#tinas so nyc but not at the same time

[melfinawins]

I originally posted this in a reblog to @melonatures, but I'ma post it here.

Since you posted this, I haven't been able to forget it. I love it, but it took a little bit to figure out why these two gifs are particularly great.

I love your gifset. Let me explain all the ways:

"No, no, no. Fak's not my best friend."

I love how Carmy's face is turned away from the camera for a moment. And he hesitates and looks towards his front door where Syd just left. But then he agrees that Neil is his best friend. Which is totally fine! But I wonder if he was pressed by say, Nat or Richie he'd say the same thing. Fak is best friends to everyone, but is he Carmy's? I dare say Carmy's best friend is Syd, considering we're shown in the show how they are quietly and steadily laying the groundwork for a long, strong and substantial partnership. A partnership that is also a relationship.

We know that Carmy is working with Syd to reach her goal of a Michelin star, stars he thinks are bullshit. This is her goal but he's more than happy to help her reach it, to the point that he's willing to give her hands-on training on how to perfect a dish. Perfection requires fine tuning and precise decisions. Syd is an amazing chef early in her career, and has the makings of a wunderkind on the food scene if she can harness her natural abilities and training. I think Carmy sees that in her and admires it. I think he's attracted to her love of food and by spending time with her on the menu and just hanging out, it's reminding him that, even if he became a chef to spite Mikey, he actually loves it, he just didn't want to do it alone.

In working together to make the menu for The Bear, which will also help Syd get the star she covets, they've gotten close (more close than sitting behind the shop and commiserating), even if it's how they each come to their ideas about menus. In Honeydew, Luca tells Marcus that he experiences life and that's a part of what makes him a better chef. Sydney already does this. We see in Sundae how Syd gets inspiration for dishes, as well as her getting ideas in dreams (shortrib and risotto). Carmy is by the book, but I think he likes the way Syd thinks. That man would have never put chips on Nat's omelette! But I think Syd craves his wealth of knowledge and experience and ability to edit himself. We see in an episode where she realizes she's doing too much to a dish with Tina. Carmy helps her by hearing the ingredients and giving advice; I love Tina and everybody else, but only Carmy can provide that for her. They really do compliment each other, and learn about each other through their cooking.

"I fe- sorry, I feel like I should have known that, or, or- something--"

Makes sense that Carmy was mistaken! I think he's gotten to know aspects of Syd over a short period of time and in this scene he's maybe noticing that Syd holds things close to her chest. Omission plays a big role in her psyche. He can't just assume that she's okay or that she's an open book, because she's not.

Like mentioned above, I think Carmy is learning a lot about Syd through their menu creating. He's listening to her stories and anectdotes, laughing at her humor and learning about what she values through the food she creates. They have such symmetry through food, he assumed (incorrectly) that he knew more about her than he did. Because Syd is bringing back his love of food and the two of them really do communicate their desires through food. Syd loves taking care of people. But so does Carmy! They both don't want to use tweezers on food they don't care about. They want to use tweezers to show how much they love people lol

I love his stuttering in this gif because this man lost the plot and thought he could substitute communicating through food with actual communication. Example: Bro really was confused when Syd wasn't happy about the wall being torn down. By his logic, he tore the wall down for her, like he's working on the menu for her, so what's the big deal? (Someone save this man.) He's very action oriented, so it flew right by him that making a menu with Claire for Syd wasn't it, because he thought doing this action was what she wanted--like he said in that particular scene. But Syd wants communication and hands-on training (😏😏😏), because they're doing this together and if he just wants to put a menu together without her, she can just go somewhere else and make bullshit no-love tweezer dishes. They're supposed to be doing this for the love of food, not to just make money.

And even though they talk to each other via food, it doesn't make up for the other way they can and should communicate: straight up talking.

But The Table ™️ scene shows, in my opinion, that he's learning that. "Say more, please."

Anyway! I love this gifset melonatures. Sorry if this broke any Tumblr edicate. I loved your gifset. Thanks for making it! ❤️

#sydcarmy #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #carmy x sydney #syd x carmy

[gladiolidiaries]

https://www.tumblr.com/gossipnotfound/725595614284595200/can-give-you-an-idea-of-their-meetups-these-are?source=share

she didn't come to nc for his birthday in 2022 bc he had to travel nonstop during that time. he talked about how busy he will be during and after his birthday last year but anyways, here's the 2021 timeline

Mar 7: met up for the first time and went to nyc together https://twitter.com/carrotgirlstan/status/1535485922074054656

Mar 13: hung out in LA (this was taken on the same day as karl and q's cooking stream https://twitter.com/JhbTeam/status/1410378469456834561)

Apr 17: karl went to LA for an uno tournament at the 100t compound and they hung out

May: tina was busy moving to las vegas so no meetup (that i know of)

June 8: karl met up with tina in vegas https://twitter.com/corpselofi/status/1402352997682794505

July 16: tina flew to nc for karl's birthday week. he talked about how tina didn't look happy when chandler wished her a hbd 10+ days late. she also followed chandler's wife and mrbeast's gf as well as other people during that time

August 2: tina and karl flew to LA on the same day https://twitter.com/kaydownbad/status/1422451736703213570 (they stayed until the 8th for corpse's birthday) he went to the 100t house on the 4th where tina was staying and showed up on couragejd's stream https://twitter.com/updatingdtqk/status/1423008305136345089

Sept 28: both flew to LA for different things but she went to support him during his first speech at a convention (https://twitter.com/carrotgirlstan/status/1443227096290144257) also this https://twitter.com/tinakittenalt/status/1443778046851387395

Oct 12: karl flew to LA with mrbeast https://twitter.com/carrothonker/status/1448048390432911362 and tina said on her 10/11 vod she has to get ready for a flight tomorrow so she had to end stream early (https://youtu.be/VElmoz47Fs8?t=11881)

Oct 31: both went home and flew back to LA again for halloween (https://twitter.com/BexyWolf/status/1454805424755052547) they also went to universal wearing matching slytherin costumes with q (https://twitter.com/carrotgirlstan/status/1456018412296187908)

Nov ?: both flew to LA not sure when but they hung out with q https://twitter.com/krlnation/status/1464829534088355840

Dec: no meetup (that i know of) bc tina was in pain from dental problems and couldn't travel

i've been noticing these things for so long like their flying schedules have always been in sync. i will say idk if they are dating but it's so obvious they try to meet up consistently every month. neither does this with other friends. there also seems to be a pattern to the few times she went to nc too like they didn't meet up in july 2022 due to karl's busy schedule and then tina showed up to nc in august 2022. they didn't meet up in jan 2023 and tina showed up to nc in feb 2023. who knows what's going on but it's been fun to observe for me

Wow thanks a lot anon. They're definitely super close like actually way closer than most people probably think.

I will tag these with #kina timeline so it's easier to find again

#kina timeline

[delucadarling]

OTP 52 & 55 for Barbie/Mason, 10 & 25 for Lucas/Adam, please 🥰 (~agentnatesewell)

[rubs my hands together]

I need it to be known, I only realized these were different questions for different OTPs after I'd already answered some for both of them OTZ.

Obligatory OTP Asks

Barbie/Mason

52.) Describe their weekend getaway?

This is the cause of some bickering with the two of them. Mason sees no reason to go anywhere 9 out of 10 times it comes up, and he also hates the places Barbie suggests going. She wants to go to NYC, she wants to go to the beach, she wants to go to big shopping malls and concerts and parties. She won't force him to go on trips with her, she's happy to take her friends (Kira and Farah, though usually Nat wiggles her way in as well) but it does disappoint her sometimes that she isn't sharing certain experiences with him.

They compromise a lot, which usually means he'll put up with going to the beach and dealing with sand and sun sometimes, and she'll put up with staying in a cabin in the middle of nowhere so they can go hiking together.

54.) Who’s more likely to carry the other to bed?

Mason without a doubt. Barbie's got many gifts, but physical strength is very much not one of them. If Mason's passed out somewhere, the best she can do is either rouse him and lead him to bed, or grab a blanket and snuggle up with him where he is.

In that same vein, I think Mason tends to not carry Barbie to bed unless he really feels like he should. If she's fallen asleep at a desk/table in the library while researching, he'll scoop her up and take her to bed, but if she's on the couch, or otherwise comfortably horizontal he'd just leave her be. Maybe grab a blanket for her, move her head so she's pillowed on his lap, but otherwise doesn't want to wake her up.

(this would change as she ages and suddenly can't sleep on the couch without majorly fucking her back up)

Lucas/Adam

10.) Describe their first date.

Lucas isn't much of a traditional date night guy, tbh, but he's also a Car Guy (not the same flavor as Adam's flavor of Car Guy) so I could very much see the two of them spending time walking around a car meet. Something local, maybe even in Wayhaven, where a bunch of old guys bring their vintage cars, drinking coffee and chatting with each other.

25.) Do they have any hobbies they share?

See above, Car Guys. Adam's pretty much into His Cars. Nice cars, vintage, luxury, etc. He's concerned with the maintenance of them, the look and performance.

Lucas loves nothing more than buying the most beat to shit, ugly ass cars and making them go way faster than they have any right to go. I do in fact constantly hc that The Car has a NOS line that Lucas has put in it, along with some other modifications he's made to make it lighter and faster. He doesn't advertise this to anyone-not even Tina-as the car itself isn't street legal, but he's got it there. Just in case :)

He has other cars he's 'fixed up', and he races them regularly, usually with other people who like to make shitty cars go fast.

So Adam and Lucas have some overlap in their hobbies. Lucas really admires people who upkeep vintage cars, but he also likes to wind Adam up by saying how pointless it is and saying the Jag would look Sick with some lightning on the sides. Adam, in a similar vein, likes winding Lucas up by implying his cars aren't that fast.

(Adam is also the reason Lucas starts wearing a helmet when racing, and why he installs a roll cage and better seatbelts. The fact Lucas hasn't beefed it is pure luck before that.)

#darling speaks #ask meme #thank u for the ask!!! #I love talking about these guys #Lucas Daniels #barbara 'barbie' robertson

[tuiyla]

So I found someone who counted how much screentime each Glee character had during season 1A and season 4, please take a look: cometsweepandleonidsfly(.)tumblr(.)com/tagged/screen%20time

cometsweepandleonidsfly(.)tumblr(.)com/post/58969910312/screentime-on-glee-in-season-4 (make sure to change showthemwhat to cometsweepandleonidsfly in the episodes' links if you want to see the stats per episode)

Do you have any thoughts on these numbers?

✨Stats time!✨

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention Anon, and thank you to @cometsweepandleonidsfly. Please read the OG posts for more info on their methodology, limitations and all that. Of course I have thoughts, all of which I will cover but first I'll do what tuiyla does best and take this dataset and turn it into something visual. Or at least try.

So to start us off, main characters' screentime in the OG 13 episodes:

I was surprised to see Will come in with over 40% of screentime and decidedly more than Finn or Rachel. Rachel "only" being third is a surprise in and of itself but the favouring of the three "pillars" is clear. The drop between Rachel and Quinn is not insignificant and it reminds me of how big the difference between singing stats often was. Quinn coming in ahead of Kurt and Puck is somewhat surprising, as is Emma and Sue being so low. But compared to a lot of the ND kids, they had significant roles in their scenes. All in all this deffo confirms my view that there was way too much Will early on and the show was too heavy on its three mains.

Season 4 is looking more evenly distributed even if there's quite the drop between Blaine and Marley. Blaine's lead might seem crazy, but he's in just over 29% of the season compared to Will's well over 40% for the first 13. We have more characters but only three more than what I counted for the previous chart so not too bad distribution wise. What's surprising is the newbies, at least the triangle being so high up and Tina and Artie lagging so far behind Sam. Rachel being in the middle is shocking, of course, but keep in mind she fully missed a few episodes and when she was in a scene chances are it focused solely on her. Kurt being after Kitty is more surprising to me, as is Santana being so far behind. Granted, she missed a lot of episodes but my heart weeps anyway. She's still far ahead of Sue and Emma and I'm once again astonished by the mark Jane Lynch and Jayma Mays leave. I wish we had the numbers for Quinn, Mercedes, Puck and Mike here but oh well.

