#to dating MAGNUS FUCKING BANE

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

For the prompts Malec as Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce 🫢

Magnus as the one of the most successful and famous pop star ever and Alec as a famous football player who won 2 Super Bowl

As much as Alec loves football, he hates interviews and having to talk to the public. He knows he is lucky enough to live this dream, but he’s not really made for paparazzi and red carpets. He’s meant to stay inside his home and gang up with Jace on Izzy’s cooking.

But alas, life doesn’t always work the way you want and Alec is forced to appear on this interview by PulseCapture Insider. Alec thinks it’s the stupidest name for a channel but so are most of them.

He’s not really here for himself. He’s here for something else—he’s here to set the record straight. Not that he needs to, but because he wants to.

It’s the least he could do.

He’s barely seven minutes into the interview when he’s hit with the question. He’s not surpised because they’ve gone through all variations of the ‘how great was that touchdown’ question.

“So, now that you’re here. We believe it’s a great opportunity to ask you the million dollar question?”

Alec rolls his eyes, internally as he replies. “And what’s that?”

“About your new whirlwind romance with none other than Magnus Bane,” the interviewer comments.

There’s something about the way the interviewer says Magnus’s name that irks Alec. He’s not sure why.

“We’re dating, yeah.”

The interviewer, Sebastian looks a bit surpised, as if he didn’t expect Alec to answer so easily.

Media is so fucking weird. They’ll hound you until you’re forced to tell your truth but they’ll also hound you if you tell your truth easily. It’s insane on every single level and while Alec’s famous, he’s not familiar with the level of scrutiny that actors and singers have to deal with. He’s a sportsperson. There’s limit to that. But celebrities, their lives are on constant watch and Alec hates that.

He’s not sure how Magnus ever deals with it.

“That’s great,” Sebastian breathes.

“Yeah. Magnus is great.”

There’s a moment of silence and Alec guesses that all of Sebastian’s questions revolves around proding Alec. Now he needs a new line of questioning.

He passes a few comments about their relationship before he asks. “So, a lot of people are saying that Magnus Bane is with you for the money. Care to comment on that?”

Out of all the ludicrous things anyone can ask him, Alec believes this one takes the cake. He’s baffled by the judgement in people’s minds.

“If anyone were to be in this for the money, it would be me,” Alec smirks.

Sebastian frowns. “What?”

“I make 18 million dollars a year. Magnus makes around 150. His hair costs more than my entire house,” Alec points out.

“Oh.”

“Anyone with a single brain cell and a working laptop would be able to find out this. I’m guessing you only have one of the two things,” Alec smirks.

The interview ends shortly after that. Alec has a flight to catch after that so the next few hours pass easily. He’s exhausted by the time he reaches his destination.

He enters the building and the watchmen lets him in as Alec is on the list now.

Three minutes later, Alec is inside the loft and he searches for the other man. Alec’s not surprised when he finds Magnus in the balcony.

Magnus knows he’s coming, Alec had informed him earlier.

“Hey.”

His boyfriend turns and even though he knew, even know they’ve been texting the entire time, there’s a beaming smile on his face as he sees Alec.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

Alec smiles as he steps forward. Magnus makes space for him on the couch and Alec sits there carefully. This- this, between them is still relatively new so Alec is careful sometimes. Even though whenever he’s with Magnus, he never wants to think again. He never plans or prepares. He just does.

“Hi, baby,” he breathes as he finally connects their lips. Magnus’s smile grows against his face and Alec can feel the heat grow in between them.

“I missed you,” Magnus says quietly, as he brings their forehead together.

“Me too,” Alec replies and pulls Magnus in for another kiss. They take it slow this time, their bodies shifting closer to each other.

“I saw your interview,” Magnus says after a while as he lays against Alec’s chest, playing with his fingers.

Alec hopes he’s not said more than Magnus wanted them to. But they’ve talked about this. There would be no rules. They could both say whatever the fuck they wanted.

“And?”

Magnus turns and there’s a mischievous grin on his face as he replies, “I didn’t realise you’re in it for money, Alexander. I am hurt.”

A loud chuckle escape his lips at the words. “I hate to break it to you but it’s true, baby.”

#Alec sugar baby rights>> #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood

[faejilly]

hello!! absolutely adore your writing <3 no worries at all it not, but may i request an alternate pre-series meeting in canon / canon-adjacent where valentine is actually dead? always very curious about how malec’s relationship might change if they met and started dating Not in the middle of a really intense war lmao, so i thought maybe their first meeting would be a good starting point? but don’t sweat it if this doesn’t strike the fic muse <33

asdfjklgh thank you! so this MORE THAN struck the fic muse, but I got distracted by a tangent as to how it all Got Very Different™️and have not actually introduced Malec to each other as of yet but if you'd like some Magnus going what the fuck? at the Clave actually being competent this will hopefully be entertaining. AND ISTG I will get to Malec meeting! Eventually?

A familiar flare lit up his apothecary, and Magnus reached out to catch the fire message. The flames sparked brighter, and he blinked away the after-images as something heavier than he'd expected solidified between his fingers.

A single sheet of paper, cleverly folded up to resemble an envelope and keep the message inside; there was the unfortunately familiar black curl of a rune along the edges.

Magnus grimaced.

It was probably some horrifying form letter designed to intimidate him into something that was not remotely his problem, but he was going to have to clean up regardless. Shadowhunters didn't request things, they ordered, and brow-beat, and the only reason they got away with it was because they treated everyone equally terribly, including themselves, and to be quite fair to their militaristic grand-standing, the world was continuing to not be overrun by demons, so it seemed to be working for them.

Even Valentine hadn’t made much of a dent in their self-righteous arrogance. The Lightwoods hadn’t lost possession of the Institute they’d killed to get, buying clemency with their children, from what he’d heard, which was even worse than typical nephilim parenting. Despicable, ev–

He blinked. That wasn't the New York Institute's watermark, it was the Inquisitor's.

He tilted it to let the light from the windows spill across it, but that was very clearly the silhouette of a Demon Tower behind two crossed blades, not the broken stone the Clave had required the New York Institute to use after the Uprising to signify its failure to uphold their so-called sacred duties.

He huffed out a breath in not quite a sigh, and felt a frown starting to form between his brows. It was easier to deal with Inquisitor Herondale and her people than the Lightwoods. (She at least hated Valentine as much as the downworld.) But that didn't mean a formal letter was likely to be a good thing. Whatever had happened in the aftermath of Valentine's attempted coup had been kept very quiet behind Alicante's borders, and everything the downworld got to see had returned to business-as-usual.

He rolled his eyes, because nephilim, but ignoring one of their summons made them even more petty and obnoxious, so he turned it over to unfold.

And stopped again upon seeing how it was addressed.

High Warlock of Brooklyn Senior Scholar of the Spiral Labyrinth Ambassador of the Accords The Right Hon. Magnus Bane

They'd used a fountain pen and written in proper uncial calligraphy and if he hadn't known that the magic for fire messages didn't work on animal skin, he might have thought they'd used actual parchment rather than what must instead be a very high quality paper stock.

"Huh." He peered down at the letters, trying to think if he'd ever seen a nephilim address a notice to a downworlder in the same formal terms they used amongst themselves. And then almost dropped the whole damn thing when he realized that the initials scribbled across the fold in lieu of the wax seal that would have prevented the fire message from activating properly were IWH. And in the exact same calligraphy as the address.

"What the fuck." He spoke aloud, louder than he'd expected or intended, almost loud enough to startle himself even as he flung the whole thing out and away.

He watched as it fell to the floor, and he stared at it.

It still just looked like paper.

It had to just be paper, the rune to send it wouldn't have worked otherwise, but High Inquisitor Imogen Whitelaw Herondale had written on that with her own hand and sent it to Magnus as if he was an equal and what in all seven hells was that about?

He stepped sideways, unable to convince himself to look away from those initials even as his fingers scrabbled across his desk in search of normal paper and pen to send a message of his own.

Ragnor, could you please indulge me with your thoughts for a moment?

He'd half expected he wouldn't get an answer, not even another fire message or a call on the phone in the other room; Ragnor had been even more of a hermit than usual since the Uprising. (Not that Magnus could fault him for that. If he wasn't a High Warlock he probably would have disappeared into the countryside somewhere as well.) But instead he felt the familiar press of Ragnor's magic against his wards as a portal opened almost immediately in the foyer.

"Apothecary!" Magnus called out, still staring at the paper on his floor.

He heard footsteps, felt Ragnor's magic approach, could even see the shadow stretching towards him when Ragnor paused in the doorway. "Ah, you got it too?"

That finally made Magnus blink, the hold of the strange message broken. He turned his head and lifted his eyebrows.

Ragnor shook his head. "I think you need to experience it for yourself."

Magnus snorted, but stepped forward, picked up the paper, and this time he unfolded it and began to read.

And then read it again.

And again, even as Ragnor came to stand beside him.

"What the fuck," he repeated.

Ragnor grunted, apparently not having any more idea than he did.

"Do you think it's real?" Magnus asked, and he could hear the almost plaintive whisper of something he couldn't pretend wasn't hope in his own voice.

"Only one way to find out." Ragnor's voice was dry, but gentle. There was hope hiding in his voice, too. "Shall we?"

*

It seemed real the next evening.

