#to be ready

[beaft]

can anyone tell me why i enter the grocery store a normal person and emerge as some sort of vile ravening monster

#was trying to leave the self-checkout and someone was standing in front of the exit gate looking at their phone and blocking the whole lane #the malignant influence of the grocery store transformed this from a minor inconvenience to a cardinal crime #i was ready to leap at them like a coyote and tear them to shreds #be shh now

[weaver-z]

I think the only person I've met in real life with 100% career satisfaction was this gal I knew who was a presenter at a children's science museum and delivered every line like she was running a WWE match. Every time you passed the room where she was giving a presentation, you'd hear something like "WHO'S READY FOR CEPHALOPODS?!?" and the kids would go absolutely nuts cheering.

#they were ready for cephalopods #cute stuff #lmao

[sabertoothwalrus]

girldad mode activate

#I'd trust him to buy me pads #at home he'd always have clean pads ready in case #they're not for him to use. if he's trans his ass is in menopause #chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #izutsumi #comic #my art

[smokiedokie]

I opened my copy of The Tale of the Body Thief & immediately had to close it again because of this silly little annotation

#yes I spelled channel wrong #but honestly #totbt is just one long get ready with me YouTube story time #the vampire chronicles

[hansoeii]

we go just right.

#when the date went so wonderful that you don't even mind that you forgot your umbrella at home #crowley is doing his best and aziraphale appreciates it very much #aziraphale's very special version of pride and prejudice can't get wet #so you gotta use the four year old newspaper you found in your bentley #I am not mentally ready for season 2 #it will change me in a way that I cannot even explain #thank you neil gaiman love of my life fr #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #good omens 2 fanart #aziracrow fanart #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #david tenannt #micheal sheen #neil gaiman #digital art

[phantomrose96]

I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.

#the person who's re-emailed me asking for help with something: yes I should get back to you. yes I will get back to you #but in the meantime I will look at the email like 'I am busy right now! I have deadlines! do not bother me about this unrelated thing!' #and like in 15 minutes when I'm ready to be an adult again I'll get back to them

[rollinrabbit]

kenergy

#ken #barbie spoilers #barbie movie #barbie #just ken #get ready for a LOT of THIS shit from me

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

#i have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night to even barely function #with sleep #getting ready for work #commute #cooking #and errands #I typically have maybe 2-3 hours to actually do what i want in a day #and I'm usually too tired to actually do the things i want to do #and that's with a very short commute #if i actually had a long commute I'd basically do nothing but work #i see my friends like once every few weeks or months #because we're all so fucking busy with work and have such little time for socialising #and none of us even have kids or anything!!

[girlsnighteverynight]

#GIRLS NIGHT WAHOO #GET READY FOR GIRLS NIGHT #GIRLS NIGHT

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[clawsomebeats]

its time

#happy new year #im ready for the juggalo renaissance #homestuck #icp #dirk strider #jake english

[buggachat]

NO CANON DYNAMIC YET. QUICK, THROW OUT HYPOTHETICALS

#ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #ladybug #chat noir #cat noir #ladynoir #shadybug #claw noir #toxinelle #griffe noire #toxigriffe #shadyclaw #my art #ml paris special #ml spoilers #ml s5 spoilers #so ready for this to be so wrong but that's ok

[castielsprostate]

i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media

#sjonnie.text #i just saw someone make a 50 SECONDS reel about combining movie genres and movies and it was scream and romance and it was 50 SECONDS and #they said “i'm sorry i unalived all those people” go actually fuck yourself. #IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD MURDER KILL DRUGS SEX ETC YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THOSE TOPICS #AND SHOULD NOT PRODUCE CONTENT OF IT #i hate this “family friendly” aesthetic jesus fucking christ #text post #anti instagram #anti tiktok #anti influencers #anti capitalism #20k

[local-pan-wizard]

Watching the difference between the Twitter migration mentality vs. the Reddit migration mentality is fucking hilarious.

Like, when Twitter users started moving over here everyone was pulling out all the stops and bringing back old fandoms that they were into and basically firing rent lowering shots by being super cringey.

And then all of the sudden when the Reddit refugees start showing up we're like, "ah yes, pull up a log and gather around the dumpster fire. We'll teach you how to not get killed by people hunting down bots and carve out a little area for you guys to relax and get used to the site before we throw you into the deep end of this hellsite that we call home. Tomorrow is Let Papyrus say Fuck day so you can prepare for that if you want. You want some hot coco and a blanket?"

#reddit blackout #reddit refugees #reddit #get comfy #welcome to your new hell #enjoy your time here #be ready to celebrate stupid holidays #let papyrus say fuck #undertale #deltarune #twitter #196

[the-zenith-calls]

sorry about your boyfriend. yeah he’s trapped in windows 95. you are also trapped in windows 95

#the magnus protocol #yes i know it’s windows nt being wrong is the point #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #you’ve heard of superhell super heaven and super time #now get ready for super internet #i guess

[acidgirl]

#if one more person tries to act like netflix sending a mediocre band to a picket line as a form of retaliation #is an actual thing that could happen i will kill you #also if you guys can’t handle a little jab at one of the most milquetoast pop bands of the current era #iiiiiiii don’t think you’re ready for this website or the internet in general #just because somsone does good stuff does not mean i have to like their stuff