Dear people who aren't physically disabled who plan to write fantasy settings:
[ID: Several images taken from the Geordi La Forge yes and no meme format, with Geordi holding out a hand disapprovingly for the no section, then pointing in approval for the yes section.
The first image is the meme:
No: "Saying the existance of magic in your setting means there are no disabled people (this literally just means disabled people are killed. AKA eugenics)"
Yes: "Having disabled people who use magical mobility aids and other assistive devices. Realizing that someone is still disabled even if their prosthetic arm is made of magic instead of plastic."
This is followed by four more panels of yes section:
"Geordi la Forge is still literally disabled. His visor helping him does not erase his disability and make him magically abled."
"Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender is still literally disabled even though her Earthbending helps her. It does not make her disability ~magically~ go away."
"Having your disability be accomodated does not mean the disability goes away. Having a prosthetic hand, even one that's made of magic, does not mean you're not disabled."
"Magical mobility aids do not mean disabled people don't exist. It just means they use magical mobility aids instead of plastic or metal ones. A limb made of magic is still a prosthetic even if it's made of the soul of the universe instead of plastic and metal."
Then another no panel: "'There's no disabled people beacuse magic'".
Then one last yes panel: "'Magic helps disabled people in a variety of ways'".
End ID.]
This also applies to science fiction; just because Luke Skywalker's prosthetic hand is super advanced doesn't mean it's no longer a prosthetic, or that he's not disabled. Same with Darth Vader - just because he has a suit that lets him breathe and walk around doesn't mean he's not disabled. (And Star Wars' propensity for making the villains visibly disabled while the heroes disabilities get covered up by super advanced prosthetics is a topic that deserves its own post, especially with how ableist some of the authors of the books are. Troy Denning is especially ableist)
Edit:
Because people keep being fucking obnoxious and ableist in the tags, yes,,, motherfuckers, if you refuse to have disabled people in your setting, that does make you fucking ableist. If you say that the magic is used to cure all disabled people and that's why they don't exist, that's fucking eugenics.
You cannot ""cure"", more like remove all disabilities without fucking eugenics. Magically automatically destroying disabled fetuses (a very fucking popular trope!) is eugenics.
The only way to fucking "cure" autism is to fucking kill all autistic people, also known as eugenics!
What about people with PTSD? Do you just fucking brainwash them so they aren't traumatized anymore?
Do you force all Deaf people to be able to hear? Do you force all blind people to be able to see? Do you force all anosmics to be able to smell?
Do you magically force everyone with a speech impediment to speak to your standards?
Do you force everyone born with bodily or facial differences to live up to your fucking standard of beauty?
You cannot fucking say "disablities don't exist in this universe because magic cures everything" without inherently saying that eugenics exists in your fucking universe.
Not all fucking disabilities need a cure. If you ""cured"" my autism I'd just be fucking dead. You'd literally just be changing me into what you think is fucking acceptable.
Stop fucking arguing in defence of ableists on my fucking post so you can pretend that eugenics has never been written about in magical settings when it is extremely fucking prevalent.
And while we're fucking at it, let your gods damned characters become disabled over the course of their story, and call them disabled within the fucking story. I don't care if they're a robot. I don't care if they have magic. Not all fucking damage can be fixed. Curses exist. Hardware can go out of fucking date and no longer be manufactured anywhere.
Let your characters become disabled and do not magically fucking cure them back to brand new every single time they get hurt. The only thing you accomplish by doing that is destroying any chance of ever having stakes.
No, "magical healing leaves scars on the mind from the memory of the injuries though!!!!" is not fucking good enough. Let your characters have scars. Let them become disabled. Stop being fucking ableist cowards.
Edit number fucking 2:
No, motherfuckers, you do not get to comment "if the disability was caused by magic it's not ableist to cure it with magic". You are the ableist this post is about. Shut the absolute fuck up, stop treating being disabled as the worst possible outcome, and just admit you're a fucking ableist. If you don't want your characters to become disabled, then don't fucking make them disabled.
[ID: The Garfield "you are not immune to propaganda" meme, now edited to read:
"If your first thought upon reading this post is, 'Oh, but it's okay to magically cure disabilities caused by magic!' Congrats…you are the exact sort of ableist jackass this post is about."
