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#thought i was gay but now i'm like
pinkd3mon · 6 months
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Bandee is the favorite son (actually is Kirby but it's a secret)
Day 6 of drawing kirby shitpost for every day of October
Bonus old sketch:
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red-flagging · 15 days
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💛 seb/lewis :-)
(kiss fic prompts!)
a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)
Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.
It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.
The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.
His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.
Lewis
just landed
getting my luggage now
hows it so freaking cold here
The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.
Sebastian
I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)
He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.
It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.
His phone buzzes again.
Lewis
outside i think
Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.
The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."
It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.
"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."
Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.
"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"
Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.
"Lewis?" Seb asks.
Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.
Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"
Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.
It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.
"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."
He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.
"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.
Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.
When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.
He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.
"How long have you been awake?" he asks.
Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."
"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"
"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."
Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.
"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.
"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."
The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.
Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."
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thelaurenshippen · 1 year
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desperate hollow
me / alan foster / dorothy / @vintagecowboy / saintseneca / squirrel flower / @julykings / me again
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uncanny-tranny · 3 months
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This might be a very specific experience, but I think a huge reason I didn't even realize or even want to be bisexual was specifically because of this intersection of my manhood and the way it's viewed
There's this toxic merry-go-round I find myself riding where I am so desperate to not be one of those guys to a woman that it winds up being an inability to connect to women* because of this hyperpolicing I end up doing. For the longest time, I repressed myself because of this impulse, and I find it interesting. It's interesting seeing how this aspect of patriarchy impact me in such a way that I was too afraid of myself and the people around me.
As a trans man, I felt the pressure to prove both that I'm not one of those men, but also, that I wasn't this predatory trans man, that anything I did was in service to proving why I should (or should not) continue to exist. Simultaneously, I am both not a man, but also a predatory man because of my transness, a threat to be contained. I felt this before as somebody who is multisexual, but it somehow affects me more in the aspect of how I interact with women* and womanhood* from the outside.
There isn't an overarching theme to this post, a message about what you can do. It's mostly reflecting on my experiences and thinking about where my impulse to think myself as guilty until proven innocent plays into how I've started viewing myself. I don't want to overgeneralize, but I've seen this expressed by many a trans man*.
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m-kyunie · 1 year
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"'Noah's are immortal', huh? I wonder who came up with that crap...?"
episode 77 supremacy
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angelicartemis · 6 months
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Edit: HELP I FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS??? It's from the 3rd of this month- 💀 It's so stupid but sure I'll share it-
It's so criminal that I fell for this man and that he causes me to have gay thoughts at 3 am- 😔
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Like what do you MEAN I suddenly want to make out sloppy style give him a big kiss on the lips? To want to be hugged by this 7'4 man? To possibly be smothered in love and affection by a crazy silly billy like him?
AUGH- CRIMINAL I SAY, CRIMINAL-
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Elizabeth Marvel as Rita Calhoun in Law and Order: SVU | 17×12: A Misunderstanding
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love how much perspective i've got with doctor who. i knew i loved the tenth doctor in a lot of ways, even with how his serious and emotional scenes can rip me into several pieces and set me on fire and then burn my ashes too. thought i was just a girl loving a fictional man but 15 years later i'm sobbing in the least heterosexual ways possible experiencing tennant's doctors as an ND traumatised gay aspec trans man
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roguenancy · 1 year
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Too much of Robin and Eddie share a secret love for Rocky Horror that they try not to/don't want to share with Steve because they think it will be 'too much' for him, leading to him A) begging one of the two (or both) to show it to him or B) daring to watch it on his own so he can try to understand why it's so important to him. Both of which typically end with some sort of sexual awakening slash realization for Steve that he later has to recount as he thanks the other two for blessing him with this knowledge and go on to woo Eddie.
Not nearly enough of Steve and Robin literally work at a video store in small-town Hawkins, where there is next to nothing to do, so they've taken it upon themselves to use their employee privileges to try and rent out every video in the store under the guise of trying to educate themselves in order to be able to better help customers leading to regular weekend plans of crashing at Steve's, playing movie after movie. Robin, ever the film lover and child of parents who are still stuck in the 70s, has heard vague things about Rocky Horror but never really knew what to really expect. Steve's film illiterate but game for pretty much anything, especially if it means another night hanging with his best friend. They're planted with zero expectations beyond the fact that, supposedly, there's some sort of singing and soon find their jaws on the floor. They go through every up and down, seduction, innuendo, shuffle, and time warp hand in hand and argue over who has the better legs, Janet or Frank-N-Furter, where they end in a fit of resigned giggles on the floor of Steve's living room and agree to make this a repeated experience.
