#to be fair idk if anyone from college would recognize me at this point i look like a gay little man nurse

[s1utspeare]

Fic Writer Interview Meme

I was tagged by my beloved @hils79, whose answers to this were so??? nice???? and good??? i was like HILLLSSSSS MY LOOOOVVVEEEE esp. with their spicy opinion like. it was very good. 

name: Brigid! But slutspeare on ao3!

fandoms: hoo doggy. uhhhhh I wrote fic for Percy Jackson, Sherlock, the Avengers, and Doctor Who in Ye Olden Days on FF.net, but now I mostly write DMBJ fic, which, tbh, is really the only fandom that I like writing fic for at this point?? I think it’s because of the people lmao. And also the extremely versatile ways I can use the characters

two-shot: I don’t think I have a two-shot? I have some two-parter series, either finished or in the works, but for me it’s either one-shot or many-shots. I like two-shots though! They’re always very good bc More Content but with the neat formatting of a one-shot

most popular multi-chapter fic: A Swiftly Tilting Planet yooooooo! I mean to be fair it’s also my only multi-chapter fic but

actual worst part of writing: SUMMARIES i’m literally so bad at summaries. they’re all either short or don’t actually make sense bc I’m literally terrible at writing them. I also hate the feeling where the fic is all inside you and wants to come out but you don’t have enough time/energy/typing speed to get it out there quick enough

how you choose your titles: they’re usually song lyrics or lines from poems lmao. I’m also not great at titles. the FoBa Psychic Detective AU is gonna be called You Don’t Recognize the Bodies in the Water, which is from a weird-ass TikTok I saw the other day so uhhhhh take my titling ability as being Non-Existant

do you outline: YES ok so i was adamantly against outlining for like. my entire writing career bc i was like “it’s a waste of time, idk what’s going to happen, i find it out as i write” and then i outlined Swiftly Tilting and banged that one out SO fucking quick. Like, even just having a basic idea of where you want to go before you start makes writing SO much easier. how did i not discover this hack earlier. Also, you don’t even have to stick with it! You can change it as you discover things! Like! Ah! 

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: hmmmm i don’t know! There’s like! so many! and most of them I could conceivably get around to, but it might be awhile. I have a vague idea for a Swiftly Tilting prequel about the m9 ship crew, and also a Vincenzo fic about vinnie and luca being IN LOVE because they ARE but i don’t know if I have enough passion in me to write for that show. other than that, though, is just like. a veritable cascade of ideas waiting (ooohh like the Jia Kezi/Li Jiale ghost roommate oneshot based on the hit BL drama He’s Coming to Me? i would LOVE to write that one but idk if it will happen). aslighalkdsfjladkjf @vishcount I also had a SOTUS-dream last night where Arthit discovers a secret plot at the college that involves a gun full of bees that Kongpob’s mother developed and he has to keep it hidden from the Bad Guys who want to use it to create like, fuckin, superpowered swimmers?? also there was a lot of angst involved bc Arthit was a swimmer in high school for some reason and then something happened oh wait oh shit I realize why that was, it’s because Krist was in that one show where he played a swimmer in high school and it was very angsty. Ok my brain makes sense now. Also BTS was there. 

callouts @ me: i love u. slow down u maniac.

best writing traits: oh gosh uhhhhhhh ok I don’t want this to sound like i’m bragging or full of myself but like. I’m fucking good at writing. There’s definitely stuff that I need to work on, and maybe i should edit things a little more but like??? bitch!!!! you’re good at this!!! this is your job!!! idk I spent so much time being like “aw shit what if I’m actually not that good what if everyone who reads my stuff is just being nice and saying that they like it and it actually sucks” but i’ve looked back on some of the things i’ve done recently and I’m like, actually a good writer. I mean I’ve been practicing for a long time, so it stands to reason that I would be decent by now. But SHIT like. I’m doing ok! and I’m still a baby! I can only get better! 

spicy tangential opinion: I don’t know if I really have any writing Hot Takes? oh wait i guess i do have one sort of. I think the “fake it until you make it” saying is also super applicable to writing, bc in college I was like “ok what if I just make this as Pretentious Sounding As Possible” and everyone was like “omgggg ur so goooodddd this proseee” and i was like “oh damn i didn’t realize that would work.” and now my ace ass writes straight p*rn romance novels for a living. like I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing half the time, but if you put your work out there with confidence and the knowledge that someone will want to read it, someone is going to read it. also u don’t have to know what a penis looks like to write Sex Involving Penises. You’ve just gotta be good at metaphors. 

this was so fun! I love answering questions! I’m gonna tag @vishcount, @lacommunarde, @gaiahenshin, @merinnan, @bookjoyworm, @humanlighthouse, and @undyingsunshine for this one, if you haven’t already been tagged (but as always, no pressure)! also, anyone else who would like to do it, pls tag steal from me!!! love u bbs, hope you’re having a great day! 

#tag game #about me #my writing #fic

[homosociallyyours]

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

#long post #text post #personal #coffee shop memories #i thought i was so grown up

[toastingtotheghosts]

The Balcony Fic, 2/?

i have finished chapter two of my balcony fic! i may add a thrid chapter, but i don’t know, so tell me if you want me to. read it on ao3 here

people: tyler joseph/josh dun warnings: mentions of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and insomnia, slight anxiety attack/breakdown, idk what to call it based off of the balcony prompt

read under the cut and please leave feedback if you can 

Giving up on sleep, Tyler decided to go out onto his balcony. It wasn’t anything big or fancy - it was a small outside area with identical copies all around the apartment complex.

It always relaxed Tyler to look out at the stars, the universe. It used to scare him shitless, but he had found a way to twist his depression induced nihilism into something more optimistisc. He now saw the infinity of the universe as a blank piece of paper, waiting to be filled with the chicken-scratch lyrics and melodies of his life. The stars didn’t care that he didn’t go to college. The moon would never judge him for not being able to get out of bed when the depression settled heavy in his heart, dripped through his veins like liquid lead and rendered him unable to do much of anything. Tonight was one of the nights Tyler found comfort in the night sky splayed out before him. After a minute, he reached for his phone to put on music. With the click of a button, he leaned back in his chair and let the music wash over him.

———————

As Josh rubbed his bleary eyes, he debated between staying in his apartement or going outside to his balcony. After a moment’s consideration, he decided to go to the slab of concrete outside his back door someone decided to call a balcony. He only hoped there were a great number of stars out tonight.

It always terrified Josh to look out at the stars, the universe. It scared him shitless that there was so much unknown, so many questions that would likely never get answered. If ever star would eventually explode, what was the point of anything? How could he function knowing how insignificant he truly was?

As Josh stood by his back door, hand on the handle, he heard music coming from outside. He knew he had a neighbor, one that he shared his balcony with, but the two had never met. Josh’s anxiety spiked for a moment before recognizing the music.

Death Cab, Josh thought. He’s playing Death Cab. Without a second thought, Josh walked out to the balcony.

Love of mine, someday you will die

“I love that song,” Josh said, looking at his neighbor for the first time. Josh was fascinated by this boy. This brown haired, soft eyed, skinny boy with bags under his eyes fit to rival Josh’s.

“So do I,” Tyler responded, drinking in the sight of the man who had lived just a wall away this whole tune. This man, with bright blue hair and tattos and bones jutting out and shadows under his eyes that explained why he was on his balcony at two in the morning.

But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark

“I’m Tyler,” he said standing up and walking towards his neighbor with his hand outstretched.

“Josh,” the man replied, running one hand through his blueberry hair and allowing the other to shake Tyler’s.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

“So, Josh,” Tyler asked, “what brings you outside when almost everyone else is asleep?”

Josh shoved his hands into his sweatshirt pocket to keep from fidgeting and twitching. “I usually work the night shift at the hospital, but I’m...” Josh paused as he searched for the right words to say. “Not going in for a few days.

Tyler nodded. “That explains why I’ve never seen you. I work days at the record shop down the corner.”

Josh relaxed a bit when Tyler mentioned the record store. Any man that liked Death Cab and chose to be surrounded by music couldn’t be too bad. “What kind of music do you like? Besides Death Cab.”

Tyler could see the hint of a smile as Josh asked And Tyler knew that, more than anything, he wanted to make Josh smile more. “I’m not too picky, but mainly indie stuff. Although I don’t think I ever quite grew out of my emo phase . . .”

Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark

The better part of an hour passed before the two boys turned the conversation away from music. The likely would have kept talking about their favorite bands and video game soundtracks until dawn if not for Tyler asking “so what do you do at the hospital?”

Josh swallowed the lump in his throat and prayed his heart wouldn’t leap out of his chest. “I’m a therapist. I mainly work with teenagers with anxiety, depression, or eating disorders.”

Tyler was even more drawn to Josh now that he knew he wouldn’t get called a freak or lazy any time he had a bad day. “That’s really interesting. Isn’t it difficult sometimes? That kind of work has to be taxing.”

Tyler could see the hesitation in Josh’s face, eyebrows furrowed as he struggled to find the right words.

“It...can be tricky at times. It’s hard, seeing so many kids struggling and not always being able to help as much as you want. I don’t know if it’s harder or easier because I understand what they’re going through. I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid, and...” Josh clenched his hands into fists and began to shake slightly. His bad thoughts, anxieties, all of his underlying panic was now surfacing.

Without thinking, Tyler reached out and put his hands over the shaking man’s. “Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay. Just breathe.” Josh took a few shaky breaths in and nodded.

“Thank you. I’m sorry. This is stupid. I’m stupid.” Josh looked down, shame visible in his eyes.

“It’s not. You’re not stupid. It’s okay. I know what it’s like. I’m not exactly perfect in the mental stability department, either. I’ve had depression since I was twelve, and I’ve had my fair share of anxiety attacks, too. I’m here for you. It’s okay.” Tyler leaned forward and wrapped the quaking boy in his arms. “I’m here.”

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied And illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

Josh held on to Tyler, who gently rubbed his back.

“It’s okay. Just let go.”

Josh let out a sob. It had been so long since anyone had made an effort to comfort him. He knew it was pathetic to be breaking down in front of this man who was basicaly a stranger, but Josh was past the point of caring. Tyler was kind and Josh needed as much kindness as he could get, considering his own mind had the cruel temperament of a high school bully.

He wasn’t sure just how much time passed before he untangled himself from Tyler’s arms. “Thank you, Tyler.”

Tyler let out a slight smile. “Any time, Jish.”

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks

“I know what it’s like to feel alone. I know how bad it is. I don’t want you to feel like that again, okay? I’m here.” Tyler stared into Josh’s eyes.

