#this runs parallel to me realizing my goal in life is not to marry but to be happy

[lightwise]

Ahsoka Episode 4 Spoilers/Thoughts

This was...a big one, to say the least.

Also note to self do NOT open tumblr while in the middle of watching an episode or you will be spoiled for that epic ending *sobs* oh well...

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

2/2 Star Wars characters repairing ship wiring on their back...v nice

Sabine, you realize none of you would be in this position if you hadn't squirreled away with the map in your tower...jus sayin...

"Can I count on you?" Yeah I'm gonna say that's a no...

Sabine loading her blasters is super cool but also giving me flashbacks to trying to reload staple gun or nail gun cartridges and hoping you don't launch them into your face in the process

Natasha plays Sabine's nervous energy very well and Rosario is showing Ahsoka's own unease, reserve, but also very caring concern, extremely well. I really wish we could see the history between these two--animated in between series anyone??

I wonder why Dave doesn't bring up the fact that Ahsoka owes Ezra her life. It's only focused on what Ezra means to Sabine, but he means a lot to Ahsoka too.

Huyang's lil hands on hips...you can tell he's a full practical build here.

Speaking of...I REALLY want to know if the practical robot was used for this fight scene, or if they switched to someone in a costume/CGI. It seems like the HK droids are people/CGI but I could be wrong about that. Either way, go Huyang go!

It's always a treat to see Mandos and Jedi fighting styles together. And Sabine's Wonder Woman vambrace block was great.

Ahsoka's white lightsabers are so stunning in live action.

"May I make one request of you both?" LISTEN TO HUYANG. HE KNOWS WHAT'S UP. "Stay together." And WHAT ARE THEY NOT GONNA DO SMH

"Mom, how come I have to do what I'm told and you don't" lmao

Jacen is so spunky and I'm so glad Dave is having him be a full part of the series.

Carson Teva my man! And Brendan!

BUT WHERE ARE ZEB AND KALLUS. WHERE ARE OUR MARRIED BOIS

"Faith? I lost that a long time ago" Baylon's backstory pleaseeeee. Who was his master. How far did he get in training. Was he knighted? Did he have a padawan pre-order 66? Where was he during the war? Where was he during Order 66? When did he walk away, and what did he walk away to? What are his goals now? How did he find Shin/why did he want to train her? We desperately need a comic or a book here Lucasfilm

The graphics for the countdown clock (and the droids manning them) are super cool

Shin dear lord can you be any more dramatic

Sabine and Shin running off like rabid wolves while Ahsoka is just like, oh please, do I really have to deal with this right now

Ahsoka > any inquisitor, dead or alive, magic or real, anytime, any place, any age LOL

Ugh the parallels to Obi-Wan and Maul are impeccable.

So I totally knew Marrok would be a nobody/throwaway character but a nightsister necromancer ghost??? Did not see that coming at all. Eerie

Shin seems honestly disturbed by seeing Marrok fall. I wonder if the body that was used was someone she knew or had a connection to.

The lightsaber usage in this show is so interesting and such a unique blend of samurai techniques, OT trilogy techniques, and more realistic stabbing and swiping and slicing motions. I love the choreography and cinematography of Shin and Sabine going at it as well as how the trees and landscape are used in their fight.

Looks like Shin got her dramatics from her master. Sitting there with his hood up for effect lol

Definitely getting flashbacks to Ahsoka's sass in her fight with Maul in TCW.

Baylon's textured armor is so incredible. I want to see him leading a 13th century cavalcade

Can he read people's minds? Or does he do in depth research like Thrawn does so he knows the weak points of his opponents?

“One must destroy in order to create.” No. You are incorrect sir. One must die. One must morph, must change, in order to create. But that is different than destroying.

Again with the one saber. It's such an odd choice for Ahsoka to do that, and it honestly feels like an excuse for Baylon to be able to overpower her later. I don't quite like it.

It is very interesting how Baylon views Ahsoka, and tells her that her legacy is death and broken promises. What exactly does he think her legacy is? Because that is Anakin's legacy, not hers (at least through Rebels). What has happened since then?

He looks so sad, honestly.

There's way too much leaving oneself open to attack in this episode.

The fight scene definitely looks slowed down a little, and it's a little clunky, but man Baylon is brutal with his saber. Again why is Ahsoka not using both of hers to combat is strength??

Either there's a trailer shot that never made it into this fight, or Baylon and Ahsoka fight again. I'm missing where she kicks back against one of those tall rocks and flips over. That was such a cool shot.

I honestly can't believe Shin was able to block the whistling birds lol. That would be an intense hit to the face. Also I love how much of the shots and sparks in these shows are practical. It makes it feel so much more real.

The map burning Ahsoka is wild. It makes sense but very unfortunate.

Hot damn Ahsoka! She definitely was tapping into some anger there. In real life that hit to the back of the head should have seriously injured Shin. Filoni is really being gritty and brutal with the fights in this show, they're raw and dirty in ways that the trilogies were not.

Aaaaaand while I know Ahsoka isn't dead yet (there's no way Filoni would kill off the title character halfway through a first season) holy cow that was heartwrenching

Baylon is a master manipulator. He makes Maul look like a babbling teenager. And yet he doesn't seem to derive any twisted pleasure from it. He just is doing what he thinks he needs to do.

I'm sorry Ahsoka had WHAT to do with Sabine's family dying???? In the Purge??? Ugh geez that's awful.

Gah DAMN it Sabine!! C'mon girl!! Bad decision, bad decision!

WHAT IS THIS GREATER GOOD BAYLON

I would have loved to see Obi-Wan face off against Baylon. The quiet patience and calm strength...too much for one room

He is just not done digging at Ahsoka is he. Again, master manipulator, but why?

Huyang's little magnifying glass!

Dave definitely nailed the lighting in this show. Even if the volume is still apparent in some shots, the lighting is finally dialed in and soft and realistic and atmospheric. That shot of Baylon after decimating the map is epic.

Yeahhh, Hera, ya'll might want to skedaddle right quick before you get....oh, too late....

"Mom? I've got a bad feeling." Me too kid, me too.

"Lady Wren, Lady Tano" *sobbing* Hera make sure Huyang makes it back pls

This transition.

Oh boy

I know what's coming bc I got on tumblr too early but OH MAN

ahhhh it's so gorgeous

it's here, it's finally here and it's BEAUTIFUL (The World Between Worlds, who did you think I was talking about, Anakin? ;)

I'm KIDDING ANAKIN IS BEAUTIFUL TOO OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES

"Hello Snips" I can't I truly can't

"I didn't expect to see you so soon" so is she dead? Dying? Disassociating while drowning? Dave if you kill Ahsoka off in this show I will never forgive you

She is in shock omg look at him she is reunited with her brother, her master, her friend!!

We think--DAVE WHAT DOES VADER THEME MEAN. DAVE, SIR, HOW DARE YOU KNOW HOW TO LEAVE US ON SUCH A CLIFFHANGER IT IS UNFAIR.

Welp I have no idea what to do with myself until next week and we find out what's going on here. I swear if that's not the real Anakin I will be beside myself.

Let's get ready for flashbacks folks. What an episode.

#ahsoka #ahsoka tano #ahsoka show #ahsoka series #ahsoka spoilers #ahsoka series spoilers #ahsoka show spoilers #huyang #sabine #sabine wren #baylon skoll #shin hati #morgan elsbeth #hera syndulla #jacen syndulla #carson teva #some light ramblings #somelightramblings

[clowningbayern-moved]

.

#waking up today like... damn #i work at an lgbtq nonprofit #and almost all of my friends are queer #and i have literally never felt more empowered to be myself #even like running a silly sports blog on tumblr... #spent so long not fully owning how much i enjoy sports! #i didn't want to be a likes beer/likes sports cool girl #but i feel like finally i have untaught myself all the weird misogynistic bullshit #that made me feel like liking certain things made me a certain kind of woman #in the past year i have realized i have very little connection to the concept of gender to begin with! #so what is stopping me from being a person who likes sports and also teen soap operas and is unashamed of it #this runs parallel to me realizing my goal in life is not to marry but to be happy #all this to say: happy pride y'all #queerness is the greatest gift #be yourself always and fuck society's boxes #me

[dendrite-blues]

For a relatively short exchange, this scene is jam packed with characterization for Loki. 

It’s also our first reliable look into what Loki was like before Thor 1. Not as described by others, but first hand and from his own mouth. I think that deserves a closer look, to see what we can learn about Loki and how he thinks.

This scene is significant because it tells us what Loki’s personality is like when he’s not running for his life. It tells us who he was before his trauma and what his core beliefs are underneath those layers of humor and bravado.

Better yet, since he’s alone we can assume that every line in this scene is presumably true, or at least Loki believes it to be true since he has no audience but himself. 

The dialogue centers mostly around the statement “You deserve to be alone, and you always will be.” I’m not going to focus too much on the “alone” motif since I already dedicated an entire meta post to it.

What I think is more interesting about this scene is actually the looping, and the stages Loki goes through in trying to deal with it. There’s a lot of really interesting character traits on display in that progression.

Loop 1: A Warm Bath and Glass of Wine

The first loop entails Sif lecturing Loki about cutting her hair, kicking him in the balls, and storming away. Loki kneels on the floor and he gives us this great line:

“A bad memory prison? How quaint. Some punishment. I remember exactly what I did after that. I went and had a nice, hot bath and a glass of wine, and I never thought about it again. Because it was just a bit of fun.”

So we can take this to be Loki’s default reaction to pain and criticism. When put into an unexpected conflict without any forethought or outside influence, this is what he says/does.

1) Downplay the damage/threat. How quaint. 2) Dispel/soothe the emotion. Nice hot bath. 3) Minimize the impact. Never thought about it again. 4) Deflect responsibility. Just a bit of fun.

Keep those in mind as we move forward, since we’ll be using them to make sense of what else Loki says in this scene.

Loops 2 and 3: Okay, Sif, Hang On

This bit is about Loki realizing just how bad his predicament is.

L: Okay. Okay, Sif. Hang on. S: No, you hear this. You deserve to be alone... And I always will be. L: Alright, I get it. Listen. You are a reconstruction of a past event created by the organization that controls all of time. So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah? S: Pathetic. (she kicks him again) L: (winces and groans)

As we all would expect from him, Loki’s first impulse is to try and talk his way out of it. What he says to achieve that goal is pretty revealing though. Because he doesn’t try to ease Sif’s upset by apologizing or explaining or offering to magic her hair back. 

Any of these would have been more likely to save his nads in the given circumstance, right? The present threat is Sif, and she’s mad about what Loki did to her hair. But Loki doesn’t really see that. Rather, he treats her as a means to an end.

“So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah?”

To me, that choice reveals something of a blind spot Loki has to the feelings of others. Even if he doesn’t actively like hurting people, he does prioritize their problems below his, and quite shamelessly. And at least on his first impulse, he doesn’t seem to feel much remorse or empathy for them.

Usually in fanon we attribute this callousness to his trauma. He’s learned that no one can be trusted and no one cares, and so he doesn’t allow himself to care for others. 

But between his Loop 1 sentiment of “It was just a bit of fun” for an event which caused real hurt to Sif, and his Loop 2/3 behavior of “you, stop being mad and help ME” I think it’s reasonable to say that selfishness/low empathy are traits Loki possessed pre-trauma.

Loop 4-????: Happens Off Screen

It’s unclear how many times Loki loops while the camera is following Mobius, but the implication is clear that it was been many, many repetitions. Somewhere in this his denial and deflection must break, because we come back to a much humbler, more pleading Loki.

The Final Loop: I Crave Attention

S: You conniving, craven... L: Sif. Sif. S: ...pathetic worm. L: Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.

HOOO BOY, so this is quite a tough bit to analyze. There’s a lot of interpretations you could make, and a lot of topics to delve into. For the sake of focus, I’m going to ignore the narcissism question. That one really needs an entire post, and I want to focus on something else here.

That being, Loki’s way of processing conflict/punishment.

I’ve always found it strange how Loki takes such pride in being called a liar and cheat when he simultaneously has this chip on his shoulder about how nobody likes him. 

Those two traits don’t seem to play well together, and I always scratched my head over how they coexist in his character. If he wants people to be nicer to him, maybe he should stop antagonizing them? Yeah?

Well, here we’re finally given a clear reason. Loki craves attention, he hates being alone. So how does he avoid it? Pranks and mischief. 

Fair enough.

But then, if all his pranks lead to this outcome--outrage, retaliation, insult--why doesn’t he ever learn? How is it that after 1000 years of this behavior, he hasn’t found a better way to get the attention he craves? 

Loop 1: Downplay, dispel, minimize, deflect. He accepts zero accountability for the impact of his actions, and doesn’t think at all about how they affect other people. Just a bit of fun. I had a hot bath and a glass of wine, and never thought about it again. 

The only reason he reaches the level of self awareness on display in the Final Loop is because the looping forces him to contemplate his actions and the impulses within him that lead to that behavior.

This is projection on my part, but to me he acts as though this kind of deep reflection is a new thing for him. He sounds like someone sharing a revelation that he’s just had about himself. We’re being shown that Loki is a man of action. He will always move forward if he can, possibly because looking back to so painful that he can’t bring himself to do it.

Circling back around to the pride Loki has for his knavery, let’s suppose that he’s been on this negative reinforcement cycle since childhood. He’s always acted out to get attention, then received retaliation and insults for it, and then pushed the bad feelings out of his mind with creature comforts and mental gymnastics.

What happens over time, when you’re being constantly told that you’re a pain in the ass and no one likes you? Most of us would take it to heart, but Loki doesn’t. He has a big ego, big enough to resist that constant barrage of hate coming at him.

So how does he marry these two conflicting realities? 

He turns it into an identity, the God of Mischief. 

In his head, Loki excuses himself of blame by shifting the culpability to his moniker. It’s not that he’s immature and petty, he’s just a “trickster.” It’s in his nature to cause trouble, so he can’t help it. You wouldn’t dangle a steak in front of a tiger and blame the tiger for striking, would you? And if other people can’t take a “joke” then that’s not his fault, that’s on them for not having a sense of humor. It was just a bit of fun.

Here we see the union of these two halves of Loki, the lonely ice runt and the mischievous scamp. (And a little bit of the original Loki who Thor accused of being incapable of growth!) 

By refusing to think about others, and excusing himself from responsibility, Loki successfully preserves his self worth and insulates himself to most of the negative emotions he experiences.

Pain, embarrassment, and grief aren’t pointless emotions though. They are vital feelings that serve to regulate our behavior, and that push us to conform to the ways of our social circles. Without them, we annoy and upset others. Be annoying for long enough and you will eventually find yourself, well, alone. As Loki is.

Thus “Mischief” is a self-defeating loop, and Loki is just as caught in it as the cell Mobius trapped him in.

In order to be free of both traps, Loki has to stop running. He has to take a deeper look at himself and realize how much he is getting in his own way. The entire scene is one big parallel between these two “loops.” Pretty neat, huh?

Sadly these kinds of thought loops are really difficult to break, they’re buried so deeply in our personalities and habits that we usually don’t notice them until life forces us to address them.

The cell is Loki’s wake up call, and thankfully he does seem to rise to the occasion. He tells Sif quite clearly what his problem is, and he does it with beautiful, painful honesty.

Which is why it’s so fucking awesome for Mobius to acknowledge that, and to finally give Loki a taste of positive attention. 

You don’t deserve to be alone. I believe you can be anything, even something good. Whatever you two did, it was powerful enough to bring this whole place down.

It’s a beautiful scene. Well written, meticulously acted. The clarity of vision in the pacing and shot selection, it’s really something special.

#loki spoilers #loki #mcu #mobius #meta #discussion #discourse #scene study #long post #sif #time loop #tva #character study

[warm-starlight]

Hello! I am not in the Levihan fandom, so I don't really know where to go, but I really wanted to ask a few questions about the ship and how the shippers view it. Sorry if I'm in the wrong place or if this bothers you at all.

One, how do you guys view the forest scene, really? Do you view it as a love confession? Or do you think they already knew of each other's feelings? And do you think Hange really would've run away with Levi, or was it just a selfish desire or statement thrown out out of desperation?

Two, do shippers actually believe that the plane in the ending was meant to symbolize/represent Hange similarly to how the bird represented Eren? (I was never sure if this was serious or joking.)

Three, what do you think of Levi's motivation after Return to Shiganshina? (I know this isn't directly related to Levihan, but I know different shippers will have different answers on this!) Do you think he was driven by the vow? Or was he driven purely by his comrades and hope for a better future? Or was he driven by both? What about his vow to kill Zeke? Do you feel that was purely for humanity's goal, or do you think it was personal? Or a combination of both?

Four, what do you think of Levi's other relationships and friendships? Such as his relationships with Erwin, the other veterans, Petra and his squad, etc. (Like, I'm not a Levihan shipper but I absolutely adore what they had!)

And five, what was the moment that made you realize Levi and Hange had something special?

(Sorry for the long ask! I'm just very curious!)

Hello! I am glad you are interested in the best ship in SnK-LeviHan. 😄

Your ask is long and consists on different questions so i will try to break it down and answer each one separately. Mind you this is my personal perspective and observation, but i assure you there are as many opinions as there are shippers, so make sure to read around Levihan tag to get a better picture.

Let's begin!

I personally believe it was Hange's love confession. I believe they had a deep bond that transcended platonic friendship, considering the scene WIT added to introduce them and their bond in which Levi is borderline teasing/flirting, but they never really thought much of it, or maybe they were afraid to think about it, considering they lose people they love all the time due to their line of work. On the other hand, Hange seemed to always believe in Levi's strength. I believe they never really considered something bad could happen to him of all people, that's why their reaction to finding Levi in that vulnerable state was of pure shock. I think right then they experienced a realization, that they could Lose Levi. I believe on top of other things this is what drove them to say "Maybe we should just live here together" because the threat of being persecuted by Yegerists was on their backs.

I don't think it was desperation as much as just Hange stating how they truly feel and allowing themselves a moment of weakness, considering they tell Jean "I wanted to run away... I wanted to throw it all away"...I believe they did consider running away with Levi, that said a sense of duty was stronger, that's why Hange simultaneously started working on a way to go back into battle.

