#to make sure it doesn't fail

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Chapter 105.5 Thoughts: Control, Manipulation and Partnership

Or, how Chuuya is actually the most qualified character to land a victory over Dostoevsky.

I just want to preface this with: I think Chuuya has woken from the brainwashing. We can't see his eyes, he's holding his hat again, and look at the progression of his face and expression from the last few chapters with him (these are in order btw from left to right).

I'm not completely sure how he did this, but I chalk a lot of it up to sheer stubborn determination on Chuuya's part, mostly because it's funny and he was clearly fighting back before Dazai's speech. However, I find it likely the speech did contain some kind of code - others have pointed out how "Goodbye!" might be a reference to the original author's last unfinished book and we know skk's codenames for things generally are based off their real counterparts' works so, maybe he'd already broken out of it, maybe there was something in there that gave him the final push - who knows at this point honestly? Either way, it means Chuuya had the capacity to break out of the vampire curse on his own and that's incredibly funny to me for many reasons but mostly:

Fyodor: "Bold of you to assume Chuuya's ability can't overcome flooding."

Dazai: "Bold of you to assume Chuuya's personality can't overcome brainwashing."

But really, this highlights something interesting here, both in what Chuuya's role is ultimately intended to be in this arc, and in the way Fyodor and Dazai manipulate and value others in very different ways.

I've said it before but it bears repeating: we already know that Fyodor is an excellent long-term planner, while Dazai is effectively able to counter him because Dazai shifts into thinking like his opponent. They're foil characters for a reason; they're both highly intelligent, manipulative, and willing to play the long game for the sake of winning against their opponent.

Thing is, I also stand by the idea that personality-wise, they're not similar at all - and that has serious implications for the people they are connected with. The build-up to the prison escape arc really highlights this. Some examples:

Chapter 46: Fyodor believes that all people are sinful and foolish and that his goal is to remove sin. Dazai believes that all people are sinful and foolish but asks what's so wrong with that.

Chapter 64: They decide to have a "super-happy chit-chat" about their problems. Dazai's solution to Fyodor's issue with his lazy subordinates is to get them to think lazing around is a bad thing so they will put in effort of their own. Fyodor's solution to Dazai being unable to woo the waitress is to isolate her from her job, house and family so that she can only rely on Dazai.

Chapter 77: Fyodor believes god is perfection and harmony, and thus that the people capable of change are the superior ones with most control. Dazai believes god is the accidental and illogical and believes it is the ordinary people who fight and live in that uncertainty who create the greatest change.

So, what's happening here? Fyodor's manipulation is shown to be very exacting and direct. He leaves no room for error and regards people on a hierarchy - God above all, himself as a servant of God's will, and the sinful and foolish humans he has little regard for. Dazai's manipulation involves manipulation of the situation, and is often indirect. It involves people coming to the conclusion he intends for them to on their own. And from his later dialogue with Sigma, we see he doesn't regard the world in that same kind of hierarchy.

Now, look at the way Fyodor picks an item and Dazai picks a person when starting the game. Look at the way Fyodor refers to Chuuya respectfully but brainwashes him entirely and mocks Dazai for not being worthy of "using" his ability. Look at the way Dazai is a complete ass to Chuuya but ultimately lets him make his own choices (begging people to take note of that moment in Stormbringer where Dazai cuts himself off to correct his referring to Corruption as Arahabaki's true power to Chuuya's true power).

So, the actual strength Dazai has over Dostoevsky then, is not really his strength at all, it's the strength of others and their choice and willpower to act in the way they believe is best. It's the only means of getting a leg up on Dostoevsky, otherwise they will continue to go around and around in circles forever.

And Chuuya is the best candidate for finally throwing Fyodor off his game.

Firstly, let's just establish something: no matter how mad he is at Dazai, he's not going to side with Fyodor, not willingly. Fyodor threatened the Mafia in the Cannibalism arc by attacking Mori, first of all. I doubt he's forgiven him for that. Secondly, Fyodor embodies everything Chuuya can't stand about Dazai, at the very least, younger Dazai - the manipulation, the lack of consideration and connection with others, the callousness and lack of regard for life.

Well, perhaps he's not quite as irritating. +1 point for Dostoevsky I guess?

But lastly, it is more advantageous for Chuuya at this point to help fight against Fyodor, especially since most of the Mafia has been vampirized by his organization. Helping the Agency stop the terrorist plot will help the Mafia by extension by undoing that. And we know from Stormbringer that no matter how much Chuuya is personally hurt, he considers taking out the threat to his people a higher priority. Always.

