#to end on a lighter note im proud of myself!

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hellooo id like to request matchups for Genshin Impact, MHA and Obey me! One of the brothers for Obey Me and a boi for the other two if thats okay <33

General stuff/Appearance

The names Jade, I'm female (she/her), 17 years old, straight, zodiac is pisces and mbti is intp. Im relatively short (160cm, idk what that is in feet Im European :,)) maybe 5'3??)). My parents are from Turkey but I was born in Austria so somehow I can speak 6 languages now- My skin tone is comparable to toast (lmao its a bit darker then toast but i am pretty pale), I have a diamond shaped head with sharp facial features, my hair is straight and dark brown with lighter variations in certain hair parts. I tie 'em up in a loose ponytail often tho. I let my shorter hair strains at the front do their own thingy, it's more fun xD. Brown eyes, straight nose, thin lips- all that stuff. Body type is hourglass.

Personality

One will realize pretty quickly that I am in fact not normal lmao- i'm a bit weird but i'm living for it. I'd describe myself as rather introverted though I'm not shy or timid. I just like to relax and do things my way. I have a lot of pride and discipline as well and I'm very proud of that. I'm also pretty easy to talk to if I do say so myself and laid-back as well. I have a lot of acceptance and tolerance so I am not quick to make unreasonable decisions. I'm also funny apparently (my friend's opinion. Lazy too but we don't talk about that HA-) I can snap pretty spontaneously tho if you push the right buttons. I'm still working on the anger management xD

Interests/Hobbies

If you couldn't already tell by my ability to speak a lot of languages I am really interested in them. I love to learn new stuff and expand my knowledge in general- I also LOVE listening to music (my earphones are my bebes) and sometimes drawing is pretty tempting as well. Idk why but designing / decorating is something I tend to enjoy doing even though I don't realize it. Gardening is also a hobby of mine. (Just smaller note because of my dislikes- i have no dislikes in that sense but if id had to settle on one it would be people being late to meetings or events in general, like bro u had one job-)

Just a few more smaller facts- My love language is quality time and I'm not overly experienced when it comes to relationships. I'm also more on the giving end than on the receiving end- I have trouble accepting help and kindness from others but am willing to love the other person unconditionally if I get to initiate the affection. I tend to be drawn to people that are confident and know how to handle any kind of situation.

Thank you in case my request gets accepted <33 bye byeee~

Hi Jade! Oh my goodness six languages! I can only speak English and a tiny bit of Italian. I'm trying to learn Japanese but it's slow going. Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

You and Diluc are the definition of the straightlaced and weird couple. Diluc doesn't let his hair down a whole lot so having you in his life definitely brings a lot of strange energy that he hasn't had since his childhood.

He wouldn't change that for the world though. He loves listening to you talk about your interests. They're so different from all the wine business he has to deal with on a daily basis so it's a nice break.

Would like it if you sent him song recommendations. He would like to expand his music tastes a bit.

He'll listen to everything you send him and give his comments the next time he sees you.

Diluc loves spending quality time with you. I see his love languages as quality time and physical touch (he's without a doubt touch starved, please give him hugs).

He knows what it's like to feel like you don't deserve affection but he'll try to help you feel better about accepting help and kindness. He's always going to be there for you if you need him.

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

Sero is the supportive person you need! He's going to support you unconditionally in everything you do. If he sees you need help but are struggling to ask for it, he'll approach you.

If you decline but he sees that you really wanted to say yes, he'll do little things to help out. Dinner? He's already cooking it, no need to worry. The laundry? He did that an hour ago. You want to go for a walk to clear your head? For sure!

Loves it when you speak in other languages. If you go off the headcannon that Sero speaks Spanish, he'd start replying to anything you say in another language in Spanish. Whether he understands what you've said or not, he's saying something back in Spanish.

Music is something that unites you. Please send him songs you like. He'll send some back!

Makes playlists for you that are combinations of his favourite songs, you favourites, and some that remain him of your relationship. They're his study playlists now.

In Obey Me, I match you with...

Lucifer definitely knows how to speak a bunch of languages. He's been around for who knows how long. Chances are high he speaks the same languages you do, plus a few.

Loves talking to you in other languages when his brothers are around, especially if he knows they don't speak that language. It feels more intimate (and makes his pride blow up).

Please introduce him to gardening. He would find it relaxing and it's a good break from doing paperwork for days on end.

Also please introduce him to songs that came out a little more recently than the classical music he listens to. I think he'd be a fan of rock ballads and songs with the same vibe as "Line Without a Hook" by Ricky Montgomery.

Enjoys spending quality time with you. He needs a break sometimes and there's nothing quite like having a mid-afternoon nap with someone you care about.

Lucifer likes that you have a point where you will snap. It makes him more comfortable letting you roam around the Devildom. He knows you won't let some random demon walk all over you.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #genshin impact #diluc #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #hanta sero #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #lucifer

[aro-with-bad-aim]

Anna karenia part 5:

tw death

Two more parts left (well three if you include part 6 which I’m now onto)!! I’m honestly kinda proud of myself for getting through this book so fast:D

this was an emotional rollercoaster, I laughed, I cried, I was confused, I was shocked, I felt everything. Starting with levin and kitty, their wedding felt like a romcom to be honest, with levin showing up late because he couldn’t find a clean suit and stuff. As much as I enjoy the heavy stuff, it was a nice break. It’s sweet to see how in love with each other they are, and even though they have their issues, they always solve it. They’re the perfect foil to Anna and her husband or Anna and vronsky. The part where levins brother died hit hard. I genuinely cried multiple times throughout it and I can’t lie im getting emotional right now thinking about it. I don’t want to get too personal, but I lost a family member just over a year ago and it brought back a lot of emotions. Seeing how his brother improved then got worse, wished to live then longed to die was honestly upsetting and brought back memories I didn’t particularly want to remember, but that was probably tolstoys intention. I found it so impactful when I saw a chapter was called death. It was a shock as none of the other chapters had names. It very well created the shock of death. It was unexpected and made the death feel all the more impactful. On a lighter note, I can’t lie, I laughed when I read kitty was pregnant because it implies that her and levin fucked while looking after levins dying brother. Like damn, nows not the time how desperate are you/lh. I get the symbolism; the circle of life and death and I also think it symbolises how levin can deal with a reminder of his mortality better and healthier now he’s with kitty. While levin and kitty were searching for stability, Anna and vronsky couldn’t avoid conflict. I found the part in Italy a little random, but I think it provided a good set up for how volatile Anna and vronskys relationship has become. Vronskys loss of interest in painting could foreshadow his loss of interest in anna. I feel even though anna and vronsky love each other, they love the thrill of something new more. They’re searching for that next adrenaline rush, which is why I think Anna went to the theatre at the end of the part. However I also think she went because she wanted to return to her old life and status. It was heartbreaking to see Anna’s reunion with her son. I know she has done wrong and the story being told from her perspective causes an unreliable narration but I can’t help but root for her and feel awful for her situation. I feel even worse for her son, who is only seen as a way to hurt Anna by his own father, and he knows it. Anna will probably never see her son again, and it’s awful for both her and her son. I think it’s interesting both Anna and levin are now going to the countryside. They’re probably going to meet each other, and tension has been high between Anna and kitty from part 1/2. There’s still a significant part of the book left, so theres still time for everything to take an unexpected turn, and I’m still so excited to see how the book ends :)

#anna karenina #classic lit #classic literature #tw death

[arconn]

Last night was *a lot*

I was stoked to hang w my homegirl Z for her birthday and she said she was getting dinner at a sushi spot. I should have payed attention when she said she has RESERVATIONS and at least checked out their menu… but of course I didn’t. She said she wasn’t even sure if everyone would show up and I instantly was like IM ABSOLUTELY GOING NOW I’m gonna make my homegirl feel super special!

I have $40 to my name until next Friday. I gathered a few cute things I got at the gem show for her present and wrote her a little note on some plain notepad paper and dressed like I would when I go to a show. This was a little black crop tank with a thrifted vest, some black bell bottom stretchy pants, and a super long comfy sweater. When we got there I was already kinda fucked up, I notice the place is SUPER fancy and most people are dressed in super fancy dinner dresses and suits. We ordered all together and I told the girl who was beside me (who also happened to be a server there) that I could really only get a single roll and maybe one drink for Z. I sipped my drink slowly and watched people order super expensive $30+ rolls and SUPER fancy drinks that didn’t even have the price on the menu. It made me low key anxious but I was coolin just listening to people chat and trying to include some people who had just joined.

We did birthday presents and, noticing no one had brought cake or anything, I offered to share a cupcake with Z and hold a lighter up so we could sing happy birthday. As soon as I left for the bathroom they started singing :-| I ran to grab the last part of the song and tried to remain calm as the check came and, between 8 of us, it was almost $700… they started splitting up things evenly and said we could all throw $120 each and I almost burst into tears trying to figure out how to tell everyone I had no money… clearly unlike everyone else at the table who was talking about their cars and money and stuff they had all night… I Venmo’d the girl who had been shoveling out bumps for me all night $20 and told her I’d hit her with another $40 when I get paid on Friday and she seemed cool with it. I still shed a few tears and tried to hide my face but the girl beside me was literally the one talking to everyone about the check. But now, of course overthinking it, maybe I was wrong to be so upset. Maybe not, I don’t know at that point.

