#this was so self indulgent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

renjunphile · 2 years

Text

Oceans and Engines | Joshua Hong

⇢ word count: 15.2k ⇢ pairing: svt's joshua hong / hong jisoo x female reader ⇢ song inspo: oceans & engines by niki ⇢ tags&warnings: exes to lovers!au, fluff, angst-ish, idol!au. fluff central. just thousands of words of self-indulgent fluff with little to no plot. ⇢ synopsis: when hong jisoo left his beloved hometown at 18 years old, he also left you, his proclaimed great love. it takes another 7 years for you to catch up to him again and close the oceans in between you. ⇢ notes: this was a self-indulgent fic i wrote in one night that i have not edited. there's a lot of parts missing that i hope to add in one day;; i added a list of songs all by niki at the end of the fic- please listen to them! they are so beautiful and what inspired me to write this fic. here's a link to the playlist if you want something to listen to while reading. 10/10 recommend btw

18 YEARS OLD, LOS ANGELES

His bags are packed in the corner of the room and you choose to ignore them as you focused on the warmth of his arms wrapped around your torso and entwined with your hand. His desk is empty and you choose to ignore that as you matched his shallow breathing behind you that filled the silence in the air. Your heart is beating out of your chest and the feeling was piercing through your every thought and emotion.

Joshua's blinds are cracked open and visions of pink, orange, red and gold paint the picture of Los Angeles' sunset onto his bedroom wall. You think it's the most beautiful sunset you've seen in your life and if it was any other day, you'd tug on Joshua's sleeve and beg to take a car ride down to the beach with a blanket and your hearts on fire.

"I love you," he whispered for the millionth time in an hour, "I always will."

"I know," you whisper against his soft skin again. tears pooling at your lash line again, "And I love you, Jisoo."

The silence falls again and your eyes dart over to the ticking clock. 5 hours to go.

"We'll make it work," he mutters, pressing his lips on the crown of your head, "You'll always be the one for me."

You just nod absentmindedly and choose to believe everything he was saying. Neither of you knew what was to come. Neither of you knew what to expect.

"Let's just enjoy our time with each other," you plead, "I'm going to miss you, Jisoo-ah."

"6000 miles," he utters the painful reminder of the distance that was to become of the two of you, "That's nothing for us. We can do that."

You squeeze his fingers laced in yours and press a kiss to the side of his neck, ever the more realistic one in your relationship, letting your eyes flutter shut as you felt the thumping of his heart under the palm of your hand. We'll be fine, you thought to yourself.

25 YEARS OLD, SEOUL

Life was about seizing every opportunity that came to you; an old friend had taught you that. When you were presented with a lucrative deal on a golden platter, there were no options other than to say yes.

That was how you found yourself in a new country and a new continent, with just two suitcases and a dream to fulfil. You weren't the most confident about the situation; you had been picked up from the comfort of your own city that you had spent the entirety of your life in and plonked across the world in a city where you knew no one. Well, no one that you spoke to anyway.

You had touched down at the airport on a rainy Thursday and crashed at your apartment in the city for two days before you could find the energy to explore your new home. Three days of café and museum hopping and tourist destinations exhausted you and you turned up to your first day at work shattered but nervous.

The HYBE building was three train stops from your apartment and entirely formidable, standing tall with 19 floors above ground and you were entranced as you walked into the lobby. It was sophisticated, modern and futuristic; a definite step up from the 4-floor walk-up studio you had been working at for 4 years.

"Y/N?" a man dressed in cargos and a loose t-shirt had called out to you, waving the hand that was perched on the information desk.

You gave a shy grin, knowing exactly who the man was in front of you, "Hi, Dohyeong!"

"It's nice to see you again. I've been tasked with showing you around and showing you the ropes here," he began, gathering a bunch of papers on the desk.

You bowed deeply, knowing that this man in front of you had made everything happen. Kwon Dohyeong, AKA Slow Rabbit was one of Big Hit and Hybe's in-house producers. His connections to the main producers at your studio meant that he had travelled to Los Angeles frequently and that led to the two of you working many times over the years on many tracks- K-pop or not. When Big Hit's only in-house female producer departed the team, they were in search of someone who could fill the large void she had left. Dohyeong had been the one to advocate and advertise you to the higher-ups and that was how you found yourself as the new in-house producer at one of the biggest and most affluent companies in the world.

"I'm so grateful to be here," you said sincerely.

"We're the lucky ones," he chided at you, handing over your lanyard, "Here's your pass around some of the doors. Most of the doors actually require face recognition too so we need to set that up before you can get anywhere. Security here is really tight because we need to protect the artists."

"Having the most popular artists in the world must come with some challenges," you agreed as you watched a large screen in the foyer flicker through some of the artists housed at the building. BTS, Tomorrow x Together, Enhypen-

"We should get going. There's a lot to tour," he tore your eyes away and began walking, "So there are 19 floors. The first 7 are for entertainment production. That's where the studios are. 8th to 16th are offices, so you won't find yourself there much, but the gyms are on the 14th to 16th floors. There are some lounges and meeting spaces right at the top. It's really nice there but gets quite busy. The rooftop is really cool too."

He passes a few security checks at some automatic doors before the two of you are stepping into an elevator with a plethora of numbers to press. He presses the 7th floor.

"Do you ever get lost?"

"All the time," he laughs, "It's actually like a maze. I can pretty much only navigate the floor with the studios and the cafés at the top. Really great coffee up there, by the way."

The elevator dings open and you're met with a series of closed sliding doors. He punches in a code this time and takes you down a corridor.

"We all get our own studio here. And there are a lot of empty ones for the artists, should they want to experiment with producing. Yours is just here," he stops in front of a door halfway down and then looks around, "Mine is down the other hallway. This one across from you is Universe Factory; it's like 3 studios in one. So this hallway can sometimes get noisy."

"Noisy? Why?"

He points to the sign next to the door that reads Universe Factory. Woozi. Bumzu. Kyuhoon. "Woozi from Seventeen? The boys come here to record everything so their sheer presence up and down this hallway is generally quite loud."

You swallow the nervousness that had been building up in your throat. Of course, you wouldn't get very far from him in this building. You guessed your path would cross one day, but you didn't imagine he'd be working right outside your studio.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll have my headphones in all the time anyway," you dismissed, wanting to move the conversation along, "Can I peak at the studio?"

He smiled at you, seeing the excited glint in your eye, "Go ahead. Welcome to your new home."

A knock comes at your door three days later. By this time, you had settled into the studio and figured out the equipment that was miles ahead more advanced than what you had at home. Most of the in-house producers had dropped by your studio to greet you as you would all be frequently collaborating. Most of them.

"Hold on," you call out, hoping they'd hear through the very reinforced walls as you slipped your headphones off and paused the track that you had been playing around with.

You opened the door and your stomach dropped.

"Hey! You're the new producer, right? I'm Woozi- I work here," he points to the door behind him, "I just wanted to say hello and apologise in advance for the rowdiness that's about to happen. We're about to start recording for our next album. We have a comeback in a few weeks, but we already have to record the next album!"

You give him a weak smile, "I'm Y/N. And it's no worries. I won't hear a thing."

"Adora used to always complain," Woozi chuckled to himself, "I'll send the boys over with some gifts to tide you over when we start."

"No!" you immediately exclaimed before seeing the perplexity in his face as you caught yourself, "I mean- you don't have to do that. You guys must be very busy. I'll be just fine- don't worry! Good luck on your recording!"

Woozi was a perceptive person. He definitely knew you were trying to send him away- but for what reason, he didn't know. He gave you a final smile, "Okay, well I'll head into my studio. Give me a knock if you ever need anything."

"Will do. Thanks," you breathed out before closing the door behind you.

What a complete disaster.

You thought you had managed to avoid the situation and ward off the Seventeen boys for the time being. When they began recording the day after, you were pleased to find out that their noise wasn't entirely distracting if you had your headphones on, but you had to schedule your trips out of your studio according to the noise level outside.

That was how you had been having lunch at 3 PM for the past 3 days since the Seventeen boys were in and out of the recording studio until then, which was when you assumed they went to the practice rooms three floors down.

You had been working for a little over a week and were delighted with your new role, aside from the feeling that would erupt from your stomach every time you heard footsteps outside. You had met all the producers and worked a little on a couple of tracks with them while continuing to conjure up some of your own in hopes for them to be picked up by someone.

You were safe, until you weren't anymore.

"Y/N," a familiar voice called behind you. Shit, you thought they'd be gone. It was 5 PM already.

You turned around and smiled, "Woozi. What are you doing here so late?"

"No dance practice today so we're recording for longer," he shrugged, "Where are you off to? Home?"

"Just getting a coffee from upstairs," you gestured to the lift at the end of the hallway, "Gonna stay for a bit longer and try to finish up some tracks."

"You're gonna have to let me hear your music sometime. I'm a big fan of what you have out," he grins at you, "I'm actually going up too."

He knew who you were? That sounded... dangerous.

