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#this song was written about a dream Steve had about his mother
halucynator · 7 months
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Hey babe! Absolutely adore your writing! Do you have any recs?
Thanks! And yes! I'm so glad you asked. There's a lot though so it's gonna be a bit long x
Theodore Nott
@cassiopeiasdaughter : an exceptional writer, their Theodore Nott fics based on midnight songs are the best! Wish them good luck on their uni exams and check out their awesome blog xx
Here are some of my personal favourites from their blog:
August: Theo asks you to be his fake-girlfriend but you understand the assignment a little too well.
Fearless: Based on the song fearless by Taylor Swift.
Maroon: A diary entry written during the War based on the song maroon by Taylor Swift.
Check out their other midnights collection entries!
@avalynlestrange: another great writer! one of the best angst writers on this platform in my opinion x they also write mattheo Riddle fics
These ones are my favourite:
@the0doreslover: in love with their Theo fics!
Foolish one: In which you know you’re being foolish in liking Draco but will you finally learn your lesson? Theodore certainly hopes you do.
In my head: In which Theodore Nott is the man of your dreams. Literally. Who is his?
My favourite one is Cooking class xx
Here are a few Theodore Nott fics from writers who's blogs aren't all about Theo xx
I think he knows: you had fancied the mysteriously quiet slytherin boy for as long as you could remember (since first year), and, quite frankly, your best friend was sick of you going on about it without ever making a move
Now, I did some digging and @dreamcubed writes about other hp characters as well based on songs by Taylor Swift! Their work is amazing so go check them out! Sorry for the late mention, I just checked and realised that they have like a blog that revolves around hp characters xx
Electric touch: a cute guy stumbles into the coffee shop you work at and it alters your brain chemistry.
I thought you knew:“i thought you knew?” “you thought i knew we were dating?” “yes!” “how would i know that, nott, you never told me.”
Want you: Based on the following prompts: Why do you always look at me like that?” “Like what?” “Like you… Want me.”  and "he doesn't even deserve to be breathing the same air as you"
Butterfly Love: Despite witnessing the death of his mother and being forced to grow under the watch of his Death Eater father, Theodore Nott is living proof that love and care bloom even in the most barren conditions. Maybe, they flourish even more.
Mattheo Riddle
@suugarbabe: their fics are absolutely magnificent. I recommend their saving grace series x the rest parts can be found on their blog x
These are some of my personal favourites:
Always: You & Theo have been best friends since year 1. Everyone things you and Theo are going to end up together but both of you like different people.
Drawings: based on prompts 'i never knew that about you...it's cute' and 'i can't believe I've never seen this side of you before'
Oblivious: contains smut Based on prompts "Are you really so oblivious?" And "Can I kill him now?"
@happilykrispypirate: another fabulous writer! Their mattheo angst fics are like the best x the mistake and don't touch her are my favourite xx
Some of my favourite mattheo fics are listed below x:
Black Quill: You never liked Umbridge, but who did? The woman was miserable and cruel. Her power in the school grew day after day.
Mattheo finds you crying alone: Imagine crying alone in the Astronomy Tower, hoping to escape everyone but Mattheo finds you
Torment : Reader is constantly bullied. Mattheo saves her from the bullies.
Everything and nothing: 1 2: where mattheo brings along a girl none of your group is fond of. Especially you. And the timing of it all is horrible.
Draco Malfoy
@talesofadragon: they have amazing fics and their fluff stories are the best! Check them out for Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes fics as well if you're interested xx
These are my favourite Draco fics by them. Their Draco masterlist is here.
Even if it's dark: Summary: Despite being raised in a traditional pureblood household with an overly abusive father, Y/N Y/L/N teaches Draco that light can exist even in the darkest of places.
Mittens: When Draco is in a foul mood and unwilling to disclose his problems, Y/N resorts to her animagus form to get him to talk. 
@fallingforfictionalcharacterss: whenever I feel like I'm going to go back to my Draco phase I read their fics! Another really good angst writer x Their fics are so cool and I love them xx some of their fics I love:
Falling: Where you are falling for the one boy who is known to break every girl´s heart.
False friends and true love: Where you get into a fight with your best friend and she reveals your feelings for a certain boy in front of everybody.
Ruin your life: Why would you kiss out of all the people the boy you hate the most in this world?
@dreamingonfilm: another great writer! Their fluff fics are my favorite! These are some I love by them:
Pretending: in which you watch Draco as he falls out of love with you
Cramps: In which Draco takes care of you whilst you’re on your period.
Bruises: 1 2: After years of being bullied by Draco, you finally stand up for yourself. However, you left him with more than a bloodied cheek and a bruised jaw.
Some other fics that I love:
Amortentia: the rest parts can be found on that post. Summary: Pansy forces a secret out of you, and you’re strongly debating which curse/jinx to use on her.
Unforgivable: Where y/n gets poisoned because of draco's behaviour
Taylor Swift
This is random but if you want someone to talk to Taylor Swift about, check out @annaisabookworm. They're super sweet and supportive and their blog is about Taylor Swift xx I love their posts x
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gh0stbunnywriter · 1 year
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Steve Harrington was a child actor. 
During the mid to late aughts when the Capitalistic Mouse was pumping out teen stars like it was nothing,  the Harrington family hopped on that train and rode it until Harrington was written across the t-shirts of every pre-teen girl across america. His face was EVERYWHERE. And yeah, he was the teenage heartthrob pretty boy that was lead singer of his band. 
Eddie Munson couldn't escape this mother fucker. Not at school, on the radio in his uncle's car, at every social setting he was forced into.
On the TV in his room with the volume turned so low only he could hear him. 
Eddie Munson was a very secret super-fan of Steve Harrington. He owned all his plastic albums and a handful of powder pink t-shirts. He had a poster he kept rolled up, stuffed in the back of his closet right next to his sexuality. Because no one could know that Eddie Munson, the trailer park kid with Metallica always blaring from his smashed phone, liked a fucking boy band.
But trends changed, and Harrington faded off, cutting his contract with The Mouse to live his own life- He’d disappeared for a while- He’d stopped craving the spotlight a long time ago, and Eddie had admitted he was a little more than heartbroken. So Eddie Munson, shoebox full of Steve Harrington paraphernalia shoved under his bed, moved on.
That was, until he heard a very familiar voice on his radio on his way home from work. His aux cord had busted so he was stuck on the greatest hits of the current time, rather than Metallica or Judas Priest.
"Back from his long hiatus, with his new hit single that's topping charts across the globe, here's Steve Harrington!" 
Eddie almost swerved off the road. 
Of course, when he got home, he was googling shit for hours before finding out that Steve had decided to step back into the spotlight on his own terms, and the public had received him because they loved him. That debut song was the kickoff point. He didn't make a full album or announce his tour until after the tell-all Netflix docu-series that was number one trending every Thursday night for a month. Eddie took off work to watch them the second they released. 
He wasn't shocked that the company that made him treated him like a puppet- it'd been seen before with other child stars. It was his family that had Eddie floored. They’d forced him to work, took all the money he'd made up until he was eighteen, and he never saw a dime of it. He didn't even talk to his parents anymore, and they hadn’t contacted him. So, between diner jobs and writing his own music on the side, he reconnected with his old bandmates and decided it was worth trying again, because it had never been about the money for Steve. 
So there he was, center stage of a sold out arena, glittering with fresh confidence and a new sound- but the same voice that had snatched Eddie's heart when he was twelve years old. The voice that forced him to have the terrifying realization that he liked boys. It was even more terrifying now that Eddie was just feet away from him in the pit, singing along with every other twenty-something that had snagged floor seats for Steve's return tour. 
And in a rush of glittery adrenaline and sweaty bodies, the show was over and Eddie was wandering by himself down busy city streets. He wandered into a shitty hole-in-the-wall gay bar that he was certain only he knew about, because it was always dead when he came around. He slid into his usual seat at the bar and ordered his favorite drink, over the moon that he'd been so close to Steve. It was like all his childhood dreams had all come true. He was lost in his own thoughts when a fresh drink he hadn't ordered was slid in front of him. 
"Can I buy you a drink?" 
Eddie hadn't been facing him, so he could hide his expression when he recognized the voice. It was a voice he knew like the back of his hand, one that had been blasting his eardrums out not an hour ago. He collected himself as quickly as he could, trying to convince himself he was hearing things. He took the cup in his ring-adorned hand and brought it to his lips. 
"I dunno, can you?"
Eddie somehow played it cool for the first time in his life. He pretended he didn't know him, when he saw his face. He did let himself get lost in his eyes, though, and Steve probably noticed. He treated him just like he would have treated any other guy that hit on him, except he actually liked this one. And Steve seemed pleased, to not be recognized. 
So he took Eddie back to his hotel room, took his number, showed him a good time, and called him the next day. And the day after that, and the day after that. 
Steve kept calling him, and Eddie kept answering, twirling his hair and kicking his feet like a schoolgirl because Steve was actually really nice. Down to earth and kind, and he never talked about his work, even when he admitted to Eddie what it was, and Eddie acted shocked. ‘Oh, you have like, a little band? Cool, cool.’ After weeks of back and forth and eventual ‘I wanna see you again’s, Steve asked Eddie to travel with him while he toured, and what was Eddie going to say? No, I'd rather sit alone in my tiny apartment and work my life away in a dull record store? Like hell. 
And at the end of the tour, once Steve formally asked him to be his boyfriend and Eddie almost passed out, they bought a cute little house and settled down. Well, as much as a pop star could. He still made music, still played shows, did the usual TV appearances and played in Times Square on new years eve. 
Steve Harrington kissed his boyfriend Eddie Munson on national live television, in front of millions of people and the undying internet, and they made headlines. 
But, after all that. All the glamor, and the tabloids, Steve went on a break again. Eddie learned that Steve was genuine, and Steve learned that Eddie was hopelessly devoted, and he married him. Eddie took Steve’s last name, of course. It did take some convincing for his uncle, though. To accept the name change- Not that his nephew was gay and in love with a world class pop star.
So, with matching gold bands and wide smiles, they visited Wayne Munson for their first holiday season where Steve wasn't busy working. Eddie showed Steve his childhood bedroom, which had long been turned into Wayne's TV room. They'd spent their holiday bundled up on his tiny old couch, watching age-old holiday specials and napping through the afternoon.
Eddie woke up to Steve on the floor beside him, sifting through an old, weathered shoe box, its contents strewn about the floor, and he wondered if he was in a nightmare. 
He dove for the box but the jig was up, he was found out, his goose was cooked, he was a goner, he was fucked. Steve was going to hate him for life. He apologized over and over as he scrambled to tear his Steve Harrington collection away from Steve fucking Harrington himself, but Steve just laughed and held up a sticky note, faded and crumpled, and Eddie wanted to fall through the floor, through all nine circles of hell, and die. 
"Eddie Harrington, huh?" 
Eddie snatched the dumb note from his school days and apologized again, but Steve was grinning from ear to ear. 
"I thought you'd admit it one day, but I'm impressed, babe."
"You knew? How- How long have you known-"
"How many men do you think I see jamming out at my shows? That know every word off my first album from when I was a kid? That aren’t there because their girlfriends dragged them? I had Robin follow you to that shitty bar I found you in because- I had to meet you. I wanted to know who you were. And then you just… Treated me like a human. You pretended you had no fucking clue who I was, man. That was the hottest shit ever."
Eddie didn't know how to react to that. The whole time he pretended not to know who Steve was, Steve was waiting for him to crack. And now, it's five years later and they're married. He supposed they both had a bit of a secret, then. What, with Steve sending his best friend to seek out a fan so he could hit on him? Oh, for shame, Stevie.
"This has gotta be my favorite, though. I'm keeping it." 
Steve held a photo up, discolored and worn. It was of Eddie, head shaven, young and free of any of the tattoos and piercings he had now. His arm was slung around a very young Steve, who was about a head taller than Eddie at the time- But they were laughing, because Eddie had just said something that made Steve's eyes light up. Wayne had paid for Eddie to go to one of Steve’s meet and greets before a concert- He was up in the nosebleeds but the meet and greet was all that mattered to him. It had been his christmas and birthday present all wrapped into one, and he’d been so happy. 
“You can’t just steal that, it’s my favorite photo of us.” 
“Even more than our wedding photo, huh?”
“Oh, it’s not even close, babe.”
Likes and reblogs appreciated ❣️
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therosebunpost · 11 months
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It’s Over, Isn’t It?(S.H)
Steve Harrington x Fem!reader
Warnings: Hurt/comfort, pregnancy talk, Reader is written with fem pronouns but otherwise has no specific description, internal conflict about not wanting kids, lots of harsh internal thoughts.
This is for all my peeps who don’t want kids in any capacity, but still end up liking characters who want kids/are commonly depicted wanting to be parents. (Also yes, the name is based off the song and no, I have no shame)
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
“I don’t want kids.”
It was Sunday morning. The one morning out of the week where Steve got the day off, and the two of you could do whatever you wanted. Usually you loved Sunday mornings the most, even if the whole day was filled with the love of your life. Steve was meant for mornings, or really the sun in general, but the morning sun especially. The sun was currently shining on his figure as he turned towards you in the kitchen. The backlight turning him ethereal, angelic.
You stand in the darker corner of the kitchen. Avoiding the light as if it would burn you. Sometimes you think it should, after all, there must be something wrong with you.
“What?” Steve’s voice was soft, confused as he stood there staring at you, soft brown eyes still lidded with sleep. “Honey, come outta the darkness, please? Cant understand you.” Your heart ached, and despite your reservations, you step into the sun with him. Even with it being weak, the lights stung your eyes. He gasped at the sight of them, red rimmed and swollen. Your tears from last night still staining your cheeks. “Honey?” He reaches for you in alarm, comforting hands resting on your arms to pull you close into his embrace.
You almost want to forget the words, selfishly using his wavering hearing to your advantage. That’s what you were, right? Selfish, heartless. Awful for falling in love with a man knowing that your future just didn’t look the same as his. You knew what he wanted, you knew but still you accepted his request for a date. You agreed to be his girlfriend, to move in with him, and you knew if he had asked last night, you would have said yes to being his wife. Selfish, so selfish.
“What’s wrong? Huh?”
Steve cups your face in his palms, thumbs running over your cheeks to brush the salty trails away. You can see the confusion in his face, the fear. Had he over shared last night? Was saying his dreams for the future been too early? Had he scared you off?
“I don’t want kids.”
The words stung on your tongue. It was all bullshit what they said about the truth, or maybe it was exactly what they say. The truth will set you free, even if you wanted to be bound to him forever. It will cut you free, even as your begging, screaming, pleading for it to bring relief instead of pain.
Steve grows still, mouth falling open in surprise as he reads your lips. You tease him a lot for that expression, how cute he looked, but right now all you felt was trepidation. What would it shift into? Anger? Betrayal?
“It’s just,” your words fall out before he can say much, “I’ve never wanted them. I’d make a terrible mother, Steve. I don’t have the patience, or the desire to give myself up to motherhood. Pregnancy freaks me out, babies make me uncomfortable to be around, I can’t. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“You wouldn’t…you wouldn’t have to give yourself up, I’d be here. I will be here.” Steve shakes his head, dropping his hands down to hold your own. “We’d figure it out, together. I’d be scared too, you…you know how my parents are like, but we wouldn’t be them, Sweetheart. You’d make a great mother-“
“Steve.”
He closes his mouth, closing his eyes with a wince. “You could be, I know you could. It’s not going to be easy, but we’d take classes. I’d take classes with you, then you’d see it’d be fine-“
You break away from him, hands curling in with anger. At him, at yourself, at the world, you don’t fucking know. “You aren’t hearing me! I don’t want kids. No amount of classes, or promises, or you being there is going to change my mind!” The words echo in the kitchen, and you both flinch. You can’t look at him, and that hurts. You’d done it now. It was over, wasn’t it? It had to be over, and it hurt to know that it had to be you who had to break the bond. To wield the truth’s sharp knife.
“I had hoped, maybe…selfishly that you’d change your mind.” You stare at the wall instead of him, shoulders square, body trembling. “But I knew you wouldn’t. Last night, I saw it coming from a mile away. I always knew it was coming, but I had hoped otherwise. I’m selfish, awful. Other women see kids, and coo over how cute they are, how sweet. All I see is a death sentence. A screaming, crying death sentence. I can’t bring a child into a world, knowing that I never wanted them in the first place. They don’t deserve that. Not to them, or you.”
Steve remains silent, and you take that silence as an opportunity to keep going. “You’re gonna make such a great dad, Steve.” The words are a bandaid on a bullet wound, but it’s the truth. “You’re gonna make so many good choices for them, and I know you’re gonna hate me for this, but I’m asking you to make a good choice for them right now.”
“….Are you asking to break up?”
“It’s not really a break up if it was going to end. We’ve already gone too far. I shouldn’t have said yes to any of this, because I knew it wasn’t for me. I’m just stealing it from someone else who deserves it, who deserves you, because I’m so fucking selfish-“
“Will you STOP…calling yourself that?”
The snap in his voice was expected, but the words left you reeling. “But I am, Steve. It’s okay. I’m big enough to admit that about myself.”
Steve shakes his head, fast and insistent as he walks closer to you again. His hands reach out to touch you, but he stops himself and lets his hands stay by his sides. “Honey.” He wants you to look at him, but you don’t. You can’t. The soft brush of his sigh caresses your cheek, he’s so close to you. He smells like mornings, and sleep, and Steve. It’s a smell you wish you could put in a candle, and smuggle it out with you when you inevitably pack your stuff up to leave. Shoved deep between hoodies and sweaters you wanted to steal as well.
“….I always hope you’d change your mind, too.” His voice is soft, cracking with emotion. “Before I asked you out, I knew. You…aren’t subtle about it, Sweetheart. Hell, you probably don’t remember, but one night when you came home from a party that someone brought their kids to, you ranted about how much you didn’t get why someone would even want their kids there in the first place.” His lips curl up in the slightest of smiles, finding amusement in it, even if the memory just proved how awful you were to yourself. “You called them Hell-Spawns. I snickered over that for weeks. Eddie thought it was hilarious when I told him.”
That gets you to look at him, and instead of the anger you were expecting, there was just…sadness. Disappointment, which was infinitely worse. “It’s not…that’s not funny, Steve. I wasn’t joking when I called them that.”
“I know.” He turns serious, shaking his head. The curl in front of his eyes bouncing, and jumping. “Which is fine, you know? Not everyone wants kids. Hell, some people have kids when they shouldn’t.” He winces, and you can picture his absent parents. You can hear the Byers’ family fights, and can see the disconnect between the Wheelers. You can feel the way Eddie is bitter over his father every time he mentions him.
“But you want kids.” You reiterate, circling back to the topic even if you wish you didn’t have too. “You do, and you should have them. It’s…it’s wonderful that you do, you know? It’s amazing that you do. That you’re so keen on being there for them.”
“I do.” Steve admits, and you’re relieved that he was being honest with you, even if his next words ache. “But, I want you more.”
“Steve you can’t. You can’t have it both ways, here. One of us is going to end up unhappy if we stay like this, together. We’ll resent each other, end up in a loveless marriage like the Wheelers, or fight like the Byers. If we have kids, they’ll talk about me the same way Eddie talks about his dad.”
