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#to be clear I would never do this for a man irl unless he was spectacular
utilitycaster · 7 months
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Well now im curious, what are your top 10 etiquette violations
I'm not actually sure there are 10 tbh in that these are relatively broad - you could split them up more finely if you wanted but they cover a wide range of behavior. Also this is...a bit stream of consciousness. I do stand by 1 as the absolute Golden Rule of D&D in that it's really just so Me Me Me (more so than main character syndrome) that it's inexcusable, but like...rules 2- 6 are kind of all in the same nebulous position in my mind as are rules 7-10. 2-6 are "really bad, have a talk and be prepared to kick this person out if they don't shape up and honestly I would probably not want to hang out with them irl much if they don't shape up" and 7-10 are "maybe don't invite them to game nights but they could be okay otherwise."
Deliberately going against the general vibe of the table. This is the broadest but also obviously worst trait. If everyone else is here to play a serious playthrough of Curse of Strahd and they're all vampire hunters and whatnot and you're playing a clown in a hawaiian shirt named Jeff you are not funny; you are an asshole. I think that person who made the post of like "I'm playing D&D with my dad's friends and they're all fighters with tragic backstory and I'm a neon firbolg who resurrects our enemies and runs therapy sessions" should be beaten with hammers. Like, be unique, but if everyone else is going for a lighthearted vibe it's not time to bust out your darkest PC and vice versa. (This also goes deeper, like, if your table has decided PC death in-game is okay, you can request a change, but if you've never spoken up about this and then your character dies and you pitch a fit, that's on you.)
"Um actually my rich family solves this" and similar circumventing of obstacles in a way that cuts off all story avenues. It's fine to offer your services to help - sometimes the party will want it! But the worst player I've played with (who still did not violate Item 1) did this and short-circuited like 75% of the plot by being like "well my wealthy merchant family can probably smooth this over" and I wanted to, well, beat them with hammers. Brian Murphy of Naddpod calls this "showing up and trying not to play D&D" and he's right.
Closely related to/overlapping with item 2 but Main Character Syndrome. If you're a wizard and there's a nonurgent trial of strength? that is for the barbarian. If they ask for help, go for it, but don't just do everything. Share the table. Self-explanatory but man do some people not get it. I'm also grouping this with "my character wouldn't help" behaviors. Like to be clear, forgoing your turn as a roleplay thing is fine, but another Naddpod D&D Court regular topic is like "the player for whatever reason would not join combat bc their character wouldn't, and we nearly had a tpk because the encounter assumed our fucking cleric would be there".
Actually violating player agency. Closely relating to 2-3. Conflict is great and good. I think it's fine to lie, cheat, and steal from your party members if your table agrees on that. There are spells or abilities that lead to possession which is also valid if your table has talked through that. But you do not get to otherwise like, force another player character to do your bidding (unless your table has, again, decided this is okay). You cannot persuasion check other PCs into going against their desires unless that's a very specific conversation you've had out of character as a table. Even in game, like, the DC on persuasion checks can be arbitrarily high - even impossible - if someone would simply never do it.
Noncombat/non-violent D&D. There are other TTRPGs that are not heavily based on war games with character classes that aren't like 90% battle abilities and you should check those out. Anyone who plays noncombat/nonviolent D&D and is proud of it is dumb as the bag of hammers I'm beating the people of items 1 and 2 for and I don't respect them. I guess this isn't so much an etiquette violation in that if your entire table wants this you can all be terrible together, but it is kind of a dick move, especially since I both love D&D and find the anti-D&D crowd to largely be the most sour grapes-ass losers of all time, but also believe passionately that there are many things D&D does not achieve well because it is in fact a specific game with specific objectives. You should, if you want to play a game that is all social encounters and skill checks and no fighting, play the many indie games that would love your patronage and suit you admirably, not the most neutered, milquetoast, unsalted margarine version of D&D. I genuinely believe that people playing murderhobos or hardcore metagamers are VASTLY preferable.
Not making a good faith effort to know the rules. You do not have to be good at D&D. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting for not knowing every rule of D&D. You only have to let the soft animal of your body have at least read the rules of your character's class, subclass, and race, and show up prepared, instead of being like "tee hee I listened to 5 episodes of TAZ Balance and am going to twirl my hair at the DM and hope they help little old me." The DM is BUSY and has SHIT TO DO. Read the fucking manual. It's okay to be wrong! It's not okay to be clueless on purpose.
Rules for Thee and Not For Me. Mostly a DM thing, and to be clear, the DM does have special rules bc they are the special one and this is obviously not about that. There are also rules that apply to NPCs/stat blocks and not PCs, and those are inherent to the balance of the game and are fine because NPCs have different abilities. But if, for example, you are requiring an athletics check of PCs to climb up on a ledge and don't permit acrobatics, your rogue NPC villain can't do acrobatics either unless they have some specific pre-written ability.
Metagaming pt 1: excessive metagaming: Part 2 will reveal the "excessive" but like. If you know trolls regenerate because you've been playing D&D for years but you are a level 4 INT 8 sorcerer in-game? you do not know trolls regenerate.
Metagaming pt 2: refusal to engage with the fact that this is a game: Sometimes you get the reverse, when people are like "well my character wouldn't realize that this magic item was important to your character" despite the other person RP-ing everything or "would I notice you were knocked out directly in front of me? It's a pitched battle!" Like. don't cheat but come on bro. This is, ultimately, a game. I will once again bring up Naddpod both because D&D Court exists AND they will do rule of funny shit (as Murph once pointed out, if you want to say you go to Ruby Tuesday's as a joke, great, if you try to use it mechanically, no, which is a healthy attitude towards immersion) AND Murph understands the concept of kayfabe.
Really extensive indecision that doesn't involve the whole party. This is mostly me but like. it's not fun, and I am impatient. If you're not an actual play livestream, you should take a break and in fact talk out of game and resume because god this drags. If everyone's on board obviously go for it but if it's one person's choice...babe the spotlight is on you, sing your solo or leave.
Basically: remember you are at a table with other people and you are telling a collaborative story in a system that is combat-heavy. I'm not bothered by (for example) someone stealing another character's item so long as they understand that this may lead to consequences for them! If you can dish it out but you're prepared to take it and your table trusts each other? Great! The problem is when people try to win against the other players, ask for special treatment they do not grant others, waste everyone's time unnecessarily, or skip to the end of the story; that's against the fundamental nature of the game. It's inconsiderate AND it misses the point.
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Hi I bring you context
Some people on Twitter dug up 7-8 year old(?) stuff abt Forever talking/flirting w underaged girls
There were 900+ tweets deleted by him to avoid him looking worse (or in his words "so they can't be misconstrued further")
The stuff came from a third party who wasn't acting on the victim's behalf (was allegedly just digging through his acc for shit bc they thought he was "sus") and a lot of tweets were translated in bad faith. Plus a lot of "USA culture is not everywhere culture" bs was being brought into the situation bc there are major differing cultural norms between places like the US and Brazil when it comes to this sorta thing. Overall a lot of the situation felt like someone just looking to be malicious towards Forever was pulling some shit.
All this in mind, I'd been under the "there's not enough credible non-malicious sourced info available" train and wanted to think better of Forever. And Twitter is notorious for dragging up old cc controversy when they start a new project, which Forever recently planned on doing. When QSMP started Cellbit experienced a similar Someone Digs Up Old Drama From The Grave thing and it was cleared up and he's since moved on
However, now we've seen that 9 ccs total (and counting?), half of which are qsmp members, have unfollowed Forever and Phil even crossbanned him (meaning banned him from every chat he mods in ie Tubbo, Tommy, etc). One of the other 9 ccs was Brunim, another Brazilian cc who as far as most qsmp enjoyers know is his best friend. With how tightly knit the qsmp members are, esp after meeting up irl so much (in fact, at least 7 are/were meeting irl within the last 2 days), I have no doubts they would not and did not make the decision to do this lightly. He was a cherished friend of theirs.
And with *that* in mind because I trust Phil's judgement, I'm no longer going to be defending or supporting Forever personally. But if more information clearing his name comes out, I'll gladly reconsider again. But knowing that 9 ccs have publicly unfollowed and/or banned Forever speaks volumes to me. We NEVER see ccs cut each other off publicly like this. And all the ccs we've seen do so are all generally trustworthy people known for not getting involved with discourse whatsoever (ie Phil and Aimsey).
holy shit man I didn't know it was that bad.
I went through the forever situation tag but most of it was just talking about the fact that Phil and other ccs unfollowed/banned him and I didn't get the full context so thanks very much for this. I haven't kept with mcyt content creators (outside of hermitcraft/life series and ranboo) so all I know about the qsmp comes from mainly your posts lol.
but yeah I agree about Phil. he's never been one to insert himself into online Twitter drama unless it was because the accusations were real and serious. and if PHIL banned forver on the chats he mods in then it's pretty damn telling that this isn't something to be ignored.
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scara-writes · 9 months
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About this blog
This blog is for entertainment only. I do not acknowledge any type of violence in real life. Nor do I encourage my readers to do so. Yanderes are dangerous and they are only fine if it's fictional and not in real life. Anyone who seeks to have a yandere or having a yandere tendencies in real life please consult a therapist as soon as possible.
All of my writings are purely fiction and has nothing to do with IRL situations! I don't mean to offend anyone. My writings have their own universe.
Know that if you want to make a character base on my characters please lmk... I'm not merciful to ppl using my oc and making it their own.(unless you just made your oc inspired by my oc then that's fine) I do not like that and would definitely delete everything.
You can ask/request me. However, I cannot promise you that I will answer/do it. I might be late on answering them(I write slow ;-;)
(I'll prolly edit this soon for the do's and don'ts :3)
I mostly write female reader because that is how I used to write but I rarely use she/her pronouns so I guess they will fell into a category of gender neutral.
Be sure that you are very clear/precise when you ask a questions/request you wanted me to answer/do
Also this blog is not suitable for young audience and I will block you if you are under 18.
I mostly write soft , clingy, and subby yandere cause why not? I will try my best to write a darker version of yanderes too like violent ones, sadistics, delusional, time bomb yanderes
I don't usually write canon characters(genshin impact, one piece, naruto, demon slayer, marvel characters,etc.) But I will try my best to write one.
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About Me
You can totally see that my username is from a genshin character whom is famous from being gremlin villain. Yes, I play genshin impact.
Pfp is from Lady Crystal is a man ;)
I am chill but lazy writer
My pronouns are :He/Them
English is not my first language so forgive me in advance. I will edit them sooner or never
That's all..
Are you ready my beloved?
Oc Masterlist 1
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chigusaeyes · 1 year
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was tagged back by @altairring for the fandom character meme
you know how to choose them 😘
putting things under a cut~
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I'll go in Reverse Order & start with Clavis ~!
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I haven't paid any attention to the cesspool of self-righteous idiocacy that makes up the majority of Otoge Fandoms on Tunglr dot com, only my dear moots & the few gems I have found along the way, but I am slamming my hand down right now & declaring with confidence that the fandom at large is Probably Most Definitely wrong about him.
About what exactly? Idk I just came out swinging bc Have you met him? Yeah. I mean, I did choose 'no.' for a reason and that reason is that I clocked him as someone who is going to give me Problems & I won't be able to stop myself from loving him anyways.
Clavis, Clavis, Clavis...we have a salad spinner that we call "Nikos's Boyfriend" bc Nikos is very attached to it? He likes to try laying atop it. Idk, cats, yanno? But were I able, I would throw Clavis into Nikos's Boyfriend and spin him in there with all the love in the world.
He's a poster child for Local Clown Actually Broken Inside. P clear him & all his brothers are traumatized on some level, it comes with the...everything. Refined for each of them.
Anyways, he's the most refined mess out there and I love him. And his beauty marks. Plus his color is purple and BINCH ME TOO.
And onto Saizo.
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Saizo's a fuckin' binch and I love him, I do, but oh my god do I want to SQUEAK him. Playing his route is half me going AHHHH & half me going GDI Saizo Why Can't I Quit You (This is Why I Can't Quit You ).
The Cold Asshole trope isn't my preferrence honestly, as I'm not usually into beating my head against a wall. Talk about a man loaded with trauma. But the glimpses behind The Wall that Saizo has up before he finally opens up a bit to the MC always keep me hanging on. And then the side stories etc that are post-opening up etc make me forget how much of an ass he's been. Which is the point, I think.
I say this with wry affection bc imo, Saizo is like...the fave that doesn't need to be mentioned as your fave unless you gun for Saizo and Saizo alone. Bc just abt everyone has a soft spot for him, in my experience. Not always, but it's a thing yanno?
Also him & Yukkins will never not be one of my fave combos of all time. I deeply enjoy Saizo's commentary on any+everyone else. ESPECIALLY Nobuyuki.
And speaking of Nobuyuki...
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Nobuyuki is probably definitely one of my favorite Genuinely Dangerous romance/love interests of all times in a game. The Gentle Yandere is probably definitely the most sinister & dangerous of the yandere archetype.
( Not to be mistaken for the yangire, who is the "if I can't have you, I will kill you" ( vs the Classique yandere tactic of imprisonment and/or isolation ), who is arguably the most dangerous any of the Obsessive (yan-) archetypes, if only bc you're Way more likely to just fuckin' die. )
Boy I really know how to choose them huh.
( In fairness to myself - tho this Really Needn't Be Said - Nobuyuki is my favorite LI who I would Never actually want to be with irl. )
Anyways.
The psychological power of the gentle yan is so dangerous bc it gives the illusion of free will & choice, without realizing your stage has been effectively set up around you. It takes an enormous amount of interpersonal skill via manipulation & tactics, etc, to do as such too. Especially without revealing his hand. He doesn't need to lock the one he decides he wants to be with up, bc she willingly walks into the cage and locks herself in there of her own fkn volition. Brilliant, I love him So Much, he's terrible and wonderful all at the same time.
There's always going to be a power differential between Buyan and his wife & it's not for everyone's fictional preference, but it certainly is for mine. Or at least my MC-OC, gdi. Plus there are ways in which the MC proves herself to be a capable wife that Buyan respects & actively adores.
Honestly, it's those positive feelings that make him so dangerous, bc this is a man used to sacrificing aspects of himself & his own desires for the sake of his clan. And the fact that he meets someone he actually develops feelings for & gets to keep her? Oh boy. She ends up being a cage for him to put his heart into while she locks herself into a cage of his making.
Ahhh, Nobuyuki let me count the ways...between the Gentle Yan aspects, his tender smile, willingness to sacrifice his personal honor & morals for the greater good of the family ( and skill in never revealing this ), and weight upon his heart in trying to keep Yukimura safe in whatever few ways he can...seriously I love him so much.
Is Nobuyuki good? Well, he's a dutiful son & a doting maternal brother figure & a very wise leader who values his people and hearing their input. And he'll use people as he needs in order to ensure the safety and longevity of his family and their land + the people under their rule. So like. Good by what definition? WHOSE definition?
If you asked Nobuyuki if he was "good", he'd probably laugh in that soft way of his and ask what makes someone Good, before likely saying that Yukkins is the pinnacle of Goodness by the Sanada standards or something. Just rip my heart out and stomp on it, huh?
All of this is to say that while thankfully many ppl have already spoken on Buyan & how wonderfully complex he is & helped spread recognition of that...I'm, as always, very confident that there are plenty of Wrong People out there - be it due to comprehensive or critical thinking issues.
I want to put him in a salad spinner until he finally lets some goddamn tears out. I've humored ( read: hurt ) myself thinking about Nobuyuki & his Wifey MC during Yukkins's funerary process etc and the sheer grief of it all for EVERYONE involved and I hate it SO MUCH. Hate hate hate HATE. But it's also an inevitably, so fuck it, have THAT be a part of a 2nd Season for Nobuyuki, Voltage, don't be cowards---
🥲
No seriously, Nobuyuki makes me think SO MUCH, too much really, and I just. Wanna eat my whole fist. When I think abt him. I haven't opened the app in literal ages ( on one hand, it's practical, on the other hand, I missed his bday stuff Again so fuck me right? ), but I still---I mean! *waves hands at my url* I still!!!
Also that sexy scene of his where he instructs MC to meet his eyes before he will Initiate Physical Consummation of their Relationship & then having her keep her eyes locked with his during, etc? Boy that still gets me a-flustered if only bc like. Just looking AT someone during sex can be difficult at times, but maintaining eye contact?
Actually did u kno that apparently, accordingly, staring your partner in the eyes while kissing them helps to build + strengthen intimacy? I'll fuckin' say. Buyan seems like the type who would enjoy that too, what a Gigacha--- 🤣
I could keep going but seriously I love Nobuyuki and people can pull him from my cold, dead hands.
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Terfs strawmanning ability is legendary. If they made that Swedish straw-goat, it would never burn down because they'd just keep building it. Also. I'm pretty sure that women are also the gender who're the most into non-con, and other non-con aligned sex themes in fiction. And IRL women are the ones who're most into consensual hard intercourse. Yes men can also enjoy and like consensual hard intercourse, but when it comes to non-con fantasies in the IRL bedroom, women were the clear winner.
re
anon, I'm gonna have to respond to this in parts because I can see exactly what terfs are going to pick at with what you said. sorry.