The two boys talked until the sun broke through the darkness. They talked their pasts, their issues, their hopes, their dreams. And even with the massive sky spread out above them, a cloak of darkness with glowing white pinholes, they didn’t feel alone even once.

Then I'll follow you into the dark

#toast writes

[babblingbat]

Various Characters I meant to post Months ago

Various Characters of mine

I have so many I want to write (some) of them down! This is a suuuuuper long post so more under the cut! Includes a spy, a crime lord/activist, and a bargaining warlock (I have to reblog this later bc tumblr threw a hissy fit about the length)

X

- Kinda in a Bond-esque spy agency, but more of a contractor

- When everything goes to shit, you can count on them to fix it

- Nonbinary protege of whoever is in charge of the tech division (Mezza? Sloane? Dixon? idk, but they have a hell of a shady past and there’s like… noooothing that can keep Sloane out of computer systems)

- X isn’t formally recognized by APO (authorized personnel only, the spy agency) but they do have access to all information because of a backdoor Sloane made

- So I guess the name is Sloane

- Anyways, X goes on the black ops of black ops, typically with either mercenaries or no back-up at all

- Thus trust issues and like the opposite of dependency - they have so much trouble asking for things but are willing to help anyone or offer material assistance - if they have it

- X is nonbinary and really doesn’t have any preferences on pronouns, as long as they aren’t he/him or she/her

- They’re also autistic and shut down if there’s too much loud noise or if they’re just too tired for some reason - sometimes this means going nonverbal or just Not Functioning and their favorite way to feel better is to sit on the ground, wrap themselves in a blanket and listen to music - so in conclusion they don’t really use guns unless there’s a silencer, and they aren’t v good with them

- A huge part of their espionage function is language!

- They speak German, Spanish, Japanese, FSL, and ASL all idiomatically

- They also speak Russian, French, and Afrikaans, but not fluently

- They can swear and count to ten in Korean and Czech

- They’re pursuing a PhD in computational linguistics, though APO gets in the way

- They’re 24, and have a bizarre set of skills because both of their job, previous jobs and jobs they hold as a cover to pretend they pay their taxes, and special interests

- Sloane is only 7 years older than them, and recruited X out of high school

- At first it was small things, like ‘pick up this book from Elm Street and drop it at Main’ but it got bigger after they graduated

- When X turned 18, they went through formal training - protocol, combat, and analysis

- They’d done some martial arts before hand, but not much punching, mostly kicking, throws, and staffs (5 and 6 feet)

- X’s main job is to clean up messy situations, usually by stealing things or extractions, and their own ops are less combat oriented than the clean ones

- X is not the best at math, not by a long shot, but they can see patterns from a mile away

- “I am the fact guardian, guardian of the facts!” “Puzzles quiver before them!” “FUCK OFF”

- They do simple division when bored and solve a lot of math things by finding patterns and using them

- X is both their designation in the agency (as in ‘x factor’) and their actual name- they use an alias for college

- They live with a few people, most of whom complain at their erratic sleep schedule and ask that please, for the love of god, X gets sleep meds and just a solid 8 hours, for once

- Sloane eventually sends X on an op to extract Mel, Sloane’s girlfriend and top operative

- X doesn’t know what to tell Mel, so mostly they just tell them that things will be answered later

- Mel asks Sloane, who reluctantly explains X’s role, and this sets some things into motion of X eventually being brought into the spotlight

- They have several hearings about their activities

- Eventually, Seville (who runs things? I guess) tells them to carry on as they do, reporting directly to Sloane, but they are recognized now by the APO

- There are three other things I want to fit in:

- Goes missing for [period of time], leaving a very close friend behind, comes back after being presumed dead and no memories, apparently solved a conspiracy and now has many illegal friends who all enjoy thievery

- Magic is a thing (because it wouldn’t be my words if it wasn’t lmao) and common enough that people know it exists but rare enough that it’s kinda intimidating and sometimes people will freak out about it, despite plenty of people having it.

X has/develops magic at some point but is terrified to tell anyone and tries to hide it from their team (which is now their family, love that trope) because they don’t want to be barred from the APO, but it comes out accidentally during a mission

- X’s infodumping saves the day somehow

The Celestian

- K so this is more about an organization, but the Celestian lives in a like a 1920s fantasy setting and likes dancing

- They run a social activism group masquerading as a crime network that uses queer bars and stuff as fronts

- To get money, they dance competitively with their bodyguard and d8m8, the BFF (butch femme fatale) who identifies as a nb lesbian

- To get into any of the places where actual political dismantling and activism happens, who have to have very specific patterns on your nails - nail painting is a method of communication and is also a huge teambuilding exercise

- There are different codes for everything

- When cops try and get in (they can only find the places if they have a member of the Queer Folk), the code is “blue denim” and then the person caught tells the police they need nail polish and then laugh as they get caught, as if they were bullshitting the whole thing

- Other things are called “10:50 am” which looks like a sleepy eye

- Or “songbird rhapsody” which is also a popular song that the Celestian sings at clubs

- Or “money” which is just a green splotch on all the nails

- If you’re a member of the Queer Folk, you get a crate monthly of money and nail polish, and special things on birthdays and holidays

- The Queer Folk do everything from organize protests to take kids in and try to pay for their education through crime - as in robbery from different places

- Their crimes always have a certain flair to them - they value creativity and snazziness

- The Celestian is like 5’ 3” (which, to be fair, is 3 inches taller than I am) and the BFF picks them up a lot

- They don’t like alcohol or caffeine but drink herbal tea 24/7

- If they don’t, something is very, very wrong

- They have a prosthetic leg

Red

- Literally in high school

- A warlock! They traded their gender and all “gender identifying features” to a trans demon for magic powers

- The demon mostly asks them to get coffee and stuff because the demon isn’t very good at bargaining and just wanted Red’s gender, but it’s expected of a patron to keep using the warlock for things

- (on the demon phone) “hey so this is super duper important and if you could get it in the next half hour that’s the best thing”

“what is it”

“alright so go to the corner of Lincoln and Greenleaf, turn three times to your right, once to your left, and a door should open behind you. Don’t try to turn towards it, just fall backwards”

“if I fall onto poison ivy or concrete I’m breaking my fucking contract”

“No, no no no, you’ll appear in that good good heaven spot”

“… the coffee shop?”

- Red focuses on science in their school

- Every interaction is a deal. E V E R Y I N T E R A C T I O N

- Breakfast? “I’ll give you the salt if you hand over the pancakes”

- Entering a building? “Hold the door open and I’ll give you praise”

- School? “You want me to tell you what I do in my spare time? Give me an A on my midterm and I’ll tell you”

- The last one has left a lot of teachers confused and more than a little scared of the silly little nerd in their class

- Honestly, they have straight A’s because they make deal after deal about grades. They never cheat on tests, but they make deals, hold people to them, and know what they’re doing

- Red’s demon is getting a little worried with all the deals

- Red is most accustomed to deals rather than anything else because they think that unequal exchange (i.e., gifts) is really suspect

- That said, Red has no problems altering “equal” exchange to benefit them

- If they ever became a business owner, they would be terrifying

- They want everything to turn out the best it can for every one but… are not fans of laws

- They have many Opinions on law, its enforcement, and the government

- That cousin that will tell you constantly about how the government is corrupt and should be rebooted with the youngest people as the primary interest

- Anarchy? Not quite, but revolution? Most definitely

- No angst, just high school silliness and chaos

- Has no idea what’s going on 90% of the time - a kid on a sportsball team did something amazing, people started treating him like shit for adults liking him, and Red had no idea until like 3 months later

- Red just kinda lives in their head

- Did they hear what you just said? Nah, but they sure did hear that wristwatch every time it clicked on the second.

- Likes the sound of adventure, but mostly gets lost in Ikea and makes deals with the eldritch monsters in the mattress section

- SUCH A SHITTY SENSE OF DIRECTION, COULD GET LOST IN A GRID WITH MAPS AT EVERY INTERSECTION

- Charismatic, but mostly in the sense of lying their ass off and persuading people

- Once tried to go a day without making a deal (on a dare), ended by making a deal to not have to ever do that again

- Businesses both hate and love them - they pay for nothing but will bargain away odd things of equivalent value every time and catch shoplifters, dislikes shoplifters because it’s not a fair trade

- Bizarrely good luck with finding things in pockets, particularly to “pay” for things

#my ocs #red (oc) #X (oc) #the celestian #crime #warlock #dnd #d&d #dungeons and dragons #there was another dude that was supposed to be in this collection sort of thing but tumblr screamed at me when I tried to add them so ¯\_(ツ) #my writing #how am i supposed to tag again #please ask me about these kiddos #thanks

[justyouraveragecognitionhoe]

words words words

here’s my brain dump from last sunday enjoy picking it apart. i tried to organize it cause i just kinda kept inserting paragraphs wherever when thoughts came up. 

i’ll break it up a bit cause there’s a few different topics? or i’ll just dump it flows enough ehhh here you go 

*i tried to make multiple keep reading lines but it won’t let you do that in on post so i gotta post this and reblog it from myself so bear with that crap for a moment. 

eh this first blurb turns into boys. lame. read on if you so choose. also disclaimer i start to say fuck a lot in this chunk idk why but it just happened. 

i slept over a boy’s house last night for the first time. bree and sam and i went to jordan’s for the racing banquet afterparty, and it was liit. hehe sorry i hate myself for writing that. but it was super fun! it was an adventure of a night. sam and i became fast friends, bree and i had some simp time, played fun games and drank, and then we all just slept over at jordan’s. it was v uncomfortable haha bree and i slept on a giant bean bag. comfy to nap and sit on, not so great for prolonged sleeping. but it was really worth it. i had such a great time. some formula boys came over too so playing games was fun cause there were more people. also back to banquet for a moment, i’d like to take the time to appreciate how fire i looked. i felt really confident. i wish i got to wear that outfit more, i think i need to get appreciated in it more. hmmmmm what else i haven’t been able to do this in a long time. i’m so bad at keeping tabs on my life. i need to go back to the mason jar with little weekly updates those were fun.

i had a really nice time chatting with erika on thrusday after mandarin. she’s so precious, i’m really grateful to have gotten the chance to meet her better before the year ended. she told me i was really beautiful and was surprised when i said i had no boys in my life. she’s so beautiful, i always feel like it’s the truth when i hear that i’m pretty from other pretty girls. like cause they’re pretty they know what it is, so if they say i am, i like to believe i’m pretty too. but i don’t have guys lining up for me and it just always makes me wonder what i’m doing wrong. do i give off bitch vibes, don’t date me vibes, i don’t date vibes, like why don’t i get approached if i’m so pretty. the only guys to ever tell me i’m pretty or something are always creeps and i don’t fuck with that shit. i just want a nice boy. 