They arrived in front of the New York Institute to find Theo and Gretel from the closest Werewolf pack already there. A pair of fae nobles Magnus didn't recognize, both in full Court regalia, one Seelie and the other Unseelie, arrived a few minutes later, just after the last lingering blush of daylight faded, escorting Raphael and Lily who were here for their Clan.

Magnus almost asked if any of them knew what the fuck was really going on, but did in fact retain his composure and instead just lifted his chin to wait. (He had to admit, even if just to himself, that he was glad Camille was off somewhere being Camille rather than here in New York to represent the vampires and make this whole situation even more uncomfortable.)

They didn't wait long.

The double doors to the Cathedral swung wide open, rather than the main entrance that led to the central hub of the Institute and the Heads' Office. The High Inquisitor herself stepped out, and fucking bowed to them, and Magnus made a small noise of disbelief that he would deny to his dying day if anyone ever asked. (He didn't think anyone would, however, as he had not been the only one. In fact he was pretty sure the only one who hadn't betrayed their surprise was Ragnor, though the fae had managed no more than a slight shift in posture or positioning.)

"We have set up precautions so all may enter." Herondale paused, and tilted her chin towards Ragnor and Magnus. "I understand if you wish to verify before anyone tests my word?"

Magnus stared at her. She'd just admitted that they had no reason to believe her. She'd admitted it out loud and didn't even sound upset about it.

Ragnor bumped his elbow, and Magnus tucked it all back behind his High Warlock mask. He nodded back as formally as he could manage before lifting his arms and letting his magical senses expand.

There was something inside that was still warded enough to prevent him from being able to tell what it was, but its power was passive rather than active, so it wouldn't be able to be turned against them without warning.

There was also an echo of banked power that felt suspiciously like Silent Brother -and- Iron Sister -and- Soul Sword which was a thing the letter had mentioned but he hadn't been sure he'd believed; (especially that it was only there for Herondale to swear on rather than to be used against the rest of them, somehow). Beyond either of those, it was also very clear the resonance from the Angelic Core had been banked, somehow, the blessing to make the ground hallowed had been covered and muted, and it was entirely safe for any downworlder to enter, regardless of age or power level or wards.

He couldn't quite resist a glance at Ragnor, whose expression indicated he was right there with Magnus and his inexplicable conclusion. Ragnor managed to imply a shrug with the shift of his eyes, and Magnus turned to their fellow downworlders. "She's correct, the building is completely safe for us to enter."

He refrained from suggesting that the nephilim in the building were trustworthy, as they'd all already decided to take that risk when they'd shown up in response to Herondale's summons.

He supposed the fae might not have decided so much as been ordered, but regardless. They were already here. And it was time to see if the rest of it was true.

The rows of pews were nearly full of nephilim in mourning white, more than Magnus suspected usually served in New York, all of them eerily silent, heads politely bowed just enough to lessen the weight of their attention on the entering downworlders.

Behind the chancel, in the raised choir stands, there were additionally about a half-a-dozen black-clad guards, an Iron Sister in gleaming white, a Silent Brother in his bone-dull robe, and the Soul Sword itself, the ruby glinting in its hilt.

To the left of the altar were half-a-dozen nephilim children roughly equivalent to elementary school aged Mundanes, only one of whom had the steady glow to Magnus' senses of a runed Shadowhunter rather than the flickering eldritch taste of angelic potential that the young ones carried before they received their first Mark.

Except for one small red-head just under ten who was familiarly blank, and he realized that the Inquisitor must have found the Fairchilds because that was young Clarissa, still under the power of the wards her mother had paid him to build for her.

He hoped Dorothea was safe, wherever she was. He hadn't felt her magic break, so at least he was reasonably sure she was still alive.

He swallowed, let his gaze skip over the draped stand centered on the aisle in front of him, and focused instead on the dozen adults opposite the children, each with a visibly red Circle on their neck, their shoulders all stiff in the distinctive posture of prisoners whose hands were chained behind their backs. Some of them he didn't know at all, a few were only vaguely familiar, but then there was Jocelyn herself, and Starkweather, and both Lightwoods, and someone who looked eerily similar to the Consul himself.

There was one man beside the rest with his hands cuffed in front of him instead of behind, his Circle rune dark and quiescent rather than inflamed, a Chinese Shadowhunter standing next to him, close enough the white of her sleeves brushed against his arm, with neither a Circle rune nor any restraints on her at all.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice." Herondale spoke up after giving them all a moment to look around, and without another word she turned her back to eight potentially hostile downworlders and knelt before the Sword.

The Silent Brother lifted his hands, the pressure of his attention clear even when he didn't say anything. The Iron Sister lifted the sword, balancing it gracefully in such a way that it tilted gently down from her grip until the tip almost rested on Herondale's forehead. The ruby glowed, and the flare of angelic power was strong enough to sizzle against Magnus' skin. Carried along with the magic was the Silent Brother's intent, and the Inquisitor's voice filled the Cathedral, both inside and outside his head, resonating in his bones and his blood.

"The traitor Valentine Morgenstern has been killed, and the only surviving nephilim members of his Circle are here to face their final sentencing, as witnessed by the Downworld Leaders of New York City, in this the soul of the New York Institute, a place most wounded by his actions. This truth I swear, upon the Angel Raziel and His Mortal and Immortal Instruments, as High Inquisitor of Alicante and Idris, Commander of the Gard, Elder of the Clave and Council, Head of the Herondale Family, Blooded Shadowhunter and Mother of Soldiers, Lady Imogen Whitelaw Herondale."

Magnus swallowed, ignoring the burn in his eyes and the faint taste of copper down his throat.

The Soul Sword compelled the truth from the nephilim, but all it required when they swore upon it was that they believed in whatever truth they spoke.

This ritual was something else entirely. The balance of the magic he'd just witnessed, a trio of complementary powers braided together, Brother and Sister and relic, knowledge and skill and power, secrets and vows and faith, with each separate piece enhancing the other two, meant that Herondale couldn't have sworn on something that was untrue at any level, even if she'd personally believed it all the way down to her bones.

"Well, fuck me."

Magnus snorted, barely stopping himself from giggling (possibly slightly hysterically) at Ragnor's sotto voce reaction. Not that he'd been thinking anything any more eloquent.

It was real.

*

The rest of the meeting was less dramatic. Even whipping the cover off the stand in the middle to reveal Valentine’s head encased in silver-edged glass had been less shocking. (Well, to the warlocks and fae, at least. Vampires and werewolves weren’t quite as able to feel the way the ritual had invoked truth magic against the nephilim, so being able to examine (and presumably scent) proof that Valentine was dead was a bigger deal for them.)

The former Circle members were all going to be deruned, exiled, and imprisoned, each alone at a different Institute so they couldn’t work together and their status could be verified by downworlders whenever they wished, unlike traditional prisoners kept in Alicante at the Gard.

There were two exceptions. One: Lucian Graymark, now Luke Garroway, was a werewolf, and the nephilim abdicated their authority and explicitly left his punishment up to the downworld itself. Second: the man who’d been standing slightly separate from the other prisoners, Patrick Penhallow, who had avoided participating in any of the Circle’s true atrocities and was the one who had discovered Valentine was alive and hiding with the presumed dead Herondale heir and promptly informed Imogen personally. He was still to be exiled from the Clave and Council for punishment, but would be allowed to continue as a Shadowhunter and would, in fact, be staying in New York City where he would be an official liaison to the downworld.

But only if the downworld representatives summoned agreed.

Magnus wasn’t complete sure which part of that was supposed to be mercy and which part was punishment, but he was surprised enough at the validation offered to himself and the other representatives that he did, in fact, agree to it along with everyone else.

That wasn’t even the last surprise though.

No, it got better.

Worse?

Magnus wasn’t sure anymore. He was going to tell Catarina about this and she wasn’t going to believe a single damn word he said.

Instead of re-opening their Academy in Alicante, the nephilim were going to train their children at the Institutes, and would include exposure to and lessons from former mundanes and current downworlders. The children there in the chapel for this meeting were the orphans of the Circle, whose parents were all formally being removed from their bloodlines, and this new generation would be raised in New York City.

Imogen Herondale herself was going to be acting as Head of the New York Institute with Jia Penhallow (Patrick’s wife, who had not ever been part of the Circle) as her Co-Head until such time as as the downworld agreed that the next generation of nephilim seemed sufficiently un-Circle-like and one of them could be appointed.

(That wasn’t, of course, how she’d said it, but it was clear enough.)

Magnus was mostly in shock and just nodding along at that point.

When she’d confirmed that the downworld was reasonably accepting of all of that, and had even told them how to contact Patrick directly with any questions or concerns, she slipped into something that looked like parade rest, and without a bit of warning that Magnus could recognize, the entire chapel-full of nephilim all stood at the same time, chanted “ante faciem Angelus” all together, and then they bowed, too. All of them, each with a hand over their heart, respect and responsibility and something that felt like an apology ringing through the air. From nephilim. To downworlders.

“Fiat justicia!” Herondale called out in response, and the nephilim filed back into their institute, and the black-clad guards very politely escorted the downworlders the other direction and shut the big fancy doors behind them, and Magnus was blinking at Ragnor in the street outside the Institute again.

“What the actual fuck.” Gretel broke the silence first.

Magnus started laughing, and nodded in agreement. That absolutely covered it.

