#this would solve a lot of Sim's problems too come to think of it

[panlight]

I'm not sure if its possible to get something like pigs blood from a butcher in the US, but i feel like someone like Esme would prefer that over hunting animals.

And maybe Carlisle and Rosalie would work on a blood alternative, kind of like TruBlood, for vampires.

What are your thoughts on that?

My understanding is that it's tricky in the US to find it, but with the Cullens' money they could probably pay off some local butchers to save blood for them. Just imagining Esme being like "oh I make authentic black pudding and sell it online!" as an explanation and they make like a fake online store front for it and then people start trying to actually order it and she's like, oh crap I guess I have to make some now? Like when you read stories about restaurants that were really fronts for mob activity but someone wanders in and the mobsters have to get their mom to cook some pasta for the oblivious customers.

But, really, if SM were more interested in 'vampire slice of life' stuff AND if she had more room in her story for the secondary characters to have desires and motivations outsides of either facilitating or resenting the main romance, of course Carlisle would have been trying to make a blood substitute, and of course Rosalie and Edward, with their various STEM degrees, would be helping him. And OF COURSE they would have researched the myths surrounding vampires having children long before Bella got pregnant. It's absolutely impossible for me to suspend my disbelief to accept that the Cullens and especially Carlisle were just like 'wow we literally never thought or wondered about this until just now' when Bella gets pregnant. Esme and Rosalie LONG for children! SURELY they've researched this before!?!? I could accept that they researched it but found no concrete evidence and thought it was just a myth made up by the Volturi or whatever but just the 'literally no idea . . . even though apparently there are books in our library about it, and our groundskeepers on Isle Esme know about it, and there are websites online about it' does not make sense to me unless the Cullens have just literally been standing around like unplayed Sims waiting for Edward and Bella to need them for something.

I also think the Cullens probably should have been working on some kind of sparkle-suppressing vampire make-up. I've seen people asking why they don't just use make-up to hide the sparkle or look older, but since their skin is so different from human skin, normal make-up probably wouldn't work that well. But again, you've got Alice the fashion maven and bunch of other vampires with backgrounds in biology and they can't put their heads together and come up with some kind of vampire-friendly, sparkle-proof foundation?

Again, I get it: at the end of the day Twilight is a romance, and romances generally and understandably have a narrow focus on the central relationship. But romances don't usually have so MANY side characters, either. Realistically, I would expect the Cullens, with their various medical and scientific studies, abundant free time (no sleep!) and unlimited wealth, would have already solved a lot of living-as-a-vampire problems by the time Bella showed up.

Assuming they can be solved, of course. Maybe vampire venom on the skin really just makes any make-up lasting for more than a half hour impossible. Maybe a blood substitute just doesn't work because there's some magical 'blood is the life' thing going on here. Maybe pig's blood is just too impractical to get from a butcher in the volume they need it. Maybe the act of hunting helps them release tension and they realize they miss it.

But yeah I'd have loved to have seen more of this. There's some stuff in Midnight Sun that hints at the stuff the Cullens get up to, but it's more like, Emmett and Jasper's complicated chess game with multiple boards, or Alice and Rosalie designing clothes on the computer. I don't think SM really thought about 'what would a vampire doctor who wants to be as human as possible be researching in his spare time?' and so we missed out on some of this stuff.

#asks

[sundays-sims]

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this can happen for a few reasons; your game isn’t up to date, you have a lot of duplicate packages, or files got corrupted while downloading. If you download a lot of fully finished builds with merged cc (or into different files), you could end up with a lot of duplicates of the same object. This could cause your game to be slower or even not start at all. Secondly, downloading a lot of files at the same time, especially on patreon, seems to be causing problems & corrupting files. The corrupted files will cause your game to either crash at start or give you an error message. Try taking the last files you downloaded out of your Mod folder and re-downloading the set, or sets, only one part at the time. This seems to always work for me. My content is tested by multiple people (and me) before uploading & I would not upload broken content. If you are facing issues with an older set of mine, it is most likely a problem that occurred while downloading or with your game/mod folder. I am always happy to help when it comes to my content, but I will not “fix” any other creator’s content. In short, make sure to check for: - batch fix (e.g. broken beds updates) - game updates - cc duplicates - corrupted files Lastly, if you did all the above, and are still having problems, do not hesitate to send me a direct message (DM). When it comes to troubleshooting, I will not answer comments below posts for the simple reason that it makes it difficult to have a conversation. Going back and forth with replies into a comment section makes it too difficult since it will most likely require going through a few steps to solve any further issues.

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Thank you all for being here, supporting my work & taking the time to read.

S. xx

[jameui]

MA BOY

PAIRING: Lee Heeseung x M!Reader

GENRE: Angst, Fluff

WARNINGS: height/size difference,

SUMMARY: An enemy turned his lover? Who would've known. Lee Heeseung a band leader and you a co-member of his band was a bickering storm, but, oh how fate loves to play with its strins.

"Writing another song, Y/N?" One of the members of your group who happened to be passing by at the living room saw you all slouched out near the coffee table as your tongue stuck out a little as you tried to concentrate on what you were doing. You did acknowledge his presence and heard his voice, answering his question with a nod. The male just sighs feeling a little bad that after all your effort, the band leader never approved of the songs you've written and persisted on only playing the ones he wrote for HIS band. You are just wondering why he was so against your compositions. Everyone else loved what you have, so how come your leader always reacts with a horrid look and disagrees to ever play one of your songs?

Your roommate slash bestfriend, Sim Jaeyun or simply Jake, exhales through his nose and sat himself down beside you as you wiggle a little more to the side so Jake could have a comfortable seating. "Y/N, you know Heeseung will never agree to play one of your songs any moment now, right? Save your effort for something else. I feel guilty that I can't do anything." Jake lets out, yet you didn't listen and continued on, strumming the guitar occassionally and experimenting on how the next verse would sound like to add a little flavor to the song. If you like how it turns out, you jot the notes down on your music sheet. "Y/N..." Jake calls for your attention, you taking a second to stop and sighed.

"I know, Jake. One more of the reasons why I decided to quit the band and decide to go solo or maybe even start a new band." You told Jake, the latter shocked to hear your revelation. It was just a little too sudden and was totally uncalled-for. "I know you want to stay with hyung and the others, so I don't want to give you a choice, but know I'm always open for a synthesizer." You told him, the other male smiling sadly and embraced you in a comforting manner.

"Whatever makes you happy, Y/N." Jake said, caressing the back of your head as you gave him a nod and smile, hugging him even tighter. "I wish you the best and I just know you'll do great." Jake stated before he breaks off and pats the top of your head making you giggle.

You nudge his shoulder playfully, chuckling. "Thanks, Jake. You're the best friend a person could ever ask for." You told him, the other male smiling up at you with his pearly white teeth looking similarly to a cute dog to which he is, metaphorically speaking. "I just wish I didn't have to do this, but it's for the best." You said in a bitter tone, which made Jake frown sadly, his brows furrowed.

"I just simply think that Heeseung is a little insecure with what you can do and he doesn't want his ego to be stepped on especially by someone who's younger than him." Jake told you to which you knitted your brows out in confusion, never actually seeing it in that same perspective. You just thought he really hated you. "I know it's not what you intend to do, but forgive Heeseung. He just... has a reputation to uphold. Let's just say he's feeling a lot of pressure." Jake laughed softly to explain his statement, you finally understanding the slightest bit as to why the older male seems to despise you.

You let out a sigh and looked at the papers that was placed on top of your usual work place for writing, biting the bottom of your lip. "Jake, I know what I have to do. I made up my mind. I'm not quitting the band and I might actually try to know whatever is bothering hyung. I won't be able to solve anything if I keep trying to run away from the problem." You told Jake, whose brows furrows in concern, wanting to make sure if you're certain of your decsion. He just want what's best for you. "Jake, don't you worry about a thing, because I got a strategy." You gave him a wink, Jake smiling awkwardly.

"Yey, Y/N. I hope it works." Jake whispers, you already planning out your marvelous idea in your head. Oh, it is going to be perfect. It's going to be amazing, jaw dropping and mouth drooling. You just have to find the right time when to initiate the first stage of your plan.

"Hyung." You called out to the male who was having a talk with his friends outside of the band, turning his attention towards the voice as he looks for the owner of it only to see you a feet below him as he rolls his eyes and groans in frustration. He opened his mouth and opted to say something, but before the words could come out of his mouth you decided to cut him off. "You look like you haven't slept in days, hyungie. Aigoo, the dark bags under your eyes. Tsk, tsk. Have a coffee!" You said all in one go, ending with a cheery tone and handed out the coffee you had with you and gave him a smile.

You hear a small scoff come from Heeseung as you tilted your head to the side, confused. The taller man starts to walks up towards you, ever so slowly your hand retreated back towards you as you lifted your head up to face Heeseung. "You really think this will make me want to play any of your songs? I'm not that easy to get, dickwad." Heeseung spat out, his arms crossed.

You shook your head with a small pout on your lips as if to contradict with what he said. "I know it would seem like that, but you really need to know that I'm just genuinely trying to be your friend. We're both in the same band for crying out loud and we don't get along well." You told him, to which Heeseung just scoffed at before swatting the coffee off your hand which was thrown onto your uniform shirt, hissing at the burning sensation of the newly brewed hot coffee.

"Yeah, right." Heeseung smirks, leaving you agitated, but tried to keep a smile on before letting out a breathe of irritation and picked up the now empty cup of coffee and angrily threw the trash in the garbage.

Jake meets you halfway, who was watching the whole scene unfold. "I told you it was a bad idea. He just won't open up to you that really quick." Jake said, but you were determined to make your master plan work. You just know somehow, someday it will work. It's just got to work. You didn't listen to Jake and walked past him, whilst Jake just sighed out and followed closely behind. You are just that stubborn.

Later that time during recess, you were forced to only wear your blazer exposing some bits of skin on you, but you didn't mind. It was not like anyone would stare at you. "Jakey, listen. I know you're going to think this is crazy, but my gaydar is telling me, Heeseung-hyung is queensified." You told him, Jake a little confused with your choice of words, you sighing at his cluelessness. "I meant gay, Jake. I think Heeseung is gay." You deadpanned, Jake's lips forming an 'o' shape as he nodded his head finally understanding what you meant to say.

Jake clears his throat after taking a bite from his ham and cheese sandwich. "I don't feel like you've known about this, but Heeseung and I used to date." Hearing that out of the blue confession you were able to spit out the milk that you were trying to drink and snapped your head towards Jake who continued to munch on his food, unfazed. "Surprise, surprise." Jake awkwardly laughs.

You wiped your mouth dry and took your handkerchief from your pockets to wipe off some of the milk that dripped down your chest. "Jake, how come you've never told me about this before?" You asked the male who only shrugged his shoulders and sipped his strawberry yogurt away. "Guess the master plan has to stop and I actually have to befriend Heeseung-hyung." Jake raises a brow.

"You don't really have to anymore though." Jake suggested, but you shook your head in reply, Jake knowing you have something in mind that you don't want to happen.

"I have got to. If I stop he'll know himself that he was right and I hate it when he's right. I just simply hate it!" You yelled out, Jake laughing a little as he caressed your back to calm you down. You were suddenly like a lion trying to burst out of its cage. You looked over at Jake and gave him a determined look. "I won't let that happen. Hyung is going to be my friend. He will be." You told Jake who gave you a look that said 'suit yourself' and looks away while you thought of what to do next. To become Heeseung's friend.

The day went for a very long time and you just couldn't hurry more to band practice and meet Heeseung there who was always the first one to arrive at the band's designated room. You ran to the room as fast as you can and stood at the door with a halt and a smile, as usual, catching Heeseung playing a few songs on his guitar. "Hyung!" You called out, the voice clearly making Heeseung groan exactly knowing who owns that all too familiar annoying voice. He turns his head around, his anger evaporating for a second the moment he laid his eyes on you.

So suddenly, Heeseung was entranced by the way you were clothed. With only the blazer on top and a little bit of skin showing, it was as though you purposely had done it to seduce the taller male who just can't keep his eyes off your exposed ches—"Hyung!" You shouted at him for another time, snapping the male awake from his train of thoughts, immediately regretting that he was actually checking you out. "Before you say anything, I was not lying back there and really wanted to become your friend. You don't have to play any of my songs. I'll do what you want." You said to the taller male all the while you picked up your own guitar and plugged it to the amplifier. You did a little riff to warm up, Heeseung still in a daze. "Hyung, are you alright?"

"I, what? Huh? Shut up." He retorts yet you just shrugged and practiced on the guitar with a few of Heeseung's written song, every once in a while the older male stealing a glance, but shook his thoughts away and focused on something else to distract himself. "Fuck, what is wrong with you?" Heeseung whispered to himself, grabbing a towel to clean his guitar.

You catching his actions, you yelled out to him to stop before he could do any damage to his priced guitar. "Hyung, wait!" Heeseung faces you and knits his brows, feeling a little stressed already and he had just got to hear you squeak out a noise again. "That's what we use to polish the floor." You informed him, Heeseung looking down at what he thought was a towel, but saw a rug instead and thinks of an excuse.

"I was... about to just polish the floor, so yeah.. But, now I'm lazy." He said, to which you just raised a brow at since Heeseung never really like to clean and actually don't think about cleaning at all unless told to. "Just.. I don't want to hear a word from you." Heeseung told you, which you rolled your eyes to and scoffed.

The following days, you kind of noticed the changes at how Heeseung acted around you and it was not even the best one. He always acted weird and really clumsy when you were in his line of sight, like you are some kind of activator or a switch that turned something on Heeseung's bolts that he starts to act unlike him. Like the confidence and shit faded away type of Heeseung and you weren't so sure why this was happening, but Heeseung literally made it clear that he was being all shy and always left when you arrive, except during practices.

For example this morning's flag ceremony where you lined up along with the other students who are late, you unfortunately stood beside Heeseung and the moment he realized it was you he flinches away with a loud scream, shocking you at how sudden it was. Even the rest of the students were shocked to have heard Heeseung scream. "Hyung, are you alright? You always seem to be scared when I'm around." You asked the taller male who only ignored you and cleared his throat. "Hyung?" You tried to find the answer you needed, but your words fell on deaf ears.

For the first time, you admit you wished the dismissive and sassy Heeseung came back. It was starting to get more and more hard to become friends with Heeseung especially with this new attitude he was showing around you. Pretending like you are invisible and never even dares to look at you in the eyes anymore. He busies himself with something else when he talks to you and when you try to find his eyes, he would just look away and avoid you.

"Jake, don't you think hyung's been... off lately?" You questioned a little concerned and a little worried that Heeseung is purposely doing this so he can prove himself right in the end of the day, as though your advances to be his friend was just nothing. Jake looks at you and nodded his head, humming lightly. "I mean, I'm not certain if I'm the only who's able to notice it, but Heeseung-hyung's been very suspicious. I mean not in a bad way." You admitted, Jake giving you a chuckle as you looked at him feeling confused.

"Oh, Y/N. You are just that dense are you?" Jake smirked, putting down the cup of coffee he bought. Seeing you're cluelessness, he just sighs and takes one more sip from the cup and starts to make some sense with his words. "That Y/N is a Heeseung who's in love." Jake said, you scoffing.

"Wow, didn't know Heeseung had it in him to actually fall for anyone. With who anyways?" You threw him another question, Jake scoffing in disbelief. Was his clues not too obvious enough? You glanced over at Jake when he fell silent, the male giving you a knowing look, you totally confused why he had that look on his face. "What?" You took a chip from his snack and chewed on it, wiping your fingers clean and stood up. "Anyways, I'll chat you later. I have somewhere to be." You told Jake, the latter nodding his head as he gestured for you to go already. Jake smirks smugly, your brows knitting together as you shrugged it off as nothing and left.

On the way to your destination, you unfortunately bumped into a wall, putting a hand over your head since you weren't paying much attention to where you are walking, lifting your head up to see Heeseung. You gave him a smile, although catching the same poker expression on his face. "Hyu—"

"So, Jake, huh?" Heeseung cuts you off mid-sentence. Giving you no context about what he meant. He just went fully with his accusations. You raised him a brow out of confusion, then shook your head and tried to get away from him, but the taller male caught you by the wrist as you averted your gaze to him, your confused expression replaced with a small glare. "Answer me."

"How? I don't even know what you fucking mean. You just come out of the blue and ask me 'sO jAkE, hUh'. What the hell am I supposed to answer? Double it and pass it to the other? Are you a fucking math equation?" You sassed. Heeseung blushing a tad bit in embarrassment, but he kept it subtle and covered it with a clear of his throat, keeping his gaze away from you for a moment, so you don't notice the red tint on his cheeks.

He crosses his arms, viewing you through the side of his eyes. He quickly looks away the minute your eyes met, Heeseung barely forming the right words, on the brink of stumbling through his words if it wasn't for his curiosity. "Sorry, I meant... uh, are you and Jake dating?"

You grimaced at his question and agressively shook your head. "What?! God, no. He's my bestfriend and like a brother to me now. It feels wrong to be dating Jake." You fake gagged, Jake who heard everything from where he was scoffs in disbelief and starts cursing you in his head.

Hearing your answer removed a huge weight off Heeseung's shoulders, his heart swelling with relief, lowkey hiding his smile under an undertone voice, sounding cold and emotionless, like he usually was with you. He tries his best to hide his smile. "Then... can I tell you something?" Heeseung asked you, you tilting your head in question, wondering what exactly could he want from you. I mean, it wasn't every day that Heeseung actually talks to you. When he does, it would only be for him to tease and mock you, so this was a little different to you.

"What? Please, make it quick. I have somewhere to be." You told him, looking as though you are in a hurry, but Heeseung is so persistent to tell you whatever there is for him to tell you. The male actually shocked at himself when he found his hands unconciously on your shoulders to stop you from going anywhere, as if he didn't want you to go.

Heeseung purses his lips, slowly retracting his hands back down his sides and gave another clear of his throats, making you laugh softly at his actions. "I... I actually want to tell you through a song, Y/N." You seemed a little surprise at him hearing your name come out of his mouth. He'd usually call you names just to make fun of you, but you simply shrugged it off and sighed.

You looked at the clock display on your phone's lock screen and decided that there is still an ample amount of time to spare. You averted your attention back to Heeseung, then crossing your arms. "Is it important?" You asked him and Heeseung, surprisingly enough, nod his head vigorously as though excited about something.

"Yes! Too important that you don't want to miss out on it." Heeseung replied, smiling from ear to ear which you found a bit creepy considering the one time Heeseung would only smile at you is when he finds you at miserable state. Maybe, that is his plan and you're falling into his trap.

Not putting your guard down, you still nodded your head and sighed for the nth time. "Alright, fine." He was about to move when you immediately stopped him, pulling him by the wrist which made Heeseung instinctively look down at where your touch lingered before facing you. "You're not... going to try and kill me are you?" You asked him cautiously, Heeseung staring at you for a second or two before bursting out into fits of laughter.

"That's what you were worried about?" Heeseung teases you, holding onto his stomach, making you blush a little out of pure embarrassment.

You avoided his eyes, turning your head to the side trying to hide your reddening face. "Well, yeah. YOU are cruel to me after all." You answered him, Heeseung's laughter dying down slowly and smiles down at you, you looking up at him with furrowed brows.

"Now, you're really scaring me." You told him, Heeseung rolling his eyes before he drags you to the band's practice room, laughing softly all throughout the way. He didn't know what he is feeling as of the moment. It was making him feel all giddy inside and his heart was beating like crazy. He felt nervous and happy both at the same time, but damn, it was you. He didn't know just when it started, but he could no longer handle the ache in his heart whenever he sees you being all lovey dovey with Jake, when it should be him and him only.

"Trust me, Y/N. I won't even lay a finger on you." Heeseung said, which made you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. Heeseung was only grinning happily, but in your perspective he was trying to fool you, his prey for the night.

The moment you two arrived at the band room, he makes you settle down on one of the chairs as he goes on preparing whatever he needs for whatever he wants with you. You raise him a brow, catching sight of Heeseung's shaking hands, the male cursing himself when he clumsily steps on something or drop anything, in short when he gets a little too careless. He checks in on you and you tilt your head to the side, your usual way when asking anyone if their okay or if they need any help. "I-I'm fine, Y/N. Just... stay where you are." He tells you whilst you nod your head in reply, Heeseung hanging the sling of his guitar on his shoulder and turns to look at you. "I hope you will like it, Y/N." He told you with a small smile, taking a deep breathe and started playing with the strings ever so gently with his fingers, strumming carefully.

He starts to sing you the song, smiling to himself with the image of the person he wanted to sing this to, remained in his head. It was like a dream. Looking at him like this, you thought he looked like a man who came straight out of a comic. He looked like a proper gentleman, not like the Heeseung that you always knew. It was a little different.

He continues to finish the song, but soon slowly stops, the melody that his guitar crated fading into the silence, before he looks at you as you clapped your hands, leaving Heeseung a little confused. Didn't you see the hint he was trying to see? He literally just described you THROUGH A SONG. "Hyung, we should totally play that song during the prom! I bet you everyone will like it!" You exclaimed, the edges of your lips reaching up to the heavens.

"What? No! I mean, thanks, but Y/N..." Heeseung sighs in disbelief. He knew about how you're a little too late to understand the signals, but he didn't know that you are this dense when he already made it pretty obvious that he wrote the song for you and YOU only. No one else. Was it that hard to understand?

Your brows knited together at the center, tilting your head to the side in question. "Isn't that what you wanted to hear from me?" You asked him.

"Y/N—"

"I mean, you always wanted to be the one with the most recognition." You cut him off before he could even say anything, already thinking of other things that Heeseung would probably want to hear right now. Other than that he wants his song to be the only song heard by many. He is a little selfish at that matter, but that's not the point.

"It's not—" Heeseung was about to speak yet another time, but you beat him to it for another time, the older male groaning at how annoying you are sounding right now, mainly since he didn't want to speak about it loud, since it's possible for his ego to be stepped on by you with just a quick no and rejection.

You hummed, paying no attention to Heeseung and started to pace back and forth. "The possibilities of this actually adding more to your fame is about a fifty to fifty percent. I—" You are abruptly stopped mid-sentence when Heeseung yells who could no longer keep it in, especially when he's hearing words that's making him feel too guilty.

"Y/N, I WROTE THAT SONG FOR YOU, OKAY?!" Heeseung let out, puffing his chest while you are left speechless. The taller male turns his back at you, covering the blush that was forming on his cheeks that made him look almost completely like a tomato.

You were dumbfounded. Heeseung? Wrote a song for you? Are you by any chance still dreaming or asleep? Cause if you were, you would very much want to wake up right at this moment. "Hyung..." You uttered out, but the word you wanted to tell him never seemed to leave ypur lips. Your tongue got tied and all you could muster to form was static sentences that didn't make any sense at all. Everything seemed overwhelming and just plain so unreal.

Heeseung breathes in deeply and shuts his eyes close. "Do I have to word it out for you? Fine, L/N Y/N. I like you." He told you without even a tad bit of hesitation as though he was ready with all this. You couldn't even say anything. It's just too sudden and unexpected, like a birthday surprise from a person you know talks shit about you behind your back.

It had already been a few weeks since the confession and it's the only thing that cycled inside your head like a broken record. No matter how much you tried to get it out of your head, you are just forced to think about it even more. It felt like a curse! "AH!" You screamed out too loud that even the person who sat beside you gave out a loud scream as well. "God, sorry." You sighed, almost slamming your head on the table out of habit, weren't for Jake instinctively pushing your head back to stop you.

"What is it now, Y/N?" Jake asks you, moving his hand so he could flip the page of the book he is currently reading. He may have been too engross with what he is doing, but you are his top priority. He had to always look out for you. "Is it still about that confession?" Jake asked, you whining with nod and groaned, laying your head on his shoulder and held onto his arm.

Jake looks down at you with a chuckle and locks your head in place in his arm, feeling his bicep's muscle flex. "Seriously, Y/N? It's clear as day you share the same feelings." He told you, while your cheeks were being squished, your lips puckered up a little like a duck's beak, you sighing.

You knew that Jake was right. You did find the feelings mutual, but you just don't know how to face Heeseung right now after that incident. You acted on impulse and just left, when you shouldn't have had. Just thinking about it made your stomach feel a little funny. "I... I know." Jake raised a brow at your answer, the urge to just open your brain and see what's going on inside there.

"Then, what seems to be the problem?" Jake asked you, removing yourself from him and groaned.

"I don't even know! I'm just going crazy now." You let out in frustration, you yourself can't even understand yourself any longer. Sure, it made your heart flutter and things, so what seems to be the problem if not that?

Jake's attention went over towards the entrance and smirks, laughing softly. "Well, make a choice. We leave now or stay. Heeseung at three o'clock." You immediately snapped your head towards the direction and you do see Heeseung, but there is something different about him now.

He was glistening with beauty. He looks like an angel, your world starting to revolve slowly as your eyes focused only on Heeseung and watched as he smiles at you, your eyes furrowing at awe, unable to find the answer how the heavens would ever create such a fine man. His new dyed hair and his hair sleeked back, shiny with the hair gel he lways loved to use. You're seeing a complete different side of Heeseung and, God, you just fell even deeper. "HIDE ME, JAKE!" You yelled at Jake, pulling him by the collar and quickly found your way behind him, Heeseung who saw it all rolled his eyes.

"Y/N, I'm not blind and you can't just keep on hiding from me." Heeseung crossed his arms, eyeing you from behind Jake who just pursed his lips and moved back to reading his book before taking a sip of his iced coffee, snorting when he hears your answer almost choking on his drink.

You peeked from where you are and glared at Heseung who tried to find your eyes, but you only looked away. "Says you." You muttered, still loud enough for Heeseung to hear you.

"Goodness." The male sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. Catching the stress on his eyes, you bit on your lower lip thinking whether to have a talk with Heeseung or not, considering that every time you tried, you're only engulfed in a deafening silence and Heeseung is left to wonder what you're supposed to tell him.

Gathering enough courage, you tapped on Jake's side, the Australian humming in reply telling you that he was listening to you. "...Jake, can you leave me with Heeseung for a moment? I'd like to speak with him in private." Jake closes his book and nods his jead, looking over at Heeseung and gave him a look. He just wanted to make sure you'll be in safe hands the moment he leaves.

Jake finally stands from his chair and starts making his way out of the place. You silently sat down in front of Heeseung who only stares at you in anticipation. You cleared your throat to calm your nerves a little; a headstart to be exact. You lift your head up to see the male eye to eye. "Heeseung, look... I don't have any problem with the confession and your feelings." You admitted, fiddling with your fingers due to how anxious you felt right now.

"...Then? Why are you trying to avoid me?" Heeseung questions, his head slightly towards the side.

"Cause! Everything was all too sudden and I embarrassed myself Infront of you by just literally kissing you that day!" You answered him, the taller male chuckling at your reply, then shaking his head.

He holds your hand into his, which caused you to jump a little in shock. "I liked that kiss though." Heeseung said, placing a kiss on top of your hand, not losing the eye contact you both held, your cheeks starting to turn red.

"Hyung!" You whisper-shouted, Heeseung laughing cutely at you, deciding to tease you even more. You pouted at him, finally peeling your eyes away from his and covered your tomato cheeks.

"I'm leaving." You pulled your hand away from Heeseung and grabbed your things, leaving the table and walked your way out, hearing a soft laugh from Heeseung who follows behind you closely.

The male's hand reached over your chin and slowly moves your head so you could face him. "What? I just said what I should have. Your lips are soft, I could kiss them all day." His words slithered out of his mouth smoothly, that it became unbearable for you anymore and started to regret trying to ever talk to him when he'd constantly just tease you.

[kissalopa]

I upped my queue to 4 posts a day again 🙈

I'm sorry for being so inconsistent, but I realized that I don't like how slow my gameplay progress is. And to solve this problem I can either take less screenshots, post less screenshots, or both. Or post more frequently, while still taking and posting a lot of screens. And since I can't help myself when it comes to taking screenshots, I chose to post more frequently.

I also was thinking a lot about keeping my queue full and going by staying at three posts a day. But I decided that it's better if my blog will reflect my current state. If I'm obsessed with Sims then I post a lot, if I need a break I won't post. But if my queue will run when I'm already lost interest in the game or that particular save file, it would feel weird.

I hope you're all ok with me posting more 😅

If I'm too much with my own posts and my reblogs you can unfollow or block some tags, I don't mind. I sometimes unfollow blogs too, it's nothing personal usually.

#kissa rambles #non sims

[f1carsgovroomvroom]

THE ENCOUNTER PART 3

I think I am safe to say that we all need a bit of something after the Hungarian race. Charles is a big part of this part of the story, so I hope you enjoy it. My inspiration kind of came from the picture below. Bad ideas that lead to even worse ideas.

Part one Part two

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Fan x Charles Leclerc

Warnings: smut 🌶🌶 like a lot of it, a bit of toxicity from Pierre

Word count: 5k

Disclaimer: I only said what I said about Charlotte for the sake of the story, not because I dislike her or wish for them to break up. Please don’t come after me. 😂

Going home and thinking of the evening I had was a bad idea. Going out and drinking would be a mistake, too. I would probably end up telling someone that I slept with the Pierre Gasly. So reading a book and making myself a nice hot chocolate should solve the problem.

I was completely aware of that being a one time thing and there are no hard feelings, however, doing something that is so out of character for myself is making me feel bad. I stepped over my principles just because I was in front of a guy I found attractive for months. I fell at his feed, LITERALLY fell at his feet the second I had the chance.

Charles has asked me to meet them next day and show them around and to be honest, I wouldn’t really refuse him in any circumstance but also, I couldn’t refuse it knowing Pierre would probably think I am doing it because we had sex. I should put it in a special place in my head and never remember it. It never happened. It was just in my imagination.

Next morning, the guilt was still there but at the end of the day I had fun and it was what I wanted in the moment, so fuck it. I put a dress on as the weather in England changes more than people would expect and today it’s quite warm. My white converse and a small bag and I was ready to go. I message Charles who was waiting for me downstairs.

“Pierre is still asleep. He was on the sim until 5am.” Charles rolled his eyes. “But I am all ready to see some places.”

I was disappointed that I’ll not see Pierre but relieved that I did not have to face him just yet.

We talked about me a bit, Charles explaining that it feels awkward for people to know part of his life because it’s so public but him knowing little to nothing about most people that he gets to meet. The way Charles was as a person just made it even clearer that he was a nice person on track and off track.