wow nice transition. let’s talk about cute boys!!! cause i have no other life than think boys are cute and hope that one day one of them might like me back a little. there’s this cute little electron in the bat lab. he’s really adorable. he wore a nice light pink polo to banquet and won an award. what a cutie pie. i finally introduced myself to him during banquet. i like to think that he looks at me when i’m in the bat lab. i definitely sneak little glances at him. ugh i think bford is really cute too. he wore suspenders and a bowtie. he sent me a fb friend request and i felt accepted. that means he knows who i am. *update he asked to connect on linkedin, we can get married now. i also like to think he’s given me a double look before. who else. ooo i am hopelessly in love with smol bean. he is such a great wholesome bean with lots of protein and is the cutest stud. he’s just such a good person and i appreciate him like crazy. there’s a lot of cuties in racing i appreciate them all. but then like it kinda sucks because i know i’ll never get to be in a relationship with any of them because i’m not a “first-choice girl” i’m just that extra quirky roommate to the prettier roommate or the sidekick friend to the beautiful man character. does my desperateness show to much? do they know that i want their attention? do i act weird around them? or do they just not like me? but i’m pretty decent friends with a lot of the guys i think are cute, do they just see me as a friend? am i really on another level like trevor said that guys feel like they’re just not goof enough for me? i mean i like to think i’m at least really cute, and i think my niceness makes up for the lack of a defined waist and prettier everything. guys fall over olivia all the time, no one has ever really done that to me. i just want to be the beautiful friend once. that really pretty girl that they ask their friends who she is, because she’s smart and cute and beautiful and they want to get to know who she is. when do i get to be her? i love all of my friends so much and i’m so lucky to have them all, but fuck why are they always all prettier and skinnier and better at everything than i am. it’s just hard.

i want to believe that shades® thinks i’m cute. like i really wanna believe it. but last night he just talked about how he thought that my friend was so beautiful. but he said that he liked drunk emma and that she was fun:) and he likes my memes and admires my work ethic and thinks all my slps are dope and he thinks it’s cool that i’m learning mandarin and write notes on my laptop in mandarin and idk man he’s a cutie. we went to church together just us a week or so ago cause debbie was sick and bree was gone and i wondered if people thought we were dating. we went shopping at trader joe’s after and i thought we looked cute. he’s problematic to work with though so i idk how he’d fair in a relationship. he also has total anime hair, i appreciate it. i think blondrew may have had a crush on me for a while. he would kinda pick on me a bit and give a little sass back which he hadn’t don't before. he’s getting back to normal now which i appreciate.

jenna asks me a lot why i think i’ve never dated anyone. we always get interrupted and i never get to finish my thoughts, but the truth is, is i don’t know why. it;s not like i haven't wanted to. there have been plenty, and i mean plenty fuck all i do is think about cute boys, of boys the i think are cute and stuff but i’ve never dated any one. dude, if it wasn’t for trevor i still wouldn’t have had my first kiss. do i just seem like i don’t want to date do i flirt wrong?? do i seem like i already have a boyfriend? cause like whenever people ask about boys in my life and i say i have none and have never had any they seem surprised. like did they think i already had a boyfriend? but then their are such really pretty and accomplished girls i know that also have never had boyfriends either and like fuck it sucks. why does the world hate us. i really dislike that i think that way. but it’s always on my mind. 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just want a boy to like me. like it’s so sad. i feel and think that it’ll solve my confidence issues and stuff and like i know it won’t. to me i think that it’ll mean a sign of like societal acceptance, that a guy likes me, but that’s such a backwards way to think and that in no way defines my worth in society. i think at this point it’s become something like a, “i need it to happen to know that i know it’s not what i need.” i know myself, i need the verification that it’s not what i want and i’ll know that when it happens, even if i keep telling myself from now,  i still need it to happen to have physical proof. it’s like how i told myself don’t go into college with expectations, but i still went into this year with them and now i really feel secure in knowing that expectations suck and i really need to not have them. it also makes me mad that the acceptance and love i get from my friends isn’t enough for me to feel like i am relevant. like i am someone people like and want to hangout with and be around. i’m really sad that i can’t recognize that, and i feel like i need it form a guy but goddamn i just want a nice boy to cry to and smile with and just sit next to each other and lean my head on his shoulder. but that’s not gonna fix me not knowing who i am or feeling comfortable with myself and confident in myself. 

fuck i hate how my entires always turn to love and boys. like there’s so much more to the world and i always bring it back to not having a boy. but like fuck i don’t need one!!!! look at how impressive my life and accomplishments are. and i worked for them so hard without a guy. i did them myself with the help and guidance of my amazing support systems, that i sought out myself. i set and seek goals and i fucking accomplish the fuck out of them. i am so motivated and passionate and accomplished and smart and trilingual and cultured and kind and funny and beautiful and i don’t need a guy to prove any of that because i know it all, but i don’t know if i believe myself.

#june 4 2018 #originally from may 27 2018 #lmaolovekinda™ #shades® #smol bean #sleepover #roommates #new friends #fun times #erika #mandarin #pretty #beautiful #alone #sad #fuck

[were-cheetah-stiles]

The College Years - Freshman Year (Chapter 18) -Stiles Stilinski

Author: @were-cheetah-stiles​

Title: “The Dead Week”

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Isaac Lahey, Cora Hale, Derek Hale, Ethan, Malia Tate, Sarah Millin, Hanna Simmons, Mina Van Steenis, Liam Dunbar, Mason Hewitt, Hayden Romero, Lydia Martin, Jordan Parrish, Zachary Pillit & Reader/OFC

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, cursing probably, other stuff? idk.

A.N.: This chapter is long but is also sort of the beginning of the end of this part of the series as their Freshman year is coming to a close.

Summary: The Pack sets out to save Hanna before it's too late.

Chapter Seventeen - Chapter Eighteen - Chapter Nineteen

“Zachary... You're name is Zachary, right?" Y/N squatted in front of him. "I'm not gonna hurt you... Do you remember me?" Y/N pulled her hair out of her face and back onto her shoulders. "I helped you and your girlfriend, Mary, that night in Magnolia Park. Do you remember?" The young vampire nodded his head. Y/N smiled a smile that lit up the room. "Great, great... Zachary, I'm sorry that I couldn't help you more, that I couldn't keep this from happening to you, but I'm hoping that you'll help me now. Will you help me?"

"Yes." Zachary, the first victim of the vampire attacks, from the night when Y/N met Scott and Stiles, said quietly, convinced by Y/N’s sincerity.

"Your friends took my roommate. Her name is Hanna, she has three sisters and parents and grandparents who all love her very much. Sarah and I, we love her very much. She's our best friend, and your friends took her from us." Y/N pointed to Sarah, standing next to Parrish behind the couch. "If you tell us what they've done with her, we might be able to help you get back to your old life. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes." Zachary whispered.

"Why were you following our friends tonight?" Scott asked gently.

"She told me to."

"Who's 'she'?" Scott asked.

"The Queen."

"I feel like this is a horrible idea." Stiles commented, as they stood in the middle of Magnolia Park waiting for the vampires to show. "I know you are basically the undead now, but I will totally kill you if you get us killed." Stiles glared at Zachary, their vampire hostage, who had arranged the meet-up. “Dead. I’ll kill you dead.”

"Here they come." Zachary pointed off in the distance to the group approaching them.

"Scott McCall, I've heard so much about you and your pack... and the witch, a descendant of the first American witches. What a treat."

"You know us, but we don't know you." Scott said, in his sweet, low tone, as he surveyed the group of vampires. A tall, slender, and pale but beautiful woman stood in front, addressing them, as two younger and built male vampires flanked her on either side. He didn't see Hanna.

"My name is Ilyse." She said, her voice melodic and her accent mildly foreign.

"You didn't bring Hanna." You spoke up.

"I didn't think it was a fair trade, young witch. Beautiful, youthful, vital Hanna is precious to you... she's valuable to you. Zachary... well, unfortunately, Zachary, you are expendable." Ilyse smiled with an eerie calmness.

"If you weren't going to trade, then why did you even come here?" Stiles demanded to know.

"Ah, the human friend, you should know something about being expendable..." Ilyse tilted her head to survey Stiles' fidgeting, then turned her attention back to Scott. "We came here with a warning, for you Alpha. You came into our territory, you and your mangy dogs, and your half-pint witch." Her entire demeanor changed, the cordial tone was gone. "We've been migrating up and down the West Coast since before the Europeans built fur posts here. We take what we need and the community looks the other way, but you all... you are the ones that blew this out of proportion and threatened my children. You are the ones who need to leave." Her voice became less melodic, and more demonic and guttural.

"I'm not going anywhere without Hanna." You snapped back.

"Unfortunately, if you don't leave, Hanna will never be returned safe and sound into the arms of her mother and what a shame that would be." She returned to her previous demeanor. She smiled. "Leave now, or more will die, starting with her. I promise you that." Ilyse threatened, as she turned her back on the group and walked back into the night.

"She left me..." Zachary piped up. "I can't believe she left me.... That bitch... vampires don't survive on their own." Zachary began to panic, pulling at the chains around his arms.

"Then help us, Zachary, please." You took his hands in yours and squeezed them. "And maybe we can help you."

"You need to find someone." Zachary was quick to flip on his betrayers.

"Who?" Stiles asked.

"The descendant of the Van Helsing line... She holds the key to killing vampires." Zachary divulged.

"Where is she?" You asked, your eyes widening.

"She goes to Berkeley... That's why we've been spending more time here than we usually would, we've been trying to track her down and get the weapon." Zachary explained, admitting the true purpose of the vampires extended stay.

"Do you know her name?" Scott asked.

Zachary nodded. "Mina Van Steenis."

"We need to break into the registrars office." Stiles said, a mischievous look spreading across his face.

"She's in the Criminal Justice major with me..." Stiles said, as he pulled her file from the cabinet in the Registrars office. "Aaaaaaand she's in your American Government class, Y/N." He said, turning to his girlfriend and handing her the file.

"I guess you guys are going to class with me tomorrow morning." You said, shaking your head, as you looked at the picture on file, and recognized the pretty brunette girl from your lecture class.

You walked through the door and looked for the girl in the sea of people. You saw her, a seat open next to her, and approached.

"Can I sit?" You asked, pointing to the desk next to Mina's.

"Yea, sure.."

