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#those boys changed my life
kindaorangey · 17 days
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once again screaming crying throwing up about the fact that infinity train was prematurely cancelled despite being contracted for 5 seasons.
#infinity train#like i really really want all 8 seasons. & i really really want present day!amelia and all that would come with that (e.g. hazel and grace)#but i feel like i would be so much more content with the show's cancellation if we had the bow on top of it all that was the amelia season#because she was the villain from s1#the fallout of her villanry births the antagonists from s2.#she appears again in s3 having moved on slightly and changed her outlook. thereby creating a somewhat optimistic outlook on the end point of#her story#and s4 shows (in parts) her descent into villany.#she's been the main reocurring presence in the whole show and her train motivation (unbearable grief) and villain arc are the most#complex the show would've handled#i truly believe that if they had been allowed to make it it would have served as a perfect ending to the show#because she's been built up for so long and because the writers would've had so much material to work with AND detail to pay attention to#it wouldve been spectacular.... and everything they wanted to explore in later seasons wouldve been so good too#(older tulip and revenge and acceptance of something as complicated as alzheimer's disease)#(and i also think it wouldve been neat for them to show us a glimpse of 40 y/o rymin cuz those boys have major issues still when they get#off the train#and so id like a snapshot of them in the future that shows they worked things out)#yeah. justice 4 infinity train justice 4 amelia hughes. i want to fuck that 60y/o deeply evil woman so badly and i need her back in my life
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thatsnotbuddies · 2 months
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Changes on our hands and on our faces, Memories are mapped out by the lines we'll trace Jack Eichel & Noah Hanifin x Laughter Lines - Bastille
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carnivalcarrion · 8 months
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do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING#absolutely unprompted#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?#is it year eight of having them? year nine?#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest#he sleeps on my ribs <3#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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even-disco-baby · 7 months
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YOU — “No. There is still a chance.”
DOLORES DEI — “You think so?” Her voice is weary.
EMPATHY — Everything about her is weary. She is the Innocence of weariness, of heroically borne suffering.
CONCEPTUALIZATION — That is the picture you have painted for yourself, at any rate.
YOU — “You looked back. That’s the memory, the moment, that I can’t stop returning to. You looked back. I had a chance, for just that moment…”
DOLORES DEI — She meets your eye, gaze still forever cast back over her shoulder. Time stops. The stars are stilled, the ocean silent. There is *nothing* beyond this memory. Nothing at all. All of infinity is contained in this single moment when anything and everything was possible.
“Oh, Harry…” She sighs, soft as eiderdown. “We never had any chance.”
And just like that, the wave of time collapses under its own weight, obliterating everything. This moment was six years ago. She is gone from here. Gone, gone…
PAIN THRESHOLD — You cannot leave. There was nothing outside of this moment, and now there is nothing at all. It’s all gone. There is no point. I’m sorry. I can’t do this any longer.
VOLITION — Please, don’t say that…
“Okay. Well, fuck me, then.”
“How would *you* know?! You gave up! You didn’t even try!”
“We *must* have had a chance, at some point… Doesn’t everyone get a chance, if nothing more?”
“How could you say that…?”
DOLORES DEI — “Because it’s true,” she says, matter-of-fact. “There is no moment in time that you can turn back to, no branching paths, no infinity. There is only what happened. I looked back… and then away.” She closes her eyes, turning her back to you.
“The moment ended. *We* ended. That is all.”
SHIVERS — A wave crashes against an unseen shore, ocean spray tickling the back of your neck. You shiver, but no one shivers with you. You are alone in this intersection. Why are you here?
“Why can’t *I* end?! Why can’t this all just stop? Please, make it stop…”
“Ended? I’ve barely even started! I got a chance to start completely over as somebody new! I don’t need you anymore! You’re just dead weight to me now.”
“No. That wasn’t the real ending. We’re a part of something so much bigger than this intersection, telling a story that encapsulates all of history! There’s *more* to this, it *means* something.”
“Then… What am I supposed to do now…?”
DOLORES DEI — “No, Harry.” She turns back to you again now, and she looks… sad.