I love that we have a Lima vs NYC stat because it really puts things into perspective:

Wow. Where's the "too much NYC crowd" now, huh. Of course, this explains why even Rachel is relatively low on the list and how the newbies had so much screentime.

What's interesting is the difference in distribution, i.e. season 4's being imo so much better. In many ways it had to be but still. I tried visualizing it via two pie charts of the percentages but they're not that obvious and so I cba to colour them properly.

Instead, I took those percentages and compared the season 1 characters with the season 4 ones. So the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and etc. characters compared would look like this:

That was a nonsensical sentence but what I mean is, red zone is OG 13 and green season 4. The closer the line is to 50% the more the two seasons are alike in how much they feature characters, and the line generally being over 50% in season 1's favour tells us that the main chs there had more screentime. Again this is partly because season 4 had a bigger cast overall; it featured characters not accounted for within the data. But I'd also argue it distributed the more or less same screentime more equally so that's why Blaine's lead isn't the same as Will's in the OG 13. By the way, ignore the names on the line google sheets just didn't let me delete the redundant labels.

Something hopefully a bit more demonstrative: I divided the OG 13 by, well, 13 and multiplied by 22 to "get a full season" from those stats (notably these are not the full season 1 numbers) and compared those minutes with the season 4 ones. This shows you the difference even better even if we only compare the top 5 characters of each season:

Again ignore the labels, they're the season 1 top 5. Will's screentime projected to 22 episodes is waaaay more than what Blaine got in season 4 and this gap really only starts to balance out once the season 1 drop happens with Quinn and Kurt. Even then, comparatively, they were better featured than their season 4 counterparts, Sam and Ryder. To be fair, I'd much rather watch Quinn and Kurt than Sam and Ryder.

And finally, what I love the most: singing stats and bubble charts! The most I could possibly bring to this conversation is adding singing into the mix and see how that compares to the characters' screentime.

See this reddit post for some background on my singing stats database. What you need to know for this is that I have a system for different types of songs not just the number of songs the given character was featured in, so I give point totals and hope it's a more accurate reflection of how much people sang. And how does that compare to their screentime? Well.

Note that this first chart is a character's OG13 screentime compared to their overall season 1 singing.

Rachel sang the most, unsurprisingly, so her and Finn singing that much more than Will while appearing less created this interesting contrast. All three are waaay ahead in screentime as this perhaps demonstrates better than previous charts, and we see that compared to her screentime Mercedes sang quite a bit. But the difference between our 1%-ers and the proletariat is clear and we see how little Kuinn's screentime mattered, in a sense. Sue and Emma are basically nonexistent on both fronts when compared to others, so much so that even Santana with her back 9 songs almost catches up to the crowd. Make of the rest of this what you will.

Since I realized while writing this that I should have probably looked at how much they sang in the OG 13, here's that chart:

Now this looks quite different and is perhaps the better chart to analyze. Finn is further behind Rachel and her lead in singing is undisputable, whereas Mercedes stays between Finn and Will with singing. Sue didn't get a song in the OG 13 and, sadly, neither did Santana so they're missing entirely. Emma is barely there with her one solo but still ahead of Kurt, who had the screentime but evidently not the songs. His sole entry is the Defying Gravity duet. Quinn had comparatively more in the first 13 and that elevates her above Puck and Tina but I still wouldn't exactly say it's proportionate to her screentime. It's quite all over the place, particularly when compared to season 4:

So season 4 follows more of a trend and what would be expected. Meening, no huuuuge outliers and less of an upper 1% feel, though Blaine is clearly "winning" in terms of both singing and screentime. Marley is second in both regards and we see a more or less clear pattern of singing and screentime collating. Tartie sing somewhat little compared to their screentime but most of it checks out as realistic. How the mighty have fallen with Will being last in terms of singing. But then, of course, we have Pezberry, the only two who I'd say are not following the established trend. Both sing more relative to their screentime than most characters, with Rachel almost being up there with Marley and yet being in the middle with her screentime. This isn't a huge shock or anything. But then we have Santana, who's well behind Will in terms of screentime and yet sings as much as Kurt and is in the same ballpark as the likes of Unique and Tina. This means Santana's time on screen in season 4 was well spent, with the likes of Girl on Fire, Nutbush, Cold Hearted and, of course, Mine. A stark difference to season 1.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

A bit baffled by the decision to include chs like Kent and Brad in the OG 13 post but not the alumni in season 4, but hey I'm not the one doing the research. I ignored non-mains for my OG 13 visualizations.

I would LOVE to see this done for the whole series but obviously it's not like it could ever be truly representative and it would take soooo much effort. I'm grateful for this glimpse at screentime distributions.

I know not all of this was super clear and detailed so please feel free to let me know if I should clarify anything. Like I told another Anon, you will be seeing more stats from me because I do love this sort of stuff and this was really fun to explore. Again much thanks that this dataset exists and I hope I could offer something new and interesting with it.

#glee asks #anon #glee singing statistics #glee screentime statistics #glee stats #this was fun to do i hope it's fun to read too #i need to put more effort into analysing bubble charts they tell SUCH a story

[heardchef]

re: the aprons, could there be anything also there regarding the fact that carmy wears an apron in the beef but doesn't in the NYC restaurant? idk enough about fine dining to say if there was a reason why he might do that practically, but with meta glasses on it's something to me that he wants to be part of that side of the kitchen and not on the authoritative side that abuses even tho he's the one running the restaurant now

oh, for sure! i also don't know enough about fine dining to say either, but i think you're spot on.

carmy has the same role in both kitchens, but at the restaurant in NYC the blue aprons are a symbol of the hierarchy that exists within that kitchen. i don't think carmy's wearing an apron because he's not really a part of that kitchen, not in the way he is at the beef. he works in isolation with his back turned away and no one at his side. he's on the outskirts of the kitchen plating dishes on his own little island.

at the beef, the aprons are a symbol of the team he's trying to nurture. he makes sure every member of his team has an apron and this time he's working right alongside them, always at the center of whatever chaos is happening.

i think that's why it feels so significant when tina and richie finally do decide to wear their blue aprons. it shows that they accept and respect carmy and the world he comes from as much as he tries to do for them. 🥺

#carmy does fuck up but he's got the spirit—he's trying #like he's really fucking trying man i know he can be a menace to society and to [redacted] but he's trying :( #also in some BTS photos of JAW training the chefs wear their jackets but their aprons as well so do with that info as you will #the bear fx #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #ask

[apexart-journal]

Mvelo Mahlangu in NYC, Day 26

This morning I was finally able to go and visit the NY SGI Buddhist centre which was just down the same road as the apartment, just over union square park. I was able to catch the Sunday meeting and chanted along with members which made me feel at home. What I truly appreciate about my practice is that even if I were dropped in an unfamiliar place, the first place I could always go to is an SGI centre. Funny enough, Tina Turner was also a practising member and I got to see a photograph that was taken of her chanting, when I went to the National Museum Of African America History and Culture, in DC. Donna was also there and she warmly invited me to come stay with her whenever I decided to come back to visit NY. I’m thankful to her. After the meeting ended, I rushed back to the apartment and finished off the last bit of packing as well as cleaning the apartment. 

I felt so much gratitude for the apartment and how much of a safe space it became for me. Another thing that I really enjoyed about the apartment was the imprints of the previous fellows that were decorated around the room. Some things were foreign money, others were notes and a lot was through the types of tea’s and seasonings that were left behind. I liked knowing that I too would leave my little imprint and without getting too deep about it, we exist in so many spaces even if we aren’t physically there. Finally wrapping it up, I made my way downstairs after managing to call an uber. I would also miss my daily engagements with the Doorman called Danny. He would always make sure that I was ok and would always greet me cheerfully. 

Getting into my Uber, I asked the driver if I could sit in the front as I again wanted to experience being a passenger in what would be the drivers seat back home. He thankfully allowed me to and we started chatting away. His name is Ansong and he’s originally from Ghana, but moved over for the first time in 2001 with his children. We spoke about his experiences in NY and what it was like having to raise his children in a western way but trying to balance and instil African traditions. The funniest thing he told me was about how he had to navigate disciplining his children, because back home in Ghana and serenallly in Africa, if your child is misbehaving, you would spank them. However, that was viewed very negatively in the US. And so to avoid having his children misbehaving, he started implementing a system where he bought them a phone, and made sure that once they arrived at school, they would call him. Then when they got home from school, they had to call him Since he knew what time the school let students out, and the minutes it took for his children to get home, he made sure that they had to call him using the home phone by the calculated time. In this way, he found it a great way of instilling discipline but also protection for his children. The last conversation we had was about how the 21st century, is the century for Africa and that African countries really needed to rally and unite to leverage our relationships with other continents so that it would best benefit Africa and its people. One example was brought up was the current President of Burkina Faso, Ibrahim Traore. He reminds me a lot of Thomas Sankara, who wanted to foster Pan Africanism while tending to the needs of the people of Burkina Faso. Just before arriving at the airport, I took down Ansongs details which he said that when I do decide to come back for a visit, I could reach out to him. 

Looking back on my experience here in NY, I’m so happy about how much I’ve learned about every single person I've engaged with. Reflecting on my journalling, one detail that I’ve mostly stuck to, which I truly appreciate that I’ve done, is writing down the names of each person. I was intentional about this because they too, added so much perspective in understanding the story of NY but also for me, helped facilitate the vision of the fellowship program. It's reminded me that everyone has a story, ambition or thing to say and that from time to time, we should step out of our bubbles and connect with the unfamiliar. I’m also really happy about how this experience of being a stranger has made me feel a whole lot more comfortable with randomly striking up conversations with people. As for my experience of this fellowship program, I must say that I am still digesting everything. As Steven mentioned, I’ll mostly likely only see the effects overtime. 

My biggest shout-out and point of gratitude, however, goes to the person who nominated me in the first place. My lecturer during my time studying Architecture, Solam Mkhabela. When I first arrived, Steven asked me if I knew why Solam nominated me. I asked Solam, this question as I actually hadn’t asked before, and rather assumed. He essentially told me that he believed in me as a young artist and the work that I do and wanted to help facilitate my growth. He saw this program as a great opportunity for this facilitation in growth. Throughout my time in NY, he constantly checked in on me and encouraged me. Since Solam himself had lived and studied in NY more than 20 years ago, it was amazing for me to be able to see some of the places he mentioned, when telling me about his experiences.

#Mvelo Mahlangu #inbound from johannesburg

[greensparty]

Movie Review: Stop Making Sense & Album Review: Talking Heads "Stop Making Sense" Expanded Edition Remaster and TIFF Q&A Coverage

In Dec. 1983, NYC art rockers Talking Heads did four concerts at Hollywood's Pantages Theater. Those shows were filmed for the concert documentary film Stop Making Sense that was directed by one of my all-time heroes Jonathan Demme. After some 1984 film festivals, it was released theatrically in October 1984. Today it is considered to be one of the greatest concert films of all time. For music geeks and film geeks it always comes down to this and The Last Waltz. This month, A24 is celebrating the 40th anniversary of those legendary concerts with a re-release in 4K and IMAX. Last month, Rhino re-released the companion live album originally released in 1984. I got to cover both of these releases this week as well as the Talking Heads reunion that occurred at the Toronto International Film Festival following the IMAX screening with a Q&A moderated by Spike Lee.

original 1984 movie poster

I guess you could say I’ve written a great deal about Stop Making Sense (for proof, read here). In 2015, my documentary was screening at Noise Pop in San Francisco and the night before my screening I caught an anniversary screening they had of Stop Making Sense at The Independent. It was an amazing sound system and the packed audience was dancing and singing along throughout. I later read an interview with Jonathan Demme and he said when Stop Making Sense first opened, people were getting up and dancing in the movie theater during the movie and that was exactly what we wanted from the film. In 2020 when I interviewed Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz he said “ That’s what we wanted. We were going for a live concert experience. Without a lot of superfluous stuff like interviews between the songs. The thing about Stop Making Sense was the entire crew, the band, the camera crew - everyone was at the top of their game. The cinematographer Jordan Cronenweth had recently shot Blade Runner! It was a top notch operation. And the people who recorded the live album from The Record Plant Mobile, they did an excellent job too. So hat’s off to everyone involved.” As I said at the time of the Noise Pop festival, I was truly honored to know my film was at the same festival as this legendary film! 

