Tumgik
#tj: made a bad start to the day around into a fun one ;w; <3
tbtssstuff · 4 years
Text
Behind Closed Doors || jjk 1
Tumblr media
Summary: Everyone wants new kid, Jeon Jungkook’s, attention. You had it without even asking for it and if they knew the consequences that come with having his attention, they wouldn’t want it.
Tumblr media
Pairing: Hitman!Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Gang!au
Word count: 2.9k
Masterlist
-TJ/TacoAdmin 🌮
Tumblr media
Your life was simple and you liked it that way.
Wake up at 6 am, get ready for school, school from 8 to 3, work at the diner from 4 to 10, go home and have whatever left over your parents had for you, do your homework, shower and be in bed before midnight. Every day. Rinse and repeat. Nothing exciting and nothing dangerous, which in your city wasn’t a normal thing.
Seoul was controlled by one gang known on the streets as Bulletproof. No one knows much about the people inside of the gang, but what is known is that they are not a force to be wrecked with. The last person to try was never heard from again and honestly you didn’t want to know what happened. You just wanted to continue living your extremely boring and normal life.
Safe and sound.
“Y/n!”
You smile and wave to Iseul, who was waiting for you at the front of the school. Iseul was your best friend of 3 years now. You met her freshman year when you both had gym together. You nor her were anywhere near athletic, so the two of you would walk around while the others ran. Having a semi friend in that class made it more bearable, but you didn’t become official best friends until she stood up for you in the locker room.
Hyera decided that you were going to be her main target - hiding your clothes, pushing you down in the gym, calling you names, spreading rumors. You name it. She did it. You weren’t even going to do anything about it, not being one for confrontation, but Iseul was having none of it and she punched Hyera.
Iseul got detention, but she said it was worth it. Turns out Hyera was picking on her as well, so seeing you get bullied was the last straw for her. Ever since then the two of you have been inseparable.
“Morning, Isa.”
“Did you do last night's math homework?”
You laugh and nod your head. “Of course. You didn’t?”
“No! You know I suck at math!” Iseul whines. “Can I please see yours? I have math before lunch and you have it after. Please Please Please!”
You press your finger to your lip, thinking about if you should let her copy your homework or not. You knew in the end you would let her, but it was always fun to tease. Iseul knew that too which is why she quickly grabs your backpack and runs into the school.
“What! Oh come on!”
You start running after her, but are quickly stopped by a wall. Or well a man that felt like a wall.
You bounce off said wall man and land harshly on your ass. “Ow ow ow.”
“Y/n! Are you okay! Why don’t you watch where you are go… wow”
Slowly you open your eyes, wondering why Iseul stopped shouting (which she shouldn’t be yelling in the first place since it was your fault, but whatever) and you were met with a pair of dark glaring eyes.
You had never seen this man before in your life, but you couldn’t deny how handsome he was. Despite the death glare handsome wall man was giving you, he did extend his hand to you. It took you a minute - mainly because you were lost in his dark brown eyes - to realize that he was trying to help you up. You take his hand and he effortlessly pulls you off the ground.
“I’m sorry.”
Handsome wall man didn’t say anything, he just eyed you up and down, then left.
“Who was that?” Iseul asked, her eyes never leaving the mystery man as he went into the school.
“I’m not sure, but it looks like he goes to school here. I’ve never seen him before though.”
“Me either and with a face like that I would have noticed him.”
Before you could think about it any longer, the warning bell rang, signaling that you only had a few minutes to get to class before you were late. You curse under your breath, snatch your backpack back from Iseul and quickly run into the school - mystery man already forgotten.
Tumblr media
Your first class was history. You didn’t hate the class, but it wasn’t particularly your favorite either. Slipping into the back of the room, you take your seat, hoping that Hyera didn’t see you. That was another reason you didn’t like this class because she was in it with you and her little goons.
She usually sat in the middle to the front of the room, mainly because the teacher was considered extremely attractive, so you remained in the back of the classroom. Yeah it was a little harder to see the board, but anything to not have to deal with Hyera.
Today you were lucky enough to be spared. They did see you, but the teacher immediately started class, telling everyone to take their seats.
“Today we have a new student. Everyone, this is Jeon Jungkook.” You teacher motions to the door. You look and are shocked to see mystery man/handsome wall man - or now known as Jeon Jungkook - entering the room. Instantly all the girls in the class were enamored by him and you couldn’t blame them.
He was an extremely attractive guy, but the danger rolling off him in waves was off putting to you. You just knew he would disrupt your boring safe lifestyle, so getting involved with him in any way was not at the top of your to do list.
Instead you pull out your history textbook and some paper to get ready for the class.
“Let’s see.” You hear your teacher speaking, but not looking up at him. “Ah! There is an empty seat over there in the back. Why don’t you sit there for now?”
Now that made you look up. You saw the empty seat your teacher was talking about was right next to you. Jungkook didn’t say a word - it seems he’s not one for talking - and made his way to the back of the room, girls giggling and drooling as he walked past them.
You quickly look back to your paper, hoping to avoid him, but the moment he sits down beside you, his attention is completely on you. He didn’t even bother trying to mask that he wasn’t paying attention to the teacher because he wasn’t even facing the front of the class.
This went on for the entirety of class. Just Jungkook facing you, staring you down, his eyes blinking only occasionally. Honestly it was a little unsettling, so when the bell finally rang to signal the class’ end you were more than relieved.
“What’s your name?”
You froze in the middle of packing up your stuff, eyes slowly looking up to meet Jungkook’s intense brown eyes. This was the first time you have heard him speak and he sounded a lot less frightening than he looked, but at the same time just as frightening. It was a weird thing and sent shivers up your spine.
“W what?” You answer.
Jungkook chuckles, seemingly amused that he caught you off guard. “Your name.”
“Me?”
Jungkook nods.
“I I’m Y/n.”
You adjust the strap of your backpack on your shoulder. Jungkook opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Hyera pushing you out of the way and clinging to his arm. Even though Jungkook has a look of disgust on his face, she chose to ignore it, batting her eyelashes up at him.
“Hi~” She sang. “I’m Hyera. I would be more than happy to show you around. I know this school inside and out. I even know some secret places to hide.”
You try not to gag at the implications she was making, being bold enough - or slutty enough - to throw herself at a complete stranger.
While they are distracted, you slip out of the classroom and into the hallway where Iseul was waiting for you.
“You okay?” Iseul asks as the two of you walk to your next class.
“You will never guess who’s in my class.”
“Who?”
“Mystery man from this morning. His name is Jeon Jungkook and he’s a new student here.”
“What! No way!” As you reach Iseul’s class, she pauses and thinks. “He’s pretty cute, don’t you think?”
“Huh?” You look at her. “I mean he is pretty good looking, but he seems a bit off.”
You had a bad feeling about Jungkook and by now you’ve learned to trust your gut. That being said, you knew you had to try and steer Iseul away from him. Though as much as she says how attractive Jungkook is, he’s not her type of guy. Maybe you were just worrying for nothing.
“You think?”
“Yeah. I don’t know, but it’s just a feeling I get.”
“He may be a nice guy, Y/n. You shouldn’t be so quick to judge.” Iseul turns and goes into her classroom, leaving you confused with her abrupt parting words.
You were never one to judge, but a feeling is a feeling. It was actually really weird for her to pick the side of someone she barely knew over you. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t notice a pair of eyes on you.
Actually two pairs of eyes.
Tumblr media
When lunch time rolled around, Iseul went back to her regular self. Whatever made her upset that you didn’t like Jungkook. You two were enjoying your lunch time - laughing and her whining that you didn’t let her borrow your math homework. 
You had really forgotten all about that. You were going to give it to her after history, but after her strange behavior it had slipped your mind.
Lunch was packed full of people. Cliques are at their designated areas, not really mingling with others outside of their own friend group (you being no different), but then the cafeteria doors open and everyone's heads turn.
Jungkook steps inside the lunch room looking extremely disinterested, like he didn’t want to be there. His dark eyes scan the room and when they land on your table he smirks, making his way across the room and over to you. Iseul’s eyes widen when he takes the seat next to you.
“Hey Y/n.”
You look up at Jungkook, missing the disappointed, but longing look in Iseul’s eyes.
“What are you doing?”
Instead of having the decency to answer, Jungkook chuckles and reaches for your tray, snatching up your pudding cup and spoon as if it was his. You gape at him. The audacity of this man! You were saving that pudding up for last and he just comes in here and takes it!
“Excuse you! That was mine!”
“Well then you should have eaten it.”
