#to preface: i dont understand how to use social media | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

syscoursehell · 2 years

Note

I should preface this with mentioning that I've recently been diagnosed with DID (which is not an easy process in my country, seeing how the wait times for any mental health related things here are ridiculous, let alone more specialized stuff). Should also mention that English is not my first language. And finally, should note that I'm relatively new to the online System/DID spaces because of this language barrier, that I do not nearly identify as a System despite having clear parts and amnesia (they are all parts of me after all, and the label of system does not make much sense in my native language), and that my experiences may differ wildly from those of other people.

So with all that laid out like that, my question would be: If someone who doesn't have DID says that they experience having "multiple personality/people" within their consciousness, and also says that it isn't because of DID/trauma, what makes this so harmful? Since entering online English speaking spaces for DID, I have come across this a lot. What I see a lot of is that it's spreading misinformation about DID. But how can you spread misinformation about a disorder that you say you don't have? Wouldn't it be *more* harmful to say that you have DID if you didn't? I honestly think some kids are doing just this because they feel pressured to be "real". And to me people lying about having a serious disorder is far worse than saying that you experience something you say is not that disorder.

Now again, I don't think people who don't have DID (or I guess other similar disorder?) do not have alters or parts. That is not possible. But what I do think is plausable is that someones mind uses information differently and forms these kinds of personas, because it helps them just deal with the world? Or you can have someone with a very active imagination, or you can have delusions (which you should check out), or it can be spiritual. None of these cases (except delusions) have to be a disorder. None of them are DID. But these people can still talk about their experiences and label them somehow without it immediately being a danger to other people in my opinion? It's not what my mind is doing, their experience is different from people with DID. But I also just do not understand how it's harming me or anyone else.

When "endogenics" enter spaces for people with actual disorders, they should be called out for it. When kids who don't have DID try to say that they do, that's also bad and they should be called out. But if someone is experiencing something completely different that I do not understand and that has nothing to do with me, I just can't be bothered to care. So I really dont get going after endos just for the sake of it.

hey there! your english is great, don't worry about it! even as a native speaker, i have trouble with it sometimes.

congratulations on your diagnosis! that's amazing that you were able to achieve that!

thats 10000000% understandable. i think the whole "system side of social media" is a bit north-american-centric, and if you have the disorder you are not obligated to participate in that side of social media unless you want to. i participate in it because it gave me a sense of community, but do whatever feels natural for you.

you can absolutely spread misinformation on things you don't have. the movie "split", the documentary "Monsters Inside: 24 Faces of Billi Milligain", and the show "United States of Tara" have done that to the point that people believe the things that they show in those pieces of media. "Split" made us out to be monsters with one superhuman, murderous alter. "Monsters Inside" also made us look like we're all monsters, especially by the way they portrayed alters and the system shown not taking full responsibility for the actions of another in their system, which is a huge deal. and then "United States of Tara" is deeply upsetting for the way they portray Tara and her system, and how people in her life treat her and her system.

i agree that someone lying about having this disorder is a huge deal. and people who are pressured into saying they are systems is something that does happen in endo spaces. some users have come out and said that they weren't a system, the endo community just convinced them that they were.

the problem arises when people conflate their experiences with systemhood, or having DID/OSDD-1. we have psychosis, but we'd never claim that that's part of what makes us a system. i encourage people to talk about their mental health and their disorders in spaces where they feel comfortable, but the problem is that these things are not what makes a system.

i get where you're coming from, but the problem is that the endo community has a long history of ableism and trying to push people with DID/OSDD-1 out of system spaces. back in the 90s, there were the "Empowered multiples" who believed themselves to not have DID/OSDD-1, and then would target people who do have this disorder and tell them that they shouldn't identify with having a disorder. they also spread the false narrative that one can be "born multiple", which isn't the case. yes, while we all have separate identity states until they fuse into one identity (and that interruption and forming of alters is what happens with trauma, and thus becomes DID/OSDD-1), but that does not make for alters. that means that one is just... a kid, their brain developing like anyone else's.

another thing that the endo community tries to push is the idea of "creating" or "forcing" alters. this is not how alters work. one can't just make one out of thin air on a whim, and if you create an imaginary friend, it doesn't mean you have a system.

i'm not "going after endos for the sake of it". here's the thing; i once identified as endo, and used to be in endo spaces. we called ourselves a "multiple system" and didn't identify as traumagenic. but the more research i did, the more i realized what we're actually experiencing is DID, an inherently trauma-based disorder. what i'm trying to do is talk about how their community has harmed the DID/OSDD-1 community. they've tried to push us out of spaces we've created, discouraged people from getting help/therapy, encouraged manipulative practices such as "system hopping" (which doesn't exist), and done insane damage to systems who later got away from their community and got to therapy. the endo community is harmful, and spreads misinformation on being a system and then turning around and saying that we who have DID/OSDD-1 and are not part of the community are somehow oppressing them, and are the "bigots" of the community despite trying to show research proving that this disorder stems from trauma. the endo community is inherently manipulative, even if singular members are not.

i hope this made sense. good luck if you're pursuing recovery, and if not, just good luck in general!

#syscourse #system discourse #traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #syscourse blog #i'm also learning another language #so its no worries! english is hard. learning languages is hard

11 notes · View notes

mangodid · 4 years

Text

Problems within the DID social media community that must be addressed.

Preface: The DID/OSDD community has the potential to be a great, supportive, informational place. I have found a support network between systems in this community, and for that I am grateful. However, there is much toxicity and misinformation present. Only a small handful of people (maybe around 5 on tumblr) seem to actively present correct information and uphold the standards of support and healing expected in any mental illness community. Below is a list of problems I have noticed once becoming active in the community. Hopefully this post will open some eyes and have people acknowledge that there is much progress to be made in the DID/OSDD community.

- The "all alters are valid" rhetoric that causes alot of harm

• Race, and how claiming "alters of color" or alters outside of ones race has become a "woke" form of cultural appropriation. This ties into how white people have always desired bodies of color without the consequences of being that race. Think body altering, big lips, darker skin, but as an alter.

1. White systems cherry picking the poc they want to listen to, aka whose opinion validates their racism, and taking that as the be all end all, saying they got their advice from systems of color to make themselves look "woke" but refusing to listen to those who talk about how harmful claiming "alters of color" is. I already dont take these systems of color telling you it's okay to have alters outside of your race seriously because none of them seem to know how to use "poc" correctly.

2. Most people in the community acknowledge that excusing an alter's abusive behavior is bad, but fail to realize that racism is systematic abuse and they are playing into it.