“We were not metaphors. We were people. Our narrative was not intelligently designed. It simply followed the patterns of history, because those are the only patterns we *know.* We tried to create something new, but we failed. There is no narrative reward for our failure, no satisfactory ending. There is only the immutable past and the unknowable future.”
RHETORIC — There is no assurance of what is good or deserved or what may bring relief. There is no assurance of punishment, either. There is no assurance of anything. Not even of a future. I don’t know what to say to make this bearable.
VOLITION — Even so… As long as you live, *something* is promised. Can you live with that?
I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore…
I can. It’s enough.
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I can at least try for a little longer…
VOLITION — That’s all I ask. That’s enough.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#dolores dei#suicide tw#ummmmm haha *twirls hair*#sorry this isn’t more of the dolores saga im really trying to get back into the swing of things 😭#this is smth that won’t make it into the saga but that i was thinking about nonetheless#im not too fond of the whole ‘’dora is literally dolores dei’’ thing tbh#i feel that the mundanity is what makes their story impactful#and also just. makes it feel like somebody is kinda going overboard on projecting onto their proxy ex. lmao 😭#idk like the metaphor gets a little TOO metaphorical for me. but that’s just my onion. im an rgu fan so who am i to judge#anyway this is more my take on the harry/dora story#which is that dora was Just Some Guy and ultimately we have to live w the fact that we’ll never get the full story#because she literally exited the narrative#we can speculate about what her and harry’s relationship was like and how much of the blame is on each of them#dora’s lack of class consciousness vs harry’s violent misogyny etc etc#and like. it’s not that there’s no value in examining those things bc there definitely is value in it#in examining what patterns you DO see repeating in your life and in the world around you#that is what politics is really… examining the system and all its moving parts#but ultimately the past is immutable… our perception of it changes as we gain new context and understanding but what’s past is past#and there is no way of knowing with any certainty what the future holds#that’s where the overlap of all of these political and personal conflicts is for me#and why it comes back to harry questioning whether it’s worth it to even live#it’s about whether or not you can live with the grief of the past and the uncertainty of the future#i want to learn to live with it… to work toward building a future that i want to live in#anyway. coughs
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hiddenworldofmary · 3 months
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the boy and the heron (how do you live?)
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littloblivious · 8 months
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saw the boys almost cried made some concert friends???
#only 2 people passed out and I think just for illuminati hotties (was indeed hot)#they ruled obvi#crj might be god. I've never seen those 2 in the same room but idk#and they boys. oh the boys#NO ONE HAD SLEEVES I'm unwell#when jb took her jacket off. Well you know#the concert friends are very much young pharbs but they got a big group shoulder hold and sway going towards the end that was very touching#sorry I'm a bad reporter but the microexpressions on these boys...... cool about it hit harder this time#favor live lyric change my beloved muwah#jb told a story how she got snubbed by David Byrne and has a habit of making what could be extraordinary. ordinary#lucy messed up imperceptibly on the piano and as soon as she got to the mic she said sorry and that it's the only song she knows on piano#that and 4th something or other that if I remembered my piano playing days I would've got. jb cackled tho#everyone was respectful during letter to an old poet and put their phones away (as far as I could tell)#pb started me and my dog in the wrong key and I think that's when she talked about her old bassist from hs (in the illuminati hotties now!)#and how he predicted Max's death#to Lucy's point. not saying he killed max but he's tapped in#god. SOMETHING made Julien laugh into the mic before a song I cannot remember for the life of me what it was#will say I startled when someone threw pink carnations on stage. Lucy took it well though and the other 2 boys were out of the way yk#jb did an interesting full hand flex that seemed like a way to make and release a fist without clenching. idk but u gotta say? Real#very fun to watch her sing along to boyfriends despite how she's so so far from the mic#sometimes she snarls lyrics and she did again once and well.#ALSO no way anyone is still here but she did like a mini guitar slide during sitw trying to run from the other 2 lol#Just a light amount of smooching from lucy to pb and she gave jb a hair ruffle LMAO#trying to crystallize this one in my memory. Might make a tag for this#concert rewind 2k23
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twilightarcade · 9 months
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FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT PSOT ACTUALLY. I've adapted a few of your guys' likenesses into fiction people that I don't actually know in real life but have told my friend that I know and regularly interact with
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QTNA: Why was The Wilds cancelled??? How would the boys and girls have interacted in S3??? What would have happened to Nora & Seth when everyone found out what they did???