End ID.]
Edit number fucking 3:
Autistic people exist! People who are born with disabilities exist! You cannot create a setting where disabled people do not exist because we're all "cured" or "fixed" and not inherently say that you are killing disabled people as soon as they're born, or fucking aborting us as soon as you figure out we'd be born disabled! That's fucking eugenics!
There is no way to "cure" autism without eugenics! There is no way to "cure" people with body differences without eugenics! There is no way to make disabled people nonexistant in your setting without eugenics! Thinking you can and should "cure" and "fix" all disabilities IS EUGENICS!
Also:
[ID: A character shouting at the camera, now edited to read:
"Shut up about Dungeons and Dragons! Shut up about Dungeons and Dragons! If the rules of Dungeons and Dragons are ableist, then fucking change them! It is your fucking personal responsability to be a better person than your bigoted society wants you to be!".
End ID.]
[ID: White text on a dark brown background with white and black borders around the edges, that reads:
"I don't fucking know or care about Dungeons and Dragons.
This post is not about Dungeons and Dragons.
Do not fucking throw the rulebook of Dungeons and Dragons at me like it's some sort of 'Gotcha!'.
You will literally just be blocked like the rest of the ableist assholes who've already tried it.
If you play dungeons and dragons, it's your responsability to make your games not be ableist, even if it means breaking the rules.".
End ID.]
I do not fucking care what the ableist rules are in Dungeons of Dragons. Do not fucking throw ableist rules for a game I have never and will never play at me on a post I made so that people could learn how to make their settings less ableist. If the rules in Dungeons and Dragons are ableist, then fucking change them. If you don't want to change them, then stop fucking playing an ableist game.
Disabled people deserve to see ourselves represented in fiction just like everyone else, without any fucking requirements that we be "cured" or "fixed" before the story ends.
How the fuck would you feel if a trans and gay character's whole story revolved around going on a quest to become straight and cis, did so, and only then was allowed to live happily ever after?
Why do you fucking think suggesting people write stories about disabled people going on a quest to be cured because it's the only way they'll ever be happy is any less fucking offensive?
Also:
This post is NOT a place for you to talk about how disabled people in fiction should have the option of curing their disabilities. It's just not. That's the fucking default for this society. That is not a revolutionary concept. It's not novel. We fucking know this society wants us gone. A post about how disabled people deserve representation is not the place to talk about how "Well, actually, in fiction disabled people should be cured!" Like that's not the fucking universal default???????????
Edit #4:
Everyone needs to stop tagging this singing praise for Fullmetal Alchemist. A story that uses disability as a punishment and the characters are on a quest to cure their disabilities is not the amazing representation you're all claiming it is just because the character who is only disabled because of DIVINE PUNISHMENT uses prosthetics.
Read this post, and this one. Fullmetal Alchemist is a hell of a lot more ableist than you people are letting on.
guess what you can now find a PDF version of this post on the web archive.
Edit #5! August 23rd, 2023!
A) Everyone. Disabilities that can only exist in the magical setting are still disabilities.
Trying to cure the younger brother's magical disability of being a soul floating around in a magical suit of armour is, in fact, going on a quest to heal a disability!
It doesn't matter if the older brother doesn't want to get his limbs back when they're going on a quest to heal the younger brother's disability! Especially when they BOTH get magically healed at the end!
Magical disabilities that can only exist in that setting, but not real life, are still disabilities, and it's not okay to magically heal them either! What part of the Garfield meme on this post did you all choose to ignore?!
B) When you leave tags on a post you are reblogging, the original poster can see them! When you leave tags on this post, I can see them!
If you think this post is ""too aggressive"" then simply do not reblog it! Don't fucking tone police me on a post I've had to edit five times now due to the constant ableism people have been commenting since I made it!
I have been called the R slur by multiple people in response to this post! People have literally reblogged this post to defend eugenics abortions! You can't see these comments or replies anymore because I blocked the poster!
If you think minorities are being too aggressive by responding appropriately to bigotry, you're a bigot! And you should either not reblog the post at all, or at the very least, shut the fuck up and not tone police us!