(You could make the argument that he was told whatever Teruko told Atsushi and decided to join, but not only do I find this wildly out of character, but if that was the case then there would've been no reason to brainwash him.)

That said, I don't think this was preemptive "Dazai's master plan #3057", and in fact, I stand by the idea that Dazai had no idea Chuuya was going to be in the prison. It is very, very important to me that for the rest of this arc, no matter what Chuuya does, that his actions are his own. Not Fyodor's, not Dazai's, but his. And not just because I hate that he's being controlled right now and that freedom of choice has always been important for Chuuya.

But because it makes narrative sense.

The vampires are a bit silly, yes, but they represent the way Fyodor and Fukuchi think - humanity will commit atrocities. They cannot be trusted to make their own decisions. They want to make a world that is free by... mind-controlling people so their plans work without a hitch. In short, they choose, on behalf of others, to sacrifice human autonomy for peace. So, if we are going to turn this arc around, we need to have characters breaking out of that control and thinking for themselves, in spite of the uncertainty of the outcome.

We already see this with Atsushi in the last chapter! He finally takes initiative and makes that choice to leave the room when he doesn't exactly know what the right thing to do is. And this is also why I don't think Teruko is wholly convinced by the DoA either - she lets him go. She gives him the freedom to choose what he does with that information.

Another one of the focus characters here is Sigma. Sigma is a guy who has no past, whose humanity is questioned, who keeps being used by organizations for his valuable ability, who has no home but desperately wants one... oh wait. Remind you of anyone's younger self? This could go one of two ways: Chuuya fails to assert his autonomy, leaving Sigma to learn from that failure, or, Chuuya succeeds in asserting his autonomy, leaving Sigma to learn from his success.

I think it, by necessity, has to be the latter. Sigma's at a tipping point right now, and I think seeing someone try to assert their freedom only to fail would damage him greatly. And I think it's a waste of Chuuya's character honestly.

Chuuya needs to assert his autonomy in this arc. Not just for thematic reasons but because I can think of no one else who can effectively break the "super-genius stalemate".

I keep hearing "Dazai knows Chuuya" in response to Fyodor calling their bond shallow, and that is absolutely true! But Chuuya also knows Dazai. Incredibly well. Odasaku knew Dazai's soul, but Chuuya knows Dazai's mind, knows his strategies and ways of thinking without even needing words. What's more, Chuuya has thrown off Dazai before and done what he didn't expect him to.

Which is nifty, because Dazai and Fyodor think a lot alike. Chuuya is in a unique position to thwart Dostoevsky because he may actually be able to predict him to a degree. Chuuya can absolutely land a victory against him, and it's excellent because it would be completely unexpected to Fyodor, who apparently thinks Chuuya's strength lies only in what his ability has to offer and not much else.

But listen. This also can't be skk's plan. I need Chuuya to sideline both of them. Both for the sweet, sweet catharsis of putting those two idiot geniuses in their places and also because I need Dazai to have screwed up. He wasn't wrong about people making their own choices in uncertainty. People need to assert their autonomy to create change. Dazai can't be wrong in this regard.

But with going ahead with the trap to drown Fyodor despite also having to drown Chuuya when he promised not to let him get killed... this needs to have been a mistake, otherwise the value of Dazai's emotional speech to him is diminished.

I want Dazai to try to laugh it off. I want him to say he always knew Chuuya would escape and then for Chuuya to deck him because "no, the fuck you didn't".

I really think Dazai hoped Chuuya would make it. Do remember that Chuuya was one of the first reasons young Dazai decided to try giving life a chance. The fact that he flashbacked to all his key memories with Chuuya says a lot. But his survival was no guarantee and it seemed very unlikely.

So, Chuuya is faced with the fact that Dazai nearly sacrificed him to kill Dostoevsky and save his new Agency friends.

And I hope he finally gets mad. I hope he finally expresses hurt on his own behalf for once. I hope they are forced to break their status quo that they have carefully maintained by not talking about anything ever. I hope they are pushed to uncomfortable places and that it is Chuuya who finally spurs this development.

Let Chuuya break the stalemate between Dazai and Dostoevsky. Let him shatter the status quo that him and Dazai have kept going for year after year.

Autonomous action in the face of uncertainty is necessary for change.