We walked around a park that it was more like a forest, rarely people will come here just to walk their dogs but the area was quiet and most people keep away from other people. Just the way this neighbourhood is, really. A nice place for Charles and Pierre, I assume. Getting unnoticed and living a few days as 2 normal people.

“How come Charlotte is not here?” I asked as they are my favourite couple.

“Well, we actually haven’t been doing that great lately. She finished university recently and I am at the peak of my career, or the peak so far of my career. Our schedules are so different and we are taking a break but it just looks like the break is an actual break up.” Charles said, quite upset and looking down at his feet as we walked. “It’s a difficult one, as I have a lot of respect for her but sometimes people grow apart and it saddens me that Charlotte and I are in that situation.” He continued.

“I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He shook his head but stayed quiet. “Sometimes it’s for the better though and staying friends will mean that you’ll both be part of each other’s lives even if you end up on different paths.”

He gave me a genuine smile and this man, by simply existing makes me wanna hug him 24/7.

“I really appreciate the nice words. I needed this escape. So did Pierre, to be honest. He’s been licking his own wounds for a few months now and the media will pick up on anything he does. Making girl friends is a no-no, because apparently he sleeps with all of them, same goes for me, the second I am near a girl I must be sleeping with her. Going on holidays? No, it’s because we have someone in that country. It’s a nightmare sometimes. The rumours are so out of control.”

“It must be awful.” I replied, trying to understand but finding it difficult to really do as I was never put in that situation.

“You know, Pierre has the reputation of a player for a reason and I’ll not defend him but in the past few months, after his breakup, he locked himself emotionally but people still find things to say about him. He’s been mentally drained and it shows in the races.”

I nodded, trying not to remember that he fucked me last night while Charles wasn’t home. Lying and hiding this from Charles really is the top tier kind of guilt.

We continued to talk, mostly about F1 and the funny things that happen during the races and talks. The way everyone thinks that apparently Max and Charles hate each other and how Seb will randomly talk about his love for bees and nature.

We got back to the house and Charles invited me in, I could’ve refused but obviously I didn’t when he insisted. Grabbing lunch with them sounds like a nice plan until I remember Pierre is going to be there.

Charles and I look on my phone to order some takeaway that is not too unhealthy so his trainer will not kill him and Pierre comes downstairs and fixes his eyes on us. If I wouldn’t have had the chat with him the night before about the sex not being part of something serious, I would’ve assumed he was jealous but he was probably just surprised to see Charles hand around my shoulders as we were sitting on the sofa. I was surprised too, but I took it as something friendly.

Charles lifts his eyes and sees Pierre too.

“We are ordering take away, come have a look.”

Pierre gets on the other side of me on the sofa and I scroll back to the top so he can see the menu. Charles and I continue to talk about how we both love sushi so much and which one is better. I forgot to keep scrolling and Pierre must’ve slept on the wrong side of the bed.

“I’ll just take the phone to have a look as you’re too engaged in that conversation to be able to scroll.” Pierre said a bit annoyed.

Charles made a face that was something between confusion and surprise. I shrugged and we both laughed. Pierre chose his food and then I order the food in my name.

“We went to this nice park today. You would’ve love it too.” Charles said to Pierre.

“You went out?” The reply was so quick.

“Yes, you were asleep and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh, thanks. You’ll have to show me the park.” His eyes were on me but talking to Charles.

“We can go with the bikes later today if Yas wants too.” Charles replied.

“Yas?” Pierre raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I feel like only my mum calls me by my full name.” I laughed.

Charles’s phone rang and he excused himself.

Pierre came closer to me and gave me a look that I could not work out what it meant.

“You’re quite cozy with Charles.” The comment was between sarcastic and mean.

“We have a lot in common, he is a nice guy.” I tried to replied and not sound annoyed.

“Maybe you should check how nice his bedroom is too. Or how well he fucks too.” He winked a me, but the wink was nothing close to friendly. It was mean and full of hate.

“Pierre, I have no clue what you’re hinting to. I have no intention like that with him. You probably need to stop thinking all people want from you and your best friend is sex.” I made the comment with a shaky voce. Not sure why I felt so hurt.

“You were quick to want that from me. Less than 24 hours.” He winked again, I wanted to punch him in the eye but the charges would be more than my monthly salary. “It might take longer with Charles as he is still half in a relationship.”

“You know what? Yesterday was a big mistake.” I tried to keep my voice low and try to not sound too emotional even though I took full offence of what he said. “I haven’t hooked up in the past with anyone. I slept with one guy before you, so fuck you for even assuming shit about me. I can see that staying friends and keeping it friendly went out the window the second I left this house yesterday. You’re so full of shit.”

He seemed surprise by my words and said nothing. Not sure if I wanted him to be as angry and bothered as me or if being quiet was better but I felt the regret building up inside me for what I did yesterday.

“I made a huge mistake yesterday and I’ll not repeat that ever again. Your attitude has reminded me why I always thought hook ups are a bad thing and why I always ran away from them. But I should’ve expected it after you didn’t even trust me fully yesterday, not that I blame you for not trusting me but I should have never trusted you either.”

Silence again. I assume saved by the bell is real because the door bell rang and I went to it. Opened it and it was just the post man, not the delivery guy. A big box was delivered and he put it on the floor. He asked for a signature and then I pulled the box inside and closed the door. It had the initials CL on it so I assumed it was Charles. He was still on the phone with his team, I assume as he spoke in Italian.

Pierre was sitting on the sofa in living room, his phone in his hand and leaning on his other as his elbow was resting on the arm rest. When I came back into the living room he made eye contact with me.

“I’m sorry for my reaction earlier and for what I said. I’m being an asshole because I’m so stressed lately and not that well rested.” He tried to keep the eye contact but I just couldn’t. “I don’t want you and Charles involved. I don’t really want Charles involved in some kind of drama. He doesn’t separate feelings and sex and he is not single in the eyes of the public.”

Pierre really needed to remind me that he separates sex and feelings and that I basically was a quick fuck. Well he admitted it earlier.

“Don’t worry, I am not that dumb.” I said, not accepting his apology but also not allowing him to know that his words actually still hurt.

Charles came back and the door rang again, now the food was here. I took plates and put the food in them and set them on the table. I also prepared some warm Japanese tea to go with our sushi.

Charles and I were sharing a platter with different types of sushi and sea food, while Pierre stayed on the safe side and ordered some udon noodles with some beef.

When we finished eating, Pierre picked a call from some of his friends and Charles and I were left alone.

“I am so thankful for not being able to find the house initially because we wouldn’t have this much fun if we didn’t meet you.”

“I will be honest, I am glad you didn’t find the house because it’s cool hanging out with my favourite f1 driver.” The admission made him surprised. I completely forgot that I never told him that I was his fan.

“I thought you were a Pierre fan because you seemed more excited to meet him than meet me.” He laughed.

“Ohhh..” I remembered my reaction to when he said he was coming. “That’s different. You’re my favourite driver and I will always support you and Ferrari.” I said, trying to brush off the Pierre part.

“So what about Pierre?” Charles will not let this die.

“Umm… maybe a bit of fangirling over him?” I said giving him a shy smile.

“Oh really?” Pierre’s voice from behind surprised me.

This was the worst scenario I could’ve imagined.

“I didn’t know you were my fangirl.” Pierre said, looking very proud of himself.

“I mean, that was before we met. I didn’t know you.” I quickly added.

“He is a bit more of a dickhead in person.” Charles added laughing.

“So I’m not as good looking?” Pierre quickly asked and Charles and I started laughing even more.

“Come on, tell me.” Pierre insisted.

“Meeting you in person made me realise that I should not be a fangirl of people I don’t know personally.” I said.

“So it’s his personality you hate?” Charles asked and continued to laugh.

Pierre kept looking at me for answers but I couldn’t stop laughing and the subject was dropped.

We planned the bike ride in the afternoon and I put a pair of shorts I wear to the gym and a long t-shirt. My helmet on the head and I was ready to go. The guys dressed pretty much the same, in shorts and t-shirts, but theirs were hugging their muscles really nicely. I died and ended up in heaven.

The bike ride was nice, relaxed, looking around until we came across a injured squirrel which Charles picked up and put it in the basket in of my bike. We went back home and Charles took the squirrel and put it in a box. Pierre tried to find a vet nearby where I could drop it so they can have a look at the wound.

Charles ended up driving and leaving the squirrel at the door of the vet as instructed, as they were still very cautious about covid.

Pierre and I were left alone and the air between us was not great.

I was grabbing a glass from the kitchen when Pierre came behind me, blocking me between him and the kitchen cupboards.

“So, not a fangirl anymore?” He was so close to me, I could smell his cologne and memories of yesterday were flooding my mind. His hands on my body, his mouth, his kisses. His mouth was now closer to my ear. “Tell me.” He whispered in my ear.

“Pierre,” I said, trying to push him away but he didn’t move an inch, “I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that it was stupid of me having a crush on someone I didn’t know personally.”

“A crush.” Pierre repeated while looking at me. I tried to look to the side, uncomfortable with how he made me feel. “And now the crush disappeared?”

I was still trying to avoid eye contact but he wasn’t happy about that so his hand went to my face and forced me to look at him.

“Answer me. Did the crush disappear?”

I shook my head. “It was never s real crush, just attraction.” Fuck it, he knows I find him attractive, I slept with him, so it’s no rocket science.

“And has that now disappeared?” I shook my head again. “Is it still there?” I took a second but I nodded, no reason to deny it. “The same or more?”

“Pierre, what is your goal? Why does it matter? What the fuck are you doing?” I tried to push him once again but he was not moving.

“I want answers. You claiming it was a mistake but you had a crush on me prior to meeting me and if I don’t recall incorrectly, you screamed my name multiple times last night and got soaked by sucking my dick.”

“So? So what? The sex was good but it was a mistake and I still find you attractive but I am not dumb to think that anything could happen.”

“You are a good girl but for me you were a slut.” His words should’ve made me feel bad but they just turned me on. “I don’t think that crush doesn’t exist.”

“And even if what you say it’s true, what would be the problem? Do you want your ego boosted?” I asked, not sure where my confidence came from.

“No, I just want you in my bed again.”

The admission was out there and I wanted to slap him.,

“Never.” I replied looking him in the eyes now.

“Challenge accepted.” He replied, his eyes so intense I almost lost then. “I promise you to make you beg for me to fuck you.”

His lips were leaving soft kisses on my jaw and I tilted my head to allow him to kiss my neck. A moan escaped my mouth and I felt his smile on my neck. His hands were now on me, traveling slowly to my ass and squeezing and then lifting me and making me sit on the work top.

One of his hand was on my inner thigh and quickly made its way inside my shorts, up to my panties.

“You’re already wet, I could probably get you to beg now.” He whispered in my ear and I came back to earth. Pushed him away and got down from the worktop.

“In your dreams, Pierre, in your dreams.” I got close to him, got on my toes and kissed his cheek. “You want the chance to sleep with me again? You’ll have to beg yourself.”

My words surprised him even more than I expected.

Charles came back a few minutes after our moment and he said we should get back together that evening and play on the sim or play something before I have to go to work on Monday.

I went home and couldn’t forget the way Pierre kissed my neck and how weak I was for him. I found him attractive but apparently I am stupid enough to let myself be in that situation. I changed back in my dress and went back to the house. Pierre was on his phone with his family and he was chatting with his nephew. Being uncle Pedro was his full time job. Seeing him so sweet with children makes me like him even more which should be possible considering the situation I find myself in.

Charles and I continued to talk about things while waiting for Pierre.

“Wanna come with me tomorrow morning for a bike ride before you go to work?”

I normally work out in the morning and a bike ride with Charles sounds better than a gym session. “Yes. Do you not work out with Pierre?”

“No,” he laughed. “He wakes up at 2pm sometimes. “

“Then I will be your workout buddy in the morning as I normally work out in the mornings anyway.”

“I have a gym in the basement. Come I will show you around.”

We went downstairs in the basement where the light was quite low, cool enough. There were two sets of each machine and lots of weights and 2 benches. On the side there were 2 small tubs that I assume they used sometimes for the ice baths they have every now and then.

“I wanted a pool inside here but that’s in the back under the decking outside.”

“Really? That’s so cool. I might have to take up on your offer.”

I was just talking to him and tripped over a cord and he caught me. He gave me a smile and the eye contact was so good I was lost in the moment.

I quickly tried to get back to a normal position and he cleared his throat and looked around.

“Yeah, it’s a good place to work out but apparently a health and safety hazard too.”

I laughed. “Or I am too clumsy and I should look at where I walk.”

We went back to the living room and Pierre was finally done with his FaceTime call.

“Let’s play that game we played in France. The questions one. That way we can get to know each other better.” Charles said.

“Sure”, Pierre also agreed and they explained that we all get a random question and we need to answer it or choose a “punishment” from a list of 3 options of punishments.

The questions were quite normal, most embarrassing memory, worst subject at school, alternative career if we weren’t doing what we are doing and everything was fun until I got the question “A lie to told a person that sits at the table.”

I wanted to get a punishment but then it would be obvious that I lied and I was worried that they could interpret it in a wrong way. I looked at Pierre and he nodded.

“I slept with Pierre.” The words were hanging in the air as Pierre leaned back in his chair and Charles kept looking between him and I.

“What?” Charles laughed. “When? This must be a joke.”

“No, it was my fault.” Pierre said, quite relax considering he is just telling his friend he slept with a girl he just met. I should remember this is normal for them.

“What the fuck man?” Charles asked and kept looking at Pierre.

“I’m sorry, it was a one off.” Pierre seemed to have forgotten telling me he wanted me back in his bed again.

“I asked you one thing Pierre while you’re here.”

“Yeah, Yas is off limits but it happened.”

“Guys, I am sitting here.” I said, trying to remind them I could hear this conversation.

“Fuck, I’m sorry it’s my fault. I asked Pierre to keep it friendly as he often does this and makes friendships awkward.”

“Plus Charles crushing on you.” Pierre added and Charles gave him a look that could kill.

“What?” I asked confused.

“I thought you were cute when we met and I told Pierre to keep it cool as I might be interested.”

“Works out we are both interested in her.” Pierre just casually added that.

“Pierre!” Charles raised his voice. “Stop treating this as a joke.”

“Mate, instead of fighting we might need to ask her who she would prefer.”

Both of them turned to me and my mind was basically scrambled eggs.

“This is messed up.” I said, “choose what? It’s not like either of you will be dating me.”

“You never know but also… there is another option.”

Both Charles and I gave him our full attention.

“All three having fun. We both want you and I think you kind of want both of us.”

“What?” I felt offended for a minute but then he was right, I found both of them attractive but sleeping with him was a mistake, sleeping with both of them will be a worse mistake but also it might be nice.

“Yas, please come speak to me separately.”

Charles got up and went in the hallway and I followed him.

“I want to say that I don’t know you well but you seem like a nice girl and I like you as much as a guy that met you not that long ago can like you. The idea Pierre has sounds… interesting but even if it happens even if it doesn’t I wanna continue to get to know you and maybe there could be more.” Charles seemed nervous but as I wanted to look down I accidentally looked at his trousers which made it painfully obvious that he was hard. My eyes fixated on it.

“Oh, fuck. Sorry.” He arranged himself once he realised what I was looking at but I was now full of lust. I liked Pierre’s idea. As much as it was stepping over and binning all my principles, I wanted it so bad.

“I also like the idea Pierre has…” I got closer to him and he closed the gap completely by kissing me. His kiss was hotter than I expected, a lot more rough than he shows.

Charles stopped and just left me in the hallway and walked to the living room.

“You joining us or what?” I heard him say to Pierre before Charles came back to me and took my hand and lead the way upstairs.

Pierre didn’t take long to follow and now we were all in Charles’s room.

“So you’re in?” Pierre asked me and I nodded. He smiled before doing that tongue cheek thing that made me weak.

Charles was kissing my neck and Pierre came closer too.

“You’ll like her, she can take it rough.” Pierre said to Charles.

“Can you?” Charles stopped kissing me and look at me.

“Uhum.” I admitted, still in shock of what is gonna happen.

“She sucks cock like a champion. Show him.”

Pierre pushed me down in front of Charles and Charles quickly removed his trousers, he wasn’t wearing any boxers so his cock was now right in my face. Bigger than Pierre but probably as thick. If Pierre kept it tidy, Charles is the description of perfection down there.

“Suck now.” Charles said and I could’ve never imagined him being like that in the bedroom but I assume living dangerously makes them like it dangerously.

I took the tip in my mouth and sucked gently, before taking more and more of it in my mouth. Charles’s breathing increased and his hand was on my head, slowly pushing me up and down.

Pierre was playing from behind with my boobs and parted my legs.

Wearing a dress made it easier for him to have access to where he wanted and he started pushing a finger inside me. Charles increased the pace and I started gagging on his cock, spit running down my chin and my mascara being ruined once again. I was moaning from the stimulation I was getting from a Pierre’s fingers and the vibrations were making Charles moan too.

“My turn.” Pierre said as he was standing up, getting out of his shorts too.

Charles pulled out of my mouth and continued to use his hand but Pierre pushed me and then laid on the bed gesturing to me to come to him.

This position meant that I was on all fours on the edge of the bed and Charles had full access to me.

“Not in my bed but next time you’ll be in my bed.” Pierre said before I took him in my mouth, not being able to say anything.

He left me have my own pace while laying there and watching me.

Charles went on his knees and started using his tongue to attack my clit. Overstimulation is a thing but I for sure like it. He made sure I was wet enough before getting one finger inside me and pushing deep, then two and going faster, once he was happy with how wet he got me, he got up and positioned himself and pushed inside me.

Charles moaned and grabbed my hips. Picking the pace step by step but doing deeper and deport each time.

The way he fucked me it was hard to not moan.

“I like seeing you all filled out but knowing you mean because my best mate fuck you is a bit annoying.” Pierre said and got a hold of my hair and started fucking my mouth harder. He pulled out and pushed my head a bit higher while picking his cock with the other hand and pushing in and out of my mouth, then slapping my face with it.

“You’re such a whore for us.” Pierre said to me and leaned over to kiss me. “Do you like this?”

I nodded and then he slapped my face. “Good girl.” He said to me and then his eyes went on Charles. “Let’s swap.” Pierre said and Charles pulled himself out leaned down and kiss my back before going to the other side.

“Get your head at the edge of the bed.” Pierre said to me and I did just that.

Charles quickly going to that side and starting to kiss my boobs which were partly exposed by the dress being pulled down by Pierre.

Pierre quickly got on top of me and went straight inside of me. Charles also found my mouth with his cock and started to slowly thrust his hips in and out. The gag reflex went away for most part and taking him became easier. Pierre was rougher than the other day and he almost seemed annoyed. Charles on the other hand seemed content with fucking me.

Pierre this time didn’t bother to pull out before he finished, his cum filled me up but Charles was not far from finishing either so I stood up and went back on my knees in front of him to be able to suck him better. As I increased my speed and concentrated on the tip, his movements increased slightly.

“I’m gonna finish.” He warned me and I increased my speed, giving him the green light to finish in my mouth, which I never allowed.

“Pull out.” Pierre said.

But Charles took no notice as I continued to suck him and he filled my mouth with him cum. I swallowed every drop and then I turned to see Pierre pissed. A slap landed on my add.

“On my lap now.”

I looked at him confused.

“Now.”

I went up to him to sit on his lap but he pushed my away.

“Not like that, bend.”

I understood finally what he wanted. I did as he said and once in position, I had no warning, I just felt the sting of his slap and heard the sound, another one came shortly after, and then the third one.

“You had my cum inside you and let him finish in your mouth?”

Charles laughed.

“Pierre… stop being jealous.”

“I fucked her first, it was my idea to do this.” Pierre said annoyed.

“I can choose if I want his cum in my mouth or not, it’s my body.” I said and stood up. “I am not yours.”

I went to Charles and kissed him and he reciprocated the kiss, squeezing my ass.

“I could go again.” He whispered in my year. “Just you and I.”

PART 4 IS HERE

ALSO A NOTE: thank you for the nice few messages I got. I got a few requests to write for Lestappen and to be honest after the race today, I think I might need it too. Please do let me know if more people are interested and I will try to write something.

#pierre gasly #charles leclerc #f1 smut #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc smut #pierre gasly fanfic

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Here are a list of questions for you. Lol. What does men actually do so day? What was keeping Alice alive? Was she eating in real life too? Of people dead in simulation die in reality too then how nobody cares about so many people dying? How does the family, friends and colleagues of these trapped wives do not come looking for them? What happened to the other wives of victory at the end? If a woman gets pregnant then is she pregnant in real life too?? M confused.

OK, I’m so excited for this LOL Here are some answers! And just a disclaimer that my "answers" are just me using my own critical thinking and problem solving skills to come up with logical explanations & scenarios for how these things would work. I haven’t read the original story and I’ve only seen the film once so far so they might not be accurate or anything close to what the creators of the story or film have in mind!

Don't read them if you don't want DWD spoilers if you haven't seen it yet:)

What do the men actually do in the day? They exit the simulation and literally go work whatever job they have in the real world in order to pay to keep participating in the Victory Project. We learn this towards the end of the film when Alice realizes she's in the simulation and Jack goes off and is like "I have to leave to work everyday to give us the life we deserve while you stay here and enjoy it and I fucking hate it so fucking much!". This also answers the question a lot of people had when they heard that the men have an "allotted time" to be in the sim with their wives. After seeing the film, my critical thinking skills led me to conclude that depending on how much the men pay that translates to how much time they have to be in the simulation with their "wives". So more money = more time in the sim!

What is keeping Alice alive? Was she eating in real life too? Jack is keeping Alice alive, all the other men are also keeping the women they have in the sim alive. When we see Jack bringing Alice flowers there's a voice over where they are interviewing Jack as a candidate for the Victory Project and one of the questions they ask him is "Are you aware that you are responsible for the physical upkeep of your chosen wife?" and Jack says, "Yes." and we can see him taking off the restraints and dripping a bit of water into her mouth. She’s also hooked out o an IV which probs had a cocktail of sedatives, hydration, & nutrients to keep let subdued but alive. I don't think she can eat normally, so I'm assuming the men are just tube feeding them or giving them little bits of those shakes that old people have to drink with hella nutritional supplements when they can't eat solids. And well, she's not really eating in the simulation, it's not real. So she only "eats" in the real world via whatever means Jack uses to feed her.

Why does no one care about the people that die in the simulation? / How does no one who knows them come looking for them These 2 can be answered together. So first off, towards the end when Alice is escaping and Frank is like freaking out that she might get out and expose it all, he's ordering for someone to get her and kill her before she makes it out. I believe that Frank and his people "take care" of the bodies of anyone who dies in the sim as to not arouse suspicion or knowledge of the Victory Project. This also ties into your second question of how can their families/friends/colleagues not realize they are gone. So I'm assuming they may also help the participants of the Victory Project stage something to make it seem like the person trapped in the sim is dead or something. I later saw on TikTok (I think?) someone who read the original story confirm this theory and that the "husbands" had to fake the women's deaths so that people would stop looking for them. And I think that in the re-write they are sticking to the same idea. We don't really see anything to confirm that in the film, but if the OG story says so I'll stick with that:)

What happened to the other wives at the end? I think they realize that something is really wrong, but they probably don't know fully what's going on unless Bunny tells them the truth. So in my opinion they probs just stay in the sim, sadly. It is unclear whether the sim will continue but be run by Shelley (Frank's wife) or whether she killed him to get out herself, so that's kind of the unknown next step that honestly I didn't even think about while watching the film. So thanks for asking because I was just so focused on Alice getting out I forgot about everyone else lol

If a woman is pregnant in the sim is she pregnant in real life? No, it's a simulation, so nothing going on there is real. Also, with the way these women are kept in the real world there would be no way that they could have a successful pregnancy. They are far too malnourished and dehydrated to carry a baby fully to term. We also know according to Bunny that the children in the sim are not real, so therefore the pregnancy cannot be real. We also know from the film that you can make yourself, and I'm assuming others as well, into whatever you want in the sim. Like Jack is American in the real world but his chosen nationality is British in the sim. So my theory about Peg (the always pregnant one) is that maybe in the real world she couldn't get pregnant whether it be by her or her man's fertility issues and so the man made her be pregnant in the simulation. Hence why she's always pregnant, so until something in the sim programing changes she will always be pregnant.

I hope my theories make sense!

#DWD theories #dwd spoilers #harry styles #olivia wilde #florence pugh #nick kroll #chris pine #gemma chan #don’t worry darling

[mikodrawnnarratives]

...

If anyone would like to listen to read me ramble about potential farming sim (similar to Stardew valley) ideas

And asking in a poll what the best ideas might be for solving something I'm stuck on for conflicting ideas. Mainly asking anyone who is trans or just anyone who thinks they could give input. If you wanted :)

If so

I have thought a lot about if farming sims had more options for gender and the characters weren't all bisexual

And I've had a few ideas for a farming sim that would have those details. Kind of like, what would Stardew valley look like with these options plus MAJOR changes in the story. (This is a game that WHO KNOWS if would be made into something legit but rn I'm just having fun with thinking about possibilities)

But I still can't figure out a detail.

If I had the default for the player character as they/them pronouns, they could specify it if they wanted, but unless edited in settings, the player character would interact with npc's with no gendered language, UNLESS SPECIFIED

The ideal settings would give options for other gender identities, not just pronouns, giving more options for people if wanted

But I also think it would be a neat idea if npc's had more variety in sexuality. Like, if the player was female, and a male npc was gay, romance options wouldn't be available. (sexual options wouldn't really ever come up? I haven't given that too much thought)

But the problem is, how would I implement the connection between the player's gender and the npc's who's sexuality might influence whether romance is an option

I feel like if I do it based off of pronouns that has major faults since gender isn't the same as pronouns. If I do it based on gender identity I think that wouldn't do justice for how nuanced attraction based on appearance would be

Does it make sense where I'm confuzzled, I'm hope so

Just to be clear, I am very cis. So that's mainly why I am asking. in game development they say it's good to ask for feedback so I'll specify the options and areas I worry could go wrong but this is all the opinion of someone going off of research and not wanting to offend anybody

The clothing one I feel has it's faults, since clothing doesnt equal gender, and could cause bugs if the player were to romance an NPC and changed clothes

The specification of how the player usually presents would NOT have an affect on the clothing they can wear. Also wouldn't affect gender settings. Just would be there for romance options if the player ever wanted to explore those.

The opportunity to tell the npc specifically feels like it holds similar faults to pronouns determining romance options.

I think it would be so neat if both options could be implemented in a game. I don't know just how possible making a game like this irl would be currently, it's very unlikely for it to happen this year, who knows maybe during the summer

But this is kind of a thought experiment. I already have oc's that would be in this world and I've been thinking about this a lot. 'specially since I am going into game development and thinking about the specifics of a game like this could entail

Thx for reading all of this if you got here! :)

#rambles #oc story #ish #farming simulator #ideas #polls #what in the world am i supposed to tag this? #lgbtq #game development? #sry if i bother anyone in these tags

[handelplayssims]

We’re back! And the whole house is awake which doesn’t seem quite right. I did add in some new households within this save file so perhaps the whole house reset. -shrug- Anyway, I’m sending everyone but Kiara back to bed. Kiara seems like she has the energy to sustain herself awake, after all. Her whims are to chat with a girl that is somehow a friend of hers and to paint! What does an energized mood person even paint? Perhaps pop art! Painting made and now I suppose we clean up. ...you know what I want her to do? To work on her homework. Sure she may be a rebellious teen but getting into uni would be good for her, even with a B-grade. Annnd Zayne’s awake so let’s let him work on his mental skill as well via homework too. Aww, and now the kids are working together. How sweet! Those two are really becoming friends, aren’t they?

Ashlynn is awake and grumpy! Look out kids! I had her yell at them before she got called away to work. Angry! The perfect moodlet to come into the police force with! Anyway, being a cop is one of the active careers added in Get to Work. I do like to have these careers in general, just for further options for my Sims to be! Ashlynn first gets a case and then gets to go to a crime scene to assist another detective. Today we’re going to...the rather sprawling Villareal estate. Oh boy! The perfect lot the search for crimes! So basically what we do is to click on the ground and search for clues. ...honestly, this house is packed to the gills with stuff so I don’t know if we’ll be any lucky in finding clues. We manage to take a witness report and find one in a bathroom. Then we finally find two by a sorched jukebox. Emboldened, I try to head back to other sorched spots but find next to nothing. We get the alert that it’s an hour until closing time. Frantically I try searching some more...to no luck. And we only get 27 simmoleans. -sigh- Alas.

We return from work. Kiara is up to a B-grade, just as I hoped for! Anyway, I set the kids to doing their homework again. Santiago has a sad moodlet from his wife being all tense from work. Alas, there isn’t much for him to do outside of just wait for her to clear her low-fun moodlet. Kiara...needs to go to the restroom but it is taken! So let’s have her work on a painting while she waits. ...evidently helping with homework is fun? Doesn’t seem like it but hey. Zayne’s whims are...to become an enemy with Megan Knoles and to solve hard problems. It’s time to be a scientist man! With scientist plans and make three emotional potions! For auto-solving fun needs, Santiago went to the Jenga tower and so yeah sure! Let’s have Ashlynn join! Oooh, Kiara made a real cute bird art painting! It goes on the wall!

My favorite pieces get kept for herself! Anyway, I took this opportunity to kick Zayne’s potion thing off the lot and add in a desk instead for himself. And then I went ahead and gave Kiara a Britechester pendant. I am still thinking about what degree she’d actually go into but she’d be more of a Britechester gal. (Or perhaps I am, who knows!) And I gave Santiago some private time with his kitty before heading to bed to sleep. Time for-!

Neighborhood Watch!

Henford-on-Bagley: The Ennis household recently moved in.

Angie Ruth in the Ruth household has died. Angie was victim to a vicious chicken attack.

I recognize that name! RIP!

Evergreen Harbor: The Sorenson household recently moved in.

Khaled Mansouri in the Mansouri household has died. Khaled got on the bad side of a chicken.