Yes, it's a serious parallel. Only Hange and to some extent Levi and Onyankopon were connected to the plane and aircraft troughout the latter part of the series. Hange was the one who gave their life to secure the plane so they could reach Eren. Levi looking at it and Onyankopon giving him a look is an obvious hint that he is thinking back to that day. It was also Eren's and Hange's death anniversary. They died on the same day. In the draft Yams also added "They want to know what we saw... The pain we felt"... Next to Levi's panel which is another huge hint.

The vow is for his comrades. They are not mutually exclusive. Levi's main objective has always been about giving meaning to the ones who gave their lives for humanity's future. I think for him it was a relief when he found out Zeke is still the enemy, because that meant killing him will not be meaningless and that he was right... Later on Hange theorized that killing Zeke will stop the rumbling and so he strove to do that, but in chapter 136 his inner monologue showed how he is no longer sure what they did it all for. Maybe killing Zeke wasn't the answer? That is when he was able to let go of his fixation on Zeke and only when he appeared and made it obvious he wants Levi to kill him, he did so with an anguished expression, however he never stopped there. He continued to push forward until they killed Eren and got rid of the titans and really gave meaning to his comrades lives.

I think Levi had an immense respect and admiration for Erwin. Like Isayama said, Erwin's goal seemed unbelievably altruistic and something Levi never considered himself, so he made it his personal live's mission and in a way he wanted to push Erwin to meet his expectations. Their dynamics is interesting for me, but for Erwin, i don't think Levi was more special than Hange or Mike. As the smartpass story described, Erwin was happy to have those bonds, but he was ready to throw them away should the need arose. This is why i can't ever view them romanticaly. Erwin was married to his dream so to speak. Petra and his old squad... I think they were precious subordinates for him, but i don't think they were Friends in the realest sense of the word. Isayama said in his interview that Levi was not able to freely be himself around them and that he only found that kind of trust with the 104th.That said i think Levi gets attached to all his squad membera and loves and values every single person working under him. He takes it extremely hard when he loses them as was made obvious with his first squad, Hange squad and the ones he worked with when guarding Zeke. I do think that only Erwin and Hange *truly* were his friends.

It was all the little things from the hair grab scene in the anime to them interacting with each other in a familiar way troughout the manga, refering to each other only by name which is done only by very close people, understanding each other without words, Levi sensing when they're around and knowing them by their knock, them guarding each other's back, roasting each other and getting away with it, worrying about each other.. Hange seemed to hang around Levi even when they weren't on missions like when they came to the castle early to meet Eren or when they were sitting in the room when Levi talked about his plan to cut Eren out without killing him, Levi helped Hange exact Revenge on Sanes for killing Pastor Nick even though he didn't need to, just to make them feel better... They just seem like they feel good and comfortable together and i think it's wonderful. All the extra material too, the smartpass stories, spinoffs and intervies also imply they have a special relationship.

I hope this answered your questions.

Thank you for the ask!

#snk #aot #levihan #anonymous

[nodameshield]

at this point, I’m pretty sure the Pokémon side of the matrix is glitching, but let’s just roll with it: 

You’re giving me a blatant parallel, of two young fellas (in blue and red hues),,,,, saving the world,,,, together,,,, then being crowned as royalty,,,, HOLDING HANDS,,,, and we - how did - how did we get away with this? (I don’t really care, @ the Pokemon Company, just keep it coming).

I sincerely hope we get a sweet interaction between these two because their friendship is already precious to me. 

Charmeleon clinging to Leon 🥺🥺 (also, paralleles!!! in how Sonia chooses to connect with Pokémon in a different way from Leon but they acknowledge the other’s love for their chosen paths, ughhh friendship goals I stan)

always so proud of you. so, so proud. your character shines through in these moments and I. couldn’t. be. prouder. 

this must be so important for Ash!! his hero has said high things about him!! he’s got Leon’s respect!!! that’s so amazing!!! they see the potential in him!!! Yay!!!

Pikachu was immediately not having it - wish they had run with that skepticism a little more

stop thinking with your stomach child people are in danger. (to be fair, he hasn’t eaten in hours and we needed a way to decoy him, food was as good as any).

blatant foreshadowing. o-kay...

yasssss!!! I've been waiting for this moment!!! so happy for you, bby! go and save the world with your amazing sweatband that makes your Pokémon balloon up!! so excited for you!! 

sugar daddy alert (also I can’t help but wonder how this same bit was for Leon?? and now he’s all suspicious and realizing the person who has helped him so much might also be the bad guy? that’s definitely gonna hit him some) 

thank you kind sir, but I’m already married. besides, I’m all about finding dangerous situations in the real world. I’d be too safe with you and all your resources.

nah once again this is one of those moments in which Ash’s resolve shines bright like the sun and he just makes me love him to the ends of Jupiter. so proud.

no comment.

okay, maybe one comment, 

LOOK AT THE WAY HIS EYES GO SO SOFT THE MOMENT THE CALL COMES IN LOOK AT HOW IN LOVE HE IS HE’S SO HAPPY TO BE HEARING FROM HIS BOY HI BABY HOW WAS YOUR DAY?? I FOUGHT SOME GIANT CREATURES AND ATE SOME GOOD FOOD WISH YOU WERE HERE THERE’S A HUGE BED I MISS YOU ARE YOU ALL RIGHT DID YOU EAT YET?? AH, OKAY, SEE YOU TOMORROW AT THAT PLACE WHERE FOR SURE SOMETHING LIFE-THREATENING WILL GO DOWN, CAN’T WAIT LOVE YA HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

Raboot clinging to Goh 

I repeat, Raboot clinging to Goh.

never done this before just ripping a page off my boyfriend’s book and winging it 

OMG YES. FINALLY. I love this song. 

#pokeani #firstfriendshipping #satogou #pokemon journeys #ep43 #also I just realized ash could've tried to meet back with Leon but instead he's choosing to go find goh instead #probably because he misses him so much and he doesn't like it when they're not together for the adventure #hashtag marreid #hashtag I can't believe they really said red and blue gays just like that #still in shock #ash x goh #satoshi x gou #can't wait for part 3 #what-ever did happen to team rocket??? #next episode I guess???

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Hello 👋🏼, sorry if I’m bothering u but ever since the recent chapters of BNHA I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Todoroki family. Not many of my friends are into this anime and I just couldn’t stop myself from sharing this with you because I need to let this out.

[SPOILER ALERT 🚨!!! IF U DONT READ THE MANGA THEN U CAN JUST IGNORE THIS]

First of all:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

(I’m still screaming as I write because the backstories RUINED me.)

Poor Touya having this horrible obsession over heroics and having his father acknowledge him but ever since his quirk started reacting against his body the whole family got negatively affected by it.

Rei and Enji wanted to stop at two kids but with Touya’s sudden disadvantage and the latter’s craving for power, Natsuo and later on Shouto was born (the youngest getting titled as the perfect heir from the moment he was born). I got torn seeing Touya’s eyes succumb to absolute madness at the birth of his younger brothers.

What scared me the most was how when it was just Touya and Fuyumi, the two hardly interacted despite being only a year apart in age. Touya claimed that ‘girls just don’t get it’ this small foreshadowing was later brought to light in the most recent chapter where he once again rejects Fuyumi’s company in favour of ranting to only Natsuo and where he disregards his own mother— another ‘girl’ that doesn’t understand his obsession passion for surpassing All Might and someone who plays along to the acts of those stronger than them. Touya saw his mother as a weak person who had no choice but to marry for the sake of her family and have custom children. Little Touya firmly believed his very existence depended on getting acknowledged my his father and defeating All Might but it sadly didn’t come true😭😭

Also..... LOOK AT THE BABIES!!!! They’re all so CUTE!!!

Chubby Fuyumi!!!

Natsuo with a running nose

And Baby Shouto with a meme like face since the day he was born🤣🤣🤣🤣

So ADORABLE!

And another thing. FUYUMI WAS EVEN YOUNGER THAN I THOUGHT TO HAVE STARTED ACTING LIKE A SECOND MOTHER TO HER BROTHERS!! Look at the way she defended Natsuo when Touya went on a rampage and tried to attack Touya! And during moments when Enji and Rei fought the two most notable heroes were Shouto and Fuyumi; the former fighting on the frontlines to face his father while the latter stood behind to once again care for her remaining family that though weren’t involved in the fight, they still needed emotional support to get through it.😭

I AM SO SORRY TO BE GETTING TO THIS SO LATE ANON BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

TW: Spoilers, Brief Mention of Child Abuse (Physical, Emotional and Mental), General Fandom Wank

So, like, SO MUCH HAPPENED in those chapters and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALMOST ALL OF IT! There’s obviously all the things you mentioned above that were just amazing to see and learn! I know that a majority of the fandom has been absolutely livid about the reveals involving Touya being drastically different than what fandom thought they were all this time, but I think it honestly highlights how smart Horikoshi’s writing really is.

In Shoto, we see the effects of physical and mental abuse on a child, and how easily he could have ended up going down a troubling road much like Touya. Shoto’s saving grace is facing off against Deku in the Sports Festival, giving him an outside perspective and makes him realize that he can choose to be better, but that doesn’t just magically fix all of Shoto’s problems. Shoto still struggles with his feelings towards his Father and how he is perceived by simply being Endeavor’s son. We see that in the Provisional License Arc, where Shoto is so thoroughly rattled by Inasa. It’s even further pushed through how Shoto struggles with his feelings about Endeavor trying to better and whether or not he should forgive him. I feel like Shoto’s arc is incredibly strong and that his struggles are very realistic, which is why people love him so much. This whole concept is another thing I could rant about but I’m going to leave it here.

Meanwhile, with Touya, we see the effects of mental and emotional abuse on a child and how it can completely destroy them. I think people that act like Horokoshi “down played” and “ret-conned” Endeavor as a character to make him more sympathetic/ redeemable or that he’s simply writing Touya as “always being a bad seed” are missing the mark. This is, admittedly, something you see a lot when it comes to victims of abuse in the real world as well; the idea that if you weren’t physically or sexually abused on top of emotional or mental abuse, your abuse is somehow less “valid.” Now I’ve seen more voices speaking out against this mentality - which is relieving and positive - but it’s still a problem. The way Touya was abused is no less valid or scarring to himself as a person as what Shoto has been through was. Touya and Enji clearly had a deep bond as father and son. Hell, the fact that Enji is sobbing and saying he “can’t fight his own son” in regards to Touya, but clearly had less issue training Shoto until he got ill or passed out says a lot.

Touya was put on an incredibly high pedestal by Enji’s constant praise and attention. He was the apple of his father’s eye until the limitations of his Quirk were discovered. Enji had filled his head with promises and goals for what his future would be, essentially selling him what turned out to be a lie. We see Rei herself tell Enji that Touya “knows you expect something out of the kids.” Touya’s whole life up until that point was being told of all the great he would someday accomplish, and equating that to being deserving of his Father’s love, attention and affection.

And then he couldn’t live up to that expectation. And then his parents had two more kids following that revelation. The idea that Touya doesn’t realize that Natsuo and Shoto were meant to be his replacements - unbroken models that “deserved” Enji’s love - is clearly not missed by him. It’s evident in the way he looks at Natsuo after he’s born. He sees this as a sign that he is no longer deserving - no longer worthy - of love or support from the parent he absolutely adores.

We see this mostly from Enji and Rei’s perspectives, so we know the reasons they did it, but it’s clear they didn’t stop to think about the way this would be interpreted by Touya himself. This whole matter is only worsened by the fact that Enji refuses to make sacrifices for the sake of his oldest son. He pushes Touya to live a life outside of Pro Heroics while Enji himself refuses to do the same, thus setting a positive example and showing solidarity with his son. He instead pushes him away and distances himself, loses himself in focusing on Natuso and, once his Quirk turns out to not be what he wants, Shoto. Touya continues to push himself despite his limits in a desperate bid for Enji to look at him the way he used to; with pride and love. 

What caused the fire that “killed” Touya? His anguish over being neglected and abandoned - left unloved - by his father yet again. It’s clear that Touya’s mental health is in need of some real focus that he has never gotten - due to both his parents negligence as well as the fact that mental health is highly stigmatized in Japanese society - and pairing that with the emotional and mental abuse he suffered at Enji’s hands broke him.

So many people are claiming Horikoshi is trying to make Enji “more redeemable”, but how do you get that? Enji abused Rei, his own wife, physically and emotionally and mentally until she had a psychotic breakdown, hurt their youngest child, and then robbed her the right to mother her children further by having her locked up in a psych ward for the next decade or so; built their oldest son, Touya, up only to then emotionally and mentally abuse him to the point he damn near killed himself in a frantic bid to garner Enji’s support only to return years later completely unhinged and looking to murder his entire family out of spite; neglected Fuyumi and Natsuo to the care of each other and hired help; alienated Shoto, his youngest son, from his siblings for his entire formative years, physically and mentally and emotionally abused him, groomed him to accomplish a task he never wanted, put him through such extensive physical training that Shoto would get sick or pass out.

Enji was a shitty father. He has a long ass road to continue walking if he ever wants redemption. The fact he didn't physically hit Touya doesn’t mean that Enji didn’t abuse his son and it doesn’t make Touya any less of a victim.

* End TodoFam Rant*

On a slightly lighter note, I also like all the information with Hawks’ past and all the parallels we’re seeing develop!

I’ve rambled briefly about this in other places the Huwumi discord but I want to expound upon this a bit more here.

I feel like Touya/ Dabi and Keigo/ Hawks are meant to be parallels to one another.

Back to back, we had proper name claims by these two characters. We had Dabi reveal his true identity as Todoroki Touya and then we have Hawks choosing to abandon his hero name to instead step up to fight as Takami Keigo.

I feel like “Dabi” was always a mask, of sorts. Dabi is typically pretty calm, cool, composed with the occasional bites of snark and cruelty. Meanwhile, we see Touya emoting and moving in a manner more akin to himself as a child, dancing about in manic delight over revealing his true identity and intentions. The pair of them are two drastically different people when you stop and look at it. “Dabi” was the mask he wore to gain ground to enact his revenge, and now that he is there? Now Touya can burn everything tethered to it down to ground.

Meanwhile, we have "Hawks” as he was forced to become as per the Hero Public Safety Commission. We had it revealed quite a while back that Hawks was a man of many faces, jumping from laid-back and chill to serious and focused quite frequently. “Hawks” is the presentation for the public and the Commission, groomed to be the perfect little canary in the mine that was Pro Heroics. The reveal of his true heritage, however, is not the killing blow Touya wanted it to be. Instead, it allows Keigo, the one who wanted to be a Hero to help people, the chance to truly dedicate himself to that. In being freed from the cage of “Hawks”, he is given the change to really soar as Keigo.

Now, I feel that “Dabi” and “Hawks” are most certainly parts of Touya and Keigo as well, respectively. Even though those titles were masks, they were masks made from parts of the men who wear them. I think what we’ll see going forward is the true elements of those masks bleeding back into the whole, and seeing the truest forms of each character.

For better or for worse. 

#crumbles grumbles #half baked headcanons #Wow I haven't busted that tag out in fuckin forever #Might have to do more headcanon posts about BNHA #If any of yall wanna read me ramble about that stuff? #BNHA Spoilers

[freedom-in-the-dark]

James Flint Is Gay: A Meta Post

[slides into the Black Sails fandom late with Starbucks]

Hey! What’s up! Here’s a post no one asked for but I wrote mostly for me. Before we get into it, I’ve got some big notices to put on the top here.

DISCLAIMER: If you interpret James as bi, and you prefer that, I am not trying to say you can’t do that or to convince you otherwise! 

You do you! If you’re not cool with seeing him as gay, please do us both a favor and keep scrolling past this post! I’m mildly aware that this fandom has a history of rough discourse surrounding this topic, but I cannot emphasize enough that I am new here, and this post is not an attack. Please do me the courtesy of not attacking me or blocking me or whatnot because I’m not trying to start drama lol. And for what it’s worth, I myself am bi (well, bi ace), so I’d like to think I’m being objective.

This post exists simply because I like to write meta out with my arguments / evidence lined up in a row; it gets things out of my head and onto a screen, and I find it satisfying. And if I’m doing it anyway, I might as well share.

So if you see James as gay, or have an open mind to that interpretation… please allow me to take you on this adventure under the cut. I’m sure it’s obvious, but this contains spoilers? Lol.

Here we go!

Compulsory Heterosexuality vs “Bi Erasure”

Firstly… to address some stuff I’ve seen in my limited Black Sails fandom travels right out of the gate: I’ve seen people imply that interpreting James as gay is “bi erasure,” or they ask “Why are you erasing that James was attracted to Miranda and had an affair with her?”

But to that I say: it’s far more complicated than that.

Gay people can have sexual relationships with people of the opposite sex, especially until / or before they identify as gay. This is how so many gay people can be married to the opposite sex and have biological kids, and then later realize their truth and come out to themselves and their families. Having those experiences or even some variation of actionable attraction to people of other sexes in the past doesn’t negate their ability to later identify as gay, once they stop burying those parts of themselves and/or experience something that “brings that part of them into the light.”

This is why the phrase compulsory heterosexuality exists. The phrase was originally coined by Adrienne Rich in a 1980 essay titled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and the Lesbian Experience.” So yes, let me make this clear: this term originated in reference to lesbians and feminist theory, and then the idea was later expanded upon to include discussions of gay men by other academics in the early 2000s. I’m not gonna dive too deeply into it here, but in essence–as the name implies–this is the idea that patriarchal and heteronormative societies are viewed as the default, so individuals are assumed (by themselves and otherwise) to be heterosexual until “proven” otherwise. Through these standards that are seen as “normal,” people are also taught from a young age–whether explicitly or subconsciously through society–that anything that deviates from those ~straight norms~ leads to negative consequences. And so, society encourages people to avoid sexual exploration, because having experiences with someone of the same sex is what can often bring their gay identity into focus.

In the case of Black Sails, this is all very much emphasized at the forefront because it’s a historical drama. Aside from racism/slavery, patriarchy and heteronormativity are what the characters are actively going to war against.