“I was saving it for last.” You sneer, “It’s always best at the end. Why are you here anyway? I don’t remember inviting you.”
“Y/n!” Iseul hits your arm and smiles apologetically at Jungkook. “Sorry about her. You are more than welcome to sit with us.”
You look at Iseul stunned. Lunch time was always just the two of you, never anyone else. What was going on with her?
“Thanks, cutie.” Jungkook winks. “Now if only Y/n here could be that nice.”
It was like he wanted to get under your skin and you barely knew the guy. What had you done to make him like this? Did he just find you easy? Or was there something else going on here?
A very unattractive snort came from behind you, a snort you knew all too well. “Her? No way.”
Hyera inserts herself between you and Jungkook, almost shoving you completely off the bench.
“Hyera can’t you tell I was trying to talk to Y/n and you so rudely pushed her.” Jungkook stands from his spot, making his way over to you and for the second time today he extends his hand to help you up. “You okay, Swan?”
You take his hand and you try to ignore how effortlessly Jungkook pulls you off the ground. Wait. Did he just call you ‘Swan’?
“Why would you talk to her? She’s nothing but a loser. You could come hang out with me and my friends.” Hyera smiles sweetly, flipping some of her long hair over her shoulder.
“I think I would much rather stay here with my Swan.” Jungkook’s grip tightens on your hand and it was only then that you realized that he was still holding it. You quickly yank your hand out of his grasp, face flushed, turning to run out of the lunch room. You couldn’t handle being the center of attention like that. You just wanted to disappear into the shadows.
While it seems that everyone was fighting for Jungkook’s attention, he gave it to you and you didn’t want it. Being involved with a guy like him would only bring trouble and trouble was not something you wanted.
Tumblr media
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home? It’s really no problem.”
You shake your head as you slip on your coat and grab your scarf, smiling at Sehun - your boss. Park Sehun was a man in his late twenties and runs The Shake Shack, the late night diner that you work at. Handsome and kind, he was probably the most perfect man you had ever had the pleasure of knowing.
There is Jungkook. You scold yourself for thinking of Jungkook at this moment. Yes he was handsome and seemingly perfect, but he couldn’t even hold a candle to Sehun.
“No it’s okay.” Picking up your school bag, you head to the door before turning around, “You live in the opposite direction and I can take care of myself.”
“But Y/n..”
“Not buts! Just finish up the receipts and go home. I will see you tomorrow.”
And with that you open the door and step out into the back alleyway. The night air was cold and a little stale, but you didn’t mind as you buried your nose into your scarf.
You try to work as many shifts at the diner as you can since your family wasn’t well off money wise and you had to pay for your own high school tuition. It was never easy, but you made due, even if that meant working at the diner until almost 10 pm.
It also doesn’t help that you live twenty minutes away. And you can’t drive. And buses around here don’t run this late due to it being in Bulletproof territory. Other than that it was completely fine.
Drawing your headphones out of your pocket, you unravel them - plugging them into your phone and placing them in your ears, pressing play. An upbeat pop song was the only thing you could hear now. It was never a good idea to abstract one of your senses, but nothing had ever happened before, so you made it a thing to listen to music on your way home.
Unbeknown to you, a group of guys saw you walking home and instantly started following you. You were the easy kind of target that only fell into their lap on lucky days and they were not about to pass it up.
Closer and closer they got, but you just happily hum to the tune playing through your headphones.
Suddenly you were yanked into a dark alleyway. You open your mouth to scream, but your attacker covered your mouth with their large hand. You assume it was a male not only because of the strength and the large hand, but you could feel the stubble on the guy's cheek as he sticks his face in your hair. You could feel his breath on you as he smelled you. Fear crashes into you and you wish you had taken Sehun’s offer.
Tears pour from your eyes as you thrash around, attempting to get away from your attacker, but when another set of hands pulls your headphones out of your ears, you know there wasn’t just one.
“Aren’t you pretty?” The male in front of you smiles with a crooked grin, the amount of alcohol on his breath choking you. “What brings you out this way?”
He throws his head back, cackling when he realizes you couldn’t answer him due to his colleague’s hand over your mouth.
“I could ask you that.”
Your attacker froze as a deep voice came from the shadows. He whips his head around trying to find the source, but to no avail.
What happened next was so fast that you couldn’t even keep up. Whatever shadow man was there had removed you from your attackers and then proceeded to beat the crap out of them. You stood there completely frozen in fear. Yes this man was your savior, but from the way he was hitting your attackers didn’t make you feel so safe.
Finally when things settled down your savor finally stood still long enough for you to look at him, even if it was from the back.
Tall, broad shoulders covered by a sleek leather jacket. He wore black skinny jeans and clucky black boots as well, it was no wonder he blended in with the shadows.
“You okay, Swan?”
Your eyes widen as you recognize the recent nickname you had earned. Jungkook looks over his shoulder at you, a mask covering the bottom half of his face, but it was the mask he was wearing made your blood run cold.
A black mask with a white bulletproof shield on it. There were only a few people known to wear that type of mask and that was members of the Bulletproof gang.
Jeon Jungkook was a member of the most feared group of people that had ever walked this earth.
315 notes · View notes
seriestrash · 6 years
Text
The List - Chapter Three
Tumblr media
- 1 - 2 -
Summary: It’s summer vacation and TJ and Cyrus fill their days checking things off Cyrus’ list.
Read on AO3
Chapter Three: +3
Word Count: 2073
It’s late into the second week of summer and TJ and Cyrus have been checking things off the list with hast. Cyrus’ park day with TJ had boosted the younger boys confidence immensely and he was tackling things with a relative amount of ease. TJ works one morning and two afternoons a week but other than that TJ and Cyrus had been consistently spending their days together when their parents would allow.
In the past week Amber had stayed for dinner one night after her therapy session which was awkward to begin with - dining with the lady she has to open up to - but once she and Cyrus broke away to watch a movie together it was natural and full of easy laughs. Cyrus thought it worked out perfectly that Amber’s sessions were on a Tuesday evening because TJ was occupied at the gym. 
Today TJ and Cyrus head to the virtual reality arcade together for another task on the list. As per usual, the two end up messing around a lot and playfully get off task. Cyrus found the total emersion of the VR completely terrifying and TJ found that completely amusing but without being facetious. 
After completing the task and a bit more mucking around, the two decide to take a break from the games. TJ makes his way to the restroom whilst Cyrus secures a table. Cyrus hadn’t even been seated for a minute when a familiar face approaches him.
“Hey, Marty!” Cyrus greets him warmly.
“Hey, Cyrus, are you here alone?” Marty pricks up a brow and quickly lets his eyes scan the room. Cyrus suspected he was trying to work out if Buffy was present.
“No I’m here with TJ.” Cyrus announces.
Marty scrunches his face in confusion, “As in Kippen? As if the guy that’s a jerk to everyone, Buffy included?”
“TJ is just misunderstood.” Cyrus frowns lightly, “He’s different now to how he was.. You two would probably be really good friends if you gave him a chance.”
Marty gives Cyrus an unconvinced look and then nods his head as if he were motioning towards something. Cyrus turns back and finds TJ approaching.
“Hey, Marty.” TJ nods in the other boys direction as he sits at the table.
An awkward few seconds pass and Cyrus scrambles to quickly fill the silence. “So, Marty, are you here with anyone?”
“Nah, my mom’s across the road at the grocery store. I thought I’d kill time in here.” Marty answers. 
“Do you come here much?” TJ tries to contribute but Cyrus could tell his friend felt uneasy.
“Only once before.” Marty laughs awkwardly and Cyrus grimaces.
“Am I missing something?” TJ doesn’t understand the look they exchanged.
“He came here on a fake date with Buffy.” Cyrus explains.
“Jonah and Andi were there too.” Marty adds. “They were on a real date.. I think..  Actually I have no idea.”
Cyrus laughs because he was all too familiar with the awkward beginnings of Andi and Jonah. “Those were dark and confusing times, I’m not sure either of them knew what was going on.” Cyrus jokes and Marty chuckles lightly.
TJ folds his arms and coaxes his head as he looks across at Marty, “So are you still obsessed with Buffy?”
“I’m not obsessed with Buffy!” Marty says defensively.
Cyrus turns to TJ with a disapproving look.
“What?” TJ shrugs his shoulders at Cyrus, “Everybody knows he had a huge crush on her, it was very obvious.”
“Doesn’t mean we need to address it at the table.” Cyrus says in a hushed tone as if Marty couldn’t hear their conversation.
“I had a crush on Buffy, past tense and I was not obsessed.” Marty folds his arms like a huffy child and TJ wears and amused smirk.