#sims 4 #liveblogging #Wallace Family #kiara wallace #zayne wallace #ashlynn wallace #santiago wallace

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Heat Shootout & Street Fight Scene [High Quality]" on YouTube

They went mad looking for all this money and he said isn't it weird cuz you guys spend tons of money like that bag of money in a weekend easily like it's the last thing on earth it's not really magic it's nice orders so they go after anyways. Especially today they went after this particular money and this particular movie occurred and it was Insanity people said because they've seen it a bunch of times cuz our son's looking at saying I'm getting a weird vibe I'm feeling something strange I know these people they're wealthy as hell the robbing this thing it doesn't make any damn sense and he knew about the money in the coding didn't know there's that much money is all over the place and that he's going to open it up again didn't occur to him and he knew that they were going to do that I guess he forgot and he didn't know they would use this method burning up their own people especially to boil it down to a few million and then do it over again and didn't make sense and that's how it's working out these bill is different they know what it looks like it's a huge amount of effort to do a little bit of stuff. It's large the code is intense and it has broad effect if they if it works and we are used to negating it and we have done it many times before and not only when the game but we have a plan to contract. And it's kind of a parallelogram and it will be upsetting to them if they figure it out right now they don't think that we can do it and they don't think that we've come up with it are they going gangbusters getting it and they are going through everything to find the hundreds and 50s and yeah on assignment or less and they're finding some but they have to find a lot. So they're going to start looking at other places if they don't find it but so far they probably have sifted out half. And the Caroline is so almost done fueling price of gasoline and way up it's about $6 an hour and everything is getting pumped out rapidly over and over. And we see that it's going to be a real challenge for him to find a vehicle no he likes the bronco it looks like our Sim and if you bought it it would sell I'll send vehicles because they're a lot less money a lot less hassle even though the bronco has a much better fuse system and it's not these monster fuses and it's a simpler vehicle and it's very sturdy it's still a pain in the ass in a few ways it has extra doodads that are unnecessary even bare Bones it's a pain any more or less can't get manual windows except by special order.

What's going on now too these guys getting convicted of a lot of crimes they've been committing and the clones are kicking their ass so I'm not doing the work top side they're starting to figure it out and they're starting to fight them top side is chaotic and we're moving troops out now and requesting people sign on we need it very badly conscription is on the draft is on but we need people to sign on voluntarily now in big numbers and we do have a problem with high-powered weapons and it has not been solved yet

Thor Freya

#Youtube

[nyomkitten]

yesterday/today's scattered rabbit hole

deeply deeply disappointed about how the first draft of this ended up lost because i was drafting it on tumblr's editor. redoing it in a fragile attempt to get some kind of inner peace.

(i say rabbit hole. it's mostly a collection of articles and quotes i really liked.)

people can be really dismissive of recreation as you hit middle age. After 25, you start to seem a little weird or unserious if you’re still really into, say, roller-skating, Dungeons & Dragons, or seeing Phish live. Real grownups have more pressing demands on their time. … But what is friendship but time spent together? And what are hobbies but love? Is the connection any less deep or real because you found each other through surfing or Fortnite instead of through an app or mutual friends?

Adrienne So reviewing Gabrielle Zevin’s novel Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, WIRED

~

When you live your life in the closet, there’s a part of you that’s never really human. You’re always worried about getting caught. You’re never transparent about all the parts of who you are. … What was really hard for me to hear was how so many Dalits were afraid to come out.

Thenmozhi Soundararajan interviewed by Lizzie O’Leary, Slate she's an icon. these lines are so powerful and well done. i keep dilly-dallying on whether i have a "right" to claim my caste and queer positions, because of the material privilege of my parents' hard work, but these lines hit hard, so i have more courage to.

~

Eric Ravenscraft, "What is the Metaverse, Exactly?", WIRED No specific paragraphs to quote, but this is a wonderful explainer for how the term is mostly used in hype marketing and pitching copywriting. Which is fine for tech companies doing their visionary thing and getting R&D money. Not so fine when they use said hype to sell overpriced phones and other gadgets to consumers, claiming the (tangible) advancements are so much more than they actually are. Also not fine for the very tenuous blockchain-based currency and art markets, which people easily mistake for 'investments' rather than 'gambling'. (I stole this analogy from Johnny Showbiz's Last Week Tonight, which particular segment he disclaims might age badly, but i think will age rather well.)

Related:

Neal Stephenson coined the term 'metaverse', because of course he did. Here's an essay by him (self-admittedly outdated) that I want to read that compares proprietary and open-source OSes (among other things), and a later interview where he is very funny and also name-drops lots of books i want to read.

Cryptographer and computer scientist Matt Blaze's blog.

~

Marmur has been working in the film industry since the ’90s, but over time grew weary of studios only wanting “the lowest-hanging fruit” and balking at the notion of making anything original. … Name-brand actors and high-concept plots have driven Hollywood success for generations, so why shouldn’t that work for Netflix?

David Sims, "'Netflix Thinks Exactly Like an Old Movie Studio'", The Atlantic (lol, fuck you, milkable IP.)

~

In all the various interviews that I've given, the one element that I stress above all is a lesson that people don't seem to learn — you cannot use time travel as a plot device. You can't use it as a way to get yourself out of a plot. Somebody gets killed, "Oh, we'll just go back in time and stop the bullet from reaching his heart." That's lazy writing. It's too convenient that you happen to have the technology to solve a dramatic problem like that.

You see so many movies that go into the future, and it looks like they tore everything down and started all over again. I love the original Blade Runner, I really do, but there isn't a damn thing in Blade Runner that looks like Los Angeles. But if you were to take somebody from New York in 1955 and bring him to New York today, they would know where all the streets were, they would know how to go to Central Park, and the subways are still going to the same places. Lots of stuff has been torn down and rebuilt, but the grid of the city is exactly the way it's been for over 150 years.

Bob Gale interviewed by Marah Eakin, INVERSE this is a lovely interview and i want to read the rest of the articles in this series at some point. maybe as i watch the things they cover. aside from writing approaches, and an actually constructive critique of the Marvel supermegaultraverse style of writing, it also name-drops movies i want to watch.

~

a nice, short, wholesome article (Ryan Britt for Fatherly) explaining the uniqueness of Tron (the old original one), in terms of its visual approach, VFX, and (perhaps most significantly) its storytelling devices. i have a soft spot for aged sci-fi that looks bad now but was groundbreaking at the time, and this article explains it really well.

~

one of Elora Dodd's reels (can't find the exact one; she might have taken it down) which explains how (heavily paraphrased, with my own thoughts)

cutting your own hair is the most about having control over your appearance. it is also about extending a middle finger to the expectation that you have to look made up, and how you're judged if you're not pretty. it does not matter if the haircut is bad. it matters that you get to have that control over how you present.

~

things i would like to get back to:

alt lit (1, 1.5 , 2)

metafiction and autofiction

aphorism vs epigram

(all rabbit holes here.)

#nk:txt #nk:rabbit #articles #sci fi #science fiction #anti caste #caste discrimination #movies #film #metaverse #marketing #tech #nk

[niamhuncensored]

scarecrow should just start a U.S. branch of the magnus institute there problem solved

#scarecrow #dc comics #tma #halfway planning to write this cross over #or something like it #this would solve a lot of Sim's problems too come to think of it #'hey jon we need you to do follow up on the werewolf case." #'hey jon do you have any idea who these fences might be? we need you to bring them in for follow up' #you can't tell me 100% of the world's creepy shit happens to londoners

[enharcv]

chasing you | park jongseong

pairing ‣ smart girl!fem reader x rich boy!jay ft 02liners : park sunghoon & jake sim + ningning (aespa)

genre ‣ slow burn romance, rich kids au, unrequited love kind of, angst, NO smut but contains suggestive contents (not much)....

warnings ‣ lots of 'babe', slap scenes, mentions of sex and r rated topics, cigarettes and smoking, profanity. NOT PROOFREAD.

rating ‣ 16+

wc ‣ 32k

a/n ‣ first of all, i'm truly sorry for the very late delay of this fic, it's about a year late... happy new years, uhm and i hope you enjoy this fic! it's quite messy, please bear with me i wanted to put out something for u guys :)) have fun reading! (i got so lovesick for jay by the end of it.)

YOUR HEAD IS POUNDING AT EVERY SECOND that goes by, your heart rate pulsing profusely, you think you might actually lose your mind from trying to solve this one particular math question.

you would ask your mathematics teacher for help but you were determined that you could finish this on your own, at least that’s what you thought so.

placing down the calculator, you let out a sigh.

“y/n, you wanna follow us to the cafeteria?” you look up to your friend who’s standing by the entrance with your other classmates, asking you on a trip to the cafeteria. 

“no thanks yizhou, you guys go ahead!” you say with a smile, waving her off. you needed to let go of this stress that’s piled up from your mathematics problem. you contemplate whether to do it or not, finally giving in that you very much needed it after not doing it for a few days now.

getting up from your seat, you exit the classroom with your pouch. giving everyone that greeted you a smile and a greet back, you quickly made your way to the back alley of your school building.

you look around for any other students or teachers roaming around but no one was anywhere near the area, leaving you with a relieved sigh.

you pull up your skirt up to the upper part of your thigh, stopping when you spot your thigh strap and take out the pack of cigarettes. tapping the box on your palm, you unwrap the box and take out a cigarette stick.

placing it between your lips, you take out your lighter— lighting it up and finally taking a blow. 

“fucking finally.” you say, blowing out the smoke. 

this definitely isn't what a model student is supposed to look like, smoking in broad daylight itself. 

smoking in general, actually. 

but you gave up caring about it long ago. what mattered was that this facade you have of yourself, as long it isn't revealed you'll be fine. 

at least till university, or at least till you're finally free from your parents. 

it's only natural that the only heir and single child of a highly respected, noble and high-class family is perfect in all ways possible. 

you surely live up to your image and name, the perfect daughter that aces all her subjects in school, ranking high both in curriculum and academics. always getting first in every aspect, classy and elegant. 

always exceeding all your parents expectations leaving nothing behind. you are the pride and face of your family. 

but all that comes with it's disadvantages too, you're a human being after all— of course you have your flaws. but the catch is, no one knows about this side of you definitely. 

you'd be damned if anyone even found out 

other than your best friend, and the only one you trust— yizhou. she's been there ever since you both were in diapers. 

both of your families being close was an advantage too, you and yizhou are inseparable at all costs. yizhou being your perfect partner in crime, best friend ; all in one. 

that being said, she too— is no different than you. being the perfect ace of her family, she too has the very same flaws as you. 

every once and now, you both sneak out to smoke and have fun— what exactly is teenage dream is you don't have the time of your life and live out your teenage years. 

although this was just a plug out for the both of you caused by the stress from your families, school and having to live up the perfect image you both have painted over you— you both know better than to get caught and screw over your lives. 

over time it's become an usual thing for the both of you, you and yizhou come out to this spot for a blunt every once in a while— sneak out at nights in the disguise and getting wasted but in the eerie hours of the night, leaving no traces of your rebelliousness behind. 

just as you're about to take your next blow, the sound of a zippo lighter being shut close brings you back to reality from the train of thoughts. 

oh my god.

you freeze in absolute horror. ‘fuck i’m screwed’ runs through your mind as the cig falls between your fingers straight to the ground. 

turning to your right in absolute slow-motion, your heart drops at the scene. 

it's fucking park jongseong.

and he's staring right at you as he smokes a blunt, the smoke leaving his lips where you can see it curve into a slight smirk.

oh lord, you are screwed. 

"y/n! look what i found!" yizhou pops out of nowhere from your left with a big smile that immediately drops to a gasp when she sees you, a cigarette on the ground and jay who's smoking a blunt. 

you bite your lip as your eyebrows furrowed in absolute embarrassment and horror. 

wrong timing yizhou, real wrong timing.

yizhou stares at you and jay back and forth, not knowing what to say. all you could do was mouth to her 'LEAVE!'

"uhm— i'll uh, leave. y/n come back quick, mr.kim is on his way to the class." with that yizhou disappears into dust as soon as she says that. 

you on the other hand, slowly put your lighter into the pocket of your blazer and gather up the courage to just escape without saying a thing. 

because one, you don't know how to come up with a believable lie to jay (not like you owe him one anyway)— like he didn't just witness you take a blow from your cigarette

and two, because you're absolutely fucked!

you still feel jay's gaze on your back when you debate to just walk past him or to just stay there until he says something. 

if it wasn't obvious by now, jay is no stranger to you. park jay, notoriously known all over the school for being an obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy.

the son of a wealthy family, trust fund baby among other things. his college was already paid for in advance although he's still in high school at the moment— not including the bribing, and he was the darling among many. 

having the looks of a sculpture, you're quite disappointed when a face like his is wasted because of his attitude and reputation.

jay was the poster boy for the term ‘bad influence’. he is the type of teenager every parent tells their kids to stay away from.

it truly didn't help either cause' you already have quite an unpleasant history with him. he's the past that you never want to relive— the mistake that you never want to repeat ever again. 

and you mean it, so that's why you decided to just walk away pretending like he wasn't even there to begin with. 

less the embarrassment but bigger the risk of your little secret being exposed. 

your life was on the line at the moment. 

"didn't know the miss little goody-two-shoes had bad habits after all." 

there he goes. you turn around to face him with an unamused expression plastered on your face. 

"mind your own business, park." you say, rolling your eyes and walking past him. 

unfortunately, jay's fast reflexes don't go to waste when he pulls you by your wrist back to where he's at. 

"wh— let me go!" your eyes widens as you gasp loudly at him pulling you all of a sudden. jay holds you back just before your back could hit the wall making your heart skip a beat. 

"my bad, y/n." jay chuckles at your shocked figure, apologizing for pulling you unannounced. 

"my bad? are you crazy! why'd you pull me like that!" you scoff at him, pushing him away when you realize almost how close he is to you. 

crazy ass bastard! you cuss him mentally in your head, knowing if you said it out loud it would just make things a lot worse than it already is for you. 

gosh, all you wanted was to never speak a word to him ever again. 

jay only shrugs at you, a sly smirk plastered on his stupid face which only riles up your rage towards him. 

deciding it's best that you leave before he says something that gets on your nerve even worse, you attempt to move. 

which again, you failed to do so. 

"give me a cig before you go." jay says, holding your upper arm in an attempt to hold you back. 

"what?" your eyebrows furrowed in confusion— or at least you pretend to. you can play it off, you hope you can besides he already has one in his hand anyway why would he need another from you?

"you heard me, y/n." 

"i don't know what you're talking about." you say, clearing your throat lightly to brush off the awkwardness in your answer. 

jay lets out a sigh, dropping his almost done cigarette to the ground then stepping on it so it dies out. 

he steps closer to you, making you back away slowly but your luck today seemed to be the worst because as soon as you take a step back, your body is already met with the wall behind you. 

jay gives you a small smirk as he leans in, his hand trapping you between the wall and the other lingering just above the hem of your skirt. 

shit. you're done. 

"don't play dumb y/n, i clearly caught you in the act so i don't know why you're acting dumb. you're a smart girl, right?" jay's hot breath fans across your skin, it smells like fucking cigarettes. 

not like it was a new smell to you anyway but whatever he was doing to you right now— it was no good. and you knew it all too well, feels like déjà vu at this point. 

the weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart rate picking up by every second that goes by, jay right above you, staring down at you with that stupid alluring smirk— all of this felt like you were reliving your past once again. 

"jay i have no idea what are you talking abo—" 

"should i get it myself?" 

that one question leaves your mouth falling apart and you in shock. 

"w-what?" you honestly felt stupid to be stuttering because of how flustered jay has you, but how were you even supposed to react to what he just said?

"should i," he says as he gets near you even more— "get the cig myself?" if anyone spotted the both of you right now it would definitely look like jay was kissing you.

that was one thing you absolutely despised. 

you would rather walk into a pool for hand sanitizer then burn yourself with a lighter than to kiss this absolute menace.

(ignoring the fact that he practically did kissed you before back then but that's the past and it stays there.)

he was practically speaking right into your ear right now, like a damn 8d asmr.

jay's hands trails up your thigh, just few more inches away from your thigh strap— you finally snap back into your senses, slapping his hand from your thigh. 

"take your hands off me," you grunt, having enough of the stupid trick he was about to try on you. 

been there, you know better than to not fall for it again. 

pulling up your skirt, you snatch the box from the strap with force and hand it to jay. 

"have the whole box you idiot." you say, sticking up your middle finger at him, only to get back the same chuckle from earlier. 

"if the word gets out, jay. wish the chances of living a goodbye." you threaten him and storm off without giving him a chance to reply. 

yeah, this is definitely the last time you're ever gonna smoke in the school compound. 

GROWING UP you were always way ahead of every other kid your age. whether it was in academics, curriculum activities, talents, etc. 

having to grow up alone in a household where your parents were busy and never really cared unless it had anything to do with school or your reputation, you never really found yourself being actually happy even once. 

your mom was the type of person who would enquire everything out of you, making sure you had no flaws and was always on the right track— making sure that you'd never fall behind or ruin your reputation. 

which meant the mindset she had eventually grew on you. 

you started thinking you were better than everyone and having a superiority complex. of course all that while making sure you would never come off as rude to anyone as you had to keep up your 'perfect little kind girl' image. 

you have always been careful with picking friends or simply hanging out with certain circles of people. types of people like jay were what you have always been aware of and wanted to stay away from.

but he was never even that bad until high school happened.

you and jay go way back in those days.

you have known jay ever since your elementary school days. you still remember the first time you ever saw him. 

it was the first day of school, you were pretty much minding your own business, making sure you only focused on yourself, getting your work done, going to tutor and going home. 

that was pretty much your routine.

that's until you were met with a boy weeping his eyes out in an empty classroom while you were heading to yours. 

"uhm.. are you crying?" you ask the boy, staring at him while your heart was feeling sorry for him already. 

"i," he says between his sobs, "i-i think im l-lost." 

you approach him with a small smile on your face, as you put your _my little pony_ pink bag on the floor and crouched next to him.

"that's okay silly! why are you crying about it?" you laugh, engulfing the sobbing boy in your arms. 

"i'm scared.." he sobs into your arms while you rub his back, calming him down. 

it took him quite a while to settle down from the crying as you managed to calm him down. you took him by his hand and led him to his classroom which you had to ask him multiple times as to where it was, but at the end you waved him goodbye as he went back into his classroom. 

flashing his little bright smile, a missing tooth was also seen but you never addressed it. 

and your class was also long forgotten.

so since your history with jay goes way back, even before your little misery with him began— you don't know if jay remembers you from back then because you never mentioned your name to him, but you remember seeing him on his nametag. 

not like it even if he remembers matters anyway, he's still an asshole. a major one at it too.

it had always been you and yizhou from the start, you never really had anyone other than yizhou so your life was just boring besides the life that you had in display for everyone else to see. 

your daily routine was almost just, school, eating, cram class or tuitions, studying, yizhou, and sleeping. 

if you were lucky, at times you would accompany your parents to their business events but you were always back home before curfew because of school. 

so when you met jay again in freshman year, your life wasn't too boring. but you should've known better when you stayed away from his problematic ass for a reason. 

jay being the poster boy for the term 'bad influence' was already a warning from the start. a big red flag too.

at first when you were asked to be in a class project with him, you thought you could just finish the work with him and it'll all be done in a few days. 

but no, you were wrong. 

the project at start was just you both doing the work and all. but then jay started being friendly with you, he started hanging out with you. 

the longer he started to stay, the more he made you laugh, he started making you feel things for him, the more you started to open up to him, the more you started to be comfortable with him. 

you eventually developed feelings for him overtime, and you knew it wasn't going to end well. but you thought maybe it would be different for once, because the mere thought you knew jay was convincing enough for your foolish self.

"we're almost done with the project, i guess this is our last session together?" you clasp your hands together at the finished product of the project. 

turning to jay, you give him a bright smile as he returns the same one back making your heart flutter. 

he had a gorgeous smile, god really took his time on making jay's smile did he?

jay doesn't say anything except for just smiling at you, as his gaze lingers on you. 

"what? why are you staring at me?" you ask, chuckling at him as your hands come up to cover your face— suddenly feeling that maybe something's on your face. 

"do i have something on my face?" you ask, touching your face but jay only laughs. 

"yeah,"  jay says, taking your hands away from your face. "you've got a breathtaking beauty." 

blood rushes up to your face in embarrassment. you were blushing for god's sake! this boy is out to kill you from all the sweet talking. 

"oh my gosh, jay!" you whine, shaking your head at the sudden compliment. 

"what? i'm telling you the truth!" 

"you're lying!" 

"m’ not!" 

"you are!"

"should i prove you wrong then?" 

you stare at jay with a growing smile that you bite back down. silence takes over as jay glances over your eyes and then your lips making your stomach do flips.

oh shit. it's happening— the scenes that you've only seen in movies but the only difference was you were experiencing in real life.

he starts to lean in, capturing you in place as your back hits his soft mattress. yes, you're doing the project in his room. 

that wasn't even the crazy part for you, what's crazy was the fact THE jay park is right above you, eyes clouded in absolute lust when he stares at you.

"i can never get tired staring at you, y/n." he says, almost like a whisper as his face inches close to yours second by second. 

his lips gazes upon your on so _so_ close from closing the gap between your lips. 

until his phone rings, interrupting the both of you.

of course you both had to be interrupted. 

ignoring the disappointing pang in your heart, you put up a smile where your eyes were shaped into tiny crescents.

"jay your phone." you say when he doesn't budge, still so close to you. 

"it's not important." he says, giving a small smile to you— shrugging the phone call off. 

but it doesn't stop ringing, so you just convince jay to answer it. it could be important after all besides it was getting annoying too.

jay just sighs, placing a small kiss on the corner of your lips before he goes to answer his phone. 

it turned out to be his _friend_ rina, she seemed to be crying into the call, you couldn't hear what she was saying but you could hear the sobs. 

"i'll be there in a second." jay ends the call with that, as he sets down the phone and turns to you with a sad smile. 

"i gotta go, my e— a friend needs me." he says and sighs sadly. 

"it's fine! you should go jay, i was going to leave anyway." you say, getting up from his bed and brushing your skirt off as you pick up your bag. 

"im sorry," jay apologizes but you just smile at him, waving him off. 

"it's alright, your friend needs you. it's probably important, you should really go." you say, walking over to his door to leave. 

before you could walk out, you hear jay call after you. turning around, you see jay standing as he smiles at you with the biggest smile you've ever seen. 

"go out with me." 

you wish you never heard those words exit his mouth when you see him locking lips with his friend rina. 

he screwed you over, played the shit out of you, ruined your trust and broken your heart. 

in the most brutal way possible. 

at the place he asked you to meet him at for the date you find him locking lips with his ex lover, rina.

you remember how much pain you went through that day, the following days, months and a year. 

you remember crying to bed each night after that, how you clutched onto your chest as you tried to stop the hurt in your heart. 

you are gullible and easy to be taken advantage of. and jay took that opportunity to screw you over so perfectly. you were the perfect muse for his breakup. 

a rebound, that's what you were. nothing much than just a mere eye candy that he wanted to have and fuck with.

you ignored jay, his calls, his texts, everything and whenever he showed outside your class, you remember leaving without a look his way. 

not a single word said to him after the whole mess.

and you certainly remember holding yizhou back when she was so close to pulling up at his house with a sledgehammer from her basement. 

moving on took a toll on you as well, your studies were affected but you fixed it before you mum could find out a thing about what happened. 

she would skin you alive if she ever found out you were hanging out with a boy, yet alone a big mess like jay.

you definitely had a hard time from the past that kept taunting you continuously to the point where all you needed was something to let out all your misery and stress out. 

a cigar. 

you remember taking a hit and it clogged up your airway making you cough like you were about to die out of suffocation. 

convincing yourself it wasn't too bad, you took another blow, and another, then another and again, again and again. 

you were a little hesitant about it at first, but you kind of just gave up on worrying about it. if it gave you the opportunity to let go of everything then you were gonna take it.

it became a forbidden habit that only yizhou knew, you were totally shocked that when you told her about that secret you felt guilty for keeping away from her— only to find out yizhou had been doing it for years now. 

though you felt a slight betrayal, you knew that even if yizhou had told you— the y/n you were way before you met jay wouldn't have ever agreed or done it. 

overtime it became a coping mechanism and a regular routine. but that was only as far as you can go, you kind of knew better than to get yourself into any other mess. 

especially something if your mum found out, she would burn you alive.

after the whole thing you barely heard about jay, you just went on with your life minding your own business making sure there was never a jay in your life, ever. 

you saw him in the hallways from time to time but you acted like he was invisible, like he wasn't even existent. 

and that's how it was supposed to be, but how was he out of all the people that could've found out about your bad habits— why did he have to be the one. 

again?

AS SOON AS CLASS ENDED you packed your things and tried to leave early with yizhou for a study session your mum had planned for the both of you at your house. 

"y/n i think i'll be late, i'm gonna drop by my place to get my notes, is that fine by you?" yizhou asks, tapping your shoulder when she gets up. 

"oh sure, i'll wait for you?" you ask her, swinging your bag across your shoulder. 

"mm just start without me, i'll cover the topic i'll be missing later at night." you decide not to dig further and just nod then waving her goodbye before you exit the class. 

plugging in your airpods, you shuffle through the downloaded podcast of your chapters that you were going to study as prep from tutors you found online. 

stuffing your hands into your blazer, you walked along the corridor filled with a wave of students. 

memorizing each important points in your head, you unconsciously nod along to it. 

people might have mistaken it that you were bopping your head to a song because when your airpod was taken away, you came to a halt. 

"damn, i thought it was a song." 

the universe had to hate. you were definitely convinced that it does because you're met with jay. again. 

and you were already getting annoyed now. 

your blood just boils  at the sight of him, he just had to make you so annoyed. that stupid smirk on his face only managed to piss you off even more. 

"i'd appreciate it if you didn't bother me and just go away?" you say with an annoyed tone, snatching your airpod away from him. 

"calm down babe, you're talking like i murdered your pet or something." jay says, shrugging his shoulders. 

"don't call me babe." you squint your eyes, snarling at him. as much as the past you would've fell to her knees when she heard that, now you wouldn't even bat an eye for his stupid tricks. 

"ok fine, love? is that fine by you?" 

you scoff in disbelief. was he seriously trying to flirt with you? 

"can you shut up, oh my god." you say, sighing. "look jay, i don't want to be late wasting my time on you so just go away." 

jay stares at you for a good three seconds before his lips curve up into that infamous smile that swoons over every single living female— except for you. 

you were exceptional, not falling for his tricks! 

"you want me to go away? i'm afraid that won't be happening anytime soon." he says, pouting mockingly. 

"what bullshit are you talking about?" you ask, crossing your arms across your chest, the airport warming up against your sweaty palms. 

"it's not bullshit but let's strike a deal." 

that's your cue to leave and you took it. shaking your head you chuckle in mockery, "that's exactly my sign to leave because i'm not hearing you out. at all." 

you turn around to plug your airpods in but jay grabs onto your forearm, pulling you again for like not the first time today. 

you yank your arm away from him, glaring at him for pulling you like that and also because he stopped you.

your mum's gonna yell at you for being late, shit. 

"hear me out, babe." 

"I told you to not call me babe and no, jay. take a fucking hint." you say the slight whine by the end of your sentence. you were actually getting annoyed this time.

"you're hot when you cuss." jay says, smiling at you. 

"jay." you warn, not wanting to deal with his foolery now that you're actually running super late. 

"okay fine, i'll keep your secret safe and sound if you……" he puckers his lips out slightly as he looks around to think. 

right, you weren't oblivious to this. he's clearly trying to get you back. 

"tutor." 

"what?" you ask, furrowing your eyebrows as you ponder if you heard him right or not. 

"tutor me, babe." 

you stare at him for a good minute, wondering if he's actually fucking crazy. no like actually, you stared at him. 

"you should take a picture, it'll last longer." 

that definitely brings you back to earth from your confusion. 

"first of all, shut up. and second, no." you say, shaking your head, as you look up at the gigantic menace. 

"why not?" he asks, stepping closer to you which makes you step back, keeping a fair distance between you. 

his stupid cologne was giving you nostalgia. that familiar smell of Jo Malone that was weirdly a perfect match for him lingers in the air.

"because i'm busy, and most definitely do not want to get involved with you anymore." 

jay scoffs at you which you glare at, gripping onto your bag strap almost about to tear it off apart. 

"fine, if you're gonna act like that then…" he stuffs his hands into his blazer, pulling out the very same box that you had strapped around your thigh a few hours prior to this. 

it gets a reaction out of you when you gasp and jay smirks in satisfaction. exactly what he wanted. 

"oh yeah let me share this too," jay says, then turning around to let out a loud announcement which sent you into panic as you stride to jay on the other side and slap your hand across his mouth. 

"say another word and you won't see the light of the day." you grunt at him, tightening the grip in his mouth which makes him pull your first away as he winces in pain. 

"shit what the fuck is your hands made of?" jay asks, tapping his mouth area softly, wincing when it hurts. 

"doesn't matter but what the hell are you doing!" you ask him, totally not holding back the urge to tackle him to the ground and strangle him till he passes out. 

jay's pain suddenly just disappears instantly being replaced with a content grin. 

"so is it a yes or no, y/n?" 

you look at him for a good three seconds before finally giving in with a sigh. 

"fine." you mutter, then frowning when you see jay overwhelmed with joy as he grins at you. 

"on a few conditions. we need to set some ground rules, park." you say, crossing your arms across your chest. 

"do we really have to?" he asks, scoffing lightly which doesn't go unnoticed by you. 

"take it or leave it, jay." 

"whatever. "

you plug in your airpods into your ear, then holding onto your bag. 

"if that is all, then i have a study session that im _incredibly_ late for. " you say, spinning on the heel of your feet and walking away without letting jay let the last word of the conversation. 

jay on the other hand didn't seem to be bothered by you leaving because the mere thought of being able to be around you was already making him feel like he's on cloud nine once again.

too in daze, he doesn't realise his friend approaching him with his jaw on the floor. 

"i-is that y/n? or am i just short sighted and accidentally saw you talking to THE y/n. like y/n y/l/n or am i too tired that i'm hallucinating?" sunghoon's little list of questions breaks jay out of his joy, looking over his friend with a huge smile. 

the silence and jay's smile says it all. sunghoon didn't need another reassurance that it was indeed you, y/n y/l/n. 

"holy shit." 

ARRIVING BY THE GATES of the mansion you lived in, owned by your parents— you didn't want to go in but picked up the remaining courage you had in yourself and head inside. 

you wave at mr.ha with a small smile which he returns wholeheartedly, it eases the stress lightly but still wasn't too assuring.

at least it was something. 

mr.ha is the security guard that guards the mansion by the small post near the gates, and you've known him ever since you could learn how to walk. 

he also worked other jobs like being a friend you could hang out with whenever your parents weren't home or were too busy to bother you. or making sure you get home safe and sound every time you snuck out with yizhou, never questioned a thing just making sure you were safely back home without getting into any trouble.

the thoughts of mr.ha left as soon as you reached the gigantic wooden doors at the entrance of your home. 

you head inside to an eerie atmosphere, it wasn't new. it was something you were used to ever since the ripe age of ten. 

you take the right side of the stairs that lead up to the second floor of the mansion, where your room was on the end of the parted hallway. 

before you could turn into the corridor, the heels clicking onto the marble floor from behind you stopped you in your tracks. 