"Jihoon-ah, wait up," a figure emerged from Woozi's studio as the door clicked shut behind him. Blonde and mighty, Yoon Jeonghan was bounding towards the two of you, "I want a drink too."

"No coffee," Jihoon scolded, "Messes with your voice."

Jeonghan put his hands up, "I just wanted tea. My voice is getting scratchy," he turns to look at you, "You must be the new producer! I'm Jeonghan."

"Does everyone know there's a new producer?" you grinned awkwardly, "Y/N. Of course, I know who you are."

"We just know that your studio has been vacant for a while and we were wondering who we'd come and annoy next," he teased, "Y/N. What's your last name?"

Uh-oh. You could lie, right? You should, right? Just in case.

Jeonghan's eyes flickered down to the name badge that also held a picture of you without the mask you were adorning, "Y/L/N. Wait. You seem familiar. Have we met?"

"Hyung, that's greasy. Don't flirt with our new producer," Jihoon elbowed him in the side as the three of you walked into the elevator and Jihoon pressed the number for the café.

"I'm not flirting!" he defended as his eyes scanned over you, "I feel like I've seen your face and name before."

"I wouldn't know where," you retreated to the corner, timid in stature, "I've only been here a week. Maybe you've seen some of my music?"

Jeonghan's shoulders deflated, "Hm, maybe."

A silence fell on the three of you in the elevator as it shot up towards the top floors. Jihoon was tapping his feet on the metal floor to a beat and you were anxiously playing with your fingers, praying that Yoon Jeonghan did not know who you were.

The elevator door dinged, signalling that you had reached your floor at the same time Jeonghan reached his eureka moment. As soon as the doors opened, you began to make your escape, "Nice to see you guys. Bye!"

"Wait!" Jeonghan called out after you, "You're-"

You had fled around a corner before he could finish his sentence.

"Hyung, what was that?" Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows at the older man.

Jeonghan turned to his bandmate with a solemn stare, "Jihoon, that's Shua's ex-girlfriend."

Jeonghan's knock came two hours later. You could say you didn't expect it, but you hoped he would come and talk.

"Oh you're still here," he breathed out in relief, "Can I come in?"

You looked past him, confirming there was no one around before opening your door wider and gesturing for him to come inside.

"Can we talk?" he took a seat on the couch pressed up on the wall, "I feel like we should talk."

"We should," you hummed as you took your seat on your spinning chair and faced him.

"You're who I think you are, right?" Jeonghan began cautiously, "Y/N. From Los Angeles."

"You're right," you affirmed nervously, "How do you know who I am?"

"I've heard a lot about you. I feel like I know you already even though we'd never met," he chuckled to himself.

"He talked about me? I'd only met Vernon a few times on the phone all those years ago."

"Well, not by choice. I forced a lot of it out of him because I was curious and I'm his best friend, but eventually, he'd just start talking about you to me on his own. I'm probably one of the only ones who know about you past your name," Jeonghan recalled, "Maybe Minghao since they talk over wine a lot. Those two definitely know more about each other than they let on. But I've seen pictures of the two of you. That's why I recognised you."

"Ah, I see."

You bowed your head, looking at your folded hands in your lap and unsure of how to feel that Joshua had talked about you past your break up.

"My question is, Y/N, does he know? That you're here?"

You met his eyes again, "Does he need to?"

"It's been a while since the two of you have spoken right?"

"7 years," you recount, "Give or take."

"I think he needs to know," Jeonghan advised, "I won't tell him anything if you don't want me to but what happens when you two run into each other one day in the hallway? What happens when he focuses his eyes too long on the name plaque outside your door while waiting to go into Universe Factory? What happens when you produce a track for us and need to record with Joshua? It'd be best for your reunion to take place somewhere private."

You sighed, "I know I'd run into him eventually or have to confront this situation. I almost didn't take the job out of respect for Joshua and keeping my distance, but this is all I could dream of," you gesture to the equipment and the studio behind you, "I don't know how Joshua'll react, to be honest."

"How do you want him to?"

You pause and think about Jeonghan's words. Did you want Joshua crying, scooping you up in his arms and sobbing about how much he'd missed you? Or would it be easier for him to loathe your existence and newfound proximity?

"I don't know," you mumble.

"Do you want to see him again?" Jeonghan presses on, "He's in the studio right now. About to be done with recording."

You gulped at the thought of seeing your ex-boyfriend once again for the first time in 8 years. You hadn't been prepared for this, but you don't think you ever will be. Besides, getting it out of the way was probably the best option.

"Yes. I do."

Another knock. It came just 20 minutes after Jeonghan had set off to get Joshua and prepare him. You look through the peephole to find Jeonghan grasping the arm of your ex-boyfriend adorned in a hoodie and sweats. He looked adorable.

You opened the door slowly, keeping your body behind and protected.

"Don't be nervous," Jeonghan cooed as he tugged Joshua inside, "Shua, meet our new producer."

"Jisoo-ah," you exhaled, meeting the eyes once more of the person you loved with your entire being, "Hi."

Your heart was beating out of your chest. Your head was spinning. Your hands were clammy.

Joshua's mouth parted in shock as he looked between Jeonghan and you. And then his gaze fixed on you, "Y/N."

"I'll leave the two of you to it. Don't get back too late, Shua," Jeonghan winked at his best friend and swiftly exited, leaving the two of you in a silent room standing and staring at each other.

You were the one to break the silence, "I know this is a bit of a surprise- a bit unexpected, but-"

You didn't really have an ending to your sentence and a quietness filled the space in front of you. He was standing two feet away, but it still felt like 6000 miles.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?" he said incredulously, "You're our new producer?"

"Surprise?" you uttered awkwardly, "Dohyeong from Big Hit scouted me to replace Adora as an in-house producer. I couldn't say no."

Joshua's mind flashed back to all those nights in your small room where you'd be messing around on Garage Band and he'd be on your bed cooing sweet words into the microphone attached to the laptop, "Of course. This is a dream come true for you. I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"This has always been your dream, hasn't it? Get out of Los Angeles and be a big producer," he recalled, "Guess we're both living our dreams now."

"Yeah, I guess," you smiled softly to yourself.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" his eyebrows pulled into a furrow.

Your heart ached, "I didn't think we were on speaking terms, Joshua. I know I should have since I'm working in the same building as you, but I didn't- It was hard."

"My mom didn't say you were moving here. She just said you were moving far away."

"Your mom still talks to you about me?"

You knew that Joshua's mother used to update him about you fresh from your breakup, but you didn't think she was still doing so 7 years later, especially after she stopped talking to you about him. It was probably your fault anyway. It was probably how your entire demeanour dropped and something clouded over your eyes when she mentioned his name. That was around the time she stopped inviting you to dinner at their house; she had found you once grasping a picture frame on their mantel- one of the two of you at your middle school graduation.

"You're the daughter she's always wanted," Joshua smiled thinly, "I know it hurt her to distance from you when I left."

You remembered the day one month ago when you approached her at the end of a church service and told her that you'd be moving far away, hopefully permanently. She had pulled you into one of her famous tight hugs and stroked your hair the same way Joshua used to, telling you that she always knew you'd achieve your dream. Sure, your job in Los Angeles was cushy and it was probably beneficial due to artists all over the world coming to the city to work with producers, but you wanted out. You had been born and raised in the same place, and you wanted a change.

"I didn't tell her," you admitted, "In case she would tell you."

He folded his arms together and squinted, emotions unreadably, "So I found out like this? By Jeonghan recognising you and effectively forcing you to tell me? Were you going to tell me?"

"Of course," you defended, "I just didn't know how. I don't even know how to contact you and how was I explain to Jihoon that I needed to talk to you without seeming like an ill-intentioned obsessive fan?"

"You could have asked my mom for my number," he deadpanned.

"Oh," you snorted to yourself, "Didn't think of that."

He was still standing on the same spot by the door, afraid to move any closer, "Well, I'm glad you're here, Y/N. Don't be a stranger."

"He what?"

"He left! He just left! He told me 'don't be a stranger' and left without giving me any way to contact him," you screeched to your best friend over the phone.

Her mighty laugh rang through the speakers and into your bedroom the next morning. You had just got up, about to get ready to go to work, but it was just the evening the day before for her, "Y/N, you're so screwed."

"Screwed? Why?"

"You're working in the same building as your great, lost love," she pointed out, "How do you think that's going to play out?"

"He's not my great, lost love," you snorted in denial.

"Okay, tell that to your songs then," Yoona drawled, "All of your songs."

Rolling your eyes, you chuckled, "Come on, Yoona. He's an idol and I work in the same company as him. We're not getting back together. And he definitely does not have any feelings for me anymore; it's been 7 years. Is he even allowed to date?"

"I heard Pledis doesn't have a dating ban. Plus, it's been 7 years for you too, but you're still in love with him. He could be in the same position."

"I'm not still in love with him!" you yelled in defence.

"I've never heard such bullshit, Y/N. You haven't dated a single person in 7 years. What does that say about you?"