“You have a girlfriend now, right?” Cyrus tries to steer the conversation somewhere new.
“Had, past tense.” Marty repeats with an exhale. 
“Did you break up because you’re still obsessed with Buffy?” TJ bites down on his smile as he anticipates Cyrus’ disapproving stare. Surely enough, Cyrus whips his wide-eyed and unimpressed look in TJ’s direction. 
“Yeah he’s a real angel now, Cyrus.” Marty rolls his eyes. 
“I’m just kidding,” TJ says genuinely although his smile contradicted his sincerity. 
“What about you, Cyrus?” Marty decides to let the teasing slide. “Do you still talk to that high school girl?” 
“Amber?” Cyrus furrows his brows. 
“The girl from The Spoon?” TJ questions as he had sat through her overly chatty service whilst there with Cyrus.
“No, her friend, the one you and Jonah double-dated with?” Marty clarifies.
“You dated a high school girl?” TJ seems surprised. 
“Iris.” Cyrus confirms and he realises he hadn't thought about her in a while. “No, we’re just friends.” 
"Too bad, she was cute.” Marty processes that with a nod.
“So Marty, are you going to try out for the basketball team again next year?” TJ clears his throat. 
“I think I might focus on track season first and decide about basketball later.” Marty tosses his head from side to side before settling upright again, “I heard Buffy was starting a girls team for next year though.” Once Marty notices TJ’s smirk return he rolls his eyes, “I know that from a friend who wanted to tryout, not because I’m obsessed with her.” 
TJ chuckles quietly and from there all awkward tension was relinquished. Marty and TJ continue to chat basketball and Cyrus loses interest quickly as he didn’t know how to contribute to the conversation.
“You look bored, Underdog.” TJ nudges Cyrus with his arm. 
“Me? I love sports, shooting hoops,” Cyrus exaggerates his enthusiasm, “Maybe I’ll try out for the team myself next year.” 
“You know since I’m captain I can put in a good word with the coach?” TJ plays along.
“As long as the coach can look past my lack of athleticism and inability to shoot the basketball anywhere near the hoop.” Cyrus jokes along with a laugh. 
“I didn’t see make a basket on the list.” TJ pricks up a brow. 
“That’s because basketball is boring,” Cyrus fakes a yawn, “Your one on one match with Buffy put me to sleep.” 
“Hey you seemed pretty excited when she beat me.” TJ sends him a gentle scold. 
“Buffy beat you at one on one?” Marty - whom had been sitting back, confused by TJ and Cyrus’ unlikely friendship as they joked - smirks, “I’d say I’m surprised but I’m not.” 
TJ rolls his eyes and shrugs it off. 
“You mentioned a list before, what list?” Marty questions. 
TJ looks to Cyrus with a hint of panic in his expression like he’s accidentally shared something Cyrus might not have wanted public but Cyrus is surprisingly forthcoming with his explanation.
“So you two are just hanging out going through this bucket list of sorts for the summer?” Marty asks. 
“Pretty much.” TJ bops his head with a smile. 
“A bucket list with some pretty lame goals.” Cyrus laughs nervously and TJ shakes his head at the shorter boys negativity. 
“That actually sounds pretty cool.” Marty looks genuinely impressed by the idea, “If you guys want some extra company...” 
Cyrus instinctively looks to TJ for approval and when TJ nods his head Cyrus returns his gaze back towards their friend, “We’ll call Marty from the party.” 
“It’s cuter when Buffy says it.” Marty jokes with a crinkled nose. 
Cyrus let out a sigh in anticipation and TJ’s smirk returns as he says, “You say you’re not obsessed with her but it kinda sounds like you-” 
“I’m not obsessed with Buffy.” Marty waves a finger in TJ’s direction, “But I am leaving.” 
“I was just kidding, you don’t have to go.” TJ frowns as he thought he had made Marty want to bail. 
“I have to get back to my mom.” Marty smiles to show he’s okay with the teasing. 
TJ and Cyrus walk Marty out and watch as he crosses the road towards the grocery store before turning their attention back to one another. 
“The twins” - TJ says referring to his younger siblings - “come home from sleep away camp tomorrow so we’re having a family day but the day after, we could meet by the outside basketball court at school, work on your professional basketball career?” TJ shifts his weight between his feet with a bouncy motion. 
“It’s not on the list.” Cyrus shakes his head. 
“So?” TJ scoffs, “We’ve gone off list before.” 
Cyrus crinkles his nose and shakes his head again. 
“Too bad.” TJ purses his lips momentarily, “We’re adding ‘make a basket’ to your list so we have to do it.”
“You can’t add things to the list?” Cyrus gives him a quizzical look, “The list is the list.”
“The list is final?” TJ almost challenges, “All 97 things is all you’ll ever do in your life?”
Cyrus frowns because TJ had a point.
“That’s what I thought,” TJ smirks victoriously.
“I’m sure I’ll learn I’m incompetent at plenty more things in my life,” Cyrus folds his arms with a huff.
TJ shakes his head with a silent chuckle, “Since I’m helping with the list I think it’s only fair that I get to add something onto it. Actually, 3 somethings,” TJ smiles, “I get to pick 3 tasks and that'll make it 100 things on the list.”
“Okay.” Cyrus agrees although his expression was dubious, “Make a basket,” Cyrus stresses the singular score, “What else?”
TJ thinks intensely for a moment before shrugging, “Not sure... To be determined.”
Cyrus groans, “The not knowing is physically painful for me, I hope you know that.”
TJ fails at hiding his amused grin. “So we’re on for the day after tomorrow?”
“You’re not sick of me yet?” Cyrus asks without really meaning to. 
"I just insisted I get to extend the list by 3 tasks.” TJ laughs but once Cyrus’ blank expression remains TJ affirms, “I’m not sick of you, Cyrus. I’m having so much fun...” TJ’s smiles curls into a worried look, “Are you getting sick of me?”
“No, not at all.” Cyrus shakes his head quickly and he becomes very aware of how awkward he’s made things. 
“So, day after tomorrow?” TJ repeats and Cyrus thinks maybe he only made it weird for himself. 
“Day after tomorrow.” Cyrus nods. 
“Walk me home?” TJ jokingly shimmies his shoulders. 
“I got nothing better to do.” Cyrus shrugs. 
“Gee you really know how to make a guy feel special.” TJ scoffs and plays up his mock offence. 
The two begin walking together. “So what went wrong with Marty and Buffy?” TJ questions. “I was pretty certain she was just at sweet on him as he was her.” 
Cyrus thinks about this for a moment. Why had it never occurred to him that her unknown crush could be on Marty? 
“Earth to underdog?” TJ grabs Cyrus’ attention as he had zoned out thinking about Buffy. 
“Huh?” Cyrus is confused for a moment. 
“Marty, Buffy?” TJ summarises. 
“I can’t talk about that with you.” Cyrus frowns. “Buffy wouldn't like me discussing her with you.” 
“But we’re all friends now.” TJ states. 
“Still.” Cyrus shakes his head, the last thing he wanted was to get into trouble with Buffy again over something he’s shared about her with TJ.
“So you and Buffy have never talked about me before?” TJ questions. 
“Why would we?” Cyrus laughs nervously and he regretted his jittery reply although TJ didn’t seem to register it as odd, his joking demeanour remains. 
“Because I’m the coolest guy you know.” TJ smirks and it was obvious he was playing around. 
“Jonah is the coolest guy I know.” Cyrus holds back a laugh. 
TJ cups a hand to his chest like Cyrus had just wounded him with his words. “I have a reputation to uphold and you’re saying I’m second best to ultimate frisbee boy?” 
Cyrus sends a scold sidewards at him for the little jab at Jonah’s sporting preference but he still decides to play along and take TJ down a peg or two in the process. “Who said anything about you being second best?”
“How low on the list am I?" TJ fakes a gasp and exaggerates an upset expression, “You’re being very mean to me this afternoon.” 
Cyrus worries TJ was serious and properly apologises and TJ laughs quietly at the neurotic and sincere reaction. With a smile he says, “You couldn’t be mean if you tried, underdog.” 
[Next Chapter]
End Notes: Chapter Three!! I Hope you’re enjoying the story so far. Thanks so much to everyone that left replies and likes and reblogs on the last chapter! 
What’s that I hear? Oh it’s just me self serving my muffy heart.. Carry on!