3. The excuse of "this alter formed from trauma so it's okay" don't use caricatures of an experience that is not your own to project your trauma onto.

4. Often these "alters of color" fit various harmful stereotypes, like a brown/Black woman alter who is aggressive or the sexual alter.

5. People saying that system diversity is good. It really says a lot about their healing process if they feel the need to make their system racially "diverse" to affirm their validity instead of working together and accepting that they are a collective

• Systems being fine with openly broadcasting that they have a socially inappropriate alter.

1. Alters don't form out of nowhere, they form based on your understanding of the world. Much of the community agrees with this, but the moment you say "oh then that means your n*zi alter reflects your beliefs" suddenly they switch it up and say there's no connection.

2. Alters are still connected to the system, they are not uncontrollable separate entities. Anything they would do is something the collective would do.

• Rise of n*zi alters in a community where many are the target of them.

1. Do i really need to say anything about this one?

- Fakeclaiming, misinformation, and the search for validity

• Quick to jump at anybody not displaying certain very specific symptoms. Most of the time, the things people call fake are other symptoms of DID not commonly spoken about, such as switching in an unnoticeable way, having many alters, and having introjects.

• The demonization and ostracization of alters who act out. Everyone reacts to trauma differently. And there's no point in demonizing a part of you, because that's what these alters are. To do so is basically a form of self-deprication and self-harm. It leads to further barriers between that alter and the rest of the system, impeding the healing process.

• Posts with bold, unheard of claims, with no sources, being presented as fact. Like ones saying there are 20 different types of persecutor/protector alters.

• The pressure to be as overt as possible, and if alters seem "too similar" or "too indistinct", you must be faking.

• The pressure for alters to fit into a label and if they deviate they're fake, alters expected to stay stagnant and adhere to their "role", the pressure for alters to even have/call themselves a role, and the pressure to be a completely distinct identity.

• The fear surrounding the concept of integration. It does not mean alter death, it doesn't even necessarily have to mean alters fusing into one. It can mean the breaking down of dissociative barriers and the facilitation of better communication. Sometimes integration even forms more alters as an act of healing.

- The feeling that you must disclose extremely personal information so others can judge whether you are valid or not

• Including but not limited to: discussions of trauma, alter roles, triggers, alter names, number of alters, treatment status

1. Not only is this a complete violation of privacy, it is also impossible and inconvenient for some systems due to dissociative barriers and number of alters.

(And another that may not seem as important but I feel as if it's a direct result of the others:

Much of the community being focused around memes. Normally this wouldn't bother me too much but the fact there is so much misinformation going around and all people are doing is reblogging every single dissociation meme they can find is alarming. If someone is questioning whether they have DID or not and they go into the tags and see nothing but memes about hosts and persecutors fighting, they wont get much out of that. What you put on your blog is up to you, but if you have a big, impressionable following, seeing memes that often present DID as being the same way for everyone is harmful.)

#DID #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #actuallyosdd #osdd #osdd1a #osdd1b #actuallytraumagenic #traumagenic #system #alters #nazi tw

155 notes · View notes

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoldretired · 4 years

Text

some p!g-drv3 theories (spoilers obvi)

First of all I think people demonize the pg versions wayyy too much because its a good way to be le sexy in like fanfictions. And i get it, villains are hot or whatever. and also hs is a horny age to be. But even the edgiest and horniest of teens aren’t like. that sexual/monstrous. its kind of insane the portrayals people are placing

maybe this could also be like me being older bc when i was early hs i was like yea its fair to place these super mature portrayals on a 18-22 year old they are like adults but young and now im that age and im like woah there pardner. might be an age/maturity thing.

also like its normal for people to relate to and portray characters their same age in a similar fashion, but when adults write more sexual content about the dg kids i get hella fucking sus

idk where i was going with that first comment i guess its like a preface and in the end i think its important when characters especially teenage characters are morally grey not because they’re mature and dark/brooding but because they are still young and learning. fuck im older than like most of them, but im still young and learning. its good to be in turmoil and confused, especially the drv3 cast. they are more confused than anything.

which i think is a reason why people would join dr because if you are completely loss and in turmoil, it is appealing to be given a purpose in life and amazing talents/abilities. despite the morals of danganronpa, it is a simple reality to be told who you are and what to do

OK ONTO HEADCANONS (not doing all bc i dont have thoughts about all)

first of all i understand changing stories but i think, deep down, you can’t change fundamental personalities/values. so while the backstories might be different i think, in the end, a baseline is always the same

SHUICHI being a Bad Boy is like canon obviously but i dont think he’s as manipulative as people make him out to be. i think he falls in the more the bully role that like. mae borowski or tf2′s scout filled before they grew up. rough background, bad anger issues, lots of emotional turmoil, and the only way he knows how to deal with shit is by committing crimes and beating the shit out of people. and, similar to those characters, drv3 represents an older, more emotionally sober yet equally confused version of himself. the urges are still there as foreshadowed in the dialogue. i think he struggles with guilt, mostly survivors, but there is still a lasting impact of guilt of what he did in his past, even if he can’t remember.

KOKICHI is a child. a piece of shit motherfucker child but a child. I really do think he’s like one of the youngest people in the cast. he reminds me a lot of when my brother doesn’t take his adhd medicine and takes jokes way too far and does mean and cruel things because he thinks its funny and that its just a fun joke, but is hurting people. he desperately wants approval, which is why his leader role is so interesting because in the dr narrative he has the approval he craves and so he is satisfied. still, he does try to impress characters like rantaro and values his opinions a lot, even developing a brotherly relationship in the time they knew each other. this being said, its established kokichi was bullied before, but i dont think he’s like. the wimp people make him out to be. i think he’s more of like the class clown who desperately uses humor to make people like him, and ends up resorting to be the butt of most of his jokes. you don’t just develop a good sense of humor out of a brainwash, and that’s not something you can program in. i think that was a remnant of before, and he’s so good at bullying people and coming up with roasts - i just think that in p!g the roasts were about him.

KAEDE is baby but her p!g personality seriously reminds me of any ~quirky/edgy~ girl in a teen coming of age story who tries to be edgy and cool and act like she doesn’t care but deep down, she really does. if she didn’t have an empathetic personality, she wouldn’t want to end the game. i also think she has that self-identifying QuIrKy personality because its like she lives in her own narrative, practically announcing this story is about her and she is the protagonist. i know i used to self narrate like that and distinguish how i was different when i was like. 15-16. she has a tumblr.