"Terfs strawmanning ability is legendary. If they made that Swedish straw-goat, it would never burn down because they'd just keep building it."
big agree. nothing to add here.
"Also. I'm pretty sure that women are also the gender who're the most into non-con, and other non-con aligned sex themes in fiction."
this is the part they're gonna start picking at with a few main and very predictable points. firstly, deny and/or blame patriarchy for women having non-con fantasies. not much to add there but a no. saying everything you don't like either does not exist or is just the fault of social conditioning, when there's loads of reasons people have the sexual fantasies that they have outside of social stuff, is really just an oversimplification that isn't supported by evidence for the sake of slotting it into your narrative (like they did on the post with any woman who'd hatefucked, they said it was a lie, they said no women had done it, etc), simply gesturing at the existence of patriarchy and sexism alone, or denying things even happen, is not a fair or nuanced attempted rebuttal. of course sexism and patriarchy have a hand in almost any fucking thing, we live in a dynamic world where everything interacts with everything, but to stop there and dismiss things that aren't the sole result of that by any stretch of the imagination (in fact, given many of the things I'll get to later that cause these fantasies, sexism and patriarchy likely aren't even close to the primary cause), or worse to deny a well known phenomenon even happens, is just completely toxic and destructive to the ability to discuss this.
secondly they'll say something else they said on the post, that this isn't the same as doing it irl, which is true, a fantasy isn't the same as acting on something, but on the post the op wasn't about doing hatefucking, it was about being into the concept. they used the difference disingenuously where it wasn't the point, where it wasn't what we were talking about, and I think it'd be fair to say that criticism of their use of it would also apply to this, since again here we're talking about being into concepts and not about actually doing stuff. but I can go deeper here since we do have more stats on this than on hatefucking. I'll save talking about the fantasy itself for my third point, but regarding irl, my country has gendered rape laws, including when the victim is under 13, and there are very very few ways for cis women to even be prosecuted for rape (they still manage to from time to time, basically via aiding and abetting laws where if you hold somebody down for a man to rape them, you can sometimes be prosecuted for the same crime that you helped him commit), but without a penis you're simply incapable of solely being charged for rape, unless your lawyer is so bad at his job that he can't even go "but your honour, it says penis there". assault by penetration is easier for a woman to commit than rape, but it's still mostly for things men can do. it isn't until you get down to the third most serious that women can commit it with the ways cis women will typically assault cis men, the much less seriously taken sexual assault crime, which more easily covers forced to penetrate. but there's also the fact that by this point most men don't actually know the law - they know the rape laws, but to know that they're actually able to charge a woman for sexual assault isn't particularly common by comparison, law isn't taught as a school class here until college, where it's entirely optional and relatively rare to study. add in the fact that social factors (like patriarchy) cause men to be on average less likely to report, and cause cops and shit to laugh at men who try (much moreso than they'll laugh at women, which is not zero, stop living in lala land if you think it's zero, cops treat both men and women like dirt, they're cops), and the male reporting stats keep dropping. I could go on. when you have less biased stat taking, and include forced to penetrate, the numbers still aren't 50/50 and I'd never claim they were (again, like on the post, terfs will equate me having any nuance with me saying it's 50/50 and entirely equal in every way, I am not saying that and I wasn't saying that on the post), there's reasons for the various differences (power, patriarchy, social education on what it even means to rape someone, etc), but it's also not the massively different number that you get from biased stats and biased laws, and the same is true of domestic violence, the numbers are orders of magnitude closer than people think to each other. the fact of the matter is that women do it irl a tonne more than these kinds of people think, it's hard to get perfect stats, and it's exhausting to have to keep reminding people who cite my country's criminal stats that "hey, it's actually incredibly scathing that the number of cis women who do this is not zero, considering the hoops you have to actively jump through to get charged with this when you don't have the organ that the law literally requires you to have". I guess the tl;dr here is that women do rape irl, no it's not 0.05% of rapes or whatever, it's not rare, but no it's not 50/50 either, and why does nobody have nuance on this really serious topic that requires a metric fucktonne of nuance? they're like 60/40 or 70/30 from what I've seen of better estimates, but numbers are hard to gather for the aforementioned reasons, so it's difficult to know for sure. with a crime where reporting is this messy and with the issues with various self-report studies, I'm not planting any flags.
thirdly is probably the strongest point they'd make, by virtue of it being the only one of the three that's genuinely applicable, and it's that the non-con fantasies that women have are about being the victim. it's still a bad point, and I'll get into why, but at least they're on the topic that we're talking about now - being into the concept specifically. anyway, it's not true that they're always about being the victim, no - they usually, as you can see from both stats and general trends in the erotic fiction women write for women (fanfiction and professional alike), do fantasise about being the victim, but that's not 100% by any stretch of the imagination. women also often fantasise about being the rapist plenty of the time. and, as far as I'm aware, the same is true of (again, not saying the numbers are identical, never said that) men - yes, men also tend to fantasise about being the victim, from what I remember of the stats. non-con fantasies fall into a multitude of categories and happen for a multitude of reasons, with only a handful of those reasons being as simple as or anywhere close to "the lack of consent is hot alone", much more often they're, for example, a vehicle to explore desires without guilt - you fantasise that big John from the gym rapes you, because you're not ready to admit to yourself yet that you're bi, you don't wanna be gay, you're a big manly man, so your brain goes "fine, fuckface, what if I made it rape, and now you're not accountable for what big John did in the fantasy because you didn't ask for it", and like video game devs coding an invisible npc with a visible train head because the vehicle code wouldn't work for a train, somehow that shit works for our brains (no, our brains don't react to it or to non-con in fiction like it's actual rape, and as a survivor, fuck the idiots I've seen make that absolutely incorrect claim). this is why everybody, every demographic, is more likely to fantasise about being the victim in non-con than the perpetrator, and why it's not simply the result of patriarchal conditioning to always bow to the whims of the man, it's also the end result a fucktonne of hacks our brain does to get around funky shit and have a sexual fantasy. even the most feminist feminist to ever feminist may have found their brain unexpectedly using this hack to get around something, and even the most manly man to ever man has had the same. and that's just a handful of the many reasons for non-con or dub-con fantasies to happen. there are pages upon pages upon pages of people trying to figure out reasons people have these fantasies, and each time you think you've almost cracked it, you pull on a thread and a whole warehouse full of tangled yarn falls from the ceiling. terfs dunning-kruger themselves into thinking they understand topics like this, and that all of it is the result of one single thing (either patriarchy or the transes, depending on whether they're on their period or not), but ultimately anybody studying this topic knows that the human mind is an endless well of weirdness and stupidity. the tl;dr of this section is that it's not always about being the victim for women, pretty often you find women who fantasise about being the perp, men also will fantasise about being the victim more, and there are some really complicated and nuanced and interesting reasons that these fantasies happen that aren't unique to women or sexism. terfs oversimplify this because it suits their narrative and because they mistake their ignorance for the topic itself being simple and having a simple answer, but that isn't the reality.
so, whether women view more non-con in fiction than men, in my experience and from stuff I've seen, yes, but there's more to that - men tend to watch acted porn and women tend to read erotica (nowhere near 100% at all, in fact these trends are actually an awful lot less cut and dry than people think, both do both and both do more, and amounts vary wildly with different demographics and individuals), and acted porn just tends to have less complex power dynamic plots and rape by comparison to written (again, less, by comparison, not that it never does it, and stats are hard to get on this, especially ones from unbiased sources that didn't intentionally seek out the most extreme shit they could find to paint porn as evil, you literally have to go to pornhub and see that their most popular searches are step-sibling and step-mom and such, and even then a search isn't watchtime, it isn't who was looking out of curiosity and who was looking to jack it, it isn't what's more appealing to studios to make, it isn't information, but most people who've seen acted porn can tell you that the studio stuff tends to be simple stuff and not violent rape, and anybody who's been to an erotica section of a book store or searched one direction on wattpad can tell you that those things jump into complex dub-con plots so readily that you feel like it's actually harder to find fluff). this is simply because it's just easier in written work to address the complexity and to explore the inner reasons and desires that cause the non-con fantasy (those discussed earlier), acted porn just doesn't have as much ability to get into the character's head and explore it, so it often uses simpler kinks that make it easier to appease the viewer - incest, women in positions of power over you, men in positions of power over women, cheating, etc. if you can knock out the story in five minutes without an inner monologue, and have most of the five minutes be sex, then that's the kink acted porn is more eager to do for pretty obvious reasons, while written porn has more freedom there to explore that stuff, more time, more detail, more inner thoughts, and so on. honestly, I find it hard to say that the medium isn't possibly one of the biggest contributing factors here, because unless your kink is just outright the much less common "no consent is hot, violence is hot, I wanna hear you say no" with no deeper aspects to it (and it seems like generally men who like specifically that will tend to fantasise about being the perp, which is fine, have whatever kinks you have, it's just thoughts at the end of the day), acted porn is going to struggle with how to really do that topic. that's probably why, in the one reblog of the post, terfs were saying that fanfiction is all lovey and romantic, while men's fantasies and porn is gross and sexual, it's just that written porn takes time to explore themes beneath the non-con and acted porn simply doesn't have the time to do that sort of thing - at that point, you'd be watching a movie that just so happened to have real sex scenes, and most people would rather just jack it to a movie when that's what they want (have you not seen all those sex movies out there? fifty shades, or the kidnapping one? people do wanna watch that stuff, but acted porn just isn't the medium). tl;dr because again this got long, I don't want to make any firm statements on what men or women really want, especially essentialist ones (which I don't think you were doing), because ultimately I don't subscribe to the terf view that the differences between men and women are massively pronounced, and there are just too many factors that contribute to why these trends we don't have amazing stats on happen (look how much I wrote and I've barely touched on two).
so yeah, that's why I think your point stands, but they won't think so, they'll (as we saw from the post) happily misrepresent, misread, and ignore anything you say to repeat the same points. we're not going to get through to them on this, they're just going to keep writing off all women as precious pure angels who never think or do icky things, and all men as monsters who think and do the worst version of anything bad all the time. it's impossible to break through that barrier unless your essentialism gets shattered by real world experience.
"And IRL women are the ones who're most into consensual hard intercourse. Yes men can also enjoy and like consensual hard intercourse, but when it comes to non-con fantasies in the IRL bedroom, women were the clear winner."
again, I'm gonna have to cite fifty shades, and the frenzy amongst women to get fifty shades themed sex toys and go to town. I have absolutely no reason to doubt it's very common, I've seen plenty of studies that indicate such. but I think terfs would try variations of those same three arguments to attack this point too. they're never going to understand this, unfortunately. they struggle with essentialism and with hatred of men, and those barriers will have pretty detrimental impact on any attempt to get them to view this topic through an unbiased lense. I mean, I can't even explain to them the shit they fuck up re ovid, actual historic facts, because their version of events suits their narrative better. it's pretty tiresome, but I hope I've broken down here at least pretty well how these things are complicated, nuanced topics, and any analysis that begins and ends with "men bad" is going to be utterly useless.
I gotta be real with you, once I got into an argument with terfs who believed that a dying fifteen year-old, who would die before he was going to turn sixteen, and did, had raped an adult woman (which is possible, I'm not one of those idiots who thinks teens can't rape, they're actually far more commonly rapists than people think, although mostly of peers and people less powerful or younger, like many rapists or abusers), but the reason they gave for believing him to be the rapist was that this adult woman agreed to sleep with this fifteen year-old dying boy in exchange for money. now, I am well aware that this is out there enough to be a fucking wild hypothetical you'd use to argue that sometimes you can justify fucking a teen, and I am not here to debate ethics of scenarios this rare and frankly useless for real world application outside of this one time, but to say that the simple exchange of money is more rapey than an adult woman willingly sleeping with a minor, and to go on to say the kinds of things terfs said about that now dead boy, that they hoped he suffered and died slowly, that pissed me off. no, she agreed to sleep with a minor, she could have said no, and there isn't enough swaying power in a handful of cash to outweigh that, it's not a gun to your head. and that day, years ago, was the moment that I realised arguments as nuanced as those above are useless with terfs. there have only been a handful of times, in my years of debating terfs, that I've reached them and changed their minds, and it's not on topics like this that you manage that, it's when you meet one that by the grace of god is willing to move away from the emotional scenario at hand and go down to foundational beliefs with you, and talk about those honestly and openly, and get into the philosophy mud and not the scenario that they're emotionally reacting to. that is to say that when I debate terfs, when I say what I say here, I know that I'm preaching to the choir and not shaking up any terf's worldview. because these are people who will use literally anything in a scenario to demonise the man, even when the man is a literal dead minor.
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trappedinyellow · 2 years
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(Stolen from @the-virtual-council )
answer deez questions so your mutuals get to know you better
1. Alias/preffered name
Mun: Farris
Muse: William
2. Gender/sexuality/pronouns
Mun: Female, bi, she/her They/Them dude (not pickingy)
Muse: Male, demisexual, He/Him They/Them
3. Main topic of your blog/interests
Ask/Rp blog, Fnaf, William Afton. (Tyki from D.Gray-man as it is my William FC.)
4. Main shower thought
Mun: just plotting out my writing for fics or making a note of things I need to do irl.
Muse: Methodically planning; be it his research, business for his company or murder.
5. Favourite animal/colour/food
Mun: Hard to pick a favorite, ether Snakes or Wolves. Black. I'm partial to both Japanese food and seafood in general for the most part but am allergic to Lobster so that is the one exception.
Muse: Rabbits. Purple. Pasta and most French dishes.
6. Languages you speak
Mun: English, German (Not fully fluent), Japanese (Not fully fluent/still learning).
Muse: English, French.
7. Fandoms you’re in
Mun: Far too many to count. I have a lot of blogs. From Transformers to Jojo's bizarre adventures. I've got a blog for a character in a lot of fandoms, sometimes multiple. Some of my current semi active ones are: One Piece, Transformers, D.Gray-man and this one here. I have also been in Naruto, Bleach, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and had a few Final fantasy blogs that aren't really active anymore.
Muse: Strictly Fnaf for the most part.
8. DNI’s/DI’s
I'm not a picky person I don't think. I mostly go off a do on to others as you would have done to you thing. I don't like drama and avoid fandoms that are known for it. I also avoid MLP, Pokémon and anything Marvel related due to personal bad experiences with the three that I don't like to discuss. The things are triggering as are SJ topics due to some very toxic people I used to rp with.
As I said before, I don't like drama. I rp as a means of escapism and thus real world stuff like politics or religion aren't welcome with me. Your welcome to enjoy these things of course but tagging them so I can block them is very appreciated.
A warning I give people is that I like taboo subjects and sometimes I will explore these things in rp. That does not mean I support these things but rather I see it as, if something can happen irl why can't it in a fictional setting? I find it interesting to explore such topics but will tag them and will never force them on others.
Basically I don't care what other people's beliefs etc are. I believe that people can get along and enjoy rping even if they hold different views so long as they keep it out of rp. I keep my irl stuff to myself and don't pry into other people's unless they need a friend to talk to. It's just how I roll. Not really a DNI/Dl but I feel this is more clear on how I operate.
9. Something you think people should know about you
I'm older than you probably think. That said I don't discriminate. I won't smut with minors obviously but if your 18 and over I feel age is just a number.
10. Unpopular opinion of yours
I'm not too interested in Fnaf fanverse. I dunno why it just isn't as interesting to me.
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dragon-huntress · 2 years
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#a lil annoyed bc my roomie/partner thing never compliments me or says like nice/cute things#but this old friend I haven’t seen since before the pandemic keeps calling me beautiful and a princess and a gODDESS HELLO#he’s kinda iffy bc he flirted w me and my old roommate knowing we were both in relationships#BUT was very much a uhhhhhhh#trying to think who knows me here irl#if you do plz stop reading unless you wanna know someone ahem kinks#he was like a… supplementary daddy of sorts?#like when I was out without my partner he would look out for me and make sure I was eating/drinking/not getting out of line/etc.#he was incredibly sweet and still is and I honestly did not expect it bc I was pretty much told that I wasn’t allowed to hang out w him#anymore and he knew my partner didn’t like him#I think he felt like he’d try to steal me away but he made it very clear he was just keeping an eye on me when he wasn’t around#but I feel like my partner maybe knew he… COULD possibly steal me away#sort of#obviously I make my own choices but my friend is so incredibly kind and caring and does more of the physical/verbal cutesy stuff I craveeee#which my partner doesn’t like at all#especially recently. I couldn’t tell ya the last time the man complimented me#I got SO CUTE today and he didn’t say one nice thing#we did smash while I was wearing the outfit but still would be nice to HEAR he thought I looked nice#maybe I’m being too extra or whiny but idk like it’s really not a lot#I just want to feel like I’m still wanted#and more than just a fuckin wallet and a warm body to him
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whorefordazai · 3 years
Note
you said there’s so much to say about dazai and his relationship with women...care to share? I’d love to hear your thoughts 👀
dazai and his relationship with women
warnings: mentions of sexual assault and sexualization
// note: a few of you wanted to hear my thoughts on it, which is surprising 😅 but sure! I’d love to talk about it, especially since it’s been on my mind for a while <3
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
// scenes in the anime/manga
// port mafia backstory
// sexualization/hyper sexuality
// yozo in no longer human
// conclusion
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ps. I’m sorry if this seems messy and all over the place. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and it’s really interesting to me. If you have anything to say, I’d love to hear it !!
scenes in the anime/manga
In the manga and anime, Dazai is portrayed as a womanizer and big flirt who uses his good looks and charms to manipulate women into getting what he wants. This can be seen in multiple different occasions—such as with Higuchi, the cafe barista (although it doesn’t really work 😅) and most importantly, the nurse.