196 notes · View notes
survivor-guyana · 5 years
Text
Rites of Passage
Tumblr media
It is now time for the Rites of Passage. Use this time to reflect on your journey in this game as well as the people who left for you four to be where you are now. Please play the audio and enjoy your experience.
youtube
Tumblr media
Dani: We didn’t talk much, but you didn’t deserve to go day 1.
Jess: The victim of exam season (I believe) and an unfortunate timezone. You fought until the end and I have so much respect for that.
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Queen of menopause <3 You seemed like such a chaotic sweetie!!! Happy to have been in the same season as you! 
Dani: You were such a fun player even though we only got to play for a few days. Looking back, I realize you were SO ready to play and I’m happy I got to play with a fun girl like you! BUT DAMN DONT DO SO MUCH ON DAY 1 OK.
Jess: Oh my god. I think you attempted to play more game in the 4 or so days you were in the game than most people play all season. Your departure provided me with EASILY the highlight of my season (menopause) and for that I’m thankful. 
Tumblr media
Dani: We were allies, but when we got swapped you went onto a tribe with 5 favorites. I really wish we got to work together more.
Jess: We’ve ran into each other from time to time but never truly got to play a group game together. I was pretty excited to see you in this game and was sad when you left. See you around!
Tumblr media
Alyssa: We didn’t connect super well on our first tribe but I’m sorry you got a pre-merge boot! 
Chelsea: Like Nick, I did not get to talk to you that much so I am hoping that we get to play again sometime so that I can talk to you more. 
Dani: JENNNAAAA!! YOU WERE SO ROBBED. Girl I was SHOCKED when you left and so sad. You were so fun to be around and you stuck with us fans even though you were a favorite, which I totally respected. You did not deserve to go home the way you did!! I really wish I got to play more with your adorable self<3.
Jess: I never got to meet you but your departure really set the tone of this game so thank you!
Tumblr media
Dani:
You are such a good player and I was totally threatened by that. I had to get you out regardless of how fun you were to play with. 
Jess: I kind of got the feeling you didn’t like me at times but the way you left was fucking iconic. Keep snatching those wigs on your way out the door!
Tumblr media
Alyssa: NICK!!!! I’m so sorry I did you dirty!!! I knew you were going that round but didn’t say anything to further my own game… I’m so sorry ☹ You are so so so so SO real and I LOVE that. Hope life is treating you well buddy <3 Alexa, play “Have It All” by Jason Mraz
Chelsea: I know we were on the same tribe starting out but we never really talked too much. You seem like a nice person and I wish that maybe we got to talk more. I was pretty quiet at the start because I was intimidated by how little people I knew and I was trying to get a feel for everyone. 
Dani: You were the reason Jenna got out and also the reason I was almost voted out. I respect your game play, but phew am I glad you left. 
Jess: You have a buff so obviously you are a legend. I’m really sorry for giving you probably the most stressful experience during a competition, ever. If I wasn’t a complete dumbass we might have won? And could have been sitting in this final 4 SORRYYYYYY.
Tumblr media
Alyssa: 01100111 01101111 01101111 01100100 01100010 01111001 01100101 00001101 00001010
Chelsea: The dog emoji did not leave when you did. 
Jess: The man, the myth, the mother fuckin’ LEGEND. You went inactive for days and somehow are still talked about to this day (ICONIC). 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01001011 01001110 01001111 01010111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101011 01101001 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110101 01110011 00101110 (Dog)
Tumblr media
Alyssa: So I found out after you were voted out that this was your first ORG ever???? Congratulations on making jury! I’m so happy for you! Hope you’re enjoying all this tea everyone is spilling as they come in. Jury can be SO fun when there’s a bunch of secrets in the game and now I K N O W there were a TON! See you at FTC! Alexa, play “Legend” by Twenty One Pilots
Chelsea: Once we merged and I got a chance to talk to you, you seemed cool but then you got really pushy about who I was voting for on the originally JD vote. I told you that I was in the middle of a serious challenge for another game and you wouldn’t stop messaging me lmfao. That pushiness does not work well with me so ngl, I was kinda glad that you went home. 
Dani: MY MAN, MY CHICKEN MAN, MY ROBBED MAN, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO?! You did not deserve to go out the way you did. You were truly someone I was loyal to throughout the entire game and I hated seeing you go. I am astonished at how hard you try at this game and I absolutely loved meeting you.
Jess: For your first org (I think) you were pretty impressive. You were easily one of the biggest strategic threats in this game and I strongly believe if people didn’t catch on to that so quick you would have given me a run for my money. I wish we could have spent some more time pre-merge because I think we could have been a force to be reckoned with in this game. (We could have called ourselves The Timbits or the Doubles Doubles).
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Sammy… king of editing… I’m so sorry you got done dirty like you did. Devon really is the king of throwing people under the bus, huh??? Can’t wait to talk to you at FTC <3 Alexa, play “7 rings” by Ariana Grande
Chelsea: Sammy: I am so sorry that you got voted out when you did. I was hoping that we could stick together but that fell short because of LIES. ily and I hope we play together soon. <3 PS thank you for editing the music video, I still watch it to this day.
Dani: You were so funny in the main chat, but for some reason we couldn’t hold a conversation. I loved your music video. You tried getting me out and that was when you got out. Idkkk you’re a cool dude, but a pretty bad liar. 
Jess: The man with the editing skills like no other. Honestly, most of the time I just thought you were way toooooo cool for me. For some reason we both sketched each other out like no other and that wrecked any potential we had
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Hi Tim! I’m so sad we didn’t really click in this game ☹ You are such an absolute king and you stanned me so hard and I absolutely adored that??? I just didn’t feel like I had a chance at being your #1 this game and so I has to vote you out. Hope life has been treating you well <3 Alexa, play
Chelsea: You were very nice to me in the short time that we worked together and you were the one to warn me about Aidan and Devon (even though I didn’t really listen) and I appreciate you for it. I wish that you had made it farther in the game then some of the sneaks who did, but I respect you and want to play with you again! 
Dani: We didn’t talk much, but you gave me really good advice when I was going through a hard time so thank you for that <3
Jess: Honestly you were probably one of the NICEST people I’ve ever met playing a game. For some reason the stars just never aligned and we just couldn’t be on the same side. I truly hope everything is well with you and everything is looking up!
Tumblr media
Alyssa: JD…. I’m so sorry about the unanimous round. I was not down for playing chicken with everyone and we knew the only person we could get our divided tribe to vote out unanimously was you. I’m so sorry your time here was cut short and that we didn’t get to know each other better. You are an absolutely drop dead gorgeous QUEEN and I am so happy I met you. Alexa, play “Brave Honest Beautiful” by Fifth Harmony ft. Meghan Trainor
Chelsea: We had one conversation privately and it was when your name was going around but Mitchell was actually going home. I felt bad and reached out to you because I knew that it was going around that I was voting you, but I didn’t! I kinda got the vibe that you were annoyed with me from the message that I sent you, so I never really reached out again. I just wanted you to know that I never had any intention on voting you that one round and I’m sorry for the miscommunication. 
Dani: You were extremely fun to play with even though it got a little crazy towards the end!
Jess: My Canadian sister! You were honestly probably one of the people I was MOST excited to meet while watching intro videos (ask Johnny!). I wish we could have talked more in this game and I really wish I didn’t unintentionally sketch you out. I hope our paths cross somehow in the future and we can show these people what Canadian girls are all about! (Or as some maybe say “a-boat”).
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Maynor, I was so disappointed when I heard you were telling people about our conversations before you were voted out… I really think if that didn’t happen, it could’ve easily been me, you, Guac, and Jess at F4. You know I love you to DEATH and I’m sorry you had to die for us to kill TJ’s idol. PS we need to do tequilla shots together at FTC or you’re fake!! Alexa, play “Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time” by Panic! at the Disco
Chelsea: Maynor: You are a very likeble person and seemed to get along with me just fine. We always agreed on votes for the most part but we only really talked when it came down to votes. I know we tried having normal conversations but we were both busy with our own lives. I appreciate your effort in always reaching out to me even if our conversations were short. Let’s play another game soon!
Dani: We went through a lot together and I lost trust in you after you voted for Jenna in the beginning. It was great playing with you and I literally LOVED talking to you. You were sooo funny and a great drinking buddy!
Jess: Honestly, a lot of people might argue that Alyssa was my favourite person this season but it was you (sorry Alyssa). Our late-night drunk chats and your drinking CUPS of tequila were easily some of my favourite moments in this game. On the fans tribe you were one of two people I really got along with. For some reason towards the end we lost trust with each other and I think that killed us in the end. I hated the way your vote went down and I really regret not trying to send you a life vest when you needed my help. I just couldn’t shake off the fact that I believed you would always pick Jones over me </3. I’m sorry.
