#to be continued......
mc [lookin at lord diavolo and lucifer]: kinda gay for two men to be devoted to each other, heart and soul, bonded for all of eternity but whatever
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meme reply to @dcpravities “I don’t believe you.” (sirius & antonin)
“I am aware it is hard to believe considering what and I did and who I was but I am really, really trying.” Antonin was just now sort of gaining back his magic. The haze from his mind going with Severus’ help. “I want to do better, be better. I am very aware that what I did cannot be erased but merlin knows I am trying my hardest.” He was exhausted from the constant fighting. The mask he had worn was a death eater to protect himself, keep himself separated from everything was crumbling in his hands. “I am not looking for complete forgiveness I am aware that it is unlikely to happen. Just need a chance.”
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i intended to work on a wip, but now i have almost 3k of weird spooky panopticon jon/beholding stuff
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dianna being a jealous baby over taylor
part 1. taylor wears a hat and all the girlies come running
dianna said not today bitch
part 2. harry dares to touch her and dianna gets aggro
idk why my gifs won't load but here's a link to it + a ss
part 3. SHE WAS 28 - dianna reacts to kaylor photoshoot:
part 4. THIS PETTY SHIT OMG 😭
part 5. magnetic force of a simp - dianna's reaction to lover at snl
part 6. glowering at the fashion show:
part 7. karlie follows dianna on ig and dianna refuses to follow back in fall of 2018
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Whumpay day 7- rage
in which Maul decides to use someone else as bait
Obi-Wan groaned as he hit the ground harshly, his whole body aching with the bruises that he knew were forming across his body. But he didn’t have a choice, so despite the aching pain in his ribs, the way his head pounded, and the strand of hair that fell in front of his face, he ignited his blade, the blue glow illuminating the dark.
“You have no idea,” Maul’s voice echoed as he approached, the sound of metal hitting metal alerting Obi-Wan to his location.
“How much I stewed in my hatred. My hatred for you, Kenobi,” Maul continued, his voice full of malice as his face was then illuminated by a red glow from his blade.
“I like your new legs,” Obi-Wan remarked as Maul stepped closer and he could see his whole body.
“They make you look taller.”
Maul leapt forward with a snarl, and Obi-Wan brought his blade up into a defensive position bending his knees slightly to add to the stability of his position and lower his center of gravity.
But despite years of training, Maul was strong- stronger than Obi-Wan remembered, and he was full of rage, the dark side rolling off of him in waves. Making him feel cold despite how much his body was straining against Maul’s weight.
“When you stood by and watched as I gutted your master, Qui-Gon Jinn,” Maul whispered as he pressed even harder, causing Obi-Wan’s blade to be forced down.
“How did that make you feel, Obi-Wan?” He whispered.
And Obi-Wan’s eyes widened, rage coursing through his body as he pushed back and swung wildly, aggressively, pushing Maul back further and further. Unsure if the red he was seeing was from Maul’s blade or his own rage.
“Not even you are immune to the pull of the dark,” Maul noted with a laugh as he pushed back against Obi-Wan again, swinging his blade so that Obi-Wan had to step back to regroup.
“I should have aimed for your neck.” Obi-Wan hissed and Maul laughed.
“And I should have ran over Skywalker when I got the chance but instead,” Maul paused, advancing towards Obi-Wan, their blades locking together once again, blue against red.
“I am going to kill your padawan the same way I killed your master.” Maul whispered, his voice taunting as he grinned at Obi-Wan’s rage.
“And there will be nothing that you can do about it.”
“Where.” Obi-Wan began, pushing back against Maul with renewed strength, pressing him backwards against a wall, the years of training that he spent perfecting his moves coming into use now more than ever.
“Is Anakin?” He asked as he backed Maul up against a wall, their blades locked together once again.
The rage that coursed through his body was unlike anything else he had ever felt. He felt lighter, stronger, and he even grinned when he saw what he thought was fear in Maul’s eyes.
He might have even laughed a little. But no one would know.
Because he was going to kill Maul before he ever got the change to kill Anakin.
“Oh?” Maul began, tilting his head to the side, a frown on his face.
“You think you can still save him,” Maul noted with a laugh and then kicked Obi-Wan’s feet out from underneath him.
“He’s already mine, and I must say, that I do not make the best host,” Maul continued with a grin as he walked towards Obi-Wan again, his saber hanging at his side.
And then Obi-Wan reached his hand out, curling his fingers together as if he were gripping something in the air.
He watched with blank eyes as Maul was lifted off of the ground, tattooed arms and hands coming up to his throat to grasp at the phantom hands that were choking him to death.
His lightsaber clattered down to the ground, the only source of light in the room going out as in the dark, the sounds of one man gasping for air filled the room.
“You will tell me where Anakin is,” Obi-Wan commanded in the dark.
“And this time, I will make sure that you are dead.” He added on, his voice hardly any louder than a whisper, but there was no need as the sounds of Maul gasping for air had grown softer and softer in the dark.
There was a thump as a body hit the ground, followed by footsteps as one of them left the room, quickly heading towards their next destination, hoping that they made it in time.
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I feel like my brain is going to explode. I added absolutely nothing to my actual writing, but I did a lot of research. A LOT of research. Distilled in the following will be my findings.
There was a full moon on December 29th 1811.
Little was written about unusual temperatures/weather during the end of 1811/1812. In September, there was fog for seven days in London/the south. In March 1812, there was a foot of snow and a gale in Edinburgh (21st to 23rd). This, unfortunately, is only slightly helpful since Edinburgh is not in England. Spring and Summer were notably cold. Feb and March were notable for heavy rainfall. April was dry, but May, June and July were all wet.
