self impowerment

[seyaryminamoto]

From what I remember in your story, even taking Iroh's initial biases into account I thought part of his intense hostility leading up to his report to Ozai was that he was truly convinced that Azula's true nature was either no better or even significantly worse than Ozai's due to the Iroh's suspicions arc. Azula herself told Sokka she was worried that by throwing him of the trail of their relationship that she may have brought the worst out of him. Honestly this was probably my favorite exploration of their conflict, because if they were truly able to trust each other and talk they could have avoided so much pain and trouble, but both of them over the course of the story had developed genuine and/or biased reasons not to trust one another and viewed themselves as doing the right thing despite their actions ultimately resulting in the worst outcome. Azula was trying to prevent a known adversary from having ammunition to ruin their lives and future plans, and Iroh believed that he was essentially hindering the fire nation by turning what he thought were essentially two Evil Ozais with a good relationship with one another into enemies. I can't lie that I'm not slightly disappointed that in the latest chapter that this aspect of their conflict wasn't brought up more explicitly in the conversation with Zuko when Iroh was talking about his biases. Was I personally thinking that the dynamic was more significant than it actually was or is that dynamic being saved for a future conversation Iroh may have with Sokka and Azula?

Uuuuuh, as for the last question... I don't really know if I'll bring it up some more since I do think I've had Iroh acknowledge why and how he fucked up in that respect in the past + exteriorized that if Azula had acted differently he might just have done it too? Am I crazy for thinking so? Did I write that or didn't I? That's a complicated game to play when you're almost at 5 million words of a story... 🤣

Azula and Iroh miiiight have one more conversation in the future and maybe this will come up there, but I haven't written it yet so I won't make any promises on that front. Admittedly, I don't expect their future encounter to be particularly fruitful. Iroh is 100% genuine in what he has understood and learned, though, that can't be denied and I always have hoped to portray him not as a super wicked villain but as a character who thinks he understands far more than he actually does, with motivations that push him into making mistakes he very much comes to regret.

This being said, the Azula-Iroh and Zuko-Ozai parallels in this story are and always have been 100% intentional. Those two tugs-of-war have been going on forever, and the crux of them was very much the fact that Azula and Iroh distrusted and second-guessed and suspected each other soooo much... because they have similar natures, similar thought processes, and they're both intellectual, suspicious, hiding what's REALLY going on underneath the surface, and immediately wary when they recognize all those traits in each other too. Likewise, Zuko and Ozai have some REALLY ugly parallels and one of those parallels, already given away by the chapter you sent this ask over, is going to be the driving force of the conflict between those two, much as a similar thing was the driving force between Iroh and Azula, in its own way: the more they fight to push the other away, the harder they reject the other, the more they end up embodying the flaws they see in that other person, to an extent where they could do absolutely TERRIBLE things just out of wanting to push the other one as far away as possible.

So yeah, the point was never for Iroh to feel like some sadistic mustache-twirling villain who wanted Azula to suffer just for shits and giggles. He had his reasons to do what he did. Doesn't mean he was right. Doesn't mean he should've done it. What it means is it made sense in his head due to his biases, the information he had at hand at the moment, and the particularly awful relationship he had with Azula. Likewise, Azula's rejection of Iroh back in "Iroh's suspicions" caused her uncertainty and anguish because she KNEW she had taken it too far. She was afraid of the consequences. A part of her KNEW that if she acted differently, there was a chance, however slim, that Iroh might not have made the choice he did. And that's why this is such a messed up situation! :')

Ultimately, I want my characters to have motivations that just... add up. That can be traced. That, upon looking at their actions and choices, anyone can go "oh yeah, this is why they did whatever they did". This is good when it comes to establishing ultimate goals, and it's also good when you want to put characters to the test: how far are they willing to go, what are they ready to do to achieve whatever they're trying to achieve? How much are they willing to sacrifice for it? And the answers to those questions can be VERY extreme and painful. Just so, we can find characters who decide to back down and simply surrender over their goals when they realize that there are other things that matter more. But it's a manner of game a writer plays when it comes to gauging and figuring out what a character wants vs. needs, what a character will fight for and what it will take for them to surrender, and so on. Fundamentally, that's how I built up Iroh and Azula's chaotic dynamic. Whatever comes from that in the future, ultimately, their biggest problem may just be that they were just too smart for their own good, tried to outsmart each other a little too much, and never allowed themselves to just... accept each other properly. They came close to it once, yes! But... they failed. And it's depressing as hell, but complicated characters will always be challenging this way...