Do not fucking put tags on this post complaining I'm being too aggressive! That's called tone policing and you're a bigot if you do it! Don't fucking do it on anyone else's posts either! They can see your tags too!
C) When I fucking say Harry Potter fans are banned from this post, yes, this means YOU!
Either stop supporting a billionaire who's literally using the profits from her bigoted shittily written books to fund REAL FUCKING GENOCIDE, or fuck off!
By continuing to support the Harry Potter series, you are literally giving JK Rowling free fucking advertising! You are encouraging more people to read the series and watch the movies, spending more money and giving her more fucking money with which to LITERALLY SHAPE A COUNTRY'S LAWS TO COMMIT GENOCIDE. She is literally fucking fighting to make being trans illegal! She is literally fucking fighting to have even more of autistic people's rights taken away!
You cannot fucking be a fan of the Harry Potter series in 2023 and call yourself an ally to all the minorities harmed by JK Rowling and the bigotry baked into her shitty series!
Read another book! The Web Archive has tons you can read for free! Literally every single book on gutenberg.org/ is free! Including audiobooks for some of them!
If you write Harry Potter fanfiction, simply fucking get rid of the names and identifiable features and start writing original fiction instead! It's literally free!
Not supporting a literal fucking genocidal billionaire costs LITERALLY NOTHING! And if you refuse to fucking stop supporting JK Rowling, which is what you are doing when you support the Harry Potter series and squeal over her OCs, you are not an ally to any fucking minority! No! Not even if you're trans yourself!
= = =
Edit again Nobember 28th 2023 because this comment is just. such a perfect example for all of you that think this doesn't happen.
butter-whore2 said, two hours before this edit:
kind of a fan of tumblr's slightly more algorithmically elements for reminding me of the hell's other people construct for themselves but this one hits like five of the boxes. How do people do this to themselves? it's such a bizarre way to act over media I genuinely do not believe is capable of stirring an emotional response
the metaphysics of disability here are unintentionally really funny but disability is not a coherent ontological framework, it's a vague descriptor for literally thousands of different things none of which lend themselves to categorizing
Moralizing over fiction is incredibly lame.
Liking harry potter is also incredibly lame, it's not morally wrong nor transphobic and you do not get to decide that lol.
people literally do get "cured" of their disabilities all the time, many of them have a positive experience in doing so.
this is not what eugenics is.
the anti abortion stuff lol
Literally how do you live like this? you guys don't even read real books I don't get it.
Archived version of the comment for posterity.
So yeah, lofl, block this fucker.
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Maybe instead of getting better after Starcourt, instead of healing and mending that which has been broken, Billy just gets worse.
There’s no more playful grins behind cigarettes or keg stands held in good fun. No more speeding down empty backroads or engines revving in parking lots. He gets quiet, and that’s the scary part.
Because as soon as someone presses him to talk, he gets mean.
He outright says no when he’s asked to keep an eye on Max, because there are no repercussions anymore — his wounds from the “fire” haven’t healed just yet, and if he shows up in the hospital with new bruises over freshly cracked ribs, the doctors will suspect something.
So the most he gets is a glare from Neil and a stern do it or else.
And Billy, a believer of malicious compliance, picks himself up a walkie-talkie. Does whatever the fuck he wants while the thing sits on his dresser.
If any voices come through, he shuts it off, or at the very least tunes it to a channel that only he and Max use.
She knows better than to use it.
Things between them aren’t any less tense than before, but it’s different now. Now he knows.
So the playing field is even.
He doesn’t meddle in Max’s business, who she hangs around, and Max doesn’t burden him with asking for rides and things alike. Not that he could really do much with his car sitting in the junkyard — Harrington has taken over the task of chauffeur anyway.
Harrington, who apparently also picked himself up a walkie-talkie.
And who somehow managed to learn about Billy and Max’s private channel.
“Hargrove? You there?”
The voice is staticky over the radio, but not out of range. After the brief moment of shock passes, Billy rolls his eyes at the thought of Harrington parked down the block, sitting behind the wheel of his Beamer listening intently for a response.
Rather than reach over to his nightstand, Billy rolls over to face the wall.
His sheets have become more of a nest as of late. Gathered around him in piles because he prefers the chill on his skin to sweating beneath scratchy blankets.