Movie Review: Stop Making Sense

2023 movie poster

By 1984, Jonathan Demme had graduated from the Roger Corman school of exploitation films into more offbeat character driven work like Handle with Care and Melvin and Howard. By the early 80s he had attended some Talking Heads concerts and was blown away by the visual elements of their music. At the very moment Demme was directing these Talking Heads concerts in late 1983, he had been in the middle of one of his worst filmmaking experiences on Swing Shift, a film where star/producer Goldie Hawn had final cut. So the creative solace he was finding at the time was in this concert film, which marked Demme's first documentary and first concert film, two genres he would return to quite often over his career.

Demme and Byrne circa 1984

Unlike other concert films, each band member comes out a little at time. First - singer David Byrne comes out with a boombox and plays along to "Psycho Killer", then he is joined by bassist Tina Weymouth, then drummer Chris Frantz, and then guitarist Jerry Harrison. They then are joined by guests for these shows including keyboardist Bernie Worrell, percussionist Steve Scales, and more. Each song is like it's own iconic moment: Byrne singing to the lamp during "This Must Be the Place", the legendary big oversized suit and so many more. Every musician here is tight and they all look like they are having fun. There was also time for brief interludes like Frantz and Weymouth's side project Tom Tom Club's "Genius of Love" (yes we all know, later sampled by Mariah Carey, but the original is superior), and some solo Bryne soundtrack songs.

I am by no means an expert on Talking Heads or their biggest fan, but this concert film is legendary! You actually see the sweat on the forehead of the performers, the scratches on the instruments and the incredible lighting even more so on the big screen than you do on the small screen. I have to acknowledge this: I saw this IMAX screening at a unnamed movie theater and there were some projection issues. A colleague of mine actually walked out as he was disgusted with the aspect ratio cutting off the heads during some shots. I am not going to give this a bad review based on the one specific projection at this one particular theater I was at, as I am judging a movie itself. Over the last few years several movie theaters in the area such as the Coolidge Corner Theatre and the Somerville Theatre have done revival screenings of Stop Making Sense and it's always an event. Any excuse to see this movie on the big screen is worth cancelling your plans and going!!! The 2023 cut also had an incredible music mix too. It's kind of impossible to watch this movie and not tap along to the music. Very little can possibly compete with my experience of seeing it at Noise Pop in 2015 when fans were getting up and dancing along to each scene (not possible in stadium seating unfortunately), but this movie shows both Demme and Talking Heads in their prime, a meeting of the mind that still stands up today!

IMAX release is on 9/22 and standard 2D release is 9/29: https://tickets.stopmakingsense.movie/

5 out of 5 stars (I rarely give 5 stars BTW)

Album Review: Talking Heads Stop Making Sense Expanded Edition Remaster

2023 album from Rhino

Talking Heads were co-founded by Chris Frantz with his college girlfriend bassist Tina Weymouth and studious singer David Byrne. They soon moved to NYC and became a big part of the Downtown NYC scene. They were hip and cool enough to get played on MTV and college radio, but artsy and edgy enough to be a non-punk band accepted by the CBGB’s crowd. Just as the band was taking off, Frantz and Weymouth formed a side group Tom Tom Club. For me, I always dug the Talking Heads, but I never got heavy into them. Probably because by the time I was getting into music, it was towards the end of the band. But I always liked their sound and had great respect for them being early music video pioneers, i.e. “Once in a Lifetime”, “Burning Down the House” and “Road to Nowhere”. In the last few years I've actually gotten way more into them and have picked up a number of their albums.

Talking Heads with their additional Stop Making Sense musicians

Which brings us to the Stop Making Sense live soundtrack album. By 1984, Talking Heads had released five solid studio albums, notably Remain in Light (got my copy on vinyl!). The band was mostly big in the college radio scene, but they bubbled up to the mainstream with some Top 40 hits like "Take Me to the River" and "Burning Down the House". Their groundbreaking music videos that were popular on MTV definitely introduced them to a whole new audience too. When the concert film was about to be released, Sire released the companion live album in September 1984, but it only featured 9 songs clocking in at under 40 minutes, hence not the whole concert. In 1999, there was a special edition released to coincide with the 15th anniversary, this one featuring 16 tracks. For the 40th anniversary Jerry Harrison oversaw the full concert which includes some tracks that were actually cut from the film itself.

Something very noteworthy about both the film and the album is that it was one of the very early uses of digital audio. The sound is incredible...even as I listened to a digital download. It also serves as a great example of what a good soundtrack should do, which is being both a companion piece to the film and a souvenir of sorts for the excitement of what that film did for you upon seeing it. For big fans who already have the previous editions, this does mark the first time the entire concert is on vinyl and it includes a reproduction of the original booklet as well as notes from the band members [NOTE: the edition I reviewed did not include that booklet] and it might be worth trading in the old one for the new one.

For info on Rhino's 2023 re-release: https://store.rhino.com/en/rhino-store/artists/talking-heads/stop-making-sense-2lp/603497832835.html

4.5 out of 5 stars

TIFF Q&A on 9/11/2023

In the years that followed Stop Making Sense, Demme worked the members of Talking Heads a few more times: Byrne and Harrison contributed music to Something Wild, Byrne did the score for Married to the Mob, and Byrne acted in Demme's episode of Trying Times. But sadly Demme didn't do another Talking Heads concert film. The band broke up in 1991. Bryne announced the band was over, but the other three recorded and toured as the Shrunken Heads and later as The Heads. While there was some bad blood between them, they did reunite in 1999 for the 15th anniversary of Stop Making Sense. One of those Q&As was featured on the blu-ray. In 2002, they reunited and actually performed music together when they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But the closest we came to a Stop Making Sense sequel was in 2020 when Spike Lee directed one of Byrne's broadway shows David Byrne's American Utopia for the HBO concert film. I named it my #1 Documentary of 2020 and in my review I wrote "Byrne and Lee have come together with something to say in 2020. I just hope we don’t need to wait another 36 years for Byrne’s next epic concert doc!"

Byrne, Harrison, Frantz, Weymouth and Lee at TIFF

At the 2023 Toronto International Film Festival screening, all four Talking Heads reunited for the screening and Q&A moderated by Lee, which was simulcast at the IMAX screening I attended. Here were a few of the highpoints:

Spike Lee said "Give it up for the late great Jonathan Demme! The great director Jonathan Demme" Amen! Chris Frantz said "I miss Jonathan Demme! He would have been so happy to see this tonight and hear it".

David Byrne said "When I was watching this just now I was thinking, this is why we come to the movie theaters! This is different than watching on my laptop." Big applause!

Spike Lee declared this the "greatest concert film ever"! Hard to disagree with that!

They discussed working with Demme. Frantz even mentioned Caged Heat (impressed they saw that early film Demme did for Roger Corman). Byrne said after he saw an early cut Demme did with editor Lisa Day, "I realized that he was looking at it as an ensemble film. Like you get a bunch of characters in a location and you get to know them each one by one, get familiar with them, and then you watch how they all interact with one another. I thought, I'm in my own world, but he saw that and he saw what was going on there."

Frantz went on to say that Demme really made everyone involved feel "what we were doing was worthy of being a movie and worthy of being remembered".

Jerry Harrison said that as someone who had been in a band before this one with The Modern Lovers, he felt there was "nothing going on like this. I don't know how big an audience we will have but I think we're treading new ground. I think we did and that's why it's timeless".

Bryne went on to say about Demme that there wasn't a lot visually in his previous films that was similar, but he was very aware of how people relate and "he brought that to a concert movie, and you don't see that in a lot of concert movies"

Me seeing Stop Making Sense on the big screen!

I am incredibly jealous of anyone in L.A. attending the American Cinematheque screening with Talking Heads doing a Q&A moderated by Paul Thomas Anderson on Tues. 9/19/23!

#stop making sense #talking heads #jonathan demme #david byrne #jerry harrison #tina weymouth #chris frantz #movie review #imax #album review #reissue albums #spike lee #toronto international film festival #film geek #music nerd

[viviennevivisection]

Session 25 Notes - “Family Tree Dinner” - 12/18/22

-We have traded Norman Steele’s evil sword for necklaces that protect us against scrying

-Naomi -- earrings

-VE -- amulet 

-Cass -- anklet 

-The Avapedia page for Residuum is locked from being edited…the reason (allegedly) is that people were spreading misinformation

-The information that is there: it is usually mined, the essence of the material can be changed, it is malleable, different sources can give different types of minerals

-Ellie used her editor’s access to check the page

-It’s been locked down for a LONG TIME, there aren’t many changes, actually

-Avapedia needs funding, TC provides this and perhaps has some access to do shit like this 

-Cass has made Naomi an enhanced arcane focus 

-Writing a letter to Dr. Cunt 

Dear Dr. Cunt, 

Dr. Celadon Hunt, 

We hope this letter finds you in good health. We are interested to know what your current standing is.

-LETTER SCRAPPED WE ARE CALLING HER 

-Called Helix Labs, and spoke the receptionist (Tina) who after checking the files gave us Dr. Cunt’s personal cell number 

-She is “on vacation” in Aurora 

-Seems to be scheming, is interested in meeting with us, getting dinner

-She already had gotten lunch with someone we know (?)

-Many dragon puns were made 

-Leah is bringing her fiance Adrian to dinner, she is already back in town because she was called home by the Coralogia 

-Ellie is asking Vytris who Dr. Cunt was getting lunch with 

-Cass is casting detect magic, watching us commune 

-Both of us got (separate) voice memos

-Ellie’s vision more or less confirms that it was Angie (code name Angelica Astris) who Dr. Cunt met with, a vision of both of them checking out Ellie’s file at AC 

-Ellie lied to try and protect Angie -- Cass called her out. She came clean and Cass and Naomi admitted that they don’t HATE Angie (especially not as much after The Search For Ellie) 

-The Pritchard Home is a SHOES OFF household

-The Ezras are in Rosewood

-Ezra Darcy sent Cass a video of him casting prestidigitation 

-Making a plan to try and “wake up” Halloway if Fleur is HARD #confirmed to be evil 

-Rosewood was over forested and turned into a ghost town

-Trying to crimson bond Angie (she resisted), but she does seem to be generally okay at the moment 

-It’s Monday!! Are you ready? 

-We’re driving to dinner 

6-6:15: Arrival Time 

6:30 Sharp: Dinner Begins

-We are going to be on time 

-Outfits!

-Cass- business bitch clothes, Dodder intern era, thrifted but chic, high-waisted, wide-leg brown trousers, a wide, scoop neck sweater, green buttons down the sleeve, wearing her docs, but no goggles so her horns are visible

-Naomi- high neck, long sleeve dress to the ankles, a belt-like corset, new, weird jewelry (The Viv x Riley Collection?), looks completely appropriate until you look too long at which point the outfit feels slightly uncanny 

-Viv- floor length red gown, up to the neck, sleeveless with long gloves, hair done up, and eight inch bedazzled heels

-We have brought a clown suit (you never know!)