But most importantly: What are the ship names for TonixShelby and LeahxFatin????? And why did that woman think she was going to get away with that insanity?!?!
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moonibinbon · 14 days
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my roommate just came home and gave me $100??? I’m using it on his shoes
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crescentfool · 8 months
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never in my life did i think i need to makeout with a piece of software so badly but here we are i guess
#lizzy speaks#OK IM BEING OVERDRAMATIC AND I WOULD ELABORATE BUT I NEED TO SLEEP BUT#DO YOU EVER JUST#FUCK !!!!!!#IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO COME ACROSS A PIEC EOF SOFTWARE#i need to fiddle around with it some more but everything ive seen about it is MIND BLOWING to me#ive been waiting my entire life for this moment i think#i feel like it's funnier if i don't say what the software is. i wanna be mysterious so bad but i cannot shut the fuck up#literally been suffering through notetaking and organization softwares and im like ohh i think i finally found the one#this is the minecraft of sex i think its like wowza i can finally do all those writing projects i want to do#boys (me) don't want girls they want an organized database of notes that they can easily reference at anytime#sorry for being unhinged but like its like past midnight lol im sure i'll wake up in the morning and be like 'what the FUCK were you doing'#BUT!!! i think ill come back to this post to reblog it with like actual shit about the software when i figure out how i want to use it#i think everyone should experience joys in life. and sometimes that joy is having organized notes#bonus points if anyone can figure out what im talking about just from the tags alone i think this software will change my life#it has fucking tag functionality i literally love tags#sorry about the vocabulary but this rivals like. my love of spreadsheets. which are like. a wonderful thing i think but ANYWAY IM RAMBLING#anyways goodnight i wish you all on the dash a very lovely evening i just needed to share this because im so overjoyed right now o7#if you have a software that you really like thats changed you feel free to tell me in the tags or something :) i like learning new things
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britneyshakespeare · 1 month
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I don't even think of David Copperfield as a Victorian novel. I think of it like it's the Peanuts or the Simpsons
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asordidbarwere · 1 month
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first valentine's day in a long time that I have someone worth doting on and I'm wasting it feeling like shit about myself and my identity and everything else
#literally can't think about anything other than not feeling like i deserve to call myself trans#and how being called a lesbian makes me uncomfortable but being considered a lesbian brings my gf such joy#so if we're together wtf does that mean#i wish everything were easier#i feel like nothing compared to the transfem struggle#hatred isnt constantly weaponized against me#what right do i have to claim the trans identity at all#i hate being considered a woman but i do nothing to suggest I'm anything else#like i think i can just declare ''I'm a boy'' and have that mean shit#is there even a kind of masculinity that exists in this world that isn't just oppressive and violent#how can i say i admire those things and strive for them in front of someone who hates how it was expected of them their whole life#why am i so not okay with transitioning#why can't i do anything but live in fear#I'm going to fuck this up. i finally get to know what real love feels like and I'm going to sabotage all of it#I'm going to make them hate me and there's nothing i can do#it's just a matter of time#I'm scared that they'll go in hrt and it will make them unrecognizable to me as the person i fell in love with#and isn't that horrible of me? doesn't that make me as much of a transphobic monster as my ex#i feel like absolute shit. i wish I'd died in that car accident. i wish I'd never met someone who makes me so happy#so that i wouldn't have anything to fear losing or changing#i wish i didn't exist. i hate this whole fucking world#and also what disgusting level of privilege we all have to be giving a fuck about our genders while a genocide rages on#i wish i could wish for death but i don't wish for my gf to go through that loss#i wish i truly had nothing to lose. i don't deserve a damn thing
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heroes-fading · 11 months
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i have not cooked dinner in a solid few weeks and i feel bad about it as a partner but as a feminist yeah my husband cooks in our house damn straight i’m useless in the kitchen
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designernishiki · 9 months
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nishiki 12, 29?? 👀 i want to create chaos -squishy
sorry this was so late aghsdhahdh I always write too much and then have to whittle things down a bit so my thoughts are comprehensible
12. sexuality hc?