I really like the theory where KAITO is a make-a-wish kid who was better when he was younger but relapses later in teens. he never used his wish before, so he decides to use it now to be on danganronpa and become the hero he always wanted to be. i also think he might have joined as a way to raise awareness about adolescent healthcare. definitely the type who puts on a “heroic” character to make everyone else feel better about the fact he is literally dying of a terminal illness, and keeps that act up till the end.

i think KOREKIYO is still a serial killer. i think honestly a reason why he mightve auditioned for danganronpa is because he is a serial killer. maybe his sister found out and he felt so much shame that’s why he auditioned. he probably mentioned why in his interview because duh, tell them im a serial killer and then only reason im coming clean is my sister found out and im ashamed, that is like a guarantee to get on the show. i LOVE the theory that his sister is still alive, however, and has to watch her brother go insane because they wrote her into the story as the villain. because technically, she brought on this guilt, and is the reason why he auditioned - as a way to cause despair, twist it around so she’s the one to blame for his insanity. also, because its pretty accepted DR members become celebrities, kork’s sister is totally bombarded with paparazzi and is demonized in the media. she might end up writing a tell-all memoir about kork’s actual childhood and personality. quiet kid, thoughtful, interested in anthropology, she never thought he’d hurt a fly. watching her brother go insane probably destroyed her.

I also think, timeline wise, kork is probably one of the oldest members along with rantaro. tbh i think kork actually graduated hs and went on a gap year doing the whole “hitchhike around the world to discover myself thing” which is where he began killing people. he was getting ready to go to college when his sister found out about what he did. this is when he decided to go on danganronpa instead of university. this would help explain why he knows so much about other cultures/travel/been so many places with so many memories/killed/is knowledgable on a level most other students are not. this would place him at like, 20-21, where everyone else is like 15-18.

ok so there’s two p!g RANTARO, p!g before 53 and p!p!g before 52. i’d like to establish now i think rantaro is the oldest of the characters, seeing as though he was already pretty old to begin with in 52, it takes time between television seasons, and he was in another game. so im placing him like 21-23, similar to yasuhiro in d1 being so much older than everyone else. i do think, in all iterations, rantaro was pretty much raising his sisters, though i don’t think he had twelve like the story (i think that’s an exaggeration, his sisters mean a lot to him, lets make him have a TON and then lose them all and feel GUILTY) rantaro joined the first game, partially to get money for his family and hopefully establish them as celebrities and let them have a comfy lifestyle, even if he doesn’t live...and also to finally ahve some sort of experience without his siblings tagging along. if he’s been raising his sisters all his life, he’s never had like something that’s JUST his. that’s his adventure. 52 is his ULTIMATE adventure. ahaha. mostly for money, kind of dreading it, still a tiny bit excited

ok p!g rantaro between 52 and 53 probably came back broken. he did the signings and appearances, but mostly wanted to spend time with his family and make sure they were set up. i think he knew the whole like few months between seasons he had to go on another show, but he did’t tell his sisters. his family found out when they saw a billboard with his face plastered on it hyping up the return of a fan favorite. yikes!

ok i get it a lot of people hate HIMIKO but i think she’s not nearly as similar as other “useless” characters in other games. its like, pretty clear she’s depressed, and the only thing she’s holding onto with dear life is magic. lack of hygiene, lack of personal care, constantly tired, social interaction exhausts - she has depression, but she’s not an UWU depressed character. so people find her depressive traits (which are some of the most realistic portrayals of mental health in the series) SUPER annoygin. she joined dr because she was completely lost and needed some sort of direction in her life, even if she’ll die for it. the thing is, even with direction, her mental state didn’t change because she wasn’t getting legitimate help. it’s like that one SNL skit that’s like. same sad you from before but in a new place. i also think she knows the magic is not real, because how could she not. i think she’s so adamant that it IS real, less as a way to convince others, and more of a way to convince herself. it’s like really super cruel that team danganronpa took a girl who is desperate for meaning and gave her literally a meaningless, fake talent.

i also kin himiko and find her a comfort character because i feel seen by her, replacing her useless talent of magic with mine of like shitty film making and comedy. i am seen.

related i don’t think she’s nearly as ugly as everyone says she is, i think she’s probably just depressed and takes absolutely no care of her hygiene and sleep and looks like sick and greasy all the time. same queen.

honest to god i think RYOMA’s backstory, tennis and all, is like 100% real and he’s the only one who keeps all of his memories except for the fact this is a tv show. i think he rolled up, a hot fucking mess, and the danganronpa team were like damn. we cannot improve upon this.

#ryoma hoshi #himiko yumeno #rantaro amami #korekiyo shinguji #kaito momota #kaede akamatsu #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #drv3 #killing harmony #pg dr #pre!game danganronpa #danganronpa #theories #danganronpa spoilers

25 notes · View notes

kae-karo · 6 years

Note

i never get notifs for dnp’s replies unless they’re replying to each other. does this mean they really are a single entity?

dnp are actually a single entity and i can prove it (be warned this is probably the weirdest and most demon post i’ve ever made to date)

let me preface this: among many other things i will not claim to know in this essay, i do not know the exact manner by which they officially became a single entity (but one might argue that it happened on oct 19, 2009 during the filming of a certain video)

enough talk, let’s get to the evidence:

exhibit a: we know dnp have each others’ social media account passwords (from a dan liveshow dont @ me on which one). this is bc it is actually the same password and the two separate accounts are a front. as @laddyplester so kindly brought up, this leads to some strange social media situations

exhibit b: thinking similarly, finishing each others’ sentences, pausing at the right times for the right bants, dan understanding what phil means (he can ‘speak phil’, as he claimed during the liveshow before the tour started) - these are all examples of how they’ve become mentally connected. not that they’re a single mind but that they’re inextricably connected as a single entity

exhibit c: gaming vids. it is immensely rare that we see them anything other than sat and sat right fuckin next to each other (or on top of each other, depending on the vid…) and we joke abt it but it’s bc they are literally attached at the hip. this is the point of attachment that makes them a single entity. also calling this out bc it will be important later: they almost exclusively sit with dan to the right of phil

exhibit d: they have literally never been apart for longer than two weeks since they started living together. and when was the last time they were apart for longer than a few days? this is bc being apart - which they can do, even as a single entity - is v v uncomfy for them both, stretching the tether that connects them

exhibit e: they met. literally that’s it that’s the whole point. somehow, against all these bizarre odds, over hundreds of miles, they met. and there is no realistic explanation for them not only meeting but getting on this well. it’s occam’s razor: you can spin up every twisted interpretation in the book, but the truly simple explanation is that they were drawn to each other all those years ago by some force i won’t even begin to try to comprehend that demanded they become the single entity they are today

exhibit f: another joke but actually a solid piece of evidence: heart eyes howell and love eyes lester. going on a brief detour bc most of us have experienced this at some point: do you remember that feeling when you finally realized some part of your identity? ie sexuality, gender, etc etc? wouldn’t you look at that piece of yourself with the same love and reverence and appreciation if it were a physical entity?