#am i assigning too much narrative importance in the main manga to chuuya? perhaps #will i stop? no #unfortunately this meta doesn't include gogol which is an oversight because he absolutely has to play a role as well #i'm just not quite sure what yet. same as chuuya i suppose #either gogol asserts his autonomy or he... fails. yeah. either he gets dostoevsky killed or... he fails. #i just don't know where he fits in with everyone else is the thing #listen though. it is significant that gogol decided not to play his dying role in the doa's plan though. #gogol is the free spirit of the doa and yet he's closer to sigma and bram in terms of how he is more controlled than controller #anyways sorry this is so long. just my two cents on the matter #bsd #bsd spoilers #bsd chapter 105.5 #bsd chuuya #bsd fyodor #bsd dazai #bsd sigma #bsd meta #i don't even know if this makes sense anymore. here. #storyrambles

[beatcroc]

pest control TWO!!!!! heres the first one

adn heres the obligatory bonus bc i can't help myself :')

#i already threatened that little basard twice in these i may as well make good on it #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #the noise #fp ''oh god wait that is not a real rat and also tastes awful'' moments. he doesnt actually have any interest in eating that thang ok #even if seeing a small scampering little guy like that WILL activate his prey drive without fail #peppino loves it he thinks it's the funniest shit in the world for fp to go after noise. so he is always encouraging this. #but anyway yeah. fp is *really* not the one noise should be worried about. #arting #pizzaposting #i still have lots of tag room thjis time so im gonna do some tangential nonsense rambling. e #fp gotta be like crazy good at hunting i think. not just for strength and predator instincts but also bc like #he doesn't have much in the way of a scent or body heat or anything that would give him away as an alive thing #not to mention he's uh... not particularly organically-shaped a lot of the time #so esp. to smaller prey that don't like... memorize a landscape; if he holds very still he's like completely undetectable #total ambush king. though i'm sure hes also very good at #persistence and pursuit hunting since he has peppino's speed and no way of getting muscle fatigue. ultimate beast #fortunately he doesnt care that much and doesnt really need to eat so hes not devastating the local ecosystem or anything #except for the rats.

[ffcrazy15]

"Oh so when James Kirk refuses to believe in no-win scenarios it's 'changing the conditions of the test' and 'commendable original thinking,' but when I, Bradward Boimler, can't accept the possibility of failure and retake the Kobiyashi Maru sixteen times–"

#lower decks #star trek lower decks #brad boimler #in my headcanon his first performance wasn't *great* but he did technically pass #but by refusing to accept that he hadn't beat the test and insisting on retaking it he turned his pass into a fail #and he *kept* retaking it until the instructor point-blank told him that there was no way to beat the program #And that the whole point was to experience personal failure #And *even then* Boims was like “so you mean by failing I actually HAVEN'T failed at all!” #“No that's not– ugh you know what sure. Gold star kid. Just get out of my office." ”Did I get an A+?“ ”OUT!“ #Completely missed the point of the exam and they basically pity-passed him after the seventeenth try #Mariner on the other hand already knew what the point of the test was ahead of time #(She didn't cheat she was still a goody-two-shoes at this point) (An older classmate or friend happened to mention it around her) #But she *did* think it was a bullshit test and just pretended to be humbled and accept defeat in order to get a good grade #She doesn't believe in no-win scenarios either #It's part of what makes them a good team

[childrenofthesun77]

Assuming that the whole 'mahiru is the vessel needed to bring back the count and the 9th servamp will be the servamp of vainglory' theory will be correct, it's interesting how both mahiru and touma can be accused of this sin even if the way it applies to them is opposed.

What touma wants is to be acknowledged and to that end he was willing to become the villain who destroyed the world before mahiru and tsurugi managed to change his mind:

Mahiru's way of being vainglorious seems a lot more positive at first because he wants to be a hero who saves others, but it's self-destructive and encourages laziness in others:

But thankfully we see mahiru starting to let go of the need to make other people proud of him and to prioritize making himself proud in his conversation with tsurugi:

and later when mahiru has a meltdown because he fears his uncle might be dead and suggests sacrificing his life to save the world kuro rightfully yells at mahiru for acting hypocritical and not listening to his own advice:

(I want to mention here that I really love how horrified kuro looks as he realizes that mahiru's reckless hero behaviour comes from a very self-destructing place:

because not a lot of manga I know really acknowledge that maybe the way a lot of their protagonists try to be heroic is actually pretty unhealthy and shouldn't be encouraged? Like Sigurd pointed out at the C3 meeting, it's kind of shameful that the children have to save the day)

Which is why I love that mahiru decided to trust kuro to handle tsubaki without him going with him:

He decides to stay back with everyone else, showing that he has learned that he doesn't need to be the one to do everything and can stay back with the others to buy kuro time.