They all were going to a show after that was sold out that I kept lying and saying I slept on tickets, knowing I just slept on them because I had no money. They’d all be talking about expensive cars and how they got out here and I just ended up telling them I’m on the rebuild, no I don’t have a car, I’m helping other people, etc. I just felt like a broke ass Baltimore bitch. I started to rethink my gift too, which I know I shouldn’t do, but I couldn’t stop myself. I feel proud of being so strong but at the same time I was so fucking embarrassed.

I went back to one of the girls I’d just met’s houses because we needed to stop at her place for her to change her shoes and it ended up being 3 of us blowing down. One of them made a comment about how one of their friends is a “taker” and never has anything and how she’s sus and they don’t hit her to hang anymore and of course I instantly, inside, started feeling a panic and like even more a piece of shit. I held it in though. I thanked everyone for their hospitality a little too much and went along to Blackbox to chill in the lounge (which was free) for a bit while everyone went into the main stage. They had mentioned doing the wristband swap and did for a couple of people but after watching them all walk by me, I just let it go and gave it two more songs and left. The one girl who was there in the lounge (that I had guided to the bathroom and then outside to see her man) already left w her dude and I was ready to go home. One of the girls texted me and asked where I was and I told her I was gone and thanked her and went about my night.

I slept almost 12 hours just trying to kill time until my closing shift tonight and now I’m eating a Sammy at a spot down the street and trying to keep my cool. I’m thinking about what imma do to save money so I’m never in that situation again, what I can do to get a car, and tattoos I wanna get to support my homie Casey and I just can’t afford it with my expensive apartment.

Tbh last night made me feel like I don’t belong here. I know it’s apart of my childhood experiences but I can’t shake it. I’ve come out AGAIN and I can’t help but feel so isolated in that too, especially with around my straight girl friends and distancing from my guy friends, whom I feel are either waiting for the right time to make a move or will feel super weird about me because they’ll assume that’s what I think they’re up to when I really just am coming off as pretentious *sigh*

[missmeinyourbones]

What do you think about AOT characters and valentines day? Like what would they do for you

fun fact: i dont really like valentines day :/ lmfao i think its so overhyped and its just another capitalism driven day where youre forced to buy chocolates and flowers for your s/o when you should be doing that normally 🤨 on a lighter note i guess it is a nice excuse to spoil ur s/o and make them feel special :) so here are some thoughts on what they would do for you

eren is dicking you down all day LMFAOOO and he’s so annoying about it too. you wake up and he does that stupid little thing where he’s like “hmmmmm is today a special day??? any particular reason i love you extra today???” please hes so irritating. probably gets you a promise ring or something and when ur like aw baby this is so nice!!!! he’s like “...nice enough to give me head? 😀” LOL

armin is the CUTEST. wakes you up with breakfast in bed w all of your favorites. has a whole itinerary planned with museum visits and coffee stops and walks through the park. he probably gives you a bunch of little gifts throughout the day but definitely makes you something handmade  <3 his card leaves you ugly sobbing and he’s kinda scared

mikasa stays in with you all day. like refuses to leave your side. you guys cuddle all morning and watch ur favorite movies and order in takeout. i think she just loves spending quality time with her s/o and uses this day as an excuse to be stuck to your hip. gets you the most THOUGHTFUL GIFT. it could be something you were looking at in passing or something you mentioned you needed once and she gets you the best most expensive full out version of it :(

jean is a simple man, so he buys you your favorite flowers and chocolate/candy and shows up at your door like he’s in a romcom. in a suit and all. ur probably like “baby i thought we agreed not to do anything crazy” and he’s like oh you think this is crazy???? you made me tone it down :/ he just loves to spoil his s/o so this is kinda just another regular day for him. buys you an anklet with a J on it bc he’s a freak

connie is so proud of himself. king makes a scavenger hunt!!!!! :) :) he comes up with all of these cute little personalized clues that send you all around town like where you had your first date, your guys’ favorite fast food place, the park that he slipped on ice at and ate complete shit in front of you :) its so fun and exciting and it ends with u meeting him at a cute little ice rink for iceskating and drinking hot chocolate :) he’s sweet when he tries

sasha has a vacation booked in advance for you guys :((((( she makes sure you take a few days off of work and rents out a little cabin by the lake or by a cute beach town where you guys can try all of these new restaurants and play boardwalk arcade games :(((( she’s really nervous for absolutely no reason :(((( im in love with her :(((

levi makes you a homemade meal because he’s a fuckin snob. he’s all why would i take you out somewhere just for it to be crowded with couples and eat shitty food when i could do it myself and guarantee you like it??? probably sets the table and puts a candle in the middle like he sees in the movies lmfao. he loves you a lot and doesn’t say it often, so he uses this day as an excuse to be a little more open with his love

reiner makes a reservation at an extremely expensive and boujee restaurant bc he wants to impress you and “treat his baby to the finest dining around!” gets so incredibly disappointed when he realizes that they lost his reservation. tries to politely reassure the hostess that he’s sure he called ahead!!!! check under his last name maybe??? once you convince him it’s fine really it’s no big deal babe you guys get fast food or something and eat it on the hood of his car in a parking lot LMFAO it’s the thought that counts babes <3

porco makes you hair and nail appointments and forces you to go to them with his credit card LMFAO you offer to pay and he gets all serious like. dont ever venmo me money ever again😐 probably takes you out whenever you wanna go and doesn’t care how long you might have to wait. makes a joke about proposing that you don’t find funny 😒

thank you for requesting this! p.s. if you dont have a valentine and ur reading this, ur my valentine now. i dont make the rules. dinner is on me tonight baby what do u want 

#aot headcanons #eren jaeger headcanons #armin arlert headcanons #mikasa ackerman headcanons #jean kirstein headcanons #connie springer headcanons #sasha braus headcanons #levi ackerman headcanons #reiner braun headcanons #porco galliard headcanons #eren x reader #armin x reader #mikasa x reader #jean x reader #connie x reader #sasha x reader #levi x reader #reiner x reader #porco x reader

[luvdlx]

.💌.

#YO. #VENTING TWO DAYS IN A ROW?LETS GOOO #. #please!! please ignore!! #i mean it. please. #okay but on a serious note. im so stressted out im so fucking anxious i feel bad and guilt is eatinh me alive damn. dramatic ass bitch. #i keep getting reminded of how i got with my boyfriend. how everything happened. im fucking horrible. and i cant even be a good girlfriend. #im fucking stupid and i hate feeling like this and not to mention someone important to him alreafy hates me because im such a bad girlfrien #on a more tiring note my. trauma.is not leavibg its been two days already. #im so fucking sad my abuser was right he always was right i hate this i hate this so much and HE didnt even want me in the end he ended up #flirting around other girls which made my self worth plummet at twelve. im tired im reallt tired emotionally and physically. #ANYWAYS ON A LIGHTER NOTE. MY DAD BOUGHT ME MY FAVORITE CHIPS SO..YEA THATS COOL!! AND IM GETTING BACK INTO ART!! IM PROUD OF MYSELF !! #AND LIKE!! I CAN ALWAYS JUST..REDEEM MYSELF TO THAT PERSON!! I HOPE !! THEYRE A VERY KIND AND COOL PERSON SO ILL DO MY BEST..FOR ME AND #Especially my boyfriend. i really love him o want to be the best i can be..he really makes me happy a lot i’ve just #been through hell and back kinda!!

[langet-archive]

[ID: two digital drawings of me, the op, a mixed chamorro person. i have curly shoulder-length brown hair in an undercut, tan skin, brown eyes, and glasses. in the first drawing i am facing the left, hair down and partially covering the right (to the viewer) side of my face, smiling and looking up. im wearing a grey cowl sweatshirt with a brown leather jacket over it. beside it is a smaller drawing of me with my hair up in a ponytail, wearing a turquoise turtleneck, facing right and looking down to the left with a neutral expression. handwritten text below reads "halomtano'!" in all caps, "måtso hå'åni 1 ya 2" below it. around the drawings are notes- one saying "line weight!" and pointing to the side of my face, another saying "curves." underlined 3 times pointing to both my hair and cheek, and one between the two drawings that says "i default to curly hair." there is a row of 6 hearts with the colors used in the drawings in the bottom right, and the background is a lighter blue. /end id]

biba måtso, biba mes CHamoru!

not only is it mARTch, it is also CHamoru month! i combined days 1 and 2 for this one technically. the most important building blocks for my style are basically line weight variation, curves, curves again, curves one more time, and shapes for good measure. rough brushes also helps. also i have a chronic problem with only designing characters with curly hair.

im really proud of being CHamoru and obviously during our heritage month ive got to incorporate that into mARTch and spread inafa'maolek, so you can expect a lot more CHamoru themes in my upcoming pieces for this challenge ^^ today its just me myself & i!