“Can’t I?” Steve reaches out, his touch gentle as he cups your cheek. “You know, I’ve been thinkin’ about taking a job working with kids. Maybe a teacher, or a coach. Can’t I have both then?”
“Steve, you aren’t going to be happy with that after a while. Wouldn’t you want your own?”
For the first time this morning, Steve smiles. Soft, and amused. “Are you forgettin’, honey? I’ve been taking care of a bunch of little shits for years now. Maybe this time I’ll actually get payed for it.” He chuckles, and the sound pushes away the darkness in your heart. For the first time, you feel…hope. The smallest glimmer of it. “We’ll make it work, we will. Together.” He leans closer, hand resting on the counter as his forehead rests against your own. You close your eyes and breathe him in. Your voice is soft, tentative as you speak.
“…You promise?”
“I do. You aren’t selfish, or horrible, or maybe we’ve both been that way to each other, or maybe we’re just shit at communicating.”
You giggle, smiling through the relieved tears in your eyes. “We can work on that, I think.”
Steve nods, lips soft as he presses them to yours so sweetly, his body relaxing against yours as the Sunday morning light bathes the both of you. “We will, together.”
(Readmore sacrifice)
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findafight · 1 year
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Any thoughts about Stobin's reaction to the 80s masterpiece that was the musical Chess? I have a feeling "Pity the child" would do a number on Stevie boy... "Pity the child who knew his parents; Saw their faults; Saw their love die before his eyes; Pity the child that wise; He never asked "Did I cause your distress?"; Just in case they said yes"
Prefacing this with: You literally asked for this
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Listen. Listen. LISTEN. I have been holding back on projecting too much on Steve, specifically with him being a lifeguard with an outdoor pool but also must admit that I have had to hold back on making a poto reference in RASEPSM because it hadn't come out yet. Physical pain from that.
But you came to me, on this blog with my headcanons, with the musical that I have such a clear memory of listening to for the first time in the most Steve Way (cleaning an outdoor pool in the rain with nothing but a bra and short shorts on, no clue what the hell I was getting into with this musical)
Chess is one of those batshit musicals that has a bunch of different versions and reorderings. (More drastic than just moving I Dreamed A Dreamed to after Lovely Ladies in Les mis 2012) so, unlike my OBC (i think? it may have been the west end version. it's been years) first time listening, we are saying Steve got the original concept album in fall of 1984. Not because he'd heard anything about it, but because he's spent two weeks listening to the Voulez-vous album after Nancy and he broke up and the music of Chess is written by the two B's of ABBA. It's a natural transition for a man who has a secret musical theatre stash.
(he doesn't really need to SEE them, he just likes listening to them. figuring out the plots by the songs. Also he's in love with Julie Andrews this is fact [aren't we all, though?])
He likes to listen to musicals while doing water tests and vacuuming the pool, but it's November so he doesn't do that, just. Lies on the floor of the livingroom trying to figure out what the fuck is happening in the musical. It is difficult. (He thinks there's a love triangle between the American grandmaster man, the Soviet grandmaster lady, and her loyalty to her country. Takes YEARS for him to figure out he's wrong. Just like meeee)
He likes the motifs, (Budapest is rising my beloved...) and how dramatic everyone is about this tournament. One Night in Bangkok is a fucking bop and a half. (I love how there's some interpretation of Freddie being ace because of the line "I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine"[objectively iconic ace line in a pretty queer song], versus whatever the fuck Raúl Esparza had going on in 2018 that was. Uh. Not what I'd call an asexual interpretation of the character in that song but my god i doubt anyone was complaining.)
But. Pity The Child hits a bit close to home as he lies on his back on an immaculate carpet in a hollow house. Especially if you consider his mother may have used him to fill the emotional void where his father was supposed to be and put her emotional baggage on him with his father away on business and being unfaithful. (and also if you headcanon Steve as bi because that song is queer. I'm just saying. it is. even without the line "I was a fool and probably queer" but that line is there so. make of that what you will) And the line "I wouldn't call: a crazy thing to do/Just in case she said who?" STEVE LINE STEVE LINE
But also. That entire musical is chock full of people belting their hearts out about struggling to choose what they want. How they're supposed to go, what they're supposed to do. It's not about chess, or the cold war (well. It IS but...) It's also a lot about people wanting to be someone they aren't, and concerned about how they are perceived. Hmmm. HMMM. INTERESTING.
Like. Heaven help my heart?? I know him so well?? post s2 broken hearted Steve is called tf out. Basically the entirety of tape 2 of the concept album knocks Steve on his ass. Mentally, he is here:
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And ofc Robin finds his little mixtape of sad musical songs is like "steve. why are you obsessed with this musical. I am IN drama and I haven't heard of it. what the fuck. there's russians. we aren't fond of those guys." and steve has to go
"Robin listen. The guys from ABBA wrote the music and it's KINDA queer, and also please listen to this song. you can't even tell who's russian it doesn't matter"
and robin listens which finally makes her realize
"wait. why did you get this to begin with? Just because of the ABBA guys?"
"Robin. I have a collection of possibly every officially released musical from the past twenty years. I just like 'em. Have you heard Colm Wilkinson's voice? Julie Andrews? ABBA guys were a bonus."
and now I'm thinking of Musical Theatre actor Steve but let's not get a head of ourselves but also imagine... steve on broadway and robin in the pit as trumpet... being besties
anyways yeah I think they'd like the musical Chess.
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somanywords · 6 months
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fic writer tag game
Thanks for the tag, @tessabennet <3
Rules: Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖
This is getting harder to play now that I've got 11 fics out in the world (wooo!), but here are 5 that I really enjoyed writing--some that are really fun to reread, even by myself who spent way too long editing, some that made my brain work really hard, and my very first one ever, which still makes me smile. :)
Another Song, Another Spring (stucky, modern au)
Bucky smiles into his phone. “Yeah, thanks, Mom. Actually, I had a few questions? What age do babies start mimicking language, aka cussing? And what age do they start walking?” “Is this for your book?” his mother asks suspiciously. “Yes,” Bucky says, staring into the eyes of the baby on his couch. “Yes."
2. tryin' to talk with a fist in ya mouth (newsies, canon verse)
Jack from start to finish, a tired and kicking beast of a story. Featuring growing up, finding yourself, and finding others, although not necessarily in that order.
3. say it soft and it's almost like praying (stucky, divergence post ws)
Natasha says, “Look, whatever the truth is about you, we have no way of really knowing the Winter Soldier's intentions. He’s not all there, he’s not who you remember. He’s a hot mess, Steve.” “Why does everyone think that?” Steve says, and he’s nearly yelling, but not quite, because he doesn’t need to, not when they’re so close. “Why does everyone keep saying he’s a mess—have you seen me? ”
4. Misplaced Pencils (stucky, canon verse) (1st fic! 1st baby!)
“Ma, I’m going to start drawing,” Steve says. “Are you now?” she asks interestedly, sitting across from him. “What kinds of things will you draw?” He stares at his spoon, giving the question the full attention it deserves. “…Things every artist should know how to draw,” he starts slowly. His Ma nods. “Things that are interesting to me…and Things that are beautiful,” he finishes. Or, Steve and drawing throughout the years. Also Bucky.
5. the grey sea and the long black land (six of crows, post canon)
In the dream, she wakes up each morning and knows exactly who Inej Ghafa is, the churning sea inside her finally quieted. Inej sifts through the new tentative foundations of her life to learn which direction is forward--Told in fifty sentences
This one went around a while ago, so if you've already played, feel free to ignore or point me to your posts--@turtle-steverogers @its-tortle @zenaidamacrouras1 @greyhavensking @between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place @blurglesmurfklaine @aimmyarrowshigh @darter-blue and anyone else who wants to share <3
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fastcardotmp3 · 1 year
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When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!
oh what a cool thing 😭💛
I've only got 4 fics on ao3 right now but I'll pad it with something from my tumblr ramblings too fjdaskl
METAMORPHOSES - (109k+ wip) Eddie post-Kas possession recovery fic ft. Steddie hurt/comfort slow burn and the Eddie & Nancy friendship of my dreams
I think this is genuinely my favorite thing I've written so far even though it's not done yet. It feels like I've learned a piece of what it's taken to pull this together from every other thing I've written for this fandom and I'm finally finding a cohesive way to put those pieces together. Upside Down twisty turns? Character studies? Motifs and throughlines? you know the drill. I love this Eddie with my entire goddamn soul I'm so grateful to anyone who has taken the time to hang out with me in this little universe
there's blood in my ears (and a fool in the mirror) - (58k) Eddie & Max escape from the UD post S4 ft. Steddie getting to know each other pre S4
my very first ST fic, I just NEEDED to write about Eddie and Max stumbling their way into chosen family-hood and stumbled myself into making Boys Kiss along the way and although it's not as popular as some of my other stuff, I love this little world and I love my first try at playing around with UD logistics and DIY lore.
someone else's favorite song - (120k) Steve centric as he grieves the death of his mother and stumbles through the ups and downs of a FWB relationship with Eddie
This will never not have a special place in my heart, I got so much out of writing this both on a technical writing learning level and just the catharsis that always comes with writing about grief for me. I write for myself to such a degree that it still shocks me every time someone mentions connecting to this story and I am so full of gratitude that my catharsis could be yours too so just <3
that's just wasteland, baby! - (19k) Steve centric post S4 apocalyptic Hawkins ft. life affirming shower sex and buzzcut!Steve
I am always thinking about the immediate aftermath of season 4 and what kind of impact All That would have on the actual town of Hawkins, I mean we are RIFE with opportunity for good apocalyptic romance/ found family and this was my go at it. I'm really proud of managing to do something short and slice-of-life rather than accidentally writing a novel fajdskl and I had a really good time just narrowing my focus and making it a small story in such a Big setting ya know
reprogrammed au - (tumblr meta) after the end of the war with the UD, the people responsible for the NINA Project use that technology to wipe the Party's memories (at least for a little while)
If it's not already clear, I really love playing with the boundaries of what sort of unexplored set-ups exist for cool premises in the canon ST universe and this is just a further extension of that. I would love to write a longer more involved version of this, because there are just SO many avenues to take, especially with such a broad ensemble cast, and I love a good, kind of fucked up introspective moment/ any excuse to mess around with structure and unreliable narration so this is like the gold mine for me.
I have no idea who's already done this so apologies if I send out any repeats! I just haven't been scrolling as much this week because I'm busy getting my ass kicked by situations and circumstances and such woof
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patiencetakestyme · 2 years
Text
The Cheerleader and the Freak, Epilogue
Epilogue
A/N:  This is it!  We've reached the end of this story!  I want to thank everyone that stuck with this story to the end; it means so very much to me!  
If you loved this story, and if you’re interested in reading the other things I’ve written, check out my book:  The House of Dormiens by K.A. Saylor.  You can find it on Amazon! 
As always, thank you for any and all support!  
As they emerged from the Upside Down, the sunlight was blinding.  It felt so warm and welcoming; she had never been so incredibly grateful to see the light of day.  
The group disbanded, but she knew things had changed between them; they had all worked together to overcome this horrible incursion.  They had shared trauma now.  Though they were parting ways for now—to shower, to eat, to find some sense of peace after a long night and a long battle—they were stuck together forever.  These people—Nancy, Steve, Dustin…Eddie—they understood her and her suffering in a way that no one else would ever really be able to touch.  
Eddie offered to walk her home, and she readily accepted.  On the way, they exchanged battle stories.  He couldn’t believe all that she had gone through, and she felt rather similarly about his own excursions.  
But she was admittedly distracted during the conversation.  Facing the prospect of seeing her mother again…it worried her.  She still had “These Dreams” thrumming through her headphones—she would continue to play the song continuously for a few more days, until she could be absolutely certain she was rid of Vecna’s curse.  And if there was anything that was going to trigger an episode, it was coming face to face with the woman that was the source behind it all.  
But things felt different now; she felt different now.  She couldn't explain it, but she was fairly certain she was no longer under Vecna’s curse.  She just felt…free, independent from her need to conform to her mother’s wishes and demands.  
She would need to explain her absence, but that was achievable; she would merely claim that she had been staying over with a friend from the cheer squad.  Her parents would be disgruntled, but she was not worried; she had been a perfect angel in their eyes leading up to this moment—they would undoubtedly punish her for her lack of notice, but in the end, she would survive it.  She could survive anything after her time spent in the Upside Down.  
What was going to be harder was dealing with them.  Her perspective on her parents had changed—not only because of Eddie, but because of the steps she had had to take to defeat Vecna.  Experiencing the meeting of their minds—his mind and her mind intermingling, his trauma and her trauma intermingling—it had been enlightening.  She had, in essence, ultimately put her emotional baggage behind her.  In the end, that had been the trick to defeating Vecna’s curse—or, at least, the hold it had on her.  If she processed her trauma, he couldn’t use said trauma against her.  
That did not mean that she was completely over what her parents had done to her.  It would be with her forever; it was a part of her, and it always would be.  
But she could not look at her parents the same way ever again.  She could now process just how horrible they had been to her.  Even now, looking down at the filthy cheer uniform that she had been wearing for days—it looked like it belonged in a horror movie—she knew her mother would immediately have some passive-aggressive comments to throw her way.  
But she had Eddie now.  He looked like he had been through war, too.  And they had, she realized.  Quite the pair they made.  
When they reached her house, she felt her palms start to sweat.  Already, she could feel that impulse—could hear her mother’s voice whispering to her, telling her that her relationship with Eddie would only bring judgment.  She shook her head, locking it down.  She pushed herself, choosing not only to refuse to listen to her mother’s voice, but to stand in direct defiance of it.  She reached down, holding his hand in her own.  
They came to a stop at the front door.  She turned the knob, knowing her parents were home and would be watching—knowing they would be confused into silence at the sight of someone other than Jason on their doorstep.  
“I’ll see you later?” she asked, with an encouraging nod.  
“Yeah, I’d kill for a shower,” he started, his smile enthusiastic—defiant.  “But we can meet up this afternoon?” he asked, leaning in.  
“Sounds perfect,” she confirmed, with a smile.  
Before she could second guess herself—before she could put too much thought into it—she leaned in to kiss him on the lips.  She knew he had little warning or time to prepare for this—so she hadn’t expected much from it—but he proved her wrong; he was quicker on his feet than she had anticipated.  His hand came up, cupping around the nape of her neck and bringing her in even closer—bringing her in for the sweetest kiss she had ever experienced.  
“No conforming while I’m gone,” Eddie pulled back, his joking smile firmly in place.  
“Oh, come on,” she started, with an overly dramatic sigh.  “A little conforming.”  
“Like what?” he spat indignantly, but his smile was still holding strong.  
“You’ve taught me a lot,” she conceded.  “Now, it’s my turn to teach you a few things.”
“Like what?” he repeated; this time, he couldn’t resist laughing as well.  
She thought about it, but only for a second.  “Stop selling drugs,” she suggested; she was smiling, but there was an undeniably audacious edge to her tone.  She wanted to maintain what had always been true about their relationship:  they joked, they laughed, but they also shared serious things they refused to share with anyone else; they learned from each other and became better people as a result.  “I don’t need you going to jail.” 
“That’s fair,” he conceded, his smile becoming more genuine as he seemed to read the change in the tone of the conversation.  “I’ll take it.”
“See you this afternoon?”
He nodded, confirming their plans.  She entered the house, closed the door behind her, and approached the kitchen, passing her parents in the process—both of whom were staring, their mouths popped open, speechless.  She went right for the pantry and extracted just what she had been looking for:  a can of Spaghettios, a now treasured artifact memorializing their time spent at Reefer Rick’s, her time spent letting go of the control food had over her—her time spent finding her freedom.  
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oops-itssteveperry · 3 years
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“When I... need you, I just close my eyes and you're... here. Right beside me when I'm lost in... shadows of the memories of you... oh my dear” (X)
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falcqns · 3 years
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my little flower
pairing: dad!bucky barnes x mom!reader
summary: bucky’s daughter turns one.
warnings: angst, and fluff. probably canon errors but i don’t have the comics on hand sorryyyyy
a/n: just me expressing emotion through mr boobky boobernoobs. also the little letter the reader has written is what i have written for my daughters birthday. LASTLY i know i have a story for Henry Cavill and his daughters name is lavender and i was gonna change it but then it wouldn’t make sense so i just kept it yk. anyways, hope you enjoy.
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Bucky glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time that night.
he was alternating between looking at the clock, his phone, and his sleeping daughter.
she turned one tomorrow, and he had no clue what to write. there were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew he had limited space on instagram captions to do so.
he wasn’t into instagram too much, but some how Sam and Wanda had convinced him to post for his daughters birthday. he had a few other pictures of you and her, and one or two of him on there already.
posting those seemed so easy for him. he took the picture, thought of a caption pre war Bucky would use, and hit post.
but when it came to his daughters birthday? the 106 year old was clueless.
he had asked you for advice, and you had just told him to remember what it felt the first time he held her, which was not helpful, because the first thing he felt was fear.
then, an overwhelming and crushing sense of love. like everything made sense. everything was clearer, because of the tiny little baby in his arms. he was terrified. more scared than he was when he was hanging on to that train for dear life, hoping he could just reach Steve’s hand. more scared than when he knew his memories of Steve and Rebecca and everyone in his past was fading due to Zola and Hydra.
a million times more scared than when he watched himself dust away in that beautiful Wakandan forest.
he was scared, but at the same time, he felt so safe. it was the same kind of safe he felt with you, but more intense. he knew that the little girl he was holding would never judge him for his past. all she would do is love him, love her Tătic.
Tătic. he had heard a Romanian child say it when he was seeking refuge in Bucharest, and he knew that’s what he wanted to be called. not dad, daddy, dada, papa, or any other versions of father. he wanted Tătic.
he felt safe, at home even, in Bucharest. yes, his apartment was rather shitty, but it was his. he had something materialistic and tangible that was fully his, after not having anything, not even his own body, to himself for over 50 years.
Bucky refocused his eyes on his phone, and decided to glance at what you had posted. he sighed as he realized that it was absolutely beautiful, and that nothing he could do would top it.
it was a video of all the firsts that Bucky had insisted on recording. he remembered sitting in his bed, in Bucharest, a few weeks after getting there. he had been thinking about Rebecca, and suddenly, a memory of her first steps came to him. he saw her little chubby body wobble before she took her first steps into their mother’s waiting arms. Bucky knew he couldn’t have been too old, but immediately started sobbing when he realized he’d never get to relive that moment. he didn’t stop sobbing for a good few hours. out of happiness, sadness, regret, he didn’t know. he had scrambled to grab a journal and wrote down every detail of that moment, before stuffing it in his go bag.
reliving it wasn’t something he’d ever thought about before, in 1945. there weren’t affordable video cameras, and there was no way to store them forever. so when Lavender came along, he insisted that every little first be recorded so he could relive it over and over again.
he watched as she took her first breath, rolled for the first time, crawled for the first time, said her first word (it was ‘plum’) and walked for the first time.
his eyes drifted down to the paragraph, and focused on reading the words.