"half an hour late." 

you held in the urge to sigh back, afraid your mom would lecture you on how rude that was. you turn around to see your mom standing in the middle of the hallway, staring right at you sending a chill down your spine.

“i’m so—” your mom cuts you short, as she approaches you.

“punctuality is important y/n. you will never survive in the real world when you lack even the tiniest bit. i have stressed this multiple times, i believe." your mom's strict tone thickens with each word that leaves her mouth. 

your nails began to mark tiny crescents by how hard you were balling your hands into a fist behind you in frustrations.

“my apologies mum, it won’t happen again,” you say, voice almost inaudible at how low it was. your mum raises her eyebrows at your apology, giving you a glare for even having the guts to answer her back.

“why are you late? where is yizhou?” 

you bite your lip, as you remain your gaze on the marble floor. how were you going to explain to her that you were with a guy that is why you are late. she would absolutely skin you alive for even looking a guy in his eyes and talking to him. 

you couldn’t lie to her but you also didn’t want her to know about jay.

“my teacher asked me if i could help tutor his student. his student was failing his classes and he thought i could be a huge help to help that kid graduate,” you say, not a single stutter or a single trace that she could pinpoint on that you were lying.

“and yizhou is stopping by her house.”

you weren’t exactly lying nor were you telling the complete truth. the part where you were asked to tutor was true indeed but the part where your teacher had asked was a made up lie. but your mom didn’t have to know.

what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

“tutor? you barely have enough time to add in more tuitions i have in list to sign you up for— let alone tutor someone?” your mum asks, arms crossed against her chest as she stands across you. 

shit, she’s serious.

“i can use my free time up for that mom, it won’t interrupt my studies.” you reason. “my teacher asked for help, i couldn’t possibly say no to him after all the pleading, mom.”

your mom decides to not drag the issue anymore further, after all, she knows that if you mess up your studies even in the slightest way possible— you’re totally done for it. besides, she figured this would look good on your papers when you apply for college, it wasn’t too bothersome.

“okay. get ready for the study session, you have tuition after that. don’t be late to it, this will be your last warning.” with that, she heads back into her office leaving you alone in the hallway.

you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. without wanting to stress about this, you head into your room, locking the door as soon as you got in.

placing your bag by your desk, you plopped onto your bed and close your eyes, taking in the comforts and how you could practically live your entire life just sleeping there. nothing beats the feeling of coming back home and laying down on your bed after a long day.

other than the feeling of coming back home to loving parents who greeted their kids with “how was your day at school?”, “was it alright?”, “hope you had fun, let’s eat together!”— but of course, it was nothing you could experience in this lifetime.

your thoughts were interrupted by a notification ring on your phone. reaching over into your blazer, you fish out your phone and lay back down on your bed. 

but the unknown contact number had you jolted up, sitting on your bed with your jaw on the floor. you had remember changing your number after the whole jay screwing you over fiasco so how did he get your number? again.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

hey babe

staring at the text, you contemplate on ignoring it or not but before you could make your move, another text rings your phone.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

so when are you free? - 2 sec ago

your fingers taps against your phone’s screen, typing onto the space before you hit send.

you : 

who’s this?

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

it’s jay, don’t play dumb y/nnnn

unless it isn’t u? is this not y/n oml

a small chuckle leaves you when you read his little panicking at thinking he’s got the wrong number. 

you :

wht do u want

you see three bubbles pop out as soon as you send that. you lay back onto your bed, shaking your legs as you wait for him to reply.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

u

you scoff at his reply and roll your eyes—  though the small flip in the pit of your stomach doesn’t go unnoticed. 

you : 

quit the jokes park

why are you texting me

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

chill babe

uhh when are you free to tutor me? 

whenever is fine by me

biting on your lips you ponder on when you’re free during the week, certainly not any time soon, however. on saturdays you paint or just hang out with yizhou or catch up on the sleep you miss during the weekdays.

other than that you practically did nothing, cutting off 2 hours or 3 from your sleep is no big deal.

but why were you willing to do so, for jay the guy that broke your heart and screwed you over?

the questions remains in the back of your head, mainly because you didn’t want to think about it and totally not because you had the tiniest bit of hope left that jay could be back to stay and not screw you over again.

maybe, those were the possibilities it wasn’t entirely impossible.

you :

saturday?

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

okay

what time?

you :

5 to 7

whenever you’re free on

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

that’s fine by me

alright babe, see u then

you leave jay on read, not wanting to drag the conversation out longer. just as you’re about to exit you notice you hadn’t saved his number. you deleted his number after the whole thing, but you could remember those numbers any day.

jay? too boring

park jay? too formal

jay :) uhhhhh

idiot jay :) too extra

you stop in tracks when you realize what you were doing. were you really………… choosing what to save him as? with emoticons or without? 

shit, it’s happening again. 

you delete the :) and just save his contact under idiot jay and toss your phone to the edge of your bed as you stare at your ceiling, thinking about what just happened. after a while, yizhou finally arrived and you both went on with the study session without mentioning a thing.

you’re screwed.

 A FEW DAYS PASSED and your reconciliation with jay was long forgotten in the back of your mind as it never happened. you didn’t see jay at school as much after that too, so you were freed from bothersome.

“alright, just finish chapter 12 on the module and you’re done for the day.” your teacher announces and everyone gets up to greet as the class ends.

“it’s PE right after this?” you ask your desk mate and she nods with a smile with you return with a ‘thank you’ and a smile.

packing your things you grab your PE clothes and head to exit the classroom along with the others. but just as you’re about to leave, you remembered you had forgotten your hair tie in your bag. 

“hey y/n where are you going?” yizhou asks, looking back when she sees you rushing back to the classroom.

“go ahead without me, i forgot something back there,” you tell yizhou and she just nods as she leaves with the rest. 

you go back to the classroom and head toward your desk immediately bending over as you search for your hair tie. but it was taking a little too long as your hair kept on getting in the way, which you had to push back constantly.

“looking for something?” you hear a voice behind you as your hair is lifted up making you jump in shock. 

“fuc— you scared me, oh my god.” you gasp with your hand plastered onto your chest, feeling your heartbeat pulsing rapidly. 

“you’re hot when you cuss.” jay replies back with a smirk, it had literally no sort of connection to what you were saying.

you slap away jay’s hand that was still gripping your hair in annoyance, “don’t touch me, geez.” 

jay only pouts slightly at you before his lips form into a smirk as he looks over you.

“you seemed to be searching for something, did you find it?”

“it’s none of your business, just mind your own and go.” you scowl at him with a sharp glare as your tongue jabs against the insides of your cheek.

“you don’t always have to be up to my ass, babe.” jay says as you turn around, bending over to search for your things in your bag. his gaze almost falls down but he keeps it up and short-sighted not wanting to get in trouble with you.

however it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before anyway.

“then just mind your own business and stop pissing me off at every chance you get,” you pause before you speak again. “also i told you stop calling me babe.” you say as you continue to search. jay walks over to your side and leans against your table as he watches you.

“it can’t be helped if it that’s what you’re meant to be called— babe, it just rolls off my tongue better. ” jay says, chuckling when he sees you give him a side glance that indicated shut the fuck up before i rip off your balls. he remains silent and watches you when you sigh loudly at your hair constantly being in the way. jay gets off the table and inches closer to you, he collects all of your hair into his fist, and holds it for you as it clears off your view.

you don’t say anything for a while, clearing the thought of asking him to take his hands off you instead you mutter a small “thanks” that was so low, almost inaudible but jay obviously heard it when he smiled to in secret.

after finally searching every inch of your bag, you finally found the hair tie—in joy you almost cheered when it came into view. 

“found it!” you say and grin. jay lets go of your hair as you got up and he moved backwards.

“good job.” he says, smiling at you which makes you feel all giddy but you don’t show as you hold back the smile that was so badly wanting to show.

just as you’re about to tie your hair, jay stops you.

“give me the hair tie.” 

you look at jay with your eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why he wanted it—unless…

“wh—”

“just give it to me, babe.”

the hair tie is snatched out of your hand before you could even hand it to him, jay spins you around as he inches closer. his breathing was felt against your neck when he gathered your hair up.

you stayed still, too hesitant to move while your heart was beating as if it was about to burst out of its cage and your stomach releasing the whole damn zoo— not just butterflies although it might sound like you’re exaggerating it but it was true.

jay’s fingertips constantly grazed on your skin as he tied up your hair, you knew was close on purpose but you didn’t bother mentioning it since you were clearly enjoying it more than he did. it brought you back so much nostalgia with him being so close to you it reminded you of when your skins collided with him on top of you as you both experienced something so amazing.

“alright, i’m done.” his words bring you back to reality when his hands were off you. you move away from him and reach for your ponytail smoothing out your hair.

“thanks— although i didn’t ask you to do it.” you mutter under your breath when you head back to your desk to pick up your PE clothes.

you mentally cuss yourself for almost forgetting that you had PE, it’s like every time you’re with jay you just lose count of time like you’re on cloud nine in a dream.

“you’re welcome, babe!” jay replies, holding onto his bag on his shoulder as he smiles at you.

“don’t skip PE, i’m leaving,” you announce and head towards the door but stop when you hear jay call your name.

turning around to see him leaning against your desk with a lazy smile, jay waves at you.

“tie your hair up frequently, you’re pretty.”

what jay said seemed to be the only thing that was on your mind even when you were running laps across the field until the end of PE as you were walking back to the classroom after showering and changing your clothes back to your uniform.

yizhou seemed to notice that you were not in your right mind, nor were you being your usual self.

“did you get high last night?” 

that definitely brought you back to your senses when your eyes widened and your shrieked facing yizhou. she gasps staring at you, “are you kidding me! oh my god?” 

“what! no yizhou!” you say, grimacing at the thought of getting high as much as it seemed tempting you knew that was a line you could never cross besides you hadn’t even hit a blunt ever since jay caught you red-handed.

fuck. jay this, jay that— jay jay jay.

everything is jay!

“then? what is on your mind that you even didn’t dodge the ball earlier and got hit right on the face?” yizhou asks, staring at the red mark that was printed on your cheek which you winced at when you touched it.

“it just…” you trail off, don’t know whether to bring it up or not.

“just what?”

“just…” you sigh loudly as you both continued walking back to the class.

“y/n just say it!

“jay. it’s jay.” you say, shaking your head.

yizhou stops in her tracks as she closes her mouth with her hand, looking at you like you murdered her dog or something.

“i completely forgot about him oh my god, wasn’t he with you at that spot the other day? oh my god—” she gasps, connecting one and two together. “don’t tell me he caught you smoking?” she leans in to whisper, and when you nod, confirming her doubt she gasps loudly attracting a few glances.

you bow your head apologizing to them and got back to a shocked yizhou and then you spill what happened from the catching you red-handed to tutor agreement to and till the hair thing to her leaving her speechless by the end of it.

“i— i— uhm i— well—”

“yeah, i’m not sure what to do as well— i could just keep a distance between us and be his tutor, and as soon as we graduate and he passes it’ll be done and that would be the end of us. like i wanted from the beginning,” you say, pausing before you spoke again. “but the only thing holding me back is jay, the stupid little hope that he won’t fuck up again.” 

yizhou only nods in response.

“the pain i experienced when he screwed me over is something i never want to experience again, yizhou but he keeps on bringing me back to square one, every time i see him i just can’t help but want to go back,” you say, the memories of the night you sobbed like insane in silence with so much of pain coming back.

“you still love him.” 

“what?” you turn to face yizhou at her statement. do you still— love him?

“you still love him, it’s so obvious y/n.” she says, holding your hands in hers. 

“it won’t change the fact he hurt you so bad though, i still want to kill him for that but what matters more is you. i won’t tell you what to do, you should do what you want to and what your heart tells you to. if what you want is to keep a distance with jay and just end it all for good after everything then do it and if what you want is to give him a chance again then do it. it’s all in the choice you make.” 

yizhou is right but the more you think about it, it seems like whatever trick jay is playing on you— it’s definitely working and you’re falling for it.

“whatever you do, don’t let your guard down. you’re better than that, don’t be fooled again if this is just an act to screw you over again y/n.”

you press yizhou’s hand and nod as a reassurance. “you’re right. thanks, yizhou, for having my back.” you smile at her. 

“shut up loser.” she laughs and pulls you into a hug however it doesn’t last long up until a loud scream is heard from your classroom. you both pull away and head back in curiosity.

you see your classmate, rina— yes, the very same person that you caught jay kissing on that night— searching for something frantically at her table. you and yizhou enter the classroom and everyone’s eyes is on you, yes only you specifically.

before you could ask anything as to why everyone was looking a you, rina looks up with a glare and approcahes you. 

“you. the last one the exit the classroom.” she scowls, digging her index finger onto your shoulder which she pushes you back with.

“you stole it, didn’t you?” she asks and you scoff in disbelief. 

“rina i have no ide—”

“your little good girl facade won’t work on me, listen y/n. just be honest and admit you stole it, and i’ll just forgive you and leave this matter to rest,” she says and stomps her feet on the ground with a sigh.

“what the f—” yizhou grunts and almost approaches rina to rip her head off but you hold her back. “yizhou, don’t.” 

“are you kidding me?! she just accused you of stealing and you’re telling me to not rip her into shreds?” you nod to yizhou which she rolls her eyes at and scoffs. 

“rina, i didn’t take whatever you’re accusing me of just because i was the one who last left the classroom— don’t get too ahead of your assumptions lets talk about this calmly with the homeroom teach—” she was seriously starting to get on your nerves for 

“dont get too ahead of my assumptions? ah this bitch, the audacity!” when rina calls you bitch, it definitey hit a nerve because your blood was boiling.

just as you’re about to jump at her, the door opens and jay along with his friends stands there— staring at the commotion. 

“watch what you’re saying rina, instead of calling me a bitch reflect on yourself and find the real culprit— don’t be going around accusing just about everyone you see,” you grunt, squinting your eyes at her and turning around to leave.

“did you just call me a bitch?!” she gasps at your indirect insult looking offended. she lets out a mocking chuckle and starts walking towards you in full speed with her hand raised to slap you.

before you could let go of your cool, jay enters the classroom and pulls you aside which made rina lose balance and fall straight to the floor. the whole crowd goes silent, until sunghoon speaks up.

“homerun!” sunghoon starts laughing at his own joke while everyone else stared in shock. jake shoves sunghoon with his elbow earning a loud yell until he sees jake’s glare which makes him shut up with his mouth against his mouth.

getting back your senses you push yourself off jay who seemed to be holding onto you as soon as you get back the memory of the conversation you had with yizhou.

“babe!” rina whines out and starts to tear up at the embarassment as she calls for jay but jay’s focus was on you who seemed to be frowning at the situation. you look glance at him and catch him staring at you, pondering as to if he should even help rina.

but jay isn’t a asshole, he wasn’t just going to leave rina on the floor crying after he was partially the reason she fell down. (in his defense he wanted to protect you).

“jay,” rina whines again making you look away as jay sighs and rushes to the girl. you watch as she cries onto his shoulder, clearing stirring up a drama which you got too nauseous to even continue watching.

scoffing at her acting like that around jay, you walk away and sat down at your desk.

part of you hated the fact that jay was still hers at the end of the day, whether they were together or not— she’d still be the one was going to pick at the end of the day despite all the shit he puts up to get you wrapped around his finger.

the situation opened your eyes. you weren’t going to give in, you’re gonna keep your distance and once the tutor agreement is over— you’d be over him and he’ll be out of your life.

SATURDAY ROLLED BY too quickly for your liking, usually you’d look forward to saturdays but now you dreaded them. you didn’t like the fact you finally had to face jay after the whole mess a few days ago.

he hadn’t bothered trying to talk about the thing, not like he owed an explanation or whatever but somewhere deep down you felt like you deserved one for absolutely no reason at all. though you received like one text from him, which was just :

idiot jay :

y/n..

that wasn’t too convincing and you didn’t exactly want to assume it just by that. the text could’ve meant he wanted to ask you how to solve a problem but hasn't even started tutoring yet or the text could’ve meant he wanted to just text you but by the tone of it, it clearly didn’t mean he wanted to annoy you.

mainly for this reason, you overthinking. you simply didn’t want to assume anything and just left him unread but of course you had to face him somehow.

so here you were, holding onto the handle of the gigantic door to let jay in as he rang the bell that echoed through the house.

“who’s at the door?” you hear your mom ask from the living room, she stood there looking at you confused as to why you weren’t answering the door.

you open the door to be greeted by a surprised jay, his hand by the bell you figured he was about to ring the bell again. he gives a small smile which you only nodded your head too. 

you look away before jay catches you staring because holy shit was he fine as hell? it's like skinny jeans and black shirts were made for him, although it was a simple outfit it definitely managed to make your jaw drop. 

internally. 

jay enters your house as you close the door behind him. he spots your mom by the living room, she gives him a decent bland smile which he smiles back at. 

you looked like a carbon copy of your mom, but obviously jay seemed to have the hots only for you and you only. 

"good afternoon, mrs y/l/n." he greets your mom with a bow. 

"good evening…" she trails off, unsure of the unknown kid's name. she somehow recognizes his face, but she couldn't exactly point it out.

"jay. park jay." she nods and looks over at you. you just give her a tight lipped smile when you read the look on her face. 

a guy?

"he's the kid i mentioned, the tutor." you explain, walking up to jay standing by him. 

"i figured." 

silence takes over the air, creating an uncomfortable tension which you couldn't cut even with a knife. 

"if that is all, excuse us mom." you say and walk past her with jay hot on your trail. 

this is the first time jay has ever seen or visited your house, he knew you were stacked obviously since your family is one of the holy trinity in the neighborhood. 

your family is also a stranger to the industry his parents runs a business in. your families were pretty much the top ones, but your parents never got along.

both of your families were rivals but what happens in business stays in business. it shouldn't get involved with any personal issues. 

besides that's the adult's thing, what you and jay had shouldn't be a problem to whatever rivalry your parents had going on. 

his attention is immediately caught by the large family portrait on the wall where the stairs divided into two. 

you were in the middle while your parents were by your side. jay figured you were the only child considering there was no one other than you and your parents in the portrait. 

he swears you look so ethereal in portrait, it must be recent since you don't look any much younger or older than how you looked now. 

he smiles at your small smile in the picture, you looked really pretty when you smile. 

"jay?" 

"huh?" he breaks out of his gaze from the picture to you looking at him on the top of the stairs. he hadn't realized he stopped walking. 

jay skips up the stairs following behind you as you walk through the hallway. the light was dim with ceilings as high as the sky. 

it wasn't too different from his home, although the only thing missing in his home was you. 

he wanted to have you. 

not just like a bait but because he's liked you since forever.  

the door you open leads into your bedroom, jay follows behind you and stops when you close the door. 

"no open door rule?" 

you stay silent as you clean up the books by your desk, not bothering to look at jay's to answer him. 

"no." you mutter beneath your breath, piling up the books to carry to your shelf. 

"usually girls houses i go to always have the open door rule…." jay trails off when he sees you glare at him. 

shit, it's like adding more fuel to the fire. 

he shuts up not wanting to make things any worse but when he sees you trying to pick up the pile of books, he drops his bag and walks over to help you. 

"move aside, i'll do it." he says expecting you to move but you don't budge. 

"i can do it myself, just go and sit." you say, wrapping your arms around the pile of books to pick it up— but it was too heavy for your strength. 

"just let me do it, y/n. don't be so stubborn." he says, and takes away your arms then picking them the books in one shot. 

you almost gasped at his muscles popping out from his sleeve. you were literally drooling at the sight but before he could see, you head back to the desk and took a seat, internally cringing at your reaction. 

jay comes back after setting it down and takes a seat next to you. 

"so what are you weak in?" 

"pulling you, that's the only game i’m weak in." jay replies and laughs but stops when he sees your plain reaction, just empty and annoyed. 

"my bad," he apologizes and takes out his books from his bag. 

no shit, though that almost made you laugh you held it back when you realized it was probably only to screw you again. 

"i need help with physics, you're good at that right?" jay asks and you hum in return as you look over the marked topics in his textbook. 

"let's go over this first, is that okay?" you ask, looking up at him. you don't realize you're too close until you look up at him. 

"y-yeah." jay replies back and immediately turns his attention back to the book. 

this was gonna be long. 

with a sigh, you moved over and continued to teach jay. 

a few hours passed and you both were finally done for the day. you lean back on your chair and stretch your body, yawning as your body relieves pain. 

you expect jay to make a remark about it but he's too occupied by his phone, texting someone. 

you don't want to be a busybody but your curiosity couldn't help it. you couldn't see much but when you see sunghoon's name pop up on the screen you sat back onto your seat. 

"if you wanted to see, i would've showed you, babe. no need to sneak around." jay says, scaring you by breaking the silence. 

"i wasn't peeking." 

"whatever floats your boat, babe." jay says and stuffs his phone into his pocket as he turns to face you. 

you avoid looking at jay, suddenly finding the calendar on your table interesting. 

(a/n : tbh this scene omg i got reminded of the way jay called jungwon in that one en-log lmaooo)

"y/n?" jay calls you with a luring tone, as he looks at you with a smirk. 

"y/nn?" he calls again, leaning closer to you. 

"what?" you grunt, finally looking up at him. fuck it was mistake, you shouldn't have because why the hell was park jay looking at you with literal heart eyes and why the hell did it gave you butterflies?

he remains silent before the smile on his lips disappears into a sorry expression. 

"i'm sorry," he says, and frowns. 

"what are you sorry for?" you ask as your eyes bores into his. 

"for going to rina. that day." he explains but it breaks your heart when her name leaves his mouth. 

"why are you apologizing?" you ask. "it's not like you owe me one, not like i'm someone that matters to you." you mutter the last sentence under your breath, but jay heard it. 

and it makes him sad. 

had you known you're the one person that mattered the most to him. 

"y/n…" he trails off, but you shake your head. 

"it's late, you should leave." you say, standing up as you approach your door to usher him out. 

"y/n i didn't want to but she was calling for me." 

"jay why are you explaining yourself to me? we aren't going to fall in love again so it doesn't matter nor will it ever matter. our agreement was just you keeping my secret in exchange for me tutoring you." 

you didn't mean to come off harsh but by the look on jay's face, it made you want to sink into a hole and never face him again. 

"yeah, you're right. my bad." he says, in a disappointed tone as he nods. he grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. you try to approach him but he stops you, "i can find my way out, don't bother." 

jay opens the door to exit but he looks back before he leaves. 

"goodnight y/n." 

GUILT never stopped chasing you ever since the night jay left your room after you lashed out at him. 

it wasn't your intention but it wasn't a day if you didn't fuck something up obviously. 

the night he left like that you didn't sleep on a brink. the guilt haunted you all night, all day and all week. it's been two weeks since the incident and it was still haunting you like insane. 

jay didn't attend the last tutor session after you lashed out at him, he didn't inform you of anything which made things worse. you felt bad and guilty the whole time.

you didn't see jay most of the time at school, usually you'd be more than grateful if he was out of your sight but that night the only thing that could ease your heart was if you saw him.

and when you did, your guilt only worsened when jay didn't glance your way. 

your heart was telling you to grow some balls and apologize but you mind was telling you to leave him be since he was obeying the agreement you both agreed on. 

overtime your heart won over your mind and you found yourself by the cafeteria buying two banana milk cartons— one for you and another for him. 

after paying the cashier lady, you took the long way back to class to get your shit together and not make a fool of yourself when you're apologizing. 

you remember yizhou telling you to apologize since from your story telling jay was obvious hurt but yizhou was emphasizing that the hurt you gave him obviously wouldn't beat the hurt he gave you. 

but hurt is hurt and you're at fault this time. 

so it's only right that you apologize. 

besides doing this will make the next tutor session less awkward. 

when you came back to the classroom, you didn't spot jay anywhere or his friends. you also looked around for rina and her minions, luck was on your side since they weren't there too. 

you walk towards his table awkwardly, trying your best to not look suspicious as you tiptoe around his table. 

you cover your face with one hand and the other place one carton on the table with the straw then you skip to your table in the quickest way possible without looking suspicious. 

you finally let out a relieved sigh when you sat down at your table. mission one is done, but you had another problem coming your way, will jay forgive you?

a louder sigh and whine leaves you before you frustratedly take out your module and start doing exercises to take your mind off it. 

without knowing jay had been watching all along from the back of the classroom. 

he had seen you walking into the classroom and followed behind you, he was about to leave until he was you tip toeing around his table.

he laughs in secret when he sees you do a poor job at not looking suspicious by placing the banana milk on his table. when you covered your face in the most awkward way possible he chuckled at you being so cute. 

when you go back to your table, he stops laughing and holds back the big smile growing on his face as he walks into the classroom. 

he sees you watching him in secret but you're not too slick with it so he picks up the carton, examines it then places it on his table. 

he holds back the smirk when he sits down and then looks at you while your eyes widen and look away so fast. 

too bad the smile already beat him to it, he smiles as he pops the carton open with the straw and takes a sip as he stares at you from the back. 

you could practically feel jay's gaze on your back and holy shit did it make you nervous. you should be yelling at him to mind his own business but you pushed that thought to the back of your mind. 

you phone rings a notification which earns your attention and for the first time in weeks, you see jay's name flash across your screen. 

for some reason it makes you smile and makes you feel giddy when you see his notification. 

it shouldn't be making you feel like that but it did. 

idiot jay :

thanks for the banana milk 

shit. how'd he know it was you? 

you :

idk what r u talking about…

you hear jay coughing from the back which makes you smirk, and then three bubbles pop up on the screen. 

idiot jay :

don't play dumb babe

ik it's u ;)

and there is the jay you know. 

you : 

whatever floats your boat, jay~

"can't believe i'm seeing modern day romance right before me in broad daylight." 

slamming your phone into the table, you look to see a horrified yizhou as she sits down next to you.

"what are you talking about?" you laugh nervously, as you turn off your phone and slide back into your blazer. 

"considering how smiley you are that you're kicking your feet and all, i'm assuming you guys are okay now?"  you don't bother brushing the issue under the carpet, you spill everything to yizhou. 

"well, congrats on making your next tutor session less awkward." she says, laughing at the make-up attempt. 

you nod and then drift the conversation to something else. you and yizhou planned on going shopping over the weekend after your session with jay since you both haven't hung out in while since you got caught up in your jay situation. 

a few days passed by and saturday finally arrived again, this time you looked forward to it. 

although it was a few hours prior to your tutor session with jay, you couldn't stop thinking about him as you sat in your backyard painting on your canvas board. 

you were painting a scenery you had in mind, usually during painting you just let your imagination take over and just let your fingers sway the brush along. 

but this time you were just sitting there, staring at the canvas board unable to come up with something to paint. 

maybe if jay wasn't taking up all the space in your head. 

"you paint?" 

that awfully sounded familiar to jay's voice, way too close you were concerned for yourself at this point. you were thinking of him too much. 

too much his voice sounds way too real as if he was in the backyard with you.

"babe?" 

oh shit. 

you turn around in your seat to see jay standing by the sliding glass door with his arms crossed, looking at you in awe.

you blink several times to assure it wasn't your head messing with you until you realized he was actually standing there. 

"huh? why are you here? tutor session doesn't start until 5? it's 4.15?" you bombard jay with questions which he only chuckles at before he walks towards you. 

"came early to see you, missed you too much." you give him a glare which he winks back in return for. 

"you paint? i didn't know." he says, as he eyes you and the canvas. 

"because it's none of your business," you reply back as you place the pallet on the stool next to you. 

"i want it to be my business then," he answers back and takes a seat on the bench across from you. you don't bother answering anything back, knowing jay would only make another remark out of it. 

though his recent reply made your stomach do flips which you thoroughly ignored. 

you both sit in silence as you stare at the canvas in blank of what to paint. and then you looked at jay, an idea popped into your head. 

you could paint him. 

"stay still and don't move." you say and pick up a brush and start moving it along the canvas. 

"you're painting me?" jay asks in pure shock as he turns to stare at you. 

"i said don't move, idiot!" 

"okay! okay!" 

a small smile grows on your lips at jay sulking slightly at your little tantrum as you paint him. 

jay wasn't too difficult to draw, he already looked like a real life sculpture so he made it easier for you. god took his time on jay and it shows. 

jay's outfit today seemed to be perfect for the painting as well, he wore a white dress shirt and khaki colored slacks that he pulled off so effortlessly. 

if any other guy wore it, you wouldn't even bat an eye but since jay wore it, you couldn't stop stealing glances at him. 

he was just so effortlessly handsome, no wonder many girls wouldn't stop chasing him. 

before you could overthink and dull yourself over the thoughts you chose to ignore it and just focus on painting. 

you don't realize the time that passed by since you were indulged in a conversation with jay as you finished painting him. by the end of it, you were beyond tired from all the painting and jay's ass was so sore from sitting for so long.

you didn't allow jay to see the painting even after an argument, you managed to move the painting to your room where somewhere he couldn't find it. 

"your house is nice, it would be nice to live here." jay says as he examines the interior while you were making orange juice for him. 

jay said he felt thirsty after all the talking besides it would be rude to send your guest off without proper hosting etiquette. 

"you live in a house like mine too, park." you say, sighing at his dramatic comment. 

"yeah but the only thing missing there is you, it would be nice if i could wake up to you everyday and spend my entire life with you." 

you shoot him a speechless expression which he laughs at. 

"isn't it too early to be making marriage jokes?" you ask, pouring the juice into a glass for you and him. 

"so you want to experience it one day with me?" he asks, pushing your buttons. 

"you know that's not what i meant, park." you scoff, placing down the jug and pushing a glass towards him. "so shut the fuck up and drink that." 

jay sends you a wink and take a sip from the orange juice. 

"i can never get tired of you cussing, you're so fine when you do so." you had to admit, that sure made your cheeks turn crimson which jay unfortunately caught onto. 

"oh my god!" jay shrieks, a wide grin plastered on his face as he approaches you. 

"is THE y/n y/l/n blushing? because of me?" he fake gasps as he inches closer to you with each step while you lean over the counter. 