The Clave had said they’d dealt with the Circle, and requested the downworld’s input, and claimed that things were going to be different this time, and it was all really, truly, completely, real.

#tangential tuesday #hopeswept #jilly writes #shadowhunters #magnus bane #fantasy politics and lore oh my! #I need a series tag but idk #wtf the clave is competent #lol #no beta we die like valentine #I should probably proofread this before I post it on ao3 but #not on ao3 #as of yet #so this is a problem for tomorrow!jilly #jilly answers

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi! For Writing Wednesday, could we see something to with a pet for Malec? Like Alec finds the most horrific, poisonous, vicious creature and brings it to Magnus (or vice versa)?

I enjoyed answering this so much!!! Finally getting a little bit of time to write before I crash. I hope you enjoy

—

Alec considers the fire message for a moment, but he already knows he’ll be visiting Idris immediately.

It’s hardly a huge deterrent to pass through Alicante. Not since Jace is keeping his word and taking care of the problem Alec dropped off. The clave is back to keeping their noses to themselves and his Institute no longer greets Magnus like the deadly hazard he is.

“Idris?” Kaleb asks him, shock in his voice and Alec knows by his furious tapping that he’s calling backup.

Which is smart, Alec’s not sure how transport is going to go and his people will stay on standby till he’s back.

“The infants are ready to part from their nests. I’m going to bring one back for Magnus.”

“Oh, well that’s a lovely idea sir.” Kaleb says, “it’ll be good for you to visit Jace.”

“I’m not going to see Jace?” Alec asks, confused as to how the misunderstanding arose. “I’m going to the Trueblood Manor.”

Alec steps through the portal, wondering why Kaleb suddenly looks like he’s been poisoned by a lantern demon.

—

“We are not inviting Bane to the Institute just because of a possibility.” Inaya says, her voice clipped and tired and Mirai would love to be sympathetic, she really would.

However, that would require being an optimistic person.

Mirai is a pessimist.

It’s why she’s so good at her job.

“So you want to risk the Commander bringing back something that’s small, a baby, and lives in a nest, without any kind of backup?”

“We have no guarantee Bane wouldn’t make the situation worse.” Helen argues, backing up Inaya.

“Statistically—“ and everyone turns to look at Andrew who still has a bloody gash on his face from where he head butted a clave member.

The clave member was attempting to talk to Alec while he was planning a date.

Everyone agrees Andrew took the best course of action.

“Bane does tend to make Alec more—“ and he trails off, “more.” And then Andrew gets a mulish look, “however statistics show that Bane gets bored here when not in the greenhouse. Which means either whatever he’s bringing back will be contained for a while, or Bane will take them back to his place.”

“We’re calling Bane.” Mirai says and she picks up her phone, takes a breath and hopes this isn’t going to backfire horrifically.

—

Magnus is almost nervous, as he waits for his fiancé.

His fiancé.

Still such a mesmerizing, noxious word that Magnus wants to sear into his tongue.

“He’ll be back soon?” He asks, a faint wistfulness to his tone and the shadowhunter monitoring the portal to Idris wavers.

“Soon.” He's Promised hurriedly, the man practically stuttering over himself, “he hates being in Alicante for very long. So it will be just however long his errand at the manor takes.”

Magnus hums because he has no interest in making small talk… except.

“Tell me, what are my darling’s hobbies here? Anything beyond his interests in horticulture?”

“Poison?” The hunter nearly squeaks out, “the Commander doesn’t really have hobbies.” And then, a passing hunter scoffs and mutters—

“He has a hobby. It’s called obsessively researching dates.”

The portal hunter hisses out a breath and throws a small, non-adamas dagger. The passing hunter yelps, catching the knife between two fingers and hissing as blood seeps from a cut.

Magnus is quite chuffed himself, delight filling him that Alexander is so occupied by planning dates that his hunters notice.

Thankfully, before Magnus gets too distracted, Alexander himself arrives.

There’s a murmured, “thank fuck” from the hunters around and passing by.

Magnus ignores their chatter and reaches out, pulling a visibly surprised but delighted Alexander into a kiss.

“My love, I’ve missed you.” Magnus croons against his mouth, “I’ve been aching without you by my side.”

Alexander flushes and he looks down, “I didn’t mean to be gone so long.”

Magnus wants to swoon, because they weren’t even supposed to meet today.

“I suppose I can forgive you—“ Magnus teases, lashes fluttering. “If you let me take you out tonight.”

Alexander smiles, something dark and delighted in his gaze as he nods and sways towards Magnus.

“I have a present—“ his boy murmurs, voice hoarse as he licks his lips and smiles. “Something for us both,” and he grins a little shy and a little pleased. “To match, you mentioned you wanted to have paired accessories, since our engagement rings are so different.”

Magnus wants to swoon at this man, his wicked, sweetling who stabs Magnus’ heart with every spoken word.

“Show me.”

It’s a demand because Magnus isn’t interested in waiting and Alexander obeys like it’s an order he’s been begging to hear.

In his palm, carefully and gently pulled from his inner pocket, are two small snakes.

They’re a poisonous, vicious green mottled with an abyssal black the same shade as Alexander’s shadow.

Two small protruding fangs peek from their mouth and a horn crests their head with a third eye in the middle.

Magnus coos as he reaches out and he thinks he hears a whimper.

Somewhere nearby there is a heavy thud but Alexander is just as occupied by the small deadly little ball of scales.

“They feed on magic, demonic or angelic, it doesn’t have to belong to who they’ve bonded to—“ Alexander tells him, something enchantingly dark in his voice. “They’re incredibly smart and enjoy warmth without being in the sun. I thought we could wear them together.”

Magnus’ heart feels as though he has eaten the core of a star and he pets the small snakes. It wriggles about the tip of his finger and then climbs up to his wrist. It slithers past under his sleeve and climbs until it twines into the slope of bone-white streaked hair.

Alexander seems delighted as he lifts his own hand and the little snake gleefully dives into his curls.

“What kind are they?” Magnus asks because he thought he knew most reptiles.

Especially snakes.

“They’re Nephil Elapids from Lake Lynn—“ Alexander pauses and frowns when a blood curdling, terrified screech interrupts him.

“Sorry sir! An intern from Denmark!”

Alexander rolls his eyes, “their venom causes hallucinations. The third eye one their horn is supposed to make you dream of the abyss.”

“How marvelous.” Magnus murmurs and then he has to push Alexander against the wall and — carefully avoiding the darling little snake — run his fingers into his boy’s hair.

Alexander got them matching, deadly accessories that could easily be used to cover up a murder.

Or two dozen.

#writing wednesdays #writing wednesday #lumine writes #shadowhunters #magnus bane #malec #alec lightwood #immortal husbands #shadowhunters au #this eldritch delight au #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets

[khaleesiofalicante]

I'm so excited for the RWRB au

Because just imagine first gentleman Magnus Lightwood-Bane

Alec: Magnus. Max is dating the prince of France. Can you believe this fucking bullshit?

Magnus: Omg? Does this make us royalty by extension???

Alec: Are you kidding me right now??

Magnus: I’ve always wanted a crown :(

Alec, already ordering one at Tiffany & Co: I can’t with this fucking family sigh

#I have THOUGHTS about First Gentleman Magnus omg #mavid rwrb au

[faye-writes-stories]

INTRO POST YEAHHHH

Okay so this is @f4y3w00d5s writing blog, I'll occasionally post short stories (probably unrelated to my main books) and things about characters, plots, subplots etc from my main stories.

CURRENT MAIN WORKS

-Freak Show (and other books in this world. This is where Ben and Faye come from) -The Ghost Story (something I've been working on the sides. Pretty epic. I dont think it will end well. no official title or names, just ideas.) -The Horror Stories (works i started when i was younger, series of short horror stories. Some characters may be reworked to be in main stories. Faye and Ben started out as these.)

You may submit asks to my characters, I will work on getting them pictures and bios on here.

List Of Characters To Ask Things

(Freak Show)

-Asmodeus (main character of Freak Show. half demon. A lot of development in the stories, most of which is planned out)

-Fay (okay you know her. shes my wizardblog person. but this is OG Faye. Some things are a bit different this verision doesnt have an e though)

-Ben (same as Fay. but more different.)

-Purple Haze (nonbinary and asexual supervillain. Faye and Bens boss. She's epic. Also just human.)

-Evil (pronounced Eh-vil. OG version of Matrix. Above gender. All seeing all knowing primordial being. actually neutral.)

-Merlin (this version of Merlins a faerie. also one of Bens exes)

-Cyprus (Merlins mortal boyfriend and leader of his guard)

-Cyrus (Vampire. Gay. Magnus Bane vibes.)

-Haydyn (Shapeshifter. Gay. sorta punk but very insecure)

-Evelyn (shes 14. when shes added. she'll date Azzy for a bit. Then some angel fucker named Tristan.)

-Cody (Fays youngest brother. he dies and turns into a vampire.

-Kyra (Jengu. i hate her guts. Shes one of the heroes.)

-Hazel (Kyras gf. Satyr. I also hate her. also one of the heroes)

-Dolores (Hah... hahaha... dont get me STARTED on this bitch)

-Matthew (Dead. used to date Dolores. One of the horror story people)

-Kylan + Christopher (boyfriends. Wraiths. Horror people again)

(Horror Story)

-Anaira & dolls (poor traumatised doll girl :(

-Fern (oh shes fucking EPIC!!! also traumatised.)