"Can you move, I need to sit here... just scoot down a couple of, yea, thanks. Oh you’ll get over it, it's just a seat." Stiles said to the guy sitting on the opposite side of Mina. He glanced over at you, and pointed behind him. “I hate when people take the seat I’ve been sitting in all semester, I’d be so pissed if I were that guy.” You chuckled, shook your head and watched as Scott sat in the chair in front of Mina’s.

"Is your name Mina? Mina Van Steenis?" You asked.

"Uh, yea, do I know you guys?" She asked, trepidatiously.

"No, but we need your help." Stiles chimed in, leaning over the desk in front of him.

"I'm sorry, it's Dead Week.. finals are next week, and if you're all just coming to this class now, I don't think I can help you." Mina answered, a weirded out and annoyed look on her face.

"We don't need help with the class." You replied, lightly levitating Mina's notebook off of her desk.

Mina's eyes narrowed in on you and Scott. "Why don't we take this outside?" She suggested.

The group filed out of the large classroom, through the backdoor and out into the parking lot behind the building. Mina dropped her backpack to the ground, and reached in her pocket, revealing a short, curved dagger in her hand. She took an offensive position, causing Scott to reveal his claws.

"You're werewolves and witches, I knew it." Mina said. "Come at me!" She yelled.

Stiles looked at his friends and shrugged. "Uh, we're good..." He said as he raised his hands up.

"....What?" Mina asked, confused, still gripping the dagger.

"We didn't come here to hurt you.. I am actually in that class with you." You pointed back to the building. "But that's not why we came to talk to you. We need your help."

"Someone told us that you are the direct descendant of the Van Helsings, and I don't know if you noticed, but Berkeley has a bit of a vampire problem." Stiles quipped dryly, circling his hands in front of him.

"Can you come to the coffeeshop with us and just talk to us please?" Scott asked gently.

Cora locked the door of the coffee shop behind Derek. The whole group was there. Lydia had come up from Stanford, and Parrish, Derek, Liam, Mason and Hayden had come in from Beacon Hills. They all sat and listened to Mina tell her story.

"My family has been waging this war against the vampires since vampires came into existence. All of these stupid fucking movies and tv shows nowadays glorify the species, but we remember.. They're feral animals that need to be put down." She snarled at Zachary, sitting quietly in the corner of the room with his head down, trying not to draw her attention to him.

"She's a little crazy.. I like her." Ethan whispered to Isaac, who nodded.

"Mina, Ilyse took our roommate, and we don't know how to get her back." You had your arm hooked with Sarah's. You two had been leaning on each other extra in the past few days.

"If they didn't bring her to your meeting, that means that they probably already gave her The Bite, and there are only two ways to save her now: if she's been bitten and has already killed, she's a vampire now, which means she's gone." Stiles looked at you and Scott; his theory about how the vampires were being turned was correct. Mina continued. "If she's been bitten, but hasn't killed, she can still be saved, but only by killing the one who bit her."

"Thaddeus." Zachary said quietly from the back. "Thaddeus bit her and I, but as of the last time I saw her, she hadn't killed anyone yet. He was one of the ones that you fought in Magnolia Park the night they attacked Mary and I."

"So we have to kill Thaddeus.." Sarah chimed in, getting into the swing of her crazy new life.

"No, no, we don't kill." Scott corrected, getting frustrated with his pack's own bloodlust.

"You have no choice, Alpha. These vampires are not here to negotiate. They came to kill me, and now they'll probably kill all of you just on principle." Mina retorted.

"So how do you kill a vampire?" Derek asked, leaning forward as he sat next to Cora and Stiles on a couch.

"My family created five bowie knives. They were made by witches in France." She gestured to you.

"Original coven witches." You answered.

Mina nodded. "They were each imbued with a drop of virgin blood, and the saliva of a werewolf. The metal was forged by hand by a Hellhound named Daniel." She looked up at Parrish. She hadn't been told much about the group, but she was experienced and trained well enough that she could tell by sight who was what. "They were then immediately cooled by the breath of a Banshee.” She looked at Lydia. “It took years to make them correctly, and as some of my ancestors fell, the bowie knives were destroyed with them."

"How many are left?" Stiles asked.

"Three, and I have all of them." She told them. "You stab them in the heart and then rip off their heads for good measure. Bram Stoker's Draculawasn't a fictional novel, it was a public service announcement." She said. "You need to storm their compound, find Hanna, and try not to get killed. If you help me kill a few vampires in between, great."

The large hoard, plus Mina, stared at the large mansion South of campus, that Isaac, Cora, and Ethan identified as being where they saw Hanna, from a distance. Scott turned to address his pack.

"Stiles, you stay with Y/N, and Lydia, you stay with Parrish. I don't want to kill these things, but I also don't want any of us getting hurt like Cora did the other night. Defend yourselves. Stay in your groups, and stay on the walkie talkies. I have a bowie knife, Zachary, Y/N, Stiles, Liam and Hayden, you're with me. Mina has a bowie knife, Ethan, Cora, and Isaac, you're with her.... and Derek has the last one, Parrish, Lydia and Malia are with him. We're here to find Hanna, abduct Thaddeus, and get out. We'll see you after." Scott nodded at his group, and watched as they separated, surrounding the house. "We're taking the front entrance, so we're going to take the brunt of it. Y/N, have you been practicing your forcefield?" Scott asked.

"Yea, I think if Stiles is with me, I can maintain it, at least for a bit." You answered, gripping Stiles' hand in yours.

Scott broke the lock on the front door and stepped back, allowing you and Stiles to take the lead. You emitted a large force field around you, that bounced the first vampire off of it with ease. Zachary stayed in between Liam and Hayden, who each had their claws up against his spine. They weren't sure if they could trust him, but they needed him to direct them through the house. Scott saw Derek and Mina's groups break through the back and side doors and begin fighting the vampires. Mina was cutting through the vampires with her knife like they were made of butter.

"Scott, there's nothing we can do! We have to go." Stiles yelled, waiting for his friend at the bottom of the stairs. Scott followed reluctantly.

"It's the top floor, keep going.." Zachary directed.

Liam took down a few vampires and Stiles smacked one across the face with his bat, but the bowie knife and your force field deterred most from fighting.

"I'm losing it." You said, the glow of your force field flickering from your hands.

"Then save it for when we have Hanna." Stiles assured you.

"Scott, we got Thaddeus." Derek said over the walkie talkie. "Do you need back up?"

"No, no, get out of here." Scott replied.

"She's behind this door." Zachary directed the group.

Scott opened the door to the room where they were holding Hanna and was bombarded with blood thirsty vampires. Hayden, Liam and Scott went to work clawing and punching at them, making their way through the room. You threw a hoard of them across the room with your telekinesis, only to reveal that they were protecting an older vampire woman, with her incredibly long claws against Hanna's throat. You tried to lift her off Hanna, but she dug her nails in deeper.

"Scott... You have to." Stiles said as he and Liam held the door closed behind them, preventing more vampires from coming in and providing support for the old woman. You hovered over Hayden, who was bleeding from her stomach. Zachary was defending the Pack from the group of vampires that you had put down. Scott looked at you and nodded.

"I'm putting it down, just please, we can talk about this. Let her go." Scott reasoned with the old woman, as he slowly dropped the bowie knife to the floor.

"You foolish mutt." She uttered in a guttural tone. She threw Hanna to the side and charged at Scott. You used your powers to pick the bowie knife from the ground and into the old woman's chest. Scott drove it in further, then dropped to the ground with her lifeless body in his arms. She turned to dust in his hands.

"Stiles, help me get her up." You yelled as you rushed to Hanna's side, taking off your sweater and wrapping it as a bandage around Hanna's neck.

"We've got Hanna, we're coming out." Stiles spoke into the walkie, breaking the silence.

You and Stiles carried Hanna out and down the stairs, with Zachary in front, fighting off those who confronted them, having proven himself to the group earlier. Liam helped a wounded Hayden down behind you and Hanna and Stiles. Scott covered their flank, fighting off any residual vampires willing to take them on. They finally made it outside to where Derek's group was holding Thaddeus.

"Where are Mina and Isaac and Cora and Ethan?" Scott asked, looking around and taking inventory of his friends. He then heard static crackle over the walkie.

"SCOTT! MINA WENT ROGUE. SHE TOOK THE QUEEN." Isaac yelled through the radio.

Seventeen <- -> Nineteen

woo. that was a long chapter. 

@alexhmak @dontstopxx @iloveteenwolf24 @chivesoup @vampirepinary @parislight @surpeme-bean @snek-shit @mayahart02 @fuxkdean @teenage-dirtbagbaby @sorrynotsorrylovesome @iknowisoundcrazy @l4life @5secsxofamnesia​ @lovelydob @vogue-sweetie @awkwarddly @therealmrshale @the-vampire-diaries-all-the-way @twentyone-souls 

#the college years tw #stiles stilinski #stiles x reader #dylan o'brien #teen wolf #teen wolf au #stiles x ofc #scott mccall #isaac lahey #malia tate #hayden romero #liam dunbar #derek hale #lydia martin #jordan parrish #mason hewitt #cora hale #stiles #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles stilinksi smut #smut #mieczyslaw stilinski #mieczyslaw stiles stilinski #mieczyslaw #stiles fluff #stiles fanfiction #the dead week #dylan o'brien imagine #dob #dobedit

[pentanguine]

In which I get mad at Ms. Holmes of Baker Street

Ms. Holmes of Baker Street is a truly awful man-ifesto arguing that Sherlock Holmes is really a woman--and not just any woman, but a delicate, weak, constitutionally inferior woman! C. Alan Bradley and William Sarjeant take it upon themselves to misapply deductive reasoning in blatantly sexist ways, and the result is...certainly something. If you’re the kind of person who enjoys entertaining themself by getting angry at other people’s shoddily constructed arguments, you might enjoy it. Hopefully you’ll also enjoy my commentary on select gems from this rigorous scholarly work. 

-“The authors recognize fully that, in making our interpretations of these remarks and these attributes and, indeed, at many other points in the analysis that follows, we risk offending our feminine readership by making generalizations about women that certainly do not apply to the whole range of womankind. However, we live in an age when divergence from the sexual stereotypes is more usual, and much more permissible, than it was during the Victorian and Edwardian times that were the setting for Holmes's investigations. We urge our readers to remember how much more closely the women of Holmes's day were forced, by social circumstances and pressures, to conform to the expectations, not only of their menfolk but also of their mothers, sisters, aunts and peers. Such generalizations are not only easier to make about women of that time than about women of today but also, we sincerely believe, much more likely to be valid. Similar pressures were, of course, forcing the men of that time to conform closely to their own, very different, stereotype. The gulf between the sexes was infinitely greater than it is today—and the individuals who, like Holmes, dared to traverse it, were infinitely fewer.” BULL FUCKING SHIT DUDES you can’t argue that she’s daring to traverse it and still utterly beholden to it in the same fucking sentence!!!

