#to clarify it's not shitty because sam wrote it it's shitty because I wrote it

[fruitlicense]

you ever get sucked into a fic you’re in the process of writing and just. churn out a piece of associated material that’s ridiculously over-detailed? like yay me, I wrote a fake op-ed as Sam Wilson about the Winter Soldier, backdated to events that were never specified in canon, but it’s not gonna fuckin matter if I never get the actual fic posted... and it’s not helpful if I do that instead of my math homework

#fanfiction #mcu #tfatws #tfatws fic #vaguely sambucky #I dunno I haven't fully decided #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #sam wilson #winter soldier #falcon #captain america #but yes I did write a shitty op-ed from a fictional character's pov #to clarify it's not shitty because sam wrote it it's shitty because I wrote it

[doodlebloo]

Honestly I'm surprised people haven't brought up how on Foolish's stream the other day, George logged on, said he was in a "secret location" or something like that, then in chat was saying things like "omg guess who I found" before (I think) naming a random mob Michael and killing it so that "MICHAEL was slain by Georgenotfound" would appear in the chat. Since George wasn't in the call there wasn't a way to confirm whether it was real or not until Sam went to his base to check because George immediately logged off afterwards.

Like you said, I don't think they deserve hate for the jokes or anything, but sometimes it is hard to tell when they are joking

Ok I SWEAR I'm done after this, + just Wana clarify again I'm not Pissed Off about this, I'm aware it's just Minecraft Roleplay at the end of the day. I'm just having a discussion and tagging discourse as a formality. I don't think any CC deserves hate or a /neg tag trending or anything like that over this, and I'm not trying to claim any of them have done something bad, deserve to be Cancelled, are bad people, or anything like that at all.

Stuff like that is exactly where I don't see what the joke is. Because if he had actually killed the mob, an upcoming lore stream would be ruined. So... It's funny that he acted like he ruined it but didn't? And like you said he wasn't even in VC so it wasn't even like he was making content for his own stream or something, it's just something that literally nobody gained anything from.

(To clarify, my understanding of what happened during this most recent stream is that they literally moved Michael_B from the place he was supposed to be in for the lore? And maybe they got permission from the other ccs to do this or let them know what they were doing, again I have no way of knowing what happens behind the scenes. Hell, maybe the whole idea for the bit came from Ranboo who knows. But even risking the mob getting hurt while like moving him just seems so unnecessary to me especially because the joke's punchline relies entirely on people believing that another CC's lore has been derailed when it actually hasn't. If I'm wrong about what happened this stream feel free to correct me bc I didn't watch it myself.)

It's just in such bad taste because I know the consensus is to be like "Why are we still arguing about a MINECRAFT MOB 🙄" and like I get where people are coming from but it's not about "You killed my Minecraft Pet" it's about "A cc wrote a plotline that really depends on this Minecraft mob staying alive to make their story work, and other ccs who are not involved with that plotline have decided that pretending to detail that plotline by killing said mob over and over again is super funny." Like I know they don't mean harm but as others have said Minecraft is a game where accidents are very common, they can take every precaution in the world and still accidentally kill him while moving him and imo that is so not worth the risk for a joke they could easily make with so many other mobs/items/builds that aren't a major part of an upcoming lore stream.

Again though, maybe the ccs involved w the Michael plotline told them it was fine for them to do this joke, we have know way of knowing what goes in behind the scenes y'know. I'm not speculating about anything behind the scenes or claiming that any ccs are doing something Wrong and Should be cancelled.

I just think that this joke's only possible punchline is that they are making people think they killed/will kill this mob that everyone is very attached to, but a lot of the reason for that attachment is that this specific Minecraft mob is essential to the character arcs of other characters on the SMP. So it's kind of shitty for a joke to entirely hinge on making people think their fave's lore may have been derailed imo.

#asks #anon #discourse #/neg #like i dont care if im cringe and sensitive for sharing an opinion on this. #Lore does matter Everyones lore matters and ive been told that this stream was Not intended to be in character. #that server is huge and theres so many mobs items builds etc all over it. theyve got a ton of other options for jokes is all im saying

[therealvinelle]

hello! i just wanted to respectfully share some perspective. i enjoy your metas a lot & i think a lot of your takes on canon are really great! about the jacob being redeemable & jasper not, a lot of this has to do with how racist smeyer’s writing is & how deeply it runs through jacob’s characterization. jake is beloved on here but if u go to any other platform u will see obscene hate spewed at jacob with absolute vitriol & edward/the cullens showered with praise to the point where it’s disgustingly racist. and ur take on his canon is very interesting but while smeyer prob. didnt realize what she wrote for him was as bad as it was, (her ignorance is sad & baffling) the way she ultimately paints him against her white hero as a love interest is very racially fueled bc the goodness of his nature didn’t serve her white story well anymore bc edward has to be the hero & not the ‘aggressive brown man.’ this is very harmful writing & hurtful to a lot of real people. i don’t think anybody on here would ever excuse or forget jacob’s canon, but this is a big part of why a lot of us view jacob beyond that & not jasper, who does not have the excuse of being a brown kid written by racist whose characterization needed to serve the needs of the white ‘hero’ as POC so often do. this is definitely not hate to you & you are obviously not obligated to acknowledge it, but this is just some perspective on how a lot of us view jacob and why a lot of us think he is deserving of more redemption than others.

(Referenced post)

I actually wasn’t aware those fandoms had a racism issue. I sometimes browse r/twilight to marvel at how shitty it is, and I’ve taken a glance at the Twilight instagram, and all I see on both is tumblr screenshots. From this I figured these communities had to overlap with the tumblr fandom community in terms of opinions as well. I do remember fandom being awful ten years ago, but that was ten years ago and I thought we’d changed.

As for tumblr fandom, I totally get why people like Jacob and feel he deserved better. There’s just no end to the shit he goes through. He lives in poverty, his mother is dead, he’s the sole caretaker of his disabled father, his friends join a gang, he finds out he’s a werewolf and his life as he knew it is over, his best friend wants to become a bloodsucking demon and he’s unable to save her, and then he imprints on Renesmée so he’ll always be stuck with the Cullens. Life is so cruel to him, and because Meyer thinks imprinting is great we’re supposed to accept Jake/vampire baby he imprinted on against his will as his happily ever after. 

And as you point out, there are unmistakable racial dynamics happening with violent and aggressive non-white man Jake, whose imposing physique is emphasized throughout the text, and elegant and composed white man Edward.

So, yeah, I absolutely get why people want a better life for him, and reject the racially toned aggression and violence to enjoy the character he could have been instead.

My exasperation, and what I was referring to when writing that post, is that I think his sexual assault of Bella, threats, and attempt to kill her child should be acknowledged. It happened, it sucks but it very much did happen, and yet there’s no shortage of meta and takes on this site listing all the ways Jake would have been good for Bella. Reimagining canon is half the fun of being in a fandom, but presenting canon Jake as a good partner for a woman he assaults is... perhaps I missed out on some unsaid cue where everyone knows without saying that they’re not actually talking about canon Jake, but the character he could have been, but if so then I wish they would clarify.

Apart from that, I'd like to stress that the other Quileute characters are all great, I tend to focus on the vamp part of Twilight but I really do enjoy their characters, especially Billy, Leah, Sam and Emily.

I hope this cleared things up, and I don’t feel attacked at all, no worries. I’m glad you let me know.

#Anonymous #ask #jacob black #twilight renaissance #twilight meta #twilight #racism #twilight racism

[tinkdw]

Hey, thank you for your positivity regarding the show. I haven't watched the last few episodes yet, but I've read spoilers and haven't been able to find out why there's so much negativity surrounding the end (I just can't find any solid or convincing arguments from the naysayers?) I've always trusted your judgment on these things, so I came to your blog to find out your opinion, and as always, I find that your reasoning (and the reasoning of the people you reblog) just... makes so much sense. ❤️

Aw thank you! I’m not like 100% positive or positive for the sake of it, I just stick by the logic that has worked out for me in the past and allowed me to accurately speculate like 99% of the stuff we have meta’d, specced based on meta and then seen confirmed over the last few years.

I also got wound up by negativity tbh, it’s been a negative time in the world, there’s always potential for a stupid ending and we don’t KNOW for sure what’s happening, Misha has been cagey and appeared sad at times when discussing the end (which i think is more to do with him personally than the character with his job and relationships with the crew etc coming to an end) so I do get it.

But with Amara confirming in like 2 fricking sentences the realms of meta I wrote about her purpose re Dean’s arc it just reinvigorated me to think about things logically and LOGICALLY it was what, just a few episodes ago that they literally told us on the show that Chuck’s ending was shitty writing and that Cas had to be important. Now important doesn’t mean he doesn’t die horribly and sacrificially sure, but also... idk he already DID that in s12-13. That story is done. Narratively it’s bad writing to do that again. It’s lazy. Now maybe they’re lazy? Idk I just can’t see them doing all this work to confirm the meta readings of Dean, Sam and Cas over the years and give them a happy ending regarding their issues, like Sam’s self forgiveness, catharsis re Lucifer and a love interest and leadership role, how they’re sorting out Dean’s performative side and allowing him now to be who he is not who he thinks he should be, watching Disney movies and nesting at home etc, and giving Cas a redemption arc through Jack because Jack even existing in the first place is solely down to Cas’ choices, well, why do all that to have Cas dead and Dean miserable or also dead at the end?!

Like even if you don’t ship them for whatever reason it’s canon that Dean is suicidal without Cas, that ending just doesn’t work unless he’s also dead. And could they do a reverse swan song? Yeah I guess. But again why, what would be the point. And again, J2M being confused by the ending kinda makes me think even more that they all survive and Cas is human given those are the things THEY think are the wrong choices because they don’t get it lol.

