#those books are a joke

[johnslittlespoon]

i just finished the prologue of the mota book and i don't know how i haven't seen a single post talking about how after john and gale's stalag reunion, they were then separated for another four months.

my heart is aching so bad. imagine being reunited (after almost three weeks, oct 8–26th) and having that tiny feeling of 'everything is going to be okay' and then being ripped apart again for four fucking months. 120 more days of not being able to be at each other's sides.

#let out an actual pained noise when i processed the sentence #went back and reread three times to ensure i wasn't reading it wrong #johnslittlespoon mota book #<- gonna be posting stuff from the book there as i read #but yeah what in the fucking sick twisted joke #how did they not mention this in the show #also the way john is called 'johnny egan repeatedly' makes me want to put my fist thru drywall #do you think they could see each other/talk through the fence #i can't do this i rly can't #there's no way i'm not gonna write a oneshot about the second reunion that comes after those four months #johnslittlespoon brainrot #buckbucky #buck x bucky #clegan

[yaynotgaybutbi]

twt aftg famdom: Nora could just release TSC at any moment and then we would all just buy it and start reading it, it's insane

me, who has been here since 2018, has never held or read a LEGAL copy of aftg and lives in eastern europe: yeah...

#IM SORRY BUT I CANNOT JUST DROP MONEY WORTH MY FAMILY'S RENT ON THOSE BOOKS #NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WOULD LOVE TO #i have read trk a tkm in a form of hand typed google docs don't ask how i got them #for legal stuff this is a joke haha #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #tfc #tsc #the sunshine court

[mxtxfanatic]

Fandom Gripe #23: I know that fandom is in some deep denial about its treatment of female characters that are canonically involved with fan favorite m/m ships, but do y’all realize that when you disappear female characters from the narrative wholesale to push the idea that your canonically straight fav was “secretly gay all along!” you’re making several bad implications? That 1) bi men don’t exist, 2) bi men do exist, but those who have genuinely loved a woman before cannot genuinely love a man after that (therefore bi men don’t exist in practice), 3) women cannot inspire genuine love and devotion in men, therefore any relationship with a woman is “lesser” than the one they later have a man (see previous parenthesis), or 4) to acknowledge the existence of a lovable woman who isn’t a terrible person, where if a relationship previously existed, it did not end because of “incompatibility,” is enough to destabilize the present relationship between two queer men?

Because why is the tgcf fandom allergic to acknowledging that He Xuan had a whole ass fiancée that he loved? Why does no one ever seem to remember that the kidnappings and murders of He Xuan’s sister and fiancée were the final straws that sent him on his rampage, and he still keeps a shrine to them in the present-day of the story? Why is her entire existence and significance to He Xuan as a man, character, and to his character arc disappeared in favor of pushing Shi Qingxuan—the brother of the man responsible for his fiancée’s death—into that same role, as if to say that her impact on He Xuan is significant... just not when it's from her? Why does He Xuan’s life in fandom essentially begin not just after her death but because of it?

#tgcf #human gripes at fandom #anyways these are rhetorical questions because I already know the answer #i just absolutely hate it #why do y’all hate female characters so badly 😭 #especially when they ‘get in the way’ of m/m ships? #mxtx shows that woman more respect in the book than fandom does outside of it #and she didn’t even give that character a name! #simply embarrassing #i could have also talked about jgy here #but let’s be real: that man never loved qin su (or anyone) #so i did not want to include him when discussing people who are *actually* capable of unconditionally loving others #but anyways #mdzs fandom sure loves to either disappear qin su #or act as if she’s the one responsible for why their precious ‘meng yao’ can’t just hop into bed with his bros #you know? the one he killed and the one he used as an accomplice in his murder? those bros? that he so obviously loved with sincerity? #at least moreso than he could ever love a *woman* amiright? #(for legal purposes that last tag was a joke) #i also really hate the implication that he xuan had no life before shi wudu ruined it #that in fact shi wudu made his life 'better' by tying him to shi qingxuan #the romanticization of shi wudu's actions to make way for a ship is... a Choice

[nafohcnis]

Oh what a day !!!