[On their argument that Sherlock was (un)familiar with certain subjects because of her gender] -Women were held to stricter standards of gendered behavior than they are now? Ok, fair. But you are literally arguing that this woman disguised herself as a man and lived as a man!! You are saying that she grievously broke these gendered norms!! And yet she couldn’t be bothered to brush up on her politics?? NO man, not even a private investigator, would DARE to learn about perfume?? Somehow her uterus is magically aligned with these stereotypes and gives her debilitatingly bad cramps?? (Idk if you’ve noticed, cis bros, but the majority of women don’t actually vanish from public life once a month. I’m pretty sure if your period is actually incapacitating that’s a medical issue) OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO STUPID

-They’re arguing…that Holmes is a woman…because a dog…humped his leg.

-“Was it, indeed, an awareness of physical unattractiveness that caused Holmes to despair of marriage and to embark, instead, on a career that would involve lifelong roleplaying?” OH GOOD GOD ‘What if…hear me out…Sherlock Holmes became a brilliant consulting detective because he knew he was too ugly to attract a man?’ *tee hee*

-“In this adventure there is the well-known scene in which Holmes "picked up the steel poker, and with a sudden effort straightened it out again." This, however, is no proof of masculinity. Everyone has heard at one time or another of the mother who, in sudden exertion, is able to lift the automobile under which her child is trapped. Dr. Grimesby Roylott's behaviour had been sufficiently threatening to arouse a similar reaction. If we picture Holmes's eye on his child—or in this case, on Watson!—all becomes clear.” WOMEN CAN ONLY BE STRONG WHEN THEIR LOVED ONES ARE THREATENED

-“What man ever orders another to put on his hat—and what wife ever fails to do so?” Nothing says deductive reasoning like rhetorical questions about culturally specific gender stereotypes based in misogyny and toxic masculinity

-“But [what about] the boxing? Yet Watson gives no details to support his asseveration.” This just in: women Cannot Hit Things

-“It is of the first importance," he warns Watson, "not to allow your judgement to be biased by personal qualities." LIKE YOUR OWN MISOGYNY PERHAPS

-“Sherlock, for once, visits the Watson menage and soon finds the most comfortable chair. Note her crossing of the legs—left over right, the reverse of the masculine norm.” BEHOLD the rigorous deduction

-“No doubt it was not the right time of the month in which to endure so emotionally stressful an adventure!” FUCK off, you namby-pamby little nose-wiping gits before I punch you, you smug bastards 

-WILL YOU STOP GETTING YOUR LITTLE INTELLECTUAL NUTS OFF ON THE IDEA OF WOMEN BEING SOUNDLY BEATEN BY MEN DESPITE THEIR ‘GOOD SHOW’ AT TRYING TO BE EQUAL THE POOR DEARS FUCK YOU

-“Whilst Victorian Puritanism was indeed extreme, it is surprising that Holmes shared it to such a degree that he considered a not-very-determined attempt at seduction to be as serious as murder!” AND THEY LAUGH AT SEXUAL ASSAULT WHO’S SURPRISED NOT ME

-This book is just the product of a period fetish

-“A man may understand another man, but no man may ever hope fully to understand a woman.” And yet you’re certainly trying

-“it may have been that Sherlock’s mother was—unlike the present writers!— a Bronte fan” ‘Just in case you think we like, you know, ~women’s literature~, ha ha, no homo!!’

[On their claim that Sherlock went to university disguised as a man while her parents sat passively at home and despaired] -Ok, the major flaw in the argument at this point is why didn’t her parents just expose her and drag her home in disgrace?? If they know about this, why are they sitting at home wringing their hands going “Oh, our poor little Charlotte’s a cross-dresser whatever shall we do!” when they could be getting her kicked out of college and dragging her right back home again?? Cut off her resources! Discreetly force her to return before she causes a scandal!! 

-“It would have been easy enough for her to attend lectures—or, indeed, not to attend them, whenever her physical condition made attendance difficult.” OH MY FUCKING GOD what do you think college students with periods do now??????

-I officially diagnose the writers of this book with period envy/fetish

-“Moreover, she was too fastidious to wish to spend her evenings in a public house, among drunks and in an atmosphere thick with tobacco smoke.” -I’m not…I can’t even, honestly                            

-“While they were waiting in the darkness of Milverton's study, she was even to seek the physical reassurance of Watson's touch—for that was what happened, even if Watson reported it otherwise.” So now we’ve just resorted to blatantly making things up, this is great

-“we felt that the unproven nature of the evidence for biorhythms might jeopardize the credibility of an otherwise serious work of scholarship” -Oh did you now

In conclusion: If anyone ever tries to tell you that men are inherently smarter than women, just make them read this book

#actually don't they'll probably love it #personal

[sweetandsavageautistic]

(CW: Most Likely Emotional Abuse/Manipulation, Suicidal Ideation)

So I’m not sure if this whole thing with my family is legit because of events that ended less than a year ago.

Because I’m 95% certain I’ve been emotionally abused before. But it was by a “friend” of mine. I think I may have told you about her before, but I don’t know if I’ve told you the whole story.

(I really hope she doesn’t find this. She’s on tumblr, but I’m not gonna tell you the name because she doesn’t deserve that kind of publicity, I don’t want anyone sending hate her way because fighting fire with fire is a bad idea, and I’m scared she’ll find me again.)

So I moved school districts in seventh grade and, at my middle school, there was this girl in my Adv. English class. We didn’t talk much in middle school, but she seemed nice enough to me. Tall, light hair, pretty slim, dancer-type girl. Let’s call her Alana (I apologize to anyone who’s actually named Alana).

Like I said, Alana and I didn’t talk much in middle school, but the times we did talk, she seemed chill, laid-back, pretty Type-B personality. She was also into theatre and, in high school, we were both in drama and the speech team.

Fast-forward to junior year, around late January/early February, I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. There was another girl who, by this point, Alana and I were kinda mutual friends with. Let’s call her Misty. Misty had been in choir with me since freshman year and joined our high school theatre sophomore year; she was also on our school’s speech team. Misty and Alana had gotten incredibly close, to the point where they said that everyone’s a 3rd wheel when they’re together, even Misty’s boyfriend.

(Also, I’m pretty certain that the night we got kinda close, Alana told us that she sometimes fishes for compliments? IDK, just keep that in mind as you read on)

I got close to the two of them in early February and told them about my depression and anxiety. I’d never really had a friend group in my life, at least as far as I was concerned, so this was a first. But I was so scared to lose them, so I got a bit clingy, I guess, but especially to Misty. I mean yeah, that was kinda my bad, but I was also fairly suicidal at that point and I was looking for anything to stay afloat. I was having a terrible relationship with my family. And I hated myself so much. I was also in my very first AP course, which was probably not the best idea for my psyche (but it was kinda fun, though. Aside from the shit-ton of note taking and stress).

As junior and senior years went on, I began to notice that Alana and Misty rarely left each other’s side. Alana was really “protective” over Misty (but now that I look at it, it was more like elusively controlling). If I admitted I was jealous of her, even if I said I was still happy for Misty, Alana would tell me that I wasn’t allowed to say that.

Alana also joined choir in 12th grade, which Misty and I were both in and she auditioned for Chamber (she said that Chamber was the only small group she would accept). Also I know Misty was a really good actress, but the first time she auditioned for the student-run Shakespeare show, Alana was one of the directors and Misty got one of the leads.

I had confronted these girls about things they’d done that made me feel bad or left out, but either I didn’t have enough evidence to back it up or one of the times I told them I felt like they weren’t including me in conversations when I sat with them at lunch, they didn’t do shit to change it and Misty, who was kinda under Alana’s thumb at that point, told me I needed to speak up. But when I did, I still felt like I got ignored.

One of the red flags that should’ve lead me to the conclusion of emotional abuse was when we were coming back from a choir trip to NYC. I had an aisle seat which I was relieved to have because, on the flight to NYC, I had a window seat and had to pee really badly, but something about my bladder won’t let me pee on planes. So when we landed, I wanted to get out, but there were so many people ahead of me and there was a traffic jam. And I REALLY had to go at this point and I was like, “If I don’t get out and get to a bathroom in the next five minutes, I swear I’m going to kill a bitch.”

Anyway, at the airport to go back to MN, Alana came over and asked if I had an aisle seat, which I did, and she asked me to trade with her window seat because she was tall and her legs cramped up when she was in a window seat, which made sense to me, but I also didn’t want a repeat of the flight there.

I was thinking through my options when she said, and I still remember it to this day,

“Think of all the things I’ve done for you.”

And in my head, I was like “whoa whoa whoa” because I recognized that as guilt-tripping. In defense, I told her that I’d done something for her last night and she got kinda grumpy and went back to her seat. I felt kinda bad so I went over and asked her why she asked me and she said it was cuz I was nice, which I like to think is true, but I also wanted to take my own needs into consideration.

So, being a Ravenclaw, I decided to find a way we could both get an aisle seat. Luckily one of the first people I asked had an aisle seat and was willing to trade.

The next day, I was still a bit disgruntled over being guilt-tripped, so I texted her about it and she told me that I did the same thing, like asking her to sugar-coat things and shit. I know for a fact that there’s no way that I did that, so I tried to defend myself. I also told her I didn’t want this to end the friendship and such. She accused me of talking to her like a 2 year old and that conversation left me in tears. It was one of the first times that year. And that would not be the last time.

Her manipulation seemed to carry over to Misty, who asked me if I’d been flirting with a guy we were both fond of, but I knew he was fond of her. As far as I knew, all I did was ask for hugs and talk to him. I ask for hugs and talk to my friends literally all the time, but she still accused me of flirting with him because she and Alana could apparently tell if I was flirting, even if I couldn’t.

The realization came in late-May. I’d applied to a couple of different colleges, one of them was the one Misty goes to and keep in mind, to this day, I’m still not exactly sure why I applied to that college. That day I’d gotten a letter in the mail saying I’d been accepted, which was the second college I’d been accepted to. So I told Alana, who expressed concern at first because it didn’t really have a good theatre program, which she knew I wanted to major in. Fair point.