-The drive to Corsica is about 45 minutes (similar to going to Tennefly from NYC)

-There is only one exit in or out for Corsica 

-Very suburbia-core, cookie-cutter, so perfect that it’s uncanny 

-We (Viv and Cass) feel a shiver down our spine like we’re being followed, watched. We feel a staunch and visceral gut feeling to GET OUT 

-Naomi feels as if she has stepped into quicksand, the more you struggle, the more you sink 

-Welcome to Corsica :) 

-DN is there…”The phaaaaantom of Naomi is there….inside your mind…” 

-She is fidgety 

-Ezra certainly has the same sinking feeling as Naomi 

-The town set up perfect -- a main road that cuts through three rings (like a power button) 

-The center of the city has a greco-style library, with beautiful gardens. This is the Collection Hall 

-”The Sanctum” is also there 

-THIS PLACE IS NOT PUBLIC (unsure if I meant Corsica generally, or The Collection Hall and The Sanctum…probably all of the above) 

-We pass Corsica Prep (famously Leah’s job) 

-The community is very self-sustaining, very little need of the outside world

-There are two cars in the driveway at the Pritchard Home 

-Naomi’s parents, Leah, and…Dr. Whitmer 

-”It’s bad vibes for sure…” 

Naomi: “I don’t think any of this is going to be real, so don’t freak out.” 

-We are buffing the HELL out of Naomi (warding bond, and enhance ability) 

-Johanna is here -- looks like Leah. Blonde with crazy eyes, wearing a turtleneck and slacks 

-She gives Naomi a look with no emotion that still manages to be disappointed AND withering 

Naomi: “Mama, he’s like a service animal.” (On Watts)

-We won the battle of Watts (Johanna didn’t want him in the house) 

-Viv took off her bedazzled stripper heels 

-NO TV, ONLY BOOK

-Cyrus Pritchard -- dad

-Adrian (Leah fiance) seems sociable and nice 

-None of the seats are particularly comfortable, but they look nice!

-Adrian works in advertising -- Omni-Spark 

-CTV is one their accounts 

-We got Adrian’s business card (his last name is Williams) 

-Playing games with Dr. Whitmer 

-Convincing her that I’m open to converting 

-Trying to get invited to lecture night with the Coralogia 

-Dinner time!

-Naomi is causing fear in Whiter and Johanna (uno reversing them by making everything seem just a little uncanny, low level bee sounds) 

-Johanna is affected, but Whitmer seemed to catch and absorb the spell -- will certainly notice any spells casted but…may not mind? 

-The menu is very health food vibes -- it’s all shit idc 

-Viv is drinking wine that she brought herself 

-Hallucinatory terrain has been cast by Naomi -- Whitmer can certainly see it, but it’s hidden from everyone else for the moment 

-The spell has Leah’s eyeballs on her plate, make the periphery of everyone’s vision The Wild Lands, Naomi served beautifully upon the dinner table -- half Hannibal, half body of Christ 

-Dr. Halloway is a powerful asset to the university? → Naomi said that Fleur offered her some sort of job 

-”What can you do that’s better?” 

-Adrian knows the game he’s playing

-He is going to be an elder scholar -- has received some special honor. He’s been tapped for the Bestowing, a secretive ceremony, very spooky secret, a closed practice

-Dr. W is on our frequency (can hear us communicate over the telepathic bond) 

-Dragging Leah through the mud 

-Cass mentioned that we were invited to dinner with Dr. Cunt -- said Ezra still has his job at Helix 

-Dr. Whitmer knows secrets…has always seemed to know things she shouldn't

-Cyrus works in collection -- procurement for the library 

-Johanna does budget management for the schools -- on the faculty and staff side 

-Cass implying nepotism to further drag Leah 

-Adrian getting tapped for the Bestowing has changed the wedding date 

-Dr. ESTER Whitmer (first name reveal) 

-Whitmer is doing some fuck shit, we feel like we’re going to pass out, everyone can see Naomi’s spell and everyone is scared, the shadow version of everyone lifts their chins and covers their eyes, freezing them. Whitmer is the puppet master, she tried (and failed) to get DN and we can actually see DN!!!

-Namoi grabbed DN’s hand 

-Whitmer is slowly looking less human, almost like DN 

-She sounds like the Coralogia (multiple voices I think?)

-It is game time, girls

Naomi: “You don’t understand what you did to me.” 

Whitmer: “What happened to you was unfortunate, but we can fix it still.” 

Naomi: “There isn’t fixing…this…” (DN is becoming scarier) 

Whitmer: “You haven’t…she has to consume.” 

Naomi: “So she can live like the rest of them?” 

Whitmer: “So you can be like us. So you can lead.” 

Naomi: “Oh, that sounds like a bad deal.” 

Whitmer: “Sad to see an intelligent mind go to waste.” 

Naomi: “You could have avoided all this by being honest with me for two seconds.” 

Whitmer: “You understand that we can’t let you do as you wish. You’re too much of a risk. If you choose not to honor the path that’s been set for you and disregard The Grove, and its tending, we will have no choice.” 

Whitmer: “Let us guide you. We must. You cannot escape the whole. And you need to feed.” 

Naomi: “You need me. You’re going to need to make a better sale than that.” 

Whitmer: “What is it you want?” 

Naomi: “Nothing you can give me.” 

Whitmer: “We are capable of…impossible things.” 

Naomi: “Like siphoning off the divine magic of my entire family?” 

Whitmer: “Things you wouldn’t believe.” 

Naomi: “I am so sick of being spoken to in riddles. You could be doing a lot better and you are simply not.” 

Whitmer: “Then lead us. Let me show you the truth.” 

Naomi: “Show me.” 

Whitmer: “Are you sure you want this?” 

Naomi: “Do they get hurt?” 

Whitmer: “Collateral damage.” 

-Whitmer has taken control of the hallucinatory terrain -- has manifested The Grove. She has let the shadows go except for Adrian. We see the trees. We hear the heartbeats. There is a big, expansive central tree. Its roots expand out and also lift it off the ground so one could go under it. The tree is writhing? 

-The mind is like a grove. 

-Maybe the mind is A LOT more like a grove than we thought, in a literal way

-The central tree has an echo of divinity, but doesn’t seem to divine in and of itself 

-There is connection between this Thing and the reflection pools 

-Naomi is…praying! But not in the normal way :) 

-We are stumbling into dangerous consequences 

-Dr. Whitmer is in her Other Mother Era 

-She is DROOLING a lot 

-She’s expending a lot of power to do what she’s doing right now 

-We get the familiar feeling of waiting for the static shock 

-We are extremely close to the Root, many things could happen. We feel like we’re being pulled apart

Whitmer: “It's a shame, really. To waste such a valuable mind. One who was to become like us. But if this is what will convince you…so be it.”

-Her jaw has unhinged entirely and she has chomped down upon shadow Adrian’s head 

-She has consumed his essence

-Slurping 

-Dr. W chomped him in real life too 

-DN IS DROOLING! FERAL!! Blood in the water!

-The Main Tree shivers and quakes with the consumption of Adrian, makes a scary ass sound 

-Adrian has slumped down into his food 

-He has been K I L L E D?!

-We tried to revivify him, but needed to hit a nat 20, did not, and we couldn’t bring him back. Still trying to help

-Whitmer straight up ATE his soul 

-Cyrus has seen this happen before (the soul munch -- smunch) 

Naomi, to Cyrus: “You knew that that’s what they were going to do to me?” 

-Whitmer had an excess of divine energy that receded -- unclear if that’s her stopping channeling the magic or digesting the divinity from the smunch 

-The Tree -- a hive mind? You know everything but you’re dead? Being able to harvest the knowledge of the trees in the grove? 

Naomi, to Leah: “Are you okay with this?” 

-No real response from her 

Naomi: “You deserve better.” 

-DN has grabbed Leah’s shadow from The Grove, Naomi can do whatever she wants with it 

-Naomi showed her what happened, what we saw Whitmer do 

Whitmer: “Don’t waste any more precious minds.” 

-Cass has pulled a gun on Whitmer: “I dare you to try.” 

-Rolls for initiative have been called 

Cass

Naomi 

? 

Whitmer 

Viv

General Family 

#dnd #campaign diary

[kirkebyurquhart7]

hermes pochette kelly 2

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[maraczeks]

soul thread pt 2

#dhdjdjdndjjd #tina as a person who's not a functioning person 😭 #dec 25 2020 #tinas so nyc but not at the same time #HDJDJDJ my sister just said this whole movie is a drug trip HELP #it's true tho #tina speaking in third person is actually the most natural #LITTE CHAINSAW #god i love tina #i just !! love her voice #no you don't understand i love her voice so much 😭 #like . the character is so tina but it still don't feel right #JUST SWITCH BRO #animated nyc. 🥺 #there's only 30 min left to cry i'm scared #is that actually tina hissing i'm laughing #why is 22 hissing so funny to me #tinas laugh >>> #i'm so obsessed with her it's sick #confused what was there to cry about #bc.. it was rlly cute and sweet but not emotional #like inside out. i cried #watching the interviews now #tina saying introvert sarcastic bossy so true #i love tina so much #but can you imagine the rest of the cast finding out she was gonna be in it 😭 #why is she so obsessed with coal mines HELP

[backslashdelta]

pick a fob album and assign a glee character to every song

Hi! Thank you for this ask! I am going to actually answer it this time!

I'm picking American Beauty/American Psycho because I've already tried this with two other albums and failed, and this is the one that I managed to figure out and be sort of happy with the answers lol

Irresistible -> Quinn. This song just gives me skank!Quinn vibes. It's the "I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end" and "I love the way you hurt me" and "too many war wounds and not enough wars" and "You're second hand smoke / I breathe you in / but honey I don't know / what you're doing to me."

American Beauty/American Psycho -> Santana. "I think I fell in love again / Maybe I just took too much cough medicine" gives me Santana trying to deny her feelings for Brittany vibes. I feel like she'd just vibe with this, like she's gorgeous but she'll fuck you up, you know?

Centuries -> Rachel. "Some legends are told / Some turn to dust or to gold / But you will remember me / Remember me for centuries" and "And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name" and "I am the opposite of amnesia" PLEASE try to tell me that Rachel Barbra Berry would not listen to this song and let these lyrics go right to her head. This is her SONG.

The Kids Aren't Alright -> Blaine. "And maybe I bit off more than I could chew" and "And in the end / I'd do it all again / I think you're my best friend" and "And your love is anemic and I can't believe / That you couldn't see it coming from me / And I still feel that rush in my veins / It twists my head just a bit to think / All the people in those old photographs I've seen are dead" COME ON BLAINE WOULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND HE WOULD HAVE SO. MANY. FUCKING. FEELINGS. You cannot convince me otherwise. It would physically pain him and he would love it.

Uma Thurman -> Sam. "I can move mountains / I can work a miracle, work a miracle / Ooh, oh, oh, I'll keep you like an oath / May nothing but death do us apart" Sam does everything with his whole self okay, he is all in and he will commit and he would do anything in his power to keep those commitments, and I think this would resonate with him because of that.

Jet Pack Blues -> Tina. It's the "When the city goes silent / The ringing in my ears gets violent" and "I think our hands were just that close / The sweetness never lasted, no" and ESPECIALLY "Did you ever love her? Do you know? / Or did you never want to be alone?" I think Tina loves herself but struggles a bit with being alone, and I think this song would really make her feel those feelings.

Novocaine -> Puck. "I will always land on you like a sucker punch" and "Don't mind me, I'm just a son of a gun" and "I'm just a problem that doesn't wanna be solved" et cetera. In my mind, Puck is someone who has a hard time thinking he's good enough, and this song has a lot of lines that he would really be able to relate to.

Fourth of July -> Sebastian. "I said I'd never miss you" and "I'll be as honest as you let me / I miss your early morning company" and "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it / I just got too lonely" and just... if you know, you know.

Favorite Record -> Brittany. This just sounds like a song that Brittany would play for Santana when they're broken up but she wants to get back together. "You were the song stuck in my head / Every song that I've ever loved." And that's that on that.

Immortals -> Jesse. "They say we are what we are, but we don’t have to be / I’m bad behavior but I do it in the best way" and just. Immortals. Jesse fully seems like the kind of guy who could be just full of himself enough to start talking about being immortal; not literally, but metaphorically. About how he's so great and will leave such an impact that it will remain forever, you know? This is sort of the same reason that Rachel for Centuries.