‘lavender.
your name represents purity, silence, devotion, calmness, serenity, and grace. i gave you this name because i know you will represent all of those things. i named you after Lavender Brown from Harry Potter. Lavender was a beautiful, strong, and amazing character. she showered Ron with love, and adoration, which is all i have felt this past year of being your mama. you remind me of Lavender in so many ways. from the smiles i get to see in the morning, to the cuddles i get at night, to the way you, just this week, saw another child crying in daycare and went and offered your toy up without a second thought. you then hobbled away, and found a new toy. you never came to me to show you what you did, you never took another child’s toy now that yours was gone, you just did it. that is something Lavender did. Lavender gave everything to Ron without a second thought. she may not have been appreciated, but i will appreciate you and all of the little things that you do to help others, even at just a year old. you bring light and love to whoever is near you. you love with your whole being, which i adore. you’re only one, but you put your hands in the air and sing (babble, really) along to every single praise song, you dance, you sit quietly during prayer, and most importantly you love God with everything in your tiny little body. from the moment the nurses laid your even tinier body on my chest, it was just you, me, and your father. i had dreamed of that moment for years, but nothing compared to it. one year ago today, you were placed on my chest, a screaming red little bundle, and you instantly calmed down. i remember looking down at you and being so happy that i finally had my little girl. i remember thinking “God really sent me an angel in the form of a baby,” which is EXACTLY what he did. you are my sweet baby girl, and always will be. i will love and. adore you for the rest of my life. my sweetie pie, my Laffy Taffy, my love. my little flower, Lavender. happy birthday.’
how could he follow that?
he took another glance at the crib that sat at the end of the bed, and watched as his daughter sighed, and pushed her diapered butt up in the air before continuing to snooze.
he looked down at his phone, and decided to just follow his heart. let the words flow. it didn’t matter if it made sense, but he wanted the world to know just how much he loved her.
he took a deep breath, and began to type.
‘lavender rebecca barnes.
there are so many words that i could use to describe how wonderful, sweet, kind, adorable, and gracious you are, but even all of those could never fully express how much i love you, and how much you mean to me.
when your mom told me about you, i was terrified. i have done so many bad things in my life, why was God rewarding me with a tiny little human? i spent so many nights praying to God that i would never hurt you. that you would never see me as the world does. that you would never judge me for the things that i did.
but i didn’t have to worry. the second i saw your little face, all of those stresses and anxieties melted away. as i held you, i realized that you were mine. fully mine. having something of my own is something that i was deprived of for many years, and one day you will learn about that.
when i held you for the first time, i was petrified. you were tiny. the smallest, but most real thing i had ever held. you didn’t cry, you just gazed up at me. almost as if you knew i was your Tătic. that you knew i was your father.
your mother tells me that when babies are born, they don’t understand the grasp of ‘mother and father’, they more recognize who is a safe caregiver and who isn’t.
you, without a hesitation, recognized me as a safe caregiver, and have stood by that every one of these last 365 you have graced me, your mother, and everyone around you with your presence.
it has been a pleasure to watch you grow, and as much as it makes me sad knowing that one day you’ll know the truth about me, i know you won’t judge me. i know you will love me for me. the man who created you, who helped give you life.
you are such a special little girl, and i can only hope to show you just how special you are for the rest of my life.
i love you, lavender rebecca barnes.’
his thumb shook as it hovered over the post button, but he pressed it anyways. the screen brought up a loading symbol for less than a second, and then the post was there.
he shut off his phone, and placed it on the charger next to him, before getting up and walking to the crib.
he lifted her out, and laid her on his chest, before walking back to the bed and sitting down carefully. he gazed down at his daughter, a fact that still blew his mind, as she slept so soundly, even with the coolness of the metal arm probably seeping through the fabric of her white kitty cat onesie.
he glanced over at the clock, and didn’t stop the tear that rolled down his face when it hit 12:00.
“happy birthday, my little flower.”
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fangirlovestuff · 3 years
Text
littera scripta manet - steve rogers x reader
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a/n - hey lovely people!! first of all, this is based on a moodboard by the amazing @cloudystevie​, which inspired this whole fic, thank you!! the picture above is how i imagined steve in this one, but you can imagine him however you want:) also, there’s a list of meanings of the flowers i mention at the end because i’m a sucker for the language of flowers (the flowers are in bold in the fic). i love the dark academia aesthetic and i hope i did it justice:) enjoy!!<3
title means ‘the written letter remains’
summary: unlike you, steve doesn’t have a problem admitting to himself he has feelings for his best friend. that’s what makes it so painful when it seems like you don’t.
word count: 7k (oops?)
warnings / tags: friends to lovers, Pining™ , angst with a happy ending, as slow burn as a one shot can be, an obnoxious amount of clichés but i’m not sorry, no plot just vibes (i mean there’s like,,, some plot i guess), the songs/quotes i used in this aren’t mine!!!
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
You watched as the morning mist slowly faded, the sun showing it away. You watched as the curtains fluttered against the touch of a delicate wind. You watched as the sparks of dawn came to life under the sky's watchful eye. You watched the tree beneath your window in the glory of its blossom.
You turned your body in the other direction, the one facing not the east window but the bed. And there, beside you, you watched as he stirred hazily, his body still clad in yesterday's clothes, huffing out a quiet breath before his eyelashes fluttered open to reveal the pair of familiar blue eyes.
You watched, and his eyes told you the most amazing story – his look was disoriented, then bewildered, and then, well, the most gorgeous smile stretched onto his features, and it told the rest – love, and hope, and home.
That story is the one I will tell you today.
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
The first day of school was always a straining one. All the way from elementary school to high school, it was a constant in your life.
There was, however, one more constant. Your best friend.
Steve Rogers was truly the most wonderful of boys.
You two met when you were very young, your mothers getting along well, so you had no choice but to do so as well. And you did get along, splendidly. You became fast friends, not stopping even when his other friends were telling him about 'girl germs' or when your other friends were constantly asking if you wanted him to be your boyfriend, or if he was. What you and Steve had transcended it, in a way.
You grew together, and you watched as Steve Rogers became the most wonderful of men. He was your best friend, and you loved him with your whole heart. Platonically, of course.
You smiled at him fondly as the both of you stepped into your new college, in through the big iron gates. As far as you looked there was grass, trees, flowers. The big cobblestone building stood tall in the distance, and if you listened carefully, you could hear the chatter of students above the sound of the wind that was gently ruffling your uniform skirt.  
"Excited?" Steve asked, smiling back at you.
"Nervous," you let out a quiet laugh.
"You shouldn't be," he answered, "look at this place!" he gestured around, "you fit right in here with all the-" he cut himself off, closing his mouth before continuing, "you fit right in!"
"Yeah, maybe. This place is just… dreamy," you smiled. "But that doesn't stop me from being nervous."
"Well, you have no reason to be," he took your hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly.
You hoped he was right. You never liked being far away from home, but this school was truly the school of your dreams, and well, with Steve by your side… you could never be that far away from home.
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Adjusting was… an experience, certainly. This school was like nothing you've known before, the uniform seemed a bit excessive, the school halls were so incredibly long, and the grounds so vast you could barely see the outside. And yet, it felt like something about this place was magical. Like it accepted you right in, it wanted you to be there. The library was huge, and you've already spent countless hours digging away for course related materials and, well, less course related materials. The vast grounds meant you could walk out every day in a different direction, if you wanted to, and find a new hidden treasure.
You shared your thoughts with Steve when you discovered one of these treasures together. It was fairly early evening, you two had just gotten out of class and were walking off the long day you've had, and you suddenly came across some high rose bushes. Steve tried to see what was on the other side of them, but it was too tall even for him, so you circled around and found a small, rusty gate. You went through it to discover a small fountain, with a marble statue of a mermaid in the center.
You gasped in delight, unable to contain yourself from running to kneel on the grass next to it, looking into the water curiously. Dipping your hand in tentatively, you shivered at the touch of the chilly water, and immediately took out your hand, massaging it in your other one to warm it up.
Steve laughed as he finally caught up with you, not running but walking calmly. He dipped his hand in the water as well, before raising his brow mischievously. Before you could ask him what's going on, he took his hand out of the water and sprayed the cold droplets of water right on your face.
"Steven Grant Rogers!" you said, shocked, "You did not just do that," you glared at him.
"You know what, you're right," he began shuffling away, "I didn't," he stood up with a cheeky smile as you continued to glare at him, "It was a happy accident."
"Oh I'll show you happy accident!" you couldn't contain your laughter anymore as you dipped your hand in the water again, getting up to chase him around the little garden. He managed to evade you for a bit, and then you finally caught up to him, placing your cold hand right on the back of his neck. He turned around, making him lose his balance and fall down onto the grass, which in turn made you topple over him, stopping your fall with your hands just when you were about to fall onto his chest.
"Alright, I surrender!" he lifted his hands up.
"Good," you smirked.
There was a moment where you just stared into each other's eyes, each sparkling with a smile. It was broken when Steve asked, "Well, can I, uh, get up now?"
You noticed you ended up straddling his hips, which you then fumbled to undo, standing back up hastily. You dusted your skirt a little awkwardly, avoiding Steve's eyes as he got up too. You didn't even know why you were feeling so awkward. You've had plenty of play fights with Steve, there was no reason for this one to be different.
But Steve just extended his arm to you, like he did on the first day you were here. You took it, and just like that, you were fine again.
"Do you know, Stevie, I think there's something magical about this school," you told him as you were walking.
"Really? Why do you think that?"
"Well, the library's huge a-"
Steve burst into laughter, and once it died down a little, he said, "I'm sorry, it's just so… like you to say a big room full of books is magical. It's true, don't get me wrong," he said before you could get annoyed, "but I feel like no one but you would have vocalized that truth."
"Well then, lucky I'm here," you smiled.
"Yeah," he said softly, "very lucky."
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
About a month later it turned out the school holds a ball twice a year, at the start of winter and at the end of spring, right before the school year ends. At first you were a little shocked, but you quickly warmed up to the idea, given that it was very much on brand with everything else in the school.
You did obviously make more friends than just Steve, so you and your friends went to get dresses together. Roaming between the big expansive stores was fun, but after a while you all realized it wasn't very affordable, and not really your style. You wandered into a small, secluded second hand shop, where you found the perfect dress – fancy but not overly glamorous, a color that suited you beautifully, and not too bad of a price. It made you feel like a princess, the long skirts shuffling gently behind you as you stepped out of the fitting room to show it to your friends, who were just in love with it as you were and told you to buy it right away.
That night you went home with a dress in your hand and a smile in your heart.
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
As the school year progressed, you started picking up and drying different flowers you found on the grounds, keeping them between pages of your notebooks. A bit of a messy hobby at times, but it made you happy.
You were just writing a letter to your family, trying to figure out if and which flower you should attach to it, when you heard a knock on your dorm door.
"Just a second!" you called out before shutting the ink box, putting down the dip pen before getting up and opening your door. There, you found a flustered Steve, smiling at you with a few honeysuckle flowers in his hand.
"I, uh, brought these for you," he said timidly, "I know you collect flowers and I don't think you have some of these yet."
"I don't!" you smiled and took them from Steve's hand, "thank you!"
You ushered him in before putting the honeysuckles on your desk. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," he shrugged. He saw the letter and pen on your desk. "Oh, am I interrupting you? I'm sorry, I could come back later if y-"
"It's alright Stevie," you chuckled, "I was just writing home. Anything you'd want me to tell my family for you?"
"Ummm… hi?" he smiled bashfully and you both laughed.
"Well, that's just too long! I don't have any more place on the page for such eloquent greetings!" you teased.
"Alright, then no, I don't have anything to say to them. I wrote my family a few days ago already, so if you wanted to say anything to them, you'll just have to wait till next time."
"Anyways," you smiled, "did you need anything?"
"Not really," he shook his head, "I just, well, I don't really have a person to go with to, you know, the ball thing, so i-"
"So you want me to set you up?" you giggled. "Is it Ella? Or is it Kathrine?"
"No, let me finish," he half heartedly grumbled. "I was thinking, I wanted to ask you to come with me," he smiled timidly, averting his gaze. After you didn't say anything, he continued, "I mean, I didn't think you had anyone to go with either, and since we've been friends since forever, I thought-"
"No, yeah, that's a great idea!" you spoke up quickly, "Sorry, I just spaced for a moment, I think that'd be great, since no one really asked me and stuff," you shrugged and smiled.
"Great!" he smiled.
"Great," you nodded. You both chuckled, not really knowing what to say.
"I should leave you to get back to your letter," Steve said after a moment. "I'll, um, see you around."
You told him goodbye before shutting the door behind him and sitting back down at your desk. But you found you didn't have it in you to pick up your pen. No, your train of thought was lost, and was now racing a hundred miles per hour, because –
Because why would he ask you. Because he could've asked any other girl and they would've probably said yes, yet the thought of him going with another girl made your stomach drop in a peculiar way. The obvious answer was that it was just about his comfort zone, which you knew Steve was prone to staying in.
Yeah, that's it. It's just comfortable. Familiar.
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The night before the ball, you found yourself tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. At around 2 am, you officially gave up and traded in your pajamas for some more presentable clothes in case someone is also awake, and made your way to the library.
Over the few months you've been here, the library has become somewhat of an escape for you. Sure, it was where you did a large amount of your schoolwork, but it was also the place that allowed you to 'travel' to several magnificent worlds.
You made your way as quietly as you could, picking up one of your favorite classics. It was an old, worn in version of Dumas' "The Count of Monte Cristo", a book which you vaguely remembered reading in your childhood and, when you stumbled upon it here, fell in love with all over again.
The place was dark, and you wanted to keep it like that, giving you less of a chance to be disturbed by others. You sat down and lit a candle, getting immersed in your book. So immersed, you didn't notice the sound of footsteps coming up behind you.
"I figured I'd find you here," Steve smiled, sitting down on the wooden chair next to yours.
"How come?" you smiled back and closed the book, not before putting a bookmark in it.
"I went up to your room to see if you were still awake because I wanted to show you something. When you didn't answer my knock, I guessed you were either in extremely deep sleep or you were here. And would you look at that, I was right," he smirked.
You chuckled. "What did you want to show me?"
"Come on," he stood up and extended his hand to you, "I can show you right now."
You smiled and followed him as he led you outside, into the chilly night. You shivered slightly as the cold air hit your face. "Steve," you complained, "I wasn't really planning on going outside. I don't have my jacket."
"Oh, right," he said, stopping in his tracks, "sorry. But you could just take mine," he said, while already shrugging it off.
"No, Steve, then you'll get-"
"Come on!" he smiled, wrapping the jacket around your shoulders, "let's go!"
You giggled at his excitement, adjusting his jacket a little before following him further away. He took you somewhere you had shockingly never been before, a small, secluded field of hydrangeas, peaceful in the moonlight. You looked around in awe.
"I knew you'd like it," he smiled. "And look," he gestured upwards, "it's far enough from the building so we can really see the stars."
You looked up and your breath caught in your throat at the sight. He was right. The stars never seemed so many or so bright to you than in the moment.
"See right there? That's Ursa Major, and that-"
You looked to him, and his words faded away in your mind, becoming a low stream of sounds. Everything seemed to become softer, distant, while he flooded your mind.
In that instant, it looked like Steve had the moon in him. Soft, and bright, and beautiful. His pale skin glistened under the moonlight, but when his eyes turned to meet yours, you thought you may have been wrong.
Because in them, you found the stars.
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And there it was, the big night, the night of the ball. You were nearly ready to put on your dress when you heard a knock at your door. You opened it to find Steve there, smiling.
"I just came to check in on you," he said, handing you a few hibiscus flowers. You smiled, taking them from him, your fingers brushing against his.
"Well, I'm doing quite well," you said, and wordlessly invited him in. He followed you inside and shut the door behind him.
"You look great," he said.
"I'm not even wearing my dress yet," you giggled. Squinting, you tried to figure out what about him seemed off to you. Then, when you realized it, you stepped up to him and brought up your hand to fix his shirt collar, which was partly stuffed under his tie. You then rested your hand next to his collarbone, above his heart.
"You look great too," you said softly, smiling a small smile up at him.
"Thanks," he breathed.
"Alright, I better get ready," you chuckled, stepping away from him. "I'll see you there."
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Steve didn't think of himself as a very sophisticated guy. Sure, he was smart enough, but he was no match to you, for example. He wasn't that big on words or analogies.
And yet, when he saw you step down the stairs into the ballroom, his first thought was that you looked like the sun, ethereal and radiant in your beauty, almost blindingly so; your hair was styled in a simple manner, your face stretched in a soft smile as your wonderous eyes roamed around the room. Your dress created an angelic sort of look, and as you gently walked down each step, your hand delicately gliding on the banister, he nearly couldn't believe you were real, that you were making your way to him.
The moment your eyes met his, your smile became bigger, your steps quickened, much like his heartbeat. When you arrived, he extended his arm to you, like he has a habit of doing, and greeted you a soft hello over the sounds of the dainty music.
The night went great, it really did. You two danced together, ate some of the fancy food, laughed. It was… magical. There was one point, when you were swaying together to a slow song, when he thought –
Well, it didn't matter what he thought, didn't it? Because at the end of the night, you didn't wait on him. No, you sneaked out with some guy in the year above you.
Steve wanted to be angry. He couldn't, not at you anyways.
Ever since a year ago, when you found out you were going to the same college, he knew. The relief that washed over him when he heard the news, the gratitude of being able to be by your side – he didn’t understand how he didn't see it sooner.
He assumed, sooner or later, you'd see in him what he sees in you. The sun. Happiness; bright, celestial, divine.
But maybe you can't see what's simply not there.
Steve went to his dorm. He went to sleep, but his nightmares awakened him again and again. Nightmares of losing you. So, without any other choice, at around 5 am he decided to give up and get up, maybe take a shower.
At the moment, it felt like real life wasn't any better than his nightmares. He hoped at some point, that would change.
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"Damien!" you laughed breathlessly as he pulled you through the endless corridors.  
"What?" he chuckled, stopping and turning back towards you, pulling you a little closer to him by your joint hands. You panted a little in an attempt to catch your breath before you spoke.
"Where are we going?"
"Oh, wherever you want to! Just away from that stuffy ballroom," he grinned.
"It wasn't stuffy, I thought it was very pretty!" you defended it with a smile.
"Not as pretty as you," he softly said, bringing his hand to cup your cheek. He's been complimenting you like that since you two met an hour ago at the ball, and well, you were a simple girl; you really wanted him to kiss you right now.
He took a step closer and his hand traveled to your chin, holding it and gently tilting your face up. Just as his lips touched yours, your eyes fluttered shut, allowing yourself to succumb to his embrace, your lips moving against his. You broke apart for air, and you opened your eyes when you remembered.
"Damien," you said, "I just remembered, I was with my friend at the ball and I didn't tell him I was going… can we go back for a second?"
He examined your face for a second before smiling and saying, "Sure. Just for a bit though," he winked.
You made your way back in silence, the sound of your footsteps muffled by the carpets below you. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you found him looking ahead with a smile. Bashfully, you smiled too, slightly biting your lower lip. Soon enough, you arrived.