Weather Underground is being a pain in the butt. Will add more weather later.
img. file. upload 0001
.˚✦ ๋࣭ˑ ִֶָ 𓂃 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
notes: this one has been in my drafts....forever. never really liked it too much but fuck it. maybe i can redeem it in a part 2??? this is more of a prologue if anything. idk we'll see. happy reading!
pairing: modern!steve rogers x reader, former!bucky barnes x reader, bucky barnes x natasha romanoff
concept: bucky was all you'd ever cared about, wanting him more than anyone. until he comes along, showing what it actually means to love someone. welcome to heaven in hiding.
warnings: 18+, sexual content, jealous!reader, bucky being a dick, soft!steve, heavy angst, steve is a funny lil shit at the end
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
It felt unbearable to be here. Watching how fondly she still looked at him, after all this time, not missing a beat. It was suffocating, surrounding you by a sea of water and having no other option than to drown. Greedily, his love swallowing you up in your entirety.
He did really try to dodge her looks of longing but still, even now he felt the pull to her. It didn’t really matter how long they were absent from each others’ lives.
As you sat next to him, you could feel him slipping from your grasp. Far beyond your control, way out of your depth, he was falling. Deep down, you couldn’t really blame him. The pictures you’d seen of her did no justice, she was truly a vision. Much brighter than you would ever glow and it made you wonder if what he spoke just a few hours ago still held meaning.
Not to mention, she seemed to be as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Making you grow even more envious of her.
Sure, she had broken his heart but it wasn’t beyond forgiveness. She had simply put herself before the relationship and if you had been in her shoes you could imagine yourself doing the same. All she wanted was a better future for herself, at least it’s what he had told you.
Now sitting here you couldn’t stop thinking about how she looked at him with admiration and love laced in her eyes. Truly, if she still wanted him in her arms there was nothing stopping her.
Surely, not you. You two seemed to live on two different planes of beauty and hers was the kind you dream of having but only have a very little probability of obtaining. With her ruby hair and glossy lips, tempting nearly everyone around her to the way she carried herself and spoke to you like you were the only person she was invested in.
It wasn’t difficult to see why he spoke of her so much. You would, too.
You tried to enjoy the wonderfully prepared meal Pepper and Tony had made, well mainly Pepper. It was delicious, but your senses had gone bitter and it had nothing to do with the food.
You weren’t sure when you started to drift off, maybe it was when Bucky began looking at Natasha like she hung each and every constellation in the sky. Or maybe it’s when you heard her melodic laugh when Bucky delivered the punchline.
It was like Steve, Wanda, and Thor didn’t exist. The lovely couple in their own little bubble, speaking in a language only the two of them understood. Utterly and completely unaware of any and all of their surroundings.
“You okay?” Steve questioned, placing his hand on top of your hand, giving it a small squeeze. Discreetly and under the table away from prying eyes.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I just need some air.” You weren’t sure what could remove the nothingness inside of you, but maybe some space would provide some comfort.
You felt like your heart had been ripped out right in front of you, again. He said he wouldn’t do it again, that he wanted to be with you, but all she had to do was come to town and he’d been chasing her just like he always did.
Excusing yourself you dipped out until you were out on the back patio. Alone to just think and mull over any little thing that should have tipped you off, but didn’t. You let it slide on, blinded by how much you thought you loved him.
You weren’t left in the peaceful night long, until Steve was joining you with two wine glasses in one hand and a bottle of red in the other.
“You looked like you could use a glass or two.” Steve gibed carefully. “I’m just using your sour mood as an excuse to escape from the party.” You were about to object when a full glass of wine was shoved into your grasp.
“I’m not in a sour mood. I’m just swell.” You spoke before taking a big swing of the drink, nearly emptying it’s contents, sending it barreling down your throat.
“Sure, honey. Just like the green monster isn’t oozing out of you.” You found yourself intentionally growling at him, just a little agitated of the truth he spoke.
The absolute audacity on this man seemed to never end. Whether it helped you or caused more misery than he intended.
“It certainly doesn’t help that she's so goddamn perfect. Was she fucking made in a lab? Jesus Christ.” You were jealous and if Steve already knew there was really no point in hiding it. It was written all over you, the longing look you were giving Bucky all night, desperately wanting to be the one he wanted.
“She’s not perfect, nobody is. Just better at hiding her faults than everybody else.” He said it like it was some known fact. Something you should’ve already known, but insecurities tended to eat you alive. Truthfully, it didn’t help that Bucky acted like Natasha walked on water in his hopeful, gleaming eyes. Stinging you like a bee piercing your soft, plush skin for the first time.
He really loved her. It didn’t matter how many times she messed up, what he felt was all the same — she was the one.
“Really? I don’t buy it. Name one.” Steve perched himself on his knees in front of you, his hands on the armrest of the chair you made yourself comfortable in. “Okay.”
“How about the fact that she loves Bucky just about more than anyone else but she’s too selfish to let him go? Then, for months she leads him on and promises she’ll come home but always leaves him heartbroken.” Steve let it flow all in one breath, as his body rested between your legs.
“Sounds gruesome.” You confessed because it hit a little close to home. “Yeah, it is and he has no right to do the same thing to an angel like you.”
You hated how he was right, truly hated it, but anyone with eyes could see how much Bucky dragged you through the mud. He had a good heart, but it just hadn’t been good to you.
Bucky’s intentions weren’t malicious and it didn’t seem like he was either but it didn’t take away from how much he continued to hurt you. All of the unintended consequences only affected you as he went on with his day.
Over and over, he continued to cause you pain and he didn’t even know it. Or he did and just neglected to acknowledge it. If he did, he’d actually have to deal with just how much he was actually hurting you.
It wasn’t like either one was particularly gunning for the latter, but Steve was. It wasn’t the first time Bucky had left you high and dry whenever the red head, beauty stepped foot into town. Although it was the first time you had a front row seat to the attention she commanded from him.
You both sat there in silence for the moment, taking in the starry night as he rested his cheek against your leg. He began running fingertips up and down your exposed calf, letting him soothe you.