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It wasn’t shown in the anime, but in the manga it’s pretty clear that the author was hinting of some sort of sexual contact between Dazai and the nurse. My guess is that he seduced the nurse into giving him his phone.
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“Perhaps if I’m in the mood”—I don’t think he was in the mood again lol.
Now, this is a pretty popular trait of his—using things to his advantage. Especially when it comes to flirting and sexualizing himself. He never attempts to get close with any of these women, or commits to relationships with them. Maybe he feels it wouldn’t be meaningful enough. Dazai doesn’t really do things if he finds no value in them.
port mafia backstory
As we know, Mori used Dazai’s intelligence and talents to get want he wanted and help the mafia in numerous ways. This involved killing, torturing, and other things. Dazai was taught to be strategic, efficient, and use opportunities to his advantage (just like Mori). But I feel like, along the way, there was also some sort of sexualization hidden there.
For example, when Atsushi and Kyouka started her first task at the agency to deliver this envelope, it gets delayed due to security stopping them. Kyouka’s first thought is to use her “womanly charms” and seduce the security guard to distract him and get past. She says that she learned these tactics from the Mafia.
She’s fourteen? Womanly charms?
I’m not saying it’s the most popular tactic in the Mafia besides torture/killing, but the Mafia does use its opportunities. There’s nothing morally right about the place, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Kyouka was taught about such things.
Since Dazai was Mori’s prodigy, I wouldn’t be surprised either if he learned a few tricks from him. However, Dazai does observe his surroundings so maybe he decided to utilize his good looks as advantage all on his own.
Chuuya describes Dazai as an “enemy to all women” and when they first partner up after years of not seeing each other, Chuuya threatens to give Dazai’s address to all the women’s hearts he’s left broken.
This can hint that he’s had multiple relations with women back in his Mafia days—meaning he’s been using these tactics since he was a young teen.
sexualization/hyper sexuality
Sexualization: a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
Sexualization is linked to sexual objectification. Obviously there are countless other ways to put this and definitions—but I think using the word “object” really fits Dazai. Early sexualization can lead to dehumanizing thoughts, which can be seen in Dazai.
Dehumanizing thoughts can lead to not caring about your well being or using your body however you’d like with barely any concern (either drugs, sex, etc). At one point in being in the Mafia, he lacked so much empathy for others and that definitely tied into having empathy for himself. To be kind to himself.
Him being manipulated into using these advantages is possible. Even though moments like these are played off as jokes, Dazai and Kyouka could’ve been exploited in such ways.
I do wanna mention hyper sexuality (that I saw in the irl Osamu Dazai when I read the book) but I’ll bring that up later.
yozo in no longer human
As I was reading the book, I noticed a lot about Yozo’s character. It is heavily implied that at a young age, he was sexually assaulted by the maids (men and women) in his house (I was unsure about that, but found out it was canon in the manga adaption by Junji Ito)
“Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and menservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit.”
“But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness.”
— page 35
The first time I read it and processed it, I got chills. Now I’m not saying this has anything to do with bsd Dazai, but it does explain a lot of things.
“Women found me in a man who could keep a love secret.”
Due to the sexual abuse in his childhood, Yozo grew up to be a huge “lady’s man.” This caused him to be hyper sexual, practically using his charms to get whatever he wanted from women. He formed many different relationships with them (that he found no value in) just for all of them to never work out. He made the same mistakes with women over and over again (it was pretty painful watching him get hurt and hurt others so much).
It was an endless cycle of seducing women, using them for either drugs or sex, forming some kind of meaningless relationship, getting hurt, and then doing it all over again. He was stuck.
He was afraid of women.
But maybe breaking their hearts has something to do with his past trauma. In some way, it’s taking back the control and innocence he was stripped of from his childhood.
In the manga adaptation, I was able to clearly see how he treated women. Sometimes even throwing himself onto them, randomly initiating sexual contact, etc.
Yozo’s relationship with women is so incredibly sad and heartbreaking.
conclusion
It was said in this post that Dazai would never be faithful or form a real relationship with a woman unless it was someone like Oda. And I agree. Women, to Dazai, aren’t necessarily objects but they really aren’t something he needs or wants in life.
He can be nice to them, make them feel good, form relationships, but at the end of the day it’s like there’s this huge avoid of empty space between him and the “female species.” So much uncertainty and words that will never be spoken because he cannot form a bond with another human being.
All I can say, fictional or not—he was just a child who was stuck in a terrible situation.
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tag list: @uwu-monster101 @14th-century-homosexual-spirit @dai-tsukki-desu @i4gumi @cross-crye @starglow-xx @ranposlover @bsdwhore @arimakii @shadyteacup @smadhuman @knjksj0301 @asthepetalsdance @rirk-ke @mushroomplantasia @pickleisrandom @3-am-depression @its-chuuya-bitch @mars-bakery-shop @dazais-belladona @ijustwantfreenetflix @fashionablyfailing12 @dazailiones @atsushisgf @coveringthebiconissue @the-wholesome-ranpo @missshrek @todorokichills
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prismadog · 2 years
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Why would you ship Joey with Pixlriffs? He's not Joey's type at all. He's not even that cute. It doesn't make any sense.
dude...what???
I was gonna let this rot in my inbox because this ask comes off as kinda rude? idk if you meant it as a rude question, anon, or if you were asking honestly.
either way, I just do? I like new ships, even crack ships, just because it's fun to have a million and one ships to think about when I'm laying in bed at night waiting for sleep to take me. and it's not like I'm shipping the content creators 'cause ew, that's just wrong [unless, of course, they are irl together like Joel and Lizzie or Philza and Mumza]. I am shipping the characters Joey, King of the Lost Empire, and Pixlriffs, Copper King of Pixandria.
now, to answer your questions in full because I feel like rambling:
Why would you ship Joey and Pixlriffs? why not? shipping characters is fun. serious answer: look at the characters.
Joey, King of the Lost Empire, is essentially Lost himself - he is a man who is so love-starved that he convinced himself that a demon loved him. he believed this so whole-heartedly that he became obsessed, he turned his back on his people, his kingdom, because he was desperate for someone to love him. and when that demon was defeated? he was still Lost and still love-starved - there was no one there to tell him that he doesn't need a demon giving him a false sense of companionship, there was no one to tell him that they're his friend and they are there for him, there was no one there to comfort him when his whole world came crashing down. Shrub came close - she told him that he didn't need Xornoth and that Xornoth was only using him. but when all was said and done, she never really visited him nor did she really talk to him after that [granted, she had her own issues to contend with] [also, I'm sure there are times where they talk like at the Feast but I don't believe she ever goes out of her way to talk to him. correct me if I'm wrong].
and then there's Pixlriffs, the Copper King of Pixandria. he is a man who is anything but Lost - he knows his lot in life and he has both feet planted firmly on the ground. he's one of the older rulers and it shows in his tone, his mannerisms, sometimes even in his appearance. he knows who he is and nothing in the universe can shake that, save the Fall of the Dragon. he is everything that Joey is not - his eyes are clear, he has a mission that he's dedicated his Life to, he is grounded, he has friends who love him and who would come to his aid should he ask, and he is not easily swayed by the forces of darkness.
Pixlriffs is exactly the kind of stability that one such as Joey would need in his life - whether that be in a relationship or as simply, a friend [note: irl, I do not advise getting into a romantic relationship with someone who is seriously unstable mentally - that's just gonna end badly for everyone involved]. and Joey, while he is unstable, has quite a bit of energy and is very lively, and he could potentially be someone that Pixlriffs can fully relax with and just enjoy life [not that he doesn't get that with the seablings or Joel but really, they're on the edge of chaos in more ways than one].
He's not Joey's type at all.
uh...are you sure about that? cause I distinctly remember a moment where Joey literally called Pixlriffs sexy - Joey Graceffa Episode 25 Pixlriffs Episode 27 - granted, Pixlriffs was wearing a Xornoth costume (with Katherine's head), but I stand by the fact that at one point in time, Pixlriffs was Joey's type. does this develop later on? who knows? could it develop into something more? who knows? we certainly don't because not long after, Pixlriffs stops making videos [which is okay, there's nothing wrong with that! sometimes you just lose interest in your builds and while that sucks, it's understandable why he wouldn't want to continue].
but I'll take what I get and I will run with it like many other fans already have.
He's not even that cute.
...that is a matter of opinion. you didn't specify the "he" but I believe you're talking about Pixlriffs so I'm gonna go forward with that thought in mind. though, if you meant Joey, well, imo he's very cute too! a little weird sometimes with his whole demon obsession thing, but still cute!
Pixlriffs is very cute! maybe he's not physically cute like some of the softer looking Emperors [I do actually think he's physically cute too, but that's just my opinion], but he is undeniably very cute when it comes to his personality and some of the things he does.
Case in Point:
1) he traveled to other empires in wandering trader garb and either brought an animal with him or borrowed someone's animal in order to sell the bit. cutest deal was perhaps when he was trying to traverse a mountain with a sheep in order to make a trade with Scott of Rivendell, and Scott was simply watching him struggle over the mountain.
2) in a world where Death is trivial and people just pick themselves up and continue what they were doing without a second thought, Pixlriffs takes the time to light a candle in memorial to the death they suffered. he built a shrine for this very purpose, to honor the deaths of his friends, allies, and fellow rulers. he gave them each their own colored candle and kept track of how many times each ruler died, and when he ran out of space, he accommodated that by making lanterns. if that's not cute, then I don't know what is.
3) gunpowder bros, need I say more? actually I do because every little interaction with them is just so adorable. one of my favorites is during the heist when they need a steady milk supply - Pixlriffs Episode 23
Fwhip: you got a goat, didn't you?
Pixlriffs: haha I brought a goat! :D
3, continued) in those short few seconds, you can hear the smile on Pixlriffs' face and hear just how proud he is that he brought a goat. seeing that short scene, hearing how pleased with himself he is, it just makes me smile too because there is nothing cuter than a man who's that excited about bringing his bro a goat in a boat.
4) the things he's made for Jimmy: the Copper Salmon Cod/the Cod Statue - Pixlriffs Episode 9, the embassy statue that screams "Dad Vibe" and the Cod Sanctuary where he went above and beyond in the build - Pixlriffs Episode 27. and let's not forget to mention just about every interaction he has with Jimmy and Lizzie and Joel [I'd list them all but the list would be a mile long and this response is already long enough].
5) his ever-expanding collection of pillager banners. it's such a subtle thing, the collection growing in the background of his videos, but it's worth mentioning. there's just something about Minecraft players and their collections that makes me smile, and Pixlriffs'? he faced off against pillagers time and time again, they invaded his empire and he stood against them, and as a reward, he kept their banners and displayed them in his home for the world to see. it's just so cute!
-
there's a lot more instances where Pixlriffs is cute but these are the main ones I think about and honestly, I'm getting tired of listing things and this post has already gotten fairly long.
I hope this post answered your questions, anon, and shown you why I ship Joey and Pixlriffs :)
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lilac-winters · 2 years
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Ranking ‘The Last Kingdom’ season 5 deaths by how surprised I was
Let me be clear. I loved season five, and thought it was a fitting ending (I’m buzzing for the movie though!) This is not a ranking of my favorite characters, but simply a ranking of how much I sat staring at my laptop screen in sheer horror. 
Major, major, major spoilers below the cut. Seriously, do not press read more unless you want spoilers, and if you do press read more and are spoiled, don’t go blaming me!
10 - Aethelflaed
My girl was a goner as soon as she was stiff after riding. I knew it as soon as she winced that she would not live out the season. Didn’t make it any easier though.  Plus, the IRL Aethelflaed dies at the height of her power, so honestly it was not shocking at all. That being said, I missed her when she was gone. That scene where Aelswith begs Uhtred not to say anything because she wants to continue praying for her recovery broke my heart.
9 - Aethelhelm
Out of favour with Edward, poisoner of Aelswith in season 4, he was not going to live out the season. I always figured he would run somewhere after a scheme went bad, and lo and behold he did. I was not expecting him to kill himself though. That was a big shocker. I though Uhtred or Edward or even Aethelstan would strike the killing blow, but I think it was fitting for him to die the way he did.
8 - Brida
This was always a case of when, not if. I’ve always had a soft spot for Brida, and while I soured on her a little bit when she castrated Young Uhtred, I always loved her character. She went through the same shit as Uhtred, perhaps even worse in some cases. She loses a child (x2), suffers slavery, loses Ragnar and is betrayed by the man that she loved/cared for, and yet her revenge is ignored, while Uhtred is basically idealized for his need for vengeance. I think the only issue was she took her revenge on the wrong people to inflict maximum damage. I respect it, but also it was probably the wrong way to go. I was surprised it wasn’t Uhtred killing her though, and it was nice to see them reconcile before she died.
7 - Wihtgar
Like Brida, he was never going to survive the final season. He was a cracking villain though, and ruthless. And, he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, even though he wasn’t a fighter. But, in the fortress of Bebbanburg was a fitting way for him to go, killed by family just like he killed his father.
6 - Sigtryggr
He died to further Stiorra’s narrative, which I totally respect. That being said, I liked Sigtryggr, he was a solid character and I really felt for them both when they were captives. He was too kind to his brother though. I know the whole blood thing and I know he felt guilty, but I think Stiorra and her family are prime examples for family not meaning blood. Look at Uhtred and Gisela, both of whom were treated poorly by their blood. I felt like he was a dead man walking as soon as conflict arose between the saxons and danes though, but it was nice he died at the end of Uhtred’s sword, and to be honest I’m just happy that it wasn’t Stiorra who died.
5 - Bresal
I was desperately hoping that he would meet a grisly fate, but I was not quite sure. Aelswith was an absolute champ when she stabbed him and I was thrilled that she now has a kill count. Credit to him for causing as much trouble as he did. Aethelhem was a good manipulator, but a villain is only as good as their henchmen and Bresal was the best around.
4 - Aelflead
I mean, ouch. Obviously, I knew that she would either be set aside (forced into a nunnery) or die when Eadgifu popped up, but the way she went was certainly a shock. I liked Aelflead, and I know everybody hates Edward, but they were both in a shit spot. He would compare her to his first wife, and she was probably constantly aware that her duty was to have kids, and that she was second choice. Factor in her father, and the increasing divide between the two of them and friction with Aethelhelm, I think that both of them were just two people in a terrible relationship that couldn’t end it. That being said, I’m not excusing how much shit Edward put her through. But I’m also not excusing the shit she put other people through, eg. wanting Aethelstan dead, and even calling him the first born when Winchester was taken in season 4 so that he would be the one to die.
3 - Vibeke
Oh I felt for her and Brida. I wasn’t expecting it, but when she climbed up to the top of the building, I knew it would end one of two ways. She would die, or become Uhtred’s hostage, and unfortunately she died. Child death has never been shied away from in ‘The Last Kingdom’, but this one was rough.
2 - Osferth
Highly controversial, but yes, the baby monk is second and not first. He broke my heart, but looking back I’m not actually that shocked. One of the Coccham/Rumcofa squad was bound to die soon. Plus, Ewan Mitchell has been very busy lately, and he wasn’t in as much of the trailer as I expected him to be. In hindsight it makes sense, but in the moment, I was sure that he would survive... and then he didn’t. I even thought when finan pressed his chest before his breakdown he would magically survive.
1 - Haesten
Haesten, Haesten, Haesten. The slimiest, trickiest of them all. He has faced death at least once or twice a season and always managed to get away, and thus I was positive he would weasel his way out of his impending doom somehow. But credit to him, for all his flaws he stuck to his guns, and honestly I was dead shocked when he died. RIP gossip dane, you slippery bitch.
Honorable mention to Wolland and Hella, who were also fucked from the get go. And the Mercian Ealdorman, who did give me a start when that little massacre started.
Lots of massacres this season.
Also special mention to Eadith, when I accidentally hovered over the thumbnail of the scene when Bresal is killed by Aelswith and all the blood is on her and I thought that she had been killed. That would have been number one if she had died. Got to say, that was a relief when she made it out alive.