Also yet again this episode confirmed that Cas chose to believe in Jack, that he chose this, so I find it odd to then make him sacrifice himself again and end up dead when he hasn’t even gotten his reward of being happy for even a moment yet. It’s a possibility but not the most likely imo.

So sure Dean and Cas could die and it’s a reverse swan song, but like, imo that’s a 5% chance that they take a bit out of left field for dramas sake v 95% they just continue with the story they’ve told so far and just wrap it up. I may be totally wrong but that’s I’m going into the the final episodes as I always have, with reserved optimism that yeah sure I don’t really expect them to clarify DeanCas as romantic for the reasons I’ve discussed before, but I do expect them to do all the other obvious stuff justice as they have been ticking them off the list slowly but surely and there really aren’t a lot of meta points left tbh, they’ve been pretty diligent. So imo it would be weird to do all that to just throw aside the character they’ve literally said on the show it would be stupid to throw aside 🤷‍♀️

#endgame positive #spn speculation

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Different Worlds (5)

Summary: You’re the youngest Winchester, a girl who needs to show her big brothers that she doesn’t need help. Then one day, on a totally normal vampire hunt that you had all under control, three meddling Avengers come barging in.

Warnings: language, violence, canon divergence, slow burn, me making stuff up

Word Count: 2001

~*~

Chapter 5: Answers and Headaches

The Winchesters led the Avengers to a large, run-down building that was secluded in the woods. Bucky looked at Steve, then back at the building. If this was a trap, they could take them. The two Winchesters didn’t have any magic… that he knew of. 

“We’re home!” (Y/N) shouted as she opened a door to reveal a large, open room. The inside was much nicer than the outside.

She went down the metal staircase first, followed by her brother and the strange man in the trench coat. The Avengers went down after them, one by one. Tony had collapsed his nanotech suit, but Bucky saw that he kept one of his repulsors on his hand. 

A tall man with shaggy brown hair walked out of the next room. His already annoyed expression became darker when he noticed Bucky and the rest of the Avengers. The next person to greet them was a young man with dark brown hair. His expression was similar to the first man’s, but when he saw the superheroes, his expression brightened. Then the red-haired book thief walked in next. Her large smile grew larger when she saw the large group of people. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked when he noticed their expressions. 

“We,” the tall man forced a smile, “have a guest.”

“A guest that isn’t the superhero group behind us?” (Y/N) clarified. 

Then a dark-haired man in a black suit swaggered in to join everyone. The redhead, Bucky thought he heard (Y/N) call her Rowena, smiled even wider. 

“Hello, Squirrel,” the man said to Dean in a British accent. Then he turned to (Y/N). “Do I have a nickname for you, dear? Rabbit? Do you like carrots?”

“Crowley,” Dean growled. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Came to visit my mummy.” Crowley gestured to Rowena. Bucky’s mind really couldn’t keep up with all this. “I caught wind that she had a very special book.”

“Can we just put everything on pause,” Steve interrupted, “and catch us up to speed?”

The rest of the Avengers mumbled their agreement. 

“Everyone into the library,” (Y/N) ordered.

Everyone walked into the next room and found a seat at one of the tables. The Avengers on one side, (Y/N) and her gang on the other. 

“First, introductions,” Tony spoke up. “You know who we are.”

“Meh,” (Y/N) shrugged. “I don’t follow your shitty reality TV show lives.”

The billionaire opened his mouth in offense but Bucky smiled at her. She smiled back and then quickly looked away. Was she blushing?

“I’m Captain America but you can call me Steve Rogers,” Steve began. “This is my friend Bucky Barnes, he was the Winter Soldier, and my other friend Sam Wilson. He’s the Falcon.” He introduced the rest of the present Avengers, pointing at them when he said their name and superhero alias. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Uh, I’m (Y/N) Winchester.” She gave a small wave. “My brothers: Sam and Dean. That’s Castiel, we call him Cas, Jack, and Rowena. Then there’s Crowley.”

“And that was actually Lucifer back there? The Devil? Satan?” the Avengers’ Sam asked. The Winchesters, Cas, and Jack nodded in confirmation. 

“So what the fuck even happened at the cafe?” Clint raised his hand like he was in school. 

“Lucifer escaped,” Cas explained in a low voice. “We used the Magicae Libro and Rowena as bait to trap him again.”

“The ‘Magicae Libro?’” Nat asked. “The Magic Book? Very creative.”

“They didn’t need to be creative when it was the only one,” (Y/N) pointed out. Bucky saw Cas narrow his eyes at her.

“The Magicae Libro is the world’s first spellbook,” said Cas. “Written by witches who were guided by Lucifer.”

“Goddamned witches are a thing too?” Bucky thought about all the supernatural entities he had learned about in the past month: vampires, ghosts, Satan, and now witches? What else was there?

“Yes, ‘goddamned witches’ are a thing,” the Scottish woman said in a slightly harsh tone. “I’m a witch. One of the most powerful, I would say.”

“So who took the Devil?” Tony put everyone back on track. 

“Some angels.” (Y/N) shrugged like it was no big deal. 

“Angels?” multiple Avengers exclaimed.

“Yes, we exist,” Cas answered in prediction to the questions heading his way. 

“You’re an angel?” Steve’s eyes were wide with awe. 

“So Lucifer and angels exist,” Wanda began, “does that mean God and demons exist too?”

“Yes.” (Y/N)’s side of the table answered simultaneously. 

“Are you sure?”

“Considering I am literally the King of Hell,” Crowley said proudly as his eyes turned blood-red, “I am very sure.”

“And God?” 

“Chuck can go suck a dick, honestly,” (Y/N) blurted out. 

“Chuck?”

“My grandfather went by the pen name ‘Chuck Shurley’ for a while,” Jack explained. “He still insists to be called ‘Chuck.’”

“Grandfather?” Clint raises his eyebrows. 

“God has a fucking pen name?”

“Grandfather!?”

“Why does ‘Chuck Shurley’ sound familiar?” Nat tapped her finger on the table as she tried to remember. 

“Grandfather!?”

“He wrote a shit ton of books based on our lives,” Dean shook his head. “He called it ‘Supernatural.’”

“Grandfather!?”

Wanda sucked in a breath and looked at Nat. “I think we read one of the books during a girl’s night.”

“GRANDFATHER!?” Clint was shouting now. 

“My father is Lucifer. I’m a Nephilim,” Jack unhelpfully explained. Bucky swore that every time they tried to explain something, more questions would arise. 

“Please explain,” Tony groaned and rubbed his head.

“A Nephilim is—”

“I know what a Nephilim is. How is your father the fucking Devil?”

“My mother was Kelly Kline,” the young man said before he was interrupted again.

“Wasn’t she President Rooney’s aide?” Steve asked.

“Yes. My father briefly possessed the President of the United States.” Jack was only met with silence as the Avengers tried to wrap their head around the very large info dump. Bucky could see (Y/N) trying to hide a smirk. “He got my mother pregnant. She died giving birth to me.”

“I thought she only died in 2017?”

“This kiddo is only seven years old.” (Y/N) placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. 

“I need a break.” Tony placed his head on the table. 

“I’ll get some beers,” Dean offered and left the room. 

~*~

You walked over to Bucky with your beer in hand. He gave you a charming smile as you sat down in the chair that was just recently vacated by Steve.

“How are you doing?” you asked.

“Fine, I guess.” Bucky studied your face and you could feel your face warm up. “Are you some supernatural being too?”

“Nope. I’m nothing special.”

“I think you’re very special.”

“Even my brothers are more special than me,” you sighed.

“I think you’re greatly underestimating your value, doll.”

Your heart fluttered at the nickname. You usually hated talking about yourself but Bucky’s compliments were nice. Very nice.

“S-so do you think this is below your paygrade?”

“Sweetheart,” you blushed at the second nickname, “I think this is above my paygrade. It’s above all of our paygrades.”

“You guys deal with this stuff a lot?” Steve joined the conversation.

“Yeah, I guess.” You shrugged. “Sometimes we just go on small hunts. Some monsters would be killing people and hunters go get rid of them. For some reason, it’s always me and my brothers who have to deal with the Apocalypse or the random angel who wants to be God.”

“The Apocalypse happened?”

“We stopped the Apocalypse from happening.”

“When?”

“Way before you guys formed,” your Sam said. “Like in 2009.”

“I had just become Iron Man,” Tony shook his head, “and you guys stopped the Apocalypse?”

“Sometimes I miss the Apocalypse,” you confess. “Simpler times.”

“Definitely simpler than the fucking leviathans,” Dean agreed.

“Oh, Chuck. I hated the leviathans.”

“Let’s skip over the fact that you miss the fucking Apocalypse and move on to ‘What is a leviathan?’” Avenger Sam asked.

“We accidentally opened a portal to Purgatory in 2012 and a bunch of shapeshifting leviathans escaped.”

“Have you heard of Dick Roman?” You looked around the room at each member of the Avengers. Tony, Natasha, and Clint nodded. “He was the leviathan leader.”

“You said they were shapeshifters,” Bucky said slowly. “Did they impersonate you three and go on a killing spree?”

“Yep!” You beamed at him. You don’t know why, but it felt like a weight lifted off your chest when Bucky knew you weren’t actually a serial killer.

“You face monsters and it seems that all odds are against you,” Natasha pointed out. “You guys must be good at your jobs if you’re still alive.”

“Oh, no,” Dean corrected. You smiled. Their reaction was going to be hilarious. “All of us here have died before. Multiple times.”

The Avengers looked like fish, opening and closing their mouths as they processed the information.

“How?” Bucky looked at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Sammy was stabbed and I made a deal with a demon to bring him back,” Dean started. “Because of the deal, I was dragged to hell until Cas dragged my ass back out. Then there was the whole Mark of Cain thing when I became a demon.”