He hasn’t changed the bedding in weeks. Hasn’t opened the blinds or really even left his room at all this summer — the pool has likely already filled his position. Not that he’d be going back any sooner than a year or two from now.
If he ever feels comfortable taking his shirt off again.
“Billy? Look, I know you’re there, man. Max said that this was the channel to reach you on, and—“
Billy snatches the walkie-talkie and holds the button down.
“Go fuck yourself. Over.”
There’s a beat of silence. Then static pours through. Likely the air conditioning in Harrington’s car.
“Touchy,” he tuts. Exhales a heavy sigh and blows a raspberry. “Don’t always have to be such a dick, y’know.”
“Being a dick isn’t something all of us have to try at, rich boy, so put your shit in gear and get off my block.”
There’s another brief pause.
“How’d you know I was in your neighborhood?”
“Walkies don’t work out-of-range, fuckhead.”
“Damn, okay,” Harrington huffs. “Sue me for wondering how you were doing.”
Wondering how I’m doing?
“Wondering how I’m doing?” Billy repeats.
He stares up at the ceiling, brows pinched together.
“Yeah? Y’know, like checking up on you?”
“Why?”
For months, Billy has done nothing but rot in his bed. Too sore to move, too short-fused to bother talking about it.
Too guilty to open any of the get-well-soon cards that he’s received.
Among the poorly-addressed ones with crayon scribbles from his former swimming students, he recalls one almost equally as poorly-addressed dawning the signature Steve Harrington at the bottom.
It was the only envelope he’d bothered to open. Practically had to rip it up with his teeth because of the lack of dexterity in his fingers, though, he never worked up the nerve to dial the number scrawled at the bottom.
Harrington scoffs over the channel.
“It’s like you’ve died or something, man. It’s worrying.”
Disregarding the flush spreading across his cheeks, Billy rolls his eyes and spreads out more atop his comforter.
“If you’re so worried, why didn’t you just ask Max?”
“If she answered my questions, do you think I’d be on this channel right now?”
Billy presses his lips into a line.
He knows he hasn’t been the best brother. Quite the opposite, actually.
But it still aches to learn that Max apparently refuses to so much as talk about him. Makes his limbs sink deeper into the mattress like gravity has doubled down on him.
Makes him want to shut his walkie off and never turn it back on.
“Well, you’re a few months too late on your check-up, Harrington,” Billy rasps. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head at the sound of his own voice coming out so wet and pathetic. “Walking corpse at this point.”
A beat of silence persists. Then the static comes through again.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I have a therapist that already doesn’t help, thank you.”
“Well, if you change your mind…” Harrington trails off. He holds the talk button down for a long beat, absently tapping his fingers against the door panel in his car. Then, he sighs. “Is it okay if I use this channel again?”
Billy’s vision blurs and he sniffles. Thankful that it can’t be heard by anyone but himself.
“Yeah,” he says, and his voice shakes with it.
And that’s how Billy’s radio goes from being dead silent to constantly filling his room with chatter.
It helps and it hinders all at once.
Billy smiles for what feels like the first time in over a year, and laughs, even. But each time Harrington tells a little joke or giggles over the channel, Billy’s heart starts to ache more deeply.
It opens up old wounds.
He feels like Neil knows, somehow, when they’re both in the kitchen together. Accompanied by nothing but silence.
Neil asks if he can babysit for the weekend, and Billy drops the mug that was in his hand with a shaky wrist, fearing an entirely different question that doesn’t even get asked.
When Neil would normally berate him, he simply watches the way that Billy flexes his fingers. The way that he makes a weak fist, unable to straighten his fingers completely once he relaxes them, and his brows pinch in mild worry.
“Still havin’ trouble?” Neil asks.
His voice is gentle enough that Billy’s eyes well with tears as he nods. Bites his lip to keep it from wobbling.
Neil pulls him into a hug and Billy sobs into his shoulder. Not because of the pain or disability, but because he thinks he’s let a hint of love creep back into his life after all this time.
Which should be a good thing.
For once, Billy agrees to watching Max, if only because he doesn’t have the energy to snark back right now. Neil pats his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. Asks if he’s sure, like it’d be no issue at all for him and Susan to cancel their weekend plans.