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moonmothmama · 2 years
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i'm thinking now of Frank Mundi in regards to the whole, "he beats up suspects" thing that gets said repeatedly by several people and yet we never see him actually do it, though he has plenty of opportunities.
the closest he got was when he went towards those guys who were yelling disgusting shit and harassing mourners at the funeral of the woman he'd previously been engaged to (maybe he's gay but he pretty clearly loved her even if only platonically or somethin. like he wasn't just pretending to care for her. and even if he hadn't that's an absolutely fucking deplorable thing to do), and even then he stopped when Penance asked him. she didn't even have to try that hard, she was just very quietly like 'please don't do this now' and he didn't. plus... that was a funeral he was attending. personally. not as a cop.
then there was when he manhandled Hugo, and physically threatened him, but a) he didn't actually go through with harming him b) it's pretty damn clear that he's there in a personal capacity with Hugo rather than a professional one. he's not there to do his job, he's there because he's fucking sick of the man and he can't take it anymore. also like... they're fucking. or they were, rather, since he says straight up that they're done "across the board." my point being that is most certainly NOT scotland yard business. Hugo practically says this himself, pointing out that someone implicated him specifically because if anyone else were implicated Frank would be out doing his job.
and he defends himself when 'Maladie' attacks him but he just, like, subdues her as quickly as possible, as i recall
so.
we know he's an ex-boxer, with such a fierce reputation that a much bigger dude immediately backs down when he's identified.
does he, has he ever, actually beaten up a suspect? that one guy says he could 'beat a confession out of a tombstone,' Lucy says that he 'likes knocking suspects about, even if they're as innocent as christmas.' but he hasn't actually been shown to hurt anyone, unless i'm seriously forgetting something. so...
is that just a rumor? did it happen once? what's the deal there? are we meant to believe it?
i'm also thinking about that whole exchange between him and Hugo, where Hugo asks him why he took a job that he hates, and he answers "because i work with the people that love it." and how he goes on that whole rant to him in the billiard room about how "if it's not you it's one of them toffs you play chess with," talking about the rich "grinding up" the oppressed for "an extra penny on the pound, or the rights to a patch of sand, or a fuck." and then when that one cop tries to pull a knife on "Maladie" when she's in custody and he slams the guy against the wall threatening to have "badge and balls off any man who tries that."
like this man obviously has some serious problems but is he actually deserving of his professional reputation? with everything we've seen, and haven't seen, i can't help wondering. i want to know more about him, i want to figure this sad fucker out
(and i just wanna say right here yes ACAB, yes fuck the police, but this is a fictional victorian era cop we're talking about here. i'm talking about character stuff and where the story is going, not any kind of real life shit, ok? fuck the irl police)
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(Tone/intention indicator: non-aggressive!! Pensive and open/hopeful for discussion and/or advice. Not at all trying to be a grouch.)
I do get the joke and I get that there's plenty of evidence that he does like to take it up the ass which is rad for him if he does, you know, but it feels crappy to me, the way a lot of the fandom (NOT you—I haven't seen anything like this from you) and actually also Misha treats Dean and sometimes/by proxy Jensen with the whole calling him/them a bottom, especially when Jensen isn't part of the conversation and doesn't even know that there's anything to respond to. It just gets said about him in public, and then onus is on him to find it and respond. It's a gotcha situation though, I don't think there's even anything he could say in his own defense (if he wanted to, that is. idk, for all I know, maybe Jensen is into it too, but that's sort of my problem.. I don't how he feels about being called a girl, a bottom, an omega etc) that people wouldn't claim that, by saying he isn't a bottom, sub or femme, he actually is proving he's a "subby little girlboy," or so I saw it said. I wish we as a community could talk about the nuance and inherent homophobia and transphobia in leering about it that way, in stereotyping 'bottom/subby behavior' and categorizing that behavior as feminine etc. I'm a trans dude, a dom and a top and a lot of the things I see people saying about Dean being a bottom or, worse, about Jensen being a bottom, are just so.. emasculating to me, because a lot of that stuff is stuff I do, too. Dean is a fictional character so his feelings can't get hurt, but Jensen is a real person, you know? And there's like a million people on the internet saying they can tell he's a subby, femme bottom despite whether he's ever said anything to the contrary or not. It's.. jarring, too, since I'm also a real person and they're often pointing to traits and behaviors that I share as evidence. It makes me so dysphoric to see so many people calling him girly and needy and in heat or what have you and citing how he (over)performs masculinity. I over-perform masculinity, too, but I do it because I enjoy the presentation, not because I'm over-compensating and Actually A Girl. I'm actually pretty comfortable in my relationship with gender at this point. Sometimes I also wear dresses. I'm still a dude. It sucks that it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that loudly performing masculinity can only ever mean overcompensation, and never gender euphoria. It seems like a lot more people are more interested in forcing Dean to perform femininity—like people want to humble and humiliate him for his past/present comphet and his idea of his own masculinity—not in allowing him to participate in traditionally non-masculine things according to what he likes, or to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy. It's like, instead of him aggressively overcompensating his Manly Man-ness, everyone wants to make him aggressively, stereotypically effeminate and one dimensional in the opposite direction. What are your thoughts on it, if you don't mind sharing? Do you think there's a way to have this conversation in the fandom? Or am I missing the point?
hi! okay first of all I love your tone indicators, we should all be doing this online tbh because it absolutely sets the voice for the rest of your ask and I appreciate it so very much.
preliminarily - I am not an expert on this topic in any way, so please take my response with an entire value-size canister of salt.
I think your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid, and I don't disagree. I personally try to steer clear of most of the real person is this and that thing unless they uh. you know. tweet it out loud at the internet (for what it's worth, I do think - any joking I may have vaguely done aside - that Misha's past two top related tweets specifically were fairly pointed at himself (yes, I know one was about Dean and Cas fanfic, but he said "I" enjoy being on top, not Cas enjoys topping Dean). I am certain he is aware of the innuendo though, and how fandom will take it so your commentary on his being a participant is certainly correct as well. Also, I firmly believe that Misha does treat humans, especially those he is close w, with the utmost respect and any joking he has done re Jensen has been in a place of Jensen being okay with it (like I don't think he would ever say anything he knows would make Jensen feel uncomfortable whether he is within earshot or across the country when it's said).
*takes off Misha apologist hat*
As for the rest, I think your points are extremely well made and it's definitely a conversation that can (and should!) be had in fandom. I do agree that this topic can and has been misconstrued (sometimes for shitposting's sake sometimes not) as it applies to irl people and situations. I personally think that Jensen is a very multidimensional and layered human (which serves him greatly as an actor, I mean he contains literal multitudes) and to classify him as either pendulum end - as you mentioned, is doing his human self a disservice. I think it's also important for all of us to remember that gender is a construct and can be so fluid, so putting any of it in a socially constructed box just defies the entire point of the conversation.
I don't know if this is making any sense (your points are a lot more well spoken and coherent than mine), but I do think what you said is so important and needs to be out there. Also, I hope you know you are so freaking valid and nothing that's said on this site or others about traits/behavioors of Jensen's that mirror your own is a firm definition for those traits/behaviors, especially if people are putting them in a category you don't necessarily agree/feel comfortable with or identify as the right 'definition' if you will. Your words - "to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy" really resonated with me, and I think they hold true for both Jensen and you. To radically be our authentic selves is the goal, and I'm so glad that based on what you said you're feeling about your own relationship with gender it seems like you are in that place!!!
Sorry this is so long of a response and probably. muddy. I hope I got the gist of what you were asking, but also thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, you expressed them really clearly and it's given me a lot to think about :) if I got anything wrong, or misunderstood a point you were making please feel free to pop by and clarify or correct me.
I hope you have an excellent day <3
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hey :/ i started to realize that i was a trans man around the same time my ex realized he was, too. we came out to each other and he thinks i’m copying him. advice??
Lee says:
We’ve gotten versions of this question from folks on both sides in the past. People have said things like “I came out and then my little sister came out, I think she’s copying my gender/identity and I don’t like it!” and folks who say stuff like “My friend came out and then I came out, and now she thinks I’m copying her gender/identity and I don’t like it!” 
Indeed, it’s common for one person to come out and then another person follows suit! But this doesn't mean that the second person is “faking” their identity and copying the first person because they were jealous of the attention the first person got for coming out.
It’s common for LGBTQ folks to be friends with each other before any of them realize that they’re LGBTQ. Somehow, we just seem to attract each other! And a lot of trans people only start identifying as trans once they learn more about the trans community and spend time interacting with trans people, whether it’s online or IRl, so someone spending time with a trans person and then identifying as trans doesn’t mean that being trans is contagious, or that the person is faking it- it means they just learned more about being trans and realized it fits them too.
Using myself as an example- I had a friend who came out as non-binary, and the next year I came out as non-binary too. I wasn’t “copying” my friend per se. But I wasn’t really aware of being non-binary before that, so them coming out made it something on my radar. It made me realize that being non-binary is something that exists and something that a person can be and choose to identify as.
Seeing them take that path planted that little seed in my mind and eventually (after having folks as me if I was trans) I realized that yeah I’m non-binary too. I came out after they did because they helped me question my own gender which made me realize that I’m also non-binary, so they did influence me in a way, and seeing them come out gave me the courage/inspiration/motivation to come out myself.
Now of course it’s been several years... and I’m still non-binary! And so is my friend! Just because they came out first and I didn’t know I was trans for a while, it didn’t make their gender “realer” than mine is now, or any more valid.
That’s why friends, family members, and partners tend to come out around the same time. The first person comes out, and that makes the second person question their gender because they didn’t know as much about being trans before, and then they come out too. Or maybe both people knew they were trans already, but one person came out which helped lay down the groundwork for the other person to feel comfortable coming out too because they had a better idea of how someone would react. Or both people realized they were trans and came out at the same time independently- that happens too! 
Regardless of how things happened, you both identify as trans and that’s something that needs to be respected. Even if someone was “faking” for some reason and copying someone’s gender, using a different name and pronouns for them until they get tired of it isn’t really going to hurt anyone- and you don’t know if they’re faking, so you should give them the benefit of doubt. Nobody can peer into someone’s head and figure out their gender for them- if someone says that they’re trans, you have to take them at their word because there’s no “Trans Test” that you can take to determine if they’re truly trans. 
You can talk more about why you identify as trans if you want, but you shouldn’t ever feel like you have to “defend” and justify your identity; you don’t need to share more than you feel comfortable sharing. And even if him realizing he was trans had any influence or impact on your realization, it doesn’t mean that you’re copying or any less trans- there’s no shame in that, and it shouldn’t be something you have to hide or pretend isn’t true. 
If you feel like he’s a good friend to you otherwise and you want to invest your emotional energy into trying to maintain a friendship with him, you can tell him you need to have a serious conversation with him and then explain that you genuinely feel that you are a man and you were hurt that he’s accused you of pretending to be trans/faking your gender/copying his gender, and remind him that it’s never okay to misgender you or say something that invalidates your gender identity. 
If he keep saying shitty things after you’ve had a talk with him, then you need to just move on! Stop wasting your time and emotional energy engaging with this guy. Tell him that you can’t be friends with someone who won’t respect your identity and you won’t be spending any more time with him until and unless he changes his behavior.
Then actually do it! Block and unfollow him on social media and block his phone number and delete his contact if you have to. Hang out with different friends instead!
If you have a shared group of friends, make it clear to them that you’re uncomfortable when people misgender and disrespect you. Make sure you tell them what this guy has said to you and how it’s hurt you, then explain that you don’t want them to hold any group get-togethers with this guy because he’s creating a hostile environment for you (or at least tell them not to invite him to events you’ll be at too unless they’re going to take the responsibility of actively calling him out and correcting him).
Personally, I’d advise just blocking/ignoring him and moving on. While some people can be friends with ex-partners, I have the feeling things aren’t going great between the two of you from the connotation of you calling him your “ex” and not your friend. It can be hard to move on (trust me! I know! I never get over things or move on from anything, ever!) but sometimes you have to remind yourself that this person isn’t actually making your life better and you need to take care of yourself and disengage from them.
Breakups and ending relationships/friendships:
How should I end a relationship?
Ending unhealthy relationships
6 steps to ending a toxic relationship with a friend or partner
How to break up gracefully
wikiHow to Break Up
How To Break Up Like a Grown Up
How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps
How To Dump Someone (Like An Actual Adult)
Fire Your Friends: Drop The Negative People In Your Life
6 Ways To Cut A Toxic Friend Out Of Your Life For Good
3 ways to end a toxic friendship
What to do when one of the friends in your friend group is bad to you
After a breakup:
10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation
5 ways to beat loneliness
Coping with a relationship breakup
7 phrases to help you get over a breakup
Dealing with a breakup
Help for when a relationship ends
Beyond codependency
It’s okay to be alone
5 things to remember when you still love the emotionally abusive partner you left
5 helpful things when you end a relationship
How the 7 stages of grief apply to breakups
7 ways to cope with post-split stress
How to deal with losing a friend
Letting go of someone who’s not good for you
What if my ex starts outing me as trans?
Followers, any advice for an anon whose ex-partner accuses them of “copying” their gender identity?
Followers say:
lesbean-on-ice said: I don’t really have any advice, but i can really relate to this post. my best friend, who I’ve known since kindergarten, and I started to question our genders around the same time, and we both went through multiple labels to find the right fit for us. she ended up landing on agender, and I thought I was girlflux at the time, but after reading up on the agender label, I realized that was my gender (or lack thereof, lol) as well!
am-anyone said: It can also be gained confidence that causes people to come out at the same time. I knew I was trans and when my friend came out to our friend group it gave me enough confidence to also come out in short succession afterwards. It wasn’t cause of copying but simply I felt less nervous knowing someone had successfully come out already.
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scims-stuff · 3 years
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right ik that this is a tma/mechs acc and so i don’t really talk abt cr on here but there’s a few problems i’ve been seeing in the fandom after the finale, and i wanna address them
SPOILERS FOR CAMPAIGN 2 EP 141
To preface this: I am a gay trans man, keep that in mind because I think that it provides perspective for a few things I’m about to say. Also I am not going to address any of the gripes people may have with white people playing woc or any stereotypes Beau may fall into because I’m white and not a lesbian, so it is not my place to have a huge opinion on it.
1) Matt confirming on twitter that some npcs are trans is fine
It is not always appropriate or necessary to outright mention someone is trans if it is not directly relevant to their life or how we view the character. Stealth trans people exist irl, and it’s weird to describe someone as trans (unless the pcs knew the person prior to their intro) as it implies that trans people are inherently different (in terms of gender) than cis people (why would you specify someone is trans but never do that with cis characters?).
For example: Yussa is described as looking old, even for an elf. Putting him at definitely over 500 years old. He most likely transitioned magically hundreds of years before he met the nien, there would be no reason to bring it up. Also, he is shown to be a reserved person, it would be out of character for him to tell them anyway.
To me it’s technically not dumbledoring them. Dumbledores relationship with Grindelwald was technically relevant to the plot/his character in the main series, what’s in an npcs pants isn’t.
Also I don’t want to see any comparison with Brennan Lee Mulligan, dimesion 20 and critical role are very different, with different moods, expectations, and most likely ways of transitioning. They may have hrt in modern New York, but they probably rely on magic a bit more in Xandria.
I admit, it may not be the best rep out there, but I think it’s good there wasn’t any transphobia or coming out story lines because they’re usually not handled the best by cis creators.
Trans people feel free continue a respectful conversation about this with me, cis people I don’t care.
2) Please god chill it with how shadowgast ended up
Not all relationships need a dramatic love confession. The way Liam implied that Essek and Caleb were romantically involved at one point but ended up as friends (both due to lifespan and, personal headcanon here, maybe a lack of romantic compatibility) was perfectly clear. This is why we pay attention in literature class.
They both care for each other in a unique and deep way but that doesn’t mean it has to end in romance, there’s a value in deep platonic love. Also, at one point Essek did say that he wasn’t really interested in romance at all.
Additionally, it was an epilogue scene so Liam would want to focus on the important stuff to do with Caleb’s character (burning the time travel room and visiting his parents graves), because, surprise, Caleb is more than who he cares for romantically and he is still bi no matter who he ends up with.
Remember y’all, it’s pride month, Liam and Matt may not see your posts complaining about the lack of gratuitous romance and the fact that Caleb was apparently not good bi rep because he didn’t end up with anyone, but your bi and aro friends and followers will.
3) THIS IS NOT THE LAST TIME WE ARE GONNA SEE THE MIGHTY NEIN
Although I was definitely not in the fandom when they were released, we have 5 canon Vox Machina one shots.
Considering how much the fandom has grown since then, we are very likely to get the same amount, if not more.
So just hold it with the “we never got [insert thing here]” for a bit. I’m personally a bit sad they never got the basilisk oil for Pumat, but hey that’s a good oneshot idea.
In conclusion- chill
EDIT: Essek is canonically demi
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akhilleus-kosmos · 3 years
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Moriarty the Patriot and its issues with AFAB people - part 4
Other posts: Miss Hudson / Moneypenny / the Queen.
Welcome to the fourth part of this series! It took a bit longer than expected to write because of irl things to handle, but it’s finally here. I hope you’ll enjoy it! Without further due, let’s get into it: the analysis of Mary Morstan.
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Mary Morstan. John Watson’s fiancée, introduced in the latest manga arcs. Obviously, this entire post will be full of spoilers for anime-only fans so proceed with caution.
Right off the bat, the arc she’s introduced in is “The sign of Mary”. An obvious callback to the “Sign of Four” novel (a sign that also appears in some way during said arc), so you’d expect that Mary would have a core role in it. It bears her name on top of being her introduction arc, after all. She will not.