“The good times,” Crowley sighed as he reminisced.

“I was stuck in a time loop once where Dean died every day.” Your Sam shuddered at the memory.

“Remember when those two hunters killed you ‘cause you started the Apocalypse?” You smirk. You had missed that fateful night as you were off hunting somewhere else.

“Raphael made me explode. Then Lucifer exploded me. Then I imploded because of the leviathans. Then I was stabbed by some lady. Then Lucifer killed me again.”

“God smote me.” Jack frowned.

“Lucifer killed me twice,” Rowena said simply as she looked at her nails.

“I had to die to become a demon.”

“I was smote… smited… smoted,” you gave up and continued, “by Gadreel, an angel, when he possessed Sammy. Then I was mauled by a werewolf.” You wrinkled your nose at the memory. Honestly, you didn’t know which one was worse but you ended up in Hell both times. That was literally a pain in the ass.

“You guys really know how to throw a party,” Tony snarked.

“I don’t see how that’s a party,” Natasha responded.

“I understood that reference!” Steve said with a smile on his face.

“I don’t understand that reference.” Cas looked around, confused.

You sighed and changed the topic, “Do you have any more questions?”

“Well, yes,” Avenger Sam said. “But I don’t think I have the mental capacity for any of the answers.

“That’s for sure,” you heard Bucky say. You let out a snort and Avenger Sam glared at both of you.

“Then it’s time for you all to leave,” Dean announced. “Thanks for stopping by and drinking our beer, but now we have to get back to work.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed and stood up. “We have some work to do as well.”

The Avengers made their way back into the map room and up the metal staircase. They said goodbye one by one and left the bunker until only Bucky was left.

“I hope I’ll see you again,” you said and held out your hand.

“I hope so too.” He took your hand with both of his. How did you not notice his left hand, and possibly arm, was metal? “I want to learn more about you and your work.”

“You know where I live now. See you ‘round, Bucky.”

He smiled, dropped your hand, and gave you one last wave before he left. You knew you had a stupid smile on your face, but for once you let yourself be happy. You stood there for a minute before Rowena broke the silence.

“I thought they’d never leave!” she exclaimed. “I just wanted to play with the Magicae Libro.” A moment of silence. “Where is the Magicae Libro?”

“Where’s Crowley?” Jack asked and you all looked around the library.

“Aw, fuck!”

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

Tag List (strike though means tag didn’t work):

@grav3dollie-666 @broco8​ 

#different worlds #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x winchester reader #bucky barnes #sam winchester #dean winchester #winchester reader #the avengers #tony stark #steve rogers #sam wilson #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #clint barton #jack kline #castiel #cas #rowena #crowley #marvel #marvel crossover #marvel supernatural #supernatural marvel #supernatural crossover #supernatural

[illgiveyoumygavichal]

I don’t know why I wrote this, or why I wrote so much. Gomen.

So I just re-watched The Scene while I’m actually awake and coherent and I blasted the volume with my headset so I could hear every little thing and while it’s pretty clear they were filmed separately(?) from a writers point of view, the dialogue and reactions made sense --- not the ‘all gays go to super-hell’-bit... there’s no excusing that, but it was foreshadowed a long while ago (hence why I’m not 100% surprised that The Scene even happened since it was obvious that the character in questions’ ‘moment of true happiness’ would be a confession the moment the deal was made. I still think they’ll end on a ‘reset the universe back to point A to prevent point B’-type to just be like... well you already know the story so even if it’s ending, it’s not really ending but going on and on and on in a paradox because the whole show is convoluted what with the time-travel and parallel universes and other dimensions and shit. 

Not my point, I started rambling. Uh... Click the ‘read more’ for more? Gods, I can’t believe this is what spurred a real-ass post from me...

If anyone wants to discuss this, please do. But don’t be an ass about it please, I’m just here to have a discussion. 

Anyways, Jensen’s acting was flat. Like he wasn’t into the script at all. Like he totally believed that this went completely against the character he’s supposed to play - and he’s not really wrong, but you can see this a lot in movies and tv shows where the actors disagree with the writing and direction that it’s reflected in their performance. 

While this scene in particular seems like the actors were shot apart and chopped together, I think they were both very much in the know about the script. Misha gave it his all, you could hear him thanking the audience for watching his performance. His in-character confession was just as much his ‘thank you’ and it shows - but while his whole speech was likely one good take (probably after a long day, especially since every one working on this show had to work around covid-19 safety procedures) Jensen’s was probably multiple takes, with the good shots being chosen and patched together to make him seem a least a little like he isn’t completely refusing the script. 

As for the characters and the writing, it worked. Now I’m no expert in homosexual relationships but I’m very queer, as is my s/o, so I’m gonna try to not stick my foot in my mouth for this part. While homophobia is in no way acceptable, it’s understandable why Jensen isn’t into this particular pairing: The fandom shoved it down his throat, down the producers throats, until it was made canon. One thing that sucks the life out of creators is self-entitled fans. Yeah it’s nice to show your support and love of a content, but you shouldn’t be shoving your ideals for the content into the creators faces. It’s just uncouth.

Rambled again, sorry. 

Cas’ speech was wonderful. He clarified his love for Dean by leveling his love for everyone and everything first, and then showing how his love for Dean was stronger than those - but stronger because of them. This way, in describing the care and love he has, Cas can be sure Dean understands that his love for him is a different kind of love without worrying about Dean being confused about his meaning when he’s already gone. Sorry I’m trying to figure out how to word this. 

An example for clarification: A tells B they love them, but then they leave/die/whatever, and without clarification B might assume that it was a familial/platonic love - like saying you love your parent/sibling/friend. However, if A prefaced with a confirmation of familial love to B and then confessed their love for B, there is a better chance for understanding. 

And from the way we see Dean shut down after the Empty takes Cas and Billie, completely ignoring Sam’s calls (which, after what he just learned from Billie as well as knowing Sam is in pain from losing Eileen - and everyone - is abnormal) in addition to not really moving from where he was thrown and burying his face - while SOBBING - I think it’s safe to assume he understood Cas’ confession as something more than family. Like, we’ve seen them ‘lose’ Cas before and Dean wasn’t as broken up about it as he was this time. Sure he was angry, but he’s always angry - but this time he isn’t angry. 

Additionally, Dean didn’t outright reject Cas. He said “Don’t do this, Cas.” Which could easily be interpreted as ‘how fucking dare you confess to me when you’re about to die, thus immediately breaking my heart’ - which, if you’re really reaching for straws, could be a ‘wow, so my feelings would’ve been reciprocated if I actually had the balls to confess - not that it matters because apparently if I did confess you’d literally be so happy you would die.’ Ultimately, it’s a lose-lose-lose situation. 

To add on to Sam’s phone call, when we see him hang up after leaving the silo we could assume he first tried calling Cas and then called Dean meaning that since Cas was taken, Dean sat there disassociating and trying to figure out wtf just happened when Sam snapped him back to reality - thus interrupting his compartmentalizing and forcing him to feel, because Dean hates feelings. 

And yeah, the whole ‘Bury your Gays’ trope is shitty, but this is Supernatural: a horror-drama tv show where People Die and unfortunately, because most of the characters that die are side characters, the queers die mostly because they’re side characters and side characters are expendable. It fucking sucks, especially now that they are using LGBTQIA+ to boost their views at the END OF THE SERIES. Honestly, would be more acceptable to have it be a thing a few seasons ago, but they also have to work with the actors to even produce the show - and if the staring actor isn’t comfortable with certain themes, they can’t really force him without the show crashing and burning - which, in good old capitalism, a little homophobia to conserve their money-maker is normal. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. 

Luckily, this is Supernatural, and Supernatural doesn’t like leaving people dead - even at the end of the series. There are a few possible endings they could go with, but through speculation there could be more without noticing.

A) Chuck taunts the brothers, probably tortures them more just ‘cause, before simply ending everything.

B) Amara somehow takes over Chuck - or they properly combine and suddenly remember why they made everything. 

C) The boys give up and accept their fate.

D) The boys don’t give up and go out fighting. 

E) Somehow they negotiate with Chuck and exchange themselves for everyone else. 

F) Chuck hits the reset button, and this time he’ll make the boys more controllable. 

G) The boys kill Chuck, but in the sudden power imbalance, the universe eliminates all supernatural beings and just create a mundane world - whether the boys are part of the world or not is up in the air. 

H) Everyone is in the Empty now cause there’s no place left to exist but the Empty - since for some reason the Empty is more limbo than purgatory, but it makes sense. 

I) The Empty is piiiiiissssssssed that Chuck suddenly made everything stop existing and then eats Chuck because Chuck will be loud making new things - or because Chuck will be a threat to the Empty... or he just wont let the Empty sleep. God what even is the Empty?  Like, really, shouldn’t they be all-powerful - moreso than Chuck - since, without God there is nothing and without anything existing wouldn’t everything/nothing be Empty?

J) Empty eats Chuck 2020 - and the show ends just like that. 

K) Chuck, to prevent being eaten by the Empty, brings everything back to put some cushion between him and the Empty - or gets the boys to kill the Empty in exchange for their world back sans God. (Their own little playpen that they can do whatever they want with.) 

L) Dean kills Chuck with Death’s Scythe. 

M) Sam and Dean somehow kill Chuck and in the power imbalance, replace him. (I’ve had this theory - unspoken though - before where Dean becomes head honcho in Heaven or Hell and Sam takes the other spot, no luck on this one yet.) 

Either way, two episodes left to find out what the fuck is going on. 

Next episode will be dramatic and sad as Sam, Dean and Jack reconvene - probably with Sam and Jack stopping Dean from giving up. Also, Jack will probably get dusted too - I’m surprised he didn’t go at the end there. 