Billy can’t help that he huffs a laugh. Can’t help that it comes out sounding closer to a scoff.
Why be accommodating now, after a lifetime of neglect and maltreatment? He shakes his head to himself, and his expression must give his thoughts away.
Neil digs his thumb hard into his shoulder, earning a stifled whimper and another influx of tears.
Billy cleans up the broken mug and wipes the liquid away from the floor by himself, knelt on his achy knees while he’s watched like a hawk from the doorway. Like he might shove the glass under the counter if he’s left unsupervised for even a second.
Over the weekend while their folks are away, Billy takes Max out to pick up a couple of movies and get a few snacks with Susan’s car.
Since he so scarcely leaves the house, he turns a few heads when people recognize him.
None so much as Harrington, who gawks at him from behind the fucking desk at Family Video. Billy glares hard at Max when she smirks at him before disappearing to the horror section.
The brunet is a bit more rugged than Billy recalls. Has a stronger jawline and more hair. Lots more hair.
It makes Billy feel especially pathetic, draped in a t-shirt that used to fit his figure well, but now swallows him more than anything.
That heavy feeling droops his shoulders down. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks away nonchalantly when Harrington abandons his station, leaving Buckley behind the counter floundering at the register.
“Look who’s out ‘n about,” Harrington chuckles. He has no issue reaching out and setting his hands on Billy’s biceps, moving close as if to inspect him. “Have I always been this much taller than you?”
Billy flushes red and straightens his posture. Brings himself back up to eye-level, which spurs a dull pain in his spine. He must not do well in terms of hiding it, because the brunet’s brows furrow.
“Do you wanna sit down?”
Rather than respond right away, Billy huffs and waves Harrington off of him. Shoots Max another glare when he spies her watching the exchange from behind a shelf.
“All I fuckin’ do is sit,” Billy grumbles. “If I knew I was gonna get a pity parade I would’a just sent the shitbird in.”
Harrington nods to himself. Takes half a step back and smiles.
“Alright with standing, then. Got it.” He tilts his head to the side. Eyes never leaving Billy for even a second. “Your hair’s grown out a lot.”
His gaze is a fond one. Like they aren’t in public right now. Like Billy is his damn girlfriend on prom night, and he’s seeing the gown for the first time.
Billy shrugs. Absently toys with one of the curls that dangles over his collar bone.
That weird pit is back in his stomach. The one that leaves him crying in the dark when Harrington signs off after hours of chatting about everything and nothing at once.
Billy wonders where he parks his car when they talk for that long. If he’s right outside or in the deep quiet of the woods, where the stars can really be seen and the train shakes the ground.
He’d rather Steve just climb through his window.
“I like it,” Steve adds. Nudges Billy’s elbow with his own. “It’s a soft look. Fits you really well.”
“Are you this nice to all the girls that come in here, or just the ones you wanna pork?” Billy teases.
Steve laughs, and it sounds so much better in person. Billy wants nothing more than to bottle it up and keep it forever.
Before the brunet can come back with a snide little joke of his own, Max meanders up to them. Holds up a few tapes for Billy to approve. Without really looking them over, he hands her the cash, and they all move back to the register together.
Steve rings them up. Max pays. Everything is so much slower than it should be going, like he’s trying to prolong the encounter as much as he can.
Billy understands the feeling.
When Steve slides Max the receipt, he’s less smiley. Billy turns to face the door, but doesn’t miss the way that Max nabs a pen and scrawls something on the slip of paper before sliding it back towards Steve.
Billy decides not to pry. Fears that if he asks, he’ll find that it’s some secret nerd shit that he can’t be privy to.
Fears that the heavy feeling will bear down on him again.
He doesn’t have to ask, turns out. The phone rings later that night, and Billy’s blood pressure spikes when Steve’s voice pours over the line.
“You should come out more often,” he says easily. “Really need some sun.”
Billy just tsks. They wind up sitting on the line for a little under half an hour. Billy wishes it lasted longer.
But he’d rather not explain the minutes away when his father shows him the phone bill.
Just before they hang up, after giggling at each other nearly the entire time, Billy barks out, “Don’t call here again.”
Then he hangs up.
Steve, naturally, gets on the radio not a few seconds later. Giggles and says, “Okay, dick. You can call me from now on.”