"I've been on dates!"

"You've been on a trillion first dates," she reminded you, "Never a second. There was always something wrong with them. 'Oh, he lives too far away.' 'Oh, he doesn't have a car.' 'Oh, he doesn't like the beach.' 'Oh, he doesn't sing.' 'Oh, he didn't open the car door for me.'"

"I had standards, Yoona."

"No, Y/N, you had Joshua. And every person after you compared to him. You still do. You wouldn't date anyone too distinctly different from Joshua, because they weren't him. You wouldn't date anyone that was too similar because they just reminded you of him. Admit it, all you wanted was him."

Her words targeted your heart directly as you looked back on the past 7 lonely years.

"I have to get ready for work," you said quietly.

"Okay. I love you, Y/N, but it's going to be hard living in denial like you have been for 7 years when he's so close to you now."

You ended the call, feeling worse than you did at the start of the call. Yoona knew everything about you; she had been one of your closest friends since the start of high school, so she knew you for about 5 years of your long relationship with Joshua. She was the one that held you together through the sophomore year of college when your relationship fizzled out and got too hard. She had been the one to make sure you were taking care of yourself when all you wanted to do was lie in bed, curtains drawn and reminisce over every picture you had of your love.

She knew you better than you knew yourself, and she was right. It felt like in 7 years you never confronted and came to terms with your feelings for Joshua. All you did was write archives and archives of songs about him, without internalising all the lyrics you wrote about letting him go. You would spend countless sleepless nights penning lyrics of your relationship and then recording them, only for no one to hear and to be stored in that dreaded 'for you' folder on your laptop.

Whatever, you thought as you peeled away your covers, you had to go to work.

You quickly made yourself presentable, as if you hadn't been tossing and turning all night about your reunion with your ex-boyfriend, and got on the train to the building. You spent the 5-minute ride with your ears plugged and your earphones blasting your favourite artist to distract you from your thoughts. It was no good reminiscing. It never did your heart any favours.

"Good morning, Y/N," Dohyeong stepped into the elevator with you, "How was your night?"

"Didn't get a lot of sleep. So tired," you mumbled.

"You wanna get coffee upstairs?" he offered, tone friendly.

"Maybe later. I just wanna get into the studio already. One of those days where you're overflowing with ideas."

He smiled, "Those days are good."

The elevator stopped on your floor and the two of you got out, pausing briefly to say goodbye as you split into different hallways. You prodded along to your studio, turning on the lights and all your equipment as you placed your bags down. Immediately, you felt your body relax in the environment. Your studio would always be your safe space, no matter if it was your laptop and mic in your childhood bedroom, your box of a room in downtown LA or this high-tech one in the middle of Seoul. You could feel all your worries dissipate as you slipped on your headphones and loaded up your software.

An hour later, you heard a knock at your door. It took you a few moments to reach it, but when you finally opened the door, there was no one there. There was just a coffee cup placed on the floor on the holder and a chocolate bar. Picking it up, you furrowed your eyes.

The label read that it was an iced hazelnut latte; your favourite. How had Dohyeong known your order? It must have been that time you got coffee in the first week.

'Have a good day :)' was written on the side of the cup, and all seemed like such a nice gesture.

Up until you realised that the message was written in English. In a scrawl all too familiar to you. In the phrase that would end every letter that Joshua would send to you from when he was abroad and you were trying to make your relationship work.

There was no way that Joshua had got you coffee, right?

But the drinks started turning up almost every day; the same drink with the same message written on the side, with nothing ever pointing you to the direction of Joshua. He had not once turned up at your door seeking recognition for his acts of kindness. Not once had he ever left you any hint that it was him and you were beginning to think that the barista from upstairs had a crush on you or something and noted your foreign twang in your accent.

"Dohyeong," you walked into his studio, holding the 8th cup you had received, utterly baffled and desperate to get to the bottom of the mystery.

"Hey! Is that for me?" he pouted at the coffee in your hand, even though you spotted a newly finished cup next to his mouse.

"Apparently, it's for me," you looked at the cup curiously, "Someone's been putting coffee outside my door for the past week and a half with the same 'Have a good day' written on it but I don't know who it's from."

His eyes widened at the gesture, "Well, it's not me. I promise. Looks like you have a secret admirer, Y/N."

Ah, so not Dohyeong. That didn't really leave the hunt closed, because why would Joshua do it? Wasn't it risky to be seen putting coffee cups outside your door every day?

"If you ask me," Dohyeong cut in through your thoughts, "I'd say Jihoon. You guys have met a few times, you say? You once saw him in the queue for the café? And he works across you so he could knock quickly and then escape into his studio. He's there almost every day since the guys aren't promoting right now."

You weren't about to reveal your previous relationship to Dohyeong and it might've been Jihoon for all you knew. But Jihoon knew you were Joshua's ex-girlfriend right? Does bro-code even apply to a situation like this?

"You're overthinking, Y/N," Dohyeong placed his hands on your shoulders and moved you towards the door, "Just get to your studio early tomorrow and camp out by your peephole. I'm sure you'll catch them in the act."

"This is ridiculous," you huff, sipping on the coffee made just how you liked it.

"By the way, Y/N," his tone turned teasing, "The Pledis boys are allowed to date. Just thought they were all dating each other, though."

The next day, you were camped out at your studio at 8:30 AM. You never used to get in until around an hour later, but sometimes the coffee would already be there when you got to work. Sometimes there was a knock, but the person was always quick to get away.

You refrained from setting up your equipment and putting your headphones on, because you knew that they'd get away too quickly if you did. Instead, you were sitting on the couch adjacent to the door, waiting for their knock or some footsteps outside.

Around half an hour later, you heard shuffling outside your door. Jumping up from your seat, you scrambled to the peephole and peered outside, only for your worst fears to come true. Jihoon, not Joshua, was outside, setting the coffee down with a knock before dashing into his studio.

There was no way. Jihoon did not have a crush on you, right? Maybe it was just a nice gesture from him, but why would he leave it anonymous? The anonymity of the whole ordeal just made everything more suspicious.

But, why did the handwriting look like Joshua's?

You weren't a confrontational person; you never had been, but desperate times called for desperate measures and you had to squash any ideas in Jihoon's head and find out if he even had any! It took you an hour of building up courage and pep-talking yourself before you marched two steps across the hallway and knocked on the door.

"Y/N," Bumzu smiled at you, "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Can I speak to Jihoon, please?"

He nodded, opening the door wider and letting you inside. You had never been inside Universe Factory before, and you assumed it was going to be a different layout due to having multiple studios inside, but the place surprised you. It was like stepping into a new building, with another hallway facing you and doors on either side.

"He's the second door on the right, but he might be in here," Bumzu pointed to the first door on your left, "Some of the boys just got here, so probably recording."

"Oh they are?" you gulped at the idea of running into Joshua, "I'll just come back another time."

"No, no! I'm sure it's fine. The boys are nice; you should meet them," Bumzu urged, about to open the door to the spare studio.

"No! Just tell him I dropped by-"

"Hi hyung," before Bumzu could open the door himself, the door swung open, "What's all this noise out here? Oh! Hi Y/N."

You pressed your lips into a thin smile, "Hi Jeonghan."

"What are you doing here?"

"Is Jihoon in there? She wants to talk to Jihoon," Bumzu revealed, pushing open the door. In fact, Jihoon was in there, alongside every other member of their vocal team.

"Vocal team are recording our title track today," Jeonghan informed you, leading you inside the large studio that was decorated quite plain as it was only a spare, "You should come and watch."

"Oh, Y/N!" Jihoon grinned as he saw you come in and the door close behind, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Nothing, nothing. I can just come back," you tried to dismiss, heading for the door already before a hand caught your wrist.

"You should stay," Joshua murmured, "Do you want to watch?"

"That's a good idea," Jihoon hummed, "You haven't recorded with any of the artists yet, right? I'll even give you the reins when I record since I still can't trust these 4."

There were two other members sitting on the couch who you hadn't met yet. They both shot you a grin.

"Seungkwan. DK," you smiled at them, "I'm Y/N, the new producer at Hybe."

"You're really pretty!" DK grinned, shaking your hand.

Jeonghan scoffed, slapping the back of his head as he pouted, "She's your noona. Stop it."

As you shook Seungkwan's hand, DK just gave you a cheekier grin, oblivious to the stares of the three who knew who you were, "You can call me Seokmin."

"Sit down, Y/N," Jihoon pointed at the vacant spinning chair, "You can help all you want or just observe! Who's next?"

Joshua began walking over to the microphone on the other side of the room, sliding the headphones on and giving you a nervous look.

"Don't get shy, Shua," Jeonghan smirked, which just grew more mischievous at the warning look you had shot him.

"We're recording our title track for our next album. It's called Rock with You," Woozi informed you, showing you the screen on his computer to display all the complex layers the song already had, "Joshua, ready when you are."