Twin Skeletons (Hotel In NYC) -> Finn. This is very Finn-post-graduation feeling lost and directionless. "And honey I only appeared so I can fade away / I wanna throw my hands in the air and scream" this feels very much Finn spiraling, showing up to NYC to find Rachel living her best life and then just ditching, not knowing what to do with himself. "There's a room in a hotel in New York City" yes Finn, yes there is, and it's the room where you beat the shit out of Brody, asshole.

#FINALLY this ask took so long omg but it was very fun ty #glee #fall out boy #fob #abap #quinn fabray #santana lopez #rachel berry #blaine anderson #sam evans #tina cohen chang #noah puckerman #sebastian smythe #brittany pierce #jesse st james #finn hudson #look at that I didn't even assign Kurt anywhere #mine #ask #blangstydays #my opinions

[nanowrimo]

Author Interview: Jean Hanff Korelitz on Plotting

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. In author and NaNoWriMo supporter Jean Hanff Korelitz’s new novel The Plot, a failing author steals an unused idea for a bestselling book with deadly results. Today, we asked Korelitz some questions about how she came up with the idea for The Plot—and her approach to plotting a novel:

Q: How did you go about plotting this novel? For example, did you outline it or refer to any popular plotting resources like Save the Cat or Hero with a Thousand Faces? Or do you trust a more improvisational approach to writing and plotting? Or both?

A: I’ve actually never heard of either of these resources. They sound a bit suspicious, like that computer, EPICAC, in the Kurt Vonnegut story of the same name, who churns out years of ready-made love poems for its lovelorn programmer. It was my favorite Vonnegut story, but I’d still want to steer clear of that input/output when it comes to my own creativity. 

For me, a plot usually begins with a “What if” question and finding a way through what happens next comes from thinking it through as it unfolds. What makes sense? What makes too much sense? What is unexpected? Sometimes you get it wrong and have to go back (as I did, once, during the time I was writing The Plot, but that just shows you’re paying attention. Your reader isn’t stupid and doesn’t wish to be patronized (thriller readers in particular are intent on figuring it all out before you’ve made up your mind to reveal the information), and they’ll be the first to tell you how early in the story they solved your big mystery. 

I usually know about 60 percent of what I’m going to write before I begin a novel, and my own feeling is that if the author isn’t at least a little bit surprised, herself, as she’s writing the book, it transfers to what’s on the page. That distinctly stale worked-out-in-advance feeling is just what I’m trying to avoid.

Q: Was this novel influenced by the plots of any other novels?

A: No, although elements of the story have certainly appeared in other novels. Plagiarism? John Colapinto’s About the Author, for one. Tapped out professors of creative writing? Michael Chabon’s Wonder Boys. Creative self-doubt? There’s an entire sub-genre of Stephen King’s oeuvre about that. I’m already seeing a bit of “Doesn’t this book sound like…” questioning on Goodreads and Amazon. The specific books and movies that have been mentioned are way off, but you can describe most things in ways that make them sound like most other things. I don’t think these particular questioners have read the novel, but if they do read it they’ll realize that they’re actually demonstrating one of its arguments: most ideas are not original, and should not belong to any one writer.

Q: While writing this book, you must have put yourself in the shoes of your main character. Do you think you’d ever steal a genius idea for a book if you knew it would never be used?

A: I wouldn’t, but only because I’m squeamish by nature and I’d be terrified about that degree of exposure and disapproval. But, like most artists, I also understand that stories run underneath the ground of our collective experience, and we all dip into them, whether we’re aware of it or not. 

The real question is: At what point does a collective story become the individual property of a person or an artist? Who’s going to seriously accuse Jane Smiley of “appropriating” Shakespeare when she wrote A Thousand Acres, or Charles Frazier of stealing from Homer when he wrote Cold Mountain? A contender for the 2020 Pulitzer Prize for Drama was The Inheritance by Matthew Lopez, which openly adapts Forster’s Howards End to contemporary New York City. This is a normal, even laudatory practice, which artists fully understand. 

But to help yourself to the specific plot of a recently deceased author who never completed his book? I don’t know where the line is, exactly, but I’m pretty sure that’s over it.

Q: Throughout The Plot, several characters posit that writing can’t be taught. As a writer, do you agree or disagree?

A: Let’s just say that I’ve long felt there’s a limit to what can be taught. On the other hand, I have many friends who have benefitted from time in MFA programs and writing seminars, and my husband teaches poetry writing at the college level, I think rather effectively. I didn’t go the MFA route, myself, but I did take a creative writing class in college, and I learned something very important in that classroom, which was that I was allowed to make things up. It seems so obvious, but in my own case, I required someone to explain that to me, and I’m grateful to this day that my teacher did.

Q: What plotting advice would you give a beginning writer?

A: Read bad books (in addition, of course, to great books!) and ask yourself why they’re bad. Then, when it’s time to write your own novel, don’t do those things. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. I just wish more people would do it.

Jean Hanff Korelitz is the author of the novels YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN (adapted for HBO as "The Undoing" by David E. Kelley, and starring Nicole Kidman, Hugh Grant and Donald Sutherland), ADMISSION (adapted as the 2013 film starring Tina Fey), THE DEVIL AND WEBSTER, THE WHITE ROSE, THE SABBATHDAY RIVER and A JURY OF HER PEERS. A new novel, THE PLOT, was published on May 11th 2021. Her company BOOKTHEWRITER hosts "Pop-Up Book Groups" in NYC, where small groups of readers can discuss new books with their authors. www.bookthewriter.com

#nanowrimo #writing #amwriting #plot #camp nanowrimo #writing advice #by nano sponsor #jean hanff korelitz #the plot

[marshmallowfin]

Drag Race season 13 first impressions and vibes:

I do this every year and I know no one cares but here are my unwanted opinions.

Kandy Muse: Her reputation proceeds her...in a bad way. I've seen how hateful she can be online and I just can't look past it; I can just tell she's gonna annoy me until she goes home. The look however was cute and the lipsync was fun, I can tell she's talented. I wanna try and view her without bias but it's gonna be tough.

Joey Jay: I was excited for her during the promo but couldn't get past the entrance look. Really? The panty was cut too low cut, the feathers were cheep and falling apart, the hair was supposed to look wet but it just looked a mess, like she didn't have time to dry her hair before coming. Just came across so unpolished and because I only got to to see her for like a collective 15 minutes I was just unimpressed. Lipsync was unimpressive, Kandy really let her have it, the only thing I remember was her punching her tiddie and the feathers falling off all over the stage.

Denali: The look was so right, head to toe, but that contour was so rough it was distracting. She seemed fun, I can see her succeeding. Again, only getting a couple of minutes with her just really left me wanting more, it felt lacking. For someone who was on literal ice skates she was pulling some impressive stunts I honestly thought she might have the lipsync but I'm not mad at the Lala win. I'm honestly just really neutral on her. I did like when she flashed us, it's really the only thing I remember from the lipsync. (Also the repeat song? Hello? Iconic Coco Montrese lipsync from season 5? I clocked it.)

LaLa Ri: The look: pedestrian, didn't fit her in any way and was just so basic it was almost sad. Wish it were a full pant and the jacket was tailored to her. Also not everyone is able to wear those flat little wigs, wish she had teased it up. Her vibes? Her smile? Stunning. She seems so warm and friendly and kind. I want her to succeed but the ONE TIME I got to see her she looked... unimpressive. I don't remember a single think she did in the lipsync not gonna lie...

Symone: fully obsessed during the promo, so beautiful in and out of drag and her sense of style is so interesting to me. Entrence look was a little on the simple side but effective. She's also from the same area is me so I know people who know her and are fully obsessed. One of my tops for sure. The lipsync was good but I really thought Tamish let her have it. Not mad she won but I would have made it a double win. (Maybe after a night of just okay lipsyncs I'm grasping at the only one that made me excited.) Also, nothing to do with her but she's Gigi Goode's sister and Gigi is for sure talented and I really liked her for the majority of her season but she's made some choices in the have been confusing at best; I worry Symone might share some of those opinions. Here's hoping that just my paranoia.

Tamisha Iman: she came across as cookie cutter pageant girl (not that there's anything wrong with that) in her promo so I wasn't really excited for her. Very pleasantly surprised. She walked in in that red power suit and long black hair TIDDIES OUT: I was shaken. She also seems to just radiate good energy, I'm really liking her. She and Symone had the most entertaining lipsync of the night, it felt close (I do think Miss Tamish turned the party a little hard but not enough to call it rigged.) I am a little heartbroken they made her tell her cancer story episode one, immediately after getting there, she killed a lipsync, then was sent on her way, she was amicably calm tho. I really like her.

Gottmik: Another I was SUPER excited for during promos and she's really giving it too me. The look was so interesting and flattering and the face was to die for topped off by that perfect black hair. Dead and in the ground. Lipsync...left much to be desired. The song was a bop and my jaw dropped when it started but neither of them gave me what Rumors deserved. I loved both the queens so much though I almost didn't care...almost. Also FIRST FTM QUEEN EVER ON THE SHOW I'M SO JWBDJDIBEBSKDE AND IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM. King shit never been more insane and proud to be cisn't.

Utica Queen: I CAN TELL THIS BITCH IS NEURODIVERGENT AND SO AM I!!! SAME HAT!!! I love a bitch who has a distinct aesthetic and lives on a completely different planet. Her promo look was my favorite, she's so striking and the crazy mad hatter look was EVERYTHING. Entrance look was equally crazy and somehow all worked (maybe not the strawberry but I still loved the strawberry). I thought she was so fun during the lipsync and I couldn't take my eyes off of her (again, that might be because I find her so striking) I honestly thought she would win but again the lipsync as a whole was a little underwhelming. Her sad face at the end of the episode broke my heart, this premier was a little cruel to the losers.

Rosé: not gonna lie, I was disappointed in Rosé. Her look was so crazy and cool for the promo and she came into the competition wearing a pink cropped biker jacket and panty? (The look was cute enough and I like the designer but it was so meh) The hair was lovely and I thought the missing tooth was funny, it was a shame she wiped it off before anyone could see it. I totally understand being bitter about hyping yourself up as a LIPSYNC QUEEN and a major nyc girl and so established especially compared to someone like Olivia who has only be doing drag for a year and a half..then you lose...and you assume you're going home first...I TOTALLY GET IT but the edit worked on me and I was like wow what a bitch. The only person who has claimed to be nyc royalty I actually vibed with was Peppermint, I think it's like an instant turn off for someone to say they're the best whatever of nyc. (Not that I dislike nyc girls, just the ones that claim to be hot shit.)

Olivia Lux: Sweet summer child. Precious baby angel. I found her so cute and charming and silly in her promo and she came in in that VELVET (?) HALF PINK HALF YELLOW GOWN WITH THE ROUGING and that BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that looked so good again her sink and the long as ponytail and the fucking waves like a designer Barbie fresh out the box, I'm living. Another one of my favorites, the energy is just so right and so there. Had my 2nd favorite lipsync of the night and I was so proud of her for besting Rosé, someone she clearly looks up too so much. I would LOVE for this bitch to win but I can tell she's gonna be a Miss Congeniality.

Tina Burner: I can tell this one is gonna annoy me. Again a nyc royalty claim which is an instant minus, the look was not it (I love the designer but the look was so wrong), the hair hat was fun in concept but that red hair just didn't look right on her, she was definitely giving me sexy hotdog ketchup and mustard fantasy, and I don't know why but her face is just kinda scary to me?? It like makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I didn't really like her in the promos either, she just comes across as really full of herself. I'm like instantly getting the worst vibes. I have seen people online saying she's really funny and turns the fucking party but I found the lipsync boring and hard to pay attention too. I've seen so many people saying she's IT so I want her to prove me wrong, make me eat my hat.