Then she asked if I applied there because Misty had gotten accepted. I texted her back that I didn’t remember why I applied there and immediately after that, she outright accused me of applying there because Misty was going there. In this rage, I got scared and admitted to her that I was considering killing myself after I turned 18 because I was scared of the world. She told me to tell my dad and then after I did, went on about how I needed to deal with this on my own.

(Backstory: sometime before the incident, I went to see my dean about my suicidal ideations, at Misty’s recommendation. I was really scared, though. Misty seemed to figure this and then accompanied me for a few minutes. Honestly our friendship may have cooled off, but she was still one of the sweetest people.)

Anyway I told her I was scared to go to the dean’s office by myself (also the last time I went there, they didn’t do shit. I was just sent home for the rest of the day) and she told me “Tough luck, buttercup.”

She’s also accused me of fishing for compliments, as if she didn’t admit to doing it herself the first time we met. She also went on about how she could just let me drown, but holds on because she doesn’t want me to. (Bullshit. I hear her voice in my head telling me I’m worthless and to kill myself and shit like that). That lead to another breakdown.

Later that week, I made the mistake of texting her when I felt suicidal and she claimed I wasn’t even trying to get better, but do you realize how much more difficult it is to alleviate depression when you’re autistic? And that’s saying a lot because I feel like it’s incredibly difficult enough when you’re allistic or NT.

And how do I know Misty was under her thumb? Misty, who has depression herself, told me that she agreed with Alana and I was even making negative progress. But she was a bit easier on me. Alana was a “tough love” kind of person, whereas Misty was better with tactful and kind honesty, which I prefer to sugar-coating and tough love.

My initial realization was that Alana was emotionally manipulative, but now I’m pretty sure she was downright abusive. Unfortunately I didn’t cut her off right away?

Why not? Idealism. And the fact that Alana could drive me to Chamber because I don’t have a permit or license, but mostly idealism. Many times I convinced myself that she was a good person and a good friend and my first solution was to simply distance myself until later on and then we could try to repair the friendship.

So then how did I manage to cut it off? Misty. The two of us had gone to see a movie a few days before I was supposed to move into my dorm and, on the way back, I’d told her about the incident back in May and that Alana may be making my depression worse. She took it pretty well, considering how close she is with Alana. She told me she didn’t like to take sides or get involved in problems between two of her friends. She was the one who told me that, if it was that bad, I should cut Alana out without telling her. So that night, I did. I blocked her on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, almost any social media I had followed or friended her on. Though I fear Misty may still be under her thumb. The last time I saw those two was at the holiday choir concert at my high school and they only left each other’s side like once. Plus Misty blocked me on Facebook and Snapchat. Guess it’s her loss, though.

Because of the damage it caused me, I was slightly distrustful of making friendships when I first came to college and I still am.

I dunno if these feelings and events invalidate the possibility of emotional abuse in my family, but they sure don’t help it either.

Plus, it just so happens that Alana lives in my neighborhood..... Yay.

I don’t have the spoons to write out everything that happened, but yeah.

#emotional abuse #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #sweet and savage autistic

[okakebi]

sorry if this is weird but i ??? love your blog ??? a long time ago i had a moro blog and honestly it was the most fun i had on this website. i also used to write lily rammsteiner but quit bc when i had my blog the dogs fandom was dead af but it makes me happy to see that you have a heine blog too ! pls don't ever leave tumblr, you're amazing

this is weird in that … i would never have expected anything like this ?? i deeply appreciate your concern , and i feel like i’ve spent a whole week (if not longer) thinking about just how i wanted to respond to this and how i feel . 

i just want to start off by saying that this message means a LOT to me . i haven’t had many meaningful connections with people on this platform in a while and it’s nice to see that there may be someone around that does care about my writing and the material i’ve been working on . i had a lot of close friends on my lelouch blog YEARS ago that i could just meme the fuck out of and honestly that was the most fun i think i’ve ever had on this site . there are lots of amazing people here that i’m sure i’d click well with , but i don’t really want to try and make friends at this stage in my life where i’ve just graduated college and went through a major breakup . i’m doing my best to keep in touch with the friends i’ve had for years and perhaps neglected in real life because of my relationship and the amount of time i put into this site . 

this will just go stream of consciousness , i guess . i like to have everything as concise and as organized as possible , but i don’t really feel like doing that now . i guess i can say for sure that i’m tired of the hyper sensitivity that has come up over the past few years . i am so scared of making ANY kinds of jokes or making ANY kinds of statements that might be risky because i’m so worried about these kinds of things popping up in callouts on me . i don’t think it’s unrealistic to fear getting called out , considering it happened to me before on a different platform when i confronted and got into a fight with a popular roleplayer over his TERRIBLE behavior . i am ALL for awareness , and for the fight towards a future of equality and freedom of expression , but it’s fucking hard for me to manage every little thing i say and post . i don’t consider myself racist or homophobic or anything AT ALL , but i recognize that i am flawed and may make mistakes and i want people to come to me personally when i fuck up , not create drama . 

i know that callouts aren’t on everyone’s minds at all time , and that a lot of the time they are a necessary evil . but i feel like sometimes callout culture brings out an abuse of power , as i’m sure people are a lot more likely to bandwagon on a callout rather than consider the other side and the possibility that this is an overreaction to personal discourse . 

there is also just such a strong need to be on top of all the roleplaying trends , be it pop up links or fancy sub text that i can barely read , or detailed icons that i just don’t have the time to learn to make . but someone did point out to me that this is all personal preference , and i do recognize that while i would probably greatly diminish the pool of people that would be interested in me and my content , i can more or less do whatever i want in this aspect . what i’m referring to more is just the constant waves of rules that come up and you have to admit that sometimes it just gets way out of hand . i fuck up , you fuck up , i read all the rules of the people i follow , but how the fuck am i supposed to remember the rules of 300-400+ people on every blog i have whenever i post anything ?? i feel so much pressure to be good , be in this box of expectations , and if i step out of line just a little bit then all of a sudden i’m satan and i deserve to be banished . does this sound like the real world , which a lot of us are trying to get away from by being on here ? maybe this is the anxiety talking , who fucking knows but i know i am not alone in feeling this way . obviously i’m not referring to the desire of freedom of expression in terms of morally corrupt topics like some of the sick shit people come up with . 

speaking of gray morality on tumblr , i still don’t understand why people condone mindless serial killer characters when r*pists aren’t okay . i understand having interest in murderers with motives and grand plans , but why are people that take the lives of others all good and encouraged when other types of criminals are not allowed ???? i don’t have answers for this , i don’t think anyone does , in fact . i have written my fair share of characters that intentionally take the lives of others (lelouch , makishima shougo , takasugi , zero two , fuck even san has killed people) , and why is this seen as cool when murder is a fucking terrible thing to do ? 

and then there are just a lot of things with race on tumblr i just don’t even want to get into ESPECIALLY as a korean woman who grew up in the states . a lot of the arguments i see over minorities that come up just don’t even make sense to me . like no one can tell me why real life korean fc’s on japanese characters are banned when we’re allowed to use japanese anime characters as fc’s for korean characters . also if it isn’t okay to mix up asian ethnicities like this , i don’t think it should be okay to mix up white or black or ANY type of broader ethnic group . if anything i feel like this rule of not using korean fc’s for japanese characters was created because asians are practically fetishized on this site and people are like !!! gotta look out for our precious asians !!! seeing this weird rule applied only on asians make me feel like we’re a lesser group of people compared to others because we need the special help or something . idk . 

i recognize i’m just going off at this point . i’m asking questions no one has the answers to , and it’s okay that no one can really come up with proper responses when i bring these things up . what i have a problem with is the discomfort i find myself in when i think about these things , and how i’m scared to mention these things  even though they’re often on my mind . i want people to challenge me , to TALK to me about these topics . what i don’t want are witch hunts , or drama , or a lot of the behavior i’ve been seeing . i’m sorry to say that i’m probably done with tumblr for good , and if i do continue writing somewhere on the internet it definitely won’t be here . 

#Anonymous #long post // #ask to tag

[complexedandfruity]

ok y’all maybe don’t reblog & feel free to scroll past but if i didn’t think my m*m was a narcissist before i definitely do now bc holy shit, i’m gonna pop this under a read more bc idk how long this’ll get & it feels weird ? to talk about online like this but yeah haha

ok so my mom is going back to school to actually finish a degree (which, like, go her bc that shit isn’t easy at any age let alone when you’re 40) & rn she’s in the 2nd of 3 college algebra classes that are required for her program & she’s taking them all in a row to get them done & over with. my sisters & i have been helping her through it, bc we’ve actually taken a math class in this century & mostly remember how to do things & on top of being the 40-year-old freshman my mom is dyslexic af & doesn’t have a math brain & all that fun stuff. you’d think it’d be totally fine, right?

haha

while i’m the kind of person that has been all but conditioned into not asking for help, my mom will ask for help at the first sign of trouble. & since the dynamic between us is so willy wonky & she is so much Like That™ (see my “my mom is problematic tag” for tip of iceberg), me “helping” her is primarily doing the problem for her, either in my head to check her work because she’s been on the same section for over an hour & is frustrated to the point that heads are about to start rolling unless she gets this next problem right & can finally move on or on paper so she can see what the hell she needs to do because holy shit this shit is explained in a language not even traditional college kids who are used to hearing stuff like this can understand. the number of times i have silently taught myself something just to turn around and attempt to explain it to her are staggering.

bc here’s the thing y’all. i may have a math brain. i may have a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering from a really, really good school (something i will continue to brag about). i may have taken 6 semesters of math classes in pursuit of that degree. but you know what kind of classes i didn’t take? teaching classes! not a single one!! bc i decided at age 10 that i didn’t want to be a teacher!!! i am not equipped with the skills & tools necessary to teach algebra to a dyslexic 40-year-old freshman who is also my mother!! & that’s okay!! bc that’s not my job!!!

but onto the point of this post: what happened yesterday

my mom is inside working on hw at the kitchen table. i’m out in the backyard, vibing at a picnic table we have out there & facetiming with melanie bc two years prior had been the concert where we met in person for the first time & we were being sappy af. at one point my mom comes out to ask me a question, which i could answer pretty quick & it was all good.

a little while later, she comes back out. she’s starting a new section, topic, whatever ya wanna call it, & it was similar to what she was doing before but it was like a different way of doing it. i hadn’t seen it before, but there was an example that walked you through how to do it, so ya girl learned. melanie is vibing on facetime, literally the most patient person on the planet & the greatest friend i could ask for. once i understand, i try to start explaining.