Joshua's familiar vocals soon filled the room, taking you right back to all those years ago when the two of you would play around with less sophisticated software and cheap mics. His voice had definitely developed, but he had always been incredibly talented. 8 years of expensive vocal training had just enhanced and controlled what he already had.

"You, who let me become this song right now. You're coming towards me, three, two, one," Joshua crooned into the mic, familiar as ever.

"Good," Jihoon noted, "Make the 'now' a bit shorter. And less breathy."

Joshua nodded, repeating the line into the mic and following the instructions. You would forever be in awe of him and his voice.

"Let's do the dubbing now. One take."

Joshua chuckled, sending pangs straight to your heart.

Jihoon instructed for him to go, with Joshua singing the parts that would layer over the other members. He even did a line in his famous falsetto, one that would never fail to amaze you.

"One take wonder," Joshua grinned as he slipped the headphones off and sat next to Seungkwan on the sofa, eyes avoiding you.

The other three members recorded their parts too, with you complimenting their outstanding voices and giving little offerings of advice whenever they would ask you how you thought it went. When Jihoon was about to record, he let you take his seat in front of his computer and gave you the lyrics to the song.

Their recording swiftly finished, and when you thought you could make a quick escape, Seokmin had asked you a question, "Do you sing as well, Y/N?"

"Ah!" Seungkwan sounded out loud, "There's no way you're Y/N from YouTube right?"

You were panicked. Seungkwan knew your YouTube channel that you hadn't updated in over a year.

"Oh, yeah. I don't have many subscribers- how'd you know?"

"You have like a million," Seungkwan scoffed, "I really like your song called Before."

Oh, shit. The one and only song about Joshua that you had released to the public.

"Sing it for us, please! I want to hear your voice," DK clapped in his seat.

"I can sing you another song," you said softly, nervously, "I don't even remember how that one goes."

"I do!" Seungkwan called out, "Didn't it go like: "You were all I'd ever known and now I'm supposed to love you from a distance, like it's nothing, like its instant and you say "let's just see where this goes" and I don't know how or why you seem just fine, coz I'm having to grasp that you're somehow not mine anymore. It's so cruel how things are only almost like they were before."

If you could do a facepalm in that room right now, you would. What were the chances that Joshua's bandmate would have heard the song you released about him, remember how the melody went and the English lyrics of the song and sing it while he was in the same room as you.

"It did go like that," you weren't sure if you were humiliated or heartbroken. Probably both, "I should go."

You didn't even give the other boys a chance to say anything before you bolted out of the room.

Jeonghan stared at the two oblivious on the couch, hands on his hips and shaking his head, "Dumb and dumber. The two of you."

"What did we do?" Seungkwan's voice raised a few octaves as he yelled out in confusion, "What's wrong with him?"

Joshua was banging his head softly against the wall next to the couch, groaning softly at the scene that just played out in front of him.

"Y/N wrote that song," Jihoon drawled softly, to Seungkwan's small 'duh!, "Presumably about an ex? Maybe?"

"Oh yeah, I think the song's about being in a weird situation with a long-distance ex, if I remember correctly," Seungkwan piped up.

"So what's wrong?" Seokmin asked, curious.

"Well, guess who's our poor little Joshua's ex-girlfriend?"

Seokmin and Seungkwan's eyes widened in realisation, mouths dropping at the bomb. Seokmin began nervously laughing, "Wow, what a small world, huh?"

It was only your third week at your new job, and a lot had happened already. You were beginning to doubt if it was such a good idea to have taken the job in the first place, considering your ties to a certain individual. You knew it was going to cause you trouble, but you didn't think it would do so this early.

You were sitting at your desk, head in your hands and breathing deeply as you tried to calm yourself down about the situation that had transpired. Joshua had never heard any songs that you wrote about him during your long-distance relationship, and of course, he never heard any song that you wrote after you broke up. You were mortified at the idea of him knowing how you felt during that time, and you should have known that releasing that one song into the world for people to hear without regulation was a bad idea.

The knock at your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You were in a half a mind to ignore it, but you knew that would help no one.

"Can we talk?" Joshua was standing outside your studio, expression unreadable.

"Yeah," you welcomed him in, closing the door behind you and trapping the two of you in your studio, a bubble away from the world, "I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't know Seungkwan knew who I was, let alone knew this one song I released among a few."

"It's not your fault," Joshua sighed, "It's mine. I'm sorry; I should have told them that you were here."

"Who does know?" you asked, "About me?"

"Well, all the boys knew I had a girlfriend back then. They knew your name, of course, but since you never met them and we both grew up, that's probably why they don't recognise you," Joshua voiced as he walked through the answer in his head, "And they knew you were from home, so they don't expect you to be here. But, obviously, Jeonghan and Jihoon know about you being here. And Vernon, because I tell him everything too and you had met."

"I see," you noded.

"Is that song about me?"

Ah, the golden question that made you cringe internally as you pulled your lips into a tight line, "Heartbreak's a very good inspiration."

"And what would you say if I asked to hear it?"

"I'd say, do you want me to die from humiliation?" you fired back, playfully.

A smile invaded Joshua's face, "Fine, I won't push," his eyes flickered to the cup on your desk, "You haven't drunk your coffee today?"

Oh, the coffee mystery; the whole reason you got into the mess at Universe Factory.

You held it up, confused, "Are these from you? I saw Jihoon putting it in front of my door today. This is like the 9th one!"

He smiled slyly, "Jihoon puts them outside, but I order it and write the note. Felt like it was suspicious to anyone walking past if it was me. Jihoon is across you, so it seemed less weird. You couldn't tell?"

"There's not exactly a 'from Joshua' on the end of the note," you counter, "And why would you?"

"You know I love me my acts of service," Joshua said, "I used to get you this every other day at the start of school from the Starbucks across the road. Of course, it was from me!"

"You're confusing, Joshua."

"Confusing? Why?"

"Cause you used to do this when we were dating," you pointed out, "We're not dating anymore."

"Ouch," Joshua smiled, pain decorating his features, "I'll stop if it makes you uncomfortable."

You sighed, running your hands through your hair, "It's not that, Joshua."

"Then, what is it?"

"I just don't want to get the wrong idea," you admitted, "I don't want to be deluded into thinking that you still want anything to do with me."

"Y/N, what? I want everything to do with you," he furrowed his eyebrows, stopping himself from reaching out to take your hand, "You'll always be important to me."

"Don't say things like that, Joshua," you pleaded, fighting to stop tears pooling at your lashline, "How am I meant to take that? I've been trying to move on for 7 years, Joshua, but this is really not going to help."

"Have you moved on?" his voice was small and reluctant.

"I don't know, Joshua. We dated for 5 years. I was so in love with you and you were my entire universe, and then you were just gone. Do you know how hard that is for someone? I didn't know anything about what you were doing for a whole year until your debut. Then you were everywhere. All our friends kept up with your group. They always talked about you. They always told me that you'd come back too, and you never did!" you ranted at him, slowly starting to pace the room back and forth and Joshua remained glued to his spot.

"You were the one that wanted to break up, Y/N," Joshua reminded you, "I loved you just as much as you loved me. More, by the end of it."

"Don't say shit like that," you snapped, "I always only grew to love you more each day, but you weren't being realistic. You were training practically 24 hours a day. I didn't know what times I could call you, so I was always just waiting and waiting for the phone to ring, hoping I even had 20 minutes of your time. And when you would call, I'd always be asleep and out of it. I loved you, Joshua, but it didn't feel like a relationship anymore. I went to college and you had your career here, 6000 miles away."

"But we always said that we could do it. That we'd fight through anything."

"Did you really think that it was even wise to have a girlfriend while you were training? And what would have happened if we were still together by the time you debuted? What if people from back home exposed you, exposed us? It wouldn't have been a good image," you said, "Don't ever think that breaking up with you was an easy decision; it was and will forever be the hardest choice I've ever made in my life. Do you think I wanted to lose you either? To spend all those years crying and pining after you, when I knew I couldn't have you?"

"I'm sorry," he apologised, "I know it was unfair on you and I knew it was hard for you. I've always been yours, Y/N. Through all these years."

Your heart thudded against your chest, the only sound in the silent room.

"We could try again," he said quietly, "You're here now and we're older and I'm allowed to date, and you work in the building so we're protected and-"

"But we grew up, Joshua. We don't know the first thing about each other anymore."

He closed the gap between you, taking his hand in yours and meeting your worried eyes, "But you'll always be the one thing I can't outgrow."

"I told you so," Yoona grinned smugly on your screen as she applied her makeup, "3 weeks, huh? Thought it'd take longer to be honest."

"We're not dating," you quipped.

"Yet. You told him you weren't over him. He told you that he's loved you still all these years-"

"He didn't say that!"

"Y/N, you're so blind. He said to you that he's been yours all these years. What do you think that means? Anyway, where does this leave you then?" she rolled her eyes.

"Well, he gave me his number, for one," you chuckled, "He said I should come over and we can catch up and talk for longer, but he had to go to practice. Then he said I need to meet his members soon too."