Kahmora Hall: So insanely beautiful, a WOMAN, how DARE SHE. She's our current reignings sister so she has huge shoes to fill and I'm ready for her to fill them. I actually kinda liked her lipsync, she was doing the damn thing in a gown which is impressive. Wish I had gotten a little more of her. I'm sorta neutral on this one too, nothing from her promo or literal 15 minutes if screen time really impressed me nor turned me off of her.

Elliott with 2 Ts: The second she said she was a "housewife with a secret" I was sold. Something about that instantly endeared her to me and have not been able to stop saying it since. I thought the red two piece was nice and the cropped jacket was fun but the hair was not right. I find her so pretty in like an alien way. I honestly thought her lipsync was the best and I found myself drawn to her but it's so hard to tell with more then 2 people. Promo look was very like cool mom and I vibe.

As a whole...a very underwhelming premier, especially after the last seasons. Seemed really rushed and unnecessarily cruel to the losing girls. Especially telling them they're all going home then saying they're not but they need to choose one queen from them to go home...I'm so worried they're all gonna take one look at Utica and be like 'get this weirdo out of here', if a single person picks her to "go home" I'll scream and cry and piss on the floor.

#rupaul's drag race #rpdr #rpdr s13 #marsh #kandy muse #joey jay #denali #lala ri #symone #tamisha iman #gottmik #utica queen #rosé #olivia lux #tina burner #kahmora hall #elliot with 2 ts #this season premier just didnt do it for me... 😔 #long post

[emilieautumnarchives]

Attention Deficit Delirium Interview (11/30/2009)

Original Link - Part 1 || Part 2 last accessed: 1/3/2022

Emilie Autumn’s Personal Asylum by Bryan Reesman

[Emilie Autumn, the lady in white tackling issues in black.]

One of the most original musical artists to emerge in the ’00s, vocalist/violinist/ performance artist Emilie Autumn is a force to be reckoned with. Over the last three years she’s become a hit in the Goth scene of Germany with her catchy and confrontational music, and now she is building up a cult following in America. Her highly acclaimed third album Opheliac came out in 2006 and was just reissued in the States, and she has also released EPs with new songs, live tracks and remixes; a double album of classic violin pieces (Laced/Unlaced); and a book (the forthcoming The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls) about her personal experiences grappling with bipolar disorder.

It’s taken her a decade to arrive here. Not that she hasn’t been busy. Following her 2000 classical release On A Day… and 2002 solo album Enchant, Autumn’s mainstream buzz grew while she recorded on and toured behind Courtney Love’s America’s Sweetheart album in 2004. She’s also recorded with Otep, Billy Corgan and for the Metalocalypse soundtrack. Now she’s really making her mark.

[The deluxe US reissue of Opheliac.]

It’s hard not to think of her as Goth given her Victorian image, bright red hair, neoclassical style and dark and risque stageshow, which includes four provocatively dressed women called The Bloody Crumpets representing different aspects of herself and every woman, from the saintly to the sinful. Listening to such Opheliac tracks as the manic “God Help Me” and “Liar,” beautifully disturbing “Gothic Lolita” and entrancing, beat-driven “Swallow”  — with themes spanning self-mutilation, sexual abuse and suicide — it’s hard not to make the connection. Even her violin solo during her NYC gig in October was heavily distorted, amplified and perfectly appropriate for her moody and funny show (and completely inappropriate for the classical world from which she came).

But Emilie Autumn does not seek to be pigeonholed, nor should you box her in. Not that she minds being embraced by the Goth scene. She says she finds the scene adorable and appreciates the love she gets from it, even if she says “I am not Goth in the slightest”. She is certainly an intense interview. Autumn was such a whirlwind of ideas within the 25 minutes that we chatted that I found myself not worrying about asking for Courtney Love stories or delving further into the music because without her viewpoint and her personal life experience, she would not be the artist she is nor have the burgeoning career that she does. There is a dark sense of humor running through her work, as she grapples with tough issues. The same applies to her interviews. So rather than try to dissect her with a more in-depth intro, it’s better to let her do the talking.

[Emilie Autumn and three of her Bloody Crumpets. (Photo credit: Tina Hagerling.)]

Don’t you find it intriguing that the Goth image gets huge but the music never does? Except in Germany, of course. That’s the thing, and that’s why that was the first place where I went. I had a German label at the time, and they brought us over immediately because the word was, “This is the divine timing, you’re going to be big here now. It’s just the right thing.” I just took an adventure and decided to do it, knowing that I could go home at any time. It was great. It did happen, it did work and it was very interesting to see how what here is completely cultish is close to mainstream over there, as far as the Gothic industrial scene. It’s pretty interesting. What I really had to do at the beginning two or three years ago is just go over and prove that I was actually a real person and looked somewhat like the posters. Nobody really believes that until they see you in the flesh. I wasn’t quite as mean. I was trying. I was trying to be mean. I was trying to stick up for myself, and now I can. Then I was just trying, but that’s what the record did. That’s what the record was about.

So what changed in you during the last three years? Finding my place in the asylum to find that I could still be brutalized, but I know it more when it happens. I realize it slightly quicker than I used to. I just simply own it more now, and I learned how to tell the truth because [I was] abusively raised as a people pleaser and all the rest of that, being very shy and never being in the real world, always working for the last 20 years in the industry with people 10, 20 or 30 years older. Growing up as a classical violinist I was in a totally different world, so I never went to high school and never was 16 and smoked pot for the first time. This is the first group that is mine and that I am a part of, and that’s why it’s so important. Where does Emilie Autumn the artist end and the person begin? It doesn’t. It’s exactly the same. That’s the point. This is as real as it gets. There’s nothing that isn’t the truth. The book is entirely true. The music is entirely true. The show is entirely true. I couldn’t do this to this degree of [being] into the character and into the hardcore-ness of it if it weren’t. It would be too exhausting. I’m more real on stage than I am anywhere else in life or in singing, because here’s where you actually tell the truth. To quote Oscar Wilde, give a man a mask and he’ll tell you the truth. You put on a lot of make-up and you’re actually going to see the real person for once because God knows in daily life we rarely get to do that. There are too many compromises that we don’t even realize that we’re all asked to make everyday, in the way that you walk down the street and dress, in what you look like and how much harassed you want to be for what you want to wear. Anything. It’s not just girls. Everybody has to compromise who they are in some small way. But on stage I don’t because I’m protected. I can take off all my clothes and roll around in blood if I want to, and usually do, and there’s some semblance of security. Unless we hurt somebody, we can do anything without real consequence or any compromise because people don’t want to see compromise, they want to see theater. And for me theater is real, hence the commitment to it. This is where we get to actually be what we are. [Link to Shallot (live) by wingedzephyr] Your book and album deal with grappling with bipolar disorder, and yet you dress in Victorian clothing, which is an interesting statement considering back then we did not have the knowledge of bipolar that we do today… The thing is we don’t have an understanding today. That’s the point. The point of the record of and the point of the story arc of the book is beyond my own personal tale. It starts with me being locked up in the psych ward in Los Angeles, and then through that horrible, horrible experience needing, in order to survive it, to get in touch with this alternate reality that I believe existed before me. It’s just something that I tapped into that then became the Victorian asylum. So it’s the story of comparing and contrasting what happens between [me and] my alter ego, and through the diary entries of both of us in these two worlds learning — and at some point they cross over and you can’t tell who’s writing anymore — this is the truth. This is just what happens. You learn about what happens there — it’s all very accurate — and you learn that there’s not much difference between then and now. And that’s the point. It wasn’t planned this way, but in the end you see the social criticism that not a lot has changed, and that’s fucked. For example, who’s the lab rat now? I go to my shrink and he puts me on lithium, and I say, “How exactly does this stuff work?” He says, “We have no idea.” Because he knows enough just to be honest. We have the understanding that I sincerely study everything I can about these things because I’m fascinated with the fact that we can be genetically born to where our brains just fuck us up. We’re built with a ticking timebomb.

[Emilie in the "Enchant" days. Perky Goth?]

In the medical world, bipolar is considered a terminal illness because three out of four people are going to jump out a window or do something, so it is expected that you’re going to kill yourself. That’s why I was locked up to begin with. Then it just goes on from there. It’s about how you’ll never be taken seriously again once you’ve been prescribed a prescription drug. It’s about how once you’ve actually been locked up it’s all over for you. This is not about self-pity. This is about taking back the power of not just me but anybody who’s had these issues or anybody who even understands these issues or anybody who’s even curious about it. My ultimate revenge is making this into something that can pay for my fucking tour bus and making this my job and making it fabulous to [the point] where now everybody wants to be an asylum inmate. That’s the ultimate irony. In real life, this is the last place you want to go, and everybody now wants to be a part of it. That’s my revenge.

[Victorian asylum babe Emilie Autumn: “If you’re going to call me crazy, I’m going to make crazy awesome.”]

Have you ever seen the film King Of Hearts starring Alan Bates? He plays a Scottish soldier in World War I who goes into a deserted French town to disarm a German bomb. He finds that the local asylum inmates have escaped and are running things, but they’re more sane than the people who are waging the war. That’s the point. Two things. The question of who’s actually crazy here. Let’s focus on the Victorian asylums for a minute — it’s the whole underbelly of that time. We’re not here glamorizing it. It’s very, very sarcastic in that we’re showing the underbelly of it — what really went on and how it’s revolting and disgusting. Again, very little has in fact changed, not only the mental health care system but in every other way that women are thought of and treated in any of it. And not only that. There’s a new plague now, isn’t there? It’s cyclical. It never really changes. These are my stupid opinions, but all we can really hope for is to make it slightly different this time around, so it’s at least interesting. So that at least we learn something small, at least we have a slightly different creative experience, but the fact is it will come around again. It always will, it always has. So we’re going to have the same wars and the same issues, and I believe that is the way of the world. It’s not even me; history kind of proves that. It’s not like I came up with this brilliant idea. We’re trying to show the dark side of things, and essentially just telling the truth. That’s all it is, and that’s all the book is. What changed between three years and now in my own personal way of living is simply that I stop being scared of what anybody else thought, and this [taps on CD case] was the first exercise in that.

[The full cover image from the reissue of the deluxe edition of Opheliac.]

This came out of ultimate tragedy, and that basically became my tool to say fuck you to anything and not give a fuck what a fan thought, what anybody in the audience thinks, what anybody thinks of that, because if I do compromise a note of it then it won’t be a real, and ultimately they won’t appreciate it because a fan doesn’t want to be catered to. We think they do, so we do it, and we try to give them what they want, but that’s not our job. Our job as theater people or real musicians or any pompous thing we want to say we are is about giving something new and saying, “I’m changing things,” or, “I’m doing something different”. If nobody comes to the shows, if nobody buys the record, I’m going to do the exact same thing in my living room. I’m going to make the exact same music. I think why I have any fans at all is because they’re well aware of that, and I think they also relate to it more because if you try to pander to somebody you’re going to get a percentage of people that are into that. But if you do something really real — the fact is that none of us are that special or different — if I’m saying this and it’s honestly true, there are going to be a lot of people that that’s also honestly true to. That happens with anything that we say about us that is real. In a funny way, it’s the same as if a band writes a song that’s about a girl’s name — a song about Helen, [for] all the Helens of the world, that’s going to be their song. So all suicidal, bipolar people of the world, this is the place for you. This is a home for you. There’s something for everybody. And there’s something for people who like to be entertained and watch girls do burlesque acts and hang from the ceiling or sing a nice song. We don’t discriminate.