#indigenous art #YUS i can use that.. #mARTch #mARTch 2022 #mes CHamoru #chamorro #does a little dance!!!!

[mjalti]

Hey ana! I wanna share something bc im proud of myself & i want to tell u bc uve always encouraged kindness and honesty. Basically i drifted apart from someone who was a best friend & it caused alot of resentment on both our ends since we were both hurt about our friendship ending and upset about alot of each others actions. Now that were graduating uni, i had an honest conversation with her & told her that her friendship meant a lot to me at a point & ill always be grateful for the time we were friends, i explained things that had bothered me over the past year and gave her space to share her own grievances. In the end, although we accepted that we could never be such good friends again, she thanked me for initiating the conversation & said she felt much lighter and that shell try to stay in touch & doesnt feel mad at me anymore and i feel the same. Im sad that its ending but im proud that i communicated & that its ending on a much better note & im glad i talked it out even for the sake of how close we were earlier. I'll be kinder & communicate better in my other friendships now & I think this made me a better friend for people ill meet in the future. Its bittersweet but i feel at peace. C:❤

I love this for you! The peace is the goal :)

#anonymous #qnotqueue

[moshymosh]

College Gemini Teaser

90′s!College!Marvel!AU

A/N: I’m Pissed at myself, I had this all typed up in my drafts so I could edit it later and I can’t tell if Tumblr ate it or I accidently deleted it, FML. Anywho, this is the teaser for my new fic. I would love some feedback on it, I also have a Shiny new Twitter for fic updates and polls about upcoming fics. There is currently a poll up now about who the pairings for this fic should be please go follow and vote. Here it is! Also if you know a good FREE video to gif converter for Ipad please hit me up, I need one like bad lol

!!Series Warnings!!: THIS IS AN 18+ CONTENT FIC, PLEASE BE OF AGE NO MINORS!! Smoking( Tabacco and Weed), Drug usage, Drinking (All characters in this fic are 21 or above 21, No underage drinking peeps!) Club scenes, Partying, SMUT!!, Violence and/or fighting. More tags to be added as the series continues

!!Teaser warnings!!: Tabacco usage!

IF THESE TW BOTHER YOU, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS TEASER AND THE FIC THAT WILL GO ALONG WITH THIS. I DO NOT CONTROL WHAT YOU (THE READER) CHOOSES TO READ, READER/ VEIWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

DO NOT! AND I REPEAT DO NOT! POST MY FICS ANYWHERE WITH OUT MY DOCUMENTED CONSENT, THIS IS MY WORK AND IM VERY PROUD OF IT, DO NOT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS POSTED ANYWHERE THAT DOES NOT DOCUMENT THAT I HAVE GIVEN CONSENT PLEASE TELL ME IMMEDIATELY THANK YOU!

Teaser below the cut

Everyone on the campus of NYU called one group of friends, The Avengers, because they were known for helping everyone, didn't matter who or the reason. Need to get from point A to point B on campus? Call the Avenger's landline from a payphone. Need directions to the best restaurants and places to hang? Find any one of the Avengers and just ask. Need a pencil? Find any of the female Avengers, they have you covered. The girls have an arsenal of school supplies and are always willing to give you what you need. Can't afford the textbook you need? Find Tony Stark or his girlfriend Pepper Potts, they'll spot you the money you need to get your book. Creepy guy from math class won't take a hint that you will NOT go on a date with him next Tuesday? Say you're going on a date with either Steve Rogers, James 'Bucky' Barnes, or Sam Wilson, they really don't mind. They're just happy to help any way they can.

The Avengers sat in their usual spot under a large oak tree on the grassy part of the campus courtyard. The early fall breeze carried their laughter as they talked about their day.

"Oh! Guys this club we're going to on Saturday?" Natasha said after she took a sip from her glass coke bottle. "The girls and I's roommate is coming."

Sam laughed, knowing who they were talking about. "Gemini?" He asked with a raised eyebrow at the girl.

Nat smiled and nodded. "Yup." She said as she popped the 'p' "She decided to finally come back to the scene."

"Who's Gemini?" Steve asked as he sat up from leaning against the tree trunk.

Nat lit up and took a long drag from the cigarette she bummed from Bucky before she spoke, exhaling the smoke from her nostrils. "She's our, the girls, roommate. Gemini is her nickname. She prefers to keep her college career and her party life separated." Nat said before shrugging, taking another long drag from her cig. "Hence the name 'Gemini', a double-sided life if you will." She said as she flipped her wrist in a what-not motion.

"Do we know her from any of our classes?" Bucky asked before he broke out in laughter with everyone else at the redhead's surprised face.

"Natty, Baby..." Y/N whined as she flopped down on her back, tossing her head in Nat's lap, throwing her bookbag off to the side of her. "Stop stealing my smokes, here, bought you a carton. Stay out of mine you russian thief." Y/N joked as she handed said item to the girl in question.

Y/n lit up her own cigarette as she looked around at her friends and roommates. "Sorry I'm late Professor Fury was up my ass about my paper. What's we talking about?" She asked as she slipped her pack of smokes and lighter into the pocket of her bookbag.

"Talkin' about Gemini." Wanda said nudging Y/N's foot with her elbow.

Y/N nodded, taking a drag from her cig, sitting up beside Nat, and leaning her head on her shoulder. "What about her?" She asked as she exhaled smoke.

"Just wondering if we know her from any classes." Bucky said taking a swig from his coke bottle after he exhaled his own smoke.

"Oh, I'm sure you do Bucky." Nat said as she smirked at the girl leaning on her shoulder, who in turn was smirking behind the coke bottle Steve handed her, as she took a drink.

'You guys have classes with her alright,' Y/n thought, ‘They'll shit bricks if they knew I was Gemini.'

A/N 2.0: Hi you've reached the end of my Teaser, please go to the top and read the first authors note about my twitter if you would like to vote on who the ? X reader will be

#Moshymosh's masterlist #Moshymoshwrites #moshymosh writes #karmawrites #Karma's imagines #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rodgers x y/n #avengers x reader #avengers insert #avengers reader insert #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #reader insert #reader imagine #marvel au #marvel fic #marvel insert

[happyandticklish]

im so sorry to come to you with this, you don't even really know me and you most definitely don't have to respond to this but it's so hard to turn anywhere else with the truth

every minute has felt so suicidal for so long, everything is always either black and white or It feels like a group of people are screaming at me in my head and everyday I sleep in until I can't sleep anymore, I couldn't care less about the outcomes to being lazy or not eating enough because it feels like if something goes seriously wrong, I'll always have suicide to lean back on. It's more than I can bear and I don't even know why I'm sticking through. I'm appreciative for what I have but at the same time I can't stop myself from desperately wanting to end everything and that just makes it all feel even more guilty. Nearly every waking moment Its all just so tired and dark, the only good memories that keep me holding on lately are the ones that've happened in good dreams. I just don't know where to turn to, I used therapy and hotlines out until every session felt the same and I don't want to feel this way. I want to push through and finally move on from the people who have drifted but I really just don't want anyone different than them, I want to call with someone again and be comforted when I hear their voice through the other end because I feel so much safer in company on calls with people. I want to live with a dog someday and feel comforted by the knowledge that I'm not alone so long I've got my companion. It's all gone, I don't know what happened and I want to work on myself and fix everything but the weight is too much, there's too much I have to do in my life and with my parents getting more and more upset with me the longer it takes to finish my work I expect to be yelled at every day and I hate that it breaks me down to nothing every time until I can't think of a reason to move or eat or breathe

It's so difficult, I just don't know how to do this and I don't feel like I can properly turn anywhere else and I'm sorry to burden you with this all of a sudden

on a lighter note I really do like your blog and it's presence helped me find a flicker of light at times

TW Mention of Suicidal Thoughts

Hey anon. I can't know the circumstances of what you're going through, or how it's affected you. But I do know that what you're doing right now, reaching out for help, is super important, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. It's not easy coming to someone with this, and it can make you feel vulnerable in ways you may not be super comfortable with. But I'm extremely glad you did!

Throughout life, we go through stages. Sometimes you have moments where your life feels like its soaring, and like everything around you is exactly as you want to be. And then there are times when we feel like we can't do anything right, and that there's no one around us who can possibly take the place of the people who were there before. And the truth is, no one probably can. You can't replace people in your life, you merely find new people who you care about deeply as well. Whoever they were, it's clear they made a heavy impact on your life, and were people that you shared a lot of love with. I can promise you now that you're going to find people like that again. I've gone through moments in my life where it felt like I had no one, and all the people I had held close had either drifted away or left. And it was hard, and took time, and putting myself out there, but now I'm surrounded by loving people who care about me, and that I care about just as much. I don't forget the people I used to know, but I hold onto the memory of the time we spent together. It's important not to sour that time in your mind, but also to keep from clinging to it. Moving on is a natural part of human existence. And it's hard, and painful, but eventually, you will be okay.