“I’ll keep thinking I’ll be alright. That’ll get over him, but he just keeps pulling me back and jerking me around for his ride and I let him.” If anyone saw you besides Steve, you didn’t think you could handle it but you’re comfortable around him.
He’s continuously been there for you everytime Bucky pushed to the side for her. Always so sweet, so tender, comforting you in his warmth. Never once judging you, always taking the time time to just sit and listen to you.
“I don’t think it’s even about him anymore. I’m just chasing this unattainable moment, just so I fill this void in me. Maybe if he loves me I can love me, too.” Mumbling under your breath, hoping he didn’t hear you.
“Bubba.” You smiled for a second, as his voice dripped in concern. “You don’t need him or what little he can offer. Not when you can love yourself better than anyone else can.” He pulled himself up to his feet, picking you up from the chair until you were surrounded by just him.
“We love you. I love you, so stop listening to those nasty little thoughts, bubs. They’re far from the truth. You are truly amazing, incredibly beautiful, and deserve the absolute world.” With slight pressure from his index, he tilted your chin up, letting your eyes drown in his.
“Don’t expect anything less.” Steve breathed out, before testing the waters. He just held you there, caressing your back as you just sunk in his arms, allowing his warmth to ease your hurt. Just like he’d done so many times before.
Somehow, Steve seemed to know exactly what you need to hear. You didn’t know how he managed to be so wonderful all the time. Maybe you could just stay there forever with him shielding you from every single evil in the world out to get you.
“Can you take me somewhere? This is the last place I want to be.” Steve simply nodded before lacing your hand in his, before making your way back inside.
The moment the two of you stepped foot into the house, it was silent. Everyone looked at the two of you. Steve took notice of the Bucky’s bugged eyes at the joined hands of his two best friends, but knew better than to verbally acknowledge it.
It wasn’t something Steve and you hadn’t done, but never in the prying eyes of Bucky. Thor and Wanda had taken note of it a few times, but never spoke a word about it. Secretly, Wanda hoped it meant something for you, because she could see just how much Steve adored you.
He never spoke a word, so you remained clueless to a feeling he never felt like he had a right to speak on. No matter how strongly he felt, he knew if he confessed, it would do more damage than good.
You had become one of his closest friends in the past few years he’d known you and he wouldn’t jeopardize it for anything. Selfishly, he left you under Bucky’s radar because being your friend was far safer than risking the rejection he was sure would be sent his way.
He knew you were close to cutting Bucky off from your life completely, he just had to wait it out. Natasha being here tonight was the icing on the cake for Steve, because all he had to do was be here for in a way Bucky never could. Not when he was slicing through your heart every time his attention diverted from you to her.
Just because he was stuck in a past love instead of the future and Steve would fully take advantage of it — being there for you in any way you needed.
Regardless of everything, he wanted to — needed to. He couldn’t live with himself if he let you go through the hurt and heartache alone. Not when so many times you had seeked the comfort of him to lean on. Steve would never be one to say no to you.
“Are you leaving, doll?” The endearment Bucky intended to be sweet but left a sour taste in your mouth. More than that, you didn’t miss the way Natasha’s eyes widened slightly at the use of his pet name for you. The one she thought was only reserved for her.
Maybe if he held affection for you like he did earlier today, your heart would be filled to the brim, but he didn't. So, you weren’t. “Yeah, Steve’s going to take me home. I have an early morning tomorrow and I’ve already had a bit too much wine.” Bucky didn’t argue, nodding with a tight lipped smile.
Perhaps his indifference is what made you hurt even more. He didn’t care about anything, not even you with you so closely tangled with Steve. It didn’t have an effect on him because the woman sitting by his side, draped over him held more value than you ever could.
“You sure? I can make sure you get home safely.” Bucky pleaded, but before you could respond Steve did.
“I got it, Buck. I’ll make sure she gets home.” He looked like he wanted to say more but he decided to stay silent as he watched you walk out the door with Steve, hand and hand.
The drive home in the Uber was silent, Steve didn’t say a word, just the weight of his arm holding you close. He took note of how you refused to look at anything but the luminescence of the New York’s city lights captivating your vision.
Even if it hurt Bucky only chose you whenever Natasha wasn’t around you couldn’t help but focus on how hot and heated your body felt with Steve so close to you. Holding you so tightly like he was afraid you would let go.
Perhaps it was a bit shady of you to drape yourself over his childhood best friend whenever he rejected you, but now you were finding yourself finding solace in Steve in everything, like you used to with Bucky. He had become this safe place for you, where you wouldn’t be shamed for how you felt or what you were going through.
Even if he knew how much you were hurting from your own obliviousness to Bucky’s behavior, he always let you find solace in his strong, comforting arms. Always sturdy enough to hold the weight of your hurt and what he was carrying too. Just like tonight.
“He’s never going to love me the way I want him to — like the way he loves her.” It wasn’t a question any longer, it was a stone cold fact. Something you’d tried to ignore over the past year, especially.
Not wanting anything in this moment but him, you laid your head on his chest, his steady heartbeat giving you a sense of peace in the aftermath of your heartbreak. The crisp material of the white button up he was wearing shifted from the weight of you, he didn’t really mind.
“I think it’s time for me to let go of this image I have of him, one he can never live up to and accept him for who he is and where he’s at right now.” Steve nodded, still not saying a word, slipping farther and farther away from you as he let his thoughts consume him entirely.
It’d been happening a lot more lately. This. The close, excruciating intimacy between Steve and the woman he was in love with.
Over the past few months, anytime you were upset about something, you would show up at his doorsteps crashing into him as you wept. Always wanting to be close to him, snuggled up to his side, bleeding your heart out to him, something you hadn’t done with anyone.
Not even Bucky.
Then there was the one kiss on New Years’ Eve a few weeks ago which stayed imprinted on the forefront of his mind. He remembered when he woke up the following morning, he was holding you to his chest, the both of you bodies laced with one another.