They stay up for practically the rest of the night talking.
Billy stares up at the ceiling and wonders how long this little thing between them will last.
He starts to question it more when Steve actually, by some miracle, convinces him to come out a handful of times.
The brunet is really touchy. Always has an arm around Billy’s shoulders or a hand on his back, and constantly bumps their knees together when they’re sitting down. Billy feels stupid for wanting more.
Why, he doesn’t know, because he’s fairly certain that he could ask for anything at this point.
Steve never calls again and that’s okay.
Billy prefers hearing whispers over the radio anyway.
It’s one evening in particular that Max is out of the house for the night, away at the Chief’s place for a sleepover, that the pit in Billy’s stomach turns into a black hole.
Steve has been ranting about his manager for the last half hour, only stopping to mention how a movie cover reminded him of Billy. How he couldn’t even wait to get home before he turned his radio on and pressed to talk to him.
The black hole consumes Billy before he can catch the words leaving his mouth.
“Do you like me?” he hears himself ask.
His voice gets choked up, and the second he lifts his finger off of the button, he rolls over and screams into his pillow. Quiet enough that Neil and Susan won’t hear, but hard enough to let a fraction of the tension out.
“Obviously,” Steve says. “Why else would I be friends with you?”
Billy presses his face harder into the pillow.
He can feel the pressure building behind his eyes. Feel the blistering heat of fresh tears and the throb in his temples as he huffs a strangled sigh into the pillow. Before he can even decide between turning the walkie off or fabricating a response, static pours through.
“Jesus Christ, Steve, he means do you have feelings for him,” Max groans.
There’s a beat of silence.
“What? Rea—“
“What the fuck are you doing on this channel?” Billy interrupts.
He can feel the veins in his neck straining from how hard he’s clenching his jaw. Can practically see red when giggles pour through the radio.
A red hot flush of shame paints Billy’s face when he realizes that Eleven is listening in too.
“What are you still doing on this channel? If you didn’t want us to eavesdrop, you should’ve switched forever ago.”
“How long have you been listening to us talk?” There’s a beat of silence. Billy huffs. “Max. How long?”
“How long have you and Steve been talking?” Max asks.
Her rhetorical question is accompanied by giggles that are cut off when she lifts her finger from the button.
There’s nothing but silence for a moment. Then two.
Billy’s vision blurs as he sets his walkie down on his nightstand. The cold fingers of embarrassment wrap around him and drag him down, lower than he’s ever been drug before.
He’s ruined everything.
His sister not only hates him, but she knows about him now, and the only guy he’s ever let himself truly like is going to want nothing more to do with him after this.
Not for the first time since Starcourt, he wishes that monster had killed him.
“Billy?” Steve asks gently. When there’s no response, he sighs. “Look, we can figure out the channel thing some other time, but… was she right? Is that what you were trying to ask me?”
Silence. Then, giggles.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure I’m right,” Max teases.
“Radio silence,” Steve snaps. “Now.”
His tone is stern. Brotherly in a way that should be surprising, but isn’t, really.
“Signing off…” Max says dejectedly.
Astonishingly, the channel falls silent. Billy sniffles as he reaches over to paw at his nightstand, curling his fingers weakly around the radio.
He doesn’t press the button. Tries to swallow his silent sobs in a failed attempt to compose himself first.
“Billy?” Steve coos, voice much softer now. “If you don’t wanna talk over the radio, that’s fine, but—“
“Yes,” Billy rasps.
A beat of silence.
“Yes?”
“She was right.”
Billy winces at how broken his voice sounds. A whistle pours through the radio.
“Oh, man,” Steve chuckles, and Billy’s heart sinks. “The boy of my dreams wants to know if I have feelings for him? Are you dense?”
There’s a crisp millisecond of confusion before Billy presses the button.
“What?”
“Of course I like you, dude.”
Billy inhales like he just resurfaced for air for the first time in years.
“Why?” he breathes.
“You’re funny, smart, surprisingly sweet, and pretty easy on the eyes. Just for starters.”
If his heart was thumping fast before, it’s going light-speed now. All he can do for a few beats is focus on controlling his breathing.