"Down bad," she laughed, "He wouldn't introduce you to his members if he wasn't sure about wanting you back in his life. Take this opportunity and sprint, Y/N. It's what you've been wanting for 7 years."

"I'm still not sure if it's a good idea. He's still an idol. I know he's allowed to date, but it seems so risky."

"It's the perfect set up, silly!" Yoona exclaimed, "You're a producer at Hybe. If the public ever finds out a thing, the company will just say that you're working together. As long as you don't get caught kissing or holding hands in public, it's not that suspicious."

You sighed, thinking through her words. She was right, but you were still reluctant.

"Don't overthink. Just see how it goes," Yoona said softly, "If all goes to shit, just be friends. You were friends for 10 years before dating."

"Does that count? We were children," you hummed, "I remember more from when we were dating."

"Okay fine. If all goes to shit, quit your job and move back here," she glared, "But you won't do that, would you? So make it work; the universe gave you a second chance."

A second chance, you repeated to yourself. It was up to you what you were going to do with it.

"Welcome to the 6th-floor dorm," Joshua whispered quietly, leading you into a modern and bright apartment. It was quite evident that boys lived there if the endless consoles at the TV and the wall of shoes by the door told you anything. It wasn't messy, but the organised clutter made it seem like it was, "Sorry about the mess. The only clean dorm is Wonwoo and Mingyu's."

"Is anyone here?" you looked around.

"Uh, I don't think so. Myungho's usually upstairs with Jun and Vernon, and Coups is probably on the 8th floor with Jeonghan or out eating." Joshua led you through the apartment, ending up at the door at the end of the hallway, "This is where no magic happens."

His room was fairly organised; his guitar sat in the corner and posters of his favourite band were placed strategically on his walls. Joshua was glad he had done his laundry the day before since they usually littered the couch that was placed under the window.

"It's nice," you smile, "Reminds me of your room at home."

"That's what I was going for," he uttered, sitting on the bed, "I know I've been in Korea for like a third of my life now, but home will always be home. I miss it."

"How long has it been since you went back?"

"I went to LA at the start of last year for tour, but I couldn't even go back home," he sighed, "I really want to see everyone again. How're our friends?"

"I call Yoona almost every day. She's getting married," you smiled, "The others I keep in touch with when they come back to LA from all the corners of the world they moved to after high school."

"Yoona's getting married already?" his eyes widened.

"25's a pretty normal age to get married," you shrugged, thinking about your best friend who had been with her boyfriend from college for 5 years now.

"Damn, I lost a bet with Jae-seok then," Joshua chuckled, "I'm surprised he hasn't called to claim his money from me."

"What bet?"

"It's silly but we bet back in high school who'd get married first in the friendship group. He said Yoona would. He said that she's had her wedding planned since she was like 11."

"She has. That was a pretty safe bet. Who did you bet on?"

Joshua smirked, "Us, of course."

You blushed red, turning to look away from him. You let your eyes wander around the room. A small patch of wall was covered in polaroids, arranged in a grid pattern, with writing on the white slips at the bottom.

"You can investigate," Joshua permitted, seeing your gaze on the wall.

The majority of them were pictures of him and his members. Some were old- probably from their training days and a lot were more recent since they seemed to resemble his grown features. Your eyes caught on one around the bottom left corner. It was a polaroid of you and him, smiling sweetly at the camera in front of the castle at Disneyland in Anaheim. His arm was around your waist, the other throwing up a peace sign and you were mirroring his pose.

Joshua smiled from behind you, plucking the polaroid away from the adhesive on the wall and flashing you the back that was covered in white marker.

"For my prince," he read out loud, grinning, "When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."

"I forgot I wrote that," you smiled to yourself, "Thanks for keeping it."

"It's one of my favourites," Joshua returned its space on the wall, "And you look so beautiful in it."

"Still the gentleman, huh?"

He smirked again, "Haven't you heard, darling? That's my brand now."

You joined in with his laughter, "They should get to know the real you. Let's see what they say then."

Joshua took a seat next to you on the couch, "That's only for you to know."

His close proximity had your heart speeding up and caused your breath to hitch, "Why are you so close? Go back over there."

"Am I making you nervous?" he smiled innocently.

"When did you get this brave, huh?" you shuffled a little further down the seat, but he followed.

"I've always been brave. That's how you get everything you want. By being brave and taking chances," he dropped his voice to a whisper, closing even more distance between the two of you.

If you knew better, you'd think he was going to kiss you. He wouldn't right? Yeah, his head was getting closer to yours, but what did that mean?

"What are you thinking about?" he asked you.

You laughed nervously, "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Well I'm thinking about how much I've missed you," he admitted, "And how much I want to-"

A loud thump sounded against Joshua's door, followed by high pitch shrieks. Then you heard a faint voice yell, "What are you idiots doing?"

Joshua groaned loudly, shaking his head as he stood up and bee-lined to the door. Upon opening it, Hoshi, Jun and Dino fell into Joshua's room.

"Are you guys serious?" Joshua growled, "I'm going to kill you all."

"Don't blame us!" Hoshi put his hands up, "We just came to collect Myungho for practice, but then he said he heard a girl's voice."

Minghao was standing in the hallway behind the three that had been peered up against the door, a bashful look on his face, "You should've told me you were having a girl over, hyung."

"I didn't think you were home!" Joshua defended, "What are you doing here, Jeonghan?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go out for dinner with me and Cheol. Then I found these three bozos with their ears pressed against the door and Myungho not even stopping them! Hi Y/N, by the way."

You waved awkwardly, refusing to budge from the couch.

"You know who she is?" Dino asked curiously.

"She's the new producer at Hybe, you idiots. Why does no one pay attention?" Jeonghan revealed.

"Hyung! You woo'ed the new producer?" Jun exclaimed incredulously, amazed at the idea.

"Oh my God. I can't take it anymore!" Joshua cried out, "Call everyone here. Band meeting. Now."

That was how you found yourself squished on a couch in their apartment, endless pairs of curious eyes on you in a silent room. Joshua was sat next to you, squinting at his members.

"Do any of you know the meaning of boundaries?" Joshua then glared specifically at Seungkwan and Seokmin, "Or making guests feel comfortable?"

"Uh, what is this about, hyung?" Mingyu piped up from an adjacent couch, entirely confused.

"You're all going to find out one day, so I'd rather just tell all of you now at once, but this is Y/N, our new producer at Hybe," Joshua explained. You watched as Vernon's eyes widened in realisation, "Yes, she's also my ex-girlfriend from home. The one I've told you all about."

Noise suddenly filled the room as the boys connected the dots and began talking over each other to fire endless questions.

"Are you dating again?" Chan was ever so curious.

"No."

"Yes."

A collective 'aw!" filled the room as you and Joshua looked at each other.

"No, we're not," you clarified.

"Yet!" Joshua piped up.

"Says who? I haven't agreed to anything!"

Jeonghan laughed from around his lover's arm, "Look at them, Cheollie. They make me sick."

"Shut up, Jeonghan," Joshua fired to his best friend, "Anyway. That's all. You nosy, invasive people can all leave now."

"But I have so many questions," Soonyoung pouted.

Joshua glared at all of them, practically forcing all of them out of the apartment with his deadly gaze, "Get out."

Two days later, you were back in the studio after a weekend off. You had spent that time recuperating from the stressful ordeals of the week before and also exploring the city a bit more. Going out by yourself was always one of your favourite activities since you could create any schedule and itinerary you wanted without worrying about pleasing another person.

Joshua had pouted to you over text the whole weekend since he had to spend the entirety of it at dance practice for their comeback. He didn't have time to see you but promised to take you out to dinner on Monday night.

Monday morning, you were met with coffee on the floor in front of your studio again. You picked it up, happy to see that Joshua had signed it off with a heart. He had told you that it would be too risky to leave his name on it in case someone picked it up randomly, and so the both of you just agreed to leave names off.

You shot him a thank you text for once, and he replied saying he'd come and visit on his break. You felt like a school girl once again, giggling over her crush. It was nice having a crush again, even if you'd been in love with said crush for 12 years.

His break came 4 hours later, around lunchtime when Joshua turned up at your door with cups of iced tea and a plastic bag filled with Tupperwares of food.

"You're my new lunch buddy now," Joshua grinned at you, setting up the food at the table in the corner of the room.

"How will your poor members feel?" you awed.

"They'll get over it. I want to spend time with my princess."

You rolled your eyes, hiding the blush that invaded your cheeks, "Don't call me that."

"You love it," Joshua teased, "Anyway, I got us tteokbokki and chicken. I know you love Korean fried chicken."

"I've been getting my fix since I came here, don't worry," you think about how you've been ordering chicken to your apartment almost daily.

"Eat up," he offered, "And don't worry. I didn't forget about tonight?"

"Tonight?" you feigned forgetfulness.

"Shut up, Y/N. Our date."

"Date?" you spluttered, "I didn't agree to a date!"