#Direct ispiration from What A Day by Shel Silverstein #I was looking through one of the books and saw THAT POEM AND I FLIPPED OUT TO MY FRIEND CUZ IT WAS SO PERFECT.. #even though i changed literally three of those lines #the grey part was FROM THE ORIGINAL though... #trolls branch #branch #bitty b #baby branch #I guess he's more toddler branch here... whatevr! #the original poem was actually a joke because the boy's tuba wasnt playing and its cause his brother was in it. but um. not anymor. #SAD BRANCH GO! #trolls baby branch #babysbdstrbesjdhg... #trolls #dw trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #idrudis #shel silverstein poems scared me SO bad as a kid

[flo-n-flon]

"While it's fresh. I need everyone to tell me what they saw and heard, so that I can write it down. There will never be a better time."

Of all the accounts Loial gathered in Thakan'dar that day, the Aes Sedai's proved the most difficult to acquire. Those who remained were elusive, bustling around the Healing tents and churned fields. Nynaeve Sedai and her helpers, paying no heed to the fragility of Humans, were bringing back from the brink of death so many that a constant flow of barely healed soldiers and channelers shuffled toward the Travelling grounds, freeing much-needed beds inside the tents.

Moiraine Sedai would not answer his inquiries about the events at Shayol Ghul either, intent as she was on the care of a drawn, but gently chiding Tairen woman.

#the wheel of time #wot fanart #wot book spoilers #siuaraine #siuan sanche #A Memory of Light #moiraine damodred #book: wheel of time #I needed to get it off my chest #both major spoiler and major fix-it #call it the exorcism of Siuan and Moiraine's ending #I love the concept of Loial going through the camp and trying to gather as much info for his book as possible #and then hitting a wall with those two because Moiraine is not leaving Siuan's side #and when he does get her to talk she's extremely secretive about their role and Siuan keeps teasing her in a whisper #which both angers Moiraine because Siaun should be resting and makes her overly emotional because Siuan is well enough to joke #of course overly emotional for Moiraine is still fairly in-control #Loial is unsure he witnessed something he should although they merely hold hands and stare at each other in silence and disbelief

[trainwrecksys]

The way ACD had to stop SP from drawing Holmes so pwetty and described Holmes as NOT handsome just tall and lanky and lanky and tall and kind of unsettling and then over 100 years later we cast Henry Cavill as Holmes in Enola Holmes. How did this happen guys

#I know enola holmes is its own franchise #but it’s still him #unless those books described him as looking like cavill #aka like literal superman #then I have a PROBLEM to SETTLE with that author #all jokes all jokes #*piercing stare* #sherlock holmes #enola holmes #acd holmes

[benisasoftboi]

One thing I would really enjoy is if BBC Ghosts did more jokes that acknowledge the massive age gaps between the characters. They only really do it with Robin, and usually it’s for dramatic, poignant purposes, and I love those moments, don’t get me wrong - I would just also really love to see, say, a smug Thomas telling an irate Captain that he’ll understand something when he’s older

#bbc ghosts #semi related joke i cannot believe they haven’t done: a pat flashback where he hears julian talking on the radio #and makes some comment about how he wouldn’t want to be one of those poor people stuck in the house (of commons) with him #maybe there’ll be something like that in the book

[wheels-of-despair]

Draw Me Like One of Your Dwarf Girls, Eddie Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Eddie decides to work on his drawing skills, and accidentally awakens a monster in the process. Contains: Titanic references, female nudity, a brush with death. Word Count: 1.3k-ish

"Draw me like one of your dwarf girls, Eddie," you say in a sultry voice, trying your hardest not to laugh.

"What did I tell you about talking?" He pauses to give you a pointed look, since he's already told you to pipe down several times. You roll your eyes, and he returns to his drawing with a renewed vigor.

It's early 1998, and you've recently dragged your poor Eddie to a theater to see that damn Titanic movie everybody and their mother keeps raging about. All 3 hours of it. You may have neglected to mention the runtime when you bought the tickets. You owe him.