So, the point in me defining all of this? No one—or at least, not me—is saying that James didn’t have a sexual relationship with Miranda. That’s not in question. But that doesn’t necessarily make him bi, and it doesn’t mean the narrative isn’t structured in various ways that indicate otherwise.

Just keep this in the back of your brain, because I’m going to circle back around to it.

Anne, Flint, & Gay Rage

In the wise words of an old pirate captain: “Fruit, fruit. Tits, tits.” This show thrives on parallels, and gives us lines / scenes that apply to more than one character; it’s partially why the themes are so consistent, and if you ignore that, you can miss a lot of the nuance. Our resident angry gay gingers are one of the paralleled sets of characters.

This is not a meta about Anne… but talking about parts of Anne’s story can help to highlight some things about James’ story.

I tweeted this once: “Flint and Anne’s sexualities paralleled to show struggles with compulsive heterosexuality, fighting for the sake of fighting, bringing parts of themselves into the light, wrestling with being told they’re monsters and their distorted senses of self, etc.” and really, now I’m just here to elaborate.

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The word “monster” is a recurring theme in this show. It’s tied mostly to Flint and how he is told he is monstrous for loving a man, fears being “the villain” or “monster” in everyone’s stories, and eventually embraces that monstrous portrayal in service of his goals–even as the violence is slowly devastating to him. But the other character the word “monster” is used in reference to? Anne.

A quote by Max:

“Idelle, how would you feel if the one man you thought would never betray you did? If he purchased for himself a future through that betrayal? If you were told by a world full of men that that betrayal confirmed for them that they were right to see you as a monster to be shunned? She's not mad. She is adrift.”

In some ways, this quote is also the story of what has happened to James in his life, over and over. (Not to say this is what Jack intended to do to Anne, but the parallels inherent in Max’s line itself cannot be denied.) 

James is repeatedly betrayed by those he trusts: Admiral Hennessey; Peter Ashe; Hal Gates. All of them try to get him to conform to heteronormative society–including Gates, because even if he didn’t know it, that’s what he was doing by trying to get James to take a pardon. That’s why James reacts with such instinctual panic and kills him; the idea of being forced to apologize to and assimilate back into heteronormative society puts him at a breaking point. (It can even be argued that Miranda “betrays” James in this way too by trying to get him to take a pardon and go to Boston–which is where his “and they called me a monster” speech comes in–and that also contributed to how James later panics and kills Gates for trying to force him to do the same. Miranda tried in a well-meaning way to get James to move on, because she isn’t fully understanding what James wrestles with; but I’ll go back to that.)

Again, these parallels are deliberate. Anne and Flint are the two main gay characters who wrestle with their supposed “monstrosity” in the eyes of everyone else, because they don’t fit in. They are “othered.” It’s not simply about their violence; for these characters, it’s about what their violence is in service of achieving, which is tied to their sexuality.

Anne is seen as a “monster” for slaughtering the men who abused Max, who is not only a fellow woman but also a fellow lesbian, in a way that Anne is undeniably drawn to even before she lets herself acknowledge the feeling. We as viewers are meant to see this and understand this, and we do. Anne is ostracized for violence that was motivated by her sexuality, which is partially why Max tells her that she understands her violence and will protect her–because Max is not only also a woman in a patriarchal society, but she is gay too.

Flint is seen as a “monster” first and foremost by England, for his sexuality… and then, later, by everyone else for the actions he takes because of his sexuality. Again: the violence he commits cannot be divorced from his sexuality because it is the reason for it. It’s what informs it.

I tweeted about this once too, but in many ways Anne and Flint’s kindred displays of brutality and anger and “fighting for the sake of fighting” (a quote by Miranda which applies to them both) are informed by their desire/need for gay tenderness. The world has too often denied them that tenderness and their expressions of their sexualities, or demonized them for wanting it, and their violence is the result. 

Here’s a quote from Deborah Tolman with regards to how compulsory heterosexuality affects men, which she calls “hegemonic masculinity”:

"These norms demand that men deny most emotions, save for anger; be hard at all times and in all ways; engage in objectification of women and sex itself; and participate in the continuum of violence against women."

The anger and hardness is a huge part of the personas both Flint and Anne have to put on for survival. I include Anne in this because she uniquely lives her life in a “male” role to survive the male-dominated world of piracy, and she’s clearly not immune from these unspoken masculine guidelines: she refers to Max as “the whore” half the time as a defense mechanism. Flint and Anne lash out, they’re hard and angry and violent for the sake of their personas, and it’s all because... inside, they just want to be soft and gay with who they love.

Anne, Flint, & Compulsory Heterosexuality (Not Bi Erasure)

In Black Sails, we are shown the story of a gay person who has a consistent sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex, but is running from internal truths about themselves in some ways in the process. That person is Anne.

Struggling with compulsory heterosexuality is explicitly Anne Bonny’s prime storyline in the show and that is not up for debate (and I’ve rarely seen people disagree); but I argue that it is also part of James’ storyline, and he is paralleled significantly with Anne to make that clear. It’s just overall more subtle because it’s not the prime focus of James’ story the way it is for Anne, because James’ realizations happened largely in the past and we’re seeing the aftermath of it. The parallels are there, and I’ll be breaking some of them down.

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From episode one, we are told that Anne has a sexual relationship with Jack…. But later on, she tells Jack that she “can’t be [his] wife,” even though they’ll be partners forever. Why? What changed? The answer is that she’s been with Max and realized that she’s gay. It doesn’t mean Anne didn’t have sex with a man in the past and even enjoy it on some level, but it does mean that she knows now that she was using that sex partially to distract from things about herself that she was doing her best to ignore.

Multiple lines by Max (to Anne) tell us this:

3x03: “When you and I began you did not choose me. Something that lives inside you beyond choice made it so.”

2x01: “But perhaps there is something else underlying it. Something hiding in a place not even you can see. Perhaps… we would do well to bring it into the light.”

Before I continue, let me remind you of something: when writers decide to show viewers something on screen, that is done with intent, especially in a show like Black Sails where not a single moment is wasted. Remember this. What they show us, and what they don’t show us, are both deliberate choices.

So what are we shown about Anne’s sexual relationship with Jack? We get exactly one scene of her having sex with him. We are shown Anne riding Jack in a way where neither party was particularly enthused. Does this mean they definitely never had sex in the past that they both enjoyed on some level? No. But they showed us this one scene on purpose: to emphasize the stark difference when Anne has enjoyable sex with Max, an experience that forever changes her.

So what are we shown about James’ sexual relationship with Miranda? We get exactly one scene of him having sex with her. It is the most depressing sex scene of all time, James is just lying there to try to be helpful for her to chase her own pleasure, and he doesn’t even touch her. Does this mean they never had sex in the past that they both enjoyed, especially back during their affair in London? No. But we are never shown any of that. We never see them have sex in London before James’ relationship with Thomas; we never see them having good sex with each other after it all goes to hell. And that is a deliberate choice.

Why? Because all of the above info about Anne and her compulsory heterosexuality journey also applies to James McGraw, and his relationships with Miranda and Thomas.

“They paint the world full of shadows... and then tell their children to stay close to the light. Their light. Their reasons, their judgments. Because in the darkness, there be dragons. But it isn't true. We can prove that it isn't true. In the dark, there is discovery, there is possibility, there is freedom in the dark once someone has illuminated it.”

The realizations James came to about his sexuality (just like Anne did) inform much of his tangled story with the Hamiltons, and much of the tragedy of Miranda and James’ situation after the loss of Thomas. We are shown the way James and Miranda are no longer perfectly aligned after that loss, and grief is undeniably a part of it… but it goes beyond that. It’s more complicated than that. 

That sad sex scene is not solely about grief; remember, that scene takes place ten years after they lose Thomas. It takes place during a time where Miranda is already thinking about and will soon actively try to tell James that they need to move on, without understanding why the loss of Thomas affects him in a profoundly different way than it affects her. I am not minimizing her loss or her grief whatsoever; but it is undeniably more complicated for James, and it’s why he can’t move on.

In episode 1x07:

James: “Have you no memory of how we got here? What they took from us?”

Miranda: “What does it matter now? What does it matter? What does it matter what happened then if we have no life now?”

James is, of course, appalled by this. I’ll talk about why momentarily.

The next time James is in Nassau (2x03), he goes to see Miranda and tries to apologize that night, but she’s otherwise engaged. So he stands outside of her window looking in, surrounded by darkness, while she’s playing the clavichord with children in the light. It is symbolically the domestic version of a heterosexual ideal. He is “othered” by the camera angles / framing, and the dark / light aspects. James is relegated to being an outsider literally because as Flint he’s a pirate, but metaphorically because he’s gay; the reason we as viewers are given that scene is to underscore that he feels he has no place in that display.

Ultimately, James is misaligned with Miranda after the loss of Thomas (shown in both the sad sex scene and arguments) in a way that goes beyond grief. The implication is that things cannot ever be the same for him again since the loss of “his truest love” and the truths he learned about himself.

If James and Miranda were simply at odds with one another because of grief, it would be far less of a “tragedy” in some ways. But James cannot heal the way Miranda slowly finds the way to over ten years, because Thomas signifies things for James that Miranda cannot relate to. In London, when Thomas is taken from them, Miranda even yells to James, “He is my husband!” Her grief and rage are shown as equal to James at the start and have extreme validity; the two of them are partners in the plan to kill Alfred Hamilton for revenge; but then she is able to somewhat move on, whereas James is not.

Why? Because, for James, Thomas was not just his (truest) love; Thomas was the awakening of his fullest self as a gay man.

In the same way that Anne can’t be Jack’s “wife” after she’s been with Max and realizes she’s gay, James cannot content himself with fulfilling the role of Miranda’s “husband” after he’s been with Thomas and realizes he’s gay. Neither of these facts minimize Anne’s love and devotion to Jack, or James’ love and devotion to Miranda; they are undeniably two sets of partners. But Anne and James are forever altered by their experiences with same sex lovers, and the truths about themselves that were brought into the light as a result.

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Another part of the tragedy of James and Miranda is what happens right when we see Miranda grasp the significance of all of the above. Whether or not she grasped it before in the past, we are shown it only once on screen, and that’s in Charlestown. 

Peter Ashe says this in 2x09:

“You will tell them about the affair with Thomas. You will tell them how it ended. You will explain to them what it drove you to do. You will reveal everything. And when you do, Captain Flint will be unmasked, the monster slain. And in his place will stand before all the world a flawed man, a man that England can relate to and offer its forgiveness.”

This is James’ worst nightmare; we know as such from what he told Miranda back in 1x07, and from when he killed Gates. And yet, here and now in 2x09, he is exhausted from pushing back against heteronormative society, all he wants is to retire the mantle of Flint born of gay rage, and he actually contemplates playing by their rules and giving into their judgements of his sexuality... until Miranda comes to his defense.

In season 1, Miranda didn’t seem to fully understand James’ thoughts on this, but here–in combination with her realizations about Peter Ashe’s betrayals–she finally does. And she’s not having it.

“What forgiveness are you entitled to while you stand back in the shadows pushing James out in front of the world to be laid bear for the sake of the truth? Tell me, sir, when does the truth about your sins come to light?”

And the moment she is yelling in rage on behalf of James, and their combined loss, and how Peter would dare to force James to experience shame about his sexuality again–she is instantly shot for it. A woman who’s yelling on behalf of a gay man? In a patriarchal heteronormative society? It has no place. England makes that clear.

It all further underlines James’ sense of “otherness”... and now he decides to embrace it, even at his own emotional detriment. He will no longer try to fit in or reason with them; he will no longer accept their halfway measures of pardons. He can’t, because in the eyes of England, all that he is as a gay man is abhorrent.

2x10: “Everyone is a monster to someone. Since you are so convinced that I am yours, I will be it.”

3x05, to the Maroon Queen: “...England takes whatever, whenever, however it wants. Lives. Loves. Labor. Spirits. Homes. It has taken them from me. I imagine that it has taken it from you.”

The Way James Views Miranda

And here is where I simply give you more food for thought–or further “evidence” of James being gay, if you will.

All of Flint’s lines about how he views Miranda are worded very, very deliberately.

Here’s a minor one, from 1x05:

“So you can probably guess it isn't as much fun to tell stories about how your captain makes a home with a nice Puritan woman who shares his love of books.”

There is nothing overtly romantic or sexual about this. It’s said in a one-on-one conversation with Billy, where Flint neither has to make the relationship sound like something it isn’t nor refuse to give any info whatsoever. So he goes with what is the seemingly-mild truth.

But 3x01, convincing the men to forego pardons:

“But what price surrender? To beg forgiveness from a thing that took my woman from me? My friend?”

“My woman” is what Flint says for the benefit of the men… these men who are part of the heteronormative world they all live in, and still value sexual relationships with women above all else. It’s about hegemonic masculinity, remember? (“Objectification of women and sex itself.”) He’s doing his best to speak their language. 

But “my friend” is a secondary line that was not needed for the purposes of this speech, but James could not keep himself from adding it in a quieter tone–because that’s who Miranda was to him. His friend. Not his woman, which drips sexism and sexual undertones. Not his wife. Not even his “love,” which he could’ve used if he wanted to be ambiguous and sneak a Thomas reference in; he said “my woman” to appeal to the men, and then he added “my friend” because in the face of her memory he couldn’t help it.

And lastly, in 3x03, we begin to hear from “ghost Miranda.” 

But what is ghost Miranda? She’s a voice from James’ traumatized mind. Everything she says to him is about truths he already knows and/or things he is hiding from himself. So what “she” says here is a voice from James’ mind; it’s about how James sees her, and subtly elaborates on his sexuality in the process.

“When I first met you, you were so... Unformed. And then I spoke and bade you cast aside your shame, and Captain Flint was born into the world... the part of you that always existed yet never were you willing to allow into the light of day. I was mistress to you when you needed love. I was wife to you when you needed understanding. But first and before all... I was mother. I have known you like no other. So I love you like no other. I will guide you through it, but at its end is where you must leave me. At its end is where you will find the peace that eludes you, and at its end lies the answer you refuse to see.”

This does not diminish Miranda’s importance to James in the least! In fact, it emphasizes it, and it is all part of why he is so ruined over her! But it is also, in the oddest way, an elaboration upon how he isn’t bi: Miranda was his partner in many things, including shared grief and revenge and some semblance of life for ten long years; and she was also was instrumental to his formation of himself as a person (“mother”), and his acceptance of himself as a gay man (“love” and “understanding”). This is how he sees her. Mistress and wife were roles she filled in his life, but above all, she contributed to the birth of Captain Flint–the personification of James’ gay rage.

Of course, the “answer” that ghost Miranda (the depths of James’ brain) alludes to here as well as her later words of “you are not alone” are all about James needing to recognize that Silver is a newfound partner and love for him… but that’s a whole other meta entirely.

Closing Thoughts

Look, did I consult a couple of specific scenes and look up transcripts to put quotes in this? Yes. But have I still only seen the show in its entirety once? Also yes. My point in mentioning this is that, if I did a full rewatch, there might even be more evidence I haven’t mentioned here. This isn’t meant to be comprehensive, but I do feel that it... certainly conveys the gist of the mood.

You may still agree to disagree if you prefer to see James Flint as bi; I’m not here to fight you on it and what queer characters mean to you personally. 

But for me, when surveying all available evidence, the narrative screams that he’s gay. In that sense, my thoughts on this matter are similar to my thoughts on the ending; sure, you can interpret it one way if you look at certain details, but if you take in all the evidence and the big picture as a whole… there’s a specific conclusion to be drawn.

Last thing I’ll say is this: Steinberg himself has said that Flint is gay, which I found out way after watching the show and forming this interpretation. And like... not that if I wanted to hardcore argue he was bi I wouldn’t disregard Steinberg’s words, because in my experience the narrative speaking for itself is always more important than than creators’ words, but... in this instance (as in all Black Sails instances I’ve come across), his words just underscore what the well-crafted narrative is already telling us, because the creators wrote this show with intent. They knew what they were doing.

And thus, I will quote him (from these GIFs) below.

“When we were trying to build the story, we wanted whatever this thing was that made [Flint] feel alienated to be so deeply tied into who he was that there was no way he was every going to dismiss this thing that happened to him. We wanted to make sure we understood what the reality was in England in terms of how homosexuality was perceived. In some ways it was more tolerated, in some ways it was significantly less tolerated. I think in terms of Flint being gay, it’s about the fact that it is a tool that is used politically when convenient to make somebody be a monster… and it isn’t even really about the relationship.”

(If you buy the series on iTunes, you get an “inside” look at every episode, including this one from 2x05.)

EDIT: I had no idea Toby Stephens basically confirmed my thoughts that James' relationship with Thomas was his actualization as a gay man, so excuse me as I lose my mind for a moment:

“I think his relationship to Thomas Hamilton, the initial friendship and then becoming lovers is sort of like the realization of himself. I think he became himself with Thomas Hamilton. His potential was unleashed with Hamilton.”

And just for fun, since I’m here anyway, here’s a piece of a Steinberg quote about Anne from the Fathoms Deep podcast.

“In terms of Rackham and Bonny, I think that was another thing that I assumed for a long time could never go away. That they were essentially, you know, that they were married. You know not legally, but they were functionally married. And then this story happened in Season 2 with Bonny, that I think with like with a gun to my head of things that I’m proud of with the show, probably at the top is this story of this woman coming out and understanding that she’s gay. . . And so when we got to a point where it was like, I think she’s gay? Like I don’t think this is something we want to be wishy-washy about. It required getting over that hump with Rackham of, ‘Well like what am I going to do with this relationship? I don’t want to split them up?’ And I think it became something way more interesting.”

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I love James Flint and his gay rage, I love you if you read all of this, and I love my friend @sunbardy who dealt with me yelling about this in DMs and then proofread the doc.

Hit me up on Twitter @gaypiracy if you want, where I do most of my Black Sails related yelling. And shitposting. Because I contain multitudes.

Know No Shame, my friends.