Tumblr media
Alyssa: TJ… I’m sorry this game played out the way it did. I really did think on our first tribe that our gameplay styles would work SO well together and was genuinely excited to see you again at merge. But when Jess started telling me how much you were buying into these ideas of me being in all different alliances, I knew that even though you said I was one of the people you trusted  the most, that couldn’t be true. And I couldn’t say the same for you either when I had formed other strong connections after our time together and before merge. You refused to go out quietly by making us all shit ourselves when you were wearing that hat at tribal and I respect the SHIT out of you. Alexa, play “Kool Aid” by Katelyn Tarver
Chelsea: I enjoyed playing with you but I’m a little bit upset that you made that group chat without me in it lmfao. I hope we get to play again one day and that I get to be included in your vote chats ;) I feel like together we are one good player with your smarts and my social game. 
Dani: You worked so hard in this game and I really enjoyed talking to you.I respect your game play hard and I wish you could have gone further. 
Jess: Ugh another killer vote-off. You already know how much I love and respect you in these games. You’ve easily become one of my best friends on these various platforms we play games on. I know there were soooooo many people hoping we would play another classic TJ/Jess game and were heartbroken when I had to turn on you. If there’s anyone here who I KNOW can respect gameplay it’s you. I just couldn’t save you once you sank your ship by over-playing your hand. Doing that would have put me in so much trouble with too many people and that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I’m really sorry. One of my biggest regrets in this game was not being straight up with you about your send-off. I’m sorry life got rough for you during this game and I hope you know my door is always open when you need someone to talk to or distract you. Soooo many things killed us in this game and I think everyone in this game is lucky it did or else we would BOTH be sitting in the final 4 right now. PS: Some would say the student became the master this game. Hope there are no hard feelings on your end!
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Aidan, I’m still hella fucking pissed off at your last comment at me lol Commenting on peoples’ appearances stick with them a long time! Not cute! Anyway, you’re a legend who says whatever he wants 100% of the time with no filter, and you made this season really fun. @ Johnny: “It wasn’t unanimous, you dumbass.” I’m sad I didn’t get to talk to you more! I think in another game setting we could’ve done WERK together. But I guess since I had a huge target on my back it wasn’t worth getting super close to me in this game. Alexa, play “Say It to My Face” by Madison Beer
Chelsea: You have a pretty strong social game but it got you in trouble when you were voted out. I thought that by having you as an ally would benefit me because of both of our social games, but the difference between you and me is that I don’t twist things or lie to people. I caught onto that pretty fast when I talked with other people and we compared conversations. Anyway, I had fun playing with you but I don’t know how closely I would work with you in the future. ;p
Dani: AIDAN THERE IS SO MUCH I COULD SAY RIGHT NOW BUT I’D PROBABLY START CRYING BECAUSE I’M AN EMOTIONAL BITCH. You were so ROBBED. We made a friendship that I feel like will last beyond the game and I hope we meet up one day. When you got voted out I was in absolute shock and wanted to cry. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND PLEASE DONT EVER CHANGE. <3 
Jess: Your one-liners, drags, and comebacks are like no-other. Honestly you fucking amazed me. However, you were probably the person I was MOST afraid of in this game. Your were hands down the BIGGEST threat to win and for some reason I still wanted to work with you (which just shows how fucking good you are at these games). On the fans tribe you were my #1 and someone I wanted to go FAR with in this game and I genuinely meant that. However, so many things fucked us over in this game. I think our biggest issues were a mixture of paranoia, my relationship with Alyssa, and us not trusting each other enough to truly cross reference the shit we were being fed. I’m truly sorry you had to be blindsided. You were easily in the most powerful position in this game with your advantage and I hope you can respect the move that was made against you. I know you are pissed at me and rightfully so but just know that it was nothing personal. - Your favourite Social Climbing Canadian Cunt.
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Guac… I’m really happy because I kind of gave you an ROP before you were voted out? Telling you before tribal was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I were complicit in an unnecessary blindside against you. I love you so much and the real tragedy of this game is that we never got to be the iconic pre-made F2 that we could’ve been. I missed you IMMEDIATELY after you were voted out. You brought so much love and positivity in this game and I am so happy that we got to go through this experience together. I 100% deserved your attempt to get me voted out. There’s only so many times you can leave someone you call your ally in the dark. Love you long time <3 Alexa, play “The Hype” by Twenty One Pilots.
Chelsea: You are super sweet and if I hadn’t had a group that I was working with closely, I probably would have worked with you even more than I did in the game. I hope that you understand why I had to flip back to my original group on your vote and that we can play again one day! 
Dani: You’re super cute and funny. Rate: 11/10 
Jess: Oh Jones. I’m pretty sure at this point you just want to scream “GO BACK TO PARTY CITY, WHERE YOU BELONG!” at me and I’d deserve it. I know we already had our talks about what went wrong with us during the game but I once again want to apologize for at any point making you feel like crap. Me, you, and Alyssa were the iconic trio this game deserved to have but our loyalties just never were with the same people. I didn’t think you had the fight in you to do some of the things you did in this game and you proved how much of a boss ass bitch you were. I respect the shit out of you. I HOPE you still want to talk to me outside of this game because I honestly think we could be amazing friends! <3
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Oh Devon, how you disappointed me… I told you I don’t shoot my gun unless you cock yours! And you were getting ready to shoot! Despite the fact that us four ladies see you as the ex-boyfriend who we found out had three other girlfriends, I loved playing this game with you! You were truly iconic and the reason why we HAD to get you out is because you had a M A J O R chance of beating us at the end of this game. Stop sending the dog emoji and we can still be friends after this <3 Alexa, play “Loyal to Me” by Nina Nesbitt
Chelsea: ………Hi Final 3 partner!! Oh wait, you wanted final 3 with Jess. OH WAIT, no you def wanted final 3 with me because Jess and Alyssa NEEDED to be broken up. OH WAIT, wrong again!! You wanted final 3 with ANYONE who would get you there by being a total SNAKE. Devon, I commend you on your tricks to get yourself far in the game, but I am so pissed that you made it this far by playing the way that you did. I have prided myself on not being a sneaky player and always being pretty honest with the people I work with. I feel dirty that I stayed close with you and allowed you to have some control on who I voted and how I felt about certain players in the game. You pulled me and Sammy aside early on to spread lies about Jess and Alyssa so that Sammy and I would say that we want them out, and then you went to Jess and told her that Sammy hated her. All were lies but you caused a lot of drama that was right under our noses.  All of this was on call so that there is no paper trail and I am SO HAPPY that us ladies outlasted you. Karma is a biotch! I should have known that you weren't just "working" with me when you said you were gonna "lay low" about the Aidan vote. You are probably really nice as a person outside of these games, but I honestly don't think I could ever trust you in a game again. The fact that you so easily made your way through the game at the cost of others makes me think that you have done this plenty of times before. Sorry, I don't feel bad that you got voted out; you deserved it. Slkdjflksdjflksdjflkfjl <3 I have cooled down, so with all that being said, I can’t be TOO pissed off because you played a game that got you close to the end. You outplayed and outwitted so many people and I have to respect (even though I disagree with) the way that you played your game. 
Dani: I really thought on day one that you were going to be loyal and stay loyal. You showed time and time again that that was not the case. Aside from everything that happened in the game, I really think we formed a friendship that’ll last beyond the game. 
Jess: Devon, Devon, Devon where do I begin?! (Dog) I really hope you take the time to read this even though I know you are really upset with me. You were my ride-or-die since our Hosororo days. We didn’t have the best relationship on the fans tribe so I was extremely hesitant to work with you but found a way into my ice-cold Canadian heart. You made me feel like I was your number one in this game and I truly believed it….. until about a week ago. If you were to ask someone who they felt most comfortable with in this game.. 9/10 people would have said: Devon. It didn’t matter if they were a fan or a favourite….. which made you arguably the MOST dangerous person in this game. What you may not know is: I actually did have that super-idol that first tribal (could only be used once.. THANKS FAVOURITES <3) and I highly considered taking you out during first tribal. From Day 1 I knew you were going to be a force to be reckoned with in this game. Your elimination was the MOST stressful for me in this game and the most rewarding at the same time. I felt like such an asshole lying to you all day about using my idol on you even though I knew that you were saying the same things to me that you were saying to everyone else. You pinned everyone against each other and magically stayed safe for sooooo many rounds (I’m JEALOUS). You played the game I think EVERYONE wanted to play. You let me and Alyssa take the heat while making our targets bigger at the same time, you pinned “alliances” against each other, and you thought you made final 3 deals with EVERYONE LEFT IN THE FINAL 5. You came in guns blazing and I respect that so much. You were probably the best player all season and I enjoyed getting to know you! Hopefully there are no hard feelings <3
Tumblr media
Alyssa: Queen Chelsea, Thank you for being an ever-present fun person through this game. You're not a cardboard box to me <3 Alexa, play "thank u, next" by Ariana Grande
Dani: We didn't talk much, but you're really pretty.