Joshua laughed, "Would you say no?"

"Well, you didn't ask!" you defended, your heart suddenly beating fast again.

Joshua placed his cutlery down, taking your hands and instructing you to look at him, "Okay, well, will you go on a date with me?"

You looked down, failing to mask your smile as you mumbled a small yes.

"What was that? Couldn't hear you?" Joshua teased.

You rolled your eyes and bumped your arm against his, "Yes, I will go on a date with you."

"That's what I thought. I'll pick you up at 8."

You were dressed in a pretty floral dress- nothing fancy or over the top- adorned with tights, boots and a light coat to combat the spring breeze. You had been slipping on your favourite gold jewellery when the doorbell rang through your small apartment.

"Is he here?" Yoona called from your phone propped up on your vanity.

"I think," you grinned nervously, "I gotta go."

"Have a good time, okay? Tell me all about it! I'm so excited for you," she blew you a kiss before dropping the call.

You made sure that your curling iron was off and switched off the light in your bedroom before racing to the front door. Hand on a handle, you took a deep breath to calm you down before opening it.

"There's my princess," Joshua grinned his dashing smile, clutching a bouquet of flowers.

"You remembered," a shy smile took over your face with his greeting.

You had gone on a million dates with the guy in front of you, but you would still get nervous each time. You had gone on a million dates with Joshua, and each time you opened the door, he would croon the same line and same endearment, usually alongside offering flowers.

"Chrysanthemums, gardenias and baby's breath," he chanted as he looked down at the bouquet of flowers before offering it to you.

One summer when you were young teenagers, you and Joshua learned the language of flowers and since then, he had always given you flowers with the right meanings.

"Do you still remember what they mean?" you asked curiously as you took it and slipped out of the apartment. You saw flowers as accessories - carrying them around with you made your outfit look so sweet and romantic.

"Chrysanthemums symbolise longevity, optimism, joy and fidelity. White gardenias are trust, hope, renewal, innocence and new beginnings. Baby's breaths for innocence and everlasting love," as casual as he spoke, Joshua slipped his fingers between yours as you walked to the elevator. It had made you jump slightly, but you quickly relaxed in his grasp. Holding hands was always one of his favourite forms of physical touch.

"Ever the romantic," you quipped, smiling at his gift, "Thank you, Jisoo. They're beautiful."

He held in any flirtatious rebuttals that threatened to spill past his lips and instead smiled softly at you, taking in your beauty that was only inches away from him instead of 6000 miles. You took the elevator to the basement garage, where Joshua had parked his car close to the elevator.

"No way," you stifled a laugh as he unlocked his car and the lights flashed, "Are you serious?"

Joshua pouted, opening the door for you as he stroked the side of the car, "What? She's my baby!"

"A Ferrari? Hong Jisoo, who are you?"

He got into the driver's side, rolling his eyes, "She's beautiful. You know I've always wanted a sports car and I could afford it."

"Fine, I guess it goes with your hot eligible bachelor at 25 image," you were still giggling as he pulled out of the garage.

"I am hot and 25, but I am certainly not eligible," his eyes were focused on the road, "I never have been."

"Are you telling me you haven't dated anyone in the past 7 years?"

"Nope, didn't have time," he admitted, "Well, not really since the others date, but I just didn't want to. What about you?"

"Yoona would set me up on a million dates and try to wing-woman me at downtown bars on Friday nights, but never a second date. She said all I ever did was compare them to you," you sighed.

"Me too. I was always looking for you in other people, and that was just not healthy. Eventually, I just stopped going on dates," Joshua said, "Were you lonely?"

"Jesus, Joshua. I thought we were going on a date, not having a therapy session!" you exclaimed at the sombre question, "But I guess so. I guessed I just never stopped missing you."

Joshua hummed in unspoken agreement and left you to hum along to the song on the radio while peering up at the city lights illuminating the streets. Eventually, he turned into a street and told you that you were there. He parked at a nearby garage and opened the door for you with an offering hand. You grasped his hand securely and he led the way to the fanciest BBQ restaurant you had ever seen. Usually, K-BBQ restaurants had a chilled vibe with colleagues gathering around long tables with bottles of beer and couples having relaxed dates by the windows. This one was dripping in opulence with people drinking wine out of long-stemmed glasses as they grilled high-quality meat.

"2 for Hong," Joshua said quietly to the maitre d'. Masks covered both of your faces, to his request, in case anyone recognised you on the streets.

"Right this way, Mr Hong," the maitre d' gave you a smile to acknowledge your presence as he led you along the side wall of the restaurant to another extension of the restaurant, which appeared as a long hallway with numerous sliding bamboo doors on each side. You were taken to a private room with a large table, but only two seats facing each other. The waiter set down a menu in front of each of you, before instructing you how to order the food to come to the room and promptly leaving.

"Idols must know the best private places to take their dates," you chuckled at the idea.

"I asked Cheol and Jeonghan. Those two are lucky since they can go on as many dinners in public as they want without it being too suspicious, but they said this was a good private place," Joshua's eyes scanned the menu, "And I remember you said when we were young that you want to do Korean barbecue in Korea because it was so stupid but so traditional."

"I did say that, huh?" you recalled fondly on the memory of you and Joshua exploring Korea on Google Maps and planning out a trip that you never ended up going on, because he moved there instead, "You have a very good memory, Hong Jisoo."

"And I remember everything else you said you wanted to do," Joshua smiled softly, "I promise I'll take you to Namsan Tower with a padlock with our names on it on the first snowfall of the season. You'll just have to stay with me until then."

Pink was the new favourite colour of your cheeks, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Joshua. It's only spring."

"I'm going to keep that one, Y/N. I promise," you've never heard sincerity like that. It made your heart leap bounds and miles, but as always, you were the more realistic one. For now, you kept your optimism and hoped alongside him that that would happen one day.

The two of you ordered the fanciest meats on the menu, to his insistence and a bottle of red wine that Joshua insisted tasted amazing. Apparently, he had been educated on wine due to spending a lot of time with his band member Minghao going to wine tastings in fancy vineyards.

The two of you engaged in light-hearted conversation, mainly reminiscing about your high school days together and the antics of your friendship group. You then told him the funny stories from your time at college in your home town and all the new friends you made, while he told you tales from the green practice room and all about his members who he grew to love as siblings. Joshua had been an only child and had always wanted siblings, but thanks to his path in life, he had gained 12. He told you how much of a handful they were at times, but also how caring and thoughtful they were and how they all showed him love in different ways.

"Did you have a good time?" At the end of the night, Joshua was stood on the other side of the threshold, loosely holding your hand and playing with your fingers.

"I had the best time, Shua," you said sincerely, holding the bouquet with your free arm, "We should do it again sometime."

Joshua smirked, "Asking me out on a second date already, Y/N? You must really like me."

"What can I say? My date was very charming," you flirted back, "Very handsome too. And he has a Ferrari."

A chuckle erupted from his throat as he leaned his body over closer to you, "He sounds like a bad boy with a Ferrari. Or do you prefer gentlemen?"

You don't know if it was all that wine talking, or his familiar scent invading your nasal cavity and intoxicating you, but you boldly stepped closer to him, feet on the threshold of your door and eyes flickering between his plush lips and his darkening eyes, "I don't care, as long as it's you."

Joshua seemed to quickly catch onto your signals, tongue darting out and coating the surface of his lips as he pulled his head even closer, squashing all the distance away. It seemed like he was tempting you to make the first move.

"Are you going to kiss me, Hong?"

Joshua smirked valiantly, snaking his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest and connecting your lips for the first time in 7 years.

Jihoon knocked on your studio door, a knowing smile already on his face as you opened it, "Morning Y/N."

"Jihoon! Why are you here at 9 am sharp?"

Jihoon crossed his arms, "Because we have a 9 am dance practice."

"And?"

"And Joshua did not leave the dorm with Coups and Myungho. And they said they knocked on his door before they left and no one answered and no one was inside."

You held back a laugh, "What's that go to do with me?"

"Well, we all knew that Shua was going on his very first date in years last night," Jihoon continued, "So he either left the dorms incredibly early or didn't even come back home last night. I thought you'd know something about that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you huffed playfully, avoiding his gaze, "Maybe you should try texting him."

"Oh, Jihoon. What are you doing here?" with his perfect timing, Joshua appeared behind Jihoon, carrying two coffee cups and handing one to you, "Why aren't you in the practice room?"

"Because you're not and they sent me to hunt for you," Jihoon deadpanned, "Yesterday's clothes? Really, Shua?"

Joshua rolled his eyes, "I told Jeonghan to bring me spare clothes."

"Well Jeonghan hasn't arrived yet, and you didn't tell anyone else where you disappeared to!" Jihoon rebutted, "Now hurry up."

Joshua barged past his bandmate to reach your side. You handed him his coat that was folded on your couch and sent him a loving smile as you took a sip from your usual coffee, "I'll see you later, princess."