“You don’t like me,” he murmurs. “Trust me, Steve, I’m fucked up.”
“You aren’t the only one who’s a little fucked up.” Steve hums a laugh to himself. “And I do like you. You’re not gonna be changing my mind about it anytime soon.”
“What if I told you to go fuck yourself?”
“I’d tell you that you don’t always have to be such a dick.”
A tiny hint of a smile creeps its way onto Billy’s face when he hears Steve chuckle.
His eyes are dry. The pool of dread in his belly has begun to drain, and he feels the slightest bit hopeful.
“If you’re so sure, then I guess picking me up for dinner and a movie sometime won’t be difficult for you, will it?”
Steve sighs fondly at the notion.
“Are you asking me out?”
“Are you accepting?”
There’s a brief pause. Billy’s unable to keep from smiling giddily to himself.
“Depends,” Steve lilts. “Gonna open your window?”
There’s a light tap on the glass. Billy pushes himself up and draws the blinds, revealing a grinning brunet standing about a foot below, holding his walkie-talkie.
Billy tosses his on the bed before he opens the window and leans his elbows against the ledge.
“Is this the part where you ask me to let down my hair?” he teases.
Steve chuckles, but furrows his brows as he steps closer to the house.
“Were you crying?”
Taken aback by the question, Billy wipes his eyes with the heel of his palm. Shrugs nonchalantly, which doesn’t seem to be the answer that Steve was looking for.
“I was expecting things to go a bit differently,” Billy admits.
Steve frowns, and the expression doesn’t look right on him. He reaches up. Settles his hand on Billy’s forearm, smoothing his thumb back and forth against his skin until Billy shifts to dangle his arm out the window.
The pads of Steve’s fingers are soft where he holds Billy’s hand, clasped and suspended in the air together.
Billy really does feel like Rapunzel for a moment.
“I can be a little thick-skulled sometimes,” Steve says softly. “You’re always talking about yourself like you’re some unsalvageable disaster, so when you asked me if I liked you, my mind instantly went there. I wanted to make you sure you knew for certain that I do.”
He gives a little half smile. Billy squeezes his hand gently. Hopes that Steve doesn’t notice how weak his grip is.
“It’s not like I really gave you any context clues.”
“True. You didn’t.”
“I am a bit of a disaster, though. Feels like I’m only good at messing things up sometimes,” Billy sighs. “Max already hates me, and when I thought for a second that you might too, everything felt so lost.”
Steve makes a face.
“I would never, and I’d like to point out that Max doesn’t either.”
Billy blinks. Huffs amusedly, and as always, it comes out sounding closer to a scoff.
“Pretty sure she does. You’ve said yourself that she wouldn’t even talk when you asked about me.”
After thinking on it for a brief moment, Steve laughs.
“Yeah, man, ‘cause she bites the head off of anyone who asks about you. Definitely told me to mind my fucking business more than once.”
Again, Billy just blinks.
He never considered that maybe it was a protective thing and not a shame thing. The revelation has a surprising amount of weight lifting off of his shoulders.
“Definitely sounds like her,” he says.
They share a chuckle. Billy flattens his other forearm against the windowsill and rests his chin against it.
“Thanks for trying to lift me up earlier?” he muses. “Didn’t really work in the moment, but still.”
Steve softly swings their hands from side to side and sighs.
“I can tell. Your eyes are all puffy.”
“Should’a seen me the other night.”
The brunet cocks his head to the side in mild confusion.
“What happened the other night?” he asks. “Didn’t mention anything while we were talking.”
“It was, ah… after we signed off for the night. It’s no big deal, really. I cry after most of our talks.”
Billy looks away. Steve squeezes his hand.
“I’m sorry.”
“‘S okay,” Billy rasps.
His eyes prick with tears again and Steve steps closer. Drops his walkie-talkie in the grass and reaches up with his free hand to cup Billy’s cheek.
“Oh, you’re just a big crybaby, huh?” he coos. Billy chuckles sadly and leans into his touch. “If I’d known, I would’ve snuck over here sooner.”
“My old man checks in on me sometimes, so it’s probably better that you stay in your car.”
“Well, do you have a curfew? I’d love to steal you away every now and again and kiss your cute, stuffy nose.”