He survived, but was suddenly faced with the desire to "work on his people-sketching skills." Which of course meant it took him less than a week to convince you to strip and pose like Rose on the couch, wearing only that red guitar pick necklace he's had since high school.

You're stretched out and exposed and already bored. Two hours ago, he'd adjusted your hand a quarter of an inch this way, your knee a quarter of an inch that way, and you'd been instructed not to move.

Well, it felt like two hours, but it was really only about 30 minutes.

With nothing else to do, and being mildly disappointed that he didn't find your commentary amusing, you watch his eyes follow the pencil scratching across the paper you can't see. He's cute when he's concentrating. Tongue poking out, brow furrowed, that spark of creativity in his eye. It must be going well, because he smiles occasionally. He even giggled once. If you had to guess, you'd say it probably had something to do with a nipple. It was a little chilly.

"Just as I thought; it's a masterpiece."

"Are you done?" You'd only been in this position for an eternity.

"Oh yeah, this baby's getting framed." Ignoring you, he holds his sketch pad out to view it at an arm's length, beaming at his creation.

"Can I move now?!"

"Yeah, you can move."

You stretch your stiff limbs and get up off the couch, reaching for the flannel he'd discarded on a chair nearby, buttoning a few buttons as you pad over to where he sat admiring his work.

You place a hand on his back and look over his shoulder at the figure on his sketchbook. You're confused, but you can't take your eyes off of it. You can't think of anything to say. Until…

"What. The FUCK. Is THAT."

He looks up innocently and says, "What? I was just following instructions. You kept talking, figured I better listen."

You have no words.

You do, however, have a fucking BEARD in Eddie's drawing.

He sits there, looking up at you with a proud grin on his face, waiting for you to react.

You stare at him wordlessly, still in a state of shock.

Until he laughs at you. LAUGHS AT YOU.

Your brain begins to swirl furiously, until it flashes one word: KILL.

You clench your fists, and he begins to sense that you're not going to start laughing with him. His eyes widen, and he jumps out of his chair, vaults over the coffee table, and stands on the couch.

"I can explain," he says quickly, trying to sound calm, steps unsteady on the cushions.

You can explain too. Explain to the responding officers how one Edward James Munson met his gruesome demise.

"It's Tolkien."

You ignore him and advance slowly, like a predator stalking its prey. Eyes unblinking. Blood boiling. Steam probably coming out of your ears. He jumps off the couch as you approach the coffee table.

"It's from a book!" He's walking backward, holding out his sketch pad like a lion tamer with a chair.

His eyes bulge as he hits something solid. You've backed him into a corner. Literally.

"Tolkien! Middle-earth! The Hobbit! Nerd shit!"

Nerd shit won't save you now, Munson. You narrow your eyes and prepare to go in for the kill. He panics.

"Dwarf women have beards! It was a joke! I'm sorry! I love you!"

The "I love you" makes you pause, just as you were about to pounce and slash your prey to pieces. The hell?

"What?" you ask, giving your head a slight shake in confusion.

"Dwarf women have beards. In the books. You said to draw you like a dwarf. It was a joke. I thought you'd know what it was."

"You thought I'd know some random detail from a book I haven't read in over a decade?"

"I mean, it's a pretty memorable detail…"

You roll your eyes, heave a sigh, and pinch the bridge of your nose. Why is this not surprising?

"So you're not gonna kill me?" He's still backed into his corner. You consider it for a moment, deciding that you've played with him enough for today.

"Not tonight, Munson."

He exhales and leans his head back against the wall.

"But I WILL get you for this," you threaten, pointing a finger at him. He nods, used to this constant back-and-forth game you'd both been playing for over a decade. He knew you'd never really hurt him, just like you knew he wouldn't hurt you either. It was just a game.

You turn to walk away, and hear him whisper to the abomination he's still clutching: "Don't worry baby, you're still gettin' framed."

You whip around, eyes flashing. He gulps. You step closer, making him lean further back into the wall. He's cute when he's scared.

"Give it."

He stares at you with those big, beautiful brown eyes of his.

"Give it," you repeat, holding out a hand and waiting for him to place his sketchbook into it.

