#this thing im living in can't be life

[teaboot]

Theoretically I enjoy living with people but unfortunately when you tell people you're a neuroatypical raccoon with twelve ongoing hobbies, completely random work hours, and a series of admittedly unusual lifelong compulsions they tend to hear that and go "oh haha you're trying to be Quirky okay" and then save their ten million questions and concerns for when you can't run away

#Im venting #Sometimes I HAVE TO sleep on the floor #Sometimes I HAVE TO stand on the coffee table #I own a blowtorch because sometimes I NEED TO USE A BLOWTORCH #What kind of lives are yall leading that you just NEVER HAD AN OOPSIE AND SPILLED BEESWAX IN THE KITCHEN #Like what isn't clicking here #'Why do you have a trumpet if you can't play the trumpets because I'm an ADULT #'The leopard is creepy' your FACE is creepy #Objectively I am aware that the way I do things is Not Normal but it's Normal For Me #And so many people demanding REASONS and it's exhaustingggg #I'm autistic I'm bored and I have ten thousand hobbies and a zest for life #If you don't wanna make paper mache body armor at 3pm on a Wednesday just be open about that #But like #I did warn you #I warn EVERYONE so I KNOW I WARNED YOU #*screeching*

[katabay]

this tweet & this scene from the mystery of the abyss movie

#comparatives tag #<< for non art posts where i connect the dots with various things #dmbj #heihua #reunion mystery of the abyss #like what the fuck!! what the fuck!!!! #both of them were so 'im going to die for you' this entire movie i have never been more stressed out watching something in my life #if you are unfamiliar with dmbj: there are multiple layers to how upsettingly tragic this is #i keep trying to summarize it in the tags but honestly all im getting is 'you're in a car with a beautiful boy and you're both #trying to die for each other.' #like you want him to live so so badly because he's SUPPOSED to outlive you #and he can't stand to have you die in front of him as long as he's still breathing! im clawing at the fucking walls guys

[vse-kar-vem]

together in every universe. or something

#bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #joker out #im neglecting schoolwork to draw this but that seems like the norm at this point #hoping if i get it all out of my system now i'll be normal during exam szn (in like. a week 😨) #<<sorry if i keep talking about school btw (semi age reveal ahead) gcses are fucking killing me uuaghhgshhahhhaj #i actually quite like this since i started drawing on a whim this afternoon and its only ten now #i dont even mind the lineart (DONT LOOK AT BOJANS HAND OR ILL JUMP OUT A WINDOW) #only a one storey one tho 💗💗💗 can't die without seeing bokris irl <<pipe dream as im too embarrassed to go to a concert #NO because bumping into jo in london would be my worst fucking nightmare 😭😭😭 #what do i even fucking say 'hey are you jan from jo--' NO id combust on the spot #and what if im bothering them uknow 😭😭 idk but i used to live in an asian city where none of my idols from the west would ever visit #(except safiya love you safiya) so keeping the real life person and fictiinalized versions apart in my brain and/or at arms length was easy #but now that i live in the uk and the chances of seeing them irl are non-zero? and presented with the chance to #actively seek them out and you know go to a concert #im just too scared and awkward to do it #maybe i'll bully my friend into going with me #i feel safer revealing age more in the fucking depths of these tags but another thing that makes me feel awkward about going is age #like ik lots of jo fans are younger than me and there's no shame at all in bringing your parents i just feel so embarrassed?? to??? #like i'd rather go with my friends #but that would require at least us riding the train alone and i am a small east asian girl who never looks up from the floor ever #sooooo #not happening any time soon #maybe next yr?? but probably not #unless i suddenly get a lot more independant and cool #i doubt anyone's read this much of my tags but if you have 😭😭 hope you like the art i guess #at the time of me writing i want to draw more but i'll see #(you will know since it will have been posted) #a tag previously used to say 'queueing to post at school' this is false as i am now in fact nauseous at home #my art

[thelastharbinger]

Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell #also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice #but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy #cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and. #you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo #and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk... #if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. & #hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“ #AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER #SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED #HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO #ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO. #anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks #from gwen of all people! i love that for me. #also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right. #atsv #miles morales #itsv #miguel o'hara #the spot #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen stacy #ghost spider #gwen x miles #rio morales #across the spider verse #into the spider verse