HONESTLY by the title of the episode, I think option K if more likely... but Chuck will probably be like... yeah here take it idgaf anymore. The road home will be very epilogue-y with flashbacks and shit to tie everything up and be all ‘They lived happily ever after.’ 

I don’t even know anymore... why can I write this much over a stupid show but not for like... a book or something. 

#wtf #spn #theories #review #destiel #i guess #what is wrong with me #imagine writing 1.5k words #about a show that's about to end #feel free to interact

[lewishamil10n]

Can you write a wincest fic where Sam and Dean have been hiding their feelings for each other for all this time until Dean finds Sam's diary from his childhood/teenage years

sure thing, anon!

under a cut because it got kinda longer than expected.

send me a prompt

-x-

“Dude, where’s your journal?” is how Dean greets Sam when he walks into the kitchen, disheveled in a way that indicates he’s literally just rolled out of bed.

“Good morning to you too,” Sam replies sarcastically, not looking up from his laptop. “What do you need my journal for?”

“Cas just called,” Dean explains, holding out his cell phone to show Sam. “Had some questions about the hunt he’s on, he thinks it’s a pontianak, not an angry spirit. I told him I’d get back to him after checking with you.”

“Oh.” Sam does look up this time, frowning as he thinks. “Pontianak… Dean, that hunt was a couple years ago, it’s not gonna be in this journal. I just started it.”

“Where do you keep the old ones, then?” Dean asks as he starts the coffeemaker.

“Uh…” Sam racks his brains for a second. “Check Archive Room Three, should be there. You might have to look for a while, though, I don’t remember which journal I wrote it down in.”

“It’s fine,” Dean tells him. “If I can’t find it I’ll just holler for you.” And with that, he grabs his mug and heads back out again.

Sam watches him leave, and then goes back to his laptop, idling scrolling through the local news. There isn’t a lot going on when it comes to hunts, or at least challenging ones. Sam misses them a bit, he won’t lie – misses the research and the detective work, even the witness interrogation and, most of all, the pure exhilaration of finally putting the monster down, of winning using nothing more than his own blood and sweat (and occasional tears). He’d wanted to go on the hunt that Cas is on right now with Jack, but it was Dean who’d said no, saying it should be an easy case and Jack needed the experience.

Easy case. As if life ever went according to plan for the Winchesters.

So here he is, bored out of his skull, browsing through paranormal sites on his laptop and wondering absently if the Ghostfacers would mind too much if he hacked their site and made their background bright pink with comic sans as the font. It’s the least they deserve after the migraines they give Sam with their shitty website and their insistence that they’re legit.

He’s jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps, and he looks up just in time to see Dean re-enter the kitchen. He’s holding an old leatherbound journal in his hands, and his expression is stormy, determined.

“Dean?” Sam questions, raising an eyebrow. “Something wrong with the journal?”

In response, Dean just slams it down on the table in front of Sam, making him jump. “What the hell is this, Sam?”

“My journal?” Sam answers, confused. “What’s wrong with you, man–” He stops short when he gets a closer look at it, though, and then his heart sinks right down to his toes. “Oh.”

Dean huffs, and sits down across from Sam. “Got a lot of explaining to do, Sammy.”

Sam eyes the journal, placed exactly halfway between them on the table, and then puts his laptop aside. He knows this one, recognizes the battered cover and torn edges very well, and the spine worn thin from overuse. He’d spent a good portion of his teenage years writing in it, every single thought that came into his head, unedited, uncensored.

Every single damn thought.

“What did you see?” he asks softly. Maybe, if he’s lucky, Dean’s just found one of the ruder sections he’d written after a particularly nasty fight with John, and that’s all this is.

Right. Like that’s going to happen. Winchester luck, after all.

Instead of replying, Dean just opens the journal and flips to a page somewhere in the middle, and then hands it over silently. His eyes remain on Sam’s face even after Sam’s taken the journal from him, heart beating uncomfortably fast in his chest as he looks down at the yellowed pages.

It’s not about his arguments with John, or his yearning for a life outside of hunting, or even one of his numerous rants about Dean’s bad habits. It is about Dean, though, and Sam can’t read it for longer than a few seconds before he slams it shut, cringing. “Dude,” he says, though he has no idea what the hell he can even say.

Dean leans forward in his chair, reducing the distance between them. “Is it true?” he demands. “You were in love with me?”

“I – yeah,” Sam admits, and looks away. His heartbeat is deafening in his ears, and he feels sick to his stomach.

“For real?”

“Yeah.” In his head he’s already going over all the possible places he can stay when Dean inevitably kicks him out. It’s a pathetically short list.

Dean exhales, long and slow, and then takes the journal back. Sam watches as he flips through some more pages, and wonders uneasily what the fuck Dean’s thinking. His brother’s face is unreadable right now, stone cold and flat, and it scares Sam that he can’t tell what’s going on in his mind, that he doesn’t know what to expect.

If Dean tries to make him read any more, though, Sam’s going to get up and leave. No way is he doing that to himself.

To his immense relief, though, Dean snaps the journal shut again and puts it back on the table, this time gentler than before. His expression is twisted with conflict, and he’s biting his lip, looking like there’s some great debate raging on inside his head. For all Sam knows, there probably is. It can’t be easy, finding out your kid brother’s been harboring some decidedly unbrotherly, non-heterosexual feelings towards you for literal decades.

Dean sucks in a breath, and then says, “And now?”

“Now?” Sam swallows. “Um. I don’t know, Dean. I’ll – I’ll leave if you want me to.”

“Not what I meant,” Dean says. His gaze on Sam’s face is intense, laser-focused, and Sam can feel his face heating up in response to it.

“Then?” he asks, voice so low it’s almost inaudible. He can’t help but feel like the situation is spinning out of his control now, not that he had much of it in the first place.

“You still feel like that now?” Dean clarifies, and his tone is so odd that it makes Sam look up again. His expression is shuttered, eyes narrowed as he waits for Sam to answer, and he’s got his hands knotted on top of the journal.

Sam should lie, he knows. Tell Dean that it was just teenage hormones, that he’s grown out of it, knows better now. Say that it’s all in the past and he’s over it, and it’s not gonna be a problem. It’s not gonna change anything between them.

But that’s bullshit, and it will, it’s already beginning to, and Sam’s frustration and helplessness peak suddenly, coming out in a burst of painfully blunt honesty. “What do you want me to say, Dean? Yeah, I do, all right? I tried really fucking hard not to, and it just never works, okay? And I know you don’t feel that way, and you know what, that’s fine, it is, but I just–”

“Who says I don’t?”

Sam comes to an abrupt halt. “What?”

“Who says I don’t?” Dean repeats, slower, enunciating each word. His expression is still a bit off, but Sam can see the mask cracking, can sense the uncertainty under it now.

“You don’t what?”

“Feel the same way,” Dean clarifies, untangling his fingers and leaning even more into Sam’s space. “Sam… shit. So many fucking years. All that time wasted, I just… fuck. All that time.” The cracks widen; Dean’s expression is clearing, the intensity of his feelings beginning to leak through.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asks. He doesn’t understand. This isn’t… he’s so lost.

In response, Dean gets to his feet, and gives Sam a look that has him freezing into his seat, deer in headlights and counting down the moments till he’s run over. He knows that look, knows it intimately, because it’s the expression Dean wears when he literally cannot find words for just how fond he feels of Sam, or when he’s so happy he can’t speak, can’t do anything but laugh.

Something flips in Sam’s stomach.

“Dean?”

And then Dean kisses him. It’s just a soft press of his lips to Sam’s mouth, feather light, but Sam’s whole body responds so quickly that it must be instinct, what else could it possibly be, the way he just melts into Dean, eyes falling shut.

Dean chuckles against his mouth, and kisses him again. “Idiot,” he says fondly, and Sam opens his eyes to see that expression still on Dean’s face, fond and so full of love. “All that time, Sammy… why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” Sam challenges, a little breathless even though they haven’t even done anything yet.

“Didn’t know how to,” Dean tells him as he sits down next to him. He presses a kiss to the corner of Sam’s mouth. “Didn’t know what to say, Sammy. Guess I still don’t.”

“I don’t, either,” Sam admits. “I never did. I just… all I did was look, ‘cause it was all I could do.”

“All this time,” Dean repeats, and looks a little dazed. Kisses Sam’s mouth again, like he can’t get enough, and Sam’s whole body is tinging with it, head to toe. “All this time, Sammy… I was looking too.”

“God, we’re really stupid, aren’t we?” Sam says with a wet laugh, closing his eyes.

“We really are,” Dean agrees, lips moving against Sam’s. “But you know what, Sammy? That’s all right. We got there in the end, didn’t we, baby?”

Sam’s whole body heats with the nickname, the softness behind it, and he smiles against Dean’s mouth. “What now?” he asks.

“Guess we figure it out together,” Dean tells him. Sam doesn’t know when Dean’s hand landed on his waist, but he’s not about to complain.

“Like we always have,” he says quietly.

“Like we always have,” agrees Dean, and kisses him again.

-x-

this got a bit longer than expected, but i hope it’s okay, anon! thanks so much for the prompt!

#wincest #supernatural #getting together #my writing #ficlet #anonymous

[sulkybbarnes]

Ok so I watched endgame on friday and basically I was so disappointed with what they did to bucky/steve and how they literally had one (1) second together onscreen and it was like they were saying goodbye for an hour not that buck knew steve was leaving forever??? also idk if I believe that he'd abandon his best friend to go back and marry peggy because she already had a family? Basically I'm just upset they didn't do justice to bucky/steve...but I'm curious - what did you think of the film??

ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD (AND IN THE ASK, so don’t read it either)

Hey anon! I stared at this for a good ten minutes before deciding how to answer it, and settled on keeping my answer under a read more so here we go:

Let me start by saying that I haven’t seen a Marvel movie since Captain America: Civil War (with the exception of Black Panther) and I haven’t been to see Endgame myself nor am I going to. But I got a play by play of the movie from close friends, read multiple articles, and heard every opinion before reaching the conclusion that I was very right in deciding not to watch the movie bc I hate what they did with it, and I would have fumed even more if I had to sit through it in a cinema. Let’s break down what I think about it and clarify some things first though.

The whole time travel plotline with Steve was shitty writing that left a lot of people confused, but basically there are supposed to be two versions of Steve by the end because he created a new branch in time. Basically, one Steve did go into the ice and live out his life until the moment he went back in time and created the second Steve that lived out life with Peggy in the new branch of time. This supposedly means that Peggy’s family wasn’t erased (even tho I personally still don’t get it lol) but I have read like five different accounts on whether or not this makes sense, and to me that means that the movie failed spectacularly. If you need article after article and essay length explanations for your audience to understand what you did post-movie then you didn’t do your job right. Here are two articles on the time travel and you can decide which one you agree with: article 1, article 2.

Now let’s leave the technicalities of it behind and focus on characters. Steve Rogers has meant the world to me for a long time and I adored his character. He and Bucky got me through a tough time in my undergrad uni so they mean a lot to me, yes, but I want to point out that my opinion isn’t solely formed bc I shipped them together but because I truly believe the ending Steve was given ruined his character. Like listen I am bitter that they threw away the only love story that made sense to me in MCU (Steve and Bucky) but this isn’t about that. The fact of it is that the same writers who made Steve kiss Peggy’s niece at her funeral in Civil War and said it doesn’t matter because Peggy was a one month thing to Steve are the ones who wrote endgame and decided that Steve’s love for his friends who are a found family, his best friend, this new world and new life he has, and everything he built basically didn’t matter just bc he didn’t have a romantic love interest and that.. really grates on my nerves with the message it sends. 

This message is also reiterated with them killing off Nat. The fact that they killed of Nat bc she can’t have children and doesn’t have a family sends the same message. Once again Marvel says that unless you follow certain heteronormative criteria then life isn’t worth living or having. They sent Steve back to be stuck in his past and walk away from his family and future, and they killed Nat off in the spirit of the same underlying message of unless you have Het Love and a family then whatever else you have doesn’t really matter. And I truly despise that. This post  explains it well I think.

As for the Steve/Bucky part, which yeah kills me too.. we all know that had one of Steve or Bucky been a woman then they’d be played up to be Marvel’s greatest love story ever written. I never hoped they’d let them be together bc I knew better but still… sending him to be with Peggy (who I love, this isn’t anything against her I swear) when he knew her for so little and they had no more than a fling, and making him walk away from everything else he has is the epitome of them doing one last hurrah to prove he’s in heterosexual love with someone. I just find it so insulting bc they mocked his and Peggy’s relationship before to justify him kissing Sharon and it’s adding insult to injury. 

I wanted Sam to get the shield (only good thing that happened) and I wanted Steve to walk away and have a life… hell, fine what fucking ever give him a new blonde girl as a love interest but. Not this quick-fix poorly thought out ending that negates everything Steve stood for. Him walking away from the best friend he fought the entire world for, and the other best friend who fought the world with him and became a brother for someone he knew for a month in the 40s… who moved on and had her own life and children (and deserved way more than being an afterthought fix-it in this stupid movie) makes me really angry and sad to think about.

My last point is their well known queerbaiting which they did once again here. They queerbaited saying there’ll be a gay character you’d never expect in Endgame, and it turned out to be a nameless background character who’s in the scene for like 10 seconds. That lgbt representation! Side note: I will forever be bitter that marvel queerbaited the shit out of Stucky. Remember when they released an entire alternate universe comic promising Steve and Bucky will be together by the end of it then killed Bucky off at the very end? Yeah lol I will never forgive them that one.

I also heard they put Thor in a fat suit and made a bunch of jokes about it???? Which is seriously disgusting, I don’t even have words for it. 

Anyway, in conclusion: Fuck Marvel.

#I..... wrote you an essay #lmfao sorry #asks #mara talks for ts #*** #**** #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #spoilers #endgame #at this point if you get spoiled it's on you lmfao #Anonymous #mcu #marvel

[winteriron-trash]

ASMR [WinterIron Fic]

So I recently discovered ASMR through the wonderful world of the internet, and I thought it was really cool, and of course, it gave me WinterIron thoughts, so I wrote a shitty fanfic about it. If you don’t know what ASMR is, you should look it up, here’s my new favourite channel for it, it’s basically sounds that make you feel all tingly. Okay, I’m done rambling now. Also, don’t worry, I plan on writing the Instagram one after I get some sleep because shit, I did not expect people to be so eager for it. Also thanks to @lovinthepizzalife for being my beta and listening to me go on for hours about ASMR stuff.

-

Bucky first discovered ASMR by accident. He was watching some supposedly funny video Clint had sent him and it showed up in his suggestions.

The premise didn’t necessarily weird him out, per se. Bucky had come to grips with the fact that he didn’t understand half of what went on around him, and just grew to accept it. People making hour long videos of noises like running a brush over a microphone had to be pretty low on the list of strange things Bucky had seen. He still didn’t know what the hell a ‘dab’ was.

But the ASMR stuff was… surprisingly nice.

When Bucky brought it up with his therapist, she was encouraging, gave some lengthy explanation Bucky didn’t really care enough to listen to. The videos helped relax him, and his therapist was okay with it and those were the only two things Bucky cared about.

So Bucky got more immersed in it, found what sounds he liked and what ones he didn’t, what channels were the best. It was a routine and one that Bucky enjoyed. He found solace in routines, something to attach himself to, something that would ground him. He had tried explaining it to Steve, but it ended up going about as well as the time Sam had tried to show Steve how to play Mario Kart, so Bucky just gave up.

All in all, it was a nice, secretive pleasure Bucky could enjoy without having to worry about what other people would think of it.

And then Tony went and fucked it all up.

Well, in all fairness Bucky knew Tony wasn’t trying to fuck it up. Hell, Tony was as oblivious to the situation as anyone else was. But nonetheless, he’d still fucked it up.

Tony had walked into the living room one day, half asleep and looking like death. Bucky barely paid attention. It was common knowledge that Tony didn’t get half the amount of sleep he should, and it was even more common knowledge that it was impossible to get him to sleep.

But then he spoke.

And it didn’t even matter what he’d said. It never mattered what was being said with ASMR, Bucky found. They could be reading him the Communist Manifesto and he wouldn’t give a damn. As long as it was in a quiet, whispery voice that gave him those weird spine tingles, Bucky didn’t care.

That exact voice that Tony was using.

And fuck, it was perfect. Deep and raspy, catching on certain words with consonant sounds emphasized. Bucky’s entire fucking body tingled, mind focusing on that damned voice.

But it was gone as soon as it came, Tony stumbling out of the room with coffee in hand.

Bucky found videos of Tony talking online, and those helped a bit. A few interviews even had him using that deep, raspy voice that gave Bucky tingles. But there just wasn’t enough, and eventually, Bucky ran out of interviews to find. He even tried being around Tony more, but it… wasn’t exactly right.

So Bucky finally worked up the guts to talk to Tony about it, like a normal person. He waited for the right moment when Tony was working on his arm and they were alone, so Bucky had the least chance to embarrass himself.

“Hey,” Bucky said, clearing his throat.

Tony glanced up from Bucky’s arm, tools still digging deep. “Hm?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Do you-you know what… ASMR is?”

“Autonomous sensory meridian response,” Tony said without flinching, listing the name in a flat monotone. “I never really understood it, but Pepper’s a fanatic. Did you know the person who came up with the name thought ‘meridian’ meant orgasm and that’s why he used the word?”

Bucky blinked. “No, I didn’t.”

“Well, now you know.” Tony flashed a smile. “So what about ASMR?”

“Well…” Bucky swallowed, flesh fingers twitching. “I… get it, you know? It works for me. My therapist said it was a good thing.”

“Mhm.” Tony nodded, looking back at his tools. “A relaxation thing, definitely not the weirdest thing out there.”

Bucky grunted in agreement. “And… I noticed… your voice is a trigger. For me, anyway.”

Tony glanced up again, pausing in his work. “My voice?”

“Yeah.” Bucky pressed his lips together.

“My voice,” Tony repeated, blinking. He knit his eyebrows together. “My voice is a trigger. In a good way?”

Bucky frowned. “Well, yeah. It’s ASMR, so… yeah. A good type of trigger.”

“Oh.” Tony tilted his head to the side. “Most people usually just get annoyed when I talk too much. I ramble a lot. About mostly pointless things, really. I mean, that’s what makes it rambling, but that’s not the point.”

“I like it.” Bucky shrugged. “It’s nice. Especially when your voice gets deep and whispery like… when you’re tired or something.” Bucky felt his cheeks heat.

Tony quirked an amused eyebrow. “Like this?” He asked, voice dropping an octave.

Bucky suppressed a happy shudder. “Yeah, like that.”

“If you encourage me, I’m just going to ramble to you all day,” Tony warned, but it wasn’t much of a warning, the way he used that deep and soft voice that had Bucky’s spine-tingling.

“Mm, that’s fine.” Bucky’s eyes fell shut and he felt tension bleeding out of his muscles. “I don’t mind if you ramble. It’s nice.”

“Huh.” Tony hummed. Tony started talking again, and Bucky honestly wasn’t sure what he was even talking about, something about explaining the parts of the arm, maybe, it didn’t really matter. But his voice was soft and perfect, and Bucky was able to lose track of the time listening to it.

After that, it became somewhat of a habit between the two. Bucky would even purposely seek out or call Tony just to hear his voice. And Tony never questioned it once. He was always ready to talk, just talk about anything. Bucky was sure there was some underlying problem with that, Tony practically tripping over himself just for the chance to talk to someone, but it wasn’t Bucky’s problem, so he tried not to think about it.