Interestingly we see touma doing something similar. Opposed to his old need to have the whole world acknowledge him he now wishes for everyone to believe he's dead and he's helping to protect the city by creating a huge barrier without making it known that's he the one doing this:

He's helping the protagonists seemingly with no intention of earning acknowledgement for it.

I think in a way it could be cool of servamp to subvert the shouned trope that for the finale battle the only one able to defeat the big bad is the protagonist while everyone else just watches on from the sidelines, not allowed to do anything because this is the protagonist's moment of glory.

What if lily's plan when he put kuro in mahiru's path was that if kuro tried to stop tsubaki at the gate surely his eve would need to be there with him, right? Because of course he needs his eve to fight and then there's also the distance limit. So why not make the vessel you need at that gate for the ritual to work kuro's eve? Then the vessel would be at the place where you need them without you even needing to do something because naturally they would be thinking they are doing the right thing by going with kuro to fight tsubaki together. And surely someone as vainglorious as mahiru would never pass up the opportunity to be the hero who stops tsubaki. It's foolproof!

Unless of course before the ritual the vessel learned to let go of their vainglorious nature, accepted that it's okay to take a step into the background and trust in others. And additionally also found a way to break through the whole forced proximity thing that the servamp and eves had going on.

I don't know, I feel like it would be a neat bow on mahiru's character arc and a unique way to thawrt the antagonists' plans if the creation of the servamp of vainglory failed because the 'it has to be me' guy they wanted to use as the vessel decided against glory and stayed back to let his partner handle things with tsubaki alone because he trusts him. Kuro on the other hand wants to make up for his past regrets and resolve the conflict through communication this time. Learning to trust in himself again by managing to talk tsubaki out of going through with the ritual on his own would be a logical conclusion to kuro's arc.

#servamp #mahiru shirota #taishi touma #This started as a short post about both touma and mahiru being vainglorious just with one wanting to be villain who destroys the world #While the one wants to be the hero who saves the world #because they both want to be acknowledged #And then it escalated into a post about how the two of them letting go of their vainglory might end up saving the day in the end #As for lily and mikuni I feel like that needs to be resolved by misono #He has to deal with lily to get out of the chess game and tell the others about what he has learned or to confront his brother #Mahiru doesn't really have a deep connection to lily or mikuni #He barely knows them and they see him as a pawn #The one who needs them to understand that he's not a child in need of protection to the point that all they did was lie to him is misono #Lily destroyed mikuni's and his kiriko's lives as well maybe misono can work with that? #Or maybe mikuni is playing 5d chess anyway and all he does serves his end goal to get revenge on lily by making sure his plan fails idk #It is weird that his best known spell has people get hanged if they killed other humans in their life #And now he wants to kill the people of tokyo for power? That doesn't make much sense doesn't it.

[otakusapien]

Watched the first 6 episodes of Hailey's On It on Disney+ and thought, "If Hailey's big thing in the future is that she reverses global warming and saves the world, why would someone try to stop her?" and then the rich white kid with an inferiority complex showed up and I went, "Ah, that makes sense."

#hailey's on it #yeah I'm 99.9% sure AC is the one sending robots from the future to stop her #purely so that HE can (theoretically) step in to be the savior instead and get all the praise #I don't think he wants to world to end I think he wants to take her place #or he's so jealous he doesn't even care as long as she fails #btw my evidence is #1. Someone aiming for the glory or wanting Hailey to suffer is the only thing that makes sense to me #for why someone would go to the length of sending robots back in time to stop global warming being solved #2. They are tiny helper robots. What did AC have when he was introduced? Tiny helper robots #3. They're called Chaos bots. In the escape room episode AC says the god Set is both the god of chaos and someone he admires

[theyonapodcast]

I love the first time Soo-Won supports Lili.

It feels like an overreaction to burst into tears over, essentially, "Go for it," but makes sense when you realize no one takes her seriously.

Her father, Tetora, and even Yona view her as someone in need of protection. They coddle her.

And then here comes Soo-Won, telling her she's capable of making a difference.

That she did make a difference. He acknowledges her strength and believes in her with ease while people closer to her struggle to accept that she's useful.