Staying close to the ballroom doors, Damien asked you, "Can you see him?"
"I don't think so," you said with a frown, scanning the dancing crowd with your eyes. Steve was tall, usually you were able to easily pick out his frame from any crowd, but you couldn't see him anywhere nearby.
"Well," you said after a couple more moments passed, "he probably realized it and went already," you shrugged.
"In that case," Damien gestured at the exit, "After you, madam."
You giggled and bowed a small bow before exiting, Damien on your heels. You spent the night walking the grounds, talking to each other over the sound of the wind. When it was getting late, he escorted you to your room and gave you a good night's kiss, a perfect gentleman, just like you read about in books.
That night you slept peacefully, no dreams, good or bad, plaguing your consciousness. The next morning you woke up refreshed, ready to take on the day.
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You and Steve were still friends, but something changed. You didn't really see it, too occupied with school and Damien to notice, but there was a shift, a distance that wasn't there before. You still talked, you still hung out from time to time, it just… wasn't the same.
One day, when you were in the library together, one cold February night, Steve asked you a peculiar question.
"What do you think is the best way to tell someone you love them?"
"Why, any Valentine's day plans?" you joked.
"Nothing in particular," he shrugged.
"Well, I think the best way to tell someone you love them is with words. Just… say it, or write it, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess that's nice," he smiled, returning to his book.
"So, who's the lucky lady, huh?" you nudged him with your elbow, "is it Kathrine? Because I'm telling you, I really think if you'd ask h-"
"It's not Kathrine, because it's no one," he cut you off with a chuckle. "It was just a general question."
You never bugged him about it again, quite honestly you forgot about the whole ordeal.
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The months of the winter passed, and lo and behold, the spring settled over you. The winds were less harsh, the flowers were blooming again, the sun was shining brightly. With only a few scattered days of still wintery weather, you mostly studied outside on the grass, maybe under a tree. You were making the best of it, inviting your friends of Damien to study with you too. You felt like bursting into song.
One day, when you and Damien were sitting on the grass, studying together, he picked a rhododendron, sticking it behind your ear. The large flower didn't hold on for long, and fell down after a couple of seconds. You laughed, and he chuckled. Picking it up, you tried to put it on once more, but it just wouldn't stay. Then, you took it again and this time, stuck it behind his ear. Somehow, it managed to stay on.
You laughed, "You look very pretty."
"I do?" he asked, fluttering his lashes playfully, "why thank you darling."
After a while, he took it off and pressed in between the pages of his notebook. "Like you always do," he smiled, showing off the closed notebook before putting it back into his bag.
"Be careful," you giggled, "if it falls out the entire bag will be full of petals, and even when you’d think you got them all out, you'd find a couple more a few days later."
"Are you speaking from experience?" he asked cheekily.
"Why of course not! I was born a professional," you stuck your nose up indignantly, making him laugh.
"Of course you were, how could I forget," he offered you his hand and helped you up.
As you walked together back to the school building, you had a feeling you forgot something, or like something was missing. You looked back at the place you were sitting in seconds ago, but there was nothing there.
"Everything alright?" Damien asked.
"Yeah, everything's great," you answered, squeezing his hand that was clutched in yours.
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When the second ball was approaching, Damien had started to send you love letters. Every time you had gotten one, you felt your heart pick up its pace, a smile stretching on your face. Some of them were poems, some quotes, some just sentences, you didn't know which he wrote and which he read and thought of you. You took to the habit of saving them all in a small box in your room, going through them every couple of days.
I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you're everything that exists, the reality of everything ~Virginia Woolf  
Every one of them was simply signed with three x's, signifying kisses. You smiled as you put the most recent one into your pocket, intent on putting it with the rest later.
Some days, you'd get small notes, and some days would be a rather large page. You loved both.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning 
You resonated with the words, you've always loved poems. Weirdly, you've never talked to Damien about your love of them, but you guessed he just… knew. That's what made him so special.  
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson
That one made you stop in your tracks for a moment. It made you think of Steve. He didn't really bring you flowers anymore. Well, maybe he just didn't find any new ones.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom.      If this be error and upon me proved,      I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
~Shakespeare
You smiled brightly as you read the note. You were getting new ones every other day. Amongst the chaos of exams, it was nice, knowing that's the way he had to keep in touch with you. You were just done reading it when your friend came up behind your back, reading over your shoulder.
"Oh, did Damien bring you this?" she smiled. "You guys are so cute together."
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you The love of all man’s days both past and forever: Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life. The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours – And the songs of every poet past and forever.
~ Rabindranath Tagore
That last one you found in the library copy of "The Count of Monte Cristo". You gravitated towards it every time you were anxious, or couldn't sleep, or both. It was a comfort. Finding the note there nearly made you cry; the long day you've had mixed with the love you felt bringing tears to your eyes. You blinked them away with a smile, stuffing the note in your pocket before starting to read the book.
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Steve saw you open the book and get the note. He smiled to himself.
He didn't know if this would work, or if you'd think your boyfriend wrote them. He just wanted to make you smile.
He also wanted to make you know, make you understand what he was feeling. But you weren't exactly emotionally available right now, so Steve did the best he could; he waited.
In the meantime, he went to search for another poetry book. He was surprised you hadn't recognized his handwriting yet. He did write it a bit more neatly than he usually did, with more careful attention.
Maybe she recognized it but didn't want to say anything. Maybe that was a pitying smile, whispered a voice in his head. He shook it off.
He knew you weren't his, but he couldn't give up hope. He could wait some more.
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The spring / end of the year ball was approaching in giant steps. You were done with your exams, and already had a dress, which you adamantly refused to show Damien despite his repeated pleas. Now, you were spending an afternoon outside, enjoying the fresh air picnicking with some of your friends, who were playing a card game you couldn't care to learn the rules of. You were taking photos instead, borrowing one of your friends' camera and taking some pictures of them playing, of the scenery.
"Has Damien asked you to the ball yet?" one of them asked.
"Oh, not yet," you shrugged, "I'm sure he will though. I mean, you've seen the notes he sent me," you giggled, "I don't see another option."
Just then, you saw a figure coming towards you from afar. In the other direction, you saw Damien approaching, and before you had a chance to wonder about the other person, he was there, planting a kiss on your cheek. You put the camera down on the blanket and smiled at him.
"Speaking of the devil," your friend chuckled.
"Only good things, I hope," he sat down next to you.
"Of course," you laughed and leaned away from him to snap his picture, "what else could we have said?"
"Well, that's great, because I was wondering," he took a breath, "do you want to see me do a card trick?"
"Yes, sure," you said, slightly confused but still smiling.
He held up a card. "Could you tell me what card this is?"
"A leaf ace," you said.
"Great," he flipped it around in his hands a couple of times, before pulling off a complicated hand movement you couldn't keep track of, and was now holding a small, card sized mirror. "Now, could you tell me what card this is?"
"It's… a mirror," you said, puzzled.
"Look closer," he encouraged.
"Still a mirror, Dames," you chuckled.
"No, it’s a queen of hearts!" he laughed, "my heart, more specifically," he leaned in closer and smiled. "Would you go to the ball with me?"
"Yes! Of course I will!" you laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. Just then, you heard the shutter of the camera clicking, and broke apart from him, laughing.
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The night of the ball finally arrived. You were in Damien's room, getting ready, when you finally had the mind to say, "Oh, Damien, I don't think I ever thanked you for the notes," you smiled at him from the other corner of the room. He was standing in front of the mirror, tying his tie, while you were sitting on the bed, already in your dress, which you finally let him see.
"Oh, from last week's lecture? No problem love," he smiled at you, your eyes meeting through the mirror.
"No," you giggled, "I meant the notes you've been leaving me."
He looked at you, puzzled. "You know, the notes with the– oh come on, don’t play dumb," you scoffed playfully.
"I'm not," he said, "I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about." He finished the knot and came to stand in front of you, offering you his hand and helping you up. You stood in front of him, squinting.
"Okay," you said after a few moments. Smiling, you noticed his collar was partly stuffed under his tie, raising your hand to fix it and –
"Oh," you frowned softly.
You knew who wrote the notes. You knew all along. I mean, how couldn't you recognize the handwriting of the person you know the best? Who knows you better than anyone else?
The person you've been neglecting the past few months. And yet, he was sending you love letters. You felt like crying, because you should've known it was him. More than that, you should've realized; you love him too.  
You love him so much it nearly hurts. The man with flowers in his hand and stars in his eyes, the one who took you to every bookstore you ever wanted to visit, who gave you his jacket when you were cold, who knew not only what your favorite book was, but also what copy of it you would take.
As good as Damien was to you, he was never the one for you. He was charming, lovable for sure.
But he wasn't your Steve.
Your Steve who was probably going to the ball alone, or maybe not even going.
"Is everything okay?" Damien asked, a concerned frown on his features.
"No, I- look, Damien," you took a deep breath. "I owe you an explanation, and I swear, I will give it to you, but I just… I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean can't do this anymore? Do you not want to go to the ball or-"
"No," you closed your eyes forcefully before opening them, "us. I don't think we should be together anymore."
"Where is this coming from? Love, is everything o-"
"It's not okay, Damien!" tears welled up in your eyes, "It's not fair to you, I know. But I just… I have to go," you stepped away from his embrace.
"Go where? You're not making any sense, please, can you just-"
"I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry, but I have to go. I promise I'll explain everything, just… not right now," you said shakily, fumbling to collect your things before leaving the dorm, and a stunned Damien in your wake.
You weren't sure where you were going, you just knew you had to find him.
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You roamed the corridors in a bit of a daze until you finally realized your legs were carrying you to the library, and shook your head, deciding to go there anyway since there was a decent chance Steve was there.
He wasn't. You knocked on his dorm room door, but he didn't answer it, so he probably wasn't there either. You went to sneak a look at the ball, but you didn't find him there too.
You were just about to give up when you looked out of one of the windows. There, you saw the small glass gazebo that was a little further away from the building. The light was on, and there was someone there. You couldn't tell if it was Steve, but you figured it wouldn't hurt to try.
You went down the stairs and outside. The night was surprisingly crisp, and the dress you were wearing had short sleeves, but you continued anyway. As you got closer, you could see the silhouette clearer; it was indeed Steve.
You stopped a few yards next to it. Now that you found him, you didn't know what to say. I'm sorry didn't feel like enough, and –
Your train of thought was cut off by Steve turning around, his eyes locking with yours through the large glass windows. You swallowed heavily.
He went outside, crossing the distance and standing in front of you. Both of you were quiet for a moment before he spoke up.
"Not going to the ball?" he asked.
"I could ask you the same thing."
"I feel like it's obvious I'm not going. Where's your boyfriend?"
"I don't know."
Silence settled between you for a couple of minutes, each one of you absorbed in your own thoughts. Eventually, you were the one to speak up this time.
"I know you wrote them, Steve."
He chuckled. "Okay. What do you want me to say?"
"That you meant them," your voice broke with emotion, not knowing how true the words were until your lips uttered them out loud.
"I did. I do. I can't say I'm sorry for that."
"You shouldn't be," you said, "I'm that one that should be sorry. I am sorry," you looked up at him, your eyes sincere. "I'm sorry I didn't realize it was you sooner. And I don't mean the notes, Steve," you stepped closer to him.
"Then what do you mean?"
You licked your lips hesitantly, bringing your face closer to his. You didn't know which one of you finally broke the distance, but suddenly his lips were on yours, and it's all you could think about. You were kissing Steve Rogers, and it was enchanting. You wrapped your hands around his neck as he wrapped his around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. You melted into his touch as your hands tangled in the soft hair on the nape of his neck. One of his hands came up to cup your cheek gently, and suddenly you were both smiling so hard you broke apart, gasping for air. Your foreheads stayed connected, leaning on each other as you slowly opened your eyes.
"This," you whispered, "I mean this. I love you, Steve."
"I love you too," Steve laughed, "so much. I was afraid you will never say that. That I'd never get to hear you say that to me. I love you," he said again, his eyes looking into yours.
Just at that moment, it bizarrely started to rain. "Really?" you looked up at the sky, "it's spring! Hell, it's almost summer!"
"Maybe it's summer rain," Steve suggested with a smile.
"But it ruined our moment," you playfully pouted.
"We always have another one," he smiled, pulling you in for another kiss, not minding the rain that was now wetting your dress, his suit. You felt the raindrops fall on the top of your heads, but the sensation was a thin echo compared to Steve's lips on yours.
A thunder roared, and you broke apart once again.
"Maybe we should get inside," you suggested.
"Maybe we should," he grinned, "last one there is a rotten egg!"
He started running before you could even register what he said. Just like he did when you were kids.
"Wait!" you laughed, running after him, gathering your skirt in your hands, "Not fair! I have a dress!"
He stopped and ran back to you before picking you up with ease, carrying you bridal style to the entrance and putting you down right on the threshold.
"You're a rotten egg, Stevie," you giggled.
He looked down to see that indeed, your legs were technically inside while his weren't.
"Don't worry," you cupped his cheek and tilted it upwards so he'd meet your gaze, "you're my rotten egg."
You both laughed before you went inside. He offered you his arm and you wove yours through it, leaning your head on his shoulder.
Taking your time, you strolled through the corridors in comfortable silence until you reached your room. You came inside and turned on the heating, Steve right on your heels, hugging you from behind.
"I can't believe it's raining," you looked out of the window with a smile.
"I can't believe you're mine," he whispered into your neck.
You tilted your head back to kiss him softly before you involuntarily shivered. Wordlessly, Steve guided you to the bed, tucking you into the blanket. He was about to leave, but you opened your blanket and gestured for him to come cuddle you. He chuckled and climbed in next to you, wrapping his arms around you again.
"Tell me a story," you said as you laid your head on his chest.
"Once upon a time," he started, "there was a very beautiful princess. And she chose a normal boy. No one knew why she did it. They asked her, 'why not a prince?' and sh-"
"And she said she didn't like princes, but she loved the boy more than anything else," you smiled.
"Wow, more than big libraries?" he chuckled.
"Yes, even more than big libraries," you giggled. Humming contently, you snuggled even closer to him, the rise and fall of his chest lulling you into a peaceful sleep.
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Which brings us to where we started this story, the next morning.
The story Steve's eyes told you that morning was better than any other story you've ever heard. It was a love story that you would tell your children, and your grandchildren.
And every time Steve heard you telling it, he sat and listened with a smile.
You once asked him why he always listens to that story, it's not like he didn't know it, he lived it.
"I did live it," he answered, "but I still live it, every single day. And it gets better with each day," he leaned down to kiss you.
Steve Rogers was the most wonderful of men, and over the years he grew to be the most wonderful of husbands, of fathers and of grandfathers.
You both grew, but there was one thing that stayed the same – his heart was yours, and your heart was his; forever.
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flower meanings:
Rose – love.
Honeysuckle - pure happiness, sweet love, devoted affection.
Hydrangea - gratitude, grace, beauty, abundance. some colors also symbolize bad luck.
Hibiscus - variously symbolizes health, delicacy, beauty, respect and hospitality.
Rhododendron – beware.  
p.s. - the meanings are based on my limited searches, also there are some flowers with more than one meaning:)
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i’d love it if you’d want to tell me your thoughts!! if you’ve stuck through this entire thing - thank you!!!<3
Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash
if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3
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Can I Have This Dance? (Steve Rogers x Reader)
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: PG - Fluffy 
Word Count: 2,689
Synopsis: 4 times the reader asked Steve to dance with her and one time Steve her.
Info: Written for @cockslut-padalecki​’s Not My Ninth Challenge in celebration of 9k followers! Also Happy Belated birthday, I hope you had a great one. I choose, How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes and Wedding Ceremony. The dividers are by @firefly-graphics​ 💘 I’m posting this on my barley working laptop, so forgive me. Also all mistakes are mine as this is not beta read.
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1st Time:
Honestly what possessed her to wear her favorite white denim overall shorts to Sam’s barbecue? They were now stained with all all kinds of food and handprints from the children of the Avengers children asking to be held by her. Admittedly seeing everyone so happy and spending the afternoon with her fiancé made it worth it. Also Natasha would probably be able to show her how to get the stains out.
“Want to queue up the next song?” Sam nudged her handing over his phone that was connected to speakers. Giddily Y/N took the phone and went through the approved barbecue playlist as Killer Queen started to play, she continued to scroll as her head bopped to the song. Finding the perfect one she handed the phone over to Sam’s significant other Lou who kissed her on the cheek. 
Bucky and Steve were sharing a phone screen laughing at whatever video it was they were watching, probably one of Alpine that Bucky had taken. Getting up from her chair Y/N stood beside Steve’s and brushed her right hand across his broad shoulders, goosebumps started to rise on his skin as she leaned in to brush her lips beside his ear. 
“Come dance with me, Stevie please?" the blonde's face blushed as his fiance turned away from him making her way back towards the dancing couples. “Punk if you don't I sure as hell will.” Steve turned to give his best friend a glare just as the baritone voice sang out, jumping to his feet.
“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the earth.” Steve rushed to Y/N’s side, a small smile on her face her fiance placed his face at her time taking in the scent of lavender and mint, while his hands rested at her hips. Y/N’s arms circled his neck interlocking her hands, eyes closing she placed her heads against his chest over his heart. As Hozier sang the couple just swayed from side to side, loving each other.
“I could not ask you where you came from. I could not ask and neither could you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.” As the song came to an end Steve and Y/N’s eyes met, she was biting her lip, a look of worry was in her eyes. 
“What?” Looking placed his hands on Y/N’s face doing everything he could to ease the worry in his fiancés face. 
“Just, how would I live without you?” Steve scoffed and pulled Y/N into his arms, hugging her close, “You’ll never have to live without me, I’m going anywhere. I love you.”
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2nd Time:
“Well son her mother would have loved you and I’m so proud to have you joining our family.” Andy clapped his daughters fiancé on the shoulder, before looking out on the dance floor to see all four of his children dancing together to the Macarena having a good time. 
“I’m lucky to have her Andy and I love both her and this family.” Steve assured Y/N’s father how much he loved her as the song came to an end. The DJ for the reception started to walk towards Y/N’s  sister and her husband. 
Y/N stood between her brothers playfully nudging each other like they used to do as kids. Suddenly it was quiet in the reception hall, both her and Steve were looking at Y/N’s sister and her husband who smiled at everyone, but they were staring at Y/N. 
“I need my sister Y/N and her fiancé Steve to come up here for a second.” Y/N’s brothers pushed her forward, suddenly glad she had exchanged her heels for converse 4 or 5 songs back. Steve and she met halfway there, hands grasping at each other as their fingers intertwined. The blonde leaned over and kissed the crown of his fiancé's face making her blush as they reached Legacie and Michael. 
“This weekend was actually supposed to be the weekend that Y/N and Steve got married, but 6 months ago I came to my sister and told her I was pregnant. Y/N knew Michael and I would want to move our wedding up, Y/N and Steve immediately asked if I would like to take their wedding and for that we are so thankful. The thing about my sister is she is just like our mom, always giving and so loving, it makes so much sense why Steve fell in love with my little sister. I got to thinking a way to thank you and that is dedicating a song to you, your favorite song as a kid.” Legacie passed the microphone back to the DJ, before she reached over kissing her little on the cheek. Y/N looked at her sister before her jaw dropped and her cheeks turned pink as the keyboard of the popular ’90s Australian pop singer hit started to play. 