#black sails #james flint #know no shame #flinthamilton #captain flint #anne bonny #meta #black sails meta #miranda hamilton #jackanne #maxanne #legit have no idea what else to tag #my meta

[natsubeatsrock]

Anime Recommendations Based on Fairy Tail's Big Four Ships

I've been meaning to do this for a long time. (I feel like I'm saying that a lot, nowadays...)

The Big Four ships of Fairy Tail are ubiquitous among fans. It's hard to find too many people that don't like even one of them. If you're a fan of Fairy Tail, chances are that you like all of them to some degree. It would make sense to find shows that have dynamics similar to the ships we love. Who better than I to make a list like that?

Someone that actually likes the Big Four ships, for a start.

Anyone who's followed me over the years knows I was never going to write that kind of list. Originally, I was only going to deal with shows that handled the dynamics in ways I personally thought better. However, I put it on the back burner for a few months. And a few months became a few years.

Now that I'm actually setting out to try to write this, I've decided that I would make a bit of a compromise. Two recommendations for each ship. Both play with the dynamic in some way. One plays with it in a manner closer to the ship it's compared to and is what I would recommend to true fans of the ship. The other is a much looser parallel and does things I'd imagine people who didn't like the ship would like. Hopefully, you'll find some show that you like regardless of your feelings about the ships.

Nalu (Positive Recommendation): Twin Star Exorcists

This wasn't as tough a decision for me to make as one might expect given my history with the ship. When Rokuro and Benio have something of a chance encounter, they don't get off on the right foot. However, they realize they have more in common with each other than they'd like to admit. They go from outright hating each other to loving each other throughout 50 episodes. Of course, it helps that the fate of the world is dependent on them getting married and having a kid together. When I think of the best things about Nalu, I think about the relationship between Rokuro and Benio.

Nalu (Negative Recommendation): Snow White with the Red Hair

Shirayuki, the character the title describes, is an herbalist. The show focuses on her journey to becoming recognized as a court herbalist and her growing romantic relationship with Prince Zen Wisteria. As the show progresses, they each end up encouraging each other towards reaching their own ambitions. I could see the argument made that this is a better parallel for Nalu than the show I recommended. But, as someone who's made a name ragging on the ship, I think I'm in a good position to make this call.

Gruvia (Positive Recommendation): Momokuri

The heck is a Clannad? The show starts with a confession of love and a couple starting to date. That would be the end of most romances, but the fun only starts there. It turns out that the guy is not entirely confident with himself and is not sure how to properly handle a relationship with a girl older than him. The girl, on the other hand, has been borderline stalking him before their relationship started and still struggles to stop following him. I hope it doesn't come off as an insult to say that I kept thinking about Gruvia watching this show. This is one of the fluffier shows I've seen.

Gruvia (Negative Recommendation): Golden Time

Stop me if this sounds familiar. There's a girl who's been really in love with a guy for years, to the point some would call it unhealthy or obsessive. Unfortunately, the guy's not into her and all but shatters her heart with the declaration that he's found someone else he likes and can only see them as friends. But in swoops someone else who has been watching everything go down and sympathizes with her. How will their romance go? On a completely unrelated note, it's weird to see Golden Time and think that this was both written and animated during Fairy Tail's serialization. Almost as if writing Toradora gave the author psychic powers.

Jerza (Positive Recommendation): Romeo x Juliet

If you're going into this with the expectation of a straight adaptation of William Shakespeare's famous play about star-crossed lovers, you will be disappointed. However, Studio Gonzo took the story and turned it into an interesting fantasy and romance series. This show gets my nod on account of playing up both the romance and inter-family conflict of the original play. Jerza represents people on opposite sides of a conflict trying their best to work together against an enemy they're slowly but surely realizing they share. Be forewarned, though. This is still an adaptation of Romeo x Juliet.

Jerza (Negative Recommendation): Our love has always been 10 cm. apart

Hear me out on this one. Jellal and Erza's relationship involves a desire ultimately to be together despite the things pulling them away from each other, namely themselves. But... does it need to involve the whole "I can't accept that I may or may not be responsible for deaths and human atrocities" plotline running through Jerza? The characters in this show have a similar internal struggle, as the title describes. They just happen to be students in different clubs struggling with how they'll handle their passions before and after graduation, along with their potential romance. Before you watch this, it might be a good idea to be introduced to the characters via the movie “I've always liked you”.

Gajevy (Positive Recommendation): Ookami-san and her Seven Companions

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away- wait, wrong story. Ookami is known as one of the more intimidating people in their school and is the main muscle of one of the school's influential clubs, Otogi Bank. The club's newest member is on the frailer side but proves himself to be both competent and reliable in a pinch. He's been in love with her since the start of the show, but she's pretty slow to accept her own feelings for him.  This one may be a fun pick for people who liked seeing how Gajevy played out. Especially given, that the ship roles are somewhat gender-swapped.

Gajevy (Negative Recommendation): Chivalry of a Failed Knight

Part of me says that I could have put any romances involving a tsundere in this spot. After all, Gajevy's about falling in love despite bad first impressions. Though, my reason for picking this story deals with a rather interesting complaint about the ship: Levy's descent into the background as the series continues. In this story, the characters get together and prove themselves to be competent fighters. Of course, this means more for Ikki Kurogane, the main character, starting from the bottom to become the strongest fighter the school has. However, you never forget that Stella Vermillion is also strong in her own right. Though I'd caution against this if you're not a fan of fan service.

Bonus: Tsuredure Children

As a fun bonus recommendation, I'm throwing in Tsuredure Children. I often worry that fans here care more about the romances in the series than anything else happening. Tsuredure Children provides a fun solution to this problem: make it about nothing but romances. This anime follows a handful of romances at a high school, following different personalities, tropes, and levels of success. There are probably some parallels to these ships, but that's what the other recommendations were for.

And that's all I've got. See you!

What are you still doing on this post?

You saw the title. I did everything I said I was going to do. I even threw in another recommendation. There was no other reason to continue this except for satisfying your own curiosity.

How much more are you expecting of me? I'm only human.

Well, since you're here, it won't hurt to reward your curiosity. Here are two more recommendations, for Zervis. Thankfully, neither deal with the whole “Is this pedophilia?” thing because I never want to talk about that again.

Zervis (Positive Recommendation): Real Girl

If you've seen my end of year favorites, you'll know that I've enjoyed this show. If you'll ignore the laughter of those who've seen this show, I chose this for one important reason. This show plays with the idea of having someone who sees value in you that others don't can be life-changing in a positive way. I have to assume that, were Zeref and Mavis allowed to be happy, that would be the end goal of their relationship. By the way, their relationship comes as a shock to those watching it go down.

Zervis (Negative Recommendation): Hyouka

This shows also takes the idea of a life-changing relationship but plays with the guy's special talents to both solve and create problems for the series. I don't know how much of this pick is a "recommendation for people who don't like how Zervis played out" and a “I can’t think of another series I’ve seen to fit what this ship could have been if it didn’t involve people who could kill each other” pick.

But for real this time, see you! 

#this is a fun post #i await the inevitable negative comments to come #oh you think i'm posting this for outsiders #no this is for my followers #to be clear #i do like jerza and gajevy #the other two are... #less than favorable in my sight #something something #suggestions for other ships to do?

[savannahstanfield27]

Retrospective on Huey Laforet and Firo Prochainezo

Hey all, 

So this is going to be a digression on why I believe that Huey and Firo are the dual main characters of Baccano, and also describing their similarities and differences. This is just my opinion of course, I bet everyone has different interpretations of who the main character is. 

Nevertheless, this is going to be very long, so I’m going to include a cut so that I don’t take up a ton of space on anyone’s dash. Warning for spoilers for the entire series (anime/light novels/light novel/drama cd/etc) throughout this post.

Primary Point 

Firo and Huey are two very important characters in the world of Baccano. Firo, a member of the Martillo Family, and Huey, immortal terrorist and scientist. If it weren’t for the additions of the 1700′s and 2000′s arcs I wouldn’t have come to this conclusion, but they only solidified my point. To me, the story of Baccano exists to tell the story of Huey and Firo, how they grow as people, how they struggle, and how their interactions with other characters changes them. 

I won’t go into detail on each and every interaction they have, if you’ve watched the show or read the novels, you most likely already grasp what I’m saying. I’m going to focus on Huey’s relationships with Monica and Elmer, and Firo’s relationships to the Martillo Family, Ennis, and the Gandors/Claire. They interact with most of the characters in the novels at some point, but I believe these are the most significant to their character development, 

Firo and Huey are sometimes two sides of the same coin, sometimes they’re complete opposites. I intend to explore these points in this post. 

Adolescent Years

Alright, so first I’d like to start off talking in length about Firo and Huey’s adolescence. Huey presumably loses his father at a young age, there is not a lot of development on that front. His mother is executed by drowning in front of him. This obviously takes a toll on Huey, as by his mother he was described as “innocent” prior to this incident. Firo, on the other hand, describes never knowing his father as he died before he was born. Firo’s mother dies of tuberculosis before he reaches 10 years of age

In Huey’s case, he develops a hatred for the world around him and he desires the destruction of it. He copes with his loss by being consumed by anger and negative emotions. Huey is taken in by Dalton and he becomes an alchemist. You could call this a “found family,” but Huey doesn’t have much of a connection to them. The other students in the alchemy class gossip about him, and Huey puts on fake airs to seem well adjusted. 

Huey does eventually gain a core group of friends: Monica and later Elmer. You could add Niki to this list as she is also part of the group but she was always an outlier to me. Huey never opened up to her. He tries to keep Monica away from him and reacts to Elmer’s kindness with open hatred. However, he eventually grows to trust them and they are the two people he is about to rely on and feel compassion for. They form the Mask Makers, an organization specializing in illegal activity. I prefer to call this Huey’s “found family,” rather than Dalton and the other alchemists. 

Now let’s discuss Firo. He lives only to survive after his mother’s death, pick-pocketing on the streets of Manhattan. I’ll be discussing his relationship with the Gandors and Claire at length later, so I will not include it here. We haven’t been given a lot of information on how Firo copes with his Mother’s death, that I can find. Please enlighten me if you know and I’ll edit the post with your contribution. 

Firo eventually is taken in by the Martillo family. You could say Maiza is like an older brother figure to him, and the Don Martillo a father figure. They are also an illegal organization, and they make Firo feel welcome and needed. Rather than pushing away from those who care about him, like Huey, he embraces those who care about him. Firo is someone who yearns to belong. Firo spends a lot of his childhood comparing himself to his friends, but I will be taking that into account in a different section. 

While Huey and Firo grow up in similar situations, it is the result of what happens after that changes them. They both find a core group of people to support them. In Firo’s case, he retains many feelings of inferiority but he continues to become his own person, relying well on his family and friends. Huey is only willing to open up to a few people, and after Monica is taken from him, he loses any interest in opening himself up again. Firo grows forward as a person, yet Huey regresses backwards. 

Feelings on Death

I’ve already described how Huey coped with his mother’s death, but now I’d like to talk about Monica. Monica was Huey’s lover, whom he finally was able to open up to after so long. Her death caused him to shut down as a person. He is not the same man after he returns to Lotto Valentino. That emotional void in him is the only way he can cope with her death, as well as striving to complete his fruitless goal of meeting with her again. He feels guilt towards both of these deaths, as he describes to Victor in 1931. 

Sometimes, when Huey thinks of his happier memories with his lost family, his face seems to brighten and open up a little. He quickly shuts that down in favor of treating the situation like an experiment. He even ponders to Victor in 1931 about if there is a scientific way to discover which is his worst memory. He copes by not coping in the slightest. (Because of this, I both yearn and fear for his reaction to meeting Luchino hopefully in 2003)

Huey seems unfazed by his own possible death. The only time I can find him actually voicing an opinion about it is when Firo attacks him in 1934. He doesn’t seem to possess fear or regret, only interest in his lack of foresight that this might occur. 

Firo has not had to cope with much death in his life. Many of his friends are immortal, as well as his Martillo family. However, the outlier here is Claire Stanfield. Claire has always been the person Firo saw as above him, and in 1936 he stops to ponder on what would happen if Claire died. Claire will die eventually. Firo knows he is going to have to cope with that. The thought makes his chest tighten, and he decides not to think about it, because he cannot imagine a world that Claire is not in. 

Firo deals with his anxieties about death by feeling denial here. He decides he just won’t think about it. On his own death, in 1934, Ladd Russo acknowledges with glee that Firo still fears his own death, he does not view himself as an invincible and strong being. 

Both Huey and Firo possess equally bad coping mechanisms when it comes to losing their loved ones. They both choose to deny and forget. Huey becomes obsessed with the denial, spending his entire life trying to gain the knowledge to meet Monica again. This causes his subsequent emotional detachment, and lack of interest in his own possible death. Firo, on the other hand, possesses immortality but still fears his own death. When thinking on the possible deaths of others, he prefers to put it out of his mind. 

Feelings on Love

In regards to love, Huey runs from it and struggles to embrace it. I’m speaking in a romantic sense, I should preface. Huey finds it difficult to comprehend that he might have some sort of feelings for Monica. He can’t fathom that someone managed to make an impression on him. He tries desperately to run from this feeling and deny it, but eventually he ends his struggles and embraces his love for Monica. 

With familial love, Huey does not feel any of it. He does not value his daughters in an emotional way. They are merely tools for him to achieve his goals. He will tell them anything, especially in Leeza’s case, in order to appease them or to make them more loyal to him. Chane and Leeza possess complete and utter loyalty and devotion towards Huey, but he does not return it. (on that note i’d love to do a future post on Hilton and her relationships with Chane and Huey)

Firo runs towards love. He sees Ennis and immediately becomes infatuated enough to follow her. He falls hard and fast. There is no denial on his part. Firo finds it easy to open up to people, as a social being, but he does struggle to speak his feelings to Ennis. It did take fifty years for them to get married after all. Though he has embraced his love for Ennis, Firo finds it hard to tell her, and instead shows it by all the things he does for her. 

With familial love, Firo has a fierce loyalty to the Martillo family. They are “home” to him. Especially in regards to Maiza, who can be seen as an older brother figure, he is completely loyal. This can be compared to his relationship to the Gandors, three brothers who shared the same apartment building with him in his childhood. He cares for them enough to help them, a rival family, in 1927. His loyalty to the Martillos only swells when Molsa praises him for helping his “family.”

I also think it’s a great parallel of Melvi Dormentaire kidnapping Ennis and the 1700′s Dormentaires holding Monica. They are both on a boat after all. Both Huey and Firo experience helplessness when they realize what has happened to the women they love. However, they immediately jump right on track to figuring out how to save her. This is a great example of Firo expressing guilt. He often feels down when he cannot help those he cares about, like he failed them. Huey is the same way about the situation with Monica. He was so close...and then he lost her..

Relationships with Close Friends

I’m going to focus on Huey’s relationships with Elmer and Fermet. In regards to Elmer, Huey views him as his one true friend. Though in his youth, he hated Elmer and tried to stay away from him, they eventually became friends and Huey was able to open up to him. Even without seeing him for 300 years, Huey still thinks about Elmer and keeps his promises to him. This is why Huey does not hurt “innocents,” because it would make Elmer sad. 

Huey often references Elmer and his worldviews during conversation, which causes him to actually express emotion. Elmer managed to touch Huey as a person and this deeply affects him as a person. Both Huey and Elmer can relate on both an emotional and intellectual level, they understand each other well even in their youth. 

I’m not sure how well this point will come across to everyone, but I’ve always viewed Fermet as Huey’s “Claire,” in regards to Firo. Fermet is also an intellectual genius. He is the person who managed to take everything away from Huey, for seemingly no reason. However, they manage to collaborate on their research later on. This is merely my personal interpretation, but I believe that Huey does have a slight inferiority complex in regards to Fermet, and that he does not like having to rely on the same person who took everything from him for help with research. I’d love to hear anyone else’s opinion on this!

Firo possesses a deep inferiority complex when it comes to the Gandors and Claire. He has always viewed them as one step ahead of him. Especially in the case of Claire, Firo views him as successful in regards to his confidence in love and in his own abilities. Firo compares himself to Claire throughout his life, almost treating him like an idol or mentor at times. He feels insecure, such as in 1927, when Claire’s own abilities surpass his. He does not like to feel useless or unneeded. 

In regards to the Gandors, specifically in the case of Luck, Firo views him as the perfect “gangster” and as someone who has always been ahead of him. Compared to the Gandors, he sees himself as the inferior child. Luck is not that much older than Firo, but he possesses much more emotional maturity and restraint, something Firo finds it hard to come to terms with at times. 

Firo idolizes the “true mafioso” figure and he wants to be like that, which is how he views the Gandors as. Many of his friendships stem from insecurity and inferiority. He wants to make it on his own, without having to rely on his family (The Gandors). 

Personality

In his youth, Huey was much less reckless. He proceeded with caution and did not like to get involved in most situations. This is demonstrated when he decides to ignore Niki being attacked in Lotto Valentino. He is forced by the situation to fight the attackers, but it is implied that he doesn’t possess much strength or technique on the subject of fighting physically. 

(I will add that Huey is noted as looking feminine by various characters such as Elmer, but it does not seem to faze him that much)

Huey has an enthralling personality as he ages. He is manipulative by nature and will stoop to any level to get what he wants. He tends to speak in a detached manner, but outwardly he is very pleasant and polite (similar to his facade from his youth). His manipulative techniques have caused many people to fall victim to his spell, increasing his amount of subordinates and allies. 

Huey’s primary goal is to meet Monica again, and to obtain the knowledge to do such. He lives by researching and doing experiments, learning more about humans and why they do what they do. He views humans as “raw materials,” and their only use to him is to further his experiments. Huey is a very detached person from the world. 

Firo is extremely reckless throughout his life. There are many examples one could place here: pick pocketing a Mafia Executive as a child, following Ennis, rescuing Barnes, etc. Firo is always ready to jump into the situation at hand. He is friendly and sociable, but can be very irritable and negative when the mood strikes him. His sharp temper and bluntness do mellow with age, but they are at their worst in the early 1930′s. 