#yona of the dawn #lili #soo won #don't come at me with 'well sure he supports her. he doesn't care if she lives or dies like the others' #ARGUABLY sure in the first instance they don't know each other that well #and his only main reason to keep her alive (aside from being a human being) is that she's a general's daughter #but i do think there's a real connection in that moment #he sees a bit of himself in her #someone with big dreams of making a difference but just not being there yet #he watched king il run the country poorly for many years as he grew up #also he saves her MULTIPLE times over the course of the series #yeah he's going to step in if someone's coming at her with a sword #but maybe she has everything covered before it gets to that point #he'll let her handle things until she can't #and i think that means a lot to lili #lili: let me try and if i fail i fail #joon gi/tetora/ayura/yona: what if i took on the scary stuff for you? #soo won (pulling up a seat): yeah go for it. i know first aid. #i may be way off base or ineloquent with all this #i just think it's fascinating that soo won supports her without hesitation twice #and she bursts into tears each time #she needs to be told she's a good gi- *gunshots*

[imminent-danger-came]

YOU think MK is a selfless forgiving good boi mc. I think he's self-centered, but that doesn't devalue the good deeds that happen as a result. We are not the same

#like to me. everything for MK is motivated by himself like #Protecting the city? That's what a good hero would do #And he wants to be a good hero and to protect *his* friends #Crying in 2x10? It's more about him failing as a hero/successor than it is about the innocent people in danger #to me anyways #Like any time he's ''seeing the good'' or ''forgiving'' an antagonist it is literally just him like #Saying the things he wants to hear/believe #Like #If Macaque isn't a bad guy then he can help and if he can help then maybe we can win #It's about the personal reassurance #Like. ''Forgiving'' DBK? Well that's easy. If DBK is a ''good guy'' now then he's not a problem for MK to deal with #And MK fucking LOVES not having to deal problems #Like it's easier for him to just ignore past history than it is to deal with it #4x14 is the ultimate example of this for me like #MK see's that Azure's crying and is then willing to be all like #''You still can. You're the only one who can'' to try and help #And it's like. Sure. MK doesn't *not* want to save/help Azure #But at the same time #Wukong was able to stop him so easily. In contrast to samadhi fire Mei where MK ran directly into the fire #Like the moment MK sees himself in you it's over okay #He's gonna be like ''you're just like me'' and self-centered about it #And it worked for like #Mei and Macaque and Azure #But it didn't work for Spider Queen #you know #lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk MK #lmk rant #For the love of god stop making MK Steven

[flo-n-flon]

You don't mess with the Bashere ladies

Quick Deira Bashere after a long and eventful train journey because she's pretty badass and hot

#the wheel of time #wot fanart #Deira Bashere #wot book spoilers #I love a woman who's tall and wields knives #That's why both Berelain and Faile are great #Deira will probably end up on my list of minor characters to draw #When I make progress on my current drawing #Out of all the minor characters I've drawn so far she's the one I most confident we'll see in the show with Darlin #Caraline I'm not sure because she doesn't play such a specific role #And we probably won't get Seonid #Sadly

[snixx]

feeling like no one around you cares is such a shitty feeling and it never fully goes away. everyone leaves you and nothing lasts and I'm tired of carrying this aching loneliness everywhere with me and overinvesting in people who just don't give a shit

#kinda feels like I'm failing at everything tbh #my grades are painfully average #my quote unquote best friend of twelve years hasn't spoken to me in months #im pretty sure the girl i thought was my college bestie is avoiding me or at the very least constantly flaking on me #i don't have the energy to reply to anyone and have like a zillion unread chats #it feels like people only talk to me when they need me and I'm so tired of it #im tired of everyone in college forming their super exclusive groups that i can never get into #and blowing me off for shit they won't let me come to #it kinda makes me hate myself a little which is an emotion i haven't felt in years #like what is it about me that is so fundamentally unlikeable that doesn't let me ever feel like I'm not lonely #i just can't #and it's not something i can change #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com

[pochapal]

this being the first theory battler has lampshaded and discarded as a joke is making me extremely 👁

#umineko liveblog #like. everything else has been taken seriously even when it's stupid #but this is outright dismissed the second it's mentioned. surely not.......... #ough but wait. the possibility of the captive beatrice falling pregnant is rather high #and there are several plausible scenarios with which a hidden child could work #i mean if we go full cliche then the answer here is that nanjo somehow helped beatrice hide the child #making him like double compromised with kinzo. almost like a moral stalemate even #also given the date the mansion was built we can assume this kid would be in their early/mid 30s present day #only known candidate on rokkenjima who fits the criteria would be rosa but that doesn't really makes sense #either that or gohda is a good 10-15 years younger than you'd think he is #but then i'm thinking about the ushiromiya shannon stuff and wondering if there isn't an orphanage link #not that shannon's the beatrice child because she's 15 years too young for that #but perhaps the kid was concealed in the orphanage and this is where the furniture stuff comes in? #every single servant kid is less than human unless they prove themselves to be a worthy substitute for the lost child #and the abuse comes from the fact that they also bear the brunt of kinzo's rage at this kid for having slipped out of his grasp #and of course none of the servant children can ever compare to kinzo's ideal so the cycle perpetuates forever #furniture in that they're being punished for not innately being an ushiromiya successor #this also feeds into the beatrice/kinzo becoming stuff too at a slightly different angle #the children are brought on expected to carry fragments of both beatrice and kinzo and tormented when they fail to do so #meanwhile i genuinely think if a beatrice kid existed they would presently be extremely far removed from rokkenjima #like some random well adjusted adult who knows very little of their origins #meaning that even if kinzo ever found this person they too would not be a fitting ushiromiya successor #yeah i think there might be some potential for this kind of theory

