#tirablany

[tirasany]

I didn’t even know that there was a Dracula musical in Germany I am losing my mind OMG Tanz der Vampire is my fave ever

#I just got tickets for another one hahah nuuuuuu #I will SO watch that ommgggg #random #tirablany

[tirasany]

Ah yes. I forgot the censorship on this hellsite. ...and posting here is so depressing as well.

#tirablany

[tirasany]

just can’t bring myself to do anything lately

#all I did was play DMC5 (which reignited my Vergil love oops) and then R&C Into the Nexus #I noticed that I own like almost all games of that franchise wtf haha just missing Deadlocked/Gladiator #can't draw I am just not feeling it ... #tirablany

[tirasany]

my crippling social anxiety is hindering me to talk to more than one person, the moment there are two I will just switch to this mode :I all of tumblr is like that to me LMAO I am the eternal uninvited guest

#what am I doing haha #tirablany

[tirasany]

It’s so interesting to me that to some small things that seem trivial to others can have such an impact on someone. In the end those things, events will shape us as the person who we are, for better or worse. I remember when I was around 4 or 5 and I was drawing a line overlapping over several pages of paper (cheap continuous stationery) and I remember the kindergarten teacher being so upset at me for it. It almost seemed like l did it with a malicious intent. The only sole reason was that I just loved that it was connected. Of course I get why this might not be the most ideal way of using that medium, ecspecially for other children. But was that the way to tell me that?

#tirablany #truth be told??? woman made me legit lie with 3 because I HATED the way she would grab my arm and cut off my damn bloodflow #and it would go on FOREVER I hated it so so much #I am contemplating about our existence instead of doing... aynthing lmao #I remember this one boy that I didn't even like that much told me (not mean or anything even with a laugh) 'You forgot the stroke in the mid #-middle* and pointed at my Z and I still add it till this day haha

[tirasany]

Lately I have been really stressed out. I came to the conclusion that – let's call it the incident – made me way more insecure than I previously thought. The damage has already be done, inflicted because all I wanted to do was help. Helping the person and, well enjoy the time together. I was never the most talkative person but this, this incident made it so much worse. I tried to set boundaries but was punished for doing so. I won't pretend that I acted absolutely perfect I didn't. When I was too hurt, too sad I said things that were painful as well. This of course doesn’t justify them by any means. It is really hard to me because I am trying my very best to approach others as best as I can. This person still was the first that instantly talked to me. The first time we ever talked was all night long (for me at least haha). That fact alone makes me really upset. Even though that happened a few years ago I still feel the consequences of it, unfairly projecting it unto others. I fear that others have expectations of me that I simply cannot fulfill. Mostly talking about this sad hellsite (affectionately). I know my weaknesses well but I just can't help it, it stresses me. Knowing them isn't helping that greatly either sadly. Others reading what I wrote is the biggest of 'em all lmao.

When you already read to this point let me give you some advice and my thanks. If someone completely ignores the boundaries that you set and you feel depressed constantly it is not worth it. I had those nice times as well I felt so good sometimes, but in the end it is not worth it.

#tirablany #personal #I really feel Barok sometimes I really do #maybe not the ability to articulate myself that well lmao #omg I feel so much better actually the last days were so bad

[tirasany]

Um ehrlich zu sein habe ich es noch nie von diesem Standpunkt aus betrachtet. Bevor es überhaupt Deutschland gab waren wir doch auch alles nur so Staaten so unglaublich stolz, aber wir haben es geschafft andere Deutsche zu akzteptieren, also... wie kommt es, dass es so schwer ist andere zu akzeptieren?? Was ist es?? Warum machen wir es uns so schwer?!?!

#alleine wie wir über diese Deutschen(!!!) sprechen! #is das zu links haha? #german stuff #it's so weeeird me speaking my native language whaaaat #tirablany #Ich sag doch KRIIIISEEEE

[tirasany]

I remember this one time someone send me an ask telling me that my ocs made them feel save it still makes me feel warm inside

#it was so cute #never forgot that #random #tirablany

[tirasany]

I am legitimate so depressed lately

#all just coming together #I have to admit it is wearing on me that no one writes me back #all I could do was playing Story of Seasons and Epic Chef haha #I just realised again I am still open for requests #on my artblog #if someone is interested that is #tirablany

[tirasany]

Y'all know this feeling of wanting to draw so badly but absolutely no energy to do so? TuT

#I doodled a paper bag haha #I drew Barok's face #uuhhh #:v #I REALLY want to draw Barok but legit no idea what and then my hand just doesn't do anything TuT #random #tirablany

[tirasany]

I sometimes wish I would know what others think (not in a mind reading way heh).... might need a break from this site here for real.

#there is someone on here as well that I really really miss... I hope they are ok #tirablany

[tirasany]

There is nothing better than seeing a like for a really old post and then a little later another like I just know this person showed it most likely to a friend xD <3

#I was so down but this man #it was the traditional King Cold pic that I did #it's actually not that bad I still like it #it totally was the end of my one blue marker which you can totally see haha!! #tirablany

[tirasany]

I already 100%ed Psychonauts 2 I feel so lost lmao I am so close to just use some emoji generator and draw random dgs charas with whatever the emojis are lmao

#random #tirablany #Mario Kart 8 Deluxe makes me irrationally angry

[tirasany]

I have been playing Crusader Kings 3 for a week now (today I didn’t play for once woooo) and I was playing as HRE, well started with anothern part became Kaiser lol (Polabian actually) when I became Empress the whole Empire was so pissed they made the King of England the next Emperor. England then was part of the HRE, WHICH made them even more mad because hE wAs aNgLo-sAxoN!!! No but for real my whole Empire crumbled apart oof they all wanted independence .-. That’s what you get when you don’t pay attention. (I was occupied with the DAMN CRUSADE on Germany dammit Pope) I can’t remember his name but the next King of England was called King Hans .-. lol. OH YEA and Essex rightfully belongs to Frisia lol Don’t you know?? London in Frisia??? This is why I love this game.

#random #I am talkaktive today yo :v #they never did the English decision they stayed Anglo-Saxon actually .-. #and for some reason the French spoke Saxon at their court??? #?¿?bug?¿? #actually Frisia is one of the stongest countries in my realm :p #AND THEN THERE IS BOHEMIA #beast owns parts of Scotland Sweden and a lot of Germany what a beast... they also fused with the Saxon culture #now they are czecho-saxon and they speak the Saxon language .-. #tirablany

[tirasany]

I'm so envious of people who have nice dreams, of people they know or characters they love

I just make charas up no meaning whatsoever and I feel nothing at all

The only upside of it I literally have no nightmares whatsoever

#tirablany #I need to sleep help :v #does anyone else know that feeling??

[tirasany]

I am in such a weird limbo right now on one hand I really don’t want to be part of any fandom because what happened last time was just awful (thought about an ace attorney side blog because it seems to me there are ppl that followed me for that on my artblog, but that one is for EVERYTHING I draw including my ocs and all) on the other hand it is so lonely lmao TuT

#well I did interact a lil with someone #hhmm #man... was weird and I know I did react the wrong way and hurt others #but to me... I just wanted to be outta there #and now I am in my dark lonely corner lmao just doing my own thing #tirablany #do you ever wonder if someone saves your art?? #random thought so weird can't imagine someone doing that with my art lol #I can't shake off the feeling that I come across as really cold #then again I am like I REALLY shouldn't care what others think of me