Billy sniffles, and chuckles again. Wipes his eyes with his free hand and shrugs.
“Haven’t really had anywhere to go ‘till now,” he says.
Steve nods.
“You eaten yet?”
A smile cracks across Billy’s face. Steve mirrors the expression.
“You buying?”
“I’ll spend my entire paycheck on burgers and fries if it gets you outta this fuckin’ room. I swear sometimes it’s like pulling teeth.”
They share a chuckle, and Billy sits up. Flushes red when Steve presses a kiss to his knuckles.
“Gimme a sec.”
Again, Steve nods. He’s slow to release the blond when he pulls away, and Billy can’t help that he’s grinning like an idiot as he opens the door and pads out of his room.
He finds Neil and Susan in the living room watching tv. Makes up some lie about a few friends having a kickback. Even goes as far as to apologize for the short notice.
His folks share a look. Susan spreads a big smile and sets her hand on Billy’s bicep.
“No worries, sweetheart. Go ahead,” she says. “Have fun, alright?”
“Will you be coming back tonight?” Neil asks.
Billy stays quiet for a moment. Then two, just processing, and eventually shakes his head.
“It’ll probably be too late,” he says, and clears his throat. “I have somewhere else lined up, though.”
He winces at his own words, regret beading on his skin like a cold sheen of sweat.
Neil nods. Turns his attention back to the tv.
“Just stay outta trouble.”
And that’s it.
Nothing more is said, but Billy still stands there like he’s waiting for something else to happen.
When nothing does, he nods curtly and pads back down the hallway to his room, deciding not to press his luck by letting them think too hard on it. Once he has the door shut behind him, he’s immediately leaning out the window again.
Steve has his walkie back in his hands, rocking back and forth patiently on the balls of his feet while he waits. He smiles when he notices that the blond has reappeared.
“What’d they say?”
“Go get your car, I’ll be ready by the time you pull up.”
Billy leans back. Grabs the window and shuts it just as Steve nods enthusiastically. Turns on his heel and jogs off of the lawn and back towards the street.
Giddy, warm feelings pool and buzz in Billy’s stomach as he digs through his drawers for jeans that he hasn’t worn in forever. Already has a date-worthy outfit in mind as he unfolds a pair.
He nearly jumps out of his skin when static pours through the radio still sitting idly on his bed.
“Update?” Max asks.
Billy rolls his eyes. Moves to grab it when another voice comes through.
“We’re goin’ steady,” Steve informs, out of breath.
“Yes!” Max shouts.
Then, a third voice comes through.
“Finally! Jesus,” Dustin huffs.
There’s a beat of silence, followed by Steve panting when he presses the talk button.
“How many of you dickheads are on this channel?”
“Just two?” Mike says. “Technically, since we’re only using two walkie’s.”
There’s laughter over the radio, and Billy rolls his eyes. Can’t really find it in himself to be mad right now with all of the butterflies swirling in his tummy.
“You’re all banned from the front seat of my car,” Steve huffs. “And the wedding, when it happens.”
“No! I wanted to be the flower girl!” Eleven whines.
“I was gonna walk you down the aisle,” Dustin adds.
“Good luck finding another officiant, then, I guess,” Lucas says with a scoff.
More laughter is had. Max and Mike chime in with various jokes about ring-bearers and bridesmaids, but they’re cut off when Steve presses to talk again.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I highly recommend switching channels.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Max muses.
Billy can practically hear the smirk in Steve’s voice when he speaks next.
“‘Cause I’m gonna start using this one for sex stuff, and it’s gonna get real weird real fast, so be warned.”
Multiple groans and sounds of disgust pour through the radio.
“Yuck,” Max says. “Switching channels.”
“Ditto,” Dustin adds.
Then silence. True silence.
Billy grabs his walkie.
“We really gonna have phone sex over the radio?” he muses.
Steve laughs. The subtle rumble of the engine is audible from the street as his car pulls up to the curb.
“Not if you hurry up and get your ass out here already.”
The blond bites his lip. Can’t believe for the life of him how light he feels. How, for once, he feels better for having survived car wrecks and slimy monsters in the dark.
Feels like letting someone new into his life won’t cause him grief this time around.
“On my way, pretty boy.”
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