Over the last two decades we’ve had more female artists deal with serious issues like sexual abuse or sexual assault, including yourself, Fiona Apple, Amanda Palmer, Kristeen Young and Tori Amos. Twenty years ago you wouldn’t have had so many people addressing these issues. At least there is that change. And it’s sad because there are a lot of things that are taboo even now, but the thing is rape is kind of old and sexual abuse of a child is kind of old. There are a lot of issues honestly to do with mental health that are completely un-talked about because they’re completely not understood at all and nobody wants to talk about them. Nobody wants to talk about cutting yourself. Nobody wants to talk about suicide. Sexual abuse is somewhat acceptable because a lot of people do it. At least one of four women is raped. Those are the ones that report about it, that we know about, and I would know. That’s reality. So we’re all like, “Oh God, we need to deal with this thing.” And we do, but nobody wants to talk about what goes inside these places and nobody wants to talk about what it is actually like inside your head because it’s terrifying. 

Clearly I’ve got all of these things I want to tell people, but I’m not into preaching. I think that’s the most ineffective way possible. The most effective way to get your thing out there is through entertainment and comedy and sarcasm and subliminal all of that. If you have a good message, that’s the way to do it. Telling people, “Let’s deal with sexual abuse!” That’s bullshit. The way to actually reach the most people is when they don’t even know what hit ’em, and they can laugh at it. We laugh at it and make it ridiculous and make it a show and make it entertainment. And making it something fabulous and making something that’s supposed to kill me, making that the thing that’s keeping me alive, is just sweet irony. And what’s better than that, honestly? You’re embracing the madness. Exactly. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t exist. If you’re going to call me crazy, I’m going to make crazy awesome. That’s what’s going to happen. I will own it. “Yeah, I’m fucking nuts. Come to my show and watch it and enjoy. And guess what? There’s a place for you because we’re all fucking nuts, whether we have a bottle that says so or not.” That’s why it’s for everybody. Everybody understands something that goes on here if they open up enough to really listen to it.

[Fashion, Emilie Autumn style. Here she models someone else's creation, but she designs and makes clothes, too.]

What is the most personal song for you and the most emotionally draining? The song I can die after writing, the song that makes me think should I even write anything anymore — not because it’s the best song in the world but because it says everything I ever need to say about anything — is “The Art Of Suicide”. That’s it, done, I’m out.

No pun intended. Pun intended. No, everything is about me jumping off a bridge. But making it hilarious. The most emotionally draining song is “Gothic Lolita,” so much so that we’ve never performed it.

If one listens to that song without really paying attention to the lyrics, it doesn’t sound too dark. Which is the point. It’s supposed to be a thing that you can listen to when you’re driving in your car. It isn’t out to attack people, but for the people who have that place within them, I hope it will resonate in some deeper way. But all I want to do is make good music. I choose if it’s going to be about this or that, but as a musician the first goal is just to write good music and play good music and be a musician — me having my ways to tell the truth about things, about myself essentially. This is a way to do it. This is a way to say everything that you’re afraid to say in real life.

If you were grappling with bipolar during the time you were a classical musician, how did the strong discipline required in that world conflict with your emotional state of mind? The discipline has never been a problem because even when I’m in a manic state…it’s a sad thing and is the reason why a lot of bipolar people have been asked, “Would you become normal if you could?” Even though their lives are absolutely miserable by this thing, a lot of them say no because they’re afraid to give up the manic side, which is the first thing to get treated. You’ll never be entirely not depressed, but you will not have extreme highs where you are just uncontrollable. The problem, and for me as well, is that I need to be medicated otherwise I couldn’t do my job and I would be dead, but a lot of my music is written or has been written in a manic state. I now need to find a different way to write that doesn’t come immediately from either an insanely depressed state or a manic state. That’s just a lifelong adventure to try to find that place, and it’s fine. We all have our something. I’m not any worse off than anybody else. Everybody’s got something to deal with. It’s just that I’m louder because I have a microphone. That’s all.

[Emilie Autumn live in Frankfurt, Germany, 2007. (Photo credit: Matthias Gawlista.)]

It’s funny because there are some people who think all artists are tweaked to some degree to be able to do what they do. I have “strange” habits, often time work late at night and keep unusual hours, but that’s the way I’m the most creative. The thing about working in a creative field where essentially you are your own boss — which I am at this point — is that most people don’t want this job. It’s much easier — and I respect it and envy it sometimes — being told what to do and having a 9-to-5 [job] that is structured. You go home at 5 and have weekends. I don’t go home. I don’t stop working at five o’clock. I don’t start working at nine o’clock. I don’t get weekends off. And that’s a great thing, but I figure we’re all built for what we’re doing, if we’re lucky enough to find it. I don’t think most people would want to be doing what I’m doing. Thank God because we need the people on stage and we need the people to be in the audience. One is not better than the other, but it takes both of us to make a show happen.

[One of the many Emilie Autumn EPs on the market.]

It’s great that you can be so forthright about it. I’m just over faking it. It became too exhausting and it’s a waste of time, so either I tell the truth about everything, which is what the book is… Everybody thinks they know, but as MTV says, “You have no idea.” We joke about that all the time. They think they know how crazy or how dark or whatever, but the real story is very different and nobody’s prepared for it. I’ll probably get shot for saying it — which probably sounds very self-important — but we don’t like to talk about abortion, we don’t like to talk about self harm, and it’s all in there. And honestly, I just don’t give a damn anymore. If it ends badly I don’t care, it had to be done anyway. So it’s worth it to just not be afraid anymore. The only thing I’m afraid of anymore is myself, so at least we’ve narrowed it down. Because that’s the only thing that can really hurt me now.

#2009 #interviews

[syntheticpoetry]

Constellations

Summary: When the text comes in from Tina, Kurt can hardly believe what he is reading. When Blaine doesn't respond to his messages he thinks his heart may actually stop beating. AO3 link || FFN Link

Author’s Note: I was watching Shooting Star and overcome with a million emotions, mostly having to do with the fact that we don't get ANY conversation or scene with the NYC gang during this insanely emotional episode. So this is my take on it. A little bit of canon, but a little divergence for the Klaine scene I desperately wanted to see as well as Kurt, Santana, and Rachel’s reactions. I promise there is a happy ending in this through the rollercoaster of emotions that is Blaine's mind during this absolutely horrifying ordeal. Big thanks to @roxymusicandlayers for beta reading this for me!

“And I am lost, so lost, but you’re the constellations that guide me.”

_________________________________________________________

“Alright guys, start texting and tweeting, whatever social media you use.  Let everyone know what’s going on here.  But don’t say where we are, shooters have smartphones too.” 

Blaine hears Mr. Schue’s urgent whisper as though he is underwater.  The words sound muffled and heavy with the depth of the room’s collective terror embedded into every upturned syllable.  Despite his best effort to keep the hysteria at bay, they know he is just as frightened as they are.  Blaine bites his lip and remains so still that every muscle starts to quiver, threatening to give way.  The burn feels familiar, like the ache he gets from lifting weights in the gym with Sam, and he pushes through the pain as though it is just one more rep away before they can finally rest.  

Any slight movement will betray his feigned composure and he knows the domino effect of his breakdown will begin.  Around him the gentle, frantic padding of fingers against glass echoes around the room like a discordant symphony of additional gunshots.  He knows they are not as loud as they actually sound in his head.  But the panic in his chest still swells.  He hugs his knees tighter.  The small movement is enough to send the first wave of tears down his cheeks.  He bites his lip harder and tries to focus on the pain of teeth against flesh instead. 

‘I should do what they’re doing.  Pick up your phone.  Keep it together.’

“Blaine, it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay,” Sam reaches a hand out and the touch of his fingers against Blaine’s forearm sends thunderbolts up his spine.  “Where’s your phone?” 

Blaine opens his mouth to speak and instead gasps loudly, the breath shuddering on the sharp intake of air.  He claps a hand over his mouth and squints his eyes shut as more tears come.  His mistake was moving at all.  Statues never cry.  He stretches out one leg and wrenches the phone from his pocket to see it at 1% battery.  With one hand pressed firmly against quivering lips, the muffled whisper comes convulsing out in staccato bursts.   “It’s— it’s almost— d-d—” 

He can’t bring himself to say the word dead.  As though breathing life into it will somehow fulfill some unspoken prophecy, and he is bound to doom them all by simply uttering it.  Sam squeezes his arm and whispers back, “Do you want to text anyone with my phone?” 

Blaine nods frantically when his phone screen finally turns to black.  He gingerly places it on the ground in what feels like slow motion, taking extreme care not to make a sound, and extends his hand out to Sam.  He thinks back to Mr. Schue’s garbled words and wonders if they really are underwater.  

“I can’t get in touch with my mom,” The subdued sound of Marley’s panicked sobbing ricochets off of the walls. “She won’t respond!  What if she— there’s no back way out of the kitchen!” 

While Kitty and Jacob whisper empty reassurances Blaine stares at Sam’s phone in his hand like it is a foreign object.  He knows what he is supposed to do with it, but the phone numbers in his mind are written in invisible ink.  

‘I can’t even remember my parents’ phone numbers.  Oh god, what if we die in here.  What if I never see them or Cooper or Kurt—”

A flash of hands clasped tight, buried deep into a mattress fills his vision.  The breathy whisper of his own name makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.  His trembling thumbs begin to fly seamlessly over the keypad and he has never been so thankful for autocorrect before.  Just as he hits send the dull pounding sound of running footsteps in the hall crescendos until—

Rattle! Rattle! Rattle!

The jittering of the door handle makes them all collectively jump as though this is just another lesson in synchronisation for their next competition.  Blaine’s heart slithers its way into his throat, and he drops the phone.  It slides away from him and bumps into Sam’s ankle.  Sam’s leg jerks and sends it careening across the floor of the choir room where it settles underneath the piano.  The entire scene is something straight out of a shitty comedy movie that feels completely unbelievable, like the chances of something like this happening are one in a million.  The irony of the realm of impossibilies reaching its peak today is not lost on him.  The entire room stills.  Blaine wishes that stupid ticking of the metronome in the center of the room would. Just. Stop.  It feels like a countdown.  

Smash!

Blaine jumps again and presses his hand harder to his mouth to suppress the sound that begs for escape.  He hugs his knees closer to his chest in a one-armed embrace and tries to will the demon perched on his shoulder whispering unpleasantries to vanish.   The burn settles in again.  Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Artie struggling to sit himself up against the cabinets.  He wants to move, wants to help him; but when he tries to unhook his arm from his knees, nothing happens.  He continues spectating as Sam begins lifting Artie up by his shirt until he’s sitting comfortably upright.  Then he witnesses the moment of pure panic in his best friend’s eyes right before Sam hisses frantically to Mr. Schue, “Brittany doesn’t have her phone, she’s in the bathroom! She’s all alone!” 

___________________________________________________

“Oh honey, no goddamn way!” Kurt snatches the remote back from Rachel.  “Santana and I were here first, you don’t just get to come in and throw a hissy fit about having a bad day so you can put on whatever you want.  How do you know we didn’t have a bad day too?” 

Santana averts her attention from the television to watch them instead, positively beaming.  Their fights are honestly her favourite thing to watch.  Always far more entertaining than whatever trashy reality shows she and Kurt had been immersing themselves in lately.  Today it had been a marathon of the first season of Rock of Love. 

“Well, considering you’re both in the exact same spot I left you in this morning I seriously doubt it,” Rachel huffs loudly and sinks down into a creaky wicker chair, arms folded tightly across her chest.  Kurt rolls his eyes at her and changes the channel back before the gentle buzzing of his phone across the coffee table distracts him from Rachel’s moodiness. 

“Go make some popcorn and I’ll let you vent— oh,” Kurt stares down at his phone.  

“What?” Rachel lowers her arms, keeping them folded across her stomach still, and exchanges her scowl for curiosity. 

“Sam texted me, he usually never…” The rest of his sentence trails off once he opens the message, leaving them to stare.  He loosens his grip and drops his hands against his thighs, the phone resting precariously on his open palms.  After the fourth quick scan of the text the message still does not seem to sink in. 

Sam 12:36 p.m. I love you so much and I’m so sorry about everything that happened I’m so glad I got to see you at the wedding you’re amazing and deserve everything in the world I’m so proud of you don’t ever settle for anyone less than perfect because that’s exactly what you are 

‘This can’t be for me.’