You are you're own human being. You don't owe your work or your time to anyone. You are allowed to live your life however you want it. If what you are doing now doesn't feel right, then don't do it. Find something that you care about, whether it's big or small, and create ways to incorporate that into your life. If work is stressing you out, and the pressure from family to complete it, try talking to them. It might be hard, and they might not get it at first, but it's important to communicate your needs. Explain how it's making you feel, the guilt and the anxiety, and work together to try to find a new system that works better. If they truly love you, they'll listen to what you have to say.

Lastly, there are people who care about you. Even if it feels like you are all alone, like nothing matters, there are people out there where your existence matters to them. Someone thinks about your smile, something you said that made them laugh, thinks warmly on times where they spoke with you. Someone loves all the things about you that make you you-the good and the bad.

You are not a burden. You are a human just like the rest of us, which makes your life one that is infinitely important. Take things slow. Do them at your own pace. But try, because life is incredible, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I hope this helps, at least a little, to ease some of the pain you are dealing with. But at the very least, know that I care about you, even if I don't know you. Someone does care.

You are loved. Remember that.

#asks #answered ask #non tickling #tw suicide #tw suicidal thoughts

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH40

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3,998

- Author Note: Hello hello, so i made an update on time this time around *proud* hahaha so thank you for those who reads whether u new or old or u just catch up on it again, im really thankful ;) and we love yoonkook and SIN <3

Previous | Next

Chapter 40

“About Yoongi hyung…” “I read the article. Both of them” muttered Seul as she took a seat on the cold bench. Realizing the distant in her voice, Jungkook knew she was affected by the news despite trying to hide her disappointment towards it.

Jungkook expelled a long sigh and kneeled in front of Seul interlacing her cold fingers in his. She stared at him blankly looking empty and lost, “Don’t trust what you read. Hyung is not what they said in those articles. Listen to him, only him” she recoiled, giving his hand a soft squish.

“Where is Yoongi?” her heart was heavy to even say his name out loud as though something trying to cut the strings that she had with him.

“In his studio, I haven’t seen him since lunch, but we will be having a meeting with Bang PD in an hour. Come with me please? Yoongi hyung needs you by his side” Jungkook said sweetly, persuading Seul which confused her.

“Jungkook..why are you here?” instead of responding to the initial question, it came to her realization that Jungkook’s presence was not merely due to the unexpected articles released today.

His lips broke into his usual cute smile lighten up the whole universe “To pick up my favourite girl for my favourite hyung” her bewildered gaze searching his face to see any sign of joke. “Jungkook-ah..I don’t understand” Jungkook held her hands tighter as her gaze followed the younger guy whom took a seat beside her.

“Nuna...” she froze. Her ears seemed to make a fool of her when Seul thought she heard it wrong. Jungkook was really calling her nuna, which gave her a major goosebumps.  “You should know this because I will not be able to say it again. I really..really love you. And you are a bad woman for making me fall head over heels for you when you only have your eyes on Yoongi hyung” his faint voice pained her heart.

“I will cherish every moment that we had together deeply in my heart..”

“Jungkook-ie..I..am-“ “Don’t be sorry, it makes me feel awful” he chuckled bitterly. Jungkook enveloped his arms around her shoulder, pulling the girl into a tight embrace. “Thank you for giving me a chance to feel the real love. I want you to know, that I never regret it. This feeling is wonderful, you make me feel good and oddly bad sometimes. I want to keep you close to my heart as a friend. Good friend. Letting go my feeling doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. Us, it is impossible” he finally set a clear line between them. A friend.

Seul was losing her words, and she tried hard not to stammer in between “Ho..w did you find out?”

He shook his head as a small chuckle escaped from his lips “I am a man, nuna. I told you many times before. Trust me when I said a man can read another man’s mind because that is our forte” Seul pursed her lips in confusion.

“I can see it through your eyes, you care for me, but you love hyung. Well, I can say that you’re almost swooned by my action however you couldn’t hide your true feelings. Don’t you realize that?” he continued “That you love Yoongi hyung?”

Did she?

“But- how are you so sure when I am still confused of myself”

“Conform with yourself. Ask your heart, who is inside? Whether it is me or Yoongi hyung…or is it Jin hyung” she gawked in sheer fear. Did he just read her mind? How was it possible for him to bring up Jin in this situation?

He smirked “Surprised? Jin hyung may not know this, but I caught him talking to you one day. So I conclude that, hyung has feelings for you”

“Impossible. He never arises this issue”

“Of course, he won’t, Kim Seokjin that I know always put others above his own happiness. That includes his feelings for you. I thought if hyung can do that, then why not me? Jin hyung is a man with big heart, as soon as he realized our feelings for you, he backed away without uttering any words. His perseverance is something that I admired” again his words hit her hard making her ten times guiltier than before.

If Jin has feelings for her, why didn’t she notice the obvious? Get a grip Ji Seul, you need stop toying innocent’s hearts.

“I am a bad person for playing with your heart. You guys didn’t deserve this”

“Then make up your mind, it has always been Yoongi hyung and you know it” he stroked the strand of her hair from covering her face. “We will be happy if you could make hyung happy” his heart felt lighter now that he had talked to Seul, Jungkook was no longer living under the shadows.

Seul smiled meekly “Can we stay as friend? I don’t want to lose you or anyone. This decision that I am about to make, I am afraid if it cost me to lose this precious friendship” her voice was low and desperate. The only reason why she hadn’t come up with any decision to end this confusion was her fear of losing the boys. She didn’t to take a wrong step and ruined everything that they had.

Falling in love is subjective. You can’t really tell when it begins or how to stop it. It is not like she invited these boys to love her more than just a friend, the feelings develop over time and it is something that you can’t stop even if you wish to.

“Yah, of course we are still friends. I am keeping my words to keep you safe even you’re with Yoongi hyung” he tapped the tip of her nose with a small chuckle.

“Don’t you hate me? After what I did?”

“And what exactly did you do for me to despise you? Seul, I am serious about giving up for Yoongi hyung. Do not overthink because I won’t let you” she scrunched her nose, tilting her head at his direction.

She teased, “So it is Seul now? Where is the nuna?” Jungkook cringed hard at the thought of living his life calling her with honorific.

“You are so not making me call you nuna because that sounds cringey” they chuckled at their own silliness, it took over the awkwardness that she felt earlier at least.

“Are you coming with me to the company?”

“Can I not come? I mean- Jungkook in all honesty I trust Yoongi but I need some time alone to get my head together. I promise to check on him tomorrow. Plus, I don’t think my presence there will be helpful. You guys already have enough problems to face, it is better for me to not be there” she chewed her lower lips afraid that Jungkook might misunderstand her request.

The latter nodded in understanding, “You are right. Let us talk to Bang PD first and see the seriousness of this issue. I will let you know how it goes” he smiled.

“Thank you. Please look after Yoongi, he is..you know what I mean” her confidence deflated as the memories of Suga’s struggle resurfaced. She could hold it for a night, just few hours. Seul would meet him the first thing in the morning.

“We will keep our eyes on hyung. Don’t worry. Do you want me to walk you home?”

She shook her head “No thank you. I can take cabs. Just go, you don’t want to miss the important meeting and get in trouble” Seul reached out to stroke his bangs and smiled genuinely. Jungkook pulled the girl into a final hug before bidding his farewell, heading straight to the headquarter in hurry.

 ------------------

The talk with Bang PD and the rest of the team went for hours. They had come up with a solution after hearing Yoongi’s side of story. The false accusation made by the irresponsible individual will be addressed officially in court considering this matter jeopardized both BTS and Yoongi image. Big Hit had zero tolerance pertaining to this issue and would file a lawsuit against the individual who started this rumour.

For the time being any solo and group activities involving Yoongi would be put at halt to give him a space to breathe from medias. The only activities that he would take part in the future was BTS upcoming activities in America followed by their American Music Awards performance in a month. Big Hit had replaced Yoongi with other members to fulfil the request from reality shows that already being scheduled for him few months ago.

Entering Suga’s Genius Lab stealthily was Jin, the dark room was ignited by a small table lamp at the corner causing Jin to wonder if Yoongi was already asleep. Ever since the article made it to public yesterday, Yoongi didn’t talk much worrying the eldest guy.

“Yoong, are you asleep?” he sat on his favourite swivel chair facing Yoongi’s small body on the couch.

His soft hummed could be heard clearly, as the distressed guy sat up expelling a deep sigh. “Are you okay?” concerned Jin made sure to scrutinize his serious expression.

“Is this about Seul?”

“Why are you bringing her up?” he snapped.

Jin smug in victory “So, this is about Seul. Are you worried that she might misunderstand this and decide to leave you? And choose Jungkook-ie?” Yoongi rubbed his back hair in frustration.