exhibit f.5 (aka a counterpoint): no homo howell existed, we all know that wasn’t the best of times. okay, coming back to this concept of discovering a piece of your identity. for many of us, there were times that we were told to hate this piece of ourselves we discovered. and maybe, for a while, we did. we didn’t want to be whatever we were, because that wasn’t what we were “supposed” to be. ie dan calling he and phil separate and individual (‘we aren’t a double act!’)

exhibit g: the hugs okay this is a big one right bc you might be thinking ‘katie. katie. we see them stood up, we see them walking across stage, we see them hugging ppl at m&gs, they can’t be a single entity!’ and i hear you! but oh. oh my friends. that is what they want us to think

bc i am a scientist at heart, as i said, i willingly admit when there’s something i don’t know: in this case, the exact manner connecting the two bodies we currently think of as ‘dan’ and ‘phil’ (but, as we are discovering, are actually the single entity of ‘dan and phil’ or ‘dnp’ for short)

however. we know from the above that they are most likely connected at the hip, and that they seem most comfortable when ‘dan’ is to the right of ‘phil’. you’ll notice they stand this way at m&gs. this is bc this is how they’re most comfy when they have to stand apart, where their connection is a ‘straight line’ even if it’s stretched

exhibit g.5 (aka a counterpoint): hi yes i get that people stand between them. this only stretches their connection more. why do you think dan is so uncomfy hugging people? why he keeps them away from the lower half of his body and the spot where he’s connected to phil??

now i may not have convinced you. i understand that. skepticism is welcome and appreciated, as this is science after all.

and i know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘katie. they’re literally physically separate. they can’t be a single entity’. my friends. my friends. you are thinking too small. the universe is infinite. the possibilities are infinite. who are we, as mere specks on this ball of dust whirling through oblivion, to say that they aren’t connected in a way we don’t yet understand? in a way that can’t be represented in the physical plane? in a way that defies our simple rules and definitions and observations?

who are we to look at dan and phil and claim that there isn’t something else, something other, that connects them? something so deep and inexplicable and unfathomable that the closest we can come is to consider them a single entity?

or maybe we should just use the words they chose to describe themselves: best friends and soulmates

#dnp #dan and phil #dip and pip #phan #demon theories #they are a single entity #don't ask how long i spent working on this #thanks jen for the idea #that spawned into something crazy #i hope y'all enjoyed #ask #fireball-dreamz #kt #laddyplester #single entity theory

307 notes · View notes

paranoidsbible · 7 years

Text

An Internet Primer

===An Internet Primer=== Non-profit and free for redistribution Written on August 24th | 2016 Published on August 24th | 2016 For entertainment and research purposes only