“Kurt, what is it? What’s wrong?” Rachel leans over, her palms on her knees now, her brows furrowed in concern. 

“What’s Trouty mouth saying?” Santana snatches the phone from him.  He does not even protest her invasion of privacy, his brain is too busy slicing through the fog to decrypt the reasoning behind the message.  She frowns and looks between the screen and Kurt a few times.  “Did I miss the part when you and Sam got together? No way my gaydar is that far off.”

“There’s no way that’s for me.  He obviously meant to send it to someone else.  Do you think he meant it for Mercedes?” Kurt plucks the phone back from her hands to reread the message before typing out a reply. 

Kurt 12:44 p.m. I don’t think you meant this for me? 

“What did it say?” Rachel pipes up and cranes her neck to try to read over Kurt’s shoulder.  Kurt tilts the phone to show her.  “Ooooh, wait did something happen between them at the wedding? Wasn’t he there with Brittany then though?” Kurt shrugs and scrolls through his contacts until he lands on Mercedes’ name. 

Kurt 12:50 p.m. Okay maybe random question but is there something going on with you and Sam again? I got the weirdest message from him just now 

Mercedes 12:55 p.m. ???? What did he say? 

Kurt takes a screenshot of the message and forwards it to her. 

Mercedes 1:00 p.m. Omg nope nothing happened with us at the wedding.  Maybe he meant to send it to Brittany? Has he not replied? 

Kurt 1:02 p.m. Nope

Tina’s name flashes across the top of his screen in a drop down banner and he taps on it.  “Oh my god.”  The words come out small and frightened as he reads the message.  “Tina just said—”

“She just texted me too,” Santana replies in an eerily despondent voice that Kurt has never heard her speak in before.  It suddenly makes the situation feel ten times more real.  For once, she’s silent as she stares down at her own phone, frantically typing out a text.

“Me too,” Rachel whispers.  “Oh my god, do you think everyone is okay?” She stands and crosses the room, pacing by the window as she rereads the text over and over again.  “Kurt, have you heard from Blaine?”

‘Blaine.’

Kurt cannot find the words to respond to her as he taps on his favourites list.  Blaine’s name is still at the very top.  He had told himself he had never gotten the chance to adjust the list and remove him after their breakup.  Really, he never had the heart to erase his name.  The sight of it now makes his throat constrict.  He tries to speak but no sound comes out.  

“Brittany isn’t texting me back.  Neither is Sam,” Santana borders on hysterical as she grips her phone between her hands like it is her only lifeline.  Kurt mimics her action as he composes a text to Blaine. 

Kurt 1:10 p.m. Tina texted me are you ok

“Has anyone heard anything from anyone else?” Rachel asks.  Neither of them respond. 

Kurt cannot look away from Blaine’s name.  The feeling washes over him suddenly and intensely, dragging his logical mind into the riptide of superstitious terror as he recites the name silently like a mantra.  If he looks away, he might lose him forever.  It doesn’t make any sense to think that way.  He knows it.  But it provides some tiny semblance of comfort and control as he tethers himself to it and waits for a response.  Two long minutes pass by and still nothing comes. Tina’s name and phone number fills the screen, swallowing Blaine’s name, and he finally finds his voice, the words frantic and choppy as he taps multiple times to decline the call, “Someone call Tina, she’s calling me.  Someone call her so she stops calling me!” 

The sight of Blaine’s name again anchors him down once more and the rest becomes background noise. 

'Please be okay.  Please be okay.  I’m never saying goodbye to you, you idiot.  Just text me back.  Please.’

__________________________________________________________

“Mr. Schue, I have to get to her! I have to make sure she’s okay!” 

Blaine watches, horrorstuck, as Mr. Shue and coach Beiste struggle to restrain Sam.  He is thrashing wildly in their arms, his quivering voice crescendoing past the panicked whispers that everyone else has adapted.  It isn’t until coach Beiste whispers something in his ear that Blaine cannot hear, and Sam locks eyes with him that he finally settles down.  Blaine exhales sharply, lungs blazing and heart thudding at the base of his throat, and realizes he must have been holding his breath at some point.  Sam slinks back over to their corner and sits beside Artie, his head hanging down in defeat.  Blaine tries to parrot back the same empty promises Sam had whispered earlier, wants to tell him everything will be okay even though he is not quite sure if he believes it himself, but nothing comes out.  

“Maybe she’s with Tina,” Artie whispers hopefully to Sam.  “Maybe she isn’t alone.”

Blaine takes note of Artie’s lack of confidence and how he is careful not to speak in absolutes.  But maybe he is right.  He thinks about the word maybe in the context of his life.  Maybe Kurt did not want to admit how much their hookup at the wedding had meant.  Maybe he and Kurt really are back together.  Maybe Kurt still loves him.  Maybe he will see him again when this entire ordeal is finally over with.  ‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a pretty good word the more he thinks about it.  ‘Maybe’ feels like hope.  ‘Maybe’ feels like a second chance.  

The sound of a door opening breaks through Blaine’s inner dissection of the word, and he looks over just in time to see Mr. Schue skulking out of the door.  It reminds Blaine of one of Finn’s video games about spies and stealth.  Maybe they will get another chance to play it together after this.  He clings to that and tries to focus on the upcoming Friday night dinner with him, Burt and Carole as Marley’s sobbing continues to grow louder.  Her gasps for air further enforces his previous belief.  Maybe they really are underwater. 

It isn’t long before the choir room door opens again and a collection of cheerleaders rushes in followed by Mr. Schue.  Blaine watches Sam vault off of the cabinets like a spring loaded toy to pull Brittany into his arms.  She has never looked so terrified before.  But there is no sign of Tina amongst the red and white uniforms.  Blaine forgets about the maybe’s floating around his brain like buoys at sea and feels like he is drowning again.  He twists his head away and stares down pathetically at the blank screen of his cellphone, willing it to magically come alive.  

‘How could I have forgotten to charge it? I used to lecture Kurt about this all the time.’

Maybe it is a sign.  Maybe it is a metaphor of sorts.

He does not know when Artie began recording them with his phone, but the start of Marley’s hiccuped confession fills his lungs with water again.  “In the bottom of my desk drawer,” She breaks off to compose herself.  The volume of her crying sends off alarm bells in Blaine’s head and he tunes out the rest of her message.  He looks towards the hastily strewn barricade against the door.  Maybe it will prove to be sturdy, but it does not feel like enough.  The continued tapping of fingers against glass screens fills in the gaps of silence between the metronome and scattered crying when Artie pans the camera onto Blaine.  It feels like a slow dance towards a death sentence.  Maybe the rhythmic ticking really is a countdown. 

“Blaine, do you want to say anything to anyone?” 

He drops his face down into his knees.  Maybe he should take the opportunity to leave behind one tiny fragment of his life before he becomes another forgotten statistic.  But Artie has already redirected the phone towards Sam and Brittany when Blaine looks up again.  Maybe he has missed his chance.  ‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a cursed word now.  Like something sinister and evil and concrete.  Maybe he has inflated the word with too much hope causing some sort of rebound effect.  Maybe—

“All clear!” 

The words break through the hurricane in the choir room and suddenly everyone is getting to their feet except Blaine, who still feels sluggish and dazed.  Sam and Brittany approach him and hold out their hands.  He stares at their open palms, trembling and sweaty, and his body acts before his brain does to grasp them.  They lift him up like he is made of helium despite the lead shackles he envisions around his ankles.  He becomes aware of Sam’s arms around him and shakes away the anchors in his own arms to return the embrace.  The burn is still there, leaving his muscles fatigued and weak, but he cannot bring himself to let go now that he has latched on.  

“It’s okay, it’s okay.  See? We’re okay,” Sam whispers against his ear before Blaine realizes why he is taking such extra care to console him.  The sound of his own sobbing, punctuated by rattling intakes of air, reminds him why he tried to remain so still at the start of all of this.  He buries his face deep in Sam’s neck to muffle the sound and feels the addition of Brittany’s slender arms around both of them, leaving him sandwiched in between.  The shuffling sound of footsteps towards the door leads to the eventual end of the embrace and Sam jogs over to the piano, crouching down to retrieve his phone before they join hands and follow everyone else on the way to the parking lot.  

“Blaine, I have a charger in my car.” Sam says as he raises his phone to his ear.  Brittany slips her hand away from Blaine and he hears her whimpering Santana’s name before seeing she has also pulled out her phone.  Blaine laces his fingers with Sam and clings tightly as they weave their way through the crowd towards Sam’s car.  “Mom, hey I’m okay.  We’re okay.  We’re outside now— please don’t cry, I promise I’m okay.” 

When Sam finally pulls his hand free, Blaine thinks he might just float away.  It takes Sam only a few seconds to wrench open the car door and jam his key into the ignition.  “Blaine, here— Wait, Kurt’s calling my phone.  Mom, let me take this, and I’ll call you right back? Blaine’s phone died, he has no way to— yes, I’ll be right home as soon as I can.  I love you too.” 

Blaine’s fingers are numb by the time Sam has pressed the phone into his hand.  Kurt’s frantic, breathless voice breathes life into them, and he curls them tightly around the device just before it is about to fall.  “Sam! Brittany called Santana and said you guys made it out.  I can’t get in touch with Blaine, is he—”

“It’s me,” Blaine exhales and the volume of Kurt’s sob makes his knees shake.  He leans against the car door but slides down it as Kurt continues to cry loudly in his ear.  

“Why weren’t you answering me?” Kurt sputters out, his voice traversing the length of his entire vocal range like a warmup. 

“My phone died, that’s why I texted you with Sam’s—”

“You didn’t say it was you!” Kurt’s voice rises three octaves.  Blaine presses the phone closer to his ear like it will actually close any of the distance between them.  “I thought it was a mistake! I thought it was Sam! Why didn’t either of you get back to me on— Blaine, are you crying or laughing?” 

“Both, I think,” Blaine responds airily between watery laughter.  In the timespan of less than two hours he feels as though he has mastered every element associated with human emotion.  The fire in his lungs has been reduced to embers as Kurt’s voice continues to blanket him.  The laughter should feel inappropriate, but it feels like letting go.  It feels like a release.  He finally feels grounded.  “The stupid phone— it was insane— I dropped it and Sam kicked it under the piano— if you saw it— I’m sorry, I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing, but it just feels so good to hear your voice again.  I thought I was never going to hear it again or see you or—”

“Don’t you ever, ever, write a message to me like that again!” Kurt interrupts his rambling and suddenly the laughter becomes lodged in his throat.  Maybe he had been wrong to assume all of those ideas about them earlier.  Maybe Kurt’s next few words will feel like an actual gunshot wound.  

“Kurt, I’m sorry, I thought—”

“I told you I’m never saying goodbye to you,” Kurt parades through his apology, trying to sound bold and certain.  Blaine can see the hairline cracks in the foundation as Kurt wavers through the next command.  “Don’t you ever try to say goodbye to me like that again, do you understand me?” 

“Understood,” He replies with the remnants of his previous laughter, the solitary sound coming out strangled and relieved all at once.  “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You’re sorry you—” The way he says it sends shivers down Blaine’s spine.  It is the same breathy exhale that had been reserved for their night in the hotel as their hands sank deeper and deeper into the mattress.  “Blaine, you must have been fucking terrified, how can you focus on me?” 

“Because I love you,” Blaine says simply.  For once there is no anxiety or fear to cage the confession.  It flies freely over the soundwaves and he does not worry about the reply because he already knows the response without Kurt having to say it.  But Kurt says it anyways. 

“I love you too.” 

‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a second chance again.  ‘Maybe’ feels like a promise. 

#klaine #klaine fic #blaine anderson #kurt hummel #glee #glee fic #shooting star #S4E18 #constellations #new directions #sam evans #Blam #brittany s. pierce #artie abrams #school shooting drill #angsty but with a happy ending #klaine romance #oneshot #syntheticpoetry writes #roxymusicandlayers #klaine hurt/comfort