It was all well and good until Bucky went and fucked things up again.

He got a fucking crush.

Sure, it was reasonable, in theory. Everyone had a crush on Tony Stark. When Bucky had asked Clint, he even agreed. He was Tony Stark, there wasn’t much not to like. When Bucky actively listened to what Tony was saying during his ramblings, he fell in love a little more.

“So ask him out,” Clint said through a mouthful of cookies, milk carton in hand as he kicked the fridge door shut.

“I thought he was dating Pepper.” Bucky fiddled with his spoon as he stared at his oatmeal.

Clint snorted. “Tell Natasha that, I dare you.”

“What?” Bucky asked.

“Natasha and Potts are dating.” Clint clarified. “Tony’s single. Ask him out.”

“But what if-”

Clint threw a cookie at Bucky. “Come on, man. Don’t ‘what if’. If I did that, I never would’ve gotten the guts to ask Phil out.”

Bucky sighed. “But-”

“Hey,” Clint smacked him. “No buts. Just ask him. Buy him some flowers or something. Be all romantic and forties about it. Or don’t. Whatever works. Just ask him.”

Bucky made a face. “Fine.”

Bucky ended up deciding against flowers. Well, he might’ve gone with flowers if he’d gone with a more coherent plan, to begin with. Instead, the question just sort of fell out when Tony was talking, running his hands through Bucky’s hair. Bucky didn’t know when he’d started resting his head in Tony’s lap during these things, but he did know it was nice.

“Do you wanna get coffee sometime?” Bucky asked, glancing up.

Tony froze, looking down. “Do I- what?”

“Coffee,” Bucky repeated. “Like a date?”

“You-you're asking me on a date.” It wasn’t a question, but the look on Tony’s face was utter befuddlement.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded.

Tony stared at him. “Why?”

Bucky bit his lip and smiled. “Because maybe I like the guy as much as I like his voice.”

#winteriron #winteriron fanfic #bucky x tony #asmr #winteriron-trash writes

[greenishbucket]

my 2017 writings that I like

tagged by @chocolatechipcookiesplease :)  thanks!!! 

all of my (posted) fic is from 2017 as I only first started to write and actually post tentatively in March, then went fuck it and posted a bunch and managed to amass 54,903 words in exactly 9 months as of today :o I must like some of them!! I’m gonna pick 7 because it’s a number in 2017.

in order of posting:

Supersymmetry (Dark Matter)

Jack is glad for every wireless and every letter, for every time that he looks out to the green mountains and the winding road to Castleton while he waits and waits and then: Gus’ voice fond in the hallway, Isaak bounding to greet him even in his age, something in Jack’s chest easing for at least a little while.

They’ll go the beach as they do every year. Even as Jack’s heart beats in his throat with fear, even as Gus’ hand is cold in his and his cheek forever icy and unchanging under Jack’s lips, as they stand and look out at the sea together Jack always takes a moment to be fiercely thankful.

as I’ve said before, this bit was the second part of the fic I wrote despite it being the ending because the middle of the fic was just ????? but I knew it had to get to here somehow, and so it felt/feels important. I think I like the image of the green mountains and winding road and the contrast between the feeling in the yearly sea visit in canon and the feeling here, specifically that he’s fiercely thankful. ah, Jack.

holding you again (Glee)

When Sam and Mercedes have their first dance Tina has to pull out Brittany’s crumpled tissue from her purse again because they’re radiant under the dancefloor lights, their hands gentle but sure on each other, and then she has to laugh around her tears when Sam pulls out the old body roll move and Mercedes acts like she’s embarrassed. 

In spite of this being a Tina/Quinn fic, a ship that fascinates me, several of the bits that I like most are to do with Tina wrt the other Glee kids and here it’s about Sam/Mercedes because they’re goofy and gentle and love each other :( and I think I got that right here? Anyway second place to the Rachel/Jesse/Jake/Mike grinding on the dancefloor extravaganza bit later in the fic.

We’ll Find a Way to Survive (Check, Please!)

Lardo feels herself tearing up again. “Shits.”

Shitty shrugs like he hasn’t probably thought it over for months and mumbles, “Only if you wanna, man. It’d be pretty fucking great to have you.”

“Shut up, I’d be coming for that crazy good BU painting and sculpture MFA program,” Lardo says, meaning yes yes yes please and thank you.

“Got your back, bro,” Shitty says, meaning love you.

They grin stupidly at each other for a bit over the pixelated screen. Lardo’s still wrapped up in a hoodie, spit-filled decaying rice for dinner, head pulsing with crying and her face itchy with tears and it’s all still unclear as fuck but at least there’s something now. The beginnings of a plan. Lardo still can’t believe sometimes that she really gets to date her best friend, they’re really doing this and it’s as good as she’d ever hoped. It seems stupid now to think she had to go this alone, when Shitty’s sitting with her after a long as fuck day and giving her a reality check.

“God, I wish we could make out now,” she says because sure, romance, but God she wishes they could make out now.

I adore the Lardo/Shitty dynamic but I’m so unsure about my ability to get it right, especially Shitty because his dialogue is so off the wall, but here I think I got as close as I’m gonna get. Lardo being supported and finding security! Words having hidden emotional depth because saying you love someone directly is both embarrassing and unnecessary! Sure, romance, but making out! Love those kids.

Something About You (Check, Please!)

Larissa stays in the kitchen a little longer once Camilla goes. Her hair feels too close and hot around her face, messed a little where Camilla’s hand might have been in it for a second, and she resists the impulsive urge to chop it all off. She ties it back in a painfully tight pony tail and returns to the party. 

I’ve never felt satisfied with this fic despite how much I like the concept because I had a finished draft that got deleted and I’m pretty sure I recreated it to the letter but I don’t know for sure, and it eats at me! But this bit I added in post-deletion disaster, and so I can like it without reservations. I always think of Lardo’s urge to chop it off linking in some way I haven’t grasped yet to her getting the (confirmed not hetero) chop around Kenya times.

if you only knew what the future holds (Rivers of London)

“This was actually really cool,” Abigail said as we reached the door of her flat, Nightingale charged with the other two. I hadn’t knocked yet, and Abigail hadn’t moved to get her key.

“You sound surprised,” I said.

She shrugged. “Just thought it might be fun to have something to do, you know I get bored. But it was actually fun. Next year?”

Privately, I thought she’d probably be too old by next year for her parents to think it necessary she be accompanied by an adult or for her to think it wasn't unbearably uncool, but it was a nice idea. Anything to try and keep her out of magic at least a little bit. “If you want,” I said.

Abigail grinned and slipped her key into the lock and said, brightly, “Great, there are some pixies in Southwark Park that only come out on Bonfire Night, I want to talk to them again. See you around!”

Writing fic in first person is the RoL thing and it’s a tricky adjustment but also fun! I like this bit about the pixies because 1) I love Abigail 2) I love the Abigail + Peter dynamic 3) it took me by surprise because I had no idea what they were going to say as I wrote this scene. Always nice!

Late Night (Check, Please!)

Ford feels exposed when she gets up with only her underwear on, despite Larissa still naked on the bed, so she pulls on her shirt from earlier and slides her glasses back on. It’s strange for everything to be back in focus now and when she looks over at Larissa she realises she’s even prettier than Ford had remembered her being. She has to push back against a sudden bashfulness, turning to run down the stairs before she says something embarrassing.

The kitchen feels very quiet and sterile compared to the bedroom, the floor cool under Ford’s bare feet and everything in place where Ford’s aunt left it that morning. Ford realises as she’s filling up two tall glasses with water that she’s going to have to figure out how to wash her sheets without her aunt noticing, or maybe just burn them and buy replacements.

My first foray into writing explicitish sex, yikes! I don’t think I can comment on the actual sex description because imo it was fairly functional on a scale of funcitonal description to flowery/very sensual but here I like the coming back to reality awkwardness of post-sex and the jarring feeling of the rest of the house being as it was/the rest of the world existing unchanged. 

For Always (Check, Please!)

Ford wipes at the juice with her thumb for her, amused and apologetic, and says, “I’m going to shower and then we should eat.”

Lardo holds up her apple.

“Actual breakfast, I’m starving,” Ford clarifies. “Plus those apples are all mushy and grainy, I meant to cut them up for the birds the other day.”

Lardo shrugs; the apple tastes a little weird, but not too bad.

I enjoy detail and domesticity, which this fic has in droves because I also enjoy indulging myself. Here I like the domesticity of planning food and that in this exchange Ford is doing all the talking and Lardo doesn’t say anything; I know she’s eating an apple, but in my head it’s a very capable and intelligent reflection of her canonically not being chatty even with people she’s comfortable with! :D

That’s all! @mildredmost if you want :)

#my writing #long post

[amwritingmeta]

But if Cas becomes human now doesnt that mean being human is not his endgame? Cause happens at well the end? And we still have seasons left of the show since they said the show has "many years left" in fact doesnt the fact that we still have lots of years blow a hole in the jack helps tfw on their endgames spec since neither of them are getting their endgame anytime soon

Hello lovely Nonny!

For me, Cas’ endgame is making the final choice to become human: if that is through falling from grace, or through him choosing to stay human when offered the chance to strap on his wings again, doesn’t matter for his endgame. 

The reason I see it would be a beautiful, beautiful thing to have him back as a human early, for him to learn and grow as a human, so that he can make an educated decision when the time comes, based in what he wants for himself, rather than how it would most likely come off if he doesn’t get to find his human feet first - as though he’s doing it out of his love for Dean - is because then the choice is tied to his individual character arc. 