“She is a big girl, I don’t care who she chose. In the end, I will never win over Jungkook” his heart stung by his own words though he really hoped to see Seul tonight. It was impossible, no one would want to stay with an unfaithful guy like him. In the eyes of public, he is just a mere pest who toyed with girls’ heart.

“You must talk to her before making your own judgement” he eyed the younger guy, crossing his arms in disapproval.

Yoongi clucked his tongue irritably “A call from her would suffice but not even a single text, I know this is not going to work. Seul-“ “Seul is not calling you not because she is giving up on you. You should have known her better, she is a complicated young lady but she would never leave you hanging without answers” Jin rose his brows in amusement.

“Aren’t you happy? That this is happening to me now you have chance to be with Seul” his brows were pinched together, mentally cursing this ill fate of his.

Jin pressed his lips firmly, and looked at him wide-eyed, questioningly. “You think I will be that shallow? Yes, I like Seul. Do you have problem with that? But I have set a fine line between me and her. She is off limit because she likes you” he shook his head.

“She is free to like anyone. She could be yours, or Jungkook’s, don’t lose hope” Yoongi responded sarcastically earning a dissatisfied growl from the older guy.

“Her feeling is not something you can toss around like your damn basketball game, I know you are salty because she is not here with you. Trust me, I have no intention to pursue her. I know who is in her heart. Unlike a foolish guy like you, speak as if you have no brain” he threw daggers at his way.

“Are you trying to pick a fight? Because I am not in the mood hyung”

“Right, you are not in the mood for everything. Your heart is consumed with jealousy. Min Yoongi, tell me one more time that you don’t care about her because I won’t hesitate to give her a call and ask her out for a date” he challenged the grumpy guy with confidence knowing how it would affect him. Yoongi was too deep in love to back down now, he was just being a brat. Literally complaining about the unfair treatment that he received from his dear dream girl.

Yoongi scowled “Don’t you dare! She is off limit!”

“Then prove to me that she is off limit and you will take good care of her, think like a sane man with class, seriously. Min Yoongi stop being a brat, I know you love her and you do realize that I still can win her heart if I want to. That is if you give up” Jin once again provoked Yoongi causing the latter to rake his hair with his hands out of anger.

Regardless, what came from Jin, the rapper really took it seriously as if his life was at the brink of death.

Yoongi said glaring at his hyung “Are you here to help or to provoke me? Can you just leave hyung? I need my peaceful sleep” he leaned back letting a soft huff. A mouth fight with Jin never ended up well since he would lose most of the time. It was the truth, only Kim Seokjin could tame Min Yoongi.

Jin switched his seat and within a second, he was sitting beside Yoongi, smiling bashfully. “Can you promise me that you will look after Seul?” bewildered, a visible line was evident on his forehead trying to digest Jin’s request.

“You are acting odd. Stop scaring me”

“Min Suga, I am not asking you as a BTS Jin, but as your brother, good friend and your roommate, Kim Seokjin. I care for Seul, and I want to see her happy. I know you can put that beautiful smile on her face. Her smile is the brightest when you are around…” a smile found its way to his lips, washing away his sadness for not be able to win Seul’s heart.

“It is weird, how are you fine with this? Hyung, you are about to give up a girl that you like for me. Are you really sure about your feelings?”

He nodded and scrunched up his face determinedly “Love doesn’t mean making someone yours, it means being happy in the happiness of the one we love. I love you and Seul-ie, and it wont change. Love her with all your heart Yoong, I believe you can make her happy”

Yoongi took a deep breath, fidgeting with his fingers until he finally said “I can’t believe you are giving me a blessing for this relationship when you are not even Seul’s mother” Jin laughed softly.

“Can’t i? I am still the oldest one in the group” he jabbed his arm playfully. Yoongi blurted out a quick thank you silencing the playful man almost instantly. He heard him continued “Thank you for always believing in me. You will find a woman that loves you as much as you love Seul one day” Yoongi’s gummy smile illuminates the dark room, warming his heart in process.

Being Jin, he would not respond to Yoongi seriousness whenever the guy had put much effort to force it out from his mouth. “One day if I find Seul crying because of you, she will be the woman as you mention in your prayers” he messed around, to make fun of Yoongi.

He snickered as his eyes rolled in annoyance “You wish..”

 ---------------

The following day, Seul came to the company as promised. She told the boys’ head manager about her intention to meet Yoongi especially when she found out from Jin that he stayed out for the night in his studio. He’s going to work his ass off to distract himself from thinking about those news circulated around the internet.  

The counter measure will be taken by the management team. Yoongi insisted to release an apology letter in relation to this rumour especially the claim by Stephanie. Bang PD decided to release an official statement on behalf of Yoongi because the rapper had nothing to explain to the public.

The rumours were false and Yoongi on the other hand owed nothing to anyone. He didn’t do it so why must he feeling guilty over the fake news?

Walking down the empty hall, Seul graceful steps made it to the other wings of the building. Hoseok and Namjoon strode towards her with a wide grin “Good morning. Seul, you came! Are you here for Yoongi hyung?” Namjoon said in his low morning voice.

“Good morning Hobi, Joonie. I am here for Yoongi, is he around?”

Hoseok wiggled his brows unknowingly “He is inside his studio. He didn’t come out since our meeting with Bang PD, maybe you can get him out?” he passed a piece of small pink notes. Blinking in confusion, she scanned the paper of what seems to be a password to Yoongi’s door.

The corner of her lips tugged into an amused smile “You come prepared. Thank you”

“No problem. Good luck” he pumped his fist exaggerating the battle as if she was off for an important combat. Namjoon winked at her way, mouthing her a ‘Hwaiting’ pressuring the lady even more.

 ------------

“160815” she mumbled whilst her fingers pressing the passcode carefully not to make any sound. The door to his studio beeped open excite the latter, and she grew nervous again to meet the man beyond the door.

“Here we go” Seul slid inside with zero noise, as she closed the door behind her awfully slow.

“Stop sneaking around like a thief” his low voice made her jump in her stance. She mentally blamed herself for her own clumsiness, now Yoongi would think weirdly of her. How uncool.

She turned her heels to face the owner of the voice, she frowned deeply digesting the image before her. As though the scene repeated itself, she glanced at the unlit cigarette between his thick fingers. This guy just wouldn’t listen, didn’t he?

“What do you want” he moved one of his free hand to write something on his music sheet. Yoongi didn’t even bother to turn around as he continued to work something on his keyboard when it was obvious his concentration was long gone ever since Seul’s sweet scent took over the strong lemon scented geranium across the room.

“I want you” she said sternly and grabbed the cigarette from his hand, dumping it inside the nearest bin.

“Yah Ji Seul, that cost me 10,000 won!”

“I believe your health costs more than that” Seul ignored Yoongi hard gaze as she went to take something from her pocket. She pulled a strawberry lollipop out and unwrapped the lollipop. Confused by her actions, Yoongi watched how the girl had successfully shoved the sweet candy inside his mouth.

Satisfied with her art, her lips broke into an adorable smile “That is better, from now on keep at least one lollipop with you. Stop smoking” he stared at her bemusedly. Pulling the lollipop out, “Said that you want me again” he jeered playfully.

“In your dreams, I am here to check on you not to flirt. How are you feeling?” she leaned against the wall beside the keyboard unbothered by Yoongi early tease.

Pursing his lips into a small pout, he bit the inside of his cheek. “I couldn’t sleep whole night, so I stayed up and write lyrics” she gasped.

Seul took his cheeks in her tiny hands and started to examine his face as if not sleeping whole night caused a serious injury to his handsome face. Alright maybe the only injury were the hideous eyebags. Yoongi still appeared good even with an obvious eyebags hanging for their life there.

He was enjoying how her fingertips moved along his skin, and he closed his eyes to devour every second of it. “Hmm…Are you done?” Yoongi held back his chuckle, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

Noticing the playful smile on his face, Seul pinched his nose hard until he swatted her hand not be able to withstand the pain “What is that for?! You mean woman!” he rubbed his red nose in protest.

“So you will stop goofing around. Why didn’t you sleep Yoong?” she looked concerned and hurt by the fact that this man neglected his supposed to be rest time just like that. Seul leaned down to leave a soft kiss at the tip of his nose and their closeness literally took his breath away.

Yoongi took the chance to pull the girl on his lap “Do that again..” he nuzzled his nose against her soft cheeks.

She giggled “I thought you are sulking” “Not anymore, when I have you by my side” he pressed his forehead against her, rubbing their nose together earning a soft giggle from the shy lady.

“Seul-ah, I am sorry about the articles. I swear it wasn’t me, I..have no idea why they are-“ Seul pecked his lips quickly. “I trust my Yoongi. You don’t owe me any explanation or apology” Yoongi tilted his head in bewilderment.

Carefully angling her head to the side, Seul leaned forward stealing a tender, chaste kiss on his lips surprising the man once again.  Seul didn’t pull away literally as she let her lips brushed against his “This is your long-awaited answer” giving him no time to react, their lips locked again this time in a deeper kiss.