First of all, like other female characters I’ve mentioned previously (especially Moneypenny), she isn’t the one who introduces herself. John does so in her place instead of letting her speak. Even if he is obviously excited about her meeting his close friends and comrades, we begin yet again with a robbing of agency. This is… apparently becoming a pattern.
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Only after John has finished speaking does she introduce herself in a very polite, well-mannered way. It seems to conquer Miss Hudson immediately (for reasons I already mentioned in my post about Miss Hudson herself). Again, when Sherlock starts talking about the person Mary is working for, John is the one who answers and gives all the details, including the way they met. She does not say a word. She stands there, without a blink, as Sherlock rudely glares at her.
You could say that she knows her manners considering her work. She is a live-in tutor for Mrs. Forrester. Once again, Mrs. Forrester is someone who will never come up onscreen but a convenient way to almost instantly link Sherlock and Watson to Mary. For reference, this is not what happened in the original work of Conan Doyle. In the novel “The Sign of Four”, Mary meets them because of the case and doesn’t have any relationship with John prior to that. YuuMori is here taking a shortcut to this. Is it because they don’t want to take the time to develop it? Or because they do not have the time to develop it properly? Because she’s a secondary character who will not stay relevant beyond this arc? Either way, Mary becomes another instance of an AFAB YuuMori character revolving around a cis male character.
There are several things we learn about Mary’s personality through this arc. First off, she is a quite obvious parallel to Sherlock. (I would like to thank a friend for pointing this out to me because it totally flew over my head the first time I read the arc)
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Sherlock confesses at the very end of it that he tried to imitate Mary. Through the entire arc, he tests her. He wants to know if she’s truly attached to John, why she wants this treasure so badly, and, more importantly, how it will impact his friend’s future. It will always be his top priority and that is made quite clear.
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This isn’t Sherlock deciding to assist someone because they’re in dire need of help, and simply him going out of his way to protect/save John because Mary is dear to John. Whether or not this arc’s point of view is completely biased is up to the reader, but Sherlock, at the very least, is incredibly wary of Mary. Him, this incredibly perceptive man, constantly reminds us of how shady she is.
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It’s hard not to feel uncomfortable in some way about her character when Sherlock (someone who supposedly see other people’s true selves in the blink of an eye, or at least their true motivations, with somewhat the exception of William, but let’s not get into that) keeps telling us how weird she is acting.
She is someone who acts in contradictory ways. She appears very polite with most people, before saying quite rude things with a straight face despite her dangerous situation.
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… Or at the very least, it happens once, with a man she is not sure is useful. When she actually gets proof that she is the person they are looking for, she comes back to a more polite speech that we are more used to from her character.
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It reinforces the narrative that she is a very manipulative person who is only polite out of interest-- or so the story tries to say. It will be proven later on that she has no interest in the treasure; therefore making her behavior even more inconsistent. Was she blunt to the point of almost being rude out of frustration? Or was she simply written this way despite her (later) established personality, background and motivation because the story simply wanted to make us believe that she could be a bad person? I would choose the latter, considering that YuuMori has a history of erasing AFAB characters’ consistency to favour the plotline instead. I spoke about it quite a lot with Moneypenny, and I believe this to be true for James Bond in some ways.
This arc insists on portraying her as manipulative. There is nothing wrong with it in theory: it’s simply heavily mentioned, again and again.
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She’s (obviously) completely playing into Sherlock’s hands while John is blind to it. Oh, and let’s talk about John, shall we?
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Unless she’s doing a lot of exposure (but I’ll come back to it), Mary is simply part of a set from the beginning. John introduces her, talks over her, takes decisions for her when they aren’t even married yet.
As a friend pointed out: the fact that she appears from the very start in a panel with John (instead of being on her own) is very telling of her entire characterization. Her everything revolves around John and her determination to remain with John. That being said, this relationship is far from being perfect even if many characters try to sell us the idea that they are romantic lovebirds.
First of all, communication is not their forte.
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She wants to marry him, but not the point of talking about actual important matters with him such as, say, political views. That could have been a way for her to test the waters and see if John was against leftist views and whether or not he could have accepted her and her past. Otherwise, it just means that Mary is (yet again) a woman who would swallow up her true values and ideals for the sake of being acknowledged by her husband-to-be. Which is, er, how should I put it. Not exactly what leftist women do? Especially those who were involved in the Paris Commune?
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For both Mary and John, this is more about “I found someone who met my requirements, therefore I’m getting married” and less “I fell in love with this person and formed a meaningful bond with them”. They are supposed to be somewhat smart and to see things ahead; yet this marriage seems fairly… rushed to say the least. It doesn’t prevent John from constantly speaking over Mary.
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A couple of these instances should be fine, especially since Mary herself experiences severe distress. But then again, John does this a lot; and he genuinely doesn’t notice her odd behavior until she passes out.
John is… overprotective of her, to say the least. And Mary allows him to do so. When literal children are out searching for clues, she is relegated to simply coming home because of “her heels”.
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Their faith in their relationship is shaky at best, even after the revelations after Mary’s past happen and John shows complete acceptance of it.
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John’s side is definitely played for laughs here. But if, at the first interaction another woman who has a crush on him, John gets the idea that he should make things clear instantly between them-- it definitely means that he would feel some awkwardness around rejecting this woman later down the line. Yes, it’s certainly because he doesn’t like lying to people, but it also keeps playing into the idea that he’s acting like this because of his relationship with Mary. A romantic relationship is supposed to be uplifting and to give you confidence, not to make you second-guess choices that are necessary to stop Milverton’s plans.
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For the only canon romantic relationship of this manga, it falls right into a lot of clichés which aren’t particularly healthy nor likeable. Yes, of course, this is the Victorian era so it should sound obvious that John would overreact in a protective way towards his fiancée according to this era’s standards. But again, why? So far, only cis women of YuuMori have been constricted completely into the stereotypes of their era.
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Miss Hudson, when she does appear again in the arc, is merely there to be a side supporter of the young couple, to be worried about Mary and to speak of how she likes money. Moneypenny was always the least competent with whoever she interacted with. And the Queen-- well, she barely appears. But each of them somehow play into the idea that they’re merely side characters who have to play by the era’s strict rules. They do not know (nor do they try) to defend themselves. They let other people make decisions in their stead. They’re always polite and over apologize.
Even when Mary makes a lot of exposure by explaining an entire crime scene by herself, this is her conclusion:
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Despite her feat and her incredible reasoning, she has no confidence in herself whatsoever.
Besides, she isn’t allowed to be mean or rude or greedy for long either.
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This is an early depiction of her describing herself as “pushy”. Later down the line, this is how Sherlock will analyze her as he seems to start to understand her true motives:
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Sherlock has to push the idea that Mary has a kind-hearted personality when we have seen none of it so far. Polite? Yes. Kind-hearted? We have seen no evidence of it. However, the story apparently deems necessary to point out that she is a kind person because she (obviously) wouldn’t be sympathetic to us otherwise. Nevermind the fact that plenty of men in YuuMori are allowed to not be sympathetic, it seems to be a requirement for women.
As an example:
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This is her foremost worry at someone being wrongly arrested. Even if she has her own problems to deal with, this man is accused of having murdered his own brother (and, therefore, is currently dealing with the very abrupt loss of his sibling). But she just (clumsily) tries to defend him to the police without being able to properly explain her reasoning, despite her earlier very long and interesting decryption of the crime; let alone her usual composed behavior.
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This... isn’t being kind-hearted, no matter what Sherlock tries to make us believe. By the way, it’s only after underlining how kind-hearted Mary is that Sherlock deigns to even listen in a not-so-biased way what she has to say.
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He didn’t seem to be planning on helping her until the end up until this point. Basically, Mary had to prove that she was worthy of attention in the first place because she wouldn’t have gotten further end otherwise. Is it going to play a role later down the line? Absolutely not. Mary, on one side, only wants (o surprise) to have a peaceful life, presumably as a housewife considering her current dynamic with John when they are just engaged.
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(again, this characterization of being modest and kind-hearted only really appears after Sherlock said so)
Sherlock on the other hand, decides to push her in a corner out of rivalry.
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And she never once complains about what he did or said. She could be rightfully angry about his plan, especially when he specifies that he guessed why she even wanted such a treasure in the first place. He guessed that she was probably being black-mailed by Milverton but decided to do this to her anyway, even after deciding to help her, even after considering that she was, in fact, a trust-worthy person who only wanted to be with John. Yet she doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t get mad.
No, when he mentions that they couldn’t get the treasure back, she passes out.
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For someone who can stomach analyzing in detail a crime scene, this seems like… quite an overreaction, to say the least. Her character and her motivations revolve so much around her relationship with John and their future together that-- despite everything they went through during this arc-- this is what breaks her spirit. The fact that she couldn’t be with John hits her harder than theft and murder.
This is also when things will start getting messy history-wise.
I’ve talked before about how I genuinely, openly hate how French revolution was depicted in YuuMori, as a french person who actually had the chance to study it numerous times in school and who takes, say, five minutes to Google things to see if they are even remotely true. I didn’t want YuuMori to speak of France again after this. But they did anyway.
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So, our young, resourceful Mary went to Paris all by herself. We get one page of flashback in which no words are spoken beside some… very vague descriptions by Mary.
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People - men or women - have no face. And even with something as vague as this, Sherlock somehow instantly realizes that she must have had leftist ideas. Yes, instantly.
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I’m going to take just a bit to debunk this. You can find evidence of what I’m saying on the wikipedia page of the Paris Commune or by trying to see what Youtube has to say about it. Regardless, here are some important points:
the Paris Commune took place in 1871;
the current YuuMori timeline actively starts in 1887, though we do not know how much time has passed since then in the current arc;
however, despite the multiple executions and trials that happened because of the Commune, the Communards were all granted amnesty and were allowed to return in France in 1880.
Mary wasn’t part of the Communards: she couldn’t be, because of how young she is. It means that she simply was sympathizing with their ideas as a foreign student in a parisian university. Which… isn’t a crime? There were a lot of royalists, yes, but by that time, France had already become a Republic (the third Republic, to be more specific). And they had SO much more to deal with at the time than to relentlessly track down people who were sympathizing with the Commune when Communards themselves had already been pardoned. So what Sherlock says here…
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… doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
Once again, this is a glaring example of YuuMori cherry-picking what they want from France’s history to make it fit their story; when the Paris Commune is a very interesting phenomenon to begin with. They wanted more worker rights, to not have a single ruler, to abolish child labour… even some feminist movements were part of it. An attempt to change society to give equal rights to citizens… it sounds fairly familiar, isn’t it? Yet it ended horribly, and has been criticized since then for all sorts of reasons. Just like the french Revolution, this isn’t an event that should be oversimplified nor needs to be oversimplified when it shares the same themes and ideals as YuuMori itself.
To wrap up this arc completely, Mary doesn’t get to take her own decisions. No, after confessing her past and deciding (in a nonsensical manner) that John accepting her won’t be sufficient but that they have to get rid of the evidence because it would put her in danger, she simply… follows other people’s decisions over her own future.
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They’re not asking for her opinion here (not even Miss Hudson who is just following along other people’s ideas, by the way). No: they’re telling her what they’re planning to do, and she accepts, with both an apology and a thank you.
This woman, who sympathized with the ideals of the Paris Commune in her youth, relegates her entire agency into other people’s hands without ever questioning it. And this… is the last we see of her.
John speaks of her time and again later on, but she hasn’t appeared in the manga (that I know of) since then. And of course, when he does, John somehow ends up making it about Sherlock.
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Mary’s arc is barely over (with the start of a new arc to rob Milverton’s property) that everything has to be about Sherlock again. John cannot risk this operation being a failure not because of what it could mean for Mary’s future, but because he cannot risk causing trouble for Sherlock when he’s helping so many people.
John doesn’t say that this isn’t completely for Mary’s sake, no: it isn’t for Mary’s sake; which is a huge difference. Beside the fact that they are getting married, Mary becomes irrelevant as anything but a plot device the second she has left the screen.
TL;DR:
I have… very mixed feelings about how Mary’s characterization was executed overall in the only arc she appears in. In order, she was:
a mysterious woman who seemed to manipulate others for the sake of greed;
polite at times, somewhat rude at others, depending on how it benefited her;
a smart woman capable of resolving complicated cases on her own if given enough time but without any confidence about her abilities;
a woman who wants to marry John but their relationship doesn’t uplift either of them and it certainly doesn’t improve their behavior in any way (because they both get self-conscious about it);
a suddenly kind-hearted woman who just wants a peaceful life with John;
a woman who sympathized with Commune ideals when she was at university (a rather shaping moment in anyone’s life);
a woman who hands over her agency instead of even trying to become part of the plan herself;
This is, all in all, quite contradictory. Her characterization is all over the place, mainly for plot reasons. She is mysterious and seemingly unlikeable because Sherlock thinks of her as a rival. However, the second he decides (out of nowhere) that she is kind, she becomes sympathetic in the reader’s eyes and almost fully turns into a stereotype of the Victorian woman. Because of course, women do not deserve sympathy from anyone if they aren’t polite and do not know when to come home: that’s how it is, isn’t it? She wears heels, therefore agreeing with letting them do the heavy lifting (searching for clues) alongside literal children. She’s better off waiting alongside Miss Hudson at 221B while speaking of how she dreams of having a peaceful life with the overprotective John who constantly speaks over her. We get a tiny plot twist about her past, only for it not to make sense and to... not be that terrible to begin with. Really, this is her big secret? “Handing over leaflets” about communism in a french university?
Overall, she’s as inconsistent as Moneypenny but in a different way. Mary was set up to be a rival figure to Sherlock, to force him in a single arc to rethink his relationship to John and to admit to himself how he viewed friendship and how he, actually, was dependent on people. Mary revolves around other men from start to finish (her father and his past, her relationship to John, playing into Sherlock’s hands the entire time). Her cue to become sympathetic in our eyes matches with suddenly fitting (conveniently) the feminine Victorian qualities because she obviously wouldn’t deserve help nor compassion if she was an adamant, confident supporter of the Paris Commune and its ideas.
By the way, as a side note, Sherlock implying that the only reason she agreed at all to the Commune ideas is because she was young (and “didn’t know right from wrong”) is bad and plays even more into the idea that Mary isn’t capable of critical thinking. Otherwise, she would have obviously not done such a thing because we all know that communist ideas are bad /j. Way to go, Sherlock. Way to go, YuuMori. Those are fantastic ways to write AFAB characters and about actually important and real socialist movements.
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i.changkyun / reader
genre: yandere!changkyun, librarian!reader (sex worker!changkyun)
warning(s)!!!: clubbing, mentions of sex/sex work, obsessive behavior, stalking, ‘love at first sight’ but messed up, masturbation (male), implied violence/murder, manipulation, changkyun plays the nice guy role but isn’t, changkyun is also pretty messed up (oops), y/n is oblivious to an astounding degree, implied drugging, chains/collars, confinement, kidnapping
w.count: 12.3k
Series | One-shot | Two-shot | Drabble [Rated: M] 
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synopsis: im changkyun is a prime sex worker at a local club.  nothing gets his pride swelling more than any poser off the street willing to come into his club and pin bills between the elastic of his fishnets and skin. what he finds more exhilarating than any show, pole climb or heated one-night stand, however; is the one sober woman sitting among her group of wasted friends in a velvet, vip booth. he’ll do anything to know everything about her; putting on a friendly smile was only the first step. 
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a/n: you can blame DAZED for this mess (hi, just in case you need a reminder, this is purely fiction and not at all who changkyun rly is as a person. nothing about this is okay in irl) 
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This was nothing new.  This was just the way his life always played out.  An exhilarating erotic number on a stage with a pole, fishnets and teasing personality followed by the highest bidder to continue his line of work in a more secluded section of the club. 
Fantasia Dyed may have been a newer club against its competitors that have been around for years, but the workers and staff inside raised the bar previously set.  While clubs can be shady to begin with, what with the use of alcohol at every turn, murmurs of drugs, and agreements to met up for a quick money job- Fantasia Dyed had a reputation of the best line of sex workers you could get your dirty hands on. If you had the money, that was. 
Im Changkyun was the front man of that line up. Wanted by men, women and anyone in between- if you had the cash he demanded for his services, he was yours for the night.  He had no qualm so long as you paid and used the protection he required to keep your own STIs to your damn self.  He really wasn’t picky, and he never stopped to ask himself as to why.  
So, this- crawling out of some random woman’s creaky, box spring bed and pulling on the clothes he had lost earlier- was nothing new.  He looked over his shoulder as he ran his black painted fingers through his blond hair.  
The woman was passed out, a fuzzy, brown blanket covering her body as Changkyun turned away from her.  Throwing his shirt back on, flinging his jacket over his shoulders and thrusting his arms through the sleeves, he shimmied on his black skinnies and boots.  Grabbing his abandoned black, clutch bag from the stranger's couch he unclasped it to look at the envelope of bills he had received just hours earlier from his ‘client’.  
Throwing himself on the couch, he crossed his legs and counted the bills, smirking when he was adamant he was paid in full- with even a small service tip he assumed- to cover over his asking price for the night.  Satisfied, he got up and left that small apartment he had stumbled into. 
It was only when he entered his own home- the top floor penthouse of some wealthy building- did he wonder just for the briefest of moments if he was truly satisfied. 