Firo has many issues with femininity and his “babyface,” which most likely stem from a childhood incident in which he was kidnapped and mistaken for a young girl. He is insecure about this and will strike back at anyone who messes with him for it, except for Claire. 

Firo is not outwardly manipulative and cruel, but gaining the trust and help of others does come easy to him. In 2002, Ennis says this on Firo: “ Firo was really very good at getting people to do what he wanted without telling them the important things. Actually, to be precise, he was good at making them want to help him.” 

Firo and Huey both possess the type of personalities that make it easy to manipulate others, whether knowingly or unknowingly. They make others want to believe them and help them out. Firo is much more blunt and emotional than Huey in the 1900′s, but I do find 1700′s Huey quite similar to Firo, especially in his emotional angry outbursts to Elmer. 

Relationship to Knowledge/ Meeting in 1934/35

Huey’s relationship to knowledge is simple, he wants to know more in order to keep his promise with Monica. Huey views himself as a scientist and as a researcher. He pursues knowledge and wishes to obtain it. When he meets Firo in 1934, he questions him about having all the knowledge that Szilard has accumulated. He wonders if that changes the subject as a person. Huey is greatly intrigued by the ways that other people act. 

Firo never finished school, and he does not consider himself intellectually smart. After devouring Szilard he is consumed with memories of many alchemists, and a vast amount of knowledge is now at his disposal. He grows worried that the memories will consume him and that he will become just as bad as Szilard. He fears the knowledge that he possesses, preferring not to look into it. He doesn’t seem to understand why it interests Huey so much. 

Their meeting, first in 1934, astounded me when I first read it. The way Firo reacted to Huey was much like how Huey reacted to Elmer (this is a digression...) They are two characters who grew through similar circumstances, one becoming more of a person, one becoming less of a person. Firo runs from knowledge, Huey yearns for it. Firo embraces the love and support of others, Huey uses it for his own needs. But they both retain that key element of living and dying for someone else. 

Huey is living to find Monica. Firo is living for his Family. Both possess flaws and strengths. As for their meeting in 1935, we don’t know the full details yet but I cannot wait to find out what they were cooking up behind closed doors. 

Conclusion

I fully believe that Huey and Firo were destined to be the main characters of Baccano. Their stories grow and change as they interact with others and are affected by them. Think back on Maiza’s quote “maybe every encounter is some sort of miracle in it’s own way.” Huey and Firo change throughout every single arc, for better or for worse. 

The 1700′s arc is about Huey’s adolescence, and about how he loses his humanity because of tragedy. But we are also able to see how he was once a much different man, and his personal relationships with the few he decides to let in. 

The 1930′s arc presents Firo, someone who is neither destined to be hero nor villain. His inferiority complex clashes with his deep need to help those he cares about. With every interaction- Ennis, Czes, Maiza, Christopher, Isaac and Miria, Melvi- he grows as a person. He learns and develops. Huey has regressed in the 1930′s, and we are seeing how he coped with the events of the 1700′s. And everything comes to a head when they meet in 1934, and when the tragedy of Monica’s capture seems to repeat itself in 1935. 

The 2000′s arc shows a much more refined Firo. He’s retained many of his good qualities from his adolescence, but he has grown to be much more kind and understanding. Of course, he worries (”can i really be a family man?”) he messes up, he acts reckless even. But he has matured into someone who his friends and family can be proud of. He should be proud of himself. I’ll leave my thoughts on 2000′s Huey for when 2003: epilogue is released. 

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my ramblings. I’ve been a fan for a long time, but with no outlet to share these thoughts other than my dear friends, so it feels nice to let them out once in a while. 

#baccano! #baccano #firo prochainezo #huey laforet #ryohgo narita #light novels

[abybweisse]

Victoria and John, a contract (part one)

I’m pretty much convinced that not only is John Brown not human (demon or angel would be my best guess), but he has made a contract with Queen Victoria.

We’ve talked about the Albert hand puppet quite a bit, and I truly do believe it serves the same purpose as what Sebastian offered to our earl in ch138 — make the contractor feel as though a dead loved-one has returned.

Our earl didn’t fall for such an offer, but I think Victoria found it all too tempting to pass up. Sure, she still dresses in the black of mourning, talks about Albert in past-tense, and then breaks down crying. However, as soon as the puppet appears, she genuinely behaves as though she thinks Albert is there with her.

This is not simply a puppet; it’s a mind control device, a powerful tool to manipulate her feelings, thoughts, and actions. Sometimes John even uses that deadpan Albert voice to give her ideas and plans of action... not just words of encouragement... as if they are coming from Albert himself. We could simply see it as a parody of real life, since Queen Victoria claimed John Brown was a medium who allowed her to communicate with her dead husband, but I think it’s something way more sinister in the Kuroverse.

However, ch21 shows us, right off the bat, that whatever charm/power John has over her with the puppet, it’s not perfect. As I pointed out above, sometimes she realizes Albert is dead and gone. Historically, Victoria stopped making such frequent public appearances after Albert’s death because of her deep mourning. Here, it’s because John/“Albert” suggests she stay home and out of the public’s eye. John realizes her behavior when she’s upset about Albert, as well as her reaction to the puppet, must take a toll on her reputation. If this says anything about the rest of the contract terms, it’s a poorly-made contract.

But, what else would be in the contract, and what might have been left out? I want to look at the wishes and terms spelled out in ch138 for a possible framework, since a contract between John and Victoria would likely parallel the contract between Sebastian and our earl.

I don’t think it’s simply for Albert’s “return”, since there should be some finiteness to fulfilling the contract. Perhaps it’s to make her think Albert has returned for the remainder of her natural lifespan, and then — upon her deathbed — John gets his “payment”, whether it be her soul or something else. Or it could be until she has achieved some other goal. Or John didn’t make it clear the contract had to have a distinct end and couldn’t be extended.... More on that later.

If there is another wish for John to fulfill? That’s a bit harder to guess. Some specified level of power and influence? Some achievement for the legacy she leaves behind? Revenge against some foe (real or imagined)? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Ch138 might actually give us clues to Victoria’s desires, and not just the one about Albert.

Victoria had been queen since she was 18, she married her beloved around the same time, and she lives in luxury. But her reign saw the new expansion into foreign lands, the wealth raked in by controlling serval industries abroad, and the exotic goods and other treasures that this brought to her and to the British markets... for those who could afford them. Ch21 might essentially confirm this, since John (while being stepped on by the horse) starts listing off her achievements since she’s been queen. The increased power and reach of the nation, her influences on fashion and popular culture, etc. Maybe we should be getting the idea that these grand merits, like creating the “empire where the sun never sets”, are actually achievements made possible only because of John, just like our earl’s successes are largely due to Sebastian’s abilities. It does read similar to ch2’s initial assessment of our earl’s business successes. It also makes sense when paired with Undertaker saying he doesn’t like her, won’t accept “the queen’s coin”, and complains how she sits in comfort and safety while others do her dirty work. Maybe all of her accomplishments are not her own.... More on that later, too! 😏

Some guesses for what might have been included... and left out... of the terms. Let’s go with three wishes, just like our earl was offered. Looking at ch138, we see this about our earl’s first wish:

Wish 1. Speaking the truth.

John must be able to lie to her, simply because she might not have been thinking clearly enough at the time to demand otherwise. Sebastian acted like our earl’s demand to always speak the truth is somewhat of a novelty; he was taken by surprise. We know John can lie to her because he does so every time he says Albert is there with her. That entire wish about Albert is fulfilled by lies.

Wish 2. Obeying orders.

Sebastian is being particularly sneaky here to put an extra condition on the terms... after the terms had been agreed upon. This gives him the ability to not follow every order he is given, unless “I command you” is stated. And to accomplish assigned tasks without following very specified ways of doing so. That’s how he was able to “interrogate” Beast for information about the signet ring... instead of going to the two places our earl told him to go. And he was able to say he completed the task, without admitting he never went there... and without lying, because of how he got our earl to rephrase his questions.

John likely has to pretend he’s a normal human, but also like Sebastian, he’s going to pull off some weird shit that’s definitely not normal for humans... and witnesses will just have to remain willingly ignorant to the oddities... much like Finny realizing he had brought Sebastian iris bulbs, not plants full-grown and in bloom.

Sebastian also makes it clear there need to be limits to the contract terms; there cannot be extensions or alterations to the contract terms by way of orders.

How about with Victoria and John? It seems to me that John must have a lot of leeway, when it comes to obeying orders — how he accomplishes them... if he really obeys at all. He might even be able to obey orders in a way that doesn’t always achieve the queen’s desired results... if he doesn’t want to. It’s difficult to see how this part of the contract works (or fails), since we don’t see much of what they say and do.

What we do see, however, is Victoria making hints about what she wants... and sometimes we see John taking note of it. It makes me feel as though the terms could be as vague as “fulfill my desires” or “make my wishes come true”. If so, we run into the issue of contract limitations again. Where does that end? John really might have accidentally made an open-ended contract....

Sebastian is smart to state that he will not accept orders to give more wishes, extend the contract, or make further changes to the terms. Yes, he is trying to take advantage of the kid, but the kid is also hoping to take advantage of the demon. Each one wants as much as they can get from the contract, just like Sebastian says is to be expected. Which brings us to the third wish.

Wish 3. Protection and no betrayal.

Sebastian threw in the “no betrayal” part as a freebie, since it’s a personal policy of his to not make multiple contracts. He specifies this is a fourth wish that he’s allowing only because it’s an automatic, to him. Our earl set aside the offer to be kept safe from illness; he didn’t think the asthma would return. Besides... imagine how this story would have gone if our earl was stuck inside Sebastian’s body? Very differently, indeed. Entirely different.

I see a setup here for John to be one of those greedy, gluttonous sorts. Charles Grey would be in awe? 😆 I have no idea what sorts of protections John might have offered Victoria, or what she might have agreed to. However, I suspect that 1) the terms might be changeable, so we could later see John do weird things to protect her and 2) John might have another contract with someone else, so betrayal is quite possible. I’d even say it’s likely. With the terms of the contract as loose as I suspect, John could be like Ash/Angela without even changing names, appearances, or personalities.

TL/DR: If John Brown is a demon or angel in a contract with Victoria:

One goal or wish is to make her think Albert has returned.

Other goals seem to be about her achievements and influence as queen. (However, it might even include the crown itself and her marriage.)

He can lie to her, since he lies every time he says Albert is there.

He has to make her wishes come true, but he has a lot of wiggle room on how to accomplish that. And the wishes might not be properly limited.

He probably has to protect her as she achieves whatever goals she has set.

However, he might betray her. Particularly if he’s stuck in a contract that has no well-defined end (other than her natural death).

It’s pretty wild to think about, but it’s entirely possible that Queen Victoria (in the Kuroverse) is a fraud of some kind. What if she made the contract when she was young... and the crown, her beloved husband, her life of luxury... are all just wishes being granted for her? Considering that:

Her birth year is around the time Undertaker rebels and tries to destroy the reaper organization’s HQ... ohh? 🤔

She ascends to the throne the year that Molly G. dies. Her coronation takes place the following year. Hmm. 🧐

And she was, historically, quite attracted to Albert and pursud him to be her husband. As queen, she had to propose to him. Sure, his feelings were mutual IRL, but... maybe not in the Kuroverse? Uh. 🤨

More to come later!

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #queen victoria #john brown #sebastian michaelis #sebbythedemon #our earl #earl phantomhive #demon contract #angels and demons #undertaker #theories #post one #part one #long post #historical figures #historical reference

[katieskarlette]

Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version:  I liked it overall.  I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.  

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much.  She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world.  Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising.  Was it the best book ever?  No.  Not even the best Warcraft book ever.  But it was an enjoyable read.  It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events.  There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner.  I like that.  (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically.  Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me.  Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory.   Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine.  The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...)  Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight.  Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue:  Gayness detected on page 8!  And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted.  In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.”  That’s basically what we have here.  I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.”  Tada!  See how easy it was?  Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth.  (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now.  Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks. 

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists.  We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods.  It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals.  I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people?  I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay.  It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though.  That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough.  Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head.  What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking?  Heh. 

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg!  Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped.  The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more.  Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional. 

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though.  He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such.  Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself.  There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.”  She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.”  I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered:  "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint."  WHAT?  Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS?  I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out):  Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51:  Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar."  Awwwwwww.   There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.) 

Chapter 6:  Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths."  You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE?  I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius. 

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.”  I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7:  More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry.  Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8:  If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision.  I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother:  Remda.  Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13:  Nathanos wearing cologne?  Love it.  And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving.  So he wears cologne.  That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs:  "We'll be eaten alive."  Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies.  Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble.  Go wake up the sheriff.”  

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas.  I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that!  His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14:  Thrall's second kid is Rehze.  *blink*  Reh-zee?  Rez?  Ruh-zay?  I guess she’s not named after anyone.  After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2.  Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives.  (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name.  I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay.  Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk.  Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening.  Gunk.  LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers.  What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16:  Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17:  Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!!  Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be.  Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking.  (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind.  R.I.P.)

Chapter 18:  Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends.  It now includes Anduin.  I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case?  Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!!  GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor."  So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe.  But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22:  From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low...  Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business."  OMG leave Elling Trias alone!  He did his best!  LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal.  That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this.  Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA.  He’s a well-done gray character:  not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.) 

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got.  I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene.  I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev.  Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time.  I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande?  Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this.  She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger.  Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy.  I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now.  It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it.  I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character.  It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis.  Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy.  Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there.  In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms.  I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture.  And then it turns out Jaina was there, too.  Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern?  That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect.  Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer.  Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host.  There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight.  They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc.  But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.  

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there?  And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh.  Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas.  Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued?  Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed?  LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers.  It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship.  A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination.  That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things.  Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil.  So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him.  That’s not how I read it at all.  “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.”  She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could.  The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad.  So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me.  She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him.  People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.”  She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.”  So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.”  Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers:  “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.”  That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives.  “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred.  ‘Your timing could not be better.  Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’”  She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side.  Hell, that’s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that.  The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth.  But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.” 

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos.  Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands.  It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate.  When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant.  She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls.  She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.”  Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways:  “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.”  Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison.  Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.”  It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope.  And she can’t.  Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope.  And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know.  I get that some of the language is discouraging.  She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him.  But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong.  I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her.  This isn’t the end for them.  Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place.  I hope it’s coherent enough to follow.  I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.)  I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.

#shadows rising #shadows rising spoilers #bff princes #sylvanas x nathanos #rambling about wow

[nymphl]

Lie to Me - Hux x Reader x Ch. 15: Reliance & Mistrust

A/N: Hello there xD Well, this time I’m ahead of schedule. I’ll see if I can keep the updates here thrice a week. I think it’s best to update what’s already written at once here, before I get caught up with my schedule and other real-life things and all. So here we go xD 

Story Summary: Falling for the enemy… That’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Letting him live… for he should be dead. And you should’ve been the one to kill him. You had him, right there… and you let it escape through yours fingers. He lived. And now only the time could tell if you made the right decision — more likely wrong — by saving the amnesiac General of the First Order and telling him he was your husband. [Hux x Reader - Hux x You]

Warnings for the entire story: Will contain at times; graphic violence, sex, drugs and manipulation, coarse language and OOCness.

AO3 Tags: from enemies to lovers; eventual romance; memory loss; fake marriage; fake marriage becomes real marriage; rebellion; married couple; canon divergence; slow burn romance; politics; rebel alliance; resistance; first order; OOCness; eventual smut; eventual sex; power play; power dynamics; syndicate; lies; you lie; Hux lies; Hux backstory; manipulation; political alliances; political betrayals; secret organizations; tros fix it; anti tros; nobody likes general pryde.

Wordcount: 5747

PREVIOUS CHAPTER *** NEXT CHAPTER

YOU HATED IT.

And you should hate him…

…for his cryptic…

…cold…

…unfeeling…

…kriffing …

Behavior.

Instead, you hated yourself.

You hated that it hurt.

That you let him hurt you…

…emotionally and physically…

With the pain came the anger…

…strong…

…fervent…

…unstoppable…

However, your mind worked differently when you were furious. You became much more reclusive. Focused. As you were right now. Instead of lashing out, you did take greater care with everything you did.

Tightened your hold on the blaster, you did your best to control a pained hiss. Your arms seemed on verge of falling off as you waited for him to finally tell you to stop. To be in this kriffing position for so long, waiting for his instruction, was torture. And he knew it. Otherwise he would not have you going through the same simulation so many times. As you managed to get through the next phase of the staged attack, he would set you up for another round, till you were almost begging him for mercy.     

As if you could…

Outside bedroom affairs — which, you thought would not happen anytime soon —, the General hated when you begged. And you did not want to be seen as weak. Even if it would render you another lecture on not showing your weakness unless out of necessity — you wondered if that would be the way to get him to talk to you again.

Honestly, he was talking to you. But only what was necessary. Your husband was gone. In his place, only a General was left — and this General could be harsh when he wanted. 

Your worst nightmare.

Biting your bottom lip forcefully, you held the blaster firmly between your hands and waited for the targets — Imperial Troopers — to leave their hideout before you could fire. This time, however, there was something different. One of them — one of the targets — was hurt. You knew it was not true — apart from being a make-believe situation, the targets were not even real beings —, but even so, you lowered your arms.  

“How did you manage to get us here?” You breathed out in your speaker device. Apart from the VR glasses, you had your earmuffs firmly in place. The glasses set up the parallel reality and the earmuffs kept the outside sounds at bay.

The Crystal Cave indeed had training facilities that were more than adequate in your opinion. This was different from any simulation room you had seen before; instead of a practice field in which teams worked together towards some goal, you were alone and unmoving. The targets came to you and you had to shoot them before they could reach you in your own hideout. If your avatar got hurt, it would be the end for you. Luckily, you managed to escape their blasters twice now.

As expected, he did not answer your question. He seemed very focused on the targets ahead — even if he did not participate in your training, he had no avatar for himself, he too could see whatever you saw through your glasses. It was all it took for you to take a deep breath and let your attention slip somewhere else.

Even if he was a jerk, you felt safe with him.