They were burned with blazing passion. The kisses were quick and enough to give an obvious hint to the clueless guy. They pulled away breathless.

“Wow, i..didnt expect you to answer me that way”

Seul turned fifty shades redder “I..wanted to show you a different side of me and as a girlfriend, I will stick through thick and thin with you. No matter what happen, I will always be here for you” she assured daringly.

“Girlfriend. I can finally call you my girlfriend?” he stroked her soft hair.

“I love you Min Yoongi” she professed her love earnestly.

Yoongi couldn’t stop grinning like a fool ever since she heard those three magical words came from her. It felt too good to be true. “Say that again” he kissed the corner of her lips, caressing her jaws softly.

“I love you Min Yoongi” her breath hitched feeling the excitement from the simple confessions.

He stole away for a chaste kiss on the lips, “I love you Seul” he murmured against her lips causing her to smile from ear to ear. His voice alone could make her ten times happier than she already is.

“I want you to sleep, stop working” she closed the music sheet, tugging his hand towards the couch. Seul sat him down on the couch, “Lay down and shut your eyes for an hour, please?” he raised one of his brows in amusement.

“Sleep with me?”

“No way, I will watch you sleep instead. So, please baby sleep?” Seul stroked his bangs, trailing her finger ear his eyes.

He looked up meeting her gaze and inhaled a sharp breath “Today is the best day ever. I can hear the I love you and you claimed that I am yours. Now you are calling me baby” he planted a soft kiss on her knuckles, grazing it softly with his thumbs.

Seul softened in his hold “As much as I want to hear your sweet raspy voice, I want you to sleep please baby” she giggled at the nickname, flattering Yoongi’s heart. He positioned himself and laid his head on her lap.

“Watch me sleep, don’t leave” she ran her fingers in his blonde lock, caressing it lovingly. He began to feel drowsy and curled up in fetal position to finally doze off not long after that. Seul smiled inwardly watching how the rapper turned into an adorable kid in his sleep.

She touched his cheek gingerly, admiring Yoongi’s soft feature. Lowering her head, she kissed his eyes gently, just a small, butterfly kiss.

“Sweet dream” Seul leaned back on the couch relaxing and her eyes grew heavy from the weight of sleep that took over her. Settling in to a new chapter in life, she is ready to write the new page with Yoongi.

  This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

#btscaretaker #bts series #bts idolau #bts idol #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfiction #kpopfanfic #kpop fanfiction #jungkook x oc #jin x oc #suga x oc #yoongi x oc #bts x oc #bts romance #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #yoongi romance #yoongi fic #jungkook fic

[currywaifu]

oogh I’ve been pretty inactive too bc I’ve been super unwell, especially mentally (◞‸◟；) so it’s been v hard to look after myself;; maybe you will have to come over here to help me nathya!! I hope you’re very well though :D — 🐝

BB again just to scream a little bit because I just reread your card and FATE?? GRAND ORDER. GILGAMESH. GOOD TASTE NATHYA. — 🐝

𝙱𝚎𝚎 𝕓𝕖𝕖 ʙʙ ᗷᑌᕼᗷᗴᗴ anonnie... its upsetting to hear you're going through that rn... honestly going through smth similar with my mental health :< huhu looks like we both have to take care of each other, huh? but i get that it's probably really hard to take care of yourself, but i'm proud of you for getting through the struggle so far and for every effort you make, no matter how little it is, i will support. all i can do rn is give you an online hug (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

on a lighter note, yES GILGAMESH FROM FGO (well, i suppose all of the Fate series bc i liked him in Extra CCC and the animes as well). my other faves are Ozymandias (bc i believe in these two Kings supremacy), Cu Chulainn Alter, Edmond Dantes, Arjuna, Karna, Enkidu, Ereshkigal... and honestly, Extra CCC protag Hakuno Kishinami (F)... its a lot ik but there are so many Fate characs so give me a pass here 🤧🤧🤧

//be warned: so much gilgamesh brain rot below

like let me brain rot for a bit abt Gilgamesh. so yeah the anime + grand order he was already oshi, to the point where i decided to read all of the Epic of Gilgamesh and other irl media 😌😌😌 but what really got me invested in him as a character was the Fate/Extra: CCC game. i don't own it and i can't speak japanese huhu but i literally spent hours upon hours watching the game on youtube w/ Gil as ur servant and let me tell you— first of all his theme is top notch in this one too buT I JUST— the relationship between Gil and Hakuno (MC) is so good and his quotes are so good too like

and just... tHE ENDING IS A BIG CHEF'S KISS TO ME like ngl like a baby i cried... and then proceeded to read a bunch of fanfiction abt Gil and Hakuno on AO3 bc wOW THEY ARE GOOD—

like even if you don't watch the gameplay or anything bc its quite long i recommend you read his quotes + research his CCC ending bc it really shows sm of his personality + the last few lines are his true ending lines and just... the way ur master servant relationship developed??? hELP—

anyway that's um... sorry for the gilgamesh brainrot 🤧 i've only ever had gil chats with an irl huhu and she's not familiar with EXTRA: CCC so im just 🤡

anyway this got long 👁👄👁... tldr i love gil, in every series, every class, bc he's gil.

#🐝 anonnie~ #nathya's lovely regulars~ #customer served~

[randomingoftherandomness]

History3 Episode 20 (FINALE)

HERE IT IS Y’ALL. THE FINALE.

I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has stuck with me on this, who has taken the time to like, reblog, comment on any of my History3 posts, fics. I have enjoyed every minute I was in the History3 fandom. I know we will eventually end up in the same fandom again someday (perhaps sooner than we’d think, considering that there’ll be a second story to History3 and the Crossing the Line movie happening) and I look forward to it x

DUDE WHO WAS IT WHO SAID WE WAS GONNA GET A GRAVE SCENE FOR THE FINALE. BRUH. YOUR MIND.

“Mum, thank you for giving birth to me” Y’know, I fucking told myself no crying but guess who’s gonna be boppo the fucking clown on this one... Then we get the father and son reunion at the mon’s grave. Dang. They really wringing the angst here, huh?

Tang Yi offering his dad the use of the lighter is. A good step forward. I’m proud of you my murder son. 

Also, Why can’t they at least had dressed Shao Fei in the previous episode in what Tang Yi is wearing right now? This is unique and an interesting fashion choice. NOT THE FUCKING EXCUSE OF A SUIT THAT HE WORE. COZ THAT WAS AN ASSAULT, NAY, AN ATTACK ON MY EYES. It belongs on the red carpet of this year’s Met Gala. Not here.

WAIT. FUCK. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. WAIT A WHOOOOLE FUCKING MINUTE HERE. SO TANG YI’S DAD COMMITED SUICIDE. FUCK. THAT’S JUST. MY POOR SON.

No for reals tho. I feel bad, but I know this is the most logical outcome rn.

Yay we got Hong Ye and the PA dude back! And also the Perv Doctor (yes, I know he has a name but I like calling him that)

I’m missing some of the dialogue here, but I think Tang Yi’s playing the Perv Doctor rn and that’s pretty cute.

YAY JACK ON A BIKE! Also, it seems like there’s a subplot here that needs unravelling.... OH NOZHAO ZI HAHAHSHAHHSHAAHHAHAHAHAHJAKJSAKJHS

Ah Fei can’t save you now and he knows it. Waving him off.

Jack exudes such service top energy and I’m just. Here for it. No lie. “I LIKE YOU AND I STAYED FOR YOU” uuuughhhhhh I CANNOT I CANNOT FUCKING ANDY BIAN YOUR FACEEEEE “YOU EVEN TOUCHED ME HERE” STAHP. “WITHOUT ME WHAT WILL YOU EAT FOR THREE MEALS” JACK. PLS.

“STAY” AND THEN HUGGING HIM. I’M GONNA DIE BECAUSE JACK IS DOING PUSH UPS AND MAKING ALL THOSE NOIIIISESSSS I CANNOT FUCKING

Also, can we talk about Andy Bian’s booty because it’s just... 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼Boy be hella fine.

Are they.... Wrestling? Tickling? Or... Something? I can’t deny that it’s hella cute. But like, they look like seals fighting it out for the last bit of grape.

UGH. My soft babies chilling in their room in their bathrobes, talking about their feelings... “IT’S YOU WHO SAVED ME” yeah, yeah, get in all your chances to wring my heart ok. Tang Yi’s going to jail in the morning, and Shao Fei’s like “OF COURSE IM GONNA WAIT FOR YOU LOOK AT HOW MANY HURTS I GOT BECAUSE OF YOU” heh. We get the most risqué love scene in the HIStory franchise thus far. I don’t have much to comment about this, except that I hope Jack and Chris were in a comfortable and safe space when they shot that scene.

Their little Thank You and You’re Welcome routine accompanied by kisses is just. I’m so soft rn don’t fucking touch me.