Jihoon made vomiting noises behind the two of you as Joshua planted a kiss on your cheek that left you flustered and giggling. He tugged the lovestruck boy by the sleeve, urging him to leave so they could start their practice.

"See you guys later. Always nice to see you, Jihoon!"

SEPTEMBER, 2021 - SEOUL

Yoona screeched as she spotted you at the end of the arrivals walkway. She immediately began jogging, abandoning her bags beside you as she pulled you into a tight hug.

"I missed you so much, you have no idea," she murmured into your neck.

"It's only been 4 months since I left, Yoona," you reminded her, "But I still missed you so much too."

"But spring ended and summer came and went! We have so much to catch up on," Yoona sighed, "But I have a surprise for you!"

"A surprise?"

Yoona beckoned over two women who were wearing masks and sunglasses, and performed jazz hands, "Am I not the best friend ever?"

The two ladies in disguise stripped off their costumes, only to reveal two of the most important mothers in your life, "Eomma? Mrs Hong? You're in Korea!"

Your mother squealed and wrapped you up in a tight hug before passing you over to Joshua's mother who called you out, "You can call me sieomeoni again, apparently. I heard from a little bird that you've reconciled with my son. How could you two keep that from us for so long! So many months of wedding planning lost."

Your mother chuckled, nudging you in the side, "As if we ever stopped planning their wedding over our lunch dates. Anyway, did you really think we were gonna miss our favourite adopted child's wedding?"

Yoona smiled innocently, twiddling with her bags, "It was a long flight, Y/N. They prodded it out of me!"

Your best friend of 11 years was about to get married. She had been planning two weddings of similar importance, until she came to the epiphany of having an initial large wedding in Korea instead, followed by a small gathering of close friends in Los Angeles, since most of her family and her fiancee's family were still in Korea and their immediate family were willing to travel. Yoona's fiancee had reached Korea earlier to deal with some logistical sides to the wedding.

"Of course, we weren't gonna miss our Yoona's wedding," Mrs Hong said as the four of you began to walk to the exit, "Plus, it gave me an excuse to come to Korea again and see my son after a year and a half."

"What about appa? And Mr Hong?" you queried.

Your mother rolled her eyes light-heartedly, "Oh please. They are having the time of their lives on the little fishing trip we sent them on. Found all the Korean uncles a little cabin by a lake and suggested they make a whole trip out of it. They're delighted."

You laughed, leaning into your mother's side affectionately and smiling at your best friend and Mrs Hong, "Does Joshua know you're coming, sieomeoni?"

"No," she revealed, "Does he have any plans tonight? I was thinking we go out to eat and we can surprise him there!"

"Well, we were going out for dinner with Yoona so this is perfect! We're going to a restaurant with a private room so even better for reunions. Maybe I'll pick you guys up and we get there first and then I'll make sure Shua comes after us?"

"He's going to be so happy, Y/N," his mother sighed.

Joshua had always been a mother's boy and you knew how much it hurt him to move away from his parents in the first place. That boy had begged and begged for them to move with him, but his parents had set their roots in Los Angeles already and couldn't imagine moving back until they retired. It even hurt him to keep your reunion a secret from his mom, who would have been so thrilled to know, but the two of you wanted to take things slow and it had been just over 3 months of bliss.

You loaded their suitcases into the back of your large car that you bought recently. Having a car was definitely an advantage in the city; it felt like you had more freedom. It was also better for your day-trip car rides with Joshua since his Ferrari got a bit cramped sometimes.

The drive to Seoul from Incheon was spent catching up on their travel day and complaining about the busy airports. Before you knew it, you were already dropping them off to their hotel and heading back to your studio in the Hybe building, where you found Joshua napping on your couch.

The sound of your door opening and closing woke him up and he flashed you a sweet, sleepy smile, "Hey, practice ended early so I waited here for you. How's Yoona?"

"She's great. Excited about her wedding in a week, of course. I was thinking we take separate cars to dinner though? Yoona wants me to get ready with her at her hotel for old time's sake," you feigned.

"Aw, that's sweet. Of course. We can just meet at the restaurant. If you get there first, the booking is under my name!"

You did end up getting ready with your best friend, catching her up with your new relationship while she told you everything else she got up to while you were away and new wedding details.

"I can't believe you're getting married already, Yoona," you sighed, watching from the bed as your best friend curled her hair.

"I know right? Sucks though because I lost a bet from high school to Jaeseok on who'd get married first. He was the only one that said me!"

"You were in on the bet too? Why am I the only one who didn't know about the bet?" you exclaimed.

"Everyone was in on it," she shrugged, "All of us bet on you and Joshua though, so we all lost. I don't know why Jaeseok picked me. He probably thought I'd elope with a stranger in Vegas."

"No, he picked you because on Powerpoint night at my house, you did yours on the plans for your future wedding, while I ranked the Barbie movies and Joshua told us the history of Super Junior," you deadpanned, "Anyways, it's too early to be thinking about marriage for me."

Yoona scoffed, "If Joshua got down on one knee tonight, you'd say yes. If Joshua randomly dropped by your college dorm all those years you were broken up and turned up with a ring, you would have said yes. You've been in love with him since you were a kid, so just pretend those 7 years didn't happen!"

"I wouldn't say yes!" you defended even though it was a complete lie, "Plus, he's an idol. Marriage is not in his cards, right now."

"You never know, Y/N," she hummed, "Chen from Exo announced out of the blue last year that he was getting married, with a child on the way. Joshua is smitten with you, absolutely besotted. You two have been picturing you growing old together since before you even actually grew up!"

You rolled your eyes, heart fluttering at the thought of the house on the coast that the two of you always envisioned, "Let's get you married first before we start talking about me. Come on, we're going to be late for dinner."

With the mothers in the back of the car and your best friend in the passenger seat, you found yourself at the front of the restaurant quickly. You had already called ahead under his name to change to a larger room with 5 seats and convinced them to not double-check with Joshua, since he was the one to make the reservation, so you were confident the plan would go well.

Indeed, you arrived before him and had already ordered food for the table when Joshua eventually showed up. He had texted you that he pulled up to parking, so you waited outside the room for him.

"You look very dashing," you lifted yourself up to press a kiss to his jaw, "Yoona has a surprise for you?"

Before he could say anything, you opened the door and let his eyes scan the room before he came to the realisation. He made a choking noise as he ran over to his mother, engulfing her in a tight hug, "Eomma! What are you doing here?"

"I thought it'd be nice to attend Yoona's wedding here in Korea and see you again, of course," his mother murmured against his shoulder. Joshua was sniffling, and that made your heart so happy.

He quickly hugged your best friend, thanking her for the idea, before turning to your mother, "Jangmonim! It's been so long!"

"You grew up so well, Jisoo," your mother grinned, "What a handsome boy you are now. You've always been. Thank you for keeping my daughter company in this big new city."

Joshua looked over at you, fondness in his eyes, "It was always my pleasure."

After the dinner and the day after you spent alone with your best friend, you didn't see Yoona often. She was busy finalising all the details of the ceremony and conducting all the many pre-wedding traditions with her family and the groom's family. Instead, you spent them with your mother and Joshua's mother when you would get off work. While you were at work, the two best friends would explore Seoul in their most touristy get-ups.

More often than not, Joshua would join the three of you in the evening after getting emergency special permission from his company to have evenings off. He hadn't known his mother was coming, but he wanted to spend as much time with all of you.

You spent the evenings restaurant-hopping around Seoul and talking about your new job. You had fully settled in now and you had started writing and producing songs for the artists, instead of just helping to edit and finalise already-written tracks. You hadn't worked with Seventeen yet, since they already had such great producers in Universe Factory and there was a little conflict of interest, but Joshua was desperate to work with you again. 'For old time's sake' he would say with a pleading smile.

It eventually reached the day of your best friend's wedding and you had helped to get her ready in the morning. Although you were taking Joshua as your date, you wanted to be at the side of your best friend before you sent her off to her new life. She was nervous, obviously, but so excited to be married to the love of her life. You found yourself thinking how it'd be nice to do that too.

Her pristine hanbok glimmered in the pictures that you took with her in her private reception room to greet the guests. You had been the first to pay her a visit, leaving with an encouraging smile before you entered the ceremony hall where the groom was greeting other guests.

Joshua was by your side, holding your hand and smiling gently as he watched your mothers take a seat in the second row on the bride's side, "It's beautiful."

Joshua took a seat beside his mother as you took the aisle seat. Joshua's mother leaned over him, "Y/N, dear, you want to have a Korean wedding too, right?"

Joshua groaned quietly, nudging his mother to stop, but you just laughed, "Yes, sieomeoni. A big wedding in Korea and a big wedding in Los Angeles."

Joshua flashed you a bashful smile and squeezed your hand, a somewhat of a silent promise.

The ceremony eventually started and you would be lying if you said you didn't cry when Yoona and her husband drank their separate wines before it was mixed and they drank their unified wine again. The way they bowed to their parents was beautiful and the union of their family was so happy.