-x-x-x-
“Y/n, if you don't come with me to Fantasia like you promised you would 2 years ago when it opened now that I finally have the money and the chance for my birthday, you’re being grounded.” 
You, who was busy replacing books that you had been wheeling around on your return cart back on the shelf, had the lovely company of your best friend sitting behind you at a library table as you worked.  She’d been going on and on about her birthday plans and while you were happy she was excited about them, she was adamant on adding you to the attendee list.  
Maybe it was cliche, but the oh-so-thrilling life you lived as a librarian of your local public library painted a rather ‘stay at home’ picture of you; and that is exactly how you wanted it.  The whole reason you took this job opportunity was because the head librarian noticed you come in every other Wednesday for a new list of to-reads to rent and offered a position after she got to know you a bit better.  
Had you had the choice, you’d stay cooped up in your house with a good book, a nice warm drink, a rainy day and peace and quiet for the rest of your life. But, of course, that was a fantasy.  Your social life was barely breathing, with Halie-the insistent best friend behind you- being the center of your social solar system.  
You were a prime recluse, you didn’t even keep in touch with your parents as often as you should since they were so utterly upset you were throwing so much ‘potential’ away when you decided to be a librarian instead of going into some out of this world career field. 
You had Halie and Halie had connections with just about everyone ever.  She was easy to adapt to personalities and was generally kind to anyone she meets unless they’re rude first.  She was a prime example of a modern ‘dream girl’ that people had.  Though, she was still your friend no matter who she is with anyone else.  
Was that naive of you? 
“Y/n, I’m telling you, you’ve gotta cooooome,” she whined.  Sitting backward in her chair, leaning back and pulling on the back of the chair. You sighed, pushing a spine of a book into its rightful you had just mapped out.  “Please,” she begged in a pathetically, high pitched voice. 
“If I go, will you stop whining?” You asked with your back still towards her, but you could practically see the smile on her face with the small, over-dramatic gasp she let out.  You almost immediately regretted your choice, and wished you could take it back. You knew Halie wouldn’t let it happen though.  You’ve spoken and now her selective hearing will kick on and she wouldn’t hear you even if you changed your mind.  
“So, you’re going?!” She screeched as you turned around and shushed her.  She was in a library. With a few more accepting statements from you solidifying your attendance to her birthday, she left happily as you finished stocking your shelves in dread before sitting behind your check-out counter with the same dread- only 10x stronger. 
You watched the time tick by on the computer screen at work, the watch around your wrist on the way home, the hanging clock on your living room wall and the alarm you set on your phone for 9 pm when you were set to get ready.  Time passed far too fast for your liking- you couldn’t even squeeze in a nap to help the nerves. 
Before you knew it, you were walking out of your home, locking the door behind you with the only acceptable club outfit you could think of as you made your way to Fantasia Dyed, texting Halie that you were dreadfully on the way. 
-x-x-x-
“Hey, Kyun! Take ten, dude!” Changkyun, who had just stepped down off of the high perched stage covered in sweat ruffled his blond hair that clung to his forehead in strands.  He nodded as he grabbed his bottle of water, slouching in a nearby domed-stool.  
One of his ankle high, black platform boots propped up on the stool’s ring with the other on the ground.  The white tank top he had personally cut off to end at his rib cage and expose his stomach drenched in spots of sweat.  Black skinnies clinging to his toned legs and his fishnets showing loud and proud through the open knees of his jeans and wrapping around the perfection of his waist.  Having left his faux fur coat in the employee lounge for the night.  
His dark eyes scanned the floor level he was currently occupying the best he could from his seat at the juice bar- for the lameizoids who wanted something non-alcoholic at his club.  He glanced at the wristwatch strapped onto the inside of his wrist and checked the time.  It was only just past 10 as he smirked.  
The night was still young.  
From not too far off in a different area than he was, he heard a small commotion starting to murmur.  From the looks of what he could see over his sips of water and his bangs hanging in his eyes as he flipped them annoyingly out of his way over and over, it may have been someone’s birthday.  Guest after guest going into the same area with the same woman in stockings and a cocktail dress hugging and greeting them.  
A VIP birthday reservation; that did ring a small bell somewhere in the overbooked mind of the club worker.  Perhaps it would pay off if he did some of his work within their sights.  Birthday crowds almost always paid off in terms of after work lip service and bonus pay.  
Stepping his foot off the lower ring of the stool he had been comfortably sitting on, he stood as he set his bottle on the juice bar. The tender at the particular unpopular drink selection area took it and tucked it away under the bar where Changkyun always asked him to put it so no one tried to get creative with it.  
Walking around the venue area, he strutted by the lower ground VIP booth surrounded by thick, velvet ropes.  Whoever this birthday diva was, she sure went all out to keep her and her group uninterrupted.  A lower level 10 person booth, a table full of booze and a secure perimeter to keep outsiders rightfully out of her hair.  Just from the set up, she must’ve been some spoiled princess.
However, what really caught his gaze was one particular woman.  A woman dressed in a tank top, a cheap looking fake leather jacket and dark jeans.  Perhaps not ideal for Fantasia’s club etiquette and whatever she was sipping on in her clear glass certainly didn’t seem like any alcoholic beverage to his trained eye.  His pierced brow ticked up as he walked fully by and the table of rambunctious party-goers left his sight around the wall.  
“Must be a prude,” he murmured but somehow, he almost felt guilty when the words left his mouth.  He couldn’t fathom at all why. It stalled him physically as he stopped in his tracks for just a moment before strutting further away from the booth to scope out a good area to work his magic.  
The moment midnight hit Changkyun was being flagged over by the absolutely smashed table he had passed earlier that night.  The VIP birthday booth had confidently called him over.  As he moseyed his way over, with a few of his coworkers already there to entertain the group, he was greeted by some drunken man hanging off his shoulder. 
Among the group of drunk or passed out party goers, there was the same woman from earlier who still seemed completely sober.  Changkyun raised his eyebrow as he shook the man on his shoulder off as he stumbled around and clung to the next nearest bod. He walked over to your side and sat himself down beside you on the velvet booth.  
Crossing his legs, he watched you flinch when he plopped himself down, his elbows rising to rest on the back of the booth, his hand hovering close to your face.  He sure made himself comfortable. He had to admit though, as you sipped on yet another refill of something nonalcoholic, you were pretty easy going on the eyes. 
“You sure don’t seem like you’re having any fun, lady,” he chided as he lifted one arm off the back of the booth to push his hair back out of his eyes for only the millionth time that evening.  He heard you nervously chuckle beside him and something about the sound of it stirred pleasantly in his chest. 
“Well, this isn’t exactly my scene,” you told him.  Your voice was soft like Christmas bells, but it erupted in his ears, making the background of sounds and voices and bass all drown out.  He was solely focused on your lips and the sound they produced when you spoke he couldn’t hear anything else.  
“Not your scene, but here you sit in mine,” he teased as he smirked at you.  You tapped the side of your glass that had become a slipping hazard from it’s condensation. Changkyun looked at the friends around you who seemed to be having the time of their young lives.  “You’re friends seem to be enjoying themselves.” 
“Well, they go out a lot. I really don’t like these kinds of places,” you told him before you looked at him with a slightly apologetic smile.  “No offense.”  
“Club scenes aren’t for everyone, I understand that. If you hate it so much, why did you come here?” He asked as you sighed, dipping your chin.  He felt a small spark of panic rise in his throat as he saw you suddenly even more forlorn than you have been.  Did he put that look on your face by asking your dumb questions? 
He mentally halted himself, once again wondering why it affected him so much what you did and did not like or how you acted.  
“It’s my best friend’s birthday so she pretty much begged me to come with her tonight,” you lifted your head and looked over to where she was, downing yet another shot.  You’d have to remember to book a cab for her to go home- if she doesn’t go home with the staff member she keeps clinging to.  “I probably won’t stay much longer since she pretty much forgot I’m even here,” you pouted.  
Changkyun’s eyes swelled at the precious pout to your lips as you whined about being forgotten because you were sober and weren’t partying like an animal.  What was wrong with him? 
“Do you like coffee?” He suddenly blurted out.  He couldn’t stop the words from forcing their way out of his mouth before his brain could functionally filter them or even stop them.  He gulped when you turned to look at him in the eyes for the first time that night.  Maybe it was the neon lights in the club or maybe it was the dim atmosphere that made them so enticing to gaze into, but he was locked in your gaze- unable to break away from you.  His jaw nearly dropped open as he explored the color of them surrounded by the club's aura.  
“Coffee?” You asked in clarification. He just clamped his teeth together before nodding once. “Well, I’m not the biggest coffee fan in the world, but I like teas’ and I can handle a frappe if I’m in the mood for it.” 
“I get off at three,” he told you as he desperately tried to keep eye contact. “If you find the stomach to hang around another three hours, we can get some?” He pitched as his voice that was normally always confident- as it should be for his line of grade-a work- shook just slightly with the booming club bass. 
Your eyes shifted when he put the offer out there, and he started to internally panic.  Would you say no? Would you politely decline him and try and carry on like he never said a word? Or would you turn him down and leave?  Then, it hit him.  You were in a club; a club popular for sex work and Changkyun happened to lead that gaggle of workers. It’s pretty damn obvious you were assuming he had some ulterior motive. For once, he didn’t. 
He dropped his elbow from the back of the booth as he turned towards you slightly, scooting forward to the edge of the booth seat.  
“I don’t mean to hook up or anything,” he clarified, “I just want to get to you know, so I wanted to get coffee at an ungodly hour.” The hands he waved around to try and help convince you quickly settled onto his jean torn, and fishnet covered lap.  “If you want to.” 
You sat and considered his offer.  It was Saturday, and the library was closed on Sundays so you could technically afford to be out later than you typically would.  And a late night chat with someone other than your wasted party of friends did sound tempting.  He seemed kind enough, even with his get up and the flashes of a performance you had glimpsed earlier with him on the lifted stage and poles.  You should never judge a book by it’s cover, just because he seemed like someone who slept around all the time, didn’t mean he was a bad guy, right?  
You smiled at him and his breath left him in one fell swoop.  It was like your smile materialized into a pro-boxer and just gut punched him. And he loved it.  
“A three am frappe sounds great,” you told him.  He smiled back wider than he knew he could. He thanked you before he excused himself to go back to work.  However, before he went back to the floor, he practically sprinted into the single employee bathroom and locked himself inside. 
He slammed his back against the door as his knees wobbled and he grew weaker. His breath was staggered as his chest heaved in unsteady shudders.  His fingertips shook and he had shivers running up his back from the memory of your eyes and that smile.  He started chuckling to himself in the empty bathroom as he felt his cheeks flush.  
God he felt so euphoric in the moment, it was practically erotic.  Whatever was wrong with him, he started questioning if it was really wrong if it made him feel so good. 
-x-x-x-
It was ten till three in the morning when Changkyun did one last check to make sure you hadn’t left yet.  Almost your whole party was passed out, had gone home by cab or with someone else at this point.  The club was nearly ready to shut down for the night as they started to chase people out. You saw him peek around into the VIP booth area as you smiled and waved to him reassuringly.  That same tightness coiled in his chest as he rushed to the employee locker room. 
A fellow pole dancer who was peeling off his skintight, laced finger-less gloves perked an eyebrow up at the rushing blond.  He hadn’t seen the worker so eager to get out of there before. 
“Some kind of big surprise waiting for you outside those doors or something, hot stuff?” He asked. Changkyun shook his head, too busy searching for his clutch behind his fur coat so he could meet up with you.  Yanking on the furry sleeves that felt almost too warm all of a sudden, he snatched the no longer hidden clutch from his locker shelf and slammed it shut.  
“Something better,” he breathed in promise to himself more than his coworker as he jogged out, his long coat bouncing off the back of his knees.  He came out of the room, seeing you standing and in the company of a different worker who was still relatively new to Fantasia Dyed. A rookie at best and his eyes hardened as the man spoke to you. 
Leaning far too close to you, breathing too close to you and smiling far too seductively at you. He was clearly looking for a bed to crash in, but Changkyun hated it.  Loathed it even as he felt his lips pull back in a grimace mimicking a defensive mutt.  He stomped towards you and inserted himself between the nuisance and yourself. 
Pushing his palms against the worker’s chest, he harshly shoved him backwards and took a few steps back himself towards you.  He felt like he was on fire, feeling you standing directly behind him.  He thought he could feel your warmth radiating onto his back like sun rays and it almost made him sweat.  He felt torn between feeling ecstatic that you were so close to him or completely pissed off at the man who stood shell shocked after being pushed away.  
“She’s taken already,” Changkyun growled.  He shocked even himself with his tone, something coiling further and beating in his chest so violently he swore he felt his chest jerk forward with each beat of his heart. 
The coworker raised his hands. “Chill out, man. ‘Didn’t know she was yours.” Something ignited the coil in Changkyun’s chest and sent sparks in his mind at the man's words. His? Yes… that sounds exactly right. 
It sounded blissfully perfect as the man walked off and the blond turned around to see you and properly escort you out of Fantasia Dyed. He watched your back as you left in front of him- ladies first- and he let a grin crawl across his face.  Unaware of how his eyes looked as they burned into the silhouette of your body.  
His. 
Changkyun led you out of the club, but neither of you expected it to be raining at three o’clock in the morning.  You gasped as you instinctively brought your hands up above your head. You were wearing makeup and if it got wet, it was all over.  Changkyun was quick to rip the coat from his shoulders and sling it around you.  It had no hood, but he placed the collar of it above your head as you grabbed the edges of it to pull it around your body.  
He nearly gasped when his finger brushed your hand, handing off his coat before he was pulling his keys from his clutch and pushing buttons to unlock his car that was parked just around the corner on the side of the building.  He reached around your shoulder and started directing you in the rain.  
It was only when he sat you in his car, nice and dry, when he ran to get into the drivers sid, slam the door shut, start the car and crank the heat to get rid of the wet shivers you had due to the rain, did he realize he had just touched you again.  Although his coat was under his arm, so were you as you ran through the rain.  He had to contain yet another delightful shiver. 
You shimmied the coat off your head to around your shoulders before you pulled it out from behind you and placed it on your lap as you pulled the seatbelt across your chest.  You looked at Changkyun who was already looking at you, but flinched and started fidgeting with his wheel and knobs for the radio in his car to distract himself. 
“I didn’t realize there was rain in the forecast this morning. I wouldn’ve have brought an umbrella.” You briefly blessed the idea that Changkyun asked you out because you had taken the bus and walked the rest of the trip to Fantasia, so getting home would have been a long walk considering the buses don’t run at three freakin’ am. 
Changkyun cleared his throat, whipping his blond, wet bangs out of his face and onto the top of his head, clearing his forehead as he shifted out of park. 
“So,” he started, “where do you want to go?” You tossed ideas around in your head and it was so early, hardly any place would be open except the occasional fast food place or gas station.  Offering him the choice between an open, probably dead lobby for some fast food or grabbing a drink and hanging in the car in the rain, he was driving off to the closest food location.  
As nice as it sounded being secluded in a car with coffee and the sound of rain, he wouldn't be able to look you in the eyes as you spoke as well. 
Changkyun took you to the place he would often stop for some after work food before going home or meeting up with someone. Because he knew the manager so well (and because the manager was always in store by three to start preparing for the staff to come in at six) Changkyun was allowed an early entrance. 
Even though you offered to get your own drink, Changkyun wasn’t allowing you to pay for anything since it was him who asked you out. Besides, it wasn’t exactly expensive to buy some caffeinated drinks- especially since he got a special discount too. The manager who always got him his food or drinks ready at this hour was shocked to see him with company this time around. 
Time seemed to become truly nonexistent to Changkyun as soon as the both of you sat down at a back corner table- away from anyone's eyes from outside as to not cause the manager grief if someone should come demanding entrance because Changkyun was inside. You both talked about anything and everything he could think to ask you to get to know you better.  
He learned that you were a librarian and that you didn’t go to school- forgetting about any further education after high school because you weren’t sure what you really wanted to do with your life. He found out bits and pieces about your family situations- gathering that you weren’t close and that you had no siblings to speak of. Your friends were small in number and that you weren’t really close to anyone aside from Halie- the proffered birthday girl at the club. 
He mentally thanked Halie for begging you to come to the club, considering if you hadn’t Changkyun would have never laid eyes on you. 
In turn, he shared what he could in return for your stories.  He had been working in the sex world for a few years now, quickly and unfortunately getting roped into it after a nasty breakup when he had just turned 21. When he realized just how desirable he could be, he started working out and eating better to keep his physique so business kept rolling in for him.  He was actually scouted by the assistant manager of Fantasia Dyed to work there- but it was the pay and benefits that really dragged him in.  He didn’t dislike his career, so he had no reason to say no anyways.  
At least with Fantasia Dyed, he had benefits to get himself into the doctor if one of his clients ever lied and gave him some gross sex disease- then of course he’d sue them into the ground for not following his work guidelines. He told you about why he pierced his eyebrow and even the stories behind the tattoos on his back. 
Oddly enough, despite your absolute opposite backgrounds, you both spoke and got alone brilliantly.  It was a balance of lifestyles and Changkyun basked in everything you had to say.  You didn’t shun him or sneer at his life as a sex worker and maybe it was the lack of disgust and prejudiced that really flipped something in his head.  