Okay, what the fuck, but was that it??? Him walking into jail? Hm. Okay, I guess? I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess this was.... Alright? I don’t know what I wanted the last shot of this show to be but I guess that could do? Then they could leave it open ended and them ending on a hopeful note. Shao Fei waiting for Tang Yi to be released, and them reaffirming their love to each other. Well. At least it wasn’t a Game of Thrones S8 ending. I’m still fucking salty about that shit.

#history3 #history 3 #history3圈套 #history3 trapped #history 3: 圈套 #history 3: trapped #tang yi #meng shao fei #jack #zhao zi #tw: long post #gab watches stuff

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/23/18 10:18pm

note to self from therapist..

when people don’t test back right away, and your heart hurts.. that feeling is the fear that you will lose the attachment. 

i’m upset that he isn’t responding to text messages because i’m scared that if he doesn’t respond, it means he’s ignoring me which means im annoying him which means he doesn’t want to be with me anymore which means i’ll be rejected and lose the attachment. texting and communication is all about reminding me that i am still loved and still wanted, and yeah i might need a little more reassurance than other people, but maybe that’s okay.

in other news, i have officially cut romantic ties with ryan, and i feel lighter. it doesn’t serve either of us to imagine a future together or to bank on getting back together down the road. so we talked on the phone and i said it. its over. i don’t want to get back together. things changed when we broke up, and i still want to be his friend when he’s ready, but i’m glad that i’m actually moving on and putting the romantic aspect of our relationship behind us.

it has been one of the most stressful weeks last week. i came home crying every day, having panic attacks because my grades are slipping, i’m scared of disappointing my dad, my friend situation feels shakey sometimes and i feel like i’m stepping on toes, and spencer has been adding stress with his shitty text communication..

in regards to the last thing, i have diplomatically decided to put that issue on the back burner. i have voiced my needs to him, and i know he has a busy midterm week this week and he’s gunna be too busy to do much of anything, and since i’m not a fuckin quitter, i’ve decided to table this issue while i deal with my other shit, and when we both have more time we will put in heavier work to the relationship and i’ll decide if we should stay together or breakup. we are still in a relationship, but i cant afford to throw more emotional energy at this problem when it really doesn’t matter. so we’ll both just have a quiet week mostly apart and i’ll reassess at a later time. plus, it’s almost halloween and i want to bring his adorable face to parties with me and kiss him and be proud to show each other off in our costumes.. and then i keep hearing that its cuffing season and i know ill want to be there for him this winter break since its probably going to be hard for him.. i adore him. i love him to bits. i want to protect him and offer emotional support. and i know when i get stressed about one thing, everything starts to stress me out, and the relationship has been suffering because my school work is suffering, so i gotta fix that. so at least for right now, i am tabling my grievances and just going to take a step back and support him while he has a tough week. and adding breakup hurt to my pile of hurt isnt what i need right now. i need a good cuddle and to look into his beautiful brown eyes and tell him i love him. thats what i need. end of discussion for now.

as for my school, i am seriously considering taking another semester at oxy. there is so much on my plate and 5 classes still to go and a research position that i really want to take.. theres a lot to consider.. i’m terrified of upsetting my dad and disappointing him.. i want to do so much and i dont have any time because im trying to cram everything into these 2 semesters that im gunna drown and get terrible grades.. i cant do all of this.. its going to kill me.. i dont know what i want but i am starting to really consider it in a serious way. having one more semester here would mean that i most likely cant walk with the current seniors but i could next year.. idk.. we’ll see

also trying to put the frat drama behind me. i dont want to hurt anyone, i just need to take care of myself. and to me, the best option is making things smoother with people in the house so i can feel safe there and feel excited about the frat as a whole, so for now, thats my decision. just be nice and supportive to everyone. i might not agree with the house members on the issue, but i still love them as people and i need to make amends because i fucked up too. 

i just want to spread love and good vibes and support people. this fighting is exhausting me, so im just gunna not.. i think thats the right call for me right now.

last week sucked, but i swear to god i will force myself into an upswing if it kills me. 

take your xanex. eat healthy foods. get your work done. love people. spread positivity. spread love. support people you care about. and i know its going to be painful, but you need to have a talk with your dad. do all of this, and you will be happy. 

ps. start doing your makeup again because putting effort into your appearance makes you feel better. 

okay, gotta go do work, but i’m feeling better after writing and having therapy today. talking helps, and i need to keep talking and keep getting to the bottom of my stupid feelings. you are not going to fail. you can do this. keep trying. it’s not over till its over, so get back up and keep trying. <3

#samiswriting

[drakinq]

011121

Today’s Monday is starting off a little different because I’m still feeling a little scattered from last week. So I’m giving myself today to get back on track because I still feel good about the momentum I’ve been having. The first week of January was so well that my hopes are high about the rest of the year. There are so many things I feel capable of doing. You know I feel like God has been answering so many of my prayers, already and the year just started. The vision for this year is coming together more and more and all I’m wanting is God’s blessing for the situation. I need to start believing deeper the power of my prayer. I think what will help put things into a clearer perspective for this week is listing off the good and back of last week. So heres some good

♥ New years at the Bradley made me value the connections I’ve made in Chicago. The fact that they bought me food, left me wine, let me have company over all while trusting me with their kids are things I value so much. 

♥ I’ve been feeling more confident in myself after ending the year on a very insecure note. I’ve also been doing things to make me feel confident again ie, going to the gym, doing my makeup, doing my-self care *trying* to dress better. I know at least its getting my on the track of getting to a better version of me. 

♥ Dance has started off super strong. I think because I’m more open to working out the kinks and not expecting to be perfect anymore. Just going off the fact that I’m here and trying and doing my best is enough for me. Also being able to fix where I feel like I’m struggling has been great. I’ve made it a point to record every class which I’m happy about because now I can see consistent growth so I hope to run on this momentum for a minute. 

♥ I’ve been making new connections and really see where I can add people to my life. Unfortunately that means I have to make room and get rid of some people. But we’ll talk about that later on. I just see potential for so many relationships and I’m so excited to water them so they can grow. God willing I’m not wasting my time again

♥ I went to Miami! The trip was a disaster but I got to go on an adventure nonetheless and I feel like God was showing me he has something in store for me when it comes to traveling this year. I was only there for a day but I’m just ready to be traveling this year. 

♥ I’ve been making it a point to stand firm on my boundaries and I don’t think I need to say anything more than that. I’m proud of myself. 

♥ I got to spend time with my family and although theres so many dysfunctions it was nice to water those relationships. I want to make it a priority to spend more time with my dads side of the family while holding onto my boundaries and and not bringing negative energy or getting wrapped up in it. 

So I would say it was eventful week. I’m proud of it because no matter how scattered I felt. I felt God with me, prepping me for the blessings he has in store for me this year. I do still feel a little all over the place and now I know the things I want to work on. 

♥ I need to get honest about my relationship with weed and alcohol. I was so dependent on that to get through that’s probably the reason I’m feeling more scattered. I know I’m experimenting how it fits in my life but I think last week I overdid it. I want to take a cleanse but if I’m being honest I feel like thats asking a lot of myself sometimes I need to make the day lighter if its been heavy or vice versa. Im working on it though. But I do need to get a grip. I hate how much I depend on it for dance initially. I’m hoping that habit dies soon. 

♥ I have to distance myself from some people and I’m frustrated because I expect more out of them and I guess that’s where the problem starts. But I know my feelings will be disregarded per usual so I feel like even speaking on it is a waste of breathe. But I’m not gonna keep letting them take from me and not even give common courtesy in return. I’m hurt in a way too so I just feel its better to distance myself, to make room for people willing to treat me better. 

♥ My sleep schedule been off, probably from the spontaneous travel and smoking and drinking so much. That’s why I needed today to get back on track. I’ve been slacking on my routine so I’m trying to get back on it this week. I’m just needing to be harder on myself about being on top of my shit. 

For the most part that’s pretty much it. I’m satisfied with where I’m and feel I’ve brought great momentum into the year and really getting ready for all that God has to offer me this year. It also makes me feel better I got to journal it all out because now I’m feel cleansed. Today will be a great day in solitude. 