-August Smith (IMAGINE DROWNING ON THE TITANIC COS OF A PRANK)

-Adrika (please adopt my poor baby :(

-Jinx (literally just that song Parents by YUNGBLUD)

(The Ghost Story)

-MC (main character. unnamed.)

-The ghosts (oh i love these fuckers. boy + girl. murdered.)

[noodyl-blasstal]

Prompts from @juicywritinghoard​ are always my favourite.

“may or may not be burning my exes things in the park and sobbing be cool maybe” is from a list you can click here for. 

This was inspired by my realisation that park rangers get to ride snowmobiles sometimes and I think that’s neat.

Black smoke billowed up ahead and Kravitz pushed his snowmobile harder across the open ground and towards the treeline. He’d half assumed the call had been a hoax when it came in, few people used the national park at this time of year, and this copse was well out of the way. The snow was thick along most of the trails no matter what they did to clear them (idiots would get stuck no matter what, but they tried), and it would have taken hours to walk out here on a good day, let alone in these conditions.

Kravitz mentally checked his pack, he had a foil blanket and heat packs if the person was ill equipped and freezing. Thankfully Carey, Killian, and Magnus were working tonight - between them he was confident that they could get someone back to base and patch them up until Merle arrived to treat them.

Abandoning the mobile as close as he could get it, Kravitz ran the rest of the way. Skidding unceremoniously to a halt when he stepped into the clearing and saw Taako Tacco bane of his fucking existence, stood by a roaring fire, bottle of whisky in hand.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kravitz yelled over the crackling.

Taako whipped round, and glared at him. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake” he groaned, grimacing at the sight of Kravitz. “Can you just fuck off, Krav? I’m absolutely not in the mood.”

Kravitz was usually rational, he was the one they sent out when they knew people would be difficult. Magnus and Killian had a tendency to rush in hot headed and get angry, and Carey didn’t yell but did enact crime-justice (she argued that they owed her their wallets if they were going to yell at her, he didn’t necessarily disagree). Kravitz, however, kept his head. Or he always had before this beautiful ridiculous man came into his life. Something about Taako worked every last nerve he had and he hated it. Most of all he hated how much time he spent thinking about it and about Taako’s stupid idiot boyfriend who didn’t treat him right. Taako deserved better than him, and it was normal to think like that about someone you hated… because he’d be slightly less annoying dating someone better. Literally only for that reason. Kravitz didn’t care about him, he hated him. Particularly when he was doing nature crimes. Especially when he was doing nature crimes. It shouldn’t come up that much, but somehow it did.

“You’re not in the mood? You’re not in the fucking mood? You absolute dickhead. I just drove up here and put myself at risk because I thought someone might be hurt and need help.” Where did this absolute prick get off acting like Kravitz was the one doing something wrong? He was breaking at least two laws right now - Kravitz would happily bet it was probably more. Arson and drinking in a restricted area didn’t seem like enough for Taako.

Taako didn’t reply, just stared Kravitz dead in the eye before chugging long and hard from the bottle.

Kravitz didn’t look at the line of his throat, or think about the way it bobbed as he swallowed.

Taako turned back towards the fire, and flopped down onto a nearby log. Kravitz obviously didn’t know much about Taako or anything, why would he? He hated him. But he did know that the slumped posture didn’t seem normal. Taako was usually full of energy - irritatingly so. He was effervescent, and even when he was rude it was done with such infectious charm that most people didn’t notice. Kravitz noticed, he’d noticed when Taako teased him about his ‘goth’ clothes, and when he called Kravitz handsome to mock him, he’d noticed all the times he’d broken the rules and stared at Kravitz as he did it - challenging him to do something about it. The charm didn’t work on Kravitz.

Right now though, Taako was deflated, and the slight shake to his shoulders made Kravitz think he might actually be crying? Fuck. He was not in any way equipped to deal with this. Kravitz fleetingly thought this would have been easier if he’d found Taako hypothermic…

“Does Lup know you’re up here?” Kravitz didn’t know how to deal with a crying Taako, but he could ring his sister. Shouldn’t she just inherently know something was up? They were always talking about their twin powers, it seemed unfair they only extended to teasing him and not to saving him from awkward situations.

“Just fuck off” Taako repeated, voice wobbling just enough to make it unconvincing.

Kravitz sighed internally, he absolutely couldn’t leave him like this. Taako might drive him up the wall, and spend far more time in his head than Kravitz is really comfortable admitting, but despite being the most infuriating man alive, he was a person who was sad and needed help. And also needed to stop burning shit.

Stamping over to the log, Kravitz plonked himself down roughly next to Taako. He tried not to examine the warm feeling in his chest as the other man was jostled and let out a shocked little meep. Kravitz definitely didn’t think it was adorable. Not even a little. He hated his traitor brain.

“Taako, this is illegal. Why are you out here burning things?” Kravitz was surprised by how authoritative he sounded, he was aiming for empathetic, but he always struggled with getting emotions to come out right.

Taako groaned loudly. “Look, Stud, I may or may not be burning my ex's things and trying to have a cry about it. Could you be cool for once maybe?”

“You broke up?” Kravitz’s voice was softer than he meant this time. He was shocked. He’d hated Sazed for a long time, Taako was annoying as all hell, but no one deserved Sazed’s bullshit. He knew that everyone else felt the same, and was well aware that Lup had staged a few interventions along the way. Magnus often mentioned his frustrations with Sazed and had definitely tried to beat him up on a few occasions, Carey and Killian had encouraged him to try again. Merle had helped when their encouragement was successful. From what he’d heard, Kravitz wasn’t inclined to think any of it was unjustified.

“Yeah” Taako said in a small voice. “I’m not sad about him. He was a dick. I was with him because it seemed easier than being on my own.” Taako stared straight into the fire as he spoke. “I’m just sad about all the time I wasted. The more everyone told me to end it, the more I wanted to stay. It was stupid.”

“You’re unbelievable.” The words were out of his mouth before Kravitz could stop them. He was probably supposed to have said something more comforting? But hey, everyone else had tried with kid gloves, Taako was ridiculous.

Taako let out an indignant laugh. “You’re supposed to be nice to me, you bastard.”

“Well tough. You’re ridiculous. I can’t believe you’ve just been dating that complete tosser for a year for literally no reason. He was awful to you! You deserve so much better” Kravitz couldn’t help raising his voice, Taako was infuriating.

“And how exactly do you know so much about my relationship, Kravitz?” Taako spat, adding unnecessary stresses to his name. Kravitz hadn’t banked on this. He knew through osmosis, and of course he regularly asked the others about how Taako was. Taako was important to his friends and it was only polite. They ran into each other at parties and group events too. It was hard not to notice the most beautiful man at the party Taako. Especially when the arsehole he came with was flirting with other men behind his back… and sometimes in front of his face.

“I’m friends with your friends. I hear things.” Kravitz was defensive now. He knew a normal amount about Taako’s relationship. He was a completely ordinary amount of invested. His face wasn’t getting hot, and if it was it was only because of the illegal fire Taako had made. 

“Oh, you hear things do you?” Taako took another long swig from his bottle. Then paused, and held it out towards Kravitz. 

“Taako, I’m working!” Kravitz couldn’t believe the audacity of this man. Or how much he wanted to take a swig right now.

“Look, you really have to put this out. You can’t be up here, you’re not safe. You’re not wearing anything remotely appropriate for this trip. In fact, how the fuck did you get up here in heels?” Now that he’d adjusted to the light of the fire Kravitz took a moment to look Taako up and down. The high waisted jeans, silky cowl neck top, heeled star patterned boots, and what looked like a hastily grabbed cardigan (which Kravitz could swear belonged to Lup) were not park appropriate at any time - especially not the dead of winter.

“Magic” Taako slurred slightly, giggling. “Look, can you just let me put…” He rifled briefly through the box at his feet “...Two more bad poems and an ugly stuffed bear on the fire?” He turned to Kravitz, eyes large and pleading. Kravitz resisted the ridiculous traitorous impulse to reach out and cup his face - Taako was doing crimes right now. Kravitz made a mental note to redownload Grinder, or Scruff, or both? Anything to stop this level of ridiculousness. He just needed this to be over before he said or did something stupid.

“Fine.”

“Wait, what? You’re actually going to let me, Handsome?” Taako was wide eyed and incredulous. 

“I can” Kravitz raised his fingers to make air quotes “Be cool” 

Taako smirked. “Prove it” He said, holding out an insipid looking teddy bear. Kravitz felt a bit sorry for it. It was ugly as sin, but maybe with a bit of reworking he could fix it.

“I knew you couldn’t” Taako cackled, spotting his hesitation.

Kravitz threw the bear into the fire with unnecessary force, sending a silent apology into the universe as he did it. There was no way he was going to prove Taako right. Kravitz turned and raised an eyebrow in defiance. Taako looked shocked, so Kravitz grinned smugly. “Keep up then, KoKo” Kravitz smirked at Taako, knowing how much he hated anyone but Lup calling him that. The scowl which crossed his face was immediate.

“Fuck off.” He muttered as he threw the last two letters unceremoniously into the fire. “There, I’m done. You can put out the fire, and fuck off and leave me to it.”

“I’m not leaving you, Taako. You’re pissed, dressed terribly, and Lup would kill me if anything happened to you.” Kravitz shook his head in exasperation. As if he’d leave him here.