#anon #gladiator #those two parallels will never stop making my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #the Zuko-Ozai one though #is just so damn good #I can't wait to get there #because my god you guys #the KEY to breaking the FN royal family cycle of toxicity #is actually in that specific parallel and how I'll deal with it #I never thought it would be until I realized that's where it was #one thing #just the one thing #is going to be a key to giving Zuko a chance to break free from the exact spiral he's falling into #and of course Zuko is a better person than Ozai and of course he hasn't been anywhere near as powerhungry as his father #... but that doesn't change the very dark truths that Ozai and Zuko very much mirror each other #every bit as much and every bit as painfully as Azula and Iroh do #there's not as much of a salvation aspect for those two unfortunately #at least I haven't unraveled it yet #there may be one regard in which they could maybe grow some mutual respect but #I can't see that going too far #so unfortunately zero promises of reconciliations here #Ursa is one thing Iroh is a whole other rodeo #even though Ursa has also done some very fucked up things but... #... fucked up things Azula actually can accept a lot more than the fucked up ones Iroh did so... #it is what it is

[nothing0fnothing]

After my sister and I moved out of her house, my mother became a foster parent. She had started the process to begin fostering when we were children but pulled out when she was informed it would mean an increased presence of social services in the home while her and her husband were abusing us. We were moved out now though, and she thought this was the best way to make a buck off of our empty bedrooms.

It was a shit show. I watched from the sidelines as my mother welcomed vulnerable children into her home, love bombed them for a few weeks, then turned cold and distant once she grew bored of them. The older kids were used to it, and moved on quickly enough. The younger ones stayed, and would just spiral into problem behaviours and mental distress to try and elicit some level of care and compassion from her that would never come. She absolutely thrived off of it. She loved that the kids had nobody else and she loved that she had all the power to make them lose their absolute minds. Once she was done with that, they became "too much" for her, she'd have them moved on, expressing to her case workers that she just wasn't prepared for this level of challenge.

I never saw her hit them, but I watched how after the phase of intense care and attention, she'd switch up and exclude and ignore them. What I didn't witness directly, she'd tell me when we'd catch up, as if she was proud of her behaviour.

She'd be dismissive of their wants and needs, she'd roll her eyes or remind them that she had more important things to deal with than them. They'd cry sometimes and she'd leave them in the room alone.

Being only 20, it was like watching my own childhood play out in front of me and it hurt my heart so much. I'd tell her that she was being heartless, that she was hurting people who had already been through enough, that she needed to stop. Eventually, I started encouraging her to stop fostering entirely "this is more effort than it's worth for you." "You've raised your kids there's no reason you should be responsible for raising everyone else's." Literally anything I thought she might take on board so nobody else had to go through what I did.

She doesn't foster anymore. She did for 3 years consistently, but the agency she worked for fired her and she's never told anyone the full truth about why. Too little too late in my opinion, she had too many kids get emotionally fucked up because of her behaviour, but I'm glad she will never get paid to take an already vulnerable kid into her care again.

#foster care #adoptee abuse #abusive parents #abusive mom #child abuse #emotionally immature parents #enotional abuse #mental abuse #love bombing #cycle of abuse #vent post #toxic parents #complex trauma #parental abuse #dysfunctional family #toxic mom

[family-trauma]

Unfortunately I am currently holding onto that abusive relationship with my family. I keep jumping between guilt and self care, which one should I pick. I've come to realize that I am a cycle breaker of generational trauma and a black sheep of the family. And that it is a lonely road to walk.

As far as therapy goes, it's been alright, I'd say it's nothing special that I wouldn't have been able to work out on my own. At the most you just end up having an unbiased person (if they are a decent therapist ofcourse) to talk to and bounce ideas off of.