“I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need.” Y/N still holding onto Steve’s hand turned to stand in front of him and looked up at him. 
“Will you dance with my love?” with a smile on his face, Steve didn't even verbalize his answer, he just gave a tug of her hand pulling her body closer to his, as other couples joined them on the dance floor.
“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me. I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea.I want to live like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.” As they continued to dance among Legacie and Michale's family and friends, he tried to imagine how he would live without her in his life. He had an answer before the song was even over he knew a life without Y/N was no life at all. 
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3rd Time:
She was trying really hard not to cry but it felt but it was 3:12 in the morning, it was raining, it looked like Bucky had finished off the rest of her Ben and Jerry Star Spangled Berry Swirl, and Friday was playing her I got the blues playlist. Boy did she have the blues, she shouldn’t though, it was November, the holiday season was in full swing, but it was as if her heart wasn’t in it. 
Then the piano kicked in and the tears really started. 
“Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.”
Steve down the hall in bed they shared hearing sniffles of his fiancé, got out of bed, grabbing her cardigan from ottoman at the foot of the bed. Y/N stood at the kitchen island sipping a cup of hot tea as Bryan Adams sang. 
“Darling?” Steve came up behind her and placed the over side article of clothing over shoulder, kissing her temple. Setting the steaming cup of lavender and blueberries down, Y/N turned around to look him in the eyes, with tears still coming down. 
“Dance with me Stevie, please?” with a little lift of the right side of his lips. Steve pulled Y/N to him, placing her head over his heartbeat, he encased her his arms and started to sway them. 
“Don't tell me, it’s not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there’s  nothin' I want more. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”
“I can’t live without you Stevie.” Y/N whispered into the night as she looked out at the rain coming down in the night. 
“And you won't have to," Steve promised. 
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4th Time:
It was finally the New Year, 12:01 on January 1st to be exact and everyone was partying at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, thanks to Pepper and Tony. Peter Quill and his friends had made it, Thor with Jane, Carol Danver, Monica Rambeau with her friends Jimmy Woo and Darcy, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker had brought his best friend Ned and girl friend MJ, all the Avengers were there, even the Wakanda gang was accounted for, the place was packed. It seemed as if the bad guys were in need of a day off. 
Steve stood a few feet away from Y/N who was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Shuri, Peter, MJ, Wanda, Scott, Johnny, Groot, Darcy, Sam, Lou, and Jimmy Woo, they were all dancing to thank u, next, laughing and having a good time. Lou was currently on Sam's shoulders making the Bucky who was beside Steve, hoot’d, as he took a shot from the Asgardian mead. It was great for Steve to see all his friends and family to be letting loose. 
Y/N walked over as the song came to a closure and pulled Steve in for a kiss earning a cheer from the group they had surrounded themselves with. Blushing they pulled apart as the familiar violin started to play across the room, making the room erupt cheers yet again. Tonight’s crowd was easily pleased, who knew all it took was alcohol, food, friends, and good music? 
As the drum kicked in, Y/N’s head started to bop her foot tapping along, grabbing Steve’s hand she started to pull him towards the group, grabbing Bucky’s hand along the way. 
“Steve can I have this dance?” Looking over her shoulder as she got ready to start jumping up and down, Steve looked at her as if he had to think on it, but stopped when Bucky hit him in the bicep. “Not with the metal arm, and yes!”
“Come on Eileen! Oh, I swear, what he means. At this moment you mean everything, you in that dress. My thoughts I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on Eileen.” The group's form of dancing was jumping up and dancing, moving their heads side to side, throwing in mixed moves, like the sprinkler or epaule here and there. It was just about letting go. Steve and Y/N danced together with the fingers of their left-right hands interlaced jumping up and down, throwing their heads back and forth like they were at a rock concert. 
As Bucky danced with his best friend and the girl that had become like a sister to him, he couldn't picture their lives without one another. There was no Steve without Y/N in it, no Y/N without Steve. They were so madly, deeply in love, that to lose the other it would be close to losing themselves. He vowed at that moment to do whatever it took to always bring Steve home and to always protect Y/N for him. 
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The 1 Time Steve Asked Y/N to Dance:
“This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for!” Bucky raised his glass of bourbon to the crowded room, before he leaned down to place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek. He had just given his best man speech congratulating his best friend on finding his soulmate who made him happy, and on his retirement. Lou leaned forward putting their arms around Y/N’s shoulders swaying, making the bride laugh as the best friends hugged. 
Steve took the microphone from Sam and pulled Y/N away from her best friend, confused she looked up at him. The room was silent with all eyes on them, as it had been since the moment she stepped out onto the wooden boardwalk Pepper’s people had built leading to the dock, everyone’s eyes had been on them. 
“Through this whole wedding process my wife has been so incredibly patient with me. Originally I just said whatever you want Y/N it’s your day, but she would scrunch her face up, for her family they know what I’m talking about, the one where she doesn’t like something or doesn’t understand, anyways. Lou, Y/N’s best friend and the perfect person for Sam came to me said,
“Rogers for a superhero, you are pretty dense, the wedding day is both your big day. This is a day you both are going to look back on, tell your children about and share with your family and friends. Don’t make her plan it and make all the choices on her own.” Steve looked down at Y/N and smiled, as his wife laughed and gave her best friends hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. 
“So I did what I could, your napkins I chose, thank you very much, your centerpieces though, you are going to have to take that up with the my beautiful wife’s cousin, Willow, she handmaid these beautiful pieces for us, so we could reuse them in our winery and barn.” Willow blew the couple a kiss making the crowd laugh as Y/N caught it and stumbled back, before throwing one back just as extravagantly. 
“Anyways the reason I’m up here is because I really didn’t do that much, but I made a promise to my wife that I, the man out of time, could pick the song we dance to as a married couple.” Turning his body so now the newlyweds were now facing each other, Sam took the microphone holding it up to Steve's mouth, as Steve held both Y/N’s hands in his.
“Steve we’ve talked about this you’re right where you need to be.” Steve just nodded his head and kissed her on the lips getting a few people in the crowd cheering. Bucky, Sam, Lou, and Y/N’s siblings are motioned for the crowd to quiet down. 
“I admit I waited till last night to e-mail our DJ Ned and tell him our song. But to be fair if it hadn’t been for a talk I had while sleeping at Sam’s and him playing this song we probably would just have some random song. Thank you Sam for saving the day.” Sam pulled the microphone telling the couple it was no problem really. 
“With that all said and done, Mrs. Rogers can I have this dance?” Laughing Y/N nodded as they made their way around the tables holding hands waving to their family and friends. Ned Leeds, was the nights DJ, thanks to coming recommended by his friend Peter Parker, this was his hobby by a means to pay for college and his growing obsession of Star Wars Legos. As soon as the couple had made it to the center of the faux hardwood dance floor, he hit play.
“How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”
Y/N let a gasp slip past her lips as the familiar country song played. Her arms held onto Steve’s shoulders, while he held onto her hips, they did their usual sway, there was no need for fancy footing or putting on a show. This was just them being them, in love, sharing that love with a room full of their closest family friends. 
“I promised you, you wouldn’t have to know what it was like to live without me, and you won’t either of you.” Y/N looked up at him placing a kiss on his soft lips, letting a few tears of happiness slip. This is what contentment felt like, to feel whole, be loved, and find that perfect person. 
“How do I live without you? How do I live without you, baby? How do I live?”
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dreadlockholiday · 3 years
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Stucky Fic Rec List #1
by @dreadlockholiday
Hello! I've been reading a lot of wonderful fics lately so I thought I'd make a rec list they all very much deserve to be in! <3 If some of these creators I didn't tag have a tumblr, please let me know.
Note: these are all COMPLETED FICS.
Rec List #2 coming next Monday!
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🍄 Dreaming of Him by Loneliness_of_Evening - [Mature; 36,5k words]
[Modern AU; Nanny!Steve x Mobster!Bucky; Bottom!Bucky; Major Character Injury; Car Accidents; Recreational Drug Use]
New York City hosts millions of different people living vastly different lives. Some people are nannies who dream of being artists, and some are mobsters who dream of being more than the big guys’ drivers. A chance meeting—rather a chance game of nose goes—brings these two people together, and a simple knock at the door becomes fate. But can fate avoid disaster? Or will they both be left alone with only dreams?
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💐 Cape Jasmine (I Love You In Secret) by @donbeavers - [Mature; 19k words]
[Modern AU; Office Romance; Secret Admirer; Misunderstandings; Implied Bottom!Bucky]
Cape Jasmine: I love you in secret; I am too happy; you are lovely; a transfer of joy
*
The last thing Bucky Barnes expected at 26 whilst living his gay and very single life was to find a bouquet of flowers on his desk on Valentine’s Day.
But it seemed like he had unknowingly caught the eye of somebody. Someone who loved to send him many flowers and beautifully written letters.
If only now he could figure out the mystery of who was behind it all.
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💸 a fistfull of dollars by Ginny_Potter - [Explicit; 5,7k words]
[Pre-War; Explicit Language; Internalised Ableism; Explicit Sexual Content; Mentions of Prostitution]
Bucky cocks his head to one side, questioningly. “Would you?” he asks.
“What?” It’s almost a squeak now.
“Pay me that much.”
Or, in a fake it till you make it scenario, Steve and Bucky keep paying each other for a sweet, sweet time.
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🐚 Part of Your World by @greyhavensking - [Teen; 7,4k words]
[Fantasy AU; Mer!Bucky x Prince!Steve; Drowning; Suicidal Thoughts; Happy Ending]
Crown Prince Steve Rogers has known all his life to avoid the perilous sea, lest he fall victim to the dangerous Mer who occupy the wild waters. But in the aftermath of his mother's death he finds the only thing that can soothe his aching heart is the siren song of the sea, and in his grief he's heedless of his mother's warnings, walking the beach every night in order to feel something other than dark and lonely and lost.
He is not the only one escaping his tumultuous thoughts these nights, though, and nothing -- not even his mother's well-meant wisdom -- could have prepared him for how this meeting will change his entire life.
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🚕 Taxi by @oh-i-swear-writes - [Teen; 5k words]
[Shrunkyclunks; Taxi Driver!Bucky; Meet-Cute]
Bucky Barnes was, he hoped, a good taxi driver.
He's so good, he actually tries to return lost property that ends up left in his car and... well. It has some unexpected consequences involving a National Icon.
Enough said.
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🍩 Ollie Meets Bagel by thedishandthespoon - [Teen; 5,5k words]
[Shrunkyclunks; Skater!Bucky; Meet-Cute; Mentions of Mental Health Issues; Blushing Steve Rogers]
He was a skater boy, Steve said let's get bagels, boy.
Steve wants to start doing this twenty-first century thing properly. He gets help in the form of skateboarding, skateboarders, bagels, and Sam Wilson.
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🍸 That Girl's A Genius by jehans, art by @capdeady - [Explicit; 18,9k words]
[Canon Divergence; Oblivious!Steve; Sub!Bucky; Bottom!Bucky; Brief Bucky/Nat; Pegging; Feminization; Lingerie; Jealousy; Happy Ending]
Natasha looks up at Bucky with an evil look on her face, and before Bucky has a chance to say hello or ask her what she’s doing here, she smiles like a shark and says, “I have a plan.”
Bucky lets her in.
“A plan for what?” he asks, gesturing toward his sofa to invite Natasha to sit.
“To get Steve to pull his head out of his ass,” Natasha answers, “and finally act on how he feels about you.”
Bucky stares at her, blinking. “How he what?” he squeaks. Very dignified.
-
Steve waffles, Bucky pines, and Natasha schemes.
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🍽️ You Make My Heart Skip A Beet by @musette22 - [Teen; 3,8k words]
[Shrunkyclunks; Chef!Bucky; Meet-Cute; Awkwardness; Fluff and Humor]
“I made soda bread.”
Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.”
The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”
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🌍 summer slipped us underneath her tongue by cydonic - [Mature; 10,7k words]
[Modern AU; Tour Guide!Bucky x Himbo!Steve; Meet-Cute; First Dates]
Bucky is a tour guide who enjoys sharing the rich history and culture of each city they pass through with a bunch of early-20's college students who just want to know the cheapest place to get drunk.
Except for Steve, who asks Bucky for a personal tour around his hometown.
The rest is, as they say, history.
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+ Bonus Series
🌠Top Down Dynamics by SucculentHyena - [Explicit; 2 works; 6,2k words]
[Canon Divergence; Dom!Bucky x Sub!Steve; Bottom!Bucky; Top!Steve]
-> Sweetheart, Ease Down - [1,7k words. Cock Warming; Restraints; Crying; Praise Kink]
-> Acquired Uses - [4,5k words. Service Top!Steve; Pet Play; Edging; Overstimulation]
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slaylinski · 3 years
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5 Times Something Almost Happened And 1 Time It Did
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Pairing: Sam x Bucky (AU) 5+1
Word count: 8704
Warnings: angst, major character death (mentioned), grief, miscommunication, Sambucky can be absolutely idiots sometimes, mutual pining, fluff, happy ending
Prompt: Sam and Bucky are obviously in love with each other, but each secretly thinks the other is the boyfriend of their recently deceased friend (Steve) and that they should respect the bro code. 
A/N: So, I recently saw that prompt on IG and since there is no fanfiction out there that covers that I decided to write one myself. Prepare yourself for some misunderstandings, angst, grieving and sambucky fluff!
btw, shoutout to @januarystears and @gwen-novella for being my beta reader and emotional Marvel supporters🥰💕
Please be aware that English is not my first language.  
1
Bucky was looking at the tombstone in front of him, still not able to process what happened the last few days. Steve Rogers was his childhood best friend. He remembered them being 5-year old’s trying to steal some of the cookies his mother had baked; he remembered Steve calling him at 3am on a Sunday, crying and telling him about his mother‘s car accident, the one that had made him an orphan. He remembered his parents not even hesitating for a second before they took Steve in. 
And now Steve was gone. And everything Bucky had left were a few memories that were already starting to fade.
Since his parents were dead not many people came to Steve’s funeral. A few friends he had met in Chicago, Bucky’s family and of course Sam Wilson. 
After he and Steve had finished college, Steve had gotten an amazing job offer in Chicago and since Bucky had decided to stay in New York, they had had to adapt to not being able to see each other every day. They had still managed to see each other monthly, most of the times Steve coming to New York, since Bucky’s family, meaning Steve’s family, was still in New York as well. And every time they had visited each other Steve had talked about Sam. Every damn time. Bucky had felt like he already knew the other man. Obviously, he had been happy that Steve had found a boyfriend in Chicago.
Since Bucky was bi and Steve had been gay, they had had a few first times together. From having their first kiss with each other to some things he was not going to mention here. They had tried to make their relationship work, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. Since then they had not really talked much about their relationships. The only thing that had mattered to Bucky had been that Steve was happy and the way he had talked about Sam had made Bucky realize that he had been happy.
“You okay, man? “ Bucky looked to his left and stared into a pair of brown eyes.
“Yeah, I am okay," he said quietly, which was far from the truth. He still could not believe that Steve was dead.
“I am Sam, Sam Wilson," Sam introduced himself to Bucky, which made the latter chuckle. “Yeah, I already know that. Steve talked about you, a lot," Bucky tried to smile but his eyes were still focused on the tombstone in front of him.
“You know, it is a shame that he never introduced us," Sam said.
“It really is, but I feel like I already know you from all the stories Steve told me about you. I am glad he had someone in Chicago who took care of him. I am sorry for your loss," Bucky felt terrible. He felt like he could not breathe, like drowning but not being able to swim to the surface.
“I am really sorry too, Bucky," Sam whispered. Bucky barely remembered the next few hours. They went to the Barnes house for a funeral service. He saw his sister Becca who tried not to cry but miserably failed, he met his parents’ eyes. His mom was silently crying, and his dad wore sunglasses, trying to hide his swollen eyes as well. To his parents it was like they had lost one of their children. To Becca and him it was like they had lost their brother. And Bucky could not even imagine how hard it was for Sam to lose his boyfriend, his significant other, the person he wanted to grow old with. However, Sam looked more pulled together, like he tried his best not to cry in front of Bucky. Which Bucky understood, it was not like they knew each other very well.
“Do you want something to eat?" Sam asked and tried to feed Bucky some of the cake that was sitting on the kitchen counter. It was one of the many cakes people had brought over to the Barnes house after they had found out about Steve’s death. Everybody had loved Steve Rogers and it was a real shock to them that he had died at such a young age. Bucky, however, did not feel like eating. He felt like sleeping. Like the kind of sleep that makes you forget reality, the one that comforts you. He had not slept for the last couple of days, he was afraid of dreaming, afraid of dreaming and waking up. Afraid that his mind was going to dream about Steve and then him waking up and realizing that it was only a dream and that he was really gone.
“No, thanks. Do you want something?" Bucky asked but Sam shook his head. It was the first time that Bucky took a closer look at Sam Wilson. He was a little bit shorter than Bucky. His brown eyes were warm, and they looked worried, and Bucky felt like Sam was as close to breaking down as he himself was but tried to hold it together. The longer he looked at Sam, the more he understood Steve when he had talked about how warm Sam's eyes were or how good his smile looked. Sam was exactly the type of guy Bucky would go for. Sam tried to comfort him, and Bucky did not understand why. It was not like he had lost his boyfriend. He had lost his best friend, which was pretty hard as well, but not as hard as what Sam was going through now.
“Sorry, I need to get out of here,” Bucky told Sam and rushed out of the house.
The Barnes house was pretty small, barely enough room for two children, but they had squeezed together when Steve had moved in. The backyard had a small garden. A bench facing the giant cherry tree Bucky and Steve used to climb up.
Bucky felt his lip tremble and sniffed. He was all alone now. Steve was gone and there was nothing he could change about that. He felt a tear slipping down his face and tried to wipe it away with his shirtsleeve, but his stupid shirt was too tight, and he could not reach his eyes, and everything was just stupid.
A few moment later his vision was blurred with tears and he tried hard not to sob. It was horrible. He had not even realized that Sam had followed him outside until he felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, Bucky,” he said and tried to calm him down. The second he noticed Sam; Bucky felt like shit. Sam had just lost his boyfriend and Bucky was out here crying and not even thinking about Sam for a second.
“I’m sorry,” Bucky looked at Sam. “I just… I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now and I-,” he tried to continue but Sam interrupted him.
“If you try to apologize for having feelings, Barnes, I am going to throw you into your neighbors’ pool,” Sam pointed to his right to the swimming pool next to them. “I’m not joking. I don’t know what Steve told you about me, but I’m a man of my word,” Sam laughed. Bizarrely, Bucky laughed as well, like a real laugh, not the ones you fake to seem polite.
“You know, he would’ve hated that,” Bucky declared.
“What? “
“Us here, moping around. He would have wanted his funeral to be party. Has he ever told you about the first years of his life?”