Taako didn’t seem to register anything other than the second comment. “What do you mean, dressed terribly? Chaboy looks fantastic, just admit it. I know you think so. “Dressed terribly” As if you haven’t been checking me out every time you’ve seen me for the last 6 months.” Taako rolled his eyes dramatically and leaned into Kravitz’s chest. Kravitz had no idea what to do. Taako did look fantastic, he always looked fantastic. Everyone checked Taako out, it was completely normal to do. Kravitz wasn’t special. He was, however, incapable of telling if Taako was angry or not, but was scared to move in case that made it worse.

“Terribly for the weather, Taako” Kravitz decided the best option was to avoid the question.

“Avoiding the question, interesting.” Taako shifted himself closer, snuggling tight into Kravitz’s body, draping an arm round his waist.

“Taako, you need to get home, you’re going to freeze to death.” Kravitz didn’t pull back. He didn’t want to. Apart from bone-crushing Magnus hugs, this was probably the most human contact he’d had in months

“You wouldn’t care if I did.” Taako said quietly, still unmoving.

“You know that’s not true. Now come on, I’m taking you back to base.” Kravitz grabbed Taako’s wrist to pull him to his feet.

“Why are you doing this?” Taako stayed put.

“It’s literally my job, Taako” Kravitz couldn’t help the frustration that crept into his voice.

“So you don’t care about me at all?” Taako seemed to be on the verge of tears again. 

“Of course I care” Kravitz grunted, as he dragged Taako to his feet. “Now, let’s work on you not dying. We’ll talk about how much I don’t care another day.”

“Fine.” Taako huffed, letting himself be pulled up, promptly overbalancing and smacking into Kravitz’s chest. Taako looked up at him, palm splayed where it landed against Kravitz’s sternum, his weight pressing into Kravitz. There was a long moment of silence, neither of them made any move to retreat back to their own personal space. “It’s a date.”

#They all work in a park and Barry is definitely going to get hired as a scientist there #Lup left her role because she's been working with a local university but she's going to start picking up shifts again for NO REASON #Kravitz has it BAD but is absolutely refusing to in any way acknowledge it #Taako was kind of hoping he was going to white knight him out of the relationship to save him actually having to do the breaking up #Because conversations are just really hard to have #Everyone knows Krav has a crush but they all politely pretend not to notice and just answer his NOT NORMAL amount of Taako questions #They let him get away with it because they're all hoping they end up together because they hate Sazed very very very deeply #Magnus and Merle keep trying to fight him but he's speedy and they are decidedly not #TAZ Fic #TAZ Balance #Taakitz #taako #Kravitz #tw alcohol #Noodyl Writes

[therealnuclearplatypus]

MALECTOBER 2022 DAY 10—BROOKLYN

@malectober

Magnus had just kissed him. Magnus. The Magnus Bane. Kissed him.

He'd just exited the apartment building, exhilaration still buzzing in his ears. He'd never been kissed before. Not once in his life. And he'd long since resigned himself to having his first kiss be a girl. He'd kind of expected all his kisses to be girls, really. Marry a woman. Bear children. Carry on the family name. Make them proud.

And, if he'd ever hoped to kiss a man, he'd thought it would a hushed affair, in a corner, somewhat illicitly. One he'd forget later because he wouldn't even have known the guy.

But no. His first kiss was with a man. A very delightful man, truth be told. One he isn't too likely to forget.

Because, once you've met Magnus Bane, how can you ever forget him?

Alec thought of Jace suddenly, and winced. His 'crush' on his parabatai was like a safe harbour. An innocent crush he can tell himself will never happen, because it won't. Jace was straight, and his parabatai, and head-over-heels in love with that Clary girl. That way, he could like a guy but never have to do anything about it.

Maybe he was cowardly. But he wasn't allowed to be gay. And to be kissing a warlock, no less! A Downworlder!

But Alec hadn't thought of Magnus's being a warlock at all. He'd seen a handsome man, a kind man, who'd helped him and told him to call. What was the harm in an innocent kiss? Or date, or fling, or—

Alec flinched. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. This was exactly what he wasn't supposed to be doing. He looked back at the building. He recalled what had happened there.

Supposed-to-be be damned. He'd just been kissed by Magnus Bane.

He'd always said he didn't like Brooklyn. It wasn't that he didn't like it, really. It was more that he'd never had any reason to like it.

But now. Brooklyn seemed like heaven on earth. The most beautiful Paradise.

He didn't want to go back home to the Institute.

Alec sighed. Duties, duties. Maybe one day he'd have the courage to place his own happiness before them.

#malectober #malectober day 10 #book malec #malec #malec fanfic #malec fic #alec lightworm #consul alec lightwood #consul alec #alec lightwood bane #alec gideon lightwood #alec gideon lightwood bane #alec lightwood #consul alexander lightwood #alexander lightwood bane #alexander gideon lightwood bane #alexander gideon lightwood #alexander lightwood #magnus x alec #magnus lightwood bane #alec x magnus #magnus bane #magnus and alec #alec and magnus #tsc fandom #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters #cassie clare #cassandra clare

[gospi]

Happy Birthday Magnus Lightwood-Bane! 🎁🎊🎉🎂

You're a true inspiration and I love you with all my heart.

I give you a little love story, to celebrate that you have someone who loves you - warts and all - and who changed the world for you.

This work is inspired by the snippet from the Malec office AU @khaleesiofalicante wrote, a snippet that didn't make it into her work. Thank you for letting me borrow it.

A Thing About You

Summary:

"Fuck you, Bane," Alexander hisses as he shoves the bill into the back pocket of his jeans. As if it would keep Magnus from stealing it again. Such a ridiculous thought.

"Time and date, sugar. Time and date." Magnus throws him a kiss and grins.

Alexander flips him off, like Magnus expected him to. In fact, the reaction is as expected as the sun rising every morning; Alexander is nothing but predictable. If it isn't the flipping off, it's an eye roll or a glare. Magnus loves riling this coworker up, more so than any of his others.

------

OR: Magnus doesn't like his coworker simply because his stupidly attractive face is too much of a competition. But is that really all that is to it?

You can read the fic on Ao3 here

[lifeofpatterns]

My TLND thoughts (read: obsession)

I'm so obsessed with TLND!

Yesterday, I was lying in bed for at least three hours trying to fall asleep. And my brain just couldn't stop thinking about possible scenarios for how Malec could get back together (I can't even contemplate that it won't happen...):

I feel like Alec is going to just start sobbing when they kiss again. Or when Magnus calls him "Alexander" again. Like, a total overload of emotions and this intense feeling of "I didn't think this would ever happen again!"... And them making love again will be the biggest worshipping event of the century!

Also, I'm pretty sure it is either Magnus or Alec who is going to end up in the hospital.. too bad neither of them has an uterus - I love the thought of the hospital scene actually being something good, such as a pregnancy... I keep on wondering whether they have changed their emergency contact. Because especially Alec deserves to know how much he still means to Magnus. And being the emergency contact would kind of do that (even though I feel like Alec is going to be the one ending up in the hospital). But Alec wearing a hospital gown could lead to Magnus seeing the necklace with the wedding ring. And I need that! I really need to see Magnus' reaction to Alec keeping their wedding ring with him! I really hope Magnus is keeping his ring safe in a very special place. Because I could see Magnus not wanting to keep the wedding ring on his person as he's trying to "move on" (let's pretend he's not keeping pictures of Alec in so many importance places and wears their shirt to a date with someone else....). Magnus is so careful about not accidenatally calling Alec by his full name, but if there is one scene where he might forget it is finding Alec hurt in the hospital.. so here's to hoping that this will happen!

You can't image how much I'm looking forward to Alec finding out that Magnus and Shinyun have broken up! Plus, the glorious scene of Shiyun letting Alec know that Magnus is still head over heels for him. I can't wait for it! I have spend an excessive amount of time rereading these two snippets and finding all kinds of possible scenarios of how they could happen.

Can they PLEASE get married again?? I can't stand the thought of them just being boyfriends! Because I feel like they both know that there is no trying when it comes to them being back together: it is immediately for life! So, why not get married?! Not saying anything to anyone - just showing up to a meeting with their friends wearing their wedding rings again xD xD Okay, actually, I want the kids to be there!

Additionally, I really need a chapter called "Alexander and Magnus Lightwood-Fucking-Bane"! PLEASE make that happen!

Same for moving back in with each other. They already know that this would be for life. And I don't think they would like to live apart...

I think it is fair to assume that Alec is not going to give up his political career - and he shouldn't! But I really hope that they're going to live together in Magnus' apartement. Because Magnus needs to be home and for Alec home is where Magnus is - so I don't think he'd mind too much. Especially since they already lived in the mansion together and I think Alec has realized how much Magnus has suffered from not feeling completely at home there...

And if he hasn't... well, I hope Magnus will tell him! Which brings be to my next point: Thse two need to talk shit through! Like, a post-marriage and a post-divorce recap! What they've been through. Both their perspectives of what happened... because I feel like they never really did. Especially Alec needs to tell Magnus everything... how hard the divorce has been for him... I would also love for them to talk about what went wrong in their marriage. Because I think they are both very aware of it but talking to the other person about it is so important. I really need this kind of talk (or talks) to happen before they get back together... that would be so beautiful!