He got up before you were there to consciously witness it, but it was all he thought about weeks after. Being that close awoke the need to be near you. It was already there, but now he knew how it felt to hold you in the comfort of his own bed.
It nearly killed him when you woke up, making your way down the stairs from his bedroom, wearing nothing but his boxers and the shirt he wore last night. Steve wasn’t drunk enough to completely forget the whole night, nothing had happened in his room last night. Seeing you, in here, in his apartment, made him think what his life could possibly be like with you here.
If he was ever to be so lucky.
As of yesterday, when you told him Bucky finally wanted to move forward with you, it broke him. Even if he kept his true feelings hidden, he felt you crush his heart with one fatale squeeze. Any particular hope he once had, was diminished into a fantasy far from reality.
The both of you were Steve’s best friends — he had to be happy for you.
Then, Natasha came to town. Storming through Bucky’s heart just like she’s always done. When Steve invited you to the dinner his best friend was trying to keep you from, he knew it could possibly be the last fatale blow to whatever string your relationship with Buck was. Maybe his, too.
Steve knew going after you could mean losing his really good friend, but he simply couldn’t stop himself. Not when you were a pure goddess ascending from above in all of your glory, capturing his heart in every single glance you threw his way. At this point, he didn’t care what it’d cost him.
As long as he had you, it would be worth it.
When the car pulled up to your street, you let your hand glide down his chest, resting on his lower abdomen. Not missing the way his body trembled under your touch, the thin material of his shirt doing nothing to protect him from you — not that he wanted to be anywhere but here.
As soon as those sinful words left your mouth, he knew he was done for.
Perhaps, if the both of you hadn’t been tipsy of the bottle of wine you shared, you wouldn’t feel the urge to invite him up, but he smelled too good and acted too perfect for any other consideration.
“Do you want to come inside, Stevie?” You purred watching the gears switch in his mind. Contemplating if he really should go through with it. Now that it was within his reach, he was becoming hesitant to grab it. You were drunk, he was drunk. Hence the uber and the both of your cars left behind in Tony and Pepper’s driveway.
“I don’t think it’s the best idea for me to go up there, bubs.” Instantly, you pouted. A deep frown etched on your beautiful face. “Why not? I think it would be a wonderful thing. Don’t you?” With one swift movement, you were cupping his crotch, making your intentions more than clear.
The grunt leaving Steve’s mouth was animalistic as he tried to exercise the very little restraint he was holding onto. It seemed to become increasingly difficult as you refused to move your hand away.
“I need you to take care of me and I’ll take care of you.” Finally releasing your grip on him, you exited out of the car and you didn’t have to look back to know he was falling you into the lobby of your apartment building.
After a silent elevator ride, with you tucked into his side you made the walk down the narrow hallway into your home, fidgeting to open the door with Steve’s hands caressing your sides. Carefully watching as you kicked off the painful heels, the bottom of your feet thankful, pulling you deeper into the apartment.
“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” You retreated, afraid someone else might turn you down, too. If Steve did, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’s been your person you can count on and now you couldn’t imagine your life without him.
Stopping your movement once you reached your bedroom, you were still waiting for his response. Meticulously, he reached for hand before twirling you around your back pressed against his front. Sighing, when his hand dragged up your spine, while the other hung on your waist with his hand pressed against your stomach.
Pushing the thin strap of your velvet dress, letting it fall off your shoulder. Soft, firm lips touching your soft skin, you couldn’t help but lean back into him. Tilting your head back, offering yourself up to him on a silver platter.
His touch felt like heaven and you didn’t think you’d ever want him to leave. Not when you always felt safe wrapped up in his large muscular arms. Never making you question if you felt wanted.
“Right now, my body wants you as badly as it ever has.” Steve confessed while his lips migrated towards your neck, giving you some much needed attention.
“Does it?” You questioned him, losing any other train of thought as let his other hand push the other strap off your shoulder, the slinky dress falling to floor pooling at your feet.
“It does, sweetheart, but it’ll have to wait.” Already pouting like the brat you were, ready to seduce him right into filling you up, just like you brought him here tonight for.
Dropping down to your level, Steve whispers in your ear, “Because when I fuck you just the way your pussy is aching for it won’t be when you’re drunk, princess.” Throwing gasoline on the fire he created, sharply he bit your earlobe, making you moan.
“I’ve thought about this so much, princess. At first, I thought I would take you from behind, but then I wouldn’t see those begging, doe-eyes itching for a release.” You were trembling for him. His filthy words flooding straight to your slick, crying for him already.
“Maybe you’d want to ride me, huh? Do you want to fuck yourself on my fat cock?” At this point, if it was anyone else, you’d be embarrassed if he found out just how wet you were. Your panties are completely ruined because of him.
“I want to ride you so bad, Stevie.” Maliciously, he laughed before giving your clothed pussy a rough slap, causing you to gasp out. Your nails digging themselves into his bicep as you reached for it.
“Well, if you had been a good girl, maybe I’d let you cum on my cock.” You turned around face to face, ready to bruise your knees for him in a heartbeat. In this space and time, you’ve never wanted anyone more.
Harshly, he gripped your chin as his thumb smoothed over your bottom lip, dragging it down so it plumped right back up. “Bucky will be here tomorrow morning, if not tonight. I took his precious little play thing home and he’s not gonna like that one bit.”
“He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. If you want to let him, by all means go right ahead. And if you don’t? You know where I live, princess.” Very much in contrast to the last few minutes, he sweetly kissed your cheek and headed out right back the door without so much as a second glance.
Leaving you with a hell of a lot to process.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
tagging: @tonystankschild | @andromedasstarship | @tinylumpiaa | @brattycherubwrites | @bval-1 | @kayteewritessteve |
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tell me about your day — ✨
Well, I ended up accidentally sleeping in later than I intended again ffjsk, but I had a dream that had Santiago in it this time he wasn't getting into danger but. I also can't remember what he was doing either besides... just being there?
