#though you wouldn't know because you play the victim and refuse to admit you're exactly the same as her WOULD YOU.

[francis-writes]

How about some general headcanons for Cazador in bed? What he's like, what he's into etc

Cazador NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Unfortunately, he doesn't care much about your well-being. When you're done, he goes to do whatever and you can either still lay there or go away.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It's a tough question for two reasons. First, because of his vanity Cazador wouldn't be able to choose just one thing. Second, since he's a vampire and can't see his reflection in a mirror, he barely remembers how does he looks like.

In your case... hmm, still a tough choice. Perhaps your thighs because of how soft they are to squeeze and how easy it is to left bruises on them. Or maybe your neck because of the delicious blood he drinks from it. Or maybe your hands for how they caress his body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Depends on the mood, he likes both marking your body with his cum and finishing inside you (especially that he can't get you pregnant).

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

His main dirty secret is that Cazador likes when you dominate him. He would never admit this to anybody but he enjoys when you humiliate him, give him commands and take complete control in the bedroom.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He had a fair share of lovers so he definitely knows what he's doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He doesn't have a preference, it really just depends on his whim.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Cazador can be humorous during the act but it's usually in more malicious tone, for example if he's mocking you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's an elf so he rather can't have body hair except for on the head (which is why Larian finally gave up on giving him a beard which I terribly regret)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

I'm sorry to say but sex with Cazador isn't romantic in the slightest. It serves only fullfilling his desires and gaining maximal pleasure.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He practically never does it. There is no need, if he's a mood he can always call you or one of the other spawns.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

What kinks he DOESN'T have? BDSM in different configuration (he's a switch), edging, overstimulating, bondage, biting (with sucking your blood), knife play (with carving your skin), etc. Anyway he's open to try almost anything.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He's bedroom. He likes to take you proper, without haste, without servants who could bother you and in comfort of his own chambers.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Obedience. Even if you dominate him in bed, he desires your loyalty and complete submission in public. He wants you to treat him as your Master when other spawns look.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Sharing. He's very possesive and he wouldn't let you have any other lovers. If you're out of his mansion, he gets angry if you even talk to others. Of course, you lure victims for him but you can't choose your lover or stay with anyone for longer than needed.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes to eat you out, sometimes to dominate you and make you squirm and sometimes when you're in control and sit on his face.

He won't refuse a good blowjob either, though it isn't one of his favourite things to do.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I wouldn't exactly call it rough, rather desperate. He fucks you as if his life depended on it and whether he does it a bit slower or faster, it's always full of passion. He devours you like a starving men.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

No. Just no. He doesn't want to take you in haste, he needs to savour the taste of your body. He looks for finer things in life and for him a quickie is a sexual version of going to McDonald when you can enjoy a 5 star restaurant.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes, as I mentioned he is up almost to anything and your safety doesn't concern you more.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a powerful vampire lord so yeah... you may pass out and he would still have energy for more.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I will said for the third time, he would eagerly try almost everything to spice up your sexual life and he probably has a chamber full of different toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's a menace. He loves to tease you until you pull him to the bedroom and even there he likes to get you wet and turned on and then left you unsatisfied out of pure malice.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Cazador is rather quiet in the bedroom, you can only draw sighs or sometimes quiet moans from him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Pretty average. Not too pong, not too thick but enough to fill you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Rather big, he enjoys all the luxuries and pleasures of the world and sex isn't any exception. He likes to fuck a few times a day but if you are too tired he may reluctantly find someone else for the night.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As I remember, elves doesn't really sleep, they just meditate? But in general he rests for a moment.

#cazador szarr x reader #cazador x reader #cazador szarr #bg3 cazador

[david-watts]

imagine yelling at me because I used the dryer for like... fifteen minutes because ‘you’re wasting power don’t you care about the environment’ but the second it’s a little bit cold they have to have the aircon on full blast on so hot that it starts making me feel dizzy and get full-body pangs telling me that I’m overheating get cool immediately, but no they can’t just wear a jumper

#I'm in the coldest fucking room of the house with a broken window and the back door has to be open from eight am til eleven pm #because the dog 'might want to go out' #and I am not wearing a particularly warm jumper and I'm still debating taking it off because it's a little warm #probably not helped by the fact I had to stand in there for a bit #I'm just saying it's not that cold what the fuck #I'm gonna gloss over the fact that she likes to yell at me for destroying the environment because she doesn't actually care #case in point the times I have told her actual facts and she yelled at me because 'those aren't true' #she votes liberal because she thinks scomo is a 'nice young man' #but god she yelled at me at least thrice over the summertime for having the fan on 'because it'd wear out the motor' #guess which fan is running in her bedroom that will not be occupied until eleven pm tonight #and then she yelled at me because I wanted to have the aircon on because I don't remember I was really hot #anyway my point is she's being a huge fucking hypocrite and I'm not even allowed to talk back 'because that doesn't work' #actually sometimes with a gaslighting narcissist you do need to challenge those fucking behaviours #though you wouldn't know because you play the victim and refuse to admit you're exactly the same as her WOULD YOU. #also she vacuumed today being upset at me for not doing it #because apparently I didn't do it literally yesterday even though. she saw me doing it. #it's almost as if anything I say is immediately dismissed because what do I know #not like I do those jobs every week and she has never done it in the entirety of the time I've lived here #and yet she still acts like she knows the best way to do it #I hate it here I just wanna bash my skull in with a rock