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[hella1975]

there's a very specific kind of vibe that comes with living with your friends in final year that it just does not have in first year or even second year. like as a fresher it's usually the first time any of you have lived away from home let alone with SO MANY people your age and it's terrifying and exciting and randomised to boot so it's generally carnage for a whole year in the best and worst ways, and then second year you pick who you're living with and it feels like for the first time you're doing this adult thing PROPERLY. you have a place of your own now. these are the people you've chosen to live with. studying gets serious etc. but it's still fresh. it's still new. you still don't know how to navigate it. but final year? final year is when you actually get it right. you know how to manage your time better. you know what works for you and what doesn't. studying is the main focus and you've been out in the world for three years now and it's not loud and boisterous like it was in first year and you're not exciteable and awkward like you were in second year. you're comfortable. every single one of my flatmates has their own friend group and we mainly keep to our own social circles, but we'll still meet each other back at the house after a night out and sit in the kitchen or my room to do the debrief. sometimes i'll go days not seeing either of them despite sharing a house but every now and then someone will softly call up the stairs that 'the heating's on!' or one of us will sneeze and the other two will yell 'bless you!' through the walls. the lack of interaction isn't interpreted as dislike in ways it would have been even last year, because we're all just old enough to be past that now and settled enough in our friendship not to worry about it. idk. uni is very loud and unsettling a lot of the time so it's been really sweet to see how almost boringly comfortable final year is.

#like my day today was literally drag myself out of bed at 10am to meet my econ friends bc we're in a group together #and i spent two hours with them writing a fucking TRADE REPORT before coming home #and the rest of the day was kinda lost. i showered. i put a wash on. i had a nap. i mainly stayed in my room #which sometimes is the End Of All Things but today was quite nice #and i can hear in their rooms how my flatmates are doing the exact same thing. pottering about and getting on with uni #and we've barely spoken all day but earlier my one flatmate ran into my room all excited to show me her nails #bc she's been teaching herself to do gels and it took her 2 hours but im still one of the first people she wanted to show #and just now we all went to use the bathroom at the same time and it led to one of our Stair Sessions #where we all inexplicably just gather on the stairs and chat for no reason with a cup of tea #idk it's just nice. it's such basic shit but i can't belive in first year i used to spend EVERY DAY with these girls #and we were one single friendship group and that was all we had #and then in second year one girl branched off bc she lived in a studio and got into her societies #but me and the other girl lived together again and it was the same thing of she was a friend before she was someone i lived with #and weirdly that can actually be detrimental to a dynamic. but this year we're all just very solidified and confident in ourselves #and where we stand and yes we all have our own friendship groups outside of the house now #but there's still that love and simple comfortableness around each other that you only get with time and a hell of a lot of proximity #and a sense of being settled that maybe is just what happens as you get older #idk it's just really nice. if i had this exact same day in first year (doing economics and barely leaving my room) #it would've been a really bad depressive day for me so the fact i can find such contentment from it now is really heartening #i love my little life here im very proud of what ive been able to achieve :) #hella goes to uni #feeling nostalgic because SOME BITCH decided to ribs post

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Personal shit in the tags

#like #my life is objectively not bad compared to a lot of people #and yet I still struggle with it #am I just weak? #like I'm not homeless or living in a warzone #and yet I'm miserable and sick of it all #i hate my job i hate working i hate selling all my time just to afford some shitty apartment with a housemate i don't like #I barely do anything #and yet I have no energy ever #so I'm just wasting my life lying in bed or staying at home #and i want to do other things #but work saps what little energy i have #so when im 'free' I can't do any of the things i want or need to do #if this is what life is #i really don't know if i want to live it #the thought of doing this shit for decades just exhausts me

[vitasexualiiis]

my very sexy curse of liking the most radioactive ships in a fandom

#i wish there was a way to tell tumblr to automatically block accounts who block one of your sideblogs! #i am glad people are just flat-out blocking me instead of interacting! still sucks though! #its not even a “YOU don't like ME???” kind of thing #like im cool w ppl just not liking me because they just don't like me! whatever! we don't have to be friends! #but it's a constant reminder of just how CONSERVATIVE queer fandom has gotten in the last decade??? #20+ year age gaps were just de rigueur and now people are like #“UHMM...A 32 Y/O CAN'T DATE A 25 Y/O WHATS WRONG WITH YOU THAT'S LITERALLY ABUSE???” #vita.txt #i hate it here and i wish BSD wasn't what the idiot autistic goblin who lives in my brain wanted! #is this going to be why i finally learn japanese? maybe #at least they aren't sending death threats over ship drama from what I can tell (: #to have your main interest in life (fandom) suddenly be full of people who aren't shy to say they want you dead is like...super fun!