Got some writing done... checked emails...watched some Psych because man do I love that show?? I watched the episode where Shawn gets shot and oh man. Talk about intense.
Then I had a very hilarious and chaotic dnd session with my friends!
warmup fic time i wonder what’ll it be lmao (probs naoya with his lil sis)
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not to sound bitter or “not like other girls” but im still never trusting people that got into leeg for only kd@. you can like whatever you want out of anything no shame, but half of these fuckers i know irl that did that were bullying me for liking games and being nd about games then instantly hopped on the wagon because wow cool music and then still hopped on continuing to hate it and bully me 2 months after the video got “old” 🤪
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more commentary on the last chapter of Crowd
It doesn’t matter how well Glenn and Nick are doing, and it doesn’t matter how much Robin is falling for her sneaky little charm offensive.
Glenn's parents are both legitimately shitty in different ways, but if Robin had ever met Bill, he would have been vastly better-equipped to respond to Bill's flavor of shittiness than he is to respond to Adele's. Robin lacks experience with that kind of person, he has this inherent desire to de-escalate conflict, and he has this need to prioritize "family." When you combine that with how tight-lipped Glenn is about his parents, it means that Robin genuinely does not grasp that Glenn's mother is such bad news. As a result, he's too open to letting her cross the boundaries that Glenn's set in their lives, too ready to give her information about Glenn and Nick, and too interested in having Glenn develop a better relationship with her.
We began to set this up in Crowd, but obviously it isn't resolved yet. To be clear though: you don't have to forgive and reconcile with somebody just because they happen to be technically your family, and based on what we know right now, Glenn almost certainly should and will cut his mother out of his life again. It might take him a while to be ready for that, though.
* * * * *
There’s no sound tech at hand, no stage manager with a fussy little headset, no bright lights to blind him.
No super trouper lights to find him at all, weirdly.
* * * * *
One young dad has spread out a towel and is fully changing his baby’s diaper in broad daylight. Glenn’s seen some wild shit at his shows, but that might actually be a first.
Hey. Hey. Put more changing tables in men's bathrooms. Thank you.
* * * * *
On a picnic blanket near the front, Mercedes is using a napkin to dab sauce from Darryl’s cheek as Henry watches fondly.
The Oakson-Garcia may be background, but you can pry it from my cold dead hands.
* * * * *
Nick is flopped on his stomach next to Grant and the dog, watching Connor play keep-away with Paeden.
The mental image of Connor playing with Paeden makes me very happy. Paeden has so many fun babysitters.
* * * * *
The little dude has all of his dad’s charisma, but with his mom’s genuine interest in other people and, if Glenn’s not mistaken, an emergent streak of Robin’s protective instincts. It’s a winning combination.
Family and parenting is about so much more than biology. See also, earlier:
“Ah.” Glenn leans in. “What’s up, Mr. Lion. How long has Robin been in here with the scotch?”
Apparently Mr. Lion’s not a narc. He does, however, look suspiciously lumpy in a way that suggests he may be stashing more than cotton in his fluffy body. Despite all laws of nature and nurture, Connor sometimes displays a very strong streak of Glenn.
Newsflash, assholes, you've been co-parenting these kids the whole time.
* * * * *
Samantha and Ron are standing under a tree, chatting with each other. They're holding hands like they always do, those goobers.
One of my favorite things is when Glenn’s inner monologue scoffs at something he was doing five minutes earlier.
* * * * *
Even Spike is wandering around someplace, and Glenn is reluctantly coming around to the premise that his former drummer's not a total monster.
And sometimes you see a monster where there isn't one because the situation is just that toxic.
Glenn’s lack of understanding around what’s age-appropriate expected is not restricted to Nick. He also treats Connor far too much like an independent adult, and doesn’t extend any empathy to Spike early on, even though Spike was barely into his 20s when he joined the band. It felt right to have the scene where Spike shows up ready to confront Glenn and gets absorbed by the unexpected domesticity of Glenn’s living situation. Glenn and Spike are never going to be best friends, but I’m glad Robin pushed Glenn to help them end on a high note. Robin was probably picturing another young drummer who looks up to Glenn and can be let down by him sometimes.
* * * * *
He might even throw in some GC3 stuff. Whatever else can be said about his time in that band, he did some good work in those days. He doesn't need to pretend otherwise just because it ended badly.
Yes, this is somewhat me processing my feelings about writing 100K+ words of fic for a character from a show that I had a very bad, messy breakup with.
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Hello and this is me annotating/doing director's commentary for the last chapter of Crowd as a victory lap. There's no indulgence like self-indulgence.
“I’ll just make my hot young boyfriend help me,” Robin teases. “When I’m eighty, you’ll only be sixty-nine.”
I love to take a thing from the beginning of a story/scene and revisit it at the end. In this case, 'hot young boyfriend' is a light callback to 'sexy-ass, significantly younger boyfriend' back at the beginning when Robin was sad about the empty nest situation.
This is, I think, the first time we specify their exact age gap. It is also the exact age gap I have with my own partner, because I’m very lazy like that.
(None of this was written with any reference to what's gone on in the podcast over the last year or so, which is good because it sounds like the whole aging thing for Glenn could have gotten really confusing. Wrightiverse Glenn came back right after Ravenloft, none of that other stuff happened to him. It's all good. Canon is optional.)
* * * * *
It’s not like the men in his family have much luck in that area, anyway; Glenn never met either of his grandfathers, and Bill didn’t make it much past fifty.
I think Meryl actually lived for hundreds of years and is still alive in Faerun and they should totally meet, but Glenn doesn’t know all that.
* * * * *
Aesthetics aside, it didn't seem like there was much for Glenn to look forward to in middle age and beyond. Nick would grow up and wouldn’t need his dad anymore, and Glenn would be all alone.
From Glenn’s second chapter in Crowd, when Robin is sad about Connor leaving for college:
“I want him to be independent,” Robin is trying to explain into Glenn’s knee, “but also I don’t want to be all alone.”