[yeahbumbleby]

nothing broke me more in yesterday's episode than realizing that the only reason why ruby doesn't describe weiss to little when looking for blake and yang simply is because she thinks weiss made it to vacuo. girlie already racking up seven different kinds of breakdowns and she doesn't even know her best friend's presence on the island is going to introduce a brand new one... please pray for ruby rose because she's about to eat dust this volume

#rwby v9 spoilers #v8 was truly all kinds of good but one of the best because it gave me v8c13/14 #which are simply masterpieces. like... yang sacrificing herself to save ruby and leading to her falling off the platform #IN FRONT OF BLAKE #who just got yang back #so obviously blake does the only thing she thinks of. and launches gambol shroud and MISSES #and then her next step is to try and follow yang because she PROMISED she wasn't leaving her again. and weiss holds her back #and she won't let her go over the edge #then they're back to fighting and blake tries to save ruby. and fails. and they're both falling #and weiss.... WEISS HAS TO WITNESS IT ALL #her friends her FAMILY seemingly fell to their deaths and there was nothing she could do #but it doesn't stop there. because then penny gets mortally wounded and jaune has to mercy kill her #and weiss sees it happening again. she lost so many people #AND ALL OF THIS HAPPENED IN A TWO EPISODE SPAN #AND NOW THEY GOTTA DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH WHILE IN AN UNKNOWN REALM #AND MOST LIKELY WITHOUT THEIR AURAS #oh team rwby.... what emotional horrors are you going to face next. where is the line going to be drawn #when ruby finally can't take it anymore and snaps and lashes out and they all get a peek at the teenager ruby shouldve been #because she's finally the same age as them when it all started. they didn't get to be teens either #but on god they gotta make sure ruby gets to heal as well #im gonna fucking SCREAM #bumbleby #rwby

[tearlessrain]

seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing

#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident #I straight up forgot #and just didn't show up to the session #my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked #I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up #my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january #I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted #like mentally and spiritually #all the time #my memory and sense of time are both shit #my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason?? #I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me #I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir #and yet #idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason #fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly #due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me #aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory #it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever #like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype #but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here #doing whatever this is #maybe I should drive out to the coast #maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long #I mean it can't make me worse #I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark #everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone

[birdmenmanga]

@raventhekittycat

hi okay so I've been mulling this one over for the past day or two and I think I have the answer. not to be using hamburger to explain anything to an american but you're my detco mutual so I'm going to try and explain it in detco terms

There's a post going around recently about how if you've read detco and only detco, the first time hakuba shows up you're going to be totally flummoxed, because damn this guy is clearly important, he gets to be even cooler than Shinichi, he's got a half-page shot of him (in such a panel-dense series such as Detective Conan, no less!!) and he's got a fucking hawk. he's CLEARLY important. everything about the narrative is indicating that you need to PAY ATTENTION to hakuba and that he's the coolest guy and he's important!!!! and then he dies in the case lol (not for real. but still.)!! and you're like huh??? what was that. why did aoyama do that.

But with the context of magic kaito this totally makes sense. He's a beloved character that people have been waiting decades to see again. Of course Aoyama is going to hype him up!! It's his big moment after years of being locked in the backrooms!!!