It is… you did not let your mind drift to the last time in which he had his hand wrapped around your throat…

You were very tired; physically and mentally exhausted — every single person you knew worked overtime. The new disease in Dantooine continued keep you — and your peers — on edge. In no time, the number of alien dead would surpass the number of those who died in the last few days; even the most talented physicians in the planet were worried. So far, in pediatrics almost ten alien kids had died — in your shift. You had no idea if you could trust the data provided by those in charge. And as much as you understood they were merely trying to prevent some sort of collective hysteria, at least you and your coworkers were entitled to know. Everything you had found out was your own doing.

Shaking your head, you tried to focus your attention on your surroundings. You knew this place — this part of the cave. You had been there once with Aurra Sing before, when you were in your late teens. If your husband — the General, you quickly corrected yourself, there was no need to keep indulging your thoughts of that lie; he had figured out everything — thought it was adequate at best, it was because the First Order was… otherworldly.

A shudder ran down your spine.

He was fine now — more than fine, if you were to be honest, his physical condition was flawless —, so why would he still linger? Why not go back to the First Order?  

Honestly, you were not sure if you could trust him.

His negative answer when you questioned him about you being a bait to attract and defeat — that was important — the Resistance had you relieved.

Now…

…now you were not so sure.

“Fire.”

His voice, so detached and whispered through the speaker device, had you shivering. He was right behind you, quite but not touching. The last week living in the Cave he barely got within an arm of distance from you — always distant, always in his own mind. Having him this close now was… almost weird. Even when you trained — and for the maker, he made sure you trained hard every day and he could be as intense in your training as he was in your bed; your ardent lover had vanished, in its place, there was the business-like General — he would keep his distance. The last time in which you were in his arms, you were crying and asking how you could trust him, only to get a vague answer.

It was difficult to trust him — or get even near to it — when he barely interacted with you. How could he expect you to follow your krifing instincts when he barely looked at you? When all you had were a huge pile of doubts that only got bigger? When he was vague in his answers? For whenever he answered one of your questions you had another ten springing in your mind.   

You snapped your attention back to the targets, but nothing seemed to have changed in their previous stance. You furrowed your brows, but he paid you no attention.  

“Now,” he spoke again, this time his voice was firmer than before.

You had no reason to shoot when they were not moving — they were not attacking — and seemed to be paying some sort of medical care to one of theirs. Your moral convictions prevented you from attacking any hurt being — real or not, enemy or otherwise. The General was the living proof of that. It was simply beneath you and everything your father — your mother and Aquilla — stood for. However, you quickly realized your mistake as one of them — who was previously stretched out on the floor and apparently hurt — rose to his feet and opened his hand. A grenade lay in it, ready to be launched.

Without waiting for your move — you sincerely did not expect such plot twist —, the General opened fire against them — his avatar flashing before your peripheral vision —, knocking out all four targets quicker than your eyes could follow.

Next, he pressed a button at your left, shutting down the transmission before the grenade could go off. Your glasses darkened, forcing you to remove them. As you were greeted by the strong light in the simulation room, you had to blink a few times to get used to the new sight before your eyes. Honestly, you did not know which was worse: the light or the General’s judging eyes.

Not really ready for the reprimand of your life, you took your time to remove the earmuffs, letting them rest around your neck.

“I am sorry?” you tried, unsure on what to say. Besides, what could have you done? You certainly did not expect the targets to fake a situation — in a simulation! — just to attack you shortly after. Your first instinct was to always believe a hurt person — how else could you save lives if you did not believe your patients in the first place? You knew they did not qualify as such, but your point was still valid.

At least it seemed in your mind.     

“Your naivety almost got you killed.”

You pursed your lips into a thin line. You expected him to call your action one of compassion, not ingenuousness — and honestly you did not know which was worse in his eyes. You even opened your mouth to say it was only a make-believe situation, but you figured out it would do you no good. Apologizing would not do, as it would be seen as another act of weakness in his eyes.

“Who runs this part of the Cave?”

The General narrowed his eyes at you; he certainly did not see that question coming. With his hands entwined at his back, in what you called his General posture, he walked away from you; his shoulders set straight.

“I do.”

You furrowed your brows. It simply made no sense. No one in their right mind would simply abandon this place, only for the General to take it under his control, that much you were sure. And only one person crossed your thoughts at the moment: Aurra — and her precious Syndicate, of course.

“Aurra Sing gave up this place for me. In its entirety.”

At least you were sure of the first part; the second made no sense whatsoever. You did not know the details of their partnership, but you were sure she would not simply give up a Crystal Cave, that was so closely related and so important for the Jedi she hated so much that easily. Something smelled fishy.

Everything about him smells fishy.  

“Why?”

How?

“She already controls the Jedi Enclave, the Imperial Outpost and the Mining Outpost, giving up the Cave did not seem to bother her that much.”

You gaped. Besides the unlikely gesture or deal — that did not seem anything alike the Aurra Sing you knew —, it had been days since the General last spoke that much to you, that he even deemed you worthy of his stare. Shaking your head, you concentrated on the topic at hand: the Cave had training facilities unlike any other in Dantooine. Why would Aurra— you stopped mid-thought. Of course…

“She doesn’t truly know about the simulation rooms.”

The General snorted. You took a few steps closer to him and folded your arms at your chest. Contrary to your expectations, he did not step away.

“She does.”  

Then…?

“Aurra Sing doesn’t care about simulation rooms,” he said, taking two steps closer. It was enough to set his shiny boots barely an inch away from yours. “However, she isn’t aware this Cave has some old, albeit functional ships.”

It simply made no sense.

You shook your head. You did not know what that quick mind of his was working on, but you did not like it not even one bit. You did not trust Aurra…

…and you were not sure you could trust him either.

In spite of his words, in spite of your foolish heart that wanted so bad to believe him — to believe he had feelings for you —, your mind… your guts… told you to stay wide awake when near him. 

I trust him with my life…

A shiver ran down your spine. His involvement with the Resistance and the Syndicate at the same time made no sense at all. And made it very difficult to trust him. How could he be loyal to two distinct factions — with very different beliefs — at once?

I am loyal only to myself…  

You shook your head. You even reached out to him, but not sure if you should touch him or not, you entwined your fingers in front of your lap.   

“I don’t want you involved with her.”

And part of me wants you away from the Resistance now.

The fact that General Organa had not contacted you yet, made it all the more difficult for you to trust him.

His response was immediate this time, “I know.”

Then… why?

You even opened your mouth to ask him to clarify this issue, but his leather-gloved finger over your bottom lip made your freeze in place. It was the first time in days… It was the first time he touched you. Willingly. Sometimes he would fix your posture in your training, but that was not a lingering touch. Unlike this very one. He cast a sideways glance, directing your own eyes towards the point over his shoulder. Before you could say anything, his lips fell upon yours in a.. kiss.

You could not even describe it.

Mechanic?

Cold?

Thought-out?

Everything but passionate.

If his words made no sense to you before, his actions felt even more absurd. Either way, you sighed against his lips and kissed him back, holding onto him for dear life — you were touch-starved, which was laughable considering you spent five years without… getting any action. He seemed determined to keep it — the kiss — in a… professional level. His usual voraciousness was gone.

It was a relief when he broke apart when the lights went out and the two of you were left in the dark.

You could say now you missed the power shortages in Dantooine. At least it was something completely predictable, contrary to the General’s cryptic behavior. The growing doubt that gripped your heart and did not seem about to let go seemed to only increase.

“What was that?” you asked, but quickly shook your head. “She’s watching everything, isn’t she?” This time, you spoke in Ryl, your voice no more than a whisper against his lips — you were still in his arms, still holding onto him, still waiting for him to kiss you properly. Yearning for it. Even if she knew and spoke the language to perfection, you doubted any of her henchmen — if any of them was in the Cave following you, which was probably the case — knew.

He nodded.

“I just don’t understand…” you spoke in a rushed tone, trying to clear your mind of any doubts before the lights flickered back — part of you wondered if that was not staged by him; to act as if he was being watched to get you to believe Aurra was the enemy —, but it was very difficult. His shady decisions had you on edge. “Why would you do what she wants?”

“Why not?” the General replied. His lips moved over yours in a small caress that had you sighing against him.

In your current state — in your heart’s current state —, it was very difficult to say no to him. Unlike his kiss, his fingers ghosting over your clavicle — but never getting closer to your throat; he seemed very conscious how he snapped last time — was anything but mechanic. His lips moved from yours to your cheeks and then your jaw… running the length of your skin towards your chin and finally stopping at your chin.   

“It’s just…” You shut your lips when he started unbuttoning your shirt. You blinked. That was absolutely not the best moment to engage in intimacy, but you were so… needy right now. If you thought about using sex as a way to get the upper hand in this relationship before, now you knew you could never be as good as him. “How long till the power is back?”

“Two more minutes.” You shuddered as he parted from you and removed his own black shirt and brought you back to his arms. You were about to comment it was not enough time for the two of you to… do anything properly — the lights were about to flicker in and the cameras would record everything —, but his lips were on your ears, “She’s just found out about the ships and she’s going to destroy them.”

“But I thought…” You closed your eyes as he sat you over the balcony where you put your training devices and settled between your thighs; your legs automatically wrapped around his waist. “You’re making absolutely no sense.”

As his lips fell over your throat and he kissed it lightly, you knew you had lost your ability to think. He did not take his time there, however, going back to your mouth and brushing his tongue against your bottom lip. He merely teased you, not kissing you for real. You groaned in frustration.  

“Please.”

You were conflicted.

Part of you wanted — needed even — to go further with that. Needed him. Realistically, you knew it was all a game to deceive Aurra — or deceive you, you did not know anymore —, he knew what you wanted — he always seemed to know — and he was using sex as a tool to… — you swallowed, because you hated how truthful the word rang — to manipulate you.  

“So easily distracted…” the General finally silenced you with his lips. As the lights flickered in again, you could not be gladder that he was finally kissing you for real.             

A disappointed sigh left you as soon as you closed your eyes in the darkened bedroom.

Your bedroom.

Not his.

You were alone.

Not with him.

After bestowing you with a mind-blowing kiss, the General took you to your chambers. Part of you thought — you were hopeful even —, that the two of you would finally get physical.

Tsk.

All he did was to drop you onto the mattress and turn on his heels. He just left you alone. For a few minutes, you just stood positioned on your elbows waiting — hoping — for him to come back. Right now, it did not matter that he was using sex as a tool to manipulate you, you just needed it.

Now… as the lusty cloud left you — after you took matters into your own hands — you were glad he did nothing. You were glad he left.

At the same time, you were angry.

With yourself.

For the maker!

How could you be so stupid? You were never this irrational — gullible and stupid — with Aquilla. It is a fact that Aquilla never used sex as a tool… However, being married to an alien — and having sexual relations with them — was completely different than with a human — there was always extra care involved and twi’leks saw marriage was something sacred — not a lie to toy with. What you meant was that Aquilla would never tease you and leave you… wanting.

Perhaps next time you saw him you should tell him that.

If he said last time you kept comparing the two of them, then you should take comparisons to the next level. You wondered how long it would take for that nonchalant mask of his to fall after you told him Aquilla never teased just to leave you… unsatisfied.

Shaking your head, you tried to clear your mind of everything. Honestly, you were horrified you could think of something so mean. The General had issues — several, actually — and your childish behavior could — would — worsen them.

You closed your eyes and pulled the blankets to your chin, falling into an uneventful slumber shortly after.

It was middle of the night when you woke up by yourself. A nightmare about the General leaving you for good — without looking back — haunted your sleep. Your swallowed, but it was raspy. Your throat felt dry.

You sat on the bed and reached for the bottle, only to have it handed to you.

If the situation — if you did not feel so numb because of the dream —, you probably would have been startled. Instead, you accepted the bottle and drank the water in big gulps. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and looked at him in the darkened bedroom.

He was sitting in a chair close to your bed, completely focused on his datapad. The sound of his fingers working on the screen had you blinking a few times. Even if you had just woken up by yourself, you were still struggling to stay awake.

You bit your bottom lip and shook your head. So many questions you wanted — needed even — to ask, that you could not afford to sleep right now. It could — and would — come later.

“What was that earlier?” Your voice was small, unsure as you started. “Why are we really here?” You cast your eyes to your lap. Your body was covered with the softest fabric you had ever touched. The sheets were very pleasing to the touch. Even after a week living in the Cave, with sheets like that and a bed way bigger and comfortable than yours, you could not say you were happier here. You were very happy in the Cave in the first time you visited it, after your small adventure with the General. And even if you knew his demeanor had nothing to do with the place, you did not want to live in a place where he seldom spoke to you — in a place where he only kissed you because cameras would capture it. Your eyes widened when the thought hit you, “Are there cameras in this room?”

The corner of his lips tilted slightly upwards — which set your heart into a frenzied beat —, but his answer came quickly, “No.”

A relieved sigh left you. Honestly, you did not need for Aurra Sing to watch whatever you did in that room. Or even the General. That would be beyond embarrassing. You did not know about him, but you did mind being in the spotlight.

As you saw the lingering shadow of a smirk on his lips, you froze.

“You know.”

His lack of answer had heat touching towards your face… gripping it. That was the perfect time to compare him to Aquilla.

No.

You shook your head.

There were far more pressing matters. This… whatever this was… Is… — you had no idea anymore — could wait. You had to question his decisions concerning this very night. His touches — even if welcomed — came out of nowhere. He was using sex as a means of distraction. You were sure of it. If you yourself thought about it before — even if you did not act on it, you planned it —, the General would act on it; he was not above such machinations. What’s more, he proved for the second — third? you were no longer sure — time you were his to do as he pleased.

Easily distracted…

What bothered you was the fact he was right. The feeling of being beaten in a game you planned to play in the first place did not sit well with you.

“You manipulated me through sex.”

He shifted his attention to you. His piercing, impossibly blue eyes focused on your face. There was no need for a loud answer, for his orbs told you enough.

You bit your bottom lip.

“You think I am easy to manipulate.”

He did not look anywhere when the next words left his lips, “I know it.”

His answer knocked the air out of your lungs. You sat rigidly in your bed and tugged the sheets to your chin — you felt stupid for taking your clothes off. You would not feel so vulnerable right now if you put on something before you drifted to sleep.

But that was all.

It did not hurt you. His mean words. His cold demeanor.

By now… you were almost used to it. You felt so numb right now nothing he could have said would make you feel any worse.

“What are you doing here?”

Unlike last time, now he took his time to reply. You just sat there watching him type something on his datapad in silence. He was no longer looking at you — which was somewhat a relief —, his attention solely focused on the device.       

How long were you here? you even wanted to ask but gave up shortly after. You could deal with everything right now, but not with the fact of knowing he had seen you — watched — as you pleasured yourself and sighed his name — imagined him doing things to you.

You shook your head.

“My…” You closed your mouth — addressing him as my Lord when you suspected he may have caught you doing the deed was far too embarrassing —, and tried again “Armitage?” you asked, your voice wavering this time, you were not really sure what to call him. Going back to your usual my Lord would not do, not with all the memories of that first night in the cave… Calling him your husband was an even greater absurd. But would he find it weird if all of a sudden you stopped addressing him formally or he would welcome it that you called him more intimately?

Besides, going back was not what you had in mind. If you wanted to move on with him, with you wanted to have a real relationship with him, you had to get closer… Your heart sped at the thought, but you knew it to be truthful: you had to start trusting him.

Right…?

You rose to your feet and cast a look at his datapad. It took you a while to recognize what he was doing and where he was doing it — for you were seeing everything upside down — but as you realized he was staring at some sort of files concerning the First Order, you felt an irrational fear gripping your heart.

Trust him with my life…

He chose that exact time to ask you to repeat the symptoms you had told him earlier when you told him about your day at the Hospital. You furrowed your brows, but recited them nonetheless, “It’s like a common cold, except that those infected with it are dying in three days-time. They’re afflicted with nasal congestion, fatigue, coughing and high appetite. What does it have to—

You stopped yourself. He would not answer to your question. And you were afraid of his answers. This conversation had you leaving the bed and looking for your clothes in the dim-lighted room. If you were to have that conversation — or any sort of conversation — it would absolutely not do to stay naked.

He cast a glance at you, his eyes narrowing as he watched your covering yourself from his prying eyes. Very conscious of his rapt attention, you wetted your lips and sat back on the mattress, pulling the blankets to cover yourself, “They seemed to have acquired a new taste for human flesh out of the blue as well.”

There was a moment of silence between you as his fingers stopped working on whatever he was… working. His eyes remained on you the whole time as he seemed to contemplate the new bit of information you just released — something you did not tell him before and that you regretted telling now.

“You’re not returning tomorrow.”

And there we go…

You felt highly stupid for saying that. So far, only two of the infected alien species showed any sort of addiction to human flesh — out of several! You thought that you were particularly safe. Not to mention, you were responsible for taking care of the children — and they rarely represented any danger.

Not to mention… He did not seem to care about you.

To love you.

Did it really matter if you died or lived?

And if he wanted you alive, was it because he felt something for you or because he thought you could be useful?

“Listen,” you started, biting your bottom lip. Convincing the General you were out of danger would be a difficult task, but you were willing to reason with him either way. Then you furrowed your brows, curiosity — mistrust — taking over you. You almost said that Aquilla would never ask you to stop working — to stop helping others when they needed you most. But should the words leave your lips, you would regret them forever — like you regretted reveling the whole truth that day. You shook your head and said, “Why are you so interested? You’re not even a doctor.”

He narrowed his eyes at you — it was as if he knew your traitorous thoughts —, but instead of giving you a direct answer, he opted to ask, “What do you know of the Kryto virus?”

You furrowed your brows. You simply hated how cryptic he was sometimes.

It did not make it any easier to trust him.

For the maker!

Your doubts were bordering on paranoia. For the first time, you realized that him knowing everything — and not telling how he figured out everything — was a heavy burden. His silent, offended even demeanor — and what did he have to be offended about when he lied to you as well? — prevented you from trusting him fully. It prevented you from letting go of the past — look at how many times you compared him to Aquilla in a short spam of time! — and truly moving on.

Trust him with my life…

As if…

Not even ten minutes ago you were sure he was manipulating you through sex. He was hiding something from you.