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===DISCLAIMER=== The Paranoid's Bible and its writers hold no responsibility for the acts of others. The Paranoid’s Bible is for research and entertainment purposes only. Please visit our blog for more PDFs and information: http://www.paranoidsbible.tumblr.com/ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Preface=== While many still argue about how their own views on the history of the internet are the truth, we do know the core timeline consists of the “Electronic computer” being developed in the 1950s. From there the ARPANET was created and quickly adopted the Internet Protocol, which soon began a wildly discussed and argued about origin story of the internet sometime in the 80s. However, while many will even argue the core facts to the point of the internet being born either earlier or later in the timeline, we do know that Usenet wasn’t too far away. With the birth of Usenet, things like the BBS, Internet forum and terms like “Eternal September” quickly cropped up in a rapid session of growth and expanse. Now things like Blogging or Social Media are common, and people with rose tinted glasses grow remorseful of how inclusive the internet has become. Now, the early adopters and users aren’t too far off with their remorse, sadly… You see, many of the modern day users have grown complacent and wholly unaware of even the simplest uses of OPSEC. This guide aims at giving the average user a simple and quick primer to enhance their privacy and security when using the internet. This guide isn’t a quick-fix or one-button solution to your problems or concerns, however it’s better than nothing when paired with the other guides listed in the “Blue Primer”. __References__ • Net History (http://www.nethistory.info/History of the Internet/origins.html) • Internet Society (http://www.internetsociety.org/internet/what-internet/history-internet/brief-history-internet) • History of the Internet (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Internet) • ARPANET (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ARPANET) • Internet protocol (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Protocol) • Usenet (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet) • BBS (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulletin_board_system) • Internet Forum (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_forum) • Eternal September (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September) • OPSEC (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operations_security) • Blog (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog) • Social Media (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_media) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===The Browser=== The gateway to the internet, for the modern and average user, is their browser (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Web_browser). It’s a piece of software meant to help people transverse the World Wide Web by retrieving and presenting information resources taken from the internet. The modern browser is pre-built, requires hardly any tweaking, and is rarely, if ever, fully customizable. However, as more people aim for a free software or an open-source style of use, more browsers do offer some level of customization that range from modifying the settings under the hood to themes and other frivolous aesthetical customizations. With so many choices, people usually stick to Internet Explorer or Google chrome; however these browsers leave a lot of wanting when it comes to usability. Chrome also has a notorious past of spying on you (http://betanews.com/2015/06/24/is-google-chrome-spying-on-you/) without giving you a warning, which shouldn’t be such a surprise with all the claims of Chrome being a botnet (https://wiki.installgentoo.com/index.php/Botnet) and not asking permission (http://www.netcompetition.org/antitrust/google-on-chrome-we-dont-need-your-permission) for accessing a user’s computer. Ultimately, anything with Microsoft or Google is unavoidable, sadly, and a lot of work has to take place in order to avoid leaking information or having it sold. But that’s the way things flow as of late, especially when “Don’t Be Evil” is dropped in favor of “Do the Right Thing” (http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2015/10/02/as-google-becomes-alphabet-dont-be-evil-vanishes/). So, what does that mean for the average user? Research your quickly dwindling choices for what browser you should use, which will reside between two browsers and one’s many, many flavors. If you want something other than Mozilla Firefox, then try Brave (https://brave.com/) (Not recommended due to its newness) or Palemoon (https://www.palemoon.org/) (Based upon a fork of Firefox) or IceCat (https://www.gnu.org/software/gnuzilla/). However, for the sake of usability and quick to use features, we recommended, begrudgingly, Mozilla Firefox (https://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/). When you visit Firefox’s webpage, select the appropriate version for your operating system. Once downloaded, double click and follow the on screen prompts. When it comes to selecting “Standard” or Custom” ensure you select custom. ***Leave the default installation path, unless you wish to install elsewhere. *** ***The reason for removing the installation service is quite simple: *** Less communication between the browser and other sources, the less information leaked. Now ensure you've also unchecked/disabled the "Maintenance service" before proceeding. Selecting shortcuts/icons is ultimately up to you. The same applies to it being the default browser—it’s up to you. Once installed, it’s time for some basic customization and add-on installation. The first thing you’ll notice is an “import wizard” pop-up. You don’t want to import anything unless you’ve some backups of your bookmarks. Other than that, ignore it and wait for the browser to load. From there, we’ll ignore the “Firefox account” prompt. You don’t want to sync or backup, anything, unless it’s an html or json file for your bookmark backups. Syncing accounts and saving passwords spells doom, gloom and big brother (sometimes literally your big brother or sister) spying on your info and peaking into your accounts and other online items (if not leaking it in a data dump). Seriously, ignore prompts to sync or save information. You’ll also want to ignore the private browsing mode. It’s not private, information is still saved, and people can still use exploits to get at your information. Press the ALT button on your keyboard to get the menu bar to appear. From there, select the tools menu and then the “Options” submenu. Press ALT button > Tools menu > Options sub-menu. When the options window pops up, you’ll want to start in the “General tab” Disable/uncheck “Always check if Firefox is your default browser” and set your homepage to whatever you want. Never let files save to downloads, you want to have it “Always ask” where to save them. On top of that disable all the "Tabs" options but "Open news windows in a new tab instead". We do suggest using “Start Page” (https://www.startpage.com/) for your homepage and search engine needs. Now click the "Search" tab and uncheck everything and delete all the "One-click Search Engines" options. From there, Go to the start page website, you should see an “Add to Firefox” option, select that. You should also, to prevent accidental use, remove all other search engines from the “Search” tab. Google, among several other engines, tend to cache and keep track of your search history and click stream (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clickstream). On top of that, Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, and a few others, will store and keep your search history saved to your accounts if logged into them, at all, while searching. On the “Content tab,” uncheck/disable everything but "Block pop-up windows". Now select the “Advanced” button and click it. From there, disable the option titled "Allow pages to choose their own fonts, instead of my selection above". This just prevents sites from using intrusive and generally distasteful fonts and also limits their control over your browsing experience and browser. Everything in the “Applications tab” should be set to always ask or preview in Firefox. The only thing you can safely set to a default application would be shockwave flash, which should be disabled by default in the plug-ins menu. The “Privacy tab” should be straightforward; however most will recommend that you disable “Third-party cookies" but since this primer is aimed at providing some security, privacy, yet retain usability for the average user… You should disable everything but: "Use Tracking Protection in Private Windows"; "Accept cookies from sites"; Clear history when Firefox closes. Set 3rd party cookie to never, if you wish, however some banking sites lose functionality due to this. You should also set "Keep until" to "I close Firefox". Now click the "settings..." tab on on the Privacy menu and select everything there. In the “Security tab,” it’s again straightforward; however please do understand that the whole “Blocking dangerous and deceptive content” options are disabled due to the fact that, again, the less communication given over to the browser and its creators the better you’re off security and privacy wise. Basically uncheck everything but "Warn me when sites try to install add-ons". ***Ignore the sync tab. *** Everything in the “Advanced tab” is straight forward and should be self explanatory. Advanced > General > Disable/uncheck everything but the four settings under "Browsing. Advanced > Data Choices > Uncheck all Advanced > Network > Check all and set cache to 0 Advanced > Update > Uncheck all and set to "Never check for updates" Advanced > Certificates > Set to "Ask me every time" and check the one setting there. Once done, exit out of Firefox and start it up again. This is just to ensure everything sticks and is working due to some of the more current versions of Firefox have had a habit to ignore settings from time to time and resetting things to default. Now we’ll go to the Firefox Add-on page and work our way toward customizing Firefox a bit to improve usability and its overall feel. First off, we’ll work on the aesthetics aspect a bit just to improve the overall feel of the browser due to its copy-catting of the Apple simplicity meme. ***You’ll want these add-ons:*** • Black YouTube Theme - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/black-youtube-theme • Classic Theme Restorer - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/classicthemerestorer/ • Smaller View - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/smaller-view/?src=search