After, for every week that they have a copy in stock (which is most weeks if we're being honest, considering it is Hawkins), their movie nights start with Rocky Horror and end with whatever their new pick of the week is. Singing in the car on the drive to work/school become incredibly familiar, and Steve prides himself on remembering all the words. It becomes a comfort film of sorts, something that reminds them of warmth and giggles and the safety of Steve's floor where they had laid hand in hand. They whip it out whenever one of them has a bad day or needs a pick-me-up.
And Eddie? Eddie was never prepared.
He's a movie fan, for sure. A closest theatre nerd and not-so-secret music nut, but he's also busy. He's on his third senior year, and he's trying hard to scrap by. He's dealing, working to earn cash he can't find anywhere else but really needs because he and Wayne barely get by as it is. He's running Hellfire, which meets weekly, and has to plan and plot in between campaigns to stay ahead. He's in a band, rehearsing several times a week and playing once a week. Plus, renting movies adds up— it's a luxury not everyone can afford to do regularly, and since he can barely sit still half the time anyways, it's not something he dives into unless it's a rare movie night with the guys or a special trip to the theatre.
Needless to say, weekend movie marathons held at the expense of Steve and Robin's work accounts is a rather nice addition to his life. One that takes a turn when the pair of chaos twins announce they have something a bit different than their usual foreign or action movies. Which wouldn't have been so bad if not for the fact that Steve had suddenly started refusing to meet his eyes while all Robin did was stare and squint like she was trying to figure him out.
It takes him 5 minutes to recover after the film ends to talk again. Then it takes him 10 more to realize he was just played like a fiddle by Robin and Steve in order to see if he'd be okay or not about everything they just witnessed. (He wants to be annoyed, but unfortunately, he gets it. Looks and feelings can be deceiving, and not everyone you think could be open-minded and safe prove themselves to be such.) There's no sexual awakening on his part since he's long since figured that part of himself out, but there is realization. A slow warm one that lets him think that maybe, just maybe, he's in even better company than he thought. They don't elaborate on anything beyond the fact that they both apparently, "kind of like it," but it doesn't go unnoticed by Eddie that Steve always looks a little red in the face while Robin's glassy-eyed or that both of them know every piece of dialogue and lyric.
It doesn't take long until the Rocky Horror duo becomes a Rocky Horror Trio, when Eddie, in an attempt to show the two just how okay he can be with everything, stumbles upon a listing for a live showing with apparent audience participation a few towns over. That weekend, memories are made with a trip through Indiana, Steve's car radio on full blast, and a euphoric feeling that comes with the sense of belonging that none of them had a word for until then.
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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months
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so the eikichi-centric kuwabara fic is going well
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lyxchen · 6 months
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Sometimes i really hate how gendered the German language is. Cause the term 'partner'? That you say so people don't immediately know what gender you partner is? Yeah you can't do that in German. I say 'Partner' in Germany and people are gonna assume it means male partner because that's the male version of that word. If I wanted it to be accurate I'd have to say 'Partnerin' (the female version of Partner) which really defeats the whole purpose of having a genderless term for someone you're in a relationship with...
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wigglebox · 2 years
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hello i am having thoughts TM
and yes, these are cockles thoughts, and yes it’ll probably get a little tinhatty, but i don’t care. we’re doing what we’re doing tonight, aren’t we?
anyway, first of all, a label doesn’t define a relationship. 
okay that’s out of the way. 
onto what i think it’s going on. 
i think... 
that in the course of his marriage and experimentation and all that, over the years, it's mostly been with another women, by vicki's own words in her book. it feels like that was the trend. [...] ETA: i have changed this sentence to take out indications in the book that he may have been with men. i typed it odd and realized i implied that. [...] idk if it ticked enough boxes for him. labels mean different things to different people personally when presented with them. 
time goes by, meets jackles. things hit off. a friend mentioned men in woods sounded tentative, and i agree, and i’m sure plenty of y’all felt that too. i am also one of those little monsters that thinks it’s about jackles, personally. 
like he did not intiate anyhting in that poem. something happened in that poem for it to be included at the end of that section of love, especially when the first poem in that section is about someone else making, i assumed vicki, happier than misha made her feel. i’m free for different interpretations on that, since i’m admittedly not that great with poetry lol.
so the last poem to me, MIW, is about someone who makes him feel happy.
but god as my witness i don't think he thinks a a few trysts as part of a threesome or whatever with a dude over the course of his marriage and then one relationship that's really deep in several kinds of ways with one other man is enough to convince misha he's anything but straight with some fluidity thrown in there.
i think he's been opening up more, however. i and a lot of others, maybe you reading this was thinking that too. that cas and pride month post, wearing pride merch outside of pride month etc etc. 
one thing from his thread that stood out to me was this 
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i think he needs to talk about it. Or wants to talk about it even. last week, or so, there was an article published by Natalie Fisher. in there she talked about that little cas essay thing that we always hoped he’d publish. in there he said this:
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so i don’t think he thinks he’s queer enough to get a queer label or talk in these spaces. 