Jess: Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea. One of my biggest regrets in this game was not getting to know you sooner. I hope you know that you are SO MUCH MORE THAN A FUCKING CARDBOARD BOX because you are a fucking queen. I hope we can get to know each other outside of this game because i'm pretty sure we have A LOT IN COMMON <3
2 notes · View notes
supernoondles · 3 years
Text
2020
A lot happens in a year, even when nothing seems to happen at all.
There's nothing new my commentary about a global pandemic (and the particularly frustrating experience of living in America during it, even with all my privileges of continued employment, owning a car, rent stability, and living in the bay area) will bring to the reader, but I will underscore this: my feelings aren't that 2020 is any kind of exceptional year, but the point where, hopefully, we finally realize that economic/climate/racial injustice has been a terrible problem for a long time, and will continue to be unless we enact massive collective change. A vaccine is not going to make any of those issues disappear, and I worry the people in power (including myself) will return to their comfortable life styles as if the next decade won't be even worse.
Anyway, general DOOM aside (RIP man), here's my year in specific!
From looking through my photos: January was off to a great start. I celebrated the new year with dim sum with J/M/M, as per tradition, and went on a foggy hike through SF with my family that involved my dad and J getting hilariously lost. Soon after I went to Sonoma with J/M -- for all my years in the bay, I had never explored north of the Golden Gate that much -- which was a wonderful trip seeing J's hometown. I helped my lab demo research at the Exploratorium, started growing my own microgreens, and went on more (to become semi-regular and my only source of cardio through the pandemic) bike rides with my lab mates. I finally saw Hamilton (though feel a need to justify here how "cringey" I think LMM is). I went to Genesis, my first gaming-related convention, and it was a lot of fun despite seeing no women. I did so many things, was making progress on research (I think? I don't recall any breakdowns) and my mental health was generally good.
The doing of things continued in February. After not going last year, I went to the Tet Festival in SJ (which was kind of sad). I joined a Chinese learning club and a crafts club and had a delicious omakase. N visited again, I went ice skating and tried to rescue a giant rat from string lights, and saw the Sonic movie in theaters (which would have been my last movie in theaters, sigh). After having a drink at Wursthall with T, I felt terrible (to the unaccustomed reader, not only do I Asian glow, my hands/feet itch whenever I drink and I feel like I want to die), and decided that was the last drink I'd ever have -- thanks to the pandemic that's stayed true. I went on a ski retreat with the lab that felt particularly special (and not just because I didn't have to pay). We (I, in convincing my mostly Asian office) wanted to make 元宵 on the eve of E's birthday, but it turns out that a bunch of CS PhD students really love singing karaoke for like 4 hours straight into the night, and at some point I was like, okay y'all, time to go to bed. So I hosted 元宵 making at my apartment the next weekend, and we watched another Bong Joon-Ho movie (The Host) to celebrate his Oscar win. Typing this out, it seems wild that this was even in this year. I also did sh*** for the first time, hallucinated white woman in the edges of my vision like a GAN, ate a lot of shaved parmesan from TJ, and let go of any stress I had about the UIST deadline to the abundance of nature and the world.
I break from the month-per-paragraph format now because we all know what happens next. M and I biked around campus to film a virtual tour for the newly virtual admit weekend. Being in Gates that Friday (three days before the bay area wide shelter-in-place order) was the last time I'd be on campus for a while. The next day I adopted 3 wonderful baby rats (my biggest brain move this whole year) and the day after that I moved home. I was counting down the days until Animal Crossing and then J and I were duplicating royal crowns in ACNH. At some point my hair got really bad. The months blurred together. Adjusting to WFH was extremely challenging for me, someone who had structured their whole life around the "I only do work in the office and I leave the office when I get hungry for dinner" logic. I would stop working at 6pm but spent the entire afternoon mentally prepping myself to do maybe 30 menial minutes of it. I binged AtLA. I gave up submitting to UIST. In May I hung out in the park with J, who came home from Seattle, which was the first time I saw anyone outside my family. Sometime in there I decided to become a Twitch streamer and had a brief revival as DJ Noon before I felt bad for roping my friends into listening to my music and ran out of interesting songs I wanted to play. In June I, like many others, took to the streets. For two weeks I donated $50 a day to a different organization. I couldn't get any work done at all and spent an entire advisor meeting sobbing so intensely that they felt bad and canceled it after 10 minutes. I emailed the university and got my housing back for the summer and I moved back to start my internship.
The internship was the break I needed -- working with W was a godsend compared to the struggle of my advisors. After reaching new lows at the start of the summer, my mental health was sloping positively again -- working on a new research project helped clear the emotional baggage of the last one. I was also getting more outdoor social interaction -- I went to Ocean Beach with M/D, Half Moon Bay with my family, and going on weekly bike rides with M. At the end of June, M, my roommate, her boyfriend M the clown (there are now 3 different Ms) and I waited for negative COVID results before going on a 2 day camping trip to Mt. Lassen, which felt completely surreal, and, at that time, completely necessary.
The summer dragged on and my mental health, at some point, began to slip. If I were to graph it it would probably look like the inverse of COVID cases in the US -- gradually decreasing, but with high variance from the day to day. I got an embroidery machine, I attended a workshop on docu-poetics with CPH that was so ripe with information my brain physically ached, I saw my lab mates again for the first time as we sat in a very, very wide circle to say goodbye to a post-doc who got a faculty job in Israel. Most weekends I drove to my parents' house and would take J on various hikes around East Bay so he could better appreciate his roots before he went off to Boston for college. He was taking the Switch with him, so in August I bought myself a new one and planned out my entire second ACNH town, which kept me busy for a while -- but surprisingly not as long as I thought, as with planning (and money from my old account) the whole project took I think less than 50 hours. The camping itch came back and the day before my birthday, which was also the day before J would leave for Boston, we went camping at a small state park in San Jose where he got heat stroke and we slept on top of fire ants. The entire experience reminded me how much I disliked camping -- but what else was there to do? I had a wonderful (and long, bless the folks who stayed) Zoom birthday party where I wore a mesh shirt I made and covered with worms on a string. The day after my birthday someone backed into my car, which, following the demands of a racist letter from the HOA, was parked in guest parking. (Ultimately this would be a blessing of insurance money, as the damage was mainly cosmetic and the person kindly left their contact information.) At this time I was also unironically watching ASMR videos to fall asleep, so I painted a two Bob Ross style paintings, one in my virtual art club, to pay homage.
Fire season this year was worse than it's ever been. Being trapped inside the house combined with my roommate moving out at the start of fall quarter and now living alone marked the second downward spiral of my mental health. The bad days were more frequent. I TA'd a game design course, my first time teaching at this university, where many students messaged me to complain that their 95s were not 100s. In the end the lowest grade in the class was an A- and 20% of the class got an A+. At some point I submitted a summer-long project I did with J and S to CHI; it is so much easier to produce work when I do not have to wrangle with M. (This paper gets accepted, but my silly grad student excitement is tampered both by general "why are we still trying to publish when society is crumbling" pandemic feelings and the fact that CHI will not be physically in Japan next year.) Maybe once a month I go birding. I feel increasingly as if there is nothing novel in my life; I am tired of it all and my body feels fatigued even though I don't do anything with my days. Some days it feels like if I don't touch someone I will explode. My use of recreational marijuana skyrockets. I start doing exercise videos semi-regularly with A. I briefly consider moving to Seattle with E, who is about to defend, before it's clear we have, as always, different boundaries and expectations. I look for places in Sunset/Richmond with M to little success.
In October I somehow pull it together and organize student volunteers for a 3 day conference that requires waking up before 5am every day. I do nothing the rest of the week. After we get flu shots and I let someone into my apartment for the first time since the pandemic started, I help E move up to Seattle. The trip is comfortable and we get to take care of each other; this fulfills a need in me. On Halloween J and I dance in a soccer field next to a combination anarchist recruitment center and homeless encampment -- now cleared by the cops -- and eat a mud pie that is too sweet. On my last day in WA I ask E if he would like to have sex, as friends, and he politely declines. I am pleased with how easily I emotionally accept this answer, how through time and therapy I've finally come to cherish our friendship without always looking for what could have been. I am extremely nervous on the flight home, and it's the first and only flight I will take during the pandemic, and the N-95 squishes my face so my head looks like a balloon, but I have the privilege of free 5 minute weekly tests through the university and I collect another negative result.