"shut up jay, you're overreacting." you say, chuckling as you hide your face. 

"you don't have the talent to lie babe, so i'm not sure why you bother doing so," he says, chuckling as he leans over towards you. 

"you need to stop being cocky," you say, placing a hand on his chest indicating stop as you chuckle at him. 

"and what if i don't?" he asks, taking your hand off his chest. 

"you don't want to find out jay.." you trail off, still looking at him. 

"if i do?" 

you both stare at each other in silence, the tension in the air so thick nothing is heard except for the thuds of your heartbeats. 

you smirk, leaning into his neck— so close he could feel your hot breath against his neck. it sends shivers down his spine but he keeps his cool. 

"i'll make you finish a whole module of physics." 

jay pulls away staring at you with a frown, not amused by you giving him false hope while you on the other hand seemed to be having a field day as you held your tummy, laughing out loud. 

"that wasn't funny." jay snarls, scoffing at you laughing your ass off by the counter. sure it pissed him off but by the way you're laughing your ass of, it instantly takes away the annoyance. 

he's too in awe with your smile gracefully plastered on your face as you laugh sounding like a melody in his ear. 

your laughter dies down after a while and you finally could catch air after it all being sucked away from laughing. 

"are you done y/l/n?" you look aside to see a pouty jay with his hallway finished orange juice in his hand. 

"yeah yeah," you say, holding back another urge to laugh in his face. "with the last name? that's new." 

jay doesn't say anything except for glaring at you which you roll your eyes at. back to being at each other's neck. 

"keep those glares down, park. speaking about the module, we didn't have our tutor session today." you say, and take a sip from your glass  

"can't we skip this one? we can hang out instead!" 

"weren't you the one who wanted me to tutor you?" 

"yeah but—" 

"no but's jay, are you free on monday? after school? cause tomorrow i have plans with yizhou so i won't be free tomorrow," you ask him. 

"that's fine by me." he says, then looks up to you. "but at my place." 

"your place?" you ask, and look up at him. 

"yeah my place, is that fine by you?" he asks, raising his eyebrow at you. 

it's not that you haven't been to his place before so you wonder why you're hesitating. besides all you're both going to do is just study, not anything else. 

"okay." 

the night passes by with you both just talking with 70% you telling him to shut the fuck up or arguing and 20% of jay flirting and 10% of you both laughing your asses off. 

honestly during the whole time you were just having fun, your cheeks were so sore from smiling the whole time it genuinely felt like a date but it wasn't. 

jay left after a few hours just before you parents had come back home and you went to bed that night with the biggest smile on your face. 

you were content with this, you finally had fun after a long time and damn was it worth it. 

it finally felt like you got jay back and it was starting to feel like back then, the times you both were happy being around each other. 

sunday rolled by and you went out with yizhou, got back before curfew and had fun. 

you told yizhou about the progress between you and jay and she was wanting to throw the whole time because of how 'overwhelmingly sweet'. 

and then monday happened, school went by and then night time came around and you found yourself in front of jay's mansion. 

though it wasn't too different from yours and considering how you weren't a stranger here, you didn't know why you were so nervous. 

you didn't know why you even out extra effort into looking good today? maybe because you haven't seen his parents after so long?

or maybe because you just wanted to impress jay? but all you guys agreed on was studying so why the dress up?

you couldn't find a answer in you so you just hit the bell and waited for someone to answer the door. 

after a few seconds the door is opened and you're met with jay's mom, mrs.park. 

"uh good evening, mrs.park" you greet, giving her a small smile as you stand by her doorstep. 

"oh my! y/n?" she gasps, staring at you in shock. "it's been so long! don't wait there, come in!" she opens the door ajar, inviting you into her home. 

"thank you mrs park," you give her another smile and walk in. the place hadn't changed too much, there were a few changes in the furniture but overall it the same old place. 

"i haven't seen you in so long, i thought jay stopped being friends with you! i was so worried for the boy." she says, chuckling at the situation. 

you nod and smile in return. 

"oh, you're here." you look towards the stairs where jay is walking towards you, he looked as handsome as the other. even more now that he was in grey sweatpants and white t-shirt, your absolute weakness. 

"hey," you greet him, and look away not wanting your gaze to linger on him too long. 

"we're gonna go and study if you're done with the reunion mom," jay says jokingly, as he grabs your hand unannounced. 

you stare at him wide eyed but he only smiles at you. you give his mom a shy smile "my apologies mrs.park, if you'd excuse us." 

"sure sure dear, before you leave do join us for dinner" she says, and you give her a nod then smile at her before jay basically drags you to his room. 

"damn hands off me, jay" you say, yanking your hand away and walk behind him into his room. 

"my bad, it just happened naturally." he says, winking at you. 

"everything just somehow happens naturally to you. " you say, scoffing as you set down your bag. 

"yeah cause my hand seems to be a magnet that keeps on getting attracted to you," he says and acts like his hand us a magnet being pulled towards you while his other hand holds it back.

"you're so corny," you say, laughing at his stupid joke. 

"nothing about me is corny babe, you're just in love with me." he says, shrugging and takes a seat next to you. 

well he wasn't entirely wrong. 

"yeah right, you wish." you say, rolling your eyes at his confidence. jay smirks and chuckles. 

"i don't have to wish, i already know you do." 

"shut up." 

"you're so in love with me babe." 

"no i’m not." 

"you are." 

"if anything you're the one in love with me, end of the topic now please shut up." you snarl at him, closing his mouth with your hand. 

"and you're right." he says, taking away your hand. you snatch your hand away and urge jay to stop messing around and get on track to study. 

hours pass by and you both actually study, a few times jay stops to flirt which you had to keep on scolding him for and a few times jay actually was studying, where he asked you questions and you helped him out on it. 

when you both are finally done with the studying, you both plop back onto his bed, feeling so worn out. 

laying in silence, you're almost drifting off into sleep if it wasn't for jay speaking up.

"y/n?" 

you hum in response, eyes still closed. 

"you look pretty today." he says, earning a smile from you. 

"you look good in braids and i like your dress, it looks pretty on you." 

"you're being awfully nice, what do you want?" you ask, chuckling at his sweet compliments. 

you feel the bed shift, and then you feel your darkness turn darker which means something was hovering over you. 

opening your eyes, you see jay leaning over on top of you but you don't bother yelling at him to move. 

"i think you know the answer already," he says, smiling. 

"don't tell me the answer is—" 

"you, yeah." 

"you need to stop flirting, it's not working if you're trying to woo me over," you say, poking your tongue out at him. 

jay only stays silent, his smile doesn't leave his mouth and that's when you realize he isn't just kidding, he's being for real. 

"jay." 

"hm?" he hums, and you give him a unreadable expression. you’re confused, he’s making you confused. one second he’s with rina acting like nothing’s going on and the next minutes he’s all up on your ass trying to win you back.

not like he ever had you.

“stop playing around, it’s not funny—”

“i’m not playing y/n and you know that.” he says, sighing at you. 

“i don’t jay and i’m not falling for this again, cause in the end i’m gonna end up hurt again which i don’t want to experience again.” you say, propping yourself up on your elbows, inching closer to the boy that’s hovering over you.

“i never meant to hurt you y/n, it wasn’t my intention— i literally have no idea what you’re talking about when you say i hurt you.” jay argues back, but it’s rather more calmly with his confused expression.

“you’re shitting me.” 

jay opens his mouth to retort back but the knock on his room door interrupts you both. 

“sir, madame wants you down for dinner.” a lady’s voice speaks from behind the door who you’re assuming is a helper in his house.

jay looks at the door and then back at you with a sigh. “we’ll be down in a while, thanks.” 

after the footsteps disappear into a distance, move jay aside and get up from his bed. you pack your things into your bag and sling it over your shoulder. 

“i’ll head downstairs first.” you say and head towards the door but just as you’re about to twist the knob jay holds onto your forearm.

“y/n.” he says but it sounds like a plead in disguise. you turn to look at him and you wonder.

if mentioning what happened is about to ruin the chances of you both having a civil friendship again, then you wish to forget about it. every time it’s about rina something just goes wrong. you decide to bring up the topic another time, this time you’d just rather forget it for the moment.

“i’ll wait for you downstairs, don’t keep your parents waiting.” you say, giving him a smile then exiting the room and leaving jay behind.

jay’s confused. he’s totally confused, he just doesn’t get what’s wrong and what’s going on. his phone starts ringing and it jolts him awake from his confused-daze that he was in.

sunghoon’s name flashes across the screen and jay swipes right on it to answer.

“hey dude, you wanna come over later after your tutor session with your _girlfriend_ is done?” sunghoon asks, mocking jay’s massive crush on you from the other end of his phone.

“she’s not my girlfriend, hoon.” jay says, plopping onto his bed as a smile grows on his lips at the thought of you being his girlfriend.

“eyyyy saying that as if you don’t want her to be your girlfriend.”

jay has liked you since forever and he means it. from the moment you helped him out for being lost in elementary school, he’s had large heart eyes for you and only you ever since then and any sane person would’ve noticed that. 

although you both drifted apart, growing up— jay hadn’t forgotten you even a little. he’s always watched you from afar (not in a creepy way ofc), never growing the balls to ever ask you out— jay remembers telling making sure that everyone knew you were completely off limits.

especially to sleazy, low-life or stacked guys, he made sure to them that you were completely off-limits. you were his from the beginning and now that he’s finally going to get you, he couldn’t just let anyone else have you.

it was so bad till sunghoon and jake had to start matchmaking the both of you in ‘coincidental ways’.

it never worked out, it was the universe just didn’t want their friend jay to win in terms of you until, miracle happened. well not exactly since sunghoon and jake bribed jay’s teacher to match up the both of you in a project. 

jay was the happiest boy in the entire world the day he got home, his mum was so confused why her son was helping her out in the kitchen or skipping around the house with the biggest smile plastered on his face.

sunghoon and jake remember regretting setting him up like that because every 2 minutes back then jay would spam in their group chat about how thrilled and all he would ever speak about was you, y/n y/l/n. 

jay remembers vividly every day back then, every second he was so genuinely happy to be with you even if it’s just you both being in the same room, he didn’t show it but he truly was the happiest. 

at one point, he realised that you were the one. so he asked you out after the final meetup for the project. 

but of course, in every seed of good there is always a piece of bad. he doesn’t know why right after that you started avoiding him although you said yes to him. you didn’t show up to the date, he tried calling you, texting you, he even asked  around but it was all to no avail.

you just started ghosting him, and when he did see you at school you would pretend that you didn’t know him, nor did you even acknowledged his existence.

even when he dated other girls to get over you, he just couldn’t. you just had that effect on him that no matter what, no matter how girls he could get in just a snap— they could all never be you. 

not even rina could compare to you, she couldn’t be you ever. 

up until one day, jay just got so pissed off by rina being so clingy to him like a leech— he almost yelled at her but he just stormed off in annoyance to the smoking spot he always smoked at. 

rina had really annoyed him to the point he even got pissed that there were people smoking at a literal smoking spot. he wasn’t going to head back to class after that and he really needed to hit a blunt so he looked around and found a spot behind a building in the school compound.

approaching it he did felt like something was weird, and as soon as he turned to the left he sees you, leaning the against the wall with a cigar between your lips? jay couldn’t believe the sight before him back then, he in absolute shock. 

never would he have ever imagined seeing a cigarette and you together. it just seemed impossible but if it wasn’t for the wall next to him, he would’ve fallen to his knees.

the y/n y/l/n was so freaking hot.

he noticed that you hadn’t realized his presence therefore he took out his zippo lighter, lighting up his cigarette and closes the lid shut. 

that seemed to break you out of your train of thoughts because the way you looked at him and the cigar falling between your fingers made jay knew that he’s hit the jackpot.

"didn't know the miss little goody-two-shoes had bad habits after all." 

and that led to where the both of you were now. jay didn’t really need tutoring, not like he has ever gave a shit to his studies knowing it’ll all be taken care of by his father regardless of how his results are but at that point it was the only thing he could think of. 

that seemed to be the only way for him to get you spending time with him so he asked you to tutor him in return for him keeping your secret. though that didn’t seem to be much helpful since you keep on confusing him with how he’s hurt you.

jay is just as confused as you. he’s missing something from the story line and he has a feeling it’s something related to him.

“dude you on the line? i been calling you for like the— fifth time now.” sunghoon yelling into the phone wakes jay from his thoughts. 

“oh yeah, yeah. sorry, my bad,” jay apologies into the phone as he massages the temple of his head. “y/n keeps on saying i hurt her but i just don’t know what she’s talking about.”

“mmm,” sunghoon hums on the line. “did you say anything offensive to her?” 

“not that i know nor will i ever say anything offensive to her.” jay answers to his friend while he thinks about it. 

“do you think it has anything to do with what happened the last time you guys ever spoke?” sunghoon’s question rings in his head making him sit right upon his bed.

“huh? like just now?” jay asks and sunghoon’s disappointed sigh is heard from the other end. 

“this is why y/n hates you.”

“WHAT!”

“i meant like the last time you guys spoke as in before she started ghosting you— like anything related to that?” jay’s eyebrows furrowed, something related to that?

could it be the fact he asked you out in the lousiest way possible? were you hurt by that? couldn’t be since you said yes, happily. could it be the place he chose to take you out on a date? couldn’t be so, it was a common spot for lovers and he had done his research the day before about the place and its ratings.

they had a 5-star rating.

then what? 

could it be that—

shit.

could it be that you saw what happened between him and rina.

“fuck dude— oh my god.” jay gasps into the phone, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as if he was back to that day again and rina kissing him.

knowing you, you definitely would’ve jumped into conclusion without figuring out the whole thing. 

“what’s wrong jay?” sunghoon asks, still on the line. 

“i think— i think y/n might have seen rina kissing me,” jay says and groans in frustration. “remember the stupid shit rina pulled right on that day where i told you she kissed me and like we fought.” 

“no way, bro you telling me y/n saw that? AND THAT’S WHY SHE GHOSTED YOU?” sunghoon practically screams into the phone with the biggest gasp, he worries jay at times.

“it’s the only logical answer for now. i think she saw it— ugh fuck i’m such an idiot.” jay sighs, wondering how long you thought he was a jerk.

on the day he had been waiting for you for the date, jay was beyond thrilled and happy— it was finally the day he had waited for about years now: a date with the girl of his dreams. 

you were about to arrive in time, he was making sure everything was in the right order until he heard weeping noises behind him. turning around, he remembers seeing his crying ex, rina who was sobbing endlessly as she stared at him.

“what the fuck? are you okay rina, what are you doing her—”

before he could even finish his sentence rina ran to him and engulfed him in a hug. his first thought was to calm her down despite the fact you could arrive any moment, he can’t just be an asshole and leave the crying girl by herself.

“b-babe, i’m sorry.” she cries, almost inaudible. 

“rina speak up clearly please? what happened? are you hurt anywhere?” jay asks, frantically— worried as he looks at rina with wide eyes.

“i’m hurt.” she says, clutching onto his shirt as she sobs. jay’s eyes widens in horror, immediately taking his phone out to dial emergency. 

“WHAT! i’m calling—”

“don’t!” rina gasps, snatching his phone out his hand. “i’m hurt that you’re on a date with another girl.. how can you do this to me?” she frowns.

“are you fucking kidding me?” jay yanks her hands off him and pushes her away from him. 

“babe, hear me out, please? i miss you, you cant just give up on us—”

“rina shut the fuck up. you’re pissing me off, please leave.” jay says, exhaling a deep breath as he holds back his anger. was she kidding him? she was literally about to ruin his date with you.

“jay baby,” she whines, moving closer to him again. “don’t do this to us— to me. you’re mine, you can’t  just throw me away for some other girl.” 

“rina. leave before i call the security on you.” 

rina only scoffs, crossing her arms. “you can’t call security on me!” 

before jay could say anything else, rina clings onto him and captures her lips in his with her arms around his neck. jay stays frozen, in shock at her literally jumping on him and kissing him.

rina moans into the kiss and that’s what it took for him to regain his senses. he pushes rina off him, coughing as he tries to catch air. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” jay yells, catching rina by suprise. jay moves forward to grab her by the arm and yell into her face for kissing him, the security rushes in and drags rina out of there while she screams for them to let her go..

he’ll deal with her later— all that mattered what you right now. rina ruined his mood completely but jay could care less about that, he was waiting for you. 

he waited, waited and waited— even when it was pouring cat and dogs, you never came.

“sir? you should head in, you’re drenched.” a staff from the restaurant holds an umbrella over jay and invites him in but jay only shakes his head.

“it’s fine, my date she’ll be here soon— i’m waiting for her.” jay replies, giving the staff a tight smile. the staff only stares in sympathy, feeling sorry for the boy sitting outside under the rain, drenched and shivering in coldness, waiting for his date that never came.

jay was about pass out from sitting in the rain for too long, his nose was red from sneezing and he was shaking uncontrollably. he waited for you, he was willing to wait longer but his body couldn’t take it anymore

sunghoon’s mustang parked right in front of him as a worried jake and sunghoon came running for their friend engulfing their heartbroken friend in a warn hug. 

“jay…” sunghoon trailed off, sighing at the poor sight of his friend. 

“she’ll come—” jay sneezes, midway into his sentence. “right?” 

jake only bares to look at sunghoon with a frown as sunghoon returns the same one.

“she will, but not today.” sunghoon replies, pulling jay into a hug even more tighter and jay silently sobs into his friend’s chest as the three of them got drenched in the then drizzling rain.

“jay?” 

“hoon, i don’t think i’ve ever been this tempted to kill a person ever before.” jay says and hears sunghoon choke at the other end. 

“i would suggest you to calm down.” sunghoon says, chuckling in the most awkward way possible. 

“rina ruined everything, i can’t believe i went back to her without knowing she was the reason why y/n never came that day.” 

sunghoon scoffs and then sighs. 

“and brought you to that state that day.” he says, blood boiling at the memories of him finding his friend in the most miserable situation he’s ever seen.

“if i ever see her again, i don’t even know what i’ll do.”

“dude, worry less about rina. she shouldn’t even be on your mind— worry about y/n first, what are you going to do with her?” 

jay sighs once more, “right. i totally forgot about that.” 

“try explaining everything to her, work things out with y/n dude first." sunghoon says, and then ending the call after a while. 

sunghoon's right, he should just push rina to the back of his mind and focus on you first. 

focus on getting you back. 

he heads down after awhile, and smiles at the scene in the kitchen as he heads down the stairs. 

you and his mom chatting, with smiles on each others face and jay's smile widens even more when he sees you laugh at something his mother says. 

it warms his heart how happy you are. 

"you're like so late, jongseong." his mom says, spotting him walking into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. 

you glance at jay and then take a seat, jay slides in next to you after his mom has sat in front of you. 

"is dad not joining us?" jay asks, taking his own portion of food. 

"he's busy, he said he'll be home for dinner." his mom answers, and then frowns at you. "too bad he can't see you, y/n." 

you just give her a small smile as you serve yourself the food too. 

jay and his mom fall into a conversation, and you can't help but admire how lovely the pair look like, a perfect mother and son duo. 

you wish you had this type of relationship with you mother, a conversation where you can actually smile and laugh with her instead of the thick tension and silence every time you're in the same room as her.

"y/n? is everything okay?" 

mrs.park stares at you with curiosity as you zoned out. you nod, and apologize. 

"yes mrs.park, sorry." 

she gives you a warm smile, and before you could take another bite from your food— a pair of chopsticks with peeled shrimp comes onto your bowl, placing the seafood on it. 

you look at jay, confused as to why he placed his food on yours. 

"eat up," he says and smiles at you then looking away. you're sure you caught a small blush on his face but you let it slide, as you take a bite of the shrimp and rice. 

dinner went by smoothly in no time since you three were catching up on so much stuff, in laughter and joy. 

you felt so warm hearted and joyful by the end of the dinner, since it's truly rare that you ever sit down at a dinner table and have joyful chats over dinner or lunch. 

thought the sadness of having to leave mrs.park too soon, she assured you that you're always welcomed at her home, anytime before jay walked you out to his porch. 

"jongseong drop y/n off, it's too late for her to go back at this time." his mom says, and shoves jay his porsche keys behind you. 

you and jay step outside of his mansion and stand there as the chilly breeze hits you both, making you shiver since you wore a dress. 

"you're cold." jay says, and heads back inside then comes back out with a jacket. his varsity jacket. 

"you don't have to." you say, waving your hands at him but jay only ignores you, like he always does. 

he puts the jacket around you, the jacket hugs you engulfing you into immediate warmth. 

"it's chilly, and you're shivering. i'm not letting you catch a cold, babe." you hold back the urge to roll your eyes at the nickname, and the urge to call him out in that. 

be grateful, y/n. you remind yourself. 

"thank you." you say, and jay smiles. 

"welcome, love." he says, then holds your hand in his larger ones. "let's go." 

taking you by your hand to his car in the garage just next the mansion, where a whole line up of sports and expensive cars were. 

he unlocks the porsche with his keys, then opens the passenger side for you. you mutter another thanks and got in. 

then moving over to the drivers sides he gets in and starts the engine, driving out of the mansion compound in no time. 

during the drive you refrain from mentioning what happened at his room earlier, you felt like an asshole every time this happened. but, you were the one who was hurt. 

"so—" 

"uhm s—" 

jay and you speak up but stop as soon as the other speaks up and falls into a defeated silence. 

"go first y/n," jay says while his gaze remains on the road before him. 

"no it's fine, you go first jay." 

jay glances at you, then back to the road again which you take as a sign to just shut the fuck up and go first. 

"fine," you sigh and then look at the window, watching the buildings pass by in a blur. 

"uhm, about what happened earlier.." you trail off, noticing his gaze on your for a second. 

you didn't know why this was making you so nervous, like what happened to the fierce y/n?

"about earlier uhm— can we never mention it? like ever? i don't want to talk about it anymore." 

jay almost hits the gas in shock but he remains focused so he doesn't crash you both. 

fuck, right when he wanted to clear up the mess. 

"uhm," jay says, unsure of what to answer. 

"everytime we bring it up, we sort of get into a conflict or something so let's just not talk about it." you say, giving jay a smile as you nod. 

"this way we can be homies without any awkward stuff going on or whatever ahahahaha!" you say and laugh in the most awkward way possible. 

how were you fucking it up even more worse?

jay remains silent throughout the rest of the ride and you assume he either is on the same page as you or…. is on the same page as you. 

you decide to leave it at that and not question anything further. but at least now you and jay won't have any arguments other than the petty ones you have with him for fun. 

he pulls up by the front gate of your mansion, pulling the break as he parks the car. 

you stay silent, biting your lip not knowing what to say to break the deafening silence. 

"y/n?" 

ugh, you don't like the tone of it. 

"i want to talk about it though, i think you've got it all w—" 

and just like that, your phone rings interrupting the both of you. you shoot him an apologetic smile and check the caller ID. 

fuck, it's your mom. 

"yes mom," you say, answering the call. 

"it's past curfew, why aren't you home yet?" the strict tone of her voice shoot at you straight from the phone, it annoys you how much you dislike her for being like this. 

why couldn't she be like mrs.park?

"i'm coming inside, mom." there's a pause after your answer, and then the dial gets cut. you take your phone away from your ear, sighing silently at the black screen. 

"is everything alright?" jay's voice fills up the silent atmosphere making you look up at him. 

"yeah, my mom wants me in right now." you say, keeping your phone into your bag and then slinging it over your shoulder. 

jay only nods with a smile hiding the sadness behind it, you almost forgot he was in the middle of saying something. 

he could text you later. you then proceed to open the door, but you're stuck. 

pushing yourself up, you're still unable to move, confused by something holding you back. 

"your seatbelt is still on." jay says, chuckling at you. 

"oh.." you trail off as embarrassment hits you. you're beyond grateful it's quite dim in his car because you were steaming hot in the face and most definitely the color of a beetroot. 

fuck y/n you're so stupid you think to yourself, as you bite your lip while jay leans over your body and unlocks the seatbelt. 

his perfume smell was light but it was almost too addicting you wanted him to stay right with you. 

"there you go," he chuckles, exiting the car and then walking over to open your door. you give him a shy smile and take his hand, exiting the car. 

"thank you, for everything today." you say, looking up at him under the golden colored streetlight. 

if only he knew how pretty he looked in your eyes. 

you could literally paint him as you stare at him, at the moment. 

"go in," jay says, patting your head and then placing a small kiss on your forehead catching you by surprise, but you don't question him. 

you nod and then wave a goodbye at him as you walk away, into the mansion. jay watches you with a smile and his hands in his pocket. 

"goodnight, babe." he whispers as if you could hear it from the distance you both are at. nevertheless the sight of you in his jacket makes his heart beat a little faster as his smile widens. 

he was so lovesick.

but there was a problem now, how is he going to clear up the issue about you thinking he kissed rina during the date on purpose?

he was so fucked.

as everything unfolds in the y/l/n's mansion compound, a pair of sharp eyes watches all the way up from the mansion. 

mrs.y/l/n watches as the boy her daughter tutors, pat and kiss her on the head as he sends her back home— and her daughter walking into her home with a boy's jacket around her. 

mrs.y/l/n blood boils as she watches the two lovesick fools, wondering where had she gone wrong in raising her daughter.

thinking her daughter had been obedient, away from the eyes of boys and away from a mess like park jongseong, the son of the parks, rivals of the y/l/ns. 

how could her daughter fall in love with the son of their rival. this was wrong, and messed up— mrs.y/l/n hated changes, changes that could bring very bad downfall to their family. 

she's going to step in and fix the mess her daughter dragged in under the foolish name of love. 

as you fall asleep with a smile in your bed, you mother is behind the closed doors of her office, plotting a very big surprise ahead of you. 

TODAY was full of surprises, when you woke up and prepared to leave for school, your mom had surprisingly called you over for breakfast. 

she asked about your day yesterday, which was very weird since usually she doesn't care about anything you do unless it's related to your academics. 

you successfully dodged them all until she caught you off guard with one question. 

"did you take a cab last night?" 

"no, mrs.park dropped me off."

you noticed the weird swift in the air but you decided to not bother about it, thinking it's just your mom being nosy in the name of caring once in a while. 

and when you arrived at school, a group of girls were surrounded by your table. 

"what's going on?" you ask out loud, confused as to why everyone was camping at your table. the girls at your table only give you a look of jealousy while another few give you 'ooohs'. 

moving closer, you see a large and by large it has to be as big as your desk. a large bouquet of roses. 

you look around the bouquet for a card but it's to no avail. you look around the classroom but jay but he and his friends are nowhere to be found. 

yizhou chuckles at you, as she approaches you.

"looks like your boyfriend is going all out this time, huh?"

"jay is not my boyfriend, yizhou." you scoff and instead of getting a retort back, you see yizhou smirking. 

"never mentioned jay," she says, and winks at you as she rushes off before you could say anything. 

you take a seat with a sigh. 

"you got fans, babe?" you hear jay behind you as he slings an arm around you. you give him a side glare, then push his arms off you. 

"take your hands off me, and stop calling me babe for god's sake." you say, then take off your bag, setting it on your chair, behind you. 

"you weren't saying that last night, y/n." 

"oh my god, shut up!" you scowl at jay, slapping your hand onto his mouth. 

jay chuckles and presses his lips to your palm making you yank away your hand and whine from annoyance, while he laughs his ass off.

"stop it!" you scoff, and wipe your hands off with a tissue with a glare to jay. however he doesn't mind, since the bouquet on the table seemed to be catching his attention. 

"can't believe you're getting flowers and all now— you got yourself a fan or what?" jay asks, side eyeing the bouquet as if he wasn't the one that came to school early to leave the custom ordered bouquet on your table. 

"why does it bother you anyway, are you jealous or what?" you ask and smirk.

"why should i be jealous?" 

"then were you the one who sent this? im rejecting you flatly, if so." 

"why would i anyway?" jay says and pulls a strand of your hair which made you shriek and hit him on the arm. 

you're both arguing harmlessly away in your own world, while a gaze remains on you both from the back of the class. 

"don't you think she's a brazen bitch? even after you ruined every chance she had with him, how is he still with her, geez?" rina's friend scoffs as he watches the romance between you and jay. 

rina nods, watching the both of you with a glare, her vision painted red. 

"i'll make sure it's over for her this time." 

WEEKS PASS BY and you're nearing the end of your semester, which meant your tutor sessions with jay were coming to an end as well. 

it's been months since you both agreed on the agreement of him keeping your secret and you tutoring him in return. 

you still don't know why jay asked you to tutor him when he could afford tutors better than a high schooler herself. 

you think perhaps it was a idea that he could randomly just think of at that moment. 

nevertheless you're glad he did came up with him despite at first all you both did was fall into awkward fights because he screwed you over in the past. 

you're pretty much sure that this time he's serious, and he isn't going to screw you over. hopefully, at least. 

since you decided to just have a crush on him silently and not have the fake hope all over again— you managed to keep it up all along and jay on the other hand, is on the same page as well, other than his stupid little flirtings and random gifts as if you were his girlfriend (you wish), things were pretty much going well. 

over the months you and jay started to hang out alot other than the time you both spend during tutoring sessions. 

and got closer too. tutors went well, jay would purposely finish up early just so he could hang out with you for the rest of the tutoring time. 

as for the rest, since you and jay got closer again it meant yizhou also got close to sunghoon and jake. 

you sensed something fishy going on between yizhou and sunghoon for a while now so you kept on teasing her about it since she was teasing you about jay. 

things were really going smoothly and well. 

you had just finished studying for the night and took a shower, so here you were putting lotion over your body and doing your skin care. 

just as you were about to turn off your lights and take your rest for the night, you heard something knock on your window. 

you stood frozen as you mind started going places, wondering what horrifying ghost was behind the window. 

you decided to turn off the lights and run to your bed and not check it out like every other idiot in borrow movies would do. 

so you stood by the lights, one foot over by the wall and the other leaping already, ready to jump on your bed as soon as your fingers flick the switch off. 

another knock is heard, and you flick off the lights so fast and sprint to your bed. hiding under the sheets of your expensive duvet.

and another knock again, this time you start praying under the sheets with your eyes shut close as you hope for whatever behind your window to go away. 

and another knock, once again! you were convinced you were doomed by the ghost that's haunting you tonight. you made sure your toes were gripping the edge of your blanket so the ghost doesn't pull your leg off. 

"y/n!" a muffled scream from the ghost is heard and you freeze, absolutely about to shit yourself from how scared you were. 