You did not judge him. You did not hate him. You laughed at whatever joke he pitched.  You blushed at whatever lame pick up line he slid into conversation. You groaned playfully at his equally playful flirting. You were making him fall and he did- hook, line and heavy sinker.  
He was absolutely, unbelievably head over heels for you and he felt like he was on fire. 
You both talked and talked until you had noticed that the sky started to change color and the rain had stopped. The sun was rising and you were suddenly overly aware of how exhausted you really were.  Changkyun saw you stifle a yawn and although it felt like his heartstrings were going to tear in his chest, he was quick to get up and offer you a ride home as the manager started to truly open the lobby for business as nearly all morning staff were present.  
As you sat in the car with him, directing him on what roads to take to get to your home, he found himself memorizing every turn. When you told him to keep it slow and then pointed out your small little apartment duplex, he looked at every crevice his eyes could see from the car window.  The neighborhood was somewhere small, but there was a small park just across the block so he expected it to be fairly busy during the day. 
As he bid you farewell, and watched you get safely inside before driving away, he struggled to contain his breath.  When he rolled into the apartment parking lot and up to his penthouse, he was quick to lock his door and lift his coat to his face.  
It smelt different than usual.  It had your shampoo’s scent embedded into its fake fur. It had the smell of your perfume and the smell of you inside of it.  He fell asleep that morning until afternoon with his coat curled around him instead of a blanket.  That feeling of euphoria chasing him until he finally fell asleep- only to have a set of specific dreams involving you in one of his reserved back rooms at Fantasia Dyed. 
-x-x-x-
Over the course of the next week, Changkyun did his damnedest to keep his eyes on you at all times he possibly could.  He’d wake up in the afternoon and find a way to enter the library you worked at and slip into a corner behind a bookshelf with a book to disguise his obvious staring of you.  When you’d leave the desk to replace books, he’d move to avoid your eyes, when you’d help a guest with their books to check out, he’d growl when it was a man that you smiled at.  When you got off work, he’d trial behind you just enough to stay unnoticed. He’d watch you get home every afternoon and one night he even put a small camera on one of the fake branches of your fake bush you hand sitting in a pot on your porch.  
He’d sit in his car or in his penthouse and watch the feed on his phone if it buzzed with a notification of movement.  If you were leaving, he’d jump into action to try and find out where you were going if it was an unusual time.  He’d watch you go to the store to shop or into some food place for something to eat. 
He’s even seen you meet up with Halie a few times and each time he did, he hated that wench more and more.  That obviously spoiled princess wasn’t good enough to be around you, acting like a typical romance villain and obvious snake.  You were smart, so he was curious as to why you trusted her so much. She was clearly brainwashing you and keeping you around as a tool. 
Changkyun had a mental list of enemies and people he hated, and she was ranked number one among that list- along with all the men he saw speak or flirt with you.  He wanted to get them away from you, throw them out of the picture and clean your mind of their filth. 
During his work hours, and after even, he’d still get randoms to get into bed with him- but his mind would be filled with everything about you.  The person underneath him would disappear and your face and body and voice would take hold in his brain like some sort of spell.  He’d fuck into man or woman with such fervor he’d be getting calls from his manager that he was requested for service back to back.  
He hit euphoria and erotic highs with you just in his mind, he nearly came undone when he thought how it would feel actually fucking you.  He’d go home from work, from another sex session and he’d lay on his bed, on his couch, sit at his table or collapse in his doorway and wear himself thin with his hand at the thought of your touch instead of his or someone else.  
He sat on the cold floor of his front door entrance, his leather, skintight pants unzipped and cock slipped through the hole in his boxers.  His hand squeezed his length as his fingers rubbed and pinched and squeezed around the head and slit. It was so dry as his hand slid up and down painfully on his shaft.  His hips bucked to meet his hands motions and his legs twitched in their perched, spread position.  His stomach was tight as his opposite hand came to pinch and twist his nipples- his shirt discarded as he slid down the door upon his entry earlier. 
It was so dry- it was hardly enjoyable- but it was painfully erotic. He couldn’t stop and the precum leaking from his cockhead wasn’t nearly enough for his hand to not pull on the delicate skin making him hiss.  Taking his lip between his teeth and breathing so heavily he stuttered, he watched his hand abuse his cock. 
The hand that played with his nipples shot down to hold his wrist as he finished himself off, cumming with the sound of your name spilling from his lips in lewd, breathless moans.  He lay on the floor, slouched and exhausted as cum stuck, drying to his chest and pants. 
He was so utterly, disgustingly, blissfully obsessed with you and he felt like he was losing his mind. His mind was filled to the brim with you, you, you.  He spent every waking hour he could preparing.  Yes, he had to make sure that everything would be perfect for when you’d finally come to him.  
You deserved nothing short of perfection- and Changkyun would fuck anyone, get paid anything and obtain whatever it was you desired to make sure you got exactly that.  However, it would take time- much to his dismay. 
He knew he had to get ready before he could possibly have you.  He started cleaning out a room he used as storage in his penthouse and got to work.  
It was ten days after your three am date that Changkyun decided to play innocent and ‘bump’ into you at work one day.  He was impatient and couldn’t wait any longer to speak to you again, to hear your voice directed at him again and not at someone else.  
He entered the library confidently that day, dressed in blue jeans, low heeled boots and a tee that was stretched just a bit at the collar.  His hair unstyled and glasses on his nose with his clutch under his arm.  He didn’t want to go over the top in style, so he tried to match your neutral style of dress.  
He took a moment to look at you before he took a breath and walked up to the desk, placing a fake smile of shock on his face when you looked up to see him.  He nearly fell to his knees when he saw your eyes shine and your mouth split into a smile and wave at him.  If he could, he would’ve ran the rest of the way to the desk instead of walked.  
When he walked at the desk, he leaned and laid his arms in front of one another on the desktop, bending and crossing his ankles together and grinned at you.  
“Well, fancy meeting you here, madam librarian,” he greeted, acting as if he hadn’t been here daily for the past week just to see you work.  
“It’s been a little bit, it’s good to see you Changkyun,” you said and he felt himself shift sinfully.  “I’d ask you why you’re here, but it’s a library, so,” you chuckled at yourself.  Oh, how he missed the sound of that laugh.  “Did you come looking for something specific?” You asked as he jut his lip out in thought.  
“Not necessarily. I just felt like cracking open a book, and what better place to start looking? It's a pleasant surprise you work at this library. It’s close to where I live.” That was true, there were two other libraries in town and this one was the closest to him. You hummed at him. “Could you recommend something to me?” He grew giddy when you smiled widely and stood from your desk chair and started to walk around the desk, motioning for him to follow you. 
As you asked him what he liked and disliked, leading him down the isles and scanning book after book, keeping small conversation he wished he could push you against a bookshelf and have his wicked way with you. He knew better, however; you needed to be taken care of in a specific set of ways and against a bookshelf wasn’t it- tempting as it may be. 
“Here,” you told him as you spun around and placed a book in his hands.  As he took it, he quirked a small, teasing smile as he looked at you as if you were playing a joke on him. 
“Twilight? Really, Y/n?” In his hand sat the book that sprung up the cheesy, cliche and overall, not so great movies he watched with one of his old friends for gags one night in his teens- completely drunk he may add.  
“Hey, don’t judge a book by it’s cover- or it’s movies. It’s better than you think.” You shoved the book closer to his chest. “Just give it a chance, please?” When you ask so adorably with your lip jutted out just enough for him to fantasize leaning down to bite into it with his teeth, he had no choice but to comply.  He’d read this book cover to cover, backwards even had you asked.  He’d do whatever you wished. 
He spent the afternoon halfway reading at a table near the desk and halfway watching you work until your shift concluded.  When you were packing up, he scrambled to get his clutch and mark the page he had to reread over and over again because he couldn’t concentrate and rushed up and over to your side.  
“Are you finished for the day?” He asked although he already knew the answer.  You nodded as he touched your arm, grabbing gently around your elbow.  “Do you want to go on a date with me?” He asked as he saw your cheeks grew in the most vibrant color of rose. 
“I, uh,” you cleared your throat and rubbed the back of your neck with your free arm. “I’m not dressed for a date though,” you pouted. Changkyun licked his lips, desperate not to let you get away from him just yet.  
“Then, tomorrow,” he pitched, “when you’re free tomorrow we can go out.” Tomorrow was Wednesday, and he knew that you always left work early on Wednesdays.  He watched you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as you licked your lips before rolling them over your teeth and then opening your mouth. 
“I can do tomorrow,” you muttered, face fully flushed with redness flooding into the tips of your ears.  He released your arm with a giant smile.  He flicked his bangs out of his face as he felt his glasses slip just a bit further down his nose.  He reached into his clutch as he dug out his phone and handed it to you with the new contact screen up. 
“Let’s swap numbers then, and we can work out everything through the phone.” You didn’t hesitate to place your number into his phone before sending yourself a text with ‘it’s changkyun’ attached to the message.  You promptly added him in your contacts as well.  Offering you a ride home, which you took, he dropped you off and when he walked into his penthouse that afternoon he pumped his fist into the air.  As well as stared at the palm in which held your arm earlier, gazing at it as if he had just touched the blessed body of a holy messiah. 
As he sat in his living room on the couch, he felt himself harden in his sweats he wore before changing into his work attire. He had actually called in to take the night off since he had to be well rested for his date tomorrow. This hand had touched you, touched your skin.  He was sure it would feel magnificent on his cock too.  
-x-x-x- 
Tomorrow didn’t come fast enough and Changkyun was bounding out of bed at the ass crack of dawn to figure out what he was going to wear.  How would he style his hair? Would he fill all his ear piercings or change the stud in his eyebrow to a spike? Which shoes would he wear: sneakers, heeled boots, sandals? He couldn’t waste another second in bed, he had far too much to plan for the day to worry about sleeping any more. 
He dove for his phone the moment he heard the specific notification he set for you. He talked to you a bit and you both decided on a time to meet up.  Meeting up at noon for lunch and then he’d take you to a movie and then he’d walk around with you window shopping, talking about the movie you both saw and then he’d take you for dinner.  That’s what he wanted to happen.  
He showed up at the meeting place half an hour early.  Wearing a black, white spotted button up tucked into a pair of black jeans with a thin, white belt around his waist, he adjusted the buttons at the cuffs of his sleeves.  A simple, thin silver chain to show off his neck as his shirt was unbuttoned just enough to show off his collar bones.  The heels of his shoes clacked just enough on pavement or tile to let people know he was coming.  
“Changkyun!” He heard from behind him.  He raised himself off the bench had had been sitting cross-legged on, staring at his phone and debating on texting you.  He quickly spotted you waving to him from among the crowd of people on the hunt for lunch before their work break ends. 
His mouth nearly dropped when he saw you.  Running up to him with the cutest, apparel on. 
A summer dress of pale pink with small white dots that wrapped around your chest and fell loosely at the skirt to hit your thighs.  The sleeves off shoulder and sheer all the way down your arm until it wrapped around your wrist in sheere frills.  Black, thin straps to keep it all up. A pair of white sandals that wrapped around your foot and ankle with the smallest heel to keep you from twisting your ankle.  Hair done in two little buns on either side of your head, but still kept some down with a black, stretchy choker around your neck. 
The pink, circular satchel at your waist that hooked over your shoulder probably contained your phone, wallet and the pink gloss that covered your lips as you came to stop in front of him.  You were like a flower as he gazed at you.  You quickly lifted your wrist to check the thin watch you wore, making sure you weren’t late.  You weren’t. 
“I hope you weren’t waiting here too long for me,” you giggled and he felt his heart try to burst from his chest. He shook off his stupor the best he could in front of you before he smiled and quickly denied it.  
“I haven’t been here long,” he assured. You made a small jest about the both of you wearing something with small polka dots on it and he felt like he was going to fall to his knees at your noticing his attire and complimenting it.  You were far too precious. 
Throughout the day, he found out that you weren’t only exceptionally kind, but you were probably the biggest pushover he’s ever met.  You’d follow after him like a little lost duckling and whatever he recommended doing, wherever he wanted to go, you were quick to agree and comply.  With your ease of compliance, he was able to mentally go through the check list of plans he had set with little to no difficulty.  
It was miraculous how easily you obeyed him. 
Changkyun made note of everything your eyes lingered on, everything your fingers brushed, everything you expressed just the slightest interest in- he would remember.  Changkyun wanted to spoil you, wanted to give you everything you desired- everything you deserved. You were an angel walking, cursed upon the earth and nothing anyone could say would change his mind about it. 
The entire time you were out with Changkyun that day, you were smiling at him as he hung onto every one of your words.  Every interest, every detail, every idea or opinion you had- he grabbed it and held it deep inside his chest. 
It was coming close to around ten that night when he was finally getting around to dropping you back home, as he could see the exhaustion in your eyes and the slowness in your steps. He had half a mind to just drive you back to his home, but he couldn’t- not yet. 
He walked you to your door as he bid you a final goodnight and as you unlocked your door and pushed it open just a crack, you turned back to him and smiled.  He froze when he felt your fingers on his cheek before you stood to your toes and kissed his cheek.  You rushed inside before he could say anything and before you could regret it. 
The blond sat dazed and only managed to drive a block away before he pulled into a parking lot of a closed, daytime store.  His cheeks were flushed, his skin burned and his breath was staggered.  He could still feel the feeling of your lips on his cheek and that shiver of delight attacked his spine and spread until he was finishing himself off in the front seat of his car- the sound of your name on his lips over and over again as his fingers brushed his cheek trying to feel the essence of you in his skin. 
-x-x-x-
Changkyun had the privilege of taking you out on two more dates over the course of the last two weeks (along with his library trips to visit you) and it was today, when he once again frequented the library- where he noticed you weren’t in your usual high spirits.  He pulled you aside on your break and into a back corner library table as he made you spill your guts on what could be plaguing your mind.  
It took all of his will power to not scream when you told him you had been being harassed by some library guest who always comes in.  He always wants the same book renewed over and over and he always tried to pry your number out of you.  Even after clearly telling him no and explaining to you that you were traveling among the silver lining of a relationship with Changkyun- he was persistent.  It came to the point you were looking over your shoulder and even jogging to and from work. 
“So, he’s stalking you?” Changkyun clarified, as you nodded weakly.  He grit his teeth, his jaw tightening.  Didn’t other people know that his woman was off limits, especially when it came to following you around? He kept you under his watchful eye, but these men were after something far worse and in his sick, demented mind- they were the offender and they were a disease.  
Changkyun reached across the table and gently held your hand, trying to convey that he knew that you were scared and that he’d do anything to keep you safe.  He could see the tears glisten around your eyes and a taboo sense of arousal shot in his stomach at seeing your so utterly weak and vulnerable.  
He spent the remainder of the time with you on your break as he consoled and shushed you as he promised that he’d stay until you got off and when you did, he’d take you home.  You were quick to agree.  
That afternoon you rushed to Changkyun’s side and were discreet to point out the man who was hanging outside the library entrance with his nose in his phone.  According to you, that was the perpetrator and source of your fear.  You clung to Changkyun as he gently wrapped his arm around your shoulders and held you to his chest, walking out with you. 
When he dropped you off and kissed the top of your head as he sent you inside, the gentle eyes he had been gazing at you with disappeared as you shut the door and he heard it harshly lock.  
Turning around and stuffing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, he waltzed back towards his car, but never got into it.  His dark shirt allowed him to dip below the hood of his car as he started walking around in the shadows the street lights created.  He stood behind a post as he watched the figure move from the side of the building to the front porch where he crouched below the windows.  
You had pulled the curtains and shut the blinds just as he had reminded you to as he was quick to walk up behind the stalker and hook his arm under the man’s chin.  The gasp that was pulled from the man was cut off as Changkyun’s arm tightened around his neck and he started to quickly drag the man backward and away from your doorstep. 
The blond shoved the man into the backseat of his car, slamming the door as he quickly rushed to get into the driver's seat.  Not bothering with his seatbelt, he started the car with tangible rage and started off.  
“What the fuck, man!” The man from his backseat scowled as Changkyun only reached into his center console and pulled out a small, black handheld device, pressing the button on the side of it as it zapped.  A stungun.  The man in the back hissed as he instinctively shut up. 
Changkyun’s aggressive driving made the man in the backseat fall back and forth along the seats before he finally gripped the passenger chair to steady himself.  Changkyun drove and drove until he was well outside of city limits before he stopped and parked his car. He peered up into the rear-view mirror, seeing the man behind him look around anxiously.  
“Get out,” the blond ordered as he stepped out of his car.  The man didn’t move, too shocked to process his words and was then yanked out by his shirt clad shoulder when he didn’t listen quick enough for Changkyun’s liking. The club worker threw the man on the ground as he rolled to his back just quick enough for Changkyun to stand over him.  His feet on either side of his hips, a glimmer in his eyes that was menacing to witness- even in the darkness of night. 
The man on the ground shuddered as he weakly tried to crawl backward on his elbows.  His heels kicked and dug into the ground, threatening to pull his shoe off, as he tried to get away from the look in the blond’s eyes.  