I keep on wondering what is stopping Magnus from making a move. Because Alec is obviously been respectful of Magnus "moving on", so that makes sense- which I LOVE SO FUCKING MUCH! I love the character development and it is so beautiful... and I wonder how Magnus is going to react when he finds out how much Alec has been suffering... Because Alec believing that Magnus has actually moved on (as he has since he saw them kissing...), it is so painful! And since I can't hug Alec, I want Magnus to do it for me... especially, since Alec would not like a hug from me (sadly....). But I don't get what is stopping Magnus... I hope when they get back together that it is thought through.. like Magnus (or Alec) actively deciding that he wants to get back together... and not doing it impulsively... I feel like their relationship deserves them to consciously choose it.

P.S.: Magnus is also going to fall apart when he's allowed to call him "Alexander" again.. and he might just say it in every single sentence: "Can you pass me the butter, Alexander? Alexander, I love you. Did you know, Alexander, that summer is my favorite season." LOL

@khaleesiofalicante

#tlnd #true love never dies #malec #being so invested in a fanfic that you literally can't sleep #this is so good #I don't know how I'm supposed to survive without this fanfic #I need a sequel

[raziyekroos]

Do you think in some twisted alternate universe (where there’s no malec) magnus and matthew fairchild would make a good couple?

Oofff this is a hard question 💀

Like, I don't really care about universes with no malec asddkjkjkj theyre just so sad and useless 😭😭😭😭

BUT I always really liked Matthew, and I know he really appreciates the absolute beauty that is Magnus Bane, so I say if they ever dated they would be a power couple ngl asdddkjkj like common both have hearts of gold AND are hot as fuck AND also pretty sooo 🌝

Like I can see them dating in an au for a while before malec meet

Or in canon like aus with warlock Magnus and downworlder! Matthew, cause I don't think Shadowhunter Matthew is the kind of guy who Magnus would be able to date, because I think Matthew laks the guilelessness and straightforwardness of Alec and I think these two played a very important role to make Magnus completely fall for Alec and trust him after centuries of distrusting the Shadowhunters, so, sure Shadowhunters Matthew would still have a good heart but I don't think it's enough for Magnus to consider dating a Shadowhunters afgghgkjkjkj

Ok I talked a lot asssskjkjkj in conclusion I think they'd be a hot and cute couple if they dated but like yes, but as you sure understand who needs this when you can have Malec 🌝💅😂😂

#Also I just remembered I once saw someone saying they liked to fan cast Cecily as Alexandra Daddario because they liked to think #That Magnuss saw Will (who's like Cecily obv) in Alec (Matt Daddario version) and dated him because of that 💀💀💀💀💀💀 #Like there are some ppl out there who really think Magnus dated Alec because of Will?? #Seriously?💀💀💀 #Bro that was barely even a crush:/ #He just kissed him because he wanted to make Camille jealous did you not see #💀💀💀 #That kiss wasn't a good move too btw but still assfdkjkjk #I can't understand some ppl 💀💀💀

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

alec would choose magnus over the world (proven by canon) but would magnus tho?

Is Magnus Bane’s love for Alec a joke to you?

But fine. Allow me to prove this too.

Exhibit A. Magnus took a shadowhunter to a downworlder party where he was specifically not invited. Why? Because he was willing to fight for Alec and their love and this was a few months into dating.

Exhibit B. Magnus never lets himself feel rage. Is literally the calmest and kindest man and yet, the second Alec was threatened, this bitch went unhinged.

Exhibit C. He empathised with Malcolm because he’s kind like that but also because he knows if smth like this happens to Alec, he too could lose his morals. Need more proof?? I’ll give you more wait.

Exhibit D. Remember in bane chronicles when Magnus said that if he were ever turning evil, he would want someone to kill me??? This same dude was willing to turn in Sammael’s evil minion in tlbotw just so that Alec could be spared.

Exhibit E. is literally an immortal and 800 years old and yet loving Alec Lightwood made him believe in eternity. That’s poetic homiesss

And finally. The Showstopper.

He genuinely considers Alec as god. Alec is literally his religion. You think Magnus won’t go to war against the world for his religion???? You’re wrong Sir. Be absolutely would.

Anyways. I rest my case. If anyone doubts Magnus Bane’s love for Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane, they will have to fight me. Magnus is literally the biggest fucking simp on the planet.

#hope this proved how gone magnus is for alec #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood

[thelightofthebane]

through the good and bad and all in between

Summary: Magnus was born a warlock. Magnus became a mundane for love and by self-sacrificing tendencies. Magnus turned into a vampire after an act of spite and revenge.

A story about survival, new identities, love through adversities, and accepting changes.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Vampire Magnus Bane, Turned without consent, Major Character Undeath, Immortal to Mortal to Immortal, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Cat & Alec friendship, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

Rating: E

Chapters: 10

Words: Around 23k~

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

You can read it on AO3 or the first chapter below ~

Chapter 1 - You're my first and my last love

!!!TW!!! - MCD (temporary!) - There is non-consensual touch and kiss (not between Malec) - Description of a murder

Something was wrong.

“I was thinking we could have dinner tonight on the balcony, view of the city. The head chef can prepare something special.”

“How romantic. May I ask what the occasion is?”

“There is no occasion. I just thought it would be nice. What, I can’t do something nice with my boyfriend?”

“Oh. I’m one lucky man.”

“Not as lucky as I am. Okay, I’ll see you tonight at eight o’clock.”

“I’ll be there with bells on.”

And that’s the thing.

Magnus was late.

Very late.

Alec liked to think that, after so many ups and downs, he knew his boyfriend like the palm of his hand.

Magnus might’ve liked to be fashionably late for parties and other silly events, but for the important things? Councils, appointments, dates… And if he promised to be on time? He wouldn’t make the other party wait a minute longer. Magnus was that kind of person. Always considerate of others.

And although he was never late for his dates with Alec, obviously the Shadowhunter wouldn’t mind waiting for a few minutes. Especially not when the occasion was so important, so special, so future-changing.

But almost 40 minutes? Without a call or a text or a fire message?

No, something was wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

Something inside Alec was screaming at the wrongness of it.

He didn’t want to be an overbearing boyfriend, but he couldn’t ignore what his guts were telling him. So, without postponing a minute more, Alec unlocked his phone.

He made a call.

~*~

Two hours early

A gray hair.

Magnus thought that centuries of existence were enough to make one wiser. And maybe less prone to panic when confronting a very distressing situation. For fuck’s sake, Magnus fought Greater Demons before. Why a single gray hair could rattle him so much?

Because your time is ticking away.

You’re going to die.

You’re going to die.

You’re going to die.

Magnus shivered, the bottle of whisky almost slipping from his unsteady fingers.

Perhaps leaving the Institute to go be shit drunk wasn’t one of Magnus’ most brilliant ideas, but that holier-than-thou place didn’t have anything strong enough to numb his mind. Worse - anyone could go and tell Alexander what Magnus was up to. And Magnus didn’t want to upset Alec more. He was already making his boyfriend break more rules than Jace, Izzy, and Clary together just by carrying the dead weight that Magnus was now. No, he couldn’t risk it.

Now, Magnus vaguely recalled Alec mentioning a dinner in…

Uh.

Magnus rummaged through his pockets until he found his pocket watch. It seemed he had left his phone somewhere, but his mushy brain was unable to recall where. But anyway, at what time was that dinner? Seven? Eight? He was going to be late.

Waving his hand, he opened a portal to the Institute and-

No. No portal.

No magic.

Resting against the sidewall of some boutique, Magnus chuckled mirthlessly.

“Riiiiight. I’m now Magnus Bane, the Useless.”

Chugging the rest of the alcohol he had, Magnus contemplated calling a taxi when he felt eyes on him. Many, many eyes.

Magnus wasn’t a stranger to be looked at, to be appreciated.

But that wasn’t desire. It was malicious.

As an important and powerful figure, he’d made many enemies through the centuries. Thus, he also recognized the weight of a hateful glare.

A look full of hate and anger and murderous intent.

He shuddered.

But he was no coward either. Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned towards the end of the side alley.

The bottle fell on the floor with a loud crack.

There was a group of at least eight vampires there as he had expected. What he did not expect was their leader in their midst.

The very, very familiar leader.

“Hello, my love. Missed me?”

~*~

“You’re nervous. Why are you nervous?”

“What? I’m… I’m not nervous.”

“Yes, you are. What’s going on?”

“I’m, uh, proposing to Magnus tonight.”

“What? Are you serious? Alec, congratulations! You’re about to make Magnus the happiest man in the world.”

“Yeah. I just want everything to be perfect.”

~*~

“Camille.”

Even saying her name left a bad after-taste in his mouth, even worse than all the alcohol he had just drunk.

“So, the rumors were true. You sold your soul for a Shadowhunter and lost your magic.” She taunted, slowly approaching him like a predator would.

“What do you want? You are not supposed to be here.” Magnus clenched his jaw. Alec told him how the search for the prisoners who fled during the Valentine outbreak was still going on. Camille was on the missing list, but they weren’t sure if she was successful in escaping or was killed.

He should’ve known better.

Camille wasn’t one to be killed so easily.

In the blink of an eye, she was right in front of him, forcefully pushing Magnus against the dirty wall and grabbing his neck. He immediately tried to pry her hands off him, but he didn’t have a chance against a vampire’s strength. Especially without his magic.