Anyways reading birdmen for me was kind of like that. The author's previous series, Kekkaishi, was pretty one-dimensional at the beginning, and even after the main plot started picking up at around volume 6, it still felt quite understandable. I knew what she was trying to get at, and the spectacular job she did with the anthropocene and climate change metaphor towards the end of that series really made me interested in the rest of her works. That and the way she writes familial relationships is absolutely DEVASTATING. (I mean this with the highest of praise)

But when I read BIRDMEN for the first time, I was probably in... middle school, maybe? And I read it, sure, but I didn't get it. I could see what was literally happening on the page but the narrative choices were absolutely baffling at times. Why skip over the entire part of the plot where they figure out who the birdman that saved them was? She blatantly doesn't care about that. What does she care about then?? I knew I didn't get it, I knew there were parts of it that were important and I couldn't figure out why and THAT'S how it dug its pretty little claws into me. Even after I finished catching up it nagged at me a little bit, not often at all, but enough that every once in a while I go, huh, right, that was a thing, let me go read it again.

For the record this type of story haunting has happened to me twice. First time was the Heart of Thomas, second time was BIRDMEN. I think the thing is that these are both stories which are not what other people say they are and I think I came into both of these stories with a misconception, trying to look too hard for things that weren't important and therefore missing the things that were.

Because sure, BIRDMEN is about mental illness. Yeah, it's about an evil scientific organization growing mutants in a lab. Yeah, it's about what it means to leave your humanity behind. That's all technically correct, on a surface level, and the fandom at large likely agrees with these takes for the most part, but in my opinion none of that really delves into what the thematic messaging of the story is about.

There are cryptic conversations about authority and human extinction and peculiar outfit and ability choices. You can tell these choices weren't made to serve the purpose of "writing exciting shonen manga" because that was what she did for the most part in Kekkaishi and you can tell she wasn't putting her whole pussy into doing that here. So what was she doing? What's like. All of this. Waves my hands at this.

The short answer is that it's really about the interplay between capitalism (represented by humanity) and communism (represented by birdmen), and explores the role institutional white supremacy (EDEN) plays in enforcing capitalism. It is ALSO about queer liberation and the importance of community, but hey, that double-stacks conveniently with the communism metaphor.

But also take this opinion of mine with a grain of salt. As far as I know I'm the only one who really truly deeply believes that it is not only AN interpretation of the work, but one that was fully intended by the author.

So basically, I like it, because I think it says something true and beautiful that I also believe in, even if I didn't have the words for it the first time I read it. But I don't really think that's what people really look for in a media recommendation.

Do I like it? Yes, I love it. Will I recommend it to others? Yeah, sure. But do I think it's deeply flawed? Yeah, absolutely. It's flawed in the same ways as The Witch from Mercury— a rushed ending, too many threads that were opened and never tied together. The pacing and characterization is perfect in the beginning, and too rushed at the end. There are prerequisites you basically HAVE to read in order to understand the story (tempest for G-Witch and the communist manifesto for birdmen). I think a truly good story wouldn't have any of these things so if people don't like it I never blame them.

It's my personal experiences that make birdmen so profound to me. If you are not queer I just don't think Eishi coming out as a birdman to his mom will hit the same, just as an example. Sorry that I wasn't the kid you wanted me to be. I know you love me and you just want the best for me and that's why you're so controlling, because you think I can be saved by conforming to societal expectations. But I can't live like that. I can't be like that. And that's why I must go. etc.

Aesthetically I do love birdmen a lot. If I had to describe it in a few words it would probably be "chilling", "beautiful", and "powerful", which nicely coincides with the type of things I personally like to draw. It's also silly to a small degree but it's so serious and I know Tanabe can be way way way funnier (read kekkaishi for this. kekkaishi and hanazakari no kimitachi he were foundational to my sense of sequential art humor) so that's not really the standout trait of this series.

I can't let it go because I'm chewing this series like a bone. And it's taking me years but I am getting that sweet sweet marrow. By god. We are on year 3 of this shit and I am GOING to understand this series. and I'm going to make 3 video essays about it

#just thinking thoughts... #stray bird thoughts #so it's like... I don't like it because birdmen is good #I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am #OH #I'M THE TARGETED AUDIENCE THATS WHY I LIKE IT. #YEAH THATS REALLY IT!!! #A long time ago I said that birdmen wasn't written for the people who read it at the time it serialized. #it was written for the people they would become. #and I stand by that 100% #if it really stays with you there is going to be a reason even if you can't articulate it yet #and it may APPEAR sloppy to someone who doesn't see the queer or communist metaphor #like 'what is she doing what is she saying here she's not saying anything meaningful and emphasizing the wrong things' #but that sort of presumes she is gunning to make 'the best shonen manga ever' #which she clearly isn't. #I remember when I was reading fma with a bunch of my classmates and I'd lend them a volume or two every day #and a piece of feedback I received that has stuck with me was 'volume 15 was so boring' #(that was the volume recounting the ishval civil war. it was boring because we were middle schoolers and didn't REALLY get it.) #and like. I think to people who are looking for something like kks. the whole thing is going to feel like fma volume 15 #like WHAT is she going on about? ? ? #like witch hat and dunmesh I think are similar types of stories but I think these two are just executed way better than bm #but because of that it is just not as compelling to me you know. #like yeah yeah it's well constructed. we all see it's well constructed. #the metaphor is so well constructed that I don't feel the need to point it out. everyone is saying it already you know #but bm is cryptic enough and just slightly missed that execution enough that I feel like I'm pulling the analysis out of a smoking wreckage #recently I've been watching mentourpilot videos about airplane accidents and like. that's exactly it. #there's nothing to say about a perfectly executed flight. #it's the ones that failed. and in particular the ones that just barely failed by a little bit. that compels people the most. #cue my de communism is failure post. bc that bm sure did fail.