i feel the need to mention that i was a touch intoxicated (on the tail-end of my first hard cider of the day), which was known to my mother bc the nearly empty bottle was sitting on the picnic table in front of me. this would not be the first time i’ve helped her with math while intoxicated. it will not be the last (unless i magically never help her with math again, which hahahahaha fat chance). there’s a chance i was on my second drink, but i’m pretty sure it was my first. idk for sure (monkey brain memory), but either way i was a little gone but not that far.

i walk my mom through the steps once. she gets parts of it (like i said, it’s similar to what she was doing before) but overall still doesn’t get it which, like, fair. i go through it again. after a 3rd time, there’s a small thing she’s stuck on that isn’t part of the overall technique. then she starts asking me why she has to do this, why it works like that, why is there a -1. i try answering her why questions, but she keeps asking the exact same questions. she’s fixated on why -2 divided by 2 is -1. she thinks it should be 0. the amount of flagrant disregard for the basic laws of algebra & math in general, & the fact that i apparently can’t possibly know these things that she doesn’t know, really gets to me. she asks me why one more time, & i finally lose it.

i say (& this is paraphrased bc my memory is absolute shit), “because i have a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from [insert school name] & took 6 semesters of math while i was there & know what i’m talking about when it comes to math, that’s why!” in this weird, high-pitched yell that was trying really hard not to be a yell bc we were outside & also bc i was a daughter yelling at their mother & also also bc i was intoxicated & trying so desperately to act like i wasn’t.

there was this moment of silence where we just looked at each other. i was trying not to laugh, bc my go-to when there’s even a little stress or tension in any situation is humor & my brain was jumping right to “this is the most absurd situation you have ever been in in your entire life. you just had to yell at your mother about math. remember when she taught you the real long division bc the school was teaching you some shitty confusing way to do it? remember when she taught you about fractions two years before the school did? & now she’s doubting your math knowledge. she’s been telling everybody & their brother on social media how proud she is of you graduating college, & you just had to remind her that you’re the one with the bachelor’s degree. not her. all because she thinks she knows more than you. holy shit. you can’t make this shit up.”

after she was done staring at me, i shit y’all not, she shrunk. she made herself small. she rolled her shoulders forward, & hung her head, & reached forward with this little dinosaur arm to grab her scratch paper from in front of me. she physically victimized herself bc i had yelled at her, & i fell for it. an apology started rolling off my tongue before i could even think to make it stop, which i’m sure is exactly what she wanted. she grabbed all her stuff & went back inside, & she soon stopped doing hw for the night.

but y’all, maybe it’s bc i’ve never really yelled or been at all, yanno, confrontational about her behavior, but i’ve never seen her switch her behavior that aggressively to get what she wants before. i’ve seen smaller doses of things that point to narcissistic behavior in the past, but never anything like this. nothing ever this glaring. my only qualm with my reaction, & i know this isn’t my fault especially since this is the first time it’s happened this aggressively to me & i only really recognized what happened after the fact, is that i played into it. i gave her what she wanted. at least i know what to expect in the future & can be prepared for the next time this eventually happens, at any scale, so i won’t play into it & give her what she wants.

also i’m not gonna like tag this with anything other than the tag for my mom’s sketchy shit ? idk why i’m feeling so weird about this like 4 people are gonna see this probably & there’s like an almost zero chance of anyone near her seeing it so i’m just being weird for nothing but idk i’d rather be too cautious than not cautious enough ya know??

#my mom is problematic

[delta-roseblr]

Hi Delta! It's that tattoo anon. I was wondering if after you've finished the absolutely insane amount of prompts you have right now, you could maybe write one about Felix getting his tattoo and Dean thinking it looks really hot on him and his reaction to it? Maybe a smut request, maybe just a "omigod-my-boyfriend-is-so-hot-and-he-somehow-just-managed-to-get-even-hotter-WTF" fic idk haha :) I'm looking forward to all these amazing projects you have coming in 2019 & wishing you a Happy New Year!

Hi, Anon-

So, I finally finished this prompt and I came to post it and that is when I realized this has been in my inbox for a year! 

Like, fuck! I’m sorry this has taken me so long! I hope you still enjoy it!

Even though the weather was finallystarting to warm, Dean wasn’t particularly happy about the parking spot hefound around the corner from Felix’s dorm. Yes, California winter barelycounted as winter at all, and the walk really wasn’t far. Still, it added tothe time it would take to see Felix, which was unacceptable. With midterms,Dean and Felix hadn’t gotten to see each other nearly as much as Dean wouldhave liked. That was going to change starting that day. Midterms wereofficially over, and Felix was going to be spending the weekend at Berkeley.There was an LGBT association event that night that Dean had gotten roped intohelping with, but after that, it was just the two of them.

Dean couldn’t wait.

He was at least thankful for the girl fromFelix’s floor that was exiting the building as he and Benny jogged up to theentrance. She noticed them, smiled, and greeted, “Hi, Dean.”

She held the door for them, and Deanreally wished he remembered her name. He was pretty sure it started with an S,but beyond that, he was completely blank. He caught the door with one hand andnodded graciously as he passed her on the way into the building.

Benny followed him inside and up thestairs. They passed a few other people Dean recognized, or at least theyrecognized Dean if their greetings were any indication. They passed the fourthor fifth person on their way up to the sixth floor when Dean heard Bennychuckle. “It’s like you go here,” he commented with such obvious amusement.“Are you going to transfer?” he questioned teasingly.

“Shut up, dude,” Dean retorted as hecontinued to climb the stairs.

It was such a Benny comment Dean was morethan a little surprised he hadn’t made it before. And, in all fairness,everyone in Felix’s dorm seemed to be recognizing Dean that day. Also, Deanwasn’t completely proud of it, but he had considered transferring. Maybe notseriously, but still.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been excited whenFelix had gotten accepted to Stanford and decided to attend college there. Itwas pretty close to Berkeley, so they could see each other more than four timesover the school year. Still, there was just such an appeal to them both beingat the same university. Ultimately, he hadn’t pursued it for a variety ofreasons like his scholarship, but he had considered it.

“Felix’s dad would love that,” Dean addedmore under his breath. Dean and Leonard had actually got to a good point, or atleast Dean thought they had but then Felix decided on Stanford and Leonard wasless than pleased. He didn’t even attempt to hide that that was because Felixand Dean would be so close. Dean was pretty sure if he transferred to Stanford,Leonard would lose his mind.

“Also, you would be abandoning me,” Bennyreminded with clear disapproval, “Which would be unacceptable.”

Dean stopped to grin back at the otherguy. “You’d visit,” Dean commented with absolute certainty. “I couldn’t get ridof you that easily,” he added before turning and once again starting back upthe stairs.

“You are probably right,” Benny admittedas he once again followed Dean up the stairs. They reached Felix’s floor andstarted down the east wing of the building heading toward where Felix’s roomwas nestled in a corner on the far side of the building.

Dean would freely admit he didn’t have themost acute hearing. He grew up with a musician, and he had definitely picked uphis dad’s affinity for listening to music at absurdly loud volumes at a veryyoung age. So, the fact that he even heard the crowd of people from halfwaydown the hall was rather impressive.

When they reached Felix’s room the doorwas open. That was pretty typical for Felix and his roommates, but the crowd ofpeople that seemed to fill the room wasn’t. A corner dorm and a triple, Felix’sdorm was a little bit bigger than what was probably standard, but even itlooked especially small with at least a dozen people crammed inside it. Themajority of people were sitting, some on one of the beds, others in chairs, butthe majority were scattered around on the floor. A few people were standing orleaning up against furniture. Everyone’s attention was focused on thetelevision. A 52-inch flat screen balanced precociously on top of severalgaming systems, all stacked on top of a mini-fridge.

Even in the crowd with his back to thedoor, Dean had no trouble finding Felix. He was sitting on the floor staring upat the TV just like everyone else. The tension visible in his shoulders and theoccasional twitch served as a telltale sign that he was playing something.

Dean stopped in the doorway for a secondto take it all in and figure out what exactly he should do next. “Look at allthe nerds,” Benny whispered into Dean’s ear, and Dean could hear the smirk inhis voice.

The term wasn’t exactly inaccurate, butDean wouldn’t ever have used it in earshot of Felix. It was selfish, but Deanenjoyed sex, especially with Felix, and he wasn’t going to do anything to getin the way of that. Calling Felix a nerd would have had him going sexless for awhile, of that Dean was positive.

“They’re called gamers,” Dean whispered inreply. He felt a bit like he was the narrator of a nature documentary talkingabout some wild and elusive creatures found only in the deepest most secludedwildlands. With Dean’s heavy southern accent, he doubted he would be narratingany documentaries anytime soon, but Felix could certainly act like a wildcreature in some settings.

Despite their talking, almost no one inthe room seemed aware of their presence. No one even dared to look away fromthe television. The only acknowledgement they got was from a guy who wassitting on one of the beds. He waved a hand in their general directions withoutlooking at them as he stated distractedly, “There is money on the desk. You canleave the pizza.”

Dean heard Benny let out a muffled laughas he exclaimed, “Wow!”

He couldn’t disagree with that sentiment.Felix lived in a building specifically for freshmen in majors related tocomputer science and engineering, so a certain level of nerd type behavior wasjust par for the course. Video game marathons that lasted for multiple days,gathering in the common area to watch E3, and the guys down the hall from Felixthat had built a beer dispensing robot had all become part of the charm forDean. And it really did make his visits interesting. This, however, might havebeen taking things to a whole new level. Dean was pretty sure he and Bennycould have started pulling things off the desks and walked out with whatever withoutanyone questioning it.

He might have chuckled a little too loud becausethe whole thing really was ridiculous, and apparently, that was enough to catchsomeone’s attention. Not Felix’s, who was still focused on the television withhis cute tense shoulders and his perfect hair. But one of the guys on the bedturned and looked in their direction. Dean recognized him as one of the guysfrom Felix’s floor, but his name was a mystery. Felix’s room was like thesocial hub of the damn building, so Dean had met so many people it was hard tokeep track of who was who.

He saw Dean standing in the doorway andclearly recognized him. “Oh, hey man,” he greeted with a little surpriseturning back to the apparent focal point of the room, “Felix, your boyfriend ishere.”

Dean was never going to get sick of beingcalled Felix’s boyfriend. It might have been his favorite thing.

“Hey babe, I just need to finish this realquick,” Felix called to him without taking his eyes off the television as hecontinued to play, “Come in.”