“You were a bad boy, Magnus. You left me to rot in that Nephilim hole.” She spits out, her voice carrying disgust and anger. Bitterness. “I didn’t like one bit. Tell me, Magnus. You liked to know I was being tortured there while you fucked your precious Angel toy?”  

Magnus gasped when she tightened her hold on his neck. He tried again to make her back away, but he was utterly powerless. And it got worse when he felt the vampires closing on him, some even grabbing him too and keeping him in place.

“I spent the last months,” Camille continued, undeterred, “thinking about the best way to make you never forget who I am, my love. And what a delight it was when I heard about your… predicament.” She smiled, all teeth and malice.

And for the first time in his life, Magnus truly, really feared Camille. Not how she could break his heart again or break his mind. But how she could taint his soul.

How she could change him in a permanent way.

Magnus feared Camille the same way he once feared Asmodeus.

Both whom he loved once, in his innocence, with all his heart.

Both whom had the power to corrupt and manipulate him.

Asmodeus took away his identity as a warlock and made him mundane.

If Camille changed him too… If she turned him from a mundane into a… a…

No, no, no, no. Please, no.

“A-Alec…” Magnus moaned, desperate to escape Camille’s clutches.

“No!” She snarled, forcefully grabbing his chin and cutting his skin with her long nails. “You won’t say the name of that cursed Nephilim. I swear to you, my love, I’m still going to rip him apart and leave the pieces on your doormat.”

At that, some fire returned to Magnus’ eyes and he tried to fight the vampires’ hold on him.

“Leave him out of it! I won’t let-”

A sharp pain cut him off, rattling him to the core.

They bit him. One of the vampires bit his left wrist.

“Tsk…” Camille cut her thumb with one of her canines, and swiped it on Magnus’ lower lip, smearing her blood there. “You know, at first I hated the fact that my encanto never worked on you. Your blood, royal blood,” she sneered, “prevented me from having full control of your body. But in the end, I really didn’t need it, did I? You were always so… willing for me, my sweetling.” Her voice suddenly turned soft, giving the worst kind of goosebumps to Magnus. “So, so eager to please me. So starved for my touch and love.”

“Stop…” Magnus tried to fight again, but was already feeling dizzy due to blood loss.

“Never.” Camille grinned, then kissed him forcefully. Her canines not only cut his lips, but her own, and soon it became a mess of tongues and blood until Magnus’ body sagged, all pliant and submissive due to the feeding. It was also enough for the other vampires to take action, biting him in different places - forearms, arms, shoulders, belly, hips, legs.

They drank and drank and drank until Magnus’ sun-kissed skin became dull and sick.

Meanwhile, Camille still touched him, still fed him with blood and marked him with her lips and teeth.

Her own feast and revenge after all that time in the Gard because of Magnus’ betrayal.

"We are going to be equals now.”

She purred after stopping for a second.

Thump… Thump…

“In all ways that matter.”

She grabbed Magnus’ neck again.

Thump… Thu…

“You’ll finally accept that you’ll only have me for the rest of your life."

She broke it.

Th-

.

.

.

~*~

Present

Alec was certain he was going to lose his damn mind. Magnus wasn’t picking up his phone - and later Alec found it forgotten on their bed. His boyfriend had disappeared to Raziel knows where, and he hadn’t even bothered to take his phone with him. Alec had already looked for Magnus in the entire Institute before deciding to call Catarina and ask for help to track him. Usually, Alec didn’t like to bother her, especially knowing how busy she was with the hospital shifts and taking care of Madzie. But it was an emergency and Cat was Magnus’ best friend.

Alec was about to say fuck it all and go after Jace, who he knew was helping Izzy to find a way to free Clary from Jonathan and that cursed rune bonding them both, and ask his brother to do the parabatai tracking with him, when his phone suddenly went off.

At seeing who was the caller, Alec didn’t think twice and took the call.

“Catarina? Did you find him?”

Silence.

A pause.

Alec fucking hated pauses. He was raised by politicians, he worked with politicians. He dreaded pauses, they were always accompanied by some unwanted news.

You did a good job, but. A pause. It’s not enough. We need more and you aren’t the best for what we have in mind.

Your sister just came back from patrol. A pause. She is in the infirmary. There was a demon nest our intel didn’t know about.

Stop, Lightwood. A pause. You are dismissed, and you aren’t allowed to leave the jurisdiction until everything is cleared. Another pause. We don’t need you.

“ Yes. ” Alec felt relief for a moment, but it didn’t escape his ears how strained Cat’s voice was. She has been crying.

“What aren't you telling me?”

One fact about Catarina Loss? She was a no-nonsense type of person. And centuries of working with patients gave her the steeliness necessary to deliver news with clinical accuracy, even if it was something about her best friend.

“ Magnus was murdered, Alec. ”

.

.

.

Alec’s phone slipped through his fingers, falling onto the hard stone floor of the Institute.

The screen cracked.

Alec’s heart shattered.

~*~

The sun was setting when the portal snapped shut behind Alec. However, he couldn’t pay attention to his surroundings. His instincts were telling him he was in a safe place, and he had a vague notion of smelling wet grass and flowers. The area wasn’t a blurry of blacks and yellows and grays from New York, but of greens and browns and purples of… somewhere.

Honestly, he didn’t care about where he was. He didn’t care about the place. He didn’t care about the time or the weather. He couldn’t even pay attention to Catarina, who was standing on the side, silently crying.

No, Alec couldn’t pay attention to anything else but the mound of dirt and the marble tombstone right in front of him.

Nothing but the name sparkling in blue and gold.

Magnus Bane

Alec has fought many demons in his life. Has survived many nightmares. Has knocked on death’s door more than once.

But never… He never felt more terrified and desperate than in that moment.

Alec thought he knew horror. That he knew pain and loss.

But…

“I was the one supposed to go first…” He whispered, his voice cracking. “Not you. Never you. Magnus…”

Magnus.

My Magnus.

He fell on his knees over the dirt and let his forehead touch the cold stone. The omamori charm he had gifted Magnus was also there. He grabbed it, and started pounding it against his chest.

Hard.

To hurt.

To overpower the visceral pain inside.

“You were supposed to bring luck and protection for him.” His voice cracked. “Then why you didn’t? Why did you fail?”

Why did I fail?

Harder.

Magnus.

Harder.

Come back, please.

Don’t leave me. Don’t go, please.

Magnus…

Please.

Please.

Please.

Magnus.

Magnus…

.

.

.

HARDER.

.

.

.

Alec screamed.

He screamed all his pain until the last sunshine blinked away and the beginning of an endless night came.

#shmb2023 #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #my writing #colorfulwarlock

[alexanderlightweight]

Could you do a continuation of the prompt where Trueblood Alec got summoned like an angel?

here we go! okay so this is officially tilted 'devotion across worlds' because it's alec fucking trueblood and you know he and is shadows are going to be little shits until he gets home. even if he does have a soft spot for Magnus Bane's in general, he has a very specific one that he wants to crawl home in bed with.

i hope you enjoy <3 lumine

-

“You’re not Magnus.” His angel says and it’s the first thing he says when he wakes up. It’s clear he’s no longer disoriented and he’s looking at Magnus differently now, his eyes filled with dark wariness and Magnus sighs, because this could be going so much better.

“I am Magnus.” He retorts, because not even an angel gets to deny who he is, even one as beautiful and enchanting as this one.

“Not my Magnus—” his angel bites back after a moment, looking even more unsettled at the prospect that Magnus is indeed, some form of his Magnus.

“Terribly sorry to be myself.” Magnus teases and it earns him a flustered scowl and he can see a hint of pink on his angel’s ears.

He’s so utterly charming and Magnus wants dearly to find out how to keep him here, because surely if an angel is so devoted to one version of him, he could learn to care for another.

It’s with that thought in mind that Magnus begins to plan.

“If I get you a glass of water, you won’t eat it, will you?” Magnus checks warily, because he hasn’t forgotten what his angel said, and he’s met with a bewildered, insulted look.

“No? Why would I eat a glass of water?”

“Well excuse me for asking,” Magnus says dryly, summoning and handing him one, “you’re the one who told me you ate a cup.”

His angel jerks, water sloshing over his fingers and Magnus is about to helpfully dry him, when something dark reaches out plucks a napkin off the tray. Wiping his angel’s fingers and wrists like Magnus had wanted to do.

“Fuck—” he mutters and it’s Magnus’ turn to be shocked.

“An angel using mundane swears!”

“Wha— oh, the wings. No, I’m not an angel, Magnus. I’m just a nephilim. My name is Alec Trueblood, I’m the Head and Commander of the New York Institute in my world.” He sounds utterly confused, as if he’s never had to explain this before, which means that it’s something normal where he’s from.

“So nephilim have wings in your world?” Magnus asks curiously, wondering what other differences there are and he turns back just in time to see Alexander choke on his water again.

“No just me, it wasn’t exactly on purpose, and it can’t be replicated.” Alexander mutters and around him the shadows writhe and Magnus wonders if they’re connected to whatever has given this lovely angel his wings.

“And you know me.” Magnus tries, sliding closer and giving a smooth smirk as he reaches out and boldly runs his fingers over Alexander’s arm.