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive. #like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love #and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me #she is. the most important person in my life #and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her #like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this #if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh #what more could i ever ask for #but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right #even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be #in just over a year #when she's making enough money for it #she plans on moving into a place of her own #which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point. #but i just. don't know what i'm going to do. #and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing #i thought we were going to move into a house together #i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke #but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year. #i would still want to be here. with her. #or somewhere else. with her. #like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. #and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t #give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted. #and she's leaving. #she doesn't want to be with me. #sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do. #for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs #its what sufjan would have wanted #fucked up terrible no good week

[bonefall]

What if the whole 'infertility WHOOPS nvm' situation was caused by the DF? Maybe all the DF knew was that one of Firestar's children was to birth three warriors who could destroy them, and they obviously thought squilf was the one to do that, so they either tricked her or starclan into thinking she was infertile. What they DIDNT plan for was Leafpool breaking the code and getting pregnant, still fulfilling the mini prophecy.

Also my knowledge on things post first arc is really fuzzy but could mudclaw's death be from the DF? That put Onestar in power who iirc REALLLYYY hates TC bc he doesnt want to seem too friendly with them, thus dividing the clans more. Could work the other way around with them sparking Mudclaw's rebellion, amd Starclan stepping in to send the tree down.

Good suggestions! But I think I've got these two situations down pat already

Squilf's Infertility

I just kinda prefer the idea that sometimes people are infertile, y'know? Especially Squilf. I also don't want the Dark Forest to go away and have to open up the question of, "If they're not cursing her anymore, can she have babies now?"

No biobabies for Squilf. She raises the Three, and is the mentor of Jessy's and Bramble's daughter, Sparkpelt. She's just infertile because that's how things are sometimes.

Mudclaw's Rebellion

For this one, the Dark Forest's only involved insofar as Tigerstar is training Hawkfrost.

I want to make sure that Mudclaw's rebellion stays Mudclaw's idea primarily; I don't want to fall into the trap of canon material where they keep blaming the actions of their villains on Born Evil Cats without whom there would be no problems.

Mudclaw accepts Hawkfrost's reinforcements, and promises him power in exchange for help... but it wasn't the Dark Forest, or Hawkfrost, that suggested killing Onewhisker. Mudclaw did that.

And for that Mudclaw is actually going to the Dark Forest! He will not be in StarClan for my rewrite, likely becoming one of the cats who ends up defending Ashfur's Tunnel post-TBC along with Juniperclaw.

#I also don't think Onewhisker hated ThunderClan from the offset #or even when he first became leader #The way I'm approaching him is as a person who was deeply affected by the fact his Clanmates wanted to KILL him #I see that as the most important moment for how I understand this character #I don't agree with the idea he hated it from the moment he got the power tbh #and I didn't like how Onestar's Concussion was like ''Wow ruling looks hard im so glad im normal and will never be deputy'' #He seemed... Fine. With that power. Just using it to be friendly and seeking people to balance him out #Like it's super interesting he picks Mudclaw as deputy even though he ALWAYS fought with him. Even as far back as TPB #It struck me as him wanting to rule with a casual fairness. To not really approach being a -Star as being above others but using power in - #-the way Tallstar assumed he would. #But... Clan culture is at the root of many problems and Onewhisker to OneSTAR is no different #Rejecting Smoke and becoming a hardened Star comes down to how the xenophobic #and brutal battle culture isolates people who live within it #He can't live with disgrace. He's a coward. He wanted to do the right thing his whole life but what IS the right thing in a culture that - #values strength so hard? #I'll tell you; the right thing is becoming hardened. Rejecting your mate and son and becoming the assertive leader that WindClan was expect #ing #Idk. I have thoughts about him #Very different from general fandom consensus tho I think #Bonefall Rewrite

[von-karmas-a-bitch]

cell block tango but it's the ace attorney women who killed men (who deserved it to varying degrees and in some cases not at all)