Sam shook his head.
“When we were younger, Steve used to be sick, like all the time. He had the worst allergies and asthma and everything you could possibly imagine. Some winters were hard, there were times when he was in the hospital for week.
Then one time he had this stupid idea to plan his funeral because somehow in his 10-year-old brain he was thinking that he was going to die. And me, being the other 10-year-old, agreed to that so we were in that chapel and he was reading a text that he’d written and playing some weird ass song he’d found on his Mp3 player and then we were all mushy and crying. A couple of weeks later he was home again. A few years after that, he got his height boost and most of his allergies were gone and he became the Steve you know,” Bucky hadn’t even realized that he was crying again but it was a weird combo of crying and laughing.
“God, I miss him so much already,” he sniffed.
“So, Steve Rogers would’ve wanted a party for his funeral? “Sam grinned, and Bucky couldn’t help but start to notice Sam’s laugh. The way his eyes crinkled and the way his whole body moved when he laughed.
“We’re going to get through this, Buck. I promise,” Sam put his arm around Bucky and patted his shoulder.
“You know, you can always call me if you want to talk,” this was the first time that Bucky saw that Sam had tears in his eyes as well. Sam quickly looked in a different direction but left his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky was not mad that Sam called him ‘Buck ‘, he felt horrible. He was a horrible person. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss his best friend’s boyfriend.
 2
Sam Wilson was fairly sure that Bucky Barnes was one of the strongest people he had ever met. He could not even imagine what it must feel like to lose his boyfriend. Well, until the funeral, Sam hadn’t been quite sure if Bucky really had been Steve’s boyfriend because even though he had known Steve for more than 4 years, he still did not remember one woman or one man that Steve had ever mentioned with as much enthusiasm as he had radiated when talking about Bucky. So, it was kind of weird to Sam that they had only visited each other occasionally and still hadn’t been living together after so many years, but he hadn’t wanted to ask why. It was not his business anyways.
Even though he did not know much about Steve Rogers’ love life, he considered him one of his best friends if not his best friend. Therefore, it was hard on him to have lost Steve so suddenly. He had never heard of somebody dying of an asthma attack. Especially someone who hadn’t had one in more than ten years. He remembered Bucky’s call and nearly dropping his phone. Bucky’s parents had been Steve’s emergency contacts, so it was unsurprising that they, and thus Bucky, had gotten notified first.
He had been in the middle of cooking dinner for him and Steve, since they were sharing a flat. It was not like they were poor or not earning enough money, it was more about not being alone and being able to save up a bit for the future. None of them minded living with a roommate, though.
After the call he had travelled to New York to attend Steve’s funeral. It was not how he’ imagined his first trip to New York and it certainly wasn’t the way he had wanted to meet the famous Bucky Barnes. After the death of Steve’s parents when he’d been a teenager, Bucky’s family had been all he’d had left.
Sam had felt a little anxious, and even though two of his and Steve’s friends, Wanda and Pietro, had come with him, he still felt like an intruder. He still could not believe that Steve was really gone.
He recognized Bucky immediately. He had seen a lot of picture over the years and even met him one time via face time but that could not have prepared him for what he saw the first time he looked into Bucky’s eyes.
Even though he was on the verge of crying, he looked like one of the most beautiful men Sam had ever seen, and the second he thought of that Sam wanted to slap himself. He felt like the worst person on earth. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how good-looking his boyfriend was. He was going to end up in hell.
For the next couple of days Sam felt numb. Bucky kindly invited him to stay over at his flat in New York, so Sam didn’t have to bother booking a hotel room or anything like that.
Since his boss had known Steve as well but could not attend his funeral due to business, he kindly gave Sam two paid weeks off. Sam was not sure how he was going to handle going back to the flat he shared with Steve. He already felt lonely and was not sure if he could handle throwing out Steve’s stuff.
But right now, he was thinking about a lot of different things, for example about Bucky, who was sitting right in front of him, eating a bagel for breakfast.
Bucky’s flat was not what Sam expected. After living together with Steve Rogers for nearly three years, he thought that he knew the way Steve liked to live. Pretty messy was an understatement. His room looked like it belonged to a messy 3-year-old. Bucky’s flat however was completely clean. So clean that Sam would not have been bothered eating off the floor. The thought of Bucky constantly reminding Steve to put away his stuff made him laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Bucky looked at him curiously and swallowed the last bit of his bagel.
“Oh, nothing,” Sam tried hide his grin.
“Hey, that’s not fair. Tell me,” Bucky protested but he was smiling as well. The pretty smile, the one that made Sam’s heart flutter. He quickly put that thought aside.
“Well, you knew Steve better than me and when I see how clean your flat is all I can think about is how messy ours used to look.”
That made Bucky laugh as well. “You know, I asked myself the same question. Do you remember when you were on that business trip? That time I visited Steve, and it was the first time I saw your flat and I was shocked how clean it actually looked. Not that Steve was a messy, but I’m amazed how you managed to get along with him not putting his stuff everywhere.”
“Well at least he tried with you, whenever he was coming home, he just threw his jacket on our couch and went into the bathroom,” Sam laughed. `
“Yeah, he tried his best whenever he visited me,” Bucky answered.
‘Perks of being the boyfriend, Sam thought but didn’t say it out loud. He did not want to upset Bucky and tried to talk as little about Steve as possible, only referring to him when Bucky told him a story about them.
“You know what, Sam?” Bucky asked after they put away the dishes from their late breakfast. “I’m done sitting here and moping around. I need to get out of here, get some fresh air.”
“Do you have something in mind?” Sam looked at him. It was weird, even though he never met Bucky in person he felt like he already knew him. Steve used to talk about him all the time, mentioning him even when he was talking about the most unnecessary things. At first Sam thought it was cute, but after a while it kind of annoyed him. However, Bucky really was as great as Steve had described him. In the last days he got to know him and found out that he was one of the most generous and humble persons he had ever met.
“I actually do. I have been craving ice cream ever since I saw that Ben and Jerry’s commercial last night and thought that we could go to the Central Park,” Bucky suggested.
“Sound great. Let me get my jacket and I am good to go”.
They each grabbed their phones, wallets and jackets. Bucky stuffed his keys into the pocket of his leather jacket. Sam could swear that Bucky had at least five different versions of the same leather jacket in different colors.
Bucky’s flat was close to the Central Park since he lived in Manhattan. Sam was not quite sure what kind of job Bucky had but it must have been paying really well if he could afford living that close to the city.  They didn’t talk much while walking to the park, but Bucky took the time to show Sam some of Steve’s favorite spots, for example his favorite coffee shop. Whenever they walked past a shop or cafe Steve used to like, Sam knew immediately because Bucky tensed up.
Obviously, Sam had never been to the Central Park in New York and he had only ever seen it on pictures so far, so he was surprised how big it actually was. There were a lot of children, parents and young people walking around. A couple of them were inline skating or even skateboarding. It was a sunny afternoon, which made for a crowded park.
“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Bucky asked him after they sat down on a free bench they found.
“Pretty much any ice cream flavor,” Sam laughed.
“You know, that was Steve’s answer to that question as well. He ate pretty much every flavor of ice cream I bought so I always had to hide it or buy an extra pack,” Bucky smiled but his eyes looked sad.
Sam wasn’t sure what he could do to make him feel better. And the worst was that he was still thinking about how good-looking Bucky was. “Just surprise me, okay?”
Bucky nodded and quickly walked away to the nearest ice cream van.
Sam leaned against the bank and closed his eyes. His mind was still trying to process Steve’s death. When he was younger his dad had died, and his mom had made him go to a therapist for a couple of months. The woman had told him about the five different stages of grief, and Sam was sure he was still stuck in denial. He just couldn’t imagine his life without Steve Rogers, and he still did not know how he would manage living on his own. He might get a different flat, one that was smaller.
His thoughts were interrupted by Bucky, who returned, carrying two ice cream cones in his hands. There were at least three scoops of chocolate ice cream on each one. Sam’s eyes grew big once Bucky settled the ice cream into his hand.
“I thought we might as well treat ourselves,” he only stated and started eating his ice cream.
If there was something worse than having the hots for your dead best friend’s boyfriend, it was watching his so-called boyfriend licking ice cream.
He quickly looked away and stared at the ice cream in his hand, which was slowly starting to melt.
“You know, I bought this for you so you could eat it. Not watch it melt, but you do you,” Bucky raised his eyebrows and looked at the ice cream that was slowly dripping around the cone.
“Yeah, of course. Is it a coincidence that you chose chocolate because it is Steve’s favorite ice cream or is it your favorite flavor as well?” Sam asked curiously.
“You got me there. It’s my favorite ice cream flavor, too. So now you know why I had to hide my secret ice cream stash in the freezer whenever Steve came around,” Bucky laughed.
They were quietly eating their ice cream when Bucky stood up all of a sudden and grabbed Sam’s hand. Bucky’s hand was warm, warmer than Sam had imagined. The former quickly pulled him to his feet and Sam felt himself blushing. Hopefully, Bucky didn’t see that.
“Come on, we are going to see the ducks,” Bucky shouted and ran to the lake that was in the middle of the park. Sam just laughed. Sometimes he felt like Bucky was still ten years old and not 28. He followed Bucky and found him a few seconds later, throwing the last crumbs of his ice cream cone to a little duck family that was quickly picking up the crumbs.
“You are such a child, Bucky.”
Bucky just rolled his eyes and tried to pet the small ducklings. However, the mother duck was not having that and tried to pick at Bucky’s hand. It even started to flutter towards him. Bucky let out a scream and started running to Sam. “Help me, ahh. It’s trying to kill me. Sorry duck, I was only trying to pet your babies,” Bucky exclaimed. “I wouldn’t hurt them.”
Sam was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. He noticed a couple of other people around him who were watching them. A few seconds later he just gave up and completely doubled over. He was wheezing and already feeling the weird looks he got from the people surrounding him. Tears started to form in his eyes and that was the first time the last few days that the reason for them was not him being sad.
Bucky finally came over to him, laughing as well. “They were so cute, I just had to,” he exclaimed, and before Bucky was able to say another word, Sam grabbed him by his hips and pulled him over to him. He let his hand sit on Bucky’ waist for a short moment until he realized that Bucky was staring at him, especially at his hand. Sam felt blood rushing into his head. He probably looked absolutely flustered and he noticed that Bucky was blushing.
“Anyways. They were cute and Steve loves, I mean loved, ducks,” Bucky said quietly.
After hearing Steve’s name Sam felt guilty again. Following that awkward incident, they quickly went back to Bucky’s apartment and never mentioned it again.
 3
Ever since Sam had left to go back to his flat in Chicago, Bucky felt lonely. He had never felt that way when Steve had left him to go back to Chicago or when his other friends visited. It might have to do with the fact that Sam was the first person who really calmed him down after Steve’s death. His parents and his sister tried their best, but they were still trying to process the fact that Steve was gone. Sam’s reaction to Steve’s death was different. It almost made Bucky a little angry, because how could he not have cared about Steve, but then he remembered that Sam hadn’t know him as well as the Barnes family. Sam might have tried to pull himself together because he had not wanted to cry in front of Bucky. The last couple of days Bucky had gotten to spend with Sam he understood what Steve had loved about him. Sam was kind, made him laugh and the best thing, he was honest to Bucky.
Bucky’s last relationships had not been exactly what he pictured. The last girl he had dated had been someone named Natasha, who he’d met through work. She was nice and pretty, but after a few months she’d told Bucky that she did not see a future with him. He wasn’t sad that their relationship ended, he was sad because it meant he was alone again.
Right then, he was sitting on his couch, watching his favorite tv show. Suits. The first time he’d watched that show he couldn’t decide whether he would rather sleep with Donna or Harvey. Seeing that he was a lawyer himself, he knew the series was nowhere close to being realistic, but he still liked it. Practicing law wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured it in college but still, it made him happy.
His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He quickly grabbed it and smiled once he saw the name displayed on the screen. Sam Wilson.
“Hey, Bucky,” Sam greeted him.
Bucky felt his chest flutter but tried to ignore it. Sam was his forbidden fruit, but he already felt like Eva ogling the red apple in garden Eden. Apparently, he and Eva would share going to hell.  
“Hey Sam,” Bucky answered quietly.
There as an awkward pause.
“Something wrong?”
“Well, I don’t know if this might seem weird to you but yesterday, I was finally able to enter Steve’s room and was trying to sort his stuff and because he doesn’t have any family left, I thought you might want some of this and- “
Bucky interrupted him. “Sam, you are rambling. What do you want me to do?” he asked.
“I was just wondering if you might want to fly to Chicago and look through Steve’s stuff. Like, I know he would have wanted you to get most of his things. I understand if you are occupied with work but honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to get rid of his things. It feels like I’m starting to forget him. I’m already starting to forget what his voice sounded like, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. And I know it’s a lot I’m asking of you and it is a shitty thing of me to cry to you about it, since he was your-,” Sam sniffed and before he could continue Bucky interrupted him again.
“To quote you, Sam: If you dare apologize for having feelings, I might throw you into your neighbor’s pool. Even though I don’t know if your neighbor owns a pool, but you get what I’m trying to say here,” Bucky could hear Sam laughing, although his voice was still a bit cracked. He sounded like he had been crying for at least a couple of minutes. Then again, Bucky would probably react the same if he’d had to sit down and sort out Steve’s stuff.
“I’m flying out to you tomorrow,” Bucky stated. He could hear Sam breathing. “You don’t have to if you have work to do or something else, I can get Wanda or Pietro to help me,” Sam said, guilt lacing his tone.
“No, you’re right. I should have thought about that earlier. It must be hard for you. Of course, I can help,” he assured Sam.
“Thanks, Bucky,” Sam replied.
“You’re welcome, Sam. I’ll text you my flight information.”
However, he did not mention that he was excited to meet Sam again. He was sure that the last thing Sam was worried about right now was finding a new boyfriend, and Bucky still felt guilty about even thinking that he had a chance with Sam. Sam had been Steve’s boyfriend and was grieving, and Bucky was selfish for thinking that Sam could like him that way.
Immediately after the phone call ended, he grabbed his laptop and started looking for flights straight to Chicago. Since it was on such short notice, the flights were way more expensive than usually, but he didn’t care about that.
The day he arrived in Chicago was rainy. The weather was characteristically bad, so he was glad that Sam had offered to pick him up from the airport. Once Bucky had grabbed his suitcase, he made his way into the arrival hall of the airport. He already noticed Sam from far away, due to the fact that the other man was waving like crazy at Bucky, which made him laugh. Sam was such a dork.
“Hey, I’m glad you made it. Thanks again,” Sam tried to carry Bucky’s suitcase, but Bucky pushed his hand away.
“I got it, thanks,” he still thought it was cute.
They walked outside to Sam’s car, talking about random things. Bucky noticed that Sam didn’t mention Steve’s name. He was probably waiting until they got home, and Bucky did not want to upset Sam any further, so he did not mention the deceased’s name as well.
Bucky could count on one hand how many times he had been to Steve’s and Sam’s flat. It was still weird to him that they did not sleep in the same bed. But after knowing Steve Rogers for nearly two decades, it was impossible for even him to sleep next to Steve. Whenever the latter had slept, he’d snored so loud that Bucky had been sure the neighbors next door could still hear him, so he did not blame Sam for having wanted a separate bed.
The flat had not changed much since the last time Bucky had been there. The walls were decorated with a lot of artwork - most of it done by Steve. While Bucky was not able to draw a straight line, Steve had been able to draw the most amazing things with only a pencil.
“You can keep some of them, if you want,” Sam commented and squeezed his shoulder.
“Yeah, that would be nice, but you should keep most of them. They’re in your home, anyway, so why should I take ‘em with me.”
Sam only stared at him in confusion.
“I guess I’ll move into a new flat once we are done here. It’s too big for me anyway. Might as well get another roommate,” Sam stated.
“Roommate?” Bucky looked at him “Aren’t you a bit old to live with a roommate?” he asked, seemingly confused. He knew Sam was nearly 3 years older than him and Steve.
“I am what?” Sam raised his eyebrow.
Immediately, Bucky felt bad. He was such an idiot. Sam had been living with his boyfriend for the last 3 years, of course he was going to feel lonely living on his own. “Nothing. Forget it. So, where did you put Steve’s stuff?”
Sam pointed to a couple of boxes that were lying in one corner of the living room. “I got rid of most of his clothes and furniture, apart from some t-shirts and hoodies. Thought you might want to keep some of these.”
Bucky’s eyes wandered to a green hoodie that was crumpled up in one of the boxes. He quickly snatched it and pressed it against his chest. It was the hoodie Steve had worn the day they had gotten their college acceptance. It even smelled a bit like Steve.
“You should keep it,” Sam mumbled, “I have so much of his stuff, and you have nothing and…” His voice started to crack.
Bucky felt helpless. He was trying to think of something that would make Sam feel better. The only thing he could think about right then was a hug.
He quickly wrapped his arms around Sam and pressed his chest against the other man’s. He could feel Sam’s breathing and heartbeat.
Sam started to calm down, still pressed against Bucky. They stayed like this for a moment until Bucky started to feel something. ‘Oh god’, he panicked. Not now. It had been a few months since he’d last had any physical contact and it was starting to show. Sam clinging and moving against him did not make things better. Bucky felt his face heating up and tried to think of a way to break out of the hug.
“You, okay?” Sam asked and quickly ended their hug. He’d probably felt something was wrong.
Bucky was still red and quickly looked away. ‘So much to not thinking about Sam in that way,’ he thought to himself.
“Yeah, everything’s alright,” Bucky just knew Sam had felt it. However, he was glad that he didn’t mention it. It was already awkward enough for him. They continued to look through Steve’s stuff and neither of them said another word.
“I am glad you are here, Bucky,” Sam whispered after a while.
“I am really glad you called me,” Bucky responded. It was going to be okay.
  4
“What movie do you want to watch?” Sam asked and started zapping through Netflix. It had been a couple of months since Bucky’s visit to Chicago, but he and Sam had been in contact with each other nearly every day. Bucky had started to slowly crawl into Sam’s daily life, but he did not mind it. Quite the opposite. The more he talked to Bucky, the more Sam caught himself thinking about the way Bucky smiled and laughed. The way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about his work or his cat, Alpine. The cat was cute. Sam remembered Bucky finding her near the trash cans in the backyard of his flat and the moment he’d seen her he’d known that she was supposed to stay with him. Just like Steve and Bucky used to do, the two chose at least one time a month to meet up with each other. That month it was Sam’s turn to visit Bucky.
Right now, they were sitting on Bucky’s couch. Bucky was on his phone trying to figure out what he wanted to eat for dinner. Alpine was cuddled against Bucky’s chest.
“I don’t care. Chose something you want to watch,” Bucky answered Sam’s question. He stroked Alpine’s white fur. The cat snuggled closer to Bucky and purred. Sam could not blame her. Bucky’s chest did look comfortable.
“Okay, then.”
It still took Sam more than fifteen minutes to find a series he wanted to watch.
“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” he asked Bucky, who was still scrolling through his phone.
“No,” Bucky let out a groan. “They have so many options. How am I supposed to choose? I want fries and sushi and pizza at the same time,” he exclaimed.