#absurd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mental wellbeing #toxicity #toxic people #toxic family #toxic #emotional abuse #generational trauma #cycle breaker #dysfunctional family #family-trauma

[brehaaorgana]

Unfortunately there are people who believe "Christmas in July," is a thing and I just hate that I have to remember Christmas exists and there is no escape from this Christian imperialist mishegas. 🙃🙃🙃

#i was so spoiled not having to deal with christmas for years on end #except at work but like lol #if youve ever liked christmas dont work at a bank #because you will very quickly learn at a bank that christmas primarily makes people feel poor and depressed #and it sucks and its an awful materialistic capitalist nightmare #people just use christmas as a two month long cycle of all their worst tendencies and toxic relationships with family #and santa claus is a pretty terrible system from start to finish #plus those god awful elf shelf things #im so glad i will never have to raise kids with that stuff

[thegremlingirl]

GISELE VON FALBIRG // Little Thieves Characters #2

"We're not done," Prinz von Falbirg blusters. "Get back here this instant."

Gisele clasps the pearls back on as I catch up to her. "No, we are done, because I say so. It's my castle."

She opens the door, then shuts it most of the way and turns, eyes glittering with a ferocious kind of joy.

"Oh and by the way: I'm not even interested in men. Not that you ever asked."

-Little Thieves by Margaret Owen

#little thieves #margaret owen #ya fantasy books #princess aesthetic #edit #moodboard #we love a sapphic princess who breaks toxic family cycles

[rubyrubyrubytuesday]

The Halliwells are sort of 'what if Sam and Dean were more normal about each other because they aren't doomed by the narrative to be in a horror show, stuck in a cycle of endless hopeless paranoid tragedy'.

They're the model for The Most Normal I Think They Are Ever Capable Of Being (living in a house together where their SOs get disrespected because only Siblings Get Votes)

Right down to 'younger sibling gets demon bf/gf, older sibling gets angel bf'

#not a SPN crit btw I love their endless cycle of hopeless horror tragedy I wouldn't have it any other way #Just like SPN ended at season 5 Charmed ended at season 4 btw #sorry for comparing Charmed to SPN it WILL happen again #Dean is both Prue and Piper. Forced to be Mom. #Sam is mostly Phoebe but I guess Paige too? #Paige is superior to Adam in everyway I can't even start #Cas gets disrespected just like Leo. Neither gets votes at family night. Both Cole and My Girl Ruby should have gotten redemption arcs #Cas... it could be worse.... you could be a fourth to fifth wheel... #Phoebe's 'dad dad dad dad' scene where Prue flips out in the Charmed pilot is the SPN pilot bridge scene about mom #I think there's toxic brothers in the later Charmed seasons but it ends at season 4 for me #What the equivalent to Dabb SPN in Charmed? Is it Magic School arc or Billie arc? everyone hates Billie arc I'll go with that one. #you know J2 were in love with each other on set because the Charmed cast wasn't!! #Charmed cast has such primal 'I want to strangle you but I'm stuck with you' energy. And honestly? Perfect. #healthy SPN is just “they are codependent but in a house instead of a paranoia bunker and they get to date other people after season 6” #Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk #rrrt blogs supernatural

[snonkerdoodledreams]

why can't she see that

i am struggling within

because of her

why cannot she see

her actions' consequences

exist and are real

why can't she see me

being damaged day by day

from her screaming and

why doesn't she know

what she is doing to me

is wrong and hurtful

her emotional immaturity

is just a gratuity

her codependence and brutality

is nothing more than a legality

i have the names of these problems now

but that ain't making nothing right

all i wanted when i was a girl

was to be tucked in normally and told goodnight

sometimes i still wonder

why shit has to be this way

and then i tell myself

"it's just for this day"

tomorrow she'll be normal

tomorrow she'll apologize

tomorrow she'll go about usual

tomorrow she won't agonize

saying the things you said to me

is not right, it leaves a bite

and it still isn't okay to say these things

and then go about as if everything's right

because when you do it over and over

to everyone you've ever known

it leaves a lasting scar and damage

words are engraved in stone

#thinking before speaking is important everyone don't forget that #and apologizing doesn't make everything right immediately #it takes time to rebuild a relationship after saying really hurtful things to the other party #you can't just say “i didn't mean it” and then go on like usual and then the next time you get angry the cycle repeats #life doesn't work that way #i wish she were able to see the problems she had and tried to fix them #i wish she'd be able to listen and not cut people out when they attempt to tell her she has a problem #i wish she were able to get past her stigma regarding mental help so that she can get the help she needs to heal #it would be nice to have a mother #because her immaturity prevents her from acting like one #emotional abuse #dysfunctional family #toxic #mental health #tw #poetry #sad poetry #haiku