You should notice a considerable difference in your browser once restarted. More precisely, it’ll be easier to navigate and find your menus now. The YouTube theme is simply preference and feels easier on the eyes compared to the default theme of the site. Now, before we continue forward with the add-ons. Let’s do a bit of tweaking to the look of the browser. You should see icons on the upper right-hand corner. Right-click on the icons and select “Customize,” which should open up a new tab/window that’ll allow you to move the icons as you wish. Remove all the icons present, except the down arrow/download icon. From there, close the window and right-click on the bar, again, and select the three bars/toolbars shown. You can also ignore the “Menu Bar” option if you wish to just use the orange drop-down menu. In the URL bar, type in About:config. You should see something similar like the below cap. Uncheck the “Show this warning next time”. And then, from there, click the “I’ll be careful, I promise!” button. In the search bar within the about:config window, ***enter this:*** browser.newtabpage.directory.source You should see a string with the name you searched, double-click it and delete the string of text. Once done, exit out of that tab and open a new tab. Click the cog wheel icon in the right-hand corner and select “Show blank page”. You should now be rid of those pesky tiles and most of the ADs that Firefox forces down your throat. You can now add the rest of the add-ons, which you can find listed below. Add-ons: • Better Privacy - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/betterprivacy/ • BluHell Firewall - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/bluhell-firewall/ • Configuration Mania - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/configuration-mania-4420/ • Decentraleyes - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/decentraleyes/ • Disconnect - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/disconnect/ • HTTPS Everywhere - https://www.eff.org/Https-everywhere • PureURL - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/pure-url/ • Quick Java - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/quickjava/ • Self-Destructing Cookies - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/self-destructing-cookies/ • Smart Refer - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/smart-referer/ • Track Me Not - https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/trackmenot/ Now restart the browser. You should get a pop-up from HTTPS Everywhere, hit “No” and then right-click anywhere and select “Customize”. You’ll want everything arrange to your own taste, note that there exists an icon with two cog wheels. This belongs to “Configuration mania” and should be added for ease of use and access. Now, click the orange menu button and click the add-on menu. We’ll be working our way down the list, alphabetically, and modifying a handful of settings for some of the add-ons before we end this chapter. Starting with “Better Privacy,” go ahead and hit “Options”. You’ll want to select the “Options & Help” tab and adjust your settings to look similar to the ones listed below: • Delete flash cookies on exit - checked • Add LSO item to Firefox ‘Clear History’ dialog – unchecked • Always ask - unchecked • Delete flash cookies on application start - checked • Delete cookies by timer – checked • Not if modified within time interval – checked • Time interval 1 second • LSO delete shortcut – blanked • Also delete flashplayer default cookie – checked • On cookie deletion also delete empty cookie folders – checked • Notify if new LSO is stored – unchecked • Auto protect LSO sub-folders – checked • Disable ping tracking • Prevent Firefox ‘Clear recent history function’ – checked • Portable mode – unchecked Everything else can be ignored and you can go directly to “Configuration Mania” and select “Options”. Browser tab > Tab Browsing > Everything checked but the below: • Enable about:newtab – unchecked • Close the window when closing its last tab – unchecked • Open the results in a new tab when searching from search bar –unchecked • On CTRL + TAB – unchecked • On taskbar (windows 7) – unchecked Now head over to the “Bookmark icons (favicons)” tab. Browser tab > Bookmark icons > Uncheck the two settings there. Finally go to the “Web API” tab in browser tab and deselect/uncheck everything there. From there, find the “Security” tab that should be right under the “Browser” tab and select the “Javascript” tab, everything there should be checked and all the other tabs left alone. Now, before we select “Smart Refer” please go to about:Config by entering “About:config” into the URL bar. From there, search for: network.http.sendRefererHeader You’ll want to either set it to 0 to not send a ref or to 1 to keep things somewhat clean and compatible. 2, however, is default and will always send a ref. So, ‘0’ if you don’t want to send a ref or ‘1’ to prevent most cross-site tracking and keep compatibility when visiting websites. Now go to “Smart Refer” and select “Options”. ***Set the drop down to: *** Send nothing as a referrer, looking like a direct hit. Once done, go and mosey on over to “Track Me Not” and hit “Options”. Set your settings as such: • Enabled – checked • Use tab search – unchecked • Enable query burst – checked • All search engines checked • Query frequency: 10 per min • Disabled – checked • Persistent – unchecked • Use list – checked • Generate queries – unchecked Once you’re in TMN’s options, you’ll want to use recommend RSS feeds for the add-on (hit validate once done): http://www.nytimes.com/services/xml/rss/nyt/HomePage.xml|http://rss.cnn.com/rss/cnn_topstories.rss|http://rss.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032091/device/rss/rss.xml|http://www.theregister.co.uk/headlines.rss|www.reddit.com/r/science/.rs|http://www.reddit.com/r/aww/.rss|http://www.reddit.com/r/kawaii.rss|http://www.reddit.com/r/kittens.rss|http://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace.rss|http://www.reddit.com/r/steam.rss We also recommend these words for your black list: bomb,porn,pornographie, porn, pornography, rape, rapists, rape culture, bombs, pipebomb, ied, bdms, bdsm, raping, raped, murder, murdering, lolicon, loli, cp, child porn, pthc, jbhc, shota, shotacon, ISIS, ISIL Once done with the add-ons, head on over to about:Config once more. You’ll want to implement these three settings to ensure you limited some of the tracking methods employed by websites and online trackers commonly found on Tumblr and other social media platforms. ===Settings to change:=== • browser.display.use_document_fonts = 0 • dom.storage.enabled = false • browser.sessionhistory.max_entries = 2 Once done, you can add whatever add-ons you want, ***however remember this simple rule: *** If you don’t need or use it, don’t install it or enable it. That’s why we had you install Quick-Java. Quick Java’s little bar, which is added to Firefox upon installation, allows you to disable and enable certain plug-ins on the fly. This is a wondrous little time saver and is a good thing to have at hand when you wish to browse the internet. When browsing, without having to login or watch something, your settings with quick-java should look something like this: Everything red/disabled but I (Images); A (Animations); CS (Style) When you do need to log into an account or want to watch YouTube or something similar, you’ll need it to look like this: Everything red/disabled but JS (Javascript); C (Cookies); I (Images); CS (Style) Give or take the fact that you may need to enable flash (The “F” button). However, YouTube, and some other sites, are offering the use of HTML5 and Flash. So, if you don’t need to enable flash, don’t do so. Flash can leak a lot of data in the end. It also helps to outright not have anything enabled (sans the last three buttons) when you’re just doing research or looking up something. Only enable cookies and JavaScript (the “JS” and “C” buttons) when you actively need to log into an account or a website. This will help lessen the data diarrhea your browser has and help you retain some privacy without breaking your browser, yet many more configurations and add-ons are needed to even achieve some form of security or privacy. ***And, just as an FYI: *** This shouldn’t break your browser, at all, or your use of any websites. If something doesn’t work properly, try disabling BluHell Firewall by clicking the blue-devil icon on your browser. If that doesn’t work, try disabling Clean links, which has an icon of a broom wrapped in a chain-link. Outside of those two add-ons, you don’t need to disable anything as nothing should break or prevent you from logging into any websites. Ultimately though, this configuration, and the add-ons suggested, only helps lessen the effectiveness of the trackers and counters offered to civilians and the public at large. Some Ads will be blocked, along with a metaphorical ton of malicious content, however you’ll need to look into using Peerblock and Hostman if you want to lessen it even more so than what you can with this browser setup. We offer two guides that discuss the use of Peerblock and Hostman, among other things. However, save those for a later date as they’re a bit more advanced than what this guide has to offer. We’ll also be hosting what we call the “Blue Primer,” which is an archive of the most basic of information for those who wish to lessen their data footprint, prevent tracking and lessen their chances of being doxed. If you haven’t gotten this guide from the blue primer, please look into downloading it and reading the other guides within it. As for this chapter of this guide… you’re done! Move on to the next chapter, reader. ***P.S:*** Avoid using password storage, password sorters and similar features or add-ons. Write down your password, if you must, and hide it where no-one will find it but you. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===E-mail=== Electronic mail (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Email), shortened to E-mail, is one of many means to exchange digital messages between computers and their users. However, since seeing frequent use in the 60s to now, e-mail has become used more as a means of identification than communication when needing to sign up for an account or do some sort of business based task, or being a responsible adult and working on your taxes or banking. Now, e-mail is just one of the many methods sites use to prevent bots, scammers and spammers from joining their communities. When you need to sign up for an account, you usually need to provide an e-mail from a provider that they’ve yet to blacklist (***Example:*** most common temporary e-mail services have been blocked by FaceBook). The average internet user will usually use of the main three: Google; Hotmail/Live/Outlook; Yahoo. • https://www.gmail.com/ • https://login.live.com/ • https://login.yahoo.com/ Sometimes Yandex (https://mail.yandex.com/), among similar non-US based e-mail providers will be used, however the main three tend to rule. The issue with the main three (Shortened from now on to MT) is that they require a lot of data and “verifications” to ensure that it’s you who’re signing up or at least not someone with malicious intent. This wouldn’t be such a large issue if it wasn’t for the fact that the MT are notorious data collectors who work in unison with the government, among other groups, to not only data-mine and spy, but also possibly put down dissenters. If any of this comes to light as being true and not just some gossiping theories put forth by many privacy groups, then that just shows how much of your information is at stake. However, with the MT track records, it shouldn’t be that big of a stretch to see how or why they’d work with the government. But what does this mean for you, someone who needs an e-mail address and doesn’t want to risk their information or someone knowing they’re a part of “Sexy Jewish Singles” with the kink of “Eating pork on the Sabbath”? Well, the first step you should take, outside of doing the bare minimum to secure your browser, would be to look into using alternative e-mail providers when signing up for an account. There are numerous providers, however not all will exist or become permanent fixtures in the years to come, which means you have to pay attention to news and keep an eye on the services to use. As of now, Privacy Tools has a wonderful list of e-mail providers (https://www.privacytools.io/#email) you can use, and since most of us are frugal-minded to the point of being cheap, these four should hopefully sedate your lust for a free, secure e-mail provider. E-mail providers: • Mail Fence - https://www.mailfence.com/ • Open Mail Box - https://www.openmailbox.org/ • Proton Mail - https://protonmail.com/ • Tutanota - https://tutanota.com/ The four e-mail providers are free, yes, and support a variety of features aimed at protecting your privacy, however they aren’t like your usual e-mail provider. They often don’t ask for a secondary e-mail or a security question, nor do they offer any means to do so in case of someone taking over. Another issue, for many, is the fact that you can’t sync or linking accounts together—this is a good thing, though. Syncing, storing or linking accounts is something you shouldn’t do, at all. Your accounts should always be separated, never touching and kept as far apart from each other as possible. Now, personally, we recommend you use a mix of these e-mails each time you create an account or sign up for some service or another that isn’t tied to you offline(***Example:*** like banking, bills, school or work). You see, as much as we dislike the MT, you should honestly have one account on each specifically for stuff that’s offline. The reason for this is simple: You’ll generate enough of a trail to not be suspicious. For instance, Google, as much as it’s a heavily invasive mega-corp, does have a pretty decent setup for their GMAIL service. You should create an account there and have it used specifically for your banking, bills and similar items. Hotmail/Outlook/Live mail is way below GMAIL, however you should use this specifically for school and similar items to keep people away from your financial records, yet close enough to a normal provider that no one will question you if you simply state that they can send it to you over e-mail instead on some social media site. Yahoo, as much as it’s a disastrous service and corporation, won’t look out of place for business related subjects or questions. It’s simply a matter of coming up with a professional sounding username for the MT accounts and keeping them separated from each other. Never using the same MT account for different applications or accounts, and never letting them touch each other. With that out of the way, however, you should try to keep each account, regardless of the provider, isolated from each other—never using the same user, password, secondary e-mail, or information, ever. The only time you should ever use your legitimate information is for the MT accounts, which should only be used for work, school or financial items. ***Remember:*** Never save your passwords on your computer and never use a password manager. Write down your password and the piece of paper with it somewhere safe and away from people trying to find it. Use a lockbox if you must, but never save this info on your computer. Also look into writing down each account’s information down and hiding that paper, too, so you never forgot it. ***Remember 2:*** Use one of the free e-mail services to create a mess free secondary e-mail to use with the MT e-mails. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Passwords=== Your password (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Password) is the key to your account, without it you can’t login without going through an entire process of laziness meant to make it easier on the geeks who run the website you’re a part of or at least the “Help desk”. You see, that’s all a lost password request is: Laziness. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy, though, it just means you’re forgetful like everyone else. However, the people who run the site don’t want to deal with properly verifying your claim to your account, so they created these claims of simplicity where you submit a request to retrieve or change your password. That is where laziness comes in. Anyone who spent time researching you and applied a liberal dose of social engineering will be able to guess certain security questions and your e-mail addresses to the point of being able hijack your account(s). This is why it pays to keep e-mails separated, not to use the same username twice, and to have a strong password. Your password should be eight (8) to 15 (15) characters long and consist of randomly select characters that range from upper case letters (ABC) to lowercase letters (abc) to numbers (123), punctuation (.,;?!) and special characters ($%#). Your password will not only be hard to remember, but also hard to guess. This is why you should write it down on a piece of information and hide it in a lockbox or locked drawer where no one will get at it, ever. You should also avoid password managers, syncing your information, using “Master passwords,” reusing your password, or saving it on your computer or phone. Think of your password as a unique key and each account a unique door—you need a specific key for a specific door, ergo never use the same password twice. Always randomize your passwords, their length and the characters used to the point of each one never being overly similar. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Accounts=== An account is like a membership you apply for when you join a community or a website. And like a membership, the difficulty to obtain an account ranges from something as easy as a username + password or to the near-impossible where you need to provide an arm length’s of information and an invite code. Regardless of what you’re signing up for, however, you need to learn to compartmentalize each account and profile into its own isolated object. You don’t need to interlink your information, account or anything like that. You don’t even need to sync it up to your e-mails or our phone. You don’t need 40+ accounts across the internet. You need what you need, and at that, you only need it if there’s a reason for it. So, in theory, what accounts do you truly need? ===Steam or Origin?=== You don’t need them, however gaming is a decent way to unwind and do something mindlessly to try and clear your head of troublesome thoughts. Honestly, though, do you really need any of those accounts? Well, yes, if you don’t believe in piracy or simply wish to support the developers you prefer. But you don’t need it to live or survive. There are plenty of non-DRM options that range from freeware to physical media options that don’t need an internet connection in order to play it. ===YouTube?=== You don’t need to one to watch videos or enjoy them. You only need an account if you, yourself, plan to comment, rate or upload videos. Do you really need to do that? There hundreds of ways to express yourself that don’t require you sitting in a chair, staring at your computer, and reviewing bottles of Fuji water from when it first was released. You’ll need accounts or simply want to make an account, for whatever reason, and participate in the community or reap the benefits of releasing your information for that slim chance of being “Internet famous”. No matter the reason, though, you need to treat your account and its associated profile as a contained fire during a camping trip. You want to give only as much information as is required, not what they offer you to give up. For instance: Your username shouldn’t be your real name or a nick name that you’ve been called before. It should be completely unique and unrelated to anything else you’ve made, claimed, were called or even thought about using. It should also be different from the e-mail address that you’re using for the account. Ultimately, outside of paid accounts or billing information, not a single thing on your profile should lead back to you or be associated with you or anything related to you. You shouldn’t use the same password, e-mail address, username or anything that you’ve used on another account. And, at that, no account should be linked, synced or associated with each other in any way possible. These accounts and profiles, depending on their settings, should be made as private as possible and be as minimalistic as possible. You could, in theory, supply false information in your bio or “about me” to create a false digital trail just in case, however leaving no information is better than leaving some. And, truthfully, you should avoid having more than ten (10) accounts at any given time. When an account is no longer useful, you should just follow the Paranoid’s Bible PDF and how to properly dispose of an account and the information associated with it. Never leaving a trace behind and letting the account and its information pass peacefully away before deletion. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Afterword==== This is nothing more than the barest basics needed to keep some sort of privacy when using the internet and trying to avoid being doxed during some kind of discourse. This won’t make you 100% anonymous, nor will it make you undetectable when it comes to the government, yet it’s better than nothing.