before I go on, i just want to preface this by saying i do respect where he wants to land. if he says he’s something, by golly i’ll salute and say ‘yes sir’ because it’s his life and that’s what he wants. but straight doesn’t mean the frat bro down the road who has a massive pick up truck and will constantly tell you that it’s only boobs babes and beer in his brain. like that’s not everything. 
there’s a no mans land between what someone can perceive bisexuality or pansexuality to mean, and what they perceive straight to be. i don’t know his definitions. i don’t know how he looks at these things. but we know he’s been kissed by another man, been on a camping trip with them, skinny dipped in a ‘shallow stream’. we also know his other little quips over the years that have indicated more or less why we thought he’d land in Queerland USA. 
clearly that didn’t happen. and personally, and i’m not saying this to invalidate him, but personally i think what he needed is to talk to people about this. idk maybe he’s doing it IRL and we’re naturally not privvy to it. but again, i go back to this part of his tweet
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and how he brought up even bisexuality in a little comment about being introverted or extroverted. he didn’t have to do that. and he didn’t have to make the other comments too. 
i think he wants to discuss it, or wanted to. 
but his quip [adhd is a curse] flew too close to the sun. i absolutely do not think the media would have picked up on it if we weren’t parading it around everywhere. but i also fault the media as well, publishing these articles about him without speaking with him, even getting facts wrong about his personal life. everyone has skin in this horribile game so we may as well own up to it. there’s no different between a reporter assuming what his words meant, and us assuming what his words meant. 
so again, i do think that he wanted to talk about it but it’s been a hard conversation to have. 
and now idk if we’ll ever get it. 
the press got ahold of it and once it hit people magazine, i think this is what happened [warning, tinfoil on!]:
1) he now realized he couldn’t really talk about it anymore. 
2) i truly think those articles were a little scary and was getting out of hand. the articles named his children and his ex wife. he has to make sure they’re okay. his kids are getting older, they’re online now. idk if they have twitter or anything but peers may, and peers may see his name trending and click on it wondering what’s going on. protect the family. 
3) any confirmation that he considers himself slightly off the path of straight now opens up people to pry into his private life. you know what’s just beneath the surface of ‘is misha bi????’
cockles shit. you don’t think the press can find this stuff? someone posted about them living together after that tweet last summer, based off of information they had received [which, unrelated but slightly related, very not cool at all wtf]. you don’t think a journalist won’t find misha’s poly comments? his wife’s book? dig up old gossip on jensen of all people? and i bring him up especially because that man has already had gossip columnists accusing him of being gay since early in his career. there were gossip blogs claiming j2 were a thing so much — why would misha want him to go through that again? takes maybe a night of digging through things and receipts. we documented that shit well. 
so that leads me to 
4) protect friends, but especially jensen. like okay again, very VERY tinhatty, but if we’re taking an objective eye to this, it’s clear that even if they’re just friends, they’re pretty damn good friends. with all the jokes over the years, all of our own receipts and speculation, all of the past context a journalist needs to dig up rumors that jensen is, once again, ~*gaaay! oooohhh!!!*~ that’s not great news. 
and from there that’s how Dee gets roped into it, that’s how THEIR kids get roped into it. they’ve had to deal with these allegations before, and they’re pretty private as a family. don’t want to drag people through that. 
so
if misha decided to yoink a label that he didn’t feel comfortable yoinking in the first place, but decided to yoink a queer label without meaningful discussions with people about his sexuality, like he clearly has on his mind, then that would have opened up family, friends, family OF the friends, his whole life up, others’ whole lives up...
and we know what hollywood does to men when this happens. 
no, i don’t think misha intentionally sabotaged himself in the name of cockles or whatever, but i do think this is a multi-faceted thing. 
he’s straight, by his own definition. but it still doesn’t feel like the whole story. and all we can really do is just keep holding hands with him and hope one day there are things he can tell us.
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theinfinitedivides · 8 months
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SRK!Don girlies pack it up and take it home we're all f*cked after 84 years we finally get official news about Don 3 coming in 2025 or so and there's uh. i can't believe i'm saying this this is actually coming out of my mouth but there's no Shah Rukh
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gunpowder-gemini · 7 days
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FINALLY have wrestled my brain into sitting down and watching Good Omens and it is, in fact, very good!! Incredibly good!! Absolutely in love with it ♥️♥️♥️
It does, however, hurt terribly
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dimonds456 · 9 days
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can someone just take Mike's twitter account away from him already. i'm so fucking tired.
like dude just shut the fuck up.
Anyway. I vote we just ignore him forever actually and we do whatever we want with canon now. These two don't deserve it. And no I'm not just talking about this incident.
There's more. [x]
LOTS MORE. [x]
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eerna · 7 months
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@ everyone who mistakes my Jacin for a lesbian: you make my life brighter
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