Reluctantly, he hands it to you. You maintain eye contact as your fingers find the thick cover page, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of looking at his ungodly creation again. You slam it shut and he flinches.

"What are you gonna do with it?"

Beat your nerdy ass to death with it.

Still clutching his sketch pad, you step back silently and gesture for him to walk on by with your free hand. He slowly peels himself off the wall and begins to move with an apprehensive look in your direction, and a thought occurs to you.

As he scurries past you, you smack him on the ass with his sketchbook. He whirls around with a yelp, hands clutching his cheeks. It's cardboard, you drama queen. You step closer and swing the book at his arm.

"You made me lay there for AN HOUR! While! You! Drew! That!" You punctuate each word with another smack of the sketch pad. He continues overreacting to each hit and falls to the floor with a wail when you finish yelling, clutching his imaginary wounds. You lift the book above your head with both hands, ready to finish him.

"It started out real! But I couldn't make it look like you! It wasn't pretty enough!" You graciously decide to let him continue, still holding the sketchbook in an attack position, just in case. "I tried," he explains calmly now, "but it wasn't working out, and then you said the dwarf thing, and I thought it would be funny. I'll make it up to you."

"Damn right, you will." You lower the book and release it. It lands on his chest with a light thud. He grins from his position on the floor. You step over him and make your way toward the bedroom.

"Starting now," you inform him from the hallway, not slowing or turning around. You hear him scramble to get up, knock something over, and curse before he hurries in your direction.

He's lucky he's cute.

#writings of despair #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #oh look she finally wrote a sexy story #psychhh #*cackles* #keep in mind that this is pre-lotr movies #tolkien specifics are not common knowledge #even when you live with a nerd who probably rambles nonstop #i've been trying to read those books since 2001 and have never made it more than one chapter into the hobbit #were it not for the movies i'd know nothing #don't try to logic at me kids #this started as a 2 am joke in someone's askbox #and then it snowballed... or iceberged if you will #not me having to edit a thing because i kept writing and ended up contradicting my own ew-verse

[dragongirlfangs]

"Rachel is the compatible character that's written in relationships with Taylor the least despite their canon interactions even in fics about Taylor x many girls because she's butch and not conventionally pretty so people are superficial and ignore her" send post like throwing a rock at a crowd

#half joking #but also not really #because this is an actual phenomenon #virtually everyone in the fandom with a brain agrees that they have some of the most chemistry in the book #and their interactions are some of the most romantic #yet they're never fucking written together? #like you can count the number of multichapter wolfspider fics that have been published since Worm started in two hands #(and I have written two of those) #which compared to like smugbug and pillbug is #nothing #like it's nothing #write more wolfspider please #I'm on my knees begging you #parahumans #rachel lindt #taylor hebert

[mxtxfanatic]

I don't want to put this in the tags, since people are just having fun, but I figure you probably won't mind hearing my anon-complaints. I'm getting super annoyed by the recent influx of Jiang Chang related SVSSS crossover posts (and fics to a lesser extent).

Seeing JC interact with the PIDW world could be incredibly interesting, but the posts I keep spotting are all about the woobiefied fanon version of JC. JC and YQY are not all that much alike (JC isn't remotely loyal to WWX), and I don't think he'd get along well with LQG. The JC and SJ dynamic actually does seem like it would be fun to read, but with how toxic they both are it would be 'fun' more in the 'watching a car crash in slow motion' sort of way, rather then anything wholesome.

Anyway, mini-rant over!

Fanon: Everyone in svsss would just love Jiang Cheng!

Canon: Shen Qingqiu would take one look at Jiang Cheng and just assume that the natural state of PIDW requires a canon fodder villain to be killed. Assuming he was some previously no-named lackey, after the second time Jiang Cheng attacks Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t try to save him, anymore. Nobody else would have even cared to try.