He’s always been on a journey all his own, one that is now closely linked to Dean, but one that Dean isn’t really a part of. Cas was brow-beating Heaven and it’s orders long before he ever met Dean Winchester. But the reason they’re now in a joint love story arc is that Dean came into Cas’ life and was the catalyst for real and permanent change. This is what the lovers do for one another, but enough of that now or I’ll digress completely. ;)

They did say that the show has many years left. And, hell, they might. They could probably spin this final leg they’re setting up and make it run a fucking mile - they’re that good at what they do. I’m going to take their words with a pinch of salt. I’m sure now that S13 won’t be the last season - I WAS WRONG (thank god I didn’t offer to eat my shoe for that one) - but I’ve also always said that I can see them going for episode 300 or possibly even a full S14 so I’m not counting my chickens just yet. 

The character growth that they’ve been moving toward for twelve years PEAKED in year twelve. And, yes, admittedly they could SURELY go for another twelve years with these characters evolved into new dynamics - lapsed brodependency meaning Sam is heading the MoL and Dean is out hunting with Cas, his husband. Calling in with updates, Sam sharing research over the phone. Dean and Cas sleeping in shitty motels, driving, bickering, laughing, kissing, being BAMF oh my God I hope they go on for ten more years at least!!

Ok so I don’t think this will happen. They’re changing the tone of the show for a reason. They’re doing callbacks for a reason. They’re tying the narrative back to the beginning for a reason, reminding us of where it all began for a reason. That’s what I take from the narrative. 

The ending of the brodependency - which has been the fantastic and emotional hinge on which this show has swung open-and-shut for over a decade is beginning to come to a real end. I’m sure the brothers will still be working through it in S13, but Sam is a leader now, and Dean has let him go, so they won’t relapse. There’s no way in hell.

DESTIEL IS FUCKING EVERYWHERE AT THE MOMENT. It was riddled through that AMAZING FUCKING FUCK ASDFGHJKLASDGGJASHDGJASH 

*deep breath*

that STUNNING recap of S12 where they kept cutting between Dean and Cas and then ENDED it on them. On how nothing else matters. Oh, Destiel is coming our way. And once they are undeniably in love (they already are but for the sake of the GA let’s pretend) and this love story peaks as well, then the core dramatic conflicts of the narrative have been resolved. Telling a story forever is well and good, but telling the greatest story ever told indefinitely is impossible. I think they want to close on a high, and I believe they’ve got that high well in their sights. BUT I COULD BE WRONG.

(I don’t think I’m wrong)

And I don’t believe I ever once said that Jack is key to endgame. Jack is the bringer of Balance between Heaven and Hell and Earth: that does not mean that his storyline closes the book entirely. I have always felt in my soul that Jack is key to TFW COMING TOGETHER, though, which will push the three of them towards their individual endgames, for sure. And hell, if it doesn’t look like that’s pretty much right on the money! (colour me HAPPY AF)

I’m with @tinkdw who says that the BMoL should be the last Big Bad AFTER balance is restored and the gates of Heaven and Hell are closed - IF that is the purpose of Jack. 

I do know that this spec COULD be wrong, that Jack might be a plot device to bring balance to TFW rather than EVERYTHING, that Heaven might choose a leader and Hell might get their Queen (Rowena) and balance might be found this way, I mean, fuck me, I don’t KNOW FOR SURE. I’m just pulling on threads, weaving away. A fair amount of my weaving is reflected in these spoilers though, so there’s some gratification in that. :) But as I wrote about a while back: a good narrative ALWAYS has twists and turns to it, and all I can hope for is that the twisty turns don’t appear right on one of the threads I’m pulling.

As for the BMoL as the final threat: the world in balance will still need to look after itself: the supernatural will always kill and hunters will always hunt. The BMoL is a threat to the HUNTER COMMUNITY ITSELF and to the balance of the supernatural world vs the human world: TFW having learned their lessons will be perfectly poised to STOP the BMoL overturning this balance.

I also suspect they may be priming Jack for a recurring role on Wayward Sisters… But I could be wrong. He’s just the right age for that set of characters so I got to thinking… Anyway, I doubt Jack’s endgame is to sit on a throne in Heaven. So leaders for both Heaven and Hell (if not already chosen) will need to be chosen. I feel a war coming on…

That’s all I’ve got on offer. I hope this clarified your questions, or at least gave you my view on them. Which I guess is what you wanted. You know, since you asked. ;) 

[qanoor]

i suppose it is ironic and apt that i am listening to a peppy pop song called “not over you” by tessa violet right now.

*

i woke up around 12.30 & stuffed my face with food i shouldn’t eat & talked to sophie a little & then went back to sleep because that is my method of coping with my anxiety and depression & it doesn’t work but what else can you do. i told sophie about what was going on with sam & i wanted her to say don’t worry, we’ll figure it out so you can live with me and ginny and tavi and miel. (or some combination thereof.) instead she said she was glad that she was moving if it was going to be so precarious whether sam and i keep living together, too. then she asked me, following our conversation/difficulty/post-breakdown anxiety last night, if it would be okay if ginny came over to help her with cleaning her room -- she’d check in on me, it wouldn’t be too long, etc. i said yes i didn’t want it to be rigid, of course it’s okay if ginny stops by briefly too. last night i was trying to ask, trying to ask if it would be okay if ginny didn’t come over really for a bit, at least until we tried to figure stuff out more. how do i say i don’t even know why i’m so hurt but i am. how do i say i fucked up and i’m embarrassed that she witnessed me screaming and yelling at you and saying all those angry things about her and she would never lose her cool like that around me and so i have this vulnerability, this mistake, this roughness, and i am so tired of having to apologize over and over but what else is there to do.

*

i woke up again around 5.50 to a beetle crawling/flying its way across my armpit. i brushed it aside and i wanted to die. i stuffed my face more with those corn puffs i shouldn’t eat & i couldn’t stop until i finished what was left in the bag & i knew it was bad & i read the comments on my facebook post about vegan/vegetarian options for the low fodmaps diet & i wanted to die & i wanted to die & i wanted to die & i couldn’t stop stuffing my face & i couldn’t stop & if you really wanted to stop if you really were disciplined if you were anything but this fucked up useless mess you *would* be able to do it you’re just lazy you’re just always sabotaging your health you call it “mild-moderate bingeing and compulsive overeating” but really it’s your complete lack of control because you’re such a useless shitty person and you never try hard enough.

*

i managed to go to the toilet and i managed to put on a shirt and underwear and pyjama shorts & sophie came out of her room when i was dumping her frozen vegetables that she’d (mistakenly?) left out into the chest freezer, and she was very happy about the new lice shampoo she was trying (she and ginny have been fighting off a strange case of lice for months now, with varying levels of non-success... strangely enough i haven’t got lice yet and maybe i should be more worried about getting it, certainly it would be more consistent with my ocd to be more worried about it, but anyway) because it’s some “natural” thing or something and it smells so much better & she kissed me and i made sure it was close-mouthed because i hadn’t brushed my teeth & it probably would’ve been anyway & she did that silly gasp thing that i love so much & 

*

i was planning to go visit sam in his room after i poured myself the last of the melon juice and mixed it with my fiber supplement (i’m only taking it once a day instead of 3 times like it says because i think i jumped in too fast initially and it might’ve fucked with the absorption of my psych meds, which could also have been a factor in my awful meltdown the other day) but when i actually went over he was gone & i asked anya if he’d left & she said she thought so, maybe, & i felt so horrible and empty & i came back here to my room & i called him & he’s having dinner at his father’s house & he said he’d be back in 2 or 2.5 hours & i asked him how he was doing & he said very shitty & i said i can imagine & i asked him if we could talk when he got back & he said maybe, depends on if i’m doing anything else tonight, i’ll let you know

*

last night it scared the shit out of me that when i keep asking for reassurance from sophie it seems to trigger her, especially in this context, in the wake of a meltdown, into doubting her entire sense of judgment, into wondering if i am doing something wrong after all when i keep asking if i am over and over, or even just more than once at all, and i know -- i know she can’t deal with my need for reassurance, i know, but -- and i said i think this is a textbook response of how abuse survivors/victims doubt themselves & i don’t know what to do with this & also it’s different everything is different & also similar, it’s always like this, nothing is ever textbook and nothing is ever “just abuse” or whatever you want to call it -- there is so much grief and mourning and history between us & it’s hard & i see her being unable to think express answer breaking down in her own withdrawal or constant distraction or -- i don’t know how to describe these things. i don’t know how to describe the feeling of lying on my bed trying to cry silently this time, am i always seeking attention when i cry loudly?, i don’t know how to describe this feeling of things with her always being my easiest reason to cry, how hard it is to cry otherwise. i don’t know how to describe the way it seeps out every last molecule of energy from my body & i’m out for a day & then i try not to be & then i am again & i see how much it hurts us both, this history, this mourning, this retraumatization, this reenactment, every time i have another screaming/yelling fit about something it’s.... and i feel the need to clarify, always, no i didn’t scream/yell again last night, but it was still related to the other night, and why this endless need to clarify, to ascertain, to document.... am i just always trying to prove some kind of innocence, or some kind of “at least” or “it wasn’t as bad as” or something? maybe everything was already premade to be as bad. no, not that. it’s not that either.

*

last night sam said he didn’t want to delve into what he was feeling/thinking about us but i couldn’t leave well enough alone and he said he just didn’t want to pile on if i was really tired & i said no it makes me more anxious to not know & so. & so we got into it again & this time we really did decide, or i helped him decide?, or something. that we should really just call ourselves platonic friends. & this was. he didn’t want to let go of this hope he keeps having that it’ll be something more, that i’ll be more romantically/sexually available and interested, that there’s something still to hope for. & letting go of all this hope is so devastating for him.