After the short ceremony, you had rushed to her side, hugging her affectionately and wailing at how beautiful their vows and ceremony were.

"Now that I'm married, we can talk about yours right?"

OCTOBER, 2021 - SEOUL

Joshua was lying on his stomach on your bed, opening up your laptop to search for a movie to watch together. You had just walked in, hair still wet and in the process of being dried, adorned in his shirt and sleep shorts.

"What's this folder, Y/N?" Joshua called over.

"Don't snoop, nosy," you scolded playfully before leaning over his shoulder to see what he was about to click, "No! Don't open that!'

It was apparently too late since he had double-clicked on the folder already, that opened up to a list of 10 audio files.

"Are these songs? Can I listen? You never let me listen to your songs anymore," Joshua said excitedly, ending with a pout.

"You can listen to my stuff. Just not these ones," you sighed.

"Why?" his eyes glinted mischievously before he realised, "Oh, are they all about me? Why is the folder called 'for you'? Is 'you' me?"

"I call this folder 'Songs about Joshua Hong, my first heartbreak'."

Joshua beckoned you over, wrapping his strong arms around you, "I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I have no intention to ever do that again."

"I'd let you listen to these songs, but it might involve a lot of tears," you warn him, "Actually, I just finished a song that would be the perfect conclusion to this album - a happy ending, if you will."

"Oh yeah? What's that one called? But we can start slow. What's your favourite song from all these?"

"The new song's called 'Every summertime'," you pressed a kiss to his lips, "You'd love it. I'll let you hear that one, but my favourite one is probably the saddest; I tried to write it as a closure song, so it's about you leaving and me letting you go, but it's very sad."

"We can start with that one," Joshua stroked your cheek softly, "But it won't be sad, since we know the ending."

You exhale nervously, taking over the mouse pad to click the last song, curling up closer to your lover who played with your damp hair. That always calmed you down.

"Saturday sunset, we're lyin' on my bed, with five hours to go. Fingers entwined and so were our minds cryin', "I don't want you to go". You wiped away tears but not fears under the still and clear indigo. You said, "Baby, don't cry, we'll be fine. You're the one thing I swear I can't outgrow""

Joshua's breath hitched at the memory of all the words he had said to you over the years. That day in his bedroom as you counted down the hours until he had to leave was one of the worst times in his life. Sure, you continued your relationship for nearly a year after, but it was never the same after he left.

By the end of it, silent tears were pouring out of his eyes and yours alike as he pulled you up to sit up and meet his level, "One, you're incredibly talented. I love being able to see what comes of that smart brain of yours. Two, I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you over the years," he planted a kiss on your lips with every statement, "Three, I never want to hear you say you're letting go of me. I'm here forever this time around, okay?"

You caught his lips on the final peck and hooked your arms around his neck, "Okay," you murmured against his lips, "You better be, because I don't plan on letting you go again either, Hong Jisoo."

He pulled away for a split second, "I love you, Y/N. I always will."

"I know," you smile softly, eyes lost in his and unfocused on the way the Seoul sunset lit up your room in orange and pink, "And I love you, Jisoo."

NOVEMBER 10, 2021 - SEOUL

Joshua's gloved hand squeezed yours in his pocket as he led you up the stairs. The two of you were bundled up in scarves, hats and gloves while sharing your earphones and listening to IU's sweet voice serenade you.

The view at the top of the tower was spectacular, showing you the landscape of the entire city before your eyes. You had lived in the city for over 5 months, yet you were still to visit one of the city's most famous attractions, only due to your persistent boyfriend.

"So, when's the snow going to fall?" you said teasingly to your boyfriend, "You're such a romantic."

"Shh, Y/N- that's part of the surprise!" he dismissed.

"It would have been a surprise if you didn't keep stopping me coming here, saying you'd only take me on the day of the first snow," you reminded him.

"This was your bucket list goal, so don't blame me for ruining the surprise," Joshua huffed playfully, "We're going to wait for the snow up here, and then when we get down, we can lock our padlock somewhere."

He took out the padlock from his other pocket, showing you the side with your initials etched and marked on. Your heart swooned, "Thank you, Shua."

Joshua's eyes softened as he pulled you closer. It was incredibly cold on the ground of the mountain, and it was even colder 239m up. He wrapped his arms around you and peppered kisses on the crown of your head.

You were both thinking the same thing- how lucky the two of you were to be given a second chance and for it to work out. Joshua Hong had always been your perfect person, perfect time; you just happened to be blessed twice with the opportunity of having the giddy, honeymoon start of the relationship.

"The snow's falling," Joshua whispered, pulling you away so you could look into his eyes, "Make a wish, princess."

You watched as a few flakes settled on the tips of his nose before melting away before you closed your eyes. It was easy; you had been making the same wish since you were 13..

"I love you, Y/N," he scrunched up his nose, pecking your lips, "Remember when I said you get everything you want if you're brave and take chances?"

"Mhm?"

"I don't have a ring, but marry me, Y/N."

You peered up at him in shock, only to find his eyes full of certainty and love, "Really? Is that an actual proposal?"

"Depends if you say yes," he teased.

You chuckled, and the smile that followed after would soon be embedded in your brain and etched in your heart, "Of course, I'll marry you."

[FOR YOU; SONGS ABOUT JOSHUA HONG, MY FIRST HEARTBREAK]

1. Take A Chance With Me - written at 14, at the start of freshman year; confessing your feelings for your childhood and middle school best friend. Joshua played it accidentally when snooping on your producing software while you were setting the table downstairs for dinner.

"His kiss you'd kill for, just one and you're done for. Electricity surging in the air ; he drives me crazy. It's so beyond me how he'd look me dead in the eye. Stay unaware that I'm hopelessly captivated by a boy who thinks love's overrated."

2. Move! - written at 17, trying out something new with your sound, and of course it was going to be about your loving boyfriend at the time

"There's something in the water that makes me love you harder."

3. Around - written at 18, before Joshua moved away; a love song to your boyfriend who you never wanted to lose.

"Darling, we don't ever have to pretend, who knows what or who we choose. Right now I've nothing to lose; you love me, I love you."

4. Before - written at 18, while Joshua was away in Seoul and you were in your hometown, having to pretend everything was okay. You visited him once in Seoul for three days, never meeting his trainee-friends. He didn't have a new lover, just a new career. You hated having to pretend everything was okay.

"You were all I'd ever known. And now I'm supposed to love you from a distance, like it's nothing, like it's instant and you say, "Let's just see where this goes" and I don't know how or why you seem just fine cause I'm having to grasp that you're somehow not mine anymore. It's so cruel how things are only almost like they were before."

5. Lullaby - written at 19, the first song you wrote after you broke up, a song professing how much you missed him and how much you hated that you did.

"My heart was high off you. Am I deranged to miss you? After the way you left my heart blue and bruised - lingering scents of roses and smoke and love and hope and two adventurous souls."

6. Polaroid Boy - written at 19, fresh off your breakup with Joshua, angry that the relationship ended and hurt that he was everywhere around your room in the form of tiny polaroids.

"You'll forever be the boy in my polaroids. You'll forever be the reason why I am void. You'll forever be my first love. And the reason why nobody else ever seems enough."

7. Vintage - written at 20, a year after breaking up with Joshua after a dream you reconciled when he came back to Los Angeles. Made a great song, but just left you heartbroken when you realised he wasn't coming back.

"Speak of the devil, my, oh my, walkin' with that devilish smile. That's one thing I haven't seen in a while. How have you been since I called you mine? You look so good in this light, got me reminiscin' 'bout our good times."

8. Odds - written at 20, a song being angry about how you weren't in the universe's favour. Joshua had no exes other than you, but you had to get creative.

"And yet my world remains the whole of you to this day. Doesn't matter what my location says. I'm always tryna get to you..."

9. Anaheim - written at 18, finished at 22, a song about wanting to go back in time with someone you had a great relationship with. Finished in your favourite café in Anaheim, after a drive that you spent reminiscing about your relationship. Started during your year-long long-distance relationship when he tried to make it work, and you saw that it wasn't working.

"I could spend my days studying your laugh's melody. And I can live with myself 'cause I know the composer's me. Babe, all I ask of you is please don't sleep on the bed of promises I can't keep."

10. Oceans and Engines - written at 24, the last song you wrote and finished about Joshua. The rawest and most honest song that had ever come from your heart. Heard by no one. Your closure song, except it never gave you any closure.

[NEW ENTRY!]

11. Every Summertime - written at 25, on the beach as Joshua napped on the sun bed next to yours by the sea. A perfect happy ending to your story.

"Every year we get older, but I'm still on your side. Oh, I- Baby, I'd give up anything to travel inside your mind. Baby, I fall in love again come every summertime."

#this was so self indulgent #so fluffy #joshua #seventeen #joshua hong #hong jisoo #svt fic recs #svt #fic recs #seventeen au #fluff #seventeen fluff #svt au #joshua fic #fic #joshua au #joshua fluff

994 notes · View notes