Anyways, I know exactly what posts you’re talking about and exactly which blog keeps making them. Unfortunately for me, tumblr is trying this new thing out called “if the blog you blocked is a jc stan, the block doesn’t count,” so fuck people “having fun” in the tags. If I can’t have fun with canon on my own dash, no one is allowed to have fun with fanon on it, either 😤

#svsss asks #mdzs asks #anon #for legal purposes that last sentence was a joke #this isn’t the first time fanon jc-centric crossovers have happened #when jc stans get to feeling like the mdzs fandom is ‘too toxic’ #for discussing canon jc #they start fantasizing about jc ‘escaping’ mdzs #to live out his undeserved happiness in other books #as if those characters would like him any better #please they don’t even like their OWN antagonists! #nobody’s gonna have time to baby some manchild #that they have no personal connection to to begin with #jc is dying in svsss because he raises every character flag #that that should be his ending in a typical book of that style #sqh ain’t developing him and neither is sqq! #if he survived ‘narrative destiny’ then lbh is def killing him #the first time he snaps at sqq for *anything* #but what am i even saying: no way in hell #jc gets accepted to cang qiong mountain sect anyways #he’s huan hua if he’s in any sect #so lbh is def killing him during sqq’s 5-year death nap

[atlas-affogato]

Having an hour long conversation with my brother about the Mormon fantasy books we read as kids and now I have to reread all 13 books and make a video essay about them so I can explain how absolutely wild they are

#half joking about the video essay thing i dont know how to do that #but no one knows about Tennis Shoes Among The Nephites and those books were my childhood #absolutely wild #exmormon #exmo #exlds

[branwendaughterofllyr]

I think all Sansa antis need a primer on soft power and how women wielded power in the actual Middle Ages and Renaissance.

#Very few women actually led armies and the ones who did almost exclusively did in symbolic capacities #like my girlie Caterina Sforza #Now piling on the benevolent lady symbolism???? that's like being a woman ruler 101 #also NEVER underestimate the power of household management #There's a reason why women would fight over who had the control over the household accounts because that's THE MONEY #theres a reason why we joke so much about book Jon being an accountant #because those boring and soft power aspects are sooooo important #why yes I have read an entire book about Elizabeth of York's expenditures and household accounts how could you have guessed?

[autumngracy]

Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written

#A Reflection of Starlight #AROS #valvert #fanfic #writing #Hey I switched back to LibreOffice again after setting up my new computer #(RIP my old computer's installation of MS Office 2009) #And also my old computer in general as it is now giving me the blue screen of death upon boot #but ANYWAY #does anybody know how to make LibreOffice stop highlighting formatted areas? BC with Dark Mode it's highlighting white text #which makes it impossible to read my footnote and page numbers #Also I CANNOT believe this program was coded to be so that 'Ignore' and 'Ignore All' options only do so for the CURRENT SESSION ONLY #Like what in god's name??? #I spent 3-4 hours reformatting AROS after converting it only to learn that all the 'errors' I told it to ignore just popped back #the second I reopened the document like jesus christ #Why even offer those options if it doesn't do it permanently for that document file #HHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHH #I then spent another several hours being forced to change the language formatting to French for all the French bits #JUST so it would stop underlining all of them in red #And there's no way for me to get rid of the underlining on things like cut off bits of dialogue #bc they are NOT proper words and I refuse to add them to my Dictionary (thus polluting it) just to get rid of them #Ugh #So anyway remember years ago how I joked about what if I accidentally wrote a fanfic longer than the source material itself #That being one of the longest books ever written (technically THE longest book ever written #if we're counting the FRENCH version of it and not the English translation #And yeah I know I technically split AROS into 3 books but that was only for reader convenience #It's still one book in my heart #And also because I think it would be REALLY funny to surpass Hugo's wordcount #Which is entirely plausible bc in English it was only about 531k so I only a little over 100k off and I think I can easily make that #with the material I have left to write but is already mostly plotted out

[vyuntspakhkite-l-darling]

I walk into a book store. An indiscernible amount of time passes. I walk out. I'm shaking. Three books are in my hand. One is about drugs. One is about psychological damage in soldiers. One is about lesbian necromancers.

#reading #books #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #i intend to do in depth reviews of all of them #two are nonfiction. Those will just be notes. I don't care #i cannot be allowed inside bookstores #or in public #i was not joking about the shaking part #i take one look at the history section and lose it