Glenn flicks his ear reproachfully. “You're not all alone. I’m right here, dumbass.”
Sometimes what seems obvious when we're explaining it to somebody else doesn't feel as obvious when it's our turn. Admittedly, Glenn is coming to this with a different set of experiences than Robin is. More on that later.
* * * * *
His career would go to shit, because getting old only works for rock stars if they’re actually bluesmen in disguise, like Keith Richards.
I think I got this theory from something Chuck Klosterman wrote, probably Fargo Rock City.
* * * * *
He starts his grounding exercise without even thinking about it. Five things he can see: one, an information sign for the city park. Two, a freshly-painted bike rack. Three, some big public art sculpture that looks like a giant rusty hairbrush…
This particular grounding exercise came up earlier in Crowd. I didn't make it up for the story, it's real and many people find that it works well. Feel free to try it! The exercise he alludes to when they’re on the beach, creating ‘safe spaces’ out of vivid memories with lots of sensory details, is also based on a real thing. Lauren, his therapist, is named after the therapist who worked with me on my own PTSD and taught me that and a lot of other good stuff. At least based on my own experience, I can highly recommend EMDR if you can find a good practitioner.
* * * * *
It was a hella sweet gesture from the kid.
Connor’s introduction in Name has to do with him carrying shirts past Glenn, and one of those shirts becomes important later to Robin. Given how big the GC3 actually seems to be, I don’t think Connor did the majority of their merch. I assume they used a regular printer and Connor just did small runs of fun custom stuff when he feels like it, meaning not much changed after Glenn quit.
* * * * *
Of course, Robin is the only member of the family wearing the shirt right now, because Robin is the only one who doesn’t care that it isn’t cool to wear merch from the gig at the gig itself.
I have no idea how widespread the ‘no wearing merch from the gig at the gig’ thing is, but that’s the rule I learned.
* * * * *
Robin is chatting away about something, but it’s hard to follow with all the noise and distraction around them. Glenn decides to let it ride, and allows himself to zone out and just watch Robin talk.
As requested by my brilliant co-author, this is a callback to when Robin spaces out watching Glenn talk on their first date. Both Robin and Glenn are consistently very prone to tuning out when the other one is talking, but neither of them particularly care. As Glenn says on their dinner date - sometimes a man just wants to think out loud for a while and get a ‘hell yeah’ in response.
* * * * *
It's vastly unfair that Robin looks so good in direct sunlight, but he probably pulls it off because he's the one person in Los Angeles who isn't trying to look younger than he actually is.
Glenn should spend less time in WeHo.
* * * * *
There’s already more gray in Robin’s hair than when they met, although Glenn will only accept partial blame for that. Either way, the old man’s on track to be a full-on silver fox before he even hits fifty.
It felt necessary to drop a reminder that despite how Glenn talks about him, Robin is not actually that damn old. I mean, I'm sure that sounds very old to some of you, but when you're in your mid-to-late 30s like Glenn, somebody in their late 40s is not unreasonably decrepit. I think it has more to do with their respective energies than actual birthdays.
* * * * *
“What is it?” Robin has noticed Glenn’s gaze, and he touches his own face to check if there's something on it.
Glenn grins. "Nothing, just ogling."
This is another callback to their first date:
“Do I have something on my face?” Glenn asks, and rubs at his mouth.
“No, you’re good.” Robin says. “You’re great.”
Because I adore a full-circle moment, that's why.
* * * * *
“Your eyes were intense," Robin laughs. "It looked like you were going to start growling redrum at me."
This is my own fault for saying in the last chapter that Glenn was rambling about Kubrick moon landing conspiracies when he comes back from his walk. I tried like seven different ways to get them on the subject. I still don’t know if it feels natural.
* * * * *
Glenn stabs an accusatory finger toward Robin. “Did you suggest not doing the show because you knew I’d argue with you and talk myself into doing it?”
Can’t outro this story without at least a little argayment.
Glenn usually finds him in the bathroom at the end of the night, looking grumpy about being up past his bedtime and holding some girl’s hair back while she barfs.
With what we've learned about Robin over the course of Crowd, we now have the context to understand that for Robin, this drunk girl is very much the ghost of Christmas Past. I don't imagine he goes to many of these parties.
* * * * *
It doesn’t bother Glenn a bit. Life isn’t a movie, the cheerleader doesn’t have to put on leather pants and start smoking in order to get her bad boy and her happily ever after.
I know that there’s more going on in Grease than that, but consider: would Glenn know that?
* * * * *
He and Robin are very different people, and they always will be. They don’t make sense on the surface, but they both know who they are, and who they are fits together perfectly.
Circling back to Robin at the end of Name, expressing his anxieties:
Robin rests his forehead on the steering wheel, avoiding Glenn’s eyes. “Like I don’t make sense for you, and everybody can see it.”
Some of the circles that I closed in Crowd were ones that were opened in Crowd, but some went back further.
* * * * *
Love bubbles up in Glenn like a shaken-up soda, and he finds himself standing up suddenly and grabbing Robin’s shirt collar to tug him down for a kiss.
I wanted to mirror the ‘Hot Dad surges forward to kiss him, hard’ thing from the beginning, but given the established height difference, Glenn can’t just go for it unannounced unless he’s gonna stand tippy-toe. Thank you @whotaughtyougrammar for this art of what happens when Glenn tries the collar-tug and Robin doesn't notice fast enough.
* * * * *
Robin is caught off guard and stumbles half a step back, managing at the last second not to drop his drink. “One second, sweetheart, just one second. You surprised me. What was that about?”
Glenn gives him a lopsided grin. “Luck?”
“Oh, well, then. For luck.”
Luck and how to change it is a big theme throughout the whole series, both in the sense of ‘good fortune/unearned blessings’ and ‘random, unforeseen chance.’ More later about that.
* * * * *
When Glenn presses his tongue forward to slip between Robin’s lips, he tastes lemon and sugar.