wellll I can pretty easily accept either gay or bi, but the way I interpret some of his actions/history/behavior/etc makes my personal view of him lean more towards gay than anything.
he’s never really shown real interest/attraction to women beyond using them as status symbols, and the whole thing with yumi made no sense (for him and kiryu both- you know my opinion on that plotpoint by now) and if I had to explain it rather than ignore it I’d have to say it was a weird half-assed excuse he came up with to explain some of his actions instead of addressing his actual issues at first.
but yeah I mean come on. have you SEEN reina. she’s cool and ridiculously pretty and goes above and beyond to care for him and others in general and etc etc etc, she was interested for YEARS and he never reciprocated At All. to me the Easiest explanation for that, whether he was aware of it or not (probably not), is just. him not really being into women. and possibly (at least at first) respecting reina enough to not fake her out and treat her like the girls that he had hang around him at the bars to look good to his superiors. in fact I think if he were to open up about all this to anyone it would be her (drunk, crying).
idk, a lot about him just sort of makes sense when you consider him to be gay and very repressed. boy’s got identity issues off the SHITS already, so it ties into that quite naturally.
29. how do you think they would be as a parent?
I think it depends on where he is in his recovery (mentally and physically) and the circumstances leading to that parenthood. similar to kiryu, I think he’d connect with orphans well and empathize with them strongly for obvious reasons. if he were to spend time in okinawa, perhaps to help him recover after The Incident, he’d be pretty closed off and prickly with everyone, kids included, at first– but honestly I think they’d help alot to get him to open up, regain trust, and enjoy life again. I don’t think he’d want to do it alone, or trust himself to, but he could end up fitting in pretty naturally as a guardian to them, and on the flip side, he’d benefit from having genuine care and lack of judgment through a tough recovery.
(I think he’d become quickly attached to riona above all else due to them sharing some feelings about their burn scars and how they look, and survivors guilt surrounding their parents)
#nishiki#asks#rambling#this was my only ask from this ask game and I was still ridiculously late agdhdshshshdhd#sorry squishy it’s not u it’s me………..#I have a LOT of thoughts about that situation of nishiki at morning glory during recovery and all that….a lot of thoughts#I mean shit having to cope with the burns is one thing but getting used to an entire limb missing potentially??? that’s a MAJOR lifestyle#change that everyone would end up helping with at least a little I think#I can just imagine him going to help the kids play baseball on the beach and realizing as soon as he picks up a bat that he doesn’t have#two hands to swing with anymore and that just sorta. breaking him#it’s reminding me of an oc of mine who lost an arm in a train/car collision and afterwards when he was having to return to everyday life#(especially before getting a prosthetic) he goes and tries to cook for his fiancé before he gets home and his fiancé ends up coming home to#find him on the floor on his knees in the kitchen with some stuff knocked over on the ground that he presumably tried to pull from the#cabinet and hold with his arm that isn’t there or something along those lines and he’s just. sobbing.#his fiancé ends up helping him out and holding things for him and all that but yeah point is I feel like nishiki would have alot of these#kinds of moments but Worse and More Often and more regarding his appearance than anything else#cause we know this boy’s already got some major self image issues#it’s very sweet to think about how he’d bond with riona and how she’d help him open up a bit more and come to terms with his physical state#long post
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year
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I think I know why I'm here actually
specifically for the girl who has gone through an uncannily similar experience with HER mr. knight and for the girl and the boy who no one sees because they're so busy. If nothing else that's why I'm at this dorm. If nothing else I know what I can do here at this time... There ARE things I can do, oddly enough. I've been put in a strange position where I can reach them and talk to them and I want to do something for them.
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megafawna-onabreak · 4 months
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Ya . . been having alot of weird feelings about being trans recently.
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