#internet #primer #security #infosec #cybersec #paranoidsbible

5 notes · View notes

therealestatesparkblog · 5 years

Text

How to Raise Money for Your Next Deal--Without Legal Issues

I am sitting on an airplane. My family is with me. We are flying to Hawaii. Tonight we are going to see a good friend, Darren Sager. Its been a while and we are excited! And in another two days, well see another good friend, Brandon Turner. We are notably less excited about Brandon, as you can imagine, but have made peace. We are meeting in Hawaii to mastermind. All three of us have been increasingly active in real estate over the past year, and once in a while, a getaway like this is necessary. Now, while we are here to work out some plans, at least one day will be more play than work. Darren turns 50 next week! Overall, this trip has a bit of a surreal flavor for me. You see, I like clarity. I like definiteness. There is nothing less appealing to me than lack of definiteness. And yet, thats exactly how I feel. I feel like I am stuck in no mans land. Darren, lets face it, is an older guy. I mean, a quite good-looking and accomplished, but an older guy. Brandon is just a baby. And then there is meat 43, neither this nor that. What am I? How do I fit in? Am I not old yet, or am I not so young anymore? Am I just starting, or am I finishing? That feeling of not knowing your place that I am trying to describe is prevalent among new investors. I certainly felt it in my day. So, today, with some very simple advice, I am trying to clear up that feeling for you newbies as it relates to one of the most important aspects of REI: raising money. When you are done reading this article, you will have clarity! To Preface This Discussion In the world of real estate investing, we have two main hurdles to clear: finding deals and finding money to finance those deals. Both are challenging, and both are often used as an excuse to not get into the game. There was a time not so long ago when finding deals was easy, but funding was hard. Some people used that as a reason to stay on the sidelines. Today, funding is everywhere, but good deals are not. I am telling you this to forewarn against excuses. Excuses are easy to find in any cycle if you look hard enough. The question should never be why should I not do this; the question is how can I do this?! Related:6 Aspects of Real Estate Investing You MUST Understand Before Your First Deal How to Raise Money This is where I tell you that I am not a licensed professional and cannot offer specific legal advice. I am going to outline to you my understanding of the laws in very generalized terms. But, please, seek professional advice from a qualified licensed professional. That said, as you should know by now the SEC is rather specific as to who you can and cannot ask, why, and how. But, the reality is that if you dont ask you dont get, and thats not an option. With this in mind What Does SEC Want? What the SEC really has a big problem with is a combination of these words: general solicitation. Now, this is not always an issue, but to be totally clear of any wrongdoing, if you can simply avoid doing things that can be described as general solicitation, you should be just fine. To me this easier lets consider this one word at a time. What is general? Well, the easiest way to understand that is in terms of relationships. If there is no pre-existing relationship, then the relationship is general. What is solicitation? Well, asking for money is solicitation. What is general solicitation? General solicitation is you asking for money from people with whom you do not have a standing relationship. If you do not do something that is both general and solicitation at once then you should be fine.

How This Works in Real World Suppose you are at a party and someone you hadnt previously met asks you what you do. And you answer that you pool money together from people to buy large apartments and that youve been really busy lately because you are under contract to purchase another asset. Now, since you dont really know the person you are speaking to, this relationship should most likely be considered general. You are OK, though, because first of all, you are not making a public announcementyou are speaking to one individual. Secondly, you are not triggering the conversation, but merely answering a question posed to you. And lastly, there is no solicitation going on here. You are not asking for money. You are not offering up an investment opportunity. You are simply telling this person what you do. So, you should be OK. Another Situation The following weekend you get together for a brunch with three friends and you proceed to tell them about the opportunity to invest in your deal. This time, you actually are offering them to invest. However, this is totally legal as well, because you are talking to a group of friendspeople with whom youve had a standing relationship. Related:7 Life-Changing Lessons I Wish I Knew as a Real Estate Newbie Remember, what gets you in trouble is the General + Solicitation. You can have general conversations without soliciting, and you can solicit from pre-existing relationships. You just cant solicit money from strangers, at least not under Reg D 506b. What About Social Media? Well, I am not a huge fan. Its true if your post on Facebook goes out under the setting which permits only your friends to see it, then I suppose you can argue that you are talking to people with whom you have a pre-existing relationship, making it OK to solicit. I get uneasy with this, though. How well do you know your FB friends? Have you had meaningful contact with all of these people? Do you see the thin line? Conclusion You have to ask for money if you are going to succeed in real estate investing. But, next time you are about to ask, or about to make that post on a social network, just rememberwhat gets you in trouble is general + solicitation.

Any questions about general solicitation? Ask them below! https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/how-to-raise-money-for-your-deal/

0 notes

anything-advice-blog · 6 years

Text

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

0 notes