Loyal to myself and to you…

For real?

If he could lie about believing — buying — your own lies, why would he say he truth his loyalty?  

“What does it have to do with—” You stopped midsentence, realization finally sinking on you, “Oh.”

“Oh, indeed,” he replied, handing you the datapad. He was reading some sort of article related to deadly viruses released by the Empire in an attempt to destroy the New Republic, of them was the famous Kryto Virus, a bioweapon responsible for taking the lives of millions of aliens back in 7 ABY.

You were a mere toddler when it happened and the subsequent Bacta Wars, but the misery you saw taking over the very planet in which you lived now would be forever marred in form of your father’s frown whenever he looked at you or you listened to him crying himself to sleep at night.

The mere thought of something of such scale taking over the galaxy again made a cold shiver ran down your spine and a deep, horrendous fear grip your very heart, squeezing it mercilessly. 

Clearing your throat, you handed the datapad back to him. All traces of sleep had left you and now you were wide awake and very much frightened. Subconsciously, you reached for his hand and entwined your fingers together. When you realized what you were doing, you were ready to pull away, but he tightened his hold over you lightly.

You will have to follow your instincts.  

For the first time his words started making sense to you. The paranoia was leaving your system. Understanding flooded you. He did hide tons of stuff from you, but if he did have anything to keep from you — concerning the disease at least —, he certainly would not show you the article, would he?

With his left hand only, he started typing something else in the flat screen and shortly after you were staring at several sketches. It showcased a Dantari with some red spots on the face and body. Each spot had a brief description that matched exactly the symptoms the patients at the Hospital displayed.

Instead of asking the obvious question, instead of putting the blame where it was due — paranoid! you were paranoid —, you said, “So… you have all of your accesses to the First Order database?”

You bit your bottom lip as you waited for his reply.

“Mostly.”

You took your time to voice your next question. You were really not sure you were ready for his answer — whatever it may be.

“Did you know it?”

“Possibly,” he replied, his eyes focused on you. When you looked down at your joined hands, he used his thumb to caress the inside of your wrist. His touch burned your skin, so you quickly disentangled your fingers and moved away from him. Your action made him straighten his back. “I have not regained all of my memories, so I do not know.”

The thought of his lost memories — he would not and could not know, for he knew nothing of his past before the attempt on his life — should make you feel relieved, but you felt even tenser now. Without knowing, he could be the very responsible for this new development in Dantooine. It is, if he coordinated the invasion of your planet, he could also have orchestrated this new virus, right?  

Not for the first time you wondered if you did the right thing by saving him. And even if it hurt you beyond imagination the thought of how empty your life would be, you could not help but ask yourself if you were not in the wrong right now.

“Have you ever lost your memories?”

He narrowed his eyes at you.

There was moment of absolute, sepulchral silence. You thought you forgot how to breathe; your heart was beating madly inside your chest as you waited for his answer. When it came, you were left agape. 

“You should sleep,” he said, getting on his feet. You were not sure if his face was that expressionless or if you were imagining stuff. 

He moved his fingers over your temple, placing a strand of hair behind your ear. Before he could caress your face, however, you snapped his hand away.

“Is there any cure in any of these articles?”

He had his eyes narrowed, but he did not comment on your sudden change in behavior. He retreated — both physically and emotionally —, looking for his leather gloves in the dressing table in the other corner of the room.

The silence was almost unbearable as he placed his blaster in its holder. You wanted to say something, your throat even burned with it, but you felt unable to even open your mouth.

“Do you trust me?”

…with my life.

You bit your bottom lip. You wanted to say yes. You wanted to be as sure as you were when you told General Organa just a few days ago, but could not.

For the maker!

You swallowed.

He grabbed his coat and headed for the exit. He had his hands clasped on his back when he spoke without even casting one last glance at you, “Do not wait for me.”

A/N - And that’s all for today. I’ll see you on Wednesday xD

#lie to me #hux x reader #hux x you #armitage hux #general hux #hux #hux fic #hux fanfic #sequels trilogy #sequels fanfic #star wars #star wars fanfic #armitage hux x reader #armitage hux x you #general hux x you #general hux x reader #fanfic #ltm

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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[doomonfilm]

Review : Ready or Not (2019)

I had high hopes for 2019 after the past couple of years for films, but I have found myself lately with less motivation to go and see new releases.  I’m not sure if it’s due to the quality of work released, a seemingly slow surge of arthouse films into the mainstream that have yet to get blockbuster-length runs, or personal burnout, but I’ve fallen far below my expected viewing goals.  That being said, certain premises will always pique my interest, and anything that falls into the realm of The Most Dangerous Game qualifies.  This is the chief reason why I jumped at an opportunity to see Ready or Not. 

Grace (Samara Weaving) and Alex (Mark O’Brien) are preparing for their wedding at the La Domas estate, the home of Alex’s strange family he finds himself estranged from.  Grace is excited, but Alex seems distant and hesitant... even Daniel (Adam Brody), Alex’s brother, jokes that Grace could leave, no questions asked.  Despite these ‘warnings’, Grace and Alex are married, but their wedding night is interrupted when Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni) beckons Grace to the music room for a family ceremony.  Grace joins Alex, Daniel, Helene, Tony (Henry Czerny) and Becky (Andie McDowell), the heads of the La Domas family, as well as daughters Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) and Charity (Elyse Levesque) and in-law Fitch (Kristian Bruun), where the group heads to the La Domas family game room.  Tony tells the tell of family patriarch Victor La Domas, a gamesman who met a peer in the form of a Mr. La Bail who presented Victor with a mysterious box that takes a card and places a game on it.  Grace is presented with the box and told she must take part in the game chosen in order to official become a member of the family, and she chooses hide and seek, much to the dismay of many family members.  Their hesitance becomes clear when Grace realizes the family’s true intention : capturing her by any means necessary for a much bigger purpose.

As a genre piece, the well-known presentation of the suspense gem that is the remake of The Most Dangerous Game is ground that has been well tread, but Ready or Not provides enough of an original twist with the secret society, cult aspect to feel fresh.  The center of the family reasoning for completing their mission is not new or original by any means, but the presentation as a colloquial folk-tale and the commitment to seeing it through brought me thorough pleasure and entertainment.  The suspense is palatable, the danger is believable, and the stakes are continuously risen right through the resolution of the film.

Presenting the idea of committing to a loved one and their family in the guise of a life or death game serves as a proper metaphor for the fear that many face when considering and going through marriage.  This reading is the obvious one, and it is definitely nailed, but the subtext about unconditional commitment to family in the face of logic and reason is also touched upon without getting too heavy-handed.  These dual seeds of conflict present a rich playground for tension : sibling protection in the face of danger from within, prodigal sons versus black sheeps, the willingness to love strangers with no guarantee it will be reciprocated, family dedication to traditions that are passed down generationally as the times change, and periphery damage of family conflict all get memorable moments in the course of the narrative.

Tonally, the movie handles its suspense and comedy quite well, never fully committing to either tone fully, but making the presentation of each tone believable and rewarding throughout.  The special effects for the violence are believable, teetering on the edge of being too gruesome without going over the line.  The mansion serves not only as a beauty of a location, but a deeply rewarding one in terms of providing plenty of opportunity for the game of hide and seek to be honestly captivating.  The drab, muted color palette gradually takes a backseat to deep reds and oranges, matching the danger, urgency and ambition of the situation and the characters within.  This film could have easily fallen into the realms of ridiculousness, shock and exploitation, but the balance of casting, nuanced writing (in terms of the interpersonal relationships) and performance keep it centered, giving us reasons to actually care about Grace and members of the La Domas family. 

Samara Weaving holds down the lead role with the confidence of a seasoned veteran, channeling a Sigourney Weaver-like persona in the face of danger to pull off a believable heroine.  Mark O’Brien, by comparison, broadcasts enough hesitance and weak will to offset Weaving, making his eventual character breakdown play that much better in the face of his trials and tribulations.  Adam Brody is the modest heart of the film, visually presenting us with a torn protector that knows you can only play games with this level of danger for so long before you must pay the price.  Henry Czerny and Andie McDowell make a perfectly absurdist couple for these proceedings, with each taking the standard husband and wife tropes to a dark degree, considering the topic and presentation.  Nicky Guadagani brings a hilariously focused, Terminator-like energy to the beginning of the film, allowing layers of her character to peel and appear like a complex, dangerous onion.  Melanie Scrofano handles a ton of the comedy weight, with Kristian Bruun bringing in a ton of comedic support, while Elyse Levesque serves as a younger parallel counterpart to Guadagani’s character.

I don’t think this film will win any awards or change cinema dramatically, but for those looking for a couple of hours of escapist entertainment, this will certainly check that box and then some.  Funny enough, I misidentified the star, but I think that I am a newly formed Samara Weaving fan, and will probably seek out more of her films.

#ChiefDoomsday #DOOMonFILM #MattBettinelliOlpin #TylerGillett #ReadyOrNot #SamaraWeaving #AdamBrody #MarkOBrien #HenryCzerny #AndieMcDowell #NickyGuadagni #MelanieScrofano #ElyseLevesque #KristianBruun #EthanTavares #LiamMacDonald #NatFaxon

[pope-francis-quotes]

5th September >> (@RomeReports) #Pope Francis #PopeFrancis speech to priests and religious in #Maputo's cathedral of the Immaculate Conception.

Pope Francis' speech to priests and religious in Maputo's cathedral of the Immaculate Conception

Dear Brother Bishops, Priests, Men and Women Religious, Seminarians, Catechists and Pastoral Workers in Christian communities, Dear Brothers and Sisters, Good Afternoon!

I thank Dom Hilário for his words of welcome in your name, and I greet all of you with affection and much gratitude. I know that you have made a great effort to be here. Together we want to renew our response to the call that once set our hearts on fire and that Holy Mother Church helped us to discern and confirm with a mission. Thank you for your testimonies, which spoke of the difficult times and serious challenges that you faced, conscious of your own limitations and weaknesses, yet also marvelling at God’s mercy. I was pleased by something one of the catechists said: “We are a Church that is part of a heroic people” that has experienced suffering yet keeps hope alive. With this holy pride that you take in your people, a pride that invites a renewal of faith and hope, all of us want to renew our “yes”. How happy is Holy Mother Church to hear you manifest your love for the Lord and for the mission that he has given you! How she rejoices to see your desire to keep returning to your “first love” (Rev 2:4)! I pray that the Holy Spirit will always grant you the wisdom to call things by their name, the courage to seek forgiveness and to learn to hear whatever he wants to tell us.

Dear brothers and sisters, whether we like it or not, we are called to face reality as it is. Times change and we need to realize that often we do not know how to find our place in new scenarios: we keep dreaming about the “leeks of Egypt” (Num 11:5), forgetting that the promised land is before us, not behind us, and in our lament for times past, we are turning to stone. Instead of proclaiming Good News, we announce a dreary message that attracts no one and sets no one’s heart afire.

We are gathered in this Cathedral dedicated to the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary to share, as a family, what is happening in our lives. Like a family born in the “yes” that Mary spoke to the angel. Not even for a moment did she look backwards. We hear about this first chapter of the mystery of the incarnation from the evangelist Luke. From his account, we may perhaps find an answer to the questions you asked today, and the incentive needed to respond with the same generosity and concern as Mary.

Saint Luke draws a parallel between events in the lives of Saint John the Baptist and Jesus Christ. By contrasting them, he wants to make us see how God’s acting and our way of relating to him in the Old Testament is yielding to the new way brought to us by the Son of God made man.

Obviously, in the two Annunciations there is the appearance of an angel. The first takes place in the most important city of Judea – Jerusalem – not just anywhere but in the Temple and, within it, the Holy of Holies, and the announcement is made to a man and a priest. On the other hand, the announcement of the incarnation is made in Galilee, in a remote and conflict-ridden region and a little town – Nazareth. It takes place in a house, not a synagogue or a religious place, and is made to a layperson and a woman. What has changed? Everything. And in this change, we find our deepest identity.

You asked what to do about the crisis of priestly identity, how to counteract it? In this regard, what I want to say specifically to priests is something that all of us (bishops, catechists, consecrated persons, seminarians) are called to cultivate and foster.

In a crisis of priestly identity, sometimes we need to step away from important and solemn places, and return to the places from which we were called, where it was clear that the initiative and the power was from God. At times, without wanting it, and with no moral fault, we get used to identifying our daily activity as priests with certain rituals, with meetings and conversations, where our presence in those meetings, at the table or in the hall is “hierarchical”. Then we are more like Zechariah than like Mary. Yet, “I do not think it is an exaggeration to say that the priest is very little indeed: the incomparable grandeur of the gift granted us for the ministry sets us among the least of men. The priest is the poorest of men unless Jesus enriches him by his poverty, the most useless of servants unless Jesus calls him his friend, the most ignorant of men unless Jesus patiently teaches him as he did Peter, the frailest of Christians unless the Good Shepherd strengthens him in the midst of the flock. No one is more ‘little’ than a priest left to his own devices; and so our prayer of protection against every snare of the Evil One is the prayer of our Mother: I am a priest because the Lord has regarded my littleness (cf. Lk 1:48)” (Homily at Chrism Mass, 17 April 2014). Returning to Nazareth can be the way of facing a crisis of identity and being renewed as shepherds, disciples and missionaries. You yourselves spoke of a certain exaggerated concern with managing resources or caring for our personal well-being. We then take “circuitous routes” that frequently end up giving priority to activities with a guaranteed recompense, and these make us resist devoting our lives to everyday pastoral care. The image of that simple young woman in her home, as opposed to all the activities of the Temple and the city of Jerusalem, can be a mirror in which we see the complications and concerns that dim and dissipate the generosity of our “yes”.

Zechariah’s doubts and his need for explanations contrast with the “yes” of Mary, who asks only to know how everything spoken to her was to come about. Zechariah could not overcome his desire to control everything; he could not abandon the mindset of someone needing to be responsible for making things happen. Mary did not hesitate or think about herself: instead, she surrendered herself; she trusted. It is a constant struggle to experience our relationship with God like Zechariah, like a doctor of the law: always complying, always judging whether the recompense is proportionate to the work done, whether it is my due if God blesses me, whether the Church is bound to recognize my virtues and my hard work. We should not be running for our own benefit; rather, our weariness should be related to our “ability to show compassion; our hearts are to be ‘moved’ and fully engaged in carrying them out. We are to rejoice with couples who marry; we are to laugh with the children brought to the baptismal font; we are to accompany young fiancés and families; we are to suffer with those who receive the anointing of the sick in their hospital beds; we are to mourn with those burying a loved one” (Homily at Chrism Mass, 2 April 2015). We often spend hours and days accompanying a mother with AIDS, an orphaned child, a grandmother taking care of many grandchildren, or a young person who came to the city and is desperate because he or she cannot find a job... “All these emotions can exhaust the heart of a pastor. For us priests, what happens in the lives of our people is not like a news bulletin: we know our people, we sense what is going on in their hearts. Our own heart, sharing in their suffering, feels ‘com-passion’, is exhausted, broken into a thousand pieces, moved and even ‘consumed’ by the people. Take this, eat this... These are the words the priest of Jesus whispers repeatedly while caring for his faithful people: Take this, eat this; take this, drink this... In this way our priestly life is given over in service, in closeness to the People of God... and this always leaves us weary” (ibid.). Renewing our vocation often entails discerning if our weariness and worries are the result of a certain “spiritual worldliness” imposed by “the allure of a thousand distracting commercial advertisements in order to walk ahead, freely, along paths that lead us to love of our brothers and sisters, to the Lord’s flock, to the sheep who wait for the voice of their shepherds” (Homily at Chrism Mass, 24 March 2016). Renewing our call has to do with choosing to say yes and to let our weariness come from things that bear fruit in God’s eyes, things that make present and incarnate his son Jesus. Would that we might find, in such salutary weariness, the wellspring of our identity and happiness!

Would too that our young people might see that we allow ourselves to be “eaten and drunk”, and be inspired themselves to follow Jesus and, radiant with the joy of a daily commitment, not imposed but fostered and chosen in silence and prayer, desire to say their own “yes”. You who are still asking, or you who are already on the path to definitive consecration, should never forget that “the stress and quick pace of the world constantly bombarding us with stimuli can leave no room for that interior silence in which we can perceive Jesus’ gaze and hear his call. In the meantime, many attractively packaged offers will come your way. They may seem appealing and exciting, although in time they will only leave you feeling empty, weary and alone. Don’t let this happen to you, because the maelstrom of this world can drive you to take a route without real meaning, without direction, without clear goals, and thus thwart many of your efforts. It is better to seek out that calm and quiet that enable you to reflect, pray, look more clearly at the world around you, and then, with Jesus, come to recognize the vocation that is yours in this world” (Christus Vivit, 277).

The study in contrasts presented to us by the evangelist Luke culminates in the encounter between two women: Elizabeth and Mary. The Blessed Virgin visits her elderly cousin and everything is one great celebration of praise. There is a part of Israel that grasped the profound and dizzying change in God’s plan, and allowed itself to be visited. As a result, the child leaps in the womb. For a moment, in a patriarchal society, the world of men steps back and is silent, like Zechariah. Today too, we need catechists, Mozambican women who remind you that nothing should make you lose your enthusiasm for evangelizing, for carrying out your baptismal mission. In them, we can see all those others who go forth to encounter their brothers and sisters: those who, like Mary, visit others, and those who allow themselves to be visited, who allow others to change their lives by sharing with them their culture, their ways of living and expressing the faith.

The concern you expressed shows us that inculturation will always be a challenge, shuttling back and forth, as it were, between those two women who were both changed by encounter, dialogue and service. “Particular Churches should actively promote at least preliminary forms of inculturation. The ultimate aim should be that the Gospel, as preached in categories proper to each culture, will create a new synthesis with that particular culture. This is always a slow process and at times we can be overly fearful. But if we allow doubts and fears to dampen our courage, instead of being creative, we will remain comfortable and make no progress whatsoever. In this case, we will not take an active part in historical processes, but become mere onlookers as the Church gradually stagnates” (Evangelii Gaudium, 129).