In November I fully embrace the hyperfixation lifestyle. My brain, always looking for novel stimuli, has given up on doing work entirely and instead thinks of Thanzag constantly. There is one day where I play Hades for 8 hours and I feel gross, as if I've completed my regression to my high school self. It takes 90 hours until I achieve all my goals, and with no more runs necessary to roll for RNG-based conversational triggers, I finally feel a sense of freedom. (My Switch tells me I have used it for 580+ hours this year, which is more than double last year.) The second SwSh DLC is a struggle for me to complete as I do not find catching legendaries enticing. J comes back early from university at my urging to avoid the travel surge, a week before Thanksgiving, and starts living with me. This helps a lot. My next hyperfixations come overlapping and staggered: I write 25k words of a second iteration of my 2015 NaNoWriMo with the protagonist I had developed in high school before I get bored with the story and realize I need yet another iteration; I buy a combination air fryer pressure cooker and ask my parents for a functional vacuum and bidet as early Christmas gifts and become obsessed with immaculate inside living spaces. This carries on to re-decorating my room at my parents' house, after installing a shelf in the closet and a curtain to close it off from the living room, and spending roughly 30 hours over December break organizing and cleaning their entire garage--they have not thrown out a single piece of paper or article of clothing since they set foot in this country over 20 years ago. My therapist quits the practice and my relationship with my advisors improve. I watch a few housewife vlogs and make my own. I have the revelation that doing research in a pandemic is basically just like any other creative project -- no one really cares that much if I get it done, it's just harder to do than, say, putting together a vlog in a few hours. This shift in mindset feels life changing to me, having before thought of research more as work, a taboo thing to pursue in a pandemic, and when W compliments me for the progress I've made in both the system and managing our meeting with M I do not know how to respond because no one has ever done that before. In the last two weeks of the year I start tracking my time. In our last session (that I almost sleep through), my therapist tells me that I seem stable to her and she is not worried about me. I believe her.
In 2020 I made a marked point to let everyone know that I didn't have goals. It felt lofty to have personal ambitions in the face of everything at a global scale. With this said I will now revisit the 2020 resolutions I wrote last year: (1) Intentionally seek out love: absolutely not, (2) Do enough work such that I don't feel guilty: also no, (3) sew one thing a month: no, but in the end I sewed 11 things total this year so I was close, (4) improve my Chinese: this was actually the only thing that did happen, and now my mom and I have better conversations because of it and I'm so thankful.
In 2021, however, I feel like I finally have it in me to have goals again. They are simple. (1) Get laid. (2) Submit the two research projects I've been doing forever. (3) Commit to writing down my thoughts that make me think, "Oh, that's interesting, I should write it down." Ideas are unfortunately such currency in what I do.
Last year I wrapped up this post with some candid, but embarrassing, optimism. I will offer no such high hopes for 2021, but I do ask the reader if they have noticed that I switched tenses from past to present halfway through this post. And that's 2021: an incidentally unintentional, but then consciously controllable, shift to the present.
6 notes · View notes
butterccupp · 6 years
Note
1-100 do all those questions u posted a long time ago
1. Is a kiss considered cheating? i think it depends? context is everything2. Have you ever faked orgasm? ,,, yes3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? invisibility maybe? idk maybe mind reading would be cool4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? probably not? i mean hopefully but idk where i will be or what i will be doing5. Tell us some funny drunk story. i have never been drunk yikes6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? just reasons? things weren’t working out7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? SHARK ATTACK8. What are your current goals? idk??? i have a lot but also i don’t really have any9. Do you like someone? u silly10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? myself what’s good :-)11. Do you like your body? very rarely ??? i am v large in many senses and it makes me really self conscious 12. Can you keep a diet? no13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? probably “uhhhhhhh” bc i’m so indecisive and couldn’t think of one thing14. Do you work? i babysit and watch dogs but i don’t have like, a formal job15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? pizza16. Would you get a tattoo? yes there are a few that i want17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? tbh most of mine goes to food and gas18. Can you drive? yes i got my license as soon as i possibly could19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? u tell me all the time babe !!20. What was the last thing you cried for? idk i cry multiple times a day over stupid shit probably bc i was just overwhelmed or sad21. Do you keep a journal? i own lots of journals and i would love to keep one but i’m too inconsistent22. Is life fun? life is what u make of it my dude23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? yes? everybody does it like ???? wtf24. What’s your dream car? a range rover would be nice, but i also want a big jeep wrangler25. Are grades in school important? idk i mean i have a 5.0 gpa so yes??? but also in the grand scheme of things no26. Describe your crush. brown eyes, curly hair, the most STUNNING smile i have ever seen, cute dimples, u27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? i don’t really remember? i haven’t been interested in a book or movie for a long time rip28. What was your last lie? uhhh last night i told myself i was going to get up and write a speech this morning 29. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk?? i’m not a great liar so nothing too bad30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? yes but it happens so frequently that i don’t really care anymore31. Something you did and you are proud of? worked my butt off for four years & i’m graduating 2nd in my class32. What’s your favourite cocktail? nothing33. Something you are good at? school34. Do you like small kids? yes my 2 yr old twin cousins are my favorite thing35. How are you feeling right now? tired and overwhelmed. i think frazzled is appropriate 36. What would you name your daughter/son? florence!!!! i lov that name37. What do you need to be happy? minimal stress. u don’t hurt either :’)38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? no i’m not a violent person tbh39. What was the last gift you received? a gift from my kindergarten teacher for graduation40. What was the last gift you gave? i bought the new urban decay palette for my mom today for mother’s day41. What was the last concert you went to? julien baker in pittsburgh42. Favourite place to shop at? like for clothes?? i get a lot of them at tj maxx or marshall’s or target or even charlotte russe43. Who inspires you? my mom, my english teacher, u44. How old were you when you first got drunk? ?????45. How old were you when you first got high? also ???????46. How old were you when you first had sex? 1647. When was your first kiss? 13 maybe ?? it was this boy in my neighborhood bc i was starting to get real feelings for girls and i thought if i kissed him it would fix it. clearly that didn’t work48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? date u :)49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? i wish i wouldn’t have wasted so much time & energy on ppl that didn’t matter50. Post a selfie. idk how to do that in this on the app ??? i guess i could actually post one after this51. Who are you most comfortable around? u52. Name one thing that terrifies you. not being in control of my life, bugs living inside of me, moving water, disappointing the people i love, not meaning anything to people, idk i’m really scared of a lot of things53. What kind of books do you read? memoirs & biographies & nonfiction in general54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? tell your mom how you’re feeling, get into therapy now and maybe things will be easier down the road55. What is your favourite flower? i really like sunflowers and peonies 56. Any bad habits you have? so many, i gnaw my fingers until they bleed it’s pretty bad 57. What kind of people are you attracted to? people named hannah :)58. What was the last thing you cried for? didn’t i already answer this idk it was probably because i was stressed59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? no i’m usually really open to trying foods 60. Are you in love? yes wow61. Something you find romantic? when u rub ur thumb on my face, it’s v small but makes me feel v happy and safe62. How long was your longest relationship? how long have we been dating idk63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? high school girls in particular are v caught up in irrelevant things and like to start useless drama64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? literally everything men just annoy me in general65. What are you saving money for? traveling to london this summer!!66. How would you describe your bad side? i’m very particular and controlling and obsessive and perpetually stressed67. Are you actually a good person? Why? i like to think so68. What are you living for? lots of things69. Have you ever done anything illegal? i mean i’ve probably run a red light once or twice, i’m not a very risky person70. Do you like your body? didn’t i already answer this too?71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? never, i think that’s a pretty shitty thing to do72. Ever sent nudes? yes73. Have you ever cheated on someone? no74. Favourite candy? sour patch kids 75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!