“I know my Magnus.” Alexander says, stepping away. Like he isn’t practically taunting Magnus with the possessives coming off his tongue, “who is going to be very irked that I’m missing our date. This is the second time I’ve canceled this week.”

“Surely he’ll be understanding.” Because Magnus couldn’t imagine being upset at a delay in a date if the date was with Alexander.

“He will be, until he realizes I got summoned somewhere and then he’s going to be in an utter mood.” Alexander looks warily around himself, as if he’s still not exactly sure how to feel about what’s going on. “He doesn’t mind if I miss dates because I’m busy. He hates when I miss a date because someone else interfered.”

“Well, crossing worlds and dimensions is a bit tricky, especially in such a seemingly permanent manner.” Magnus waggles his eyebrows and gets a stern, unimpressed look though he sees a hint of softness in hazel eyes. Clearly, despite his best efforts, Alexander isn’t wholly unaffected by another version of whatever Magnus is to him in the world he’s from. “I’m happy to help you darling, for a price of course.”

“The price being?” Alexander asks him, wary and dry as if he doesn’t trust Magnus.

“Your delightful company as long as you’re in this world, and perhaps a kiss from an angel for a little divine luck?”

“Still not an angel, Magnus.” Alexander mutters but he’s looking at Magnus consideringly and then he sighs, stepping forward and sealing that last bit of space between them.

Magnus is delighted and a little surprised by how easily this is going but then, instead of an amorous, heated and perhaps even angry kiss — he’s being chastely, sweetly kissed at the corner of his eye.

His unglamoured eyes are staring at Alexander in shock as he pulls back and then leans forward to kiss the corner of the other eye.  Then Magnus’ face is being cupped by large, calloused and oh-so gentle hands as his forehead is tenderly kissed as well.

“There, it’s not divine but it is a ritual for good luck kisses.” Alexander looks a bit wary but there’s also the tiniest hint of pink on the shell of his ears, hidden behind his hair. “Ragnor taught me it when I was little and when I met my Magnus, well he’s never disagreed.”

Magnus can’t even unpack everything about that sentence because of course his Magnus never disagreed.

Not when even Magnus himself can recognize such a specific trio of kisses.  It seems some things are truly the same, including the comforting habit Ragnor and Cat both created, when Magnus was at his lowest and hated his eyes the most.

To be touched this gently, this tenderly and sweetly from someone not them and know that even this small bit of affection is sincere, is almost too much for Magnus.

Especially when he knows that Alexander is staring directly into his golden eyes and not flinching or looking away.

Alexander steps away and Magnus has to fight himself to let him, because now he has to rethink everything. If that other Magnus is anything like himself, then he’s not going to want to let Alexander go, and Magnus is going to have to figure out if he’s going to end up fighting himself.

Because Magnus doesn’t have to know what exactly Alexander and his counterpart are to each other.

He wants it.

Whatever it is, whatever he can take and get of it, he craves it desperately.

#lumine writes #writing wednesday #writing wednesdays #malec #shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters au #immortal husbands #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets

[khaleesiofalicante]

“Alec! You asshat!” Izzy groaned. “He was flirting with you!”

“I know,” Alec nodded. 

“And you shot him down?” Izzy demanded angrily. 

“I did.”

“Dick move,” Izzy shook her head. “He looked very hurt.”

“What the fuck do you want me to do? I’m not going to go out with him to make him happy,” Alec rolled his eyes. 

“There is a special place in hell for people who make Magnus sad,” Izzy sniffed. “You better be careful or you’ll join those assholes.”

“Look. I’ve told him very clearly that I don’t date people I work with,” Alec told her - for the hundredth time. 

“It’s a dumb rule,” Izzy hissed. Then she jutted her chin out defiantly. “Maybe i’ll date him.”

Alec snorted. “You’re not his type.”

“And what would you know about his type?” Isabelle demanded with a grin. 

“He is just coming after me because he thinks it’s fun to chase someone,” Alec pointed out. “He is the kind of guy who dated people because it’s fun.”

“Then why I wonder what he sees in you,” Isabelle hummed. “You are no fun.”

“Don’t be a bitch,” Alec frowned. 

His sister snickered at that. “Just give it a shot. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“I could lose the respect of my colleagues!”

Isabelle pointed at Jace, who is trying to balance a pot of coffee on his head. “These colleagues?”

Alec flipped her off. 

“Fine. Do what you want,” Isabelle shrugged. “It’s not like Magnus is lacking for options or anything.”

“What do you mean?” Alec frowned. 

“I saw the hot blonde from finance flirting with him by the water cooler,” Isabelle pointed out. “They seemed really close.”

This fucker. 

Isabelle wiggled her eyebrows at him. 

Alec growled and strode to the asshole’s office. “Bane!”

“Alexander!” the man beamed. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Have you been flirting with other people?” Alec demanded angrily. 

“Who is other people?”

“Some blonde from finance.”

“You have to be more specific, darling,” Magnus grinned. “Finance is full of blondes.”

“I don’t fucking know!” Alec hissed. “I thought you were flirting with me.”

“So, you do know,” Magnus hummed. “Here I thought I wasn’t being forward enough.”

“You told me you want to ride my face,” Alec pointed out furiously. “How the fuck is that not forward enough?”

“I don’t know. You never really respond to my flirting,” Magnus shrugged. “But you do blush a lot. I don’t know what to make of it, to be honest. Can you blame me for pursuing people other than you?”

“You’re pursuing me? As if,” Alec rolled his eyes. “You just like to tease me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you are playing me.”

“And yet here you are,” Magnus grinned. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like being played with.”

“That’s enough,” Alec groaned, hoping his cheeks didn’t look as warm as he felt. “I’m going to report you to HR.”

“Oh no,” Magnus said. “Have I been bad?”

“I’m seriously going to throw this stapler at you,” Alec grabbed the nearest thing he could find. “Stop it.”

Magnus chuckled. “I don’t think you want me to stop.”

“I do,” Alec snapped. “Stop flirting with me. I’m not interested in you. At all. Okay?”

Magnus stared at him for a moment and cocked his head. “Fine.”

Wait. What?

“I’ll stay away from you from now on,” Magnus elaborated to fill the awkward silence. 

“Good,” Alec huffed out. 

“Good,” Magnus nodded. 

“Right,” Alec cleared his throat. “Good talk. I’m just gonna go then.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t pursue me again or whatever,” Alec noted. 

“You’ve been heard loud and clear,” Magnus replied. 

Alec walked out of the office and went back to his own one. Isabelle was sitting on his chair with her feet up on the desk. 

“I think I fucked up,” Alec said. 

- enemies to reluctant coworkers to fuck buddies to friends to lovers?

tbh idk what this is but happy birthday @letsgofortacos 😇

#what is this nonsense????? #malec #my writing #for later

[malec-ao3feed]

Incomprehensible

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/0i2YsFV by Noteventhat (Facialteeth) Dating an angel wasn't easy and convincing Alec to use his true form in bed had taken a lot of work but in the end, Magnus couldn't say it wasn't worth it. Alec is an abomination of an angel and Magnus is very into that. Words: 1577, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Additional Tags: Eldritch Angels, Angel Alec Lightwood, Warlock Magnus Bane, Overstimulation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Teasing, Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Angel Sex, Begging, Safe Sane and Consensual, Established Relationship, Kinktober, monster fucking, blind folding read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/0i2YsFV

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #shadowhunters #tmi #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #magnus x alec #malec fanfic #the mortal instruments

[kinkymagnus]

can u believe c*ssandra cl*re tried to make alec have a c 🤢 crus 🤢 a crush on jace ?? blondy mcincest?? mr sad weird hawk story???? embarrassing 🙈

it really is 😩 book alec said "i have literally the worst taste in men imaginable, it's the one thing i have in common with clary other than being white, short, annoying, and selfish"

show alec, true king, was like "uh. yeah. a.... [reads writing on hand] crush. that's what i've got. i've chosen my crush." and then he saw magnus and immediately forgot jace existed. he's valid

#like. i mean it was very clear book alec existed only to prop up the other characters and be gay woke points #that was. incredibly clear #but also he has laughably bad taste #why does casserole think that incesty 'doesnt go down on women' mcasshole is so irresistible #like dont get me wrong [insert tothetrashwhereibelong meta post on alec's '''''crush'''''] in the show but. #this is so incoherent what im trying to say is: in the books it's funny because they're both so pathetic and alec is clearly a cardboard cu #cutout with a speechbubble reading 'wow isnt jace the best?' #and then in sharpie under that 'im gay' #and then in the show it's just funny because his '''crush''' is obviously more a safety net thing bc he knows he cant be openly gay but jac #jace is the most cishet person alive so its a '''safe''' crush #and nothing will happen #but then the second he gets over that hump and is like 'actually im done being closeted' he just liek #drops jace like a hot potato and immediately gets literally the biggest upgrade in the entire world #he goes from 'yeah i have a '''''''''crush'''''''''''' on my adopted brother bc he'll never return my feelings #and i can and would never express them' #to dating MAGNUS FUCKING BANE #most beautiful man alive #and kissing him senseless. #you know what that is? that's growth. #that's like if you had a plastic cheap phone that only took and received calls and nothing else and you never used it and it constantly #jammed and butt dialed people and was generally bad #and then like. you just. got a wildly futuristic smartphone that didn't spy on youb ut still had a thousand amazing features or something #he went from clown to king #anti cc