Sam laughed. One of the many things he had learned about Bucky in the last couple of months was that Bucky loved food. It was close to being an unhealthy obsession.
“Well, how about we just get something small of everything and share?” Sam offered but Bucky did not seem convinced.
“Sam, I don’t want to share,” he pouted.
“Okay, well, that’s your problem. I already know what I want to eat,” Sam crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch. It was comfortable and probably cost more than Sam’s monthly salary. He had learned that Bucky was a corporate lawyer, which explained how he was able to live so close to Manhattan. It also explained the amounts of money he was able to spend on food. The first few times, Sam had tried to split the bill, but Bucky had always protested. Sam had stopped trying after that. It was sweet of Bucky, and Sam wondered if that was the way Bucky had treated Steve as well. The more he got to know the other man, the more he caught himself falling for him. He knew it was wrong, and that Steve would probably hate him for feeling that way - he even hated himself a little bit for it - but he couldn’t change his feelings. He tried his best not to get too touchy with Bucky, but he failed sometimes.
“I want pizza.”
Sam looked at Bucky. “Are you sure?”
“Yep,” Bucky started to scratch Alpine’s belly, and the cat purred in response.
Sam shrugged his shoulders. He knew that Bucky would probably change his opinion once the pizza was here, but he still called the pizza place and ordered.
45 minutes later the doorbell rang, and Bucky stood up to answer. Alpine looked up in confusion once she noticed that Bucky was gone and started walking towards Sam. After looking at him, she decided he was worthy and cuddled against his chest. Sam patted her.
“Oh, this is so cute, I need to take a picture,” Bucky had returned with two large pizza cartons and a smaller one containing some garlic bread. Sam smiled, but the second Bucky got his phone out, Alpine jumped up and quickly walked away.
“Stupid cat,” Bucky mumbled. It was almost like she heard him because she turned her head and hissed at him.
“Great, now she’s mad,” Sam sighed.
“She’ll get over it. Here’s your pizza,” Bucky gave him his carton and settled down to eat his own pizza.
“By the way, my sister wants to finally meet you,” Bucky said after a few minutes. It didn’t take him long to finish his pizza and he moved on to the garlic bread.
“I can’t wait to meet her. Steve used to talk about her all the time. He really loved her like a little sister.” Sam didn’t know Becca personally, apart from that short meeting at Steve’s funeral, but back then hadn’t really been the right time to get to know her better.
“Yeah, he really did. She is our little sister,” Bucky mumbled, a sad undertone present in his voice. Sam wasn’t going to lie, he thought about Steve a lot, but whenever he visited Bucky or got a message from him, the thought of his best friend was pushed a little bit further back in his brain. Every time he caught himself doing that, he felt guilty. Guilty for starting to forget the way Steve’s voice sounded, for getting a smaller flat because he couldn’t stand continuing to live in the same flat, he used to live in with Steve and mostly, guilty for slowly starting to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.
He wondered if Bucky sometimes forgot about Steve, too, or if Sam was just a horrible friend. He didn’t have the courage to ask Bucky about it; he did not want to lose the closest thing he had to a best friend since Steve.
They continued to watch the series. After a while, Alpine came back from wherever she had hidden. She settled into the crook of Bucky’s arm and looked into Sam’s eyes. He almost felt caught by her. He did not really like cats; however, he made an exception for Alpine.
Shortly after the movie, Sam noticed that Bucky was snoring. He was leaning against Sam’s shoulder, Alpine still lying on him.
Sam caught himself watching Bucky for a few seconds. He looked so cute and calm and the way he was resting against Sam’s shoulder gave him goosebumps. His skin looked so soft, and Sam had to fight with himself not to touch his cheek. He decided to close his eyes for a few minutes as well.
The next morning, Sam noticed something furry on his nose, tickling him. He sneezed and opened his eyes, only to look at something white. He tried to push Alpine away from his face and started to look around. He remembered falling asleep on Bucky’s couch. He noticed that somehow during the night, Bucky had shifted and was now laying on Sam’s chest. Sam’s arm was wrapped around Bucky’s torso. He tried to shift without moving too much but failed. He looked at Bucky’s face and noticed that the younger man was still sleeping peacefully.
‘Great and now I have to pee’, Sam thought. He ran his other hand through Bucky’s hair. It was as soft as he imagined. A few minutes later Bucky’s eyes fluttered, and a pair of blue eyes started into Sam’s.
“Morning,” Bucky said with a rusty voice. It took him a while to notice that he was lying nearly on top of Sam.
“Have you slept well?” Sam asked.
Bucky nodded and stared at him so intensely that Sam briefly thought he was going to kiss him. However, Bucky quickly sat up and rubbed his eyes.
“So anyways. Do you want some breakfast?” Bucky changed the topic, already half up off the couch and on his way into the kitchen.
Sam stared after at him. ‘What the hell was that’, he thought but shook it off and quickly followed Bucky into the kitchen.  
 5
Today was the 6th month anniversary of Steve’s death and Bucky’s day had already started out shitty. Firstly, he’d nearly missed his alarm clock, then his client had stood him up for lunch and finally he’d managed to spill his coffee all over himself and had to ask his assistant to get another one. He was currently sitting in his office, staring at the framed picture in front of him.
It was a picture of him and Steve when they were younger. He still could not believe that Steve had been gone for 6 months. It felt like yesterday to him how he’d called Steve nearly every evening to talk to him about his boring day.
The only thing he was looking forward today was that he was finally going to see Sam again. Thinking about the dark-haired man made him smile. The last time Sam had visited had been kind of weird. That one morning, they’d woken up all cuddly and Bucky had nearly kissed Sam. Thank God, he’d caught himself in the last moment. Sam would have probably thought Bucky was a horrible friend, and Bucky refused to lose his newest friend to something as stupid as a little crush.
He probably felt like that because the last time he’d had sex had been back when Steve had still been alive. Yeah, that was the most reasonable explanation as to why he could not stop thinking about Sam’s lips and his toned arms. He quickly looked back at the file in front of him. It was a case about a holding company that was trying to sell one of their firms they owned. It was boring, to say the least. He tried to get it done as quickly as possible.
Finally, a few hours later, Bucky was able to close the file. He looked at his clock; it was 20 past 7pm already. His eyes widened. He was supposed to meet up with Sam at 7pm at his flat. He pulled out his phone and noticed that he had a missed call from Sam and a few text messages.
 Barnes, you there?
Buckyyy
Where are you, man?
Okay, I am just going to let myself in, I know where your spare key is 😊.
 Sam had added a bunch of random emojis, and Bucky smiled. Of course, he knew where Bucky’s spare key was.
Bucky packed up his things, bid goodbye to the colleagues who were still in the building and made his way home. He was pretty sure Sam was comfortable enough in the flat to entertain himself, so Bucky ended up picking some food on the way. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite food.
As he opened his apartment door, his hands full of takeaway boxes, he could already hear the TV. Once he entered the living room, he could see Sam lying on his couch. Alpine was sitting on his lap and Sam was cuddling her. It was adorable.
“Hello, person who does not live in my home,” Bucky said and walked over to place the food on his couch table.
“Well, I decided I do now.”, Sam exclaimed. “Your cat likes me better anyways. Isn’t that right, Alpine?”
The cat snuggled closer to Sam.
“Traitor,” Bucky whispered. But he was glad that Sam liked her as much as he himself did. They were a package deal.
“What is that?” Sam pointed to the food boxes.
“Food, duh. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite,” Bucky said. After mentioning Steve’s name, he noticed how Sam tensed up. Bucky decided not to comment on it; instead, he sat down next to Sam and started opening the food boxes.
“Fuck,” Sam whispered and ran his hands over his face. “I can’t believe it’s been 6 months already. How has he been dead for 6 months? I feel like it was yesterday that I talked to him, we were planning a trip to California this summer. We wanted to take my nephews to Disneyland. There were so excited and devastated when I told them we could not go anymore and cried when I told them why.”
Bucky felt his heart aching. He knew Sam had nephews.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.
“I still cannot process that he really is gone. Some days I forget that he is dead, just for a short moment, and then reality hits and I feel like I just want to fold myself into a corner and cry. He was my best friend.” Bucky looked down and noticed that Sam had started to sniff.
“You know, I still get nightmares about the day you called me,” Sam admitted.
Bucky saw a single tear roll down Sam’s face and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve. The man next to him looked so small and vulnerable. Bucky wanted to hug him so badly.
“I always wonder what would have happened if I had been with him. I should have made sure he’d take his inhaler with him. God, I am so sorry, Bucky,” he started to sob.
Bucky froze. It was the first time Sam cried in front of him. He felt helpless, the only thing that he could do was try to comfort him.
“It’s okay, Sam. It was not your fault. Steve was an adult, he should have known better than to not carry his inhaler with him, even if he hadn’t had an asthma attack in more than 10 years,” Bucky tried to calm him down, but that made Sam even more upset.
“I was supposed to look after him, you trusted me to look after him-“Sam was starting to hyperventilate.  
“You did, Sam. You did. It was not your fault, and it wasn’t mine either. It was just a stupid, terrible thing to happen, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Please stop trying to blame yourself for his death,” Bucky shouted. Apparently, this was the only way Sam understood he was not responsible for what had happened to Steve.
Sam stared at him, not being used to Bucky raising his voice.
“I’m serious, Sam,” Bucky said again.
“You are way too good; do you know that Bucky?” Sam said with a weird mixture of laughing and crying. “God, I still miss him so much.”
“I miss him too, Sam, but Steve would have wanted you to move on with your life. He would have wanted us to live the best life we could possibly have. And I know that sounds harsh but please don’t blame yourself.” Bucky wasn’t sure if his words were what Sam wanted to hear. He would either think that Bucky was a total asshole for thinking that he should move on this quickly after his boyfriend died or he would agree with him.
“Yeah, you are right. He would have wanted me to move on. He would have wanted that for you as well, Bucky,” Sam answered quietly, and the next thing Bucky knew he was pressing his lips against Sam’s.
 + 1
Sam felt Bucky’s lips pressing against his own. At first, he was shocked that Bucky really was kissing him but after a few seconds he returned the kiss. He pulled Bucky closer to himself and started moving his hand to the other man’s neck. Bucky groaned and started to move closer to Sam.
It was everything Sam had dreamed about for the last couple of months and if Bucky was ready to move on from Steve, Sam was ready for that as well. They continued to kiss for a while, none of them saying a word. The sound of them kissing was the only one heard in the apartment. Sam was already starting to slip his hand under Bucky’s t-shirt when Bucky suddenly pulled away from him.
“No, no, no-,” he exclaimed and looked at Sam, both their lips slightly swollen from their kissing.
“This is wrong,” Bucky whined.
Sam could almost hear the crack his heart made the second Bucky stopped their kiss. Of course, he thought it was wrong. Steve and Bucky had been together for more than 5 years or maybe even more, obviously, Bucky wouldn’t move on so quickly.
“God I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, Sam,” Bucky looked at him with blue eyes and Sam wanted to kiss him again, so badly.
“Sorry, I just thought that… you’re right, this is not fair to Steve. God, I’m a horrible person, Steve would hate me,” Sam whispered ashamed.
“No, I’m the bad friend. I kissed you. I kissed my dead best friend’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure they have a special place in hell for people like me,” Bucky let out a groan.
Sam looked at him confused. What the hell was he talking about?
“I was his what now?” he asked and stared at Bucky.
“Boyfriend, partner, significant other, I don’t know what you called each other, but I’m pretty sure that if there was one rule for friendship it’s that you don’t make a move on your friends’ partners,” Bucky gestured between Sam and him.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” he was out of breath and pushed his hair out his face. His cheeks were starting to get redder.
“No,” was the only thing Sam said at first. “You’re his boyfriend”, he continued and pointed at Bucky.
“Huh?” Bucky replied, still confused.
“No, you are. He always talked about you and he visited you nearly every week and-,” Sam was starting to ramble, but Bucky interrupted him.
“You two were living together?! I thought you were his boyfriend, what was I supposed to think? I didn’t assume two grown men would be living together as roommates,” he exclaimed.
“Hey,” Sam felt offended.
Bucky quickly noticed the way Sam looked at him. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…I thought you were his boyfriend.”
“No, I’m his best friend,” Sam answered, this time a bit louder. What the hell was going on?
“No, I’m his best friend,” Bucky mumbled, still trying to process what had happened in the last few moments.
“Wait. So you’re not in a relationship with Steven Grant Rogers, and you never were?” Sam asked slowly.
“No,” Bucky answered, though it sounded more like a question. “I mean we used to when we were teenagers, but that’s nearly a decade ago.”
“And you’re not in a relationship with Steve either, right?” Bucky added and looked into Sam’s eyes.
“Nope, and I never was.”
There was an awkward silence between them until Bucky asked Sam, “So, the last few months you thought I was grieving my boyfriend, while I thought you were grieving your boyfriend?”
It was the thing that made Sam crack. He started to laugh. Loudly. He even started wheezing, tears forming in his eyes.  
“I cannot believe this. That little shit,” Sam cried out. “He never corrected me when I referred to you as his boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing.”
Finally, Bucky busted out laughing as well. “We’re so stupid. We could have just asked each other but instead we just assumed that the other was the grieving widower.”
Sam could feel the way Bucky was staring at him, trying to figure out what to say next. Sam, on the other hand, knew already what he was going to do next. He got closer to Bucky and kissed him again.
This time Bucky didn’t hesitate and pushed himself against Sam. “You know,” he mumbled between kisses, “We could have done that way earlier.” The complaint was evident in his tone.
“Better late than never,” was the only thing Sam answered before he kissed Bucky once more.
And somewhere out there, Steve was looking at them, smiling to himself and thinking how much of an idiot both of his best friends were.
Feel free to leave any comments or any suggestions for improvement!
Thank you so much for reading my first ever English written One Shot! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm really looking forward to writing more Marvel fanfiction, especially Stucky and Sambucky.
much love, your local stucky shipper xx
 ***
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lillywillow · 3 years
Text
Paper Faces on Parade
Summary: A royal masquerade is being held with the purpose of finding you a husband, however, your heart is already being held by one man
 Word Count: 1457
 Square Filled: Royal AU
 Pairings: Bucky x Female Reader
 Warnings: An assassination attempt
Written for @star-spangled-bingo
 From a young age, you were trained to take over the throne from your mother. You were taught everything from politics, to dancing, to sword fighting. Your mother wanted you to be fully prepared for anything a queen would be expected. When you came of age, she had been pushing you to find a husband, which was a royal requirement. Every potential suitor your mother set up ended the same way, a polite kiss on the hand and a broken promise to meet again. There was only one man you had in mind for your royal consort; your best friend and confidant; James Buchannan “Bucky” Barnes.
 Ever since you were children, the pair of you had been close. Bucky had trained to be in the knights and worked his way up from page to sergeant. He had taught you to wield a sword and ride a horse. Whenever you had dance lessons, you requested him as your partner. Every chance either of you had, you used it to be with each other. After he had lost his arm in the war, you spent every second you could by his side and went as far as to resource a mechanical one for him so he could resume his position.
 When your mother had announced that she was holding a royal ball with the sole purpose of you choosing a husband, there was no doubt in your mind who would be your choice by the end of the night.
The night of the ball had finally arrived, the night you had been partly dreading. It wasn’t that you hated these kinds of events per say, it was just that they were full of the same tedious characters you forced to mingle with. There were the clout chasers who were more interested in being seen with you than anything you actually had to say. Then there were the old blowhards who believed you should be seen, not heard and be grateful whatever man was chosen for you. In those cases you would oh so politely remind them that’s not the way your mother did it and you wouldn’t stand for it either.
 One of the things you did enjoy about these formal gatherings is seeing everyone in their finery. Fabrics shimmered and flashed and jewellery sparkled in the light. There was a certain magic about it, especially tonight with everyone wearing masks. Despite the fact their faces were hidden, it was easy to spot who was whom.
 Surrounded by a group of women was the inventor from the noble house of Stark. He was dressed in a metallic costume of gold and red, possibly one of his own creations.
 Then there was Countess Natasha Romanoff. Her dress was obsidian save for the silver stitching which was woven throughout the fabric like spider-webs. In her hand was a plain black mask on a stick which had the symbol of a red hourglass.
 You spotted one of the Asgardian princes in an emerald and gold costume with a feathered raven mask. He was speaking to Lady Wanda Maximoff. Her scarlet gown billowed around her like smoke, a lace butterfly mask daintily perched upon her face.
 You could see the Wakandan king in a traditionally carved African mask in the shape of a panther. He was wearing all black although there was something unusual about the fabric in the way it shimmered purple under the light.
 Throughout the night, you danced with many eligible bachelors. Some were sweet and genuine, others you found utterly droll but the one person you wanted to dance with eluded you.
 Eventually, you managed to sneak away to the veranda to steal a few minutes alone to yourself. You were enjoying the cool night air when you heard a voice behind you.
 “I thought I might find you here, princess.”
 Smiling, you turned around to face the person you had been longing to see all night. Bucky was clothed in all white with silver trimming, complete with a white wolf mask. You thought he looked rather dashing.
 “It was starting to get quite stuffy in there...”
 “Indeed,” he said, joining you and placing his hands on the veranda railing, his gloved fingers brushing against yours. “Have you danced with many tonight?”
 “Too many to count... none of them have reached my standards.”
 “You must have pretty high standards...”
 “That I do... in fact, I have already made my choice in who I want to make my consort.”
 “Is that so?”
 “It is... you may already know him. He’s tall, handsome, has beautiful blue eyes, he’s in the knights...”
 “I see... well I wish you and Steve a long and happy life together.” You playfully nudged him.
 “I think we both know who I’m referring to...”
 “I think I do too... but I’m afraid to let myself hope...” When Bucky heard you were supposed to be choosing the man you were going to marry, it broke his heart.
 “Then how about a dance?”
 “Shouldn’t I be the one to ask you?”
 “Do you want to dance with me or not?”
 “Yes, your highness,” his voice had a playful lilt to it. He offered his arm to you and escorted you to the ballroom floor as the music began.
 As you glided across the floor with Bucky, it felt like you were the only two people in the room amidst the swirling colours and glittering lights. There was no denying it. You were totally and hopelessly in love with each other. When the song ended, your lips moved closer to his but a voice interrupted you.
 “May I have this next dance, princess?” You turned to see a stranger fully clad in black with red tentacles embellished on the shirt and a mask in the form of a red skull. There was something about this man that sent chills down your spine, however, it was your duty to dance with every gentleman who asked. You knew almost everyone at this party but you couldn’t place him. He was clearly skilled at the waltz but his grip was tight and hurting you. Bucky watched his every move and stayed close by just in case.
 “I have been very anxious to meet you princess...”
 It all happened so fast. The stranger pulled a knife concealed in his belt and brought it down towards your heart. Bucky quickly ran over, managing to push you away and put himself between you and the assailant. The knife let out a sickening clink as it got stuck in the panels of Bucky’s arm. All you could do was stand there in shock, the palace guards rushing over to apprehend the attacker. The man tried to get away and in the scuffle, his mask clattered to the ground revealing his identity. It was Johan Schmitt, an enemy to the royal family and leader to a group of rebels. He screamed profanities and antiroyalist speech as he was dragged away to the dungeons to be dealt with later.