Dean spent so much time at Felix’s dormsometimes he felt like he practically lived there, but he still tried to keepsome level of boundaries. Felix had made a big deal about proving hisindependence and doing his own thing when picking colleges. He had gottenaccepted to Berkeley but refused to really consider it because he didn’t wantto just follow Dean to school. Dean wouldn’t have thought of it that waybecause Berkeley really did have a great computer program from what he couldtell, but Felix saw it differently. In the end, Dean was just happy Felixdidn’t choose to go to MIT and tried to respect Felix’s space. He usuallyknocked when he visited and waited for an invite.

He took a few steps into the room and tooka quick look around before asking, “What is this exactly?”

“Felix is fucking killing the latestDestiny Raid,” One of the girls declared with such condescension it was clearthat she thought it was the most obvious thing. That should have been annoying,but it was pretty much tradition for Dean to get a response like that tosomething he said. Felix had been so sweet to share the Skype installationstory during one of his visits, and Dean was pretty sure Felix’s roommate Samlaughed for five minutes straight. It really wasn’t that funny, and Dean wassure he wasn’t the first person to have a hard time figuring out how to installSkype.

Benny leaned over Dean’s shoulder and questioned,“What does that mean?”

Dean was so glad he had brought Bennyalong because he was probably the one person on the planet that knew less aboutcomputers and gaming than Dean. He grinned and replied, “No idea.”

Their little conversation was clearlyoverheard because everyone, but Felix turned and looked at them with cleardisgust. Felix kept his eyes on the television and continued to play as hechuckled. “Ignore him,” Felix called to the others with clear amusement, “He’snot tech-savvy.”

“And you’re dating him?” One of the girlsquestioned before popping a couple of pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Dean recognizedher as well. He was pretty sure she lived on the second floor of Felix’sbuilding, but she hung out in Felix’s room so much it felt like she practicallylived there. Dean really hadn’t known how to feel about that for like the firstmonth or so until Felix told him she was obviously into his roommate, Siris.Once he knew that, he could see all the signs, and he found he liked her a lotmore. Of course, that comment didn’t really endear the girl to him any.

Dean watched Felix’s shoulders move upwardbriefly in the obvious sign of a shrug. “He makes up for it with other skills,”Felix answered matter-of-factly.

Siris made a little amused noise beforejumping in, “Let me translate that from Dude-speak for you,” he declaredclearly very pleased with himself, “That means he is good in bed.”

“Pretty much,” Felix was quick to agree.Dean could hear the grin on his face in his voice.

“Thanks, babe,” Dean called out trying tosound sarcastic and dry even though he could feel his face burning. Deanwouldn’t have described himself as modest, and he could definitely brag abouthis sex life. Why shouldn’t he? It was pretty fucking incredible. Even thoughboth he and Felix had been pretty busy with school they managed to see eachother plenty and seeing each other typically meant some sex. And sex with Felixwas always beyond amazing. Still, there was something inherently differentabout bragging to friends about your sex life and having details broadcasted tostrangers.

“I only speak the truth,” Felix retorted.He was still focused on the screen in front of him so Dean couldn’t see hisface, but the wicked grin he was wearing was more than evident from his voice.

Dean’s cheeks burned even more, andBenny’s snickering didn’t really help with that any. Neither did the look oneof the girls sitting nearby gave him either. Complaining would just assureFelix would do that shit more so he just grumbled, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Felix called back brightly.

Benny would have definitely had somethingto say about that because he just loved to tease Dean about how lovey he andFelix could get. Dean normally didn’t care and would take the opportunity toremind Benny as someone who struggled to maintain a relationship for more thana few months he should really keep his opinion to himself. Benny didn’t get achance to say anything because almost immediately after Felix spoke somethinghappened on the screen, and everyone in the room gasped in absolute horror.

“Dude!” Sam practically shouted withdisapproval at Felix, “Speak less, focus more!!”

Felix made an amused and dismissive soundas he continued to play obviously unaffected by whatever happened. “Chill, Igot this,” he assured confidently.

The room fell into an almost tense silenceas everyone watched Felix play. It was ridiculous, but Dean didn’t dareinterrupt it. It made time move more slowly and then something happened on thescreen, and the entire room lost their damned minds. At first, Dean didn’t knowif it was a good thing or a bad thing, but when people started congratulatingFelix, he figured Felix had won.

Dean felt Benny clasp a hand on hisshoulder before leaning in and questioning, “How does it feel to be dating theking of the nerds?”

Dean smirked at that because he wouldn’tsay it out loud, but Felix was this super sexy computer geek, and his passionfor those things really turned Dean on. Also, it was nice just to hear peopletalk about how he and Felix were dating.

“I fucking heard that,” Felix declared ashe hopped off his spot on the floor and tossed his controller aside. He walkedover more or less ignoring the people that were continuing to freak out abouthis apparent victory. When he reached Dean’s side, he pushed up on his toesjust long enough to place a quick kiss on Dean’s cheek, and it really waseverything Dean could do not to literally melt. “I’m fucking starving, so webetter be getting food,” he commented instead of a more traditional greeting.

“Yeah, we can,” Dean agreed. They had sometime until they needed to get to be back at Berkeley, and at that point, theysort of had a tradition of getting food at a little restaurant near campusevery time Dean picked Felix. Since Benny was with them it wouldn’t quite bethe intimate little meal it was most of the time, but it would still be fun.

Out of reflex Dean reached over andwrapped his hand around Felix’s, and that was when he noticed that somethingwas off. He felt the graze of something rough on Felix’s wrist. When he lookeddown, he saw that Felix had a white gauzy bandage wrapped around his wrist.

Dean hated seeing Felix hurt even if itwas something small. Having seen Felix almost get killed by a monster probablyhad something to do with that. It took some serious effort not to immediatelyfreak out at the sight of the injury, so the fact that his voice only came outa little high pitched was pretty impressive. “What happened? Soldering ironmishap?” he questioned nervously.

“Nay,” Felix shrugged after a quick glancedown at his own hand and then looking back up, “I got a tattoo.”

Dean blinked. He had not expected that,and the surprise of it was enough to leave him confused. “What?” he questioned.

“You didn’t tell the boyfriend you weregetting inked?” one of the guys in the crowd commented with a mix ofdisapproval and surprise, “My girlfriend would murder my ass.”

Felix rolled his eyes hard before lookingover his shoulder and calling to the guy. “Glad I��m not dating your girlfriend!”

Dean wasn’t Will. He wasn’t going to freakout because Felix got a tattoo, or at least he wanted to say that. It was hardto swallow down his initial desire to go into overprotective boyfriend mode. Hewas also a little surprised. Felix had made some off-handed comment about kindof wanting a tattoo the last time they had met up with Will and Nico but beyondthat he hadn’t expressed much of an interest. Also, he and Felix talked dailyso why he wouldn’t have at least mentioned he had an appointment, Dean didn’tunderstand.

“A call would have been appreciated,” Deancommented and immediately regretted it when he heard how whiny he sounded.

“It was sort of a last-minute decision,”Felix replied with a shrug, “And you had office hours.”

Dean hated Felix’s casualness, and hereally wanted to remind him that office hours typically consisted of Deansitting around grading extremely poorly written essays and counting the secondsuntil it was over. He could have taken a phone call or read a text message.Thing was, Felix would have given him endless shit for getting so bent out ofshape about it, so he let it go. “Can I see it?” Dean questioned. He reachedout to grab ahold of Felix’s bandaged wrist but stopped himself last minute. Hedidn’t know where the tattoo actually was, and he didn’t want to accidentallyhurt him.

“Sure,” Felix replied as he began rollingthe bandage off his wrist, “I only had it covered so I could play.”

With a few swift movements, the whitegauze was gone from Felix’s wrist, and the fresh tattoo underneath wasrevealed. It was a series of lines radiating out from around the slightlyprotruding bone on the side of his wrist in a pattern that was clearly modeledafter electronic circuitry. It wasn’t very large, but it was incrediblydetailed. Dean couldn’t imagine how long it had taken to be completed. Felix’swrist, the skin around the tattoo, looked a little red and slightly swollen butnot in a worrying sort of way.

“Hot,” Benny commented dryly remindingDean that he was there.

Dean turned and smacked Benny’s chestdisapprovingly even though he knew he didn’t look at Felix like that. Hissnickering was just more evidence that he was teasing. He then turned back toFelix and commented, “It’s cool.” It really was, and it was very Felix, but itwas just that it looked red. “Is it supposed to look kind of red?”

“It is pretty much a decorative open-woundat this point, so yeah, pretty much,” Felix answered casually, and he took hishand back.

That made total sense, and Dean absolutelyhated it. “Did it hurt?” he asked knowing it was a stupid question but notbeing able to stop himself. Maybe secretly on some level, he was hoping Felixwould say it didn’t just so Dean wouldn’t have to imagine his sweet boyfriendin pain.

“Fuck yes,” Felix dismissed like it wasnothing, “It was literally needles being jammed into my skin over and overagain.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“It’s a little tender,” Felix admitted ashe looked down at his wrist for a second. He poked the slightly swollen flesh acouple of times in an experimental way before adding, “It’s not that bad.”

Dean hadn’t noticed that Felix’s wrist wasswollen until he watched Felix poke at it, but now he could see that it wasmost definitely swollen. Felix might have described it as a decorative openwound and some irritation would make sense but swelling seemed like it could bebad. Felix could have an infection. Ignoring that could be seriously dangerous.Dean went for his phone without even really thinking about it as he offered, “Icould probably call Will, and he could meet us.”

“Oh my god, Dean, chill,” Felix insistedwith a good-natured laugh as he reached out and patted Dean’s cheek. “I alreadycalled Nico for tattoo care tips,” he assured. “I’ve got to keep it clean andput on this ointment-” Felix produced a bottle of ointment from his back pocketand held it out for Dean to see before returning it to his back pocket. “Itisn’t that fucking hard”

That was all totally reasonable, and ifanyone knew how to care for a new tattoo it was Nico, but Dean still didn’tlike it. He stopped actively grabbing his phone from his pocket, but he stillhad his hand wrapped around it. “I still think-”

“Nico is covered in tattoos and hasn’tdied,” Felix pointed out insistently, “I’m going to be fine.”

Dean still didn’t like it, but if hecontinued to argue it was going to get really fucking annoying. Also, he andFelix were going to be spending the entire weekend together so he could keep aneye on Felix. If it seemed to be getting worse Dean could just call Will. Hesighed as a sign of surrender, “Fine.”

With Felix it was always so easy to forgetother people were around, and that moment wasn’t any different. It wasn’t untilBenny perched his chin on Dean’s shoulder that Dean remembered they had a bitof an audience. “What’s it liked to be pussy whipped by the king of nerds?”Benny questioned teasingly.