Same as the first time they kissed, when he’d been drinking whiskey sours.
* * * * *
“Right, yeah,” Robin breathes, but he doesn’t let Glenn out of his arms quite yet. “You know,” Robin adds, “Nick was telling me earlier that he’s going to sleep over at Grant’s tonight.”
So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight
* * * * *
She’d found him there, and she'd saved him, like she always did.
We didn’t know Morgan’s name when we first wrote the scene where they discussed her in Name, so we wrote around it as though Glenn was reluctant to name her out loud. We maintained this throughout the rest of Crowd except for the line where Glenn says that he’ll tell Robin about the phone call with Morgan. Felt right. Her presence is very much felt but Glenn, at least, is not in the habit of talking about her unless he has no other option.
* * * * *
They ran out of the venue and down the street, hand in hand and giggling like kids playing hooky.
@shrack was the one who began writing our Glenn with very physical methods of showing affection. I liked it a lot as a vibe and carried on with it.
He and Morgan are also very young here. Glenn would be 21 or 22 at the oldest, which is barely older than Connor is now. I've always attributed some of his immaturity to the fact that he became a parent pretty young. (Glenn is 36 when Name starts and Nick is 13, meaning Nick was born when Glenn was 23 and probably conceived when Glenn was 22.)
* * * * *
It was like falling in love with every single person in the crowd, all at once. Glenn felt like he would never be lonely again as long as he could have that feeling.
Facing twenty thousand of your friends / how can anyone feel so lonely?
* * * * *
By then, the GC3 performed in venues so cavernous that Glenn couldn’t see anything outside his own spotlight. He could hear the audience roar approval at him, making a wall of sound that he could feel like a physical force. It was loud enough to drown out the screaming in his head, loud enough to let him forget that she wasn’t out there among them. It was the closest he could get to forgetting, so Glenn did it as much as he could.
Part of a success that never ends / But I’m thinking about you only...
* * * * *
Slowly but surely, he’d been learning how to go through life with his mind and heart focused on someone else’s well-being. It didn’t come naturally: that wasn’t the kind of family either of them knew. Still, they’d promised each other that they could do better than how they were raised.
I am never here for iterations of this dynamic that assume Glenn is the fuck-up and Morgan was the perfect parent. They both became parents at exactly the same moment, you know? The world does not need one more story with an incompetent sitcom dad and his smoking-hot wife who does all the actual parenting.
* * * * *
Nick is long since asleep, but Adele fucking Close has stayed up until these sickening hours of the early morning.
Conveniently, Glenn’s brain has overwritten all his memories with the correct name and pronouns for Nick, because writing around it is a pain in the ass otherwise.
* * * * *
Bill calling Glenn “Glenny” that time at Ravenloft really stuck with me. I don’t know if they ever revisited that in the actual podcast, but it was so slimy and chilling somehow.
* * * * *
“I fucked up,” Glenn says bluntly, and his mother narrows her eyes ever so slightly at his cursing.
Glenn gets in his own head early in Crowd about comparing himself to Penny, and Robin later worries about putting himself on ‘the same level’ as Morgan. Neither of them are quite galaxy-brained enough to realize that there’s more than one person in Glenn’s life who uses a lot of terms of endearment for him, considers themselves old-fashioned, and wishes everybody wouldn’t swear so much.
* * * * *
“Thank you, mother,” Glenn grits out. He sounds absolutely nothing like himself, not that she minds. “I appreciate your help.”
I assume that part of the reason Glenn has such a hard time offering genuine apologies is that when he was growing up, too much of his apologizing was forced rather than sincere.
* * * * *
“You are out of chances. If you continue to neglect this child, I will get the state involved, and I will take custody myself. I’ve already spoken to the Freemans, and I have their full support.”
Morgan’s parents are not mentioned very often and don’t seem to be a big part of the Close boys’ lives. I imagine that whatever tenuous relationship Glenn had forged with them post-accident was pretty much destroyed by Adele forming this alliance with them and telling Glenn about it.
* * * * *
Her patient demeanor is meant to remind him that she's here to clean up his mess again, like she always does, and his proper response is humble and apologetic gratitude.
And that is why Robin being patient can set Glenn off so bad, such as after the bike accident when they were arguing:
Glenn doesn’t really hear most of what Robin’s saying. It’s all just soothing, pointless stuff in that obnoxious tone that means Robin thinks he’s the smart, calm, mature one here and Glenn’s the immature asshole who lost his temper again. He’d never say it, but Glenn can tell what he’s thinking.
I hope it came across clearly in that part that Robin doesn’t actually see the situation that way and isn’t saying or thinking anything to that effect, but Glenn feels like he is because he’s had this somatic/emotional reaction triggered. Spatially he's arguing with Robin, but his body and a lot of his brain thinks he's arguing with his mom. Trauma can be like that.
* * * * *
His mother keeps talking like he didn’t say a word. “We can all stay in each others’ lives, Glenny. I’m not trying to cut you out, I’m trying to help you. I know you think I’m a monster, but I’m just trying to do what’s best for my family.”
Sometimes the monster will tell you it's not a monster.
* * * * *
From that night forward, Glenn will always know that he’s not a good person, because he almost takes his mother up on the offer.
I don’t think being tempted by this offer means Glenn’s a bad person, but we write Glenn as somebody who wishes he was a good person but is really afraid that he isn’t. He was at a very low point here and he needed help. Feeling drawn to the only help on offer, even if it was from a toxic source, is pretty understandable.
* * * * *
"I'll get Nicky ready for school tomorrow and you can sleep in. We’ll finish talking about this when you feel better.”
Man, I hate that abuser thing when they start being sweet as soon as you muster the energy to fight back. You get a little bit of steam built up and then they dodge you like a matador so that it dissipates again.
To be clear, Nicky isn't Nick's deadname or anything, it's just the somewhat baby-ish diminutive form that Adele uses for him, like how she calls Glenn "Glenny."