WHY DOES THE GHOST KNOW YOUR NAME AND WHY DOES THE GHOST SOUND LIKE JAY?

hold on. 

taking the sheets off you, you sit up straight. it can't be him right? you wonder to yourself as you get off the bed and head towards your window. 

your eyes widens at the sight of the boy in the backyard, in bushes throwing pebbles at your window and you sigh in relief for the fact at least it isn't a ghost. 

running to switch the lights on, you open your window and glare at jay. 

"what do you think you're doing? almost midnight? at a girl's house?" you whisper-yell at him, your hand over your chest as you stare at him unbelievably. 

he's crazy. 

"visiting you babe, what else?" jay whispers-yells back with a wink and you scoff. 

"you saw me not even hours ago, park."  

"and? i missed you so what?" he replies back, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly at the same time. 

shy jay was rare, so you took the opportunity to laugh in secret of course— he'd never let you off if he found out you were mocking him, again. 

"you saw me, go back home now." you say, and duck your head back inside, almost closing the window if it wasn't for him shrieking. 

"Y/N!" 

"SHHH!" you hiss at him for being too loud in the eerie hours of the night. 

"i didn't come all the way here for you to shoo me away!" 

"i'm most certainly not inviting you in, park." 

and there he was sitting in the middle of your room, looking at you with doe eyes as you stood in front of him with your hands crossed. 

“if anyone told me i’d be in a romeo and juliet shit once, i wouldn’t have believed them, but here i am.”

romeo and juliet had nothing on you both, that’s for sure.

"what now?" you ask jay, looking over him for some answers. what could he possibly want at night, when it's gonna be midnight anytime soon?

before jay could answer, you gasp covering your chest with your arms. 

"i'm not going to have sex with you, park." you say, and jay just bursts out into a semi-loud but quiet laugh because your parents will murder him if they found out a boy is in their daughter's room as the clock inches closer to midnight.

"i like how that's your first thought," jay pauses, smirking at you. "unless you want to fuck me, babe." 

you fake a gag at jay's reply as he laughs again. 

"yeah yeah laugh all you want y/n, it's not like we never fucked before right?" jay says, raising his eyebrow at you. 

"shut the fuck up, jay— oh my god!" you say, shoving him on your bed as you cover your face from embarrassment. 

if it wasn't obvious already, jay indeed was your first. but this happened back then before he screwed you over and all that stuff— it's not like you regret it happening, you just wish things hasn't turned out for the both of you like that after you both fucked. 

but then again, if that didn't happen— you both wouldn't be like this today. 

"it's so annoying how i can have any other guy in my room but you're like the first and the only loser that's ever been in here." you say, taking a seat next to him with a laugh. 

"first and last, babe." 

"in your imagination." 

"if so, i wouldn't be here right now next to you in real life y/n." he says, shoving you playfully. "don't act like you don't like it anyways, y/n." 

with that you shut up, having no other answer to retort. after a while of silence, and a while of you both just staring at each other with smiles— you remember why is he here at night, it was gonna be midnight.

"what are you doing here jay, i'm being serious this time." you ask, looking over at him as you take off your hair tie, letting down your hair. 

jay stares at you, mesmerized. he's always been mesmerized by you, he's always in awe every time he sees you. sometimes he thinks you're not real and you're just a fictional character that's in his dream. 

but you're actually real and he can't believe it. 

he's bonded with you even more over the months, and the semester is ending soon which means his tutor session with you is finally ending. 

and he's not very happy about it, sure he can still hang out with you but tutor sessions ending just sounds so depressing. it's like losing a dear friend. 

though studying was the main point, he doesn't care how hard it is, as long as he's got you, he's in good hands. 

jay's crush for you developed even more over the months, and he's finally come to the conclusion that he's gonna ask you out. 

soon, but not now. 

also it's been months but he hasn't cleared up the whole 'rina kissing him and you thinking that he did that on purpose' thing cause none of you ever brought it up, like ever. 

"i'm here to give you something and…" jay says, with a smile. "tell you something."

"alright make it quick then." you say, waving him off. "i need to sleep, quick jay boy." you say, again. 

but jay remains silent, with a grin on his face as he glances at the golden vintage click on your wall. 

huh? you look at the time and it's 11:58 p.m. 

"jay?" you call his name only getting a "shh wait babe" in return. 

so you wait, with a sigh as you lean on your elbow, watching the boy by your leg. 

"okay okay, y/n get up!" jay shrieks, making you hiss a 'shh' at him, getting up and sitting face to face at him. 

"tomorrow is my birthday." jay says, grinning at you and your eyes widened in shock. 

"YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS NOW?" you gasp, immediately slapping your hand to your mouth realizing how loud it was.

you look at the clock and it's 11:59 p.m. only a few seconds away to 00:00 a.m.

"you're such an idiot, i can't believe you're telling me this now.." you sigh at jay, but then a smile grows on your lips as the clock is 2 seconds away from 00:00 a.m.

you both stare at each other in silence, with the biggest smile ever. jay has a bigger one, waiting to hear happy birthday from you. 

00:00 A.M.

"happy birthday jay." 

this is the best gift jay has ever gotten in his entire lifetime of birthdays. nothing could beat the sight of a barefaced you, sitting in front of him with the brightest smile in the world only with him— not even the newest sports car in the market. 

though he's grateful for that but you and him, like the only person in the entire world, felt like a fever dream to him.

"jay?" you call out, waving your hand at his face. 

"kiss me." 

"what?" you're not sure if you heard it right, but it sounded like jay asked you to kiss him. 

"y/n, kiss me." 

you stare at him for a second. you forget the fact it's his birthday, it doesn't need to be a wish for him. it feels like a free pass for you to kiss him, the plump lips you missed oh so much if it wasn't for your ego and heartbreak phase. 

it's something you both wanted, so why not?

"y—" 

putting your arms around jay, you connect your lips on jay's unannounced— locking your lips like it was a puzzle that's finally put together after being separated for so long. 

the only thought running through jay's head as his lips finally reunited with yours was that home stopped being a place ever since he met you. 

seriously, he's never been genuinely happier. ever. 

pulling away, you both catch for breath as you lean on jay's shoulder with his arms around your waist. 

this seemed way too right, and perfect. 

"how was that for a gift, park?" you ask, chuckling feeling the warmth radiate off jay as he laughs, the nuzzling feeling giving you a sort of comfort. 

"perfect y/n, just you alone i couldn't ask for a better gift." he says, sighing at ease. 

you both just sit there in silence, against each other, the soft sound from your air-conditioner and the soft sound of cars passing by doesn't make the silence too silent as your room smells like the perfume that jay loved so dearly. 

your eyes begin to droop from the comfort and the minutes passing by.

"you said you wanted to sleep, y/n." jay says, his voice a little rusty from not speaking for a while. it's as if he could read your mind. 

your mind was just telling you how you both soulmates at this point. 

"hmm, but you said you had something to give me." you say groggily, jay almost chuckled at how adorable you looked, half-asleep.

and you thought you were dreaming because of how idiotically lovely he looked with a big smile while he's wearing a leather jacket that's supposed to be intimidating.

but it's jay you're talking about.  

everything about him was comforting to you. 

"you sure you want it now?" 

"mmmm." 

"if you insist, but I'm putting you to bed after it." he says as if he's your dad. 

"you're not my father," you chuckle lightly, still awaiting to see what he wants to give you. 

jay just shakes his head as he takes something that looks like an envelope from his leather jacket. 

"here." he says, handing it to you carefully so you don't get a paper cut or something from its sharp edges due to the new printing.

"what's this?" you ask, opening the envelope. 

it says, you're invited in big italic font— that's pretty much you can see with the drowsiness blocking your view. 

"a birthday invite." you look up at jay, with a confused face. 

"my birthday silly, we're holding a party. you're getting the first invite." he says, giggling at you as he opens the invite further.

you act like you can read it then you close it, "i'll check this tomorrow, i'm like so sleepy right now jay." you say, handing him back the invite. 

"my bad, sorry y/n." he says, shoving it back into his leather jacket and helping you up to your side of the bed. 

he tucks you into your duvet, turning off the lights and sits by your side. 

"i'll leave after you're asleep," he whispers softly, as he strokes your head softly. you eyes closed, slowly and slowly— and you fall into a deep slumber. 

when jay assumes you're asleep, he gives a small peck on your forehead with a small content smile, he gets up to leave but a small tug on his jacket holds him back. 

"don't go.." you whisper, your voice so fragile that it could break with the tiniest inconvenience. 

he tries to take your hands over his jacket with his fingers, making sure it doesn't wake you up but you don't budge. 

giving up after a while, he assures you that he isn't leaving and you finally let go unconsciously. 

jay goes over to your door to lock it just in case your parents walk in or something, then he heads over to the other side of the bed and lays down beside you after taking off his jacket so he doesn't feel uncomfortable.

he keeps a decent space next to you, only you hand in his as the only source of skin skip— but sleepy you seem to be more of a skin ship fan than you are awake. 

cause you literally cuddled right into jay's chest with his arms around him. he feels you drifting off into deep sleep as he whispers,

"goodnight, love." 

his eyes starts to droop and in a distance from the real world, he hears soft mumbling from you. 

"hate how much.. i like you but….. i’m.. scared for the hurt…" 

and with that, the two of you fall into a deep slumber, safe and sound in each other's arms like it's where you both belonged. 

THE BUZZING SOUND of your phone stirs you up awake slightly, but it wasn't as strong as the knocks on your door. 

"miss y/n?" 

"hmm," you hum in response as you cuddle deeper into your very comfortable pillow. this had to be the best sleep you ever had, it's never been this comfortable you have no idea when have you pillow been this comfortable before. 

"breakfast is ready miss!" one of the helpers around the house's voice rang from the other side of your door. 

"okay, i'm awake!" you whine louder but the helper doesn't go away. right, if your phone alarm didn't work, you could always count on your helpers to wake you up. 

your sleep slowly drifts away, leaving you awake but your eyes are still closed too tired to open it. 

"has y/n woke up yet?" from a distance you think you hear your dad but you assume it's just mind playing tricks. 

"no sir, i've been waking her up but i don't think she's up yet." 

"just leave it to me, go and help madame downstairs." 

"yes sir." 

a pause is heard after a few footsteps disappears and then the loud knocks on your door appears. 

"y/n wake up, it's 11 am!" 

this is definitely your dad. you jolt awake at your dad on the outside of your door, knocking it repeatedly. 

getting off the bed, you scramble across your room seeing if it's spotless or has trash lying around it— your dad is a clean freak so just s tiny bit of trash lying around and you're doomed. 

"arghh." 

what the fuck.

you walk back to where the sound came from, fear filling up in you as you see the so-called pillow. 

oh god.

you pull the duvets off and you almost pass out. what the fuck was park jay doing in your bed— SHIRTLESS?

"what the fuck, oh my god. oh my god." you pant in panic, staring wide eyed at the boy in your bed. you tap jay awake, you push him you shake him and you whisper-yell at him to wake up.

"mom two minutes some more.." jay groans, his voice hoarse it was literally negative 10 deep you almost fell to your knees if your dad wasn't about to break in. 

"JAY WAKE THE FUCK UP." you hiss, slapping his back which definitely woke him up. he sits straight up, hair messy and rubbing his eyes. 

"leave, my dad is outside he's gonna barge in!" you say, picking up his shirt from the floor of your bedroom— handing it to him. 

"huh? what? y/n what are you doing in my room?" he asks, groggily as he gets up, putting his shirt over his body.

"you're in MY room and we're doomed if you don't leave right now jay, i'm not kidding LEAVE RIGHT NOW." you hiss, pushing him out of your window. 

"oh my god, okay okay." he says, you're assuming he is awake now that he isn't slurring anything anymore. you help him climb down carefully and throw his shoes down. 

"call me idiot!" you tell him, signaling your fingers into a call sign and then waving him goodbye. 

jay gives you a wink and a smile then waves a goodbye at you as he climbs over the gates surrounded by the mansion and leaves. 

a huge sigh leaves you in relief. 

"fuck." you hiss, almost forgetting your dad was practically yelling from the corridor, outside of your room. 

looking around your room, you see jay's leather jacket left behind. with a groan you kick it under your bed, making sure nothing is left behind. 

and then you open the door. 

"sorry, i just woke up.." you apologize to your dad, faking a yawn to seal the deal. 

your dad glares at you flatly. 

"a young lady shouldn't even be sleeping till this late." 

"my bad dad, it won't happen again." you say, looking down until he leaves and when he does you shut the door, and slide down it. 

a millions of question running through your mind and the biggest ones of all were : 

what the fuck happened last night?

& why the fuck park jongseong was sleeping next you in your room — SHIRTLESS?

you sigh as you stare at the vase with the roses you had received months ago, you never let it die, did your part watering it and keeping it alive. 

BREAKFAST was awkward, your dad was back from his business trip so he was around quite often. 

though you were not that glad that he's back, but you're also glad maybe now whenever you eat there's someone to at least have a small conversation with. 

that too related to academics only.

after breakfast you stayed in your room, doing your own work since it was the weekend. jay cancelled the tutoring today since he's preparing for his birthday party. 

his birthday party, you almost forgot that you received an invite from him. rushing across the room, you bend over and take his jacket that you kicked under earlier. 

"ah!" you gasp at your finger being pricked accidentally from the envelope. with an annoyed groan, you get up and get your small wound healed with a bandage. 

taking a seat on your floor, you take the envelope in your hand, making sure you don't get hurt again.

allowed to bring a +1 you read on the rules and regulations. you could bring yizhou, unless she already got an invite from sunghoon or something. 

you text yizhou shortly after, asking her to go with you and thankfully she said yes. now you have to worry about what to wear.

going through the dresses in your closet you're in a dilemma not knowing what to wear except for the fact you know it’s supposed to be classy and all fancy. after a hour of contemplating on which dress looked the best you finally settled for the white one..

right, now which gift should you give him. 

jay’s rich and he probably has everything you can ever think of. you pace around your room thinking what gift to order last minute, nothing comes to mind. 

until you remembered the portrait of jay that you had painted back then. bingo! he wanted to see it so bad but you felt like you hadn’t done the finishing touch yet!

you glanced at the clock, great! you had enough time to finish the painting, get dressed and leave in time for his birthday party.

so for the next few hours, you spent it on finishing the painting and having it dried, then trying it with a ribbon after wrapping it. 

throughout the process, you were thinking of what jay would react like. you were hoping he'd like it. 

when you were done, you placed it by the wall, directly in front of your bed. 

after you were done with that, you took a shower and quickly got ready. with the finishing touch of spraying your perfume, you smiled at yourself in the mirror. 

the terrifying part was going downstairs and your mom staring at you like she had never seen a human before. 

"where are you going? all dressed up y/n?" 

you don't answer her till you arrive down the stairs, carefully walking so you don't trip over in your heels. 

"it's an event, yizhou is going." you say, giving her a tight lipped smile. she eyes you up and down, it doesn't give you a good feeling. 

"where and what event? why am i not aware of it?" she questions you again. you refrain from sighing, and just answer her so you don't look suspicious or anything. 

"it was last minute— it's a school event." you lie through your teeth. if she was a normal mom who wouldn't go batshit insane at the word 'boy' coming from your mouth, you wouldn't bother lying to her. 

but since it's your mom, that speaks for itself.

"why are you all dressed up? school events aren't too classy." 

"i have to live up to the y/l/n, don't i? after all, i'm the heir of our family, it's my responsibility to keep up the standard and class." 

that was straight up bullshit, anyone would know you're held at gunpoint with that coming out from your mouth. 

"be back by curfew, don't. be. late, you said it wouldn't happen again, keep your words." she says sternly, and then nods at you to leave.

"okay mom, have a great evening." with that, you leave for the event,  and take a ride by the personated driver your mom had assigned to. 

halfway through the ride you realize that you accidentally left the gift by mistake back at home. 

you assure yourself it's fine, that you can just give it to jay another— hoping he wouldn't mind. 

you don't know if you're shocked or if you're shocked when you arrive at his mansion— you weren't expecting the event to be a whole ass gala though it wasn't new to you. 

then you realize it's jay, of course he would go extra. 

you exit with the help of a butler but the entrance, the man giving you a smile and a look you knew all too well. 

a look you've grown to be used to by now, since all your life you have always been beautiful and dolled up. of course the eyes of preying men are nothing new to you. 

mummering a thanks along with a small smile you head inside after showing the invite at the entrance. 

the parks had really gone all out, you recognized a few familiar faces from school and there were a bunch of older people who seemed to be into their conversations which you're assuming is about business. 

after all, that's what the world you live in was all about. 

"y/n!" 

turning around to your name being called you see yizhou rushing towards you, waving excitedly. 

prior to this, when you were painting, yizhou said sunghoon gave her an invite so she'd be arriving late and apologized for what seemed like the 100th time— you told her it was fine, just meet you by the main entrance. 

"jay's gonna fall in love with you tonight." yizhou says the first thing as soon as she sees you. 

"stop!" you whine, chuckling at her nonsense. maybe she meant you made a good choice picking out the puffed sleeve dress over the beige turtleneck one. 

"if anything , that's how sunghoon is gonna react when he sees you." you say, checking her out which makes her whine. 

"you stop!" she says, hitting your arm lightly as you both fall into laughter. 

"so where's the birthday boy?" she asks, looking around the crowd but he's nowhere to be seen. 

"maybe he's getting ready or something," you say, taking two glasses of sparkling water from the waitress that passed by. 

"here," you say, handing one to yizhou as she thanks you.

you both continue catching up on a few things as you wait for anyone of sunghoon or jay to appear. unfortunately, sunghoon comes first and takes away yizhou from your respectfully. 

from far you smile at your friend and her date for the night, they seemed to match each other so well. 

"you came." 

a smile makes its way to your lips even bigger when you hear the familiar voice from behind you. 

"of course i did, idiot," you say, turning around to find jay with a grin as he looks at you. 

"ouch, not on my birthday!" he says taking a hurt, with his hand on his heart. 

"i'll give you a break from it, only today," you say, taking a sip from the drink. 

honestly, you would be lying if you didn't think jay looked absolutely dashing tonight. his hair was slicked back, two strands falling from it was a plus point, it made him look stunning. 

"you're dressed up so extra, park," you say, placing the glass on the tray of the waitress that passed by and then moving closer to adjust his bow tie. 

"really, y/n?" he says, raising his eyebrow at you with a smirk. "just say you think i'm handsome, it's not that hard," he whispers into your ear when he leaned in, making sure you felt his breath against the shell of your ear. 

"whatever floats your boat, park." you scoff playfully, pushing him away slightly. 

"mmmm so you do agree that i look handsome, tonight?" he asks, bending down to your level so he meets your gaze directly. 

it catches you off guard which makes you look somewhere else, avoiding his gaze. but the faint blush on your face gives it all away. 

"i said whatever floats your boat, jay." you say again, and jay only laughs. when you’re about to talk back you both get interrupted by jay’s mother. 

“oh my, y/n you look stunning tonight!” she says, approaching the both of you with her fluffy coat wrapped around her. 

“thank you, mrs.park. you too, look absolutely beautiful tonight,” you say, thanking her and complimenting her back which makes her giggle and thank you as her face turns into a light shade of red.

jay clears his throat, indicating that he’s still right there, next you. his mom gives him a glare playfully which erupts the three of you into laughs. 

“alright, i’ll leave my two ladies to talk and i’ll go talk to the rest of the guests.” jay says, giving you a small pat on your arm and then leaves with a small bow to his mom as a form of respect.

you watch as jay disappears into the crowd of guests with a small smile on your face while jay’s mother watches you in awe. 

“i’m happy that jay has someone like you, dear” she says and you turn to look at her blanky, her statement was out of the blue. 

mrs.park chrotle lightly when she sees you clueless expression.

“jay, he likes you.” she says, noticing a dim sparkle in your eyes at jay’s name and the sentence ‘he likes you. “i’ve noticed that for sometime now, even caught him all smiley whenever he’s on the phone with you.”

you remain silent, the warm feeling in you growing as his mother talks about her son. 

“i’ve been in love once too y/n, i know the very familiar look you have when you look at my son. it goes the same for my son too, he looks at you like you’re his world.” she pauses, giving you a soft smile.

“i read a book recently, it’s called The Alchemist by Paula Coelho and well, there is a line where it says ‘when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream’.”

though that didn’t seem to be the case for you, you guess it might be for jay.

“i want my son to be happy, and i’d go out of my way to make sure he’s happy, even if it means giving up my entire wealth for him. nothing is greater for a parent than seeing their child happy,” she says, taking your hands in hers.

you were seriously trying not to break down like a fool in front of jay’s mom, but at times like this you wished this was something coming from you very own mother. unfortunately, you can only dream of it because wealth and fame is more important to her than her very own child.

“jay’s truly in love with you dear, and the love being extraordinary makes one rise. love doesn't makes one spoil their career, waste time or make them sad or bitter— it makes them more humane. when you are truly in love, you love everything, because you see your beloved in them.” mrs. park explains. 

and you realize she’s right, you don't get astrayed from your friends and family, rather you cherish them more, because you realize the importance of sacrifices, love and relationships.

you become a more happy person and thus more competent. 

being in love means you are brave enough to be vulnerable. you become brave enough to let someone peep in and trust them to touch your wounds; aware that if they wish they could destroy you. and there is nothing more beautiful than this; a humane laid bare open. nothing is more beautiful than to love and love without fear of hurt.

“home stopped being a place to him the moment jay met you, y/n.” 

you look up, a tear sliding down your cheeks, truly touched by the mrs.park talks about her son and how it’s like being in love, and the fact she’s right makes you realize that all this while— you in fact, have been in love with park jongseong.

“in terms of feelings of course, jay still has a home to physically live in of course.” his mother says, and chuckles which makes you laugh as well.

“don’t cry dear, your tears are too precious, but think about it— love is a wonderful thing, with the right person.” mrs.park says, wiping your tears away and making sure your makeup isn’t smudged or anything.

“and you’re a lovely person, you’re more than compatible for my son— you’re already like a daughter to me y/n, you make jay a better person than he is, i’m sure i can trust you with my son.” she giggles and you nod with a smile.

“thank you mrs.park, i appreciate it— and you’re right, i do love your son more than anyone, even more sleep too.” you say making his mother laugh. 

“then that’s a very big love you have for my son then.”

“yes, you're right mrs.park." you chuckle. 

when you first fell for jay, you remember feeling like you were on cloud 9 every single moment you were with him. and the moment you weren't with him, you felt like you were missing a part of yourself. 

falling in love was something you have always read in books or watched in films— never would you expect to experience the very same feeling in real life. 

so when you did, you didn't think you could ever move on from this or from jay. and losing him again was something you didn't want to experience again despite all the hurt you went through. 

maybe the phrase where they say 'love blinds you.' it's right. 

"i'm sad that our conversation has to end here, dear but i have guests to attend." mrs.park says, and excuses herself. 

"no worries, mrs.park. have a great night." you say, and watch her walk by you. 

you feel your tear stained face starting to become sticky, and it was making you uncomfortable so you look around his house for a restroom. 

you try to find jay but you don't see him anywhere near, so you just walk around trying to find a restroom in the gigantic mansion. 

taking the stairs, you realize jay's bathroom is probably vacant so you head to his room.

around the corner, just as you're about to walk in, a person steps out of it. 

and your heart falls to the pit of your stomach.

you were getting déjà vu from how familiar this scene looked. the wicked smile on her face grew when she saw your expression. 

you blinked, trying to not jump into any conclusion. you weren't dating him so it shouldn't bother you… right?

"oh, y/n.. i didn't know you came," 

closing your eyes, you tried to calm down as your nails pressed into the skin of your palm, so hard that you think your skin could start bleeding. 

"i, yeah i did." you say, looking back up at rina who was trying so hard to hold back her smirk. 

"you should have fun then, it's gonna be a long night ahead— every party jay holds is worth staying up for and getting waste—" 

"is jay in there?" you ask, cutting her off not wanting to hear any more nonsense she was spewing. 

"uhm.." rina trails off and it makes you want to throw up as you grow nauseous. 

suddenly everything mrs.park was telling you earlier seemed like white lies to you, and everything you felt up until now for him just crumbled. 

the trust, the feelings, and everything you did with jay just turned into nothing. 

crazy how one incident can just flip everything around to square one.

you felt like every time you took one step forward, you were actually taking three steps back.

"why are you coming out of his room?" you ask, knowing damn well you had no right to do so, but the curiosity was killing you. 

and again you told yourself, to not assume anything just yet. 

he can't be making the same mistake again, you can't lose him again. for god's fucking sake, you just can't bear to do it all again. 

the endless nights you stayed up crying, the pain in your chest that took so many months to heal, the wound that he made was tearing apart all again. 

fuck, you were going to experience what you couldn't bear and didn't want to experience again.

"nothing that concerns you y/n." she says, chuckling in order to cover up the venom in her voice as she fixes her hair, and puts back the fallen strap of her dress up her shoulder again and wiping the smudged lipstick on her lips

you don't say anything, you just decided to leave before the patience in you runs out and you start crying Infront of her like a loser. 

and you could've done it all, if it wasn't for rina running her ruthless mouth again. 

"not like it concerned a bitch like you anyway." 

you know she damn well didn't mutter it under her breath so loud for you not to hear. the vicious smile on her face when you turned on your heels and walked back to her. 

"what the fuck did you just call me?" you ask, staring at her in disbelief. 

"oh my, y/n y/l/n did you just cuss? the little princess of—" 

"i didn't ask you for that, did you even hear me? i asked you what the fuck did you just call me?" 

rina stares at you with anger for calling her deaf and literally cussing at her. 

"i called you a bitch." she says, taking a step closer to you. "a whore for taking my man away, a slut and hooker for fucking around with him a—" 

whipping your hand at her face, you slapped her with so much anger. you think this is the first time you have ever let go of your cool and even slapped someone. 

but rina deserved it. 

"who the fuck are you to call me such things?"  you scoff, staring at rina who was too shocked to react as her hand gripped onto her cheek that probably had a bruise. 

"are you kidd—" 

"shut the fuck up rina. seriously, shut the fuck up. i didn't steal your man first of all, i wasn't the one who begged on my knees for him. he chose me, if that isn't getting into that thick head of yours." you grunt. 

"calling me all that shit just crossed the line. if anyone is any of those here, IT'S YOU." you say, pushing your index finger into her shoulder. 

rina scoffs, holding your finger before you could push her again. 

"if he chose you i don't think he would be kissing me on the date you were supposed to go on and if he chose you— i don't think he'd be fucking my brains out on the same ground you have stepped on." 

you really hated to admit it, but rina was right. it wasn't even them anymore, it was on you for believing him again. 

"see? you're just as stupid as i thought. being book smart isn't enough y/n, if you're stupid enough to believe jay again, you're just an idiot." 

you stand there, with your arms by your side too stunned to say anything. you're convinced it's totally your fault now. 

"you're so gullible y/n, who wouldn't want to take advantage of a girl like you then?" rina's words just kept on ringing in your head now. 

"if you even whore around, or smoke, drink or even do d—" 

"shut your mouth rina. that's enough." you sigh, but rina being Infront of you and talking so cheap of you like that was just making your blood boil.

"girl, i don't think you have any right to say that if you lured my man and fu—" 

you've had enough, rage fills you as you grab her by the arm and slam her onto the wall next to you. 

"say one more thing, i will fucking kill you rina. i'm not kidding, don't test me, i'm seeing red right now." 

rina is no easy girl however, she's a bitch. and the bitch pushes you off, and tries to raise her hand at you.

but too late, she's stopped by a shriek from the hallway. 

"what the fuck is going on?" a shocked jake rushes over to the both of you, pushing rina away from you. 

"why are you defending her jake? i'm the victim here! look at my cheek, she slapped me!" rina whines when jake holds you in his arms. 

"cut it the bullshit, rina." 

rina scoffs, of course he'd say that. he walked in when she was about to hit you, had he walked in when you slammed her to the wall, it would be a different case. 

"fuck you, i'm not letting this get away." she says, taking her phone out of nowhere, you didn't notice she had a bag but it didn't matter anyway. 

your mind is clouded by the boy that just broke your heart, again. 

rina dials the emergency number, waiting for a cop to pick up. 

"hello, i got assaulted—"

"you're an fucking idiot rina, you can't be serious." jake grunts, yanking her phone away and dropping it to the ground then stepping on it. 

"what the fuck are you doing!" 

"what i'm doing isn't the problem here, the problem is you creating a mess here. " jake says, almost yelling at her but he doesn't do so. 

"no i'm not—" 

"i'm leaving." you say, taking jake's arm  off you and try not to fall to your knees from how bad you wanted to and cry your heart out. 

"what? y/n?" jake rushes after you, trying to help you but you push him off. 

"i— i just need some time alone, i don't want to be around her, i just don't want to be around anyone." you explain, too drained to even give him a smile like you usually would. 

you weren't even in the state to give a fake smile, that's how bad it is.

"do you want me to get jay?" jake's question makes you want to to throw up. 

"no— just. i want to leave jake." 

"are you sure? i can't drop you off if you want." jake offers but you shake your head, refusing and then walk away without giving jake a chance to respond.

from a distance you hear jake and rina continue arguing as you walk down the stairs. you avoid the stares from  a few guests at how you're literally wobbling as you walk down the stairs. 

finding your way to the exit as tears start to prick at your eyes, you hold it back with so much force. 

mrs.park watches you from afar, worry growing in her as she speaks to a v.i.p.

just as the timing's right, she sees her son coming her way, she excuses herself from the guest and heads to her son with worry. 

"jongseong." she calls and jay looks at her, worriedly. 

"mom is everything okay? why are you—" 

"y/n," jay's heart drops to the pit of her stomach at your name leaving his worried mother's mouth. 

"y/n?! what happened to her? where is she? is she okay?" jay erupts in questions and nauseousness at the mere thought of you being hurt. 

"i think something happened, she just left— it didn't look good." his mother explains and before she could say anything else, jay runs past her to get you. 

it all happens so fast, you try to calm down from the painful pulsing in your head as you try to catch air. 

you had somehow dialed for a cab, without passing out and that's an achievement. now you're just waiting for the cab to arrive without passing out, outside of jay's home. 

when you see the light of the cab that you assume, from afar, you try to get up from the gate you were leaning on. 

"y/n!" 

his voice calls you name from a distance, the one you wanted to never ever see again— especially now, you'd just break down the moment you see him. 

"y/n, fuck are you okay?" jay holds you back, twirling you around as he tries to catch his breath. 

you try to not say anything and just yank your arm away and back away from him. 