Changkyun’s foot came to the center of the man’s chest as he stomped, pushing him flat onto the ground.  He knelt, coming closer to him as he gripped the collar of his shirt.  Changkyun eyed him around- he certainly wasn’t a looker that's for damn sure.  
“You really thought you had a chance?” He asked lowly, almost in a growl.  “I’ll offer you a bit of last moment advice for perhaps your next life,” he got closer to the man’s ear, before telling him something.  “Stay away from things that don’t belong to you,” he seethed.  
Over the course of the next few days, Changkyun was delighted to see you smiling again when you told him that the man who had been stalking you seemed to finally leave you alone. 
He made sure that a week later when he saw missing person posters out in the streets, your eyes stayed off of them.
-x-x-x-
After a month of dates, library visits, phone calls and good morning and good night texts, Changkyun was finally- finally- able to call you his girlfriend. He was currently out with you at some cafe where you wanted to stop and get something to drink and he decided to walk in and sit down with you for a while. 
You were on your phone, tapping away before placing it down and repeating.  You were obviously talking with someone on the other end of your text thread, which already ground his gears, but the twisted brow on your face made him more curious than not. Someone was upsetting you and he already knew how to deal with someone who upset you. 
“Hey,” he called, gaining your attention. You looked at him, placing your phone back down.  “Who’re you talking to, Sweetness?” 
“Oh, just to Halie,” you told him. The name of your ‘best friend’ making his skin itch.  That fake fraud of a friend couldn’t even leave you alone while you were out with him? The audacity of the woman made him jittery. His knee began to bounce as he pressed further. 
“Are you two fighting? You look annoyed.” 
You sighed, solidifying that she was indeed bothering you. “She’s mad that I’m out on a date,” you grumbled.  Changkyun cocked his head. 
“Excuse me?” His resentment slipped out just a small fraction as he wanted to know immediately what this witch was putting into your precious little head.  “She’s mad at you for what?” 
You groaned again, placing your elbow on the table and your chin in your palm, you huffed.  “I think she’s just upset that I have a boyfriend before she does since she knows more people.” The tone in your voice made your annoyance apparent to Changkyun who had spent the last month of his life learning every little quirk in your day to day life- including your vocal tone. “She’s got a whole list of friends and while I have just enough to count on one hand, she's mad about my relationship.” 
Changkyun watched you toil the situation around in your head, trying to justify her words and actions, but he couldn’t let you do that.  This was a prime opportunity.  The perfect time to finally get that wench out of the picture and away from you. 
He reached across the table where he sat in front of you, careful not to knock into your drink. 
“Darling,” he cooed, gaining your teary, stress filled eyes, “maybe you shouldn’t be talking to her.” He watched your brow quirk and turn inwards at his suggestion.  He readjusted his grip on your hand, holding it tightly. “If she’s so angry about something like us, then maybe you should go on a little break at least.” 
“But-”
“I know she’s your friend,” he fought back before you could try and save Halie’s snake skin, “but every time you talk about her with me, it’s all things that stress you out or things she’s done that make you uncomfortable.”  He vividly remembers the club night of her birthday.  “Pressuring you into clubbing, then not paying attention to you at all even though you weren’t enjoying yourself.  Never talking to you unless she needs something or someone to bother.  Now, she’s angry because you’re happy with me? She’s just using you, Sweetheart.” 
“I know she seems bad, but-” 
“Y/n,” he breathed in a small, soft scolding tone.  “You can’t keep defending her and giving her what she wants. She has to learn, one way or the other.”  He watched your lips turn into a pout as he ran his thumb over your knuckles and brought your hand up to kiss the back of it.  “I just want the best for you, you know that.” 
He bit back a victorious smirk when you told him that you’d take his suggestion and advice to heart and think about it.  A little more nudging and you’d drop Halie like a hat. He just had to wait until she brought something else up again that put a target on her back.  
It didn’t take but three days for that to occur.  
You were home, off on a Sunday, just sitting in your home, on the phone with Changkyun while he just woke up from resting since he had work at Fantasia Dyed that evening.  He had some private show booked up so he couldn’t afford to flake out either.  He needed the cash for his personal project he always teased, and this coming party was sure to deliver.  
You both were chatting happily until you were cut shut but someone pounding on your door.  You told Changkyun to hold on a moment as you set your phone down on the arm of your couch and went to the door.  Changkyun on the other hand went and immediately opened the camera footage of your front door he had from that camera in your bush.  
He growled and jumped out of bed when he saw the back of Halie in the frame.  Her arms were crossed and her leg was bouncing as she slouched.  When you opened the door, her crossed arms flared out and she was clearly shouting at you from the hiking of her shoulders and the fact that he could hear her obnoxious voice through the call line. 
He jumped out of bed.  Nothing but sweats on as he threw on a jacket, leaving his chest naked before he was out of his penthouse, racing down the stairs and in his car on the way to your home.  He kept the call live- as much as he didn’t want to hear her voice- so he could hear the venom she spat at you as he worked her way inside. Stomping around and screaming like the bitch she was.  
When he showed up to your home and jumped out of the car, he finally hung the call up as he stormed inside, knowing the door was unlocked from Halie’s tempertatrum.  When he came in, he saw you against the wall with your ‘best friend’ not a foot away from you still screaming at you like you were deaf. 
He worked his way over before he was grabbing Halie’s shoulder, shoving her away and placing himself in front of you, walking back into your space until he felt your hands push on his shoulders.  He glared at the party animal blonde in front of him.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He seethed as she seemed taken aback by his language towards her- a lady. 
“Excuse me?” She spat. 
“I suggest you leave, or else I’ll make you leave.”
“You can’t make me do anything. This isn’t your home either. I’m just talking to, Y/n.” Changkyun stepped away from you, turning the woman around by her shoulders and started pushing her.  
“Yeah? And you’re done now. Get out.” He told her, shoving her out the doorway once he worked her through the front room.  Before she could fight back, he got close to her ear and told her one more thing before shutting the door in her face and locking.  “Stay away, or I’ll make you.” The look in his eyes, the crazed dangerous gleam, made his threat very, very real. 
When he turned back around, he saw you on the ground, curled up as you cried.  He rushed to your side, rubbing your back and trying to get you to lift your head to look at him.  He cooed when he saw your swollen eyes and fat tears rolling down your cheeks.  
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here,” he shushed as you just wordlessly nodded with choked hiccups and sputters.  You were seriously an ugly crier, but what could you do? Your best friend broke your heart.  
Changkyun shifted to hold you to his bare, jacket clad chest as you cried and he shushed you.  
“Don’t worry. You don’t need anyone else. I’ll always be here.” He promised.  
-x-x-x-
All it took was one more month, and everything was finally falling into place for Changkyun. Halie had officially left your side, with one or two more scraps between him and her before she finally called it quits.  And with the queen bee of your circle gone, the rest quickly fell apart and you were left with no one but Changkyun- as you should be.  
He was in his extra bedroom, setting up his project more when his phone rang. He jumped to it, knowing it was you calling after you got done with your shift at the library. He had told you to call him when you had the chance, since he wanted you to come somewhere tonight. 
“Hello, darling,” he purred into the phone, hearing you slightly chuckle on the other line.  “Did work go well? No annoyances?” He asked and he knew that you’d tell him about the computers or the receipt machine or the squeaky wheel on the return cart; but you never knew that he really meant to know if you were being bothered by any other man again.  “Well, if your evening is cleared up, why not swing on by Fantasia tonight?” 
He heard you pause on the other side of the phone call as he was walking out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. It was almost perfect.  
“I’m not sure,” you drawled.  
“I’m working the floor tonight, bar-tending for staff out sick. You can sit at the bar with me.” Your hesitation was loud and clear for him as he continued.  “I’d really appreciate the company, but if you’d rather not-” he quickly heard you try and reconcile and save the conversation but agreeing to his proposal.  You were a sucker for guilt trips. “Really?” He asked in faux concern as he grinned, throwing himself back across the length of his couch. 
“Yeah. I’ll come, just promise that you’ll stay at the bar.” 
“I’ll do my best. If I have to leave, just hide in the bathroom until I’m back,” ‘so that you won’t be in contact with anyone other than me’, he added silently in his head. You agreed and he said a quick goodbye before he hung up the call.  He sat up and peered down his hall, picturing the door of his extra room.  Soon, you’d be with him always. 
It was an hour after his shift started and he had just served yet another waiting patron when he felt his phone buzz in the back pocket of his pants.  He wore a mesh shirt at the bar that showed off his torso. His tattoo in the middle of his back was on display when he turned around. His eyebrow piercing was a black ring this evening and he wore silver hoops in his earlobes. His knee high, buckle punk boots lifting him three inches higher into the air. 
‘I’m here, where do I go?’ Your text read with a nervous emoji beside it.  He told you the location of the mini side stage bar and soon your head popped out from among the mass of alcohol driver party goers.  As you got to the bar and slid into a stool in front of him, he leaned on the counter and whistled at you. 
“Well, look who dressed up for me tonight?” He asked, a purr in his voice as your cheeks flushed.  He recognized this get up, it was a piece he picked out for you one night. It wasn’t something he thought you’d ever wear out, since you were rather reserved, but he thought you deserved it anyway. 
It wasn’t anything fancy, but even a simple, black cocktail dress with lace running up the sides of it and looping around your neck and back looked good when placed on someone as breathtaking as yourself to Changkyun’s eyes. He could faintly hear you clicking your heels together underneath you as they were hooked on the metal foot ring of the stool. The bracelet and earrings were a nice touch. 
“I thought it was appropriate since you bought it for me,” you muttered, unable to look at him in the eyes.  He chuckled since it wasn’t hard to guess why. His entire chest was on display to see with only lines of fabric separating his entire torso from being nude.  He halfway wished he had gotten his nipples pierced when he was on the fence about it months ago just to see how you’d react to that.
He stood back up and turned his back and he could feel your eyes scan the tattoo that rested between his shoulders. Large and taking up a good portion of real estate on his skin. He smirked as he felt you stare, a shiver wracking up his spine just as it always did with you.  When he turned around, he offered you a glass of water he had so neatly prepared for you. 
“I know you don’t drink, sweetheart,” he told you as you graciously thanked him for the drink.  Throughout the course of his shift, he was tending to people left and right.  His charisma between patrons and ways of addressing person to person just by acknowledging how they seemed to looked amazed you.  
You could never hope to be the people person he is. He was bold enough to get on stage, strip and get behind closed doors for his way of life.  He was fearless in your eyes and you admired him for it.  He had told you that he would stop sleeping around for money since he was in a relationship with you now, but you just told him it was alright.  
You trusted him, and although the idea of him sleeping around did grind under your skin like ice and salt, you knew that was his job. He worked in this industry- the sex industry- so that was the end of it.  He had started to dwindle down in client numbers though, never wanting to have the sex he was getting paid for last too long. 
The clock struck midnight and Changkyun turned back to you the moment he had an opening to.  He leaned over the counter and towards you again, just so he could talk to you clearly over the loud bass and whistling from the stage work. 
“What do you say I make a drink for you?” He offered. You looked at your half empty glass of water he had refilled at least three times now.  “Just one, I promise. It’ll be on me too. I just want my girlfriend to taste some of my work since I don’t get to work the bar often.” 
“Well, when you say it like that,” you whined as he just chuckled and stood up, turning his back and started mixing.  It was three minutes later when he was sliding a cocktail glass gently towards you. Inside sat a liquid of pink that resembled the color of pink lemonade, but you knew whatever was inside that wasn’t lemonade. “Voilà,” he told you. “That’s something new I’m trying out. You get to be the first to try it.” 
His smile looked innocent enough to your eyes and as you started taking sips of it with a smile and a nod; however, you missed a sinister glint in his eyes.  You complimented him on it and found yourself sipping on the drink, making it last until well after one since you didn’t want to have him make another. It was half after when Changkyun noticed you starting to sway in your stool seat. 
He placed the towel he had in his hands on the bar before he rounded the bar to your side.  
“Darling, come with me. You look like you’re about to pass out,” he chuckled. You couldn’t get your mouth to move or your voice to work as your mind was just as fuzzy as your eyesight.  Were you really that much of a light weight? He took you back into one of his private rooms before he placed you on the bed. He sat beside you, brushing your hair from your face and running his fingers around your face, skin and shoulders down your arm.  “Sleep. I'll come get you later,” he told you softly- the totally opposite tone of the smirk on his face. 
You were in and out of it for the duration of Changkyun picking you up from the bed you vaguely remember placing you on.  He picked you up and took you out of the room. The bass of the club had stopped and you only heard him speaking briefly with coworkers before he loaded you into his car. 
It felt like he was taking you home as he removed you from the car again and heard the jingles of keys before a door was opened.  You only remembered being placed in a bed before you felt him kiss your forehead and you were out for good. 
You groaned as you were finally waking up. Your head hurt and you felt like your throat had sandpaper in it.  You coughed lightly as you reached your hand up to rub your throat, but something was around your neck. 
Feeling around, it felt like a collar or something. It was thick and leather, a small loop in the front of it. You also thought you felt tags near the loop that jangled.  Groaning and moving among the mattress you realized that it was pitch black in the room.  You were sure your eyes were open, but you couldn’t see a thing.  
Sitting up, you felt around your body.  Your cocktail dress wasn’t on you instead it felt like a nightgown was. Did you own nightgowns? IT feel off your shoulders to wrap around your chest and biceps with frills as it bunched around your thighs on the mattress. 
Your head pounded as you rubbed your eyes.  You moved to try and crawl from the bed when you felt something tug on your ankle. Feeling around, whatever was on your ankle was thick, cold and hard.  At first you thought it was some anklet, but then you felt something protrude from the cold metal. 
Pulling and tracing your fingers around it, you started to panic.  It felt like a chain. 
You got off the bed you were convinced wasn’t yours as you walked around like some cheap, budget-movie zombie in the dark room.  You found a dresser first. Feeling around, you felt the knobs of the four drawers and on top it had what felt like boxes. Reaching further, you found the dresser had a mirror attached to the back of it.  
Moving around in the opposite direction, you reached a closet door. Pull it open, you feel all sorts of soft fabric. Silks, satin, fur, cotton, linen- you felt all sorts of clothing. 
You looked around the dark room in panic before you trusted your voice.  
“Changkyun,” you called softly. You were going to call him again, but stopped short as you stepped on the cold chain that was around your foot. You screamed as you fell backward and before long, you heard someone padding up to the room and the door swung open. 
You scrambled back, covering your face with your arms as you soon felt the foot of the bed push against your back, keeping you from going back any further.  
“Sweetness, are you awake already?” Your arms that were up slowly lowered as you looked to the open doorway.  It was so bright outside of the dark room, you had to squint from the stark contrast.  Whoever was in the doorway sounded just like Changkyun, but- it couldn’t be. He walked closer to you. “Darling, can you talk?” His hand came to your throat, touching it with the pad of his fingers above the collar around your neck. “Are you thirsty? It has been half a day.” 
You were speechless as Changkyun stood up from in front of you before he walked out of the room. You moved to your knees and looked around. The dresser and closet you found were indeed what you thought.  
The bed was a canopy bed. A white frame with pink fabric hanging from it. The covers were red and white with a plethora of pillows at the head of the mattress.  There was a rack of four wood dowels by the bedroom door, and three of them a different kind of leash, and the fourth had a pair of handcuffs. 
The one window in the room was covered with black out curtains- you couldn’t tell if it was daytime or not outside right now.
Looking down now that you had the light from outside the room, you indeed did have a shackled ankle. You began to pull at it, the cold metal yanking around your skin- pinching and shafting it painfully. You hissed as your yanking was stopped by Changkyun shouting. 
“Don’t pull on that!” He cried, dropping to your side to pull your hands from your shackle. “I need to put felt and fur on it before you can move around in it safely. It’ll ruin your skin, but bear with it for now.” 
“Changkyun, what?” You squeaked.  He smiled, but it was twisted in some sort of menacing light. Maybe it was the light from behind him into the dark room that made him look sinister.  You felt yourself begin to tremble. 
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head,” he told you, patting your head and tucking your hair behind your ear. “Changkyun will take care of everything. I told you to remember?” He caressed your hair, tracing his finger down your face and under your chin. He then moved to hook his finger through the hoop in your collar.  “I told you, you don’t need anyone else. I’m all that you need. You are the princess, and this is your tower.” He flicked at the tags on your collar, one labeled ‘Princess’ and the other engraved with his initials. 
He then reached to his side to the discarded glass of water he went to get for you earlier for your throat.  He gently gripped around your neck and used the back of his hand to tilt your chin up. 
The mixing of emotions in your eyes made him shiver and when you blinked out a small tear he gently moved to place his lips over it. The salty taste made him groan as he leaned back and kissed your nose to see your eyes glossy. He smiled at you as he brought the glass to your lips. 
“Drink up, Princess.” 
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a/n: i’ve never ever written a yandere fic before in my life, and as my first try- i rly dont think i did all that bad LOL. Let me know what you think bc it’s very rare I post Monsta X fic content and I need to know if you guys are still into it ;n; (especially with Wonho’s debut days away and a fic for him in progress LOL) 
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