The “distance” between Nazareth and Jerusalem is shortened and disappears with that “yes” spoken by Mary. Because distance, provincialism and party spirit, the constant building of walls, undermine the dynamic of the incarnation, which has broken down the wall that separated us (cf. Eph 2:14). You, at least the older ones among you, witnessed how division and conflict ended in war. You must always be ready to “visit”, to shorten distances. The Church in Mozambique is invited to be the Church of the Visitation; it cannot be part of the problem of rivalry, disrespect and division that pits some against others, but instead a door to solutions, a space where respect, interchange and dialogue are possible. The question raised about how to react to interreligious marriages challenges this persistent tendency of ours for fragmentation, for separating rather than uniting. The same is true of relations between nationalities and races, between North and South, between communities, priests and bishops. It represents a challenge because developing “a peaceful and multifaceted culture of encounter” requires “an ongoing process in which every new generation must take part: a slow and arduous effort calling for a desire for integration and willingness to achieve this”. This is the necessary condition for “progress in building a people in peace, justice and fraternity”, for “the development of life in society and the building of a people where differences are harmonized within a shared pursuit” (Evangelii Gaudium, 220, 221). Just as Mary journeyed to the house of Elizabeth, we too, as a Church, have to find the road to take in the face of new problems, taking care not to remain paralyzed by the mindset of opposition, division and condemnation. Set out on that path, and seek answers to these challenges by imploring the unfailing help of the Holy Spirit. For he is the Teacher who can show us new paths to follow.

Let us, then, revive our vocation and calling in this magnificent temple dedicated to Mary. May our committed “yes” proclaim the greatness of the Lord and make the spirit of our people rejoice in God our Saviour (cf. Lk 1:46-47). May it fill with hope, peace and reconciliation this, your country, our beloved Mozambique!

I ask you please to pray for me, and to invite others to do the same. May the Lord bless you and the most holy Virgin watch over you. Thank you.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Twenty-Two: Don’t Laugh ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Tenkai ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

If there’s one thing many people don’t really realize about Uchiha Sasuke...it’s that he does have a sense of humor!

It’s just...rather hard to find sometimes.

After all he’s gone through over the years - life nearly a nonstop cycle of painful pitfalls and damning disappointments from age seven - humor isn’t exactly something he can bring himself to feel all too often. Especially not during his journey out on the road. There’d been no time, no cause, no justification for laughter or merriment. He’d had objectives to reach. Goals to bring to fruition. Fun and games were the last thing on his mind at that time.

And during his first few months in Konoha, returned to help his brother acclimate after a daunting revival, he was anything but amused. Planning to confront the council and unite the clans in order to pardon Itachi and bring the massacre to light was a serious undertaking. With their Hyūga allies it was, perhaps, easier. But still a stressful time with little left over to let down his guard.

But as time passed, he slowly reintegrated into a village that had once damned him, and that he became determined to change. If for nothing else, then for his brother’s family. Friendships were...strained, if not broken. Even his team felt fractured, poisoned by both sides. By Sasuke’s behavior, and Naruto and Sakura’s as well. Both had amends to make to the other. And so for a time, Sasuke distanced himself from them, first working on himself and his own healing.

And part of that came though rebuilding the Police Force alongside their new allies. And who happened to join but an ex-heiress with her own doubts about her path?

The rest, as they say, is history.

She fit to his edges like no one else ever had. Her patience helped soothe his temper. Her stubbornness gave him reason to stop and think when they butted heads. Her kindness was salve on a wound long festering. And her faith in him - her understanding of his past, given their parallels - was an all-too-welcome relief. Even upon his first return, her knowledge of all that had led to the massacre as the Uchiha clan’s allies had meant she met him without animosity. Because she understood better than most.

So their working together in the police had meant a partnership that quickly evolved into friendship...and then something more.

A scant two years after his return to Konoha - something he’d dreaded for ages - Sasuke married the last person he ever expected...but the first to truly win his heart.

Which leads us to his current predicament.

His son, eight months old now, is in need of breakfast. Something the boy doesn’t seem to want to do. Though already a quiet child, Tenkai has his moments of rebellion, and one of them in full swing this morning.

Doing his best to be patient, Sasuke holds a small glass jar of pureed baby food in one hand, the other holding aloft a spoon. “Come on, Tenkai...you’ve got to be hungry, right?”

The only response he gets is a stubborn whine, the child leaning back in his chair in avoidance.

Sasuke’s head bows with a sigh. Hinata’s running a quick errand this morning, and according to the schedule they run on, this is the tail end of when their son should be eating this morning. He never fusses for Hinata...what’s the deal?

“Come on...I bet if you just take one bite, you’ll decide you’ve changed your mind,” he mutters, offering the spoon again and dodging a striking hand trying to bat it away. Sasuke then gives a deadpan one-eyed stare. “...Tenkai, you’re grounded if you don’t eat your food.”

His son just whines again, threatening to break out into a full-blown sob.

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke holds it...and then releases slowly. “...just one bite, little man. That’s all I’m asking. Don’t you wanna listen to your dad? If you eat this food, you’ll make my day.” He offers the spoon again, butting it up against Tenkai’s lip. “Just a bite. You gotta have your breakfast kiddo -”

With a squeal, a little hand bats the spoon, which goes flying and splatters baby food all over Sasuke’s face, earning a flinch.

At the same moment, Hinata walks through the kitchen door and jolts to a stop. Tenkai’s now giggling profusely, hands flailing at his father, now painted in puree. “...um…”

Turning slowly toward his wife, Sasuke gives her a look as her expression slackens in surprise. “Don’t. Laugh.”

Shoulders shaking, Hinata draws her lips in between her teeth to stifle any noise. But jolting breath through her nose is verging on a snort.

“Hinata…”

Her convulsions get a little worse.

“Uchiha Hinata, if you laugh at your husband right now, he’s going to make you regret it.”

Arms wrap around her middle, tucking forward and shaking as she leans against the doorframe. And then she draws a deep breath, which cascades back out as a waterfall of laughter.

A dangerous smirk curls her husband’s lips. “Oh...now you’ve done it…!”

“Sasuke, n-no!” Tripping over herself as she tries to retreat, Hinata squeals as Sasuke catches her from behind around her waist, hauling her up as her feet kick. “P-put me down right now!”

Her demand goes ignored, carrying her back into the kitchen Tenkai is shrieking with laughter as Sasuke spins her around several times before setting her on her feet. Deft hands turn her around to face him. “Hinata…”

“N-no!”

“Hinataaa”

“NO!”

Grinning, Sasuke attempts a kiss, only to be blocked by palms. Taking her wrists, he holds her arms apart and lunges, connecting before rubbing every inch of baby food-covered skin against hers he can manage until they’re both a sloppy mess.

“S-Sasukeee, I just took a shower this morning!”

“Well now we’ll just have to take another one. You can thank your son for that.”

“He’s your son too!”

“An Uchiha never behaves like that.”

“Oh really...?”

“Yes really.”

“Then what do you call your behavior right now?!”

“Simple. We vowed to face every challenge together when we got married. Little did you know, that means even the small stuff. Like this. I’m just making sure you’re upholding your half of the bargain.”

“I really don’t think that’s what those vows meant, b-baka!” There’s a few more tugs, trying to get her wrists free as she continues to giggle. “What even happened in here?”

“Tenkai’s being difficult. And I’m not the best negotiator.”

Hinata sighs with a roll of her eyes, clearly exasperated. “...I’m going to go wash my face. Then I’ll give it a try. Maybe all that laughing built up his appetite.”

“It better have. Because if I got covered in pureed...whatever that was for no reason, I’m going to be very upset.”

“Welcome to being a parent.”

     Oh my gosh, this was SO MUCH FUN to write xD As soon as I saw the prompt, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: some nice fluffy SasuHina famjam time, featuring one of the SH babbs I've made for a fic, Tenkai! He has a little sister named Chikyū about 2.5 years younger than him, but she's not exactly around at this point yet. They're the "canon" kiddos I have for another project that all my "canon" drabbles technically come from! There's also two NaruSaku kiddos, Akane and Kei! I RP them on my Tumblr :3      ANYWHO, Sasuke isn't ALWAYS such a grumpy butt. He has his moments! And I think we can thank his wife for that. She helps him come out of his shell and find a little happiness back in Konoha.      And...that'll do it for tonight! Another rather late one, my apologies - I had a long day, and then spent the evening mostly with RP shenanigans, lol - but, as always, thanks so much for reading!

#uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #uchiha tenkai #sasuhina #a light amongst shadows [ canon verse ] #365daysofsasuhina

[sometimesalwaysmusic]

SURRENDER

Surrender is a duo of Dave Williams (DW) and Scott, veterans of the Ottawa music scene. They are set to release their debut album soon; in the meantime, give their first single, Hold On, a spin, and read on about their vast experiences in music, top albums, and thoughts on the Ottawa music scene. (Photo: Rémi Thériault)

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/surrendersounds

Bandcamp: https://surrendersounds.bandcamp.com/releases 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surrendersounds/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/davemonomania (Dave)

Upcoming shows:  Stay tuned!

SA: How did Surrender come to be as a band? DW: Scott (Surrender vocalist) and I had been playing in the band Crusades for the past ten years, and in early 2018 we all quite amicably realized that the band had run its course. We did a final tour in the UK/Europe, one hometown show, and played our final two sets at The Fest in Florida. Toward the end of all that, with things winding to their conclusion, Scott and I began discussing working on something new together - something outside of the punk/hardcore scene that we’d been deeply involved in for the previous twenty-plus years. We’re both hugely into pop music, and of the synth-driven variety specifically. I had inherited a Roland Juno 106 when my best friend’s father passed away a few years earlier - it was a fixture in the home studio that I initially learned how to record in - and I sorta longed to make something with it. So, I started writing some songs on it at home, sent them to Scott, he sent some vocal ideas, and we were off. SA: What bands or musicians would you cite as the biggest influences on your sound? DW: Whew. I’ll do my best to keep this as brief as possible. There are some obvious touchstones: Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, Tears for Fears, all of Vince Clarke’s 80s output - Erasure’s The Innocents is a big one, Eurythmics, OMD, Cyndi Lauper, The Cure... essentially the more ‘serious’ side of 80s synth-driven pop music. Later 80s/early 90s stuff like Björk/Sugarcubes, New Order and the ‘Madchester’ scene, Jesus Jones, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin and the other Grebo bands. I probably can’t overstate the impact of the quintessential 80s soundtracks: The Lost Boys, Footloose - Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Free” might be my favourite pop song of the decade. I’m a sucker for some of the big producers of that era too. Desmond Child was unstoppable for a while - Cher’s Heart of Stone is another BIG one. As for more modern stuff, I’m pretty obsessed with a lot of the Norwegian pop scene. Cold Mailman is a HUGE influence, as is Hanne Kolstø, Pyke, the new Misty Coast record, there’s a ton of amazing stuff coming out of that country. Some straight-up dance stuff too: Toulouse, Robyn, Pet Shop Boys, ABBA obviously. And of course, the still relatively-new Synthwave scene has some amazing artists: Kristine, FM-84, Michael Oakley, the whole culture of nostalgia surrounding the NewRetroWave world - music, movies, fashion - certainly runs parallel to what we’re doing, and I really dig a lot of it. SA: Thus far in your career, what has been your biggest success? DW: Hm. It’s safe to say that there are MANY variations on how one might measure artistic ‘success’. Coming up in a community where monetary success was never the goal (or at all likely), I’d say that getting to travel all over the map multiple times with my closest friends, meet and befriend people we’d have otherwise never crossed paths with, and see things most folks don’t get to see - all because we wrote some pretty cool songs - is probably my greatest personal success.   SA: On the other hand, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? DW: I think, for me anyway, the biggest challenge has been balancing my creative life with my personal one. I’m married with three small kids - 7, 4 and 2 - and that can obviously present a different set of priorities than simply hitting the road for most of the year and really pushing a project to its fullest potential. Admittedly I’ve been envious of friends and peers who just throw their gear and clothes in the van and make it happen ‘the old-fashioned way’. But that’s just not the life that I set up for myself, nor is it for Scott or the other folks we’ve played with - and I’m far from resentful of that - it just means we need to take a different approach. Amassing a substantial following or getting the attention of a bigger label isn’t terribly easy when you can’t be doing the literal legwork that other bands can. But I do my best to stay close to the people I’ve worked with all along, to show my gratitude and appreciation, and I work endlessly (to some peoples’ chagrin) on the music we make.   SA: How do you guys approach the song-writing process? DW: Since it’s just the two of us, it’s pretty easy to just bounce things back and forth before we actually get together in a room. Basically, I’ll come up with some chord progressions, leads, arpeggios, whatever on my Juno or my wide array of Arturia soft synths, then I’ll record the rhythm section tracks, typically writing most, if not all, of an instrumental song. I’ll send that to Scott and he’ll come up with vocal melodies and record a demo to send back to me. Then I’ll kind of edit the parts around his vocal ideas until we’re happy with the dynamics and how the song sorta lives and breathes. Then we’ll get together at Scott’s with a selection of wine and beer and a pizza, usually with extensive notes on harmonies and how to punch-up the existing vocal parts. We’ll track that stuff, I might do a few more edits at home, and then we send it to the wildly talented Alex Gamble at The Hive in Toronto for mixing, producing, extra instrumental layers, added drum machine stuff, whatever he hears. That’s pretty much how this first LP has gone, and it’s been an absolute pleasure.   SA: What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? DW: I imagine like anyone who’s spent twenty-plus years in a community, subculture, what have you, I’ve got a lot of thoughts and feelings about the Ottawa music scene. My personal involvement tends to ebb and flow as new waves of participants arrive and others exit - years will go by where it feels like home and then there might be a few where I’m not quite as active - but it’s always very near and dear to me. There’s certainly never a lack of quality artists in this sleepy city. I started going to punk shows when I was thirteen - Punchbuggy (featuring a young Jim Bryson) at the Greely Legion was my first show ever - and twenty-five years later there are still a ton of the same faces mixed in with a ton of different ones. That’s a pretty special thing.   SA: As I understand it, you guys have been active in other bands of quite different genres in the past. Why SURRENDER, and why now? DW: As I mentioned, Crusades finished our ten-year run this past October. Black Tower, the sorta traditional heavy metal band I play drums in - with Scott on bass and his partner Erin on guitar and vocals - also decided to take it easy for a while, and although I still kinda ‘moonlight’ with The Steve Adamyk Band, that wasn’t happening at the time. Scott had also just wrapped up the “album cycle” with his band The Creeps and didn’t have much on the horizon there. I briefly played in a hardcore band called Power of Fear that did a few shows, but the current hardcore scene is very... let’s say... ‘youthful’, and it became apparent pretty quickly that it wasn’t something I wanted to stick with. Mostly I just wanted to make music with Scott, and based on our mutual love for 80s/90s pop music (and Scott’s equally toned down schedule), we decided to take a crack at doing something closer to the music we listen to the most. And honestly, I’d been writing and playing fast and/or aggressive music for so long, I really just wanted to make something upbeat and positive that people could dance to.   SA: A question for fun: your three desert island albums. What would they be and why? DW: Alright, this isn’t gonna be easy. Or brief. Note: these aren’t necessarily my favourite albums of all time (certainly they’re in the Top Ten), but if I’m gonna be listening to these on whatever hi-fi system this hypothetical island has until I wither away, here’s what I’d hope washed ashore with me (also, I’m gonna cheat using a nostalgia loophole):

1. Alice Cooper - Love It to Death / Killer (my Dad’s old dubbed cassette version) These two albums, both released in 1971, were my first love. They were on a single cassette in my Dad’s collection and really still exist as a single entity to me. I always cite my discovery of these two albums, probably at 4-5 years old, as the foundation for my entire musical life to come. Not only were they mysterious and rather frightening, but there was an eclecticism in this batch of songs that made everything I fell in love with afterward - metal, punk, prog, pop, garage, etc. - seem somehow part of the same cloth. Alice and that original band showed me very early on that there’s no need to limit oneself to the confines of a style, sound, genre, whatever. Most important records that ever happened to me.

2. Misfits - Walk Among Us / Earth A.D. / Legacy of Brutality (also a homemade cassette version c/o my friend Judd’s older sister, fully decorated with black Sharpie and White-Out) If early Alice Cooper set me on the weirdo path as a youngster, it was a single afternoon taping CDs in my friend Judd’s bedroom that locked me into the punk rock subculture forever. We’d been Guns N Roses turned Pantera turned Sepultura fans like many a shitty kid of the 80s/90s, and Danzig’s ‘Mother’ was in heavy rotation everywhere at the time, so we were no stranger to that beautiful beast’s howl. When Judd’s sister borrowed a stack of Misfits CDs from a pal at school and explained to us that this was Glenn Danzig’s old band (of course we recognized the name and logo from Rockabilia ads and Cliff Burton photos), we dove in assuming we knew what was coming. We most certainly did not. The Misfits became my favourite band that day and have been for every day since.

3. Peter Gabriel - So Every time I listen to this incredible record, I discover new things I love about it. A perpetual go-to and a true monument to the possibilities within pop music (shout out to Daniel Lanois there too). I was going to choose his Shaking the Tree compilation because it contains my favourite PG track - the piano version of “Here Comes the Flood” - but I figure I’d cheated enough with the first two answers. ...also Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love, The Hellacopters’ High Visibility, Cold Mailman’s Everything Aflutter, Cave In’s Jupiter, and The Lemonheads’ It’s A Shame About Ray. This is an unfair question.   SA: Finally, what comes next for Surrender moving into 2019 and beyond? Best of luck! DW: First on the agenda is to find an ideal home for the LP. We’d kinda like to step out from beneath the umbrella of labels we’ve worked with in the past, but there are no specific plans thus far. Just release the second single, hope the feedback is good and see if anyone wants to partner up for the long haul. As far as any live performances go, that’s a big question mark. It’s been so great doing this with just the two of us, it’s hard to imagine inviting anyone else into the fold. That said, it’s even harder to picture just the two of us on stage like Yazoo on “Top of The Pops,” so who knows? Thanks so much!

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