[the-casbah-way]

not to beat a dead horse but jesus christ can you just leave people alone in public bathrooms i just want to fucking piss girl i'm so tired of feeling anxious and trying to avoid using public bathrooms because of how fucking weird cis people are about it. i tried to go into the bathroom at work today (i have worked here for years) and this woman who has worked here for two weeks and doesn't know me laughed and tried to like. steer me in the direction of the men's toilet instead and was like "wrong way!" are you fucking kidding me fuck off

#i have worked in this building for years. i know where the fucking bathroom is #like i'm sorry but cis people just don't want me in any bathroom at this point. i can't fucking win #i'm not kidding you i didn't really think that people in real life would actually make a fuss over who is in the bathroom #but at uni specifically i have had A LOT of people in the womens bathroom awkwardly tell me “uh i think you're in the wrong bathroom haha” #they're not even doing it in an antagonistic way it's like they genuinely think i've walked into the wrong one #and it makes ME feel like a creep or like i've done something wrong #like you guys are the ones that insist i should be in this bathroom !!!! but then i go in there and get told i'm in the wrong one !!!! #it's one of the few things that never fails to make me feel anxious and sad because it's a fucking bathroom it shouldn't be a big deal #why am i being made to feel like i've done something wrong when i'm just trying to exist here like everyone else #and you know what. it doesn't matter how i identify right. because i've actually done nothing to intentionally masculanise my appearance #like the entire time i've been out. i had short hair before i came out and i dressed this way before i came out #i have not done anything to try and Look Like A Man or Look Cis. i just have masc bone structure NATURALLY #so for all you know i could just be a woman with short hair ????? and you're telling me i don't belong in here because of that ?? #like sure i'm NOT a woman with short hair but my point is you literally cannot tell the difference #so just leave people alone

[cienie-isengardu]

Vader stood at the ramp leading to the Emperor's personal shuttle, looking down at the shorter man. "I anticipate that I shall return in three weeks," the Emperor told him. "I trust you can keep the planet from falling apart while I am gone?" "Yes, my master." "I expect no less. [...]

Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry

#star wars #darth vader #Emperor Palpatine #darth sidious #Shadows of the Empire #i will admit that polish translaton make it more like i trust you will not destroy the planet while i'm away XD #the funniest thing about this scene is that the moment palpatine is out of picture vader happily eliminate his politica rival #that he was told to not kill XDDDD #sure palpy vader will keep the planet from failing apart while you're gone but no protecting people he doesn't like

[thelostgirl21]

Am I the only one that really struggles with the idea of Radskier's current relationship status being listed as "Ex-Lovers" in the shipping wiki, or...?

#Radskier #Radovid #Jaskier #I tried negotiating for “Maybe-Lovers” but failed... #Like I understand that they are facing an uncertain future #But they made it pretty clear they still have feelings for each other and do want to be together... #It's just that Jaskier needs to first make sure his family is safe... #Realistically he could very much wind up dead while trying to rescue Ciri before they have a chance to take things between them any further #So he can't really promise Radovid anything and it would be kind of unfair to “keep him waiting”... #And sadly Radovid's own attempt to run away from his life at court to be with Jaskier was thwarted by as slight case of #Acute Dead Kingnitis #Somehow #it feels like saying: Romeo and Juliet stopped being lovers and became exes the moment they encountered #challenges and obstacles preventing them from being together... #I... Yeah. Something just doesn't sit right. #I'd literally put “Uncertain” as their current status then. #But “exes”? #Really? #It sounds so final and like they're totally done with each other already! #Unless people are using a different definition than mine when they are talking about exes... #Exes just feel so weird man... #My Posts #My thoughts #That are like 99% in the tags...