 “Are you alright, princess? Did he harm you at all?” a nearby servant asked. You shakily showed your bruised wrist and they ushered you to a doctor. You turned back to see Steve helping Bucky remove the knife from his shoulder.
 From that point on, the party was well and truly over.
...
 The following day, the palace was abuzz with gossip about the events that unfolded at the ball. There was only one thing on your mind. You went to your mother to let her know your decision.
 “Mother, I have made my choice... I want Sir James Buchannan Barnes as my consort.”
 “Are you sure you don’t have false feelings because he saved your life last night?”
 “No, Mother. I have been in love with Sir James since I was a teenager. He has proven himself worthy to be my partner time and time again, not just to me but to the kingdom. He is a knight of high status and by our laws; he is eligible for my hand. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind.”
 “This is your final answer?”
 “Yes, Mother.”
 “Then it is decided. I will make the appropriate arrangements. You may go.” You couldn’t stop smiling, having to stop yourself from running through the halls to go tell Bucky the good news.
 In the months that followed, you and Bucky were finally married. You finally got the man of your dreams and Bucky got the princess of his.
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1962dude420-blog · 3 years
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Today we remember the passing of Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton who Died: July 25, 1984 in Los Angeles, California
Willie Mae Thornton (December 11, 1926 – July 25, 1984), better known as Big Mama Thornton, was an American rhythm-and-blues singer and songwriter. She was the first to record Leiber and Stoller's "Hound Dog", in 1952,which became her biggest hit, staying seven weeks at number one on the Billboard R&B chart in 1953 and selling almost two million copies. Thornton's other recordings included the original version of "Ball and Chain", which she wrote.
Her recording of Hound Dog, written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller in 1952, and later recorded by Elvis Presley, reached Number 1 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. According to Maureen Mahon, a music professor at New York University, "the song is seen as an important beginning of rock-and-roll, especially in its use of the guitar as the key instrument".
Thornton's birth certificate states that she was born in Ariton, Alabama, but in an interview with Chris Strachwitz, she claimed Montgomery, Alabama, as her birthplace, probably because Montgomery was better known than Ariton. She was introduced to music in a Baptist church, where her father was a minister and her mother a singer. She and her six siblings began to sing at early ages. Her mother died young, and Willie Mae left school and got a job washing and cleaning spittoons in a local tavern. In 1940 she left home and, with the help of Diamond Teeth Mary, joined Sammy Green's Hot Harlem Revue and was soon billed as the "New Bessie Smith". Her musical education started in the church but continued through her observation of the rhythm-and-blues singers Bessie Smith and Memphis Minnie, whom she deeply admired.
Thornton's career began to take off when she moved to Houston in 1948. "A new kind of popular blues was coming out of the clubs in Texas and Los Angeles, full of brass horns, jumpy rhythms, and wisecracking lyrics." In 1951 she signed a recording contract with Peacock Records and performed at the Apollo Theater in 1952. Also in 1952, while working with another Peacock artist Johnny Otis, she recorded "Hound Dog", the first record produced by its writers Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The pair were present at the recording, with Leiber demonstrating the song in the vocal style they had envisioned; "We wanted her to growl it," Stoller said, which she did. Otis played drums, after the original drummer was unable to play an adequate part. The record sold more than half a million copies, and went to number one on the R&B chart, helping to bring in the dawn of rock 'n' roll. Although the record made Thornton a star, she saw little of the profits.
On Christmas Day 1954 in a theatre in Houston, Texas, she witnessed fellow performer Johnny Ace, also signed to Duke and Peacock record labels, accidentally shoot and kill himself while playing with a .22 pistol. Thornton continued to record for Peacock until 1957 and performed in R&B package tours with Junior Parker and Esther Phillips.
Thornton's success with "Hound Dog" was followed three years later by Elvis Presley recording his hit version of the song. His recording at first annoyed Leiber who wrote, "I have no idea what that rabbit business is all about. The song is not about a dog, it's about a man, a freeloading gigolo." But Elvis' version sold ten million copies, so today few fans know that "Hound Dog" began as "an anthem of black female power." Similarly, Thornton originally recorded her song "Ball 'n' Chain" for Bay-Tone Records in the early 1960s, "and though the label chose not to release the song... they did hold on to the copyright"—which meant that Thornton missed out on the publishing royalties when Janis Joplin recorded the song later in the decade. However, in a 1972 interview, Thornton acknowledged giving Joplin permission to record the song and receiving royalty payments from its sales.
As her career began to fade in the late 1950s and early 1960s, she left Houston and relocated to the San Francisco Bay area, "playing clubs in San Francisco and L.A. and recording for a succession of labels", notably the Berkeley-based Arhoolie Records. In 1965, she toured with the American Folk Blues Festival in Europe, where her success was notable "because very few female blues singers at that time had ever enjoyed success across the Atlantic." While in England that year, she recorded her first album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton – In Europe. It featured backing by blues veterans Buddy Guy (guitar), Fred Below (drums), Eddie Boyd (keyboards), Jimmy Lee Robinson (bass), and Walter "Shakey" Horton (harmonica), except for three songs on which Fred McDowell provided acoustic slide guitar.
In 1966, Thornton recorded her second album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton with the Muddy Waters Blues Band – 1966, with Muddy Waters (guitar), Sammy Lawhorn (guitar), James Cotton (harmonica), Otis Spann (piano), Luther Johnson (bass guitar), and Francis Clay (drums). She performed at the Monterey Jazz Festival in 1966 and 1968. Her last album for Arhoolie, Ball n' Chain, was released in 1968. It was made up of tracks from her two previous albums, plus her composition "Ball and Chain" and the standard "Wade in the Water". A small combo, including her frequent guitarist Edward "Bee" Houston, provided backup for the two songs. Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's performance of "Ball 'n' Chain" at the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 and the release of the song on their number one album Cheap Thrills renewed interest in Thornton's career.
By 1969, Thornton had signed with Mercury Records, which released her most successful album, Stronger Than Dirt, which reached number 198 in the Billboard Top 200 record chart. Thornton had now signed a contract with Pentagram Records and could finally fulfill one of her biggest dreams. A blues woman and the daughter of a preacher, Thornton loved the blues and what she called the "good singing" of gospel artists like the Dixie Hummingbirds and Mahalia Jackson. She had always wanted to record a gospel record, and with the album Saved (PE 10005), she achieved that longtime goal. The album includes the gospel classics "Oh, Happy Day," "Down By The Riverside," "Glory, Glory Hallelujah," "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," "Lord Save Me," "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," "One More River" and "Go Down Moses".
By then, the American blues revival had come to an end. While the original blues acts like Thornton mostly played smaller venues, younger people played their versions of blues in massive arenas for big money. Since the blues had seeped into other genres of music, the blues musician no longer needed impoverishment or geography for substantiation; the style was enough. While at home the offers became fewer and smaller, things changed for good in 1972, when Thornton was asked to rejoin the American Folk Blues Festival tour. She thought of Europe as a good place for herself, and, with the lack of engagements in the United States, she agreed happily. The tour, beginning on March 2, took Thornton to Germany, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, the Netherlands, Denmark, Norway, Finland, and Sweden, where it ended on March 27 in Stockholm. With her on the bill were Eddie Boyd, Big Joe Williams, Robert Pete Williams, T- Bone Walker, Paul Lenart, Hartley Severns, Edward Taylor and Vinton Johnson. As in 1965, they garnered recognition and respect from other musicians who wanted to see them.
In the 1970s, years of heavy drinking began to damage Thornton's health. She was in a serious auto accident but recovered to perform at the 1973 Newport Jazz Festival with Muddy Waters, B.B. King, and Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson (a recording of this performance, The Blues—A Real Summit Meeting, was released by Buddha Records). Thornton's last albums were Jail and Sassy Mama for Vanguard Records in 1975. Other songs from the recording session were released in 2000 on Big Mama Swings. Jail captured her performances during mid-1970s concerts at two prisons in the northwestern United States. She was backed by a blues ensemble that featured sustained jams by George "Harmonica" Smith and included the guitarists Doug MacLeod, Bee Houston and Steve Wachsman; the drummer Todd Nelson; the saxophonist Bill Potter; the bassist Bruce Sieverson; and the pianist J. D. Nicholson. She toured extensively through the United States and Canada, played at the Juneteenth Blues Fest in Houston and shared the bill with John Lee Hooker. She performed at the San Francisco Blues Festival in 1979 and the Newport Jazz Festival in 1980. In the early 1970s, Thornton's sexual proclivities became a question among blues fans. Big Mama also performed in the "Blues Is a Woman" concert that year, alongside classic blues legend Sippie Wallace, sporting a man's three-piece suit, straw hat, and gold watch. She sat at center stage and played pieces she wanted to play, which were not on the program. Thornton took part in the Tribal Stomp at Monterey Fairgrounds, the Third Annual Sacramento Blues Festival, and the Los Angeles Bicentennial Blues with BB King and Muddy Waters. She was a guest on an ABC-TV special hosted by actor Hal Holbrook and was joined by Aretha Franklin and toured through the club scene. She was also part of the award-winning PBS television special Three Generations of the blues with Sippie Wallace and Jeannie Cheatham.
Thornton was found dead at age 57 by medical personnel in a Los Angeles boarding house on July 25, 1984. She died of heart and liver disorders due to her longstanding alcohol abuse.
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johnkrrasinski · 4 years
Text
Midnight, I’m Not Leaving
full masterlist
Pairings: Biker!Bucky Barnes x female!reader (AU)
Word count: 1,995
Warning: fluff!!!! just a lot of feelings tbh.
Summary: you had your whole life planned out; work hard, move to new york and pursue your dreams... but what happens when a coquettish biker gang leader crossed your path and relentlessly asked you for a date?
a/n: this one’s written for @captain-rogers-beard​‘s “Flex Your Writing Muscles” challenge. i was inspired by the prompt “a late night bike ride under the stars” and i’ve been actually thinking of writing about biker!bucky for awhile!! so yeah, it was a perfect coincidence. please leave a like & comment! enjoy!
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The crisp breeze felt piercing on your skin, your hair was blowing through all over your face barricading your sight, the soft hum of the engine that you had grown fond of reverberated in your ears, like midnight jazz cruising through the streets of Sunset Boulevard.
Bucky’s sturdy material of leather felt nice against your palm as you inhaled his musky scent, the smell soothed your nerves. But again, Bucky Barnes always soothed your nerves.
You had been dating the town’s most infamous bad boy slash biker gang leader, Bucky Barnes for over two months now. You were a persevering small-town girl who valued your independence and was determined to get out of this mundane place.
You wanted to migrate to the big city, preferably the Empire State, where you can be whoever you want to be, and there’s a seat for you and your big ambitions on the dining table. Not like this small-minded, incommodious small town where everyone seems to have a thing of sticking their noses in places they don’t belong and the most “noble” job you can have is being a waitress.
You didn’t have any desire in fulfilling this small town’s dreams for you by being a waitress but you had to fill in your bank account if you really wanted to leave and run to the big city. So you took a part-time job at a local bakery store, owned by Mrs. Potts, called “Potts’ Boulangerie,” where you get paid quite generously for someone who only works as a part-time waitress.
Life in Islesbury was anything but exciting and extraordinary during most days.
But all that changed since, a rainy afternoon, when the fearsome, James Buchanan Barnes, the leader of the notorious biker gang, “The Howling Commandos.” The bell above the door dinged as Bucky with his two most trusted men, Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson tried to fit their massive figures into the moderate-sized door that would fit the average people.
Bucky set his foot first as Sam then Steve trailed along. They were soaked with the droplets of rain that were clouding over the tranquility of Iselsbury but they didn’t seem to mind one bit. There was only you at that moment since Wanda wasn’t feeling too well so she worked only for half-day. The shop was a little slow too since it was raining and most people preferred to stay inside, and Wednesdays aren’t exactly the most casual day to stop by at the bakery store.
To say you weren’t a tad intimidated by the sight of these menacing men would be a deceit. You had heard the rumours, the small crimes that they did, the various members that had gone in and out prison, and the bars that they owned and ruled over. But you put on your professional facade anyway, and you did your job.
They immediately sat at the last table in the corner, where Bucky leaned against the window, whilst Sam and Steve sat next to each other at the opposite of his direction. You heard one of them say, “damn, it’s really coming down.”
You carefully walked over to them with your notepad and pencil, and you raise your voice meekly, “can I get you guys anything?” Bucky instantly turned his head and took a good look at you, shamelessly eyed you up and down. “Well, hello there, gorgeous.” Bucky winked.
You were taken aback by his blunt move. The fuck did he just call you? You weren’t an escort who was prying on your next potential client and on your way to seduce him. “Excuse me?” All the civility in you dissolved, your offence was on palpable.
“Whoa, what’s the matter, doll face?”
“Don’t call me that. I’m here to take your order, not to escort you.”
“Calm down, doll. I ain’t saying that at all. I’m just stating the obvious.”
“Well, you better keep your mouth to yourself because I don’t like those nicknames and if you’re not going to make an order, then I suggest you leave.”
“Well, this is a public place, ain’t it? Anyone can be here whenever they want as long as the sign on the door says open.”
He was right. You shouldn’t be rude to a customer, but again, you weren’t going to let him or anyone walk over you. But you tried to regain your composure and tried to act decently again, “fine, what would you like to order, sir?”
“Sir… I like that. I’ll take one cup of espresso, please, darling.” He winked at you and grinned a Cheshire cat smile. “Be cool, he’s a customer. Be cool, he’s a customer. Be cool, he’s a customer.” You reminded yourself. “Just serve his orders and you won’t have to deal with him ever again… At least for today.”
“Alright. What about you?” You directed your attention to Steve and Sam.
“Americano, please.” You noted down Sam’s order. “And you?” You moved to Steve. “Just black ma’am. Thank you.” You noted that down also.
“I’ll be right back with your orders.” You immediately walked away and went back to the kitchen where you were going to make their coffees. Only after a few steps away from them, you heard the faint, yet bold voice of Bucky. “Feisty... Think I like this one.”
-
Since that fortunate day, Bucky never stopped bothering you, even though you persisted on rejecting him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He kept on visiting you at the bakery store, annoying you whilst you were busy taking customers’ orders or helping Wanda out in the kitchen. He even went as far as insolently knocking on your door at night whilst you were having a movie night with your parents in the living room.
“What the hell? What are you doing here?!” You spoke in a hushed tone, but you glared at him. How the fuck did Bucky find your resident?
“Wanted to see you, doll. Thought you’d give me a different answer if I had visited you at your place rather than the shop.” He leaned into the frame of the door. Meanwhile, your mother in the background was not making the situation any easier, “who is that, honey?”
“Nobody…”
“What? Is it a false address?”
“Yeah…”
Amidst the turmoil of trying to get rid of Bucky and convincing your mother, you didn’t notice that Bucky was audaciously eyeing you up and down for you were clad in nothing but a white tank top and pyjama shorts with a thin cardigan cloaking you as an outer.
“Never seen you in something so scanty before, you look better like this.” There is that presumptuous smirk again.
You realized he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon for the persistent douche he was, so you shut the door behind you and stepped outside to your porch. “What the hell? You can not just come into my house uninvited! And most importantly, how did you even know where I live?!”
“I have eyes in the sky and ears all over town.”
You groaned and rolled your eyes.
“If you want me to leave, you gotta say yes to a date. Just one date, doll.”
“No.” You resolutely gritted.
“Fine, then I’ll just stand here all night, maybe even flaunt my singing skill and wake the entire neighbourhood, until you say yes.” He started singing a song that you didn’t know, like a drunken teenage boy at a bar. He didn’t even hesitate in turning up his volume and it immediately made you panic.
“Shh! Okay, fine. I’ll go on a date with you. Just please, stop causing a scene. My parents will call the cops on you if they saw you here.”
“Of course, still the uptight rich people, I see.”
“You gotta leave. Now.” You started pushing him, even though he barely moved an inch for he was stronger and bigger than you.
“7 PM, tomorrow. I’ll pick you up on my bike.”
“Okay, go!” You shoved him mildly to get him off your veranda.
He yielded then began moving to where he parked. He hopped on his bike and revived the engine as took one last glance at you, “can’t wait to see you all dressed up for me, doll.” He winked and geared on the asphalt road.
And the rest was history.
And now, here you were, two months later, sitting on the back of his bike, with your chest pressed against his broad back, as he cruised through the open road under the glow of the moon.
You hugged Bucky tighter as he sped up. The feel of his warmth against you relinquished all the burden and the mundanity of the small-town life were omitted.
“Where are we going?” You gritted.
“You’ll see. If I tell you now, it ain’t going to be a surprise.” His tone detonated, trying to overpower the din of the wind.
Typical Bucky. Even after you were his for two months, he was still coming up with inventive ways to impress you. It’s the little things and modest ways he did that pulled you into him like a magnet. The sugarcoated words he effortlessly spoke, the kisses his ingenious lips left on you and the iniquitous way he touched you when you were making passionate love… It captivated you like a firework show.
Bucky took you that night to a secluded hill, in the outskirts of town where there were barely any people passing by. You had snuck out earlier, cautiously not to jolt your parents up as Bucky noiselessly waited for you outside. You felt like recalcitrant teenagers recklessly in love. And maybe you were at that moment.
“Let’s go on a ride tonight, doll. I’ll be here by midnight. Be ready, princess.” He urged you on the phone earlier.
The midnight was besieged by stillness and nothing but the sonances of crickets. Bucky lifted the seat of his bike and retrieved the plaid picnic blanket from inside.
He placed it on the lawn and he laid down with you in his arms. You placed your head on his chest as you curled up to him and fitted your entire height in the blanket.
“Look at those stars…” Bucky pointed at the sprinkled constellation adorning the royal blue sky. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, they are.” You paused. For a moment there was only the sound of you and Bucky’s slow breathing and steady heartbeat humming in your ear. Then you filled in the silence with the sentimentality of your childhood your mind recalled. It’s really difficult not to open up when you are this close to him.
“When I was a little girl, I used to pretend that those stars would follow me wherever I go like they were my little guardian angels. And whenever I’m sad or afraid, I’d look outside my window and feel safe.”
“You still do that?” He breathed into your hair as he played with some of the strands. He tenderly caressed the back of your head with his indurated fingers that you had memorized every inch of.
“Of course not.” You slightly chuckled in disbelief at his question.
“Good, cause as long as you got me, you don’t ever have to feel sad or afraid again, doll.”
“Is that a promise?”
“It’s an oath. And I’ve got a lifetime to prove my words to you.”
You thanked your lucky stars that night, as they watched over you and Bucky like the angels taking over the form of flickering stellar in the sky. You always thought you knew where your future was heading and had your plans laid out immaculately in front of you until Bucky came along like a whirlwind sweeping away all your scribbled notes and took your hand to walk through every second with him.
And for the first time in forever, you weren’t rushing to be in another place or calculating your next move. For the first time, you think you were content enough to stay.
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