#like mimi could have an EXCELLENT solo about dr turner #and you really feel for her #dahlia is the same but at some point along the way she starts to sound a little insane but it's unclear where that point is #bc one thing led to another for her and the more people she silenced the more other people she had to silence bc they knew something #and she can't seem to decide if and when she started to enjoy it but she wants you to think she enjoys it bc she wants you to be scared #bc actually SHE'S scared she is very prey animal rage #you're left unsure how to feel abt her by the end of her solo but you can't say you don't sympathise #cammy meele is there but behind the mask of haha funny sleepy girl who gets away with slacking off bc she's hot #is a woman who just wanted some quick and easy cash and planned to just do one crime one time to get rich quick #and then quit this stupid job and live comfortably for the rest of her life #thinking it wasn't THAT big a deal and it was very unlikely for her to get caught #but then it turned out this smuggling ring went way deeper than she thought #and now it's either her or the interpol agent. so she does it. she just wanted to live deliciously was it too much to ask #dee vasquez is there too of course #april may is there bc she didn't get to kill a man but boy did she want to #and then there's calisto. who fucking knows what her motivation was. does she even know? all i know is her solo is gonna be INSANE #idk what to tag this as im just gonna not im so burned out rn lmao

[lunarharp]

various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck

#witch hat tag #orufrey #uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me #iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted] #and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!? #I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just.. #combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO... #CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU #apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered #the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time #where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad #why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so #he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart #did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so.. #*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ???? #you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them #i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop #i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan #i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring #today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD. #EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY #OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH #i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion'' #they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them #so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child #they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table #just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase #i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either? #i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them. #i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to. #but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset #quiet at home #and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places #and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway? #keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine? #try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened? #i dont know how to live like a normal person #literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X. #go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book. #because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped. #everything hurts holy shit #broadcasting my misery #vent #ed tw

[silenthillbunni]

🖤👻🏰🩹

#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live #i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues #i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired #i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends #im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture #spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day #ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough #i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant #i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this #my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk #how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck #this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<

[noctumbra]

man, where you are born really defines your whole damn future. i imagined traveling and exploring and going from one concert to another for my twenties, and now i can't even move from one city to another because it's so expensive. lol

#and there are people who are YOUNGER than me already living alone and had a GOOD income and traveling the world #my whole life is being waster every goddamn passing SECOND #and i can't do anything about it #why didn't i born ten years earlier??? things would be a lot better im so sure #blablabla

[britneyshakespeare]

Accordingly, I told Agnes about my declaration of poverty, about the cookery book, the housekeeping accounts, and all the rest of it. "Oh, Trotwood!" she remonstrated, with a smile. "Just your old headlong way! You might have been in earnest in striving to get on in the world, without being so very sudden with a timid, loving, inexperienced girl. Poor Dora!" I never heard such sweet forbearing kindness expressed in a voice, as she expressed in making this reply. It was as if I had seen her admiringly and tenderly embracing Dora, and tacitly reproving me, by her considerate protection, for my hot haste in fluttering that little heart. It was as if I had seen Dora, in all her fascinating artlessness, caressing Agnes, and thanking her, and coaxingly appealing against me, and loving me with all her childish innocence. I felt so grateful to Agnes, and admired her so! I saw those two together, in a bright perspective, such well-associated friends, each adorning the other so much!

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens, Chapter 39: Wickfield and Heep

#diana rereads david copperfield #i havent been updating this tag bc i havent really had the motivation to make posts but yes im still in happyland rereading this book #AND THAT'S THAT ON THE RIVALRY BETWEEN AGNES AND DORA #seriously it's been 5 years and i still can't get over the stigma ppl attach to dora that i REALLY do not think is supported by the text #dora is an imperfect character. and often in dickens ppl associate imperfection with unworthiness. #dora IS worthy. like i cant get over it. she has all the right friends sympathizing with her #but so much of the audience do not sympathize w her faults or her backstory at all #despite it having sooooo much in common with david's mother. who no one ever argues is supposed to be unsympathetic! #dickens #david copperfield #agnes wickfield #dora spenlow #dora has all the faults that ppl don't care to sympathize with real beautiful young women who have been condescended to all their lives. #she feels incompetent she feels she has no control in anything. her best friend is her dog for a reason #bc jip doesn't expect anything of her but to love and care for him. she is not one of her masters #and for that matter she is less of a master of jip than she is his indulging friend. #in the saddest sense. jip and dora are equals. jip represents all the control that dora has in the world (very little) #and she loves jip. and many ppl love dora. but no one has any more expectations of her than the dog. #ppl accept her subservience. #ppl act like dora is just frivolous and doesn't care about making david's life any easier when she doesn't believe she can help him w thing #like domestic duties. but EVERYONE in dora's life tells david NOT to expect anything of her. #she is only REPEATING what everyone has already been telling her AND him the whole time. she has no self-efficacy #dora spenlow is a tragic heroine. love it or leave it