*

there’s things that are hard to document, and i wanted to document them as they were happening, but it’s also so maudlin. i said but i’m here for you and he said but not the way i want you to be. and i try to understand i try to understand, god knows i’ve been through this too, was this what i did to amira? & later much later i realized what a beautiful friendship i had destroyed in some sense forever. & i don’t know i don’t know. but i can’t feel the things for him that he feels for me. & he said you don’t know what it feels like, to be so utterly rejected by someone you have such a passion for. & i said but i haven’t completely rejected you! but when did i become this person? i should not have defended myself thusly. i have -- i have -- rejected him so utterly. this has been true for so long. this has been true for years. this has been true since i wrote the jaded poem the night after i first slept with him in summer 2013. this has been true! why do i keep lying to him and to myself?

*

i keep wanting to be this girl, like sylvia plath, who eats men like air.

but it’s dreadfully lonely & it’s not the best relationship model. maybe it’s a better business model, but i never wanted to seal the imprint of a body on a dollar bill.

*

see, he said but i’m a bad friend and i thought about how miel and i had talked about how he seems to be so much more friendly, at least sooner so, with people he’s attracted to. like how he friended evyn on facebook right away but took so long to friend miel. or how he constantly falls for all these queer people who won’t have him and keeps trying and hoping anyway. or how he said he wished he’d talked to lea on okcupid all that time ago even though lea’s really a lesbian. & i thought about the violence that exists in desire. today, sophie said that she can understand that, though -- the only really wanting to consistently connect with people who you also have some kind of romantic/sexual/complicated feelings for, that she’s like that too. this frustrated me & she said she doesn’t really communicate with people who are “just friends” either, & this frustrated me. like i get it but also i think i have learned through years, perhaps years of also doing similar things, that there has to be value in platonic friendships too, and even if everything is fluid there has to be some sort of recognition.... & yes sophie does get that too, and i guess sam does as well, but it’s... it’s... i don’t know. 

what he said was that he wasn’t sure how things would be if he got with someone else (and especially monogamously) and if i moved away & if we didn’t live together & if... & i asked him if he felt like he couldn’t live with me anymore if things were “just” platonic & it was complicated because he both said yeah that would be too hard but he also said he wanted to live with me too when i said i wanted to keep living with him. he was just scared that we wouldn’t be forever anymore

*

this is where it gets so muddy and awful. i don’t really want to live with him. i haven’t wanted to keep living with him in a long time. i never really wanted to start living with him that much, either. we’ve carved out some sort of patchwork semi-halfhearted domesticity and some kind of comfort, some kind of sustainability. but so much of this, for me, has been more about practicality and giving in to something i don’t really feel much agency in...

& so i’m awful. & so i think about -- if he moves out, who will i find to live in his room? would miel even be interested? this apartment is so small and has a tendency to become cramped, but i suppose that is moreso because currently the living room is partitioned off into sophie’s room. & what about -- laundry, that is, the lack thereof in this building, and how it really does require a car when the laundromat is 10-15 minutes away walking. 

& so i think about -- it’s been such a help to get rides from him -- not just for laundry but also for groceries and other things. & i don’t have a car (and neither does miel). & i can’t just live with someone i don’t trust. 

so then there’s -- what if i moved out instead? the moving plans have all combusted spectacularly. i really was hoping for the place that sophie, ginny, sam, me and tavi (and originally miel as well, but that’s a long story) applied for but didn’t get. and now there’s -- which occasioned the terrible meltdown about ginny and other things -- the plan for sophie & ginny to move in with that fucking white straight couple to a different place, and if the white straight couple backs out (which sophie is hoping for) then maybe tavi and a friend could join. (i am bitter that sophie doesn’t even think this is a possibility for me anymore, it seems.) 

anyway, i am really afraid. i am also really afraid that even if sam and i do continue living here together, like it was seeming to be, that he won’t -- i don’t know, that he’ll be a lot less giving now that we’re not even makeshift partners anymore. that maybe he just won’t value me as a friend, that he can’t. that if he gets into a monogamous relationship that that person won’t be okay with him living with his ex. that it really will come down to -- i’m no longer worthy now that there’s not even the vague hope of sex again. & i feel so dirty and wrong and awful. and i feel so angry. and it’s easy to confer the dirtiness and wrongness onto him. 

maybe i am just afraid that i won’t be able to use him anymore. this is such a typical “woman’s role” or whatever. i am a stereotype but maybe there is nothing else to be. so much misogyny in the very syllable of being, internalized or otherwise. it’s so complicated. depending on a guy who has more money (albeit not that much more), who has a car. 

& to look for a new place -- maybe with miel, maybe with someone else (who???) too? i’m so scared. & it’s so hard, with my being on disability & miel’s complicated low-income status (albeit they can probably have their mom as a guarantor on their part of a lease, like they currently have -- i don’t really have this possibility as my parents are in india and that’s very complicated), to even find a place that will accept the precarity of our incomes. i want to be looking for part-time work but that might not do much good either, and it’s the constant -- if i earn “too much” i don’t get disability anymore, but if i stay on disability that’s fucking miserable too. 

i wish it felt like i could get out of the trap i’m in. but maybe i am just always painting myself as the victim and actually i am manipulative, like ginny says, just trapping everyone else in my elaborate web of constraints, instead.

[tinkdw]

Hey, I was reading your post about Dean stepping away from Sam when on the phone with Cas and I was wondering if you could clarify what you meant. I wasn't sure what your point was, sorry.

Hi nonny, 

Part of what I love about the Dean / Cas relationship is not what we see on screen but the subtext of what we see off screen and what is held back.

Things like the deleted scene going around my dash today with Cas saying ‘I’ve been told I’m getting funnier’ - well heck if that isn’t a conversation he’s had with Dean.  The fact that Dean took Cas to Hot Topic to buy Claire a grumpy cat plushy. What happened off screen after they went to the brothel in season 5, the fan fiction gap of 9x06, the drive home in 7x23 after Dean told Cas he would choose him and Cas felt partly forgiven, THE DRIVE HOME AFTER 12x12!!

So yeah I enjoy all this stuff a LOT :)

The phone calls tie into this nicely. I wrote a post particularly about phone conversations here:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/158661826177/every-time-its-always-dean-who-makes-the-call-to

Essentially, the fact that Dean often moves away from Sam when calling Cas or is completely off screen when speaking to Cas and, when Sam comes in or he comes near Sam, seems to change the subject back to the case at hand (it’s quite clearly often NOT a continuation of the conversation from before). This just upholds more off screen development of their relationship friendship which is canonically referred to on screen through these references.

So, you know when you were a kid and had a crush, you’d want to speak to them, well heck if you’re going to do that around your sibling, especially one who seems to constantly roll his eyes at you anyway….well imagine you’re a 30-something year old man with crap all relationship experience, a shitty childhood, a complicated understanding of your own sexuality and your crush is a celestial wavelength of intent in the body of a sexy yet holy tax accountant who most of the time seems oblivious and you’re not even sure if he is interested in anyone sexually or you as more than a friend, a mission to protect or his charge, even if he clearly cares about you a lot? 

Yeah, its complicated….

So, over the years we rarely see Dean spending time alone with Cas, but we do get snippets of phone calls.

This is 11x06 by the way, for example, or as I like to call it the expositional episode where Amara canonically said that DEAN REPRESENTS HUMANITY. Only 2 seasons late but you know better late than never ;) So here Dean steps away from Sam to speak to Cas, trying to be supportive but in the end kind of being an unhelpful ass to Cas’s struggle as he doesn’t get it and needs him working to solve the problem at hand (kind of exactly how Cas reacts back to him in 12x02).

And ah, season 12, the season that just keeps on giving….

First we have Dean and Cas’s amazingly open exchange in 12x02 precisely when SAM ISN’T THERE. Dean opens up to Cas like a book, delves into his feelings for Chucks sake…. “It’s all just toooo much”. And yeah, like I say, Cas responds in such a mirrored way to 11x06.

But then? Well Mary is our stand in Sam here, when she is around, Dean’s all business.

This is part of a running theme and kind of cements the point I’m making within ONE episode. And its a Bucklemming episode… 

ANYWAY….

Then the opener at the bunker of 12x13 gives us another, standard case of ‘Dean is talking to Cas on the phone for an unspecified amount of time and when he comes near Sam ends the conversation with a perfunctory statement’. 

Which, you know I’m not going to make a big deal of, but they make a point of Dean walking in talking to Cas in exactly the same place that he then watches Gavin reunite with the woman he loves surrounded by a glowing light exactly one episode after Cas was all glowy. Just saying.

Then 12x15 gives us GOLD. 

First of all the intentional double layering of Sam’s “I love you” to Mary and Dean’s closing his conversation with Cas. I loved how intentional this was, it was a clear exposition for me that TPTB are aware of this and playing on it for *reasons* that I hope will eventually come to fruition.

At the end of the episode Cas is in a difficult situation and Dean knows it, the whole “did he sound off you you?” - this is nowhere near the first time. Dean knows Cas but to be fair he also is a master at reading people generally so I take it as a little of one and a little of the other in these situations.

BUT I do love this moment:

Which is exactly the same reaction to the ‘honour bar’ moment in 9x18 - in both Dean looks aside at Sam in a way that insinuates he is holding something back due to Sam’s presence. Which ties into why he usually walks away from Sam or starts the conversation away from Sam where possible when he talks to Cas.

So I hope this answers your question - because basically yes, the phone call thing is just one of the many ways in which Dean holds back from whatever is happening with Cas because of his perception of Sam. Whether he needs to do this is another matter, but he does.

And as this is part of his facade that is being addressed this season I’m interested to see whether we might get more phone conversations with Cas in front of Sam moving forwards to show this alongside what I hope will be Dean being generally more open with his feelings.

#asks #phone #destiel #supernatural #dean winchester #supernatural season 12 #spn 11x06