"y/n…" he calls after you again, his voice trailing off and it just breaks your heart. 

the tears you hold back finally are let go, you reached your limit. tears start streaming down your face and you clasp your hand to your mouth as you cry. 

jay's heart drops to the pit of his stomach and he feels like his world is falling apart at the sight of you crying. 

"y/n, please don't cry—" 

"don't— p-please don't say anything." you sob and swallow the thickness in your throat before you speak up again. 

"i don't want to see you. anymore." you say, taking deep breaths as you sob, trying so hard to really not fall to the ground from how weak you felt.

"y/n let's talk it out okay? are you hurt anywhere? let's go back inside, you're gonna catch a co—" 

"jay please. please. i can't do this anymore.. i really can't," you plead, your shoulder shakes as you look at him with glossy eyes and fresh tear stained cheeks— tears continuously sliding down as you close your eyes. 

"it hurts too much, i feel like my heart is being shredded into pieces— each piece of it hurts so bad, so so bad jay." you say, pausing once in a while to catch breaths. 

"a-and i feel so fucking stupid, so so stupid for ever be so gullible to trust you again. for even falling for you, i feel like an idiot, it feels like i brought this upon myself." you pause, wiping away your tears but it just flows even more. 

"you're saying i'm the one, it's your actions that speak louder." you sigh.

there's unyielding pressure that crawled up your throat, and it took twice as much effort to get your words out for the next line.

"jay, i love you. i really do." you confess. what a shitty timing to do so and you cry even more when you see jay's eyes pooling with water and the hurt flashed on his face. 

it's as if he wasn't even the cause of this.

"but i can't keep on hurting myself by trusting you again and again that you've changed. that i'm finally the one that you chose and not her. that at the end of the day, it's me that you want…" you say and look away from jay's crying in silence while he lets you speak— you might just run into his arms and forgive him all over again. 

but you can't do that, not to yourself.

the long awaited cab finally came and stopped, it felt like forever. 

"let's end it here, for my— for our sake jay. let's not try again and hurt ourselves. as much as i love you, this is the best for us." you say, and just give jay one last look before getting into the cab. 

jay doesn't do anything, he doesn't try to stop you or anything— he's too stunned to do anything. he just watched you leave in the cab, his heart breaking into pieces and you leaving his life too. 

in the cab, you request for the driver to close the partition before you slump into the seat and cry, cry and cry in a deafening silence, with the distant sound of your heart breaking. 

jay wipes his tears away before walking back to his house that felt empty despite it being filled with a wave of guests. 

he just wants to break down in his room and cry his eyes out till he reaches his limit. 

he couldn't fucking believe he lost you, again. after he swore he couldn't lose you anymore.

he ignores his mother calling after him, he didn't want to speak to anyone for now. taking the stairs it felt like forever, when he reached the top of it he sees jake arguing with rina. 

confusion fills jay until something rang in his head. something you had said just now.

"that i'm finally the one that you chose and not her. that at the end of the day, it's me that you want…"

his blood begins to boil as jay is filled with rage. rina did something, again. she fucked it up again. 

"dude did you see y/n j—" jake says as soon as he spots his friend but stops speaking midway when he sees jay approaching rina in rage. 

"babe! oh my g—" 

the slap was way too loud and jake was staring in complete shock at jay slapping rina.

fuck, he's lost it for good this time he thinks.

before jake could do anything, jay grips onto rina's arm forcefully and drags her into his room, slamming the door loudly. 

pushing rina to the center of his room, he practically rips his blazer off and running his hand through his hair

"j-jay?" rina's voice quivers in shock and fear at jay slapping her out of nowhere, as she grips her face. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP RINA!" jay yell echoes through her room making rina shake in fear. 

"i've never been this tempted to kill someone before rina," he says, glaring at her with his eyes bloodshot from crying, and he wanted to cry even more at how he was yelling at rina in his room instead of getting to comfort you in his room. 

"babe, please calm down." rina says, approaching jay but he backs away.

"stay away or i don't even know what i'll do to you."  he warns, keeping a large distance between them. 

he takes a seat on the edge of his bed while rina stands at the corner of his room, tears flowing down her face. 

"i don't understand why you keep on fucking it up for me and y/n, rina." jay says, his voice almost breaking from holding back the urge to cry. 

"jay i love you, and i want you," rina cries, gripping her hair as she sobs. "you're mine to begin with i can't let her take you away from me! you're mine!" 

"i'm not a fucking object rina! get that in your head, please," jay yells, a tear slipping away from his eye when he shuts it close. 

"fucking chose me jay, you chose me from the start. i was the one who you need at the end of the day, i'm the one you always come back to, i'm the one you love… when she breaks your heart, you come back to me." she cries, and falls to the floor as she sobs, staring at the boy she loved in a distance. 

"just me, let me be the one. please just choose me, you always did.." she pauses to wipe her tears, as she gets on her knees and begs jay. 

"chose me for once and for all…. please.." 

rina closes her eyes, praying so bad jay would say something and she could have him. she prays to hear jay saying he chooses her and that you're nothing but a mere phase to him. 

jay's couldn't bear this, he just cried silently into his hands propped up on his knees. 

when rina doesn't hear anything back, despite her pleas and prayers— she falls back, hand clasped to her mouth as she cries. 

"jay.. please…." she pleads once more, hoping for the last time but jay shakes his head when he pulls away from his hand. 

he looks like shit, but rina doesn't mind she still fucking loves him. 

"i can't tell you something that means nothing rina, i can't give you false hope." he says although his voice breaks.

swallowing the thickness in his throat, he speaks up again. 

"i can't tell you i love you when my love belongs to someone else, i can't choose you rina." 

rina continues to sob even harder this time when she tries to deny the reality. she cries because the reality of jay not loving her hurts her even more than the slap he gave earlier. 

"y/n.. i loved her since forever, i still love her and i will continue to love her— even if the world ends, she'll be the only one that i love." jay says between his cries, with his hand clutching his white shirt.

"this isn't the first time you fucked it up for me and y/n, rina. guilt plagues me i feel like dying knowing that i broke her heart— every single tear that dropped from her eyes because of me makes me want to die." 

"i love her so much i want her to be safe and sound from anything that could hurt her, which is why i just can't give up on her." jay says, wanting this nightmare to end, and when he wakes up he hopes none of this ever happened. 

and he wishes rina was never in your lives to begin with. 

"that's why i can't tell you i love you, because i love her and it's so fucking painful to be with anyone which isn't her." 

rina remains silent, listening to jay's sappy, stupid confession about you when deep down she wishes it her that he was talking about. 

"i'm sorry for hurting you and leading you on if that's what you feel about me. i can't love you back, rina. please let this be the final time you fuck everything up, even if it's not for y/n, at least for me." jay says, almost like a plea. 

"i can't even say i can't lose her anymore cause i've already lost her, and every second that goes by without her i feel like my life is nothing and empty." he pauses. 

"i hope you find someone who loves you genuinely, not someone like me. find someone who'll make you their first choice. i want you to be happy and not cry in a guy's room like this with your heart broken." 

jay feels so sorry for rina that she has to go to this extent to get someone to love her back, despite all the evil she's done, at the end of the day she deserves happiness and love. 

when the room goes silent again, rina's cries have finally stopped. she gets up, trying to not fall over and wipes her face. 

jay opens his mouth to say something but rina beats her to it. 

"i'm sorry." she says, and leaves his room without leaving jay with a chance to speak. jay's doesn't run after her, nor does he tries to do anything either. 

he just sits there in complete silence, staring at the vacant spot on his bed where you used to lay on and then he looks out the window before he hurts into tears again. 

the night seemed to be long indeed, 

THE DRIVE CAME TO AN END when the cab halted in front of your mansion. you paid the driver and got off after it. 

honestly, you don't know how to answer your parents when you're gonna walk in with a mascara stained face and bloodshot eyes. 

a broken heart and drained out energy by the end of this night was not what you had planned for. 

guess the universe works like shit, whatever mrs.park said about the universe earlier? yeah that clearly didn't apply for you.

but you had no energy for a argument with your mother so you just gave no fucks and headed in. 

on a second thought, it was a bad idea.

because at the sight of your mother sitting with your father in the living room and the thick tension in the air— it wasn't giving you a very good feeling. 

the door closing behind you catches your parent's attention, and the glare your mother gave you, it meant no good. 

"how was his birthday party, y/n?" your mother asks, standing up from the couch. 

"it was o—" you stop mid sentence, and your eyes widened. you remember telling her it was a school event, how did she know it was a birthday party. 

his birthday party too.

your mother scoffs at your realization. 

"you aren’t very slick, y/n." 

you heart drops not for the first time tonight, but it gives you the chills. 

"mom i—" 

"shut it y/n. seriously what were you thinking?" she asks, crossing her arms as she approaches you. 

your dad stares at you in disappointment which doesn't make you feel any better. 

"lying to me? where did you even have the guts to do that? messing around with a boy? what happened to having boundaries? i don't even want to guess if you're in love, y/n!" she yells and it echoes through the eerie house. 

"god's sake, what the hell even happened to you? when did you get to this level of stupidity!" 

"mom hear me out f—" you sigh, pleading with her to listen, but of course, she doesn't. 

"i'm not hearing your bullshit out! not when you have been lying around and messing around with a fucking boy! god knows what the hell you've been doing with him?" she exclaims with so much anger and shock, her eyes literally plunged out as she stares at you. 

"and what is this y/n? i can't believe my eyes, i can't believe i have been blind to all your lies all these while." she says and pulls you by your arm to the glass table in the living room. 

you heart drops when you see the wrapped gift for jay that you had left in your room, jay's leather jacket and boxes of cigarettes along with your lighters on the table. 

"mom i—" you speak up, turning to look at her, desperate to explain yourself. 

"y/n i can't believe you at all, you're out of it! that boy's jacket in your room? this fucking thing— im pretty sure it's something about him too," your mom scoffs again. "and fucking cigarettes?! oh my goodness." 

you open your mouth to speak again but your mom cuts you to it. 

"he made you do it, right?" she asks, anger in her voice. "he influenced you into it, right?" 

you hold back the urge to roll your eyes at her, you've had enough. it was going overboard. 

"he didn't." you scoff and it makes your mom even more furious. 

"you're talking back now?" she yells, disbelief at her daughter rebelling— something she never would have expected to ever happen.

"i'm not! i'm telling you it's all on me, it was never his fault. he has never influenced me into doing anything." you deadpanned. 

your mom laughs in disbelief once again, and then glares at you. 

"you're telling me all of that? is your own habits? you fucking smoke?! are fucking you kidding me?" she screams, even more furious and you just want the ground to swallow you. 

as much as you wanted to deny it, you just nod. she was bound to find out anyway, you didn't find a reason to lie to her again. 

your mom sighs, and looks away trying to calm down so that she doesn't go batshit insane at her daughter giving her a check of reality. 

messed up and fucked behind all that perfect good girl facade. 

"did you even know that, he's the son of our rivals?" she asks and you pause. 

is that why the parks sounded so familiar but you didn't press on it— you just looked at your mom blankly. 

it didn't matter anymore, you both had already ended even before you could begin. 

"you knew?! she shrieks and you shake your head. 

"no, i didn't." you say and then take a deep breath when tears prickle around your eyes again. "but you guys do business all you want— it has nothing to do with us." 

that's all it took for your mom to slap you across the face. you hold your cheek and stumble backwards, unexpected of her slapping you. 

it was about to happen at one point anyway. 

your dad holds her back, calming her down. and you just stood there like an idiot, like the outcast you had always been. 

you wouldn't be surprised if you found that you aren't even their biological child at this point. 

"nothing to do with you both? business is everything y/n. for people like us, business is everything and will be everything, from family ties to even the prestige you hold up, every damn thing is business!" she screams and takes the painting and throws it to the ground. 

you bite your lip, holding back the urge to cry  gosh, today really is the worst day you have ever come across in your entire life. 

the canvas probably broke at how hard she threw it onto the ground. 

you walked towards it, and bent down and tried to pick it up. 

your mom watches you in absolute disgust and anger, totally stunned how you're acting right now— it felt like you disobeyed her. 

"y-you— god." she takes a deep breath and sighs. 

when you embrace the wrapped canvas, you close your eyes and tears pour as your hair closes around you like a curtain. 

you sob silently while your parents stood there watching their daughter slip away, choosing a boy over them. 

a boy she loved so dearly and is willing to stand up for despite already losing him. 

"get out." 

you're not surprised but your heart falls to the pit of your stomach for you don't how many times tonight. 

your story perhaps didn't have a good ending after all, and it made you pray for the universe to put an end to your suffering. 

you just didn't know how much more you can take anymore. 

"i said get the fuck out." your mom yells for the final time, and you don't bother arguing. you get up from the floor, and walk out of the mansion. 

mr.ha watches you from a distance and he feels tremendously horrible for you. 

when you step out of the mansion, you try not to just fall to your knees and hope you pass out and never wake up ever again. 

so this is what being kicked out feels like. 

it feels like shit. 

you feel like shit and you're homeless now, what a great combination. 

crazy how from a few hours ago you were laughing your heart out and you're left with nothing and wanting to cry your heart out. 

you need comfort at a time like this, and having no one— it was horrible. 

YOU'RE PATHETIC and if there's a competition for being the most pathetic person in the entire world, you're pretty sure you'd win the first prize for it.

you were dying out of embarrassment as you sat on the same bed where the person you absolutely didn't want to see tonight sat at. 

both of you at the edge of the bed, in silence. 

you bite your lip, wondering what to say to break the awkward silence as you gripped onto the hem of your dress that seemed to be the only thing that had been with you throughout the entire rollercoaster ride for the night. 

"y/n." 

shit. you felt shameless to even look at him in the face. instead of choosing to contemplate whether you should or not, you just decided to face him anyway. 

there was no dignity left. 

guilt plagued you when you look at jay and he looks at you, sadly, with his bloodshot eyes and raspy voice like he just cried  all night.

and how did you get here? right so after being kicked out and being homeless you think you actually lost your mind for real. 

the first thing you did was dial jay, you didn't expect him to answer but you were glad he did. 

you just cried and asked him if he could pick you up and jay said yes and ended the call. 

when he picked you up, neither of you said anything, you didn't look at him and you're assuming he didn't either. 

it was so awkward and got even more awkward when you're both sitting in silence for the past one hour without saying anything. 

not even a single cough was heard. 

"are you hurt anywhere?" he asks, looking over your body for any cuts or anything. your safety was his priority at the moment. 

"no." you answer, for the first time you speak after not saying anything. "i don't think so." 

you both go back to being silent after a while until you speak up. 

"it's funny how, the only person i didn't want to see tonight—" you pause, and then look at him again. "is the only person i can think of when i need to seek comfort." 

you laugh dryly, it's forced jay can tell. he can tell how tired and how hurt you are from the look you are giving him. 

he sees right through you, and he wants to heal it— comfort you. 

when he got your call earlier, he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him until he snapped out of it. 

and when he heard you crying into the call, he stopped whatever mourning he was doing and went to you straight away. 

he didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything so he didn't say anything nor did he do anything when he got you and brought you here. 

jay really thought he had lost you, that he would never ever see you again. 

"i got kicked out." 

he looks at you with pity but he doesn't say anything because he wants you to let everything out no matter how long it was going to take. 

he's willing to sit down here, and listen to it all. 

"tonight feels like a nightmare i can't ever wake up from. it's so brutal i wish— i wish i was dead." 

"y/n…."

you give him a 'don't worry' look and then continue on with your rant, as you look out his window into the dark, starry night. 

"everything is ruined, i have nothing left. i thought i'd be happy if i had nothing to worry about and just nothing left—" you turn to look at him. 

"but i feel like shit and worthless." your vision gets blurry at your own words. how there's no going back anymore, cause the damage is done. 

and there is nothing you can do anymore. 

"y/n please don't cry." jay pleads, moving closer to you in an attempt to comfort you and you don't stop him, you let him engulf you into a hug. 

you cry in his arms, it feels like a bed that makes you feel warm in a cold night after a long day. his arms— they feel like home. 

you cry for a few minutes and you feel empty, and not much of a pathetic loser anymore. 

until you feel like nothing anymore. 

you pull away, wiping your face. now your face and your hands are sticky, but you don't care. 

"do you have a cig? i really need one after all this." you ask and jay nods, he doesn't ask anything further. 

jay gets up and goes to his drawer to get his box of cigarettes and his zippo lighter. 

the zippo lighter that started it all. 

sitting back down, jay gives you a cigarette and takes one for himself from the box. the places the cigarette on his lips then lit it up and take a huge blow from it. 

exhaling it, the smoke fills up the room. 

ah, the smell of nicotine. you hadn't smelled it for a long time now. 

he hands you the lighter and you take it. you place your cigarette between your lips and light it up. 

but it doesn't work, you try again and it doesn't work again. 

everything seemed to be going south for you, it made you chuckle in pain. 

jay takes the lighter away from you, throwing it somewhere across the room and pulls you in by your neck, connecting the ends of your cigarette together— lighting your own cigarette up. 

if you weren't so fucked up, you would've fainted at how hot that was. 

pulling away, you take a huff and then blow out the smoke. jay then puts an ashtray between you both in the middle, tapping the excess off his cigar. 

the silence was killing you for once, and you decided to say something to break it. 

"uh, thanks." you say, exhaling the smoke that you took a blow of. "for the cigar and for picking me up." 

jay doesn't say anything, he just nods. 

"i need to tell you something." he says and puts the cigarette butt into the ashtray. you take a final blow and throw the rest into the ashtray. 

"it's overdue, we're done but i still feel like you deserve to know. and i want to clear it up." he says, shifting so he's facing you.

but you don't face him yet. 

"i finally called things off with you know.. although we had nothing to begin with or whatever bu—" 

jay stops when you chuckle dryly. 

"it's about her again, always about her." you say, a tight lipped smile sealed it off. 

"y/n—"

"jay," you say, and turn to him. "tell me you hate her. tell me you hate rina." her name leaving your mouth sounded like it was such a forbidden word.

jay looks at you with an unexplainable look which makes you smile in defeat. 

you knew it. 

"right, why did i ever think you were gonna say it— i feel like an idiot. what even made me think it was a good idea." you scoff at yourself, feeling stupid. 

"ah, tonight just made me fucking insane—" 

"i hate her." jay cuts you off, and when you turn to look at him, you feel like the small hope in your heart comes alive again. 

"i fucking hate her— i hate her so much for ruining everything for us, for ruining every single fuckin' chance i could've gotten with you, y/n." he spews as he locks his gaze with you  

you felt like you couldn't believe it, but what hooked you was the sincerity in his voice, assuring you that he's telling the truth. 

"on the day we were supposed to go on a date, the way you saw me kissing rina— you got it all wrong." jay explains the whole thing, from the start of your downfall with him and till what happened when you weren't here earlier.

by the end of it, you felt a hundred times more fucking stupid than you had from the very start. 

you felt stupid for thinking all this while he screwed you over, for thinking that he ditched you for rina on the date, for assuming that you were just a rebound, for ever doubting his love for you— everything. for everything.

you stood up and walked over to his window, standing there for a minute in silence and then crying. 

you felt bad, genuinely as the guilt took over you from being such an asshole. 

you hear jay walk over to you from behind, and give you a hug from the back. 

"i'm so selfish, oh god." you cry, clutching onto your chest as you do so. 

if your eyes had a mouth and had the ability to speak it would beg you for a break from crying, that it was so so fucking exhausted. 

"it's fine y/n, you didn't know." jay assures as he turns you around and bends down to your level. 

"and don't cry anymore, it's breaking my heart to see you shed tears." 

you cry even more at him being so sappy. you pull him into a hug, sobbing into the crook of his neck as he wraps his arms around your waist. 

"i'm sorry, i'm so, so— sorry for everything." 

jay rubs you back, calming you down as you cry. when you finally had calmed down, jay asked you to take a shower and sleep first— you can worry about everything the next morning, he assured you. 

you listen to him, and take a shower then change into his shirt which he gave you. he told you to sleep first but you insisted that he should shower too, both of you had an awful day.

then he helped you into his bed, tucking you in. jay says goodnight but you stop him. 

"where are you going?" you ask, holding his hand. 

"i'll sleep in the guest room." he says, looking at you confused.

"sleep here. with me." you tell him and jay doesn't argue further, he just turns off the light and slides in next to you. 

he keeps a safe distance between you both in case you might feel uncomfortable, it gives him déjà vu of the night he slept over at yours.

you notice the gap, and move in closer to him. it was much warmer, and it felt comfortable, it felt safe. 

jay wraps his arms around your body as you both nuzzle into each other, cuddling. 

in the stillness of night where one can hear a pin drop, you both lay awake, unable to sleep yet despite the tiredness. 

"jay." you speak up, calling his name. 

jay hums in return, his fingers combing through your hair while you both listen to each other's breathing. 

"i meant it when i said i'm sorry." you say and feel jay's movement come to a halt. 

"y/n i told you it's alright, don't think about it anymore and stress yourself out." 

"i know… but—" 

"no but's y/n, keep that topic out of your mind." he says, and kisses the crown of your head in assurance. 

you hum and fall into a silence. 

"y/n?" jay calls your name and you hum in response. 

"i haven't told you yet but i love you." 

the three words leaving his mouth sounded like pure magic when it made your heart flip in excitement and your lips grow into a smile. 

"i love you— more." you reply and feel jay's chest vibrate when he chuckles. 

"can't be anymore than how much i love you." 

"that's a lie, my love is bigger for you than yours is for me." you argue back and stifle a laugh. 

"that's great then, i won't have to worry about you falling out of love for me then right?" he asks, and you giggle. 

"yes that means you're stuck with me forever." 

"gladly, babe." 

you smile and you both fall into a silence again. 

"y/n?" you hum as a response. 

"aren't you going to get mad?" jay asks and you ask why in confusion. 

"because i called you babe." 

"not anymore, call me whatever that rolls off your tongue better than my name." you reply, smiling although he can't see you in the darkness. "not anything bad, of course." 

jay laughs and pats your head softly. 

"sure, love." 

and you both fall into silence again.

"jay." you call him out, and then laugh at how it might just never end. 

"yes, baby." he replies, the pet name making your stomach do flips and butterflies erupting in the pit of it.

"why were you shirtless the morning we woke up in my bed the other day?" 

"oh you gave me a blowjob the night before." 

"WHAT!" you gasp loudly and jay shushes you for being loud. you apologize then you stare at him in shock. 

"i'm kidding," jay laughs, making you scoff and hit him on the arm. 

"why were you shirtless, park? don't lie to me again." you ask, again. 

"it was hot, i just took it off since i felt uneasy, nothing else happened— i didn't do anything to you, don't worry." 

you hum, shaking your head. "i know you wouldn't do anything…" 

"why are you asking? you want to see him shirtless again or something?" 

"what! no!" you shriek, hiding your face into his chest from embarrassment as jay laughs at you.

you both finally fell asleep when sleep took over with you both in each other's arms. 

and you finally, for the first time that night (after it felt like forever) you smiled, genuinely as you fell into deep slumber. 

YEARS HAVE GONE BY from the night you got kicked out and your life flipped over. the nightmare finally ended when you graduated from school. 

your relationship with your parents was hurried, you hadn't bothered to reconcile with them as they didn't reach out to you either after making you homeless. 

you graduated and got into a prestigious law school thankfully with your excellent grades and good curriculum marks. 

you're now finishing your bachelor degree of law and in adulthood, it was stressful here and there but you're glad at least you're not caught up in the mess you were assigned to be in— the y/l/n's business. 

you have long forgotten about it, sometimes getting reminded of it and stuff but not once did you miss that hell hole.

yizhou, you haven't spoken to her ever since you both graduated and cried for hours together because the chances of not keeping in touch was very high. 

but sunghoon still dating her and being friends with jay was sort of like a barrier that kept you both in touch however, all good things must come to an end— they both broke up and you automatically lost contact with yizhou. 

you hope she's doing well, and successful in her own life.

and jay, after graduating as promised jay took you out on a date, and asked you out. you're both already in years of dating, and jay has been thinking of proposing to you for awhile now. 

he said he's thinking of a my little pony inspired wedding if you're still interested in my little pony. the memory of the day you both met as kids still seemed to be a fresh memory like it was just yesterday.

but he's waiting for you to pass your bar exam so everything goes well, he doesn't want to burden you or stress you out. 

you still remember when jay told his parents about your situation and how gladly the parks took you in, not caring about what sort of rivalry they had with your parents. 

you promised to pay them back for taking you in and everything but they refused, saying that as long as you and jay are both happy— it's enough for them.

and for once, you're pretty glad jay was the one that had found you smoking at the back of the building, and that he chose to win you back, and importantly— 

you're glad that you agreed to his stupid idea of tutoring him.

#enhypen #enha #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen angst #enhypen fics #enhypen works #enhypen fluff #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #enhypen park jongseong #enhypen jay #park jongseong #jay park #jay #enhypen timestamps #enhypen drabbles #enhypen x female reader #jay x reader #enemies to lovers #ningning aespa #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jake #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen jungwon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen riki #enhypen ni-ki

[enhyupn]

the perfect date! chapter one

masterlist | next

a series in which enhypen’s 02s competitive side shines through when trying to get your attention. the only solution to end this tiring rivalry? three dates with each of them in the course of three weeks.

paring: 02s x gn!reader

word count: 3k

genre: fluff, angst, high school!au, someone’s gonna end up heartbroken

warnings: swearing, violence is mentioned

ask to be on taglist, updates are irregular

a/n i literally had to dig this out of my drafts so i don’t even know myself what i’ve written PLSSS

taglist: @dchannie17 @simluvbot @jaeyuni @neocrush

falling in love at the age of twelve wasn’t what you were expecting while learning basic algebra. being heartbroken at the age of thirteen while reciting shakespeare was also not as expected. the cause of both of these unforgettable moments? park jongseong, or otherwise known as jay to almost everyone around you. your first love was something that stuck with you, even in the present. he was your seat mate in three of your classes and the person you would ask for the homework right before it’s due date. it was a one sided crush, it was quite obvious to you. he was popular, sporty and incredibly talkative, you were one out of maybe twenty people that had a huge bulging crush on him. 

at age fourteen you vowed to forget about him, the previous year he had moved to america to improve his english abilities which had put you in a miserable mood for almost all of your middle school life. who else was supposed to give you the math homework? how were you supposed to feel excited to go to school when jay wasn’t going to be there? your barely-a-teen mindset made you think you were never going to get over him.

flashing forward to freshmen year of high school, new school, new class and a clean slate to basically pretend you were a completely different person. no more being dependent on other people! no more trying to do anything to get friends! no more—

“hi, my name’s jake” oh boy.

and that’s how jake sim entered your life. it was his australian accent peaking through his words as he flashed you an energetic smile that pulled you in. you could of fallen for him at that instance, well you could of fallen for him throughout your years of friendship but the returning thought of your first love entirely stopped that process. jake sim was like a breath of fresh air, he was everywhere you went and had your back for everything.

you were his best friend and you thought of him like one too, you two were practically glued to one another. of course you had side comments, gossip that the two of you were dating or one of you two had an one sided crush (the latter part of that sentence we aren’t going to get that much into) but it didn’t make you two feel awkward or anything like that. with jake you almost forgot about jay (algebra and shakespeare being the things that stimulates the memory of him). although it wasn’t like jake was a rebound, you think yourself you’ve felt happier when you were around jake. i mean jake’s definitely popular, rivalling jay’s popularity in middle school even. if you asked anyone in your school who they’ve had a crush on, jake sim is number one on that list. he had some type of air around him, always being incredibly positive, he quite literally radiated the colour yellow. maybe you had a type when it came to people you associated with.

the close second on that list was maybe the complete opposite to jake in terms of their public image to the school. park sunghoon was the class president in your class. academically gifted, popular with the female population in your school, a talented figure skater, a stereotypical cold and distant beauty, there were a lot of layers to sunghoon. you personally had never really talked to him, the only time being when he had dropped papers on the ground in the hallways, maybe a few months ago. you helped him pick them up before carrying them with him to the teacher’s staff room. even then, you two had barely shared any words during that whole incident besides a “thank you”.

still, you could say you respected sunghoon. i mean who could have the energy to do his whole schedule besides him? you definitely could not. plus the way he was one of the most popular bachelors added to his busy schedule. the most recent valentine’s day was the proof as well as it was record breaking in your terms of your classes history with the day. having jake and sunghoon meant there were a lot of people trying to confess their feelings entering your classroom. last year, jake was stopped twenty three times the whole day, beating out sunghoon’s twenty sudden confessions. this year, there a sudden decline in jake’s confessions, a whopping three people only expressing their feelings desperately to him as he politely declined. sunghoon’s number rose by about ten people, expected but still a little shocking.

it wasn’t like the two of them cared about it, the only thing they did care about though was being polite when rejecting people. you couldn’t really sympathise with jake or sunghoon whenever they had to prepare yet another rejection, the only confession you’ve received being from yoon hyunsuk that was quite awkward considering he was a family friend and you saw him almost every week after you had rejected him.

anyways, returning to present time where you were doing your regular daily routine for a weekday. it always went waking up way too early, under eating breakfast in hopes to get the bus on time, meeting jake on the bus, walking to class with him and trying to not fall asleep in the middle of math class. it started off completely normal, maybe a little too normal.

“did you hear?” jake whispered in your ear. the two of you were supposed to individually practice questions but the chattery side of jake honestly got the best of him at moments like these.

“what is it?” you reply back quietly.

“a transfer student is coming in after lunch ends, one from america” now that really got your attention. you turn to him with your eyes wide in surprise, curiosity taking over you completely as you ignore the difficult question in front of you.

“did you see them?” jake couldn’t help but feel the sudden heat rush to his face as your sparkling eyes met his. “how do you even know this?”.

“ryujin told me plus, i saw a bit of him at the principal’s office” you looked behind him, trying to get a glimpse of the mentioned girl. the concentrated look on her face as she tried to solve the maths problem was evidence to you that she hadn’t heard her name being mentioned by jake. “said something about bleached hair that was definitely going to get the teachers mad”.

“now you got me excited” your small smile only sending butterflies to his stomach. you turn your head back down to face the still blank piece of paper, deciding that it was about time you started on that question.

“y’know he kinda looked familiar” the questioning tone in jake’s voice caught your attention, turning back to him in confusion.

“what do you mean?” a pout formed on your face. more confusion took over your face when you realised jake looked away from you quite fast, his ears turning a slight shade of pink.