#drakinq

[shytiff]

Small June Wins

1 - UKMPPD class, ((kind of)) tidied my room

2 - Danced to 2 vids of MyLee in front of the mirror that I moved to my window behind the laptop, late night discord sesh from 9-11 pm talking about stagnant life in quarantine, personality test, and hilarious roleplay

3 - read a little bit of ensiklopadi with my horrible attention span, watched time to hunt with rchl

4 - read "so i married my antifan" on naver (with google translate) until they finally kiss, dreamed about the sun rising from the west. A reminder indeed. Astagfirullah

5 - read 50 ayat of Al-Kahfi

6 - read the final chapter of tsubaki chou lonely planet

7 - finally posted tamel on mamikos, awaiting for confirmation by admin (later on i found out mamikos is now a paid thing -_-)

8 - finally changed my bedsheets (an amazing feat since it was supposed to be done like,,, 2 weeks ago. Mom was getting annoyed), wrote something on tumblr

9 - prayed Dhuha

10 - read 3 pages of ensiklopadi, did duolingo while jotting down notes, watched bts korean lessons on weverse

11 - made a spotifart with the song interdimensional portal leading to a cute place, nemo meeting, watched bts korean lesson eyes nose lips

12 - started my day early, exfoliated my face + lips and put some vaseline on my brows and lashes, duolingo, solid aspiration forum

13 - bts 7th anniversary, exercised (mylee and sun salutations) bitch i can literally feel my wretched back improving and when i pray i dont lean my leg asymmetrically?! I stand tall and proper!? Wow

14 - made crepes but it came out a little bit thick but its delicious! Even the plain batter tasted nice. Also tried to make upgraded la fonte mac n cheese but there was no blueband so the milk kinda evaporated. Watched bang bang con ☺️☺️ even though rchl and i must jump from links to links bcs we broke af

15 - started an online course on mechanical ventilation (hope i can actually finish it!), progress test study with meno, listened to a bit of podcast (makna: unfinished catwomanizer and dr tirta lol, relatif perspektif: prof chaula and dr mesty)

16 - continued online course (currently on mechanical ventilation physiology), duolingo, one MA article about acne vulgaris, podcast (relatif perspektif: dr andreas kurniawan)

17 - podcast (30 days: minimalism, home & millenials), assessment of mechanical ventilator, 40 progress test questions, neverland ended

18 - podcast (30 days: dream house), extubation, made crepes but this time the color’s lighter and not brown lol, exercise (dance workout, a little bit of abs), progress test study with meno

19 - setting up mechanical ventilator, progress test study. Felt kind of sluggish, maybe its improper sleep maybe its post workout tiredness bcs my energy is THAT little. Lazed around for quite sometime the first time this week. But its quite enjoyable compared to my super lazy days when i toxicly felt not like getting up

20 - did progress test and got 70 (plenty of questions similar to the past), podcast (30 days: vegan), made mac n cheese with quickmelt, wrote something on Tumblr

21 - podcast (30 days: yasa singih), mechanical ventilation in ARDS, exercised (dance workout, a bit of dumbbell, did static bike and im sweating and its not even that long lol), watched the latest run BTS and theyre always hilarious, tried baked spaghetti made by pupuy, ate sweet and delicious banana nugget, im supeeer full and sleepy

22 - finished the harvard online course. The certificate made me feel like I got a tiny achievement. Felt proud of myself for doing the bare minimum of finishing it. But after that i kinda fell into a slump. I think concrete goals is key to live day by day. Somehow the course felt different from studying for ukmppd. Maybe i felt some novelty. I dedicated my fresh brain in the morning to watch the videos. Trying to figure out what goals fits me next

23 - read a super good unfinished zutara fanfic by kittenshift17 til 2 am. Felt too lazy to do anything, even to wash my face, until i finally picked myself up after somehow managing to open duolingo and shower

24 - duolingo food is fun (maybe because bts speaks about food a lot), SLE webinar (quite interesting, further cemented how difficult rheumatology is ckckck)

25 - read ensiklopadi a bit (psych, a bit of neuro, stats), fk digital webinar (radiology)

26 - passed lvl 1 duolingo, read ensiklopadi (a bit of DV)

27 - fk digital (neurology: headache), saw a bit of wethehealth webinar (DV), duolingo, watched wecoc_ykvi's ig live, there are plenty of stuff today on the internet, it seems

28 - literally 1 (one) duolingo lesson, exercise

29 - duolingo, padi CBT, a little bit of exercise

30 - duolingo, finally met up with college friends, padi CBT, dreamed about bts at night. Didnt realize that june is over :")

I finished an actual monthly documentation (of some sort) WOWWWWW will try to continue it. Lets see. Thanks bts for inspiring me and making me happy enough to do this lol

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"Sabrina You're sitting here all working with billionaires and shit all we don't need donations then in the second breath. My kid used second hand from the thrift store! We was so scared going to the store and we thought it waa a trick to get arrested so we got the whole hood and went together and broke down in no smaller than groups of 5 people in each to make sure we would be alright!"

I'm really proud of that. He was scared. They all were. I probably would been, too. But I, the President, Snoopy, and the news and the military on the street said to. So i would been alright but uneasy probably to go until i got home. So I'm really proud they took time to gather forces and protection to defend themselves if something went down. I think that's smart.

He says when they got home they were whooting and hooting and celebrating but before it was like a secret mission to enter Hell and left the elderly and children at home. And they took NOTES giving permission for them to get goods with a list from the little ones with their ages and names and reason why they wouldn't go "scared" or "my dad said" lol

That was very wise and I'm very proud of that.

Matt wrote that as a suggestion so I wss probably sleeping so im glad he looked out for y'all.

Matt said he thought like me, filled up all thr bases then filled in the sidelines so no one could get to center field and catch the pitcher. Cause i taught him war like baseball. Every single person on the planet is our pitchers and the bases and sidelines is us or our plans that stand in for us where we can't be there physically to defend so we have to use what can be consisted of legalization.

Paperwork isn't quite legal from an 8 year old. Because they have to be 18. But a 16 year old can legally work. And a document in a child's hand writing stating i am participating but i have a handicap and should not be excluded from the event gives a voice to an important person.

I was 2 when I became important and working on my own for free. A baby's cry is legal and bruises are, too. Legal enough for a child to go to foster care. So dam right take a document from a child to support and care for the child the way the child wants. Better than how i buy groceries or gifts! Surprise! This is dinner!

Usually my kid is happy tho. Because i listen. Sometimes i mess up but.

But yeah my kid was solely raised on thrift store goods. The only brand new items we had were gifts, diapers, wipes, her bouncer (factory 2u), stroller (Sears), breast pump (Wal-Mart) and bottles and nipples (mixed).

Clothes she didn't get new until she was a toddler and they came from Wal-Mart or factory to you.

I did get her a little fold up sofa new when she was about 9 months and a table and set of 4 chairs when she was one and then later at 4 a kitchen. And all the time Happy Meal toys like 4 times a week.

And now for Christmas she got 4 t-shirts ($80), 2 used books ($7 total), 9 bath bombs ($10) and the Harry Potter wands ($50) so literally less than $150.

There's been Christmas where she has got $1,000 of stuff when i was married with 2 incomes. But i can't work and I only get child support and food stamps. So i started in November and ended on Dec 23.

Usually i start in October. But.. As i get older it starts later..

And she knows, too

New games are from Amazon or eBay used to save money. Sometimes i can get a digital code and have it instantly and if its like just a few bucks more or she been asking a long time ill get it.

Oh and she did get a Christmas sweater i gave her in the beginning of December that was $30 but she doesn't ask for a lot So i got just exactly what she asked and it looked worth $30 on her.

She wanted a coloring book and pajama pants which i didn't get to. But i told her after Christmas. And she's also used to that.

Sometimes it's really the thought that counts. ;)

But definitely yeah. I know Oklahoma couldn't buy online or have things shipped in. But i was happy for them to have shopping sprees.

I was happy i was able to afford my daughter's gifts. Although she didn't get everything she wanted. She got what she wanted and an extra t-shirt that she likes and 2 extra books she was surprised with. And 10 bath bombs when we ran out like a month ago amd only bought one here and there, that's a smile.

I got my Uncle Dad a bunch of little bottles of hot sauce all wrapped in brown paper and bundled together to look like TNT. Little Chris the same box of soft mints he got last year and 2 lighters. Denise white chocolate covered walnuts and Nathaniel caramel M&Ms a big $3 bag. So $25

When used to would be $75 on uncle dad. $35-50 on Denise and then $20-30 on the brothers.

So it's like they appreciate it or i can give nothing is my thought. Usually i do Do better for Nathaniel and Denise but ... I found put who they are so not this year, usually i spend like $10-15 on energy drinks for him. And her a box of Whitman's chocolates.

This year once again I found myself at the register forgetting their shit again, so i just got what was stocked down there. Instead of going back and making an effort.

Then Denise went with my Aunt Cousin Georgia to a foster kid thing and brought home gifts and so I'm just giving them to my kid with some added chocolate covered cashews and eyeliner from Rimmel that was on sale for $3.50. It has nice shit. A makeup bag and a $40 bracelet from Kohls and other makeup in a stocking and some kitten plates. I took the cotton pads for my nail polish removing and the Revlon nail files since she chews. So when she wakes up she will get her "Santa gift" which is actually really a Santa gift. lol

So even I am using free stuff to give my kid.

So there's no shame or anything to hide.

I spend as Much as I can on my kid. Just now I have less to spend.

And I didn't want to ask anyone to get her any thing. Like Denise although i almost did ask her to get a few Harry Potter wands because they were on my mind.

Christmas i think is about that dumb spending of money .... Thats just fun. So while she got books and baths and clothes... She needed that "dumb" fun. Its a child's Christmas right.

And so we are all happy and proud of that. :)