* * * * *
“Family is important,” his mother says sadly. Just before she closes the door, she gives him a look that’s an exquisite mix of regret, tender affection, and a tiny spark of hope. Adele would have been a great actress, but Glenn can’t imagine who that particular performance was for.
Performance skills run in the family and Adele comes by her acting chops honestly, although she doesn’t know it. I picture one of those situations where a young woman from a good background gets pregnant by some rakehell actor and her family covers up the scandal by raising the baby as a new sibling. That would mean that as long as Adele’s “older sister” never spilled the beans, nobody in their family at this point knows that they’re related to Meryl.
If Nick ever decides to do one of those ancestry DNA tests, things are going to get interesting.
* * * * *
He certainly didn’t find it very compelling. Family? All the family he will ever need is sleeping soundly down the hallway, tiny arms wrapped tight around a stuffed plush Babar.
I wanted Nick to have a stuffed animal that was sort of his parallel to Mr. Lion. Robin is drinking with Mr. Lion in the beginning of Crowd when he’s upset about losing Connor to college, and Mr. Lion appears again when Glenn comes in to talk to Nick and Connor after Robin’s accident.
“I… I guess I don’t know.” Nick looks down, avoiding eye contact by staring into the darkness under Connor’s bed. Mr Lion is under there in a clear plastic box, along with some other stuffed animals. Even when Nick first met Connor, the stuffed animals were already banished underneath the bed instead of on top of it. But over the years, Connor’s never thrown them away.
Mr. Lion is one of the various ways we played with the theme that Connor is, as Nick puts it, “somewhere between a kid and an adult.” Connor is a very confident and clever guy, but you don't magically get a giant box of maturity and life experience on your 18th birthday. At various points, he asks both Nick (at the campus concert) and Glenn (after Robin’s accident) to try to understand that he's still growing and figuring stuff out.
Nick has definitely been deprived of some chances to be a kid, but in some ways Connor has as well. He started hanging out with Glenn after Penny and Robin split up, and although he and Nick obviously hit it off, Connor was closer to Glenn for a while. In a different universe, that might not have turned out as well - I mean, tell me you wouldn't side-eye that arrangement in real life. I sure would. Robin just sort of flings his hands up at the role Connor plays for the Close boys, but I strongly suspect that shit would not have flown on Penny’s watch.
It’s funny - he thought Connor was so grown-up when they met, but the guy was only 16 when the Wrights moved in next door. He wasn’t much older by the time he was over at the Close place almost every day, helping Nick with homework or cleaning questionable leftovers out of the fridge. It didn’t strike Nick as weird at the time, It was just another thing about his life that wasn’t like anybody else’s. He never questioned what was in it for Connor. Back then, Nick didn’t even realize how lonely he himself was - he wouldn't have figured out why a kid whose parents had just gotten divorced might want to come over to the chaotic Close apartment to get away from the quiet in his own home.
Everybody was doing their best, and everything worked out for the best, but Connor over the course of the stories is sorting out the balance that works for him in terms of responsibility and playfulness. Fortunately, now that he has less responsibility for Nick, he can enjoy Nick more as a friend and brother. In Name, Robin and Glenn both sort of assume Connor will act as a babysitter to Nick while they go off on their first date; by Crowd, Connor is hanging out playing Smash with Nick and Grant as the gents get ready for their dinner date, but he's there socially, as a peer.
Him being goofier and more immature also frees up Nick to do the same, since if Connor is cool and Connor is being playful, then "it's not a little kid thing, it's a bro thing" They both get to be kids now in a way that they weren't before, and I love that for them.
Anyway, the point of Mr. Lion and why I wanted to give Nick a stuffed animal as well was to draw the parallel between the sons more directly and to anchor the stuffed animal component. So far there hadn't been any moment in which an actual kid was holding an actual stuffed animal.
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Of course my fancy electric eraser arrives moments after finishing the doodle.
hm.... i am having thoughts....
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Court Lady is really captivating and I can not stop it’s great in so many ways but
are there any men in it who you know?? Have basic respect for women and manage to do romance without crossing over into scum territory?
no cares had
no nerves considered
no propriety observed
no thoughts regarded
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edge of great as memes
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Forgot I changed my pfp
I invited h on an eve parkway drive yesterday and they saw two bear cubs and a momma in the road and excited pointed and grabbed my hand, immediately being like “omg I’m so sorry!” and tossing it. we watched these bears flop around snd play in the grass for a good while and I caught a little video of them with us gushing in the background.
we ended up driving through the thickest fog I’d ever been in and pulling over near cr@ggy. h asked if I wanted to get out and experience it and it felt like we walked into a dreamscape with the moist cold wind swirling us in cloud. the fog felt like a weighted blanket, a nest, like we were so far away from the world and in a special nook safe and removed. h said it was like we were in a snow globe.
I started to chuckle uncontrollably and mention how funny it was when they ecstatically grabbed my hand when we saw the cubs. they apologized a lot because we’d literally marked our calendars for 2.5 weeks from now when they were fully vacc’d and we could hold hands for real in a safe way. It’d become a running joke/point of playful topic. I reassured them it was only a magickal and cherished moment and I felt honored that that was our first time technically holding hands. then we fell into sharp silence shaking in the blustery mountain haze and he was like “I’d hold your hand right now if we could” and I had responded quickly about how much I want that. the marked silence continued. he asked what I was thinking and I was like ,, omfg h do you want to just slap on some hand sanitizer and go for it and h was like YES YES PLS so we did. there was this moment of knowing or being or both where we mutually were filled with the sensation of touching before h was like “mm slimy” and we cackled and flailed but never let go of our grasp.
I was waiting to be overwhelmed with finally touching them but instead it felt like opening the front door to your house after a long day and my cold shivering began to calm. I was glad it was night and they couldn’t see my unwavering and unshakable Big Dumb Smile.