“i— i don’t know” he silently cursed himself for letting himself fall deeper into his one sided crush from only small moments. his sudden black mind caused him to forget what he was meant to say to you, only leaving you puzzled by his words.

jake sitting opposite to you as you ate your unsettlingly warm sandwich, was really the only thing really going on during lunch that say. although weirdly enough, park sunghoon’s glances and staring was a new addition to your lunch time. even without directly looking at him, you could feel his eyes as they dug into the back of your head.

“you know you can relax, sunghoon’s not gonna bite you” jake commented on your stiffness. you bit your lip anxiously when you realised how loud he was being, not wanting sunghoon to know he was currently the topic of conversation between the two of you.

“if you speak any louder he might hear you” you angrily whispered to his face as you rolled your eyes. the boy chuckled before placing a small ball of rice into his mouth.

“he won’t idiot” jake tells you with maybe little too much confidence. you noticed that sunghoon had looked away from you abruptly, his cheeks visibly reddening as he faced his desk. “oh”.

“why are you like this?” you expressed you concerns. jake shrugged his shoulders, not understanding where you were coming from. “i should be excited for the new student, not trying to tame you from embarrassing our class president!”, your voice lowering at the last few words.

“i think he wants to tell you something”

“i think i want you to shut up” you muttered and you took another bite from your sandwich, wincing at the warm tomato and soggy lettuce that came into contact with your mouth.

jake was about to fire back but was only stopped by your phone violently vibrating on the table. your eyes widen in embarrassment as you frantically tried to get to it. you turn your phone to look at the screen, a notification telling you someone was calling you. jake tried to take a peek at your phone, only abandoning the plan when he saw you glare at him.

“hey yeojin” a small smile forming on your lips when reciting your middle school friend’s name. im yeojin was your best friend up until high school when her parents made her go to an all girls boarding school instead of your co-ed high school. she hated it so much when it was initially brought up by them but from the looks of it now, she’s actually enjoying herself. yeojin was the only person, excluding jake, that ever knew about your crush on jay. jake found out when the two of you were looking through old middle school pictures, you pointed at jay in a class photo and that’s the story on how jake knows about jay’s existence. “what’s up?”.

“i’m not supposed to be on my phone” her voice was frantic. you knew from her many, many letters that her school was strict when it came to personal phones. she was only allowed it everyday for thirty minutes during lunch on the weekdays, three hours on the weekends. “but, i have some exciting news for you”.

“what is it?” jake could see your eyes glisten in curiosity. he chuckled to himself as he placed his chin in his palm, his full attention being placed onto you.

“guess”

“i can’t believe you’re doing this right now” you squinted in annoyance at her playfully attitude.

“i was kidding” yeojin’s contagious laugh caught up to you, making it look like you forgot about her joke on you. “but you know how you’re old instagram account got deleted because of—”

“don’t say it” you interrupted through gritted teeth. jake laughed loudly at your reaction, catching the attention of sunghoon yet again.

“anyways, and you basically lost all of our middle school classes handles?”

“yes, i remember it all a little too well” embarrassment laced through your words as you remembered the never-to-be-mentioned-again memory.

“anyways so jay...” your eyes lit up at the mention of his name, an unsettling feeling in jake’s stomach appearing due to your expression. “he’s back!”.

“he’s back?” you stood up from your seat in surprise. your class looked at you in concern before you apologised as you embarrassing lowered yourself down to your seat. “you’re not kidding me right?”.

“why would i lie?” you could feel yeojin’s eyes rolling through the phone. “oh shit, patrol’s back. gotta go, i’ll send a letter soon—”

jake watched as you ended the call staying seated with your eyes widened, unable to process what had happen. you couldn’t pinpoint any of the emotions you were feeling, were you happy? anxious? scared? you had no clue. you bite your lip, hoping the action can help your blank mind.

“so—”

“is this 3-A?” a loud voice entering the class interrupted jake, causing the boy to sigh out of frustration.

you turned your head in the direction. you felt yourself shake in more shock when you realised who the person at the entrance was, and from the way they looked back at you, he realised who you were to. you abruptly looked away, facing the window on your left with your face burning up as you held up a hand to cover your face.

jake’s puzzled expression took over his face before putting the pieces together. his heart was beating at such a fast rate that he felt breathless, he didn’t think he was at all ready to see his crush’s first love entering their own classroom.

he watched as sunghoon did his usual mannerly class president thing, standing up from his seat all professional and kind before making his way to jay with an open hand for him to shake.

“hello, you’re earlier than expected” sunghoon smiled, unsure if it was genuine or not due to the fact the boy in front of him didn’t even acknowledge his presence. he dropped his hand before letting out a quiet irritated sigh, trying to figure out what he had his eyes on.

even with sunghoon’s growing annoyed expression, jay’s eyes were still trained on you. it was like you were frozen, no muscle in your body allowed you to move as you blankly stared outside the window. the only thing moving was your eyes shutting completely as you felt footsteps coming your way, instantly knowing who it belonged to.

“y/n” a cheery voice made it’s way to jay’s words.

sunghoon raised an eyebrow at the two of you, not entirely following this whole situation. how did he know you? why did you seem so embarrassed? bashful even? and why was jake staring at jay like he just killed his family?

“j-jay hey, y-you’re back” you finally turned your head, however still unable to look at him in the eyes. jay chuckled at the way you tripped over your words, memories of the two of you from middle school playing in his head. he glanced down beside you, the empty seat almost begging him to sit there.

you almost feel yourself jump into your seat when you noticed jay was pulling back the chair beside you as he prepared himself to sit down. at this point jake’s face was visibly red, glaring at jay for reasons that cannot be exactly explained and sunghoon’s feet had even brought him all the way to your desk meaning he had a full view of this whole mess. you four had the whole classes attention, even with some whispering to each other about you. 

“it’s been a while” jay smiled through his words as he sat down, his position facing you as you struggled to make eye contact. you could feel yourself sweating from the unbearable heat coming from your cheeks, your head still blank unable to think properly.

“you two know each other?” sunghoon asked curiously as he placed his hand on his hip. you don’t know why but you cursed sunghoon silently in your head for asking that question, the thought of jay telling him you were only his friend pained you.

“yeah, middle school classmates” jay finally acknowledged the boy’s presence. sunghoon nodded in reply as he scanned your expression, unable to understand how you were feeling. “i had— i can’t say it it’s too embarrassing actually” jay rubbed his neck embarrassingly before turning away in embarrassment, only for his eyes to meet jakes.

“no, carry on” jake’s few words came out as a little passive aggressive but didn’t particularly offend jay in any way. it was quite obvious to everyone but you that jake was being a little jealous, possessive maybe from the way he glared at jay and sunghoon, who frankly didn’t really do anything up until this point.

“oh okay...” jay didn’t know why he felt nervous. maybe it was cause jake couldn’t keep his glare off of him or he was about to regret his next few words. “i had the biggest crush on y/n”.

now that got your attention. with wide eyes your eyes made contact with his at last, his cheeks were tinted pink and he had a bashful smile spread across his lips. you could even see jake in the corner of your eyes closing his mouth as he tried to recover from the shock. while sunghoon, who was right behind jay, looked like he wasn’t completely over the shocking revelation.

“i—” you felt speechless. this was the first time you’ve heard anything about this, you didn’t even think you were ever going to hear those words. you once again tried to open your mouth in an attempt to reply but was just met with nothing.

“they didn’t like me back though” jay continued. you looked at him like he was crazy, your eyebrows raised with confusion taking over your face.

“but i—”

“y/n can we talk....” jake’s voice interrupting your soon to be confession as he stared at you with a serious expression. you turned to him, once again not fully processing this whole situation. “...outside the classroom?”.

you glanced back to jay who looked visibly irritated, rolling his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. sunghoon just stood behind him, staring at jake with what looked to be some sort of fear. letting out a sigh, you stood up from your seat as you looked jake in the eyes.

“let’s go outside jake” you were slightly thankful for his sudden request due to you not wanting to be stuck in that suffocating environment. you watched as he stood up from his seat, his expression changing into quite an anxious one.

the curiosity didn’t leave you as you followed jake out of the classroom, you even heard your classmates whisper to each other as you passed them. you didn’t even want to look back to see the face of jay, you had ended your long awaited reunion short just to go talk to your best friend by the staircase. jake glanced around the area to make sure nobody was there to listen to what he had to say.

“thanks for getting me out of there—”

“i like you” those three words almost made you faint on the spot.

was it time to wake up now?

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen headcanons #enhypen timestamps #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff

[magic-bot]

So our journey behind the scenes of creativity is coming to an end. The case for small. More under the cut  ↓

The most interesting and creative work is taking place now. Here you give free rein to your creative impulse and complete the content with a beautiful cover and pictures. This time I decided to redo my design, because the previous one was too low-quality.

Then I had to do a bunch of render previews for the post and for the avatars in the game.

Having decided on the small details, I decided that it would be a complex but interesting construction of two geometries. The first geometry is a foot, the second is a nail plate with an extended uv sweep, which will be activated when additional textures are selected. This is my first time using this technique and I think it's interesting. It also solved the problem with the texture of the tattered nail polish, because now a separate geom works in sim-glass mode. This means that you can paint the texture of stripped polish in PNG format without skin color or create stickers on your nails. In this case, the nail plate on the foot geome will show the color of the skin. No more light skin color on tattered nail polish for dark skinned sim’s!

There are three geometries for all types of feet, from flat to tiptoe.

Later I will post a mini tutorial on how you can use this in your creations and how to add geomes to your cc so you can use these transparent nails. But you can also do without them by simply deleting.

More difficult than what I said above is exporting a bunch of material to the studio, because it is a long and monotonous job. 22 blend files for men and women (including the slider version) + 4 files for children and toddlers. Not to mention the 116 nail polish textures and foot overlay textures. Gather yourselves together, guys, I'll have a little sweat, and you wait :D

Most likely I will not be able to finish this month because the workload is too large and I did not want to divide tiptoe and default feet into two posts. So wait for these cc in early May. 

The last screenshot shows one of the folders containing working blend files for importing into the game. There is a lot of GB of material for one character's age and gender. I just littered my whole desktop and disk by doing this сс. But after, of course, the excess will be deleted.

I hope it was interesting for you to get involved in the work a little and learn something new for yourself! Have a nice day! (≧∇≦)ﾉ

#ts4 #ts4 cc #wip

[suttttton]

An Invitation

How do you get Jonathan Sims to go on a date with you? Easy. Step one: Trick him by giving him a fake statement filled with puzzles that lead him to the date location of your choice. Step two: Profit?

---

“Jon,” Sasha says, leaning against his desk.

“Hmm?” He doesn’t look up from his work.

“D’you want to get lunch with me today?” she asks. It’s just a casual question. They’ve gotten lunch together before, and she knows that Jon won’t interpret her question in a romantic way, but her stomach still thrums with nervousness. It’s… different, now that she’s decided to let herself have a crush on him. Now that she’s decided that, eventually, she’ll ask him on a real date.

He doesn’t even look at her, just shakes his head. “Can’t, I’m a bit swamped this week. I’ve got a lot of—things…” he trails off, drawn back into his work. The exciting world of follow-up research. She stands there for another minute, just watching him, knowing that he has forgotten her entirely. It’s one of those things that should be annoying, but is really just… deeply endearing. Ugh.

She’s going to ask him on that date soon.

***

When she asks Jon out, she tries to be obvious about it. Jon has a hard time reading social signals at the best of times, and she wants to make things easy for him. She’s not the most comfortable with grand gestures, but she’s got a bit theater kid in her yet, and she’s sure she can make it work.

She finds Jon in the break room, eating a bowl of microwavable soup and staring blankly at nothing. Very adorable. She knocks twice on the table, getting his attention, and he blinks once and smiles at her.

“Jon, there’s something I want to ask you,” she says. She can feel heat rising in her face. God, this is about to be embarrassing. She really, really hopes he doesn’t turn her down. (Why would he turn you down, James? You’re a catch.)

She gets on one knee, takes his hand. “Jonathan Sims,” she says dramatically. “Would you do me the honor of coming to dinner with me on Friday?”

He looks at her, and his eyebrows furrow. “Sorry Sasha,” he says, “but I can’t. I requested some books, and they’re supposed to arrive Friday. I was planning to get started on them Friday evening.”

She sighs. She’d take it as a graceful rejection, if she hadn’t seen Jon reject people before. He got nervous and stuttery and hyper-apologetic. He doesn’t look at all uncomfortable now, just confused as to why she’s on the floor.

He doesn’t know that she’s trying to ask him on a date.

Later, replaying the scene in her mind, she realizes what the problem was. They were at work. Even with her making it as dramatic as possible, the environment was too casual. She asked him to do platonic activities with her all the time while they were at work—why would he assume differently?

She needs to ask him when they aren’t at the Institute, somewhere where she can make a whole presentation of it. She’ll buy him flowers, sweep him off his feet.

Except.

He keeps turning down her offers to spend time together. When he isn’t busy with follow-up, he’s busy researching the Leitner books. It’s… stupidly endearing. And unhealthy. Jon doesn’t look unwell, really, but he does look… stressed, hunched over his desk all day. Jon needs a break from work, not just so she can ask him on a date, but also so he doesn’t drive himself into a nervous breakdown.

Sasha hatches a plan.

***

It doesn’t take long to put together. Just an evening, researching cryptic puzzles, scouting out locations that aren’t too far from the Institute, writing a nonsensical statement in the ‘I saw a ghost in a graveyard and it was spooky’ vein.

The only problem is how to get the fake statement into Jon’s caseload without him noticing. She can’t just drop it on his desk, not with him there all day long. She could get Lydia involved, but she isn’t sure the Head of Research would approve of her plan, and even if she did, Lydia is a bad liar. Jon would know something was up.

In the end, Jon solves the problem for her. He leans back in his chair, hisses over to her, “Sasha! Swap with me?”

“Spiders?” she asks, and he winces, nods. She holds out her hand, and flicks through the offending file. It has all the hallmarks of a false statement, but—

“I felt thousands of legs swarming over me, filling up my mouth, my nose—”

She snaps the folder shut, wrinkling her nose. “No problem,” she says. She hands Jon the fake statement. “You can take this one, I haven’t gotten started on it yet.”

“Thanks,” he says, smiling. Her stomach flips, and she watches for a few moments longer as he gets to work.

***

It would be suspicious for her to be staring at Jon the entire time he’s working on the statement, so instead she just glances over every once in a while, making sure he doesn’t immediately drop the statement in the ‘discredited’ pile.

He doesn’t. Instead, his frown deepens as he’s drawn in, trying to figure out the puzzle she’s left for him. The statement is clearly fake, but a few of the words are—wrong. Nonsensical. Gibberish.

She sees Jon go over and over the text, marking every strange word. Then he picks up his phone, dials the number listed on the statement. It’s a disconnected number, and Jon’s frown deepens.

He thinks for a few seconds, tapping his fingers on his desk. Then he pulls out a notepad, begins writing on it, consulting the statement to transcribe the strange words exactly.

At that point, Sasha knows she has him. Jon loves puzzles, and now that he knows there’s a puzzle to solve in the statement, he’s not going to stop until he figures it out.

It’s a simple Caesar cipher, with the phone number as its key. It yields the message:

Here are the coordinates:

CH.HCGDHCGFYERE, -HB.KGICCECIF0WI

In order to crack the coordinates, Jon simply has to replace each letter with its numerical position in the alphabet. Jon is smart, he’ll figure it out. The coordinates belong to a cryptid-themed restaurant in America called the Moth Man Urban Legends Bar and Grille.

Once, the Moth Man Urban Legends Bar and Grill website landing page contained several blurry photos of “Moth Man,” along with a somehow even blurrier photo of a restaurant menu. Now, it’s a nightmarish jumble of the strangest stock photos Sasha could find, along with a single hyperlink that just says, “Click me!”

(Sasha included this step because she finds it deeply entertaining to watch Jon click on the shadiest links possible. It’s revenge for all the viruses she’s had to clean off his computer.)

The link leads to a much more tasteful webpage. It’s has a single picture of a rose on it, and below that it just says, “An Invitation”. Then it gives the address of a very cute little cafe just a short walk from the Institute. Beneath that, “Tonight. 7:00pm.”

It takes about an hour for Jon to figure out the Caesar cipher, and after that he works through the puzzle quickly. It’s a delight, watching his face when he sees “Moth Man Urban Legends Bar and Grille,” and even better when he sees the monstrosity she’s made of their website.

He clicks the link without even a second of hesitation, which almost makes Sasha laugh out loud. And then he’s just staring at the invitation. He opens a new tab, opens Google Maps, puts in the address. She sees the back-in-forth in his head—‘Tonight’ has probably long since passed, and he isn’t likely to find anything if he shows up at the cafe at 7:00pm tonight.

But Jon is stubborn, and if he doesn’t go ‘Tonight,’ it’ll eat at him. She’s trapped him. He’ll show up. She’s certain of it.

***

She debates for a long time if she should wear a dress, or a button-up shirt and tie. She decides on the tie. It has ferns on it, and she needs the calming vibes.

It’s starting to sink in, what she’s done.

Why didn’t she just say, “Jon, I am asking you on a date”? That would have been so much easier! Christ, she’s tricked her crush into going on a date with her. What kind of creep does that?

She’s terrified Jon will be angry with her. Or worse, hurt. This whole thing is technically a prank. What if Jon thinks she’s just… making fun of him?

She stops by a flower shop on her way there, and the shop assistant asks what she needs, and she’s so nervous by then that she actually says, “I tricked my friend into going on a date with me, and I need flowers that will prevent him from hating me forever.”

“Right,” the man says, uncertainly. “Well—” And then he makes Sasha a very, very nice arrangement because, unlike Sasha, he isn’t a complete mess.

Sasha arrives at the cafe thirty minutes early, because she knows Jon. She knows he’ll want to stake out the place ahead of time. She knows she has to arrive ridiculously early to beat him there.

But apparently, she’s underestimated him because he’s already there.

He’s seated at a table in the corner, where he can see the entire dining room. He’s still wearing his clothes from work, and there’s a pastry in front of him.

He’s watching the door, of course he is, so he sees her come in.

“Sasha!” he calls, waving wildly at her. It makes something pang in her chest, that Jon’s instinct upon seeing her in a public place is to excitedly greet her. She certainly isn’t that kind of person.

She smiles, walks over to him. Her fingers are curled tightly around the flowers, crinkling the paper just slightly.

“Do you have a date tonight?” he asks, looking her over, his eyes still flicking back and forth between her and the door.

“I hope so,” she says.

He frowns. “Are they late? Or—”

She hands him the flowers. “These are for you.”

He looks at them, bewildered, then back at Sasha. “What—”

“The invitation was from me,” Sasha says, sitting down across from him. “I faked the statement, and I made the puzzles.”

He stares at her for moment, then at the flowers, then back at her. She waits for him to yell at her, or run off, or—she doesn’t know.

Then he starts laughing. It’s—wonderful, when he laughs. He always tries to hide his face, and this time he decides to use the flowers for that purpose, stifling his giggles against the petals. “Sasha, I—I thought it was going to be the, the Mob, or something.”

Sasha can’t help but start laughing too. “You thought the Mob sent secret messages to each other using a Caesar cipher?”

“I don’t know!” Jon says. “This is—” He lets out a long breath. “Well, I did enjoy the—game, I suppose.”

They look at each other for a long moment.

“Wait,” Jon says. “So I’m your date?”

“If you want to be,” Sasha says.

Jon smiles. “I—” He laughs again. “Yes. Of course I do.”

#tma #tma fic #my fic #jonsasha #fluff #this idea grabbed me this morning and wouldn't let go until i wrote it #i just love Agent of Chaos!Sasha so much

[joshslater]

Beached

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It's really amazing how the beaches can be so empty when the weather is this good. It's technically winter or spring or whatever, but that just means you can spend all day on the beach without getting heatstroke or sunburn. No one else appears to agree with me though. Someone is walking a dog in the distance in one direction, and some surfers are ignoring the warnings of big waves in the distance in the other direction. Like that would be bad thing in their minds, though just right now it isn't as windy as in the morning. Volatile weather is another drawback of spring weather.

I don't think it is the weather that is keeping people away though. This whole plague thing is really messing with people. The hotel was almost deserted and the room dirt cheap. Flight was cheap too. The plan was to go here with Will, but he chickened out at the last moment. Probably the positivity rates of their "second wave" or whatever. The tickets were refundable, only way they can sell anything these days, but I had already made up my mind to go here. Spring in Rio is better than summer at home, and the summer is decidedly over now, where you are never sure in the morning if you need jeans and hoodie. Here it is shorts and T-shirt every day, and the water is really nice when the waves aren't fatal. I really thought it would be colder the way the ocean looks.

As I walk along the beach in solitude I spot a gaudy, cheap beach chair also alone in the sand. I look up towards the road that goes along the beach. Sometimes there is a bunch of chairs or stuff chained together, waiting for busy days when the owner can charge a coin for a tourist to sit on it, but I don't see anything up there. I take a seat and look out over the crashing waves. There is a zen-like quality sitting on a lone chair on a vast beach, alone in a different country, watching the waves while the warm spring sun smiles down on you. No birds or animals around either, so you just have the white noise of the ocean keeping you at peace. I had fernet and coke in the lobby bar last night and evening has been going slow even before this, but somehow I felt I deserved a break from doing nothing.

I lost track of how long I was sitting there. I have all week after all. I'm taken out of my trance by someone behind me talking agitated in Spanish. No, Portuguese probably, as that's what they speak here. I turn my head and a stereotypical Brazilian beach greaser steps into my view. He wears a loose, pink tank top with Copacabana printed on the front. It reaches almost far enough to hide his green speedos that peeks out every step he takes. Brazilian tan, white teeth, black, slick hair, and a swagger that comes equally from acting macho and years of bodybuilding that prioritized looks over range of motion. "What?" I ask him, mostly just to tell him to speak English.

"This is your chair?" he asks. "Yeah," I say tentatively. At least I'm using it right now. It really was calming to look at the ocean like this. "No. No, it is not your chair," he says in an accusing tone, visibly upset. "You want to sit?" I don't need any trouble. It's soon time for lunch anyway. I start to raise myself from the chair. "No, you sit! You sit!" he almost screams at me, and I fall back into the chair.

I'm confused. Did I sit down again, or did something push me down? He steps towards me, and I again try to get out of the chair, but I'm somehow not strong enough to lift myself. He grabs the front neck of my T-shirt and pulls it up over my head. My arms do nothing to stop him. He then grabs hold of the legs of my shorts and pulls them sharply forward. Again, I can't do anything to stop him. I can move my body, sort of, but it's sapped of all strength.

If things were weird up until now, it just turned impossible. Instead of my Hanes underwear I wear black speedos with yellow print "ca-rio-ca" in front. How the fuck did they end up on me. He doesn't waste any time, but just bunches my clothes together in his hand and angrily marches off towards the road behind me. "Hey! HEY! I don't want this fucking chair." I shout at him while making another failed effort to get out of the chair as he disappears out of view. It's like being stuck with your ass in a big bean bag. I just can't get up somehow. I try to rock sideways to knock the chair on its side so I can roll out of it, but again with no success. Exhausted I fall back into the chair.

It's a cheap-looking foldable beach chair. Some green tubes as a frame with some blue and yellow nylon fabric as a seat, suspended between the tubes. I could see how someone would pick it out for its "Brazilian" colors, but all the shades were totally off compared to the flag. It couldn't be more than $10, probably much less down here. Why would anyone make such a fuss over it? I touch my magically appearing speedos. They appear completely normal. Some type of high tech stretchy fabric with yellow print on top. As I touch the print on the front of the speedos there is like a shock wave through me, like I rubbed the exposed head of my dick. I quickly move my hand back to the dainty armrests, but the damage is already done, at least for now. I can feel the blood inflating my dick, at least partially.

I look back at the ocean, trying to distract myself. I still see the surfers way off in the distance to one side, but I don't see anyone in the other. I'm a bit limited in my field of view though, reclined in the beach chair. Dammit, and I was about to have lunch. Fuck! My wallet is in the shorts. My phone, my credit cards, my cash, my hotel room key, all in the hands of some dude made of muscles and STDs. If he doesn't come back I'd have to walk back to the hotel, wearing only speedos like a fucking douche, tell the lobby staff to get my passport from the room to identify me, and issue a new key card. Then I have to take the laptop and block the credit cards and the phone SIM. I hope you can do that online. If nothing else you can call 800 numbers from Skype, I think. But first I need to get out of this fucking chair.

I make another failed attempt to get up. How can this be happening? Did he poison me somehow? Perhaps I just need to relax for a bit and regain my strength. That doesn't explain how my underwear was swapped out. Perhaps I'm making this more complicated than it has to be. These could be two unrelated events. Perhaps the speedos were somehow in my room, and somehow I put them on this morning without thinking about it. I think I've seen something similar in a store back home. "CA" could just as well mean California. This pair could have been forgotten by someone and then mixed into my laundry somehow, packed in my travel bag by mistake, and then ended up on me without me thinking about it because of the fernet. No, that doesn't make a lot of sense either. If you remove all impossible explanations, the remaining one, however improbable is the right one. It's just so very fucking improbable.

I want to drop it. Thinking about it more won't solve anything, and my current problems notwithstanding the day is still very nice. The slow burn of the spring sun, the smell of sand and salt, the soothing white noise of the ocean, and the wide visuals to go with it all. If I just let go of my predicament it was easy to relax again. That's what I needed to do, right? Just look out and feel the sun rejuvenate me. Despite it being essentially just indoor temperature, I've managed to get a tan. I trace the skin from my knees and up with my eyes. No, this is wrong. I should have tan lines where the shorts and T-shirt ended. I've only been sitting here topless for ten minutes, twenty at the most. There's nothing to tell time. The surfers are gone.

And I really shouldn't look this good sitting down. I don't sit down with a flat belly. I can't remember that I ever did, not that I really paid a lot of attention to how I looked. I try to stand up to have a better look, but only manage to lift a few inches before falling back. "Merda!" I say out loud. Not only did I fall back into the chair, but I managed to pull something. There's a cramp in the abdominal muscles that hurts like hell. I squirm in the unyielding chair and arch my back to make it stop, which results in both my legs cramping at the same time. I let go and fall back into the chair, and raise my legs up and try to shake them. I tense and relax the muscles over and over to make the feeling go away.

When it finally goes away I feel exhausted. I certainly don't want to feel that again. It's like a cosmic force doing everything to keep me in place, docile, and watching the ocean. While I want this to all be over I don't feel like I want to put up a fight. I scratch an itch on my face and feel my beard. I know I shaved less than... I know I shaved this morning, whenever that was. I've done that every morning from when I started to grow facial hair. I know nothing that looks worse. Nothing that looks more like you are taking a shortcut, or don't care. Yet I could clearly feel strands of hair all around my mouth and up the sides of my face. Not just stubble either, but fingertip length beard. The kind that doesn't look like a planned and neatly maintained beard either, but an accidental one. I didn't think I could freak out more when my hand touched the hair behind my ear, and I frantically felt the rest of my head. It was clearly a curly mess, and not just wavy but a tight curl. My hair is straight.

"Olá!" one of the two young surfers greet me. I'd been too preoccupied and had completely missed them walking across the beach towards me. They looked very similar, same height, same short cropped pitch-black hair, handsome white smiles, black and blue Mormaii wetsuit. My startled mind feels blank. I have no idea what to say to them. Somehow, inappropriately I can feel my dick stirring again. "Você quer foder?" I shout back at them. I have no idea what it means. They just keep walking, shaking their heads and ignoring me. What the fuck is going on? Can't I control myself anymore? I haven't since I sat down, I realize. This fucking chair is ruining everything.

I'm angry with it. I start hitting it. At first I'm just feebly pounding the armrests, but then work myself up to start hitting anything I can find. I'm banging the tubes, I'm pulling the synthetic fabric of the seat, I'm trying to pry the joints free. I'm only hurting myself of course, though not bad enough for any visible bruises. After some minutes someone has had enough of my tantrums and I feel a searing pain across my chest, back, and right ribs. I cry out in pain. My noise is met by the constant noise of the ocean. When it stops, just as suddenly as it started I look to either side and all I see is empty beach in both directions.

I'm almost afraid to look, and it is difficult to see well, but the skin has discolored where I felt the pain. On the right side of me is a sentence tattooed in cursive. I can't tell what it says. On my front chest is another large tattoo saying something almost as difficult to read upside down, just below my chin, also in cursive.  "Live fast, die young" I think. I can only imagine what platitudes are on my back. "Carpe Diem?"

My legs are hairy. They've been that for years, but now they are black pubes kind of hairy. Did that happen just now as well? What's with the slow walking? Just do all the things to me and be over with. Arms are hairy too. I'm not even going to be upset anymore. I'll just sit here until it ends, whatever that means. Listen to the ocean and let the sun do its thing. Holy shit, that isn't suntan. I have a different skin color for sure. No. Not upset, just listen to nature and come what may. Let the sun sparkle in the water.

I can also see a sparkle from my right nipple. I feel drained, dazed, and dumb. Did the nipple piercing come with the tattoos and I had just missed it, or did it sneak up on me somehow? I don't really care. I slowly reach for it with my left hand. It feel an explosion of sensations as soon as the vibrations of my touch reverberate into the nipple. It shoots right into my balls, into my spine, into my brain, into my dick. Not quite an orgasm, but definitely not not an orgasm. I can feel the cramp again. The muscles on my front all contracts, but this time it isn't really painful. It's more like when you exert yourself during sports.

As before I arch my back to flex the chest and abs differently to make it go away, but the cramps just spreads. I can feel it in my back as well, and my arms, then finally in my legs. It's like those youtube videos where you can see the muscles moving under the skin all on its own. I just turned to the side and rolled in the sand, unable to control anything. It wasn't pain, but definitely not not pain.

When it finally stops I'm on my back in the spring warm sand, exhausted, panting, looking into the blue sky, hearing the waves crash down at the edge of the beach. I somehow know before I see it. My arms are almost twice as muscular as this morning, my chest and abs chiseled, and my legs are massive.

The sun is getting low. It is probably getting close to dinner time, though it sets early. I sit up in the sand, looking in both directions down the beach. There's nothing but sand. I know how to walk back to the hotel, though I can't remember the name of it, and I think I know what my name is, but I'm pretty sure nothing on that passport will match me. I don't feel like going there though. I really, really need to find someone to fuck. Or be fucked by. I don't care.