@tyegerlily :)76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? no i don’t really play games77. Favourite TV series? the office78. Are you religious? Does God exist? no, yes79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? uhhhh probably the color purple for my junior AP english assignment, i really liked it yes80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? i wish that it was more feasible for me but i just can’t pull it off currently81. How long have you been on Tumblr? only a few months w this blog but like 5 years in total82. Do you like Chineese food? yes83. McDonalds or Subway? subway84. Vodka or whiskey? neither85. Alcohol or drugs? neither86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? i’ve been out of the state, and i’m going out of the country for the first time this summer87. Meaning behind your blog name? it’s something that u call me :’)88. What are you scared of? i already answered this too wtf89. Last time you were insulted? idk honestly90. Most traumatic experience ? my grandma’s death rlly fucked me up, also my experiences w aforementioned first kiss boy91. Perfect date idea? spending time with u!!!!!92. Favourite app on your phone? sandbox it’s a coloring app and it’s v relaxing93. What colour are the walls in your room? ugly brown wood paneling94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? yeah but most of the time it’s just ted talks or vine compilations95. Share your favourite quote. “we all impact the world around us every day. we have to decide what kind of difference we want to make.” or something like that from jane goodall96. What is the meaning of life? i think it’s to make each other’s lives a bit easier97. Do you like horror movies? no they give me panic attacks98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? idk she cried when i came out to her and sometimes she cries if i tell her that my mental health isn’t great99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? yeah i think i’m a pretty lucky person100. Can you keep a secret? yes
0 notes
Quote
Ed. Note: Football season will be here in just a few days, and contributor Austin Crowder has every bit of information on how to enjoy the Memphis Tigers this year. All photos provided by the University of Memphis. All editor’s notes and inserted gifs are my fault since, as a U of M alum, I am legally required to make all-in-good-fun disparaging remarks about Ole Miss.  The most anticipated University of Memphis Tigers football season yet begins Thursday, August 31st with a home game at the Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium against the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks. Here’s everything you need to know about the 2017 season and why you should support our home team in what is likely to be a record setting year. Where We’ve Been The Memphis Tigers football program has produced ten players currently active in the NFL. The team has seen players drafted into the NFL the past four years straight, including first rounder Paxton Lynch in 2016.   In 2015 the Tigers started the year 8-0, beating Ole Miss (Ed. Note: And what a glorious day it was!) and made it all the way to #18 in the Associated Press’ top 25. In 2016 Ole Miss took advantage of transition season to avenge their loss. (Ed. Note: boo!) But with a nationally-ranked top 15 defense, new coach Mike Norvell, and junior quarterback Riley Ferguson, the program continued to gain credibility. Now, there’s legitimate hope for a 2017 season that will end with a New Year’s Day bowl game. Where We’re Headed Memphis is currently slated by a preseason media poll to win the American Athletic Conference West Division this 2017 season. Yes, that is correct. If you have been sleeping on Memphis Tigers Football for a few years you have some catching up to do. Respected college football pundits believe this could be Memphis’ year to compete in one of the six coveted New Year’s Day bowl games. This is not a drill! Memphis football is expected to continue making an increasingly major splash as a formidable competitor in college football. That top 15 offense from last year brings back 9 of its 11 members including quarterback Riley Ferguson, who will lead the team as a senior. The defense is bolstered by some top level recruits who chose Memphis over invitations from teams in the Power 5 conferences (the most competitive in the nation). Doroland Dorceous The Schedule Click here to see the schedule + TV channels + a list of places (bars) in town to watch away games if you aren’t traveling with the team. Click here for a printable schedule. Tickets You can buy all forms of tickets including single game, 3-pack, group, or season tickets as well as parking passes at http://ift.tt/2vctkrk. If you buy ahead, instead of day-of-game, you’ll save a little cash. Individual game tickets range in price from $20 – $65. Season tickets in the Funzone are only $130 (less if you are a Tiger Scholarship Fund member). A parking pass for the season is $70. The East Side Skyboxes are unfortunately already sold out because everyone is so amped for this season.  Important! There is a new policy only allowing bags into the stadium that are clear or small clutches. All the details can be found here. Memphis Tigers Tailgating Start perfecting your rotel dip (or just pick up some Pancho’s), clipping your ground beef coupons, and pre-packing your cooler with beer now. It’s time to get ready, folks, because the great American tradition of tailgating before games is alive and well in Memphis. Game day is just around the corner. You’ll want to be early to Tiger Lane on game day to say hi to Tom III, a live Bengal tiger who will be situated in front of the Stadium. This tradition dates back 40 years. Plus, you definitely can’t miss the Tiger Walk that starts two hours before kick off. It’ll go something like this: Gather your kids up from the bounce houses. Pause all corn hole games. Pull your pal out from under his Tiger blue tailgating tent (where he’s been glued to the pre-game show on the truck-mounted TV, chicken wing in one hand and Ghost River in the other). Line up next to the band and cheerleaders to form a path welcoming the players and coaches into the stadium. Sing along as the Mighty Sound of the South blasts the fight song, just be sure to learn the words first. Reserve your tailgating spot by contacting the Tiger Scholarship Fund at (901) 678-1720. If you’d like to bring together your colleagues reserve a tailgating package by contacting the IMG Learfield staff at (901) 678-1748. You won’t regret it. Anthony Miller The Players To Watch Head coach Mike Norvell heads into his second year at the University of Memphis with the momentum of a transition year that exceeded expectations followed by a productive off-season of recruitment. Here are just a few of his Memphis Tiger players to follow closely and root for. Riley Ferguson (#4) is a senior quarterback who passed for 3,698 yards (2nd in U of M history) and 32 touchdowns (school record) last season. He is also on the Maxwell Award preseason watch list.   Anthony Miller (#3) is a senior wide receiver. Anthony, a local Memphian, attended CBHS. Anthony was a walk-on his freshman year and was redshirted for two seasons. Then, as a Junior, he gained national attention by setting four school records with 95 receptions, 1,434 receiving yards, 14 TD catches, and 8 100-yard receiving games. Anthony is the Tiger’s “captain clutch.” Look for him continue to rapidly improve and likely make a splash in the NFL draft. Jackson Dillon (#34) is a senior linebacker and also Memphis’ biggest X-factor. Dillon was on his way to becoming an All-American when he injured himself three consecutive times, limiting his play to just one game last season. Coach Norvell has described Jackson’s impassioned come back as possibly his most enjoyable experience from last spring. Additional players who made pre-season watchlists: Genard Avery (#6) LB,  Spencer Smith (#36) P, Tony Pollard (#22) KR, Drew Kyser (#54) C, Gabe Kuhn (#71) OL Intriguing freshmen recruits who could signal this team’s future success: Obinna Eze (#77) OL, TJ Carter (#2) DB, and Damonte Coxie (#10) WR Riley Ferguson Key Games To Look Out For UCLA – This game is a perfect storm. It’s at the Liberty Bowl on the Saturday of Cooper Young Festival at 11 am, September 16th. Two quarterbacks with pre-season attention will face off in a game that’s nationally televised on ABC. In 2014, our last matchup, we lost by one 4th quarter touchdown to a UCLA team that was nationally ranked. The atmosphere will be electric as we try to right that on the home field. This game is gonna be lit. Navy – On Saturday, Oct. 14th the Tigers will host the defending champions of the conference that Memphis has been slated to win this season, the AAC West. The Navy team has had our number and defeated us the last two seasons. This year it is a home game and a must win – see you there! Houston – This away game is a must watch. Houston is quickly becoming our biggest rival in the conference. The past three matchups: 2014 Houston wins 28-24, 2015 Houston wins 35-34, 2016 Memphis wins 48-44. Brace yourself for nailbiter folks. Charlie Long, who easily qualifies as a Memphis Tigers super-fan, told me that when it comes to Tiger football “expectations and excitement have never been higher.” He’s right. For my steadfast fans, what a time to be alive. For fans of SEC colleges (whose names shall not be uttered here) that are a bit sick of the long drives and overpriced tickets… this right here is the time to jump in on the action happening at the Liberty Bowl. At the Liberty Bowl there is truly no bad seat, the costs are relatively low, you’re walking distance from Cooper-Young for pre- and post-gaming, it’s a beautiful space full of Memphis love, and you simply just can’t beat the taste of those Pronto Pups. Get pumped, it’s Tiger football season. About The Author Austin was raised in the Los Angeles area but found his home (and his Memphian wife) here in Memphis, Tennessee. He teaches high school government and economics in South Memphis. He contributes to theCommercial Appeal, SB Nation, and I Love Memphis. But everyone in the rec basketball league knows his true passion and calling is to grow a few more inches to become an NBA player for the Memphis Grizzlies. Follow him on Twitter @acrowder73. Are you a home owner in Memphis, with a broken garage door? Call ASAP garage door today at 901-461-0385 or checkout http://ift.tt/1B5z3Pc
http://ilovememphisblog.com/2017/08/memphis-tigers-football-2014-liberty-bowl-schedule/
0 notes